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Approaching

Without
Rejection

part 2 of 8

of the Pandoras Ph.D.


Strategy Series

ii

Written by
Brian Burke

he biggest difference I see between guys who are good with women and
guys who struggle is that the successful guys dont get upset when they
get rejected. If they approach a woman, and she is not interested, they dont
see it as a big deal its her loss. So before you can even begin to think about
technique is to wrap your mind around the fact that you WILL have to face
some rejection from women if you are going to be approaching them.
The key is to keep going, and not shut down. Experience trumps any fancy
technique. Also, if you are scared of getting rejected, you will repel women
with your insecure body language and nervous energy.
When applying the following techniques, you must understand that it can
be a challenge and often requires months of experience - before you can
MindRead her type on the approach. Therefore, its likely you will use an
opening line or technique that is not perfectly suited to her type. Thats OK
as along as you have the universal fundamentals of approaching down, you
wont do anything too unattractive.
The skill you must develop is fast calibration to each type. To keep things
simple, remember that her Time Line is most important on the initial approach,
and what kinds of dates you go on. Her Sex Line is most important in terms
of the amount of sexual tension you create, and how fast you try to escalate to
more intimacy. Her Relationship Line is most important regarding the content
of conversation, and what types of compliance she gives you.

You always have a 50% chance to calibrate to her personality factor shes
either an N or T, J or D, I or R. If you do something wrong, adapt. Thats the
great thing about dealing with women the instant you adapt and exhibit
attractive cues, they respond instantly. Imagine a woman instantly growing
larger breasts or becoming more pretty instantly you would be attracted
without thinking. The same thing works in reverse, only you arent changing
in your appearance, but in your personality (stemming from your thoughts).
When it comes to approaching, you really only have to be concerned with her
Time Line whether she is a Tester or iNvestor. So we will explore the ideal
ways to approach Testers and iNvestors, how to gauge which she is, and how
to adapt if you make a mistake.
When teaching men how to approach, I use three categories of environments
where you will see women. The names may sound technical but they are
really easy to understand, and youll see why these categories are important to
understand.

Static
This is a situation where you and the woman are in a place for an extended
period of time. Theres no rush and very little movement. For example, lets
say you find a seat in a caf after getting your coffee, and you notice a woman
sitting at a nearby table working on her laptop. This is static, because you are
both going to be there for awhile theres no rush.
Other examples:
-Bookstore
-Library
-Sitting in a park during your lunch break (and she is clearly on her break
as well)
-Youre both sitting at a bus stop, or on a bus/train sitting next to each other
-Work or class (this is the ultimate static situation and any attempt at
courtship should be drawn out over the course of several weeks/months,
depending on the situation)
In static situations, its best to use a situational comment or question to start a
conversation. Notice what she is doing or focusing on, and ask her a question
about it. Or make a comment if you see her reading a book, you can make a
comment about the book.
If you say something very direct (e.g. telling her shes beautiful and you want
to meet her), it will come off as too intense and socially awkward. A genuine
compliment about her choice of clothing is also a good choice, but make
sure to use a light, relaxed tonality. This is not the time for a direct, intense
approach.

Dynamic-in-static
This is typically a nighttime social situation a bar, nightclub, or party is a
dynamic-in-static situation. I personally like to be direct in these situations, to
set a sexual precedence early on. However, this is not always the ideal way to
go (maybe Im just lazy and like to stick to my bread and butter).
What seems to work the best in this environment is a specific compliment
about an effort the woman made to look attractive: You look great in that
dress, I like your hair, You have a unique style I noticed you right
away. These all convey a sexual intention, but are also socially acceptable
things to say, and are light and positive. A good rule of thumb in bars
and clubs is to use a light, direct approach by giving a sincere, specific
compliment.

Dynamic
Im sure youve been in this situation: youre walking down the street and you
see a beautiful woman walking towards you. You look at her, and your mind
goes blank. You crane your neck behind you as she walks past. If only you had
a way of stopping her. If only you knew what to say.
For Vin and I, this is our favorite situation to approach, because if you do it
right, you create massive attraction in a short period of time. And it requires
BALLS. Approaching women on the street is a very socially atypical thing
to do its rare to see it, if ever. It does happen (as women have told me), but
almost never in a way that women actually enjoy.
A dynamic situation is when there is a very short time window to approach,
because you and the woman are in motion, going in different directions. In this
setting, you should go direct, with passion, intense focus, and an extremely
warm attitude.

Here are some more examples:


-Shes leaving the store while you are still in line at the checkout. Do you jump
out of line and go after her before she gets to her car? (hint: yes.)
-You pass by her in the mall
-You see her sitting on a park bench as you jog past
-She is in a restaurant having drinks/food with her girlfriends and you see her
through the window as you walk past
Simply understanding the difference between these three categories, and
which types of approaches work best means you are three-quarters of the
way to fully optimizing your chances for success. The last piece is about
calibrating to her personality type.

Calibrating to her type


The easiest way to gauge whether a woman is a Tester or iNvestor is to give
her a direct compliment, with strong eye contact (lock eyes for a moment
before speaking).
If she seems a bit uncomfortable, or smiles but looks away quickly as if shes
distracted, she is a Tester. Tone down the direct, conversational focus. Give her
space, and adopt a more playful, spontaneous, physical mindset. Do something
silly like making a funny face, or clinking glasses in a toast.
If shes an iNvestor, she will respond with eye contact and seem genuinely
flattered. She may put her hand out and ask your name.
On the flip side, lets you approach in a fun, non-sexual way. Well call
this being indirect. You use something in the environment to initiate a
conversation. This is never wrong, and in fact is the safest way to ensure a
positive response, because you arent showing any sexual intention.
However, if she is an iNvestor, she may smile politely, or respond with a laugh
or one-word response, and pay no more attention to you. This is because she
wont understand that you are talking to her because you selected her out of
the crowd. iNvestors need focused attention. If this is the response you get,
simply follow up with a question aimed at her you can keep it simple, e.g.
So hows your day going?
If she does neither, either you had poor paralanguage (bad posture, talking
to fast or quiet, or came off creepy in some way), or shes not interested in
meeting a man right now.

Best ways to approach


Static
Tester: make a joke an observation about something relating to the
environment. Keep the focus off her for now.
iNvestor: ask her a question relating to what shes doing or paying attention
to. Convey that you noticed her out of the crowd.
Examples
Caf she appears to be studying (reading or working on a laptop)
o iNvestor: Ask her if she goes to the local university and what
she is studying. (notice how this is a more direct approach
because of how focused you are on her immediately.)
o Tester: Make a lighthearted comment about what popped into
your head when you saw her studying, Im so glad Im done
with school. I was the worst student ever. (This is better suited
for a Tester.)
Work she works in another department and you have set your sights
on her.
o In this case, it is better to always go slow. T vs. N is not as big
a concern here as simply being friendly, and GRADUALLY
spending more time together outside the office. If you try to pick
her up or go to fast, you will make things awkward.
o Always say hi when you see her. After a couple times, ask her
if shes new to the company and how things are going for her
so far. Introduce yourself and move on.

o After about 3-5 encounters, invite her to join you and your crew
for lunch, or see if she wants to try a place that just opened up
in town the two of you can be pioneers for the office.
Eating lunch in the park
o iNvestor: I think Ive seen you out here before. Do you work
nearby?
o Tester: I love this weather. I gotta think of a way to convince
my boss to let me work outside!

Dynamic-in-static
Tester: do something silly or physical like giving her a high five, or simply
giving her a big smile and saying hey there!
iNvestor: give her a compliment about how something she chose to wear or
do to look attractive her hair, outfit, jewelry are all great places to start.
Examples
Upscale nightclub
o iNvestor: Wow you look great tonight. Whats your name?
o Tester: My drink can beat up your drink.
College bar watching the game
o Tester: Give her a hi-five when the hometeam scores, or
because you like her jersey/face paint
o iNvestor: Ask her if she graduated from the local university. If
shes still in school, look surprised. If she did, ask her what she
ended up going into. If she is from somewhere else, ask what
she is doing in town.
Friends house party
o Tester: Introduce yourself and ask her how she knows the host.
o Both: Say cheers and clink glasses. (This works with both
types. The intensity of your focus should be calibrated to T - N)

10

Dynamic
Tester: be direct, but adopt a very playful attitude and tease her in the first 30
seconds if possible. Convey that you are in a great mood today and meeting
each other is an adventure.
iNvestor: be direct, but instead of teasing her, be very warm and reassuring.
Convey that you are very curious about who she is as a person.
Examples
Passing on the street
o iNvestor: Let her pass, then double back, try to get in front of
her without being scary, and say, I know this is crazy, but I
think you are so beautiful I had to meet you.
o Tester: Ask her for directions, and then transition to a personal
conversation by asking if shes from in town, and how she likes
it.
She is sitting at a caf or in a restaurant as you walk by
o Theres really only one effective, authentic way to do this,
unless you are extremely creative and can think of a reason
to talk to her aside from the fact that youre attracted to her.
Usually there is such a small time window that by the time
you think of something, the moment is gone. Just go for it, and
calibrate based on her response.
o Excuse me. I noticed you as I walked byyou almost made
me trip over myself! I know Im interrupting, but I had to take
a second to talk to you. Im Brian.

11

At a mall she is shopping in a store or walking past


o iNvestor: Excuse me. I know its dangerous to get in the way
of a woman shopping, but I think you are breathtaking. Id kick
myself if I didnt say hi before I left.
o Tester: Hey do you know if theres a Kenneth Cole store in
here? (Whatever she says,) You seem to have a good fashion
sense. I suck at picking clothes out for myself. What do you
think of vertical striped button downs? Are they still in style?
So what could you see on me? OK cool thanks. By the way,
whats your name? (Introduce yourself). Are you from the
area?

12

Review
If you say something direct, like a compliment about her beauty, there are two
ways she will respond. She may appear uncomfortable and avoid eye contact
(Tester), or she may lock eyes with you to see if you are sincere (iNvestor).
Likewise, if you say something indirect, she may light up and engage you
Tester), or she may respond with the bare minimum required to not appear
rude (iNvestor).
Either way, as long as you use the principles of Universal female psychology
when you approach, you wont do anything extreme enough to ruin your
chances. Simple notice her response and calibrate immediately.
Remember, every failure is a step towards success. Dont worry about being
perfect amass experience and have fun trying new ways to meet women!

13

Vin DiCarlo

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