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EffectsofHAP

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ObservableeffectsonchildrenresultingfromexposuretoHostileAggressiveParenting
Raisingachildinahostileaggressiveparentingenvironmentis,withouta
doubt,oneofthemostseriousformsofchildabuseandmaltreatment
imaginable.ThebehavioursofHAPparentscanseriouslyaffecttheirchildrens
emotional,social,andintellectualdevelopmentinmanyways.Tothosewiththe
knowledgetoidentifyHAP,mostchildrenlivingundertheinfluenceofanHAP
parentwillexhibitsomesignsofbeingadverselyaffected.Itmustbe
emphasizedthatnospecificbehaviourproblemobservedinachildcanbe
assumedtoindicatethatthechildhasbeenabusedinanyparticularmanneror
evenabusedatall.Someofthesignsobservedinchildrencanbemisleading
tothosewithoutknowledgeandexperienceinHAPtothepointwhereoutside
thirdparties,evenprofessionalswhoareunfamiliarwithHAP,maybetotally
misledinitiallyandinsomecasesmisdiagnosethebehaviours.Inonecasea
childmaybereactinginoneway,yetanotherchildwillreactinatotally
oppositeway.

SymptomsofHAP
UnderlyingcausesofHAP
Observableeffectsfrom
exposuretoHAP
SevereHAP
Addressing&dealingwithHAP
Roleofthecommunity
SanctionsforHAP
Howtohelp
HAPdocumentation(PDF)

AlthoughHAPasabehaviourisoftenlookedasanissueaffectingonlytheparents,byitsverynature,HAPisaformof
childabuseandneglect.Neurodevelopmentalresearch(Glaser,2000SchwarzandPerry,1994)suggeststhatchild
abuseandneglectcanaffectbraindevelopmentatcriticalandsensitiveperiods.Abuseandmaltreatmentofchildren
throughaparentsHAPbehaviourscanhavelastingeffectsonachildscognitive,emotional,behavioural,and
interpersonalfunctioning(Glaser,2000).HAPmustbetakenveryseriouslyforitcansignificantlyaffectthechildfor
his/herlifetime.TheharmasaresultofHAPcanoftenbeclassifiedasComplexPostTraumaticDisorderwiththesame
affectonthechildasitdoesonanadult.
Belowaresomeexamplesofthewidelyvariedindicatorsthatmaybe
observedinachildwhoisbeingadverselyaffectedbyHostileAggressive
Parenting:
Highlevelsofconflictandbehaviouralbetweenthechildandthe
custodialHAPparent
ChildrunsawayfromthehomeofthecustodialHAPparentor
mayrefusetoreturntothehomeoftheHAPparent
Childmayexhibitanumberofbehaviouralproblems
Anxiety
Maybeoverlyquietandreserved
Emotionalavoidancedefensiveorfearfulwhenquestioned
aboutthehostileaggressiveparentsbehaviour
Bedwettingandsleepdisorders
Mayexpresstotheirteacher,adesiretosharetheirschoolrelatedworkwiththeirnoncustodialparentorto
askforhelpcontacttheotherparent.
ThechildmaydiscloseinformationtothirdpartiesaboutthebehavioursoftheHAPparent
Thechildmayshowgreateraffectiontoaparent/guardiancontrarytotheclaimsofthehostileaggressive
parent.

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Thechildmayindicatefearofreprisalofaparentfordisclosinginformation
Thechildmayshowexcessiveanimosity/fear/hatetowardsthenoncustodialparent
Thechildspersonalitymaychangewhenthehostileaggressiveparentispresent
Mayselfinflictinjuriesorexhibitsuicidaltendencies
ThechildmayproducenotesanddrawingsindicatingsadnesslivingwiththeHAPparentorindicatinga
desiretolivewiththenoncustodialparent
Mayshowaggressiontowardsthecustodialparentespeciallyattimesjustafterreturningbackfrom
parentingtimewiththenoncustodialparent
Mayshowsignsofphysicalabuse
Maylackselfesteemandconfidence
Inmanycases,itisnotunusualforachildtoexhibitsignsofaffectionandlovetowardsaHAPparentatsometimeswhich
canbeveryconfusingtotheoccasionaloruntrainedobserverwhomayseethechildshowingaffectiontotheHAPparent
atsomeparticulartime.Psychologistshaverecognizedforyearsthatevenchildrenlivingunderthecareofabusive
caregivers,oftenwillhavedeepseatedloyaltiestothosewhomaybephysicallyandemotionallyabusingthem.Most
childrenoftenlongfortheloveandapprovalfromtheircaregiverssoitisnotuncommonforachildwhoisbeingabused
byanHAPparenttobeseenshowingaffectionatsometimestotheirHAPparents.WhereanHAPparenthasbeen
successfulinalienatingthechildfromanotherparent,thechildmayhavetheHAPparentastheonlysourceofwhatthe
childperceivesasloveandaffection.Inreality,thebehavioursofmanyHAPparentscausethechildtodevelopan
emotionallydependencyontheHAPparent,whichinitselfisnothealthyforthechild.ThepresenceofHAPismore
preciselydeterminedbyanalysisofthechildsoverallbehaviourpatternsandtheoverallparentingpatternsofthe
HAPparentoveraperiodoftimeandalsoreviewingtheassociatedriskindicators.
EvaluatingHAPcanbeverydeceivingtounsuspectingobservers,especiallywhenchildrenhavebeencoachedorhave
beenmadetohavefearsoftheirhostileaggressiveparentorguardian.Therefore,inordertoprovidegreateraccuracyin
determiningthepresenceofHAPandidentifyingwhotheperpetratoroftheabuseis,itisimportantthatconclusionsbe
basedonknownbehaviourpatternsofthechildandparents/guardiansoveraperiodoftimesothatthebehaviour
patternsoftheHAPparentcanbeidentified.
Note:Becausethebehavioursofchildrencanbemisleadingiflookedatinisolation,itisimportantthatthe
observableeffectsonchildrenaslistedinthissitebecrossreferencedwiththeknownbehaviourpatternsofthe
parents.Forexample,anHAPparentmaycomplainaboutachildwhoismisbehavingandcreatingproblemseverytime
thechildreturnsfromthenoncustodialparentshome.TheHAPparentwillthenclaimthatthechildsbehaviouris
becauseoftheinfluenceofthenoncustodialparentandthenusingthisreasoning,mayattempttofurtherrestrictthe
childsaccesstothenoncustodialparent.Often,manyprofessionalsagreewiththispositionwithoutlookingatthe
behavioursoftheparentwhoiscomplainingandasaresultgreatharmisdonetothechild.However,ifthesituationis
carefullyanalyzedbylookingatthebehavioursoftheparentsandinvolvedextendedfamilymembers,itmaybefoundthat
theHAPparentandhis/herfamilyhasanextensivehistoryofinterferencewiththechildsrelationshipwiththenon
custodialparent.
Theseobservablesignsareaffectedbytheageofthechildandtheintensityofthehostileaggressiveparentscampaign.
SolecustodyandcontrolofachildcanbeasignificantbarriertotheevaluationofHAP.Achildisatgreatestriskwhen
solecustodyofthechildisinthehandsofaparentwhoishostileandaggressivetotheotherparent.Solecustodyinthe
handsofsuchaperson,whentherewouldappeartobeanothercaringparentavailable,isoftennothingmorethana
licensetoemotionallyabusethechild.Anoncustodialparent,eveniftheymayhavetendenciestowardsHAP,arenotin
anpositiontoinfluenceachildtoanygreatextentasthecustodialparentcaneasilytakestepstoreinforcetheircontrol
overthechildanddiminishthenoncustodialparentsinfluenceoverthechild.

HighlevelsofconflictandbehaviouralbetweenthechildandthecustodialHAPparent
Highlevelsofconflictbetweenachildandthecustodialparent,especiallyaboutparentingtimeand/orcommunication
withthenoncustodialparent,arealmostalwaysasuresignthatthecustodialparentisanHAPparent.Adeterminedchild
willoftenrebelagainsttheircustodialparentandcreateallkindsofproblemswhentheyfeelthattheirnaturalwishesand
desirestoseeortocommunicatewiththeirotherparentarebeinginterferedwithbytheHAPparent.Thisisanatural
reactionwhichisoftenaresultofthechildsfrustrationandadesiretohavetheirwishesandpreferencesrespectedbythe
adults,especiallythecustodialparent.

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Children,especiallythoseabovetheageof7to8maybegintoshowangerdirectedattheircustodialHAPparent.
Childrenatthisagebegintocomeoutoftheirshellandbegintodevelopagreaterabilitytoreasonandtodifferentiate
rightbehaviourfromwrongbehaviour.ChildrenwhoarebeingadverselyaffectedbyacustodialparentsHostile
AggressiveParenting,mayatthisagebegintostartspeakingofwhatitisthatisbotheringthemandstartchallengingthe
authorityoftheHAPbehavioursoftheirparents.Theymaybecomedefiantandaggressivewiththecustodialparent,
especiallyaftertheyfirstgobacktothecustodialparentshomeafteravisitwiththenoncustodialparent.
Childrenatthisageoftenbegintoseethatwhattheircustodialparenthasledthemtobelieveabouttheirnoncustodial
parentissimplynottrue.TheymaybecomeangryforbeingliedtobytheHAPparent.Childrenwhenquestioned,ifthey
havenotdevelopedafearoranemotionaldependencyoftheircustodialparent,willbeabletospeakoutandclearlysay
whatitisthatisbotheringthem.Insomesituations,childrenmaystarttocreateincidentsinanattempttohavetheir
custodialparentgetintroublewithauthorities.Leftunresolved,oftentheseconflictswillturntophysicalaltercations
betweenthechildandthecustodialparentand/orotherfamilymemberswhosupportthecustodialparent.Boyfriendsand
girlfriendsofHAPparentssometimesgetinvolvedanassisttheHAPparenttodisciplinethechildwithoutfully
understandingtheprevioushistory.
Unfortunately,mostHAPparents,ofcourse,willclaimthattheconflictbetweenthemselvesandthechildiscausedbythe
noncustodialparentandwillnotadmitthatitistheirownHAPbehaviourthatiscausingtheirchildtobehaveinthis
manner.
backtotop

ChildrunsawayfromthehomeofthecustodialHAPparentormayrefusetoreturntothehome
oftheHAPparent
AnothersuresignthatachildisbeingexposedtotheinfluencesofanHAPparentiswhenthechildrunsawayfromthe
custodialparentshomeandseeksshelteratthehomeofthenoncustodialparent.Achildwhoishavingtheirphysical
andemotionalneedsmetbyacustodialparenthasnoneedtoruntoanotherhomeasthecustodialparenthasallthe
powerandcontroltoprotectthemfromanysortofnegativeinfluenceaffectingthechild.Inalmostallcases,achildwho
runsfromacustodialparentissendingthemessagethatsomethingisseriouslywrongwiththeenvironmentatthe
custodialparentshome.
Sometimesthechildmayrefusetoreturntothecustodialparentshomeanddosuchthingsasrefusetogetoutofthecar
whendroppedbackatthehomeofthecustodialparent.Somechildrenmayputupaviolentstruggleandkickandscream
andliterallyhavetobeforcedintothecontrolofthecustodialparent.Thiscanbeverydamagingtothechild.Running
awayfromanHAPparentshomeisoneofthefirstsymptomsofwhatcanbereferredtoasreverseparentalalienation
wherethechildbeginstodevelopadistainorevenhatredoftheHAPparentbecausethechildswishesarenotbeing
listenedto.
backtotop

Childmayexhibitanumberofbehaviouralproblems
ChildrenexposedtoHostileAggressiveParentinglikelywilldemonstrateanumberofbehaviouralproblemsrangingfrom
minortoseriousasaresultoftheirexposuretoHAP.Theseproblemsmaybeobservableatschool,inthehomeandinthe
community.Somestudieshaveshownthatasmuchas85%ofchildrenwithbehaviouralproblemscomefromsingle
parent(usuallyfatherless)homes.Behaviourproblemsassociatedwithchildrenofseparationanddivorcegenerallyare
theresultoftwocontributingfactors,bothofwhicharecloselyconnectedtoHAPparenting.
(1)BehaviourproblemslearntfromchildsexposuretoHAPenvironment
WhenchildrenobservetheirHAPparentactinginanantisocialandaggressivemanneroveranextendedperiod
oftimetheyoftenpickuponanumberofthesebehavioursandovertime,considerthemtobesociallyacceptable.
Childrenareaproductoftheirenvironmentanddolearnwhattheylive.Childrenlivingundertheinfluenceofa
hostileaggressiveparentmaybecomethemselves,selfish,selfcentredandhavegrowingangermanagement
difficultiesasyearspasson.ChildrenwhoarebeingphysicallyabusedoryelledatconstantlybyaHAPparentwill
begintodealwiththeirownproblemsinthesamemanner,oftenlashingverballyandphysicallyatsiblingsor
schoolmates.Manyofthesenegativebehavioursareoftenobservableatthechildsschool.HAPbehaviours
pickedupbyachildfromtheHAPparentwill,inmanycases,seriouslyaffectachildsdevelopmentandinterfere
withtheirabilitytoleadanormalandbalancedlife.Someprofessionalsmaymisdiagnosethechildashavinga
conductdisorderandprescribemedicationbut,inreality,theseprofessionalsfailtorealizethatthechildsown
parentisinstillingthesetypesofnegativeandantisocialbehavioursintothechild.
SomeyoungchildrenwhoexhibitbehaviouralproblemsasaresultofexposuretoHAPparentsdoimproveover
theyears.However,atleasthalformoregetworse.Olderchildrenoftendevelopahostile,aggressiveattitudeas
wellasbeingdisobedientanddefianttoparentsandauthorities.Oftenthesechildrengetinvolvedinmoreviolent
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physicalfightsandmaystarttouseweapons.Theymaystealorlie,withoutanysignofremorseorguiltwhenthey
arefoundout.Theyrefusetofollowrulesandmaystarttobreakthelaw.Teenagersexposedtotheinfluencesofan
HAPparentstarttomanipulatetheparentssothattheycangetanythingtheywant.Remember,whenchildren
witnesstheirHAPparentlieanddeceivepeopleandgetawaywithit,thenthechildmaydevelopthesameattitude
thatiftheirparentcangetawaywithit,thentheycantoo.
Often,theparentwhomayhavepracticedHAPparentingwhenthechildwasyounger,nowfindthemselvesheld
hostagetoachildterrorist.HAPparents,fearfulthatthechildmayleavethemandgototheotherparentifthey
dontgettheirway,oftenfallpreybylettingthechildsettheirownlimits.Thefearoflosingchildsupportpayment,
alone,isenoughtomakeaparentignoregoodparentingjusttomaintaintheirlegalcontroloverthechild.Manyof
theseaffectedchildrengetinvolvedincriminalactivities.Theymaystealcars,breakintohousesorshoplift.They
maytakeriskswiththeirhealthandsafetybytakingillegaldrugsorhavingunprotectedsexualintercourse.
Childrenarelesslikelytoactoutaggressivelywhentheirparentsusemoreeffectiveparentingtechniquesthan
thosewhorelyonhostileaggressivetechniquessuchasreactingtotheirchildswishestohaveareasonable
relationshipwiththeirotherparentwithanger,andusingnegativeratherthanpositivereinforcementtothechilds
relationshipwiththeotherparent.

(2)Behaviouralproblemscausedbychildsunresolvedangerandfrustrationfromlivingunderthecontrolof
anHAPparent
Somechildrendevelopbehaviourproblemsasaresultofunresolvedangerandfrustrationbecauseofbeing
forcedtoliveunderthecontrolofahostileandcontrollingparent.Toooften,familycourtsplacecustodyofthechild
inthehandsofthewrongparentwhoisoftentheHAPparent.Toooften,thenoncustodialparentisrendered
helplesstoassistthechildrenandplacedfullyunderthecontrolofthecustodialHAPparent.Childrenbecome
angryandfrustratedbytheeffortsoftheHAPparenttofurtherinterferewiththeirrelationshipwiththenoncustodial
parent.Thisangerandfrustrationdevelopsintoseverebehaviourproblemswhichaffectthematschoolandat
home.Behaviouralproblemscausedbyfrustrationandangercanonlybeeffectivelyaddressedwhenthe
childrenswishesandpreferencesareconsideredandthechildrenprovidedtheopportunitytohaveameaningful
relationshipwiththeirnoncustodialparent.
backtotop

Anxiety
Fromanearlyage,childrenneedsecurityandsafety.Ayoungchildwhodoesnotfeelsafeandisexposedtothe
behavioursofahostileaggressiveparentmayhavesignificantlyelevatedlevelsofanxiety.Thismightshowupinsimple
nervousbehaviours(habitssuchastwirlinghairorbitingnails)oractuallybeseeninthedevelopmentofphobias,panic
disorders,andobsessive/compulsivedisorders.Theanxietythatthechildexhibitsmaybeassociatedwithaparticular
personorenvironment,oritmaybemoregeneralizedwiththechildconstantlyfeelingonedgeorirritable.Childrenmay
beafraidtotalkaboutsummerholidaysoraboutfutureparentingperiodsforfearofsayingsomethingthatmayoffendthe
custodialHAPparent.Youngchildrenoftenuseavoidancetocopewiththiskindofanxietyordevelopothersymptoms
suchasnightmares,bedwetting,orphysiologicalsymptomssuchasheadachesorstomachdistress.
backtotop

Maybeoverlyquietandreserved
Achildwhoislivingundertheprimarycontrolofahostileaggressiveparentisoftenthreatenedwithpunishmentifthey
saysomethingabouttheparentsHostileAggressiveParenting.ToprotectthemselvesfromretributionbytheHAPparent,
childrenmaybecomequiet,reservedandafraidtospeakoutabouttheHAPparent.Thechildwillfindthatbysaying
nothing,evenifitmeanshidingabuseagainstthem,keepsthemoutoffurthertroublewiththeirhostileaggressiveparent.
Thistypeofbehaviourisnotuncommonwithchildrenunder12yearsofage.Childrenraisedinthiskindofenvironment
oftengrowuplackinginselfesteemandconfidenceandunabletocompeteintheworkingworld.
backtotop

Emotionalavoidancedefensiveorfearfulwhenquestionedaboutthehostileaggressive
parentsbehaviour
EmotionalavoidanceinthecontextoftraumacausedbyHAPreferstoachildstendencytoavoidthinkingorhaving
feelingsaboutthetraumahe/shehassufferingasaresultofHAP.AchildwhoisbeingemotionallyabusedbytheHAP
parentmayoftensuppressthoughtsabouttheabuseormaltreatmentbysayingthathe/shecantremember.
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Sometimestheirbodylanguagewillgivethesekidsaway.WhenquestionedduringaninterviewabouttheHAPparent,
theymaysquirm,becomeeasilydistractedorusephrasessuchasIdontknoworIwanttogonoworIdont
rememberorIdontwanttotalkaboutit.SomechildrenmayforgetthingsthattheHAPparenthasdonethatother
childrenorwitnessescanclearlyrecall.Childrenundertheprimarycareandcontrolofahostileaggressiveparentwill
oftenlearntosaywhatthehostileaggressiveparentwishesthemtosaywhiletheyhidethetruthaswellastheirreal
feelings.ThesechildrenknowthattheirHAPparentistryingtohidethetruthandthatthechildmaybepunishedfortelling
thetruthtoothers.Sometimesitisonlythebodylanguageofthesechildrenthatwillgivethemawayduringaninterview.
However,althoughachildsdesiretoturnhis/herattentionawayfrompainfulthoughtsandfeelingsiscompletelynatural,
researchindicatesthatthemorepeopleavoidtheirthoughtsandfeelingsaboutdifficultsituationsinlife,themoretheir
distressseemstoincreaseandthelesslikelythechildistobeabletomoveonwithhis/herlife.
backtotop

Bedwettingandsleepdisorders
SomechildrenadverselyaffectedbyHAPparentsmaysufferfromenuresis(bedwetting)withsomeaffectedchildren
knowntohavewettheirbedswellbeyondthetimewhenmostchildrenaretoilettrained.SomechildrenabusedbyHAP
parentshavereportedtohavebeenstillwettingtheirbedevenasoldaseightornineyearsofage.
backtotop

Mayexpresstotheirteacher,adesiretosharetheirschoolrelatedworkwiththeirnoncustodial
parentortoaskforhelpcontacttheotherparent.
Teachersatschool,especiallyelementaryschool,maybefacedwithsituationsthattheyfindstrangewhendealingwith
childrenbeingaffectedbyaHostileAggressiveParent.Someofthesesituationsmayinclude:
Thechildmaytelltheteacherthattheywouldliketotaketheirworkfromschooltotheirnoncustodialparent.The
childmayevenasktokeeptheworkatschoolinordertogetitdirectlytothenoncustodialparent.Theymaynot
wanttheircustodialparenttoknowaboutthis.Childreninthissituationarewantingtosharetheiraccomplishments
atschoolwiththeirnoncustodialparent.Hostileaggressiveparentsoftenwillnotshareachildsworkwiththe
otherparentandquiteoftenwilldestroyitoutofspite.
Thechildmaytelltheteacherthattheydontwantaparticularparenttobeattheschool.
Thechildmayaskschoolstaffforhelptousethephonetocalltheirnoncustodialparent.
Drawingsornotesmayrevealthechildshiddenfeelingssuchasunhappiness,angeratoneorbothparents,
wishestolivewithoneparent,etc.
backtotop

ThechildmaydiscloseinformationtothirdpartiesaboutthebehavioursoftheHAPparent
Achildmayrevealtothirdpartiessuchasteachersandotherfamilymembers,specificdetailsofsomeHostileAggressive
Parentingbehaviourstheyhavebeenexposedto.Childrenwillusuallyhavethecouragetospeakupbetweentheagesof
7to14yearsofagewithanumberoffactorsinfluencingwhenaparticularchildmaybegintospeakup.Someofthemost
commonthingsthatchildrenmayspeakoutaboutmayincludesuchthingsasoneparentsayingbadthingsaboutthe
otherparentornotbeingabletocalltheotherparentonthephone.Thechildmayeventellthirdpartiesthattheywantto
livewiththeirotherparent,ratherthantheonetheylivewithnow.Thisisasignthatthechildisreachingoutforhelpfrom
othersandhasnotdevelopedatotalfearofthehostileaggressiveparentasofyet.Thissituationmustbehandled
delicatelysoasnottoplacethechildatgreaterriskofabuseatthehandofthehostileaggressiveparent.Inmostcases,
thehostileaggressiveparentmaypunishthechildforexposingthingsthatthehostileaggressiveparentwastryingtokeep
asecret.ThirdpartiesmustdemonstratethatthechildcantrustthembynotturningthembackintotheclutchesoftheHAP
parent.
backtotop

Thechildmayshowgreateraffectiontoaparent/guardiancontrarytotheclaimsofthehostile
aggressiveparent
Hostileaggressiveparentswilloftenattempttopaintabadpictureoftheotherparent/guardiantoeveryonetheyknowso
thattheycanturnothersagainstthatotherperson,oftenaspartofastrategytoisolatethatpersonfromothersinthe
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communityandtosolicitthesupportofotherstohelpisolatethechildfromtheotherparent.Thisstrategyismostoften
usedbycustodialparentstoturnschoolofficialsandbabysittersagainstthenoncustodialparent.Hostileaggressive
parentswilloftensaythatthechildsrelationshipwiththeotherparentisnotgoodandthatthechilddoesbetterwhen
he/shedoesnothavecontactwiththeotherparent.Thisstrategyisusuallyusedwhenchildrenareyoungerasitbecomes
moredifficultfortheHAPtocontinuetheseliesasthechildbecomesmoreawarewhichisusuallyabovetheageof7
yearsofage.However,whengiventheopportunitytoseethechildandtheotherparenttogether,manyinthecommunity
findthatthechildandtheotherparentenjoyalovingrelationshiptogether,contrarytowhattheyweretoldbytheHAP
parent.
backtotop

Thechildmayindicatefearofreprisalofaparentfordisclosinginformation
Achildwholivesinasafeandsecureenvironment,shouldneverhaveafearoftellingthetruthtoanyoneabouthis/her
livingandorparentingenvironment.Shouldachildexpressafearfortheirphysicaloremotionalsafetyandindicatethat
theyarefearfulofoneparentknowingaboutthemdisclosinginformation,thenthisisanothersupportingsignthatthe
parentwhothechildisafraidofisanHAPparent.
backtotop

Thechildmayshowexcessiveanimosity/fear/hatetowardsthenoncustodialparent
InsomeseverecasesofHostileAggressiveParenting,thehostileaggressiveparentmayhavebeensuccessfulin
implantingParentalAlienationinthechildtothepointwherethechildmayexpresssevereanimosity,fearorevenhate
towardsthenoncustodialparent.Insomecases,childrenwillliterallyrunawayorhideshouldtheyaccidentallymeetthe
alienatedparentinpublicsuchasonastreetorinastore.
Thisreactioninchildrencanbeverymisleadingtothosewithoutknowledgeofparentalalienationandthebrainwashing
ofchildrenbyhostileaggressiveparents.Tothosewithoutknowledge,itcouldleadthemtobelievethatthenoncustodial
parentisactuallyabadparentorhasabusedthechild.
Personswhowitnessachild,especiallyayoungchildspeakverybadlyofanotherparentshouldconsiderthepossibility
thatthechildmaybethevictimofbrainwashing.ItisnotnormalforANYchildtoexpressstronganimositytowardaparent
withoutveryclearandunderstandablereasons.Shouldthechildsanimositybedirectedtowardsanoncustodialparent,
thenthisisusuallyfurtherevidencethatthecustodialparentmayberesponsibleforthechildshateoftheotherparent.
Whenchildrenarecarefullyquestionedhoweverfordetailsofwhytheyhatetheirparentsomuch,thatiswhenthetruth
usuallystartstobecomeapparent.Seldomcanchildrenprovidespecificstowhytheyfeelthewaytheydoandonlygiven
generalstatementssuchashe/sheusedtohitmeorhe/shewasmeantomeParentalalienationcanbesuspected
wheninterviewersstarttoaskforspecificsandthechildsrecollectionisvagueorinconsistent.Thepatternoftheparents
behavioursmayalsohelponetodetermineifthechildsreactionisjustifiedorifthisbehaviourhasbeenimplantedinthe
childbythecustodialparent.
backtotop

Thechildspersonalitymaychangewhenthehostileaggressiveparentispresent
Achangeinthechildspersonalitytowardoneparentmaybenoticedwhenthechildisinthepresenceofbothparents.
Suchasituationmayoccurataschoolfunctionwherebothparentsattend.Personsmaynoticethatthechildisvery
affectionatewithoneparentsuchasholdinghandsandappearingexcitedandhappy.Assoonasthehostileaggressive
parentcomesonthescene,thechildwillsuddenlystopshowingtheiraffectiontotheotherparent.Thechildrecognizes
thepowerthatthecustodialparentwieldsoverthemandinordertoprotectthemselves,thechildwillhidetheaffection
theywouldnormallygivetothenoncustodialparentbecausetheyknowthecustodialparentwilldisapproveofthisand
maybecomeangry.
backtotop

Mayselfinflictinjuriesorexhibitsuicidaltendencies
IthasbeenreportedthatchildrenhavecommittedsuicidewhilelivingundertheinfluenceofanHAPparent.Asmall
numberofchildrenbecomesodepressedanddistraughtaboutnotbeingabletohaveameaningfulrelationshipwiththeir
otherparentthattheyenduptakingtheirownlives.Somechildrenmaycausephysicalinjurytothemselvessuchas
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cuttingorburningthemselves.ThepresenceofHAPparentinginanyhouseholdaffectedbydivorceand/orseparation
mustbecarefullylookedatwheneverchildrenshowsymptomsofhurtingthemselvesorhavethoughtsofdoingso.Often
thesechildrenarediagnosedbyprofessionalsasbeingsuicidal,yetinmanycasesprofessionalsareunabletorelatethe
childssuicidalthoughtstothebehavioursoftheHAPparentbecauseinmanycasestheHAPparentisabletoappearto
theprofessionalasbeingawonderfulandcaringparent.
backtotop

ThechildmayproducenotesanddrawingsindicatingsadnesslivingwiththeHAPparentor
indicatingadesiretolivewiththenoncustodialparent.
ChildrenadverselyaffectedbyanHAPparentmaysometimesmakedrawingsorwritenoteswheretheyexpresstheir
sadnessaboutthewaytheyarebeingtreatedbyanHAPparent.Sometimestheywillwritethattheywishedtheywere
livingwiththeirotherparent.
backtotop

Mayshowaggressiontowardsthecustodialparentespeciallyattimesjustafterreturningback
fromparentingtimewiththenoncustodialparent
AcommonreactionseeninchildrenlivinginthecareofaHAPcustodialparentisthatthechildmayexhibitangerand
hostilitytowardsthecustodialparentwhentheyreturnfromthenoncustodialparentshome.This,inasense,isoneofthe
symptomsofreverseparentalalienationwherethechildbeginstodevelopadistainorevenahatredoftheHAPparent.
Somechildrenmayfight,kick,spitandbreakthingsupontheirreturnandgenerallybeuncooperativewiththecustodial
parent.Thesechildrenbecomeangrybecauseofbeingforcedbackintothecareofaparentwhotheyknowisnotasnice
astheotherparent.Oftenthisreactioniscausedbecausethechilddoesnotgettospendenoughtimewiththenon
custodialparentasthecustodialparentwilloftendoeverythingtheycantokeeptimewiththenoncustodialparenttoa
bareminimum.
Whatisimportanttonoteisthatinmanycases,theHAPparentwillclaimthattheaggressionbythechildiscausedbythe
noncustodialparent.TheHAPparentwilloftenreportthatthisaggressivebehaviourishappeningwhenthechildreturns
orduringthedaysfollowingthechildsreturnfromtheotherparentshome.TheHAPparent,knowingthatitisdifficultto
hidethechildrensbehaviouralproblemsblamethecauseontheotherparentinanattempttohidetheirownabuseofthe
child.Oftenblamingtheotherparentispartofawellthoughtoutstrategytogetthecourttofurtherrestrictthechildstime
withthenoncustodialparentandtofurther.Ultimately,thisonlymakesthechildevenangrieratthecustodialparent.
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Mayshowsignsofphysicalabuse
Inadditiontothepersonalityrelatedobservations,childrenwhomaybephysicallyabusedbyanHAPparentmayexhibit
anumberofphysicalinjuriessuchasbruisesorweltsontheirbodyorface,burns,bonefractures,etc.
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Maylackselfesteemandconfidence
Achild'ssenseofselfcanbenegativelyimpactedwhenlivingunderthecontrolofanHAPparent.Levelsofselfesteem(a
child'spositiveviewofhimorherself)andappropriateselfconfidence(achild'srealisticviewoftheircapabilities)are
crucialtotheongoingpsychologicaldevelopmentandwellbeingofachild.Whenaparentorguardianassaultsthe
childsselfesteemusinghostileaggressivebehaviours,oftenthiswillnegativelyimpactthechild'sdevelopmental
progress.Whenachildhasanimpairedsenseofselforareducedsenseofselfesteem,theyareoftenunabletocope
withsituationsinwhichthereisincreasedstress.ExposuretoHAPduringdevelopmentalyearscanalsohaveanimpact
whenchildrenneedtoseparateorbecomeindependentfromothersinlateryears.Thechildmaybesubjecttoseparation
anxietydisorderatalatertimeinlife.Laterinthechild'sdevelopmentthechildmayhavedifficultyindefininghis/herown
boundariesorappreciatingtheneedsanddesiresofothersintheirenvironment.Inaddition,childrenraisedinan
environmentwherehe/sheisbeingexposedtohostileaggressiveparentingmaylackadequateselfprotectivenessand
mayatgreaterriskofbeingvictimizedorexploitedbyothers.

http://hostileaggressiveparenting.com/effects_of_HAP.asp

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EffectsofHAP

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