Letting the Other Be: The Concerns of S/M

P.R. Manalo
Anne McClintock understands S/M as a space, or better still a theater of inversions: of
patriarchy, of the traditional and hegemonic and bourgeois understanding of male-female
relations, of social power/hierarchization, of the implications of Enlightenment. A typical S/M
sex scene would involve a woman, who is called the domina, who dominates over or controls a
man using S/M paraphernalia such as whip, belt, collar, leather, etc., and the costumery, and
basically exercises power over her male partner either by lashing him or making him obey her
commands. This is, of course, done for pleasure, and usually, with the consent of the male. There
are S/M cases wherein the male dresses up as a female, putting on maids clothes, and serves the
domina. And this case of a mans complete submissiveness and passivity is absolutely normal in
S/M. But I think that complete submissiveness and passivity of a man to a woman is absolutely
normalnot just in S/M, but in everyday life as well. Consider, for example, when a man would
rather be the last one to text or say goodbye to his woman, instead of the other way around. That
instance of unrequitedness, of being under, so to speak, in the case given above, is somehow
pleasurable. It is less a case of mans caring for his woman than of mans submission,
recognition of womans power, and carrying and inflicting pain upon himself. That the mindset
Id rather be the one to experience pain and suffering than you can be applicable to almost
everybody is a nuance to the masochistic meanings of S/M, and ultimately brings to the fore the
question of love. Obviously, there is a bond; but is it a theatrics of love or does it fade away with
the culmination of the act?
Eleanor Wilkinson, for her part, is concerned with the democratization of sexualities,
particularly S/M. She argues that there is a need for a space where the other sexualities can
freely open themselves and tell their story. And this space Wilkinson understands to be the
Internet. Because anything can be posted on the web, it becomes a space for (self-)expressionit
doesnt matter if an audience views ones blog or website, for as long as he is able to put across
his intimate thoughts/emotions/desires. The Internet, Wilkinson adds, should not be policed as
dangerous, because instead of contributing to S/Ms acceptance as normal, it would all the more
promote its otherness and extremeness. Pornography should be available to everybody, instead
of it being banned altogether, and a similar way of cautioning the public about sites that contain
such material, which Wilkinson proposes, is placing warning signs or Enter or Leave option
in the front of the website. But the real value of the Internet is to open up a space for people who
feel that their sexualities are restrained or marginalized in order for them to subvert dominant
views on sexuality and desire. Laws that obstruct this should therefore be fought.