DOES SIZE REALLY MATTER?

I have always been fat. I was never a slim person- neither when I was young nor
when I was of age. My body size has always been an issue.
When I was in the Elementary level, a teacher jokingly told me not to join the
folk dance presentation for the Buwan ng Wika Celebration which I so longed to join.
Her reason was that I would pay too much for the textile or clothe that would be used
as costume for the dance presentation. A classmate added that the clothe intended
for 3 pupils would only be consumed by only one fat person- me. Some classmates
would mock me because of my body size. I weighed twice or more than the normal
body weight of a child. During lunch break, I would want to join in games that my
classmates would enjoy playing- the slipper game, which is equivalent to a softball
game, only that in our time, slippers were the bases and a slipper would be pitched
and the opponent would kick a slipper. My classmates never wanted me to join their
games because they think (and they have experienced before) that I would be the
reason for their groups defeat.
When I was in the Elementary, I had so many friends. Being a transferee from a
private school, my classmates were intrigued about my personality. They stuck with
me and told me that my body size doesnt matter to them. So I thought, maybe they
are right, maybe they are true friends. I trusted them. Why wont they stick with me?
This fat girl always did their assignments and projects in English, Filipino and MAPEH
and they allowed me to copy their assignments and solutions in Math. My friends
always want to be with me especially when it was snack time because I had a very big
back pack. My grandma always delivered goods to our house from the City nearby
during the weekends and she never failed to give us fruit juice and biscuits for our
snacks during the weekdays. So, the big bag I had always had 4 single-packed biscuits
and 4 tetra-packs of fruit juice inside that bag.
And because I had a round body, I always won the A-1 Child Contest, a
competition for healthy children. As our School Nurse would say, I had fair skin,
healthy eyesight, healthy teeth and of course, I looked healthy.
When I was in the High School Level, when hormones were fighting against each
other and I wasnt aware of the changes both physically, emotionally and
psychologically (Who would have thought that was the work of the chemical things
inside my body called hormones?), I felt something. It was a strong feeling towards
a boy. This was a thing some people call as puppy love also known as (a.k.a.)
crush. My mom told me it was normal. My father told me, I had to undergo that
phase. I never understood what they said. What I understood was I felt this strong
emotion towards him. I admired most of this ways. He was kind, he was diligent in his

studies and he was a good-looking, although he was sometimes rough, I still admired
him. But because I was fat, that crush, a classmate who is also a seatmate, wouldnt
want to sit beside me. He talked to my teacher so that he can transfer to another
seat and the following day, I was surprised that my crush wasnt beside me anymore. I
felt the world crashing on my head and all throughout my body. I almost felt like
fainting or even worse, dying. Because of what happened I asked myself: Does my
size really matter? Is my size really an issue? Why did it become an issue? How come
they make my body size as an issue? My maternal grandparents have huge body size,
yet other people do not mind about that. Why cant other people like me? Am I not
that likeable or loveable?
Rejection when I was young, rejection when I was a teenager and even more
rejection when I was in college.
My college classmates were always asking me why I dont look like my
grandmother. They would always compare my body figure with my lolas. But then I
asked my classmates: Who in the right mind would go against a brilliant, snappy,
smart, physically perfect English Professor who finished a double Doctorate Degree in
Language and Literature and who is our Research Professor? Why would I want to be
like her? Does society really set a high standard on whats beautiful or not? Should I
listen to the mandate of society or media on the standards of beauty? My classmates
stuttered. They thought, well I had a point.
Well, that was me. I never felt more rejected when my college classmates
would look up to my grandmother because she is beautifully ageing. My grandma was
petite and slim. I was not even a bit like her. If I was a Spice Girl, I would be Scary
Spice, said a cousin.
Then I met Ms. Mia Borja. Like me, she is a new plus size English Instructor in
the English Department in the College of Arts and Social Sciences. She was my
coordinating teacher-turned friend when I had my demo-teaching during my Field
Study. There was one time when I had a coaching session with Ms. Mia, she said that
she felt that I was insecure because of my body size. She saw me one day as I was
looking at the mirror at the ladies comfort room and frowned at how I looked like.
Then, at that moment, Ms. Mia said to me gently, Darling, you can do it. You
are beautiful, witty and even humorous. You can never underestimate what you can
do. I know you can inspire others to learn regardless of your body size. I have felt the
same and I never listened to criticisms about my body size. After all, my body is mine.
They cant dictate me when I want and what I want to eat. Do you get me? Now go
and teach these kids what you know. These words from a teacher were my turning
point. These words boosted my self-confidence. I did my demo and I nailed it! I got a

high mark not because I tried but because I had a push from a lady who is never
afraid of her body size and who is self-confident no matter what people say.
From then on, I did not mind how my body looked like. Today, when I feel that
a student is struggling like me because of an issue about their size or how they look
like, I would tell this student the same thing as Ms. Mia told me. I would encourage
these students to enhance the talents and skills they have no matter how they look
like.
Well, to my detractors, I wished they would experience what I did. I wished
that fate will get back at them and do me some vengeance. I believe that the world is
round; what comes up must come down. It is not easy to be rejected, and I want
those who teased me to feel what I felt and just try being in my shoes for one day.
-Alleli Faith P. Leyritana, (TPG) ask me for the meaning of the abbreviation