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Improving Social Skills
Table of Contents
Social Skills
Eye Contact
Classroom Behavior
Unexpected Change
10
11
Social Networking
13
14
Dating Advice
15
17
18
19
Proper Handshakes
20
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24
25
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Social Skills
What are social skills? Social skills can be defined as the set of skills people use to interact and
communicate with one another. They are based on the social norms of our society and they tell
us what attitudes and behaviors are considered to be normal, acceptable and expected in a
particular social situation.
Social skills are important because they allow us to interact with each other with predictability,
so that we can more readily understand each other and be understood. Without an agreed-upon
social way of interacting, it is very hard to prevent misunderstandings. It is important for us to
be able to interact with clarity.
Examples of social skills include: how to greet someone, turn-taking in conversation, skills
involved in maintaining conversation, and engaging in eye contact, to name a few.
Communication Skills
Communication is key to improving social skills. Communication includes verbal and nonverbal components.
Verbal Communication
Greetings
Conversations
Participating in class
Talking to your instructors
Asking someone out on a date
Non-Verbal Communication
Eye contact
Handshake
Body posture
Hand gestures
Tone of voice
Effective communication involves understanding both the verbal things people say, and the
nonverbal things people dont say. Communication takes practice to master, just like any other
skill.
http://www.socialskillstraining.org/social_skills.html Copyright 2007-2010 Social Skills Training. All Rights Reserved.
Patrick, N. J. (2008). Social skills for teenagers and adults with Asperger Syndrome: London and Philadelphia: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Y/N
Y/N
Y/N
Y/N
Y/N
Y/N
Y/N
As the listener
Y/N
Y/N
Y/N
Y/N
Y/N
Y/N
Y/N
Bedrossian, L. E., & Pennamon, R. E. (2007). College students with Asperger Syndrome: Practical strategies for academic and social success.
Horsham, P.A.: LRP Publications.
Patrick, N. J. (2008). Social skills for teenagers and adults with Asperger Syndrome: London and Philadelphia: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Eye Contact
Eye contact is important to conversation. For many, eye contact is as important as what a person
actually says.
Eye contact should vary depending on the number of listeners and intentions of the speaker:
Talking to a group: To keep everyone engaged, make brief eye contact with every
member of the group (usually 3-5 seconds per person)
Talking to an individual: Make regular eye contact, but not so constant so that you are
staring at them (break eye contact after 3-5 seconds)
Listening to someone: Make more consistent eye contact than when you are the speaker,
but still dont stare intensely (break eye contact after about 5 seconds)
Arguing: Holding the gaze shows strength
Flirting: Holding eye contact a little longer than usual combined with dilated pupils
indicates romantic interest
If you dont follow these rules, you are likely to make people uncomfortable. For example, in
western cultures, and throughout much of the animal kingdom, direct and unwavering eye
contact is perceived as threatening and aggressive. Too much eye contact in a flirtatious situation
will almost definitely not lead to a date.
On the other hand, if the person youre talking to isnt making eye contact, they are likely
perceived as:
Therefore, for example, too little eye contact during a conversation is not likely to leave a good
impression.
Some basic rules for eye contact for conversations include the following:
Eye contact and adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder. June 4th, 2009 Posted in Communication Skills, Sensory Issues, Social Skills
http://aheadd.org/blog/eye-contact-and-adults-with-autism-spectrum-disorder/
Adapted from How to talk to your Instructor from University of Texas at Austin http://www.utexas.edu/student/utlc/handouts/1472.html
http://edgenet.edgewood.edu/lss/study_resources/pdf/Talking_profs.pdf
Rules Worksheet
Situation
______________________________________________________________________________
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What I did
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______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
My rule (what I should do)
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
Help from my TRiO advisor
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
Bedrossian, L. E., & Pennamon, R. E. (2007). College students with Asperger Syndrome: Practical strategies for academic and social
success. Horsham, P.A.: LRP Publications.
Classroom Behavior
The following is a list of successful behavior to use when in a classroom situation:
1. Show up on time, sit down, get out your pen and notebook to take notes, get out any work
that needs to be turned in
2. Be prepared have your homework done and ready to turn in. If you need help with
organization and time management, make an appointment with TRiO
3. Turn your cell phone on silent or turn it off. Do not answer your phone during class. Do
not text message during class either
4. When your instructor starts talking, listen and take notes (dont interrupt)
5. If you have a question, raise your hand and wait for the instructor to call on you before
you ask your question. Ask yourself if the question is relevant to the topic. If it is not
relevant, dont ask it
6. If you have more than one question to ask, pick your top 3. If you still have more
questions, write them down and ask your instructor after class or during their office hours
7. If asked to do something in class (example open your textbook to p. 20), and you dont
know why the instructor is turning to that page, dont ask why. Asking why can
come across as confrontational and rude. Wait until after class if you need clarification
from your instructor
8. Be aware that rocking in your chair, tapping your foot or tapping your pen on the desk,
humming, shaking your leg, slouching, and interrupting can come across as rude, odd, or
disrespectful
Cuesta College San Luis Obispo Co. Community College District http://academic.cuesta.edu/acasupp/as/201.HTM
Unexpected Change
Many times in college, you are going to be faced with changes that are unexpected. What you do
in those situations is important to your college success.
For the following situations, determine what the problem is, determine possible solutions,
and identify resources available to you.
1. A class is cancelled and you must register for a new section at the last minute.
2. Your exam does not arrive at the testing center for you to take your test.
4. The disability coordinator takes another job and now there is a new disability coordinator.
5. Your instructor has an accent and you are having a really hard time understanding
him/her.
Bedrossian, L. E., & Pennamon, R. E. (2007). College students with Asperger Syndrome: Practical strategies for academic and social success.
Horsham, P.A.: LRP Publications.
I am cooperative
Yes
No
I am a good listener
Yes
No
Yes
No
I am helpful
Yes
No
Yes
No
Yes
No
Yes
No
Yes
No
Yes
No
Yes
No
Yes
No
Yes
No
Yes
No
Patrick, N. J. (2008). Social skills for teenagers and adults with Asperger Syndrome: London and Philadelphia: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
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Do things you both enjoy. Try something your friend likes once in a while.
Be supportive. Be there to listen or help when your friend has a problem.
Be honest. Keep your word and promises. Be trustworthy.
Understand that you don't have to do everything together. It's okay to do things alone or
with other friends.
5. Call, get together, or send a card at holidays and special occasions.
When we have trouble making or keeping friends, people can encourage us to:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
7. See how we talk or act in inappropriate ways, then help us make positive changes.
8. Keep in contact by calling, getting together, or sending an email.
Questions to talk about:
How do you show you are a friend? How does your friend show you?
How do you talk to a friend? How does your friend talk to you?
How do you treat a friend? How does your friend treat you?
Do you think of your friend's feelings? Does your friend think of your feelings?
After an argument, do you tell your friend what upset you, try to work out the problem, and
apologize when you are wrong?
Do you keep in touch with your friend by calling, getting together, emailing?
Written by Kathryn Lincoln, NLACRC Community Outreach Specialist and FFRC Adult Coordinator. 818-756-6225 or 818-677-7063. Updated
8/03 http://www.csun.edu/~ffrc/Making_A_Good_Friend.htm From The YAI Relationships Series Friendship Videotape 1:
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Social Networking
The following is a list of proper uses for social networking sites and other social media.
Facebook
Only add friends you actually know. Most people will not respond well to a friend
request from someone they dont know.
If you add a friend and they dont friend you, dont keep friending them. If they want
to add you as a friend, they will.
Be appropriate with your wall postings. Anything you post on your wall or another
persons wall can be seen by everyone. If you have a private message to send, use email
or Facebook private messages.
Dont ask people out over Facebook. If you want to go on a date with them, ask them in
person.
Be appropriate with your tweets. Nothing you put on a social media site is ever private.
Follow people who share your interests and whose tweets are meaningful or
compelling to you.
Texting
If someone gives you their phone number, ask if it is ok if you text them. They may be
ok with phone calls but not text messages.
Be appropriate with your texts. Even though texts are between you and another person,
they should still be appropriate. Remember, nothing you say in a text is completely
private. Even deleted texts can be recovered.
If someone you text doesnt text back, dont continue texting them. They may have a
reason for not replying.
Dont ask someone out using text messages. If you want to go out on a date with them,
ask them in person.
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12. Would you prefer to date someone gradually over a long period of time?
13. If so, how would you communicate this to your date and potential partner?
15. If so, how do you think that you would accomplish this?
16. What would you predict could be the biggest hurdle when dating?
Patrick, N. J. (2008). Social skills for teenagers and adults with Asperger Syndrome: London and Philadelphia: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Dating Advice
It can be quite challenging to be a student in college with Aspergers syndrome. Dating is one of
the more challenging parts of college life. Here are ideas, tips and resources to help you learn
more about the hows of dating,
Talk to the Opposite Sex as Friends
Make friends with people of the opposite sex. Share notes, help each other, and make an effort to
ask how theyre doing. Casual conversations and interactions with the opposite sex will make it
easier to approach a guy/gal you like and want to ask out.
Watch Other Couples
Watch couples around you. Watch the way they talk, and interact. This will give you a lot of
ideas of what to say to a person you are dating.
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Practice
Sometimes, it is difficult to think of things to say when youre in a stressful situation. So practice
when you are by yourself. Have make-believe conversations with a person of the opposite sex in
front of a mirror. Write down some nice things you could say and practice saying them. All of
this will help you speak confidently when the right opportunity comes your way.
Read about Relationships
There are a lot of books these days about making and maintaining friendships and other intimate
relationships. Read such books for a lot of good advice. However, asking someone on a date is
not the most important thing. Getting to know them and building a relationship is equally
important, in the long run. Thus, make an effort to learn more about that aspect too.
Find a Support Group
A lot of people with Aspergers and high-functioning autism struggle with the same issues,
however many have successfully gone on to have relationships, and get married. Finding an
Asperger support group in your locality will help you get advice and encouragement from people
who are like you and have walked the path you are walking now.
Be Brave
Dating is always difficult for the first time. Most guys and gals struggle and hesitate during their
first date, but slowly they get used to it, and it becomes easier. It will be the same for you.
Although it may seem very difficult initially, it will get much easier once you do it. So be brave,
and do your best.
Wenzel, C. R. (2010). Teaching Social Skills and Academic Strategies to College Students With Asperger's Syndrome. Teaching Exceptional
Children .
Wing, L. (2010 ). Asperger syndrome: a clinical account . Retrieved from http://www.mugsy.org/wing2.htm
Read more: http://www.brighthub.com/mental-health/autism-pdd/articles/85134.aspx#ixzz1G97ziKFq
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http://workchic.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/techi_casual.png
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http://workchic.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/nanny-chic-1.jpg
Bowling
Picnic at a park
Go to a sports event
Miniature golf
Go ice skating
If the date went well, use the following instructions to ask for a second date:
1. Make sure to check your calendar before the start of the date to see when you are free
next
2. Wait until the end of the datewhen you are both about to leave, face your date so you
are looking directly at him/her
3. Tell your date you had a great time and you would like to make specific plans to go out
again. Recommend a day and place for the next date.
How to ask for a second date by Samantha Herman, eHow Contributor. May 5, 2010 http://www.ehow.com/how_6293341_ask-seconddate.html
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You can do this by allowing a pause before you start speaking. Taking a little time to think about
a question rather than rushing to answer also helps you to organize your thoughts and prevents
verbal fillers such as "umm" and "you know". These always come across as unprofessional. By
taking a moment to think before you answer you appear calm, confident and polite.
Try not to use jargon in your answers or questions. The interviewer may be unfamiliar with the
jargon, often jargon is company-specific. Using jargon does not make you sound knowledgeable
in the interview, often it just sounds as though the candidate is trying to impress with no real
substance to the content of what is being said. Speaking simply and coherently is the best way
to establish rapport.
Essential tips for job interviews include preparing and practicing answers and questions
before the interview. This builds confidence and ensures that you are able to communicate
effectively with your interviewer.
Winning communication tips for job interviews. Copyright 2010 best-job-interview.com http://www.best-job-interview.com/tips-for-jobinterviews.html
Proper Handshakes
One of the basic things that every person should know is how to give proper handshakes. It
doesnt matter if youre in a party or in a business meeting, if youre greeting a friend or a client,
a good and firm handshake is always necessary. Not only does it create a good and favorable
impression but it also establishes an optimistic character and a healthy level of confidence to the
receiver.
Professional image consultant, Jill Bremer, once said: Handshakes are the only consistent
physical contact we have in the business world. They also happen first in an encounter, so they
set the tone for the entire relationship that follows.
Five Steps To A Good Handshake
1. Establish and maintain eye contact. Give a warm smile. It
helps to say something like, Nice to meet you. Or simply
say, Hi.
2. Extend your arms, hands outstretched with thumbs straight
up. Predict where your hands will meet. Prepare for
contact.
3. Upon landing, slide and adjust your hand so that you and
the other persons web are touching. (The web is the skin
between your thumb and forefinger)
4. Consider the strength of the other person. Adjust the grip
and make it firm. Match the power.
5. Shake a couple of times and disengage.
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How about you? Have you ever considered the way you shake hands with people? Here are of
the most common mistakes people do when giving a handshake and tips on how to change and
improve.
Wet Hands
Always keep your palm dry. Its okay to get nervous and sweat, but if youre anticipating a
handshake. Make sure that you keep a handkerchief or tissue ready. Dont wipe it over your
pants or shirt!
Limp Hands
A soft and loose grip implies lack of interest or worse, low self-esteem. Reach confidently with
your hands perpendicular to the ground. Pretend that youre shaking someones hand in front of a
mirror and observe. Your hands should look firm and confident.
Four-Finger Handshake
You get this when the webs of the hands do not properly meet and lock which results to an
awkward shake of the four fingers. One of the best ways to avoid this is to employ presence of
mind during the handshake, carefully adjusting and sliding your palms to achieve proper grip.
Crushing Grip
Always consider who you are shaking hands with. Different people require different levels of
strength. You may not know it but you could be hurting the other person. One way to do this is to
let the other person apply the initial grip and adjust yours up to the point when the handshake
feels sturdy and comfortable.
A good and proper handshake is best achieved through application. Practice with your friends
and ask for feedback. A handshake is just a simple gesture, but it is an important part of etiquette
which every social being should learn.
How to give good and proper handshakes. Bremer, Jill. Bremer Communications: Handshakes and Introductions in Business. 2004 Copyright
2007-2011 Ready To Be Rich: Business, Investments & Personal Finance
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http://galadarling.com/article/what-to-wear-to-a-job-interview
http://job-guides.onsugar.com
Gum
Cell phone
IPod
Coffee or soda
If you have lots of piercings, leave some of your rings at home (earrings only, is a good
rule)
Cover tattoos
Before you even think about going on an interview, make sure you have appropriate
interview attire and everything fits correctly.
Get your clothes ready the night before, so you don't have to spend time getting them
ready on the day of the interview.
If your clothes are dry clean only, take them to the cleaners after an interview, so they are
ready for next time.
Polish your shoes.
Bring a breath mint and use it before you enter the building.
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2. What would a successful first six months look like for me in this role?
3. What recent history of the department or upcoming plans should I be aware of?
4. How do you prefer to communicate? Do you prefer E-mail or talking in person? Do you like
to talk about things as they come up, or do you prefer that I save things up for a weekly meeting?
5. What types of things do you prefer to be consulted on? Given final approval on? What kinds
of things do you prefer that I handle on my own?
6. Are there any pitfalls that you've seen people fall into when they're learning this job? Anything
I should be especially aware of?
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Smith, G.M. Eleven commandments for business meeting etiquette, 2000. http://archive.stc.org/intercom/PDFs/2000/200002_29.pdf
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