S E L E C T E D S T O R IE S

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IN TR O DUCTION
TH E D UPLI CITY O F H AR G RAVE S
R OAD S O F D E S T IN Y
A RETRIEV E D RE F ORM ATI ON
TH E B RIE F D EB U T O F TILD Y
A LI CK P EN N Y L O V ER
TH E P EN DUL UM
TR AN S IEN T S IN AR CADIA
TH E R OAD S WE TAK E
TH E FUR NI S HE D R OOM
M AK E S T HE W H O LE WO RLD K IN
SQ UARIN G T HE C IR CLE
TH E C O P AN D T HE AN T HEM
TH E MAK IN G O F A N E W YO RK E R
A C O S M O P O LI T E IN A C AF E
MAMM ON AN D T HE AR C HER
AN UN FIN IS H E D S T O RY
TH E LAS T L EAF
TH E GIFT O F T HE M AG I
TH E H AN D B OO K O F H YM EN
.

v ii

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242

IN T RO DU CTI ON

A G O O D co i g n o f v an t a ge for the appr ai s al of 0 He n ry is

found in the n u m ber a n d v a r i ety o f a uthors w i th who m he h a s
bee n co m p are d N 0 o t h e r Am er i c an wr i ter o f rece n t t im es
h a s se n t h i s cr i t i cs o n so m an y o r so di verse quests fo r sug
i
n
s
t
v
e
p
a
r
a
llels
or
equ
a
lly
suggest
i
ve
co
tr
a
sts
He
h
i
self
e
m
g

1
o n ce wrote :
Whe n we strove to set forth re a l l ife they
repro a che d us fo r try in g to i m i ta te He n ry G eorge G eorge
Wa sh in gto n Wa sh in gto n Ir vi n g a n d Ir vi n g B a cheller We
wrote o f the West a n d the E a st a n d they a ccuse d us o f both

Jesse a n d Hen ry J a m es
He h a s n o t bee n so fa r a s m y

re adin g goes a ccuse d o f Hen ry J a m es ; but the voc abul ary

We
a n d plots o f the two h a ve bee n in terest i n gly l i ke n e d

2
re al iz e s ays a wr i ter in Th e Un p op u l a r Revi ew
th a t we
a re d e al in g w i th n o un couth r an chm an who h a s l i ter a ry
a sp ir a t i o n s who wr i tes in sl an g for w an t o f leg i t i m ate vo ca b u
l ary We a re in the h an d s o f o n e who h a s re ad w i d ely a n d
W ell o n e who h a s a voc abul a ry n o t in clu di n g h i s sl a n g wh i ch
may be c alle d uni que wh i ch m a y be co m p are d i n d ee d w i th

th at o f a P a ter o r a Ja m es
An d M i ss Bl an che Colto n
3
Will iam s after m en t i o n i n g a group of 0 He n ry stor i es
a m o n g wh i ch a re Tr a n si en ts i n Ar ca di a Th e Gift of th e M a gi

a n d Th e Wor ld a n d th e Do or add s :
In co nn ect i o n w i th these
plots 0 Hen ry m ust h a ve observe d th a t He n ry Ja m es h a d
e m ploye d the m etho d he h i m self h ad use d It i s a f a r c all
fro m o n e o f these styl i sts to the other ; yet the ol der wr i ter s
.

1
2

The Gi r l

a nd

Ap r il -J u n e

30 w

or t

th e H

1 91 7

S tor y

a bi t

Wri ter s

p a g e 220
Vl l

IN TRO DU CT IO N

v iii

B r o k en Wi n g s The Re a l Th i n g , a n d Th e M a don n a
Fu tu r e h a ve a t the i r b a ses the very plot pr in c i ple o n

0 He n ry reste d the g roup just g i ve n

f
whi ch

the

N o o n e however h a s go n e so f a r a el d for
1
Ni chol a s Va chel Lind s ay :
,

u t

a n alogue a s

an

H o w c oo ll y h e m i s q o ed
IVva s h is a r t

S l a ve s chol a r who m i s q o ed fro m t h e hea r

So when we s l a pp e d h is b a ck wi h fri e n dl y ro a r
E s o p a wa i e d hi m wi h o
t h e d oo r
E s o p t h e Gre e k w h o m a de d l l m a s ers l a gh
W i h l i l e a l es of fox a n d dog a n d ca lf
-

"

u t

t ut

tt t

It i s h a r dly ad equ a te to s ay th a t 0 Hen ry mi squo t e d

cooll y
He m i squote d reco n struct i vely He m ade m is
quot at i o n a n art In ste ad o f m erely m ut il at in g a s Sher idan
m a kes Mrs M a l aprop d o 0 He nr y i m presses a n e w m e a n i n g
M an y o f h i s m i squota t i o n s d e
a n d rele as es a n ew thought
Two o f h i s ch ar a cters for
s erve to l i ve a s or i g ina l cre a t i o n s

ex a m ple lose the ir booty by qu arrel in g over i t : There w a s a

r ift wi thi n the loot a s Albert Tenn yso n s ays

A co nn o is

s e u r in or d er in g f a sh i o n able dinn ers i s d escr i be d a s

on e t o

the me n u bor n
Spe n ser s f am ous w a r n in g in The Fa er i e

e
n
e
u
e
Be bol d e be bol de and everywhere be bol d e Be
Q

n o t too bol d e
i s m eta m orphose d i n to Be bol d ; e verywhere

be bol d but be n o t bowle d over

A str aw vote s ays 0

He n ry o n ly shows wh i ch w ay the h o t air blows

S tro n g

we a re a ssure d i s a n ad der a n d subtr a ctor too

d r in k

Ten n yso n s Fi erce l i ght wh i ch be ats upo n a thro n e i s

d e m ocr a t iz e d in to The erce l i ght th a t be a ts upo n the

thrown d own
A t rst M ark Tw ain a n d K i pl i n g were the a uthors m ost

O fte n requ i s i t i o n e d for co m p a r i son 0 He n ry i s a hu m or i st

2
in sp i te o f h i s loc a l color a n d h i s cheer
s aid Th e N a tion
ful sp i r i t a hu m or i st a fter K i pli n g r a ther th a n after Ma rk
.

1
2

The K

n ig

ht i

J ul y 4 , 1 90 7

Dis gu i s e

IN TRO DU CT IO N

ix
1

More th an o n ce in the prese n t volu m e he p ays a

tr i bute st a te d o r i m pl ie d to the a uthor o f the P l a i n Ta l e s
a n d though h i s ch a r a cter i st i c m oo d i s m ore gr i m ! less g r im P
]
h i s style h a s m uch o f K i pl i n g s tersen ess a n d s al i e n cy
There i s n o d oubt th a t K ipl i n g i n uen ce d O He n ry s style
He wa s d eeply gr at ie d by the m ess a ge th a t K i pl in g w a s s ai d

to h a ve se n t h im : Do y o u k n ow 0 He n ry ? Well whe n you

see h im tell h im Hello for m e

Mr G il m an H a ll rel a tes
also th a t 0 Hen ry w a s m ost i n tereste d in S teven so n but
th a t he h a d left h i s e di t i o n of S teve n so n in Tex a s a n d h a d
in all o n ly about twe n ty seve n books in h i s roo m in N ew
York
Mr O W Fi rkin s in o n e of the m ost d i scr i m i n at i n g
2
cr i t i ques yet wr i tte n O f 0 He n ry n d s a co n tr a st in g p oi n t de

r ep er e in S h a kespe a re a n d Ch a ucer
There i s
he s ays

o n e l i ter a ry tr ai t in wh i ch I a m u n a ble to n a m e a n y wr i ter

o f t a les in a n y l i ter a ture who surp a sses 0
He n ry It i s n o t
pr imary o r even seco n da ry a m o n g l iter a ry m er i ts ; i t i s less a
va lue p er 3 6 th an the co n d i t i o n o r fou n da t i o n O f v alues But
i ts ut i li ty i s m an ifest a n d i t i s r are am o n g m e n ; Ch a ucer a n d
Sh a kespe a re prove the poss ib i l i ty of i ts absen ce in m a sters o f
th a t very br an ch o f a rt in wh i ch i ts presen ce woul d see m to

be imper a t i ve I refer to the d es i gn i n g o f stor ies n o t to the

pr im a ry i n tu i t i o n o r to sk i ll in develop m e n t in both O f wh i ch
n er ph a ses o f in ve n t i on 0 He n ry h a s bee n l a rgely a n d
freque n tly surp a sse d but to the di spos i t i o n o f m a sses to the
block in g out of plots Th a t a h alf e d uc a te d Am er i c an
pro vin c ial shoul d h a ve bee n o r i g in al in a el d in wh i ch or i g
inal me n h av e bee n copy i sts i s e n ough o f i tself to m a ke h i s

n
n
erso
a
l
i
ty
observ
a
ble
Mr
Fi
rk
i
s
c
i
tes
a
s
i
llustr
a
t
i
o
s
n
p
After Twen ty Ye a r s a n d Th e Fu r n i s h ed Room
3
An E n gl i sh cr i t i c Mr S P B M ai s nd s a bo n d betwee n
Sh a kespe are a n d 0 Hen ry i n the co mm o n co m p a ss o f the ir
sy mp a th i es C i t in g the forewor d to The Fou r M il li on M r
Tw a in

T i mm d L

Th e

Th e Revi ew

In

a mp .

N e w Yo r k Se p e mbe r 1 3 1 91 9
Fr om S a k es p ea r e to 0 H e n r y
.

IN TRO DU CT IO N

M ai s co n t inues : Here we get the clue to O He n ry s gre at

n es s h i s kin sh i p w i th D i cke n s a n d S h a kespe a re a n d a ll gre a t
wr i ters He w a s the bor n l arge he arte d de m ocr a t who
w i th the ut m ost s in cer i ty c a n l ay h i s h an d upo n h i s bre a st

a n d s ay : H u m a n i n i h i l a m e a li en u m p u to
The rese m bl an ce to D i cke n s seem s to Mr S tephe n Le a
1
cock m ore a m a tter o f c an va s th an O f co mm o n sy m p a th i es :

It i s a n error o f the gros s e s t k in d to s ay th a t O He n ry s

work i s n o t s u st ain e d In re al i ty h i s c an va s i s va st H i s
New York stor i es l i ke those O f Ce n tr al Am er i c a o r of the
West for m o n e g re a t p i ct u re a s g lor i ously co m prehe n s i ve in
i ts s c ope a s the le n g th i e s t n ovels o f a D i cken s o r the can v a s of
a D a V i n c i It i s o n ly the m etho d th a t i s di fferen t n o t the

result
2
An other E n gli sh cr i t i c d i sco vers a l i ke n ess to 0 Hen ry
in the s ketches of Ph i l M a y a n d the d r am a s of E u g en e S cr ibe :

H i s work re m in d s us o f Ph i l M ay s sketches in eco n o m y of

H is
m a ter ia l a n d ruthl ess el i m in a t i o n o f the un esse n t ia l
a ct i o n n ever l a g s u n m e an in g ly As the story appro ac hes i ts
close the app a ren tly i rrelev an t d el ays the s id e i ssues t a ken
up a n d d roppe d osten s i bly w i thout purpose su dd en ly a ssu m e
a v i t a l i m port an ce a n d re a ch the i r true proport i o n in the re
Al i ke in h i s m er i ts a n d
e c t e d l i g ht o f the n a l e
defect s 0 Hen ry h ad a stro n g afn i ty to E u g en e S cr ibe the
S cr ib e h ad the s a m e
m a ster c a rpe n ter of the Fren ch d r a m a
co n struct i ve ab i l i ty the s am e t alen t fo r n di n g n e a t a n d
un expecte d solut i o n s to h i s i m bro g l i o s the s am e g ift o f kn ow
in g wh a t the publ i c w a n te d a l m ost before i t k n ew i tse l f the
s a m e di sre g ar d o f all th a t did n o t m ake for the i m m e diate
appe al He h ad su fc i e n t wi t a n d hu m or to keep h i s a u di
e n ce a m use d a n d sufc i e n t skill in ch a ra cter d rawi n g to m a ke

h i s act i o n see m pl aus ible More he h ar d ly a tte m pte d

3
To M i ss Will ia m s 0 Hen ry h a s prove d both a s u m m a r iz

in g a n d a project i n g i n ue n ce : He su m s up the d evelop m en t

.

1
2

E ssa ys

a nd

Wr itin g
O ur S

Li te r a r y S tu di es

a n o n y m o u sly

on

S to r y

in Th e S p ecta tor Lo n do n Ap r il 7 , 1 91 7

Wr i te r s

IN TRO DU CTIO N

xi

the short story fro m Po e to the presen t

S tockto n hu m or
Al d r i ch surpr i se a n d H arte s ex a lt at i o n of loc al color co n
tr i bute d to h i s oo d t i d e But they re m ai n tr i but a ry
It i s qu i te l i kely th a t n o t o n e wr i ter who le a rn e d the tools
o f hi s tr ad e a fter 1 90 0 h a s bee n a ble to a vo id the i n ue n ce o f
the m ost Am er i c an o f short story wr i ters o f the rst

twe n t i eth ce n tury d ec ad e

H C Bun n er h a s also bee n m en t i o n e d m a n y t i m es a m o n g

The
0 Hen ry s l in e a l if n o t co n tr i butory pre d ecessors

1
resem bl an ce wr i tes a n u n n am e d revi ewer
i s pers i ste n tly
felt before i t ca n be n am e d ; recogn i z e d u n m i st a k ably before
i t i s an aly z e d Bec a use i t i s n o t a superc ial l i ke n ess but a n
essen t ial s i m il ar i ty They were o n e kin B u n n er a n d Porter
in the ir stor i es O n e S p i r i t m ove d the m Both were keen
reporters N e i ther m i sse d the s i gn i c an ce in the sl i ghtest
clue to ch ar a cter Ea ch respo n d e d to the st i m ulus o f sug

gest i o n in every o dd s i tu a t i o n every i n c id en t p a cke d w i th

hu m or or tr a ge dy An d e a ch h ad th a t r a re power o f putt i n g
in to a few p ar a gr a phs the secret O f a l ife the su m m a ry

o f a ch a r a cter
But G uy d e M aup a ss an t h a s bee n su m m o n e d to be ar
co mp ar a t i ve test i m o n y to O Hen ry s m er i ts o r d em er i t s

m ore O fte n th a n a n y other wr i ter

It i s a tru i s m to O b

serve
s ays lVIi ss Will iam s o n ce m ore
th a t 0 He n ry
le ar n e d fro m Al d r i ch a n d M a up a ss an t how to co n struct sur
pr i se ; but n o t to re m a rk th a t he progresse d beyo n d the

Fre n ch a uthor in th i s p art i cul ar ph a se o f tech n i que

An d
2
the E n g l i sh cr i t i c alre ady c i te d nd s the m ost s al i e n t di ffer
e n t i a l betwee n the two m e n to co n s i st i n the i r a tt i tu d e tow a r d
wo m en : O He n r y s i n te n se a n d ch i valrous sy m p a thy for the
worki n g g i rl a n d the wo m an o f the u n d erworl d cruc i e d for
the s i n s o f m e n preserve d h i s work fro m th a t col d cruelty
wh i ch m akes so m e o f M a u p a ss a n t s short stor i es a n i n s u lt to
o u r ge n er a l hu m a n i ty
Whe n he wrote o n the i r beh a lf he
wrote keen ly a n d b i tterly a n d h i s wor d s were b arbe d w i th
of

M a r ch
Ap r il 7

In Th e S u n N e w Yo r k ,

The S p ect a tor L o n do n

,

4 , 1 91 7
1 91 7

IN T RO DU CT IO N

xii

in s i ght an d co n vi ct i o n
To M r He n ry James Fo r m a n the

differen ce l i es ch iey in M a u p a ssa n t s defect i ve hu m or : N 0

o n e i t i s s a fe to s ay h a s brought so m uch fun a n d hum or to
the Wester n story C a ttle ki n g cowboy m in er the pl a in s

and the ch ap a rr a l m a ter ial o f the di m e n ovel but a l l

tre a te d w i th the skill o f a M a up a ss an t a n d a hu mor M au

p a ss an t n e ver d re am e d o f
Mrs K a th a r in e F u llerto n G eroul d who m ain t a in s th at 0

He n ry i s a per ni c i ous i n ue n ce th a t he did n o t wr i te short

co n tra sts the two
s tor i es but o n ly exp a n d e d a n ec d otes

a uthors thus : I n M a u p a s sa n t s stor i es y o u kn ow how the

ch ar a cters woul d a ct wh a tever extr an eous co n dit i o n s m i g ht
e n ter ; but in O He n ry s stor i es y o u kn ow h o w the people
a cte d in o n e set o f c ircu m st an ces but you h a ve n o id e a how

The re m ark i s e m in e ntly

t hey woul d a ct a t a n y other t i m e
just but d o the ho n ors go to M a up a ss an t ? I d o n o t kn ow
fo r the l ife o f m e how the ch a r a cters in o u r selecte d stor i es
Hu m an n a ture i s
w oul d a ct und er other c ircum st an ces
ll
n wr i t in g
roverb
ia
y
in
c
a
lcul
a
ble
Th
a
cker
a
y
s
aid
th
a
t
whe
p
Va n i ty Fa i r he n ot o n ly d id n ot kn ow wh a t Becky S h arp w a s
go in g to d o n ext but w a s equ a lly i g n or an t of wh a t she h ad
a lre a dy d o n e The short story i s the s i m pl ic a t i o n of a s m a ll
sect i o n o f l ife ; i t i s n ot the project i o n o f a l ife cur ve Ch ara c
ter m a y be reve ale d o r d eter m in e d in i t ; but in e i ther c a se i t
i s n ot petr ie d o r pre d est in e d M a u p a s s a n t s art O f course
n ee d s n o d efe n ce but a w i se i n s i ght i n to hu ma n n a t u re w a s
n ot a m o n g h i s V i rtues H i s ch a r a cters c an h ar d ly be s ai d to
a ct T hey re a ct a n d re act w i th such a b n orm al unifor m i ty
th a t the re ad er c a n co n jecture n o t o n ly the ir re a ct i o n to other
h appen in gs but the i r re a ct i o n in the story i tself before the
s tory h a s fa irly begu n
l

II

But 0 Hen ry s l ife fur ni shes a m ore in t i m a te in tro d uct i o n

to h i s stor i es th a n c a n be fou n d in e ve n the m ost el abora te
.

The N or t

h Am

e ri ca n

Revi ew Ma y 1 908
,

xiii

IN TROD U CTIO N

of co m p a r a t i ve est i m a tes H i s reput a t i o n w a s m ade

i t i s true before h i s l ife w a s kn ow n wel l e n ough to serve a s
ru nn in g co mm en t o n h i s work But I c an rec all n o autho r
whose life p a r allels h i s wr i t in g m ore closely o r m ore reve al
in g l y th an 0 He n ry s
Will i am Sid n ey Porter better kn own a s 0 He n ry wa s
bor n o n S epte m ber 1 1 1 862 (n o t
in G reen sboro G u i l
for d Coun ty N orth C arol ina Here he res ide d un t i l 1 882
He nr y Hotel w i th i ts m e m or ial roo m a ttests
a n d here the 0
the affect i o nate regar d in wh i ch h i s boyhoo d fr ie n d s st i ll
cher i sh h i s m em ory He we n t t o school to h i s aun t a n d for a
few m o n ths to the gr ade d school th at h ad just bee n foun d e d in
Gree n sboro He w a s or i g i n a l a n d p ai n st ak i n g in a ll o f h i s
school d ut i es a n d before he re a che d h i s tee n s w a s re adin g
wi d ely a n d a ss i m i l a t i vely In these e a rly ye ars he woul d
c atch q u i ckly the style o f a n a uthor a n d repro duce i t w i th
hu m orous a ddit i o n s in stor ies tol d to h i s coter i e He m ad e
se ver a l a tte m pts a t th i s t i m e to u n r a vel a n d co m plet e
D i cke n s s un ni she d story Th e M y s ter y of E dwi n Dr ood b u t
g a ve i t up a s beyo n d h i s powers A s he alwa ys s aid th a t he
r e a d m ore i n G ree n sboro th a n a t a n y other per i o d of h i s l ife
i t may be well to summ a r iz e here the books a n d a uthors r e
ferre d to by h im in h i s stor ies The B i ble le ad s w i th s i xty
three refere n ces ; S h akespe are fo l lows wi th th i rty four ;
Ten nyso n a lw ays h i s f a vor i te poet wi th twen ty o n e ; The
Ar a bi a n N i gh ts w i th fourtee n though the gures d o n ot show
the rel a t i ve s i gnic an ce o f the gre a t cl a ss i c in h i s work ;
K i pl in g wi th twelve ; Byro n an d D i cke n s wi th seve n e a ch ;
Oma r K h ayy am w i th s ix ; Co nan Doyle w i th ve ; C ae s ar
M a rcus A urel i us K e a ts a n d He n ry J am es e a ch w i th four
The tot al n u m ber o f a uthors a llu de d to di rectly o r in d i rectly
i s o n e hundre d a n d th irty s ix
Fro m school he p a sse d to h i s u n cle s d rug store where he
re m ain e d un t i l 1 882 In both school and store he w a s kn own
n o t o n ly a s a t i m id a n d ret i ce n t b o
l
i
v
i
g
ch
i
ey
w
i
th
in
n
y
h im sel f but a s a r a rely pro m i s in g c artoo n i st I n di vi du als
a n d groups were repro d uce d by h im in pe n o r pe n c i l sketch

a ri a y

IN TRO DU CTIO N

xi v

wi th e qu al e a se a nd del i ty The d rug store w a s the re n den

vo u s o f a ll types o f Green sboro ch a ra cters a s i t wa s the cle a r
i n g house o f a ll loc a l n ews ; a n d Wi ll Porter who a s 0 He nry
w a s l ater to beco m e the i n terpreter o f N e w York thr ou g h h i s
stor i es bec am e r st the h i stor ian o f G reen sboro thr ou g h h i s
c a rtoo n s
At the a ge O f twe n ty he wen t to Tex a s where he re m ain e d
w i th the except i o n o f about s ix m o n ths u n t i l 1 898 He
l i ve d r st o n a r an ch in L a Sa lle Coun ty then m ove d to
A ust in then to Housto n In Aust in he e di te d Th e Ro lli n g
S ton e a n d w a s teller in the First Na t i o n a l B an k ; in Housto n
he w a s a reporter o n Th e D a i l y P os t Wh ile in Housto n he
w a s su m m o n e d b a ck to Aust in to st an d tr ia l for the a l lege d
m i s appropr ia t i o n o f $ 1 1 58
H ad he go n e he woul d
cert ain ly h a v e been a c qu it t
He proteste d h i s inn ocen ce
to the l a st a n d n obo d y in A ust in so fa r a s I coul d le a rn
bel ieve d o r bel i eves h im gu i lty Th e in di ct m en t w a s co n tra
d ic t o r y in i tself
O n e i te m o f the ch arge w a s th a t o n
N o vem ber 1 2 1 895 wh il e a ct in g a s tel ler o f the Aust in b ank
he h ad e m be z z le d
But 0 He n ry h ad res i gn e d h i s
os
i
t
i
o
n
i
n
the
w
etche
d
ly
a
n
a
ge
d
in
st
i
tut
i
o
n
e
a
rly
r
m
i
n
p
Dece m ber 1 894 a n d h ad been l i v in g in Housto n ever s in ce
There i s profou n d p a thos in a n ote just rece i ve d fro m
Colo n el E dw a r d M House Colo n el House w a s born in

Housto n but h i s ho m e w a s the n a n d st i ll i s in A ust i n : I h ave

a lw ays thought O Hen ry w a s i n n oce n t a n d I h a ve n o d oubt
th a t if he h ad re mai n e d in Aust i n a n d h ad stoo d h i s tr ia l he
woul d h a ve bee n prove d so Ju d ge E P H i ll the n o w n er of
the Housto n P os t for wh i ch O He n ry w a s wr i t in g e n l i ste d
my sy m p a th i es in h i s beh a lf a n d I looke d i n to the m a tter
closely e n ough to feel co n v i n ce d th a t he h ad d o n e n o wro n g
I h ad in mi n d the ye a r he die d to i n v i te h im th a t a utu mn
to Aust i n a s m y g uest It wa s m y purpose to g i ve h im a
d in n er a n d to h ave prese n t the G overn or the m e m bers o f the
S upre m e Court a n d other S t a te ofc ials in or der th a t a n
e xpress i o n o f regar d an d affect i o n m i ght be offere d h im
Unh app i ly he d i e d before I coul d exten d the in v i t a t i o n t o
.

INTRO DU CTION

xv

I w i she d also to show so m e a pprec ia t i o n o f the man y

d el i ghtful hours he h ad g i ve n m e through h i s stor i es I c o n
s i der h im the gre a test short story wr i ter the worl d h a s pro

h im

ed

after t a kin g the tr ain fo r A ust in 0 He n ry w a s m ove d

by a wh i m o f the m o m e n t to tur n b a ck a t He m pste ad He
p a sse d thr ough New Orle an s took a fru i ter fo r Ho n d ura s
a n d re m ain e d in Ce n tr a l a n d S outh Am er i c a u n t i l he le a r n e d
th a t h i s w ife w a s d esper a tely i ll He retur n e d a t o n ce to
A ust in after a n absen ce of a h a lf ye a r surre n d ere d h i m sel f
to the a uthor i t i es a n d w a s se n ten ce d to the fe der al pr i so n in
Colum bus Oh i o He en tere d the pr i so n o n Apr i l 25 1 898
a n d w a s rele a se d o n July 2 4 1 90 1
It w a s here th a t he wrote
h i s rst stor i es a n d a ssu m e d the n ow fam ous p e n n am e 0
Hen ry
After a short st ay in P i ttsb ur gh Pe nn sylv ania where h i s
d aughter a n d her gr an dp a re n ts Mr a n d Mrs P G Ro a ch
were then l i v in g he m ove d to N e w Yo r k C i ty H i s re al
ower in g per i o d beg an in Dece m ber 1 90 8 when he S i gn e d a
co n tra ct w i th Th e N ew Yor k Wor ld for a story a week a t the
ra te o f $ 1 00 a story ) Fro m M arch to N o ve m ber of th i s ye a r
he h ad dabble d in verse publi sh in g ve seco n d r a te poe m s i n
Ai n sle e s M a g a z i n e und er the n am es o f Howa rd Cl a rk T B
Dowd a n d S H Peters ; the l a tter n am e together wi th th a t
o f J am es L
Bl i ss he a lso s i g n e d to se vera l o f the stori e s
But fro m n o w o n the short story w a s h i s
wr i tte n in 1 90 3
ce n tr al co n cer n ; h i s output be in g so met imes se v en stor i es a

m o n th
O nl y o n ce wa s he de e c t e d fo r s i x m o n ths d ur i n g
1 90 9 he coll abor a te d w i th Mr Fr an kl in P A d am s o n a
m us i c a l co m e d y o f In dia n l i fe to wh i ch O He n ry g a ve the
t i tle L o fro m Pope s couplet
ut

the p oor In di ! who s e u n t t d m in d

S e e s Go d in l o u ds o r hears hi m in the win d
an

or

Il l he alth set in e a rly in 1 90 7 though there wa s n eve r

a n y d ecli n e in the q u a li ty o f the stori e s
Th e e n d ca m e o n
,

IN TRO DU CTION

xvi

Ju ne 5 1 91 0 He wa s buri e d i n A she vi lle N orth Ca rol in a

n e a r the ho m e o f hi s seco n d wi fe Bl i ss Sa r a Colem an In to
h i s l a st story L et M e Fe e l Yo u r P u l se he h a s wove n the
ini tia l st a ges o f hi s fa ta l i ll n ess a n d h i s br a ve but u nava i li n g
ght for li fe am o n g the h i g hl a n d s o f hi s n a t i ve S ta te H i s
gra v e i s v i s i te d an n u all y by thro n gs o f to u r i sts a n d a na t i o n
wid e m ove m e n t i s alre ad y un der way to erect a m on u m e n t
th a t sh a ll testi fy t t in gl y if n o t a d equ a tely to the a dm i r at i o n
and affect i o n O f h i s re ad ers
The volu m es o f O He nry s stor ies were i ssue d in the
followin g or der : Ca bba g es a n d K i n g s 1 904 ; Th e Fou r M i l li on
1 90 6 ; Th e Tr i mm e d L a m p 1 90 7 ; H e a r t of th e We s t 1 90 7 ; Th e
Voi ce of th e Ci ty 1 90 8; Th e G en tl e Gr after 1 90 8; Ro a d s of
,

De s ti n y 1 90 9 ; O p ti on s 1 90 9 ; S tr ictl y B u si n e s s 1 9 1 0 ; Wh i r l
i gi gs 1 9 1 0 ; S i x e s a n d S eve n s 1 9 1 1 ; Ro l l i n g S ton es 1 9 1 3 ;
Wa ifs a n d S tr a y s 1 91 9 The s e a re all p u bl i she d by Double
d ay P a ge a n d Co m p an y e x cept O p ti on s wh i ch i s publi she d
,

by H a rper

and

Brothers

III

The twe n ty ve stor i es th a t fo llow a re arran ge d chro n o

log i c ally a n d represen t 0 Hen ry s ch ief reg i o n al in terests
h i s fa vor i te the m es h i s v ary in g techn i que h i s hu m or a n d
p a thos a n d the four di st in ct i ve st a g es o f h i s c a reer Th a t
they a re the best twe n ty ve stor i es th a t he wrote n o two
re ad ers woul d prob ably a gree Wi th the e x cept i o n o f per
h aps s i x o f these stor i es subst i t u tes equ a lly goo d but h a r d ly
better coul d prob ably be foun d Whe n i t i s re m e m bere d
th a t the t e n l i sts o f O He n ry s best t e n stor i es (see p a ge 1 3 3 )
resulte d in a vote o f s i xty two best i t c a n h ar d ly be e xpecte d
th a t m y own cho i ce o f twen ty ve w i ll esc ape the di sse n t of
the cr i t i c If ce n sur e be m in gle d w i th di ssen t n o h a r m w i ll
be d o n e ; a closer stu dy o f O He n ry s work w i ll b e a m ple
r eco m pe n se for both ce nso r a n d ce ns u r e d
-

STORIES FROM 0

H ENRY

roo m s in clu d i n g a stu dy fo r M a jor T a lbot who wa s ad din g

the n i shi n g ch a pters to h i s book An ec d otes a n d Re mi

n i s c e n ce s o f the Al a b a m a Ar m y Be n c h a n d B a r
M ajor T a lbot w a s o f the O l d o l d S outh The prese n t d ay
h ad li ttle i n terest o r excell e n ce in h i s eyes H i s m in d l ive d in
th a t per i o d before the C i vi l Wa r whe n the T albots own e d
thous and s o f a cres o f n e cotto n l an d a n d the sl aves to t ill
the m ; whe n the f ami ly man s i o n w a s the sce n e O f pr in cely
hosp i t al i ty a n d drew i ts g u ests fro m the a r i stocr a cy o f the
S outh Out o f th a t peri o d he h ad brought all i t s o l d pr ide
a n d scruples of ho n or a n a n t i qu a te d a n d pun ct il i ous pol i te
n ess a n d (you woul d th in k) i ts w ar drobe
S uch clothes were surely n ever m ad e wi th in fty ye ars
The m ajor w a s t all but whe n ever he m ade th a t wo n derful
a rch ai c ge n u e x i o n he c alle d a bow the corners o f h i s frock
co a t swept the oor Th a t g arm e n t w a s a surpr i se eve n to
Wa sh in gto n wh i ch h a s lo n g a go ce a se d to shy a t the frocks
O ne of
a n d bro a d br i mm e d h a ts o f S outhern co n gress m e n

the bo a r ders chr i ste n e d i t a Fa ther Hubb a rd

a n d it
cert ai n ly w a s h i gh in the w ai st a n d f u ll in the ski rt
But the m ajor wi th all h i s queer clothes h i s i m m e n se are a
a n d the l i ttle bl a ck str in g
o f pl ai te d r a vel i n g sh i rt boso m
t i e wi th the b o w a lw ays sl ipp in g o n o n e s ide both wa s s m ile d
a t a n d l i ke d in M r s Va r de m a n s select bo ar din g house

S o m e of the you n g dep artm e n t clerks woul d O fte n str in g

h im a s they c alle d i t gett in g h im sta rte d upo n the subject

d e arest to h im the tr adi t i o n s a n d h i story o f h i s belove d

S outhl an d Dur i n g h i s t a lks he woul d quo te freely fro m the

An ec d otes a n d Re m ini sce n ces

But they were very ca re
fu l n o t to let h im see the i r d es i g n s fo r in sp i te of h i s s ixty
e i ght ye ars he coul d make the bol d est o f the m un co m forta ble
under the ste a dy regar d o f h i s p i erc i n g gray eyes
M i ss Ly di a w a s a plu m p l i ttle o l d maid of th i rty ve wi th
s m oothly d rawn t i ghtly tw i ste d h ai r th a t m a de her look st i ll
ol d er Ol d f a sh i o n e d too she w a s ; but an te bellu m glo r y
did n ot radia te fro m her a s i t did fro m the m ajor S he
possesse d a thr ifty co mm o n se n se ; and i t w a s she who h an dle d
,

TH E DUPL ICITY O F HAR GRAV ES

the n a n ces of the fam ily an d m et a ll co m ers whe n there were

b ills to p ay The major reg a rde d bo a rd b i lls a n d w a sh b ill s
a s co n te m pt i ble n u i s an ces They kept co m in g in so per
s is t e n t l y a n d so ofte n
Why the maj o r w an te d to kn ow
coul d they n o t be le d a n d p aid in a lu m p s u m a t so m e c o n

s ay whe n the An ec d otes a n d Re m in is

ve n ie n t per i o d
ce n ces h ad bee n publ i she d a n d p aid fo r ? M i ss Ly dia wo ul d

c al m ly go o n w i th her sew in g a n d s ay We ll p ay a s we go a s
lo n g a s the m o ney l a sts a n d the n perh aps they ll h ave to

lu m p i t
Most o f Mrs Va r de m a n s bo a r ders were away d ur in g the
day be in g n e arly all dep a rt m e n t clerks a n d bus in ess m e n ; but
there w a s o n e o f the m who w a s a bout the house a gre a t de a l
fro m m orn in g to n i ght Th i s w a s a youn g m a n nam e d He n ry
Hopk in s H argr a ves every o n e in the house a dd resse d h im by

h i s full n a m e who w a s e n g a ge d a t o n e o f the pop u l a r v a u de

v il le the a tres Va u dev i lle h a s r i se n to such a respect a ble
pl an e in the l a st few ye a rs a n d Mr H a rgr a ves w a s such a
m o dest a n d well m a nn ere d perso n th a t Mrs Va r d e man
coul d n d n o O bject i o n to e n roll in g h im upo n her l i st o f
bo ar ders
A t the the a tre H a rgr a ves w a s kn own a s a n a ll roun d
dialect co me dian h av in g a l a rge reperto ire o f German Ir i sh
Swe de a n d bl a ck fa ce spec ialt i es But M r H argra ves w a s
am b i t i ous a n d O fte n spoke o f h i s gre a t d es ire to succee d in
leg i t i m a te co m e dy
Th i s yo un g m a n appe are d to con ce i ve a stro n g f an cy for
M ajor T albot Wh e n ever th a t ge n tle man woul d beg in h i s
S outhern re m i n i sce n ces o r repe a t so m e o f the l i vel i est of the
an ec d otes H argr aves co ul d a lw ays be fo un d the m ost a t
t e n t ive a m o n g h i s l i ste n ers
Fo r a t i m e the m ajor showe d an in cl in a t i o n to d i scour a ge

the ad van ces of the pl ay a ctor a s he pr i v a tely term e d h im ;

but soo n the youn g man s a gree able manner a n d ind ub i ta ble
apprec iat i o n o f the o l d ge n tle m an s stor i es co mpletely w o n
h im over
It w a s n ot lo ng before the two were l ike o l d chu m s Th e
,

STORI E S FROM 0

HE NR Y

m ajor set ap a rt e a ch aftern oo n to re a d to h im the m an uscr ipt

Dur in g the a n ec dotes H a rgr a ves n ever f ai le d to
o f h i s book
l augh a t ex a ctly the ri ght po in t The m aj or w a s m ove d to
decl are to bl i ss Ly dia o n e day th a t youn g H a rgr ave s pos
sesse d re mark able percept i o n a n d a gr a t ify i n g respect fo r the
An d whe n i t c am e to t a lk in g o f those ol d days
o l d r g im e
if M ajor T albot l i ke d t o ta lk Mr H a rgr a ves w a s e n tr an ce d to
l i ste n
Li ke a lm ost a ll o l d people who ta lk o f the p a st the m a jor
love d to l in ger over d et ai ls In d escr i b i n g the sple n did
a l m ost roy a l days o f the o l d pl an ters he woul d hes i t a te un t il
he h ad rec a lle d the n a m e o f the Negro who hel d h i s horse o r
the ex a ct d a te o f cert ain mi n or h appe n in gs o r the n um ber o f
b a les o f cotto n r ai se d in such a ye a r ; but H a rgr a ves n ever
grew imp a t i e n t o r lost in terest On the co n tra ry he woul d
a d van ce quest i o n s o n a v ar iety o f subjects co nn ecte d wi th the
l i fe o f th a t t ime a n d he n ever f ai le d to extr a ct re ady repl ies
The fox hun ts the possum suppers the hoe d own s a n d
jub il ees in the N egro qu a rters the b an quets in the pl an t a t i o n
house h a ll whe n in v i t at i o n s we n t for fty m i les a rou n d ;
the occ a s i o na l feu d s wi th the n e i ghbor in g ge n try ; the ma jor s
d uel wi th R athbo n e Culbertso n about K i tty Ch a l mers who
a fterw a r d marr i e d a Th w a it e O f S outh C a rol ina ; a n d pri va te
y a cht r a ces fo r f ab u l ous sum s o n Mob i le B ay ; the qu ai n t
beli efs im prov i de n t h ab i ts a n d loy al v i rtues o f the o l d sl aves
all these were subjects th a t hel d both the m a jor a n d H a r
gr a ves a bsorbe d for ho ur s a t a t im e
S o m et i m es a t ni ght whe n the youn g man wo ul d be co m in g
Upst ai rs to h i s roo m after h i s turn a t the the a tre w a s over the
major woul d a ppe a r a t the d oor o f h i s stu dy a n d becko n
a rchly to h im G o in g in H argra ves wo ul d n d a l i ttle t a ble
set w i th a d ecan ter sug a r bo wl fru i t a n d a b i g bun ch o f
fresh gree n m in t

It occurre d to m e
the m ajor woul d beg in h e w a s

a lw ays cere m o ni ous
th a t perh aps you mi ght h ave foun d

your d ut i es a t the a t your pl ace o f occup a t i o n su fc ie n t l y

a r d uous to e n a ble you Mr H a rgr a ves to a pprec i a te wh a t the
.

TH E D UPL ICITY O F HAR GRAVES

poet m i ght well h ave h a d in h i s min d whe n he wrote t i re d

Na ture s sweet restorer

o n e of o u r S outhern juleps
It wa s a fa sc i n a t i o n to H argra ves to w a tch h im m a ke i t
He took r an k a m o n g a rt i sts whe n he beg an and he n e ver
v a r ie d the process Wi th wh a t d el i c acy he bru i se d the min t ;
w i th wh a t exqu i s i te n i cety he est i m ate d the i n gre die n ts ; w i th
wh a t sol i c i tous c are he c appe d the co m pou n d w i th the sc arlet
fru i t glow i n g a g ai n st the d a rk gree n fr in ge ! And the n the
hosp i t al i ty a n d gr a ce w i th wh i ch he O ffere d i t after the
selecte d o a t str aws h ad bee n plun ge d in to i ts t i n kl i n g d epths !
After about four m o n ths in Wa sh in gto n M i ss Ly dia di s
covere d o n e m orn in g th a t they were al m ost w i thout m o n ey

The An ec dotes a n d Re min i sce n ces w a s co m plete d but

publ i shers h ad n o t ju m pe d a t the collecte d ge m s o f A l ab am a
se n se a n d w i t The re n t al o f a s m all house wh i ch they st ill
owne d in Mob ile w a s two m o n ths in arre a rs The i r bo a r d
mon ey for the m o n th woul d be d ue in three d ays bl i ss
Ly dia c all e d her fa ther to a co n sult at i o n

It i s qu i te
N o m o n ey ? s aid he w i th a surpr i se d look
ann oy i n g to be c alle d o n so fre q ue n tly for these petty sum s
Re ally I
The major se arche d h i s pockets He foun d o nly a t w o
d oll ar b i ll wh i ch he return e d to h i s vest pocket

I m ust a tte n d to th i s a t o n ce Ly dia he s aid

K in dl y
get m e my um brell a a n d I w ill go d own town i m m e dia tely
The co n gress m an fro m o u r d i str i ct G e n er a l Ful ghu m a ssure d
m e so m e days a go th a t he woul d use h i s in ue n ce to get m y
book publ i she d a t a n e arly da te I w i ll go t o h i s hotel a t o n ce

a n d see wh a t a rr an ge m e n t h a s bee n mad e

Wi th a s a d l i ttle s m i le M i ss Ly dia w a tche d h im butto n h i s

Fa ther Hubb ar d a n d dep art p a us in g a t the d oor a s he

alw ays di d to bow profou ndl y
Th a t eve ni n g a t da rk he return e d It see m e d th a t
Co n gress man Fulghu m h ad see n the publ i sher who h a d the
Th a t perso n h ad s aid th a t
m a jor s ma n uscr i pt for re adi n g
if the anec d otes etc were c a refully pru n e d d own a bout o n e
h a lf in or der to el iminate the sect i o nal an d cl a ss preju d i ce
,

S TORI E S FROM 0

H EN RY

wi th whi ch the book w a s dye d fro m e n d to e n d he mi ght

co n s ider i ts publi c a t i o n
The major w a s in a wh i te he a t o f an ger but reg ai n e d h i s
equ ani mi ty a ccor din g to h i s co d e o f man n ers a s soo n a s he
w a s in M i ss Ly dia s prese n ce

We m ust h ave m o n ey s aid bl i ss Ly dia w i th a l i ttle

wrin kle above her n o s e

G i ve m e the t w o d o ll a rs a n d I

w ill telegraph to Un cle Ralph fo r so m e to n i ght

The major drew a s m a ll e n velope fro m hi s upper vest
pocket a n d tosse d i t o n the t able

Perh aps i t w a s inju di c i ous he s aid m i l dl y but the su m

w a s so m erely n o m in al th a t I b o u g ht t i c kets to the the a tre
It s a n ew w ar d r am a Ly dia I thought y o u
t o n i ght
woul d be ple a se d to wi tn e s s i t s r s t pro d uct i o n in Wa sh in g t o n
I a m tol d th at the S outh h a s very f air tre at m e n t in the pl ay

I co nfe s s I shoul d l ike to see the perform an ce m y s elf

M i s s Ly di a threw up her h an d s in s ile n t d e s p air
S t ill a s the t i cket s were bought they mi ght a s well be use d
S O th a t eve n in g a s they s a t in the the a tre l i ste n in g to the
li vely overture eve n M i ss L y dia w a s mi nde d to releg ate the i r
troubles fo r the hour to seco n d pl a ce The m ajor in spot
less l in e n w i th h i s extr aor d in ary co a t showi n g o n ly where i t
w a s closely butto n e d a n d h i s wh i te h air s m oothly ro a che d
looke d re ally n e a n d di st in g u i s he d The curtain we n t u p

o n the rst a ct o f
A M agn ol ia Flower reve al in g a ty p i c al
S o u thern pl an t at i o n sce n e M ajor T albot betr aye d so m e
in tere s t

Oh see ! excl ai m e d b l i ss Ly d ia n u d g in g h i s ar m a n d
po i n t in g to her programm e
The m ajor put o n h i s gl a sses a n d re a d the l in e in the c a st of
ch ar a cters th a t her n ger in di c ate d
C o l Webster C alhoun
H Hopki n s H argr aves

It s our Mr H argr aves s aid M i ss Ly di a

It m ust be

h i s r st appe ar an ce in wh at he c alls the leg i t i m ate

Im

so gl ad fo r h im
N o t un t i l the seco n d a ct di d Col Webster C alhoun appe ar
Upo n t h e st a ge
Whe n he m a de h i s e n try M ajor T albot g ave
,

TH E D UPL ICITY O F HAR GRAVES

a n au d ible s n i ff gl are d a t h im a n d see m e d to fre e z e sol i d

M i ss Ly d ia uttere d a l i ttle a m b i guous sque a k an d cru m ple d
her progr am m e in her h an d F or Colo n el C a lho un w a s m ad e
up a s n e arly re s e m bl i n g M ajor T albot a s o n e pe a d oes
an other The lo n g th i n wh i te h ai r curly a t the e nd s the
ar i stocr a t i c be a k o f a n ose the cru m ple d w i de r avel in g sh irt
fro n t the str in g t i e w i th the bow n e a rly under o n e e a r were
al m ost e x a ctly d upl i c a te d An d the n to cl in ch the imi t at i o n
he wore the tw in to the m ajor s suppose d to be un p arallele d
co a t H i gh coll are d b a ggy e m p i re w ai ste d ample ski rte d
h an g i n g a foot lower in fro n t th an beh in d the g a rm e n t co ul d
h ave been des i gn e d fro m n o other p attern Fro m the n o n
the major a n d M i ss Ly dia s at bew i tche d a n d s aw the

coun terfe i t prese n tm e n t o f a h aughty T albot dr a gge d a s

the major afterw ar d expresse d i t

th rough the sl an derous

mi re o f a corrupt st a ge
Mr H argr a ves h a d use d h i s opportun i t i es well He h a d
c aught the major s l i ttle idi osyn cr a s ies o f speech acce n t an d

n
n
in to n a t i o n a d h i s po m pous courtl i ess to pe r fect i o n e x
Whe n he per
a g ge r a t in g a ll to the purpose o f the st a ge
forme d th a t m arvellous b o w th a t the major fo ndly i m a g i n e d
t o be the p in k of all s a luta t i o n s the a u die n ce se n t forth a
su dde n ro u n d o f he a rty appl a use
M i ss L y dia s a t im m ov a ble n o t d ar in g to gl an ce tow ar d her
fa ther S o m et im es her h an d n e x t to h im woul d be l aid
a gain st her cheek a s if to co n ce al the s m ile wh i ch in sp i te o f
her d i s approv al she coul d n o t e n t irely suppress
The cul m inat i o n of H a r g r a ve s s a u d a c i ous i m i t at i o n took
pl a ce in the th ir d a ct The sce n e i s where C o lo n el C al houn

e n tert ai n s a few o f the n e i ghbor i n g pl an ters in h i s de n

S ta n di n g a t a t able in the ce n tre o f the st age w i th h i s
fr i e n d s groupe d about h im he d el i vers th a t inimi t able

r am bl i n g ch ar a cter m o n ologue so f am ous in A M a gn ol ia

Flower a t the s am e t i m e th a t he def tly m akes juleps fo r the

p arty
M ajor T albot s i tt in g qu i etly but wh i te w i th i n d i g na t i o n
he ar d h i s best stor i es retol d h i s pet theor i es an d hobb i es a d
,

STORIES FR OM 0

HENRY

va n c e d

an d e xp an de d a n d the dre am o f the An ec d otes an d

Re m ini scen ces

serv e d ex a ggera te d and g arble d Hi s

f avor i te narr a t i ve th a t o f h i s d uel w i th R a thbo n e Cul

b e r t s o n wa s n o t o m i tte d a n d i t w a s d el i vere d wi th m ore

re egot i sm a n d gusto th an the m ajor h i m s elf p u t in to i t
The m o n olo g ue co n clu de d w i th a qu ai n t d el i c i ous wi tty
l i ttle lectur e o n the art o f co n coct in g a julep i ll u s tr a te d by
the a ct Here M ajor T albot s del ic a te but showy sc i e n ce w a s

repro duce d to a h a ir s bre ad th fro m h i s dain ty h an dl in g of

the fr a gr an t wee d
the o n e tho u s an d th p art o f a grai n too
m uch pressur e ge n tle m en a n d y o u extr a ct the b i ttern ess in

ste a d o f the aro m a o f th i s he a ve n bestowe d pl an t

to h i s
s ol i c i tous select i o n o f the o a te n str aws
A t the close O f the sce n e the au die n ce r ai se d a tumul tuous
ro a r o f apprec ia t i o n The portr ayal o f the type w a s so ex act
so sure a n d thorough th a t the le adin g ch ara cters in the p l ay
were forgotte n After repe a te d c alls H argr a ves c am e before
the curt ain a n d bowe d h i s r a ther boy i sh fa ce br i ght a n d
ushe d wi th the kn owle dge o f success
A t l a st bl i ss Ly dia turn e d a n d looke d a t the major H i s
He l ai d
t h in n ostr i ls were workin g l i ke the g ills o f a sh
both sh aki n g h an d s upo n the arm s o f h i s ch air to r i se

We will go Ly dia he s ai d chok in gly

Thi s i s an

abo m inable d esecr at i o n

Before he coul d r i se she pulle d h im b a ck in to h i s se a t

D O y o u w an t to
We w i l l sta y i t o u t she decl are d

a d vert i se the copy by e x h ib i t in g the or i g inal co a t ?

S o they
re m ain e d to the e n d
H a r g r a ve s s success m ust h av e kept h im up l a te th a t n i ght
fo r n e i ther a t the bre akfa st n or a t the di n n er t able di d he
,

About three in the aftern oo n he tappe d a t the d oor o f

M ajor T albot s stu dy The m ajor ope n e d i t a n d H argr aves

w alke d i n w i th h i s h an d s full o f the m orn i n g p ape rs too full

o f h i s tr i u mph to n ot i ce a n yth i n g un usu a l i n the m a jor s d e
m e an or

I put i t all over e m l a st ni ght m ajor he beg an e x

STORI ES FROM 0

10

HENRY

the ir person al i ty put o n the st a ge so the publ i c woul d

recogn i z e i t

They a re n ot fro m Al ab a m a s i r
s ai d the m a jor
h a ught ily

Perh aps n ot I h ave a pretty goo d m e m ory m ajor ; let

m e quote a few l in es fro m yo u r book
In respon se to a to a st

a t a b an quet g i ve n in M ill e d gev ille I bel i eve y o u uttere d

a n d in te n d to h a ve pri n te d these wor d s :
.

utt

t ut t
t
tu
t
t t
ut t
t t
t
t
t

t
t

e rl y wi ho
s e n im e n o r wa rm h exc e p
Th e N or he rn m a n i s
r n e d o h is o w n c o m m e rc i a l p ro
in s o fa r a s t h e fe e l in g s m a y b e
re s e n m e n a n y im p a ion c a s p on t h e
H e will s n e r w i ho
hon o r o f him s e lf o r h is l o ve d on e s ha d o e s n o t b e a r w i h i he
In h is c ha ri y h e g ive s w i t h a
c o n s e q e n c e o f p e c n i a ry l o ss
i m s be he ra l de d wi h t h e ru m pe a n d ch r o n i
l ib e r a l ha n d ; b
c l e d in b ra s s

t ut

ut t u t

tu
t

tt

DO

you th in k th at p i cture i s fai rer th an the o n e y o u s aw

o f Colo n el C a lhoun l a st n i ght ?

n
c
n
The de s r ipt i o
s aid the ma jor frown i g
is n ot

wi thout groun d s S o m e e xa g l a t i tu d e m ust be allowe d in

publ i c spe a ki n g

An d in publ i c a ct i n g repl i e d H argr a ves

Th a t i s n ot the po in t pers i ste d the m ajor u n relen t in g

It w a s a perso n al c ar i c a tur e I pos i t i vely d ecl in e to over

look i t s ir

M ajor T albot s ai d H argr aves w i th a w i n n i n g s m i le

I w i sh you wo u l d u n derst an d m e I w an t you to kn ow th a t
I n ever d re am e d o f in sult in g you In m y profess i o n all l ife
belo n gs to m e I t a ke wh a t I w an t a n d wh a t I c a n and
return i t over the footl i ghts N ow if y o u w i ll let s let i t go
a t th a t I c am e in to see y o u a bout so m eth i n g else We ve
bee n pretty goo d fri e n d s for so m e m o n ths a n d I m go i n g to
t ake the r i sk o f o ffe n di n g yo u a gai n I kn ow y o u a re h ar d

up for m o n ey n ever min d how I fou n d o u t ; a bo a rdin g house

i s n o pl a ce to keep such ma tters secret a n d I w an t you to let

m e help y o u o u t o f the p in ch I ve bee n there ofte n e n ough
myself I ve bee n gett in g a fai r s al a ry all the se a so n a n d
,

TH E DU PL ICITY O F HAR GRAV ES

11

I ve s a ve d so m e m o n ey You re welco m e to a couple hun

d re d o r eve n m ore u n t i l y o u get

S top co m m an de d the m ajor w i th h i s ar m outstretche d

It see m s th a t m y book did n t l i e after all You th i n k your

m o n ey s alve w i ll he a l all the hurts o f ho n or Un der n o
c i rcu m st an ces woul d I a ccept a lo an fro m a c a su al a cqu ai n t
a n ce ; a n d a s to you s i r I woul d st arve before I woul d c o n
s i der your in sult i n g offer of a n an c ial ad justm e n t o f the
c i rcu m st an ces we h ave d i scusse d I beg to repe a t my request

rel a t i ve to your qu i tt i n g the ap art m e n t

H argr a ves took h i s d ep arture w i thout an other wor d He
also eft the house the s am e day m ov i n g a s Mrs Var de m an
e xpl ai n e d a t the supper t ab e n e arer the V i c i n i ty o f the d own

town the a tre where A M a g n ol i a Flower w a s booke d fo r a

week s r u n
Cr i t i c al w a s the s i tu a t i o n w i th M ajor T albot a n d M i ss
Ly dia There w a s n o o n e in Wa sh i n gto n to who m the
M i ss Ly di a
m ajor s scruples allowe d h im to apply for a lo an
wrote a letter to Un cle R a lph but i t w a s d oubtfu l whether
th at rel a t i ve s co n str i cte d a a ir s woul d per m i t h im to furn i sh
help The m ajor w a s force d to m a ke a n apologet i c add ress
to Mrs V ar de m an reg ar di n g the del aye d p ay m e n t for bo ar d

del in que n t re n t als a n d del aye d re mi tt an ces

r eferr in g to
in a r a ther co nfuse d str ain
Del i veran ce c am e fro m a n e n t ir ely une xpecte d source
Late o n e aftern oo n the d oor m aid c am e up a n d an n oun ce d
The
a n o l d colore d m a n who w an te d to see M ajor T a lbot
m ajor a ske d th a t he be se n t up to h i s stu dy
S oo n a n o l d
d arkey appe are d in the d oorw ay w i th h i s h a t in h an d bow
in g a n d scr ap in g w i th o n e clu m sy foot
He w a s qu i te
dec e n tly dresse d in a b a ggy su i t O f bl ack H i s b i g co a rse
s h oes sho n e w i th a m et a ll i c lustre suggest i ve o f stove pol i sh

H i s bushy wool w a s gr ay al m ost wh i te After middle l ife

i t i s d i fcul t to est i m a te the a ge o f a N egro Th i s o n e mi ght
h a ve see n a s man y ye a rs a s h a d M ajor T albot

I be bound you d o n t kn ow m e M ars Pe n dl eto n were

h i s r st wor ds
.

S TORIE S FROM

12

H E NR Y

The major rose a n d c am e forw ar d a t the o l d fami l iar style

o f address
It w a s o n e o f the o l d pl a n t a t i o n darkeys w i thout
a d oubt ; but they h ad bee n w idely sc attere d a n d he coul d
n o t rec all the vo i ce o r f a ce

n
I d o t bel ieve I d o he s aid kin dly
un less you w ill

a ss i st m y me m ory

Do n t you m e m ber C indy s Mose M a rs Pe n dl eto n

wh a t mi gra te d m e dia tely after d e w ar ?

Wai t a m o m e n t s aid the m ajor rubb in g h i s forehe a d

w i th the t i ps o f h i s n ger s He love d t o rec all everyth i n g

co n n ecte d w i th tho s e belove d day s

C in dy s Mose he

n
Yo u worke d a m o g the horses bre a ki n g the
reecte d
colts Yes I re m e m ber n o w After the s u r re n der y o u took

the n am e O f d o n t pro mpt m e M i tchell a n d we n t to t h e

West to N ebr a sk a

Ya ss ir y a s s ir
the o l d m an s f a ce stretche d wi th a

deli ghte d gri n

dat s h im da t s i t N e w b r a sk a D a t s

m e Mose M i tchell Ol d Un cle Mose M i t chell dey c alls m e

n ow Ol d m ars your p a g im m e a p ah o f de m m ule colts
whe n I lef fur to s t a h t m e go in w i th Yo u me mber de m
colts M ars Pe n dleto n ?

I d o n t see m t o rec all the colts s aid the major

You
kn ow I w a s m arr ie d the rst ye a r o f the w ar and l i v in g a t the
O l d Fo ll in sb e e pl ace But s i t d own s i t d own Un cle Mose

I m gl ad to see y o u
I hope you h a ve prospere d
Un cle Mose took a ch a i r a n d l aid h i s h a t c arefull y o n the
oor bes id e i t

Ya s s ir ; o f l ate I d o n e m o n ty f am ous
Whe n I r st go t to
N e w b r a sk a d ey folks co m e a ll rou n m e to see de m m ule
colts Dey ain t see n o m ules l i ke de m in N e w b r a s k a I

sol d de m m ules fo r three hun dr e d d oll ars Ya s sir thr ee

hun dre d

De n I O pe n a bl a cks m i th S hop s uh a n d made so m e

m o n ey a n d bought so m e l a n
Me a n d m y o l d O m an d o n e
r ai se d up s e b m ch il l u n a n d all d o in well cept two of e m
wh at d ie d Fo ye ar a go a r ailro ad co m e a lo n g a n d s t a h t a
t own sl a m a g in s t m y l an an d suh M a rs Pe n d leto n Un cle
,

TH E

D U PLICITY O F H AR GRAVES

Mose am worth lcb

and

13

thous an d d oll ars in m o n ey property

lan

I m gl a d to he a r i t

s aid the m ajor he a rt ily

G l ad to

h e a r it f

of

An d d a t l i ttle b aby
yo n M a rs Pe dleto
wh a t

L
I
n
dd
nam
e
M
i
ss
be
bou
d
da
t
l
i
ttle
t
ad
d
o
e
u
o
n
y
y
y

growe d up tell n obo dy woul dn t kn ow her

The m ajor steppe d to the d oor a n d c all e d : Lydi a de a r

wi ll you co m e ?
M i ss Ly dia looki n g qu i te grown up a n d a l i ttle worr i e d
c a m e i n fro m her roo m

D a r n ow ! Wh a t d I tell you ? I kn owe d d a t b aby d o n e

be plu m growe d up Yo u d o n t me m ber Un cle Mose

ch i l d ?

Thi s i s Aun t C i n dy s Mose Ly d ia e xpl ain e d the major

He left S un nym e ad for the West whe n you were two ye a rs

n
one

ol d

Well s aid M i ss Ly d ia
I ca n h ar dly be expecte d to
re m em ber y o u Un cle M ose a t th a t a ge And a s y o u s ay

I m plu m growe d up a n d w a s a blesse d lo n g t i m e a go

But

I m gl ad to see y o u eve n if I c a n t re m e m ber you

And she w a s An d so w a s the m ajor S o m eth i n g al i ve
a n d t a n g i ble h ad co m e to l i n k the m w i th the h appy p a st
The three s a t a n d t alke d over the ol de n t i m es the m ajor a n d
Un cle Mose correct i n g o r pro m pt i n g e a ch other a s they r e
vi ewe d the pl an t a t i o n sce n es a n d days
The m ajor i n qu i re d wh a t the O l d m a n w a s d o in g so fa r
fro m h i s ho m e

Un cle Mose am a d el i c a te he e xpl a ine d to d e gran d

B apt i s co n ve n t i o n in di s c i ty I n ever pre a che d n o n e but
be i n a r e sidin el der in d e church and a ble fur to p ay m y

own e xpe n ses d ey se n t m e alo n g

An d how did you kn ow we were in Wa sh in gto n ? in

qu i re d M i ss Ly di a

Dey s a cu ll u d m a n works in de hotel wh ar I stops wh a t

co m es fro m Mob ile He tol d m e he see n M ars Pe n dleto n
co m i n oute n d i sh here house o n e m a wn in
,

STORIES FROM O H ENRY

14

Wh a t I co m e fur co n t i n ue d Un cle Mose re a ch in g in to

h i s pocket
bes ides d e s i ght o f ho m e folks w a s t o p ay

M a rs Pe n dl eto n wh a t I owes h im

Owe m e ? s aid the m a jor in surpr i se

Ya s s ir three hun dre d d oll a rs

He h an de d the ma jor a

roll o f b i lls
Whe n I lef o l d m a rs s ays : Ta ke de m m ule
colts Mose a n d i f i t be so y o u g i ts able p ay for e m
Ya ss ir
d e m w a s h i s wor d s
De w a r h ad d o n e lef O l d m a rs p O
h i sself Ol d mars be i n lo n g a go d e ad d e debt d esce n d s to
M ars Pe ndl eto n Three h un dre d d oll a rs Un cle M ose i s
ple n ty a ble to p ay n o w Whe n da t r ai lro ad buy my l a n I
l aid O to p ay fur de m m ules Coun t d e m o n ey M a rs

Pe n dl eto n D a t s wh a t I sol d de m m ul es fur Ya s s ir

Te ars were in M a jor Ta l b o t s eyes He took Un cle M ose s
h an d a n d l aid h i s other Upo n h i s shoul der

De a r f ai thful ol d servi tor he s aid in a n un ste a dy vo i ce

I d o n t mind s ay in g to you th a t M ars Pe n dleto n spe n t h i s

l a st d oll a r in the worl d a week a go We wi ll a ccept th i s
m o n ey Un cle Mose s in ce in a w a y i t i s a sort o f p ay me n t a s
well a s a token o f the loy alty and d evot i o n of the o l d r g im e
Ly dia my de a r t a ke the m o n ey Yo u a re better tte d th an

I to m a n a ge i ts e xpe n di ture

T a ke i t ho n ey s aid Un cle Mose

H i t belo n gs to you

H i t s T albot m o n ey
After Un cle Mose h ad go n e M i ss Ly dia h a d a goo d cry
fo r joy ; a n d the m a jor tur n e d h i s f a ce to a cor n er and s m oke d
h i s cl ay p ipe volca n i c ally
The succee di n g d ays s aw the T albots restore d to pe a ce a n d
e a se M i ss Ly dia s fa ce lost i ts worri e d look The m ajor
a ppe a re d in a n e w frock co a t in wh i ch he looke d l i ke a w a x
gure perso n ify i n g the m e m ory O f h i s gol de n a ge An other

publ i sher who re ad the m an uscr ipt o f the An ec d otes a n d

Re m ini sce n ces thought th a t w i th a l i ttle retouch i n g a n d

to n in g d own of the h i gh l i ghts he coul d m ake a re ally bri ght
a n d s al able volu m e o f i t
Altogether the s i tu a t i o n w a s co m
fo r t a b l e a n d n o t w i thout the touch O f hope th a t i s ofte n
sweeter th a n a rr i ve d bless in gs
,

TH E

On e

D U PLICITY O F H AR G RAVES

15

d ay a bout a week after the i r p i ece o f goo d luck a

m a id brought a letter for M i ss Ly dia to her roo m The
postm a rk showe d th a t i t w a s fro m N ew York N ot kn ow i n g
s at
a n y o n e there M i ss L y dia in a m i l d utter o f wo n d er
d own by her t able a n d ope ne d the letter wi th her sc i ssors
Th i s w a s wh a t she re ad :
,

D EAR MI S S TALB O T :
I tho u ght y o u m i ght be g l a d t o l e a rn of m y goo d fortun e I h a ve
re ceive d a n d a cc e p ted a n o ffe r o f t wo hun dre d do ll a rs p e r we ek b y a

N e w York s to ck c o m p a n y to pl a y Co l o n e l C a l ho un in A M a gn o l ia

Fl ower
There is s o m e thin g e l s e I wa n ted y o u t o kn o w
I g uess y o u d
be tte r n o t te ll M a jor Ta l b o t I w a s a n xio u s to m a ke h im s o m e
a m e n d s fo r t h e gr e a t he l p he w a s t o m e in s tu dy i n g the p a r t a n d fo r
H e refu sed to l e t m e s o I did i t
t h e b a d hum o r h e w a s in a b o ut i t
I c o ul d ea s il y spa re t h e thre e hun dred
a n y how
S in cere l y y o ur s
H H O PK IN S H AR G R AVE S
P S H o w did I p l a y Un cle M o se ?
.

M ajor T a lbot p a ss i n g through the h a ll s a w M i ss Ly d i a s

door ope n a n d stoppe d

An y mai l for us th i s m orn i n g Ly dia d e a r ? he a ske d

b l i ss Ly dia sl id the letter be n e a th a fo l d of her d ress

The M or n i n g Ch r o n i cl e c am e she s a id pro mptly

It s

on the t a ble in your stu dy

,

RO AD S O F D ESTINY
l
t
n
D
i
r
s
t
p
u
b
i she d in Ai n s le e s M a g a zi ne
e
s
i
F
f
y
April 1 903 Thi s s to ry is un i qu e a m o n g O H en ry s works I t

re turn s a s tu die d a n d phil o s o p hi c N O to t h e s ta n z a ed q ues tion

tha t in tro duc e s it Th e rs t a dven tur e Th e Le ft B ra n ch shows

t h e in u en c e I thin k o f The S i r e de M a l tr o it s D oor b y S t e ve n s o n ;
b ut t h e s tory a s a who l e s u g ges t s Po e in i t s c o n n ec tive re p e ti tion s
D um a s in i ts swa shb u c kl in g M a u p a ss a n t in i t s de ta chm e n t a n d
Om a r K h a yy a m in i ts fa ta l is m
I t is even m ore fa ta l is tic tha n
Om a r ; fo r n o t o n l y i s d e a th p re o rda in e d a n d in es c a p a b l e wh i che ve r
ro a d D a vid ta kes but d e a th fro m t h e b u ll e t of the s a m e p is tol In
shee r b ut im p e rs o n a l t e c h n i que 0 H e n ry n eve r s u rp a ss e d this s to ry
In Th e E n ch a n ted K i s s (Fe b ru a ry
t h e s a m e the m e i s p ut
ag a in u po n the s a m e trip l e fra m e work ; b ut Fa t e a n d Ta n s e y p u l l ed
diffe re n t wa y s
Fo r 0 H en ry s n a l trea tm en t O f fa ta l i s m s ee Th e
Ro ads We Ta ke (pa g e

Fro m

Ro ad

s o

t o s eek n m a y roads
Wh a t i s t o be
Tru e h r t
d s tro g w i th l o ve to l ight
Will they t h e m i t h gh t
T o rd r s hu o r w i el d o r m o ul d
M y D es t i y ?
I

go

ea

an

ar

no

Un pu bl i s hed P oems of

Da vid M i gn ot

so n g w a s o ver The wor d s were D a vid s ; the a i r o n e

o f the cou n trys id e
The co m p a n y a bout the in n ta ble a p
n
l
a
u
n
r
he
a
rt
i
ly
for
the
you
g
poet
p
aid
the
w
in
e
O
ly
d
e
d
f
o
p
the n ot a ry M P ap i n e a u shook h i s he ad a l i ttle a t the l in es
fo r he wa s a man o f books a n d he h a d n ot d run k w i th the
rest
D a vid we n t out i n to the V i ll a ge street where the n i ght a ir
dro ve t h e w in e va por fro m h i s he a d An d the n he r e me m
TH

l6

S TORI ES FRO M O H EN RY

18

tuggin g a t the horses br idl es O n the ro a d a t o n e s i de stoo d

a huge bl a ck clothe d m a n a n d a sle n d er l ad y wr a p p e d in a
lon g l i g ht clo a k
D a vid s aw the l ack of skill in the e fforts o f the serv an ts
He q u i etly a ssu m e d con trol o f the work He directe d the
outr iders to ce a se the ir cl a m or a t the horses a n d to exerc i s e
the ir stren g th upon the wheels The dr i ver a lon e urg e d the
an i m als wi th h i s fa m ili a r vo i ce ; D a v id h i m s elf he a ve d a
powerful sho ul d er a t the re a r o f the c a rr ia g e a n d wi th o n e
h a r m on i ous tug the gre a t veh i cle rolle d up o n sol id grou n d
The outr id ers c l i m be d to the i r pl a ces
D a vid s too d for a m o m en t upon o n e foot The huge ge n

Yo u w i ll e n ter the c a rr ia ge
t l e m a n w a ve d a h a n d
he
s aid in a vo i ce l a rge l i ke h i m self but s m oothe d by art a n d
h a b i t Obe dien ce belon ge d in the p a th of su c h a vo i ce
Br i ef a s wa s the youn g poet s he s i t a t i on i t wa s c u t shorter
st ill by a ren ewa l o f the co m m an d D av id s foot wen t to the
step In the dar k n ess he perce i ve d di m ly the for m o f the
l ady upon the re ar se at He wa s a bout to se a t h i m self O p

h
i
s
i
t
whe
the
vo
i
ce
a
g
ain
sw
a
ye
d
m
to
i
ts
w
i
ll
Y
ou
o
e
n
p

wi ll s i t a t the l ady s s ide

Th e gen tle m an S W Im g h i s gre a t we i g ht to the for wa r d se a t
The c arr ia g e procee d e d up the h i ll Th e l ady w a s shrun k
s i len t in to her corn er D a v id coul d n o t est i m a te whether
she w a s O l d or youn g but a d el i c ate m il d perfu m e fro m her
clothes st i rre d h i s poet s fan c y to the bel i ef th a t there w a s
loveli n e s s ben e a th the m ystery Here w a s a n ad ve n ture such
a s he h ad often i m a g in e d But a s yet he hel d n o key to i t
for n o wor d w a s spoken wh ile he s a t wi th h i s i m pen etr a ble
co m p an i on s
In a n hour s t i m e D a v id perce i ve d thr ough the w i n d ow th a t
the veh icle tr a verse d the street o f so m e town Then i t
stoppe d in fron t o f a close d a n d darke n e d ho u se a n d a pos
A
t il io n a l i ghte d to h a m m er i m p a t i e n tly upo n the d oor
l a tt i ce d wind ow above ew wid e a n d a n i ghtc appe d he a d
pop pe d o u t
Who a re ye th a t di sturb hon est folk a t th i s t im e of ni ght ?

RO AD S O F D ESTINY

19

T is too l a te for prot a ble tr avelers to

My house i s close d

be abro ad Ce a se kn oc k i n g a t m y d oor a n d be o ff

Ope n ! spluttere d the post i l i o n lo u d ly ; O pe n for M o n

se i gn eur the M a rq u i s d e B e a u p e r t u y s

Ah ! cr i e d the vo i ce a bove
Te n thous and p a r d o n s m y

n
lor d I did n ot k ow the ho u r i s so l a te a t o n ce sh a ll the

d oor be O pe n e d a n d the house pl a ce d a t m y lor d s di spos a l

In s id e w a s he a r d the cl i n k of ch ain a n d b a r a n d the d oor
wa s un g ope n S h i ver i n g w i th ch i ll a n d apprehe n s io n the
l an d lor d of the Si lver Fl a go n stoo d h a lf cl a d c a n d le i n h and
upo n the threshol d

D a v id followe d the m a r q u i s o u t o f the c a rr ia ge

Ass i st

the l ad y he w a s or dere d The poet obeye d He felt her

s m all h an d tre m ble a s he gu ide d her d escen t

In to the

house w a s the n ext co m m an d

The roo m w a s the lo n g di n in g h a ll of the t a ver n A gre a t
o a k t a ble r a n d own i ts le n gth The huge ge n tle man se a te d
h im self in a ch ai r a t the n e a rer e n d Th e l ad y s an k in to
a n other a gain st the w a ll w i th a n ai r o f g re a t we a r in ess
D a vid stoo d co n s ider i n g how best he m i ght n o w t a ke h is
le a ve a n d co n t in ue upo n h i s w ay

My lor d s aid the l an d lor d bowin g to the oor h h a d I

e x expecte d th i s ho n or e n tert ain m e n t woul d h a ve been re ad y
T t there i s w i n e a n d col d fowl and m m m a y b e

C and les s aid the ma rqu i s spre adin g the n gers of o n e

plu m p wh ite h a n d in a g esture he h ad

He fetche d h a lf a d o z e n c an d les
Y yes m y lor d
li ghte d the m and set the m up o n the t a ble
If m o n s i eur woul d perh aps d e i gn to t a ste a cert a i n Bur

n
u
d y there i s a c a sk
g

C an d les s aid m o n s ieur spre a din g h i s n gers

A ssure d ly qu i ckly I y m y lor d

A d o z e n m ore l i ghte d c a n d les sho n e in the h a ll The gre a t
bulk o f the ma rqu i s o ve r o w e d h i s ch ai r He wa s d resse d
in n e bl a ck fro m he ad to foot s a ve for the s n o w y ru f es a t
h i s w r i st a n d thro a t E ve n the h i lt a n d sc a bb a r d o f h i s
s wor d were bl a ck
H i s express i o n wa s o n e o f s neer in g pr i d e
.

S TORI ES FROM O H EN RY

20

The e n d s o f an uptur n e d m oust a che re a che d n e a rly to h is

m ock in g eyes
Th e l ad y s a t m ot i o n less a n d n o w D a vid perce i ve d th a t
she w a s yo u n g a n d possesse d o f p a thet i c a n d appe a l in g
be auty He wa s st a rtle d fro m the co n te m pl a t i o n o f her for
lorn lovel i n ess by the boo m i n g vo i ce o f t h e m a rqu i s

Wh a t i s yo u r n a m e a n d pursu i t ?

D a vid M i gn ot I a m a poet
The m oust a che o f the m a rqu i s cur le d n e a rer to h i s eyes

How d o y o u l i ve ?

I a m a lso a shepher d ; I gu a r de d m y fa ther s ock D a vi d

a n swere d w i th h i s he ad h i g h but a ush upo n h i s cheek

The n l i ste n m a ster shepher d a n d poet to the fortu n e

you h a ve blu n dere d upo n to n i g ht Th i s l ad y i s m y niece
M ad e m o i se l le L uc i e d e Va re n n es
She i s o f n oble d esce n t
a n d i s possesse d of t e n thous a n d fr an cs a ye a r in her own
r i g ht As to her ch a r m s y o u h a ve but to observe fo r your
se l f If the in ve n tory ple a ses your shepher d s he a rt she
beco m es yo u r wife a t a wor d Do n o t i n terrupt me To
n i ght I co n veye d her to the ch at e a u O f the Co m te d e V i ll e
ma ur to who m her h an d h ad bee n pro m i se d Guests were
prese n t ; the pr i est wa s w ai t in g ; her m a rr ia ge to o n e el i g ible
in r an k a n d fortu n e w a s re ad y to be a cco mpl i she d A t the
a lt a r th i s d e m o i selle so m eek a n d d ut iful turn e d upo n m e
l i ke a leop a r d ess ch a rge d m e w i th cruelty a n d cr i m es a n d
broke before the g ap in g pr iest the troth I h ad pl i ghte d fo r
her I swore there a n d the n by t e n thous an d d ev i ls th a t she
shoul d m a rry the rst m a n we m e t a fter le a v in g the ch dte a u
be he pr in ce ch a rco a l burn er or th ief You shepher d a re
the rst Mad e m o i selle m ust be we d th i s n i g ht If n o t y o u
the n an other You h a ve t e n m in utes in wh i ch to m a ke your
d e c i s i o n D O n ot vex m e w i th wor d s o r quest i o n s Te n

m i n utes shepher d ; a n d they a re spee di n g

The m arqu i s dr u mm e d lou dly w i th h i s wh i te n gers upo n
the t a ble He s an k i n to a ve ile d a tt i tu d e of wai t i n g It w a s
a s if so m e gre a t house h ad shut i ts d oo rs a n d w i n d ows a g ai n st
appro ach D avi d wo ul d h ave spoke n but the huge man s
.

ROAD S O F D ESTI NY

21

bea r i n g stoppe d h i s to n gue In ste ad he stoo d by the l ady s

ch ai r a n d bowe d

M ad em o i selle he s ai d a n d he m a rvele d to n d h i s
wor d s owi n g e a s i ly before so m uch elegan ce a n d be a uty

You h a ve he a r d m e s ay I w a s a shepher d I h a ve a lso h a d

the f an cy a t t i m es th a t I am a poet If i t be the test o f
a poet to ad ore a n d cher i sh the be a ut i ful th a t fan cy i s n o w
stren gthe n e d C a n I serve y o u in a n y way m ad e m o i selle ?
The you n g wo m an looke d up a t h im w i th eyes d ry an d
m ournf ul H i s fr a n k glow i n g face m ad e ser i ous by the
gr a v i ty of the ad ve n ture h i s stro n g str ai ght g ur e a n d the
l i qu i d sy m p a thy i n h i s blue eyes perh a ps a lso her i m m i n e n t
n ee d o f lo n g d e ni e d help a n d ki n d n ess th a we d her to su d d e n
te a rs

M o n s i eur
she s ai d in low to n es y o u look to be true
an d ki n d He i s m y u n cle the brother of m y f a ther an d
m y o n ly rel a t i ve
He lo ve d m y m other and he h a tes m e
bec a use I a m l i ke her He h a s m ad e m y l ife o n e lo n g ter
ror I am a fr aid O f h i s very looks a n d n ever before da re d
to di sobey h im But to n i ght he woul d h a ve m arr i e d m e to
a m a n three t im es m y a ge Yo u w i ll for g i ve m e for br i n g i n g
th i s vexa t i o n upo n you m o n s i eur Yo u w i ll o f course d e
cl i n e th i s m a d a ct he tr i es to force upo n you But let m e
th an k y o u for your gen erous wor d s a t le a st I h a ve h a d
n o n e spoken t o m e in so lo n g
There w a s n o w so m eth i n g m ore th an ge n eros i ty in the
poet s eyes Poet he m ust h a ve bee n for Y vo n n e w a s for
gotten ; th i s n e n e w lovel i n ess hel d h im wi th i ts freshn ess
a n d gr a ce
The subtle perfu m e fro m her lle d h im wi th
str an ge e m ot i o n s H i s ten d er look fell wa r m ly upo n her
S he le an e d to i t th i rst i ly

Te n m in utes
s aid D a v id i s g i ve n m e in wh i ch to d o
wh a t I woul d devote ye a rs to a ch i e ve I wi ll n o t s ay I p i ty

I
I love y o u
y o u m ad e m o i selle ; i t woul d n o t be true
c ann ot a sk love fro m you yet but let m e rescue you fro m th i s
cruel m a n a n d in t i m e love may co m e I th in k I h a ve a
future I w i ll n o t a lw ays be a shepher d
For the presen t I

S TORIES FROM 0

22

H EN RY

wi ll cher i sh y o u w i th a ll m y he a rt a n d m a ke your l ife less s a d

Wi l l you trust your fa te to m e m ad e m o i sell e ?

Ah you woul d s a cr i ce yourself fro m p i ty !

Fro m love
The t i m e i s al m ost up mad e m o i selle

Yo u wil l regret i t a n d d esp i se m e

I wi ll l i ve o n ly to m a ke you h appy a n d myse lf worthy o f

you
Her n e s m a ll h an d crept in to h i s fro m be n e a th her clo a k

I w i ll trust you she bre a the d w i th m y l ife An d

a n d love
m a y n o t be so f a r o a s you th i n k
Tell h im

On ce aw ay fro m the power o f h i s eyes I m a y forg et

D a vid we n t a n d stoo d before the m a rqu i s The b l a ck g u re
st irre d a n d the m ocki n g eyes g l a n ce d a t the gre a t h a ll clock

A shepher d requ i res e i ght m in

T w o m i n utes to sp a re
utes to d ec id e whether he w i ll a ccept a br id e o f be a uty a n d
i n co m e ! Spe a k up shepher d d o y o u co n sen t to beco me

mad e m o i sell e s husb and ?

M a de m o i selle s aid D a v i d st an din g prou d ly h a s d o n e

m e the ho n or to y i el d to my re quest th a t she beco m e m y

w ife

Well s ai d ! s ai d the marqu i s

Yo u h a ve yet the ma k
in g o f a cour t i er in y o u m a ster shepher d
Made m o i selle
coul d h a ve d r awn a worse pr i z e a fter a ll An d n ow to be
d o n e wi th the a ffair a s q u i ck a s the Ch u rch a n d the d ev il w i ll

a llow !
He struck the t able sound ly wi th h i s swor d h i lt The
l and lor d c am e kn ee sh a kin g br i n g i n g m ore c a n d les in the

hope o f a n t i c i p a t in g the gre a t lor d s wh i m s

Fetch a

pr i est s aid the m a rqu i s

a pr i est ; d o you u n d erst an d ? In
te n m in utes h a ve a pr i est here o r
The l an d lor d d roppe d h i s c an d les a n d ew
The pr i est c a m e he a vy eye d a n d ruf e d He m ad e D a v id
M i gn ot a n d L uc i e d e Va re n n es m a n a n d w ife pockete d a
gol d p i ece th a t the m arqu i s tosse d h im a n d shufe d o u t
a g ai n i n to the n i ght

Win e
or d ere d the m a rqu i s spre a d in g h i s o m i n ous
n gers a t the host
,

ROA D S O F D ESTIN Y

23

Fill gl a sses he s aid whe n i t w a s brou g ht He stoo d up

a t the he ad o f the t a ble in the c a n d lel i g ht a bl a ck m ou n t ain
of ve n o m a n d co n ce i t w i th so m eth i n g l i ke the m e m ory of a n
o l d love tur n e d to po i so n i n h i s eye a s i t fell upo n h i s n i ece

Mo n s ieur M i gn ot he s aid r ai s in g h i s w i n e g l a ss d r in k
after I s ay th i s to you : Yo u h a ve t a ke n to be your w ife o n e
who w i ll m a ke your l ife a foul a n d wretche d th i n g The
bloo d in her i s a n i n her i t an ce ru n n i n g bl ack l i es a n d re d ru i n
S he w i ll br i n g you sh am e a n d a n x i ety The d ev i l th a t d e
sce n de d to her i s there in her eyes a n d sk i n a n d m outh th at
stoop eve n t o begu i le a pe a s an t There i s your pro m i se m o n
s i eur poet for a h appy l ife Dr i n k yo u r wi n e At l a st

m ad e m o i selle I am r id o f you
The m a rqu i s d r a n k A l i ttle gr i evous cry a s if fro m a
su dd e n woun d c am e fro m the g i rl s l i ps D a v id w i th h i s
gl a ss in h i s h an d steppe d forw a r d three p a ces a n d fa ce d the
There w a s l i ttle of a shepher d in h i s be a r i n g
m a r qu l s

Just n o w he s aid c al m ly you di d m e the ho n or to

M ay I h O p e therefore th a t m y m a rr ia ge
:a ll m e m o n s i eur
t o mad e m o i selle h a s pl a ce d m e so m ewh a t n e a rer t o you in

let u s s ay reecte d r an k h a s g i ve n m e the r i ght to st an d

more a s a n equ a l to m o n se i g n eur in a cert ain li ttle p i ece o f

bus in ess I h a ve in m y m i n d ?

You may hope shepher d s neere d the m a r q u i s

Then
s aid D a v id d a sh i n g h i s gl a ss o f w i n e in to the

perh aps you w i ll c o n

c o n te m ptuous eyes th a t m ocke d h im

desce n d to ght m e
The fury of the gre a t lor d o utbroke in o n e su dde n curse
l i ke a bl a st fro m a horn
He tore h i s swor d fro m i ts bl ack

she ath ; he c alle d to the hover i n g l an d lor d : A swor d there

for th i s lout !
He turn e d to the l ad y w i th a l augh th a t

ch i lle d her he art a n d s ai d : Yo u put m uch l abor upo n m e

madam e It see m s I m ust n d y o u a husb an d a n d m a ke y o u

a wid ow in the s am e n i ght

I kn ow n o t swor d pl ay s ai d D av i d He ushe d t o
m a ke the co nfess i o n before h i s l ady

I know n o t swor d pl ay
mi m icke d the m ar q u i s
S h all
,

S TORI ES FROM 0

24

H ENRY

we ght l i ke pe a s an ts wi th o ake n cu d gels ? H ol a ! F ra n co i s

m y p i stols !
A post i li o n brou g ht two sh ini n g gre a t p i stols or nam e n te d
wi th c ar ve n s i lver fro m the c arr ia ge holsters The m arqu i s

to s se d o n e upo n the t able n e a r D a v id s h an d

To the other

he cr i e d ; e ve n a shepher d m a y pull a
e n d o f the t a ble
tr i gger Few o f the m a tt ain the ho n or to di e by the we apo n

o f a D e Be a u pe r t u y s
The shepher d a n d the m ar qu i s f a ce d e ach other fro m the
e n d s o f the lo n g t able The l a n d lor d in a n a gue o f terror

clutche d the ai r a n d st am m ere d : M M Mo n se i gn eur for

the lo ve o f Chr i st ! n o t in m y house d o n o t sp i ll bloo d i t

w i ll ru in m y custo m
The look o f the m ar qu i s thr e a te n
in g h im p a r a ly z e d h i s to n gue

Cowar d cr ie d the lor d o f Be a u pe r t u y s ce a se ch a tterin g

n ough to g i ve the wor d for us i f you c an

our
teeth
lo
n
g
e
y
M i n e host s k n ees s m ote the oor He w a s w i thout a vo
E ve n sou n d s were beyo nd h im S t i ll by gestures
ca b u l a ry
he seem e d to beseech pe a ce in the n a m e o f h i s house a n d
custo m

I w ill g i ve the wor d s ai d the l a dy in a cle a r vo i ce She

Her eyes were
we n t up to D a v i d a n d k i sse d h im sweetly
S he stoo d
S p a rkl i n g br i ght and color h a d co m e to her cheek
a g ain st the w a ll a nd the two m e n le vele d the ir p i stols fo r h e r
c oun t
,

deu x

tr oi s

The two reports c am e so n e a rly together th a t the c a n d les

i ckere d but o n ce The m a rqu i s stoo d s m il in g the n g ers
o f h i s left h and rest i n g outspre ad upo n the e n d o f the t a ble
D a vid re m a in e d erect a n d turn e d h i s he ad very slowly
se a rch in g fo r h i s w ife w i th h i s eyes The n a s a ga r m e n t fa lls
fro m where i t i s hu n g he s an k cru m ple d upo n the oor
Wi th a l i ttle cry o f terror a n d d esp ai r the w id owe d m aid
S he fou n d h i s wound a n d the n
r a n a n d stoope d a bove h im

looke d up w i th her O l d look o f p a le m el an choly

Through

h i s he a rt she wh i spere d
Oh h i s he a rt !

Co m e boo m e d the gre a t vo i ce o f the m a r qu i s o u t w i th

.

STORI ES FROM 0

26

D a vi d p ai d for lo d g in g

H ENR Y

set h i m self in a woo de n ch ai r

t o h i s poe m s
The street o n ce shelter i n g c i t i z e n s o f im por t
a n d co n seque n ce w a s n o w g i ven over to those who e v er follo w
i n the wa ke o f d eclin e
The houses were t all a n d st i ll possesse d o f a ru i n e d d i gn i ty
but m an y o f the m were e m pty s a ve for d u st a n d the sp id er
By n i ght there wa s the cl a sh o f steel a n d the cr i es o f br awlers
str ay in g restlessly fro m inn to in n Where o n ce gen t il ity
a bo d e w a s n ow but a r a n c id a n d ru d e i n co n t in en ce But
here D a v id foun d hous in g co m m e n sur a te to h i s sc an t p ur se
D ayl i g ht a n d c an d lel i g ht fou n d h im a t p e n a n d p aper
O n e after n oo n he wa s retur n i n g fro m a for a g i n g tr i p to
the lower worl d w i th bre ad a n d cur d s a n d a bottle O f th i n

wi n e H alfwa y up h i s da rk st ai rwa y he m e t o r r a ther

c a m e upo n for she reste d o n the st air a you n g wo m an of a

be a uty th a t shoul d b a lk even the just i ce O f a poet s im a g in a
t i o n A loose dark clo a k u n g ope n showe d a r i ch g own
ben e a th Her eyes ch an ge d sw iftly wi th e very l i ttle sh ade
Wi th in o n e m o m e n t they woul d be rou n d a n d
o f tho u ght
a rtless li ke a ch i l d s a n d lo n g a n d co z en in g l i ke a g ipsy s
O n e h an d r ai se d her gown u n d r ap i n g a l i ttle shoe h i gh heele d
wi th i ts r i bbo n s da n g l in g un t i e d S O he a ve n ly she w a s so
Pe r
u n t t e d to stoop so qu a l i e d t o ch a r m a n d co m m a n d !
h aps she h ad see n D a vid co m in g a n d h ad wa i te d for h i s
help there
Ah woul d m o n s i eur p a r d o n th a t S h e occup i e d the st airway

but the shoe the n a u g hty shoe ! Al a s ! i t woul d n ot re m ain

t i e d Ah ! if m o n s ieur w o u l d be so gr ac i ous !
The poet s n g ers tre m ble d a s he t i e d the co n tr a ry r i bbo n s
The n he woul d h a ve e d fro m the da n ger o f her pre se n ce
but the eyes grew lo n g a n d co z e n i n g l i ke a g ip s y s a n d
hel d h im
He le a n e d a gai n st the b alustr ad e clutch i n g h i s
bottle o f sour wi n e

You h a ve bee n so goo d she s aid s m i l in g

Does m o n

s i eur perh a ps l i ve i n the house ?

Yes m ada m e I I th i n k so m adam e

Perh a ps i n the thi r d story the n ?

,

and

ROAD S O F D ESTIN Y

27

N o m a d am e ; h i gher up
Th e l a d y uttere d her n gers wi th the le a s t poss i ble ge s
ture o f i m p a t i e n ce

Pa rd o n Certain ly I a m n ot d i screet in a sk in g Mo n
s i eur wi ll forg i ve m e ? It i s s u rely n ot beco min g th a t I sh oul d

i n q ui re where he lo d ges

Ma d am e d o n ot s ay so I l i ve in the

N o n o n o ; d o n ot tell m e N ow I see th a t I erre d But

I c a nn ot lose the in terest I feel in th i s hou s e a nd all th a t i s
in i t On ce i t w a s m y ho m e Ofte n I co m e here but to
dr e a m of those h appy d ays a ga in Wi ll you let th a t b e m y

e x cuse ?

Let m e tell you the n for you n ee d n o excuse st am

m ere d the poet

I l i ve in the t o p o o r the s m all roo m

where the st airs tur n

In the fro n t roo m ? a ske d the l a dy turn in g her he a d

si d ew i se

The re a r m a d am e
The l ady s i ghe d a s if w i th rel i ef

I wi ll det ain y o u n o lo n ger the n m o n s i eur she s a i d

e m ployi n g the roun d a n d a rtless eye

T a ke goo d c a re of
m y house Al a s ! o n ly the m e m or i es of i t a re m in e n ow

Adieu a n d a ccept m y th an ks fo r yo u r co u rtesy

S he w a s go n e le a v i n g but a s mi le a n d a tr ace of sweet
perfum e D a vi d cl im be d the st ai rs a s o n e in slu m ber But
he awoke fro m i t a n d the s m i le a n d the perfum e l i n gere d
wi th h im a n d n ever afterwar d did e i ther see m qu i te to le a v e
h im Th i s l ady o f who m he kn ew n oth i n g dr ove h im to lyr i cs
of eyes ch an so n s o f swiftly co n ce i ve d love Odes to curl in g
h air a n d so n n ets to sl i ppers o n sle n der feet
Poet he m ust h a ve bee n for Yvo nn e w a s forgotte n ; th i s
n e n ew lovel iness hel d h im wi th i ts fresh n ess a n d gr a ce
The subtle perfu me about her lle d h im wi th str an ge e m o
,

Lio n s

O n a cert ain ni ght three perso n s were g a there d a bout a

ta ble in a roo m o n the th ir d oor

of

the s a me house

Thre e

STORIE S FROM 0

28

H ENR Y

ch a irs a n d the ta ble an d a l i ghte d c and le upo n i t w a s a ll the

f u rni ture O n e o f the p erso n s w a s a huge m a n dresse d in
bl a ck H i s express i o n w a s o n e o f s n eer i n g pr id e The e n d s
O f h i s uptu rn e d m oust a che re a che d n e arly to h i s m ocki n g
eyes An other w a s a l ady youn g a n d be a ut iful w i th eyes
th a t co ul d be rou nd a n d a rtless l i ke a chi l d s o r lo n g a n d
co z e n i n g l i ke a g i psy s but were n o w kee n a n d am b i t i ous l i ke
a n y other co n sp i r a tor s
The th ir d w a s a m a n o f a ct i o n a
co mb at an t a bol d and i m p a t i e n t execut i ve bre a th i n g r e
a n d steel
He w a s ad dresse d by the others a s C apt ai n
.

D e sr o ll e s

Th i s man struck the t able wi th h i s st a n d s aid w i th co n

trolle d v i ole n ce :

To n i ght TO ni ght a s he goes to mi d n i ght m a ss I a m

t i re d of the plott i n g th a t gets n owhere I a m s i ck o f s i g n a ls
an d c iphers a n d secret m eet i n gs and such ba r a g ou i n Let us
be ho n est tr ai tors If Fr an ce i s to be r id o f h im let u s ki ll
i n the ope n a n d n o t hu n t w i th s n a res a n d tr a ps
To n i ght
I b a ck my wor d s M y h an d will d o the dee d TO
I s ay

ni ght a s he goes to m a ss
The l ady turn e d upo n h im a cor dial look Wo man how
ever we dde d to plots m ust ever thus bow to r a sh co u r a ge
The b i g m a n stroke d h i s upt u rn e d m ou s t a che

De a r c apt ai n he s aid in a gre a t vo i ce softe n e d by h ab i t

th i s t i m e I a gree w i th y o u N oth i n g i s t o be g ai n e d by
w ai t i n g E n ough o f the p a l a ce gu a r d s belo n g to us to m a ke

the e n de a vor a s a fe o n e

To n i ght
repe a te d C apt ai n D e s r o l l e s a gai n stri ki n g the

Yo u h a ve he a r d m e m a r q u i s ; m y h a n d w i ll d o the
t able

dee d

But n ow s ai d the huge m a n softly co mes a quest i o n

Wor d m ust be se n t to o u r p art i s an s in the p al a ce a n d a s i g n al
a g ree d upo n O u r st an chest m e n m ust a cco m p an y the roy a l
c a rr ia ge A t th i s hour wh a t messe n ger c a n pe n etr a te so f ar
a s the south d oorway ? Rib o u t i s st a t i o n e d there ; o n ce a m e s

s a ge i s pl a ce d in h i s h and s a ll wi ll go well

I w i ll se n d the m ess a ge s aid the l a dy

,

RO AD S O F D ES TINY

29

You cou n tess ? s aid the ma rqu i s r ai s i n g h i s eyebrows

Your devot i o n i s gre a t we kn ow but

Li ste n ! excl ai m e d the l ady r i s i n g and rest i n g her h and s

i n a g a rret o f th i s house l i ve s a youth fro m

u po n the t a ble ;
the prov i n ces a s g u i leless a n d te n der a s the l am bs he te nde d
there I h a ve m e t h im twi ce o r thr i ce upo n the st ai rs I
quest i o n e d h im fe a r in g th a t he m i ght dwell too n e a r the
roo m in wh i ch we a re a ccusto m e d to m eet He i s mi n e i f I
wi ll He wr i tes poe m s in h i s g a rret a n d I th i n k he d re am s
of m e He w i ll d o wh a t I s ay He sh a ll t a ke the m ess a ge

to the p al ace

The m arqu i s rose fro m h i s ch a i r an d bowe d

You d i d

n ot per mi t m e to n i sh m y se n te n ce cou n tess he s aid

I

wo ul d h a ve s aid : Your d evot i o n i s gre a t but your w i t a n d

ch ar m are in ni tely gre a ter
Wh i le the co n sp i ra tors were thus e n ga ge d D a v id w a s pol
i sh in g so m e l i n es addr esse d to h i s a m or e tt e d e s ca l i er
He
he a r d a t i m orous kn ock a t h i s d oor a n d ope n e d i t w i th a
gre a t throb to behol d her there p an t i n g a s o n e in str a i ts
w i th eyes wid e ope n a n d a rtless l i ke a ch i l d s

Mo n s i eur she bre a the d I co m e to you in d i stress I

bel ieve you to be goo d a n d true a n d I kn ow o f n o other help
How I ew through the streets a m o n g the swa gger i n g m e n !
Mo n s i eur m y m other i s dy i n g My u n cle i s a c apt ai n o f
S o m e o n e m ust y to br i n g
g u a r d s i n the p al a ce of the ki n g
h im M ay I hope

M ad e m o i selle in terrupte d D a vid h i s eyes sh inin g w i th

the des i re to d o her serv i ce your hopes sh a ll be m y wi n gs

Tell m e how I m a y re a ch h im
The l ady thrust a se ale d p a per i n to h i s h an d

G o to the south g ate the south ga te min d and s a y

to the gu a r d s there The f a lco n h a s left h i s n est

They
wi ll p a ss y o u a n d y o u wi l l go to the south e n tr a n ce to the
p al a ce Repe a t the wor d s an d g i ve th i s letter to the m a n

who wi ll reply Le t h im stri ke whe n he w i ll

Th i s i s the
p a sswor d m o n s i eur e n truste d to m e by m y un cle for n o w
whe n the coun try i s di sturbe d a n d m e n plot a g ain st the ki n g s
,

"

S TORI ES FROM 0

30

H EN RY

l ife n o o n e wi thout i t c a n gain e n tr an ce to the p al a ce ground s

after n i ghtf all If you wi ll m o n s i eur t a ke h im th i s letter
so th a t m y m other may see h im before she closes her

eyes

G i ve i t m e s aid D a vi d e a gerly
But sh all I let you
return ho m e through the streets a lo n e so l a te ? I

N o n o y Ea ch m o m e n t i s l i ke a prec i ous jewel

S o m e t ime s aid the l ady w i th eyes lo n g a n d co z e n i n g l i ke a

g i psy s I wi ll try to th an k y o u for your goo dn ess

Th e poet thrust the letter i n to h i s bre a st a n d bou n de d
d own the st a i rw ay The l ady whe n he w a s go n e return e d to
the roo m below
The eloque n t eyebrows o f the ma r q u i s i n terrog a te d her

He i s go ne she s aid a s eet a n d stup i d a s o n e o f h i s

o w n sheep to d el i ver i t
The t a ble shook a g ain fro m the b a tter o f C apt ain Des
r o ll e s s st

Sa cre d n am e ! he cr i e d ; I h ave left my p i stols beh ind !

I c a n trust n o others

T a ke th i s s aid the m a rqu i s dr aw i n g fro m be n e a th h is

clo a k a sh i n in g gre a t we apo n or n a m e n te d w i th c a rve n

s i l ver
There a re n o n e truer But gu ar d i t closely for i t
be a rs m y a r m s a n d crest a n d a l re ady I am suspecte d Me
I m ust put m an y le a gues betwee n m yself a n d Pa r i s th i s n i ght
After y o u d e a r
To m orrow m ust n d m e in m y chdt e a u

cou n tess
The m ar qu i s puffe d o u t the c an d le The l a dy well
clo a ke d a n d the two gen tle m e n softly d esce n d e d the st ai rw ay
a n d owe d i n to the crow d th a t ro a m e d a lo n g the n a rrow
p a ve m e n ts o f the Rue Co n t i
D a vid spe d At the south ga te o f the kin g s res id e n ce a
h alber d wa s l aid to h i s bre a st but he tur n e d i ts po in t w i th

the wor d s : The f a lco n h a s left h i s n est

Pa ss brother s aid the gu a r d an d go qu i ckly

On the south steps o f the p a l a ce they m ove d to se i z e
h im but a gain the me t de p a ss e ch a r m e d the w a tchers

Le t h im
O n e a m o n g the m steppe d forwa r d a n d bega n :
,

RO AD S O F D ESTINY

31

tr i ke
but a urry a m o n g the gu a rd s tol d o f a surpr i se
A m a n o f keen look a n d sol di erly str id e s u dd e n ly presse d
through the m a n d se i z e d the letter wh i ch D a vid hel d in h i s

h an d
Co m e wi th m e he s aid a n d le d h im i n s id e the gre a t
h a ll The n he tore O pen the letter a n d re ad i t He becko n e d
to a m a n u n ifor m e d a s a n o fcer o f m usketeers who w a s p a ss

C apt ai n Tetre a u y o u w i ll h a ve the gu a r d s a t the

in g
south e n tr an ce a n d the south ga te a rreste d a n d co n n e d

Pl a ce m e n kn o w n to be roy a l in the ir pl a ces

To D a vi d he

s aid :
Co m e wi th m e
He co n d ucte d h im throu g h a corr i d or a n d a n an teroo m i n to
a sp a c i ous ch amber where a m el an choly m a n so m brely
d resse d s a t broo d i n g in a gre a t le ather co vere d ch ai r To
th a t m a n he s ai d :

Si re I h a ve tol d you th a t the p al ace i s a s full o f tr a i tors

Yo u h a ve thought s i re th a t
a n d sp i es a s a sewer i s o f r a ts
i t w a s m y fan cy Th i s man pe n etr a te d to your very d oor
by the i r co n n i va n ce He bore a letter wh i ch I h a ve in ter
I h a ve brought h im here th a t your majesty m ay
ce p t e d

n o lo n ger th in k m y z e a l e x cess i ve

I wi ll quest i o n h im s aid the ki n g st i rr in g in h i s ch ai r

He looke d a t D a vid wi th he avy eyes d ulle d by a n op a que
The poet ben t h i s kn ee
l m

Fro m where d o you co m e ? a ske d the kin g

Fro m the vi ll a ge o f Ver n oy in the pro vin ce o f E ure e t

Lo ir s i re

Wh a t d o y o u follow in P a r i s ?

I I woul d be a poet s i re

Wh a t did you in Vern oy ?

I mind e d m y f a ther s ock of sheep

The ki n g st i rre d a gain an d the lm l ifte d fro m h i s eyes

Ah ! in the el d s !

Yes s i re

Yo u l i ve d in the el d s ; you we n t out in the c o ol o f the

m orn in g a n d l ay a m o n g the he d ges in the gr a ss The ock
d i str i bute d i tself upo n the h i lls id e ; y o u d r an k o f the l i v i n g
s tre a m ; you a te your sweet brown bre a d in the sh a d e and
s

ST ORIE S FROM 0

32

HEN RY

you li sten e d d oubtless to bl a ckb ir d s p ip in g in the g ro ve Is

n o t th a t s o shepher d ?

It i s s i re a n swere d D a vi d wi th a s i g h ; a n d t o the
bees a t the owers a n d maybe to the gr ape g a therers s in g

in g o n the h i ll

Yes yes s aid the k i n g i m p a t i e n tly ; m aybe to the m ;

but surely to the bl a ckb i r d s They wh i stle d ofte n in the

grove did they n o t ?

N owhere s i re so sweetly a s in E ure e t Lo i r I h a ve

e n d e a vore d to express the i r so n g in so m e verses th a t I h ave

wr i tten

C a n y o u repe a t those verses ? a ske d the k i n g e a gerly

A lo n g t i m e a go I l i ste n e d to the bl a ckb i r d s

It woul d be
so m eth in g better th an a k i n g d o m if o n e coul d r i ghtly co n
strue the i r so n g And a t n i g ht you d rove the sheep to the
fol d a n d then s a t in pe a ce a n d tr an qu i ll i t y to your ple a s an t

bre ad C a n y o u repe a t those verses shepher d ?

They run th i s w ay s i re s a i d D avid wi th respectful

a r d or :
,

La z y she pherd s ee y o r l a m bkin s

S kip e c s a ic o n t h e m ea d ;
S e e t h e r s da n c e in t h e b reez e s
H ea r Pa n b l owin g a hi s reed

t t

u s a l l i g fro m the tree to ps

u s swoo p up o y r o k ;
u s w ool to m ke o ur es ts warm
the bra n he s of t h e

H ea r
Se e
Yie l d
In

ou

If i t ple a se your m ajesty i n terrupte d a h a rsh vo i ce I

w i ll a sk a quest i o n o r two of th i s rhy m ester There i s l i ttle
t i m e to sp are I crave p a r do n s i re if m y an xi ety fo r your

s af ety o ffend s

The loy a lty s a i d the k in g o f the Duke d Au m a l e i s

He s a n k i n to h i s ch ai r a n d
t o o well prove n to g i ve offe n ce
the l m c a m e a ga in o ver h i s eyes
,

S TORI ES FROM 0

34

H EN RY

yourself a tte n d m a ss in h i s c arria ge a t mi dni ght Do y o u

a ccept the test ?

D a vid s m i le d
I h a ve looke d in to her eyes he s a id

I h ad m y proof there Ta ke yours how y o u w i ll

H al f a n ho u r before twelve the Duke d Au m a l e wi th h i s
o w n h a n d s set a re d l a m p i n a southwest wi n d ow O f the p a l
a ce At te n m i n utes to the hour D a vid le an i n g o n h i s a r m
dresse d a s the ki n g fro m top to toe wi th h i s he ad bowe d in
h i s clo ak w a lke d slowly fro m the roy a l ap artm e n ts to the
wai t i n g c a rr iage The d uke a ss i ste d h im in s ide a n d close d
the d oor The c a rr ia ge wh irle d away a lo n g i ts route to the
c athe d ra l
O n the qu i vi ve in a house a t the corn er o f the Rue E sp l a
na de w a s C apt ain Tetre a u wi th twe n ty m e n re ady to poun ce
upo n the co n sp i r ators whe n they sho u l d appe a r
But i t see m e d th a t for so m e re a so n the plotters h ad
sl i ghtly altere d the i r pl an s Whe n the roy al c a rr iage h a d
re ache d the Rue C h ri stopher o n e squ are n e a rer th an the Rue
E spl an a de forth fro m i t burst C apt ai n D e s r o ll e s wi th h i s
b an d o f wo ul d b e reg i c id es a n d a ss ai le d the equ ip a ge The
gu ar d s upo n the c arria ge though surpr i se d a t the pre ma ture
a tta ck desce n de d a n d fought v a l ian tly The n o i se o f co n
i c t a ttr a cte d the force O f C a pt ai n Tetre a u a n d they cam e
pelt i n g d own the street to the rescue But in the m e an t i m e
the d espera te D e s r o ll e s h ad torn O pe n the d oor of the ki n g s
c a rr ia ge thrust h i s we a po n a gain st the bo dy o f the d ark g
ure in s i de a n d re d
N ow wi th loy a l re inforce m e n ts a t h an d the street r an g
w i th cr i es and the r a sp O f steel but the fr i ghte n e d horses h ad
da she d aw ay Upo n the cush i o n s l ay the de a d bo dy of the
n
n
o
oor
m
ock
k
i
g
poet
sl
ain
by
a
b
a
ll
fro
m
the
p
i
stol
a
f
d
p
Mo n se i g ne u r the M a rq ui s d e Be a u pe r t u y s
,

TH E

M AIN R O AD

Th r ee l e a gu es t h e n th e r o a d r a n a n d tu r n e d i n to a pu zz le
It joi n ed wi th a no th e r a n d a l a r ger r o a d a t ri ght a n gle s Da vi d
,

RO AD S O F D E S T IN Y
stood, u n cer t a i n ,

i ts

si de

or a

whi l e ,

and

t h en

sa t

35

h i m self to

r e st u p on

Wh i ther those ro ad s le d he kn ew n ot Ei ther w ay there

see m e d to l i e a gre a t worl d full o f ch an ce a n d peri l An d
the n s i tt i n g there h i s eye fell upo n a br i ght st a r o n e th a t
he and Yvo n n e h ad n am e d for the i rs Th a t set h im th i n k
i n g o f Yvo nn e a n d he wo n d ere d i f he h a d n o t bee n too h a sty
Why shoul d he le a ve her a n d h i s ho m e bec a use a few hot
wor d s h ad co m e betwee n the m ? Wa s love so br i ttle a th i n g
th a t je alousy the very proof o f i t coul d bre a k i t ? M orni n gs
always brought a cure for the l i ttle he a rt a ches of eve n i n g
There w a s yet t i m e for h im to return ho m e w i thout a n y o n e
in the sweetly sleep i n g v i ll a ge of Vern oy be i n g the w i ser H i s
he a rt w a s Y vo n n e s ; there where he h a d l i ve d a lw ays he
co ul d wr i te h i s poe m s a n d n d h i s h app i n ess
D a v id rose a n d shook O ff h i s unrest a n d the w i l d m oo d th a t
h a d te m pte d h im He set h i s fa ce ste a df a stly b a ck a lo n g the
ro ad he h ad co m e By the t i m e he h ad r e t r a ve l e d the ro a d
to Vern oy h i s des i re to rove w a s go n e He p a sse d the sheep
fol d a n d the sheep scurri e d w i th a d ru m m i n g utter a t h i s
l a te footsteps w a rm i n g h i s he a rt by the ho mely sou n d He
crept w i thout n o i se i n to h i s l i ttle roo m a n d l ay there th an kf ul
th a t h i s feet h ad esc ape d the di stress o f n e w ro a d s th a t n i ght
How well he kn ew wo m a n s he a rt ! The n ext eve n i n g
Yvo nn e w a s a t the well in t h e ro a d where the youn g c o n
r
r
e
a
t
e
in
or
d
er
th
a
t
the
c
The
d
u
e mi ght h a ve bus i n ess
g g
corn er o f her eye w a s e n ga ge d in a se arch for D a vid a lbe i t
her set m outh see m e d un rele n t i n g He s aw the look ; br a ve d
the m outh drew fro m i t a rec an t a t i o n a n d l a ter a ki ss a s
they w al ke d ho m ewa r d together
Three m o n ths a fterwa r d they were m a rri e d D a vid s
fa ther w a s shrew d and prosperous He g a ve the m a we ddi n g
th a t w a s he ar d o f three le a gues a w ay Both the you n g
people were f a v or i tes in the v i ll a ge There wa s a proces s i o n
in the streets a da n ce o n the gree n ; they h a d the ma r i o n ettes
a n d a tu m bler o u t fro m Dreux to d el i ght the guests
The n a ye a r an d D a vid s f a ther di e d The sheep a n d t h e
.

S TORI E S FRO M 0

36

H EN RY

cott a ge d esce nd e d to h im He alre ady h ad the see m l iest w ife

Yvo n n e s mi lk p ai l s a n d her br a ss kettles were
i n the vi ll a ge

br i ght ouf l they bl i n de d you i n the s u n whe n you p a sse d

th a t w ay But you m u s t keep your eyes upo n her y a r d for
her ower be d s were so n e a t a n d gay they restore d to you
your s i ght An d y o u m i ght he a r her s i n g aye a s far a s
the d ouble chestn ut tree a bove P ere G r u n e a u s bl a ck s m i th
forge
But a day c am e whe n D a vid drew o u t p aper fro m a lo n g
shut dr awer a n d began to b i te the e n d o f a pe n c i l Spri n g
h ad co m e a gai n a n d touche d h i s he a rt Poet he m ust h a ve
bee n for n o w Y vo n n e w a s well n i gh forgotte n Th i s n e
n ew lovel i n ess o f e arth hel d h im w i th i ts w i tchery a n d gr a ce
The perf u m e fro m her woo d s a n d m e ad ows st i rre d h im
str an gely D ai ly h ad he go n e forth w i th h i s ock a n d
brought i t s afe a t n i ght But n o w he stretche d h i m self u n der
the he d ge a n d p i ece d wor d s together o n h i s b i ts o f p aper
The s heep str aye d a n d the wolves perce i vi n g th a t difcult
poe m s m a ke e a sy m utto n ve n tur e d fro m the woo d s a n d stole
h i s l am bs
D a v id s stock o f poe m s grew l a rger a n d h i s ock s m aller
Yvo n n e s n ose a n d te m per w a xe d sh a rp a n d her t a lk blun t
Her p an s a n d kettles grew d ul l b u t her eyes h ad c a ught the i r
a sh S he po in te d o u t to the poet th a t h i s n eglect w a s re
d u c in g the ock a n d br i n g i n g woe u po n the househol d
D a v id hi re d a boy to gu ar d the sheep locke d h i m self in the
l i ttle roo m in the top o f the cotta ge a n d wrote m ore p o e m s
The boy be i n g a poet by n ature but n o t furn i she d wi th a n
outlet in the w ay of w r i t i n g s pe n t h i s t i m e in slum ber Th e
wolves lost n o t im e in di scover i n g th a t poetry a n d sleep a re
pr a ct i c ally the s a m e ; so the ock ste adi ly grew s m aller
Y vo n n e s i ll te m per i n cre a se d a t a n equ a l r a te S o m et i m es
she woul d st an d in the y a r d a n d r ai l a t D a v id through h i s
h i gh wi n d ow The n y o u coul d he a r her a s fa r a s the d ouble
chestn ut tree a bove Pere G r u n e a u s bl a cks m i th forge
M P ap i n e a u the ki n d w i se m e dd l i n g ol d n ot a ry s aw
th i s a s he s aw everyth in g a t wh i ch h i s n ose po i n te d He
.

RO AD S O F D ESTIN Y

37

we n t to D a v id fort i e d h im self w i th a gre a t p in ch o f s n u ff

a n d s aid :

Fri e n d M i g n ot I a fxe d the se al upo n the m arria ge cer

It woul d di stress m e to be obl i ge d to
t ic a t e o f your f a ther
a ttest a p a per s i g n i fy i n g the b an kr uptcy o f h i s so n But
th a t i s wh a t you a re co m i n g to I spe a k a s a n O l d fr ie n d
Yo u h a ve your he a rt set
N o w l i ste n to wh a t I h a ve to s ay
I perce i ve upo n poetry At Dreux I h a ve a fr i e n d o n e

M o n s i eur Br i l G eorges Bri l He l i ves in a l i ttle cle a re d

sp a ce i n a houseful of b o o k s He i s a le arn e d m a n ; he v i s i ts
P a ri s e a ch ye ar ; he h i m self h a s wr i tte n books He wi ll tell
you whe n the c a t a co m bs were m ade h o w they fou n d o u t the
The
n a m es o f the st a rs a n d why the plover h a s a lo n g b i ll
m e an i n g a n d the form O f poetry i s to h i m a s i n tell i g e n t a s the
b aa o f a sheep i s to you I wi ll g i ve you a letter to h im a n d
h
i
m
a
n
h
i
sh
a
ll
t
a
ke
your
poe
s
let
re
ad
the
The
m
d
m
o
u
m
n
y
you w i ll kn ow if you sh all wr i te m ore o r g i ve your a tte n t i o n

to your w i fe a n d bus i n ess

Wr i te the letter s ai d D a vid I a m sorry y o u did n o t

spe a k o f th i s soo n er
At sun r i se the n ext m orn i n g he w as o n the ro ad to Dreu x
wi th the prec i ous roll o f poe m s u n der h i s a r m At n oo n he
wi pe d the d ust fro m h i s feet a t the d oor o f M o n s i e u r Bri l
Th a t le a rn e d m a n broke the se a l O f M P a p i n e a u s letter a n d
sucke d up i ts con te n ts through h i s gle a m i n g spect a cles a s the
He took D a vid i n s ide to h i s stu dy a n d s a t
s un d r a ws w a ter
h i m d own upo n a l i ttle i sl an d be a t upo n by a se a of books
Mo n s i eur Br il h ad a co n sc i en ce He i n c h e d n o t eve n a t
a m a ss o f m an uscript the th i ckn ess o f a n ger le n gth a n d
rolle d to a n i n corri g i ble cur ve He broke the b a ck o f the
roll a gai n st h i s kn ee a n d beg an to re ad He sl i ghte d n oth in g :
he bore d i n to the lu mp a s a worm i n to a n u t seekin g fo r a
kern el
Me an wh i le D a vid s at ma roo n e d tre m bl i n g in the spr ay
o f so m uch l i ter a ture
It ro a re d in h i s e ars He hel d n o
ch a rt o r co m p a s s for voy a g in g in th a t se a H alf the worl d
he thought m ust be wr i t i n g books
,

S TORI ES FROM O H EN RY

38

Mon s ieur Br i l bore d to the l a st p a ge o f the poe m s Then

he took O h i s spect acles and wi pe d the m wi th h i s h a n dk e r
ch i ef

My o l d fr i e n d P ap i n e au i s well ? he a ske d

s aid D a vid
In the best of he alth

H o w m a n y sheep h a ve you M o n s i eur M i g n ot ?

Th ree hundre d a n d n in e whe n I coun te d the m yester day

The ock h a s h ad ill fortu n e To th a t n u m b er i t h a s de

cre a se d fro m e i ght hun dre d a n d fty

You h a ve a wi fe a n d a ho m e a n d l i ve d in co mfort The

sheep bro u g ht you ple n ty You we n t i n to the el d s wi th
the m a n d l i ve d in the kee n ai r a n d a te the sweet bre ad of
co n te n tm e n t Yo u h ad but to be vi g il an t a n d recli n e there
upo n n a ture s bre a st l i ste n i n g to the wh i stle o f the bl a ck

b i r d s in the grove Am I ri ght t h i s fa r ?

It wa s so s aid D a v id

I h a ve re ad a ll yo u r verses co n t in ue d M o n s ieur Bri l

h i s eyes wan der i n g abo u t h i s se a o f books a s if he co n n e d the

L ook yo n der through th a t wi n d ow

hori z o n for a s ail

Mon s ieur M i gn ot ; tell m e wh a t y o u s ee in th a t tree

I see a crow s aid D a vid looki n g

There i s a b i r d s aid M o n s i eur Bri l th a t sh all a ss i st

m e where I a m di spose d to sh i rk a d uty Yo u kn ow th a t
b i r d Mo n s ieur M i gn ot ; he i s the ph ilosopher of the ai r He
i s h appy thr ough sub mi ss i o n to h i s lot N o n e so m erry or
full c r a w e d a s he w i th h i s wh i m s i c a l eye a n d roll i cki n g step
The el d s yi el d h im wh a t he des i res He n ever gri eves th a t
h i s plu m a ge i s n o t g ay l i ke the ori ole s
And you h a ve
he a rd M o n s i eur M i gn ot the n otes th a t n a ture h a s g i ve n

h i m ? Is the n i ght i n g a le a n y h app i er d o you th i n k ?

D a vid rose to h i s feet The crow c awe d h arshly fro m h i s
tree

I th an k y o u M o n s i eur Bri l he s aid S lowly

There
w a s n o t the n o n e n i ghti n g ale n ote a m o n g all those cro a ks ?

I coul d n o t h a ve m i ss e d i t s aid M o n s i eur Bri l wi th a

s i gh
I re ad every wor d Li ve your poetry m an ; d o n o t

t ry to wr i te i t a n y m ore
.

ROAD S O F D ESTIN Y

39

I th an k you s aid D a vid a gain

An d n ow I w i ll be

go in g b a ck to m y sheep

If y o u wo ul d di n e w i th m e s aid the man o f books and

overlook the s ma rt o f i t I w ill g i ve y o u re a so n s a t le n gth

N
s aid the poet 1 m ust be b a ck in the el d s c a wi n g

a t m y sheep
B a ck alo n g the ro ad to Vern oy he tru d ge d w i th h i s poe m s
Whe n he re a che d h i s v i ll a ge he turn e d i n to
u nd er h i s a r m
the shop o f o n e Ze i gler a Jew o u t o f A rm e n ia who sol d a n y
th i n g th a t c am e to h i s h an d

Fr ie n d s aid D a v id wolves fro m the forest h a r a ss m y

sheep o n the h i lls I m ust purch a se re a rm s to protect the m

Wh a t h a ve you ?

A b ad day th i s fo r m e fr i e n d M i gn ot s aid Ze i gler

spre ad in g h i s h and s fo r I perce i ve th a t I m ust sell you a

we apo n th a t w i ll n o t fetch a te n th o f i ts v alue O n ly l a st
week I bought fro m a pe ddler a w a go n ful l o f goo d s th a t
he procur e d a t a s ale by a commi ssi on a i r e of the crown The

s ale w a s o f the e h dte a u and belo n g i n gs of a gre a t lor d I kn ow

n ot h i s t i tle who h a s bee n b an i she d for co n sp i r a cy a g ai n st

the k in g There a re so m e cho i ce re a rm s in the lot Th i s

p i stol o h a we apo n t for a pr in ce i t sh all be o n ly forty

fr an cs to you fr i e n d M i g n ot if I lost t e n by the s ale But

perh aps a n a r q uebuse

Th i s w i ll d o s aid D a v id throwi n g the m o ney o n the

coun ter
Is i t ch a rge d ?

I w i ll ch a rge i t s aid Ze i gler

An d for t e n fr an cs m ore

a d d a store o f pow der a n d b al l

D a v id l aid h i s p i stol u n der h i s co a t an d w alke d to h i s cot
t a ge Yv o n n e w a s n o t there Of l a te she h ad t a ke n to
gaddi n g m uch am o n g the n e i ghbors But a re w a s glow i n g
i n the k i tche n stove
D a v id ope n e d the d oor o f i t a n d thrust
h i s poe m s in upo n the co als As they bl a z e d up they mad e
a s i n g i n g h a rsh sou n d i n the ue

The so n g of the crow ! s aid the poet

He we n t up to h i s a tt i c roo m and close d the d oor S o
q ui et w a s the v i ll a ge th a t a score o f people he a r d the ro a r
.

STORI ES FROM 0

4O

H EN RY

the gre a t p i stol They ocke d th i ther a n d up the sta irs

where the s m oke i s su i n g d rew the i r n ot i ce
The m e n l aid the bo d y o f the poet upo n h i s be d awkw a r dly
a rr a n g i n g i t to co n ce a l the torn plu m a ge of the poor bl a ck
crow Th e wo m e n ch a ttere d in a l u xu ry o f z e alous p i ty
S o m e O f the m r a n to tell Yvo n n e
M P ap i n e a u whose n o s e h ad brought h im there am o n g the
r s t p i cke d up the we apo n a n d r a n h i s eye over i ts s i lver
m oun t i n gs wi th a mi n gle d ai r o f co n n o i sseursh i p a n d gr i ef

The a rm s he expl ai n e d a s ide to the cu r e a n d crest o f

b l o n se i g n e ur the M a r qui s d e B e a u p e r t u y s
of

S T ORI E S FROM 0

42

H ENRY

l a ughe d the w a r de n
Of course n ot Let s
see n o w How w a s i t you h a ppe n e d to get se n t up o n th at
Spr in gel d job ? Wa s i t bec ause y o u woul dn t prove a n
al i b i for fe a r o f co m pro m i s i n g so m ebo dy in ext re m ely h i gh
to n e d soc i ety ? Or w a s i t s i m ply a c a se o f a m e an O l d jury
th a t h a d i t in fo r you ? It s always o n e o r the other wi th you

inn oce n t v i ct im s

Me ? s aid Ji mm y st i ll bl an kly vir tuous

Why w a r

de n I n ever w a s i n S pr i n gel d in m y l ife !

T a ke h im b ack Cro n i n s m i le d the w a rde n and x h im

up w i th outgo i n g clothes Unl ock h im a t se ve n in the m orn
Better th in k over
i n g and let h im co m e to the bull p e n

m y a d vi ce Vale n t i n e
A t a q u arter p a st seve n o n the ne x t m orni n g J imm y stoo d
in the w a r de n s outer o fce He h ad o n a s ui t of the vi ll ai n

re ady m ad e clothes a n d a p ai r O f the s t i

o u s l y tt i n g
sque aky shoes th a t the st a te fu r ni shes to i ts di sch arge d co m
p ul so ry guests
The clerk h ande d h im a r ai lro ad t i cket a n d the ve doll ar
b i ll wi th wh i ch the l aw expecte d h im to reh ab i l i t a te h i m se l f
i n to goo d c i t i z e n sh i p a n d prosper i ty The w a r de n g a ve h im
a c i ga r a n d shook h an d s Vale n t ine 97 6 2 wa s chr o n i cle d

Pa r do n e d by G overn or a n d Mr J am es Va l
o n the books
e n t i n e w a lke d o u t i n to the su n sh in e
D i sregar din g the so n g o f the b i r d s the w a vi n g gree n trees
and the s mell o f the owers Ji m m y he ade d str ai ght fo r a
rest aur an t There he t a ste d the rst sweet joys o f l i berty
in the sh ape o f a bro i le d ch i cke n a n d a bottle of wh i te w i n e
followe d by a c i g a r a gr ad e better th a n the o n e the w a r
Fr o m there he procee de d le i surely to
de n h ad g i ve n h im
the depot He tosse d a qu arter i n to the h a t o f a bl i n d m a n
s i tt i n g by the d oor a n d bo a r de d h i s tr ai n Three hours set
h im d own in a l i ttle town n e a r the st a te l i n e
He we n t to
the c a fe o f o n e M i ke Dol an and shook h and s wi th M i ke who
w a s alo n e beh i n d the b a r

S orry we coul dn t m a ke i t soo n er Jimm y m e boy

s ai d M i ke
But we h ad th a t protest fro m Spri n gel d t o
Oh n o
,

A RE TRI E VE D RE FOR MAT ION

43

buck a gain st a n d the govern or n e a rly b alke d Feel in g a ll

r i ght ?

Fin e s ai d J i m my
G o t m y key ?
He go t h i s key an d we n t upst ai rs u nlocki n g the d oor o f
a roo m a t the re a r E veryth i n g w a s just a s he h a d left i t
There o n the oor w a s st i ll B e n Pr i ce s coll a r butto n th a t h ad
bee n torn fro m th a t e m i n e n t d etect i ve s sh i rt b and whe n they
h ad overpowere d Ji m m y to a rrest h im
P ul l in g out fro m the w a ll a fol di n g be d J i m m y sl id b a ck
a p an el in the w a ll a n d d r a gge d out a d ust co vere d su i t c a se
He open e d th i s a n d ga z e d fo n d ly a t the n est set of b u rgl a r s
tools in the Ea st It w a s a co m plete set made of spec ia lly
te m pere d steel the l a test des i gn s in d rill s pun ches br aces
a n d b i ts
j i m m ies cl amps an d a ugers wi th two o r three
n ovelt i es i n ve n te d by J i m m y h i m self in wh i ch he took pr id e
Over ni n e hu n d re d d oll ars they h ad cost h im to h a ve m ad e
at
a pl a ce where they m a ke such th i n gs for the profess i o n
In h alf a n hour Ji m m y we n t d own st ai rs a n d through the
He w a s n o w dresse d in t a steful a n d well t t in g clothes
c a fe
a n d c a rr i e d h i s d uste d a n d cle an e d su i t c a se in h i s h a n d

G o t an yth i n g o n ? a ske d M i ke Dol a n ge n ially

Me ? s aid Ji m m y in a puz z le d to n e
I d o n t u n der
st an d I m represe n t i n g the New York Am alg am a te d Short

S n ap B i scu i t Cr a cker a n d Fr a z z le d Whe a t Co m p an y

Th i s st ate m e n t del i ghte d bl i k e to such an exte n t th a t
Ji m m y h ad to t a ke a seltz er an d mi lk o n the spot He n ever

touche d h ar d d ri n ks
A week after the rele a se o f Vale n t in e 97 6 2 there w a s a
n e a t job o f s afe burgl ary do n e in R i ch m o n d In di an a wi th
n o clue to the a uthor A sc an t e i ght hundr e d d oll ars w a s a ll
th a t w a s secur e d Two weeks after th a t a p a te n te d im
prove d burgl ar proof s afe in Log an sport w a s O pe n e d l i ke
a cheese to the t u n e o f ftee n hundre d d oll ars curre n cy ;
secur i t i es a n d s i lver un touche d Th a t beg an to i n terest the
ro gue c a tchers The n an o l d f a sh i o n e d b an k s afe in J e ffe r
so n C i ty bec a m e a ct i ve a n d threw o u t o f i ts cr a ter an e r u p
t i o n o f b an k n otes a m o u n t ing to ve thous a n d d oll a rs
Th e
,

S TOR IES FROM O H EN RY

44

losses were n ow h i gh e n ough to bri n g the matter up i n to

B e n Pr i ce s cl a ss o f work
By co m p a ri n g n otes a re m ark
able s i m i l a ri ty in the m etho d s of the b u rgl a ri es w a s n ot i ce d
B e n Pr i ce i n vest i g a te d the sce n es o f the robber i es a n d w a s
he ar d to re m ark :

Th a t s D an dy J im Vale n t i n e s a utogr aph He s resum e d

bu s i n ess Look a t th a t co m b i n a t i o n kn ob jerke d o u t a s

e a sy a s p ul l i n g u p a r adi sh in wet we a ther He s got the
o nl y cl a m ps th a t c a n d o i t An d look how cle a n those t u m
b l e r s were pun che d out ! J i mm y n ever h a s to dr i ll but o n e
hole Yes I guess I w an t M r Vale n t i n e He ll d o h i s b i t

n ext t i m e wi tho u t a n y short t i m e or cle m e n cy fool i sh n ess

B e n Pr i ce kn ew J i m m y s h a b i ts
He h ad le arn e d the m
wh i le worki n g up the Spr i n gel d c a se Lo n g j um ps qu i ck
get aw ays n o co nfe der a tes a n d a t a ste for goo d soc i ety
these w ays h ad helpe d M r Vale n t i n e to beco m e n ote d a s a
successful d o d ger o f retri but i o n It w a s g i ve n o u t th a t B e n
Pr i ce h ad t ake n up the tr ai l O f the elu s i ve cr a cks m an a n d
o ther pe ople w i th b u rgl a r proof s a fes felt m ore a t e a s e
O n e a ftern oo n J i mm y Vale n t i n e a n d h i s su i t c a se cl i m be d
o u t o f the m ai l h a ck i n E l m ore
a l i ttle town ve m i les O
the r ai lro ad d o w n in the bl a ck j a ck coun try o f Ar k a n s a s
Ji mm y looki n g l i ke a n a thl et i c yo u n g se n i or j ust ho m e fro m
college we n t d own the bo a r d s ide w alk towa r d the hotel
A you n g l ady crosse d the s treet p a ss e d h im a t the corn er

Th e E l m ore
a n d e n tere d a d oor over wh i ch w a s the s i g n

B an k
J i mm y Valen t i n e looke d i n to her eyes forgot wh a t
he w a s a n d bec a m e a n other m a n She lowere d her eyes a n d
colore d sl i ghtly Youn g m e n o f J i mm y s style a n d looks were
sc arce in E l m ore
J i m m y coll are d a boy th a t wa s l o a n g o n the steps o f the
b an k a s if he were o n e o f the stockhol ders a n d beg an to a sk
h im quest i o n s a bout the town fee di n g h im di m es a t i n terv a ls
By a n d by the youn g l ady c am e o u t looki n g roy ally u n c o n
sc i ous o f the youn g m a n wi th the su i t c a se a n d we n t her w ay

Is n t th a t you n g l ady M iss Polly Si m pso n ? a ske d

J i m m y wi th sp ec i ous gu i le

A RE TRI E VE D REFORMA TION

N a w,

45

s ai d the boy
She s An n abel A d am s Her p a
own s th i s b an k Wh a t d you co m e to E l m ore for ? Is th a t
a gol d w a tch ch ai n ? I m go i n g to get a b ul l d og G o t a n y

m ore d i m es ?
Ji m m y we n t to the Pl an ters Hotel reg i stere d a s R alph D
S pe n cer a n d e n ga ge d a roo m He le an e d o n the desk a n d
d ecl a re d h i s pl a tform to the clerk H e s ai d he h ad co m e to
E l m ore to look for a loc a t i o n to go i n to bus i n ess How w a s
the shoe bus i n ess n o w in the town ? He h ad thought o f the
shoe bus i n e s s Wa s there an ope n i n g ?
The clerk w a s i m pre s s e d by the clothes a n d m an n er o f
J i m m y He h i m s elf w a s so m eth i n g o f a p a ttern o f f a sh i o n
to the th i n ly g i l de d youth o f E lm ore but he n o w perce i ve d
h i s shortco m i n gs Wh i le try i n g to gure o u t Jimm y s
ma n n er of tyi n g h i s four in h and he cor di ally g a ve i nf orm a
t i on
Yes there ought to be a goo d openi n g in the shoe l i n e
There w a s n t a n exclus i ve shoe store in the pl a ce The dr y
goo d s a n d ge n er a l stores h an dle d the m Bu s i n ess in a ll l i n es
w a s fai rly goo d Hope d Mr S pe n cer wo ul d d ec id e to loc a te
He wo ul d nd i t a ple a s an t town to l i ve in a n d
In E l m ore
the people very soc iable
M r S pe n cer thought he wo u l d stop over in the town a few
days a n d look over the s i tu a t i o n N o the clerk n ee dn t
c all the boy He woul d c a rry up h i s su i t c a se h i m self ; i t
w a s r a ther he a vy
M r R alph S pe n cer the phoe ni x th a t a rose fro m J imm y

Vale n t in e s a shes a shes left b y the am e o f a su dde n a n d

altera t i ve a tt a ck o f love re m ai n e d in E l m ore a n d prospere d

He ope n e d a shoe store a n d secure d a goo d run o f tr ade
S oc ia lly he w a s also a success a n d mad e m an y fri e n d s
An d he a cco m pl i she d the wi sh of h i s he a rt He m e t M i ss
Annabel Ada m s a n d bec a m e m ore a n d m ore c apt i va te d by
her ch arm s
At the e n d o f a ye a r the s i tu a t i o n o f Mr R alph S pe n cer w a s
th i s : he h ad w o n the resp ect o f the co m m uni ty h i s shoe store
wa s our i sh i n g and he a n d An nabel were e n ga ge d to be m a r
.

STORI ES FROM

46

H E N RY

ri e d in two weeks Mr Adam s the ty p i c al plo d d i n g

co un try b anker approve d o f S pe n cer An n abel s pride in

He w a s a s m u ch a t ho m e
hi m a lm ost equ ale d her a e c t io n
in the f ami ly of Mr Adam s a n d th a t O f Anna bel s m a rr i e d
s i ster a s if he were a lre ad y a m e m ber
On e day Ji m m y s a t d own in h i s roo m a n d wrote th i s letter
wh i ch he m ai le d to the s afe address of o n e o f h i s o l d fri e n d s in
S t Lo u i s :
,

I wa n t y o u t o be a t S ull iva n s pl a ce in Li ttl e Ro ck n ex t We dn e s

I wa n t y o u to w in d u p s o m e l i ttl e m a t
d a y n ig h t a t n in e o c l o c k
te rs fo r m e An d a l s o I wa n t to m a ke y o u a pre s e n t of m y ki t o f

too l s I kn o w y o u ll b e gl a d to g e t the m y o u c oul dn t du pl ic a te

S a y B il l y I v e q u i t t h e o l d b u s i
t h e l o t fo r a tho u s a n d do ll a rs

I ve g o t a n ic e s tore I m m a k in g a n hon e s t
n e ss
a y e a r a go
l ivin g a n d I m g o in g t o m a rry t h e n e s t g irl o n e a rth two we e ks fro m

I t s t h e o n l y l ife B ill y t h e s tra ight o n e I wo ul dn t to uch

now
Aft e r I g e t
a d o ll a r o f a n o ther m a n s m o n e y n o w fo r a m ill io n
m a rrie d I m g o in g to s e ll o ut a n d g o We s t whe re th e re wo n t b e s o
I te ll y o u
m u ch da n g e r of h a vin g O l d s c o re s bro u ght u p a g a in s t m e
S h e b e l ie ve s in m e ; a n d I w o ul dn t do a n o the r
Bill y she s a n a n g e l
B e s u re t o b e a t S ul l y s fo r I
c roo ke d thi n g fo r t h e who l e wo rl d
I ll b r in g a l o n g t h e t oo l s wi th m e
m u s t s ee y o u
Yo ur o l d fr ie n d
JIMM Y

On the Mo n d ay ni ght after J im m y wrote t h i s letter Ben

Pr i ce jogge d un obtrus i vely i n to E l m ore i n a l i very buggy
He loun ge d a bout town i n h i s qu i et w ay un t i l he foun d out
wh a t he w an te d to kn ow Fro m the drug s tore a cross the
street fro m S pe n cer s shoe store he g o t a goo d look a t Ra lp h
D Spe n cer

G o i n g to m arry the b an ker s d aughter a re y o u J i m my ?

s aid B e n to h i m se l f softly
Well I d o n t kn ow !
The n ext m orn i n g J i m m y took bre a kf a st a t the Ada m se s
He w a s go i n g to Li ttle Rock th a t day to or der h i s we ddi n g
sui t a n d buy so m eth i n g ni ce fo r An n abel Th a t woul d be
the rst t i m e he h ad left town s i n ce he ca m e to E l m ore It
,

47

A RE TRI E VE D RE F ORMAT ION

h a d bee n m ore th an a ye a r n ow s in ce those l a st profess i o n al

jobs a nd he thought he coul d s afely v en tur e o u t

After bre a kf a st qu i te a fami ly p arty we n t do w n to w n to

gether M r Adam s An n a bel J i m m y a n d Annabel s m a r

They
ri e d s i ster wi th her two l i ttle g i rls a ge d ve a n d nin e
c am e by the hotel where Ji m m y sti ll bo ar de d an d he ran up
to h i s roo m a n d brought alo n g h i s su i t c a se The n they we n t
There stoo d Jimmy s horse an d buggy a n d
o n to the b an k
Dolph G i bso n who w a s go in g to dr i ve h im o ver to the r ai l
r o ad st a t i o n
All we n t i n s i de the h i gh c a r ve d o a k ra i l i n gs in to the b an k

in g roo m Jim m y in clu d e d for Mr Adam s s futur e so n in

la w wa s welco m e a n ywhere
The clerks were ple a se d to
be greete d by the goo d looki n g a gree a ble you n g man who
J i m m y set h i s su i t c a se
wa s go in g to ma rry M i ss An n a bel
An n abel whose he art w a s bubbl in g wi th h app i n ess
down
a n d l i vely youth put o n Ji mm y s h a t a n d p i cke d up the s u i t

c a se
Woul d n t I m a ke a ni ce dr u mmer ? s aid A n n abel

My ! Ralph how he a vy i t i s ? Feels li ke i t w a s fu ll o f gold

br i cks

s ai d Ji mm y
Lo t o f ni ckel pl a te d shoe horn s in there

coolly
th a t I m go in g to retur n Thought I d s a ve e x
press ch arges by t a kin g the m up I m gett in g awfu lly eco
.

n o mi ca l

The E l m ore B an k h a d just put in a n ew s afe an d v aul t

M r A d am s wa s very prou d o f i t a n d in s i ste d o n a n in spe c
t i o n by everyo n e The vaul t wa s a s m all o n e but i t h a d a
n ew p a te n te d door It fa ste ne d wi th thr ee sol i d steel bolts
thrown s im ul t an eous ly wi th a s i n gle h an dl e a n d h ad a t ime
lock Mr A d am s be a mi n gly e xpl ain e d i ts worki n gs to Mr
Spe n cer who showe d a courteous but n ot too in tell i ge n t in
t e r e st
The two ch il dre n M ay an d A ga th a were deli ghte d
by the sh ini n g m eta l an d fun n y clock a n d kn obs
Wh ile they were thus e n ga ge d Be n Pr i ce s a un tere d in a n d
le a ne d o n h i s elbow looki n g c a su ally in s i de betwee n the r a i l
i n gs He tol d the teller th a t he di dn t w a n t anyth in g ; h e
wa s just wa i t in g fo r a m a n he k new
.

S TORI ES FROM 0

48

H EN R Y

S u dde n ly there wa s a scre am or two fro m the wo me n a n d

a co m m ot i o n Un perce i ve d by the el ders M a y the n i n e
ye a r ol d g i rl in a sp i ri t of pl ay h ad shut Aga th a in the v aul t
S he h ad the n shot the bolts a n d t u rn e d the k n ob o f the co m
b i n a t i o n a s she h ad see n M r Adam s d o
The O l d b an ker spr an g to the h an dle a n d tugge d a t i t for a

mo m en t
Th e d oor c an t be ope n e d
he gro an e d
The

clock h a s n t bee n woun d n o r the co m b i n a t i o n set

Ag ath a s m other scre am e d a g ai n hyster i c all y

Hush ! s aid M r Ada m s r ai s in g h i s tre m bl i n g h an d

Al l be qu iet for a m o m e n t Ag a th a ! he c a lle d a s lou dly a s

he co u l d
Li ste n to m e
Dur i n g the followi n g s ile n ce
they co ul d just he ar the fain t so u n d o f the ch i l d w i l dly shr i ek
in g in the da rk v a u l t in a p an i c of terror

M y prec i ous da rl i n g ! w ai le d the m other

She wi ll di e
of fri ght ! Ope n the d oor ! Oh bre a k i t ope n ! C an t you

m e n d o so m eth in g ?

There i s n t a m a n n e a rer th an Li ttle Rock who ca n ope n

th a t d oor s aid M r Adam s in a sh a ky vo i ce

M y Go d

S pen cer wh a t sh al l we d o ? Th a t ch i l d she c an t st an d

i t lo n g i n there There i s n t e n ough a i r a n d bes ides she ll

go i n to co n v ul s i o n s fro m fri ght

Ag ath a s m other fr an t i c n o w be a t the d oor o f the v aul t
S o m ebo dy w i l dly suggeste d dyn am i te
w i th her h an d s
An na bel turn e d to J i m m y her l arge eyes ful l O f an gu i sh but
n ot yet desp ai ri n g To a wo m an n oth i n g see m s q u i te im
poss i ble to the powers o f the m a n she worsh ips

C an t y o u d o so meth i n g R alph t r y wo n t you ?

He looke d a t her w i th a q ueer soft s m ile o n h i s l ips a n d in
h i s kee n eyes

An nabel he s ai d
g i ve me th a t rose you a re we a r i n g

wi ll you ?
H ar dly bel iev i n g th a t she he ar d h im a ri ght she u n p i n n e d
the bu d fro m the boso m o f her d ress a n d pl a ce d i t in h i s h a n d
Jim m y stuffe d i t i n to h i s vest pocket threw o ff h i s co a t an d
pul le d up h i s sh i rt sleeves Wi th th a t a ct R alph D S pe n ce!
p as se d a way and J i m m y Vale n t ine took h i s pl a ce
,

BRIEF D EB UT O F TILD Y

TH E

t u
t u t

Fro m The Fou r M i l l ion

F irs p b l i she d in Th e Wor ld M a rch 2 7
S o ries a r e c o mm o nl y ho gh of a s c o m p o n ded o f b a ck
1 904
he s e c o n
g ro n d O I s e in g cha ra c e r o r ch a ra c e rs p l o o r p l a n

s o ry rul e of h re e
B u t in m a n y wr i ers
s t i t u t in g t h e s h o r
t h e b a ckgro n d o r s e in g is m e n ion ed a t t h e b e g in n in g a n d he n
H i s s e in g s a r e n o m o re
d i s m i ss e d
N o t s o wi h 0 H e n ry
in i ial ha n e rm in a l The y a r e c on in o s They c on di ion he
he y a vo r he a djec ives he y n om in a e t h e n o n s hey
a lk :
m ove wi h t h e ve rbs
Tr y o re e ll hi s s o ry a n d s ee wha h a s g on e
o of i Yo u ha ve o m i e d a n e ss en ia l t h e re s a ra n a m o sphere

Wh e n 0 H en ry s s o rie s a r e c a ll e d m ere a n ec do es he cri ic i s im

p e a c hi n g n o h in g m ore ha n hi s o wn re ol d a n d im p overi she d

m
p ro d c
o sphere c a ll i
To o m i b a ckgro n d o r s e in g o r a

wha y o u will in O H en ry s wo rk i s o o m i he in eg ra io n of b o h
pl o a n d cha ra c er Is i a n y m o re dis c re di a b l e o a sho r s o ry
ha i m a y b e cu t p a n d hen s m m a riz ed fra gm en a ril y in e rm s
of a n a n ecdo e ha n i i s o a N e w Te s am e n p a ra b l e ha i m a y b e
s im il a rl y m il a ed a n d di s ill e d in o a p roverb ? Thi s s o ry a n d
A Li ckpen n y Lover have b een d bb e d n o t s o ri e s b an e cdo te s
.

tt

t t
tt

t
t

ut

tt

t
t t
,

t t
ut t

t t

t
t

tt

u
t

tu t t
t t
t

tt

t u u

t
t t t

u t
t

tt
t

t
t

ut

t
t t t
t

t t
t

d o n ot k n ow Bogle s Chop House a n d Fa mil y

Rest au r an t i t i s your loss Fo r if you a re o n e o f the fort u na te
o n es who di ne e xpe n s i vely you sho ul d be in tereste d to kn ow
how the other h a lf co n su m es pro vi s i o n s An d if you belo n g
t o the h a lf to who m w ai ters checks a re th i n gs o f m o m e n t you
s ho ul d kn ow Bogle s for there you get your m o n ey s worth
in q u an t i ty a t le a st
Bogle s i s s i tu ate d in th a t h i g hway o f bou rg eoi si e th a t
boul e v a r d o f Brown Jo n es a n d Rob in so n Ei ghth A ve n ue
There a re two rows o f t ables in the roo m s i x in e a ch row O n
e ach ta ble i s a ca ster st an d co n t aini n g cruets o f co n dim e n ts
a n d s e a so n s Fr o m t h e pepper cruet y o u m ay sh a ke a cloud
IF

YO U

50

TH E BRIEF D EB U T O F TI LD Y

51

so meth in g t a steless a n d m el an choly l i ke volc an i c d ust

Fr o m the s alt cruet y o u may expect n oth i n g Though a man
shoul d e xtr a ct a s an gu i n a ry stre a m fro m the p all id tur ni p
yet wi ll h i s prowess be b alke d whe n he co m es to wrest s a lt
fro m Bogle s cruets Also upo n e a ch t able st an d s the co u n ter

fe i t o f th a t be n i gn s a uce m ad e fro m the rec ipe o f a n oble man

in In di a
A t the c a sh i er s d esk s i ts Bogle col d sordi d slow
s m oul deri n g a n d t a kes your m o n ey Beh i n d a m oun t ai n of
toothp i cks he ma kes yo ur ch an ge les your check a n d ejects
a t you l i ke a to a d a wor d a bout the we a ther Beyo n d a
corrobor a t i o n O f h i s m eteorolog i c al st a te m e n t you wo ul d
better n o t ve n tur e Yo u are n o t Bogle s fri e n d ; y o u a re a
fe d tr a n s i e n t custo m er a n d you a n d he may n o t m eet a g ai n
un til the blo wi n g o f G abri el s di n n er horn S o t a ke your

ch an ge a n d g o to the devi l i f you l i ke There you , h a ve

Bogle s se n t i m e n ts
The n ee d s o f Bogle s custo mers were suppl ie d by two
w ai tresses and a Vo i ce O n e o f the wai tresses w a s n am e d
Ai lee n S he w a s t a ll be a ut iful l i vely gr a ci ous a n d le a rn e d
in p e r s i a g e Her other n a m e ? There w a s n o m ore n e ce s
s i t y for a n other n am e a t Bogle s th an there w a s for n g e r
bowls
The na m e o f the other w a i tress w a s Ti l dy Why d o you

suggest M at il da ? Ple a se l i ste n th i s t i m e Ti l dy Ti l dy

T il dy w a s d u m py pl ain face d a n d too a n xi ous to ple a se to
ple a se Repe a t the l a st cl a use to yourself o n ce o r twi ce an d
m a ke the a cqu ai n t a n ce o f the d upl i c a te inn i te
The Vo i ce a t Bogle s w a s in vi s i ble It c a m e fro m the
ki tche n a n d did n o t sh in e in the w ay o f ori g inal i ty It w a s
a he a the n Vo i ce a n d co n te n te d i tself w i th v ai n repet i t i o n s of
excl amat i o n s e mi tte d by the wai tresses co n cern i n g foo d
Will i t t i re you to be tol d a g ai n th a t Ai lee n w a s be a ut if ul ?
H ad she d o n n e d a few h un dr e d d oll a rs worth o f clothes a n d
jo i n e d the Ea ster p a r a de a n d h a d you see n her you wo ul d
h a ve h a ste n e d to s ay so yourself
The custo m ers a t Bogle s were her sl a ves Six ta bles full
of

'

ST ORI E S FROM 0

52

H EN RY

she co ul d w a i t upo n a t o n ce They who were in a h u rry

restrai n e d the ir imp at i e n ce for the joy o f m erely ga z i n g upo n
her swiftly m o vin g gr acef u l g ure They who h ad n i she d
e a t i n g a te m ore th a t they m i ght co n t i n ue in the l i ght o f her

s m iles E very m a n there a n d they were m ostly m e n

tri e d to m a ke h i s i m press i o n upo n her
Ai lee n coul d successfully ex c h a n ge rep a rtee a g ain st a
d o z e n a t o n ce An d every sm il e th a t she sen t forth lo d ge d
l i ke pellets fro m a sca tter gun in a s m an y he arts An d all
th i s wh il e she woul d be perform i n g a stoun di n g fe a ts w i th
or ders of p ork a n d be an s p o t ro a sts h a m a n d s a us a ge a n d
the whe a ts a n d a n y qu an t i ty o f th i n gs o n the iro n a n d in the
Wi th all th i s fe a st i n g
p a n a n d str ai ght up a n d o n the s id e
a n d i rt i n g a n d m erry exch a n ge O f wi t Bogle s c a m e m i ghty
n e a r be i n g a s alo n wi th Ailee n for i ts M ada m e Rec a m ier
If the tr an s i e n ts were e n tr an ce d by the fa sc i n a t i n g Ai lee n
the regul a rs were her ad orers There w a s m uch r i va lry
a m on g m an y o f the ste ady custo mers Ailee n co u l d h a ve h ad
a n e n ga ge m e n t every eve n i n g At le a st twi ce a week so m e
o n e took her to a the a tre o r to a da n ce
O n e stout ge n tle m a n

who m she a n d T i l d y h ad pr i va tely chri ste n e d The H o g

prese n te d her w i th a turquo i s e r i n g An other o n e kn own a s

Fr e s h y
who ro d e o n the Tr a ct i o n Co m p a n y s rep ai r
wa go n w a s go i n g to g i ve her a poo dle a s soo n a s h i s brother
got the h aul i n g co n tr act in the Ni n th An d the m a n who
a lways a te sp a reri bs a n d sp i n a ch a n d s aid he wa s a stock

broker a ske d her to go to P a rs i fal wi th h im

I d o n t kn ow where th i s pl a ce i s s aid Ai lee n wh i le t alk

but the we ddi n g r i n g s got to be o n

i n g i t over w i th T i l d y

before I put a st i tch in to a tr a vel i n g dress ai n t th a t ri ght ?

Well I guess !
But T i l dy !
In ste a mi n g ch a tter i n g ca bb a ge sce n te d Bogle s there w a s
al m ost a he a rt tra ge dy T il dy wi th the blu n t n ose the h ay
colore d h ai r the freckle d ski n the b a g O m e al gure h ad
n ever h ad a n ad m i rer
N ot a m a n followe d her w i th h i s
ey es whe n she we n t to a n d fro in the rest aura n t s a ve n o w a n d
.

TH E BRI EF D EB U T O F T IL DY

53

the n whe n they gl a re d wi th the be a st hu n ger for foo d N o n e

o f the m b an tere d her g ai ly to coquett i sh i n terch a n ges o f w i t

N o n e o f the m lou dly joll i e d her o f m orn in gs a s they did

Ai lee n a ccus i n g her whe n the eggs were slow in co m i n g o f
l a te ho u rs in the co m p an y O f e n v i e d swain s N o o n e h ad
ever g i ve n her a turquo i se ri n g o r i n vi te d her upo n a v oy a ge to

m yster i ous di st an t P a rs if a l
Ti l dy w a s a goo d w ai tress a n d the m e n toler a te d her
They w h o s a t a t her t a bles spoke to her bri ey wi th quo
t a t i o n s fro m the b i ll of f a re ; a n d the n r ai se d the i r v o i ces in
ho n eye d and otherwi se a v o r e d a cce n ts eloque n tly add resse d
to the f ai r Ai lee n They wr i the d in the i r ch ai rs to g a z e
a roun d an d over the i m pe n di n g form o f Ti l d y th a t Ai lee n s
p ul chr i tu de m i ght se a so n a n d ma ke a m bros i a o f the i r b a co n
a n d eggs
And T i l dy w a s co n te n t to be the un wooe d d ru d ge if Ailee n
co ul d rece i ve the a ttery a n d the ho m a ge The blu n t n ose
w a s loy a l to the short G rec ian S he w a s Ai lee n s fr i e n d ; a n d
she w a s gl a d to see her rule he a rts a n d we an the a tte n t i o n o f
m e n fro m s m oki n g pot p i e a n d le m o n m er i n gue
But d eep
below o u r frec k les a n d h ay colore d h ai r the u n h a n ds o m e s t o f
us d re am of a prin ce or a pr i n cess n ot v i c ari ous but co mi n g
to us alo n e
There w a s a m orn i n g whe n Ai lee n tri ppe d in to work w i th
a sl i ghtly bru i se d eye ; a n d T i l dy s sol i c i tu de w a s al m ost
e n ough to he a l a n y opt i c

Fresh guy expl ai n e d Ailee n l a st ni ght a s I w a s go in g

ho m e a t Twe n ty th i r d a n d Si xth Sa sh aye d up so he did
a n d m a d e a bre a k
I turn e d h im d own col d a n d he mad e a
s n e a k ; but followe d m e d ow n t o Ei ghtee n th a n d tr i e d h i s hot
air a gain G ee ! but I sl appe d h im a goo d o n e s id e O f the
fa ce The n he g i ve m e th a t eye Does i t look re al a wful
T il ? I shoul d h a te th a t M r Ni cholso n sho ul d see i t whe n he

co m es in for h i s te a a n d to a st a t t e n
T i l d y l i ste n e d to the a d ve n ture wi th bre a thless ad m i r a t i o n
N o man h a d ever tr i e d to fo ll ow her S he w a s s afe a bro ad
a t a n y ho u r o f the twe n ty fo u r Wh a t bl i ss i t m ust h a ve
-

STOR IES FROM 0

54

H ENR Y

bee n to h ave h a d a m a n fo ll ow o n e a n d bl a ck o n e s eye fo r

love !
Am o n g the custo m ers a t Bogle s w a s a youn g m a n na m e d
S ee ders who worke d in a l a u n dry O fce Mr S ee ders w a s
th i n a n d h ad l i ght h ai r a n d appe a re d to h a ve bee n rece n tl y
rough dr i e d a n d st a rche d He w a s too difde n t to a s p i re to
Ailee n s n ot i ce ; so he us u a lly s a t a t o n e o f T i l dy s t a bles
where he d evote d h i m s elf to s i le n ce a n d bo i le d w e a ksh
On e day whe n M r S ee der s c a m e in to di n n er he h ad bee n
d rin ki n g beer There were o n ly two or three custo m er s in
the rest a ur a n t Whe n M r S ee der s h ad ni s he d h i s w e a ksh
he got up put h i s a r m a roun d T i l dy s w ai s t ki sse d her lou dly
wa lke d o u t upo n the street s n appe d h i s
a n d im pu d e n tly
n gers in the di rect i o n o f the l a un dry a n d h i e d h i m self t o
pl ay pe n n i es i n the slot m a ch i n es a t the Am use m e n t Arc ade
The n she w a s
Fo r a few m o m e n ts T i l d y stoo d petr i e d
a wa re o f Ai leen s h a kin g a t her a n a rch fore n ge r a n d s ay i n g :

Why T il you n a ughty g i rl ! Ain t y o u gett i n g to be

awful M i ss S lyboots ! Fi rst th i n g I kn ow you ll be ste al i n g

so m e O f m y fellows I m ust keep a n eye o n y o u m y l ad y

An other th in g dawn e d upo n T i l dy s recover in g wi ts In
a m o m e n t she h ad ad van ce d fro m a hopeless lowly ad mi rer
to be a n E ve s i ster o f the pote n t Ai lee n She herself wa s n o w
a m a n ch arm er a m ark for Cup id a Sa b i n e who m ust be coy
whe n the Ro m an s were a t the i r b an quet bo ar d s M a n h a d
found her w ai s t a ch i eva ble a n d her l ips d e s i r able The su d
de n and a m a tory S ee d ers h ad a s i t were perfor m e d for her a
mi r a cul ous p i ece o f o n e day l a u nd ry work He h ad t a ke n
the s ackcloth o f her u n co m el i n e s s h ad w a she d dr i e d
st a rche d a n d i ro n e d i t a n d retur n e d i t to her sheer e m

bro idere d l awn the ro be o f Ve n us herself

The freckles in T i l dy s cheeks m erge d i n to a rosy ush
N O W both C i rce a n d Psyche peepe d fro m her bri ghte n e d eyes
N ot eve n Ai lee n herself h ad bee n publ i cly e m br a ce d a n d
ki sse d in the rest a ura n t
T il dy coul d n ot keep the d el i ghtf u l secret Whe n trade
wa s sl ack she we n t and stoo d a t Bogle s desk Her eyes

TH E BRI EF D EB UT O F TIL D Y

55

were sh inin g ; she tri e d n o t to let her wor d s sou n d prou d an d

bo a stful

A ge n tle m an i n sulte d m e to d ay she s a i d

He hugge d

m e a rou nd the w ai st a n d k i sse d m e

Th a t so ? s aid Bogle cr a cki n g ope n h i s bus i n ess a rm or

After th i s week you get a d oll a r a week m ore

At the n e xt reg ul a r m e a l whe n Ti l dy set foo d before
custo m ers wi th who m she h ad a c qu ain t a n ce she s ai d to
e a ch o f the m m o destly a s o n e whose m eri t n ee de d n o bol
.

s t e r in g :

A ge n tle man in sulte d m e to d ay in the rest a ur an t He

put h i s a r m a rou nd m y w ai st and ki sse d m e

n
The di n ers a ccepte d the revel a t i o n i v a ri ous w ays so m e
i n cre d ul ously so me wi th co n gr a tul a t i o n s ; others turn e d
upo n her the stre am o f b a d i n a ge th a t h a d h i therto be e n
di recte d a t Ai lee n alo n e An d Ti l d y s he art swelle d in her
boso m for she s aw a t l a st the towers o f Ro m an ce r i se a bove
the hori z o n o f the gr ay pl ain in wh i ch she h a d for so lo n g
tr a vele d
For two d ays M r S ee ders c am e n ot a gain Dur in g th a t
t im e T i l dy est abl i she d herself rml y a s a wo m an to be wooe d
S he bought r i bbo n s a n d a rr a n ge d her h ai r l i ke Ail ee n s a n d
t i ghte n e d her w ai st two i n ches S he h a d a thr i ll i n g but
del i ghtful fe a r th a t M r S ee ders wo ul d rush in su dde n ly a n d
s hoot her w i th a p i stol
He m ust h a ve love d her desper a tely ;
a n d im puls i ve lovers a re a lw a ys bl i n dly je a lous
E ven Ai lee n h ad n o t bee n shot a t wi th a p i stol An d the n
T i l dy r a ther hope d th a t he woul d n ot shoot a t her for she
wa s a lways loy al to Ai lee n ; a n d she d i d n o t w a n t to o ver
sh ad ow her fri e n d
A t 4 o clock O n the a ftern oo n o f the th i r d d ay Mr S ee ders
c am e in There were n o custo mers a t the t a bles
A t the
b a ck e n d o f the rest a ur an t T il dy w a s re ll i n g the m ust ar d
pots a n d Ailee n w a s qu arter i n g p i es Mr S ee ders w alke d
b a ck to where they stoo d
T i l dy looke d up a n d s aw h im g a spe d an d presse d the
m ust a r d spoo n a g ain st her he art A re d h a i r bow w a s in her
.

STORIE S FROM 0

56

HE NRY

h air ; she wore Ve n us s Ei ghth A ve n ue b ad ge the blue be a d

neckl a ce wi th the sw in gi n g s i lver sy m bol i c he a rt
M r See ders w a s ushe d a n d e m b arr a sse d He plu n ge d
o n e h a n d in to h i s hi p pocket a nd the other in to a fresh
pu m pki n p i e

bl i ss T il d y
s aid he
I w an t to apolog i z e for wh a t I
d o n e the other eve n i n
Tell y o u the truth I wa s pretty well
ta n ke d up or I woul d n t o f d o n e i t I woul dn t d o n o l ady
th a t a w ay whe n I w a s sober S o I hope bl i ss Til dy you ll
a ccept m y p o l o gy a n d bel i eve th a t I woul dn t o f d o n e i t if

I d kn own wh a t I w a s d o i n a n d h ad n t o f bee n d run k

Wi th th i s h an d so m e ple a M r S ee ders b a cke d aw ay a n d
dep arte d feeli n g th a t rep a r a t i o n h ad bee n mad e
But beh i n d the co n ve n ie n t scree n T i l d y h a d thrown herself
a t upo n a t able a m o n g the butter ch i ps a n d the co ffee cups
a n d w a s sobb i n g her he a rt o u t o u t a n d b a ck a g ain to the
gr ay pl ai n where i n tr a vel they w i th bl u n t n oses a n d h ay
colore d h ai r Fro m her kn ot she h ad torn the re d h ai r bow
S ee ders she d esp i se d utterly ; she
a n d c a st i t upo n the oor
h ad but t a ke n h i s ki ss a s th a t o f a p i o n eer a n d prophet i c
pr i n ce who m i ght h a ve set the clocks go i n g a n d the p a ges to
r u nni n g in fai ryl an d But the ki ss h ad bee n ma u dlin a n d
unme a n t ; the co ur t h ad n o t st i rre d a t the f alse a l arm ; she
m ust foreverm ore re mai n the S leep i n g Be a uty
Yet n o t a ll w a s lost Ailee n s a r m w a s a roun d her ; an d
Ti l dy s re d h an d grope d am o n g the butter ch i ps t i ll i t fou n d
the w arm cl asp of her fri e n d s

Do n t you fret T i l s aid Ai lee n who di d n o t u n derst a n d

e n ti rely
Th a t tur ni p f a ce d l i ttle clothesp i n of a S ee ders
ai n t worth i t He ai n t a n ythi n g of a ge n tle m an o r he

woul dn t e ver of apolog i z e d

,

STORI ES FROM 0

58

Fo r

H E N RY

M a s i e w a s be a ut iful S he wa s a deep t in te d blo n de

w i th the c al m po i se O f a l a dy who cooks butter c a kes in a
wi n d ow She stoo d beh ind her co u n ter in the B i ggest S tore ;
a n d a s you close d your h and over the ta pe l i n e fo r your
glo ve m e a su re y o u thought o f Hebe ; a n d a s you looke d a gain
n
m
n
r
wo
d
ere
d
how
she
h
ad
co
e
by
bl
i
e
v
a
eyes
o
u
s
y
Whe n the o o r w a l k e r w a s n o t looki n g M a s i e chewe d tutt i
frutt i ; whe n he w a s lookin g she g az e d up a s if a t the clou d s
a n d s m i le d wi stfully
Th a t i s the s h O p g i rl s mi le a n d I e n jo in you to shun i t unless
you a re well fort ie d wi th c al los i ty o f the he art c ar am els a n d
a co n ge ni a li ty for the c apers o f Cup id Th i s s m i le belo n ge d
to M a s ie s recre at i o n hour s and n o t to the store ; but the o o r
w al ker m ust h a ve h i s o w n He i s the Shylock O f the stores
Whe n he co m es n os i n g aroun d the brid ge o f h i s n ose i s a toll

brid ge It i s goo goo eyes o r g i t whe n he looks tow a r d a

pretty g i rl Of course n o t a ll o o r w a lk e r s a re thus Onl y a
few days a go the p apers prin te d n ews o f o ne over e i ghty ye ars
o f a ge
O n e d ay Irv in g C a rter p a i n ter mi lli o n a i re tr aveler poet
a uto m ob i l i st h appe n e d to e n ter the B i ggest S tore It i s d ue
to h im to add th a t h i s vi s i t w a s n o t volu n t a ry Fi l ia l d uty
took h im by the coll a r a n d dr a gge d h im i n s i de wh i le hi s
m other ph il an dere d am o n g the bro n z e a n d terr a cott a
st a tuettes
C arter strolle d a cross to the glo ve coun ter in or der to shoot
a few m i n utes o n the wi n g H i s nee d fo r gloves w a s ge n u i n e ;
he h ad forgotte n to bri n g a p air wi th h im But h i s a ct i o n
h ar dl y c alls for ap ology bec a use he h a d n e ver he ar d of glove
coun ter ir t a t io n s
As he n e are d the v i c i n i ty O f h i s f a te he hes i t a te d su d de nly
co n sc i ous of th i s un kn own ph a se o f Cup id s less worthy
profess i o n
Three o r four che ap fellows so n orously ga rbe d were le a n
in g over the cou n ters wrestl i n g w i th the m e dia tor ia l h a n d
c over i n gs
wh i le g i ggl i n g g i rls pl aye d vi va c i ous seco n d s to
the ir le a d upo n the stri de n t str i n g o f coquetry C a rter woul d
-

A L IC K PENNY L OVE R

59

h ave retre ate d but he h a d go n e too fa r M a s i e co nf ro n te d

h i m be hi nd her coun ter wi th a quest i o n i n g look in eyes a s
col dl y be a utif ul ly wa rm ly blue a s the gl in t o f summ er s u n
sh ine o n a n i ce b erg dr ift i n g in S outhern se a s
And the n Ir vin g C a rter p ai n ter m i ll i o n a ir e etc felt a
w a rm ush r i se to h i s a r i stocra t i c a lly p ale fa ce But n o t
fro m di fde n ce The blush w a s in tell ectu al in or i g in He
kn ew in a m o me n t th a t he stoo d in the r a nks o f the re ady
m a de youths w h o wooe d the g i ggl i n g g i rls a t other coun ters
H i m self le an e d a gai n st the o a ke n tryst i n g pl a ce o f a cockney
Cup id w i th a des i re in h i s he art for the f a v or of a glo ve s ales
g i rl He w a s n o m ore th an B ill and J a ck an d bl i ckey An d
then he felt a su dde n toler an ce for the m a n d a n el at i n g
cour a geous co n te m pt fo r the co n ve n t i o n s upo n wh i ch he h a d
fe d a n d a n unh es i ta t i n g deter mi n a t i o n to h ave th i s pe rfect
cre a ture fo r h i s o w n
Whe n the gloves were p ai d for an d wr appe d C a rter l in gere d
for a m o m e n t The di m ples a t the corn ers o f M a s ie s da m
a sk m outh deepe n e d All ge n tle m e n who bought gloves li n
n
a
r
m
e
in
just
th
a
t
w
a
y
S
he
curve
d
a
show
i
g l i ke
re
d
n
g
Psyche s through her shi rt wai st slee ve a n d r este d a n elb ow
upo n the show c a se e d ge
C arter h ad n ever before e n coun tere d a s i tu a t i o n of wh i ch
he h a d n o t bee n perfect m a ster But n o w he stoo d fa r m ore
awkw ar d th an B ill or J a ck o r bl i ckey He h ad n o ch an ce
H i s m i n d struggle d to
o f m eet i n g th i s be a ut i ful g i rl soc ia lly
rec all the n a ture a n d h a b i ts o f shop g i rls a s h e h a d re a d o r
he a r d of the m S o m ehow he h ad rece i ve d the i de a th a t they
so m et i m es did n o t i n s i st t o o stri ctly upo n the reg u l a r ch ann els
o f in tro d uct i o n
H i s he a rt be a t lou dly a t the thought o f
propos in g a n un co n ve n t i o nal m eet i n g wi th th i s lovely a n d
v irg i n al be in g But the tum ult in h i s he a rt g a ve h im cour
a ge
After a few fr i e n dl y an d we l l rece i ve d re m a rks o n ge n er a l
subjects he l aid h i s c ar d by her h and o n the coun ter

Will you ple a se p a r d o n m e he s ai d if I see m too bol d ;

b ut I e a rn estly hope y o u will a llow m e the ple a sur e o f s ee in g
,

ST ORIE S FROM 0

60

H EN RY

you a gain There i s m y nam e ; I a s sure you th a t i t i s wi th

the gre a test respect th at I a sk the f a vor of beco min g o n e o f
yo ur fr
a cqu ai n t an ces M ay I n o t hope for the pr i v i

lege ?

M a s i e kn ew m e n espec ially m e n who buy gloves Wi th

o u t hes i ta t i o n she looke d h im fr a n kly and s m il i n gly in the
eyes an d s aid :

S ure I guess you re a ll r i ght I d o n t usu ally go o u t

wi th stran ge ge n tle m e n though It ai n t qu i te l adyl i ke

Whe n sho ul d you wa n t to see m e a gai n ?

As soo n a s I m a y s aid C arter

If you wo ul d allow m e
to c all a t your ho m e I

M a s i e l aughe d m us i c ally
Oh gee n o ! she s ai d e m

ph a t i c a lly
If you co ul d see o u r a t o n ce ! There s ve o f
us in th ree roo m s I d ju s t l i ke to see ma s fa ce if I w a s t o

br i n g a ge n tle m a n fr i e n d there !

An ywhere the n
s ai d the e n am ore d C a rter th a t w i ll

be co n ve n ie n t to you

Say suggeste d M a s i e wi th a br i ght ide a look in her

pe a ch blow fa ce ; I guess Thurs day n i ght wi ll a bout su i t m e

S uppose you co m e to the corn er o f Ei ghth Ave n u e a n d Forty
e i ghth S treet a t 7 :3 0 I l i ve ri ght n e a r the corn er But I ve
got to be b a ck ho m e by eleve n M a n ever lets m e st ay o u t

a fter eleve n
C arter pro m i se d gr a teful ly to keep the tryst a n d the n
h a ste n e d to h i s m other who w a s looki n g a bout for h im to
r a t ify her purch a se o f a bro n z e D ian a
A s alesgi rl w i th s m all eyes a n d an obtuse n ose strolle d
n e ar M a s i e w i th a fr i e n d ly leer

D id you m a ke a h i t wi th h i s n obs M a s i e ? she a ske d

fa m i l ia rly

The ge n tle m an a ske d perm i ss i o n to c all

a n swere d
M a s i e wi th the gran d ai r a s she sl ippe d C a rter s c a r d i n to
the boso m o f her w ai st

Per mi ss i o n to c all ! echoe d s m all eyes w i th a s n i gger

D i d he s ay an yth i n g a bout di n n er in t h e Wa l dorf a n d a

s p i n in h i s a uto a fterw a r d ?
.

A L ICK PE NNY LOVE R

61

Oh cheese i t ! s ai d M a s i e we a r i ly
You ve bee n use d
to swell th in gs I d o n t th i n k You ve h a d a swelle d he a d
ever s in ce th a t hose c art d r i ver took y o u o u t to a chop suey
jo i n t N 0 he n ever m e n t i o n e d the Wal d orf ; but there s a
Fifth Ave n ue address o n h i s c a r d a n d if he buys the supper
n the w a i ter
f
bet
you
l
i
e
there
wo
n
t
be
n
o
p
i
gt
a
i
l
r
o
n
a
u
c
o
y

wh a t t a kes the or d er
A s C arter gl ide d a w ay fro m the B i ggest S tore w i th h i s
m other i n h i s electr i c run about he b i t h i s l i p w i th a d ull p ai n
a t h i s he a rt He kn ew th a t love h a d co m e to h im fo r the
r st t i m e in a ll the twe n ty n i n e ye a rs of h i s l ife An d th a t
the object o f i t shoul d m a ke so re adily an a ppo in tm e n t wi th
h im a t a street corn er though i t w a s a step towa r d h i s d es i res
tortur e d h im wi th m i sg i vi n gs
C a rter did n o t kn ow the shop g i rl He di d n ot kn ow th a t
her ho m e i s ofte n e i ther a sc arcely h a b i t able t in y roo m or a
The street
d o mi c ile ll e d to overow i n g wi th ki th a n d k in
corn er i s her p a rlor ; the p ark i s her d r aw i n g roo m ; the a ve n ue
i s her g ar de n w alk ; yet for the m ost p art she i s a s in vi ol a te
mi stress o f herself in the m a s i s m y l ad y i n s ide her t apestr i e d
ch am ber
On e eve n in g a t d usk two weeks after the ir r st m eet in g
C a rter a n d M a s i e stroll e d a r m in a r m in to a li ttle di ml y l i t
p a rk They found a be n ch tree sh ad owe d a n d seclu de d a n d
s a t there
Her
Fo r the r st t i m e h i s a r m stole ge n tly a roun d her
gol de n bro n z e he ad sl id restful ly a gai n st h i s shoul der

G ee ! s i ghe d M a s i e th an k f u lly
Why didn t you e ve r

th in k o f th a t before ?

M a s i e s ai d C a rter e a rn estly you s ur ely kn ow th a t

I a sk you s i n cerely to ma rry m e Yo u kn ow m e
I love y o u
well e n ough by th i s t i m e to h a ve n o d oubts o f m e I w an t
n
n
o
u
n
o
u
f
I
u
st
h
a
ve
I
c
a
re
n
oth
i
g
for
the
fere
ce
a
m
di
d
y
y

in o u r st at i o n s

Wh a t i s the differe n ce ? a ske d M a s i e curi ously

We l l there i s n t a n y s ai d C a rter qu i ckly except in

the min d s o f fool i sh people It i s in m y power to g i ve y o u a

S TORIE S FROM 0

62

l ife o f l ux ury

H ENR Y

My soc i al pos i t i o n i s beyo n d di spute an d my

m e an s are a m ple

They a ll s ay th at re m arke d M a s i e
It s the ki d they
a ll g i ve y o u I suppo s e y o u re ally work in a del i c a tesse n o r

follow the r a ces I ai n t a s gree n a s I look

I ca n fur n i sh y o u all the proofs y o u wa n t s aid C a rter

An d I w an t you M a s i e
ge n tly
I love d you the r st day

I s aw y o u

They a ll d o s aid M a s i e w i th an am use d l a ugh to he a r

e m t alk If I co ul d m eet a m a n th a t g o t stuck o n m e the

th ir d t i m e he d see n m e I th i n k I d get ma she d o n h im

Ple a se d o n t s ay such th i n gs ple ade d C arter

Li ste n
to m e d e a r E ver s i n ce I r st looke d in to your eyes you

h a ve bee n the o nl y wo m an in the worl d for m e

Oh ai n t you the kidder ! s m i le d M a s i e

How man y

other g i rls did you ever te ll th a t ?

But C arter pers i ste d An d a t le n gth he re a che d the
i m sy utter i n g l i ttle soul o f the shop g i rl th a t exi ste d so m e
where d eep d own in her lovely boso m H i s wor d s pe netr a te d
the he a rt whose very l i ghtn ess wa s i ts s afest arm or S he
looke d up a t h im w i th eyes th a t s aw An d a w a rm glow
vi s i te d her cool cheeks Tre m bl i n gly awful ly her m oth
w in gs close d a n d she see m e d a bout to settle upo n the ower
S o m e fai n t gl i mm er o f life a n d i ts poss i b il i t ies o n the
o f love
other s i de o f her glove coun ter dawn e d upo n her C a rter
felt the ch an ge a n d crow d e d the opportun i ty

Marry m e Ma s i e he wh is pere d softly a n d we w i ll go

aw a y fro m th i s ugly c i ty to be a ut iful o n es We w i ll forget
work a n d bus i n ess a n d l ife wi ll be o n e lo n g holid ay I know

where I shoul d t a ke y o u I h a ve bee n there O fte n Just

th i n k o f a shore where su m m er i s eter nal where the wa ves
a re a lways r i ppl i n g o n the lovely be a ch a n d the people a re
h appy a n d free a s ch i l d re n We w i ll s a i l to those shores a n d
re m ai n there a s lo n g a s you ple a se In o n e O f those fa r aw ay
c i t ie s there a re gr a n d an d lovely p al aces a n d towers full o f
be a ut iful p i ctures and st a tues The streets o f the c i ty a re
w a ter an d o n e tr a vels a bout in
.

A L IC K P ENN Y LOV E R

63

I kn ow s a i d Ma s i e s i tt in g up su dde n ly
G o n dol a s

Yes s mi le d C a rter

I thought so s ai d M a s i e

An d the n co n t i n ue d C arter we wi ll tr a vel o n an d see

wh atever we w i sh in the worl d After the E ur ope an c i t i e s
we will vi s i t I ndia a n d the a n c i e n t c i t ies there a n d r i de o n
eleph an ts a n d see the wo n derful te m ples o f the H i n doos a n d
Br a hmin s a n d the Jap an ese gar d en s a n d the c am el tr ain s a n d
ch a r i ot ra ces in Pers ia a n d a ll the queer s i ghts o f fore i g n

coun tr ies Do n t y o u th in k you woul d l i ke i t M a s i e ?

M a s i e rose to her feet

I thi n k we h a d better be go in g ho m e she s a i d coo l ly

It s gett in g l ate
C arter hu m ore d her He h a d co m e to kn ow her va ry in g
th i stle down m oo d s an d th a t i t w a s useless to co m b a t the m
But he felt a cert ain h appy tr i u m ph He h a d hel d for a
m o m e n t though but by a s i lke n thre a d the soul O f hi s wi l d
Psyche a n d hope w a s stro n ger w i th in h im O n ce she h a d
fol d e d her wi n gs a n d her cool h an d h ad close d a bout h i s o w n
At the B i ggest S tore the n ext d ay M a s ie s chu m L ulu w a y
l a id her in an an gle o f the cou n ter

H o w a re you a n d your swell fr i e n d m a kin g i t ? she a ske d

Oh h im ? s aid M a s i e p a tt i n g her s id e curls

He ain t
in i t a ny m ore Say Lu wh a t d o you th in k th a t fellow

?
w an te d m e to d o

G o o n the st a ge ? guesse d Lulu bre a thlessly

Ni t ; he s t o o che ap a guy for th a t He w a n te d m e to

ma r ry h im an d go d own to Co n ey Isl a n d fo r a we dd in g tour !

,

TH E PEND ULU M

t u

Ju

ne
Fro m The Tr i mmed La mp
Firs p b l i shed in The Wor ld
1 2 1 90 4
H a b i e sp ec ia ll y t h e a l ern a i on o f re s o l ve a n d re l a ps e
f rn ishe d 0 H e n ry wi h rich s ory m a er ia l H e rs a pp ro ac he d
w h ic h w a s
he hem e in Th e P a s s i n g of B la ck E a gl e (bl a r c h
q ickl y fo ll owe d b y ou nd the Ci r cle (s ee Wa ifs a nd S tr a y s p a g es
17
t h e l a er b e in g l i l e m o re ha n a r s d ra f o f Th e P e n du

lu m
Then fo ll owe d A Com edy i n
u bbe r
Fr om the Ca bby s S e a t,
The Gi r l a n d the H a bi t a n d The H a r bi n g er (bl a r ch 1 8
H is

ex
in Th e Gi r l a n d the H a bit i s fro m t h e d ic io n a ry : H a b i
a

e n de n c y o r a p i
de a c q ire d b y c s o m o r fre q en re p e i io n

In The H a r bi n ge r h e ha il s ha b i a s t h e power ha ke e ps he ea r h
fro m y in g o p ie c e s ho gh here i s s om e s il l y heory of g ra vi

t a t io n
H a bi
s a y s W ill ia m a m e s in h i s g rea cha p e r o n t h e

s bje c
i s h s t h e e n orm o s y whe e l of s o c i e y i s m o s p re c io s
c o n s e rva ive a g e n
I a l on e i s w ha kee ps s a ll wi hin t h e b o n ds

of o rd in a n ce
e a d a l s o M a u p a s sa n t s s o ry c a ll ed An Ar t i s t a n d

Arm i s e a d C h rc hi ll Go rd on s B a yt op (in 0 mm i r a n dy Sc ribn e rs

Th e l a e r is a ha pp y ill s ra io n o f P ro fe ss o r a m e s s re

m a rk a b o
ha b i in a n im a l s :
ide rl e ss c a va lr y ho rs e s a t m a n y a
b a l e, ha ve b een s e e n o c om e o g e he r a n d g o hro gh h e ir c s o m

a ry e vo l
ion s a t h e s o n d o f t h e b gl e -c all
.

u
t t
u

t
t

tt

t
R

t tu

t u

ut

tt

t
t

t u

t
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u
tt

ut

ut

u t
tt
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.

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E
R S T S TREE T let e m o u t ple a se yelle d the
shepher d in blue
A ock of c i t i z e n sheep scr am ble d o u t and a n other ock
scr am ble d a bo a r d D i n g di n g ! The c a ttle c ars o f the
M an h att an E leva te d r a ttle d aw ay a n d Joh n Perkin s dr ifte d
d own the st airw ay o f the st a t i o n w i th the rele a se d ock
John w a lke d slowly tow a r d h i s a t S lowly bec a use in

the lex i co n of h i s d ai ly l ife there w a s n o such wor d a s per

h aps
There a re n o surpr i ses a wai t i n g a m a n who h a s bee n
ma rr i e d two ye ars a n d l i ves in a at A s he wa lke d Joh n
IG H

64

S TORIE S FROM 0

66

HE N RY

Of l ate such h a d been John Pe r ki n s s h ab i t At t e n or

ele ven he woul d retur n S o m et i m es K a ty woul d be a sleep ;
so m et im es wai t in g up re ady to m elt in the cruc ible o f her ire
a l i ttle m ore gol d pl at in g fro m the wrought steel ch ain s o f
ma tr im on y Fo r these th in gs Cup id w i ll h a ve to an swer
when he st an d s a t the b ar o f just ice w i th h i s vi ct i m s fro m the
Fro gm ore a ts
To n i ght John Perk in s e n coun tere d a tre m e n d ous uphe a va l
N 0 K a ty
o f the co mm o n pl a ce whe n he re a che d h i s d oor
w a s there wi th her a ffect i o n ate co nfe c t io n a t e ki s s The
three roo m s see m e d in porte n tous di sor der All about l ay
her th in gs in co nf u s i o n S hoes in the m iddle o f the oor
curl i n g to n gs h air bows ki m o n os pow der b o x j u m ble d

together o n d resser a n d ch a irs th i s w a s n o t K a ty s w a y

Wi th a s in ki n g he art John s aw the co m b w i th a curl in g clou d
S o m e un usu a l h u rry a n d
o f her brown h a ir a m o n g i t s teeth
pertur b a t i on m ust h a ve possesse d her for she a lw ays c a re
fully pl ace d these co m b in g s in the l ittle bl u e v a se o n the
m an tel to be so m e d ay for m e d in to the covete d fe m i n i n e

H an g in g co n sp i cuously to the ga s jet by a str in g w a s a

fol de d p aper John se i z e d i t It w a s a n ote fro m h i s w ife
runnin g thus :
.

Dea r J oh n :

er
l
r
a
a
i
n
h
er
i
v
a
d
h
a
t
e
e
m
s
m
o
t
s
y
g
y g
j
s i ck
I a m goi n g to t a k e th e
tr a i n
B r o th er S a m i s goi n g
to m ee t me a t t h e dep o t th er e
Th er e i s co ld m u tton i n th e i ce box

I h op e i t i sn t h er qu i n z y a g a i n
P a y th e m i l km a n 50 cen ts

S h e h a d i t ba d l a s t s p r i n g
Do n t for g e t to wr i te to th e com p a n y
a bou t th e g a s m e ter
a n d y ou r g ood sock s a r e i n th e to p dr a w er
I wi ll wr i te to m or r ow

K ATY
H a sti ly ,

u st

Ne ver d ur i n g the i r two ye a rs o f m atr i m o n y h ad he a n d

K a ty bee n sep a r a te d fo r a n i g ht
Joh n re ad the n ote over
a n d over in a d u m bfou n d e d w a y
He r e w a s a bre a k in a
rout in e th a t h a d n ever v a r i e d a n d i t left h im daz e d
.

TH E P EN D ULU M

67

There o n the b a ck o f a ch air hun g p a thet i c ally e m pty a n d

form less the re d wr apper wi th bl ack d ots th a t she a lw ays
wore wh i le gett i n g the m e a ls Her week day clothes h a d
bee n tosse d here a n d there in her h a ste A l i ttle p aper b a g o f
her fa vor i te butter scotch l ay wi th i ts str i n g yet unwoun d
A dai ly p aper spr awle d o n the oor g ap i n g rect an gul arly
where a r ail ro ad t i m e t able h ad bee n cl ippe d fro m i t E very
th in g in the roo m spoke of a loss o f a n essen ce go n e o f i ts soul
Jo hn Perkin s stoo d am o n g the d e ad re
a n d l ife d ep a rte d
mai n s wi th a queer feeli n g o f d esol a t i o n in h i s he a rt
He began to set the roo m s t idy a s well a s he coul d Whe n
he touche d her clothes a thr ill of so m eth in g l i ke terror we n t
through h im He h ad n e ver thought wh a t ex i ste n ce woul d
be w i thout K aty She h ad beco m e so thoroughly an n e a le d

in to h i s l i fe th a t she w a s l i ke the air he bre athe d n ecess a ry

but sc a rcely n ot i ce d N o w w i thout w a rn in g she w a s go n e
v an i she d a s co m pletely absen t a s if she h ad n e ver ex i ste d
Of course i t woul d be o n ly for a few d ays o r a t m ost a week
o r two but i t see m e d to h im a s if the very h a n d of d e a th h a d
po inte d a n ger a t h i s secure a n d u n e ve n tful ho m e
John dr a gge d the col d m utto n fro m the i ce bo x m a d e
coffee a n d s a t d own to a lon ely m e al fa ce to f a ce w i th the
str awberry m arm a l ad e s sh ameless cert ic ate o f pur i ty
Br i ght am o n g w i th dr awn bless in gs n o w appe are d to hi m the
ghosts o f pot ro a sts a n d the s a l a d wi th t a n pol i sh dress in g
H i s ho m e w a s d i s m an tle d A qu in z ie d m other in l aw h a d
kn ocke d h i s l ares a n d pe n a tes sky h i gh After h i s sol i t a ry
m e a l John s a t a t a fron t w in dow
He did n o t c are to s m oke Outs i d e the c i ty ro a re d to h im
to co m e jo in in i ts dan ce o f folly a n d ple a sure The ni ght
w a s h i s He m i ght go forth un quest i o n e d a n d thru m the
str in gs o f jolli ty a s free a s a ny gay b a chelor there He mi ght
c arouse a n d w a n d er a n d h a ve h i s in g u n t il d awn if he l i ke d ;
a n d there woul d be n o wr a thful K a ty w ai t i n g for h im be a r i n g
the ch al i ce th a t hel d the dregs o f h i s jo y He m i ght pl ay
pool a t M c C l o s k e y s wi th h i s ro i ster i n g fr i e nd s un t i l A uror a
di mm e d the electr i c bulbs if he chose
The hym e n e a l str in gs
,

,
.

S TORIES FROM 0

68

H EN RY

th at h ad curbe d h im a lw ays whe n the Frogm ore ats h a d

p a lle d upo n h im were loose n e d K aty w a s go n e
John Perki n s w a s n o t a ccusto m e d to an alyz in g h i s
e m ot i o n s But a s he s a t in h i s K aty bereft 1 0 x 1 2 p arlor
he hi t un err i n g ly upo n the keyn ote o f h i s di sco mfort He
kn ew n ow th a t K aty w a s n ecess ary to h i s h app in ess H i s
feel in g for her lu l le d in to u n co n sc i ous n ess by the d ull roun d
o f d o m est i c i ty h ad bee n sh a rply st irre d by the loss o f her
presen ce H a s i t n o t b e e n din n e d in to u s by proverb a n d
serm o n and fable th a t we n e ver pr iz e the m u s i c t i ll the sweet

vo i ce d b ir d h a s o w n o r in other n o less or id a n d true

utter an ces ?

I m a d ouble dye d d ub m use d Joh n Perk in s the w ay

I ve bee n tre a t in g K a ty O ff every n i g ht pl ay in g pool a n d
h u mm in g w i th the boys in ste ad o f st ay in g ho m e wi th her
The poor g irl here a ll a lo n e w i th n oth in g to am use her a n d
m e a ct in g th a t w ay ! John Perki n s you re the worst ki n d o f
a sh in e I m go in g to ma ke i t up for the l i ttle g i rl I ll t a ke
her out and let her see so m e am use m e n t And I ll cut o u t

the M c Cl o sk e y g an g r i g ht fro m th i s m in ute

Yes there w a s the c i ty ro a r in g outs id e for John Perki n s to
co m e d an ce in the tr ai n o f Mo m us An d a t M c C l o s k e y s the
boys were kn ocki n g the b a lls id ly in to the p ockets ag ain st the
hour for the n i ghtly ga m e But n o pr i m rose w ay n o r cl i ckin g
cue coul d w o o the re m orseful soul o f Perki n s the bereft Th e
th i n g th a t w a s h i s l i ghtly hel d and h alf sco rn e d h ad bee n
t a ken aw ay fro m hi m a n d he w an te d i t B a ckw a r d to a
cert ain m a n na m e d Ada m who m the cherub i m boun ce d
fro m the orch ar d coul d Perk in s the re m orse ful tr a ce h i s
desce n t
N e a r the r i ght h an d o f Joh n Perki n s stoo d a ch a ir O n the
b a ck o f i t stoo d K a ty s blue sh i rtwai st It st i ll reta in e d
so m eth in g o f her co n tour M idw ay o f the sleeves were n e
indi vi d u a l wr in kles mad e by the m ove m e n ts o f her a r m s in
worki n g fo r h i s co m fort a n d ple a sure A d el i c a te but i m
pell in g o dor of blue bells c a m e fro m i t John took i t a n d
looke d lo n g and soberly a t the un respo n s i ve grenadine
.

TH E P EN D ULU M

69

h a d n e ver bee n un respo n s i ve Te a rs yes te ars

c a m e i n to John Pe r k in s s eyes Whe n she c a m e b a ck th i n gs
woul d be di fferen t He woul d m a ke up fo r a ll h i s n eglect
Wh a t w a s l i fe w i thout her ?
The d oor ope n e d K a ty w a lke d in c a rry i n g a l i ttle h an d
s atchel John st are d a t her stup id ly

My ! I m gl ad to get b a ck s ai d K a ty
M a wa s n t
s i ck to a m oun t to an yth i n g Sam w a s a t the d epot a n d s ai d
she just h a d a l i ttle spell a n d got a ll r i g ht soo n a fter they
telegra phe d S O I took the n ext train b a ck I m just d y in g

fo r a cup of coffee
Nobo dy he ar d the cl i ck a n d r a ttle o f the cog wheels a s the
th i r d o o r fro n t of the Frogm ore a ts bu z z e d i ts ma ch in ery
b a ck i n to the Or d er of Th i n gs A b and sl i ppe d a spr i n g w a s
touche d the ge a r w a s a d juste d a n d the wheels re vol ve d in
the ir o l d orb i t
Joh n Perki n s looke d a t the clock It wa s
He
r e a che d for h i s h a t a n d w a lke d to the d oor

N O W where a re you go i n g I d l i ke to k n ow Joh n Per

ki n s ? a ske d K a ty in a querulous to n e

Thought I d d rop up to M c C l o s k e y s s ai d Joh n an d

pl ay a ga m e or two o f pool wi th the fellows

K a ty

TRANS I ENT S IN AR C ADIA

t u

Ju

Fro m The Voi ce of the Ci ty

ly
Fir s p b l i s he d in The Wor ld

1 7 1 90 4
The re w a s a c e r a in C a l iph o f B a g da d
s a y s O H en ry
in The Ca l i p h a n d t he Ca d wr i e n a fe w m o n hs b e fo re Tr a n s ie n ts i n

Ar ca di a
w h o w a s a c c s o m e d o g o down a m o n g t h e p oo r a n d
l owl y fo r t h e s o l a c e O b a in e d fro m t h e re l a i on o f he ir a l e s a n d
hi s orie s
Is i n o t s ra n g e ha he hum bl e a n d p ove r y s ricken
h a ve n o t a va il ed hem s e l ve s o f t h e p l ea s re hey m igh g l ea n b y
do nn in g d ia m o n d s a n d s ilk s a n d p l a y in g C a l iph a m on g t h e ha n s
o f t h e pp e r wo rl d ? The re w a s o n e w h o s a w t h e p o ss ib il i ie s o f h s
rn in g he a bl es o n H a ro n a l a s c hid H is n a m e w a s Co rn y
H e n o t o nl y
B ra n n ig a n
rn ed he
N o hi s n a m e w a s 0 H e n ry
a b l e s o n H a ro n a l
a s c hid b
il l s ra ed a n e w p ha s e o f p sy
c h o l o g y a n d c o l o n iz ed a n e w area fo r t h e s hor s o ry
.

tu

ut
t

t tt

t t
t
-

tu

ut

u t
t u

tt

ut t

t t

T H E RE i s a hotel o n Bro ad wa y th a t h a s esc ape d d i sco very

by the su m m er resort p r o m oters It i s d eep and wid e a n d
cool Its roo m s a re ni she d in da rk o a k o f a low te m pera ture
Ho m e m ad e bree z es a n d d eep gree n shr ubbery g i ve i t the
d el i ghts wi thout the i n co n ve n i e n ces o f the Adiro nda ck s
O n e c a n m oun t i ts bro ad st ai rc a ses o r gl id e dr e a mi ly upwa r d
i n i ts a er ia l eleva tors a tte n d e d by gu id es in br a ss butto n s
wi th a sere n e joy th a t Alp i n e cl i m bers h a ve n ever a tt ai n e d
Th ere i s a chef in i ts ki tche n who wi ll prep a re for y o u brook
trout better th an the Wh i te Moun t ain s ever serve d se a foo d

th a t woul d tur n Ol d Po i n t Co mfort

b y G ad s a h !
gree n w i th e n vy a n d M ai n e ve n i so n th a t woul d m elt the
o ffi c ia l he a rt o f a ga m e w a r d e n
A few h a ve fou nd o u t th i s o a s i s in the July desert o f
Manh a tt an Dur i n g th a t m o n th you wi ll see the hotel s
re d uce d a rr ay of g uests sc a ttere d l ux ur i ously a bout in the
cool tw i l i ght of i ts lofty dini n g roo m ga z in g a t o n e a n other
-

70

TR ANS I ENT S IN AR C AD IA

71

a cross the s n owy w a ste o f u n occup i e d t ables s i le n tly c o n

gr a tul a tory
Su pe r u o u s
w a tchf ul p n eu mat i c ally m o vin g w ai ters
hover n e a r supply in g every w a n t before i t i s expresse d
The te m per a tur e i s perpetu a l Apr i l The ce i l in g i s p ai n te d
in w a ter colors to coun terfe i t a su mm er sky a cross whi ch
d el i c a te clou d s dr ift and d o n o t van i sh a s those o f n a ture d o
to o u r regret
The ple a s in g di st a n t ro a r of Bro a dway i s tr a n sfor m e d in
the i m a gi n a t i o n o f the h appy g uests t o the n o i se o f a w a terfa ll
l li n g the woo d s w i th i ts restful sou n d A t e very str a n ge
footstep the guests t ur n an a n xi ous c a r fe a rful lest the ir
retre a t be di sco vere d and in vade d by the restless ple a s ur e
seekers who a re fore ver houn d in g n a ture to her d eepest l a irs
Thus in the d epopul ate d c ar a v an s a ry the l i ttle b a n d o f
co n n o i sseurs je a lously h id e the m selves d ur in g the he a te d
se a so n e n joy in g to the utterm ost the d e li ghts o f m oun t ain
a n d se a shore th a t a rt an d ski ll h a ve g a there d an d ser ve d to
the m
In thi s July c a m e to the hotel o n e whose c a r d th a t she se n t

t o the clerk fo r her n a m e to be reg i stere d re a d M m e H elo i se

D Ar c y Be a u m o n t
M ada m e Be a u m o n t w a s a guest such a s the Hotel Lotus
lo ve d She possesse d the n e a ir o f the l i te te m pere d a n d
sweete n e d by a cor d ia l gr a c i ous n ess th a t m ade the hotel
e m ploy s her sl a ves Bell boys fought for the ho n or o f
a n swer in g her r in g ; the clerks but for the quest i o n o f own er
sh i p woul d h a ve d ee d e d to her the hotel a n d i ts co n te n ts ;
the other guests rega r d e d her a s the n a l touch o f fe m inin e
exclus i ven ess an d be a uty th a t re n dere d the e n toura ge pe r
,

fe c t

Thi s super e xcelle n t guest r a rely left the hotel Her

h a b i ts were co n so n an t w i th the custo m s O f the di scr imina t in g
p a tro n s o f the Hotel Lotus To e n joy th a t d elect a ble
h ostelry o n e m ust forego the c i ty a s though i t were le a gues
By n i ght a br i ef excurs i o n to the n e a rby roofs i s in
a w ay
o r d er ; but d ur in g the torr id d a y o n e re m a in s in the u m
-

ST ORI E S FROM O H ENR Y

72

Lo tus a s a trout h an gs po i se d in
h i s fa vor i te pool
Though a lo n e in the Hotel Lo tus M ada m e Be a um o n t
preser ve d the st a te o f a quee n whose lo n el in ess w a s o f pos i t i o n
o n ly She bre a kfa ste d a t t e n a cool sweet le i surely d el i
c ate be in g who glowe d softly in the dimn ess li ke a j a s m in e
ower in the d usk
But a t dinn er w a s Madam e s glory a t i ts he i ght She wore
a gown a s be a ut iful a n d i m m a ter ia l a s the m i st fro m a n u n
see n c a t a r a ct in a m oun t ain gorge The n o m en cl a ture o f
th i s gown i s beyo n d the guess O f the scr ibe Always p a le re d
roses repose d a gain st i ts l a ce gar n i she d fro n t It w a s a
gown th a t the he ad w ai ter vi ewe d wi th respect a nd m et a t
the d oor Yo u thought O f P a r i s when y o u s aw i t a n d maybe
a n d cert ai n l y o f Vers ai lles a nd
o f m yster i ous coun tesses
r ap i ers an d Mrs Fi ske a n d rou g e e t n o ir There w a s an
un tr a ce able ru m or in the Hotel Lotus th a t M adam e w a s a
cos m opol i te and th a t she w a s pull in g w i th her slen d er wh i te
h an d s cert ain str in gs between the nat i o n s in the fa vor O f
Russ ia Be i n g a c i t i z en ess o f the worl d s s m oothest ro ad s i t
w a s s m al l wo n d er th a t she w as qu i ck to recogni z e in the
ren e d purl i eus o f the Hotel Lotus the m ost d es ir able spot in
Am er i c a for a restful sojour n d u r in g the he a t O f m id su mm er
On the th ir d day o f M adam e Be a um o n t s res ide n ce in the
hotel a youn g m a n e n tere d a n d re g i stere d h i m self a s a g uest

H i s cloth in g to S pe a k o f h i s po in ts in a pprove d or d er w a s
qu ietly in the m o d e ; h i s fe atures goo d a n d regul a r ; h i s ex
press i o n th a t o f a po i se d a n d S oph i st i c ate d m a n o f the worl d
He inform e d the clerk th a t he woul d re m ain three o r four
days i n qu ire d co n cern i n g the s ai l in g o f E urope an ste a m sh ips
a n d s a n k in to the bl i ssful ina n i t i o n o f the n o n p a re il hotel
wi th the co n te n te d a ir o f a tr a veler in h i s fa vor i te in n

The youn g m a n n o t to quest i o n the ver a c i ty O f the reg i s

ter w a s H a rol d Fa rr i n gto n He dr i fte d in to the exclus i ve

a n d c al m c u rre n t o f l i fe i n the Lotus so t a ctfully a n d s i le n tly
th a t n o t a r i pple a l arm e d h i s fellow seekers after rest He
a te in the Lotus a n d o f i ts p a tro n y m a n d w a s lulle d in to bl i ss
b r a g e o u s fa st n esses o f the
the pell uc id s an ctu ar ies o f

S T ORIES FROM 0

74

H EN RY

seeki n g o u t the q u i et n ooks th a t a re overlooke d by the

m ajor i ty

I pro m i s e myself three days m ore o f th i s d el i c i o u s rest

O n M o n day the Ce dr i c s ai ls
s ai d M adam e Be a u m o n t

H arol d Fa rr in gto n s eyes procl ai m e d h i s re g ret

I

t o o m ust le a v e o n Mo n da y
he s aid
but I d o n o t go

abro ad
Madam e Be a um o n t shrugge d o n e roun d shoul der in a
fore i gn gesture
O n e c an n ot h i d e here fore ver ch a rm i n g though i t ma y b e
The ch dte a u h a s been in prep a r at i o n fo r m e lo n g er th an a

n
m on th Those house p a rt i es th a t o e m ust g i ve wh a t a
n u i s an ce ! But I sh al l n e ver forget m y week in the Hotel

Lo tus

N or sh all I s aid Fa rri n gto n in a low v o i ce a n d I sh all

n ever for gi ve the Ce dr i c

O n S u n d ay eve n in g three d ays a f t erw a r d the two s a t a t a
l i ttle t able o n the s am e b a lco n y A d i screet w ai ter brought
i ces a n d s m all g l a sses o f cl a ret cup
M adam e Be a u m o n t wore the s am e be a ut iful eve n in g gown
th a t she h ad worn e a ch day a t dinn er She see m e d thou g ht
ful N e a r her h an d o n the t able l ay a s m all C h a tel ai n e purse
After she h ad e ate n her i ce she open e d the purse a n d took o u t
a o n e d oll ar b il l

Mr Fa rr in g to n she s ai d wi th the s m i le th a t h a d w o n

the Hotel Lo tus I w a n t to tell y o u so m eth i n g I m g o i n g

to le a ve before bre a kfa st in the m orn i n g bec a use I ve g o t to
go b a ck to m y work I m beh i n d the hos i ery coun ter a t
C a sey s M am m oth Store a n d m y va c at i o n s up a t e i ght
Th a t p aper d oll a r i s the l a st ce n t I ll see
D c l o c k t o m orrow
t i ll I dr a w m y e i ght d oll a rs s al ary n ext Satur day ni g ht
You re a re a l ge n tle m an a n d you ve bee n goo d to m e a n d I
w an te d to tell you before I wen t

I ve bee n s a vi n g up o u t o f m y w a ges for a ye a r just for

th i s v ac a t i o n I w an te d t o spe n d o n e week l i ke a l ady if I
n ever d o a n other o n e I w an te d to get up whe n I ple a se
i n ste ad O f h a vi n g to cr awl o u t a t seve n every m orn i n g ; a n d
.

TRANS IEN T S IN ARC ADI A

75

I w an te d to l i ve o n the best a n d be w ai te d o n a n d r in g bell s

No w I ve d o n e i t a n d I ve
fo r th i n gs just l i ke r i ch fo l ks d o
h a d the h app i est t i m e I ever expect to h a ve in my life I m
o
in
g
b
a
ck
to
m
work
an
d
m
l
i
ttle
h
a
ll
be
d
roo
m
s
a
t
i
se
d
y
y
g
for a n other ye a r I w an te d to tell y o u about i t Mr Farr i n g

t o n bec a use I I thought you ki n d o f l i ke d m e a n d I I

l i ke d you But o h I coul dn t help d ece i vin g y o u up t i ll
for i t w a s a ll just l i ke a f airy t ale to m e S O I t alke d
n ow
a bout E urope a n d the th i n gs I ve re ad about in other coun
tr i es a n d m ad e y o u th i n k I w a s a gre a t l ady

Th i s dress I ve got o n i t s the o n ly o n e I h a v e th a t s t

to we a r I bou g ht fro m O D o w d
Le vi n sky o n the in st a l
m e n t pl an

S eve n ty ve d oll a rs i s the pr i ce a n d i t w a s m ad e to

I p aid $ 1 0 d own a n d they re to collect $ 1 a week
m e a sure
t i ll i t s p aid fo r Th a t ll be about all I h a ve to s ay Mr
Fa rr i n g to n except th a t m y n am e i s M am i e S ivit e r i n ste ad o f
M ada m e Be a u m o n t a n d I th an k y o u fo r your a tte n t i o n s
Th i s d oll a r w i ll p ay the i n st a lm en t d ue o n the dress t o

m orrow I guess I ll g o up to m y roo m n o w

H a rol d Farr i n gto n l i sten e d to the rec i t al o f the L otus s
lo vel iest guest w i th a n i m p a s s i ve coun te n an ce Whe n she
h a d co n clu de d he d rew a s m a ll book l i ke a checkbook fro m
h i s co a t pocket He wrote upo n a bl an k for m in th i s wi th a
stub o f pen c i l tore o u t the le af tosse d i t over to h i s c o m
p an i o n a n d took up the p aper d oll a r

I ve got to go to work t o o in the m orn in g he s aid

an d I m i ght a s well beg in n ow There s a re c e i pt fo r the

d oll ar in st al m e n t I ve bee n a colle ctor for O D o w d
Lev i n sky fo r thr ee ye a rs F unn y ain t i t th at y o u a n d m e
both h ad the s am e ide a a bout spen din g o u r v a c a t i o n ? I ve
a lw ays w an te d to put u p a t a swell hotel a n d I s a ve d up o u t
O f m y twe n ty per a n d did i t
Say M am e how about a tr i p

to Co n ey Sa tur day n i ght o n the bo a t wh a t ?

The fa ce o f the pseu d o M a d am e H elo i se D Ar cy Be a um o n t
b e am e d

Oh y o u bet I ll go Mr Fa rr i n gto n The store closes a t

ST ORIE S FROM O H EN RY

76

twelve o n Satur days I guess Co n e y ll be a ll r i ght even i f

we did spe n d a week wi th the swells

Below the b a lco n y the swelter in g c i ty g rowle d a n d bu z z e d
in the July ni ght
In s id e the Hotel Lotus the te m pere d
cool sh ad ows re i gn e d a n d the sol i c i tous w ai ter s i n g le foote d
n e a r the low w i n d ows re ad y a t a n o d to serve M ada m e a n d
her escort
A t the d oor O f the elev a tor Farr in g to n took h i s le a ve a n d
M adam e Be a u m o n t m ad e her l a st a sce n t B u t before they

re a che d the n o i s ele s s c a g e he s aid : Just for g et th a t H a rol d

Fa rr i n gto n wi ll y o u ? M c M a n u s i s the n a m e Jam es M c

M an us S o m e c a ll m e Ji m m y

G oo d n i ght J i m m y s aid M adam e

.

THE ROAD S WE TAK E

Fro m Wh i r l i g i gs

Tidb a ll s s mm a ry

Fir s

t p u b l i sh

(p a g e

Th e fa u l
B u t in o

Wor ld Au gu s t
W e s te rn ve rs io n of
e

d in Th e

ea

7 , 1 90 4

t d r B rutu s i s
urs l v s th t we
,

u t

in o r s a r s ,

n d e rl in g s

not

a re

i s a direc t den ia l of t h e fa ta l is m fo un d in Ro ads of Des ti n y (p a ge

Whe n Cha rm in g Po ll o c k s m e l o dra m a c a ll e d a l s o Roa ds of Des ti n y
a n d s u g g e s te d b y O H e n ry s s to ry w a s p ut u p on t h e s t a g e in N e w
Yo rk N o ve m b e r 2 7 1 91 8 i t w a s exp l a in e d tha t t h e o rig in a l s t a rk
fa ta l is m of O H e n ry s s to ry h a d b ee n te m pered w i th m o re m ode rn

Fa te in exora b l e a s i t is i s in s o m e m e a s u re
a n d We s tern tho u gh t :
Th e powe r wh ich d e c re es ou r e n d s
a t l e a s t t h e re s u l t of c ha ra c t e r

is wi thin ou rs e l ves t h e thin g s we thin k a n d a r e

Thi s i s p re c is e ly
O H e n ry s d oc trin e in The R o ads We Ta k e
There i s a s trik in g
a dum b ra t i o n o f thi s s to ry in a p a ss a g e fro m Co l o n e l R oo s e ve l t s
Wi n n i n g of the We s t vo l u m e I cha p t e r 5 H e i s sp e a k in g of t h e

b a ckw oo ds m en O f t h e All e gh a n ie s : Al l q u a l i ties g oo d a n d b a d

Th e
a r e in t e n s ie d a n d a c c en tu a te d in the l ife o f t h e wil d e rn e ss
m a n who in c iv il iz a t io n is m e re l y s ull e n a n d b a d te m p e re d b ec o m e s a
m u rd e ro u s trea che rou s ru fa n when tra n sp l a n te d to t h e w il ds ; w h il e
o n t h e o ther ha n d hi s c hee ry q u ie t n e i g h b o r d e ve l o ps in to a he r o
rea dy un c om pl a in in gl y to l a y do w n h is l ife fo r h is frie n d O n e w h o
in a n e a s tern c i ty i s m e re l y a b a ckb i te r a n d s l a n de re r in the we s t e rn
woo d s l ies in wa it fo r h is fo e wi th a ri e ; s ha rp p ra c t ic e in t h e E a s t

b e c o m es highwa y ro bb ery in t h e Wes t

N o te in t h e n ex t to t h e l a s t
p a ra gra ph o f t h e s to ry t h e s a m e ill u mi n a tin g u s e of rep e t itio n tha t
fo rm e d a cha ra ct e ri s tic o f Roads of Desti n y

T W E N T Y m i les west o f Tucso n the S u n set E xpress

stoppe d a t a t an k to t a ke o n w a ter B es id es the a queous
addi t i o n the e n gin e of th at f am ous y e r a c qu i re d so m e other
t h in gs th a t were n ot goo d for i t
.

77

STORIE S FROM O H ENR Y

'

78

Whi le the re m a n w a s lower i n g the fee di n g hose Bo b

T idb all S h ark Do d s o n a n d a qu a rter bre d Creek In dian

c a lle d John B i g D o g c li m be d o n the e n g i n e a n d showe d the
e n gi n eer three roun d or ic es in p i e c es O f or dn an ce th a t they
c arr i e d These or ice s s o i m pre s se d the e n g in eer wi th the ir
poss ib i l i t i es th a t he r ai se d both h an d s in a g estur e such a s

a cco m p an i es the ej a c ul at i o n D O tell !

A t the cr i s p co mm a n d o f Sh a rk Do d s o n who w a s le ad er
o f the a tt a cki n g force the e n g i n eer d e s ce n d e d to the g round
Then John B i g Dog
a n d un couple d the e n g i n e a n d te n d er
perche d upo n the co a l sport i vely hel d two g u n s upo n the
e n g i n e dr i ver a n d the re m an a n d su g g este d th a t they ru n
the e n g in e f ty y a r d s aw a y a n d there aw ai t further or d ers
S h a rk Do d so n a n d Bob T idb all scorn in g to put such low
gr ad e o r e a s the p a s s en gers t hr ou g h the m i ll str u ck o u t for
the r i ch pocket o f the expre s s c a r They foun d the m e ss e n ger

sere n e in the bel i ef th a t the S u n set E xpress w a s t a kin g o n

n oth in g m ore st i m u l a t i n g a n d da n g ero u s th a n a qu a p ur a
Wh i le Bob w a s kn o c ki n g th i s ide a o u t O f h i s he ad w i th the
butt e n d o f h i s s i x shooter Sh ark Do d so n wa s a lre ad y d os in g
the express c a r s afe wi th d y n a mi te
The s afe explo de d to the tun e o f
all gol d a n d
cur re n cy The p a ssen g ers thrust the i r he ad s c a su a lly o u t o f
the wi nd ows to lo o k for the thun d er clou d The co n d uctor
jerke d a t the bell rope wh i ch s a g g e d d own loose a n d u n
res i st in g a t h i s t u g Sh a rk Do d so n a n d B o b T idb all wi th
the i r booty in a sto u t c an v a s b a g tu m ble d o u t o f the express
c a r a n d r a n a wk wa r dly in the ir h i gh heele d boots to the
e n gin e
The e n gi n eer sulle n ly a n gry but wi se r a n the e n gin e
a ccor din g to or ders r ap id ly aw ay fro m the i n ert trai n But
before th i s w a s a cco m pl i she d the express m esse n ger r e
co vere d fro m Bob Tidb a ll s pers u ad er to n eutra l i ty j u m pe d
o u t O f h i s c a r w i th a Wi n chester r i e a n d took a tr i ck i n the
gam e M r Joh n B i g Dog s i tt i n g o n the co al te n der u n
wi tt in gly ma de a wro n g le ad by gi vi n g a n i m i t a t i o n o f a t a r
get a n d the m esse n ger tru m pe d h im Wi th a b a ll exa ctly
,

TH E RO A D S WE T AK E

79

betwee n h i s shoul der bl a des the Creek che val i er of i n d ustry

rolle d O ff to the grou n d thus i n cre a s i n g the sh a re o f h i s c o m
r ad es in the loot by o n e s i xth e a ch
Two mi les fro m the t an k the e n g i n eer w a s or d ere d to stop
The robbers w a ve d a d e an t adi eu a n d plu n g e d d own the
steep slope i n to the th i ck woo d s th a t l i n e d the tr a ck Fi ve
m i n utes o f cr a sh i n g through a th i cket o f ch a p a rr a l brought
the m to ope n woo d s where three horses were t i e d t o low
h an gi n g br an ches O n e w a s w ai t i n g fo r Joh n B i g Dog who
woul d n ever r i de by n i ght o r da y a g ai n Th i s a n i m al the
robbers d i veste d o f s add le a n d br id le a n d set free They
m oun te d the other t w o wi th the b a g a cross o n e po m m el a n d
ro de fa st a n d wi th di scret i o n through the forest a n d up a
pr i m ev al lo n ely gorge Her e the ani m a l th a t bore B o b
T id b all sl ippe d o n a m ossy boul d er a n d broke a foreleg
They shot h im through the he a d a t o n ce a n d s a t d own to
hol d a coun c i l o f i ght Mad e secure for the presen t by the
tortuous tr ai l they h ad tr a vele d the quest i o n o f t im e w a s n o
lo n ger so b i g M an y mi les a n d hours l ay between the m a n d
the spryest posse th a t coul d follow S h a rk Do d so n s horse
wi th tr ai l in g rope a n d droppe d br id le p an te d a n d croppe d
th an kfully O f the gr a ss a lo n g the stre am in the gorge Bob
T id b all ope n e d the s a ck drew o u t d ouble h an dfuls o f the
n e a t p a ck a g es o f curre n cy a n d the o n e s a ck o f gol d
an d
chuc k le d w i th the glee o f a ch i l d

Say you O l d d ouble d ecke d p i ra te he c alle d joyfully

to Do d so n
you g o t a he a d for
y o u s ai d we coul d d o it

nan c i n g th a t kn ocks the horn s O ff o f a n yth in g in Ar i z o n a

Wh a t a re we go in g to d o a bout a hoss for you B o b ? We

a in t g o t lo n g to w ai t here They ll be o n o u r tr a il before
d ayl i ght in the

Oh I guess th a t c ayuse o f y o u rn ll c a rry d ouble for a

wh i le an swere d the s an g u in e B o b
We ll ann e x the rst
an ima l we co m e a cross By j in goes we m a d e a h a ul d i dn t
we ? Ac co r din to the m a rks o n th i s m o n ey there s

ap iece !

It s sh o r t o f wh a t I e xp ecte d
s ai d S h a rk Do ds o n ki ck
,

STORI ES FROM 0

80

H ENRY

in g softly a t the p a cka ges wi th the t o e o f h i s boot An d then

he looke d pe n s i vely a t the wet s id es o f h i s t ire d horse

Ol d Bol i v a r s m i ghty n i gh pl aye d o u t he s aid slowly

I wi sh th a t sorrel o f your s h adn t g o t hurt

S o d o I s aid Bob he a rt i ly
but i t c an t be helpe d

Bol i v ar s got plen ty o f botto m he ll get us both fa r e n ou g h

to get fresh m oun ts D an g i t Sh a rk I c an t help t h in k in
how fu n n y i t i s th a t a n E a stern er l i ke y o u c a n co m e o u t
here a n d g i ve us Wester n fellows c a r d s a n d sp ad es in the
d esperad o bus in ess Wh a t p art of the Ea st w a s you fro m

anyw ay ?

N ew York S t a te s a id Sh a rk Do d so n s i tt i n g d own o n a

boul der a n d chewi n g a twi g

I w a s born o n a fa r m in
U lster Cou n ty I r an aw ay fro m ho m e whe n I w a s se ve n
tee n It w a s an a cc id e n t m y co m in West I w a s w a lkin
a lo n g the ro ad wi th m y clothes in a bun d le m a ki n for N ew
York C i ty I h ad a n i de a o f go in there a n d m a ki n lots of
m o n ey
I a lw ays felt l i ke I coul d d o i t I c am e to a pl a ce
o n e eve nin where the ro ad forke d a n d I didn t kn ow wh i ch
fork to t a ke I stu di e d about i t for h a lf a n ho u r a n d the n I
took the left h an d Th a t ni ght I r u n i n to the c a m p o f a
Wil d West show th a t w a s t r a ve l in a m o n g the l i ttle town s
a n d I we n t West w i th i t
I ve O fte n wo n dere d if I woul dn t

h a ve t u rn e d o u t di e r e n t if I d took the other ro ad

Oh I recko n you d h a ve e n d e d up a bout the s a m e s aid

Bob T idb all cheerfully ph i losoph i c al

It ai n t the ro ad s
we t a ke ; i t s wh a t s i n s id e o f us th a t makes us tur n o u t the

w ay we d o
Sh ar k Do d so n got up a n d le ane d a ga in st a tree

I d a goo d d e a l r a ther th a t sorrel o f your n h adn t h u rt

h im self B o b he s aid a gai n al m ost p a thet i c ally

Sam e here a gree d Bob ; he w a s sure a r s t r a te ki n d o f

a crowb ai t But Bol i va r he l l pul l us through a ll r i ght
Recko n we d better be m o vin o n h adn t we S h a rk ? I ll
b a g th i s boo d le a g in a n d we ll h i t the tr ai l for h i gher

t im ber
Bob T i db all repl a ce d the spo i l in the b a g an d t i e d the
.

STORIES FROM O H ENR Y

82

I am tell in g y o u th a t Do d so n o f the r m o f Do d so n
Decker Wa ll S treet brokers open e d h i s eyes Pe abo dy the
co n d e n t ial clerk wa s st an di n g by h i s ch ai r hes i t a t in g to
spe a k There w a s a co nf use d h u m o f wheels below and the
se dat i ve b u z z o f a n electr i c fa n

Ahe m ! Pe a bo d y
s aid Do d so n bl in kin g
I m ust
h a ve fa llen a sleep I h ad a m ost re m arka ble dre am Wh a t

i s i t Pe abo dy ?

bl r Wi ll iam s s i r of Tr a cy
Wi lli am s i s outs id e He
h a s co m e to settle h i s d e a l in ! Y Z The m a rket c a ught

h im short s ir if you re m e m ber

Yes I re m em ber Wh a t i s ! Y Z q uote d a t t o d ay

Pe abo dy ?

O n e e i ghty ve s ir

The n th a t s h i s pr i ce

E xcuse m e s ai d Pe a bo dy r ather n ervously fo r spe a k

in g of i t but I ve bee n t a lki n g to Wi ll iam s He s a n o l d
fr i en d o f your s Mr Do d so n and y o u pra ct i c ally h a ve a

corn er in ! Y Z I thou g ht you mi ght th a t i s I thou g ht

you m i ght n ot re m e m ber th a t he sol d y o u the stock a t 98
If he settles a t the m arket pr i ce i t wi ll t a ke every ce n t he h a s

in the worl d a n d h i s ho m e too to d el i ver the sh a res

The express i o n o n Do d so n s fa ce ch an g e d in a n i n st a n t to
The
o n e O f col d feroc i ty m i n g le d w i th i n exor a ble cup i d i ty
soul o f the m a n showe d i tself for a m o m e n t l i ke a n e v i l fa ce
in the wind ow of a reput able house

He w ill settle a t o n e e i ghty ve s a i d Do d so n

Bol i var

ca n n ot c arry double
,

T H E FURN I SH E D ROO M

t u

u ut
t u

Fir s p b l i she d in Th e Wor ld A g s

Fro m The Fo u r M i ll io n

1 4 1 90 4
To m y m in d h i s i s O H e n ry s g re a e s s ory h o g h
be in g wi ho h m o r i c a n ha rdly b e c a ll e d h is m o s c h a r a c t e ri s
In n i y c o n ve rg en c e o f p a r s p ri y o f s y l e s r c ra l
t ic s o ry
s a ra io n wi h he m a in ide a i s a n ds a l o n e I
c ra f s m a n s h ip

i s Po e in a ll h is o a l i y of e e c t H a w ho rn e in The H ou se of the
S eve n Ga ble s S ha kesp e a re when he s e t he we ir d s i s er s p o n t h e
he a h o c ro a k t h e c r a in ed doo m o f M a c b e h S a in sb ry in Th e

E n g l is h N ove l p a ge 1 22 s a y s o f S m o l l e t t s S i r La u n ce l ot Gr ea ve s ;

I ha ve a lwa y s ho gh ha he op en in g p a ss a g e m o re ha n en i l e s
he b oo k o a n ho n o ra b l e p l a c e in t h e hi s o ry o f E n g l ish c io n I do

fo r s ch a n in e rio r s ch a co m
n o t k n ow where o l oo k b efo re i
m
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Ag a in s S m o ll e t t s p ic re I s ho l d p i c o nden l y
e r a ll y

O H enr y s p a ra g ra ph b e g in n in g
O n e b y o n e a s he c ha ra c ers
o f a cry p o g ra ph b ec o m e exp l ic i
In deed h i s roo m h is in e
e tc

rio r is o n e o f t h e c ha ra c er s in he s o ry , a s is D u l c ie s roo m in An
Unn i shed S tor y
.

t ut u
t
u t
tu t
t t t

t
t

t t

t t

t u tt tt

tu

t
t

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t
u

tu

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ut

tt

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RE S T L E S S sh ift i n g fuga c i ous a s t im e i tself i s a cert ain v a st

bulk o f the popul a t i o n of the re d br i ck di str i ct o f the lower
West Sid e Ho m eless they h ave a hu n d re d ho m es They
i t fro m furn i she d room to furn i she d roo m tr an s i e n ts forever

tr an s i e n ts in abo d e tr an s i e n ts in he a rt a n d min d They

s in g Ho m e Sweet Ho m e in r a gt im e ; they c a rry the ir l a r e s

e t p e n a te s in a b a n d box ; the i r v in e i s e n tw in e d a bout a p i cture
h a t ; a rubber pl an t i s the ir g tree
Hen ce the houses o f th i s d i str i ct h av in g h a d a thous an d
dwellers shoul d h a ve a thous a n d t a les to tell m ostly d ull
o n es n o d oubt ; but i t woul d be str an ge if there coul d n ot be
fou n d a ghost or two in the wa ke o f a ll these va gr an t g uests
O n e e ven in g a fter d a rk a youn g m a n prowle d am o n g these
,

83

STORI ES FRO M 0

84

H EN RY

cru mbl in g re d m a n s i o n s r in g in g the ir bells A t the twelfth

he reste d h i s le an h an d b a gga ge upo n the step a n d w i pe d the
d ust fro m h i s h a t b an d a n d forehe ad The bell sou nd e d
fai n t a n d fa r a w ay in so m e re m ote hollow d epths
To the d oor o f th i s the twe l fth house whose bell he h ad
ru n g c am e a housekeeper who m a de h im th i n k o f an u n
wholeso m e s u rfe i te d worm th a t h a d e a te n i ts n ut to a hollow
shel l a n d n ow sought to ll the va c an cy w i th e di ble lo d gers
He a ske d if there w a s a roo m to let

Co m e in s aid the housekeeper Her v o i ce c am e fro m

her thro a t ; her thro a t see m e d l i n e d w i th fu r

I h a ve the
th ir d oor b a ck v a c an t s in ce a week b a ck S houl d you w i sh

to look a t i t ?
The you n g m a n followe d her up the st ai rs A fain t l i ght
fro m n o p a rt i cul a r source mi t i ga te d the sh adows o f the h a lls
They tro d n o i selessly upo n a st ai r c a rpet th a t i ts own loo m
woul d h av e forsworn It see m e d to h a ve beco m e veget able ;
to h a ve d egen er a te d in th a t r an k su n less a ir to lush l i chen o r
spre adin g m oss th a t grew in p a tches to the st ai r c a se a n d w a s
v i sc id u n d er the foot l i ke org ani c m a tter A t e a ch tur n of
the st airs were va c an t n i ches in the w all Perh aps pl a n ts
h ad o n ce bee n set w i th in the m If so they h ad di e d in th a t
fo u l a n d t a in te d ai r It may be th at st a tues of the s ain ts h ad
stoo d there but i t w a s n o t difc u l t to co n ce i ve th a t i m ps a n d
d e v ils h ad d r a gge d the m forth in the da rkn ess a n d d own t o
the u n holy d epths of so m e furn i she d p i t below

Th i s i s the roo m s aid the housekeeper fro m her furry

t hr o a t
It s a ni ce roo m It a in t ofte n va c an t I h ad

m
n
so e m ost elega t people in i t l a st su mm er n o trouble a t
a ll and p aid in a d van ce to the m in ute The w a ter s a t the
Sprowls a n d M oo n ey kept i t three m o n ths
e n d of the h a ll
They d on e a v a u dev i lle sketch M i ss B rett a Sprowls

y o u m a y h a ve he a r d o f her Oh th a t w a s just the st a g e

n a m es
r i g ht there over the dresser i s where the marr iage
cert ic a te hun g fr a m e d The g a s i s here a n d you see there
i s plen ty of closet roo m It s a roo m e verybo dy l ikes It

n ever st ays id le lo n g
.

STORIE S FROM 0

86
or

on e

orn er

H EN RY

two g ilt p i cture fr am es a n d a br a ss be d ste a d in

guest recline d in ert upo n a ch air wh i le the roo m

co nfuse d in speech a s thou g h i t were a n ap a rtm e n t in B a bel
tr i e d to d i scourse to h im o f i ts di vers ten an try
A polychro m a t i c rug l i ke so m e br i ll ian t o w e r e d r e ct a n gu
l ar trop i c a l i slet l ay sur rou n de d by a b illowy se a o f so i le d
Upo n the gay p apere d wa ll were those p i ctures
m a tt in g

th a t p u rsue the ho m eless o n e fro m house to house Th e

Huguen ot Lo vers The First Q u a rrel The We ddin g Bre a k
fast Psyche a t the Foun t ain The m an tel s ch a stely se vere
outli n e w a s in glor i ously v e i le d beh in d so m e pert dr apery
dr aw n r a ki shly a skew l i ke the s a shes o f the Am az o n ian
b allet Upo n i t w a s so m e d esol a te ots am c a st a s ide by the
roo m s m a roo n e d when a lucky s ai l h ad born e the m t o a fres h

port a tr i in g va se or two p i ctures o f a ctresses a m e d ic in e

bottle so m e str ay c a r ds o u t o f a d eck
O n e by o n e a s the ch a r a cters o f a cryptogr aph beco m e
expl i c i t the li ttle s i gn s left by the f ur n i she d roo m s process i o n
The thre ad b a re sp a ce in
o f guests d e v elope d a s i g nic an ce
the rug in fro n t o f the dresser tol d th a t lo vely woman h a d
marche d in the thro n g The t in y n ger pr in ts o n the w al l
spoke of l i ttle pr i so n ers try in g to feel the ir way to s u n a n d
A S pl a ttere d st ain r ay in g l i ke the sh a d ow of a burst in g
a ir
bo m b w i tn esse d where a hurle d gl a ss o r bottle h ad spl in tere d
wi th i ts co n te n ts a ga in st the wa ll Across the p i er gl a ss h a d
bee n scrawle d w i th a diam o n d in st a gger in g letters the n am e

Ma r i e
It see m e d th a t the success i o n of d wellers in the

fu r ni she d roo m h ad tur n e d in fury perh aps tem pte d b e

yo n d fo r e b e a r a n c e by i ts ga r i sh col dn ess a n d wre ake d

upon i t the ir p a ss i o n s The fur n i ture w a s ch ippe d a n d
bru ise d ; the couch di storte d by bur st in g spr in gs seem e d a
horr i ble m o n ster th a t h ad bee n sl a in d ur i n g the stress o f so m e
grotesque co n vuls i o n S o m e m ore pote n t uphe a va l h ad
cloven a g re a t sl i ce fro m the m a rble m an tel Ea ch pl a n k in
the oor own e d i ts p a rt i cul a r c an t a n d shr i ek as fro m a sep a
It see m e d in cre dible th a t a ll th is
r a te a n d in d i v i d u a l a go n y
Th e

87

TH E FURN I SH E D ROO M

mal i ce a n d i n jury h a d bee n wrought upo n the roo m by those

who h ad c a lle d i t fo r a t i m e the ir ho m e ; a n d yet i t m a y h a ve
been the che a te d ho m e i n st in ct surv iv in g bl ind ly the rese n t
fu l r a ge a t fa lse househol d go d s th a t h ad k i n d le d the ir w r a th
A b u t th a t i s o u r o w n we ca n sweep and ad orn a n d cher i sh
The you n g ten a n t in the ch a i r a llowe d these thoughts to
le soft sho d through h i s mi n d wh i le there d r ifte d in to the
roo m furn i she d sou n d s a n d furn i she d scen ts He he a r d in
o n e roo m a t i tter i n g a n d i n co n t in e n t sl a ck l a ughter ; in others
the m o n ologue o f a scol d the r a ttl in g o f di ce a lull aby a n d
o n e cry in g d ully ; a bove h im a b a n jo t i n k l e d w i th S p ir i t
Doors b an ge d so mewh ere ; the ele va te d tr ai n s ro a re d in ter
An d
m it t e n t ly ; a c a t yowle d mi ser a bly upo n a b a ck fe n ce

he bre a the d the bre a th o f the house a d an k s a vor r a ther

th an a s m ell a col d m usty e f u viu m a s fro m u n dergrou n d

v a ults m in gle d wi th the reek in g e xh a la t i o n s o f l in oleu m a n d
mi l d ewe d a n d rotten woo dwork
The n su dd en ly a s he reste d there the roo m w a s lle d w i th
the stro n g sweet o d or of mi gn o n ette It c a m e a s upo n a
s in gle bu ffet o f w ind w i th such suren ess a n d fr a gra n ce a n d
e mph a s i s th a t i t a lm ost see m e d a l i v i n g v i s i t an t An d the

man cr i e d alou d : Wh a t d e a r ? a s if he h a d bee n c a lle d

and spr an g up a nd f a ce d a bout The r i ch o d or clu n g to h im
He re a che d out h i s ar m s fo r i t
a n d w r a ppe d h im a rou n d
all h i s sen ses fo r the t i m e conf use d an d co mmin gle d How
coul d o n e be perem ptor i ly c a lle d by an o d or ? S urely i t
m ust h a ve been a sou n d
But w a s i t n ot the sou n d th a t h a d
touche d th a t h a d c aresse d h i m ?

She h a s bee n in th i s roo m he cr i e d a n d he S pr an g to

wrest fro m i t a toke n for he kn ew he woul d recogni z e the
s m allest th in g th a t h ad belo n ge d to her or th a t she h a d
touche d Th i s e n v elop in g scen t o f mi gn o n ette the o d or

when ce c am e i t ?
th a t she h ad lo ve d a n d m ad e her o w n
The roo m h a d been but c a relessly set in ord er S c a ttere d
upo n the im sy dresser sc a rf were h alf a d o z en h airp in s
those di screet indi st in gu i sh able fr ie nd s o f wo m ank in d
fe minin e of gen d er innite of m oo d a n d u n co mm u ni c at ive of
,

STOR IES FRO M 0

88

HENRY

te ns e These he i gn ore d co nsc i ous o f the ir tr i um ph an t l a ck

Ran s a cki n g the dr a wers o f the dres ser he c am e
o f id e n t i ty
upo n a di sc ar d e d t in y r a gge d h an dkerch ief He presse d
i t to h i s fa ce It wa s r a cy a n d in solen t w i th hel i otrope ; he
hurle d i t to the oor In an other dr awer he foun d o d d but
to n s a the a tre progr amm e a p a wn broker s c ar d two lost
marshm a llows a book o n the di v ina t i o n o f dre am s In
the l a st w a s a wo m an s bl a ck s at in h air bow wh i ch h alte d
h im po i se d between i ce a n d re But the bl a ck s a t in h air
bow al so is fe min ini ty s d em u re imperso nal co mm o n or n a
m en t a n d tells n o t a les
An d the n he tr a verse d the roo m like a hou n d o n the sce n t
skimmin g the walls co n s i der in g the cor n ers o f the bulg in g
ma tt in g o n h i s h an d s a n d k n ees ru m ma g in g mantel a n d
t ables the curt ain s a n d h an g in g s the drun ke n c a b in et in the
cor n er for a v i s i ble s i gn unable to perce i v e th a t she w a s
there bes i d e a rou n d a g ain st wi th in a bo ve h im cl in g in g t o
h im woo in g h im c a ll in g h im so po i gn an tly through the
n er se n ses th a t e ve n h i s grosser o n es bec am e cogniz an t o f

the c a ll O n ce a ga in he a n swere d lou d ly : Yes d e ar ! a n d

tur n e d w i l d eye d to g az e o n va c an cy for he coul d n o t yet
di scer n for m an d color a n d love an d outstretche d a r m s in
the o dor o f m i gn o n ette Oh G o d whe n ce th a t o d or an d
Thus he grope d
s in ce whe n h a ve o d ors h a d a v o i ce to c a ll ?
He burrowe d in crev i ces a n d cor n ers a n d foun d corks a n d
c i g a rette s These he p a sse d in p a ss i ve co n te m pt But o n ce
he fou n d in a fol d o f the ma tt in g a h alf s m oke d c i ga r a n d
th i s he ground ben e a th h i s heel w i th a gree n an d tren ch an t
o a th He s ifte d the roo m fro m e n d t o e n d He found
dre ary an d i gn oble s ma ll recor d s of man y a per ip a tet i c t e n
a n t ; but o f her who m he sought a n d who m a y h a ve lo d ge d
there a n d whose sp ir i t see m e d to ho ver there he fou nd n o
tr a ce
An d the n he thought of the housekeeper
He r an fro m the h au n te d roo m d own st ai rs a nd to a d oo r
th a t showe d a cr a ck o f l i ght She c am e o u t to h i s kn ock
He s m othere d h i s ex c i te m en t a s best he coul d
,

ST ORI E S FROM 0

90

H E NR Y

Pur dy a cross a n e c ircle o f fo am

A you n g m an took i t

He we n t up to be d two hours a go

N ow di d ye Mrs Pur dy m a am ? s ai d Mrs M c Co o l

Yo u d o be a wo n der fo r r e n t in
wi th in te n se adm ir a t io n

roo m s of th a t k in d An d did ye tell h im the n ? she co n

clu d e d in a husky wh i sper l ad e n w i th m ystery

Roo m s s aid M r s Pur dy in her furr i est to n es

a re

fur n i she d for to re n t I did n o t tell h im M r s M c C o o l

T i s r i ght ye a re ma am ; t i s by re n t i n g roo m s we k ape
Ye h a ve the r a le se n se fo r bus in ess m a a m There
a l ive
be m any people w ill r a y jic t the r e n t in o f a roo m if they be

toul d a su i c id e h a s been a fter dy in in the be d o f i t

As you s ay we h a s our l i v i n g to be m a k in g re m a rke d

Mrs Pur dy

Yi s ma a m ; t i s true
T i s just o n e w ake a go th i s day
I helpe d ye l ay o u t the th i r d oor b a ck A pretty sl ip o f a

collee n she w a s to be k i ll in herself wid the ga s a sw a te l i ttle

f a ce she h ad M r s Pur dy m a a m

S he d a bee n c a lle d h a n d so m e a s y o u s ay s aid M r s

Pur dy a ssen t in g but cr it i c a l but for th a t m ole she h a d a

l

l
i
n
by
her
left
eyebrow
Do
up
your
gl
a
ss
a
g
ai
r
o
w
n
g
,

Mr s M cCo o l
.

MAK E S TH E WH O LE WORLD K IN

t u

Firs p b l ished in The Wor ld , S ep em b er

S eve ns
D r g s a n d dr g s o re exp erien c es en er in o m a n y o f
25 1 90 4

O H e n ry s s o rie s
As a b o y h e w a s a dr g c l e rk in G ree n sb o ro ,
N o r h C a ro l in a a n d l a er in A s in Texa s a n d Co l m b s Ohio
At a c ri s i s in hi s c a reer h e owed freedo m a n d p ro b a b ly l ife i s e l f o h is
ha v in g been a reg is e red ph a rm a c is in h is n a ive o w n : s e e

0 H en r y B iogra phy p a ges 1 4 7 1 4 8 I sho l d b e rem em b e re d oo ,

ha 0 H en ry fo n d h is n o w fa m o s p e n n a m e in t h e Un i ted S ta te s
Dis pen s a tor y , t h e da il y co m p a n io n o f eve ry Am eric a n dr g c l erk
0 H en ry i s t h e a bb rev ia ed n a m e j s a s i a pp ea rs in t h e Dis
p e nsa tor y o f t h e c el e b ra ed Fre n c h pha rm a c is , E ien n e O ss ia n
H en ry : s ee The N a ti o n N e w Yo rk M a y 1 1 , 1 9 1 8 a n d N ou ve lle s de
l y 25 1 91 8
Fr a n ce Pa ri s
B u t i i s n o t s o m ch a sp e c ia l kn owl
edge o f dr g s ha h is s o ry re ec s a s he sp e c i a l kin d o f c o n ver
s a io n ha i s hea rd in t h e dr g s o re of a y p ic a l s m a l l own I is
he re h a p a ien s o f a l l c l a ss es g a her o repo r o n co m m o n a ilm en s
o co m p a re co mm o n re m edie s L a e n frie n dships a re de
and
m ed ic in e s
M a ke s the Who le Wor ld K i n do e s
ve l o p e d vi a p a e n
m o re ha n f rn is h a i l e o a s in gl e 0 H e n ry s t o ry : i s m s t h e
s e rv ic e of h em a ll

Fro m S i xe s
.

and

ut

t t

t
t

u
t t t
t t t
t
t

Ju
t tt

t
t

t
t

ut

t
t

t
t t

t t

t
t

tt t

t u

TH E

burgl a r steppe d in s i d e the w in dow q u i ckly a n d then

h e took h i s t im e
A burgl a r who respects h i s a rt a lw ays
t a kes h i s t im e before t a ki n g a nyth in g else
The house wa s a pr i va te res i de n ce By i ts bo a r d e d fro nt
d oor a nd u n tr imm e d Bosto n i vy the burgl a r kn ew th a t t h e
mi stress o f i t w a s s i tt i n g o n so m e oce an s i de p iaz z a tell in g a
sy m p a thet i c m a n in a y a cht in g c ap th a t n o o n e h a d ever
u n derstoo d her se n s i t i ve lo n ely he a rt He kn ew by the l i ght
in the th i r d story fro n t w in d ows a n d by the l aten ess o f t h e
se a so n th a t the ma ster of the house h a d co m e ho m e a n d
wo u l d s oon e x t in g u i sh h i s l i ght a n d re t ir e
For i t w a s
,

91

S T ORI ES FRO M 0

92

H E N RY

S epte m ber o f the ye a r an d o f the soul in wh i ch se a so n the

house s goo d m a n co m es to co n s ider roof ga rd en s a n d ste n
o gr a p h e r s a s v ani t i es a n d to d es ire the retur n o f h i s m a te
a n d the m ore d ur a ble bless in gs of d ecorum an d the m or a l
excellen c i es
The burgl ar l i ghte d a c i ga rette The g u ar de d glow o f
the m atch illumin ate d h i s s al ie n t po in ts fo r a m o m e n t He
belo n ge d to the th ir d type of burgl a rs
Th i s th ir d type h a s n ot yet bee n recogniz e d and a ccepte d
The pol i ce h a ve m ad e us famil iar w i th the rst and seco n d
The ir cl a ss ic a t i o n i s s im ple The coll ar i s the d i st in gu i sh
in g ma rk
When a burg l a r i s ca u g ht w h o d oes n o t we a r a coll a r he i s
d escr i be d a s a d egen er a te o f the lowest type s in gul arly v i
c i o n s a n d d epr a ve d a n d i s susp e cte d o f be i n g the d esper a te
cr i m i n a l who stole the h a n dcu s out of Pa trol m an He nnessy s
pocket in 1 87 8 a n d w a lke d aw ay to esc ape a rrest
The other well kn own type i s the burgl a r who we a rs a
coll a r He i s a lw ays referre d to a s a Rafes in re al l ife He
i s i n va r ia bly a gen tle man by d ayl i ght bre a kfa st i n g in a dress
su i t a n d pos in g a s a p aper h an ger wh i le after dark he pl ies
h i s n efar i ous occup a t i o n o f burgl a ry H i s m other i s an e x
t r e m e l y we althy a n d respecte d res id e n t o f Oce an G ro v e a nd
whe n he i s co nd ucte d to h i s cell he a sks a t o n ce for a n a i l
l e and the P o l i ce G a z e tt e
He a lways h a s a w ife in e very
S t ate in the Uni o n a n d a n cee s in a ll the Terr i tor i es a n d the
n ewsp apers pr in t h i s m a tr im o nial g allery o u t of the ir stock
o f cuts o f the l adi es who were cure d by o n ly o n e bottle a fter
h a v in g bee n g i ve n up by ve d octors e xper i e n c in g gre a t re
l i ef a fter the rst d ose
He w a s n e i ther a Ra i e s
Th e burgl a r wore a blue swe a ter
The pol ice woul d
n o r o n e o f the chefs fro m Hell s K i tche n
h a ve bee n b afe d h ad they a ttem pte d to cl a ss ify h im They
h a ve n ot yet he a rd o f the respect a ble u n a ssu min g burgl a r
who i s n e i ther a bove n or be low h i s st at i o n
Th i s burgl a r of the th ir d cl a ss began to prowl He wore n o
m a sks d a rk l an ter n s o r gum shoes He c arr ie d a 38 c a l i bre
,

STORIES FRO M O H ENRY

94

I n amma tory ?

Wa s The in amma t i o n h a s go n e down

The burgl a r stoo d fo r a m o m e n t or t w o hol din g h i s gu n
He g l an ce d a t the plu n d er o n the
o n the af i cte d o n e
dresser a n d then w i th a h a lf e m b arr a sse d a ir b a ck a t the m a n
Then he too m ad e a su dd en gr im a ce
in the be d

Do n t sta n d there ma k in g fa ces s n appe d the c it iz e n

b ad h u m o r e dly
If you ve co m e to burgle why d o n t y o u

?
d o i t There s so m e stu ff ly in g a rou n d

S cuse m e s aid the burgl a r w i th a gr in : but i t just

socke d m e o n e t o o It s g oo d for y o u th a t rheu m a t i s m
I g o t i t in m y left ar m too
a n d m e h a ppe n s to be o l d p a ls
Most an ybo dy but m e woul d h a ve poppe d you when y o u

woul dn t ho i st th a t left cl aw o f yours

How lo n g h a ve you h ad i t ? in qu ir e d the c i t iz e n

Four yea rs I guess th a t ain t all O n ce you ve got i t

i t s you fo r a rheum at i c l ife th a t s m y ju d gm en t

E ver try r a ttles n a ke o il ? a ske d the c it i z e n in tereste d ly

G allo n s s aid the burgl a r

If a ll the sn akes I ve use d
the o il o f w a s stru n g o u t in a row they d re a ch e i g ht t im es a s
f a r a s Sa tur n a n d the r a ttles coul d be he a r d a t Va lp ar ai so

I n dia n a and b a ck

S o m e use C h is e l u m s P i lls re ma rke d the c i t i z e n

Fu d ge ! s aid the b u rgl a r

N0
T ook e m ve m o n ths
go od I h ad so m e rel ief the ye a r I tr ie d Fin k e lh a m s E x
tr a ct B a l m O f G i le ad poult ices a n d Potts s P ain Pulver i z er ;
but I th in k i t w a s the buckeye I c a rr ie d in m y pocket wh a t

d o n e the tr ick

Is yours worse in the m or nin g o r a t ni ght ? a ske d the

c i t iz e n

Ni ght s ai d the burgl a r ; just when I m bus iest Say

t a ke d own th a t a r m o f yours I guess you wo n t

Say !

did you ever try B lic k e r s t a ff s Bloo d Bu i l d er ?

I n ever did Does yours co m e in p a ro xys m s o r i s i t a

ste a dy p ain ?
The burgl ar s a t d own o n the foot o f the be d a n d reste d h i s
n
o
n
h
i
s
crosse
d
k
n
ee
u
g
.

MAK ES TH E WHO LE W ORLD K IN

95

It jum ps s ai d he
It str i kes m e whe n I ain t looki n g
I h ad to g i ve up seco n d story work bec a use I g o t
fo r i t

Tell you wh at I d o n t b e
s t uck so m et i m es h a lf w ay up

li eve the b l o o m in d octors k n ow wh a t i s goo d for i t

S a m e here I ve spe n t a thous a n d d oll a rs w i thout get

Yours swell a n y ?
t in g a n y rel i ef

Of m orn in gs And when i t s go in to r a in gre a t Chr i s

.

t O ph e r !

Me t o o s ai d the c i t i z en
I c an tell whe n a stre a k of
humidi ty the s i z e o f a t a blecloth st a rts fro m Flor ida o n i ts
w ay to N ew York An d i f I p a ss a the a tre where there s a n

Ea st Lyn n e m a t in ee go in g o n the m o i stu re s t a rts m y left

a r m jum p in g l i ke a tooth a che

It s u ndi lute d h ad es ! s a i d the burgl a r

You re de a d r i g ht s ai d t h e c i t i z e n
The burgl ar looke d d own a t h i s p i stol a n d thrust i t in to
h is pocket w i th a n aw k wa r d a tte m pt a t e a se

S ay o l d m a n he s aid co n str ain e d ly

e ver try o p o
,

de l do c ?

S lop ! s ai d the c i t iz e n a n gr i ly
M i ght a s well rub o n

r est a ur an t butter

S ure co n curre d the burgl ar

It s a s a l ve su i t a ble fo r
l i ttle M in n i e whe n the ki tty scr a tches her n ger
I ll tell
o
u
!
n
wh
a
t
W
e
re
up
a
g
ain
st
i
t
I
o
ly n d o n e th in g th a t
y
e a ses her up
Hey ? Li ttle o l d s ani t a ry am el ior a t in g lest

w e forget Boo z e
Say th i s job s o ff scuse m e get o n
S cuse the
Your clothes and let s go o u t a n d h av e so m e

l i berty but o uch ! There she goes a gain !

For a week s ai d the c i t iz e n

I h a ve n t bee n a ble to
dress m yself w i thout h elp I m a fr a i d Tho m a s i s in be d
.

an d

s a i d the bur g l a r
Cl im b o u t
I ll help y o u get in t o

y our d u d s
The co n ven t i o na l return e d a s a t ida l wave a n d oo d e d
t h e c i t iz en
He stroke d h i s bro w n an d gr ay be ar d

It s very u n usu a l
he beg an

Here s yo ur sh irt sa i d t h e b u rg l a r fa ll o u t I kn ow a
,

ST ORIE S FROM 0

96

H ENRY

m an who s a i d O m b e r r y s O in t m en t xe d h im in two wee ks so

he coul d u se both h and s in ty in g h i s four in h an d

As they were go in g o u t the d oor the c i t iz e n tur n e d an d
st a rte d b ack

Like d t o forgot m y m o n ey he expl ain e d ; l a i d i t o n

the dresser l a st ni ght

The bur gl a r c a ught h im by the r i ght slee ve

Co m e o n he s aid b l u f y
I a sk you Le a ve i t alo n e
I ve got the pr i ce
E ver try w i tch h az el a n d o il o f w in ter

gree n ?
-

S T ORI E S FRO M 0

98

H EN RY

n ot re a d N a tur e s m ost spo n t an eous lyr i c in l ips rou n de d

for the c an did k i ss ?
Be a uty i s Na tur e in perfect i o n ; c ircul a r i ty i s i ts ch ief a t
tr ibute Behol d the full m o o n t h e e n ch an t in g golf b a ll
the d o m es o f sple ndi d te m ples the huckl eberry p i e the we d
d in g r in g the c ircus r in g the r in g for the wai ter a n d the

round of d r i n ks
O n the other h an d str a i ght l in es S how th a t Na ture h a s
bee n d eecte d I m a g in e Ve n us s g ir d le tr an sfor m e d in to a

str ai ght fro n t !

Whe n we beg in to m ove in str a i ght l in es a n d tur n sh a rp
corn ers o u r n a tures beg in to ch an ge The co n seque n ce i s
th a t N a ture be in g m ore adapt i ve th an Art tr i es to co nfor m
to i ts stern er re g ul a t i o n s The resul t i s ofte n a ra ther cur i

fo r in st an ce : A pr iz e Chrys a n the m um woo d

o u s pro d uct
a lcohol wh i skey a Republi c a n M i ssour i ca ul iower a u gr a ti n
a nd a N ew Yorker
N a ture i s lost qu i ckest in a b i g c i ty The c a use is ge o m e t
The strai ght l in es o f i ts streets a n d a rch i
t i c a l n o t m or al
tecture the rect an gul a r i ty o f i ts l aws a n d soc ia l custo m s
the u n de via t in g p a ve m e n ts the h a r d severe d epress in g u n

co mpro m i s in g rules o f a ll i ts w ays even o f i ts recre a t io n s

col d ly e xhi b i t a s n eer in g de an ce o f the cur ved

a n d sports
l in e o f N a tur e
Wherefore i t m ay be s a i d th a t the b i g c i ty h a s d em o n
And i t m ay
s t r a t e d the proble m o f squ a r i n g the c ircle
be a d d e d th a t th i s ma the m at i c a l i n tro duct i o n prece d es a n
a ccou n t o f the fa te o f a K e n tucky feu d th a t wa s im porte d
to the c i ty th a t h a s a h a b i t o f m a k in g i ts im porta t i o n s co n
for m to i ts a n gles
The feu d began in the Cu mberl a n d Moun t ain s betwee n
the Folwell a n d the H a rk ness fa m il ies The rst v i ct im O f
the ho m espu n ve n dett a wa s a possum d og belo n g in g to B i l l
H a rkn ess The H a rkn ess fami ly e v en e d up th i s di re loss by
l ay in g o u t the ch i ef o f the Folwell cl an The Fo l w e l ls were
pro m pt a t rep a rtee They O i le d up the ir squ i rrel r ies a n d
ma d e i t fe a s i ble for B i ll H a rkn ess to follow h i s do g to a l an d,
,

SQUARIN G T H E CIRC LE

99

where the po ssum s co m e d own whe n tree d w i thout the stro ke

o f a n ax
The feu d our i she d for forty ye a rs H a r k n e s se s were
shot a t the plough through the ir l a m p l i t c a b in w i n dows
co m in g fro m c am p m eet i n g a sleep in d uello sober an d
otherw i se s i n gly a n d in fa m i ly groups prep a re d a n d u n p r e
p a re d Fo l w e ll s h ad the br an ches of the ir fa mi ly tree loppe d
a s the tra dit i o n s o f the ir cou n try pre
o ff in s i m i l a r w ays
scr ibe d a n d a uthor i z e d
By a n d by the pru n in g left but a s in gle m e m ber o f e a ch
fam ily An d the n C a l H a rkn ess prob a bly re a so nin g th at
further pursu an ce o f the co n troversy woul d g i ve a too d e
c id e d perso nal a vor to the feu d su dd en ly di s appe a re d fro m
the rel i e v e d Cu m berl an d s b a u l ki n g the ave n g in g h an d o f
S a m the ult i m a te oppos i n g Folwell
A ye ar afterw a r d Sam Folwell le a r n e d th a t h i s here d i t a ry
u n suppresse d e n em y w a s l i v i n g in N ew York C i ty Sam
tur n e d o ver the b i g iro n w a sh pot in the y a r d scr ape d o ff
so m e o f the soot wh i ch he mixe d w i th l a r d a n d sh in e d h i s
boots w i th the co m pou n d He put o n h i s store clothes o f
buttern ut d ye d bl a ck a wh i te sh i rt and coll a r a n d p a cke d
a c a rpet s a ck w i th Sp a rt an l i n g er i e He took h i s squ irrel
r ie fro m i ts hooks but put i t b a ck a gain w ith a s i gh H o w
e ver eth i c al a n d pl aus i ble the h a b i t m i ght be in the Cu m ber
l an d s perh aps N ew York woul d n o t swa llow h i s pose of hu n t
in g squ irrels am o n g the sky scr apers a lo n g Bro a dway An
an c i e n t but rel ia ble Colt s re vol ver th a t he resurrecte d fro m a
b u r e a u dr awer see m e d to procl aim i tself the p in k o f we apo n s
for m etropol i t an a d ve n ture a n d ve n ge an ce Th i s an d a
hu n t in g kn ife in a le a ther she a th Sam p a cke d in the c a rpet
s a ck As he st a rte d m uleb a ck fo r the lowl a n d r a il r o a d
st at i o n the l a st F olwell tur n e d in h i s s a dd le an d looke d
gr i m ly a t the l i ttle cluster o f wh i te p in e sl a bs in the clu m p o f
ce da rs th a t ma rke d the Folwell bury i n g grou n d
Sam Folwe l l a rr i ve d in N ew York in the ni ght S t i l l
m ovin g and l i v in g in the free c ircles o f n a ture he did n ot
erce
i
v
e
the
for
mi
d
a
ble
p
i
t
i
less
restless
erc
a
n
gles
f
h
e
o
t
e
p
.

STORI ES FRO M

1 00

H EN RY

gre a t c i ty wa i t in g in the dark to close a bout the rotu n d i ty

o f h i s he a rt a n d br ain a n d m oul d h im to the for m o f i ts m il
l io n s of resh ape d v i ct im s A c a bby p i cke d h im o u t o f the
wh i rl a s S a m h im self h ad often p i cke d a n ut fro m a be d of
w ind tosse d a utu m n le a ves a n d wh i ske d h im aw ay to a hotel
co mm e n sur a te to h i s boots a n d c arpet s a ck
O n the n ext m or n i n g the l a st o f the Fo l w e ll s m a d e h i s
sort i e in to the c i ty th a t sheltere d the l a st H a rkn ess The
Colt w a s thrust ben e a th h i s co a t a n d secure d by a n a rrow
le a ther belt ; the hu n t in g knife hu n g between h i s shoul d er
bl ad es wi th the h aft a n in ch below h i s co a t coll a r He

kn ew th i s m uch th a t C a l H a rkn ess d rove a n express wa go n

so m ewhere in th a t town a n d th a t he S a m Folwell h ad co m e
to ki ll h im And a s he steppe d upo n the s id ewa lk the re d
ca m e in to h i s eye a n d the feu d h a te in to h i s he a rt
The cl am or o f the cen tr a l a ve n ues d rew h im thi therwa r d
He h ad h a lf expecte d to see C a l co m in g d own the street in
h i s sh irt slee ves w i th a
and a wh ip in h i s h an d just a s
he woul d h ave seen h im in Fr ankfort o r La ur el C i ty But
Perh aps he w a s
a n hour we n t by a n d C a l did n o t a ppe a r
w ai t in g in am bush to shoot h im fro m a d oor o r a w i n dow
S a m kept a sh a rp eye o n d oors a n d w ind ows for a wh i le
About n oo n the c i ty t i re d o f pl ay i n g wi th i ts m ouse a n d
su dde nly squeez e d h im wi th i ts str ai ght l in es
S a m Folwell stoo d where two gre a t rect a n gul ar a rter i es
He looke d four w ays a n d s aw the worl d
o f the c i ty cross
h ur le d fro m i ts orb i t a n d re duce d by sp ir i t le vel a n d t ape to
All l ife m ove d o n tr a cks in
a n e d ge d a n d cor n ere d pl a n e
grooves a ccor d in g to system wi th in bou n dar i es by rote
The root o f l ife w a s the cube root ; the m e a sure o f ex i sten ce
w a s squ a re m e a sure People stre am e d by in stra i ght rows ;
the horr ible d in and cr a sh s t u p e e d h im
Sam le an e d a g ai n st the sh a rp corn er o f a sto n e bu i l din g
Those fa ces p a sse d h im by thous and s a n d n o n e of them were
tur n e d towa r d h im A su dd e n fool i sh fe a r th a t he h ad di ed
a n d w a s a S p i r i t a n d th a t they coul d n o t see h im se i z e d hi m
An d the n the c i ty s m ote h im w i th lo n el i n ess
.

STORI ES F ROM 0

1 02

H E NR Y

the ma ss o f hur ry in g people h i s eye p i cke d up th r ee y a r ds

aw ay the su rv i v in g bloo d y and imp l a c able fo e o f hi s ki th
and ki n
He ste ppe d short and w a ve r e d fo r a m o m e n t b e ing u n
a r m e d and sh arply s u rpr i se d B u t the ke e n m ou n t ain eer s
eye o f Sam Folwell h ad p i cke d h im o u t
There wa s a s u dd e n spr in g a r i pple in the st r e am o f p a s s e r s
by and th e so u nd o f Sam s vo i ce cr y in g :

Howdy C a l ! I m du r n e d gl ad t o se e ye
And in t he an g l e s o f Br o adw ay F i fth A v e nu e and Twen ty
thi rd S treet the Cu m berl and feu di s t s shook h ands
of

TH E COP AN D TH E ANTH E M

Firs t p ub l i s h ed in The Wor ld D ecem b er

Fr m The Fou r M il lio n

r,
Th e iro n y o f fate ! we s a y o n rea d ing this s to ry
4 1 904

with
e Th e im p f th e p ervers e !
But
e s M p p era ted
fr m within ne ver fro m witho u t Th e s t ry is a p erfect ill us trati n

f O H en ry s g e nius in t a king the m ere s t whi ff o r whi m s y f an ide a.

th e mere s t wra ith r g o ss a m er f a thought a n d m a king f it s o m e

thi n g s l id dura ble ap p eali n g

On the techn ical s ide f h is cra ft

say s a writ e r in The S pe cta tor (L n d n Ap ril 7

he h a s
li
b
a
b
l
y
n
v
r
b
ee
n
s
u
r
a
s
e
d
i
t
her
in
fe
r
t
i
t
y
n
e
n
u
i
ty
T
h
e
s
e
o
r
i
e
r
e
p
g
p
o ri g in al th em es o n wh i c h h e wo ve hi s s t rie s a r e o ft e n
f the very
s l ig hte s t de s cri p t i n ; b ut g ive hi m a m an n eri s m a rac ial co n tras t
an inve rted p r verb t o s ta rt w ith a n d h is inven tive p ul ence w u l d

s o o n c l the i t in a wealth f ap p r p riate incident

Wa s O H enry
gre at e r in de s ig nin g s t o rie s o r in clo th ing them with ap p ro p r iat e
in c ident ? M r Fir k in s (s e e n tr ducti n p a g e ix ) w ul d sa y th e
f rm er ; ur a non y m ous E n gl i s h critic the latt er
f the tw r e
q u ir e m e n t s m us t b e d i s t in g u is hed I s h ul d g ive rs t p lac e t

I t i s n o t difcul t t thi n k f
O H e n r y s re s urc ef ul n e s s in l l in g in
a p lan o r pl t o r the sis f r a sho rt s t ry ; but t o esh the s kelet n t
m a ke th e a b s tra ct c n c rete t o h ld th e in t e res t incr e a s ingly fr m
rs t de ta il t las t thi s is the m o s t exigent requirem ent laid up o n
the narrative a rtist Whe n we call a s h rt s t ry rig in al we refer f
c urs e t o th e b lend f them e a n d devel p m ent b ut m o re d is t inctively
Th e irony f fate i s n t a n ve l o r
t o dev elo p men t than t them e

rig inal idea ; Ana to le Fran c e s sho rt s to ry Cr a i n qu e bi l l e d evel p s

the sam e m otif B ut th e in c arn a ti n f th e the m e in S ap y is no vel
rig in a l Is th ere a n y s t ry in ur twenty ve in wh ich y u
an d
th in k th e co mp lem e ntary de ta il fal ls b el w the exc ell ence f the
d e s ign ?
,

Po

Po

o o

o
o
o
o o
o

o
o

o
o

o o
o

be n ch in Madi so n S qu ar e S o apy m ove d u n e a s i ly

Whe n w i l d geese ho n k h i gh o f ni g hts and whe n wo m e n w i th
o u t s e a l sk in co a ts g ro w k ind t o the ir husb and s
and wh en
N

H IS

1 03

STORI ES FROM 0

1 04

H EN RY

S o apy m oves u n e as i ly o n h i s be n ch in th e p ark y o u may

kn ow th a t win ter i s n e a r a t h and
A d e ad l e a f fe l l in S o a py s l ap Th a t wa s Ja ck Frost s
c ar d J ack i s ki nd t o the r e gula r d e niz en s o f M adi so n S qu a r e
and g i v e s fair wa r nin g o f h i s ann u al c a ll A t the cor n ers o f
four streets he h and s h i s p a st e b o a r d t o t h e N orth Wind
foo t man o f t he man s io n o f Al l Ou t doors s o th a t the inh ab i t
an t s t h e reof may ma ke r e ady
So a py s mind bec am e co g ni z an t o f th e fa ct th a t the t im e
h ad co m e fo r h im t o resol v e h im self in to a s in g u lar Co m
m it t e e o f Ways and Me an s to pr o v id e a g ain st the co min g
r ig or And ther efore he m ov e d un e a s i ly o n h i s ben ch
Th e h ib e r n a t o r ia l am b i t i o n s o f So apy were n o t o f the
h i ghest In t he m th ere were n o co ns id era t io n s o f M e di t e r
r a n e a n cru i ses o f s o p o r ic S outher n sk i e s o r dr ift in g in the
V es u v ian B ay Thr e e m o n ths o n the I sl and wa s wh a t h i s
so u l cr a ve d Three m o n ths o f a ssur e d b o a r d and be d and
co ng e nial co mp any s afe fro m Bore a s and bl ueco a ts see m e d
to S o apy t h e esse n ce of th i ngs d es ir able
Fo r ye a rs the hosp i t a ble Bl a ckw e ll s h ad b ee n h is w in t e r
qu a rters J ust a s h i s m ore for t u na te fellow N ew York e rs
h ad boug h t t he ir t i ckets to P alm Be ach and th e R iv i er a e ach
w in t er s o S o apy h ad mad e h i s h u m ble a rr an g e m e n ts fo r h i s
ann u a l he g ir a t o the Isl and And n ow the t im e wa s co m e
O n t he prev ious nigh t three Sabb ath n ewsp apers di str i bute d
ben e a t h h i s co a t about h i s an kl e s and ove r h i s l ap h ad fai l e d
to re p ul se the col d a s he slept o n h i s ben ch n e a r th e spu rt in g
fou n t ain in the an c i e n t squ are S o t he Isl and l o o m e d b i g
and t im e ly in S o a py s mind He sco rn e d the prov i s i o n s
mad e in the nam e o f ch a r i ty fo r the c i ty s d epend en ts In
S o a py s op ini o n the Law w a s m or e be ni g n th an Ph i l an thropy
There wa s an e nd less ro u nd o f in s t i t u t i o n s m u ni ci p a l and
e l e e m o sy na ry o n wh ich h e m i ght s e t out and rece iv e lo d g in g
and foo d a ccor dan t w i th the s im ple l i fe But t o o n e o f
S o a py s pro u d sp i r i t the g if t s o f ch a r i ty a re e n cum be r e d
If n ot in co in y o u m u st p a y in h u mi l ia t i o n o f Sp i r i t for every
be ne t rece i ve d a t the h and s of ph i l an thropy A s C ae s a r
,

STORI ES FROM O H E NRY

1 06

the covete d i s l and w a s n ot to be an ep i cur ea n o n e So m e

othe r w ay o f e n ter in g l imbo m us t be tho u g h t o f
At a corn e r o f Six th Av e n ue e l ectr i c l ig h t s and cu nn in g ly
di spl ay e d wa res beh ind pl ate g l a ss mad e a shop w indow co n
S o apy to o k a cobbles t o n e and da she d i t th rough
S p ic u o u s
the g l a ss People c am e ru n nin g around the cor n er a po l i c e
man in the l e ad S o apy s t oo d s t il l w i th h i s h and s in h i s
pockets and s mil e d a t t he s i g ht o f bra ss butto n s

Where s th e man th a t d o n e th a t ? in qu ire d the of ce r

exc i t e dl y

D o n t you gure o u t th a t I mi ght h a ve h ad so m eth in g

to do wi th i t ? s aid S o apy n ot w i thout s a rca s m but fr i e nd ly

a s o n e g reets g oo d fortu n e
The pol i ce man s mind refuse d to a ccept S o apy e ve n a s a
c l ue Me n who s ma sh w indows d o n o t re main to p ar l ey
wi th th e l aw s mini o n s They t ake to the ir hee l s The
pol i c e man sa w a man h al f w ay d o wn the block running t o
c a t ch a c a r Wi th d r a wn club he jo in e d in the pursu i t
S o apy wi th di sgust in h i s he art l o afe d a lo n g t wi ce u n
succ e ssful
O n the oppos ite s ide o f the street wa s a r est aur an t o f n o
gre a t prete n s io n s It c a tere d to l arg e appet i tes and m o d est
purses I t s crock ery and a t m osphere w er e t h i ck ; i ts soup
and napery th in I n t o t h i s pl a c e So apy took h i s a ccus i ve
shoes and t el lt a l e t rousers wi th o ut ch alle n g e A t a t ab l e
he sa t and co n s u m e d b e efste a k a p ja c k s d ou g h n uts and
p i e And t h e n to t he waite r he betraye d the fa ct th a t the
m in u tes t co in and h im sel f were str an g ers

N ow get busy and ca ll a cop s aid S oa py

And d o n t

keep a g e ntle man w ai t in g

N o cop for yo u se s aid the wai t e r w i th a vo ice l i ke

butter c a k e s and an eye l ike the cherry in a Manh a tt an

cockt ai l
Hey Co n !
N e a tly upo n h i s left e a r o n the c a ll ous p a ve m e n t two
wa i t ers p itche d S o apy He a rose jo in t by jo in t a s a c a r
r
u
le
op
e
n
s
and
b
e
a
t
the
d
ust
fro
m
h
i
s
c
l
othes
A
r
r
s
n
e
e
t
p
res t see m e d b u t a rosy d re am Th e Island see m e d very fa r
.

TH E COP AN D TH E AN TH E M

1 07

away A po l ice man who st oo d b e fore a d rug sto r e t wo

d oors away l au gh e d and w a lke d d o wn the street
Fi ve blocks S o apy t r avel e d before h i s cour a g e pe r mi tted
h im to w o o c a pture a gain Th i s t im e the O pportu ni ty pr e

se n te d wh a t he f a tuously te r m e d t o h im se l f a c in ch
A
y o u ng wo man o f a m o dest and p l e a s in g gu i se wa s st andin g
before a sho w w indow g a z in g w i th Spr i gh t ly inte r est a t i ts
di sp l ay o f sh av in g m ugs and in kst and s and t w o y ar d s fro m
the w ind o w a l a rg e po l i c e man o f seve r e d e m e ano r l e an e d
a gain st a w a ter p lu g
It w a s S o a p y s d es i g n t o a ssu m e the r ol e o f the d esp i c ab l e

and execr a te d ma she r

The ren e d and e l eg an t app e a r
an ce o f h i s v i ct im and the co nt i gu i ty o f the co n sc i e n t i ou s
co p e n cou r a g e d h im t o bel i eve th a t h e wou l d soo n fee l
t h e ple a s an t o fc ia l c l utch upo n h i s a r m th a t wou l d
in sur e h i s w in te r qu ar te r s o n th e r i ght l i tt l e t i ght l i tt l e
i sle
S o apy str ai ghte n e d the l ady m i ss i o nary s r e ady mad e t i e
dr a gge d h i s shr in k in g cuffs in to the Ope n s e t h i s h a t a t a
k il l in g c an t and s id l e d tow a r d the you n g wo man He mad e

ey e s a t he r w a s t a ke n w i th s u dd e n cou g hs and he m s
s mi le d s mi rke d and w e n t b ra ze n ly throu g h the im pu d ent

and co n te mp t ib l e l i t an y o f the ma sher

Wi th h alf an eye
S o apy s aw th a t the po l i ce man w a s w atch in g h im xe d ly
The you n g wo man m ove d a way a fe w steps and a g ain b e
stowe d he r a bsorbe d a tte n t i o n upo n the sh a v in g m u g s
S o apy fo ll o we d bo l d ly stepp in g t o h e r s id e r ai s e d h is h at
and s aid :

Ah th er e Be de l ia ! Do n t y o u wan t t o co m e and p l ay

in m y y a r d ?
The po li c e man wa s st ill l ookin g The pe r secute d you n g
w o man h ad but t o becko n a n ge r and S o a py w oul d be pr a e
t ic al ly e n rout e fo r h is in sul a r h a ve n Al re ady h e ima g in e d
he coul d fee l the cozy w a r m th o f the s t at i o n ho u se The
you n g wo man fa ce d h im and stretch in g o u t a h and c a u g ht
S o a p y s c o a t s l eeve

if you ll b l o w m e t o a p ail
S u r e M k e she s aid joyfu ll y
.

STORI ES FROM 0

1 08

H ENRY

su d s I d h a ve spoke to you soo n er but the c o p wa s

w atch ing
Wi th t h e you ng wo man p l ay ing the cl ing in g i vy to h i s o a k
S o apy wa lke d p a st t he po l ice man overco m e w i th g l oo m He
se e me d d oo m e d to l i berty
At t he n ext cor n e r he shook o ff h i s co m p ani o n and r an
He h a lt e d in the di str i ct wh e r e by ni g ht a re fou nd the l i g h t
e st s t ree t s he arts vows and l ibr e ttos Wo m e n in fu r s and
m e n in gre a t co a ts m ove d gai l y in t he w in t ry air A su dde n
fe ar se i z e d S o ap y th a t so m e dr e adfu l en ch an t m e n t h ad re n
d er e d h im imm u n e to a rres t The t ho u g ht brou g ht a l i tt le
o f p ani c upo n i t and whe n he c am e u po n an o t her pol i ce man
lo u n g in g gr and ly in fro n t o f a tr an sple nd e n t t h e at re he c aught

a t t he imm e dia te s t r aw o f di sor d erl y co nd uct

O n th e s id ewa lk S o apy beg an t o y e ll dr u n ke n g ibber i sh
a t the t o p o f h i s h a rsh vo i ce He dan ce d howle d r a ve d and
o th e rwi s e di stu rbe d the welkin
The p o l i ce man tw irl e d h i s c lub tu r n e d h i s b a ck to S o apy
and re ma rke d to a c i t iz e n :
T i s o n e o f them Ya l e l ad s c e l e b r a t in the g oos e egg th ey
g i ve t o the H a r t for d Col l e g e N o i sy ; but n o h a r m W e ve

in s t r u ct i o n s to l a ve the m be
D i sc o n sol ate S o apy ce a se d h i s u na vail ing r a cket W ou l d
n ever a pol i ce man l ay h and s o n h im ? In h i s fan cy t h e Isl and
see m e d an u na t t ainable Ar c adia H e butto n e d h i s th in
co a t a gain st the ch ill in g w ind
In a c i g ar store he s aw a well d resse d man l ig ht in g a c i g a r
a t a sw in g in g l i g ht H i s s i lk u mbrell a he h ad s e t by the d oo r
S o apy steppe d in s id e secu re d t he u mbrel l a
o n e n ter in g
and s a u n t e re d o ff wi th i t slowly Th e man a t the c i g a r l i ght
fol l owe d h a st i ly

My u m b r ell a he s aid ste r n ly

Oh i s i t ? s n eere d S o apy adding in su l t to pet i t l a r ce ny

Well why d o n t you c a ll a pol i ce man ? I t ook i t You r

u mb r ell a ! Why d o n t you c a ll a cop ? The r e s t and s o n e o n

the co r n er
The u mb re ll a o wn e r s l o we d h i s steps S o apy did l ikew i se;

of

STOR IE S FR OM 0

110

H EN RY

Th e co nju n ct i o n o f S o a p y s r ecept ive st a te o f mind and t h e

in uen ces a bo u t th e o l d church wr ou g ht a su dd e n and wo n
He v i ewe d wi th swift horror the
de r fu l ch an g e in h is s o u l
p i t in to wh i ch he h ad t um ble d the d eg rad e d days u nwor thy
d es ir es d e ad hop e s wr ecke d fa cul t i es and b a se m ot i ves th at
mad e up h is ex i ste n ce
And also in a m o men t hi s he a r t r espo nd e d th r ill in gly t o
th i s n ovel m oo d An in st an t an e ous and stro n g im pulse
m ove d h im to b a ttl e wi th h i s d e sper a te fat e He woul d p ull
h im s e lf o u t o f th e mi re ; he woul d ma ke a man o f h im
self a g ain ; he wo u l d co n qu e r t he e v i l th a t h ad ta ke n
possess i o n o f h im There w a s t im e ; he w a s co m p a ra t iv e ly
you n g yet ; he wou l d resu rrect h i s o l d e a g er am b i t io n s and
purs u e the m w i tho u t fa l t er in g Those sole mn but sweet
organ n o t es h ad s e t up a re vo lut i o n in h im To m orrow he
w oul d go in to the ro a r in g d own t own di str i ct and nd work
A fur importe r h ad o n ce o ffe re d h im a pl a ce a s d r ive r H e
w oul d n d h im t o m o rrow and a s k fo r t he pos i t i o n He
w ou l d be so mebo dy in the wor l d He w ou l d
S o apy felt a h and l aid o n h i s a r m He l ooke d qu i ckly
a rou nd in to the bro ad fa ce o f a po l i ce man

Wh a t a re y o u do in here ? a ske d the of ce r

N
s aid S o apy

The n co m e a lo n g s aid the po l i ce man

Thr ee m o n ths o n the Isl and s aid th e M a g i st rate in t h e

Po l i c e Court the n ext mo rnin g
.

TH E

MA KIN G OF A N E W YOR KE R

Firs t p ub l i s h e d in The Wor ld J anu

Fr m The Tr i mmed La mp
ary 1 1 905 Th e s ec nd p aragrap h is as au t b i g rap hi cal as any
th ing that 0 H en ry ever wr te unl es s p erha p s we excep t a

Th
e
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e
n
d
d
I
h
e
I
m
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t
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V
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C
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:
o
a

n
o
t
a
g
g
f
y
p
p

s aid what is the Vo ice o f this c ity O the r c ities have v ic e s I t

m us t hav e i t
is an ass ignm en t
New Yo rk I co ntin ued in a

ris ing to ne h a d b e tter n o t ha nd me a c igar a n d say : O ld man

can t talk fo r p ub l ic ati n N o o ther city acts in that way C h icago

s ay s un hes ita t ing ly , I w ill ; h iladelp h ia say s I s h uld ; N e w

Or lean s s a y s I u sed t ; Lo u i sv ill e say s D n t care if I do ; S t

Lo u is s ay s E xcu s e me ; P i ttsburg h say s Sm ke u p N w N ew

Y rk
O n e hundred a n d thirty e igh t f O Henr y s s t r ie s
take p lace in N ew Y rk the g rea t c i ty b e ing n o t m erely th e s ta t i n
ary l oca le bu t a c op erat ive age n t in d evelo p ing the p lo t Wha t
Lo ndo n was t o Jo hnso n t Lam b , t o D ic kens wh at Paris w a s to
Vict r Hu go that was New Y rk t o 0 Henry
B ut with a d iffer
E
nce 0 H en ry p ers i s ted t o th e las t in h is endeavo r t b dy fo r th
t h e s p ir i t o f N ew Y rk t o n d i ts cen tral c h arac ter i s t ic s t o d iffer
e n t ia t e i t from o ther c i t ie s to ap p ra i s e a n d p h ras e n t o nl y i t s m re
no ta b le s treets p arks p la c e s e t c b u t i t s dis tinct ive s erv ic e as we ll
I t is n o t m ere descrip tio n in wh ich he excels ; i t is descrip tio n a s an
aid t o characteriz ati n a n d ch a ract erizatio n as an ally o f in t e rp r e
ta t io n
Th is i s a c ity s o run s Ra gg l e s s exp er ience tha t i s c ld a n d
in die r e n t o n the surface b u t warm heart ed s ym p ath e t i c h elp fu l
b eneath th e surfa ce I t i s a L ev i te t ill you are hurt ; the n i t i s a g o o d
S am ar i tan
Th e ver y typ e s that s eem ed t em bo dy th e alo o fness o f

New Y rk are the rs t to re ac h Ra ggl e s s s ide when h e i s d wn

Fr m thi s in d iv idu a l s o l ici tud e s h w n f r the frac ture d Ra g g les o n
the p a vem ent , he p a ss es t o th e rgan ize d a n d ins titutio nal cha rity o f
the h sp ita l
Wh o ever defa mes N e w Y rk n o w has Raggles t o
recko n wi th C ompare wi th th i s cha racteris tic o f New Yo rk th e
a c h ie vem e n t o f th e s a m e c i t y r e corde d in S qu a ri n g the
Ci rcle
p age 97
.

o o

o o

lll

STORI ES FROM

112

H EN RY

B E S IDE S man y oth e r th in gs R a ggl es w a s a poet He w a s

c a ll e d a tr amp ; b u t th at wa s o n ly an el l ipt i c al w ay o f s ay in g
th a t he w a s a ph i losopher an a rt i st a tr a v e l er a na tura l i st
and a di scoverer B u t m os t of a ll h e w a s a po e t In a ll h i s
l ife he n eve r wrote a l in e o f verse ; h e l i v e d h i s po e try H i s
O dyssey wou l d h av e bee n a Lim er i ck h ad i t bee n wr i tt en
Bu t to lin ge r w i th the p r ima ry p ropos i t i o n R a ggl es wa s a
poe t
Ra g gl e s s sp e c ia l ty h ad h e bee n d r ive n to in k and p aper
woul d h ave bee n so nn e t s t o the c i t i es He s t u di e d c i t i es a s
wo m e n stu dy the ir reect i o n s in mirrors ; a s ch i l d re n stu dy
the g lue and s aw dust o f a di sloc a te d d oll ; a s the m e n who
w r ite about w i l d animal s st u d y t he c ag es in t he z o o A c i ty
to R a ggl es w a s n o t m er e ly a p ile o f br icks and mort a r
peopl e d by a c e rt ain n u mber o f inh a b i t an ts ; i t w a s a th in g
w i th a so ul ch a ra c t er i st i c and di st in ct ; an indiv id u al c o n g l o m
cr at i o n o f l ife w i th i t s o w n pecul iar esse n ce a vor and fee l
Tw o thous and mi l es to the n orth and so u th e a st and
in g
west R a ggles w and e r e d in poet i c fervor t a k in g th e c i t i es
to h i s bre a s t He foot e d i t o n d ust y ro ad s o r spe d m a g n i
And
ce n t l y in fre i ght c a rs coun t in g t im e a s o f n o a ccoun t
wh e n he h a d fou nd the he a r t o f a c i t y and l i ste n e d to i t s
secre t co nfess i o n he str aye d o n r e stl e ss t o an o th er Fi ckle

R a g g les ! but perh aps he h ad n ot m et the c i v i c corpor a t io n

th a t coul d e n g ag e and ho l d h i s cr i t i c a l fan cy
Throu g h the anc i e n t poets we h ave le a r n e d th a t the c i t i es
a re fe minin e S o they wer e t o poet R agg les ; and h i s mind
c a rr i e d a co n c r ete and cle a r co n cep t i o n o f th e g u r e th a t sy m
b o l iz e d and typ ie d e a ch o n e t h a t he h ad woo e d
Ch i c a g o s e e me d t o sw o o p dow n u po n h im w i th a bree z y
s u gges t i o n of Mrs P a rt in g t o n p lu m es and p atchou l i and t o
di s tu rb h i s r e st w i th a so a r in g and b e a ut i fu l so n g o f fu ture
p ro mi se But R a gg les woul d aw ake to a se n se o f sh ive r in g
co l d and a h a u n t in g imp ress i o n o f id e a ls l ost in a d ep re ss in g
a ur a of po t a t o s a l ad and sh
Thus Ch i c a go a ffecte d h im Pe rh aps th e re i s a v a g ue n ess
and ina ccu ra cy in the d esc r i pt i o n ; but th a t i s Ra g gl e s s
.

STOR IE S F ROM 0

114

H EN RY

N o coun t r y r ace c l a ss c l i que u ni o n p a r ty c l an o r

man
bowl in g a ssoc iat i o n coul d h av e c l aim e d h im H i s c loth in g
wh ich h ad be en d o na te d t o h im p i e ce m e a l by c i t iz e n s o f
di ffer e n t he i ght but s am e nu mb e r o f in ches a rou nd the he a r t
wa s n o t yet a s u n co mfort ab l e to h i s gur e a s those Spec i
m e n s o f r aim e nt se lf me a sur e d th at a re r ai l ro ad e d t o y o u
by tr an sco n t in en ta l t ai l o r s wi th a su i t c a se suspe nde r s s i lk
h andkerch i ef and pe a r l s t u d s a s a bo nus Wi thout m o n ey
a s a poet shoul d b e but wi th t h e a r d or o f an a st ro n o m e r
discover in g a n ew st a r in the chorus o f the mi lk y w ay o r a
man w h o h a s see n in k su dd e n l y o w fro m h i s fou n tain pe n
Ra gg l es w ander e d in to the g r e a t c i ty
La te in the after n oo n he d r ew o u t o f the ro a r and co mm o
t i o n wi th a look o f d um b te rr o r o n h i s coun te nan ce He
w a s d efe a te d puz z le d d isc o mt e d fr i g hte n e d Other c i t i es
h ad be en to h im a s l o ng pr im er t o re ad ; a s cou n t ry maid e n s
qu i ckly to fa tho m ; a s se nd pr i ce o f subscr ipt i o n wi th an s we r
r ebuses t o solve ; a s oyst er cockt ail s to sw allow ; but h er e w a s
li
o n e a s co l d
g tt e r in g se r e n e im poss i ble a s a four c a ra t
diam o nd in a w ind ow t o a l ove r outs id e n ge r in g damp ly
in h i s pocket h i s r i bbo n cou n te r s a l a ry

Th e g r e et ing s o f t he oth e r c i t i es he h ad kn o wn the i r

ho m e spu n kind l in ess the ir hu man g am ut o f rou g h ch ar i ty
fr i end l y cu rses g a r r u lous cur ios i ty and e a s i ly est imate d
c r e du l i ty o r indi ffere n ce Th i s c i ty o f M anh a tt an gave h im
Lik e a r ive r o f adaman t
n o c l ue ; i t w a s w a ll e d a g ain st h im
i t owe d p a st h im in the str e e ts N e ve r an eye w a s tu r n e d
upo n h im ; n o vo i c e spoke to h im H i s he a rt y e a r n e d for
the c l ap o f P i ttsbur g h s sooty h and o n h i s shou l de r ; fo r
Ch i c a go s m e na c in g but soc ia l y awp in h i s e a r ; fo r the p a l e
and e l eem osy nary st ar e throu g h the Bosto nian ey e g l a ss
e ve n fo r the p r e c ip i t at e but u nmal ic ious boot t o e of L ou i sv i lle
o r S t L ou i s
O n Bro adway R aggle s succe ssful su ito r o f man y c it ies
stoo d b a shful l ik e an y cou n try sw ain Fo r th e rst t im e h e
e xp e r i e n ce d th e po i g nan t hu mil ia t i o n o f be in g i g n ore d
And wh en h e t r i e d t o r e d uce th i s b r ill iant sw ift ly ch ang in g
,9

TH E M A KI NG O F A NEW YORK ER

ice co l d c i ty

115

a fo r mu l a h e fai l e d utter ly Poet thou g h he

w a s i t o e r e d h im n o co l or s imi les n o po in ts o f co m p a r i so n
n o h and le by wh i ch h e coul d
n o a w in i t s p o l i she d f a cets
ho l d i t up and v i e w i ts sh ape and structur e a s he famil ia r ly
and oft e n co n te mp t u o u s l y h a d d o n e w i t h o th e r town s The
houses were in ter min a ble r amp ar ts l oopho l e d for d efe n se ;
the people were br i g h t but b loo d le ss spectres p a ss in g in
s ini ster and se lsh a rr ay
The th in g th a t we i ghe d he av i est o n Ra g g l e s s sou l and
c l o gg e d h i s poet s fan cy wa s t h e sp ir i t o f ab so l ute e g ot i s m
th a t see m e d to s a t ur a te the p e ople a s toys a r e s a tu r a te d w i th
p ain t Each o n e th a t he co n s id ere d appe a r e d a m o n ster o f
a bo minab l e and in sole n t co n ce i t Humani ty w a s g o n e fro m
them ; they were t o dd l in g id o l s of sto n e and va r ni sh worsh i p
p in g the m s e l ves and g re e dy for thoug h o bl i vi o us o f worsh ip
fr o m the ir fel low gr a ve n ima ges Fro z e n c r uel impl ac able
im perv i ous cut t o an id e n t i c a l p a tter n th e y hur r i e d o n the ir
w ays l i ke st atu e s brough t b y so m e mir a c l es t o m o t i o n wh i l e
sou l and f e e l in g l ay u na rous e d in the r e l uct an t ma rble
G radu a l ly R a ggles bec am e co n sc i ous o f ce r t ain types
O n e wa s an el d erly g e n t l e man w i th a s n ow wh i te sho r t be a r d
p ink u nw r in kle d fa ce and sto ny sh a rp b lu e ey e s a tt i re d in
the fa sh i o n o f a g i l d e d youth w h o see m e d t o perso nify th e
c i ty s we a lth ri pe n ess and fr i g id u n co n cer n An other typ e
wa s a wo man t all be a ut ifu l c l e a r a s a s t ee l e n g r a v in g go d
d ess l i ke c a l m clothe d l i ke the p r in cesses o f o l d wi th ey e s
a s co l d ly blue a s the r eect i o n o f su nl i g ht o n a gl a c i er And

an othe r wa s a b y p ro d uct o f th i s to w n o f ma r i o n ettes a

bro ad sw a g g e r in g g r im t h e a t e n in g ly se da te f e ll ow wi th a
jowl a s l a rge a s a h a rvest e d whe a t e l d the co m p l ex i o n o f a
b apt iz e d infan t and the kn uckl es o f a p r i z e gh t e r Th i s
typ e l e an e d a g ain st c i g ar s i g n s and v i ewe d the wor l d wi th
frapp ed co n tu m e ly
A poet i s a sen s i t ive cre a tu r e and Ra ggl es soo n shr i ve l e d
in the ble ak e m br a ce o f the u nde c ipher ab l e Th e ch il l
S ph inx l ike i ro ni c a l illegi b l e u nna t u r a l
r uthless e xp r e ss io n
o f the c i ty l eft h im d ow n c a st and b e w i l d e r e d
H ad i t n o
-

to

STOR I ES FROM 0

116

H EN RY

h e ar t ? Better t h e woo dp il e th e scol din g o f vin eg a r f a ced

housew ives a t b a ck d oo rs the k ind ly Splee n o f b a r te nd ers
beh ind pr o v in c ial free lu n ch co u n t ers t he amiable trucu le n ce
of ru r al co n st ables the k i cks a rr e s t s and h a ppy g o lu cky
ch an ces o f t he other vulgar lou d cru d e c it ies th an th i s fr e e z
in g h e a rtl e ss n ess
R a gg l e s s u mm o n e d h i s coura g e and sou g ht a lm s fro m the
pop u l a ce U nh e e din g re g ar d less they p a sse d o n wi thou t
th e w ink of an eyel a sh t o t es t ify th a t th ey w e re co n sc i o u s
o f h i s ex i ste n ce
And the n he s aid to h im s e lf th a t th i s fa ir
but p i t iless c i t y o f M anh a tt an w a s w i tho u t a so u l ; th a t i t s
inh ab i t an ts were manik in s m o v e d b y w ir es and spr in gs and
t h a t he w a s a lo n e in a gre a t w il d ern ess
Ra g gles s t a rt e d to cross the str ee t Th e re wa s a b l a st a
r o a r a h i ss ing and a cr a sh a s so m eth in g s t ruck h im and
hurl e d h im O ver and over s ix y ar d s f ro m where he h ad b ee n
A s he w a s co min g d own li ke the s t i ck o f a rocket the e a rth
and a ll the c i t i e s thereo f tur n e d to a fr a ct ure d d re am
R a gg les Open e d h i s eyes Fi rst an o dor mad e i t s el f kn own

to h im a n o dor o f the e a r l i est spr ing owers of P a r adi se

And the n a h and soft a s a f a ll in g peta l t o uche d h is brow
B e ndin g over h im w a s the wo man clo the d l ike the pr in cess
o f old
wi th blue ey es n ow so f t and hu mid w i th h u man
sy m p a thy U nd er h i s he ad o n the p a v e m e n t we re s i l ks a n d
fu r s Wi th Ra g g l e s s h a t in h i s h and and w i th h i s f a ce
p inker th an e v er fro m a vehe m e n t burst o f or a tory a g ain st
r eckl ess d r i v in g stoo d th e e l d er ly g en tle man who perso nie d
the c i ty s we a l t h and r ip e n e ss F ro m a n e a rby c a f hurr i e d
the b y pro d uct wi th the v a st jow l and b aby com plex io n
be a r in g a g l a ss fu ll o f a cr im so n u id th a t sugge ste d d el i g ht
ful p o ss ib il i t i e s

Dr in k di s spo r t s aid the b y pro d uct ho l din g the gl a ss

t o Ra g g l e s s l ips
Hun dre d s of peop l e hu dd le d a rou nd in a m o men t the i r
fa ces we a r in g the d e e pest co n cer n Two a t ter in g and gorg e
o u s pol i ce m e n g o t in t o the c i rcle and presse d b a ck th e ove r
p l us o f Sama r i tan s An o l d l ady in a b l ack sh awl spoke
-

A CO S MOPO LIT E IN A C AF E

Fr m Th e Fou r M i ll io n
Firs t pu b l i s h ed in Th e Wor ld Ja nu ary
2 2 1 90 5
D es n o t t h e l e a d ing cha ra cte r h ere s ta nd o u t with t h e
u tm o s t d i s t in c tn es s ? Yo u m a y fo rge t that he w a s n am ed E Rush
m o re C o gl a n b u t s hall y o u ever fo rg e t th e kind o f m a n tha t he w a s ?
H e is n o t a h yp c r i te
H e rml y b el ieve s a s do es the h e ro in B e s t
S e ller th a t h e i s wha t h e i s p ro ve d a t l a s t n o t t o b e
H e is an ex

e m p l a r n o t o n l y o f K i p l in g s qu o te d l ine s T0 the Ci ty of B o mba y b u t

of his later l in e s o n S u s sex :
,

earth to lo ve
B ut s ince o u r he arts are s m all
O rda in ed fo r ea ch o n e sp o t sho ul d p rove
B eloved o ver a ll

G o d gave

a ll

men

ll

I t is gr atly t
e

E Rushmo re C o g l a n

credi t that h e i s s elf d eceived

-

S ay s Tenn y so n :
That m a n s th e
Wh o l ve s h is

b es t C o smo po l ite
nat ive co untry b es t

B u t 0 Henry s p urp o s e is s o clea r a n d th e character p lay s h is p a rt

s o we ll tha t to read th e s to ry i s to r em em b er n o t so m uch th e p lan
as th e cha ra c t er th a t ill u s trate s th e p lan Ye t E Rushm o re C o gl a n
is n o b etter p o rtraye d th an H argr ave s o r J im m y Va l e nt in e o r T ildy
o r M as ie o r Jo h n P e rk in s o r M a da m e B e a um o n t o r S ha rk D o ds o n o r
at leas t a half do zen o f th e ch a ra c ters ye t t o ap p ear Why th e n
i s the cha rge s o m e tim e s b rough t a g a ins t 0 H e nry tha t he fa ile d in
th e ab il ity t o p o rtra y unfo rge tta b le cha ra cters ? H a s h e fa il ed ?
Of c ours e th e c o m p a ris o n m u s t b e mad e wi th o th e r sho r t s to ry
wri ters n o t wi th novel i s ts C a n you m enti on a n y o th er wri ter
l iv in g o r de a d wh o co n ne d h im s el f s tri c tly to th e sho r t s to ry a n d
ye t lo dge d m o re cha ra cte rs (n o t na m es o f cha ra c te rs ) in the m e mo ry
o f mo re readers tha n 0 H enry h a s do ne ? Th e na m e o f th e cha ra c
t e r am ong 0 H e n ry s m o re th an a tho u s a nd m a y no t b e rec all ed

1 18

A CO SMOPO LIT E I N A C AFE

119

h i s re a c tio n t o h i s e nv ironm ent

wha t he o r she d id o r s a i d the d i s t in c t ive trai t of hum an na ture th at
ea ch illus tra ted the o b scure m otive that eac h il lu m ined if th e s e
Co me b ack i s no t the au tho r s ar t v ind ica ted ?
Bu t if the charac ter o f th e chara c ter

Ar

the c af w a s c ro wd e d By so m e ch an ce
t h e l i tt l e t a b l e a t wh i ch I s a t h ad esc ape d the ey e o f in co m
e r s and t w o v a c an t ch ai rs a t i t exte nd e d the i r a r m s wi th
ve nal hosp i t a l i ty to the in u x o f p a tro n s
And the n a cos mopol i te sa t in o n e o f the m and I w a s gl ad
fo r I h e l d a theory th a t s in ce Adam n o tru e c i t iz e n o f th e
wo rl d h a s ex i ste d We he a r o f the m and w e see fore i g n
l abel s o n m uch l ugg a ge but we n d t r ave l e rs in ste ad o f
cos mopo li tes

I in voke you r co n s id e r a t i o n o f the s e e n e th e ma rb le

topp e d t ab l es the r ang e o f l e a th e r u pho l st e re d w a ll se a ts
the ga y co m p any the l adi es d resse d in d e mi st ate to il ets
sp e ak in g in an exqu i s i te v i s i b l e chorus o f t a st e e co n o my
opu l e n c e o r a rt ; the se d u l o u s and l ar g e ss l ov ing ga r co n s th e
m us i c wi s ely c a t e r in g t o a ll wi th i ts r aid s upo n the c o m

pose r s ; the mel a n g e o f t a lk and l a ughte r and if y o u wi ll

the Wti r z b u r g e r in th e t all gl a ss co n es th a t b e nd to you r l ips
a s a r i p e cherry s w ays o n i t s br an ch t o the be a k o f a robbe r
j ay I w a s to l d by a scu lpto r fro m M a uch Chu nk th a t the
s cen e w a s t r uly P ar i s ian
My cos m opo l i te w a s nam e d E Rush m o r e Co g l a n and h e
wi ll be h e a r d fr o m n ext su mm e r a t Co n ey Is l and H e i s t o

est ab l i sh a n ew a tt r a ct i o n the r e he inf or m e d m e o ffer in g

k in g ly div e rs i o n And th e n h i s co n ve r s at i o n r an g a l o n g
p ara ll e l s o f l a t i tu d e and l o n gi tu d e H e took the g r e a t rou nd
wor l d in h i s h and so t o Spe ak fami l iarly co n t e mptuous ly
and i t see m e d n o l a rg e r th an the s ee d o f a Ma r a sch in o cher r y
in a ta bl e d h 6te g r ape fru i t
He spoke di sr e spectfu lly o f the
equ a to r h e sk ippe d fro m co n t in e n t t o co n t in e n t h e d er id e d
the zo n es he m oppe d up the h i gh se a s w i th h i s napk in
Wi th a w ave o f h i s h and h e woul d spe a k o f a c e r t ain b a z aa r
in Hy de r a b ad Wh iff ! He wou l d h ave y o u o n ski s in Lap
'

M IDN IG H T

S TORI ES FROM 0

1 20

H E NRY

l and Zip ! N o w y o u ro d e th e b r e akers wi th the Kana ka s

a t K e a l a ik a h ik i Pr esto ! H e d r a gg e d y o u throu g h an
Arkan s a s post o a k swamp l et y o u dry fo r a m o m e n t o n the
a l ka li pl ain s of h i s I daho r an ch the n wh ir l e d you in to th e
soc i et y o f V i enn e se a rch dukes Ano n he woul d be te ll in g
y o u o f a col d he a cqu ire d in a Ch i c a g o l a ke bree z e and h o w
o l d E s c a m il a cure d i t in Bu e n os A yres w i th a hot infus i o n
Yo u wo u l d h a ve ad dr esse d a l et t e r
o f the ch u ch u l a we e d

to E Rushm o r e C o g l a n E sq th e Ea rth S ol a r S y ste m

the Uni verse and mai l e d i t fee l in g co nd en t th a t i t woul d

be d e l i v er e d t o h im
I w a s sur e th a t I h ad found a t l a st the o n e t ru e cos m opo l i te
sin ce Adam and I li ste n e d t o hi s worl d wid e di scourse f e a rful
le st I sho ul d di scove r in i t the l oc al n ote o f the m ere globe
But h i s op ini o n s n eve r utte re d o r d roope d ; he w a s
t rotter
a s imp a rt ia l to c i t i es coun tr ie s and co n t ine n ts a s th e wind s
o r g r a v i ta t i o n
And a s E Rush m o re Co gl a n p ra ttl e d o f th i s l i ttl e pl an et
I thought w i th g l e e o f a gre a t alm ost cos m opol i te who wrote
fo r th e who l e worl d and de d i c a te d h im self to Bo mb ay In a
p oe m he h a s t o s a y th a t there i s pr id e and r i v a lry betwee n the

c i t i es o f the e a rth and th a t th e m e n t h a t bree d fro m the m

th e y t rafc up and d o wn but cl in g to the ir c i t i es he m a s a

And whe n eve r they w al k

ch i l d t o the m o t h e r s go wn

by ro a r in g stre e ts un known they re me mbe r the i r na t i ve

c i ty m ost f ai thful fool i sh fo nd ; ma kin g her m e re bre ath e d

name the i r bo nd u po n the i r bo nd

And my glee w a s rouse d
beca u se I h ad c au g ht Mr Ki p l in g napp in g He re I h ad
fo u nd a man n ot mad e fro m d u st ; o n e w h o h ad n o na rro w
bo a s t s o f b i r thp l a ce o r coun t ry o n e w h o if he bra gg e d a t all
woul d br a g o f h i s who l e round g l obe a g ain st the M art ian s and
the inh ab i t an ts o f the Moo n
E xpress i o n o n these subjects w a s p rec i p i t a te d fro m E
Rush more C o gl a n by the th i rd corn er t o o u r t ab l e Wh i l e
C o g l a n w a s d escr i b in g to m e the topogr a phy a lo n g th e Si
be rian R ai l way the orches t r a g l ide d in to a m e d ley The

co n cl u ding air w a s D i xi e and a s the e xh il a r a t in g n ote s

.

STOR IE S F ROM 0

H E NRY

wi th s il ve r d o ll ar s sewe d al o n g the se am s fu nny En g li sh me n

spe nd thr ift Yank ees col d b l o o de d S o u ther n e r s na rrow
m ind e d Weste rn e r s and N e w Yorkers w h o wer e t o o busy t o
stop fo r an hour o n the street to w a tch a o n e ar me d groce r s
cl erk d o up cr anberri es in p ape r b a g s Le t a man be a man

and d o n t h an di cap h im wi t h the l a be l o f an y sect i o n

P ar d o n m e I s aid
b u t m y c u ri os i ty w a s n ot a lto
ge th e r an idl e o n e I k now the S outh and wh e n the b and

p l ays D ix i e I li ke to observe I h av e for me d the be l i ef th at

the man w h o app l au d s th a t ai r wi th special vi o l e n ce and O S
te n s ib l e sect i o nal l oy al ty i s in v ar iab l y a nat i ve o f e i the r Se
c a ucus N J o r the di stri ct betwee n Murr ay H i l l Lyc e um
and the H arle m R i ver th i s c i ty I w a s about to put m y
O p ini o n t o the tes t by in qu ir in g o f th i s ge n tle man whe n

o
w
n
in
t
e
rr
pt
e
d
w
i
th
you
r
l
a
r
g
e
r
theo
r
y
I
m
ust
o
u
u
y

co nfess
And n o w the da rkh ai re d youn g man spoke t o m e and i t
b ec ame evide n t th a t h i s mind al so m ove d al o n g i ts o w n s e t
o f g rooves

I sho ul d li ke t o be a per i w in kl e s aid he myste ri ously

o n th e t o p o f a v a ll ey and s in g t o o r a ll o o r a ll o o
Th i s w a s cle arly t o o obscu re so I tur n e d ag ain to Co gl a n

I ve bee n a round th e worl d twe l ve t imes s aid he

I
k n ow an E squ ima u in Upe rna vi k who s e nd s t o C in c inna t i fo r
h i s n eckt ies and I s a w a g o a ther der in Urugu ay who w o n a
p ri z e in a B a ttle C reek bre a kf a st foo d puzzle co mpet i t i o n I
p ay re n t o n a roo m in C ai ro E gypt and an other in Yoko
h ama all th e ye a r arou nd I ve g o t sl i pp e rs w ai t in g fo r m e
in a te a house in Sh an gh ai and I d o n t h a v e to te ll e m ho w
to co o k my e ggs in R i o Ja n e ir o o r S e a ttle It s a mi ghty l i ttle
ol d wo rl d Wh a t s the use o f b ra gg in g about be in g fro m the
N orth o r the S o u th o r the O l d man or house in the dal e o r
E ucl id Ave n ue C l e ve l and o r P i ke s Pe a k o r Fai rf ax Cou n t y
Va o r Hool i gan s Fl a ts o r an y pl a ce ? It l l be a better worl d
whe n we q ui t be in g foo l s a bou t so me mi l dewe d to w n o r te n
a c res o f s w amp l and just bec a use w e h appe ne d to b e bo rn

th e re
,

A C O SM O P O L IT E IN A C AF E

1 23

b e a ge n u in e cos mopo l i te I said admi rin gly

Yo u s ee m t o

But i t also s ee m s th a t y o u w oul d d ecry p a t ri ot i s m

A re l i c o f t h e sto n e a ge d ecl are d C o g l a n w arml y

We

a re a ll b roth e rs Ch iname n En gl i sh m e n Zul us P a t a go nian s

a n d the p e opl e in th e be nd o f th e K a w R i ve r
S o me da y a ll
th i s p e tty p r id e in o n e s c i ty o r S t ate o r sect i o n o r coun t ry
wi ll b e w i pe d o u t and we ll all b e c i t i z e n s o f the w orl d a s w e

ought t o be

But wh i l e y o u a re w ande rin g in fo re i g n l and s I pers i ste d

do n o t you r thoughts re ve rt t o so m e spot so m e d e a r

and

Na ry a spot
in te rr upte d E R G ogl a u ipp a n t l y

The te rrestr i al globul a r pl an et a ry hu n k o f ma tter s l i ghtl y

a tte n e d a t the pole s and kn ow n a s the Earth i s m y a bo de
I ve m et a goo d man y obj e ct bou nd c i t i ze n s o f t h i s cou n t ry
a b ro ad I ve s e e n me n fro m Ch i c a g o s it in a go nd o l a in Ve n
i ce o n a m oo nl i ght ni ght and b ra g a bout the i r d r aina ge c anal
I v e se e n a S outh e rn er o n be in g i n tro d uce d t o th e Kin g o f
En g l and h and th a t m o na rch w i thout b a tt in g h i s eye s the
info r ma t i o n th a t h i s gr and a un t o n h i s m other s s ide w a s r e
l a t e d by m a rr ia ge t o the Pe r k in se s o f Ch a rl e sto n I k n e w a
Ne w Yorke r w h o w a s kidnappe d fo r r an so m by so m e Afgh an
i st an b andi t s H i s peop l e s e n t ove r the m o n ey and h e c am e

b a ck t o Kabul w i th the a g e n t
A fgh ani st an ? the na t i ve s

s aid t o h im through an in terprete r

We ll n o t so sl o w do

o
t
o
th
in
k
Oh
I
d
o
n
t
k
n
ow
s
a
ys
he
and
he
b
eg
in
s
u
?
y
te ll the m about a c a b d ri ve r a t Si x t h Ave n ue and B ro adw ay
Those id e a s d o n t s u i t m e I m n ot t i e d d ow n t o any th in g
th a t i s n t
mi l es in diameter J ust put m e d o wn a s E

Rush m o re G o g l a n c i t i z e n o f the te rrest r ia l sphe re

My cos m opo l i t e mad e a l a rge adi eu and l eft m e fo r h e
thought h e s aw so me o n e th rough the ch atte r and s m oke
who m h e k n ew S o I w a s l eft wi th the woul d b e pe r i wink l e
w h o w a s re d uce d to Wii r z b u r g e r w i thout furth er a b i l i ty t o
vo i ce h i s a sp ir a t i o n s t o pe rch m e l o di ous upo n the summi t o f
a v a ll ey
I sa t re e ct in g upo n m y e vid e n t cos m opo l i te and w o nde r
.

ST ORI ES F ROM 0

1 24

H EN RY

in g h o w th e poet h ad manag e d t o mi ss h im He wa s m y

Th e m e n
di scove ry and I beli eve d in h im How w a s i t ?
th a t bree d fro m the m they tr a fc u p and d own b u t cl i n g t o

the ir c i t i es h e m a s a ch i l d to the m o t h e r s g own

Wi t h th e whole wo rl d fo r
N o t s o E Rushm o re C o g l a n
his
My m e di t a t i o n s we re in t errupte d by a t re me nd ous n o i se
and co n i ct in an o ther p a rt o f the c a f I s aw a bove the
he ad s o f the se a t e d p a tr o n s E Ru sh more Co g l a n and a
stran ger to me e n ga ge d in t erri c b a tt le They fo u ght b e
t wee n t he t a bl e s l i ke T i t an s and g l a sses cr a she d and m e n
c a u g ht th ei r h a t s u p and w e r e k n o cke d d own and a brun e t te

scre ame d and a blo nde be g an to s in g Te a s in g

My c o s m o p o l i t e w a s sust ainin g the pr i d e and repu t a t i o n
o f t he Ea r t h whe n t he w ai te r s close d in o n bo t h co m b a t an ts
wi t h the i r f am ous y in g we d ge for ma t io n and bo re the m out
s ide s t i ll r e s i s t in g
I c a ll e d M c C a r t h y o n e of the F re n ch ga r con s and a ske d
h im the c a use o f the co n i c t

The man wi th the re d t i e (t h a t w a s m y cos m opol i te)

s aid h e got h o t o n a cco u n t o f th in g s s aid about the b u m

s id ew a lks and wa te r supp ly o f the p l a ce he co m e fro m by the

othe r gu y

Why s aid I be w il de re d th a t man i s a c i t i z e n o f t h e

wo rl d a cos m opo l i te
He

co n
O r g in a l l y fro m M a tt a w am ke a g M ain e he s aid

and he woul dn t st and fo r n o kn ockin

t in u e d M c Ca r t h y

t h e p l a ce
.

S TORIE S F ROM 0

1 26

H EN RY

the r i ght the a r i stocr a t i c c l ub man G Van

S ch u y lig h t S u o l k J o n es c am e o u t t o h i s wai t in g m o t o r
c ar wr in kl in g a c o n t u m e l i o u s n ostr i l a s usu a l a t the It a lian
re nai ss an ce sculptur e o f t he so ap p a l a ce s fro n t el e v at io n

S tuck u p o l d st a t u e tt e o f n o t h ing d o in g ! co mm e n te d

the ex S o ap Kin g
The Ed e n M u s e l l g e t th a t o l d fro z e n
N ess e lro d e yet if he d o n t wa t ch o u t I ll h a ve t h i s house
p ain te d r e d wh i t e and blu e n ext su mmer and s e e if th a t ll

ma ke h i s Dutch n ose tur n up any h i gher

And the n An tho ny Rockw a l l who n e ve r c a r e d fo r be ll s

we n t to the d oor o f h i s l i br a ry and sh o u t e d M i ke ! in the

s am e vo i c e th a t h ad o n ce ch ipp e d o ff p i eces o f th e we lk in o n
the Kan s a s pr air i e s

Tell my s o n
s aid An tho ny to t h e an swe r in g m e nial

to co m e in h ere bef o re h e le a ves th e house

Whe n yo un g Rock wa ll e n t e r e d th e l i br a ry th e o l d man
l aid a s id e h i s n ewsp aper l ooke d a t h im wi t h a ki nd ly gr im
n ess o n h i s b ig s moo t h ru dd y coun te nan ce ru mple d h i s m o p
o f wh i t e h air w i t h o n e h a n d a n d r a tt l e d t he keys in h i s pocket
wi t h the oth e r

R i ch ar d s aid An tho n y Rock wa ll

wh a t do y o u p ay

fo r the s o ap t h a t you use ?

R i ch a r d o n l y s ix mo n t hs ho m e fro m co lle g e w a s st artl e d a
l i ttl e H e h ad n ot y e t t a ke n th e m e a sur e o f th i s s i r e o f h i s
wh o w a s a s f ull of un expec t e dn esses a s a g ir l a t he r r st p a rty

Si x d ol l a rs a d o z e n I th in k dad

An d your clo t hes ?

I suppose a bout s i xty d o ll a rs a s a r ul e

I ve
You r e a g en tl e man s aid An tho n y d ec id e dly
h e ar d o f th e se youn g bloo d s spe ndin g $24 a d o z e n fo r so a p
and g o in g over th e h un d re d ma rk for cl o t hes Yo u ve got a s
m uch m o n ey to w a s t e a s an y o f e m and yet y o u st i ck to
wh a t s d ece n t and m o d er a t e N o w I u se th e o l d E urek a
n ot o nly for se n t im e n t b u t i t s th e pure s t so a p mad e Whe n
eve r you p ay m ore th an 1 0 ce n ts a c a ke for so ap yo u b uy
b ad pe rfu m es and l abels Bu t 50 ce n ts i s d o in g very we ll fo r
a youn g man in your g e n e r a t i o n pos i t i o n and co ndit i o n As
n

e i g hbo r

to

M AMMON AN D

TH E AR C H E R

1 27

Th ey s ay i t t a kes th ree ge n er a
t i o n s t o ma ke o n e They r e o ff M o n e y ll do i t a s s l i ck a s
so a p gr e a se It s mad e y o u o n e By hokey ! i t s a l m ost
mad e o n e o f m e I m n e a r ly a s im po l i te and di s a gr ee a b l e
and i ll mann e re d a s th e se two o l d Kni cke rbocke r g en ts o n
e a ch s id e o f m e th a t c an t s l e ep o f ni ght s b e c a us e I boug ht in

betwee n e m

The re a r e so m e th in g s th a t m o n ey c an t a cco mp l i sh
re marke d youn g Rockw al l r a the r gl oo mi ly

N o w d o n t s a y th a t s aid o l d An tho n y shock e d

I
b e t my m o n ey o n m o n ey e ve ry t im e I ve bee n thr ou g h the
e n cyc l op aedia d own t o Y l ook in g fo r so m eth in g y o u c an t buy
wi th i t ; and I e xp e ct t o h a ve t o t a ke up the app e ndi x n ext
week I m fo r m o n ey a gain st the e l d Te ll m e s o m eth in g

mo n ey wo n t buy

an s we re d R i ch ar d r an kl in g a l i tt l e i t
Fo r o n e th in g

wo n t buy o n e in to the exc l us i ve c ir c l es o f soc i ety

O h o ! wo n t i t ? thun d e re d th e ch amp i o n o f the r oot o f

evi l
Yo u te ll m e where your exc l us i ve c ir c l es wou l d b e if
the r st A sto r h adn t h ad the m o n ey t o p a y fo r h i s st ee ra g e

p a ss a g e over ?
R i ch a r d s i g he d

And th a t s wh a t I wa s co min g t o s aid the o l d man l e ss

b o i ste rous ly
Th a t s wh y I a ske d y o u t o co m e in Ther e s
so meth in g g o in g wr o n g w i th y o u b o y I ve bee n n ot ic in g i t
Out wi th i t I g ue ss I co ul d l ay m y h and s
fo r t w o we eks
o n e l eve n m i l l i o n s w i th in twe n ty fou r hour s bes id es th e r e a l
est a te If i t s your li ve r there s th e Ra m bl er d o wn in th e
b ay co a l e d and r e ady t o ste a m d o w n t o th e B ah ama s in t wo

days

N o t a b ad g u e ss dad ; y o u h a ve n t mi ss e d i t f a r

Ah s aid An tho n y ke e n ly ; wh a t s he r nam e ?

R i ch a r d b e g an to w a l k up and d o wn the l i b r a ry oo r
The r e wa s e n ou g h co mrad esh i p and sy mp a thy in th i s c r u d e
o l d f a the r o f h i s t o dr a w h i s co n d e n ce

Wh y d o n t y o u a sk h e r ? d e mande d o l d An tho n y S he ll
jump a t y o u You ve g o t th e m o n e y and th e l ooks and
I said , you r e a ge n t l e m an

STORIE S FR OM 0

1 28

H E NR Y

you r e a d e c e n t b o y Your h and s are c l e an You ve go t n o

E ur ek a so ap o n e m You ve bee n to college but sh e ll

overlook th a t

I h a ve n t h ad a ch an c e s aid R i ch ar d

M a ke o n e s aid An tho ny
T a ke h e r fo r a wa lk in the
p ark o r a s t r a w ri d e o r wal k ho m e w i th he r fro m chur ch

Ch an ce ! Psh a w !

Yo u d o n t k n ow the soc ia l mi ll dad

Sh e s p art o f the
stre am th a t tur n s i t E ve ry ho ur and mi n u t e o f her t ime i s
a rr an g e d fo r days in ad v an ce I m u s t h a v e th a t g i rl dad
o r t h i s to w n i s a bl a ckja ck sw am p fo r ever m ore
An d I c an t

wr i te i t I c an t d o th a t

D o y o u m e an to t ell m e th a t
Tut ! s aid t he o l d man
wi th a ll the m o n ey I v e got y o u ca n t ge t an ho ur o r tw o o f a

g irl s t im e fo r yo ur se l f ?

I ve p u t i t o t o o l a t e Sh e s go in g t o s a il for E urope a t
n oo n day af t e r t o m orrow fo r a t w o ye a rs s t a y I m to
S he s
3 her a lo n e t o m orrow eve nin g for a f e w min u t e s
a t La rch m o n t n ow a t he r a un t s I c an t go t here But
I m a ll ow e d t o me e t her wi th a c ab a t t he G r and Ce n t r al
S ta t i o n to m orrow eve nin g a t th e
train W e d ri ve d o wn
Bro adw a y t o Wa ll a ck s a t a g allop wh e r e he r m other and a
box p arty w ill be w ai t in g for us in the lobby Do y o u th in k
she wo ul d l i ste n to a d ecl ar a t i o n fro m m e d ur in g t h a t s i x o r
e i ght mi n utes und er those c i rcu m st an ces ? N o And wh a t
ch an c e w o u l d I h ave in the the a tre o r af t e rw ar d ? N o ne
N o dad th i s i s o n e t an gl e t h a t you r m o n ey c an t u n r a ve l
We c an t b u y o n e mi n ute o f t im e wi t h c a sh ; if we co ul d ri ch
pe ople wo ul d l i ve l o n g e r There s n o hope o f gett in g a t al k

wi t h Bl i ss Lan t ry before she s ail s

All r i g ht R i ch a r d my boy s aid o l d An tho ny ch e erf ull y

Yo u may r u n al o n g d own to yo u r c l ub n ow
I m g l ad i t
ain t yo ur l i ve r But d o n t forg e t t o burn a few pu n k s t i cks
in the joss ho u se to the gre a t g o d M a z u ma fro m t im e to t im e
Yo u s a y m o n ey wo n t buy t im e ? W ell of co u rse yo u c an t
or der ete rni t y wr appe d u p and d el i vere d a t yo u r re s i d e n ce
fo r a pr i ce but I ve see n Fa the r T im e ge t p re t t y b ad sto n e
.

'

STORI ES FROM 0

1 30

H ENR Y

At Th irty Io ur t h S t reet youn g R i ch a r d qu i ckl y th rust up

the tr ap and or d ere d t he c ab man t o s t o p

I v e droppe d a r in g he ap o l o g i z e d a s he cl i mbe d o u t

It wa s my m o t her s and I d h a t e t o l o s e i t I wo n t d e t ain

a
min
u
t
e
I
s
a
w
where
i
t
fell
o
u
y
I n l ess th an a min u te he w a s b a ck in th e c ab w i th the rin g
But wi th in th a t min u t e a cross t own c a r h ad s t oppe d di
r e c t l y in fro n t o f t he c a b
Th e ca b man t r i e d t o p a ss t o t h e
l eft b u t a he avy e xpre ss wa g o n c u t h i m o ff He t r i e d the
r i g ht and h ad t o b ack a w ay fro m a fur ni t u re v an th a t h ad n o
b u s in ess t o be t here He t r i e d to b a ck o u t b u t d ropp e d h i s
re in s and swore d u t ifull y He w a s b l ock ade d in a t an gle d
m ess o f veh i cl e s and h o rs e s
On e o f those s t r ee t blockades h ad occur re d th a t so met imes
t i e up co mm erce and m o v e m e n t q u i t e s u dde n ly i n th e b i g c i ty

Wh y d o n t yo u d r i ve o n ? s aid M i ss Lan try imp a

W e ll be l a t e
t ie n t l y
R i ch a r d stoo d u p in the c a b and l ooke d a round He s aw
a co n g e s t e d o o d o f w a go n s tr u cks c abs v an s and s t r e e t
ca rs ll in g th e va st sp a c e where Br o adway Six t h Ave n u e
and Th ir ty fo u r t h S treet cross o n e an o ther a s a t we n ty s i x
in ch maid e n l l s her t we n ty t wo in ch g i rdl e An d s t il l fro m
all th e cross s t reets they were h u rry in g and ra tt l in g towa r d
the co n verg in g po in t a t full spee d and hurl in g th e m s e l ve s
in to th e s t ru g g l in g ma ss l ocki n g wheels and addin g th e ir
dr i vers impre ca t i o n s to the cl am or The e n t ire t r af c o f
Manh a t t an se e me d to h a ve jamme d i t se lf a rou nd t he m
The O l d est N ew Yorke r am o n g th e thous and s o f sp e ct a t ors
th a t l ine d th e s idewa lks h ad n ot w i t n esse d a street b l ockad e
o f t he propor t i o n s o f th i s o n e

I m ve ry sorry s aid R i ch a rd a s he resu me d h i s se a t

but i t l ooks a s i f we a re st u ck They wo n t g e t th i s ju mble

l oose n e d up in an hour It w a s m y fa ult If I h adn t
d roppe d the r in g we

Le t m e s e e the r in g s aid M i ss Lan t ry

N ow th a t i t
can t be he lpe d I d o n t c are I th in k the a tres a re stup id
any way
-

MA MMO N AN D TH E ARCH E R

1 31

o cl ock th a t ni ght so mebo dy t appe d l i ght ly o n An

t h o n y Rockwa ll s d oor

Co me in sho u t e d An tho n y w h o w a s in a re d d ress in g

ow
n
r
e
ad
i
n
g
a
book
o
f
i
r
a
t
i
c
a
l
ad
ve
n
t
ures
p
g
S o mebo dy wa s Au n t E lle n loo k in g l i ke a gr ay h air e d an ge l
th a t h ad bee n l ef t o n e a r th by mi s t a k e

They re e n ga g e d A n tho ny s h e s aid softly

S he h a s
pro mi se d to marry o u r Ri ch a r d O n t h e i r w ay t o the the a t re
th e re wa s a s t reet block ade and i t wa s two hours before the i r
c a b co u l d get o u t o f i t

And o h brother An tho n y d o n t e ve r bo a st o f the powe r

A l i tt le e mb l e m o f t rue lo ve a l i tt le r in g
o f m o n ey a gain

th a t sy mb o l i z e d u n e ndin g and un merce nary a ffec t i o n w a s

t he c a u s e of o u r R i ch a r d ndin g h i s h a pp in ess He d r o ppe d
i t in t h e s t r ee t and g o t o u t t o reco ver i t And before they
c o u l d co n t inu e th e blockad e occurr e d He spoke t o h i s l o v e
and wo n her there wh ile the c a b w a s he mm e d in Mo n ey i s

dr oss co mp a re d w i t h t r u e l o v e An t ho n y

s aid o l d An tho ny
I m gl ad the boy h a s
All r i gh t
I tol d h im I woul dn t sp a re any e x
g o t wh a t he w an te d
pe n se in the ma tt er if

B u t brother An t ho ny wh a t goo d co ul d your m o n ey h a ve

do ne ?

Si ster s aid An tho ny Rockw a ll

I v e go t m y p i r a t e
in a d e v i l of a scr ap e H i s sh i p h a s ju st b ee n scut t le d and
h e s too goo d a j u d ge of t he v a l u e of m o n ey to l et dr o wn I

sh yo u wo ul d le t m e go o n w i t h th i s ch apter
The s t o ry sho u l d e nd here I wi sh i t wo ul d a s he a rt i ly
a s you who r e ad i t wi sh i t did But we m ust go t o th e b o t
to m o f the well fo r t ru th
The n e xt day a perso n wi th re d h and s and a b l ue po l ka
d ot neckt i e who c a lle d h im s e lf Ke ll y c all e d a t An tho ny
Rockw a ll s ho u se and w a s a t o n ce r ece i v e d in t he l ibr a ry

We l l
s aid An tho n y re a ch in g fo r h i s chequ e book

w
a
s
f
o
it
a goo d b i l in
so ap Le t s see y o u h ad
in

ca sh

I p aid o u t $300 m o re o f my o wn s aid Ke lly

I h ad
At

11

ST ORI ES FROM 0

1 32

H EN RY

go a l i ttle a b o ve the es t ima te I go t the exp ress w a go n s

and c abs m ostly for $5 ; b u t th e trucks and t wo horse t e am s
m ostly r ai se d m e to $ 1 0 The m o t or me n w an t e d $ 1 0 and
so m e o f the l o ade d t e am s $20 The c 0 p s s t ru ck me h ar d e st
I p aid t w o and the rest $ 20 and $ 25 But didn t i t
work be a u t iful Mr R o ckwa ll ? I m gl ad Wi ll iam A Br ady
wa s n t o n to th a t l i t tle o u t door v e h i cle m ob sce n e I
wo ul dn t w an t Wi l li am t o br e a k h i s he ar t w i th je al ousy
And n e v e r a rehe a rs al e i ther ! Th e boys w a s o n t im e t o the
fr a ct io n o f a s e co nd I t w a s t wo ho ur s before a s na ke co u l d
get below G reel e y s s t a t u e

Th ir t ee n hun dre d there you a re Kell y s aid An tho n y

Yo u r tho u s and and th e $ 3 0 0 you we re

t e a r in g O ff a check

Yo u d o n t desp i se m o n ey d o yo u Kelly ?
ou t

M e ? s aid K e l ly
I c an li ck t he man th a t in ve n te d

po verty
An tho ny ca ll e d Ke ll y whe n he w a s a t th e d oo r

You didn t n o t i c e s aid he

an yw here in the t i e u p
a kind o f a fa t boy wi thou t an y cl othes o n shoot in g a rrows

a ro un d w i t h a bow did you ?

Wh y n o s aid Ke l l y mystie d
I didn t If he w a s

l i ke you sa y maybe t he c o ps p in che d h im before I got ther e

I thought th e l i tt le r a sc al wo u l dn t b e o n h and chuckl e d

An tho n y
G oo d b y Ke ll y
to

STOR I ES FROM 0

1 34

H EN RY

sc i e n t i c co m pound and t h a t the wors t w e w i cke d o n es may

expect i s a ch e mi c a l re a c t i o n Th i s i s a pl e a s i n g hypo t h e s i s ;
b u t t here l in g ers yet so m e of the o l d g oo d ly te rror o f or t h o
d oxy
There a r e but two s ub jects upo n wh i ch o n e may di sco urse
w i th a fr e e ima g ina t i o n and w i t ho u t t h e p o ss i b i l i ty o f be in g
co n troverte d Yo u may t a lk o f yo ur d r e am s ; and y o u may
t e ll wh a t you h e a r d a p a rro t s ay Bo t h Morphe u s and t he
b ir d a re in co mpete n t w i t n e ss e s ; and y our l i s t e n e r da re n ot
a tt a ck yo ur r e c i t a l Th e b a s e l e ss f abr i c o f a vi s i o n t he n

s h a ll fur ni sh my t h e m e c h o s e n w i t h ap o l o g ie s and re g re t s
i n s t e ad o f t he m ore l i mi t e d el d o f pre tt y Poll y s s ma ll t a lk
I h ad a d r e am t h a t w a s s o f a r re m ove d fro m t he h i g her
cr i t ic i s m th a t i t h ad t o d o wi t h th e an c i e n t respec t a ble and
l am e n t e d b a r o f j u d g m e n t t h e or y
Ga br i el h ad pl a y e d h i s t r u mp ; and those o f u s who coul d
I n ot ice d
n o t fo ll ow su i t were a rr ai g n e d fo r e x amina t i o n
a t o n e s id e a g a t her in g o f profess i o na l b o nd s m e n in sole mn
b l ack and coll ars t h a t bu tt o n e d b e h in d ; b u t i t see me d t h e r e
wa s so m e t ro u ble abo u t the ir re a l est a te t i t l e s ; and t hey did
n o t a ppe a r t o be g e tt in g an y o f u s o u t

A y C o p a n an g e l pol i ce man e w o v er to m e and t oo k

m e by the l e ft win g N e a r a t h and w a s a gro u p o f very pros
l
ook
in
sp
i
r
i
t
s
a
rr
ai
n
e
d
f
or
u
d
g
m
e
n
t
ro
s
u
e
j
g
g
p

D o y o u b e lo n g wi t h th a t bun ch ? the po l i ce man a ske d

Wh o a re th ey ? w a s m y an swer

Wh y s aid he they a re
But th i s ir re le van t stuff i s t a k in g up sp a ce th a t t he sto ry
shou l d occu py
D u lc i e worke d in a d e p a rt m e n t s t ore S he so l d Ham burg
e d g in g o r s t u e d peppers o r a u t o m o b i l e s o r other l i tt le
tr in kets s u ch a s t hey keep in d e p a rt m e n t s t o r e s O f wh a t
Dul c i e rece i ve d s i x d oll a rs per we e k Th e r e
sh e e ar n e d
m a in de r w a s cre di te d t o h e r and d eb i t e d t o so m ebo d y else s
a ccou n t in the l e d ge r kep t by G
Oh pr ima l e n e rgy
you s a y Reve r end Doctor
Well t he n in the Le d g e r o f
Pr ima l Ene rgy
,

'

AN UNF IN I SH E D STORY

1 35

Dur in g h e r rst y e a r in t he s t ore Du l c i e wa s p aid ve

d o l l a rs per w e ek I t wo u l d be in str u ct i ve t o kn ow how sh e
l i ve d o n t h a t am o u n t Do n t c a re ? Ve ry w e ll ; prob ably
you a r e in ter e s t e d in l a r g er am o u n ts Si x d o l l a rs i s a l a rg er
am oun t I w i l l t ell y o u h o w sh e l i ve d o n s i x d o ll a r s p e r
week
O n e a fte rn oo n a t s ix whe n Du l c i e w a s st i c k in g he r h a t
p in w i th in an e i ghth o f an in ch o f he r m edu ll a o bl on ga ta

Sadi e th e g ir l th a t w ai ts o n y o u
s h e s aid t o her chu m
w i t h her l ef t s id e :

Say Sad e I mad e a da te fo r dinne r thi s eve n in g w i th

P i g gy

Yo u n e ve r did ! exc l aim e d Sadi e admir in g l y

We l l
ain t y o u the lucky o n e ? P i ggy s an a wf ul swe ll ; and he
a lw a y s t a kes a g i r l to swel l pl a ces He took B l an ch e up t o
t he Ho ffman Hous e o n e eve nin g whe r e they h a ve swe ll
m us i c and y o u se e a l o t o f s we l ls You ll h a ve a swe ll t im e

Dulc i e
Dulc i e hu r r i e d ho m ewa r d H e r eyes we r e sh inin g and

h e r cheeks showe d the d e l i c a te p in k o f l ife s re a l l ife s

a ppro a ch in g dawn I t wa s Fr iday ; and sh e h ad fty ce n ts
left o f her l a st week s wa g es
The s t reets were l l e d w i th the rush hour oo d s o f p e op l e

The e le ctr i c l i g hts o f Bro ad wa y were g l o w in g c all in g m oths

fro m mi les fro m le a g u es fro m hu nd re d s o f le a gues o u t o f
dar k n ess a round to co m e in and a tte nd the s in g e in g schoo l
M e n in a ccur a te c lothes w i th fa ces l i ke those c a rve d o n
cherr y sto n es by the O l d s al ts in s ai lors ho m es tur n e d and
s t a re d a t D u lc i e a s she spe d u nh e e din g p a st the m M an
h a tt an the ni g ht bloo min g cere u s w a s b e g innin g t o unfo l d
it s d e ad wh i t e h e a vy o d o r e d pe ta l s
D u lc i e s t o p p e d in a s t ore where g oo d s we re che a p and
bou gh t an imi t a t i o n l ace co ll a r w i th her fty ce n ts Th a t

m o n ey wa s t o h a ve bee n spe n t otherw i s e ft e e n ce n ts fo r

s u pper t e n ce n ts for bre a kf a st te n ce n ts fo r lun ch An other
dim e w a s to be add e d t o her s ma ll store of s a v in g s ; and v e

ce n ts wa s to be squ and ere d fo r l i co r i ce drops the kind

,

STORI ES FR OM 0

1 36

HE NRY

th a t m ad e your cheek l ook l i ke the tooth a che and l a st a s

l o n g The l i co r ice w a s an ext r a va g an ce a l mos t a c a rous e

but wh a t i s l ife wi t hout ple a sur es ?
D ul c i e l i ve d in a fur ni she d roo m There i s th i s d i e r e n ce
b e twee n a fur ni she d r oo m and a bo a r din g ho u se I n a
fur ni she d r oo m othe r pe o p l e d o n ot kn ow i t whe n you g o
,

D u l c i e we n t up t o he r r oo m t he th ir d oor b a ck in a West
Sid e b ro wn sto n e fro n t She l i t the g a s S c i e n t i sts te l l us
th a t the diamo nd i s t he h a r d est s u bs t an c e kn own The ir
Land l adi es kn ow o f a co mpoun d bes id e wh i ch
mi st a ke
the diam o nd i s a s p u tty
They p a ck i t in the t ips o f g a s bur n ers ; and o n e may st and
o n a ch ai r and dig a t i t in v ain u n t i l o n e s n g ers a re p in k
and bru i s e d A h airp in wi ll n o t r e m ove i t ; the r efo r e l e t us
c a ll i t imm ov ab l e
So Du l c i e l i t the g a s
I n i ts o n e four th c and l e po we r
gl ow w e w ill obse r ve the r oo m

e
Couch be d dr ess r t abl e wa shst and ch ai r o f th i s mu ch
the l and l ady wa s gu i l ty The rest wa s D ul c i e s O n t h e

d r esser we re he r t r e a s u res a g i l t ch ina v a se prese n te d to h e r

b y Sadi e a c a le nda r i ssue d by a p i ckl e wo r ks a b oo k o n the
di v ina t i o n o f dre am s so m e r i ce powd e r in a g l a ss di sh and
a c lu st e r o f a r t ic ia l ch er r i e s t i e d wi th a p in k r i bbo n
A g ain st t he wr in kly mi rror stoo d p i ctures o f G e n er al
Ki tche n er Wi ll iam Mul d oo n th e D u chess o f M a rlboro u g h
and Be n ve n uto Ce l l ini Ag ain st o n e wa ll wa s a pl a s t er o f
P a r i s pl a que o f an O C a ll a h a n in a Ro man he l met N e a r
i t w a s a vi o l e n t oleo g raph o f a l e m o n colore d ch i l d a s
an in amma tory butte ry Th i s w a s Dulc i e s
s a u l t in g
na l ju d g me n t in a rt ; but i t h ad n ever bee n u pset
Her rest
h ad n eve r bee n di sturbe d by w h i spe r s o f s t ole n copes ; n o
cr i t i c h ad eleva te d h i s eyebrows a t he r inf an t i l e e n to molog i st
P i ggy wa s t o c a ll for her a t s e ve n Wh i le s h e sw ift l y
m a kes r e ad y l et u s di screetly fa ce the other w ay and g o ss i p
On
Fo r the roo m Dulc i e p aid t wo d o ll a rs pe r w eek
w eek days her bre a kfa st cost te n ce n ts ; she mad e coffee

S T ORI ES FROM 0

1 38

H ENR Y

a t he rself in the wr in kl y mirror The reect i o n wa s s at i s

f a c t ory The dark bl u e dress tt in g w i tho u t a wr in kle
the h a t wi th i t s j a un t y bl a ck fe a t her t he bu t sl i g h t ly s o i l e d

glov e s a ll represe n t in g se lf d e nia l eve n o f foo d i ts e lf

we r e va stly b e c o mi n g
D u lc ie fo rg o t ever y t h in g e l se for a m o me n t except th a t s h e
w a s be a u t iful and t h a t l ife wa s a bo u t t o l if t a cor n e r o f i t s
m ys t er i ous v ei l fo r her t o o bserv e i t s wo nd ers
N o g e n t le
man h ad ever a sk e d her o u t befor e N ow s h e w a s g o in g
for a br i ef m o m e n t in to the gl i tt e r and e x a l t e d show

The g ir ls s aid t h a t P i gg y w a s a spe nd e r

There wou l d
be a g r and din n er and m us i c and S pl e ndid ly dre sse d l adi es
t o lo o k a t and t h i n gs t o e a t t h a t str an g e ly tw i s t e d t he
N O d oubt
g irl s ja ws wh e n t hey t r i e d to te ll a bout t he m
s h e w o u l d b e a sk e d o u t a g a i n
There wa s a bl u e po n g ee s u i t in a w ind ow th a t she kn e w

by s a v in g twe n t y ce n ts a week in ste ad o f te n in l e t s see

O h i t woul d ru n in t o ye a rs !
Bu t t here wa s a seco nd
h and s t ore in S e v e n th A ve n u e where
S o m ebo dy k n ocke d a t t he d oor Dulc i e O pe n e d i t The
l and l ad y stoo d t her e wi th a spur i o u s s mi l e s nifn g fo r cook
in g by s t o l e n g a s

A g e n tle man s d o wn st air s t o se e you sh e s aid

Nam e

i s M r Wi gg in s
By s u ch e p i thet w a s P i g gy kn o w n to u nfortunat e o nes
who h ad t o t a ke h im s e r i ously
D ul c i e turn e d t o the dr esse r to get he r h andke rch i ef ;
and the n she s t o pp e d s t i ll and b i t h e r un d er l i p h ar d Wh i le
lookin g in her mi rror sh e h ad see n f ai ryl and and herself
a pr in cess j u st aw a ke nin g f ro m a l o n g sl u mber S he h ad
for g o t te n o n e t h a t w a s w atch in g her wi t h s ad b e a u t ifu l

s t ern eyes the o nly o n e there w a s t o a ppr o ve or co nd e mn

wh a t she did S tr ai gh t and sle nd er and t a ll w i th a look
m el an cho l y fa ce
o f sorr o wf ul repro a ch o n h i s h and so m e
G e n e r a l Ki t ch e n e r xe d h i s wo nd erfu l eyes o n her o u t o f
h i s g i lt pho t o g raph frame o n the d resser
Dul c i e t ur n e d l i ke an a uto ma t i c do ll to the l andl ady

AN UN F IN I S H E D S TORY

1 39

Te ll h im I c an t g o sh e s aid d ull y
Tel l h im I m

s i ck or so meth in g Tell h im I m n ot g o i n g o u t
Aft er t he d oor w a s close d and l o cke d D u lc i e fe ll upo n
her be d cr u sh in g h e r bl a ck t i p and cr i e d f o r t e n m i n u t es
G e n er a l Ki t che n e r w a s her o n ly fr i e nd He w a s D u lc ie s
id e a l o f a g a ll an t kni g h t He looke d a s if he m i gh t h a v e a
secr e t sorrow and h i s wo nd erfu l m o u s t a che w a s a d re am
and she w a s a l i tt le afr aid O f t h a t s t e r n ye t t e nd e r look in
h i s e yes S he u s e d t o h a ve l i t t l e fan c i es t h a t h e w o u l d c a ll
a t the ho u se so met ime and a sk f o r her w i t h h i s swor d
c l an kin g a g ain st h i s h i gh boots O n ce whe n a b o y w a s
r a tt l in g a p i ece o f ch ain a g a i n st a l amp pos t sh e h ad ope n e d
the w ind ow and l o oke d o u t B u t t here w a s n o u se S h e
kn ew t h a t G e n er a l Ki tche n er w a s a w a y o v er in J ap an
l e adin g h i s ar my a g ain s t t he s a v a ge T u rks ; and he wo u l d
n e v e r s t ep o u t o f h is g i l t fr am e for h e r Ye t o n e l ook fro m
h im h ad v an q u i she d P i gg y t h a t ni gh t Yes f o r th a t ni ght
Whe n h e r cry w a s o ver D u lc i e g o t u p and t ook o ff her b e st
d ress and p u t o n her o l d bl u e kimo n o She w an t e d n o din

n er She s an g t w o v e rs e s of Samm y
Th e n s h e bec ame
in t e n sel y in t eres t e d in a l i tt le re d speck o n t he s i d e o f he r
n ose An d aft er th a t w a s a tt e nd e d t o sh e d r e w u p a ch ai r t o
t h e r i cke t y t a bl e and tol d her fo r tu n e w i t h an O l d d eck o f
c ar d s

The horr id imp u d e n t th in g ! she s aid a lo u d

And

I n ever g a v e h im a wor d o r a look to ma ke h im t h i n k i t !

A t nin e o cl o ck D u lc i e t ook a t i n box o f cr a ckers and a
l i ttl e pot of ra spberry ja m o u t of her t ru n k and h ad a fe a st
S he offere d G e n er a l K i t che n er so m e j am o n a cr a cke r ; b u t
he o n ly l ooke d a t her a s the s p h in x wo u l d h a v e looke d a t a

b u t t e r y if t her e a re b u t ter ie s in the d e ser t

Do n t e a t i t if yo u d o n t w an t t o s a i d D u lc i e
And
d o n t p u t o n so man y ai rs and sc o l d so w i th yo u r e ye s I
wo nd er if you d be so s u per i o r and s ni ppy if yo u h ad to l i ve

o n s i x d oll a rs a we e k
It wa s n ot a goo d s i g n for D ul c i e to be ru d e to G e n era l
Ki tche n e r And the n sh e turn e d Be n ve n uto C e ll ini fa ce
,

STORI ES FROM 0

1 40

H ENRY

d ownw ar d wi th a severe gestur e But th a t wa s n ot in e x

c u s a b l e ; fo r she h ad a l w a ys thought he w a s He n ry V III
and sh e did n o t a pp ro v e o f h im
At h al f p a st nin e D ul c i e took a l a st l o ok a t the p i ctur es
o n the dr esser tur n e d o u t t he l i ght and ski pp e d in t o b e d
I t s an a wf ul th in g t o g o t o b e d w i t h a go o d ni ght look at
G e n er a l Ki tche n er W i ll i am M ul d oo n t he D u chess o f M a rl
borou g h and Be n ve n u t o C e ll i ni
Th i s story re a lly d o e s n t g e t an ywhere a t a ll The res t

o f i t co m es l a t er
s o m e t i m e whe n P i gg y a sks D u lc ie a g ain
to din e wi th h im and sh e i s feel in g lo n el i er th an u s u a l and
Ge n e r a l Ki t che n er h a ppe n s to be l ookin g th e other w a y ;
and t he n
A s I s aid b e fore I d re ame d th a t I wa s s t andin g n e a r a
crow d o f prospero u s lookin g an gels and a p o l i c e man took
me by the w in g and a ske d if I belo n g e d wi t h th e m

Who a r e t he y ? I a ske d

Wh y s aid he they a re t he m e n wh o h i re d workin g

Ar e
g i rl s and p aid e m v e o r s i x d oll a rs a w ee k t o l i ve o n

you o n e o f t h e b un ch ?

N ot o n yo u r immor t a l i ty s aid I
I m o n l y t h e fe ll o w
th a t se t r e t o an orph an a sylu m and m u r de re d a b li nd

man fo r h i s p e nni es

S TORI ES FROM 0

1 42

HE NR Y

l i ttl e di str i c t wes t o f Wa sh in g t o n S q u a re the stre e t s

h a v e r un cra zy and broke n the m s e l v e s in t o s mall s t ri p s

ca ll e d pl a c e s
These p l aces ma ke s t ran g e an g les and
cur ve s O n e s t ree t cross e s i t s e l f a t ime o r t w o A n a rt i st
o n ce di scovere d a va l u a ble poss i b ili ty in t h i s s t ree t S uppose
a c o ll e ct o r w i t h a b i l l fo r p ain t s p aper and c an v a s sho u l d
in t r a vers in g th i s ro u t e s u dde n ly m ee t h im s e l f co min g b a ck
w i tho u t a ce n t h a v in g bee n p aid o n a cco un t !
S o t o q u a in t o l d G ree nw i ch Vill a g e t h e a rt peop l e soo n
ca me prowl i n g h un t in g fo r n o rt h w ind ows and e i g h t e e n t h
c e n t u ry gabl e s and D u t ch a tt i cs and l o w re n t s The n t hey
impor t e d s o me pe wt er m u g s and a ch an g di sh o r two fro m

Six th Ave n u e and b e c am e a colo n y

A t the t op of a squ a tty three s t ory br i ck S u e and Jo h n sy

h ad the ir s tu di o
One
J o h n sy w a s f ami l ia r for J o anna
w a s fro m M ain e ; th e o th e r fro m C al iforn i a They h ad m e t
a t the t a bl e d h te of an Ei g h t h S t reet
and
fo un d the i r t a s t es in a rt ch i cory s al ad and b i shop s l eeves s o
co n g e nia l th a t th e o in t s t u di o r e s u l t e d
Th a t w a s in M ay I n N ov e mber a co l d u n see n s t r an g er
who m the d oc t ors c a ll e d P n e u m o nia s t alke d abo u t the co l o n y
t o u ch in g o ne here and there w i th h i s i cy n gers O ve r o n
the Ea st Sid e th i s r av a g er s t ro d e boldl y s mi t in g h i s vi ct im s
by scores b u t h i s feet tr o d slowly thro u gh th e ma z e o f th e

narrow and m oss grown pl a ces

Mr P n e um o nia w a s n ot wh a t you wo ul d c all a ch i v a lri c o l d
ge n tl e man A mi t e o f a l i ttl e wo man w i th b l o o d th inn e d by
C al ifornia zephyr s w a s h a r dly fai r g am e for the re d s t e d
short bre a the d O l d d u ffe r B u t JO h n sy h e s m o t e ; and sh e l ay
sc arcel y m o v in g o n he r p ain t e d i ro n be d st e ad look in g
throu gh the s ma ll D u tch wind ow p an es a t t he b l an k s id e o f
t he n e x t br i ck ho u se
O n e m ornin g th e busy doctor in vi te d S ue in t o the h al lway
wi th a sh a ggy g ray eyebrow

She h a s o n e ch an ce in l e t a s s ay te n he s aid a s he

sho o k d own the m erc u ry in h i s cl ini c al th e rm o m ete r

And
th a t ch an ce i s fo r he r t o w an t t o l i ve Th i s w a y pe op l e h ave
IN

TH E LAS T LEAF

1 43

of l inin g u p o n t he s id e o f the und ert a ke r ma kes the e n t i re

h
a
r
ma
cope
ia
l
ook
s
i
ll
y
Y
o
l
i
tt
le
l
ad
y
h
a
s
mad
e
up
h
e
r
u
r
p
mind th a t sh e s n ot go in g t o get well H a s she anyth in g o n

her mi nd ?

She she w an te d to p ain t the B ay o f Nap l es so m e day

s a i d S ue

P ain t ? bosh ! H a s sh e any th in g o n he r mind w or t h

th in ki n g abo u t t wi ce a man fo r in s t an ce ?

A man ? s aid S u e wi t h a je w s h arp t w an g in her vo i ce

Is a man wor th but n o d o ctor ; t here i s n oth in g o f the

kind

Wel l it i s t he we akn ess the n s aid t he d octor

I w ill
d o all th a t sc i e n ce so f ar a s i t may l t er thro u g h my efforts
c an a cc o m pl i sh B u t whe n e v er my p a t i e n t b e g in s t o co u n t
th e c arr ia g es in her f u ner a l process i o n I s u b t r a c t 50 per ce n t
fro m t h e cur a t i ve powe r o f me di c in es If yo u wi l l ge t h e r t o
a sk o n e q u es t i o n ab o u t th e n ew w in ter s tyles in clo a k sleeves
I wi ll pro mi se y o u a o n e in ve ch an ce fo r her in s t e ad o f o n e

in te n
After the d oc t or h ad g o n e S u e we n t i n to the workroo m
and c ri e d a J ap an ese nap k in t o a p ul p The n sh e sw a ggere d
in to Jo h n sy s roo m wi th her d r aw in g bo ar d wh i stl in g
r a g t im e
Jo h n sy l ay sc a rce ly ma kin g a r i pp l e u nde r th e be d cl othes
S ue stoppe d wh i st lin g
Vi t h her f a ce t o w a r d t he w ind ow
t h in kin g s h e w a s a sl ee p
S he arr an g e d her bo ar d a n d be g an a pe n and in k dr aw in g
t o i ll u s t r a te a ma g a z in e s t or y
Yo u n g ar t i sts m ust p ave th e i r
w ay t o Ar t by dr a wing p i c t ur e s fo r ma g a z in e stor i es th a t
you n g a uthors wr i t e t o p ave th e i r w ay to Li t e r a t u r e
A s S u e w a s ske tch in g a p ai r of e l egan t horse show r idin g
t ro u sers and a m o n o cl e o n th e g u re o f the h e ro an I daho
c o wb o y sh e he ar d a low sound sever a l t imes repe a te d S he
we n t q u i ckl y t o th e be d s id e
J o h n sy s eyes were ope n w id e
S h e w a s l ookin g o u t th e

wind ow and coun t in g cou n t in g b a ckw a r d

Twe l ve sh e s aid and a l i ttl e l a te r e le ve n ; and th e n

-

STORI ES FR O M 0

1 44

H EN RY

t e n and ni n e ; and th e n e i ght and seve n a l most

together
S u e looke d so li c i tously o u t of th e wind o w Wh a t w a s t here
to co un t ? There w a s o nly a b a re d re a ry y a r d to be se e n
and t h e bl an k s id e of the br i ck ho u se twe n ty fee t away An
o l d ol d i vy v in e g na rle d and d ec a y e d a t t h e r oots cl im be d
h alf w a y u p th e br i ck w a ll The col d bre a th of a u t u m n h ad
s t ri cke n i t s le aves fro m the v in e u n t i l i t s skel e t o n br an ches
cl un g al mos t b are t o t he cr u mb l in g br i cks

Wh a t i s i t de a r ? a ske d S ue

Si x s aid J O h n sy in al mos t a wh i sper

They re f a lli n g
fa s t er n ow Three da y s a g o th e r e were a l mos t a hundre d
I t mad e my he ad a che to co u n t the m But n ow i t s e a sy

Ther e g oes an o ther o n e There a re o nl y v e l eft n o w

Fi ve wh a t d e ar Tel l your S udi e

Le ave s On th e i vy v i n e Whe n the l a st o n e f al l s I m u st

o
r
r
t
oo
I
ve
k
n
ow
n
th
a
t
f
o
th
e e days D idn t t he d oc t or
g

te ll y ou ?

Oh I n eve r he ar d o f such n o n se n se co mpl aine d S ue

wi th ma g nice n t scor n
Wh a t h ave o l d i vy l e aves to d o
wi th your ge t t in g well ? And you u se d to lo v e th a t v in e so
o
u
na
u
h
t
y
g
i
rl
Do
n
t
be
a
goos
e
y
W
hy
t
he
d
oc
t
or
y
g
to l d m e th i s morni n g th a t your ch an ces for gett in g we ll re al

soo n we re l e t s see ex a ct ly wh a t he s aid h e s aid the ch an ces

were te n t o o n e ! Why th a t s a l mos t a s goo d a ch an ce a s we
h ave in N e w Y ork whe n w e r id e o n the s t ree t c ars o r w alk
p a st a n ew b u i l din g Tr y to t a ke so m e bro th n ow and l e t
S u di e go b a ck to her d r aw in g so sh e c an sell the e di tor man
w i th i t and b u y port wi n e fo r he r s i ck ch i l d and pork chops

for her g ree d y se lf

Yo u n e e dn t get an y m ore w in e s aid J o h n sy keep in g

he r eyes xe d o u t the wind ow

There goes an other N o
I d o n t w an t any bro th Th a t l e a v es jus t fo u r I w an t to

s ee the l a st o n e fall b e fore i t ge ts dark The n I ll go too

Jo h n sy d e a r s aid S ue be ndin g over her w i ll y o u pro m

i se m e t o keep your eyes close d and n o t l ook o u t t he w in
d o w un t il I am d o n e wo r kin g ? I m ust h and those dr a w in g s
,

ST ORI ES FR O M O H EN RY

1 46

O l d Behr man w i t h h i s r e d eyes pl a in ly s t re amin g shoute d

h i s co n te m pt and d e r i s i o n for s u ch idi o t i c imag inin gs

Va ss ! h e cr i e d
Is d er e p e o ple in d e worl d mi t d e r
foo l i sh n ess t o di e b e c a u s e le afs d e y d rop o ff fro m a co nf o u nd e d
vin e ? I h af n o t he a r d of s u ch a t h i n g N o I w i ll n o t bose
,

a s a m o del fo r yo ur fool her mi t d un d er h e ad Vy d o y o u a l

l ow do t s i lly p u s in e ss t o co m e in d er p r a in o f he r ? Ach d o t

poor l e t t l e bl i ss Jo h n sy

S he i s very i ll and we a k s aid S u e and the feve r h a s

l ef t her mind m o rb id and f u ll o f s t ran g e f an c i es Very well
Mr Behr man if you d o n ot c a re t o pose for m e y ou n ee dn t

Bu t I th in k y o u a re a horr id ol d o l d ib b e r t ig ib b e t

Who
Yo u a re j u s t l i ke a wo man ! yelle d Behr man
s aid I v i ll n o t b o se ? G o o n
I co m e mi t y o u Fo r h alf an
ho u r I h af pee n t r y in g t o sa y d ot I am re ad y t o bose G ot t !
di s i s n ot any bl a ce in wh i ch o n e s o g oo t a s M i ss Yo h n sy sh a ll
li e s i ck S o m e day I v i ll b ain t a ma sterp i ece and ve sh a ll a ll

go aw ay Gott ! yes
Jo h n sy w a s sleep in g whe n they we n t ups t airs S ue pulle d
the sh ad e d own t o the w ind ow s i ll and m o t i o n e d Beh r man
in to t he oth e r roo m I n t h e re they peere d o u t t he w ind ow
fe arfully a t t he i vy vin e The n they looke d a t e a ch other for
a m o m e n t w i t ho u t sp e a kin g A pers i s t e n t col d r ain wa s
f al l in g min gle d w i t h s n o w Behr man in h i s o l d b lu e sh irt
t ook h i s se a t a s t he he r mi t min e r o n an up t ur n e d ket t le fo r a
r ock
Whe n S ue a woke fro m an hour s s l eep the n e x t m or nin g
w id e O pe n ey e s st a r in g a t the
s h e fo un d J o h n sy w i th d u ll
dr awn gree n sh ad e

P u ll i t up ; I w an t t o s e e sh e o r d ere d in a wh i sper
We a r i l y S u e obeye d
Bu t l o ! after t he be a t in g r ain and erc e g u s t s o f w ind th a t
h ad e nd ure d thro u g h the l i v elo n g ni g h t t here ye t s t oo d o u t
a g ain st the b r i ck w a l l o n e i vy l e a f It w a s t h e l a st o n t he
S t i ll dark gr e e n n e a r i ts s t e m but w i t h i t s serr a te d
Vin e
e d ges t in t e d w i t h th e yell ow o f di sso l u t i o n and d ec ay i t hun g
br a ve ly fro m a b ran ch so m e t we n ty feet above the g roun d
-

TH E LAS T LEAF

1 47

It i s the l a st o n e s aid J o h n sy
I thought i t w oul d
s u re ly fa ll d u r in g t he ni g ht I he a r d the w ind It w i ll fa l l

t o day and I sh a ll d i e a t th e s am e t i m e

De a r d e a r ! s aid S u e le anin g he r wor n fa ce d ow n t o the

p i ll ow t h in k o f m e i f y o u wo n t th i n k o f yo u rse lf Wh a t

wo uld I d o ?
B u t J o h n sy did n o t an swer The l o n e s o m e s t t h in g in a ll
t he worl d i s a so u l whe n i t i s ma k in g re ad y to g o o n i ts m y s
The fan c y see m e d t o possess her m ore
t e r io u s fa r jo u r n ey
s t ro n g ly a s o n e by o n e t h e t i es t h at b o un d her t o fr i e nd sh i p
and t o e ar t h were lo o se d
The day wore a wa y and eve n throug h the tw i l i ght they
c o u l d se e t h e lo n e i v y le af cl in g in g t o i t s s t e m a g ain st the wa ll
And t he n w i t h t he co min g o f t h e n i gh t t he n or t h w ind w a s
a gain loose d wh i le t he r ain s t i ll b e a t a g ain s t the w ind ows
and p a tt e r e d d own fro m th e low D u t ch e a v es
Whe n i t w a s l i ght e n ou g h Jo h n sy the m e rc i le ss co m
m a n de d t h a t t he sh ad e b e r a i s e d
The i vy le a f w a s st i ll t here
And the n she
J o h n sy l ay fo r a lo n g t im e l ook in g a t i t
c a lle d to S u e who w a s st i rr in g her ch i cke n broth over the ga s
sto ve

I ve bee n a b ad g i rl S u di e s aid J o h n sy
S o meth in g
h a s mad e th a t l a s t le a f s t a y th e r e t o show m e h o w wi cke d I
w a s I t is a s in t o w an t t o di e Yo u may br in g m e a l i t t l e

bro t h n ow and so m e mi lk w i th a l i tt le p o rt in i t and n o ;

br i n g m e a h and mi rror rs t and th e n p a ck so m e p i llows

abo u t m e and I w i ll s i t u p and w a tch yo u cook

A n hour l a ter s h e s aid

S u d ie s o m e day I hope to p ain t the B ay o f Na p l e s

The d oc t or c am e in t he aft er n oo n and S u e h ad an exc u se
to g o in t o the h a llwa y a s he l e ft

E ve n ch an c e s s aid t he d octor t a kin g S u e s t h in sh a kin g

h and in h is
Wi t h g oo d n urs in g yo u l l w in An d n ow I
m u st se e an oth e r c a se I h a v e d own s t ai rs Behr man h i s

nam e i s s o m e ki nd of an a r t i s t I be l i e v e Pn eu mo nia too

He i s an o l d we a k man and the a t t a ck i s a cute There i s n o
.

STORI ES FROM 0

1 48

H E NR Y

hope
h im ; but h e goe s t o the hosp i t a l t o day t o b e ma de

m ore co m for t a ble

The n ext day the d octor s aid t o S ue :
Sh e s o u t o f dan ge r

You ve wo n N utr i t i o n and c a re n o w t h a t s a ll

An d th a t aft e r n oo n S ue c ame t o t h e b e d wh e re Jo h n sy l ay
co n t e n te d ly k n i tt in g a very bl u e and very u s e less woole n
sho ul d er sc arf and p u t o n e a r m a r ou nd her p i ll o ws and a l l

I h a v e so m e th in g t o t e ll yo u wh i t e m ouse sh e s aid

Mr Behr man di e d of p n e u mo nia t o da y in t he h o sp i t a l

He wa s i ll o n ly t w o da y s The j ani t or fou nd h im o n t he
m o rn in g o f t h e r s t da y in h i s roo m d own st air s helpl e ss w i th
p ain H is shoes and clo t h in g were we t t hr o u gh and i cy co l d
T h e y co u l dn t ima g in e wher e he h ad bee n o n such a dr e adfu l
ni ght An d t h e n t he y fo u nd a l an t er n s t i ll li g hte d and a
l add er t h a t h ad b ee n d ra gg e d fro m i t s pla c e and so m e sc a t
t e r e d br u sh e s and a p a le tt e w i th g ree n and yel l ow colo r s

mi x e d o n i t and look o u t the w ind ow d e a r a t the l a s t ivy

le af o n the w a l l D idn t yo u wo nd er why i t n ever uttere d
Ah darl in g it s Behr man s
o r m ov e d whe n the w ind bl e w ?

ma sterp i ece h e p ain t e d i t the r e th e ni g ht th a t th e l a st l e af

fe l l
fo r

STORI ES FR OM 0

1 50

HEN RY

Ther e wa s c l e ar ly n o t h in g to d o b u t o p d own o n the

sh abb y l i tt le co u ch and howl S o D e ll a d i d i t Wh i ch in
s t i g a t e s t h e m or a l r eec t i o n th a t l ife i s mad e up o f sobs
s n if e s and s mi les wi t h s n if e s pre d o mi na t in g
Wh i le t he mi stress o f t h e ho m e i s g r ad u a ll y s u bs idin g f ro m
th e r s t s t a g e t o th e seco nd t a ke a look a t t h e ho m e A fu r
n i s h e d a t a t $ 8 per w ee k
I t d i d n o t e x a c t l y be g g a r d e
scr i p t i o n b u t i t cer t ain l y h ad th a t wor d o n t he l o okout fo r
t he m e ndi c an c y squ ad
I n t h e v e s t i b u l e below w a s a l e t ter b o x in t o wh i ch n o l e tt e r
wo ul d g o and an e l e c t r i c b u tt o n f ro m wh i ch n o m or t a l n g er
co u l d co a x a r in g Also app e r t a i n i n g there u n t o wa s a c a r d

b e a r in g t he nam e Mr J ames D i ll in g h am Yo u n g

The D i ll in g h a m h ad bee n un g t o t h e br ee z e d u r in g a
for m er per i o d o f pr o sp e r i t y whe n i t s possessor wa s be in g p a i d
N o w whe n t he in co m e wa s shr u n k t o $2 0
$3 0 per w ee k

the le t t ers o f D i l l in g h am looke d bl u rre d a s t ho u g h t h e y

were thi n k in g ser i o u sly o f co n t r a c t in g t o a mo d es t and u n
a ss u min g D
But whe n ever Mr James D i ll in g h am Yo un g

c am e ho m e and r e a che d h i s a t ab o v e he wa s c a lle d Ji m

and g re a tl y h u g g e d b y M s J ames D i ll in g h am You n g a l
r e ad y in tr o d u c e d t o yo u a s Dell a Wh i ch i s a ll ver y g o o d
D e ll a n i she d he r cry and a t te nde d t o her ch e eks wi t h t he
powd er r a g S h e sto o d by t h e window and l o oke d o u t d u lly
a t a gr a y c at w alki n g a gr ay fe n ce in a gr a y b a cky ar d To
m orrow wo ul d be Chr i s t ma s D ay and sh e h ad o nl y
wi t h wh i ch to b u y Ji m a prese n t She h ad bee n s a v in g e v ery
pe nny sh e co ul d for m o n ths w i th th i s res u l t Twe n t y d oll a rs
a wee k d oes n t go f ar E xpe n ses h ad bee n g re a t er th an s h e
h ad c al cul at e d
They a lwa y s are O n l y
to b u y a
prese n t for Jim He r J im M an y a h ap p y ho ur sh e h ad spe n t
pl annin g fo r so meth in g n i ce for h im S o me th in g n e and

r are and s t e rl in g so me th in g just a l i ttle b i t n e a r t o be in g

wor thy o f the ho n or o f be in g owne d by J im
There w a s a p i er gl a ss be twee n t he wind ows o f th e roo m
Perh aps y o u h a ve s ee n a p i er gl a ss in an $ 8 at A very th in
and very a g ile pe rso n may by observi n g h i s reect i o n in a
.

TH E G I FT O F TH E M AG I

1 51

ap i d sequ e n ce o f lo n g i t u dina l str ips ob t ain a f air l y a ccur ate

co n cep t i o n o f h i s l oo ks D e l l a be ing sle nd er h ad ma ste re d
the ar t
S u dde nl y sh e wh irl e d fro m the window and stoo d befor e
th e g l a ss Her ey e s were sh inin g br i ll ian t ly b u t h er f ace
h ad l os t i ts color w i th in t we n ty seco nd s R ap id ly sh e pul le d
d own her h ai r and l e t i t f a ll t o i t s f ull l e n g th
No w t h e r e were t w o p o ss e ss i o n s o f the J am e s D i l l in gh am
You ng s in wh i ch th e y b o t h t o ok a mi gh t y pr id e On e w a s
J im s g ol d w a t ch th a t h ad b ee n h i s f a t her s and h i s gr and
f a ther s The o ther w a s D e ll a s h ai r H ad t he Q u ee n o f
S heb a l i ve d in th e a t a cross t h e ai rsh af t D e ll a wo u l d h a ve
l e t her h ai r h an g o u t t h e w ind o w so m e day t o d r y j u s t t o d e
H ad Kin g S olo m o n
p r e c ia t e H e r M aje s t y s jewels and g if t s
b ee n t he jan i t or w i th a ll h i s tre a s ur es p i l e d u p in the b a se
m e n t J im wo u l d h a v e p u lle d o u t h i s w a t ch every t im e he
p asse d j u s t t o see h i m p lu ck a t h i s be ar d fro m e n vy
S o n ow Dell a s be a u t if u l h air fell a b o u t her r i ppl in g and
sh inin g l i k e a c a sc ad e o f brown w a t ers I t re a che d below
her kn ee and mad e i t s e l f al most a g ar me n t for her And
the n sh e d i d i t u p ag ain n ervo u s l y and q u i ckly On ce s h e
f al t e r e d for a min u t e and s t oo d s t i ll wh i l e a te a r o r t w o
spl a she d o n t he wor n r e d c arpet
On we n t her o l d brown j a cke t ; o n we n t her o l d bro wn h a t
Wi th a wh i rl o f sk i r t s and w i t h t h e br i ll ian t sp ar k l e s t i ll in
her e yes s h e u tt e re d o u t t he d oo r and d own the st air s to the
stree t

M m e S o fr o n ie
Wh ere sh e s t o p pe d t he s i g n re ad :

H air G oo d s O f All Kind s

O n e i g h t u p De ll a r an and
coll e ct e d h e rs e lf p an t in g M adame l arge t oo wh i t e ch ill y

h ar dl y l o oke d t h e S o fr o n ie

Will y o u b u y m y h ai r ? a sk e d Dell a

I b u y h a i r s aid M adame
T a ke yer h at o ff and l et s

h a ve a s i g h t a t t he l ooks o f i t
D o wn r ipple d t he br o wn c a sc ade

Twe n ty d oll ars s aid M adam e l if t in g the m a ss wi th a

p r a ct i se d h and
r

STORIE S FR OM

1 52

H ENRY

Gi ve i t to me qui ck s aid D e ll a
Oh and the n ext t wo hour s trippe d by o n rosy win gs Fo r
ge t the h a she d m e t aphor Sh e w a s r an s a ckin g the stores fo r
Jim s prese n t
Sh e fo u nd i t a t l a st It sure l y h ad be e n mad e for J im and
n o o n e e l se The re wa s n o o ther l i ke i t in any o f th e stor e s
and sh e h ad tur n e d all o f the m in s id e o u t I t wa s a pl a t i n um
fob ch ain s imple and ch a s t e in d es i g n prope rly procl aimi n g
i t s va l u e by s u bs t an ce alo n e and n o t by mere tr i c i ous or na

me n ta t i o n a s a ll g oo d th in g s sho ul d be It w a s eve n
wor thy o f Th e Wa tch A s soo n a s sh e s a w i t sh e kn e w t h a t
i t m u s t be J im s I t w a s li ke h im Qui et n ess and v alu e
th e d escr i pt i o n a ppl ie d to bo th Tw e n t y o n e d o ll ars they
took fro m her fo r i t and sh e h u r r i e d ho me wi th the 87 ce n t s
Wi th th a t ch ain o n h i s wa t ch Ji m mi g h t be prope rly anx i ous
about the t ime in any co mp an y G r and a s the w a t ch w a s
he so met imes l ooke d a t i t o n the sl y o n a cco un t o f th e o l d
l e a ther str ap th a t he u s e d in p l a ce o f a ch ain
Whe n De ll a re ache d ho me her in toxi c a t i o n g a ve way a
l i t tl e to p r u d e n ce and re a so n She g o t o u t her cur l in g iro n s
and li gh t e d t h e g a s and we n t to work re p air in g the r a v a g es
mad e by ge n eros i ty add e d t o l o ve Wh i ch i s a l ways a t r e

m e n do u s t a sk d e a r fr i e nd s a mamm o t h t a sk
Wi th in for ty min u t e s her he ad w a s covere d wi th t in y cl os e
l yin g c ur l s th at mad e her look w o n de rq y lik e a t ru an t
schoolboy S he l ooke d a t he r reect i o n in th e mi rr o r l o n g
c arefull y and cr i t i c al ly

s h e s aid to h e rse lf
befo re h e
If Ji m d o e s n t kil l m e
t a kes a seco nd l ook a t m e he ll sa y I l ook l i ke a Co n ey Isl and

chor u s g ir l B u t wh a t co ul d I d o o h ! wh a t co ul d I d o w i th

a d ol l ar and e i gh t y seve n c e n t s ?
A t 7 o clock the c o ffee wa s mad e and the fryin g p an wa s
o n t he b a ck o f the s t ove hot and re ad y t o cook t h e chops
J im w a s n e ver l at e Dell a d o u ble d t he fob ch ain in he r
h and and s a t o n the corn er o f t he t able n e a r t he d oor th a t h e
a l ways e nt e re d The n s h e he a r d h i s step o n th e s t ai r aw ay
d own o n the r st i ght and sh e tur n e d w hi te fo r just a m o
,

STORI ES FROM 0

1 54

H E N RY

h i s D e ll a For t e n seco nd s l et u s re g ar d wi th di scr e et sc r ut

in y so m e in co n sequ e n t ia l o b je c t in t he o t h e r di rec t i o n
E i ght

d oll a rs a week or a mill i o n a ye ar wh a t i s t h e d iffe r e n c e ?

A mathe mat i c ian o r a wi t wo ul d g i ve y o u th e wr o n g a n
swer The mag i brou g h t v al u able g if t s b u t t h a t w a s n o t
amo n g the m Th i s dark a sser t i o n will be i l lum i nat e d l a t er
.

on

J im drew a p a ck a ge fro m h i s ove rco a t pocket and thr e w i t

upo n th e t abl e

Do n t mak e any mi st a k e Dell he s aid a bo u t m e I

d o n t th in k th e re s any th in g in the w ay o f a h ai rc u t or a sh a v e
or a sh ampoo t h a t co ul d make m e l i k e my g i rl any l e ss B u t
if yo u ll u nwr ap th a t p a ck a ge you may s e e why yo u h ad m e

g o in g a wh ile a t r s t
Wh i t e n ge rs and nimb l e to re a t the strin g and p aper
And the n an e cst at i c scre am o f jo y ; and t he n a l a s ! a q u i ck
fe m ini n e ch an ge t o hys t er i c al t e ars and wails n ecess i t a t in g
the imm e di at e e mploy me n t o f all t he co mfor t in g powers o f
the l or d o f the a t

For t h e re l ay The Co mbs t he s e t o f c o mbs s id e and b a ck

th a t Dell a h ad worsh i pp e d fo r lo n g in a Bro adway wind ow
B e a u t iful co mbs p u re t o rt o i s e shell wi t h jewele d r im s
u
l
i
u
s
t
t
he
sh
ad
e
to
we
a
r
in
t
he
be
a
u
t
i
f
v
an
i
sh
e
d
h
a
r
The
j
y
were expe n s i v e co mbs sh e kn ew and h e r he art h ad s imply
cr a ve d and ye a rn e d over the m w i tho u t th e l e a st hope o f
possess i o n And n ow they wer e h e rs b u t th e tresses th at
sho u l d h a v e ad or n e d t he c o ve t e d adornme n t s were go n e
B u t sh e h u gge d the m t o her b o sso m and a t l e n gth sh e w a s

My
a ble to l ook u p wi th dim eyes and a s mi le and sa y :

h ai r g rows s o fa st Ji m !
An d the n Dell a l e a pe d up li ke a li t tl e s in ge d c a t and cr i e d

Oh o h !
J im h ad n o t yet see n h i s be a u t iful prese n t She hel d i t o u t
to h im e a ge rly u po n her o p e n p al m The d u ll prec i o u s m et al
see me d to a sh w i th a r eect i o n o f her br i ght and ar de nt
sp ir i t

Is n t i t a dandy J im ? I h u n te d a ll ove r to wn t o n d i t
.

,
.

TH E G I FT O F TH E MA G I

1 55

You ll h ave t o l ook a t th e t ime a hun d re d t imes a day n o w

Gi ve me your wa tch I w an t to se e h o w i t l ooks o n i t

In s t e ad of obey in g J im tu mb l e d d o wn o n the couch and
p u t h i s h and s u nd er t he b a ck o f h i s h e ad and s mi le d

Dell s aid h e l e t s put o u r Chr i st ma s prese nts aw ay

and keep e m awh i le They re t o o ni ce t o use just a t p re s e n t
I so l d the wa tch to get the m o n ey to buy you r co mbs And

n o w suppos e y o u put th e chops o n

The ma g i a s y o u kn o w were w i se m e n wo nd erfull y w i se

m e n w h o b rought g ifts t o the B a be in t he man g er They

in v e n te d th e a r t o f g i v in g Chr i s t ma s pres e n t s Be in g w i se
the i r g ifts we r e n o d oubt w i se o n es poss i bly be a r in g t h e p ri v i
l e g e o f exch an g e in c a se o f d u pl i c a t io n An d here I h a v e
lam ely r e l a te d to y o u t he u n eve n t f ul chro ni cle of t w o fool i sh
c h il d r e n in a a t w h o m ost u n w i sely s a cr i ce d fo r e a ch oth e r
th e gre a test t r e a sures o f the ir house But in a l a st wor d t o
the w i se o f the s e days let i t be s aid th a t o f a ll wh o g a ve g if t s
th e s e t wo we r e the w i sest
O f a ll w h o g i ve and rece i ve g ifts
such a s t hey a r e wi s e s t E ve ry wh e r e they a r e w i se s t They
a re th e m a g i
,

T H E HAN DB OO K O F H YMEN
ne
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July 1 906 Twic e b efore this s to ry w a s writt en O Henry ha d
s ta ge d a co ur tship in which the two rival su itors a do p t o pp o sed
m e tho ds a n d a y ea r b efo re hi s de at h h e re turn e d to th e co n te s t wi th
fo ur s tra te g ic suitors i n s tead o f two B u t th e c o ntra s t b etw ee n t h e
riva ls is b e tte r b as ed a n d b etter enacted in thi s ro arin g farce than
in ei th er Psy che a n d the P s lcy s cr a p e r or Te l e ma ch u s Fr i e nd or A P oor
Ru l e
Th e co ntras t h ere i s b e tw ee n th e ul tra m atter o ffac t m a n
b e tween the s ta ti s tic al a n d the
a n d the ul tra i m ag inat iv e m a n
In its two le a din g c harac ters the s tory is a s o rt o f
p oe t i c m in d
m inia ture Don Qu ix ote : S a nde rs o n Pratt l ik e S ancho Pan za i s the
factu a l is t ; I da ho G re en l ike the K n ight de la M a ncha is the r o
m a n t ic i s t
Th e fac tuali s t win s o u t tho u gh 0 Henr y s he a r t was
with Om ar n o t with H erk im er Pe rhap s ho wever he m e ant us t o
s e e in t h e charac t er o f M r s S am p s o n a v ict o r io u s defe a t fo r th e u p
ho lder of Omar

From H e
,

a rt o

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the O p ini o n o f myse lf Sand e r so n Pra tt wh o s e ts th i s

d o wn th a t the e d uc a t io na l syste m o f t he Uni t e d S t a tes
s houl d be in the h and s o f the we a ther bure au I c an g i v e
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profess o rs shou l dn t be t ran s f erre d t o the m eteorol o g i c a l d e
They h a ve bee n le ar n e d to re ad ; and t h e y coul d
pa r t me n t
ve ry e a s i ly gl an ce a t t he m or nin g p apers and the n w i r e in t o
the main O fce wh a t k ind o f w e a the r to e xp e ct But t h e re s
the other s i d e o f the propos i t i o n I am g o in g o n t o t el l you
h o w the we a the r fu r ni she d m e and I da ho G r ee n wi th an e l e
gan t e d uca t i o n
We wa s up in B i tte r Root Mou n t ain s ove r th e Mo n t ana
l in e prospect in g for gol d A ch in wh i skere d man in Wa ll a
Wa lla c a rry in g a l in e o f ho pe a s excess b a gga g e h ad gru b
TI s

1 56

STORI ES FR O M

1 58

H ENR Y

q u i ts spe a ki n g to o n e an other We di vi d e s up the cooki n g

imple me n t s and I daho cooks h i s gr u b o n o n e s id e of t he r e
pl a ce and m e o n t he o t her Th e s n ow is up t o t he windows
and w e h a ve t o ke ep a r e a ll da y
Yo u see m e and I dah o n eve r h ad an y e d u c a t i o n b ey o nd

re adin g and d o in g if Joh n h ad t hree a ppl e s and James ve

o n a sl a t e
We n e ver f el t any spec ia l n ee d f or a u ni v e rs i ty
d e g ree t ho u gh w e h ad a cqu i re d a spec i es o f i n t r in s i c in t e ll i
ge n c e in kn o cki n g a ro und t he worl d t h a t we co u l d u se in
e m e rge n c i es B u t s n owbou nd in th a t c ab i n in t h e B i tt e r
Roo t s w e f e l t fo r t he rs t t i m e t h a t i f we h ad s t u di e d Ho m er
or Gr ee k and fr ac t i o n s and th e h i g h e r br an ches o f i nf o r ma
t i o n we d h a v e h ad so m e reso ur ces in t h e l i n e o f m e d i t a t i o n
and pr i va te t ho u ght I ve see n t h e m Ea s t er n c o ll e g e fell o ws
workin g in c amps a ll thro u g h t he Wes t and I n e v er n o t i c e d
b u t wh a t e d u c a t i o n wa s less o f a dr a wb a ck t o e m t h an y o u
woul d t h in k Wh y o n ce over o n Sna ke R i v er whe n And rew
M c Wil lia m s s add le horse g o t t he b o tt s he se n t a buckbo a r d
t e n mi les for o n e o f thes e s t r an gers th a t cl ai m e d t o be a bo t a
ni s t B u t th a t horse d ie d
O n e mor nin g I daho wa s pokin g a ro u nd w i th a s t i ck o n t o p
Two b oo ks fe ll
o f a l i t tle she lf t h a t w a s t oo h i g h t o re a ch
d own t o th e oor I s t a r t e d towa r d e m b u t c a u g ht I daho s
eye He S p e a ks fo r t he r s t t im e in a week

Do n t bur n yo u r n g ers s ays he

I n sp i t e o f the fa ct
th a t you re o n ly t t o b e t he co mp ani o n o f a sleep in g m u d
t ur t le I ll g i v e y o u a squ ar e d e a l And t h a t s m ore t h an
yo ur p ar e n t s did whe n t he y t ur n e d y o u l o o s e in t h e worl d
wi th t h e soc iab i l i ty o f a ra t tl e s na ke and t he be d s id e mann er o f
a fro z e n t ur nip I ll pl ay y o u a g am e of seve n u p t h e w inn e r

t o p i ck u p h i s ch o i c e of t he book t he loser t o t a ke t he o t her

W e p l a y e d ; and I daho wo n He p i ck e d u p h i s book ; and I
t o ok min e The n e a ch o f u s g o t o n h i s s id e o f the house and
we n t t o r e adin g
I n e ver w a s a s g l ad t o s e e a t e n o u n c e n ugget a s I w a s th at
book And I daho looke d a t h i s l i ke a k id looks a t a st i ck
o f c and y
.

TH E HAN DBOOK O F H YM EN

1 59

M in e wa s a l i t t le book abou t v e by s ix in ches c a l le d He r

I ma y
k im e r s H and book o f I ndi spe n s a ble I nfor ma t i o n
be wr o n g but I th in k t h a t wa s t he g re a t es t book th a t e ve r
wa s wr i tt e n I ve g o t i t t o da y ; and I c an s t u mp y o u o r an y
man ft y t im e s in ve min u t es w i t h the inf o r ma t i o n in i t
T al k abo u t S olo mo n o r t h e N ew York Tr i bu n e ! Herki m er
h ad c a ses o n bo t h o f e m Th a t man m u st h a v e p u t in f t y
y e a rs and t r a v e l e d a mi ll i o n mi les to n d o u t a ll t h a t stu ff
There w a s the pop u l a t i o n o f a ll c i t i e s in i t and the w ay t o
te l l a g ir l s a g e and t he n u mber o f t e e t h a c am e l h a s It
tol d you t he lo n g est t u nn e l in the worl d t he n u mbe r o f the
s t a rs how lo n g i t t a kes for ch i cke n po x t o br e a k o u t wh a t a
o
f
ad
y
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n
eck
ou
h
t
to
m
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sure
t
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veto
po
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ers
G
over
n
ors
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l
the dates o f t h e Ro man a que d ucts how many pound s o f r i c e
go in g w i thout t hre e beers a day wo u l d buy t he a ver a g e a n
n u a l te mp e r a t ur e o f Au g ust a M ain e t he q u an t i ty o f se e d r e
qu ire d t o pl an t an a cre o f c a rro t s in dr i lls an t id o t e s fo r po i
so n s t he n um ber o f h ai rs o n a b l o nd e l ady s he ad h o w t o pre
se rve e g g s t he he i g ht o f a l l t he m o u n t ain s in the wor l d and
the da tes o f a ll wa rs and b a tt les and how to res t ore dr o wn e d
perso n s and sun stroke and the n u m ber o f ta cks in a poun d
and ho w t o ma ke dy nami te and owers and be d s a n d wh a t t o

do bef o re the d oct o r co m e s and a hun dre d t im es a s man y

t h in g s bes id es If t here wa s anyth in g He r kim e r didn t kn o w
I didn t mi ss i t o u t of t h e b o ok
I s a t and re ad t h a t book for four hour s All the wo nd ers
o f e d uc a t i o n w a s co m presse d in i t
I forg ot the s n ow and I
forg o t th a t m e and o l d I daho wa s o n the o u t s He wa s s it
t in g s t i ll o n a s t o o l re adin g aw ay wi th a ki nd of p a rtl y soft
and p a rtly mys t er i o u s look sh inin g through h i s t an b a r k
wh i skers

I daho s ays I wh a t ki nd o f a book i s yours ?

I daho m u s t h a v e forg o t t o o fo r he an swer e d m o d er a te
w i th o u t any sl and er o r ma l i g n i t y

Why s ays h e th i s here see m s t o be a vo l u m e by Ho m e r

K M

Ho me r K M wh a t ? I a ske d

STORI ES FR OM O H ENRY

1 60

Why just Ho me r K
s ays he

You re a l ia r s ays I a l i t tle r i le d th a t I d ah o shou ld

t ry t o p u t m e u p a t re e
N 0 man i s g o in g round s i g nin g
b o oks wi t h h i s ini t ia ls If it s Ho m er K M S p o o p e n dy k e
o r Ho m er K M M c S w e e n e y
o r Ho m er K M J o n es why
d o n t yo u s a y so l i ke a man in s t e ad o f b i t in g o ff th e e nd o f i t
l i ke a c al f chew in g o ff the t ai l o f a sh irt o n a clo t hes l in e ?

I p u t i t t o y o u str ai g ht Sand y s ays I daho q u i et

It s

a poe m book s a y s he b y Ho m e r K M I co u l dn t get

color o u t o f i t a t rs t b u t t here s a ve in if y o u follow i t up

I wo u l dn t h a v e mi sse d t h i s book fo r a p ai r o f re d bl an kets

You re welco m e to i t s a y s I
Wh a t I wan t i s a d is in
t e r e s t e d s t a t e m e n t of f a c t s for the mind t o work o n and t h a t s

wh a t I see m to nd in t he book I ve dr a wn

Wh a t you ve g o t s a y s I daho i s st a t i st i cs the l o west

f
n
f
r
ad
e
i
or ma t i o n t h a t exi s t s They ll po i so n your mind
o
g
Gi v e m e o l d K M s syst e m o f sur mi s e s He see m s to be a

kind o f a win e a g e n t H i s re g ul a r to a s t i s n oth in g d o in g

and he se e m s to h a ve a g ro u ch but he keeps i t s o well l u b r i
c a t e d wi th boo z e th a t h i s wors t ki cks sou nd l i ke an in v i t a t i o n

to spl i t a qu a rt B u t it s poetry s ays I da ho and I h a ve

s e n s a t i o n s o f scor n for th a t t ruck o f yours th a t tr i es to co n
vey se n se in fee t and in ch e s Whe n i t co m es t o e xpl ainin g
the in s t in ct o f ph i losophy t hrou g h the a rt o f na tur e O l d
K M h a s g o t yo ur man be a t by dr i lls rows p a ra g r aphs

ches t m e a sur e me n t and a ver a g e ann u a l r ainfa l l

S o th a t s the w ay m e and I daho h ad i t D ay and ni ght a ll
the exc i t e m e n t we got w a s st u d y in g o u r b o oks Th a t s n o w
stor m s ur e xe d u s w i t h a n e lot o f a tt ainm e n ts a p iece By
t he t im e t h e s n ow m e l t e d if you h ad s t eppe d up t o m e su d

de n l y and s aid : Sand erso n Pr a tt wh a t wou l d i t cost pe r

squ a re f o ot t o l ay a roof w i t h twe n t y by twe n ty e i g ht t in a t

nin e d oll a rs and fty ce n ts per box ?

I d h a ve tol d you a s
qu i ck a s l i g ht cou l d tr a ve l the le n gth o f a sp ad e h and le a t
the r a t e o f o n e h u ndr e d and nin ety two thous and mi l es pe r
s e co nd How man y c an d o i t ? Yo u w a ke u p m ost an y man
k
n
ow
in
the
idd
l
e
o f the ni g ht and a s k h im qu i ck t o
o
m
u
y
,

ST ORI ES FROM 0

1 62

H EN RY

y o u l ooke d fro m y o u c o ul d s e e i t a s pl ain a s e gg o n th e ch in

o f an O G r a dy o n a Fr ida y
Twe nt y two m e n in Ros a b e
s id e s m e and I daho wa s t ry in g to st a ke a cl aim o n t h a t ye ll ow
ho u se
There wa s a dan ce a ft er the so n g b o oks and qu ai l bo n es
h ad bee n r a ke d o u t of t he Ha ll T we n t y t hr e e o f t he bu n ch
I
g a ll ope d over t o M r s Sampso n and a sk e d fo r a dan c e
s id e s t ep p e d t h e t wo s t ep and a ske d per mi ss i o n to esco r t h e r
ho m e Th a t s wh e r e I mad e a h i t
O n th e way ho me s ays sh e :

A in t t he s t ars lo vel y and br i g h t t o ni g h t Mr Pr a tt ?

For t he ch an ce t h ey v e g o t s ays I they re hu mp in g

the m sel ves in a mi g h t y cre di t a ble w ay The b i g o n e y o u
I t t ook th ir ty s ix
s e e i s s i x t y s ix b i l l i o n s of mi les di s t an t
ye a rs for i t s li gh t t o re a ch us Wi t h an e i gh t e e n foot tel e
sc o p e y o u c an se e for ty t hr ee m i l l i o n s of e m in cl u din g the m
o f th e th ir te e n th ma g ni t u d e wh i ch if o n e w a s to g o o u t n o w

you wo u l d keep o n s ee in g i t for tw e n ty sev e n hun dre d ye a rs

My ! s ays M r s Sampso n
I n ever k n ew t h a t bef o r e
How wa r m i t i s ! I m a s damp a s I c an be fro m dan c in g s o

m uch

Th a t s e a sy to a ccou n t fo r s a y s I whe n y ou h appe n

to k now th a t you ve g o t two mi ll i o n swe a t g l and s workin g
a ll a t o n ce If every o n e o f your p e rsp ir a t o r y d u c t s wh ich
a re a q u a rte r o f an in ch lo n g wa s pl a ce d e nd t o e nd they

wo ul d r e a ch a di s t an ce o f se v e n mi l es

It sou nd s l i ke an ir r i g a
L a w sy ! s a y s M r s Sampso n
t i o n dit ch y o u wa s d e scr i b i n g M r Pr a tt How d o y o u ge t

a ll t h i s kn owle d g e o f info r mat i o n ?

Fro m obser v a t i o n Mr s Sampso n I tel l s he r

I kee p

m y e y es ope n whe n I g o a bo u t t he wor l d

Mr Prat t s ays she

I a lways did admi re a man o f
e d uc a t i o n There a re s o fe w scho l a rs amo n g th e s a p he ad e d
pl u g u g l i es o f t h i s to w n th a t i t i s a re a l ple a sure to co n ve rs e
wi t h a g e n t le man o f cul t ure I d b e gr a t ie d to h a ve you

c a ll a t m y house whe n ever you fee l s o in cl in e d

An d th a t wa s the way I got the goo d wi l l of the l ady in the
,

TH E H AN DBOOK O F H YM EN

1 63

y ell o w hous e E v ery Tu e s day and H iday e ve nin gs I use d

t o g o there and t e ll he r a bo u t t he wo nd ers of t h e u ni v e rse a s
di scovere d t a b u l ate d and co mp i le d fr o m na t u re by H e rk i
m er I daho and th e o t her g a y L u t her an s o f t he t own go t
e v er y min ut e o f t h e r e s t o f t he week th a t t h e y co ul d
I n ev e r ima g in e d t h a t I da ho wa s t ry in g t o work o n M r s
Sampso n w i t h o l d K M s r u les o f co ur t sh ip t i ll o n e a ft er n oo n
whe n I wa s o n m y way o v er t o t a ke her a b a ske t o f w i l d h o g
pl u m s I me t t h e l ad y co min g d own t he l an e t h a t le d t o h e r
ho u s e Her eye s wa s s napp in g and he r h a t mad e a dan g er
o u s d i p over o n e eye

Mr Pr a tt s h e O p e n s up th i s Mr G r ee n i s a fr i e nd o f

yo urs I be l i e v e

Fo r nin e ye a rs
s ays I

C u t h im ou t s a y s sh e
H e s n o g e n t l e man !

h e s a pl ain in cu m be n t o f the
Why ma am s a y s I
m oun t ain s w i t h a sp e r i t i es and the u s u a l fai l in g s o f a spe nd
thr if t and a l ia r b u t I n e v e r o n t he m os t mo me n t o u s occ a s i o n
h ad the he a r t t o d e n y t h a t h e w a s a g e n t le man I t ma y be
th a t in h aber da sher y and th e se n s e o f a rro g an ce and di spl ay
I da ho o e n ds t he e y e b u t in s id e ma am I ve f o u nd h im
imperv i o u s to the l ower g r ad es of c r im e and o bes i t y Aft e r

nin e y e a rs o f I da ho s soc i e ty M r s Sampso n I w ind s u p

I sho u l d h at e to impute h im and I s hou l d h a te t o s e e h im

imp u te d

It s r i g ht p l a u s i b l e o f y o u Mr Pr a tt
s ays M r s Sam p

so n
t o t a k e u p t he cur m u d g eo n s in yo u r fr i e nd s beh a lf ;
b u t i t d o n t a l t e r t he f a ct th a t he h a s mad e pr o pos a l s t o
m e s u f c i e n tl y ob n oxi ous t o ru f e the i gn o miny o f an y

l ady

Why n o w n ow n o w ! s ays I
O l d I da ho d o th a t ! I
co ul d b e l i e v e i t of myse l f s o o ne r I n ever kn ew but o n e th in g
t o d er id e in h im ; and a bl i z z a r d wa s re sp o n s i bl e fo r th a t
O n ce whil e we wa s s n owbo u nd in t he mo un t ain s h e bec am e a
p re y t o a ki nd o f spur i o u s and u n ev e n poetry wh i ch ma y

h a ve corr up t e d h i s d e me an or

It h a s s ays M r s Sampso n
E ve r s in ce I kn e w h im
.

'

STORI ES FROM 0

1 64

H EN RY

he h a s be e n r ec i t in g to m e a lot o f ir rel ig i o u s rhy me s by so m e

perso n he c a lls R u by O tt and who i s n o b e t t e r t h an s h e

sho u l d be if you j u d g e by her po e t ry

The n I daho h a s str u ck a n ew book s ays I fo r the o n e

he h ad w a s by a man wh o wr i t es und er the n om de p l u m e o f

K M

He d better h a ve s t u ck to i t s ays M r s Sampso n wh at

e ver it wa s And to day he c aps t he vor t ex I g e t a b un ch
o f owers fro m h im
and o n e m i s p inn e d a n o t e N o w
M r Pr a t t yo u kn o w a l ad y whe n y o u se e her ; and yo u kn ow
how I s t and in Ros a soc ie t y D o y o u t h in k fo r a m o me nt
t h a t I d skip o u t t o t h e w oo d s wi t h a man alo n g w i t h a j u g
o f w in e and a l o af of bre ad and g o s i n g i n g and c a v o r t i n g u p
and d o wn u nd e r the t rees wi t h h im ? I t a ke a l i ttl e cl aret
w i t h my m e a ls b u t I m n o t in t he h ab i t o f p a ckin g a ju g o f
i t in t o th e br u sh and r ai s in g C ain in any s u ch s tyle a s th a t
And o f co u r se h e d br i n g h i s book o f verses al o n g too He
s aid so Le t h i m go o n h i s s c andal o u s p i cni cs a lo n e ! O r
le t h i m t a ke h i s Ru by Ott w i th h i m I recko n she wo u l dn t
ki ck un l e ss i t w a s o n a cco u n t o f t h e re be in g t oo much bre a d
a l o n g And wh a t d o you th in k o f your ge n t le man fr i e nd

n ow Mr Pr a t t ?

We ll m s ays I i t may be th a t I daho s in v i t at i o n w a s

a kind o f p o e t ry and me an t n o h ar m M ay b e i t b e l o n g e d
to the cl a ss o f rhy m es they c all g ur a t i v e They o ffe nd
l a w and or d er bu t they g e t s e n t thr o u gh the mai ls o n the
Id
g ro un d s t h a t t hey m e an so m eth in g th a t they d o n t sa y

b e g l ad o n I daho s a cco un t if you d o verlook i t s ays I and

l et u s e xtr i c a t e o u r mind s fro m t he l ow r e g i o n s o f poetr y to
the h i gher p l an es o f fa ct and fancy O n a be au t ifu l aftern oo n

l i ke th i s Mr s Sampso n I goes o n
we sho u l d l e t o ur
though t s d we ll a cco r din g l y Tho u g h i t i s w ar m h e r e we
shoul d re me mber th a t a t th e equ a tor the l in e o f perpe t u a l
frost i s a t an alt i t u d e o f ftee n thous and fe e t Betwee n
the l a t i t u des o f for ty d egrees and for ty nin e degre e s i t i s

fro m fo u r thous and to nin e tho u s and fee t

Oh Mr Pr a tt s ays Mr s Sampso n i t s such a co mfo rt

,

S T ORI ES FR OM O H EN RY

1 66

I fe l t i t in my h and s I recko n I w a s so m e daffy wi th the s e n

s a t i o n o f e xc i t e m e n t

Herky O l d b o y I s ays t o i t a s I i pp e d o ver the p a ges

o
u
ain
t
ever
l
i
e
d
t
o
m
e
ye
t
and
o
u
ain
t
e
v
e
r
t
h
rowe
d
y
y
m e d own a t a scr a t ch y e t Tell me wh a t o l d boy te ll me

wh a t ! s ays I

I tu r n e d t o Wh a t to d o in C a se of Acc ide n t s o n p a ge
I r un m y n g er d own t h e p a g e and s t r u ck i t G oo d
117
O l d H e rk im er he n ever overlooke d any t h in g ! I t s aid :

i s no thi n g
the outer corn er of the eye
G AS

S UF FO C ATI ON FR O M IN H AL I N G S M OK E O R

b e tte r tha n a x s e e d

Pla ce a few s eed in

The re

I shove d t h e H andbook b ack in my pocket and g rabbe d

a b o y th a t w a s r u nnin g by

Here s a y s I g iv i n g h i m s o m e m o n ey r u n to the d r u g
s t o r e and br in g a d oll ar s w o r t h o f a xse e d H ur ry and

yo u ll g e t ano t her o n e fo r yo urse lf N ow I s in gs o u t t o

t he crowd we ll h ave M r s Sampso n !

And I throws aw ay
my c o at and h a t
F o ur o f t he re me n and c it i z e n s gr abs ho l d o f m e It s
sur e d e ath t h e y s ay t o go in th e house fo r the oo r s wa s
be g innin g t o f all t hro u gh

I s in gs o u t k ind of l augh in g yet but n ot

H o w in bl a zes

feel in g l i ke i t d o you e xpect m e to p u t a xse e d in a eye

w i th o u t t he eye ?
I j abbe d e a ch e l bow in a r e m a n s fa ce ki cke d the b ark
o ff o f o n e c i t i z e n s sh in and t r i pp e d t he o t her o n e w i t h a s id e
hol d And t he n I b u s t e d in t o t he ho u se If I di e r s t I ll
wr i t e y o u a l e tter and t e ll yo u i f i t s an y worse d own t here
th an the in s id e o f th a t yellow h o u s e w a s ; b u t do n t bel i e v e i t
yet I w a s a h e ap m or e cooke d th an t he h urry u p or ders
o f bro i le d ch i cke n t h a t y o u g e t in res t a ur an ts
Th e r e
and s moke h ad m e d own o n th e oor t wi ce and wa s abo u t t o
sh am e Herkimer b u t the r e m e n h e lp e d m e w i th th e ir l i tt le
s t re am o f w ater and I g o t t o Mrs Sampso n s roo m S he d
l ost co n sc i e n t ious n e ss fro m the s moke so I wr appe d h e r in
,

TH E HAN DBOOK O F HYM E N

th e

1 67

be d cl othes and go t her o n m y shoul d er Wel l th e oors

wa s n t a s b ad a s they s aid o r I n ever cou l d h ave d o n e it
n o t by n o m e an s
I c arr i e d h e r o u t fty y a r d s fro m t he house and l aid h e r o n
the gr a ss The n o f co urse every o n e o f the m oth e r twe n ty
t w o p l ain t i ffs t o the l ady s h and c r ow d e d around w i th t in
d i ppers o f w at er re ady t o s ave h e r And up r u n s the boy
w i th t he a x se e d
I u n wr appe d the cove r s fr o m Mr s Sampso n s h e ad S he
O pe n e d her ey e s and s ays :

Is th a t you Mr Pr a tt ?

s ays I
Do n t t al k t i l l you ve h ad th e re me dy
S s sh
I ru n s my ar m a ro u nd her n eck and r ai ses her he ad ge n t le
and bre a ks the b a g o f a xs e e d wi t h t he o t h e r h and ; and a s
e a sy a s I coul d I be nd s over and sl ips t hree o r fo ur o f the se e d s
in the oute r co rn er o f her eye
Up g allops t he v i ll a g e d oc by th i s t im e and s n orts a ro und
and gr abs a t Mrs Sampso n s p u lse and w an t s to kn ow wh a t
I m e an by any s u ch s andbl a s t e d n o n s e n s e

Well o l d J al ap and Jer u s ale m o a k s e e d s ays I

Im
n o regul a r pr a ct i t i o n er
b u t I ll S how you my a utho r i ty

an y w ay
They fe t ch e d my co at and I ge t s o u t the H and book

Look o n p a ge
s ays I a t the re m e dy for s u ffo ca
t i o n by s moke or ga s F l axse e d in t he o u t er cor n er o f t he
eye i t s ays I d o n t kn ow whe t her i t works a s a s moke c o n
su mer or whe ther i t h i k e s the co mpo u nd g a stro h ippopot am us
n erve in t o a c t i o n b u t Herkimer s ays i t and he w a s c alle d
t o t he c a se r s t
If y o u wan t t o ma ke i t a co n sul t a t i o n

there s n o objec t i o n
Ol d d oc t a kes the book and looks a t i t by me an s o f h i s
specs and a r e m a n s l an ter n

n
o
Well Mr Pr a t t s ays he
u
ev
id
e
n
t
l
y
got
th e
o
y
wro n g l in e in re adin g your d i a g n os i s The rec ipe fo r s u ffo ca

t i o n s ays : G e t the p a t ie n t in t o fresh ai r a s q u i ckly a s poss i ble

and pl a ce in a recl inin g p o s i t i o n
Th e a x se e d re me d y i s

But
fo r Dus t and C ind ers in t he E y e o n th e lin e a bove
a ft e r all
,

ST ORIE S FROM 0

1 68

H E NR Y

See h e re in te rr upts M r s Sampso n I r e cko n I ve go t

so me th in g to s a y in t h i s co n s ul t a t i o n Th a t a x se e d d o n e

m e m ore goo d t h an any th in g I e ve r tr i e d

And the n s h e
r ai ses up her he ad and l a y s i t b a ck o n my a r m a g ain a n d

s ays : Put so me in the other eye Sandy d e ar

A nd so if yo u w a s t o stop o ff a t Ros a t o mo rro w o r a n y
other day y ou d see a n e n e w y ell ow house wi th M s Pr att
t h a t w a s Mrs Sampso n e mbell i sh in g and ad or nin g i t And
if yo u w a s to st e p in s i d e yo u d se e o n th e marbl e t o p ce n tre

t a ble in t he p a rlor H erkimer s H and book O f I ndi sp e n s able

Inf or ma t i o n all rebo u nd in re d mor o cc o and re ad y t o be

co n s ul te d o n any subject pert ainin g t o hu man h app in ess a n d
wi s d o m
,

S TOR I ES FRO M 0

1 70

H EN RY

and re spec t able bo ar din g house Bo th fou nd pos i t i o n s a n d

bec ame wa g e e arn ers They re main e d ch u m s I t i s a t the
e nd of s i x mo n ths t h a t I wo u l d b e g yo u t o s t ep forwar d and
be in t ro d u ce d to th e m Me ddl e so m e R e ad e r : My Lad y
fr i e nd s M i ss Nan cy and M i ss Lo u Wh i le y o u are sh aki n g

h and s ple a se t ake n ot i ce c a u t i o u sl y o f the i r a t t i re Ye s

c au t i o u sly ; fo r they are a s qu i ck to rese n t a st are a s a l ad y
in a box a t the horse show i s
S he i s
Lo u i s a p i ec e w o rk iro n er in a h and l a u ndry
clo t he d in a b adly tt i n g pur ple dress and her h a t pl u me i s
fo u r in ches t o o lo n g ; b u t her er min e m u ff and sc arf cos t $ 25
and i t s fellow b e a s t s w ill be t i ck e t e d in t h e w ind ows a t
before t h e se a so n i s o ver Her cheeks are p in k and her l i ght
blu e eyes br i g ht C o n t e n t m e n t r adia t es fro m her

Nan cy y o u wo u l d c a ll a shop g ir l bec au se yo u h a v e the

h ab i t There i s n o t ype ; b u t a perverse ge n er a t i o n i s a lw ays
She h a s
s e ekin g a typ e ; s o th i s i s wh a t t he type sho u l d be
th e h i g h r a tt e d po m p ad our and t he ex a gge r a t e d s t r ai gh t
fro n t He r ski rt i s sho ddy bu t h a s th e correc t a re N o
fu rs prot e ct her a g ain s t t he b i t te r S pr i n g ai r b u t sh e we a r s
her Shor t bro ad clo th jack e t a s ja u n t i ly a s though i t wer e
P e rs ian l am b ! O n h e r fa ce and in her e y es re morsel ess type
se e ker i s t he t y p ic a l shop g i rl express i o n I t i s a l o o k o f
s ile n t but co n t e m pt u o u s revol t a g ain s t che a t e d w o manhoo d ;
of s ad prophecy of th e ve n g e an ce t o co m e Whe n she l a u ghs
h er l ou d est t he look i s s t i l l there Th e s am e look c an be
see n in t h e eyes of R u ss ian p e a s an t s ; and thos e o f u s lef t w ill
se e i t so m e day o n Ga br i e l s f a ce whe n he co m es t o blow us
up I t i s a look th a t sho u l d w i ther and a b a sh man ; but he

r
s
h a s bee n kn ow n to s mi rk a t i t and offe r o w e
w i th a str in g
t i e d to the m
N ow l if t y o u r h a t and co m e a w ay wh il e you r e ce i ve L ou s

cheer y S ee y o u a gain and t he s a r d o ni c swee t s mi l e o f

Nan cy th a t se e m s so m ehow t o m i ss yo u and g o u tte r in g
l i ke a wh i t e m o th up o v er th e h o u s e t o p s to the s t a rs
The t wo w ai t e d o n the cor n er for D an D an w a s L ou s
ste ady co m p any Fai thfu l ? W e ll he w a s o n h and whe n
-

TH E TRIMM E D LAMP

1 71

M a ry wo ul d h ave h ad to h ire a d oze n subpoe na se r v er s t o

n d her l am b

Ain t you col d Nance ? s aid L o u

Say wh a t a chu m p
f
r $ 8 a week !
a
r
e
for
work
in
g
in
t
h
a
t
ol
d
s
t
ore
I
o
o
u
y
mad e
l a s t w ee k O f course i ro n i n g ain t a s swell
work a s sell in g l ace b eh ind a cou n ter bu t i t p ays N o n e o f
us iro n ers ma ke l e ss th an $ 1 0 An d I d o n t kn o w th a t i t s

any less r e spectful work e i ther

I ll
Yo u c an h a ve i t s aid Nan cy w i t h u p l ifte d n ose
t a k e m y e i g h t a week and h a ll be d roo m I l i ke to b e am o n g
nic e t h in g s and swell p e o p l e And look wh a t a ch an ce I ve

W
hy
o
n
e
our
love
g
i
rls
ma
r
r
i
e
d
a
P
i
t
t
sb
u
r
h
s
t
eel
o
f
o
t
!
g
g
g

maker o r bl a cks mi th or so m e th i n g th e other day wor th a

mi ll io n d oll a rs I l l c a t ch a sw e ll m y s e lf so m e t im e I a i n t
br a g g in g o n m y looks o r an y th in g ; b u t I ll t a ke m y ch an ces
wh e r e t h e re s b ig pr i z es o e r e d Wh a t show wou l d a g ir l

h av e in a l a u nd ry ?

Wh y th a t s whe r e I m et D an s aid L o u tr iu m ph an tl y

H e c am e in fo r h i s S u nda y S h irt and co ll a rs and s a w m e a t

the r st bo a r d iro nin g W e a ll try t o ge t t o work a t t he
E ll a M a g inni s wa s s ick th a t da y and I h ad her
r s t bo a r d
pl a ce He s a i d he n o t i c e d m y a r m s r s t how r o u nd and
wh i t e they wa s I h ad m y sle e ves ro ll e d u p S o m e ni ce
fe ll ows co me in to l a u nd r i es Yo u c an t ell e m b y th e ir br in g
in g the ir cl o thes in su i t c a ses and t u r nin g in the d oo r sh a rp

and su dd e n

Ho w c an y o u we a r a w ai st l i ke th a t L ou ? s aid Nan cy
ff
i
n
a
z
in
d
ow
n
a
t
the
o
e
ndin
g
a
r
t
i
cle
w
i
th
sweet
sco
r
n
her
g
g

he a vy l idde d ey e s
It S hows erce t a st e

Th i s w ai s t ? cr i e d L o u w i th w id e eye d indi g na t i o n

Wh y I p aid $ 1 6 for th i s w ai s t I t s worth twe n ty ve

A wo man left i t to be l au nd ere d and n e ver c a ll e d f o r i t Th e
boss sol d i t to m e I t s g o t ya r d s and ya r d s o f h and e m
bro id ery o n i t Bette r t a lk a bout th a t u gl y pl ain th in g

yo u v e g o t o n

Thi s u g l y p l a in th in g s aid Nan cy c a l m ly wa s cop i e d

fro m o n e th a t M r s V an Al sty n e Fi she r w a s w ea r in g The
.

ST OR I ES FROM 0

1 72

H EN RY

s ay her b i ll in the st o re l a st y e a r w a s
I mad e
min e m y se l f I t cos t m e
Te n feet away you co u l dn t
t ell i t fro m hers

if you wan t t o
Oh wel l s aid L ou g oo d na t u re d ly
sta rv e and put o n airs g o ahe ad B u t I ll t a ke m y jo b and
oo
d
w
a
es
and
a
fter
hours
i
v
e
m
e
so
m
eth
in
g
a
s
f
an
cy
and
;
g
g
g

a tt r a c t i v e to w e a r a s I am a bl e t o b u y

B u t j u s t the n D an c am e a ser i o u s youn g man w i th a

r e ady mad e n eckt i e who h ad esc ape d t he c i ty s br and o f

fr i v ol i ty a n elec tri c ian e a r nin g $ 30 per w ee k wh o l oo ke d

u po n L o u w i th t he s a d e y es o f Ro m eo and t h o u gh t her e m
br o id e r e d w a i st a w eb in wh i ch any y S houl d d el i gh t to b e
c au g h t

M y fr i e nd Mr Owe n s sh a ke h and s w i th M i ss D an

for th s aid L ou

I m mi g h ty g l ad to kn ow you M i ss D an forth s aid D a n

w i th ou t stretche d h and
I v e he a r d L o u Spe a k o f y o u s o

O ft e n

Th an ks s aid Nan cy to u ch ing h i s n g ers w i th the t ips

of her coo l o n es I ve he a r d her m e n t i o n y o u a few t im es

L o u g i ggle d

D id y o u g e t th a t h and sh ak e fr o m M r s V an Al sty n e

Fi sher Nan ce ? sh e a sk e d

If I d i d you c an f ee l s a fe in copy in g i t
s aid Nancy

Oh I coul dn t use i t a t all I t s t oo s tyl i sh for m e I t s

in t e nd e d to s e t o ff d i am o nd r ing s t h a t h i gh sh a ke i s Wai t

t i ll I ge t a few and t he n I ll t ry i t

L e a r n i t rs t s aid Nan cy w i sely and you ll be m ore

l i k e l y to g e t t he r in gs

N o w to set t le th i s a rg u m e n t s aid D an w i th h i s re ad y

cheerfu l s mi le l et m e ma ke a propos i t i o n A s I c an t t a ke
b o th o f y o u up t o T i ffany s and d o the r i ght th in g wh a t do
o
How
y u s a y t o a l i t t l e v a u d ev i lle ? I ve go t the t i ck e t s
a bo u t l o okin g a t s t a g e diam o nd s s in ce we c an t sh a ke h and s

w i t h the re a l sp a rkl e rs ?
The fa i t hf u l squ i re took h i s p l a ce clos e to t he curb ; Lo u
n e x t a l i t tle pe a cocky in he r br i g ht and pretty c lothe s ; Nan cy
r
l
s
i
g

STORI ES FR OM O H E NRY

1 74

port an ce o f the occas io n o n wh i ch E ve and her r st da ughte r

rs t put t he ir he ad s t o g e t her t o ma ke Adam u nd ers t and h i s
proper pl a ce in t he ho u sehol d It i s Wo man s Co nfere n c e
fo r Co mmo n D e fe n se and E x ch an ge o f S t ra t e g i c a l Theor i es
o f A t t a ck and Rep u lse u po n and a g ain s t t he Worl d wh i ch
i s a s t a g e and Man i t s a u di e n ce who P e rs i s t s in Th r ow in g
Bo u qu e t s Th e re u po n Wo man t he most h e lpless o f th e

yo un g of an y anima l w i t h t he fa wn s gra ce b u t w i tho u t i ts

e e t n e ss ; wi t h t he b ir d s be a u t y bu t w i tho u t i t s power o f
i g h t ; wi t h t he ho n e y b ee s b u r d e n o f swee t n ess b u t w i t hout

O h let s dr op th a t s imile so m e o f u s may h a ve b ee n

it s

D u r in g th is cou n c i l of wa r they p a ss we apo n s o n e t o a n

other and exch an g e s t r a t a g e m s t h a t e a ch h a s d e v i se d and
for m u l a t e d o u t o f t he t a c t i cs o f l ife

I s ays t o i m s a y s Sad ie
a i n t you the fresh th in g !
Who d o y o u s u ppose I am t o be addr ess in g such a re mark

to m e ? And wh a t d o y o u t h in k he s a ys b a ck t o m e ?
Th e he ad s brown b l a ck a xe n re d and y e llow b o b
together ; the an swe r i s g i v e n ; and t he p arry to the t hr u st i s
d ec ide d upo n t o b e use d by e a ch ther e a f te r in p a s s a ges
a t a r m s wi t h t he co mm o n e n e m y man
Th u s Nan cy l e a r n e d t he a rt o f d efe n se ; and t o wo man suc
ce s sfu l d efe n se m e an s vi ctory
The c ur r i culu m o f a d ep a rt me n t sto re i s a wid e o n e
Perh aps n o o t her colle g e co u l d h a ve tte d he r a s we ll fo r

he r l ife s amb i t i o n the dr a win g o f a ma tr imo nia l pr i ze

Her st a t io n in the s t ore w a s a f a v o re d o n e The mus i c
roo m wa s n e a r e n ou g h for he r to he a r and b e co m e fami l iar

w i th th e works o f t he bes t co mp o s e rs a t le a st to a cqu i re

t he fami l ia r i ty th a t p a ss e d for appr e c ia t i o n in t he soc ia l
worl d in wh i ch s h e wa s va g uel y t ry in g t o s e t a t e n t a t i ve and
a s p i r in g foot S he a bsorbe d t he e d u c a t in g in u e n ce o f a r t
w ares o f cos t ly and dain ty fa br i cs o f ad ornme n t s th a t a re
a l mos t c u lt u r e t o wo me n
Th e othe r g irls soo n bec am e a wa re o f Nan cy s amb i t i o n

H ere co m es you r mi l l i o nai r e Nan cy they woul d c all t o h e r

,

TH E

TRIM IV
IE D

LAMP

1 75

an y man wh o looke d the r i e appro a che d he r coun

ter It got to be a h a b i t o f m e n w h o were h an g in g a bout
wh i le the ir wo m e n folk were shopp in g t o st roll over t o the
h and ker ch i ef co u n ter and da w d l e ove r the c ambr i c squ a res
Nan cy s imit a t i o n h i g h bre d ai r and g e n u in e dain ty be a u ty
wa s wh a t a t t r a c t e d M an y m e n th u s c am e to di sp l ay the ir
gr a ces b e fore her S o m e O f t h e m may h a ve bee n mi ll io nair es ;
oth e rs were c e r t ain ly n o m ore th an the ir s e d u lous apes
Nan cy l e a r n e d to di scr iminate The r e wa s a win d o w a t t he
e nd of t he h and k e rch i e f coun te r ; and s h e c o u l d s e e th e r ows
o f v e h i cles w ai t in g fo r the S hoppe r s in t he s t reet b e l ow
She
l ooke d and perc e i ve d th a t a uto m ob i l es diffe r a s we ll a s do
the ir o wn e r s
O n ce a fa sc ina t in g g e n t le man bou g ht four d oz e n h and
ke r ch i efs and wooe d h e r a c r oss t he cou n te r w i th a Kin g
C o ph e tu a air Whe n he h ad g o n e o n e o f the g i rls s aid :

Wh a t s wro n g Nan ce t h a t y o u didn t wa r m u p t o th a t

fe ll o w ? He looks the swe ll a r t i cle a l l r i g ht t o m e

H im ? s aid Nan cy w i th her cooles t sw e etest m ost

imperso nal V an Al s t y n e Fi sher s mi le ; n o t fo r min e I

s a w h im d r i ve up o u ts id e
A 1 2 H P ma ch in e and an
Ir i sh ch a uffeu r ! And yo u s a w wh a t k ind o f h andk e rch i efs

he bou g ht s i l k ! And h e s go t dacty l i s o n hi m Gi ve m e

the re a l th in g o r n o th in g if you p l e a se

Tw o o f the m ost ren e d wo m e n in the sto re a fo r e l ady

and a c a sh i er h ad a fe w swe ll g e n t l e m e n fr i e nd s w i t h
who m they n o w and the n din e d O n ce they in c l u d e d Nan cy
in an in v i t a t i o n The di n n e r took p l a c e in a spect a cul a r
c af whose t ab les a r e e n g a g e d for N ew Y e a r s E ve a y e a r in

o n e w i th
ad v an ce There were two g e n tl e m e n fr i e nd s

o u t an y h ai r o u h i s he ad
h i g h l i v in g u n gr e w i t ; and we c an

prove it the othe r you n g man whose worth and S O p h is t i

c a t i o n he im presse d upo n you in t w o co n v in c in g w ays
he swo r e th a t a ll t he w in e wa s co r ke d ; and h e wo r e diam o nd
cu ff butto n s Th i s you n g man perc e i v e d irres i st i b l e ex
c e ll e n c ie s in Nan cy
H i s t a ste r an t o Shop g irl s ; and he r e
w a s o n e th a t adde d the vo i ce and mann e r s o f h is h i gh soc ial
whe n eve r

S TOR I ES FROM O H EN RY

1 76

worl d to th e fr an ker ch a r m s o f h e r o w n c a s t e S o o n the

follow in g day he a pp e a r e d in t he s t ore and mad e h e r a
s e r i o u s prop o s a l o f marr ia g e o v er a box of he m s t i tch e d
A
r
a
ss
ble
a
che
d
I
r
i
sh
l
in
e
n
s
Nan
cy
d
ecl
in
e
d
brown
g
po m p ad o u r t e n fee t aw a y h ad bee n u s in g her e y es and e ars
Whe n the rejec t e d s u i t o r h ad g o n e s h e he ape d c a rboys o f u p
br aid i n g s and horror u po n Nancy s he ad

Wh a t a t err ible l i tt l e fool y o u a re ! Th a t fell ow s a

m ill i o na i re h e s a n ephew o f o l d V an S k i tt les h im s e lf And

he w a s t a lkin g o n t he level t o o H av e you g o n e cr a zy

Nance ?

H a ve I ? s aid Nan cy
I didn t t ake h im did I ? He
i s n t a mill i o nair e so h a r d th a t y o u coul d n o t i c e i t an y how
H i s f ami ly o nl y a llows h im
a ye ar to spe nd The
b a l d he ad e d fell ow wa s g uy in g h im a bo u t i t the othe r ni ght

a t su ppe r
The b rown p o m p ad our c am e n e a rer and na r r owe d he r eyes

Say wh a t d o yo u w an t ? sh e in q u ire d in a v o i ce ho a rse

fo r l a ck o f che win g g u m
Ain t th a t e n o u g h for y o u ? Do
you w an t to b e a M or m o n and ma rry Rock e fe ll e r and G l ad
s t o n e Dow i e and the Kin g of Sp ain and the who l e bu n ch ?

Ain t
a ye a r g oo d e n ou g h fo r yo u ?
Nan cy u she d a l i ttle u nd er the le v e l g a z e o f the b l a ck
sh all o w eyes

I t wa s n t al to g ethe r the m o n ey C a rr i e sh e exp lain e d

H i s fr i e nd c au g ht h im in a ra n k l i e th e o the r ni ght a t d i nn e r
I t wa s abo u t so m e g irl he s aid he h adn t bee n t o the th e a t er
w i th W e ll I c an t s t and a l ia r Put e v ery th in g toge th er
I d o n t l i ke h im ; and th a t s e t t les i t Whe n I sell o u t i t s n ot
I ve g o t to h ave so m e t h in g
g o in g t o be o n an y b a rg ain day
th a t s i t s up in a ch ai r l ike a man anyhow Yes I m look in g
o u t fo r a c a t ch ; b u t i t s g o t t o be a ble to d o so m e th in g m ore

th an make a n o i se l i ke a t o y b an k

The ph y s io p a t h ic wa r d fo r you r s ! s aid the b rown po m

a
d
r
w
a
lk
in
g
a
w
a
y
o
u
p

These h i g h id e a s i f n o t id e al s Nan cy c o n t in u e d to c ul
t i va t e o n $ 8 p e r week
She b ivou a cke d o n th e tr ai l o f t h e
.

STORIES FROM 0

1 78

H E NR Y

to l d h e r o n ce
But why shoul d I ? I m ind epe nd e nt
I c an d o a s I ple a se wi th the m o n ey I e ar n ; and he n e v e r
woul d a g re e fo r m e to keep o n workin g a f t erw a r d And
Nan ce wh a t d o you w an t to st i ck t o t h a t o l d s t ore for
sa y
and h alf st ar v e and h a lf d ress yo ur s e lf ? I coul d g e t yo u a
pl a ce in the l a undr y r i g ht n o w if yo u d co m e It s ee m s to
m e th a t you co u l d affor d to b e a l i ttl e l e ss stuck u p if y o u

co ul d ma ke a g oo d d e al m ore m o n ey

I d o n t t h in k I m s t u ck u p L ou s aid Nan cy but I d

r a ther l i ve o n h a lf r a t i o n s and s t ay where I am I suppose
I ve g o t the h ab i t I t s the ch an ce t h a t I w an t I d o n t
expec t t o be a lw ays beh ind a co u n t er I m l e ar nin g so m e
t h in g n e w e v ery day I m r ig ht up a g ain s t ren e d and r i ch

people a ll t h e t im e eve n if I d o o nl y w ai t o n the m ; and I m

n o t mi ss in g any po in t ers th a t I s e e p a ss in g ar ou nd

C a u ght your mi ll i o naire yet ? a ske d L ou wi th h e r t e a s in g

la u gh

I h ave n t se l ecte d o n e yet an swe re d N an cy

I ve

b ee n l ookin g the m o v er

G oo dn ess ! the id e a o f p i ckin g over e m ! Do n t y o u eve r

o
n
e
e
t
let
by you Nan c e eve n i f he s a fe w d o ll a rs sh y
g

o
f
Bu t
course yo u re jokin g mill i o nai res d o n t th ink about

wo rki n g g ir l s l i ke us

I t m i ght be b e tter fo r the m if they did s aid Nan cy

wi th coo l wi s d o m
S o m e o f us co ul d te a ch the m h o w t o

t a k e c are o f th e ir m o n ey

If o n e w a s to spe ak t o m e l a ugh e d Lo u
I kn o w I d

h ave a d uck t

Th a t s bec a use you d o n t kn o w any The o nl y d i e r e n ce

b e twee n swe ll s and o ther peopl e i s you h ave to wa tch e m
cl ose r Do n t you th in k t h a t re d s il k l inin g i s just a l i ttl e

b i t t o o br i ght fo r th a t co a t Lo u ?
Lo u l ooke d a t t h e p l ain d u ll o l i ve j a cke t o f he r fr i e nd

We ll n o I d o n t b u t i t may see m s o bes id e th a t fad e d

l ook in g t h in g you ve got o n

Th i s ja cke t s aid Nan cy co m pl a ce n tly

h a s ex a ctly
t h e cu t and t o f o n e th a t M r s V an Al s ty n e Fi sh e r w a s we ar
Lo u

TH E TRIMM E D LAMP

1 79

in g th e othe r day The ma te r ial cost m e

I suppose

hers cost about $ 1 00 m ore

O h w e ll s aid Lou l ig htly i t d o n t str i ke m e a s mill io n

ai re b ai t S ho u l dn t w o nd e r if I c a tch o n e befo re you do

anyw ay
Trul y i t wo u l d h av e t ake n a ph i l osopher to d ec id e upo n
the v al ues o f the t h e o r ie s hel d b y t h e t w o fr i e nd s L o u
l a cki n g t h a t c e r t a i n pr id e and fa s t idi o u s n ess t h a t ke e p s s t ores
and d e sks ll e d w i t h g i rls work in g for the b ares t l i v in g
thu mp e d aw ay g ai ly w i t h her iro n in t he n o i sy and s t i in g
l au nd ry Her w a ges suppor t e d her e v e n beyo nd the po in t
of co mfor t ; s o th a t her d re s s pro t e d u n t i l s o m e t im es S he
c a st a s id e l o n g g l an ce o f imp a t ie n ce a t th e n e a t bu t ine l e g an t

app are l O f D an D an th e co n s t an t the imm ut ab l e t h e

u nd ev ia t in g
A s for Nan cy her c a se w a s o n e of te n s o f thous and s Si lk
and jewe l s and l a ces and or nam e n t s and the p e rfum e and

m us i c o f th e n e worl d of goo d bree din g and t a s t e these

were mad e for wo man ; t h e y are her eq u i t able por t i o n
Le t her keep n e a r t he m if they a re a p a rt of l ife t o her and
S he i s n o t r a i t o r t o her se l f a s E s a u w a s ; for sh e
if sh e w ill
keeps he r b i rthr i ght and the pot t ag e sh e e ar n s i s o f t e n ve ry
sc an t
I n th i s a t m osphere Nan cy be l o n g e d ; and sh e thr o v e in
i t and a te her fr u g a l m e als and sche m e d o v er h e r che ap dr e ss e s
w i th a d e ter min e d and co n te n t e d mind S he alre ady k n ew
w o man ; and sh e w a s s t u dy in g man t he animal b o t h a s t o
h i s h ab i t s and el i g i b i l i ty S o m e day sh e wo u l d br in g d ow n
the g am e th a t sh e w an t e d ; bu t s h e pro mi se d herse l f i t woul d
b e wh a t s e e m e d to her t he b i gg est and t he best and n oth in g
s maller
Th u s sh e kept her l amp tr imm e d and bur nin g to rece i ve
t he br id e g roo m whe n h e sho u l d co m e
Bu t an other l e sso n she le ar n e d perh aps u n co n sc i ous ly
Her st andar d o f v a lues be g an to S h if t and ch an ge S o m e
t im es the d oll ar mark g rew blurre d in he r mind s eye and

sh ape d i tse lf in t o l e t te r s th a t spe ll e d such wo r d s a s t r uth

.

S TOR I ES F R O M 0

1 80

H EN RY

and ho n or and n ow and the n j u st bl i ndn ess

Le t u s
ma ke a l i ke n ess o f o n e who h u n t s t h e m oose o r elk in so m e
He sees a l i tt l e d e ll m ossy and e m bowere d
mi g h t y woo d
where a r ill t r i ckl es b abbl in g t o h im o f r e st and co mf ort
At th e s e t i m es t he sp e ar o f N i m r o d h im self g rows bl u n t
S o Nan cy wo nd ere d so m et im es if P e rs i an l am b w a s a lw ays
quo t e d a t i t s marke t v a l u e by t he he ar t s th a t i t cove re d
On e Th ur s day e v e nin g Nan cy lef t t h e s t ore and t ur n e d
a c r oss Six t h A v e n u e wes t w a r d t o th e l a u nd ry
S he w a s ex
t
o
w
i
t
h
L
o
and
D
an
t
o
a
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u
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D an w a s ju s t co min g o u t of t h e l a u nd ry whe n s h e a rr i v e d
Th e re w a s a queer str ain e d look o n h i s fa ce

I tho u ght I woul d d rop arou nd t o s e e if they h ad he ar d

fr o m her he s aid

He a r d fro m who ? a ske d Nan cy

Is n t Lo u there ?

I thought y o u kn ew s aid D an
S he h a s n t bee n here
S he m ov e d
o r a t t he house where s h e l i v e d s in ce Mo nday
al l her th in g s fro m there S he t ol d o n e o f the g ir ls in t h e

l au ndr y she mi g h t be g o in g t o E ur ope

H a s n t anybo dy s ee n he r anywhere ? a ske d Nan cy

D an looke d a t h e r w i th h i s jaws set gr i ml y and a steely
l
e
am
i
n
h
i
s
ste
ad
y
r
a
y
eyes
g
g

They to l d m e in t he l au ndr y he s aid h arsh l y th a t

they s aw her p a ss yeste r day in an a ut o m o b il e Wi t h o n e

of the mi ll i o naires I s u ppose th a t you and Lou were fo rever

b u s y in g your br ain s abou t

F or the rst t im e Nan c y qu ail e d before a man S h e l aid
h er h and th a t t re mble d S l i ghtly o n D an s sleeve

You ve n o r i g ht to sa y such a th in g t o m e D an a s if

I h a d any th in g t o d o wi th i t !

I didn t m e an i t th a t w ay s aid D an softe nin g H e

fu mble d in h i s v est pocket

I v e got t h e t i ckets for the show to ni g h t he s aid wi th

a g al l an t S how o f l i gh t n ess
If y o u
Nan cy admi re d pluck whe n e ve r s h e sa w i t

I l l g o w i t h you D an sh e s aid
Thre e m o n ths we n t by before Nan cy sa w L ou a g ain
.

TH E C AB ALLE R O S WAY

Fr m H

F i s t pub lish

E ve ry body s M a g a zi n e ,

Jul y , 1 90 7 Fo r 0 H e n ry s in tim a t e kn o w le dg e f th e l ife p o r

t r a y e d in th i s dra m a t ic s t o r y s e e C h a p ter V f t h e 0 H e n r y B i og
r a ph y
Th e s tyl e a lo n e ho w e ve r is p r f t ha t h e d e s n o t w r i te fr m
he a rs a y o r b k s urc e s
t is d iffe re n t fr m t h e N e w Yo rk s tyle
Th ug h e qua l ly d ir e c t a n d v iv id i t i s wider s p ac ed
t is co n scio us

o f a s k y ab v e i t rath er th a n a r
f F rty f O He nry s s to ri e s
take p la ce in Texas Whe n h e w a s a p riso n e r in Ohio a guard asked

h im why h e w a s s i ttin g in a c e r t a in co rne r f th e y a rd

Ar e y o u

s ee k in g th e s h ade ?
N 0 M r N lan , h e re p l ie d
I lik e t s it

ove r h er e b ec au s e I feel a l i ttle n e a re r T exas

T h i s s t o r y h o we v e r ,
lin ks h im in te re s t in g ly t o G re e n s b o ro h is b i r thp lac e
H is s c h l
m a te s re m e m b e r h o w at th e a g e o f ten h e us ed t s ing r s h ut a
o

f the Wes t

ea rt o

e d in

oo

oo

oo

so ng run nin g

N e g ro

oo

If y o u do n t s to p fo o l in g wi th m y Lula

I t el l y u w h at I ll do ;

I l l fe e l a ro un d yo ur h e a r t wi th a raz

An d I ll c u t y o ur li ver o u t t oo

or

A sl igh tly d iffe re n t ve rs io n fro m E a s t Ten ne s s ee m a y be fo und in

Th e J o u r n a l of Am e r i ca n Fo lk Lor e A p ril June 1 9 1 5 p ag e 1 84

N o t e h o w a fr a gm e n t f thi s s ta nz a wi th i t s m in us a n d s o o n
is us e d t f resha d w wi th u t re ve a lin g th e tra g ic end in g o f t h e
s to ry a n d h w a t the c l s e t h e s am e fra gmen t rec urs b ut with u t

an d s
on
the re was n o need o f i t
,

o o
o

C i sco K id h ad k i ll e d s i x m e n in m ore o r less

f ai r scr imma g es h ad m u rd ere d tw i ce a s many (m os t l y
Mex i c an s ) and h ad w in ge d a l a rg er n um ber who m he
m o d estly fo rbo re to cou n t
The re fore a wo man l ove d
TH

1 82

TH E C AB ALLE RO S WAY

1 83

The Kid w a s twe n ty ve looke d t w e n t y ; and a c aref ul

in sur an ce co mp an y wo ul d h ave es t ima t e d the prob able t im e
of h i s d e m i s e a t s a y t w e n t y s i x H is h ab i t a t w a s an yw here
be tw ee n t he Fr i o and t h e R i o G r and e He k i lle d for t he l ove

b e c a us e he w a s q u i ck t e mp e re d t o a vo id a rres t
o f it

for hi s ow n am use m e n t any re a so n t h a t c am e t o h i s mind

woul d s uf c e He h ad e sc ap e d c ap t ure bec a use he co ul d
shoo t v e s ixt hs o f a sec o nd soo n er t h an any sher i ff o r r an ger
in the serv i ce and bec a u se he ro d e a speckl e d r o an horse th a t
k n e w e v ery cow p a t h in t he m esqu i t e and pe ar t h i ckets fro m
San An t o n i o t o M a t am o r a s
To nia Pere z th e g irl who l o v e d the C i sco Kid w a s h alf

C ar m e n h alf M ado nna and t he res t o h y e s a wo man who

i s h alf C a rm e n and h alf M ad o nna c an al w a y s be so m e t h in g

m ore the res t l et us sa y w a s h u mmin g b i r d S he l i v e d

in a gr a ss roo f e d ja ca l n e ar a l i tt l e Me x i c an se tt le m e n t a t t he
L o n e W o l f Cross in g o f the Fr i o W i t h her l i v e d a f a t her o r
r
an
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a
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a t i t s worst cr o w d e d a lm ost to i t s d o o r I t w a s a lo n g t he
bew il d er in g ma z e o f th i s sp in o u s th i ck e t th a t t he speckle d
ro an w o ul d br in g t he K i d t o s ee h i s g irl And o n ce cl in g i n g
l i k e a l i z ar d t o th e r id g e pole h i g h up un d er t h e pe a ke d
gr a ss roo f he h ad he a r d To nia w i t h her M ad o nna f a ce
and C ar m e n be a u ty and h u m ming b i r d so ul p ar l ey w i th th e
sh e r i ff s posse d e n y in g kn owle d g e o f her man in s o ft m l a n g e
o f S p an i sh and En g l i sh
O n e day th e adj u t an t g e n er al o f t he S t a te who i s ea:
oi ci o co mmand er of t he r an g er f o rc e s wro t e so m e s a rc a st i c
l in es to C ap t ain D uv al o f C o mp any ! st a t i o n e d a t Lare d o
rel a t iv e to t he sere n e and u nd i s tur b e d e x i s t e n ce l e d by m ur
de r e r s and d esper ad oes in t he s aid c ap t ain s terr i t ory
The c ap t ain tur n e d th e color o f br i ck d u st u nd er h i s
t an and f o rw ar d e d t h e le tt er af t e r addin g a fe w co mm e n ts
per r an ger Pr i v ate B ill Adam so n t o r an ge r Li e ut e nan t
-

STOR I ES FR O M 0

1 84

H EN RY

Sandr id ge c amp e d a t a w a ter ho l e o n the N ue ce s w i th a

squ ad o f ve m e n in preser v a t i o n of l aw and ord e r
Li eu t e nan t Sandr id ge t ur n e d a b e a u t if u l cou l eu r de r o se
thr o u gh hi s o r dina ry s t rawberry co m plex i o n t u cke d t he l e t te r
in h i s h i p pocket and chewe d O ff the e nd o f h i s g ambo g e
m o u s t a ch e
The n e xt m or nin g he s add l e d h i s horse and r o d e al o n e
t o t h e M e xi can s e t t l e m e n t a t the Lo n e W o lf C r oss in g o f th e
F r i o twe n ty m i l e s aw a y
S ix fee t t wo blo nd a s a v i kin g qu i e t a s a d e a co n dan
s
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Sandr id g e m ov e d am o n g the ja ca le s
g
g
p a t i e n t ly see k in g n ews o f the C i sco Kid
Fa r m ore th an the l aw th e Mex i can s d re ad e d th e co l d
and cert ain ve n ge an ce o f t he l o n e r id er th a t the r an ge r
sought It h ad bee n o n e o f the Kid s p a st im es to shoot

Mexi c an s to se e the m ki ck : if he d e mand e d fro m t he m

m o r i bu nd Terps i chore an f e a ts s imply th a t he migh t be e n ter
t a in e d wh a t terr i b l e and ext re m e p e nal t i es woul d be cer t ain
to fo ll ow sho ul d t hey an g er h im ! O n e and a l l t hey l o u n ge d
wi t h uptur n e d p a lm s and shru g g in g shoul d ers l l in g the air

w i th qu i en s a be s and d e nials o f the Kid s a cqu ain t an c e

But there w a s a man nam e d Fink w h o kept a s t ore a t t h e

C ross in g a man o f many nat i o nal i t i e s to ng ues inte r e s t s

and w ays o f th ink i ng

N 0 u se to a sk th e m Mexi c an s he s aid to Sand r id g e

They r e afr aid t o t e ll Th i s h om br e they c a ll the Kid

G o o dall i s h i s nam e ain t i t ? he s bee n in m y stor e o n ce o r

t w i ce I h ave an id e a you mi gh t ru n a c ross hi m a t but

I guess I d o n t keer t o s a y mys e lf I m two seco nd s l ate r
in p u ll in g a g u n th an I use d to be and the di ffere n ce i s wor t h
th in kin g abou t But th i s kid s g o t a h alf Mex i can g i rl a t
the Cr o ss i n g t h a t he co m es to s e e S he l i ve s in th a t ja ca l
a hu nd re d y a r d s d own t he arroyo a t t he e d g e o f the pe ar

M aybe sh e n o I d o n t s u ppose s h e wo ul d but th a t

wo u l d be a goo d pl a ce t o w a t ch any way

Sandr id g e ro d e d own to the j a ca l o f Perez Th e s u n w a s
l ow and th e bro ad sh ad e o f the gre at pe ar th i cket al re a dy
,

STORIES FROM 0

1 86

H E NR Y

I p l ay n o spy ; n or d o I a ssu m e to ma ster the thoughts o f

any human he art ; b u t I a sse rt by the chro ni cler s r i g ht th at
be fo re a qu ar t er of an ho ur h ad spe d Sand r id g e w a s t e a ch i n g
her how to pl ai t a s i x s t r and r awh id e st a k e r o pe and To nia
h ad e xpl ain e d to h im t h a t were i t n ot for her l i tt le Eng li sh
book th a t the pe r ip at e t i c p a dr e h ad g i ve n he r and the li t t l e
cripp l e d ch i vo th a t sh e fe d fro m a bottl e sh e woul d be ve ry
ve ry l o n e ly indee d
Wh i ch le ad s t o a susp i c i o n th a t th e Kid s fe n ce s nee de d r e
p ai r in g and th a t th e adj u t an t ge ner a l s s arc a s m h ad f a lle n
upo n un pro d uct i ve s o il
I n h i s c amp by th e w a t er ho l e Li eute nan t Sandr id g e a n
n o u n ce d and re i t er a t e d h i s i n te n t i o n o f e i ther c a u s i n g the
C i sco Kid to nibble the bl ack lo am o f the Fr i o co un try p r a ir
i e s o r o f h a lin g h im before a ju d ge and
Th a t soun de d
b u s in ess l i ke Twi ce a wee k he ro d e o ve r t o the Lo n e Wo lf
Cross in g o f the F r i o and directe d To nia s s l im s li g h t ly
l e m o n t in te d n ge r s am o n g t h e in tr i c a c i es o f the s l owly g row
in g l a r ia t a A s i x str and pl ai t i s h ar d to l e a r n and e a sy to
te a ch
The r an ger k n ew th a t he mi ght n d the K id there a t any
v i s i t He kept hi s armam e n t re ady and h ad a freque n t
eye for the pe ar th i cket a t th e re a r o f the j a ca l Thus he
mi ght br in g d o w n the ki te and the hu mmin g b ir d w i th o n e
sto n e
Wh il e the su nny h ai re d o rni tho l og i st w a s pur s u in g h i s
stu di es the C i sco K id wa s also a tte ndin g to h i s p ro f ess i o nal
d u t i es He m oo dily shot up a s al oo n in a s ma l l cow v i ll ag e
o n Q u in t ana Creek k i lle d the to w n mar sh al (p l ugg in g h im
n e a tly in t he ce n ter of h i s t in b ad g e) and the n ro d e aw ay
m orose and u n s a t i s e d N O t r u e a rt i st i s u pl i f t e d by shoot
in g an a g e d man c arry in g an o l d s tyle 3 8 bull d o g
O n h i s w a y th e Kid s u dd e n ly exper i e n ce d the ye arnin g
th a t all m e n f eel whe n wro n g d o in g loses i ts ke e n e d ge o f d e
l i g ht He ye ar n e d for the wo man he l ove d t o r e a ssure h im
th a t she w a s h i s in Sp i t e o f i t H e wan t e d he r t o c all h i s
bloo d th i rst in ess b r a ve ry and h i s c rue l ty d evot i o n He

TH E C AB ALLE RO S WAY

1 87

w an te d To nia t o b r in g h im w a te r fro m the re d jug u nd e r the

brush sh e l t e r and t e ll h im how the ch ivo w a s thr i v in g o n the
bottle
The K id tur n e d the speckl e d ro an s he ad up the te n mi l e
p e a r a t th a t s t retches al o n g the A rroyo Ho nd o u n t i l i t e nd s
a t t he Lo n e W o lf Cr o ss in g o f the F r i o The r o an wh i ckere d ;
for he h ad a se n se of l oc a l i ty and di rect i o n equ al to t h a t of a
be l t l ine street c ar ho r se ; and he kn e w he wou l d soo n be
nibb l in g the r i ch m esqu i t e g r a ss a t t he e nd o f a forty foot
st ake r ope wh i l e Ulyss e s r este d h i s h e ad in C i r ce s st r aw
roofe d h u t
Mo re we i r d and l o neso m e th an the jou rn ey o f an Ama
zo nian e xp lore r i s the r id e of o n e t hro u g h a Tex a s pe ar a t
Wi th di s ma l m o n o t o ny and s t ar t l in g v a r i ety the u n c anny and
m ul t if o r m sh apes o f the c a ct i l if t t he i r tw i ste d tr u n ks and
f a t br i stly h and s to e n c um ber the w ay The d e m o n p l an t
appe ar in g t o l i ve w i th o u t so i l or r a i n see m s t o t a u n t th e
p arche d t r aveler w i th i t s l u sh g ra y gr ee nn ess It w a rps i tse lf
a thous and t im es abo u t wh a t l ook t o be op e n and i nv i t in g
p a ths o n ly to lu re the r id er in t o bl i nd and imp a ss able sp in e

de fe nd e d botto m s of t h e b a g l e a v in g h im to retre a t if h e
can wi th the po in ts of the co m p a ss wh i rl in g in h i s he ad
To b e l ost in the pe a r i s to di e al m ost the d e a th o f the thi ef
o n the cross p i erce d by nail s and w i th g rotesque S h apes o f
all the e nd s hover in g a bout
But i t w a s n o t s o w i t h the Kid and h i s m ou n t Windin g
twi st ing c i rc l ing tra c in g the m ost f an t a st i c and bew il d er in g
tr ai l e v er p i cke d o u t the g oo d ro an l esse n e d the di st an ce t o
the L o n e W olf C ross in g w i th every co il and tur n th a t he
mad e
Wh il e they f are d the K i d s an g He kn e w but o n e tu n e and
he s an g i t a s he kn e w b u t o n e co d e and l iv e d i t and but o n e
f
n
n
e
i
r
l
and
l
ov
e
d
her
He
w
a
s
a
s
in
gle
mind
e
d
man
o
o
v
c
g
t io n a l id e a s
He h ad a vo i ce l i ke a co y o t e w i th br o n ch i t i s
b u t whe n eve r he chose to s in g hi s so n g he s an g i t It w a s a
co nve n t i o na l so n g of the c amps and t r ail r unn in g a t i ts b e
ginnin g a s ne ar a s may b e t o th e se w o rd s :
,

STORI ES FR OM 0

1 88

H ENRY

Don t y o u m onkey wi th my Lul u g irl

O r I ll tell y o u wha t I ll do

and s o o n The r o an w a s in ur e d to i t and did n o t mind

B u t e ve n the poorest s in g er w il l af t er a cer t ain t im e g ain
h i s o wn co n se n t t o refr ain fr o m co n t r i b u t in g t o the worl d s
n o i ses S o the K i d by t he t im e he wa s w i th in a mi le or two
o f To ni a s j a c a l h ad rel u c t an t ly a llowe d h i s so n g to di e a w ay
n ot be ca use h i s voc a l p erf or man ce h ad beco m e less ch a r m
in g t o h i s o w n e a r s but bec a use h i s l a ryn ge a l m uscles we r e
.

As though he we re in a c ircus r in g the speckl e d ro an

whee l e d and dan ce d thro u gh the l abyr in th o f pe a r un t i l a t

l e n gth h i s r ide r kn ew by cert ain l andmarks th a t the Lo n e
Wo lf Cross in g w a s c l ose a t h and The n where the pe a r wa s
thi nn er he c aught s i ght o f t he gr a ss roof o f the ja cal and
the h ackbe rry tree in the e d ge o f th e a rroyo A few y ar d s

f arther the Kid stoppe d the r o an and g a z e d in t e n tly through

the p ri ckl y O pe nin gs The n he di s mo un te d d roppe d the
ro an s re in s and procee d e d o n foot s t oop in g and s i le n t l i ke
an Indian Th e ro an kn o win g h i s p a rt stoo d s t i ll ma kin g
n o sound
Th e Kid c rept n o i se l essl y t o th e ve ry e d ge o f th e pe a r
th i cket and re co nn o i te re d b e twee n the l e aves o f a cl u mp o f
c actus
Te n y a r d s fro m h i s h idi n g p l ac e in the sh ade o f the ja ca l
s a t h i s To nia c al ml y p l ait in g a r awh ide l ariat S o far she
mi ght sur ely esc ape co nd e mna t i o n ; wo me n h ave bee n kn o w n
fro m t ime t o t ime to e n g age in m ore mi sch i evo u s occu p at i o n s
But if a ll m ust be tol d t h e r e i s t o b e adde d th a t he r he ad
re po se d a gain st th e bro ad and co mfort ab l e chest o f a t all
re d and ye l l o w man and th a t h i s ar m w a s about her g u idin g
he r nimb l e s ma ll n ge rs th a t re qu ire d so many l esso n s a t the
in tr i c a te s i x st r and p l ai t
Sandr id g e gl an ce d qu i ck l y a t th e dark ma ss o f pe ar wh e n
h e he ar d a sl i ght sq ue akin g sou nd th a t w a s n ot a l t oge the r
A g u n sc abb ar d w i ll ma ke th a t soun d wh e n o n e
u n fami l ia r
,

,
.

S TOR I ES FR OM 0

1 90

H E NR Y

r a tt l e s na ke i s n o t qu i cke r to st r i ke th an i s E l Ch i va to a s th ey

c a l l h im t o se nd a b a l l fro m h i s p i s to l a

The Kid s h andy w i t h h i s g u n s ur e e n ou g h admi tte d

Sandr id g e but whe n I co m e for h i m I sh a ll co m e a lo n e

I ll get h im by myse lf o r n o t a t a l l The C ap wr o te o n e o r
t w o th in g s to m e th a t ma ke m e w an t to d o the tr i ck w i t h o ut
an y he lp Yo u l et m e kn o w wh e n Mr K i d a rr i ves and I ll

d o t he rest

I w i ll se nd y o u th e m ess a ge b y the boy G re g or i o s aid

the g i rl
I kn ew you w ere br a ver t h an th a t s ma ll sl ayer o f
m e n w h o n ever s mi l es How coul d I e ve r h a ve thought I

c a r e d fo r h im ?
It w a s t im e fo r the r an ge r to r id e b a ck t o h i s c amp o n th e
w a ter hole Befor e he m oun t e d h i s horse h e r ai se d t h e
sl i g ht for m o f To nia w i th o n e a r m h i g h fro m th e e ar th for a
p art in g s a l ut e The d rowsy s t i l l n e ss o f the torp id s u mm e r
air st i ll l ay th i ck upo n the d re amin g a fter n oo n The s moke
fro m the r e in the j a ca l wh er e the fr ijol e s b l ub bere d in th e
i ro n pot r ose str ai ght a s a pl u m b l in e a bove the cl ay da ub e d
ch imn ey N 0 sou nd o r m ove me n t di sturbe d th e sere ni ty o f
the d e n se pe a r th i cket te n y a r d s a w ay
Whe n the for m o f Sandr id g e h ad di s appe a r e d l op in g h i s
b ig d u n d ow n th e steep b an ks o f the Fr i o c r oss in g the K id
cr e pt b a ck t o h i s o w n horse m ou n te d h im and r o d e b a ck
a l o n g the to rtuous tr ai l he h ad co m e
But n ot fa r H e stoppe d and wai te d in th e s i l e n t d epths
o f the pe a r u n t i l h a l f an ho ur h ad p a sse d
And the n To nia
he a r d the h i g h u n tr u e n ot e s o f h i s u nm us i c a l s in g in g co min g
n e a r er and n e a r e r ; and she r an t o th e e d g e o f the p e ar t o m e e t
h im
The Kid s e l d o m s mi le d ; but he s mi l e d and w a ve d h i s h a t
whe n he s a w he r He di s m ou n te d and h i s g i r l spr an g in to
h i s a r m s The Kid l ooke d a t he r fo nd ly H i s th i ck b l a c k
h ai r clun g to h i s he ad l i ke a wr ink l e d ma t Th e m eet in g
brou g ht a s l i g ht r i pp l e of so m e u nd ercurre n t o f fee l in g t o h i s
s mooth da r k fa c e th a t wa s usu a lly a s m ot i o n l ess a s a c l ay
ma s k
,

TH E C AB ALLE RO S WAY

1 91

Ho w s my g i r l ? h e a ske d hol din g h e r c l ose

Si ck o f wai t in g s o lo n g for you d e a r o n e S he an s we r e d

My eyes a r e dim w i th a lways g a z in g in to th a t d ev i l s p in

cush i o n th rough wh i ch y o u co m e And I c an s e e in to i t
such a l i tt l e w ay t o o B u t y o u a re her e b e l o v e d o n e and
I w i ll n o t scol d Qu e m a l m u ch a ch o n ot t o co m e t o se e you r
a l m a m ore ofte n
G o in and re st and let m e w a te r your horse
and st a ke h im w i th th e l o n g rope The r e i s coo l w a t e r in the

j a r fo r y o u
The Kid ki ss e d he r affect i o na te ly

N o t if the cou r t k n o w s i tse lf d o I l et a l ad y st a k e m y ho r se

fo r m e s aid he
B u t if you ll r u n in ch i ca and thr o w a p o t
o f coffee to g ethe r w h i l e I a tte nd t o th e ca ba l l o I l l b e a goo d

d e a l ob l i ge d
Bes id es h i s ma r ks man sh i p the Kid h ad an othe r a ttr i bute
for w h i ch he admi r e d h im se lf g re a tly He wa s mu y ca ba l l e r o
a s th e M e xi c an s exp r ess i t wh er e the l adi es w e r e co n c e r n e d
F o r th e m he h ad a l ways ge n t l e wor d s and co n s id er a t i o n
He cou l d n ot h a ve spoke n a h a rsh wor d t o a wo man He
mi g ht r uth l essly sl ay t he i r husb and s and brothe r s but he
coul d n ot h a ve l aid the we i g h t o f a n g e r in an g er u po n a
w o man Whe r efore man y o f th a t in te r est in g di v i s i o n o f
hu mani ty who h ad co m e u nd e r the spe ll o f h i s p o l i t e n ess d e
c l a r e d th e ir di sbel i ef in the stor i es c i rcu l a te d a bout Mr Kid
O n e shouldn t be l i eve everyth in g o n e he ar d they s aid
Whe n co nf r o n te d by the i r indi gnan t m e n fo lk wi th proof o f
the ca ba ll er o s d ee d s o f inf am y they s aid maybe he h ad b e e n
dr i ve n to i t and t h a t he kn e w h o w to tr e a t a l ad y anyho w
Co n s id e r in g th i s extre me l y cou r teous idi osy n cr a sy o f th e
Kid and the pr id e th a t he took in i t o n e c an pe r ce i ve th a t
the so l ut i o n o f the proble m th a t w a s p r es e n te d to h im by
wh a t he s a w and he a r d fro m h i s h idin g p l a ce in the pe a r th a t
a fter n oo n (a t l e a s t a s to o n e o f the a ctors ) m ust h a ve bee n
obscur e d by di cu l t ie s And yet o n e coul d n o t th in k o f the
Kid ove r lookin g l i ttle ma tte r s o f th a t kind
A t the e nd of t he short t w i l i ght they g a the r e d a r oun d a s up
pe r o f fr ij ol e s go a t st e a ks c ann e d pe a che s a n d co ffee by th e
,

S TORI ES FROM 0

1 92

H EN RY

l i g ht o f a l an te r n in the ja ca l Aft erwa r d t he an cestor h i s

ock co r r a l e d s moke d a c i ga re tt e and bec am e a m ummy in a
r
a
y
b
l
an
ket
To
nia
w
a
she
d
t
he
fe
w
di
sh
e
s
wh
i
le
the
K
id
g
dr i e d the m w i t h t he o ur s a ckin g t owel Her e y es sho n e ;
she ch a tt e d vo lu bly o f t he in co n seq u e n t h appe nin g s o f he r
s ma ll worl d s in c e th e Kid s l a st v i s i t ; i t wa s a s a l l h i s o t he r
ho me co min g s h ad bee n
Th e n outs id e To nia s wun g in a g r a ss h amm ock w i th he r
c
e
d
e
a
or
u
i
t
a
r
and
s
an
a
c
a
n
i
on
s
m
s
d
g
g

l
o
d g i r l ? a ske d the K id
love
m
e
j
u
st
t
he
s
am
e
o
u
Do y
hun t in g fo r h i s c i g a re tt e p ap e rs

Al ways t he s am e l i ttle o n e s aid To nia he r da r k eyes

l in g e r in g upo n h im

I m ust g o over t o Fin k s s aid the Kid r i s in g fo r so m e

tob a cco I thought I h ad an othe r s a ck in my co a t I ll be

b a ck in a q u a rter o f an ho u r

H a ste n s aid T o nia and te ll m e h o w l o n g sh a l l I c a ll

m
y
o
w
n
th
i
s
t
im
e
?
Wi
ll
y
o
u
b
e
o
n
e
a
ain
t
o
m
orrow
o
u
g
g
y

l e av in g m e t o g r i eve o r w i ll you be lo n g er wi t h y our T o nia ?

Oh I mi g h t s t ay two or th r ee da y s th i s t r i p s aid th e

Kid y awnin g
I ve b ee n o n the d o d g e for a m o n th and

I d l i ke t o res t u p
He w a s go n e h a lf an ho u r for h i s t ob a cco W he n h e r e
tur n e d To nia w a s s t i l l ly in g in t he h amm ock

I t s fu nny s aid th e Kid how I fee l I fee l l i ke the r e

w a s so m ebo dy l y in g beh ind eve ry bush and tree w ai t in g to
shoot m e I n ever h ad m u l l y g r u b s l i ke t he m before M ay
be i t s o n e o f th e m p r esu mpt i o n s I v e go t h al f a n o t i o n to
l i ght o u t in th e m o r nin g b e fore da y Th e G u adal upe cou n
t ry i s bur nin g up a bout th a t o l d D utch man I p l ugge d d ow n

th e re

Yo u a r e n o t afr aid n o o n e cou l d ma ke m y b r a ve l i tt l e

o n e fe ar

W e ll I h a ve n t bee n us u ally re g ar d e d a s a ja ck r abb i t

whe n i t co m es to scr app in g ; b u t I d o n t w an t a poss e s m ok in g
m e o u t whe n I m in yo u r ja ca l S o m ebo dy mi ght g e t hur t

th a t ought n t to
.

STORI ES FR OM

1 94

H EN RY

Sandr id ge q u i ckl y expl ain e d to h i s m e n the o fc ial p a rt

The r ang ers prot e ste d a g ain st h i s g o in g
o f the mi ss i ve
a lo n e

I ll g e t h im e a sy e n o u gh s aid t h e l i e u t e nan t
The
h
i
r
l
s
go
t
i
m
t
r
a
ppe
d
And
d
o
n
t
eve
n
th
in
k
he
ll
g
e
t
t
he
g

dr op o n m e
Sandr id g e s add le d h i s hors e and ro d e t o the L o n e Wo lf
Cross in g He t i e d h i s b i g d u n in a clump o f br u sh o n the
arroyo t ook h i s Win ches t er fr o m i t s sc abb ar d and c a re
ful l y appro a che d the Pere z j a ca l There wa s o n ly t he h a lf o f
a h i g h m oo n d r if t e d o v er b y r a g g e d m i lk wh i t e g ul f cl o u d s
The wa g o n she d w a s an e xc e l l e n t pl a ce fo r am b u sh ; and
the r an g er g o t i n s i d e i t s af ely I n t h e bl a ck sh ad ow o f the
br u sh shel t e r in f ro n t of t he j a ca l he co u l d see a horse t i e d
and he ar h i m i mp a t i e n t ly p aw in g t he h ar d tro dd e n e ar t h
He w ai t e d a l m ost an ho ur before t wo g ur es c am e o u t of
t he
O n e in man s cloth e s q u i ckly m o un t e d t he horse
and gal l o pe d p a s t t h e w a g o n she d t ow ar d t h e cross in g and
v il l a g e And t he n t he o th e r g u re in sk i r t w a i s t and man
t i ll a over i t s he ad s t epp e d ou t in t o t he fain t m oo nl i g h t g a z
in g af ter the r id er Sandr id g e t hou g ht he wo ul d t ake h i s
ch an ce the n bef o re To nia ro d e b a ck He f an c i e d sh e mi ght
n ot c are to se e i t

Throw up yo u r h and s he or d e r e d l o u d ly stepp in g o u t

of the w a g o n she d w i t h h i s Win ches t e r a t h i s sho ul der
There w a s a q u i ck t ur n o f t h e g ur e b u t n o m o v e m e n t

n
to obey so the r an g er p u m pe d in t h e b u lle t s o e two
a n d th e n t w i ce m ore ; for you n e v er co u l d be too sure
t h re e
There w a s n o dan g e r o f
o f br in g in g d own the C i sco K id
mi ss in g a t te n p a ces eve n in th a t h a lf m oo n l i g h t
Th e o l d an cestor a sl ee p o n h i s b l an ket w a s aw ak e n e d by
the sho t s Li s t e nin g fu r ther he he ar d a gre a t cry fro m so m e
man in m o rt al di s t ress o r an gu i sh and r ose up grum b l in g a t
th e di sturb in g w a y s of m o dern s
The t all re d ghost o f a man b u r st in to th e j a c a l re a ch in g
sh a k in g l i ke a tu l e ree d for the l an tern h an g in g
o n e h and
The other spre ad a lette r o n th e t ab l e
o n i ts nail
.

TH E C AB ALLE RO 8 W AY

Look a t th i s l ette r Perez

,

it ?

cr i e d the man

1 95

Wh o wr ote

Ah D i os ! i t i s S e nor Sandr id ge m u mb l e d the Ol d man

appro a ch in g
P u e s s en or th a t l etter w a s wr i tt e n by E l

They s ay
Ch i va to a s he i s c a l l e d b y the man o f To nia
W h i le T o nia slept he wr ote
h e i s a b ad man ; I d o n ot kn ow
the lette r and se n t i t by th i s o l d h and o f min e t o Do min g o
Sa les t o be br o ught to y ou Is there anyth in g wr o n g in t he
l e t ter ? I am very ol d ; and I did n o t kn ow Va l g a me
D io s ! i t i s a very fool i sh worl d ; and the r e i s n o t h in g in the

house to d rink n o t h in g to d r in k
J ust the n a l l th a t Sand r id g e co ul d th in k o f t o do w a s to g o
o u ts id e and t hrow h im self f a ce d own w ar d in the d ust b y t he
s id e o f h i s hu mm in g b i r d o f wh o m n o t a fe ather u t t er e d
He w a s n ot a ca ba l l e r o by in st in ct and he coul d n o t und er
st and the ni c e t i e s of reve n g e
A mi le a w ay t he r id er who h ad r idd e n p a st t he w a g o n
she d struck u p a h arsh u n tu n eful so ng t he wo rd s o f wh i ch
bega n :
,

D on
01 I

t you mo nkey wi th my Lulu g irl

ll tell you wha t I ll do

TH E W ORL D AN D TH E D O O R

Fro m Whi

F irs t p ub li hed in

The Amer i ca n M a ga zi n e ,
Au gus t ,
en r y never treated a b igg er them e tha n t h e
sub je c t tha t g ive s unity t o this s to ry On a rs t rea ding t h e g ist
f i t wo uld s ee m t b e th at wh ile lo ve m a y o f co urse b e b as ed o n
co mm unity o f ta s te , o f feel in g f exp e rience , i t ca n no t b e b as ed o n
c o mm uni ty o f g u il t ; as s oo n a s the e n g a ge d m u rderers n d th at they

are n o t m urderers , i t s a ll o ff w i th th em B ut th i s th em e , to uched

upo n in the earl ier B li n d M a n s H o lida y , is n o t th e them e o f The

Wor ld a n d the Door Th is is p r ved b y the title , b y t h e devel p
m ent f the p lo t , a n d b y what 0 H e n ry h im s elf s aid m any t im e s
abo u t the s to ry Th e re al them e is th at in the no rm al m a n a n d
wo m an the des ire fo r the larg er fell ws h ip f the wo rld , f r m ixin g
w i th f o l ks , fo r h av ing f rie nds a n d ne ighb o rs , is inn at e a n d irre

i
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Lo ve i t elf wh en p itte ag i s t t c erta in l y a lo ve l ike
s st b e

th a t f M erriam a n d M r s C o nant will b e fo und the wea ker

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t o themselves , m a d e the t w o lo vers shu t o u t th e la rg er wo rld a n d

cl s e the doo r as they tho ugh t B ut with the co nsc io usness f

inn oc ence there cam e t o bo th th e insp ir itin g v is io n o f a sl wly o pe n

i s wha t
in g d r
Th e wh le o u t o i do o rs i s m ine o nce mo re

thro bbe d th ro ugh M e rr ia m s pulses , a n d M r s C o nant s thou ght s

rever te d ins ta ntl y a n d exu ltan tly t o the w rld th a t sh e tho u gh t she
h a d shu t o u t , to d m es t ic a n d neighb o rly th in g s , t o the chi t c ha t o f
de p a rtm ent s to res , t o an ap r n fo r th e coo k , p atterns f r sle e ves ,

c a lle rs , tea Th at i ta l ic ized p a ra gr a ph i s o n e o f O He nry s trium phs ,

an ill us tra tio n o f h o w o ften h is ro m a nticism is nl y real is m to uche d
with u n der s tand ing Th i s w a s th e s t ry tha t h e wishe d t o dra m a
t iz e s o as t o s ta g e for all t im e t h e ine xt in gu isha b le d e s ire o f th s e

do wn a n d u t t o g e t b ack t o c iv il iz at io n
0 H e n ry ta lked fo r

h urs a b u t th i s theme , s ays M r G il m an Ha ll

H e wr te m e ,
sa y s M r s Po rte r, that t w o ac ts o f th e p lay , The Wor ld a n d th e Door ,

l i g i gs
1 90 7
0 H
r

o
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oo

we re jus t a b o u t n i she d As y o u s a y i t was to sho w th at e ve ry

hum a n s o ul h a s th is tende ncy toward resp ec tab il i ty I t w a s gr e a te r

he ins is ted tha n love

.

1 96

S TORI ES FROM 0

1 98

H EN RY

re
a
t
na
v
i
g
a
t
or
u
n
p
a
tr
i
o
t
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ly
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e
b
u
k
in
g
h
im
fo
r
h
a
v
in
g
g
vo y a ge d in se a rch o f l and in s t e ad of l i q u id s M idn i gh t o ver
to o k the p a r ty maroo n e d in the r e a r o f a che ap c a f fa r u p
town
He d ges w a s a rro g an t ove rr idin g and qu a r r e l so m e H e

w a s bur ly and t ough iro n g r ay b u t v i go ro u s

oo
d
for
g

f
the res t o the ni g h t There w a s a d i sp u te a bout n o th in g

th a t ma t t e rs and the ve n g e r e d wor d s w e r e p a sse d th e

w or d s t h a t repr e se n t the g l o ve c a s t i n t o the l i sts Mer r iam
p l a ye d the r O l e o f the V erb a l Ho t sp ur
H e d g es rose q u i ckl y se i z e d h i s ch air s wu n g i t o n ce and
s ma sh e d w il dl y d own a t M err iam s he ad Merr iam do d ge d
drew a s mal l revolver and shot He d g es in t he ches t The
l e adin g roys t erer s t u m bl e d f e l l in a wry he ap and l ay st il l
Wad e a co mm u ter h a d for m e d th a t h ab i t O f pro m p t n ess
He j u g g le d Merr iam o u t a s id e d oor w a l ke d h im t o the
They ro d e
cor n er r an h im a block and c a u g ht a h an so m
v e min u tes and the n go t o u t o n a da rk cor n er and di s mi ss e d
Across the s t re e t the l i ghts o f a s ma ll s a l oo n b e
th e c ab
t r a y e d i t s hect i c hosp i t a l i t y

s aid Wad e and

G o in the b a ck roo m o f th a t s a l oo n
wai t I ll g o n d o u t wh a t s d o in g and l et you kn o w Yo u

may t ake two dr i n ks wh i le I am g o n e no m o re

At te n min utes t o o n e o c l ock Wad e r e tur n e d

Br a ce u p O l d ch ap he s aid
The am b ul an c e g o t the r e
j u s t a s I did Th e d octor s ays h e s d e ad Yo u may h a ve
You ve
o n e m ore d r in k
Yo u le t m e ru n t h i s t h in g for y o u
t
o
s
k
i
p
I
d
o
n
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bel
i
e
v
e
a
ch
ai
r
i
s
leg
a
lly
a
d
e
ad
ly
w
e
a
po
n
o
t
g

You ve g o t to ma ke tr a cks th a t s a ll ther e i s t o i t

Merr i am co mp l ain e d o f the col d quer ul o u sl y and a ske d

fo r an other d r i n k
D id you n o t i ce wh a t b ig v e in s he h ad

h e a ske d
I n eve r coul d st and
o n the b a ck o f h i s h and s ?
I n ev e r coul

T a ke o n e m ore s aid Wad e and the n co m e o n I ll

s ee yo u thro u g h
Wad e kep t h i s pro mi s e s o w e ll th a t a t ele v e n o cl ock the
n e xt m o r nin g Me rr iam w i th a n ew su i t c a se fu ll o f n e w
,

T H E WOR LD AN D TH E D OO R

1 99

c l oth e s and h ai r b r ushes steppe d qu i e t ly o n bo a rd a l i tt l e

The vess e l
50 0 to n fr u i t s t e am e r a t an Ea s t R i v er p i er
h ad bro u g h t the sea so n s rs t c a rg o o f li m es fro m Port
Lim o n and w a s ho m ewar d b ou nd Merr iam h ad h i s b ank
b a l an ce o f
in h is p ocket in l a r g e b il ls and br i e f in
s t r u c t io n s t o p i l e u p a s m u ch w a t er a s he co u l d betwe e n h im
s e lf and N e w York There w a s n o t im e for an y th i n g m ore
Fro m Por t Lim o n Merr iam worke d d own the co a s t by
schoo n er and sl o op to Colo n the n ce a cross the i s th m u s t o
P anama where he c au g ht a tr am p bou nd f or C a ll a o and s u ch
int er m e dia te ports a s mi ght te m pt the d i scu rs i ve sk ipp er
fro m h i s co u rse

It w a s a t La P a z th a t M e rr iam d ec id e d t o l and La P a z
th e Be a u t ifu l a l i t tl e h a rborless t own s m othere d in a li v in g
o
f
r
ee
n
r
i
bbo
n
t
h
a
t
b
and
e
d
t
he
foo
t
a
clou
d
p
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e
r
c
in
m
ou
n
g
g
tain Here the l i tt le ste am er stopp e d t o t r e ad w a te r wh i l e
the c ap t ain s d ory t ook h im a shore t h a t he mi g ht f e e l t h e
p u ls e of th e coco an ut ma rket Merr iam w e n t too w i th h is
sui t c a se and re main e d
Ka lb t h e v ice co n s u l a G r aec o Ar m e nian c i t i z e n o f t h e
Uni t e d S t a t es bor n in Hesse n D a r m s t ad t and e d uc a te d in
C in c inna t i w a r d pr ima r ie s co n s id ere d a ll Am er i c an s h is
bro t hers and b an ker s He a t t ache d h im s e l f to Merr iam s
e lbow in t r o d u ce d h im t o ev ery o n e in La P a z w h o wore
shoes borrowe d t e n d oll a rs and we n t b a ck to h i s h amm ock
There w a s a l i ttl e woo d e n h o te l in the e d g e o f a b anana
se
a
r
ove
f
a
c
in
the
t h a t c a t er e d t o the t a s t e s o f the few
g
g
fore i g n e r s t h a t h ad droppe d o u t of t he worl d in t o the tri s te

Peruvian town A t Ka lb s in tro d u c t ory : Sh a ke h and s

wi th
he h ad obe di e n t ly exch an g e d man u a l s a lu t a t i o n s
wi t h a G e r man d octor o n e F re n ch and two I t a l ian m e r
ch an ts and t hree or four Am er i c an s who were spoke n o f a s

gol d m e n r u bbe r m e n mahogany m e n an yth in g but m e n

o f l i v in g t i ss u e
Aft e r dinn e r Merr iam s a t in a co r n e r o f the bro ad fr o n t
a
l
e
r
i
a
w
i
th
B
i
bb
a
Ver
m
o
n
ter
in
t
ereste
d
in
hy
d
r
a
ul
i
c
min
g

i n g and s m oke d and d ran k S cotch s m o k e

The moo n l i t
-

ST ORIES FR O M 0

200

H EN RY

sp re ad in g in ni t ely befor e h im see me d t o sep a r a te h im

beyo nd a ll a pprehe n s i o n fro m h i s ol d l ife The horr id
tr a ge dy in wh i ch he h ad pl a y e d such a di s a s t rous p a rt n o w
be g an for the rst t ime s in ce h e s t o le o n bo a r d t h e fr u i t e r a
D i s t an c e l e n t
w r etche d fu g i t i v e to lose i t s sh a rper o u t l in es
a ss u a g e me n t to h i s V i ew B i bb h ad ope n e d the o o d g a te s
overjo y e d t o h a ve
o f a s t re am of l o n g damm e d di sc o ur se
c a p t ure d an a u di e n ce t h a t h ad n ot s uffere d und e r a h u ndr ed
r epe t i t io n s o f h i s vi e ws and theo r i e s

On e ye a r m ore s aid B ibb and I ll g o b a ck to G o d s

coun try O h I kn ow i t s pre tt y here and y o u get do lce fa r
but th i s coun try wa s n t
n i e n t e h and e d t o you i n chun ks
mad e for a wh i te man to l i ve in You ve got t o h a ve t o p l ug
thr o u g h sn o w n o w and t h e n and see a g am e o f b a seb a ll and
we a r a st iff coll a r and h a ve a po l i ce man cuss y o u
S t i l l La
And M S
Pa z i s a g oo d so r t o f a p ipe d r e am y o l d h o le
Co nan t i s her e Whe n any o f us fee l s p a r t i cul a r ly l i ke ju mp
in g in to the se a we r u sh a r o u n d t o he r house and propos e
It s ni ce r t o b e r ejecte d by Mr s Co nan t th an i t i s t o b e

dr own e d And they s a y drownin g i s a d e l i ghtfu l se n s a t i o n

Many li ke h e r he r e ? a ske d Merriam

N ot an ywh e r e
s aid B i bb wi th a co mfo r t a b l e s i g h

S he s the o n ly wh ite w o man in La Pa z The rest r an ge

fro m a d a pp l e d d un t o the color o f a b a t p ian o key S he s

b ee n he re a ye a r Co m es fro m we ll y o u kn ow how a

wo man c an ta l k a sk e m to s a y str in g and th e y ll s ay

crow s foot o r c a t s c r ad le
S o m et imes y o u d th in k sh e
wa s fro m O shkosh and a g ain fro m Ja ckso n v i ll e F l o r ida and

the n ext day fro m C a pe C o d

Mystery ? ve n t u re d M err iam

M we l l sh e l ooks i t ; but h er t a l k s t r an s l uce n t e n ough

B u t th a t s a w o man I s u ppose if t he S ph i n x were t o beg in

t a lkin g sh e d m erely sa y : G oo dn ess m e ! more v i s i t ors co ming

for d i nn er and n o t h in g to e a t b u t the s and wh i ch i s here
But y o u wo n t t h in k a bo u t th a t wh e n you m ee t her Merr iam

You ll pro p ose to her t o o

To m a ke a h a r d sto ry sof t Me rr iam did m eet he r and p r o
se a

STO R IES FROM

202

H E NRY

but th a t d epe nd s upo n you I ll b e a s ho n es t a s y o u we re

I po iso n e d my h u sb and I am a self mad e w id ow A man
c a n n o t love a mu r d eress S O I supp o se th a t e nd s o u r a c

qu ain t an ce
S he looke d up a t h im s l owl y H i s fa ce tur n e d a l i t t l e
p a l e and he s t a r e d a t h e r bl an kl y l i k e a d e a f and d u m b man
who wa s wo nd er in g wh a t i t wa s a ll a b o u t
S he t o o k a sw ift step tow a r d h im wi t h st iffe n e d a r m s and
eyes bl a z in g

D o n t l o ok a t m e l i k e t h a t ! sh e cr i e d a s thou g h S h e

we r e in a c u t e p ain
C u r se m e o r t ur n yo ur b a ck o n m e
b u t d o n t look t h a t w ay Am I a wo man t o be b e at e n ? If

I c o u l d show yo u here o n m y a r m s and o n my b a ck a re

sc a rs and i t h a s bee n m ore th an a y e a r sc a rs th a t h e mad e

in h i s br u t a l r a g es A hol y n u n wo u l d h a ve r i se n and s t r u ck
the e nd d own Yes I ki ll e d h im Th e fo u l and horr i ble
w or d s t h a t he h u r l e d a t m e t h a t l a st da y a r e r epe a t e d in my
e a rs e v ery ni g ht whe n I sleep And t h e n c am e h i s blows
and the e nd o f m y e ndur an c e I g o t t he po i so n t h a t a ft er
n o o n It w a s h i s c u s t o m t o dr in k e v e r y ni g h t in the l i br a ry
before g o in g t o b e d a h o t pun ch mad e o f r u m and w in e

O n ly fro m my fai r h and s wo u l d he r e ce i ve it bec au se h e

Th a t ni g h t
k n ew t he f u m es o f S p ir i t s a lw ays s i ck e n e d m e
whe n t he maid br o u gh t i t t o m e I s e n t her d o wn st ai rs o n an
err and Be f ore t a kin g h im h i s d r in k I w e n t to my l i tt le
pr i v a t e c a b in et and po u re d in to i t m ore th an a te a spoo nf ul

e n o u gh to k i ll t hre e m e n s o I h ad
o f t in ct u re o f a co ni t e
l e a r n e d I h ad dr a wn
th a t I h ad in b an k and w i th
t h a t and a few th in g s in a s a t chel I l e f t the ho u se w i th o u t
an y o n e see in g m e A s I p a sse d the l i br a r y I he a r d h im
s t a gg e r up and fa l l he a v i ly o n a co u ch I took a ni g h t tr ain
fo r N ew O r l e an s and fro m there I s ai l e d to t h e B e r m u da s
I na lly c a s t an chor in La Pa z And n o w wh a t h a ve y o u t o

C an yo u ope n y o ur m outh ?
sa y ?
Merr iam c am e b a ck t o l i fe

F lore n c e
he s aid e ar n es t ly
I wan t you I d o n t
c a r e wh a t you ve d o n e If th e wo rl d
.

TH E W ORLD AND TH E D OO R

20 3

R a l ph sh e in t er r upt e d a l m ost w i th a scr e am b e my

wor l d !
He r eyes m e l t e d ; she r e l a xe d ma g nice n tly and s waye d
to wa r d Me rr iam so su dd e n ly th a t he h ad t o ju m p t o c a tch
her
D e a r m e ! in s u ch sce n es h o w th e t a l k r un s in to a r t ic ial
prose But i t c an t be he lpe d It s the subco n sc i ous s m ell
S t ir the d epths
o f the footl i g h t s s m oke t h a t s in a ll o f us
cook s so ul sufc i e n t ly and sh e wi ll di scou r se in
o f your
B u lwer Ly t t o n e se
Merr iam and M r s Co nan t we r e ve r y h appy He a n
Ei ght
n o u n c e d the i r e n g a g e m e n t a t t he Hotel O r i ll a d e l M a r
fore i g n e r s and four na t i ve A stors pou nd e d h i s b a ck and
sh o ute d in s in cere co n g r a tul a t i o n s a t h im Pe dr i to the
C a st i li an mann er e d b a rkeep w a s g o ad e d t o e xt r a d uty un t i l
h i s a g i l i ty wo u l d h a ve t u r n e d a Bosto n ch e rr y phosph a t e
c l e r k a p a l e l i l a c wi t h e n vy
They wer e bo t h very h appy Acc o r din g t o th e s t ran g e
ma the ma t i cs of t he g o d o f m u t u a l a fni t y t he sh ad o ws t h a t
clo u d e d t h e i r p a s t s wh e n un i te d bec am e o n ly h a lf a s d e n s e
in s t e ad o f darker They sh u t t he w o rl d o u t and bol t e d t h e
d oors Each wa s the othe r s worl d M r s Co nan t li v e d
a g ain The re m e mber in g l o ok l eft her eyes Merr iam wa s
wi t h he r e v ery m o m e n t t h a t w a s p o ss i ble O n a l i tt l e pl a t e a u
u nd er a g rove o f p a l m s and c a l a b a sh trees they were go in g
to bu i l d a fai ry bun g a l ow They w er e to be ma rr i e d in t w o
m o n t hs M an y ho u rs of t he day they h ad the i r h e ad s to
s
e
t
e
t
he
r
ove
r
the
house
p
l
an
s
The
i
r
o
in
t
c
a
p
i
t
a
l
w
o
ul
d
j
g
up a bus in e ss in fr u i t o r woo d s th a t wo ul d y i e l d a co mfort ab l e

suppo r t
G oo d ni g h t m y wo r l d wo u l d s a y M r s Co nan t
e v ery eve nin g whe n Merr iam l eft he r fo r h i s ho t e l Th e y
were very h appy Th e i r l ove h ad c i rcu m s t an t ia l ly th a t
ele m e n t o f m e l an choly in i t th a t i t see m s t o requ i re to a tt ain
i ts sup re m e st e l e v a t i o n And i t see m e d t h a t t he i r m u t u a l
i
a s a b o nd t h a t n oth in g co u l d s e ver
r
e
a
t
mi
s
f
ort
u
n
e
o
r
s
w
n
g

O n e da y a s t e am er hove in t he o fn g B are l e gg e d and

b ar e shoul d ere d La P a z sc ampe r e d d o w n t o the b e a ch fo r

STORI ES FROM 0

20 4

H E NR Y

th e a rr i v a l o f a ste am e r wa s the ir Ioo p th e IO O p c ir cus

Eman c ip a t i o n D ay and fou r o c l ock t e a
Wh e n the ste am e r wa s n e a r e n ou g h w i se o nes p roc l aim e d
t h a t s h e wa s the P aj a r o bound u p co a st fro m C al l a o t o
P anama
The P a ja r o put o n b ra ke s a mi le o ff sho r e S oo n a bo a t
c am e bobb in g sho r ewa r d Me r r iam st ro ll e d d o wn o n the
b e a ch to look o n In the sh allow w ater the C ar i b s ai lors
S pr an g o u t and d r a g g e d t he bo a t w i t h a mi ghty rush to the
r m sh in g l e
O u t cl imbe d the p u r ser the c apt ain and t w o
p a sse n g ers plou g h in g t he ir w a y thr o u gh th e d eep s and
to wa r d t he hotel Me r r iam gl an ce d towa r d t he m wi t h t h e
mil d in terest d u e to st r an g ers There wa s so m e th in g fami l
ia r to h im in the w a l k o f o n e o f th e p a ss e n g e rs He looke d
a g ain and h i s b l oo d see m e d to t ur n t o str awberry i ce cre am
in h i s ve in s
Bur ly a r r o g an t d ebo nair a s eve r H Ferguso n
He d g es the m a n h e h ad kill e d wa s co min g toward him te n
feet a wa y
Whe n He d ges s a w Me rr iam h i s f a ce ushe d a da rk r e d

The n he shoute d in h i s O l d b lu ff w ay : H e ll o Mer r iam

G l ad t o see y o u D idn t expect t o nd y o u o u t here Q u inb y

l
th i s i s m y o d fr i e nd Me r r iam o f N e w Y o r k Me rr iam Mr

Q u in by
Me r r iam g a ve He d g es and the n Q u in b y an i ce co l d h and

B r r r r ! s aid He d g es
But you ve g o t a fr apped ip
pe r ! M an you re n o t w e ll Yo u r e a s yellow a s a Ch ina
man M a l a r ia l here ? S t e er us to a b a r if the r e i s such a

th in g and l et s t a ke a prophyl act i c

Me rr iam st i ll h al f co ma tose l e d the m to w a r d the Hotel
O ri ll a d e l M a r

Q u in by and I exp l ain e d He d g es pufn g through the

sl ippery s and a re l ookin g o u t a lo n g the co a st for so m e in

ves t m e n ts W e ve just co m e up fro m Co n cepc ion and Va l
p a ra i so and Lima The c a pt ain o f th i s s u bs idi ze d ferry
bo a t to l d us there w a s so m e g oo d p i ck in g a round h ere in s i l v e r
min es S o we g o t o ff N o w where i s th a t c a f Me rriam ?

O h in th i s por ta b l e so da w a te r p a v i l i o n ?
-

ST ORIE S FROM 0

20 6

H ENR Y

th a t to c l Docto r S S S ch l e ge l Di os ! wh a t a nam e t o s a y

th a t to S e nor D a v i s o n e fo r D o n Alb er t o Thes e tw o fo r

th e Ca s a de H u e sp e de s N u m er o 6 e n l a ca ll e de l a s B u e n a s
An d s ay t o t h e m a ll M u ch a c h o th a t the P a j a r o
Gr a ci a s
s ai ls f o r P anama a t t hr ee t h i s a ft er n oo n If an y h a v e l e tt e rs
t o se nd by t he pos t l e t t he m c o m e q u i ckl y t h a t the y may

rs t p a ss t hro u g h the cor r eo

N l r s Co nan t rec ei v e d her rol l o f n ewsp a pers a t fo ur O clock
Th e boy w a s l a t e in d e l i v e r i n g t he m b e c a u s e he h ad bee n d e
e c t e d fro m h i s d u ty b y an i g u ana t h a t cross e d h i s p a t h and
t o wh i ch he imm e d i a t e l y g a v e ch a se B u t i t mad e n o h a r d
sh i p fo r sh e h ad n o l e tt e rs t o s e nd
S he wa s id l in g in a h amm ock in the p a ti o o f the ho u se th a t
s h e occ u p i e d h a l f a w a ke h a lf h a pp i l y d re amin g of t he p a r a
di se t h a t s h e and Merr iam h ad cre a t e d o u t o f t he wr ecks o f
th e i r p a s t s S he wa s co n t e n t n ow for t he hor i z o n o f t h a t
sh imm er in g se a to b e t he hor i z o n o f her l ife Th e y h ad shu t
o u t t he worl d and close d t he d o o r
Merr iam w a s co min g to h e r h o u s e a t seve n a fter h i s dinn er
a t th e h o t e l S h e wo u l d p u t o n a wh i t e d ress and an ap r i cot
colore d l a ce man t i ll a and t h e y w o u l d wa lk an ho ur un d er
th e coco an u t p a l m s b y the l a goo n Sh e s mi le d co n te n t e d ly
and chose a p aper a t r and o m fro m the ro ll th e boy h ad
brou g ht
A t rs t the wo r d s o f a cert ain he adl in e o f a S un day n ews
p aper m e an t n o th in g t o he r ; t he y co n v ey e d o n ly a vi s u a l i z e d

s e n se o f f ami l ia r i ty The l a r g est type ran t h u s : Ll o y d B

Co nan t sec ures di v o r ce

And t he n t he s u bhe adin g s : Well
known Sain t Lo u i s p ain t man uf a ctur er w in s s u i t pl e adin g

Her mys t er i o u s di s a ppe a ran c e

o n e ye a r s a bse n ce of w ife

r ec a ll e d
N oth in g h a s bee n he a r d o f her s in ce
Twi s t in g herse lf qu i ckl y o u t o f t h e h amm ock Mrs Co n
an t s e ye soo n t ra v e rse d t h e h a lf colu mn o f t he Re ca l l

It e nd e d t h u s : It w i l l be r e m e mbere d t h a t M r s Co nan t
d ia p p e a r e d o n e eve nin g in M a rch o f l a s t ye a r
I t w a s freely
r u m ore d t h a t her ma rr ia g e w i t h Lloy d B Co nan t resul t e d
in m uch u n h app in ess S to r i es we re n o t w an t in g to t h e e e c t,

TH E W OR LD AN D TH E D O O R

20 7

th a t h i s cr u el ty t owa r d h i s w ife h ad m ore th an o n c e t a ke n

th e f o r m o f phys i c a l a b u se After her d ep a r t ure a fu l l bottle
o f t i n c t u r e o f a co ni t e a d e ad ly po i s o n w a s fou nd in a s ma l l
m e di c in e c a b in e t in her be d roo m Th i s mi g h t h a ve bee n an
indi c a t i o n t h a t sh e m e di t a te d su i c id e It i s s uppose d th a t
she a b and o n e d s u ch an in te n t i o n if sh e possesse d i t and

l eft her ho m e in s t e ad
Mr s Co nan t slowly d roppe d th e p aper and sa t o n a ch ai r
c l a sp in g her h and s t i g h t ly

Le t m e th in k O G o d l et m e th in k s h e wh i sper e d

I took th e bo tt le w i th m e
I thr e w i t o u t o f the
w ind o w o f t h e t rain
there wa s a n
I
other bottle in th e c a b in e t
there we r e two s id e by

s id e
the a co ni te and t he v a ler ian th a t I took whe n I coul d
n o t sleep
If they fou nd the a co ni te bott l e full why
b u t he i s a l i ve o f co u rse I g a ve h im o n l y a h a r m l ess d ose
of va ler ian
I am n ot a m ur d e ress in fa ct

Ra lph I O G o d d o n t le t t h i s be a d re am !
S he w e n t in t o t he p a rt of t he ho u s e th a t sh e r e n te d fro m
th e o l d Peruv ian man and h i s w i fe sh u t the d oor and wa lke d
up and d own her roo m sw iftly and fever i shly for h a lf an ho u r
Merr iam s photo g r aph s t oo d in a fr am e o n a t a ble
She
p i cke d i t up looke d a t i t w i th a s mi l e o f exq u i s i te te nd er n es s

and d roppe d fo ur te a rs o n i t And Merr iam o n ly twe n t y

r o d s a w ay ! Th e n s h e stoo d st i l l fo r te n min u t es look in g
in to sp a c e S h e l ooke d in t o sp a ce thr o u g h a slowly O pe nin g
d o o r O n her s id e o f t he d oor wa s the b u i l din g ma ter ia l for a

c a stle o f Ro man ce lo ve an Ar c ad y o f w a vin g p a l m s a

l u l l a by o f w a ves o n the shore o f a h a v e n o f r est resp i t e pe a ce

a l ot u s l and o f d re am y e a se and secur i ty a l ife o f poe t ry

and he a r t s e a se and r efug e Ro man t i c i st w ill y o u te ll m e
wh a t M r s Co nan t sa w o n the o t her s id e of t he d oor ? Yo u

Ve ry we l l ; the n l i st e n
ca n n o t P th a t i s y o u w i l l n o t ?
.

S h e s a w h er s e lf go i n to a dep a r tm e n t s tor e a n d bu y ve sp oo l s
of si l k th r e a d a n d th r e e y a r ds of gi n g h a m to m a k e a n a p r o n for

a s k ed th e cl er k
As
S h a ll I ch a rg e i t, m a a m ?
th e cook
.

ST OR IES FROM

20 8

H EN RY

l a dy wh om s h e m e t gr ee te d h er cor di a ll y
0 h,
w h e r e di d y ou g e t th e p a ttern for th o s e s l eeves de a r M r s Con

a nt ?
sh e s a i d
At th e cor n er a p ol i c em a n h e l p ed h e r a cr oss

?
n
a
l
r
n
d
h
d
hi
e
l
m
e
A
c
l
e
s
s h
t
s h e a s k ed
th e s tr e e t a
tou c e
y

M r s Wa ldr on , a n swer ed
th e m a id wh en s h e r e a ch ed ho m e

a n d th e tw o M i s s e s J e n ki n s on
Ver y we l l ,
th e m a id ,

Yon m a y bri n g m e a cu p of te a , M a ggi e

s h e s a id
sh e

w a l ked

ou

Mrs C o nant went to th e d o o r an d ca ll e d An ge l a the o l d

Pe ru vi a n woman
If Mateo is there sen d him to m e
Mat e o a ha lf bree d sh ufing an d o l d b u t e f ci e nt came

I s th e r e a steame r o r a vesse l o f any kin d l e a v ing thi s

coast t o night o r t o m o rr o w that I c an get p ass ag e o n ? sh e

a ske d
Ma te o c o n s i de re d

At Pun ta Re in a thir ty mi le s do wn th e c o as t s e no ra

he a ns we re d there i s a small ste a me r l oa d ing w ith cinch o n a

a n d d yewoo d s Sh e s ai l s fo r San Fra ncisco to m o rro w a t
s u nr ise S o says my brother w h o arr i ve d in h is s loo p t o

d ay passin g by P un ta R ein a

Yo u m u st take m e in th a t s loop t o th a t s t e am e r t o night

Will y o u do that ?

Pe rh aps
M a teo shr u gge d a s u gge s ti ve sh o u l de l
M s Con a nt t oo k a h a n df ul o f m o ney fr o m a drawe r a n d g a V e
it to him
G et the s loo p r e a dy behin d th e l itt l e point of l an d be l o w

the town sh e or d e re d
G et s ai lo r s an d b e re a dy t o s ail
at s ix o c l ock In ha lf an ho ur bring a ca r t p ar t ly lle d with
straw into the p a ti o here an d take my t r u n k t o th e s loo p

There is more m o ney yet Now h ur ry

For o n e time Mateo wa l ke d away with o u t s h ufing hi s feet

Ange l a c r ie d M r s Conant a l most e r ce l y c o me an d

he lp me pack I am going away Ou t w ith this tr un k
My c l othes r st Stir y ourse lf Th o s e d a rk dr es s e s r st

H u rry
From the r st s h e d i d not wa ve r fr o m he r d e ci s i o n He r
vi e w was c le ar a n d n a l H e r doo r h a d Op e ne d and l e t t h e
.

ST ORIES FRO M

21 0

HEN RY

yet make he r dep ar t u re witho ut h i s knowing Sh e would

wal k p ast t h e ho t e l as k some o n e to ca l l h i m o u t an d ta l k a
few moments o n some t r iva l e x c u s e le a v in g him e xpectin g
to s e e her at he r h ome at seven

She u n p inne d he r hat an d g ave it t o M ate o

Keep thi s

an d wait here ti ll I come s h e or dere d T h en sh e drape d

the manti ll a ove r he r hea d as sh e u s u ally d i d when wa l king
after s u nset an d went st raight to the O ri ll a de l Ma r
S h e was gl a d to s e e t h e b u l ky whit e c l a d g u re of Ti o
Pancho stan d ing a l one o n the ga ll ery

Tio Panc h o sh e sa id w i th a c h a rming s mil e may I

tro u b l e yo u to ask M r Me rr iam to come o u t fo r j u s t a fe w

moments that I may s p eak wi t h him ?

T i o Panc h o bowe d as an e l ep hant bows

B u e n o s t a r de s Se nora Conant
he sai d as a c a val ie r
ta lk s An d then he went o n l ess at h i s ease :

B u t d oes not the se nora know that Se nor Merriam sai le d

on th e P a j a r o fo r Pan a m a at t h r ee o c lo ck o f thi s a fte r noon ?

.

THE RO SE O F D I! I E

From O p tio n s C o p yrigh t H a rp er a n d Bro thers a n d us ed h ere

b y a rr a n gem e n t w i th the p ub li s hers
F ir s t p ub li s hed in E very body s
M a ga zi n e J un e 1 90 8 In Ar t a n d th e B r on co p ub lis hed in 1 90 3
O H enry s them e w a s a r t b y an ces try
H is the m e here is li te ra ture

b y ance s try
S o u thern M a ga
Th e j o tt i n g in the no tebo o k is :

z in e
All co n tribu to rs rela t ives o f So u thern dis t in gui shed m e n
There w a s e n o u gh tru th in t h e p ic ture t o drive th e m es s a ge ho m e
a n d th e S o u th h a s j o in ed who l e hea r t e dly in th e l a u gh ter ra i s e d a t
i t s o w n exp en s e
C o lo n el Tel fa ir ra ther tha n M r Th a cker h a s thus
unwi tt ingly bec o m e the exp o n en t o f li terature n o t o n ly divo rced fro m
Th e
a n ce s tra l c l a im s b u t lib e ra li z ed a n d m o dern i z ed in i t s a p p e a l
c h a n ge d a tt i tude w a s in ev ide n ce h o wever a t l eas t fo u r ye a rs bef o re
1 90 2 th e yea r in wh ic h th e s to ry i s s up p o sed t o t a ke p l a ce
Th e
en din g is a tr iu m p h o f unexp ectednes s a n d co n vin cingness u n
Th e rea d e r will n o t b e s urp r is ed to
s urp a s s e d eve n b y 0
H e n ry
l e a rn th a t C o lo n el Ro o sevel t grea tly en j o yed the hum o r o f the s to ry
s o I a m t o ld b y M r
K e rm i t R o o s evel t a n d p a s s ed i t a ro un d fo r
o th er m em bers o f th e fa m ily t o rea d
If C o lo n e l Telf air extende d

h is
in ves t iga t io n fa r en o ugh he do ub tles s le a rn ed n o t o n ly th a t
C o lo nel Ro o s eve l t s m o ther M a rth a B ul lo ch w a s a n a t ive o f
G eo rg ia b u t th a t sh e h a d t w o bro thers in the C o n federa te N a vy a n d
th a t she herself w a s a s lo ya l t o the ca use o f the So u th as her husban d
w a s t o the cau se o f the N o r th
,

WH E N Th e Ro s e of Di wi e maga z ine wa s st ar t e d b y a s t o ck
comp any in Toombs City Geor g ia there was neve r b u t o n e
can d i d ate for i ts chief e d itoria l p os i t i on in t he min d s o f it s
owner s C o l Aqu i l a Te lfai r was t h e man fo r the p l ace
By a ll th e rights o f learning fami ly rep u tation an d So u the rn
tra d itions he was its foreor d aine d t an d l ogica l e d itor
So a committee of the pat r iotic G eorgia citi z ens wh o h a d
s ubscrib e d the fo u n d in g f und of
c a ll e d u pon Co l on el
,

21 1

ST OR IES FROM O HENRY

21 2

Te lfa ir at hi s r e s i dence Ce d ar H e ights fea rf u l l est the e n

t e r p r is e an d the So u th sho u l d s uffe r by hi s p oss i b l e r efu sa l
The co lo ne l recei ve d them in h is great l i brary w h ere he
spent most o f his d ays The l i brary ha d d escen d e d to h i m
from his fathe r It containe d ten tho u s a n d vo l u me s some
of which ha d been p u b l ishe d as l ate as the year 1 86 1
When
the dep u tation arrive d Co l one l Te lfai r wa s seate d at h i s

massive white pine center tab l e rea d i ng B u rton s A natomy

o f Me l ancho ly
He arose an d shook han d s p u nct i l i o u s l y
with each member o f the committee If yo u were f am i l iar
w ith Th e Ro s e of Di xi e yo u will remember the co l one l s p o r
trait w h ic h app eare d in it from time to time Yo u co u ld
not forget t h e l ong caref ull y br u she d wh i te hair ; the hooke d
h i g h bri d ge d nose s l ightly twiste d to the l eft ; the keen eyes
un der t h e st i ll b l ack eyebrows ; the c l assic mo u th beneath the
droo p ing whit e m o u stache s l ightl y fra z z l e d at the en d s
The committee s ol i c i to u s ly o ffere d h i m the pos i tion o f
m anaging e d itor h um b l y p resenting an o u tl ine o f the e ld
that the p ub l icati o n was d esigne d to cover an d mentioning
a co m fortab l e sal a ry T h e co l one l s l an d s were growing
poorer each year an d were m u ch o u t u p by re d g ull ies B e
si des the hon o r w a s n o t one to be refu se d
In a fo r ty m i n u te sp eech o f acce p tance Co lo ne l Te lfair
gave an o u tl ine o f Engl is h literat u re from Ch a u ce r to Macau
l ay r e fo u ght the battl e o f Chance ll orsvi ll e an d s ai d that
G o d he l p ing him he wo u l d s o con du ct Th e Ro s e of Di xi e that
its fragranc e an d bea u ty wo uld p e rmeate the entire worl d
h u rl ing back into the teeth o f the Northern minions their
be l ief that no geni u s o r goo d co uld e xi s t in th e brains an d
hear ts o f the p eo p l e whose property they h a d d e s troye d an d
wh o se rights they ha d c u rtail e d
Of ces fo r the maga z ine were p artitione d o ff an d f ur nishe d
in the secon d oor of the First National Bank b u il d ing ; an d
it w as for the co lo ne l to ca u se Th e Ro s e of Di xi e to b l ossom
an d o ur ish o r t o wil t in the bal my a i r o f the l an d o f owers
The s taff of assistants an d contrib u tors that E d ito r Co l one l
Te lf a ir dre w ab ou t him wa s a pe a ch It w a s a who l e c rate
,

ST OR IES FROM O HEN RY

21 4

Manassas e ntitl e d Lee to the R ear ! an d a v e th ou san d

wor d b i ography of Be ll e B oy d i n the same nu mber
The
s ubscrip t i on list t h at mont h a d vance d 1 1 8 Al so t here were
oems
in
t
h
e
same
i
ss
u
e
by
Leonina
ashti
Haricot
V
(p e n
p
name) re l a t e d to the H aricots o f Char l eston So u th Caro l i na
an d B ill T h omp son nep h ew o f o n e o f t h e stock ho l d ers an d
an art i cl e f rom a s p ec i a l society corresp on d ent d escr i b i ng
a tea p arty g i ven by t h e swe ll Boston an d Engl ish se t where
a l ot of t ea was sp il le d o verboar d by some of t h e g uests mas
r a din g as I n d i ans
e
u
q
O ne d ay a p erson whose bre a th wo u l d eas i ly cl o u d a m i rro r
he was so m u c h a l ive entere d the o f ce o f Th e Ro s e of Di x i e
He was a man abo u t the s i z e o f a rea l estate agen t w i t h a
se lf t i e d t i e an d a manner that he m u st have borrowe d con
jointly from W J Bryan H a c k e n sch m idt an d Hetty G reen
He was s h own into the e di tor co l one l s p on s a si n o ru n Co l o
ne l Te lfa i r rose an d began a Pr i nce A l bert bow

I m Thacker
sa id the intr u d er taking the e d it o r s

chair
T T Thacker o f New York
He d ribb l e d hast i ly u p on the co l one l s d esk some card s a
b ul k man il a enve l o p e an d a l etter f rom the owners o f Th e
T h is l etter intro d u ce d Mr Thacker an d p o
Ro s e of Di x i e
li t e l y re q u este d Co l one l Te lf a ir to give h im a conference an d
w h atever i nformat i on abo u t the maga z ine he m i ght des i re

I ve been corresp on d ing with th e secretary o f the maga

z ine owners for some time sai d Thacke r briskl y

Im a
z
ractica
l
maga
ine
man
myse
l
f
an
d
a
circ
u
l
ation
booster
as
p
goo d as any if I d o s a y it I ll g u arantee an increase o f any
where f rom ten tho u san d to a h u n dre d tho u san d a yea r fo r
any p ub l icat i on that isn t p rinte d in a d ea d l ang u age I ve
had my eye o n Th e Ro s e of Di x ie ever since i t starte d I know
eve ry en d o f the b u siness f rom e d iting t o set t i ng u p th e cl as
N o w I ve come d o w n h ere to p u t a g oo d b u nch o f
s ie d a d s
money in t h e ma g a z ine if I can see my way cl ear It o u ght
to be ma d e to p a y The secreta ry te l l s me it s l osing money
I d on t see w h y a magaz ine in the So u t h if i t s p ro p erly

handl e d sho uld n t get a goo d cir c ul a tion in th e N o rth to o

-

THE RO SE O F D I! IE

21 5

Co lo n e l Te l fair l eane d back in h is chai r an d po l ish e d hi s

gold r imme d g l asses

Mr Thacker sai d he co u rte ou s ly b u t r mly Th e Ro s e

of Di x i e i s a p u b l ication d evote d to t h e fostering an d th e vo ic
ing o f So u thern geni u s Its watchwor d which yo u may

have seen o n the cover is O f For an d By the So u th

B u t yo u wo ul dn t o bject t o a Northe r n cir c ul ation would

?
aske
d
Thacker
o
u
y

I s up p o s e sai d the e d it o r co lo n e l th a t it i s c u stomary

to Op en th e circ ul at i on l ist s t o a ll I do n o t kno w I ha ve
not h ing to d o with the b u s iness affairs o f the maga z ine I
was ca lle d up on to a s s u me e d itoria l contro l o f it an d I h a ve
d evote d to its con d u ct s u ch poor l ite r a ry ta l ents as I may

possess an d wh a tever s tore o f er u d ition I m ay have a c q u ir e d

S ur e sai d Thacker
B u t a doll a r is a d o ll ar a ny wher e

No r th S ou th o r West whether yo u r e b uying c o dsh

goobe r peas o r R ocky Fo r d c a nt a lo u p e s N o w I ve been
l o o king o ve r yo ur No vembe r n u mber
I se e o n e h er e o n
yo ur d esk Yo u d on t min d ru nning o ve r it w ith m e ?

We ll yo u r lea d ing a rtic l e is a ll r ight A go od wr it e u p

o f th e cotton be l t with p l enty o f photogra p hs i s a winn e r any
time New York is a l way s intereste d in the cotton c ro p
A n d this sen s at i ona l acco unt o f the H a t e l d M c C o y fe u d
by a s choo l mate o f a niece o f the G o ve rnor o f Kent u cky
isn t s u ch a ba d i dea It hap p ene d s o l o n g a g o that most
h
r
eop
l
e
have
forgotten
it
Now
here
s
a
oem
e
e
a
ges
t
p
p
p

l ong ca lle d The Ty r ant s Foot by Lo re ll a Lasce ll es I ve

s
a
a
we
d
ar
o
u
n
d
a
goo
d
d
ea
l
ove
r
m
a
n
u
scripts
b
u
t
I
never
w
p

he r name o n a r ejection s l ip

Mis s Lasce lles sai d the e d ito r

is o n e o f o ur m ost
wi de ly recogni z e d So u the r n p oetesse s She is c l ose ly re l a t e d
to the Al abama Lasce l l es fami ly an d ma de w ith her o w n
han d s t h e si l ken Confe d erate banner that was p resente d t o

the go vernor o f that state at his ina u g uration

B u t why p ersiste d Thacker is the p oem i llu st r ate d

w ith a view o f th e M
0 R a i l r o a d freight dep o t a t Tu s
-

ca l o o s a

ST OR IES FROM

21 6

HENR Y

The i llu stration sai d the co lone l with d ign ity sh o ws

a c o rner o f the fence s u rro un din g the o ld homestea d whe r e

Miss Lasce l l es was born

All right
sai d Thacke r
I r e a d th e poem b u t I
co ul dn t te ll whethe r it wa s a bo u t th e d epot o r the batt l e

No w he re s a sho r t s tory ca l le d Rosi e s

o f B ull Ru n
Temp tati o n by Fo s dyke Piggo tt It s ro tt e n Wh a t i s a

Pig gott a nyway ?

M r Piggott s a i d th e e d it o r i s a b ro the r o f th e p r in

c ip a l stockh old e r o f the m a ga z ine

Al l s right with th e wo r ld Piggo tt p as ses sa i d Th a cke r

We ll thi s ar ticl e o n Ar ct i c e xp lo r ation an d th e o n e o n ta r

p o n s hin g might go B u t h o w ab ou t this wr it e u p o f th e
At l anta Ne w O rl e a ns Nashvi ll e an d S a va nn ah brewe r ie s ?
It s e em s t o c o nsist mainly o f statistic s a bo u t th e ir o u tp u t

a n d th e qu al ity o f their b ee r What s the chip o ve r th e b u g ?

If I u n d erstan d y our gur ati ve l a ngu age

answere d

C ol on e l Te lfa ir it is this : the artic l e y o u refe r to was han de d

t o me by the o wn e rs o f th e maga z ine with instr u ction s t o
p u b l i sh it The l it e ra ry qu a l ity o f it d i d not appea l to me
B u t in a m eas ur e I fee l impe lle d t o co nfo r m in cert a in
matt e r s t o the wishe s of the gent lem e n wh o ar e in te re s t ed

in the n anci a l si de o f Th e Ros e

I s ee sai d Th a cker
Next we ha ve t wo p a ge s o f s el e c

tion s from La ll a R ookh by Thomas Mo ore N o w wh a t

Fe dera l p rison d i d Moore escape from o r wh a t s the n a m e

o f the F F V fami ly that he ca rr ies as a han d icap ?

Moore was an Ir i sh p oet wh o d ie d in

sai d Co l on e l

Te lfair pityingly
He is a c l assic I have been thinking
o f reprinting h i s t ra n s l ati o n o f Ana c r e on s e r ia l l y in th e mag a

z1n e

Loo k ou t fo r th e c o pyright l aws sai d Thacker ip

l
ll
i
Wh
o
s
Bessie
who
c
o
ntrib
u
tes
the
essay
l
B
e
c
a
r
a
n
t
e
y
p
o n the newl y c o mp l ete d water works p l a nt in M il l c d g e v i l l e ?

The name s i r sai d Co l one l Te l fair

i s the n om de
e honor o f
h
n
o
t
t
Mi
s
s
E
l
vi
r
a
Simpkins
I
h
a
ve
r
e
u
e
r
o
f
g
n
o
C
o
wing
the
l
a
d
y
b
u
t
her
cont
ri
b
u
tion
w
as
sent
u
s
by
n
k
;
,

ST OR IES FROM O HEN RY

21 8

twe l ve twe nty two an d thi r ty of G eorge B M c C l e l l a n It s

a prognostication H e s bo u n d to be e l ecte d Mayor o f Ne w
Yor k It ll ma ke a big hit a ll over the co u nt ry H <

I beg yo u r p ar d on sai d Co lo ne l Te lfair stiffen ing in

his cha ir
Wh at was the name ?

O h I s e e sai d Thacke r with h al f a gr in

Ye s h e s a
s o n o f the G enera l We ll pass that man u sc r ipt u p B u t
if yo u ll ex c u se me Co l one l it s a m a ga z in e we re tr ying to
make go o ff not the r st g un at Fort S u mter N o w here s
a thin g t h at s bo u n d to get ne xt to yo u It s an ori g ina l po e m
by James Wh itcomb R il ey J W himself Yo u kn o w what
that means to a maga z ine I won t te ll yo u what I ha d t o
pay for that poem ; b u t I ll te ll yo u this R i ley can make mo re
mon e y w r itin g with a fo untain pen than y o u o r I c an with
o n e that l ets the ink r un I ll r ea d yo u the l ast two st a n z as

l a ys aro und n lo a fs all da y

N rea ds and m a kes u s lea ve him be
H e le t s m e do j us t like I p lea se
N when I m b a d he laugh s a t m e
N when I ho ll er lo ud n sa y
B a d wo rds n t hen begin t o tea se
Th e ca t n p a j us t s m iles m a s m a d
N g ives m e J e s s e cro s t her knees
I alwa ys wondered why that w u z
I g ues s i t s ca use
Pa never do es

Pa

"

N af ter a ll the ligh ts are o u t

I m s o rry bo u t i t ; s o I creep

O u t o f m y trundle b e d t o m a s

N sa y I l o ve her a who le heap ,

N ki s s her n I hug h e r t igh t

N i t s t o o da rk t o see her eyes ,

Bu t every t im e I do I kn o w

S h e cries n crie s n cries n cries

w
u
z
o
n
h
a
a
l
y
w
d
ere
d
w
h
y
t
t
w
a
s
I

I g u e s s i t s ca u s e

Pa ne ver do es

THE RO SE O F D I! I E

21 9

Th a t s the
c o ntinu e d Th a cke r
Wh a t do y o u

think o f that ?

I am not u nfami l iar with t h e works o f lVIr R i ley sai d

the co l one l d e l iberate ly

I be l ieve he l ives in I n d iana
For the l ast ten years I have been somewhat O f a l iterary r e
c lu se an d am fami l i ar with near ly a ll t h e b o oks in the Ce d ar
He i gh ts l ibr a ry I am a l so o f t h e Op inion that a maga z in e
s h o uld contain a certain amo unt o f p oetry
Many o f the
s weetest s ingers O f the So u th have a lr ea dy c o ntrib u te d to the
pages of Th e Ro s e of Di xi e I myse lf have t h o u ght o f trans
l ating from the orig ina l fo r p u b l i cation in its p ages the works
O f t h e great Ita l ian p oet Tasso Have yo u ever d r u nk from

the fo u ntain of t h is i m morta l poet s l ines M T h acke r ?

N o t even a d emi Tasso

sa i d Thacker
Now let s
come to the p oint Co l one l Te lfa ir I ve a lrea dy investe d
s ome money i n this as a y e r That b un ch o f man u scrip t s
cost me
My O bject was to try a n u mber o f t hem

in the ne xt iss u e I be l ieve yo u make u p l ess than a month

a hea d an d s e e w h a t effect it h as o n the c i rc u l a tion I b e
l ieve t h at by p rint i ng the best st uff we can get in the Nort h
So u th East o r West we can ma k e t he maga z i ne go Yo u
ha ve there the l etter from the owning comp any asking y o u
to c o Op erate with me in the p l an Le t s c h u ck o u t s ome of
th i s s l u sh t h at yo u ve been p u b l ishing j u st beca u se the wr i ters
a r e r e l ate d to the S k o o p do o dl e s of S k O O p do o dl e Co un ty

Ar e y o u with me ?

A s l ong as I contin u e to be the e d itor O f Th e Ros e sai d

Co lone l Te lfair with d ignity

I sha ll be i t s e d ito r B u t I
d e s ir e a l s o to conform t o the wishes of its o wn er s if I can d o

s o consc i ent i o u s l y

That s the ta lk sai d Thacke r bri s kl y

Now how
m u ch o f th i s st uff I ve bro u gh t can we get into the Jan u a ry

nu mber ? We want to be g in right away

T h e r e is yet sp ace in the Jan u ary n u mber sai d the

e di to r fo r abo u t e i ght tho u san d wor d s ro ugh ly estimate d

G reat ! sai d Th acke r

It isn t m u c h b u t it ll gi ve
the rea d e r s some change from goobers governors an d G ettys

ST ORIES FROM

22 0

HEN RY

b ur g I ll le a ve th e s e l ection o f the st u ff I b ro ug ht to l l th e
s p ace to yo u as it s a ll go od I ve g o t t o r un b ack t o Ne w

Yor k an d I ll be do wn again in a co up l e o f weeks

Co lone l Te lfair s lo wly s wu n g hi s ey e gl a s ses by their b ro a d
b l ac k ribbon

The sp ace in the Jan u ary n u mber that I refe rre d to

s ai d h e meas ur e dl y has been he ld open p u rpose l y p en d i ng

a d ec i sion t h at I have not yet m a d e A short time a g o a con
t r ib u t io n was s u bmitte d to Th e Ro s e of Di x i e that is o n e o f
the most remarkab l e l iterary effo rts that has ever come un d e r
my observation N o ne b u t a master min d an d t a l ent co uld
h a ve p ro du ce d it It wo u ld abo u t ll the S pace that I ha ve

r e s erve d for its possib l e u se

Thacker looke d anx io u s

What kin d o f st uff is it ? he a ske d

Eight th ou s an d
wo r d s so un d s su sp icio u s The O ld est f ami l i es m u st have been

c oll abo ra ting Is there going to be anot h er secess i o n ?

T h e au tho r O f the artic l e contin u e d the co l one l ignoring

Thacker s a ll u sions is a wr iter O f some rep u tat i on He

has a l so d istingu ishe d himse lf in o the r ways I d o not f ee l

at l iberty t o revea l to yo u his name a t l east not u nti l I have

d eci de d whether o r not t o accept his contrib u tion

We ll sa i d Thacker n e r vo u s l y i s it a contin u e d story

o r an acc ou nt O f th e u nvei l i ng O f the new town p u m p i n Wh i t
mire So u th Ca ro l ina o r a r evise d l ist of G enera l Lee s bo dy

s ervant s o r what ?

Yo u a r e d isp o se d t o be facetio u s
sai d Co l one l Te lfair

ca l m l y
The a rticl e i s from the pen o f a thinker a ph il o so
pher a lo ve r O f m ankind a st udent an d a rhetorici a n o f h i gh

d e gr e e

It m u s t h a ve been wr itt e n by a syn d icate s ai d Thacker

B u t honest ly Co lo ne l y o u want t o go s low I d on t know

o f any eight th ou san d wo r d sin gl e d ose s O f wr itten matter
that are rea d by anyb o dy the se d ays e x cept S up reme C ou rt
b r iefs an d rep o r ts O f m u r der trial s Yo u ha ven t by any a o
We bster s
c ide n t gotten ho ld o f a copy o f o n e O f D ani e l

s p e ech e s h a v e y ou ?

ST OR IES FROM O HEN RY

222

fo r mation a b ou t th e a u tho r to gi ve his work p u b l icity in o ur

magaz in e

I tho u ght y ou sa i d he i s a d istin gu ishe d man

sai d
Thacker

He is rep l ie d the co l one l both in l iterary an d in othe r

more d i versie d an d e x t raneo u s e ld s B u t I am e xtreme ly
careful abo u t the matter t hat I accep t f or p u b li cation My
contrib u tors are p eo p l e o f u n qu estionab l e re p u te an d connec
tions whic h fact can be ver i e d at any t ime A s I sai d I
am ho ld ing t h is art i c l e u nti l I can ac q u ire more i nformat i o n
abo u t its a u t h or I d o not know w h et h er I w i ll p u b li s h it o r
If I d eci d e against it I s h a ll be m u ch p lease d Mr
n ot
Thacker to s u bs t i t u te the matter that y o u are leaving w i th

me in i t s p l ace
Thac ker was somewhat at sea

I don t seem to g a t her sa id he m u ch abo u t the gist

It so u n d s more l ike a
o f t h i s i ns p ire d p iece O f l i terat u re

d ark h o r se than Pe g as u s to me

It is a h u man d oc u men t sai d the co l one l e d it o r con

from a man of great accomp l ishments w h o in my

de n t l y
O p inion has O btaine d a stron ger g ras p o n t he wor ld an d its

ou tcomes than that O f any man l iving to d ay

T h acke r rose to his feet e x c i te dly

Say ! he sai d
It isn t p ossib l e that yo u ve co r nere d
John D Rockefe ller s memoirs is it ? D o n t te ll me that a ll

at once

No s ir s ai d Co lo ne l Te lfair
I am speaking o f men
ta l ity an d l iterat u re not O f the less wo r thy in tricacies o f

tra d e

We ll what s the tro u b l e a b ou t r u nning the articl e aske d

Thacker a l itt l e impatient ly if the man s we ll known an d

has got t h e stuff ?

Co l one l Te lfa i r s i ghe d

Mr T h acker sai d he fo r o nce I h a ve b ee n t e mpte d

Nothing has yet a p p eare d in Th e Ros e of Di xi e that has not
been from t h e p e n o f o n e of its sons o r d au ghters
I kno w
l itt l e abo u t the a u thor o f this artic l e e x ce p t that he has a c
.

TH E RO S E O F D I! IE

223

qu i r e d p r o m ine nce in a s ecti o n o f the c ou ntry th a t ha s a l

ways been inimica l to my h e a rt an d min d B u t I r e c o gni z e
h is geni u s ; an d as I have to ld y o u I have instit u te d an in
Perhaps it wi ll be f u til e B u t
ve s t ig a t i o n of his per s ona l ity
I sha ll p u rs u e the in qu iry U nti l that is nishe d I m u st
l eave o p e n the q u e s ti on o f ll ing the v a c a nt s p a c e in o u r

Ja n u ary n u mber
Thacker arose to lea ve

A l l r ight C olone l he s a i d as c o r d i ally as he c o u ld

If yo u ve rea lly got a scoop

Yo u u se yo ur o wn j ud gment
o r something th a t wi ll make em sit u p ru n it instea d o f my

I ll d rop in again in abo u t two wee k s G oo d l u ck !

s t u ff
Co l one l Te l fa ir an d th e maga z ine promoter shook han d s
R e t ur n ing a fortnight l ater Thacker d ro pp e d o ff a ve ry
He fo u n d t h e Jan u a ry
rocky P u ll man at Toombs City
n u mber of the ma ga z in e ma de u p an d the forms c l ose d
The va cant s p ace that ha d been yawning fo r typ e w a s
l l e d by a n a r tic l e th a t was hea de d th u s :
.

ECO N D

M E S S AG E T O C O N G RE S S

Written fo r
THE RO SE O F D I! I E
BY

A Me mb e r

of

th e We ll kn o wn
-

BULL O CH FAM IL Y O F G E OR G IA
,

T R OOS E VE LT
.

A MUNICIPAL R EPOR T
Fro m S tr ict ly B u si n es s F irs t p ub lished in H a mp ton s M a ga zi ne
N o vem ber 1 90 9 Th i s s to ry s a ys a wr i ter in the N ew Yor k Ti mes

April 28 1 9 1 8 is co m in g t o b e rega rded a s O H en ry s great e s t

sho r t s to ry and o n e o f the grea tes t in the l a n gua ge

Wri t in g a bo u t
the s to ry t o M r W illia m G rifth then edi to r o f H a mp ton s 0 H en ry

sa ys : T i tle will fo llo w wi th the rem ain der ; ha ve t o take tim e o n

t i tle
I n the end there i s a dram at ic and m ys terio us

m urder t he V i c t im be in g M aj o r C aswe ll
Th e snap p er co m es in
the las t p a ra gra p h revea lin g the s la yer b y a bare int im at io n Th e
who le schem e is t o sho w th at an ab so lu tely p ro sa ic and co nven t io nal
to wn such as N a s hv ille can e qu al S a n Fra nc i s co B agdad o r Pa ris
when i t co m es t o a hum an s to ry Th e beg in n ing o f the s to ry is n o t

ye t wr itten there will b e t w o o r thr ee p a ges t o fo llow co nta in in g

references t o Frank N o rr is s lin es in wh ich the wo rds o ccur Thin k

I t w a s kn o wn
o f any thi ng h ap p en in g in N a s hv ill e
befo re th a t 0 H en ry p o ndered lo ng o ver h is t i tles th at he blo cked
o u t h is p l o t s s lo wly b u t th a t h e wro t e ra p idly an d w i th h ar dly a n
era sure af ter the p lo t h a d bee n tho ugh t thro ugh t o i ts d n o u e men t
This le tter indica tes als o tha t the exp o s i to ry o pe n in gs (s ee p age 97 )
were so m et im es wr i tten af ter the p urely narra t ive p ar t h a d been
com p le ted In the s tructure o f the s to ry no te esp ec ia lly the
art is t ic use m ade o f Ra nd a n d M cN a ll y s p ro s a ic summ ary Th e
rep e t it io n o f a quo ta t io n o r p ar ts o f a quo ta t io n at in terva l s th rough

a s to ry fo r r e e n fo rcem ent o r co n t in uo us ness is n o t an unco mm o n

dev ice B u t the quo ta t io ns fro m Rand and M cN a ll y are em p lo ye d
differently They s trik e an Op po s in g no te ; they ta ke the s ide o f
Fran k N o rr is ; they build u p the m ater ia l N a shv ill e b y the s ide o f
Th e s to ry beco m es a s o rt
O
H en ry s ro m an t ic N as hv ill e
wi th p eri o dic rej o in ders fro m the o pp o s i tio n Th e
o f deb a te
ini tia l quo ta tio n fro m F ran k N o rris is t a ken fro m The H ou s e wi th
th e B l i n ds o n e o f the s to r i e s in th e vo lum e call ed The Th i rd

Ci rcle
2 24

ST OR I ES FROM

226

HENRY

Take o f Lo n don fog 3 0 parts ; mal ar ia 1 0 pa r t s ; ga s l e aks

2 0 p ar ts ; d ew d ro p s gat h ere d in a brick yar d at s u nr ise 2 5
f
ar
t
s
o
d
or
o
honeys u ckl e 1 5 p ar t s Mi x
;
p
T h e mixt ur e wi ll g i ve yo u an a p p ro x i mate concep ti o n of a
Nas h vi ll e dr i z z l e It is not s o fra grant as a moth ba l l no r

as t h ick as p e a so u p ; b u t t i s eno ugh twi ll serve

I went to a hote l in a t u mbri l It re q u ire d st rong se lf
s upp ression for me to keep fr om c l imbing to the top O f it
an d g ivi ng an i mi tation o f S idney Carton The veh i c l e was
dr awn by beasts o f a bygo ne er a a n d dri ve n by s omething
d ark an d emanc i p ate d
I w as s l eep y an d t i re d s o when I got to the hote l I h u r
r ie dl y p ai d i t the fty cents it d eman d e d (with a pp ro ximat e
l agniap p e I ass ur e yo u ) I knew its habits ; an d I d i d not

w ant to hear it p rate abo u t its O ld m a r s t e r o r any thin g

that happ ene d befo d e wa h

The hote l was o n e o f the kin d d escribe d as ren o vate d

That m e ans
worth o f new marb l e p i ll ars t i l i ng e l ec
tric l ights an d brass c u s p i d ors in the l obby an d a new L
N
time tab l e an d a l ithograph o f Looko u t Mo un tain in each
T h e management was with
o n e o f th e gr eat r ooms above
o u t r ep r o a ch the attention f ull of e x q u isite So u the r n co ur
tesy the s ervice as s l ow as the pr o gress o f a s nai l a n d as goo d
h u more d as Rip Va n Winkl e The foo d was wo r th tr a ve l i ng
a th ou s an d mi l es for T h ere is n o o ther hote l in th e wor ld
whe re y o u can get s u ch chicken l ive rs en br och ette
At d inner I aske d a Negro wa iter if ther e was anything
d oing in town He pon de r e d grave l y fo r a min u t e a n d then

rep l ie d :
We ll boss I d on t re a lly r ecko n the re s a nythin g

a t a ll d oin after s un d own

S u n down ha d been accomp l ishe d ; it ha d b ee n d rowne d
in the d ri z z l e l ong befo re So that s p ectacl e was denie d
me B u t I we nt fo r th up o n th e s tr ee ts in th e dr izz l e t o se e
wh a t might be the r e
,

I t is bu il t o n undul a ting groun ds ; a n d the s tree ts are ligh t ed

electrici ty at a co s t o f
p e r annum
.

by

A MUNICIPAL R EPO RT

22 7

A s I l eft th e h o te l there wa s a r ace riot D o wn u p o n m e

cha r ge d a comp any o f free d men o r Ar ab s o r Zulu s a r me d
with
n o I s a w wit h re l ie f t h at t h ey were not r i es b u t
whip s And I saw d i ml y a caravan O f b l ack cl u msy ve h icl es ;

a n d at th e r ea s s u ring s h o u ts
Kyar y o u anywhere in the

town bos s fub fty cents I reasone d that I wa s me r e ly a

fare instea d of a victim

I wa lke d thro u g h l ong s t r eet s all l ea d ing u phi ll I won
dere d how those street s e ve r came down again Pe rh ap s

they d i dn t unt i l they were gra de d

O n a few O f the

main s treets I s aw l ights in stores he r e an d the r e ; sa w

s treet car s go by conveying wort h y b ur g h ers h i ther an d yon ;
saw peo p l e p ass engage d in the art o f c o nversati o n an d
hear d a b ur st o f sem i l ivel y l a u ghter iss u ing from a s o d a

water an d ice cream par l o r The s treets othe r than main

s eeme d to ha ve ent i ce d u p on thei r bor ders ho u se s con
In many o f them li ght s
se c r a t e d to peace an d d omesticity
shone behin d d iscreet l y dr awn win d ow s h a des ; in a fe w
p i ano s tinkl e d or der l y an d irre p roachab l e m u sic The r e

was in dee d l itt l e d oing

I wishe d I h a d c o me b e fo re
So I ret u r ne d t o m y h o te l
s un d own
.

In N ovem ber , 1 864 the

onfederate G eneral H oo d advanced
aga in s t N a s hvill e where he s hu t u p a N a t io n a l fo rce un der G en era l
Th e l a tter then sall i ed for th an d de feated the onfeder
Tho m a s
ates in a terr ible con ict
,

All my l ife I have hear d o f a dmir e d a n d witne ss e d th e

ne marksm anship o f the So u th in its peaceful con icts in
the tobacco c h ewi ng region s B u t in my hote l a s u rpris e
awaite d me There were twe l ve bright new imp osing c a
p a c io u s brass c u sp i d ors in the great l obby tall en o u gh to
be call e d ur ns an d so wi d e mo u t h e d t h at the crack p i tcher
o f a l a d y baseba ll team sho u ld have been ab l e to throw a ball
i nto one o f them at ve p aces d istant
B u t al t ho u gh a
terr i bl e battl e h a d rage d an d was s t i ll raging t h e enemy ha d
n o t s u ffer e d
Bright new imposing cap a cio u s u nto u ch e d
,

ST OR IES FRO M

22 8

HEN RY

they st ood B u t sha des o f Jeffe rs o n Brick ! the til e o o r

the beau tif ul til e oor ! I co uld not avoi d thinking o f th e
battl e of Nashvill e an d t rying to d raw as is my foo l ish habit
s ome d e du ctions abo u t here di tary mar k smanship
Here I r st s a w Major (by m i sp l ace d co ur tesy) We n t
w orth Caswe ll I kn ew him for a ty p e the moment my eyes
s u ffere d from the sig h t of h i m A rat h a s n o geographica l
habitat My o l d frien d A Te nnys o n sai d a s he s o we ll
s ai d al mo s t e ve rythin g :
.

Pro p he t curse m e t h e blabb ing l ip

An d cur s e m e t he Bri t i s h verm in th e ra t
,

u s regar d the wo r d B ritish a s in te rchange ab l e a d l i b

A rat is a r at
This man was h u nting ab ou t the h o te l l obby l ike a star ve d
d og that ha d forgotten where he ha d b urie d a bone He
ha d a face of great acre a ge re d p u l py an d wi t h a kind O f
s l eep y massiveness l ike that O f B ud dh a He possesse d o n e

singl e virtu e h e was ve ry smooth l y shaven The mark

O f the beast is n o t in de l ib l e u pon a man u ntil he goes ab o u t
with a st u bb l e I t h i nk that if he ha d n o t u se d his ra z or
that d ay I w o ul d have rep ul se d h i s a d vances an d the crim
inal cal en dar o f the w o rld w oul d have be e n S p are d th e a dd i
tion o f one m u r de r
I happene d to be stan d ing within ve feet O f a c u sp i d o r
when Major Caswe ll o p ene d r e u pon it I ha d been O b
servant eno u gh to pe rceive that the attacking fo rce was u sing
G atl ings instea d o f s q u i rre l ri es ; so I si d e ste p p e d s o p romp t
l y that th e majo r sei z e d the o pp ortu nity to ap o l ogi ze t o a n o n
combatant He ha d the b l abbing l ip In fo ur min u tes
he ha d becom e my frien d an d ha d d ragge d me t o the bar
I des i re t o interpo l ate here that I am a So u th erner B u t
I am not o n e by p rofession o r tra de
I eschew t h e string tie
the s l o u ch hat the Prince Al bert the n u mbe r o f bal es o f
cotton d estroye d by She rman an d p lu g chewing When
the o rch e st r a pl ay s D ix i e I do n o t che e r I s l i de a l ittl e l owe r
Le t

ST OR IES FROM O HEN RY

2 30

I t was o nl y abo u t ten O cl ock b u t I l ooke d up on a sil ent t o wn

T h e d ri z z l e cont in u e d S p angl e d w i th dim l i g h ts as fa r apart
as c u rrants in a ca ke so l d at the La dies E x c h ange

A qu iet p l ace I sa i d to myse l f as my r st shoe str u ck

the ceil i ng o f the occu p ant o f the r oom benea t h m i ne

Nothing o f the life here t h at gives co l or an d variety to the

cities in t h e East an d West J u st a g o o d o r di nary h um dr um

b u siness town
,

occup ies a fo re m o s t p la ce am o n g the m an ufact u ring

cen t e rs o f the co un try It is the fth bo o t a n d s ho e m a rket in the
Un i t e d S ta t e s t h e l a rge s t c a n dy a n d c ra c ke r m a n u fa c tur in g c i ty in
t h e S o u th a n d do es an en o rm o us who les a l e dryg o o ds gro cery a n d
drug bus in es s
N a shville

I m u st te ll yo u how I came to be in Nashvi ll e an d I ass u r e

yo u t h e d i g ress i on br ings as m u ch te d i u m to me as i t d oes to
yo u I was trave li ng e l sewh ere o n my o w n b u s i ness b u t I
ha d a comm i ssion from a Northern li terary maga z ine to sto p
ove r there an d es t ab l ish a p ersona l connect i on betwee n th e
p u b l icat i on an d o n e o f i ts contr i b u tors A z a l ea A d air
A d air (there was no c l u e to t h e p ersona l i ty e xcep t the h a n d
wri ting ) ha d sent i n some essays (l ost art 3) an d p oems that
ha d ma d e the e di tors swear app rovin gly over t h eir o n e O c lock
l u nc h eon S O they ha d comm i ssione d me to ro u n d u p sai d
A d air an d corne r by contract his o r her o u tp u t at two
cents a wo r d before s ome othe r p ub l isher O ffe r e d he r t e n o r
twenty
A t nine O c l ock the ne x t morn ing afte r my chicken l ive r s
I straye d
en br och e tte (try t h em if yo u can n d t h at hote l )
o u t into t h e dr i z z l e w h i c h was st il l o n fo r an u n l im i te d r u n
A t t h e r st corner I came u p on U nc l e C aesar He wa s a
sta l wart Negr o O l d er than t h e p yram i d s with gray wool an d
a face that remin de d me o f Br u t u s an d a secon d afterwar d s
He wore t h e most rem a rk ab le
o f the l ate King C e t t iw a y o
coat t h at I ever ha d seen o r e xp ect to s e e It reache d to his
ankl es an d ha d once been a Confe derate gray in co l ors B u t
rain a n d s u n a n d a ge ha d s o va r iegate d it that Jo se Dh s coat
,

A MUNICIPAL REP OR T

23 1

b e si d e i t wo uld have fa d e d to a p a l e monochrome I m u st

l inger with that coat for it has to d o w ith the sto ry the
s tory that is so l ong in comin g beca u se y o u can h ar dly e xp ect
a nything to ha pp en in Nashvi ll e
O nce i t m u st h a ve been t h e m i l itary coat o f an o f cer The
cap e of it ha d van i she d b u t a ll a d own its front it ha d been
frogge d an d tasse l e d ma g ni cent ly B u t now the fro g s an d
In their stea d h a d been p atient ly st i tche d
t asse l s were gone

I
s
u
mise
d
by
s
ome
s
u
r
v
iving
b
l
ack
mammy
new
frogs
r
)
(
ma d e o f c u nn ing ly twiste d common hemp en twin e T h i s
twine was fraye d an d d is h eve l e d I t m u st have been a dd e d
to t h e coat as a s u bst i t u te for vanis h e d s p l en d ors with taste
l ess b u t p a i ns taking d evotion fo r it f o ll owe d faithf u lly th e
c ur ves o f the l ong missing fro g s A n d to comp lete the
come dy an d p at h os o f the garment a ll its b u ttons were gone
s ave o n e T h e secon d b u tton from the t o p a l one remaine d
The coat was fastene d by ot h er twine strings tie d thro u gh the
b u ttonho l es an d other ho l es ru d e ly pierce d in the o pp osite
s i d e T h ere was never s u ch a weir d garment so fantastica l ly
be decke d an d o f so many m o tt l e d h ues The l one b u tton
w as t h e si z e o f a ha l f d o l l a r ma d e o f ye ll ow horn an d sewe d
o n w i t h coarse tw i ne
Th i s Negr o stoo d by a ca r ria g e so O l d th a t Ham himse lf
migh t h ave starte d a h ack l i ne with it after he left t h e a r k
w it h the two an i mal s hitche d t o it A s I approache d he threw
Op en the door dr ew o u t a feat h er d u ster wave d it w itho u t
u s i ng it a n d sai d i n dee p r u mb l i ng tones :

Ste p r ight in su b ; ain t a sp eck o f du s t in it j u s got

back fro m a fu nera l s u h

I in fer r e d that o n s u ch ga l a occasions carriages we re given
an e x tra c l ean i ng I l ooke d u p an d d own the s t reet an d p e r
c e i ve d that there was l itt l e choice among the vehic l es for
hir e tha t l ine d t h e c u r b I l ooke d in my memo ran du m b o ok
fo r t h e a ddress of A z a l ea A d ai r

I want to go t o 86 1 Jessamine Street I sai d and was

ab ou t t o step into the hack B u t for an instant the thick
lo ng gori ll a l ike arm o f th e Negr o ba rre d me O n hi s mas
.

ST OR IES FROM

232

HE NRY

si ve an d sa t urnine face a l ook O f s u dd en s u sp ici on and e nm ity

ashe d fo r a moment Then with qu ickly retu rn ing c o n

Wh at are y o u gw in e th er e
v ic t io n h e aske d b l a n d ishin g l y :

for boss ?

What is that t o yo u ? I a s ke d a l i tt l e sharp ly

Nothin s u h j u s nothin
O n ly it s a l onesome kind
of part o f town an d few fo l k s e ve r ha s b u s in ess o u t th e r e

Step right in Th e s e at s i s c l e an j e s got b a ck f ro m a

fun era l s uh
A mi l e an d a ha l f it m u s t h a ve been t o o u r jo u rn ey s en d
I co uld h e ar nothing b u t th e fearf ul ra tt l e o f the ancie n t
hack o ver the un even b ri ck pa ving ; I c ould s me ll n o thin g
b u t the dr i z z l e now f ur the r a vo r e d with c o a l sm o ke an d
something like a mix tu re o f tar an d O l e and e r b l o ss om s
All I co uld see thr o u gh th e s tre a mi ng windo ws we re two
r o ws o f dim h ou se s
.

Th e ci ty h a s an area o f 1 0 s quare m iles ; 1 81 m il es o f

whi ch 1 37 m iles a r e p a ved ; a sys tem o f water-works
wi th 7 7 m il es o f ma ins

s tree ts of
that cost
,

Eight six ty one Je s samin e St ree t wa s a de c ay e d m an s i on

Thir ty yar d s back from the st reet it st o o d o u t m e rge d in a
sp len di d grove o f t rees an d un trimme d sh ru bbe ry A ro w
of b o x b u shes o v e r o w e d an d al most hi d the p al ing fence
from s i ght ; the gate was kep t cl ose d by a rope noose that
encircl e d th e gate p ost an d the r st p al ing of th e gat e B u t
w h en y ou got ins id e yo u s a w t h at 86 1 w a s a shel l a sha d ow a
ghost o f former gran de ur an d e x ce ll e nce B u t in the sto ry
I have n o t yet g o t in s i de
Wh e n the h ack had cease d fr o m rattl ing an d the weary
qu a d r up e d s came to a re st I han de d my jeh u h i s fty cents
with an a ddit i onal qu arter feel ing a g low O f consciou s gen
as I d i d s o He ref u se d it
e r o s it y

It s two d oll ars suh he sai d

How s that ? I aske d

I p l ain l y he ard y o u ca ll o u t

a t the hote l : Fifty cents to any pa rt o f the to w n

-

ST ORIES FROM O HEN RY

2 34s

The h ou s e a s I sai d was a she ll A paint br u sh ha d n o t

t ou ch e d it in twe nty years I co u ld not s e e why a strong
w in d sho uld n o t have bowl e d it over l ik e a ho u se o f car d s

u ntil I l ooke d again at the trees that h u gge d i t cl ose the

t rees th a t saw the battl e o f Nashvill e an d st i l l d rew t h eir p r o
t e c t in g branches aro u n d it aga inst sto rm an d enemy an d co l d
A z al ea A da ir fty ye ars O ld white haire d a descen d ant
O f t h e cava l iers a s thin an d frai l as the ho u se sh e l i ve d in
robe d in the cheapest an d cl eanest d ress I e ver saw with an
a ir as S imp l e as a qu een s r ecei v e d me
The recep tion room seeme d a m i l e s qu a re be c a u s e th e re
wa s n o thing in it e x cept some rows o f books o n u np ainte d
white pine b o o k she l ves a cr a cke d marb l e t o p tab l e a rag
r u g a hair l e ss ho r se hair sofa an d two o r th ree chair s Yes
there w a s a pict u re on the wall a co l ore d crayon dr awing o f
a cl u ster O f pansies I lo o ke d aro un d fo r the po rtrait o f
Andr ew J acks on a n d th e pin e c o ne hanging b as ket b u t t hey
we re n o t there
Az al ea Ad air a n d I h a d c on ve rsati on a l ittl e O f whi ch wi ll
b e repe a te d t o yo u She was a p rodu ct o f th e o ld So u th
gently n urt ure d in the she l tere d l ife Her l earning w a s not
broa d b u t was deep an d o f s p len d i d original ity in i t s some
what narro w scope Sh e ha d been e ducate d at home an d
her kn owl e d ge O f the w o rld wa s derive d fro m inference an d
by in spira tion Of s uch i s the precio u s small g ro up o f e s
Whi l e sh e tal ke d t o m e I ke p t b r u shing my
s a y is t s m ad e
ngers t ryin g un c o nscio u sl y t o ri d them g u i l til y o f the a b
s e nt du st from the half calf b a ck s o f Lamb Cha u ce r Haz l itt
Marc u s Au re l i u s Montaigne a n d Hoo d She w a s e x qu isite
she was a valu ab l e d iscove ry Nearl y e verybo dy nowa d ay s
kn ows t o o m u ch o h so m u ch t o o m u ch o f rea l l ife
I co uld p erceive cl ea rl y th a t A z al e a A d ai r was very p oor
A ho use an d a dres s sh e ha d n o t m u ch e l se I fancie d S O
d ivi de d between my du ty t o the maga z ine an d my l oyal ty
t o the p o ets a n d essayists wh o fo u ght Thomas in t h e valley
O f the C u mbe rl a n d I l iste ne d to her voice whic h was l ike a
ha rpsich o r d s an d fou n d that I c ould n o t S p e ak of contra ct s
.

A MUNICIPAL REPORT

235

In t h e p resence of the nin e M u s e s a n d the th ree G races one

hesitate d to l owe r the topic to two ce nts The re w ould have
to be anot h e r co ll o q u y after I ha d regaine d my commer
B u t I spo k e o f my mission an d three o clo ck o f the
c ia li s m
ne x t afte rnoon w a s set fo r the d isc u ssion o f th e b u sines s p rop
.

o s i t io n

Yo ur town I s a i d as I began to make rea dy to de p art

which
is
the
time
for
smooth
genera
l
ities
seems
t
o
be
a
)
(
qu iet se d ate p l ace A home town I S ho ul d sa y wher e fe w

thin gs o u t of the or d inary e ve r happen

I t carries o n a n extens ive trade in s to ves and ho ll o w ware w i th the

Wes t a n d S o uth a n d i ts o u r in g m ill s ha ve a da ily cap aci ty o f m o re
barr els
t han
,

Az al ea Ad air seeme d to reect

I have never th ou ght of it that way S he sai d with a

kin d o f s i ncere intensity t h at seeme d t o be l ong to her
Isn t
it in the stil l q u iet p l aces that t h ings d o h app en ? I fancy
that when G o d began to create t h e earth o n t h e rst Mon d ay
morn i ng o n e co uld h ave leane d o u t one s w in d ow an d heard
the d ro p s o f mu d sp l as h i ng from His trowe l as H e b u il t u p the
everl asting h ill s What di d t h e nois i est p roject in the world
I mean the b ui ld i ng o f the towe r o f Babe l res ul t in nal l y ?
A p age an d a ha lf of Esp eranto in the N o r th Ame r i ca n Re
.

me w

Of co urse sai d I p l atit ud i no u s l y h u man nat ur e is th e

same everyw here ; b u t t h ere is more co l or e r mo re dr ama

r
an d movement an d e
romance in some cit i es than in

others

On t h e s u rface sai d A z a l ea Ad air

I have trave l e d
many tim es aro u n d the world in a go lden airship wafte d o n

two w i ngs p rint an d d reams I have seen (o n one o f my

imaginary to u rs) t h e S ul tan o f T ur key bowstring with his o w n
han d s o n e o f his wives who ha d u ncovere d her face in p u b l ic
I have seen a man in Nashvill e tear up his theatre tickets b e

ca u se hi s w ife w a s going o u t with he r face co vere d with

ST OR IES FROM 0

236

HENR Y

rice pow de r In San Francisc o s Chin a t o wn I sa w th e s l ave

girl Sing Ye e d ippe d slowl y in ch by inch in b o il ing al mon d
O il to m a ke he r swea r s h e w ould never s e e her Am er i can l ove r
aga in She gave in w h e n the boil ing o il ha d re ache d thr ee
in ches ab o ve he r kn e e At a e u chre party in East Nash
vi ll e th e o ther night I saw K i tty Morgan c ut d ea d by seven
o f h e r sch ool m a tes a n d l ife l ong f rien d s beca u se s h e ha d ma r
r i e d a ho u se pain te r T h e bo il ing O il was si z zl ing a s high as
h e r heart ; b u t I wish yo u co uld have seen the n e l ittl e smil e
th a t S he carr ie d from tab l e to tab l e O h yes it is a h u m
drum to wn Ju st a few mil es o f re d b rick h ou s e s a n d mud

a n d st o res an d lu mber ya r d s
Some o ne kn oc k e d ho ll o wl y a t the back o f the ho u se
Az al ea A d air b reathe d a s o ft ap o l ogy an d went to investigat e
the so u n d She came back in thr ee m in u tes with br i ghtene d
eyes a fain t u sh o n h e r ch ee ks an d ten y e ar s l ifte d fr om he r
sh oul ders

Yo u m u st hav e a c u p o f t e a b e fo re yo u g o
S h e sa i d

a n d a s u gar cake
She reache d an d shook a l ittl e ir on be ll In sh ufe d a small
Negr o gir l abo u t twe l ve barefoot not very ti dy gl owerin g
a t me with th umb in mo u th an d b ul ging eyes
A z al ea A d air op ene d a tiny worn p ur se an d d rew o u t a
d o ll ar bill a d o ll ar bill with the u pp e r r ight han d co r ner
missing torn in two pie ces a n d paste d togethe r again w ith
a strip of b lu e tiss u e p aper It was o n e O f the bi ll s I h a d

gi ven the pir atical Negro there was no d o u bt o f it

G o u p to Mr Ba ker s store on the corner Imp y S h e

sai d han d ing the girl the d o l l ar bill an d get a q u arter o f a

po u n d of tea the kind he a l ways sen d s m e an d t e n cents

w o rth o f s u gar cake s N o w h urry The s u pp ly o f te a in

the h o u se hap p e ns to be e xha u ste d sh e e xp l ain e d to me

Imp y l eft by the back way Before the scrap e O f her har d
bare f e et ha d d ie d away o n the back p orch a wild shr iek

I was s ur e it wa s hers l l e d the ho l lo w ho u se Then the

d e ep gr u ff t on e s o f an a ngry man s voice m in g l e d w ith the
l
i
r
l
f
u
r
th
e
r
s
q
u
e
a
l
s
a
n
d
u
n
int
e
l
igib
l
e
wo
r
d
s
s
g

ST OR IES FROM 0

238

has

She a in t

r e s o ce s ,

g wi ne t o sta r ve , s u h ,

s u h ; sh e has r e so c e s

HEN RY

he sai d slo wl y

Sh e

I Shall pay y o u fty cents fo r the trip sai d I

he answere d h umb l y
I
D a t is p u ffe c kl y correct s u h

j u s ha d to have d at two d o ll ars d is m a w n in boss

I went t o the hote l an d l ie d by e l ectr i c i ty I wire d the

maga z ine : A A d air ho ld s o u t for eight cents a wor d

The an swe r that c a me back was :

G ive it to he r q u ick

yo u duffer

J u st befo re din ner Maj o r Wentworth Caswe ll bore do wn

u pon me with t h e greet ings of a l ong l ost frien d I have seen
few m e n whom I have so instan t aneo u s l y hate d an d o f whom
it was s o d ifcul t to be ri d I was stan d i ng at the bar w h en
he in va de d me ; t h erefore I co u l d not wave the white r i bbon
I wo u ld have p a id gl ad l y for the d rinks h O p in g
in hi s face
the reby to escape anot h er ; b u t h e was o n e o f those de Sp ic
ab l e r oaring a d vert i sing bibbers who m u st have brass ban d s
a n d r ewo rks atten d up o n eve ry ce nt that they wa ste in
their fo ll ies
With an a ir o f p ro ducing mi ll ions he d rew two o n e d o ll ar
bill s from a p ocket an d d ashe d o n e o f them u pon the bar
I l o o ke d o nce more at the do ll ar bill with the u pp er r ight
han d c o rner missing torn thr o u gh the mi ddl e a n d patche d
with a strip O f b l u e tiss u e pape r It w a s my d o ll ar bi ll a gain
It c o u l d have been n o othe r
I went u p t o my room Th e dr izz l e a n d th e m o n o t o ny o f
a dre ary eventl ess So u the r n town h a d ma de m e tire d a n d
listl e ss I remember that j u st bef o re I went to be d I men
tall y d ispose d O f the myste rio u s doll ar bi l l (which might have
f orme d th e clew to a tremen do u sl y ne d ete ctive sto ry o f

S a n Francisco ) by saying to myse lf sl eepily :

Seems a s if
a l ot o f p e o pl e he re o w n st o ck in the Hack D river s Tr u st
Pays d i vi de n d s p ro mptl y t o o Won der if
Then I
fe ll asl eep
King Ce t t iw a y o was a t his p o st the n ex t d ay an d r attl e d
my bones ove r th e s t o nes o u t to 86 1 H e w as to wait and
r attl e me b a ck aga i n when I was rea dy

A MU NIC IPAL REP ORT

23 9

A z al e a A d a ir l o o ke d p al e r an d cl eane r a n d fra il e r th a n S h e
h a d 1 t oke d o n the d ay before Af te r sh e ha d S igne d th e con
t r act a t eig h t cents p e r wor d s h e grew st i l l p al er an d began t o
sl ip o u t o f he r chair With ou t m u ch tro u b l e I manage d to
get her u p o n the ante d il u vi an horse hair sofa an d then I
ran o u t to the si dewal k an d ye ll e d to the coffee co l ore d
Pir ate to bring a do ctor Wit h a wis d om that I ha d not
s u sp e cte d in him he aban d one d h i s team an d str u ck o ff u p
the street afoot real i z ing the val u e o f sp ee d In ten min
u tes he ret ur ne d with a grave gray haire d an d cap ab l e man
In a few wo rd s (wo rth m u ch l es s t han eight
o f me d icine
ce nts each ) I exp l aine d t o him my p resence in the h oll o w
He bowe d with s tate ly u n de rs t an d in g
h o u s e o f myste ry
a n d tur ne d to t h e o ld Neg ro

U nc l e C aesar he sai d c al m l y r u n u p t o my ho u se an d
a sk M i ss L u cy to give y o u a c re a m p itcher f ull O f fres h mi l k
a n d ha lf a t u mb l er o f p o rt win e An d h u rry back D on t

d r ive r un I want y ou to get back sometime this week

It occ urre d to me that D r Merriman al s o fe l t a d istr u st
as to the spee d i ng p ower s o f the l an d p irate s stee d s After
U ncl e C aesar was gone lu mberin g l y b u t swiftl y u p the
s treet the doctor l ooke d me o ver with gre at p o l iteness a n d
a s m u ch c aref ul c a l c ul ati o n un ti l h e h a d deci de d that I
m ight d o

It is onl y a case of in s ufcient n u t r ition he s ai d

In
o the r w o rd s the res ul t o f p overty p ri d e an d sta r v a ti o n
M rs Caswell has many d evote d frien d s who wo u ld be gl a d
to ai d he r b u t sh e will accep t nothing e x ce pt fr o m that o ld

Negr o U nc l e C aesar who wa s once o wne d by he r famil y

Mr s Caswe ll ! s ai d I in s u rp rise And then I l ooke d

a t the c o ntr a ct a n d sa w that S h e h a d s igne d it A z al e a A d a i r

C a swe ll

I tho u ght sh e w as Miss A d a ir I sai d

M arrie d t o a d r u nken wo rth l e ss l oafe r si r s ai d th e

do ctor
It is s a i d th a t he r ob s h e r e ven o f the sm all s um s

t h a t he r o l d serv a nt c o ntrib u tes t o war d her s upp o r t

Wh e n th e m il k a n d wi ne h ad b ee n b rought th e do ct o r s oon
s

S T OR I ES

24 0

FROM

HEN RY

re viv e d A z al e a A d air She sat u p an d tal ke d of th e bea u ty

an d th e ir
o f the a u t u mn l eaves that were then in season
heig h t o f co l or She re fe rre d l i ghtly to h er f a inting se i z ure
I mp y fan
a s the o u tcome of an O ld pa l pitation o f the heart
ne d her as S he l ay o n the s o fa The d octor was due e l se
whe re an d I fo ll owe d h i m to t h e door I to ld him that it
w a s within my p ower an d intentions to make a reasonab l e
a d vance of money t o A z alea Ad a i r on fu t ur e contr i b u tions
t o the magaz ine an d he seeme d p l ease d

By the way h e sa id p erhaps y o u wo uld l ike t o know

th a t yo u have h ad royal ty f or a coachman Ol d C ae sar s
grandfath er was a king in Congo C aesar himsel f has royal

w ays as yo u may have obse rve d

AS the d octor was moving O ff I he ar d U ncl e C aes ar s voice

D id he git bofe O f d em tw o do l l a r s fr o m y ou lV
insi d e :
Ii S
Z al ea ?

Yes C aesar I hear d A z al ea A d air answer weakl y An d

t h en I went in an d conclude d b u s i ness nego t i ations with o u r
contrib u tor
I ass u me d the res p ons ib ili ty o f a d vancing f ty
d oll ars p u tting it as a necessary forma l ity in bin d ing o u r
bargain A n d t hen U ncl e C aesar d rove me back to the hote l
Here en d s all O f the sto ry as f ar as I can testify as a witnes s
Th e rest m u st be onl y bare statements O f facts
A t abo u t s ix O cl ock I went o u t for a stro ll U ncl e C ae sa r
was at his corner He threw open the d oor o f his carr iage
ou rishe d his du ster a n d began his dep ressing fo rm ul a :

Step right in s uh Fifty cents to anywhere in the city

hack s p u fckl y cl ean suh ju s got back from a fu ne r al

And then he rec o gn i z e d me I think his eyesight was ge t
ting ba d H is coat ha d taken on a few more fa de d sha de s
o f co l or the tw ine strings were more fraye d an d ra gge d th e

l ast remain i ng b u tton the b u tto n o f ye ll ow horn wa s gone

A motl ey d escen d ant of kings was U ncl e C aesar !
Abo u t two ho u rs l ate r I saw an e x cite d crow d besi e ging th e
front o f a dr u g st o re In a d ese r t where nothing hap p en s
this wa s m anna ; so I we d ge d my way ins id e O n an e xt e m
r
i
o
ze d c ou ch o f e m pty bo x es an d ch a ir s w as s tre tche d t h e
p
.

LE T ME FEEL YO UR PULS E
'

From

F irs t p ub lis he d in The Cosmop oli ta n

S i xes a nd S e ve n s
M a ga zi n e J u ly 1 91 0 Th i s la s t co m p le te s to ry th a t O H en ry
wro te s hows n o dim in u t io n o f hum o r o r c ha rm An E n gli s h c ri t ic,

sa ys :
Fo r
S P B M a i s in Fr om S h a k e s p e a r e to 0 H en r y
u
re
u
o r I p l a c e Le t M e Fee l Yo u r P u l s e ea s ily rs t
I
t
h
h
m
as a n
p
.

e l wh ic h n o n e o f th e o th e rs h a s fo r the p urely E n glis h

It o beys the l a ws l a id do w n b y M ered i th fo r th e
reader
C o m ic Sp iri t : i t m a kes u s l a ugh a t hum a n fo llie s ; i t sa tiriz es a n d
ridicules a n d ye t i t do es u s q ui te a c t ive a n d a p p rec ia ble goo d It is
a n ano dyn e in i tself fo r a ll bo dily a il m e n ts a n in fa lli b l e p res c rip t i o n

Th e s to ry w a s rs t p ubl i s hed a s Ad
fro m a n u n err in g do c to r
ven tu r e s i n N e u r a s the n i a an d w a s hera lded b y th e an n o un c em en t :

If y o u wa n t t o ge t we ll rea d th i s s to ry b y O H en ry ; b u t t h e
au tho r was dead befo re i t ap p ea re d Th e l a tter ha lf o f the s tory
ta kes p l a ce in o r ne a r Ashevil le (P in ev ill e) N o rt h C a ro l in a at M r s
Po rter s ho m e where 0 H enry h a d so ugh t a n d seem in gly fo un d

re s to ra t io n o f hea l th
I t w a s wr i tten s a ys D r W illi a m P in kn ey

wi th the a id o f m y m edica l bo o k
H erber t o f As h eville
So m e
t im es he wo uld ta ke them t o hi s Ofce and aga in he wo uld s it in m y

ou te r Ofce
There is n o t the usu al s u rp ri s e a t the end fo r the
s to ry p a sses a l m o s t M p e r c e p t ib l y in to a n a llego ry Of r es t a n d
hea rt s ea s e w i th Am a rylli s in the s ha de B u t there is ex qui s i te
im a ge ry the re is relea s e a t l a s t fro m the spe ll o f th e u n quie t L a dy
N eura s then ia and there i s a term in a l bea u ty o f though t a n d m e lo dy
O f ph ra s e tha t in them s e lves are re s t ful a n d rem ed ia l
app a

I w e nt t o a d octo r

How l ong has it been s in c e y ou t oo k a ny a l co h ol in to

yo ur system ? he as ke d

T ur ning m y he a d si dew i s e I an swe re d

Oh q uite a

whil e
H e wa s a y oun g do ct o r s omewh e re betwee n twe n ty a n d
SO

24 2

LET ME FEEL Y O UR P ULS E

243

He wore he l iotrope socks b u t he l ooke d l ike N ap o l eon

I l i ke him immense ly

Now sai d he I am going t o show you the e ff ect o f

al c o ho l u p on yo ur circ ul a t ion
I think it was c i rcu l ati o n

he sa i d ; tho u g h it may have been a d ver t i s i ng

He bare d my l e f t arm to the e l bow bro u g ht o u t a bottl e o f
whiskey an d gave me a d rink He began to l ook m o re l ike
Nap o l eon I began to l i ke h i m bette r
Then he p u t a t i gh t comp ress on my u p p er arm st o pp e d
my pul se with h i s ngers an d s q uee z e d a r u bber b u l b con
n e c t e d with an a pp arat u s o n a s t an d that l oo k e d l i ke a ther
The merc ury j u mp e d u p an d d own wi t ho u t
m ome t e r
s eem i ng to sto p anyw h ere ; b u t t h e d oc t or sa i d it re g istere d
two h u n dre d an d t h i rty seven o r o n e h un dre d an d S ix ty ve
o r some s u ch n u mber

N ow sai d he yo u se e what al coho l d oe s to the b lood

press u re

I t s m ar ve l o u s sai d I b u t d o y o u t h ink it a s ufcient

te s t ? Ha ve one o n me an d let s try the othe r a r m

B ut
no !
Th e n he gr asp e d my han d I tho ug ht I wa s d oome d a n d
he w a s saying goo d bye B u t a ll h e wante d to d o was to jab
a nee d l e into t h e en d O f a n ger an d comp are t h e re d dr op
with a lo t o f ft y cent p oker chip s that he ha d f asten e d to a
car d

It s the h aemoglobin test he e x p l aine d

The c ol o r o f

yo ur b l oo d is wr ong

We ll sai d I I know it sho uld be b l u e ; b u t thi s is a

co un try o f mi x u p s Some of my ancestors were cava l iers ;
b u t they got thick with s ome peop l e o n Nant u cket Is l an d
fo rty

80

I me a n sa i d th e d octor that the S ha de of re d i s t o o

l i ght

O h sai d I i t s a case o f matching instea d o f matches

The d octo r then po u n de d me severe l y i n t h e r e g ion o f t he
c he s t
When he did t h at I d on t k now w h et h er h e remin de d
me m ost of Napo l eon o r Batt l in g or Lo r d Ne l son
Th e n h e
.

ST OR IE S FROM 0

244

HE N R Y

l ooke d gra ve a n d menti o ne d a s tring o f gr ie van c e s that t h e

esh is heir to mos t l y en din g i n i t i s

I im me di a te ly
pai d him f teen do l l ars on acco u nt

Is o r are it o r some o r any o f them necessa r il y fa t a l ?

I as ke d I tho u g ht my connection wit h t h e matte r j u sti e d
my manifestin g a certa i n amo u nt o f i n t eres t

All o f them he answere d c h eer fu l l y

B u t their prog
ress may be arreste d W i t h care an d p ro p e r contin u o u s treat

ment yo u may l ive to be eig h ty ve o r n inety

I be gan to think o f t h e d octor s bi l l

Ei ghty v e wo ul d

be s ufcient I am s ur e was my comment I p a i d h im ten

d o ll ars more o n acco u nt

Th e r st thing to do he sa i d w ith renewe d a nimation

is to n d a s anitari um w h er e yo u wi l l get a comp let e rest

for a whi le a n d a ll ow yo ur nerve s to get int o a better con

d iti on I mysel f wi ll go with y ou a n d se l ect a s u itab l e o n e

So h e t o ok me to a ma d ho u s e in the Catski ll s It wa s o n
a ba re m ountain fre quente d onl y by infre quent fr e quenters
Yo u co uld s e e nothing b u t stones an d bo u l d ers s ome patches
o f snow an d s cattere d p ine trees
The yo u ng phy s ician in
charge w a s most agr eeab l e He ga ve me a stim ul ant w ith
It was lu nch e on time
o u t a pp l ying a comp ress to the a r m
a n d we were invite d to partake There were ab ou t t wenty
i nm a te s at l itt l e tab l es in the d ining room Th e y oung

p h ysician in charge came to o u r tab le an d sai d :

It is a
c u stom w i t h o u r g uests not to r e gar d themse l ves as pati e nts
b u t mere ly a s tire d l a di es an d gent l emen taking a rest
Whateve r s l i gh t ma l a d ies they may ha ve are ne ve r a llude d to

in conversation
My docto r calle d l o u dly t o a wa itress t o bring s om e ph o s
l
h
o
g y c e r a t e o f l ime has h d o g brea d bromo se l t z e r pan
p
c a kes an d n u x vomica te a fo r my repast Th e n a s o u n d
arose l i ke a s ud den w i n d s t orm am o ng pine t r ees It was p r o

N e ur
d u ce d by every g u est in t h e room w h is p erin g lo ud l y

asthenia !
e x ce p t o n e man w i th a nose w h om I d istinct l y

hear d say C h ron i c a l co h o li sm

I ho p e to meet h im a ga in
The p hy s ician in c h arge t ur ne d a n d wa l ke d away
.

ST OR IES FROM 0

24 6

HENRY

Wh a t s th e m a tt e r ? he aske d

Th e m atter is sai d I that ther e ar e n o a e m p l a n e s

han dy So I am goin g t o merr i ly an d hast i ly jog the foo t
pat h way t o y o n station an d ca tch th e r s t unl imi t e d s oft

c o a l e xp ress back to town

Well sai d the d octor p erhap s yo u are ri ght This

B u t what y o u nee d
se e ms har dl y th e s u itab l e p l ace fo r yo u

i s r e st abso lu te rest an d ex ercise

That night I went to a hote l in the city an d sai d to th e

clerk :
Wh at I nee d is abso l u te rest an d e xercise Can yo u
give me a room with o n e o f those ta ll fo l ding be d s in it an d

a re l ay o f be ll boys to wor k it u p an d d own wh i l e I rest ?

The c lerk r u bbe d a S p eck o ff o n e o f his n ger nai l s an d
gl ance d S i de wise at a tall man in a white hat s i t ting in the
l obby That man came over an d aske d me p o l i te l y if I ha d
s een the shr u bbery at t h e west entrance I ha d n o t so he
s howe d it t o me an d then l oo k e d m e ove r

I tho u ght y o u ha d em he sai d n o t u nkin dly b u t I

e
u
ess
y
ou
r
e
r
ight
Y
o
u
d
b
e
tt
e
r
go
a
do
ct
o
r
a
ll
s
e
l
o
d
g

ma n

A week afte rwar d my d octo r teste d my b l oo d p re ss u re

a ga in w itho u t the p re l i m ina ry stim ul ant He l ooke d t o me
a l i tt l e l ess l i ke Nap o leon An d hi s s o cks were of a s ha d e o f
ta n that d i d not app ea l to me

What yo u n e e d h e de c ide d is s e a a ir a n d c o m p an i on

ship

Wo uld a mermai d
I b e ga n ; b u t h e s l ipp e d on hi s
p rofessional manner

I myse lf he sai d wi ll take y o u to the Hot e l B ona ir

O ff the coast of Lon g I s l an d a n d see that y o u get in goo d
shap e It is a qu iet c o mfortab le res o rt whe re y ou wi ll s o o n

re c u p erate
The Hote l Bon a ir pro ve d to be a nine h u n dre d roo m fash
io n a b l e hoste l ry o n an is l an d O ff the main S h o re
Every
bo dy wh o d i d n o t d ress fo r d inn e r wa s s ho ve d int o a s i de
d ining room a n d give n onl y a terr apin an d champ agn e
Th e b ay was a gre at s t a mping ground for
t a b l e d h ote
.

LE T M E FEE L YOUR PULS E

247

we a l thy y a cht s me n Th e Cor sa i r an ch o re d th e r e th e d ay

we arr i ve d I saw Mr Morgan s t and ing o n d eck c a tin g a
ch ee s e sa n dwich an d ga z ing lo ngingly at the hot e l Sti l l
it was a ve ry in expensive p l a ce N o bo dy c ould affo r d to
p a y the ir p r ice s When y o u went a way y o u s imp ly le ft
yo ur bagga ge s t ol e a skiff and b e a t it fo r th e m a i nl a n d i n
th e night
Wh e n I h a d b ee n th e re o n e d ay I go t a p a d o f m ono
mm
t
e
l
e
g
r
a
h
b
l
ank
s
a
t
th
e
c
l
e
r
k
s
d
e
s
k
an
d
b
e
gan
t
o
r
a
e
d
p
g
w ir e a ll my fr i e n d s fo r ge t away m o ney My do ct o r an d I
p l ay e d o ne gam e o f c ro qu e t on th e go lf l inks a nd we nt t o
s l e ep on the l awn
Wh e n we got back t o t o wn a t h o u gh t s ee m e d t o o cc ur t o h im

s udd enl y
By th e way he a ske d h o w do y ou fee l ?

Re li eve d o f ve ry m uch I rep l ie d

N o w a c o ns ul ting phy s ician i s di ffe re nt H e i s n t
ex act l y s ure he is to be pai d o r n o t a n d this un ce rtainty
in s ur e s y ou e ither th e mo st carefu l o r th e most ca re le s s a t
t e ntion My d oct o r t o ok me t o s ee a cons u l ting p hysici a n
He ma d e a poo r g ue ss an d ga ve me careful attent i on I
l ike d him imm en s e ly H e p u t m e throu gh s o m e co o r din a
ti o n e x e rcises

H a ve y ou a p a in in th e b a ck o f yo ur h e a d ? h e as k e d
I t old h im I h a d not

Sh u t y o u r e yes h e o r d e re d p u t your fee t c lo s e t o

g e th e r a n d j u mp b a ckw a r d as fa r a s yo u can
I a l way s w a s a goo d b a c k wa r d j u mpe r with my e y e s s h u t
My hea d s t r u ck the e d ge o f th e b a thr o om
s o I o b eye d
doo r which ha d been le ft O pen a n d wa s o n l y three feet a way
Th e do cto r was ve ry s o rr y H e ha d o ve rloo ke d th e fact
th a t th e do or was O p e n H e c lo s e d it

N o w t ouch y our n o s e with y our r ight fo r en ge r h e

sa i d

Wh er e i s it ? I aske d

O n y o u r fa c e sa i d he

I m e a n my r ight fo re n ge r I exp l a in e d

sa i d h e H e re o p ene d th e b a th roo m
O h , e xc u se m e
.

ST OR IES FROM 0

24 8

HENR Y

d o o r a n d I t oo k my n ger o u t of t h e crack of it Aft e r I h a d

performe d the marve l o u s d i g i to nasa l feat I sa id :

I d o not wis h to d eceive y o u as to sym p toms D octor ;

I r eal ly have something l i ke a p a in i n t he back o f my hea d

He i g n ore d the symptom an d e x amine d my heart carefu lly
wit h a l atest p o p ul ar a ir p e n ny in t h e s lot ear tr u mp et I

fe l t l i ke a ba l l a d
Now he sai d ga llop l ike a hor s e fo r

abo u t ve min u t es aro un d the room

I gave t h e best imitat i on I co ul d o f a d is qu a li e d Pe rch e ron
be i ng le d o u t o f Ma di son S q u are G a r den Then withou t
dr o pp in g in a p enny he li stene d to my chest again

N O gl an ders in o u r f amily D o c I sai d

T h e cons u l t ing p h ys i c i an h e l d u p his foren ge r wi thin three

in c h es o f my nose
Look at my nger he comman de d

D i d y o u ever try Pear s

I began ; b u t h e we nt o n
with h i s test rap id ly

Now l ook across the bay At my n ge r Acr o s s th e

bay A t my n ger A t my n ger A cross the bay A

cross the bay A t my n ge r A cross t h e bay

This fo r
a bo u t three min u tes
He e xp l a i ne d t h at t h i s was a test o f the action o f the brain
It seeme d easy to me I never once m i stook h i s nger fo r

the bay I ll bet t h at if h e h a d u se d t h e p hrases :

Gaz e

a s i t were u np reocc up i e d o u twar d o r rather l aterally in

the di rect i on o f t h e h or i z on u n d erl ai d S O to s p eak wit h the

ad jacent u i d in l et an d N o w ret u rning o r rather in a

manner with drawing yo ur attention bestow it u p o n my u p

r a i se d d i g it
I l l bet I say that Henry James himse lf co uld
have p asse d the e x amination
After as k in g me if I ha d ever ha d a gr an d u ncl e w ith c ur va
t ur e o f t h e sp i ne o r a co u sin with swell e d ankl es the two do c
tors ret i re d to t h e bathroom an d s a t o n the e d ge o f t h e bath
t u b fo r t h e i r cons ul tat i on I ate an app l e an d ga z e d r s t
a t my n ger an d t h en across the bay
The d octors came o u t l oo ki ng gr ave More : they lo oke d
tombstones an d Tennessee p ap ers p l ease C o p y T h ey wrote
It ha d e very
o u t a d i et l ist to w h ich I was to be r est r icte d
.

ST OR IES FROM

250

HEN RY

h ouse I thr e w do wn my s u it c as e a n d p urs ue d it h o tfoot

Af te r I h a d ru n t we nty y a r d s an d seen it d i sappe ar I sat
d own on the gra s s and wep t d isconso l ate ly

I can t catch a r abbit any m o re I sobbe d

I m of

n o f ur ther u se in the wor l d I may as we ll be d ea d

Oh what is it wh a t i s it Brothe r Jo hn ? I h e ar d
Amary llis s a y

Ner ve s a l itt l e un st r un g sai d John in hi s c a l m way

D o n t wo rry
G et u p y ou rabbit chaser an d come o n t o

the ho u se before the bisc u its get co ld

I t was a bo u t t wi
li ght an d the m oun t a in s c a m e u p n o b ly t o Bl i ss M u r fr e e s
d escrip t i ons o f th e m
Soon after d inn e r I ann o un ce d that I b el ie ve d I c o ul d s le e p
S o I was sh own
fo r a year o r two incl ud ing l ega l ho l i d ay s
t o a r oom as big an d coo l as a ower ga rd en wher e the r e wa s
a be d as broa d as a l awn Soon afte rwar d th e r e main de r o f
the ho u seh old re tir e d a n d th e n th e re fe ll up o n th e l an d a
S il ence
I ha d n o t he ar d a S ilence befo re in y e a rs It wa s ab s o lu t e
I r aise d mysel f o n my e l bow an d l istene d to it
S leep ! I
tho u gh t that if I o nl y co uld h e ar a sta r t winkl e o r a b l a d e o f
gr ass sharp en itse l f I c ould comp ose myse lf t o rest I
th ou ght once that I hea r d a s o un d l ike the sai l o f a c atb o at
apping a s it vee re d abo ut in a bree z e b u t I deci de d th a t it
S t i ll I l iste ne d
w a s p robab l y on l y a tack in the carpet
S uddenl y some be la te d bir d a l ighte d up on the win do w S i ll
a n d in what he no d o u bt consi dere d s l eep y tone s e n un ci a t e d

the no ise generally tran sl ate d a s ch ee p !

I l e ape d into the air

Hey ! what s the m a tte r do wn th e r e ? c alle d Jo hn fro m

h i s ro o m abo ve mine

Oh n o thing I a n swe re d
e x c ept th a t I a cci de nta lly

b u mpe d my he a d a gainst the cei l ing

The ne xt m o rning I went ou t o n the porch an d l ooke d a t
the mo u ntains There we re forty s even of them in s i ght I
s h u d de re d we nt into th e big ha ll sitting room o f the ho u s e

Pa nc o as t s Fa m il y Practic e o f Me d icin e fro m a

se l e cte d
-

LE T ME FE EL YOUR PULSE
b oo kc as e an d began to re a d

25 1

John c a me in t o ok the b o ok
a way fro m me an d l e d m e ou tsi de He has a fa r m o f three
h u n dre d acres f u rnishe d with the u s u a l c o mp lement O f
barn s m ul es p easantry a n d h arrow s with th ree front

t e eth b roken O I ha d s e e n s uch thi ng s in my childh o o d

a n d my hea r t began to s ink
Th e n John s p oke o f alfa lfa a nd I b r ight e n e d a t onc e

h
O h ye s sai d I wasn t s e in the ch o ru s O f l et s s e e

G reen y o u k now sa i d John

an d tender a n d y o u

lou
gh
it
u
d
er
afte
r
the

rst
season
n
p

I kn ow s ai d I a n d the gras s gr o w s over h e r

R ight s a i d John
You kn o w s o methin g a b ou t far m

in g a ft e r a ll

I kno w s o mething o f s o me fa r mer s s ai d I a n d a s u r e

S cythe w il l m o w them d o w n some d ay

On th e w ay back to the ho u se a bea u tif u l an d ine xp l icab l e
I stopp e d irres i stib ly
c r e a t ur e wa l k e d ac r o s s ou r path
fa scin ate d ga z ing a t it John w aite d p atient ly smoking h i s
cigarett e He i s a mo de rn farmer After ten mi n u tes he sa id :

Ar e y ou going t o stan d the re loo k ing a t th a t chi cken a ll d ay ?

Breakfast i s near ly re a dy

A chicken ? sai d I

A Whi te Orp ington h en if y ou wa nt t o pa rtic ul ari z e

A Whit e Orp ington hen ? I rep eate d with in tense in

Th e fowl wa lke d S lo wly a way with gr aceful d i gnity
t e re st
a n d I fo llo we d l ike a chi ld aft e r the Pie d Pip e r Fi ve m i n u te s
m ore we r e a ll o we d m e by John an d th en he t oo k m e by th e
s l ee ve a n d c o n du cte d m e to b re akfast
Afte r I ha d been the r e a week I b e gan t o gro w a l ar m e d
I wa s s le eping an d eating well a n d act u a ll y beginning to
Fo r a man in my d espe r ate con dition that w o u ld
e nj o y l if e
n e ve r do S o I s neake d d own to the tro ll ey ca r s tation
t o ok the ca r fo r Pine vi ll e an d went to s e e o n e o f th e best
phy s ician s in t own By th i s tim e I kn ew e x act ly what to d o
when I n ee de d me d ica l treatment I h un g my hat o n th e
b a ck o f a cha ir a n d sai d r api dl y :

D oct o r I h a ve cirrh o si s o f th e h e ar t ind ur a t e d ar t er i e s

,

ST OR IE S FRO M

252

HEN RY

ne uras th en i a n e ur itis ac u te in d igest i on an d convale s ce nce

I am going t o l i ve o n a strict diet I sha ll a l so ta ke a tepi d
bath at n i ght an d a co ld o n e in the morn i ng I shall e u
de a vo r to be cheerf ul an d x my m in d on p l easant s u bjects
In th e way o f dr u gs I inten d to take a p hosp horo u s p ill thr ee
times a d ay prefer ab ly afte r mea l s an d a ton i c comp ose d o f
the t inct ur e s O f gentian cinchona ca l isaya an d car d amo n
c o mp oun d In t o e ach teaspo onful O f this I sh all m ix tinctur e
beginn ing with o n e dr o p an d inc reas i ng it
o f n u x v o mica
a dr O p each d ay u nt i l t h e maxim um d ose is reache d I sh a ll
dr o p this with a me d icine dr o p p e r whi ch can be p roc ur e d at

a tri ing co st at any p h armacy G oo d morning

I took my h a t an d wal ke d o u t After I ha d c l ose d th e
d oo r I remembe r e d somet h ing that I ha d for gotten to s a y
I opene d it again The d octor ha d n o t move d from where h e
h a d b ee n sit t in g b u t h e ga ve a s l ightly ner vo u s start when h e
s a w m e a g ain

I fo r got to menti o n s ai d I that I S h al l a l s o t a ke a b so

lu t e rest an d e x ercise
Afte r this c o ns ul tatio n I fe l t m u ch bette r The r e estab l i s h
in g in my m ind o f the fact that I w a s ho p e l ess l y ill gave me
s o m u ch s atisfaction that I a l most became g l oomy again
Th e r e i s nothing more a l ar m in g to a ne u ra s t h enic th an to
fee l hi m se lf g rowin g we l l an d cheerful
Jo hn l ooke d after me carefu ll y Afte r I ha d e vince d s o
m u ch in te r est in his Wh it e O rpington ch i cken he trie d hi s
best t o d ivert my min d an d was par t ic ul ar to lock hi s he n
ho u s e of nights G ra d u a lly the tonic mo untain air th e
who l esome foo d an d the d ai ly w a l ks among the hi l l s so
a ll e viate d my mal a dy that I became u tter l y wr etche d a n d
de s po n dent I hear d O f a co unt ry d octor wh o l ive d in th e
I went to se e him a n d to ld him th e
m o u ntai n s near by
who l e sto ry He w a s a g ray bear de d man wi th c l e ar b lu e
wr inkl e d eyes in a hom e ma d e s u it o f gr ay jeans
In o r de r to save time I di agnose d my case t ou ch e d
my nose wi th my r ight fo re n ger str u ck myse l f b e lo w
t h e k n ee t o m a k e m y fo ot kick s ounde d my ch e s t s t u c k
,

ST OR IE S FROM

254

HEN RY

to do a nything e x cept fal l int o b e d a nd s l ee p un t il m o rn ing

This we kep t u p fo r a month
O ne evening afte r I ha d ret u rne d from a s ix mi l e tramp with
th e o l d d octor A mary lli s an d I took a littl e wa l k un der the
tree s nea r t h e r oa d We l ooke d at the mo u nt ains d rawin g
t heir roya l p ur p l e r obes a ro un d them fo r the ir night s r epose

I m gl a d yo u re we ll again sh e sai d
When yo u r st

c a me yo u fri ghtene d me I tho u ght y o u we re rea lly ill

D O y o u k n o w th a t
We l l aga i n ! I a l most sh r i eke d

I have on ly o n e chance in a tho u san d t o l ive ?

Amary lli s l ooke d at me in sur prise

Why s ai d S h e

o
n
f
are
as
strong
a
s
e
o
t
h
e
p
l
o
u
gh
m
ul
es
o
s
l
eep
o
u
u
y
y
ten o r twe l ve h o u rs every night an d yo u are eating u s o u t
What more d o y o u want ?
O f h o u se an d home

I te ll y o u sai d I t h at u nl ess we n d the magic th a t

in
is t h e p l ant we are l ooking fo r
tim e n o th in g can s a ve me

The d octo r te ll s me s o

Wh at d octor ?

D octo r Tat u m th e o l d d oct o r wh o l ive s hal f w ay u p

B l ack O ak Mo u ntain D o yo u kn ow him ?

I h a ve known him s ince I was ab l e t o ta l k And is th a t

wh e re yo u go e very d ay is it he who takes y o u o n thes e
lo ng wa l ks an d cl imbs t h at have bro u ght back y our hea l th

an d strength ? G o d b l ess the O ld d octo r

J us t then the o l d d octor himse l f dr o ve s l owl y d o wn th e
ro a d in his r ickety o l d b u ggy I wave d my han d at him an d
sho u te d that I wo uld be o n han d the ne x t d ay at t h e u s u a l
time He sto p p e d his horse an d call e d to Amary ll i s to come
They tal ke d for ve min u te s whi l e I wait e d
o u t to him
Then th e o l d d octo r drove o n
When we got to the h ou s e Amary ll is lu gge d o u t a n e u

cycl o p aed ia an d so u ght a wo r d in it

The d octor sai d

that yo u nee d n t call any more as a patient

sh e to ld me
b u t he d be gl a d to see yo u any time as a frien d An d then
he to ld me to l ook u p my name in t h e encycl o p aed ia an d tel l
yo u wha t it means It seems to be t h e name o f a gen u s O f
owering p l ants an d a l so th e name o f a co unt ry gir l i n
.

LE T M E FEEL YOU R PULSE

255

Th e oc r it u s a n d Vir gil Wh a t do y o u s upp o s e th e doct o r

me a nt by th a t ?

I k no w what he m e an t s ai d I
I kn o w no w
A wo r d t o a b roth e r wh o may h a ve c o me unde r the s p e ll
O f the u n qu iet L a dy Ne ur a s t h e n ia
The fo r mul a was tr u e E ven th ou gh gr o p ingly at times
the physicians of the wa l l e d cities ha d p u t their ngers u pon
t h e sp eci c me dicament
And so for the e x ercise o n e i s re ferre d to goo d D oct o r

Tat u m on B l ack O ak Mo u nt a in take the roa d t o your

r ight at th e Metho d ist meeting h ou s e in the pine gro ve
Ab s o lute rest an d e x erci s e !
Wh a t rest mo r e r e me d ia l th an t o s it with Amary lli s in
th e sha d e an d with a s i xt h sense r ea d the wo r dle ss Th e o c
r ita n i dy l o f the go ld bannere d b lu e mo unta in s m archin g
o r d e r l y in t o t h e dor m it o r i e s o f th e n ight ?
.

TH E E N D