My 5 years dating the son of a narcissistic mother, I'm amazed we are stogether.

I wish I had found this sub years ago. : raisedbynarcissists

MY SUBREDDITS

FRONT - ALL - RANDOM | ASKREDDIT - FUNNY - TODAYILEARNED - PICS - VIDEOS - NEWS - MOVIES - GAMING
MORE
- WORL

RAISEDBYNARCISSISTS

Support

4/26/16, 5:15 PM

Advice

Rant/Vent

Progress

comments Want to join? Log in or sign up in seconds. | English

Question

This is an archived post. You won't be able to vote or

comment.

Update

search

RBN

Tip

Happy/Funny

Media

this post was submitted on 27 Dec 2014

10 points (83% upvoted)

10

My 5 years dating the son of a

narcissistic mother, I'm amazed
we are still together. I wish I had
found this sub years ago.
(self.raisedbynarcissists)
submitted 1 year ago by deephousebeing

I could cry because I found this

sub, and I've never been able to
talk about my boyfriend's narcissist
mother without being told to leave
him and that it's a lost cause.
/r/relationships ran me out within
30 minutes a few years ago. And
actually I've never identified her
exactly with the word narcissist
until now but it all makes so much
sense. I have been reading the top
posts of each time frame in this sub
and everything, everything is her.
Spoiler alert, the level of her
narcissism will blow your mind in
the last paragraph, but don't skip
ahead if you can help it.
Let me just preface this by saying
that I was raised by normal loving
parents, although that's not to say
that we didn't have issues. My dad
is a total deadbeat loser and my
parents divorced when I was 3.
Although a loser, he loves me, he is
just a drunk. And my mom is my

shortlink:

https://redd.it/2qka8w

username

password

remember me

reset password

login

discuss this ad on reddit

Submit a new text post

raisedbynarcissists
subscribe

91,835 readers

344 users here now

Subreddit Spotlight:
/r/rbnfitness
Questions? Concerns?
Message the Mods!Please don't send your posts to modmail. Given
the high volume of modmails the mods receive,
we aren't able to individually respond to posts
sent to us

Click me for RBN

https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/2qka8w/my_5_years_dating_the_son_of_a_narcissistic/

Page 1 of 7

My 5 years dating the son of a narcissistic mother, I'm amazed we are stogether. I wish I had found this sub years ago. : raisedbynarcissists

hero.
We have been dating 5+ years now
but for a long time things were on
the rocks while we dealt with my
NMiL's psycho control over him (I'll
just refer to her as that, we are
getting married soon) and my
boyfriend coming to terms with her
and her toxic behavior.
He is not your typical SoNM,
because NMiL is his "adoptive"
mom. Dennis is the youngest of 3
brothers and his real mother was
emotionally and physically abusive.
His older brothers made it out
alright but when he was on his own
with her he would leave for days
and eventually landed himself in
juvenile detention at 16. He
received counseling from the state
and guess who it is? Theresa, his
future "adoptive" mother. yep, the
bitch is a licensed counselor,
now with her own private
practice and rolling in money to
control others with. Dennis saw
her for a long period of time, as he
was in TYC (Texas Youth
something, prison for teens
basically) until he graduated high
school.
It was after graduation that he kept
seeing her as a counselor under his
mom's wishes. His real mom said
she was thankful for Theresa to
come into his life and help give him
direction (helped him graduate)
and possibly heal their own
relationship with each other. But
that's not what Theresa did. What
she did was foster the hate Dennis
had for his real mother and then

4/26/16, 5:15 PM

Acronyms and Terminology

Helpful links - click!

Click here to suggest

resources for other ACoNs
RBN official IRC
This is a support group for
people raised by a parent
with toxic, self-absorbed or
abusive personality traits,
which may be exhibited by
those who suffer from cluster
B personality disorders.
Because narcissists rarely seek care, few of our
parents have a formal diagnosis. So in this
space, "narcissist" is a term used loosely to
refer to a variety of conditions, and is not used
in a clinical sense. We are not professionals and
cannot diagnose anybody. Please share your
stories, your histories, your fears, and your
triumphs.

For those struggling with

suicidal thoughts and
feelings:
/r/SuicideWatch
Hotline Numbers
/r/SWResources
Hotline FAQ

If you think you may hurt

yourself or others, please
call your local emergency
services: 911, 999, 112, etc.
What is a narcissist?
Trait lists are here and here. While they are
titled traits specific to mothers or fathers,

https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/2qka8w/my_5_years_dating_the_son_of_a_narcissistic/

Page 2 of 7

My 5 years dating the son of a narcissistic mother, I'm amazed we are stogether. I wish I had found this sub years ago. : raisedbynarcissists

start giving him things. She offered

to pay for college and had him
move in with her and her 2 slightly
younger daughters and older son.
She bought him a nice car, put him
100% through college and in his
own words "saved his life and
showed him a better way to live".
She took him on trips around the
world, etc. He now has a career he
loves and that probably wouldn't
have happened if she didn't do
what she did.
The hardest part in dealing with her
narcissism is that she did change
his life forever and took him out of
his abusive mother's hands and
showed him motherly love like he
had never seen, although
personally, I find it highly unethical
in her position. So it took a very
long time but somehow as he and
her kids got older, they went from
GCs to a carousel of this week
you're a GC and next week I'll act
like a fucking psychopath because
of some made up reason. I think
this happened because they
became adults and actually started
thinking for themselves, not fitting
into her cookie cutter mold of what
she had intended if that makes
sense.

4/26/16, 5:15 PM

either gender can have traits from either list.

If you suspect you may be a

narcissist,
Read Help! I Think I am a Narcissist!

If you know you are a

narcissist,
consider posting to /r/selfimprovement or
/r/DecidingToBeBetter as narcissists are NOT
allowed to post or comment in this
subreddit.

BEFORE YOU POST OR

COMMENT READ THE RULES:
Click here for more detailed information on the
rules of this sub, our trigger warnings and our
tagging practices.
Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling,
or bullying. Exercise empathy. Respect
boundaries. No slurs or victim-blaming.
Don't downvote. Speak with your upvotes.
Do not derail the posts of others.
Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or
comment here.
Please refrain from posting "uplifting" or
"ACoNs are an inspiration to me" threads.
When you comment, assume a context of
abuse to all posts.
Flaming will not be tolerated.
Comments and posts that are hurtful or
made without a basic understanding of the

Her daughters ended up having

kids so she controls their lives by
providing well for them and the
daughters just deal with her being
a little nuts from time to time. So
that leaves Dennis.

rules or subject matter discussed here will

Small sample of this narcissistic

bitch who I honestly hope ends up
alone:

No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis.

Please only post about people you know well

be removed.
No posts or comments advocating
violence, murder or revenge (even in
jest).
No posts about N-kids.

personally. Otherwise you can post your stories

https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/2qka8w/my_5_years_dating_the_son_of_a_narcissistic/

Page 3 of 7

My 5 years dating the son of a narcissistic mother, I'm amazed we are stogether. I wish I had found this sub years ago. : raisedbynarcissists

-called the police on me for pulling

into her driveway. She has a lot of
clout since her private practice
deals with county cases, etc. the
officer called me and sighed and
said just don't go over there.
-she decided she didn't want his
motorcycle parked at her house
one day and had her SIL tow his
bike to the middle of a Wal-Mart
parking lot with no lock and his
helmet on top. It was stolen. My
boyfriend is a stunt bike rider so it
was worth $1000s. She texted him
to let him know where it was and
after we didn't find it he went to
the house to confront her. She
called the cops on him because she
was "scared he might hurt her",
which is ridiculous.
-she would take him on weekend
trips with her girls to Colorado and
all around the country but never
invited me once and insisted they
were family vacations. While on
said vacation, she would frequently
tell him I was probably cheating on
him.

4/26/16, 5:15 PM

here.
No linking to personal or public Facebook
pages
No direct linking to anywhere on reddit
No pure image posts - Memes, etc., must
be contained within a self-post. (Example.).

RBN Network
/r/raisedbynarcissists
/r/LifeAfterNarcissism
/r/RBNBestof
/r/ShitNsSay
/r/RBNLegalAdvice
/r/RBNFitness
/r/RBNLifeSkills
/r/ManagedbyNarcissists
/r/RBNAtHome
/r/RBNBookClub
/r/RBNFavors
/r/RBNMovieNight
/r/RBNSpouses
/r/RBNRelationships
/r/RBNChildcare
/r/RBNImages
/r/Nrelationships
/r/RBNMusic
/r/ACoNLAN
/r/narcsinthewild

RBN Allies
/r/NarcissisticAbuse
/r/parentlessbychoice
/r/internetparents

-he was visiting and after she made

up a reason to be mad at him, she
locked him out of her house and
refused to give him his keys. After
an hour of pleading he got angry
and just kicked in her door,
grabbed his shit and left. She called
the police and had a warrant taken
out on him for burglary of
habitation ON THE HOME THAT
WAS ON HIS FUCKING LICENSE.
She later called to apologize to
him, cried and spent $5000 getting
the charges dropped.
https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/2qka8w/my_5_years_dating_the_son_of_a_narcissistic/

NEW TO REDDIT?
a community for 3 years

Page 4 of 7

My 5 years dating the son of a narcissistic mother, I'm amazed we are stogether. I wish I had found this sub years ago. : raisedbynarcissists

4/26/16, 5:15 PM

-used some password saver shit on

her computer, lifted his password,
read years of our messages and
uses our private and intimate
conversations, hardships, ups,
downs, EVERYTHING against him.
I'm talking our conversations from
when I had an abortion and private
things that she should have never
know, and which she exploits to
this day.
Through all of these incidents,
there were periods where she was
seemingly cool for 6 months or
bitch on wheels for the next 6.
Sometimes they wouldn't talk for
months. I think what upsets me
most is that he looked up to her
and loved her so much for saving
him that he kept going back and
thinking it would be like it used to.
He left the physical abuse and
traded it in for a emotional
terrorist. She has literally told him
numerous occasions that she didn't
love him and it just kills him. And
fills me with rage. But oh the next
week is how much she loves him.
Most sadistic thing I've ever seen.
We broke up for 4 months (After
3.5 years dating) because I was
fucking done with it, and he broke
off his relationship with her right
when I left him. He called her
crying and mad and said he should
have cut her off so long ago
because of the damage she caused
to us and now I had left him and he
was going to marry me. She
laughed and said he would get over
it but that they should plan a trip to
Canada soon.

discuss this ad on reddit

MODERATORS

message the moderators

SeaTurtlesCanFly
Got questions? Use the message the
mods link in the sidebar!
wordtoyourmother8
DoNF, NC [mod] No PMs please, send
modmail instead
RBNmod
veryshanetoday
send me love letters in modmail
hagilles DoNF, DoNM, NC [mod]
Explains_DV_Abuse
ZeTeslaCat
It's never too late for happiness. [mod]
AutoModerator
BeepHonk DoNM [mod]
deflated_inferno
...and 2 more
<

>

discussions in /r/raisedbynarcissists

233 points 155 comments

50 years of research into spanking shows

harm including mental health issues and
cognitive issues

https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/2qka8w/my_5_years_dating_the_son_of_a_narcissistic/

Page 5 of 7

My 5 years dating the son of a narcissistic mother, I'm amazed we are stogether. I wish I had found this sub years ago. : raisedbynarcissists

4/26/16, 5:15 PM

He hasn't spoken to or seen her in

a year now, since that
conversation. We went through
counseling for 5 months and
everything is so different now that
his NMom is out of our lives.
I've spent years dealing with this
woman and so upset about the
emotional wounds she inflicted
upon him more so than anything
but you know what the craziest
part is? She is such a narcissist
that I've never physically met her.
Never seen the woman in person.
We lived far away from her for a
very long time so it didn't seem
weird at first, plus I had met his
"real" family numerous times. I
used to hold so much grief about
this non-relationship with her and
these days I'm happy not giving a
shit about her.
tl;dr my NMiL "adopted" my fianc,
changed his life in an enormously
positive way and turned into a
crazy narcissist when he grew up.
I've never met her in 5 years.
2 comments

share

all 2 comments
sorted by: best

[] sock2014 8 points 1 year ago

So have you given her practice a bad Yelp review?

permalink
[] AppalachianPrincess 3 points 1 year ago

Sounds like it's actually a blessing that you've never had to deal with her in person; she
sounds dangerous enough from a distance.
permalink

https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/2qka8w/my_5_years_dating_the_son_of_a_narcissistic/

Page 6 of 7

My 5 years dating the son of a narcissistic mother, I'm amazed we are stogether. I wish I had found this sub years ago. : raisedbynarcissists

about

help

apps & tools

<3

blog
about
values
source code
advertise
jobs

site rules
FAQ
wiki
reddiquette
transparency
contact us

Reddit for iPhone

Reddit for Android
mobile website
buttons

reddit gold
redditgifts

4/26/16, 5:15 PM

Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy (updated). 2016 reddit inc. All rights reserved.
REDDIT and the ALIEN Logo are registered trademarks of reddit inc.

https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/2qka8w/my_5_years_dating_the_son_of_a_narcissistic/

Page 7 of 7