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    Fanita English article about life positions (transactional analysis).

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    I'm OK - you're OK (ADULT)

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    Fanita English article about life positions (transactional analysis).

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    © All Rights Reserved
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    10 просмотров3 страницы

    I'm OK - You're OK (ADULT)

    Загружено:

    nomiczek
    Fanita English article about life positions (transactional analysis).

    Авторское право:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Скачайте в формате PDF или читайте онлайн в Scribd
    Отметить как неприемлемый контент
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    ?'M OK—YOU’RE OK (ADULT) Fanita English, M.S.W When Eric Berne used the word “OK” in relation to position, he referred to an individual's eateentiu? pusitivn, iat the on-going stance a persoa takes coward himself and ochers, rather than a fleeting here and now feeling. Berne listed four possible existential positions: “I'm OK—~ You're OK,” “I'm not-OK—You're OK." “i'm OK—You'te nat-OK," and “I'm noi-OK—You're not-OK." He did raue List these positions in any order, although he did say that we al start with [+U+ as Princes and Princesses, before we aig (uinicd into Frugs,? ‘Thomas Harris, by contrast. tried to establish that we all go through a phase of T-U+, out of whith we cam will ourselves back into the early OK? Harris assumed that the young child’ reasons about his “'worthlessness”” in relation to his parents, an assumption brought into serious question by Piaget's studies which suggest that children are incapable of such logical thinking until approximately the age of 12? I is my experience that the average person cannot re-enter the original OK position except ut certain moments (Lor instance, during meditation) because the early OK feelings are peculiar to infancy. Moreover, there iy yood reason to suppose that infancy itself is not euphoric ‘utopia, at least not a stable one, Not-OK feelings intrude on the infant right from the beginning. In fact, both the OK and ROt-OK feelings represent aspects of the infant’s giohal experience of the world, in which the self is not differentiated {rom 416 the non-self, This observation is con- firmed by the studies of Rene Spite and Melanie Kiein,® aaiong omers In the early undifferentiated state, the baby experiences impotent. I-U— (Wo). According to Spitz, the firs and most elementary differentiation takes place at about three months; it has to do simply with the bordecs between the “P* and the “non-I,"® Between this early distinction and the emergence of the self av about 15 months, Spitz lists series of stages, with particular emphasis placed on the stage of ‘‘eight-months anxiety,"” when the child has developed a strong awareness of separateness. Whether it’s at intee, eight, or fifteen montis, however, the mechanism of increased separation, according co Spitz, is always the same: frustsatio, Fruscration motivates tne infant to seek relief, and through effective seeking in the world, the infant acquires fn increased sense of the self. With satisfaction, the sense of the self as separate wanes, and seeking behavior diminishes. Complete satisfaction results in a return to the undifferentiated global perception. Thus, according to Spitz, “the simultaneous presence of diametric™ ally opposed tendencies in the child, degimning with birth, cannot be suffi ciently eaphasizad.”"7 Hein also notes that, regardless how much care and comfort a baby experiences during the First yrae of life, there ars times when the famasy of complete omnipotence vanishes totally, and that the cyclic nature of OK /not-OK Feelings im infanry forme a Trans, An. J, 5:4, Oxtober 1975 vitel part of the dynamics of develop. ment.# through clinical experience, 1 have found that in order to eseape the “eight. month-old” feelings of “t—U—" (Wel establish one of twa ons, namely “Cm aot OK—You're OK” or “Um OK—You're nor OK.” { scler to these positions as defensive because their purnase is to Sefend the child from being flooded with the rage or hopelessness of despair. A Person's defensive position maintains his hope of finding that magic formula that will insure happiness, either rough his own efforts or the hetp of others. It forms the foundation for his script. The goat of the defensive pasition io the relief uf frustration and retief of che sense of ‘Solated separateness; insofar as it strikes for re-entry inta that ouphorie utopia ut early infantile golbal OKness, the defen- sive position is marked by a symbiotic Process. Thus. the position tends to become the opposite of that of his mother or principal carcieker. If, say, ihe mother was overbearing, controlling, dogmatic or over-nurturing, the child would develoop andi Ub position duat defers to her in an over-adapted fashion. In contrast, if she was primarily in an [-U+ position, sho probably fussed aut! was OVEeTANXlOUS, indecisive, and not sufficiently protective. "he child would then have developed and Till position, tomper-tantcumuny, bossy, or overly solicitous. concur wath Berne that these positions et Set at abonr age thee, and that they tend to remain stable unless worked on, Nevertheless, the symbiotic or adapted Aspects of the nasitinns are open to fairly Wide variations of character and degree. Thetefore some of us have very “tight” defensive positions, others very Inose ones. But everyone who isn't in total Rot OK lias upted, at about age three, for one or the other of the defensive positions 8 a foundation for his script. All of us Poatinue y carry our underlying detest Trans. An. 3, §:4, Oxtober 1975 UM OK—YOU'RE OK (ADULT) sive postions about with us, and chey becuine aiust evident at times ot stress Because the positions “I'm not-OK—~ You're OK" and “I'm OK—You're nor.AK" ace defensive pusiivus agatnst the global “i'm no1-OK—Vou're not-OK (We'te not-OK)” we don't stay in these Positions 100 percent of the time. However, we will revert to our particule defensive position at times of stress or need, and each one of s characteristically spends a much higher proportion of the time in vue devensive position than another. Am individual will get into the alternate minor defensive position at the conclusion of a gume switcl, but soon thereafter he will again tend to resume his major defensive position. Far example, someone with a defensive position of TU will tend to operate out of his Adapted Child much of the time, but once ina while there will be'a game switch ant the person will be in the Triumphant Ma¥30B Creal Parent —~ an 1+ U— position. Similarly. 2 person whose defensive position is 14 U— will tend to opcrate vut uf a erttical, Dossy, or overnurcuring Parent ego state much nf the time, but he will sink into the con- fused Chile! -U++ spot at cites through being “kicked” or through his Child remaining unstroked as a result of his controiting 1U— position Ultimately, the best existential Position ‘we can attain is what I call “I’m OK— You're OK (Adult) ” Tt includes the sense of being able to endure the cesurgence of “cigii-wonth-old’” feelings of despair Whenever we are confronted with our own very limited power in magically effecting shanges we wisk fut ln OtneTS OF Ourselves — in short, whenever we'te faced with frustration. The 1+U+ (Adult) position results from our having confronted and ‘overcome feelings of despair with the help Of the Adult ego state, sometimes with the additional temporary help of an outside Parent figure, such as a teacher or therapist, sometimes through the sense of FANITA ENGLISH. a4 we having successfully weathered a pro- foundly not-OK experience such at an tness, a family tragedy, a war or other tmalor valamity that affects us on a global devel, In the course of treatment, some Patients may need to deal with die [Un Position underiying their defensive Position in order to reach L+-U+ (Adult) Thus, feelings of utter despait way surface suddenly just when a client faces the prospect of basic changes for the better. Both theranist and client nced ws be alected to this probability in order to Protect the paticut from panic after Successfully conquering certain archaic patterns. The onset of despair is 10 be Anticinated if thore ic a notiveabie shift iy a patient's defensive position; e.g. if « Patient with a characteristic 17-U_- Gefensive position starts spending a great deal of time in the opposite defensive Position. This indicates that the patient is struggling to artive at an Ts Uy cadutty Position, but that he is not really able to maintain it, So le shakity goes for ‘¢ new" position, feels he has toce ihe SUPPOTt Of his old defensive position, he does not have bis old “props,” and the Panic may begin to surface, 1+ U+ (Aduld) involves the use of the Adult in cnveying cui ttnttauons and those of others without having to resort to magic fantasies. It also involves Permis “10M t0 the Child to got in touch with tnose fantasies as fantasies, and to shoot thers there is any way in which to implement rem. I+U+ (Adult) alsa involves the Powering of a Sew" Parent, fed by the Child's creativity and the Alduit’s sore

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