The Room PDF

THE
ROOM
By
TommyP.Wiseau
Copyright,1999Copyright,200115
Copyright,2000ALLRIGHTRESERVED
1.
Thisplaycanbeplayedwithoutanyagerestriction.Itwill
workifthechemistrybetweenallthecharactersmakessense.
Humanbehaviorandbetrayalappliestoallofus.Itexists
withinourselves.Youlovesomebody.Doyou?Whatislove?
Youthinkyouhaveeverything,butyoudon'thaveanything.
Youhavetohavehopeandspirit.Beanoptimist.Butcanyou
handleallyourhumanbehaviororother'sbehavior?Youdon't
wanttobegood,butgreat.
THEROOM,byTommyP.Wiseau
ACTI
SCENE1
YOUCANSEETHEGOLDENGATEBRIDGE,SUNRISEBEHINDTHEBAY.
THENANEXTERNALSHOTOFANAPARTMENTBUILDINGSOUTHOF
MARKETSTREET.THEREISASHOTOFAWINDOWOFTHEROOM.ITIS
FURNISHEDSIMPLY.
ASWEPANACROSSTHEROOMWESEEAMANANDAWOMANASLEEPAND
PARTIALLYNAKED.THEALARMCLOCKRINGS.THEMANREACHESTO
THECLOCKANDTURNSITOFF.HESLEEPILYAROUSESANDPUTSON
HISSHORTSANDWALKSSLOWLYTOTHEBATHROOM.HECLOSESTHE
DOOR.PANBACKTOTHEWOMANWAKINGUP.THEMANCOMESOUTOF
THEBATHROOMANDSMILESTENDERLYATHER.
THEROOMbyTommyP.Wiseau
2.
CONTINUED:
LISA
Iamnotaslavehere,amI?
JOHNNY
Didyoulikelastnight?
LISA
Yes,Idid.
(PAUSE)
Whattimedoyouhavetobethere?
JOHNNY
(HEPULLSASUITFROMTHECLOSETANDTHROWSITONTHEBED
ANDSTARTSDRESSING.)
JOHNNY
Whereismycoffee?
LISA
(SHEGETSOUTOFBEDANDPUTSONAREVEALINGGOWNANDGOESTO
THEKITCHEN.)
Whattimedoyouhavetobethere?
JOHNNY
(HEISYELLING.)
Itoldyoumanytimes!9:30!Ihavemypromotiontothink
about.
LISA
Promotion!Promotion!That'sallIhearabout.Hereisyour
coffeeandEnglishmuffinandburnyourmouth.
JOHNNY
(HESITSDOWNATTHETABLEDRINKINGANDEATING.)
OldmanDonkeyletsmeknowtoday.Ihavetothinkaboutour
future.
3.
CONTINUED:(2)
LISA
WellatleastIdon'thaveapromotiontothinkabout.
JOHNNY
Youhavetoomuchcompetitioninthecomputerfield.
LISA
Icanhandleit.Youworryaboutyourself.
JOHNNY
Yousoundlikewehaveseparatelives.Wewillbemarried
nextmonthLisa.
LISA
Yeah....Yeah....Well.
JOHNNY
(HESTANDSUP.)
Thankyouforbreakfast.
(HEKISSESHERONTHECHEEKANDLEAVES.)
Seeyoulater.
LISA
(LISAWALKSTOTHEPHONEANDDIALSANUMBER.)
Himom.Howareyoudoing?
CLAUDETTE
(CLAUDETTEISTALKINGONTHEOTHERPHONE.)
I'mfine.What'shappeningwithyou?
LISA
Nothingmuch.
CLAUDETTE
What'swrong?Tellme.
4.
CONTINUED:(3)
LISA
I'mnotfeelinggoodtoday.
CLAUDETTE
Whynot?
LISA
Idon'tthinkIwanttogetmarried.
CLAUDETTE
(CLAUDETTERAISESHERVOICE.)
Whynot?
LISA
Idon'tlovehimanymore.
CLAUDETTE
Whynot?Tellmewhy.
LISA
He'sboring.
CLAUDETTE
Wellyou'veknownhimforoverfiveyears.You'reengaged!
Yousaidyoulovedhim.Youshouldreconsider.Hesupports
you,heprovidesforyou,andyoucan'tsupportyourself.He
isagoodguyandhelovesyouverymuch.Hisincomeisvery
secureandhetoldmehewantstobuyyouahome.
LISA
That'swhyhe'sboring.
CLAUDETTE
Whatareyougoingtodo?
LISA
Um,Idon'tknow.Idon'tmindlivingwithhim.
5.
CONTINUED:(4)
CLAUDETTE
Youcan'tdothat.DidyoutellJohnnyaboutit?
LISA
No.Idon'tknowwhattodo.
CLAUDETTE
He'saverynicepersonandyouknowhe'sgettingapromotion
soon.Heboughtyouacar,aring,clothes,whateveryoulike
andnowyouwanttodumphim.It'snotright.I'vealways
thoughtofhimasmysoninlaw.Youshouldmarryhim.He
wouldbegoodforyou.
LISA
Oh,Iguessyou'rerightaboutthat,mom.
CLAUDETTE
OfcourseI'mrightmydear,Iknowaboutmen.Iwasnotborn
yesterday.I'mgladyoulistentoyourmother.Nobodyelse
listenstome.Iworksohardandnobodyappreciatesit.I
trytotellthemwhattheyshoulddo,buttheydon'tlisten.
LISA
IguessI'lltry.Seeyoulater,mom.
CLAUDETTE
Okay.Takecareofyourself,Lisa.Bye.
LISA
Byemom.
(LISAHANGSUPANDDIALSANOTHERNUMBERWHILESHE'SMUNCHING
ONABAGEL.)
MARK
(MARK,24,AYOUNGHANDSOMEMANWITHAWELLTRIMMEDBEARD,IS
INACARASHEANSWERSTHECALL.)
Hello?
6.
CONTINUED:(5)
LISA
Heybaby,howareyoudoing?
MARK
Ohhi,I'mverybusy.Howareyoudoing?
LISA
Ijustfinishedtalkingtomymotherandshejustfinished
givingmethisbiglectureabouthowbigandgreatJohnnyis.
MARK
We'lltalkaboutitlater.AsIalreadytoldyouI'mvery
busy.
LISA
Busydoingwhat?We'lltalkaboutitnow.Wheneveryousay
we'lltalkaboutitlater,weneverdo.Ican'twaittill
later,wehavetotalkrightnow.Youowemeoneanyway.
RememberwhenJohnnysavedyourlife?Rememberitwasall
becauseofmetellinghimtodoit?
MARK
Okayyouwin.Whatdoyouwanttotalkabout?
LISA
Sheisastupid,fuckingbitch.Shewantstocontrolmylife.
Iwillnotputupwiththatanymore.She'snotthebossof
me,andnobody'sgoingtotellMEwhattodo!I'mgoingtodo
whateverIwantandthat'sit!WhatdoyouthinkIshoulddo?
Ineedyouradvice.
MARK
Whydoyouaskme?Imeanyou'vebeenveryhappywithJohnny.
Whatdoyouwantmetosay?Youshouldenjoylife.What'sthe
problem?
LISA
Maybeyou'reright.CanIseeyouforcoffeetomorrow?
7.
CONTINUED:(6)
MARK
Ok,abouttwelvenoon?
LISA
Okay.Iwillbewaitingbaby.Bye
MARK
Bye.
(LISAFINISHESHERBAGELANDCHANGESHERCLOTHES.)
ENDSCENE
SCENE2
LISAISSITTINGATTHETABLEDOINGHERNAILS.SHEISWEARING
TIGHTJEANS,ALOWCUTTSHIRTANDREDSHOESWHICHMATCHHER
NAILPOLISH.THEDOORBELLRINGSANDLISAWALKSOVERTOTHE
FRONTDOOR.
LISA
Whoisit?
BILLY
Billy.
LISA
(LISAOPENSTHEFRONTDOOR.BILLY,18,LISA'SOBNOXIOUS
YOUNGERBROTHER,WHOISAHOMOSEXUAL,ISSTANDINGAND
SMILING.)
LISA
HeyBilly,howareyoudoing?
BILLY
Imfine.Whatsnew?
LISA
Actually,Imreallybusy.Doyouwantsomething?
(BILLYBARGESIN,PUSHINGPASSEDLISA.)
8.
CONTINUED:
BILLY
Nothanks.IjustwanttoseeJohnny.Youlook....um,
beautiful,today....so,yeahcanIkissJohnny?
LISA
Youaresuchalittlebrat!
BILLY
Imjustkidding!IloveyouandJohnny,butespecially
Johnny.
LISA
(WITHTHESIGH.)
EverybodylovesJohnny....Oh,ok,Johnnyisgoingtobehere
anyminute.Youcanwaitifyouwant.
BILLY
Igottogo.YoulltellhimIstoppedby?
LISA
OfcourseIwill.
BILLY
Bye.
LISA
ByeBilly.
(BILLYEXITSTHEFLAT.)
ENDSCENE
SCENE3
LISAISSITTINGONTHECOUCHREADINGHERBOOKASWEHEARTHE
SOUNDOFTHEFRONTDOORBEINGUNLOCKED.JOHNNYCOMESIN
CARRYINGFLOWERS.ASHEENTERS,LISASTANDSUP,PLACESHER
BOOKONTHETABLEANDWALKSTOWARDHIM.
9.
CONTINUED:
JOHNNY
Hibabe,theseareforyou.
(JOHNNYHANDSTHEFLOWERSTOLISA.)
LISA
Ohthanks,theyarebeautiful.
(LISAKISSESJOHNNYONTHECHEEK.)
Didyougetyourpromotion,honey?
(SHETAKESTHEFLOWERSTOTHEKITCHEN,UNWRAPSTHEMAND
SHOVESTHEMINAVASE.JOHNNYLIESDOWNONTHECOUCH.SHE
BRINGSTHEFLOWERSTOTHEROOMANDPLACESTHEMONTHECOFFEE
TABLE.)
Youdidn'tgetitdidyou.
JOHNNY
ThatsonofabitchtoldmeIwillgetwithinthreemonths.
It'snotright.Isavethembundles,theyarecrazy.Idon't
thinkIwillevergetit.Theytrickme,theydidn'tkeep
theirpromise,theybetrayme,andIdon'tcareanymore.
LISA
(LISAISSITTINGINTHECHAIRNEXTTOTHECOUCH.)
Didyoutellthemhowmuchyousavedthem?
JOHNNY
OfcourseIdid.Whatdoyouthink?Theyalreadyputmyideas
intopractice.Alreadythebanksavestonsofmoney.They
shouldbegratefultohavesomeonelikemewhoissogoodat
doingthethingsIdothere.InsteadoldmanDonkeyisusing
meandI'mthefool.
LISA
Istillloveyou.
JOHNNY
You'retheonlyonewhodoes.
10.
CONTINUED:(2)
LISA
Youstillhavefriends,Ididn'tgetanycallstoday.You're
right,thiscomputerbusinessistoocompetitive.Icalleda
dozenofmyoldclientsandtheydon'tneedme.
(PAUSE.)
Doyouwantmetoorderapizzaorsomething?
JOHNNY
WhateverIdon'tcare.
LISA
Whatkindoftoppingdoyouwant?
JOHNNY
Idon'tcare.
LISA
Areyoualright?Whatisthematter?It'sjustalousy
promotion.
(SHEORDERSPIZZA.)
I'llfixacupofchocolate.Thatwillmakeyoufeelbetter.
(SHEGOESTOTHEKITCHENANDCOMESBACKWITHACHOCOLATEAND
SHESETSITONTHECOFFEETABLE.
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYSITSUP.)
Thankyou.
LISA
(SHEGIVESHIMTHECHOCOLATEANDSITSNEXTTOHIM.)
Ineedadrink.
JOHNNY
Idon'tdrink,youknow.
11.
CONTINUED:(3)
LISA
(SHEGOESTOTHECABINETANDPOURSTWODRINKSANDCARRIES
THEMBACKTOJOHNNYANDPOURSHISDRINKINTOHISCUPOF
CHOCOLATE.SHETAKESASIPOFHERDRINK.)
It'sgoodforyou.Don'tworryaboutit.
JOHNNY
Ican'tdrinkthat.Youmustbecrazy.
LISA
(LISATAKESTHEDRINKFROMTHETABLEANDFORCESJOHNNYTO
HOLDTHEDRINKINHISHAND.)
Ifyouloveme,youwilldrinkthis,mydarling.
(THEPIZZAMANRINGSTHEBELL.)
Youarenotdrinkingyourcognac,dear.Itwilltastegood
withthepizza.
JOHNNY
(HETAKESASMALLSIPANDEATSPIZZA.)
You'reright,it'sgood.
LISA
Iknow,Iamright.Don'tworryaboutthosefuckers.Youare
agoodman.Let'sdrinkandhavesomefun.
(FADEOUT,ANDFADEINTOTHEOUTSIDEOFTHEAPPARTMENT.
INSIDETHEYAREDRINKING.)
JOHNNY
Youhavenicelegs.
(HE'SMUMBLING.)
LISA
(LISAISTAPPINGHISSHOULDER.)
Youhavenicepecs.
12.
CONTINUED:(4)
JOHNNY
(THEYSTUMBLETOTHEBEDANDFALLINTOEACHOTHER'SARMS,
LAUGHING.)
Ha,ha.I'mtired,I'mwasted,Iloveyoudarling!
LISA
You'veneverbeenwasted.Makelovetome,Johnny.
(JOHNNYDOESN'TRESPOND.)
Comeon,youowemeone.
JOHNNY
Okay,okay.
(HEISFALLINGASLEEP.LISATURNSOFFTHELIGHTANDCRAWLSIN
BEDBESIDEHIMANDFALLSASLEEP.)
ENDSCENE
SCENE4
(DRESSINGHERSELFINASEXYOUTFITTOGETREADYFORMARK,
LISAPUTSONJEWELEDSANDALSTOSHOWOFFHERTOENAILS.THE
DOORBELLRINGSANDSHEOPENSTHEDOOR.)
MARK
Hi.
LISA
Hi.
MARK
Howareyoudoing?
LISA
I'mfine.
MARK
That'sgood.
13.
CONTINUED:
LISA
Thanks.Howareyou?
MARK
Notbad.
LISA
I'mglad.Wouldyouliketocomein?
MARK
MayI?
LISA
Ofcourse,comein.Youwantacupofcoffee?
MARK
Okay.......
LISA
Haveaseat.
(LISAGOESTOTHEKITCHEN.MARKSITSDOWNANDPICKSUPA
SPIDERMANCOMIC.LISACOMESBACKWITHTWOCUPSOFCOFFEEAND
PLACESTHEMONTHETABLE.)
MARK
Thankyou.Youlookverynicetoday.
LISA
Oh,thankyouMark.
(SHEGOESTOTHESTEREOANDPUTSONACDOFCLASSICALMUSIC
ANDLIGHTSTHECANDLESWHICHAREONTHETABLE.SHEIS
SPEAKINGINASEDUCTIVEVOICE.)
It'shotinheretoday,mydearboy.
(SHEREMOVESHERTSHIRTANDREVEALSATIGHTDRESSWITHFAIR
SHOULDERS.)
14.
CONTINUED:(2)
MARK
Thecandles,themusic,thesexydress.What'sgoingonhere?
LISA
(SHEMOVESCLOSERTOMARKANDSLIGHTLYTOUCHESHIMANDKISSES
HIMONTHECHEEK.)
Ilikeyouverymuchloverboy.
MARK
Whatareyoudoingthisfor?
LISA
Youdon'tlikeme?I'myourgirl.
MARK
(MARKLIGHTLYPUSHESLISAAWAY.)
Johnny'smybestfriend.You'regoingtogetmarriednext
month.
LISA
(LISAPUTSTHEGLASSONTHETABLEANDAPPROACHESMARK.)
ForgetaboutJohnny.Thisisbetweenyouandme.
(LISACONTINUESTOSEDUCEMARKASHERESISTS.)
MARK
(HESTARTSTOGETUP.)
Idon'tthinkso.I'mleavingnow.
LISA
(SHEGRABSHIMINATIGHTHUGANDSTARTSTOCRY.)
Don'tleave.Ineedyou,Iloveyou.Everythingisgoing
wrong.Idon'twanttogetmarried.Idon'tloveJohnny
anymore.Idreamaboutyou.Iwantyoutomakelovetome.
15.
CONTINUED:(3)
MARK
Idon'tthinkso.Don'tworry,everythingisgoingtobe
okay.
(HEGRABSHERWRISTANDPULLSHERARMSAWAYFROMHIM.SHE
BREAKSFREEFROMHISGRIPANDGRABSHISSHIRT,PULLINGITUP
FROMHISPANTSANDUNBUCKLESHISBELT.ATTHESAMETIMESHE
KISSESHIMTENDERLY.HEKISSESHERBACK.SHEPULLSHIMTOTHE
BEDANDTHEYLIEDOWNTOGETHER.AFTERTHEYFINISHDOINGSEX
MARKSTANDSUPANDPUTSONHISCLOTHESINAHURRY.ATTHE
SAMETIMEHEISTALKING.)
Whydidyoudothistome?Why?Why?Why?
(HEISYELLING.)
Ican'tbelieveIletyoudothistome!Ohgod,Johnny'smy
bestfriend.
LISA
Didn'tyoulikeit?Didn'tyouenjoyit?
MARK
That'snotthepoint.Doyourealizewhatwe'vedone?
LISA
IloveyouMark.Iloveyouverymuch.
MARK
Iwasalwaysattractedtoyou.Imeanyouareverybeautiful.
But,listentomeLisa,wecan'tdothisanymore.Ican't
hurtJohnny.
LISA
(SARCASTICALLY.)
Yeah,Iknow.He'syourbestfriend.
MARK
I'mgladyouunderstandthesituationI'min.Thiswillbe
oursecret.
16.
CONTINUED:(4)
LISA
Didyoulikeit?
MARK
(NODDINGHISHEAD.)
Yeah.
LISA
Iknewit!
MARK
(HEISKISSINGLISAONTHECHEEK.)
Seeyoulateralligator.Ihavetogonow.
LISA
Okay,I'llseeyoulater.
(SHEHOLDSONTOHISARMSANDHEGOESOUTTHEDOOR.)
ENDSCENE
SCENE5
LISA
(SMILING,SHEVERYQUICKLYSTRAIGHTENSTHEBED.THENSHE
WASHESTHECOFFEECUPS,PUTSTHECANDLESAWAYANDCHANGESTO
JEANSANDTSHIRT.SHEPUTSPASTAINTHEOVEN.ANDSETTLESIN
THECHAIRWITHAMAGAZINE.SHORTLYTHEREISTHESOUNDOFA
KEYINTHEDOOR.JOHNNYENTERSTHEAPARTMENTWITHONERED
ROSE.)
JOHNNY
Hi,howareyou?
JOHNNY
(HEGIVESLISATHEROSE,TAKESHISBLAZEROFFANDSITSDOWN
ONTHECOUCH.)
17.
CONTINUED:
LISA
(SHESMILINGANDPUTTINGTHEROSETOHERNOSE.)
Thankyou,I'mdoinggreat.You'resocharming,youalways
givemeflowers.You'resounique.Letmekissyou.
(SHEGETSUPANDKISSESJOHNNYONTHECHEEK.)
JOHNNY
Oh,thankyou.What'scooking?
LISA
Pasta,yourfavoritedish,mysweetpie.
JOHNNY
You'reawfullyhappytoday.What'sup?Didyougetaclient?
LISA
Icalleddozensofclients.Nooneneedsmyservice.It's
verytough.Doyoufeellikeeatingnow?
JOHNNY
I'mstarving.Whatelsedidyoudotoday?You'reinavery
goodmood.
LISA
Letmefixthepasta.
JOHNNY
I'lltakeashower.
(JOHNNYDISAPPEARSINTOTHEBATHROOM.)
LISA
(WHENHEDISAPPEARS,LISAWAITSUNTILTHEWATERISRUNNING
ANDDIALSANUMBERONTHEPHONE.)
HiMark,Imissyou.
18.
CONTINUED:(2)
MARK
Ijustsawyou.Whatareyoutalkingabout?
LISA
Sorrymydarling.Ijustwantedtohearyoursexyvoice.I
cantellyousomethingnow.Ilikehowyouputoursexyhands
aroundmybody.Youexcitemeso,andIloveyou.
MARK
IsJohnnythere?
LISA
Yeahhe'sintheshower,butIlikeyoubetter.
MARK
ButIdon'tunderstandyou.Whydoyoudothat?
LISA
BecauseIloveyou.
(SARCASTICALLY.)
Youdon'tcare,doyou.
MARK
YesIdocare,butweagreedthatit'soverbetweenus.
LISA
Iunderstand.I'mwithyou,it'soursecret.Istillhave
feelingsforyou,butIguessyoudon'tcare.
MARK
Yes,Idocare.Don'tdriveyourselfcrazy.
LISA
(THEWATERSTOPSRUNNING.)
Ihavetogonow.Seeyoulatermydarling.
19.
CONTINUED:(3)
MARK
Don'tcallmethat.
LISA
Okaybye.
MARK
Bye.
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYCOMESOUTOFTHEBATHROOMWITHATOWELAROUNDHIS
MIDDLEANDGOESTOTHECLOSET.)
Whowereyoutalkingto?
LISA
Mymother.
JOHNNY
Issheokay?
LISA
Oh,shetestedforbreastcancer,nowshe'stalkingabout
dying.
JOHNNY
It'snobigdealthesedays,isit?
LISA
No,I'mnotworried.
(SHEISPREPARINGDINNERANDPUTTINGEVERYTHINGONTHE
TABLE.)
Dinnerisready.
(THEYSITDOWNTOEAT.)
20.
CONTINUED:(4)
JOHNNY
Whathappenedlastnight?Idon'trememberanything.Didwe
makelove?
LISA
Youdon'tremember?Youpoorlittlething.Youdon'tremember
whenyouhitme?
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYISYELLING)
Hityou!Ineverwoulddothat,evenifIwasdrunk!Youmust
bekidding.It'snottrue,isit?Doyouhaveabruise?
LISA
Yes,it'strue.
JOHNNY
(THEYAREEATING.)
Iwillneverdrinkagain.Ifeelsick.Ican'teatanymore.
(HEISPUSHINGHISPLATEAWAY.)
LISA
I'mstrong.Don'tworryaboutit.Ineedsomemoney.Ihave
tobuyanewdress.
JOHNNY
Howmuchdoyouwant?
LISA
Around$300.00
JOHNNY
Ohwow.Whysomuch?
(HEPULLSOUTHISWALLETANDHANDSHERTHREEONEHUNDRED
DOLLARSBILLS.)
21.
CONTINUED:(5)
LISA
ThankyouJohnny.
(SHEKISSESHIMONHISCHEEK.)
You'realwayssogenerouswithme.
JOHNNY
Ihavetobe.You'remyfuturewife.Wewillbemarriedsoon.
Youloveme,don'tyou?
LISA
OfcourseIdo.
(LISAGETSUP,CLEARSTHETABLE,ANDCHANGESHERCLOTHES.)
JOHNNY
I'mgoingtotherooftostraightenoutmyhead.
LISA
Why,isitcrooked?
JOHNNY/LISA
Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha.
LISA
Butareyouokay?
JOHNNY
I'mfine.
LISA
Don'tworryaboutit.
ENDSCENE
22.
SCENE6
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYSTORMSONTOTHEROOFWITHAWATERBOTTLEANDLOOKS
CONFUSEDANDLOST.HESLAMSTHEDOORBEHINDHIM.)
Ididnothither.It'snottrue!It'sbullshit,Ididnot
hither.WhydidLisasaythat?Iwouldneverdothat!
(JOHNNYTHROWSTHEBOTTLEOFWATERTOTHEGROUND.)
Ididnothither!
(JOHNNYPICKSUPAFOOTBALLFROMTHEFLOORANDTOSSESITIN
THEAIR.)
OhhiMark.What'supwithyou?
MARK
Notmuch.I'mjustsittingupherethinkingaboutlife.I
wonderifgirlsliketocheatlikeguysdo?
JOHNNY
Whatmakesyousaythat?
MARK
(MARKSTANDSUPANDJOHNNYTOSSESTHEBALLTOHIM.)
Well,I'mjustthinking,youknow.
JOHNNY
(THEYCONTINUETOTOSSTHEBALLWHILETHEYARETALKING.)
Idon'thavetoworryaboutthatbecauseLisaisloyaltome.
MARK
Youneverknow.Peopleareverystrangethisdays.Iusedto
knowagirlwhohadadozenguys.Oneofthemfoundoutabout
it,beatherupandsheendedupinahospital.
JOHNNY
Whatastory!
23.
CONTINUED:
MARK
Youcansaythatagain.
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYGETSUPANDWALKSOVERTOMARKANDSTANDSNEXTTO
MARK.)
I'msoluckyIhaveyouasmybestfriendandIloveLisaso
much.
MARK
Yeahman,youarelucky.
(PAUSE.)
(MARKISSPEAKINGSLOWLY,INALOWVOICE.)
Very....lucky.
JOHNNY
YoushouldhaveagirlMark.
MARK
(MARKWALKSAWAYFROMJOHNNYANDCAREFULLYPOSITIONSHIMSELF
SOHEISSTANDINGINTHEEXACTMIDDLEOFTHEROOF.)
Yeah,Iguessyou'reright.MaybeIhaveonealready.Idon't
knowyet.
JOHNNY
Wellwhathappenedtothatgirl?Remember?Betty?That'sher
name,isn'tit?Betty?
MARK
Yeah.
(PAUSE.)
Yeah,wedon'tseeeachotheranymore.Besidesshewasn'tany
goodinbed.Shewasbeautiful,butwehadtoomany
arguments.
24.
CONTINUED:(2)
JOHNNY
That'stoobad.MyLisaisgreatwhenIcangetit.
MARK
(NOTBREAKINGHISGAZEFROMJOHNNY,MARKSLOWLYBACKSAWAY
FROMTHEMIDDLEOFTHEROOFANDSTARTSFEELINGFORHISCHAIR
WITHHISHANDBEHINDHIM.WHENHEFINDSITHESITSDOWN.)
Ijustcan'tfigurewomenout.Sometimesthey'resmart,
sometimesthey'redumb.Sometimesthey'regood,sometimes
they'rebad.Sometimesthey'renice,sometimesthey'renot
nice.Theyareevil,seductiveandhostile.
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYWALKSOVERTOMARK.)
JOHNNY
Seemstomelikeyou'reanexpertonthis.
(JOHNNYSITSDOWNNEXTTOMARK.)
MARK
(LAUGHINGBITTERLY.)
Nooooo.I'mdefinitelynotanexpert.
JOHNNY
What'sbotheringyouMark?
MARK
(MARKSTANDSUPANDSHOUTS.)
Nothingman!Forgetit!
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYGETSUPANDGOESAFTERMARK.)
IsitsomesecretsMark?Whydon'tyoutellme?Wearelike
brothers,weshouldn'thavesecrets.
25.
CONTINUED:(3)
MARK
Noforgetit,I'lltalktoyoulater!
(MARKGOESTHROUGHTHEDOOR.JOHNNYGOESANDLIESFACEDOWN
ONTHEBENCH,CLUTCHINGTHEFOOTBALLTIGHTLYATHISSIDE.)
ENDSCENE
SCENE7
LISAISSITTINGUNDERNEATHTHESTAIRCASEWITHACLIPBOARDAND
DISCUSSINGJOHNNY'SBIRTHDAYPARTYWITHHERMOTHERCLAUDETTE.
CLAUDETTEANDLISAAREDRINKINGTEA.
LISA
So,I'morganizingapartyforJohnny'sbirthday.Canyou
come?
CLAUDETTE
Whenisit?
LISA
NextFridayatsix.It'sasurprise.Youcanbringsomeoneif
youwant.
CLAUDETTE
Well,sure,Icancome,butIdon'tknowifI'llbring
anybody.OhthatjerkHarold,hewantsmetogivehimashare
ofmyhouse.Thathousebelongstome,hehasnoright.I'm
notgivinghimapenny.Whodoeshethinkheis?
LISA
He'syourbrother.
CLAUDETTE
Heisalwaysbuggingmeaboutmyhouse.Fifteenyearsagowe
agreedthathousebelongstome.Nowthevalueofthehouse
isgoingupandhe'sseeingdollarsigns.Everythinggoes
wrongatonce.NobodywantstohelpmeandI'mdying.
LISA
Wealreadydiscussedthis.You'renotdyingmom.
26.
CONTINUED:
CLAUDETTE
IamLisa.Ifinallygottheresultsofthetestback.I
definitelyhavebreastcancer.
LISA
Look,don'tworryaboutit,everythingwillbefine.Theyare
curinglotsofpeopleeverydayandJohnnysaysit'snotabig
dealanymore.
CLAUDETTE
I'msurehe'sright.I'llbefine.OhIheardEdwardis
talkingaboutme.Heisahatefulman.I'msogladIdivorced
him.Ireallythinkhegavemethebreastcancerafterhe
sleptwiththathooker.Thattypeofriffraffcarryallsorts
ofthings.Don'tyouagree?
LISA
Look,don'tworryaboutit.Youjustconcentrateongetting
well.
CLAUDETTE
Wellatleastyouhaveagoodman.
LISA
You'rewrong,mom.He'snotwhatyouthinkheis.Hedidn't
gethispromotion,andhegotdrunklastnightandhehitme.
CLAUDETTE
Johhnydoesn'tdrink.Whatareyoutalkingabout?
LISA
Hedidlastnight,andIdon'tlovehimanymore.
CLAUDETTE
Johnnyisyourfinancialsecurity.Youcan'taffordtoignore
this.
LISA
Yeah,okmom.CanIjusttalktoyoulater?
27.
CONTINUED:(2)
CLAUDETTE
Youdon'twanttotalktome.
LISA
IjustgotdonetalkingwithaclientandIhavetogetready
tomeethim.CanIjusttalktoyoulater?
CLAUDETTE
Ok,Iwillseeyoulater.Bye,bye.
(CLAUDETTEGETSUPFROMTHEARMCHAIRANDTAPSLISAONTHE
NOSE.SHETHENEXITSASWESEELISAWATCHHER.LISAISUNDER
THESTAIRCASE.)
ENDSCENE
ACTII
SCENE8
MICHELLE,APRETTYBLONDCARRYINGABOOK,ANDBRAN,AYOUNG
BLONDMANCARRYINGABOXOFCHOCOLATES,BOTHGOODFRIENDSOF
LISAANDJOHNNY,SECRETLYENTERTHEROOM,MAKINGSURETHEY
ARENOTSEEN.BRANCLOSESTHEDOORBEHINDTHEMANDTHEYCOME
TOGETHER.
MICHELLE
Howmuchtimedowehave?
BRAN
Idon'tknow.Acoupleofhoursatleast.
MICHELLE
(MICHELLELEADSBRANTOTHECOUCHANDTHEYSITDOWN
TOGETHER.)
Let'shavesomefun.
BRAN
(BRANOPENSTHEBOXOFCHOCOLATESANDPICKSAPIECEOUT.)
Didyouknowthatchocolateisthesymboloflove?
28.
CONTINUED:
MICHELLE
Feedme.
(BRANPUTSTHECHOCOLATEINHERMOUTH.)
Yum.
(BRANANDMICHELLEBEGINKISSINGPASSIONATELY.BRANTHEN
TAKESANOTHERCHOCOLATEANDPLACESITONMICHELLE'SCHESTAND
EATSITOFFHERCHEST.HESTARTSKISSINGHERNECKASWELL.)
BRAN
It'sdelicious,justlikeyourneck.
(BRANLEANSBACKANDMICHELLESITSUP.)
MICHELLE
Arm'sup.
(MICHELLETAKESBRAN'SSWEATEROFFANDPUSHESHIMBACKONTO
THECOUCHSOTHATBRANISLYINGDOWN.MICHELLETHENTAKESA
CHOCOLATEOUTOFTHEBOX.)
Chocolateisthesymboloflove.
(MICHELLETHENPLACESTHECHOCOLATEINHISMOUTHANDENJOYS
HISBODYASTHELIGHTINGFADESTOBLACK.)
ENDSCENE
SCENE9
MICHELLEANDBRANJUMPUPFROMTHECOUCHASTHEYSEELISAAND
CLAUDETTEARRIVEFROMSHOPPINGWITHBAGS.LISAANDCLAUDETTE
ARESHOCKEDTOSEETHEM.
CLAUDETTE
Hello....
(BRANADJUSTSHISSWEATERASMICHELLELOOKSSHOCKED.)
CLAUDETTE
Whatarethesecharactersdoinghere?
29.
CONTINUED:
LISA
Theyliketocomeheretodotheirhomework.
CLAUDETTE
Whathomework!
BRAN
It'sinMichelle'spurse.
LISA
Mom,thisisMichelle'sboyfriendBran.Bran,thisismy
mother.
BRAN
It'sapleasuretomeetyou.
(BRANTRIESTOSHAKECLAUDETTE'SHANDBUTSHEJUSTLOOKS
AWAY.)
MICHELLE
Uh,huh.
(MICHELLEANDBRANEXITASCLAUDETTEISDUMBFOUNDED.)
CLAUDETTE
(CLAUDETTEWALKSOVERANDSITSONTHECOUCH.)
Allthatshoppingworemeout.
BILLY
(BILLYSTORMSINTOTHEFLAT.)
HeyLisa.
(HespotsClaudette.)
Oh,hello....mother.Whatapleasantsurprisetoseeyou
here.
CLAUDETTE
Well,well.Ifitisn'tmyson,thehomo.
30.
CONTINUED:(2)
BILLY
Ijustneedtoborrowsomesugar.
LISA
HelpyourselfBilly.
BILLY
Ialsoneedacupofflourandhalfastickofbutter.
CLAUDETTE
Justwhatsortofpervertedfilthareyouplanningtouse
thoseingredientsfor!?
BILLY
I'llcomebacklater.
(BILLYEXITSTHEFLAT.LISAGOESOVERANDSITSDOWNNEXTTO
HERMOTHER.)
CLAUDETTE
Tellme,whatdoesBillydoformoney?You'renotlendinghim
anyIhope.
LISA
JohnnywantedtoadoptBillyafteryoudisownedhim.It's
reallyatragedyhowmanykidsouttheredon'thaveagreat
friendlikeJohnny.WhenBillyturnedeighteen,Johnnyfound
himalittleapartmenthereinthisbuildingandheispaying
forituntilhegraduatesfromschool.Johnnyisverycaring
aboutthepeopleinhislife,andhegaveBillyhisownset
ofkeystoourplace.BillyhasathingforJohnny,butI
don'tlikeit,sowetrytodiscourageit.
CLAUDETTE
Thatboyhasbeennothingbuttrouble.Firstthecesareanand
nowthis.It'stimeBillygrewupandtookcareofhimself.
LISA
JohnnyreallycaresaboutBilly,butBillyissoannoying.
That'sanotherreasonwhyIdon'tloveJohnnyanymore.
31.
CONTINUED:(3)
CLAUDETTE
Johnnymakesalotofmoney,sopleasedon'thurthim.NowIf
youreallydon'tloveJohnnysobeit,butyoushouldwait
tillafteryou'remarriedbeforeyoutellhim.Thatwayhe
hastosplithisassetswithyou50/50ifhewantsadivorce.
BRAN
(BRANCOMESRUSHINGTHROUGHTHEFRONTDOORANDRIGHTTOTHE
COUCH.HEREACHESUNDERTHESEATLOOKINGFORSOMETHING.)
Iforgotmybook.
(BRANGRABSHISUNDERWEARANDCLAUDETTEGRABSITFROMHIM.)
CLAUDETTE
Somebook!What'sitcalled,"TheWeekBranForgotToChange
HisUnderwear"?
BRAN
Oh,that'snothing.
(BRANGRABSHISUNDERWEARBACKANDSTORMSOUT,CLOSINGTHE
DOOR.LISAANDCLAUDETTECACKLEHYSTERICALLY.)
CLAUDETTE
Homework?
LISA
Don'tworryaboutit.
CLAUDETTE
IfIwereaburglar,youwouldbemybestfriend.
LISA
Look,Idon'twanttotalkaboutit.
CLAUDETTE
Youknow,Iworryaboutyou.Ihavetogohome.Don'tyou
everhavesexwiththatBrancharacter.Homeworkindeed.
32.
CONTINUED:(4)
LISA
Ok,mom.
CLAUDETTE
Bye,bye.
(CLAUDETTETAPSLISAONTHENOSE.CLAUDETTELEAVESTHEFLAT.
LISALEANSBACKONTHECOUCH.)
LISA
Ineedadrink.
ENDSCENE
SCENE10
BILLYISDRIBBLINGTHEFOOTBALLASJIMMY,ARUGGEDDRUG
DEALINGPIMPWITHCHISELEDFEATURESANDABLACKBEANIE,
ENTERSONTOTHEROOF.
JIMMY
HeyBilly.
BILLY
Jimmy!I'vebeenlookingforyou.
JIMMY
Yeah,sureyouhave.Youhavemymoneyright.
(BIMMYANDJIMMYAREPASSINGTHEBALLBACKANDFORTH.)
BILLY
Yeahit'scoming.It'llbehereinafewminutes.
JIMMY
Whatdoyoumeanit'scomingBilly?Where'smymoney?
33.
CONTINUED:
BILLY
(SARCASTICALLY.)
Okay,chilloutthereGramaha,SupremeLeaderoftheAstra
GalacticCommand.Justholdyourwienerforfiveminutesand
relax.Thecashisonitsway.
JIMMY
Fiveminutes?Youwantfivefuckingminutes.Youknowwhat...
(JIMMYREMOVESAGUNFROMHISBACKPOCKETANDPUTSITTO
BILLY'SHEADASHEPUTSBILLYONHISKNEES.)
Ihaven'tgotfivefuckingminutes!I'mgoingtoaskyouonly
onemoretime,soyoubetteranswerright.Where'smymoney
Billy?
BILLY
Biteme!
JIMMY
Where'smymoneyBilly?Where'smyfuckingmoneyBilly?What
didyoudowithmyfuckingmoney,youhomo?
BILLY
It'scoming!It'scoming!
JIMMY
Where'smyfuckingmoneyBilly?
BILLY
Putthegundown!
JIMMY
(SARCASTICALLY.)
What'sthematterBilly,dogunsscareyou?
BILLY
Gunsdon'tscareme.Idiotswithgunsscareme.
34.
CONTINUED:(2)
JIMMY
That'sit!Where'smyfuckingmoneyBilly!?
(MARK,LISAANDCLAUDETTEENTERTHEROOFANDJIMMYPOINTSTHE
GUNATTHEM.JIMMYYELLS.)
Overthere!Allofyou,overthere!NOW!
(JIMMYMOTIONSWITHTHEGUNTOWARDTHESIDEOFTHEROOF.
BILLY,MARK,LISAANDCLAUDETTEMOVETHEREWHILEJIMMYHOLDS
THEMATGUNPOINT.)
JIMMY
Sayyourprayerswienerheads,becauseI'mabouttomakesome
Swisscheese.....outofYOU!
(ATTHATMOMENTTHEVIEWCHANGESTOJIMMY'SPERSPECTIVEAS
OMINOUSOPERAMUSIC,SUCHASCARLORFF'S"OFORTUNA",OR
EQUIVALENTSTARTSTOPLAY.JOHNNY'SMERCEDEZISSEENRISING
SLOWLYOVERTHEEDGEOFTHEROOFWITHJOHNNYATTHEWHEELE.
ASHEHOVERSINTHEAIRINFRONTANDABOVETHEGROUP,THE
MUSICSUBSIDES.JOHNNYSMILES,REVEALINGLONGFANGEDTEETH.
HEISGLOWING.)
JOHNNY
DoyouknowwhoIam?Ihave9blackbelts,15Master's
degreesandaPhDinAgriculturalEconomics.That'sright,
youknowI'mwaybetterthanyou,andallmyfriendswill
gladlytellyoujusthowgreatandawesomeIam!Haveyou
seenmypowerlevel?It'sover9,000!Youknowwhatthat
means?ItmeansIhavemorethan9,000unitsofPOWER.It
alsoputsmytotaladjustedforceratingat22,000!That's
morethantriple,soyoudon'twanttomakememad,because
angerismymiddlename!
JIMMY
(TREMBLINGWITHFEARJIMMYMANAGESTORAISETHEGUNANDAIM
ITATJOHNNY.HEFIRESSOMESHOTS,BUTJOHNNYEXTENDSHIS
HANDOUTTHEDRIVER'SSIDEWINDOWANDDEFLECTSTHEBULLETS.
NEXTJOHNNYEMITSAPOWERFIELDFROMHISHANDWHICH
ENCOMPASSESJIMMY.JIMMYTHRUSTSHISARMSOUTTOHISSIDES
ANDYELLS.)
JIMMY
Don'ttouchJimmy!!!
35.
CONTINUED:(3)
(JOHNNYUSESTHEFIELDTOLEVITATEJIMMY,HOLDINGHIMHIGHIN
THEAIRUNTILJIMMYDROPSTHEGUN.AREARPASSENGERDOOR
OPENSASJOHNNYDRAWSJIMMYTOWARDTHECARANDDROPSHIMIN
THEBACKSEAT.JOHNNYWAVESTOTHEGROUP.THEGROUPWAVES
BACKASJOHNNYANDHISCAPTIVEFLYOFFOVERTHESKYLINE,THEN
UPWARDS,DISAPPEARINGOUTOFSIGHT.)
LISA
(LISAANDCLAUDETTEAPPROACHBILLYWHOISATTHEEDGEOFTHE
ROOFINAHYSTERICALSTATE.MARKISSHAKENANDSPEECHLESS,
ANDWATCHESFROMTHEOTHERSIDEOFTHEROOF.)
LISA
Billy....areyouokay?Whatdidthatmanwantfromyou?
BILLY
Nothing!
CLAUDETTE
Thatwasnotnothing!
LISA
Tellmeeverything!
CLAUDETTE
Youhavenoideawhatkindoftroubleyouareinhere,do
you!?
BILLY
Iowehimsomemoney.
LISA
Whatkindofmoney?
BILLY
Iowehimsomemoney.
LISA
Whatkindofmoney?
36.
CONTINUED:(4)
BILLY
Everythingisokay,he'sgone!
CLAUDETTE
Everythingisnotokay.Thatisadangerousman.
BILLY
Calmdown.Johnny'stakinghimtojail!
LISA
Billy,whatkindofmoney?Justtellme!
CLAUDETTE
Whatdoyouneedmoneyfor?
LISA
Momplease!BillyiswithmeandJohnny!
CLAUDETTE
Amanlikethatwithagun!Ohmygod!
LISA
Billy,lookatmeintheeyesandtellmethetruth.We're
yourfriends.
BILLY
I'vebeenprostitutingmyselftomakesomemoney,andhe'smy
pimp.Thingsgotmixedup.HethinksI'mholdingoutonhim.
Ididn'tmeanforthistohappen.
LISA
(LISASTARTSCRYING.)
Billy....Billy.
BILLY
Idon'tworkforhimanymore.
37.
CONTINUED:(5)
LISA
Yourclients,weretheyjohnsortricks,Billy!?
BILLY
Itdoesn'tmatter.Idon'tdoitanymore.
CLAUDETTE
Itdoesn'tmatter!?Howthehelldidyougetinvolvedwith
prostitution!?Areyoutakingdrugs?
LISA
Mom.
CLAUDETTE
What,wereyouahooker,callboy,akerbcrawler?Wherein
thehelldidyoumeetthatman!?
LISA
Wereyourclientsjohnsortricks?
BILLY
They'rethesamething,andkerbcrawlersarejohns!
(HETHINKS.)
....alsotricks.
LISA
(LISAGRABSBILLYANDSHAKESHIM)
Whatthehelliswrongwithyou!!
BILLY
Ijustneededsomemoneytopayoffsomestuff.
LISA
Howmuchdoyouhavetogivehim!?
38.
CONTINUED:(6)
CLAUDETTE
Thisisnotthewayyoumakemoneyyoungman.
LISA
Howmuch!?
BILLY
Stopganginguponme!
CLAUDETTE
Wellitistimesomebodygangedyouforgod'ssake.Aman
likethat.Wherethehelldidyoumeetamanlikethat!?
BILLY
Itdoesn'tmatter!
CLAUDETTE
Itmattersagreatdeal!Amanholdsagunonyou.Youalmost
gotkilled!Youexpectmetoforgetthathappened?
BILLY
Youarenotmyfuckingmotheranymore!
CLAUDETTE
(CLAUDETTEGRABSBILLYBYTHENOSEANDYANKSHIMTOWARDS
HER.)
That'swhyI'mgoingtoenjoythissomuch!Pulldownyour
pants,boy.It'stimeyougotabeltwhipping!
LISA
(LISAINTERFERESANDPULLSBILLYAWAYFROMCLAUDETTE.)
No,no!
CLAUDETTE
Somebodyhadbetterdosomethingaroundhere!
39.
CONTINUED:(7)
LISA
(LISACONSOLESANDCARESSESBILLYASHECRIES.)
It'sokay,it'sokay.
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYREENTERSONTOTHEROOFWITHATRICKLEOFBLOODONTHE
SIDEOFHISMOUTH.HEHEADSTOWARDBILLY.)
AreyouokayBilly?
BILLY
I'mokay.
JOHNNY
Areyoureallyokay?
BILLY
I'mokay.
JOHNNY
Really?
BILLY
Yes!
JOHNNY
You?
MARK
(MARKARRIVESATCLAUDETTE'SSIDEANDHOLDSHERSHOULDERS.)
It'sokay.
CLAUDETTE
What'sokay?He'sinvolvedwithsomesortofgangofhemale
transhomoperverts!
40.
CONTINUED:(8)
MARK
Comeon,stop.Itwasamistake.
CLAUDETTE
Amistake?Thatheleaseshisbodytoaddicteddrughomos?
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYHOLDSBILLY'SHEADINHISHAND.)
Let'sgohome.
MARK
Comeon,it'sclear.
CLAUDETTE
What'sclear?Allyoudidwasstandandwatch.I'mgoingto
callthepolice.
LISA
Momstop!ItwasBilly'smistake,juststop!
MARK
Let'sgo.
(MARKLEAVESWITHCLAUDETTE.)
JOHNNY
Whydidyouthis?Youknowbetter,right?Why!?
BILLY
I'msorry.
JOHNNY
YouknowbetterBilly...youalmostgotkilled!
BILLY
I'msorry,itwon'thappenagain,Ipromise.
41.
CONTINUED:(9)
JOHNNY
Ofcourseitwon't.Imadehim....goaway.
LISA
I'myouroldersisterBilly,andyouknowthatJohnnyislike
yourfather.Wearegoingtohelpyou.I'mgoinghomenow.
(LISAEXITSTHEROOFLEAVINGJOHNNYANDBILLYALONE
TOGETHER.)
BILLY
Arewestillgoingtothemovietonight?
JOHNNY
Oh,sureweare.
BILLY
Whatkindofmoviearewegoingtosee,Vampires?
JOHNNY
Wellwe'llsee....Billy,don'tplantoomuch,itmaynotcome
outright.
BILLY
Alright,let'stosstheballaround.
JOHNNY
Okay.
(JOHNNYANDBILLYBEGINTOTOSSTHEFOOTBALLFROMONEENDOF
THEROOFTOTHEOTHER.)
BILLY
Igottotellyouaboutsomething.
JOHNNY
ShootBilly.
42.
CONTINUED:(10)
BILLY
It'saboutmeandyou.
JOHNNY
Goon.
BILLY
You'rejustsocoolandsuchanice,caringguy.Everybody
likesyouandonlyafat,stupid,idiotic,selfishjerkwith
abodyodorproblemwouldeverbetrayyou.Youhelpsomany
peopleandyou'vebeensogoodtome.
JOHNNY
Goon.
BILLY
Ilikeyoualot,andIfindmyselfsexuallyattractedto
you.IknowyouloveLisaandIshouldn'tthinkofyouin
thatway,butIcan'thelpit.Idon'tknow,I'mjust
confused.
JOHNNY
Billy,don'tworryaboutthat.LisaandIloveyoutoo,asa
person,asahumanbeing,asafriend.Youknowpeopledon't
havetosayit,theycanfeelit.
BILLY
Whatdoyoumean?
(JOHNNYANDBILLYSITDOWNONSOMESEATSASTHEYTALK.)
JOHNNY
Youcanlovesomeonedeepinsideyourheartandthereis
nothingwrongwithit.Ifalotofpeopleloveeachother,
theworldwillbeabetterplacetolive.
BILLY
Butyou'reLisa'sfuturehusband.
43.
CONTINUED:(11)
JOHNNY
Billy,don'tworryaboutit.Theimportantthingisthatyou
appreciateloyalty.Youwouldneverbetraymeandthat'swhy
Idothingslikepayyourrentforyou.Infact,andthisis
asecret,IhaveasmallfortunebuiltupthatI'mwaitingto
giveawayasarewardtoallmyfriendswhoneverbetrayme.
BILLY
Youmeanyouarenotupsetatme?
JOHNNY
No,becauseItrustyouandItrustLisa,andMark.Youare
partofourfamilyandweloveyouverymuch,asafriend.
Butyouaresortoflikeoursontoo,andwewillhelpyou
anytime.
BILLY
Well,you'reright.Thanksforpayingmytuition.
JOHNNY
You'reverywelcomeBilly.Keepinmindthatifyouhaveany
problems,talktomeandIwillhelpyou.
BILLY
Awesome.ThanksJohnny.
JOHNNY
Let'sgoeat,huh.Comeon,let'sgo.
(JOHNNYANDBILLYWALKTOEXITTHEROOF.)
JOHNNY
Youmustbestarving.
BILLY
Iam,Johnny.Iam.
(JOHNNYANDBILLYEXITTHEROOF.)
ENDSCENE
44.
SCENE11
LISAENTERSTHEROOMWITHDEPARTMENTSTORESHOPPINGBAGSAND
HERFRIENDMICHELLE.THEYARETALKINGANDLAUGHING.
LISA
Wouldyoulikesomethingtodrink?
(SHEPUTSHERSHOPPINGBAGSONTHECOUCHANDGOESTOTHE
KITCHEN.)
MICHELLE
(MICHELLECALLSTOHER.)
Whatdoyouhave?
LISA
Vodka,brandy,rum,tequila,applejack,vermouth,cognac,
gin,andthewhiskeys:bourbon,scotch,ryeandCanadian.
Iwouldgowiththerumbecauseit's151proof.
MICHELLE
Hitmewithadouble!
LISA/MICHELLE
Let'sgetthispartystarted!
(THEYLAUGH.)
MICHELLE
How'sJohnny?
LISA
Notsogood.Hedidn'tgethispromotion.
MICHELLE
I'msorrytohearthat.Washedisappointed?
LISA
Quiteabit.Hegotdrunklastnightandhitme.Nowhe'son
therooftryingtogiveadvicetoBilly.
45.
CONTINUED:
MICHELLE
Hehityou!??Howdidthathappen?
LISA
Hegotdrunkanddidn'tknowwhathewasdoing.
(THEYPREPAREDRINKSANDGOINTHEROOMANDSITDOWN.)
MICHELLE
Youpoorthing.Areyouokay?
LISA
Well,Idon'twanttomarryhimanymore.
MICHELLE
What???Ithoughtitwasallplanned.Howisheinbed?
LISA
He'sokay,butIfoundsomebodyelse.
MICHELLE
What!??Andyou'replanningabirthdaypartyforJohnny?
LISA
Whynot?Hedoesn'tknowanythingaboutit.
(SHEGIGGLES.)
Prettygood,huh?
MICHELLE
Look,thisisnotright.Youarelivingwithaoneguyand
doingsexwithanother.
LISA
I'mdoingwhatIwantto.
MICHELLE
DoesthisnewguyknowJohnny?
46.
CONTINUED:(2)
LISA
(SHEISSMILING.)
He'shisbestfriendwholivesinthisbuilding.
MICHELLE
(MICHELLETURNSAWAYANDTHINKSFORAMOMENT.)
Idon'tbelieveyou'retellingmethis.
(SHETHINKSALITTLEWHILEMORE.)
It'sMark,isn'tit!You'renotthinkingaboutJohnnyor
Mark.You'rejustthinkingaboutyourself,Lisa.Youcan'tgo
onthisway.Somebody'sgoingtogethurt.Youhavetobe
honestwithJohnny.Youcan'tgoonlikethis.
LISA
Ican'tdothat.WhatwillitdotoJohnny?Hewouldbe
devastatedandneverrecover.
MICHELLE
Oh,soyou'resayingyouarethinkingabouthimandnot
yourself?Wellifyoucaresomuchforhim,thenwhycheaton
him?
LISA
LookIreallydon'tknowwhattodo.IloveMark.Ireally
don'thaveanymorefeelingsforJohnny.
MICHELLE
Johnnyissoexcitedaboutthiswedding.
LISA
Iknow.
MICHELLE
You'vegottotellJohnny.
LISA
Noguilttrips.
47.
CONTINUED:(3)
MICHELLE
Youdon'tfeelguiltyaboutthisatall?
LISA
No,I'mhappy.
MICHELLE
Somethingawfulisgoingtohappen.
LISA
Pleasedon'ttellanybody.
(JOHNNYOPENSTHEDOORANDENTERSTHEFLAT.MICHELLEANDLISA
ARESTILLTALKINGONTHECOUCH.)
MICHELLE
Don'tworry,youcantrustme.You'resecretissafewithme.
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYENTERSTHEROOMANDISSURPRISEDTOSEEMICHELLE.)
HelloMichelle,Iheardyou.Whatsecret?
(JOHNNYSITSDOWNINHISCHAIRNEXTTOTHEGIRLS.)
LISA
It'sbetweenuswomen.
MICHELLE
HiJohnny.
JOHNNY(TOLISA)
Didyougetanewdress?
MICHELLE
WellIguessI'dbetterbegoing.I'lljusttalktoyouguys
later?Excuseme.
(MICHELLEWALKSTOTHEDOORANDOPENSIT.)
48.
CONTINUED:(4)
MICHELLE(TOLISA)
Lisa,rememberwhatItoldyou.
(MICHELLEWAVESASSHEEXITS.LISALOOKSUPSET.)
JOHNNY
What'sshetalkingabout?
LISA
It'swomentalk.Onlywomencantalkaboutit!
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYGETSUPANDPLACESHISJACKETONTHECOUCH.)
Istilldon'tbelieveIhityou.Youshouldn'thaveany
secretsfromme.I'myourfuturehusband.
LISA
Areyousureaboutthat?MaybeI'llchangemymind.
JOHNNY
Don'ttalklikethat.Whatdoyoumean?
LISA
Whatdoyouthink?Womenchangetheirmindsallthetime.
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYLAUGHSANDPUTSHISHANDSBEHINDHISHEAD.)
Ha,ha!Youmustbekidding,aren'tyou?
LISA
Look,Idon'twanttotalkaboutit.I'mgoingtogo
upstairs,washupandgotobed.
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYSTANDSUPANDPUSHESLISAONTOTHECOUCH.)
Howdareyoutalktomelikethat!Youshouldtellme
everything!Whatisityoudon'twanttotalkabout?
49.
CONTINUED:(5)
LISA
Ican'ttalkrightnow.
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYSITSDOWNNEXTTOLISAANDISHYSTERICAL.)
WhyLisa!WhyLisa!Whydon'tyoutalktome!ComeonLisa!
Lisa!Lisa!Lisa!Talktomeplease!WithoutyouIwouldbe
nothing.Youaremylife,myeverything,Icouldnotgoon
withoutyouLisa.
LISA
You'rescaringme.
(LISASTANDSUPASIFTOHEADUPSTAIRS.JOHNNYSTANDSINHER
FACE.)
JOHNNY
Youarelying!Ineverhityou.Youaretakingmeapart,
Lisa!!!!!
LISA
Whyareyousohysterical!?
JOHNNY
(HETAKESHERBYTHESHOULDERSANDSHAKESHER.)
Doyouunderstandlife?Doyouunderstandlife?Doyou?
LISA
(LISAGETSUPANDWALKSUPTHESTAIRS.)
Don'tworryaboutit.Everythingwillbealright.
(SHEISKISSINGJOHNNYONTHECHEEKANDGOESINTOTHE
BATHROOM.)
JOHNNY
Youdrivemecrazy!
(HEISSITTINGONACHAIRANDTHINKING.HISFACELOOKSVERY
WORRIED.)
50.
CONTINUED:(6)
LISA
(SHECOMESOUTOFTHEBATHROOMWITHASEXYNIGHTGOWNONAND
GOESTOBED.)
Goodnight,Johnny.
JOHNNY
Don'tworryaboutit,Istillloveyou.GoodnightLisa.
ENDSCENE
SCENE12
(LISAANDCLAUDETTEWALKINTOTHELIVINGROOMFROMTHE
KITCHEN.)
LISA
Youlookreallytiredtodaymom,areyoufeelingokay?
CLAUDETTE
Ididn'tgetmuchsleeplastnight.
LISA
Whynot?What'swrong?
(LISATOUCHESCLAUDETTEONTHESHOULDER.)
CLAUDETTE
YouremembermyfriendShirleyHamilton?Shewantstobuya
newhouseandIaskedJohnnyifhecouldhelpherwiththe
downpayment.Allhecantellmeisthatit'sanawkward
situation.Iexpectedyourhusbandtobealittlemore
generous.
LISA
He'snotmyhusband.
CLAUDETTE
Iknow,butJohnnyispartofourfamily.
51.
CONTINUED:
LISA
Mom,Idon'tloveJohnnyanymore.Idon'tevenlikehim.I
hadsexwithsomeoneelse.
CLAUDETTE
(CLAUDETTEBREATHESDEEPLY.)
Youcan'tbeserious.
(JOHNNYISHIDINGBEHINDTHESTAIRCASEANDLISTENINGTOTHE
CONVERSATIONBETWEENCLAUDETTEANDLISA.)
LISA
Youdon'tunderstand.
CLAUDETTE
Who,whoisit?
LISA
Idon'twanttotalkaboutit.
CLAUDETTE
Ohno!It'sthathomeworkcharacterwiththeunderwear,isn't
it!Igaveyoustrictordersnottosleepwiththatgoofball.
Well,that'sit.Youleavemenootheroptionthantodisown
y...
LISA
(LISASTARTSTALKINGANDCUTSOFFCLAUDETTEBEFORESHECAN
FINISH.)
It'snotBran!Look,Ijustdon'twanttotalkaboutit.
CLAUDETTE
Youdon'twanttotalkaboutit.Thenwhydidyoubringitup
inthefirstplace?Haveyoulostyourmind?Nextthing
you'llbeturningtrickslikeyourbrother.
LISA
Idon'tknowwhyIbroughtitup?
52.
CONTINUED:(2)
CLAUDETTE
Youdon'tknow?Youreallyaregoingcrazy.
(CLAUDETTEPOINTSTHEFINGERATLISA.)
Ihavetogopickupmybreastcancermedicine.Canyou
believeit'sgoingtocostme$120.00?Ithinkthewhole
thingwasmadeupjustsotheycanmakesomeeasymoney.
Imagine,takingadvantageofanolddefenselessladywho's
losingherlife.
LISA
Mom,justtakethemedicineandyou'llbefine.Areyou
comingtotheparty?
CLAUDETTE
Sure,Isupposeso.
(CLAUDETTEWALKSTOTHEDOOR.SHEOPENSTHEDOORANDLISAAND
CLAUDETTEEXIT.JOHNNYISSTILLBEHINDTHESTAIRCASE.HEIS
INSHOCK.)
JOHNNY
Howcantheysaythisaboutme?Idon'tbelieveit.Lisahas
beenunfaithfulandthatwoman,hermother,caresmoreabout
her"lifethreatening"cancerthanshedoesaboutme.
(HEMAKESQUOTATIONSIGNSWITHHISFINGERSASHESAYS"LIFE
THREATENING".)
I'llshowthem,I'llrecordeverything.
(JOHNNYWALKSDOWNTHESTAIRCASEANDOVERTOTHETABLEWHERE
THEPHONEISANDSITSDOWN.HEPULLSOUTATAPEANDPLACESIT
INTOTHETAPERECORDER,HEINSTALLSTHERECORDINGDEVICEINTO
THEPHONEANDHIDESITUNDERTHETABLE.JOHNNYTHENWALKS
AWAYANDGOESUPSTAIRSTOTHEBEDROOM.)
ENDSCENE
SCENE13
(JOHNNYISWALKINGINANALLEYASBRANSTOPSHIMFROMBEHIND.
THEYSHAKEHANDSANDLAUGH.)
53.
CONTINUED:
BRAN
HeyJohnny,what'sgoingon?
JOHNNY
OhhiBran,what'snew?
BRAN
ActuallyJohnny,Igotalittlebitofatragedyonmyhands.
JOHNNY
DidMichellebetrayyouorsomething?
BRAN
No,nothinghorriblelikethat!I'dprobablykillmyselfif
sheeverdidthat.
JOHNNY
Whowouldn't?Sotellmewhathappened.
BRAN
MeandMichelleweremakingout,atyourplace.
JOHNNY
Uhhuh.
BRAN
AndLisaandClaudettesortofwalkedinonusinthemiddle
ofit.That'snottheendofthestory.
JOHNNY
Goon,I'mlistening.
BRAN
We'regoingatitandIgetoutofthereasfastaspossible.
Igetmypants,Igetmyshirt,andIgetoutofthere.And
thenabouthalfwaydownthestairs,IrealizethatIhad
misplaced,Ihadforgottensomething....myunderwear.
(JOHNNYANDBRANBEGINTOLAUGH.)
54.
CONTINUED:(2)
JOHNNY
Underwear?
BRAN
SoIcomebacktogetit,youknow,andIpretendthatIneed
abook,youknowI'mlookingformybook.Ireachinandput
theunderwearinmypocketanditsortofslidesout,and
Claudette,shesawitstickingoutofmypocket,andshe
pullsitoutandshe'sshowingeverybodymeunderwears.
JOHNNY
Youmustbekidding.Underwear,Igotthepicture.
BRAN
Idon'tknowwhattodo?
JOHNNY
Underwear,that'slife.
BILLY
(BILLYISCARRYINGAFOOTBALLANDWALKSINTOTHEALLEY.)
HeyJohnny.
JOHNNY
HeyBilly.
BILLY
Doyouguyswanttoplaysomefootball?
BRAN
IhavetogoseeMichelleinalittlebit,tomakeoutwith
her.SoI'msorry.
JOHNNY
Ohcomeon!
BILLY
What'sthematterBran,areyouchicken?CHIP!CHIP!!!
55.
CONTINUED:(3)
JOHNNY
HaHa!CHIP!!!CHIP!!!!
MARK
(MARKARRIVESANDJOINSTHEFUNMAKING.HESTARTSJUMPINGUP
ANDDOWN,FLAPPINGHISARMSANDKICKINGTHEAIR.)
CHIP!!!CHIP!!!BBBBRRRRRRAAAAAAAAWWWWKK!!!!CAW!!!CAW!!!!!
JOHNNY
HaHa!OhhiMark!
BRAN
Okayguys,whatever.
BILLY
Heywhat'supMark?
MARK
HeyBilly,what'sup?
JOHNNY
Let'sgoforit.
BILLY
I'mgoingout.
(BILLYGOESOUTANDCATCHESAPASS.)
BRAN
Sorryyouhadtoseethat.
BILLY
I'mnotsorry.
(JOHNNY,BRAN,MARK,ANDBILLYPLAYCATCHTHEFOOTBALLAS
THEYLAUGH.)
56.
CONTINUED:(4)
BILLY
Studyingright?Idon'tstudylikethat.
BRAN
Ibetyouwishyoudid.
(BRANNODSTOWARDJOHNNY.JOHNNYLAUGHSATTHECOMMENT.)
BILLY
Catchit.
MARK
What'sgoingonyouguys?
BILLY
He'sjusttellingusaboutanunderwearissue.
MARK
Underwear?What'sthat?
BRAN
It'sembarrassingman.Idon'twanttogetintoit.
MARK
Underwear....It'stheunderpantsman!
(MARKSUDDENLYJUMPSTOINTERCEPTAPASS.HEMISSESANDLANDS
WITHAHEAVYSTOMPONBRAN'SFOOT.MARKBENDSOVERTOCATCH
HISBALANCEANDTHEFOOTBALLBOUNCESOFFMARK'SBACKANDINTO
BRAN'SFACE.BRANLOSESHISBALANCEANDFALLSBACKWARDINTO
SOMETRASHCANS.THEYALLRUSHTOHISSIDE.)
BILLY
DoesanyoneknowCPR?
JOHNNY
Ido!Bran,areyouokay?
57.
CONTINUED:(5)
BILLY
Areyouokay?
BRAN
I'mfine.
MARK
Sure?
BRAN
Uhhuh.
JOHNNY
Doyouwanttogoseeadoctor?
BRAN
No,no,no.I'mgood,I'malright.I'mfine.
JOHNNY
YeahMark,takehimtoadoctor,andBran,listenifyouneed
anythingcallmeanytimealright.Weareverygoodfriends
andIwilldoeverythinginmypowertohelpyougetbetter.
(MARKISHELPINGBRANWALKAWAY.)
BILLY
TakecareofhimMark!
(BILLYPICKSUPTHEFOOTBALLANDSTARTSTOCRY.)
Ohman....ohman,ohman.
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYPUTSHISARMAROUNDBILLYANDTOGETHERTHEYSTARTTO
SINGASTHEYWATCHMARKANDBRANHEADOFFTOTHEHOSPITAL.)
JOHNNY/BILLY
Onward,Christiansoldiers,marchingastowar....
ENDSCENE
58.
SCENE14
JOHNNYISSITTINGNEXTTOTHEPHONE.HELOOKSAROUNDTOCHECK
THATNOONEISAROUNDTHENPULLSOUTTHETAPERECORDERFROM
UNDERTHETABLE.HEPRESSESSOMEBUTTONSONTHEANSWERING
MACHINEANDMUFFLEDVOICESAREHEARDASTHETAPEPLAYS.
JOHNNYISSHAKINGHISHEADANDLOOKINGVERYDISTURBED.HE
SUDDENLYTAKESOUTTHETAPEANDHURLESITACROSSTHEROOMAS
HESCREAMS.
THEREISARINGOFTHEDOORBELLANDJOHNNYWALKSOVERAND
OPENSTHEDOOR.PETER,ANINTELLECTUALANDAPSYCHOLOGISTWHO
WEARSGLASSESISATTHEDOOR.JOHNNYINVITESHIMIN.
JOHNNY
OhhiPeter,I'msogladyoustoppedby.Comeinandhavea
seat,I'llgetsomewaterforustodrink.
(PETERSITSDOWNONTHECOUCHANDJOHNNYGOESTOTHEKITCHEN
ANDCOMESBACKWITHTWOGLASSESANDAPITCHEROFWATERWHICH
HEPOURSFORBOTHOFTHEM.JOHNNYSITSDOWN.)
Idon'tunderstandwomen.DoyouPeter?
PETER
OfcourseIdo.I'mapsychologist.What'stheproblem?
JOHNNY
Theyneversaywhattheymean,andtheyalwaysplaygames.
(JOHNNYHANDSPETERAGLASSOFWATER.)
PETER
Okay,whatdoyoumean?
JOHNNY
IhaveaseriousproblemwithLisa.Idon'tthinkshe'sbeing
faithfultome.Infact,Iknowsheisn't.
PETER
Lisa?Areyousure?
59.
CONTINUED:
JOHNNY
I'msure.IoverheardaconversationbetweenLisaandher
mother,andIrecordedsomephoneconversationsshehadwith
aguywhohasavoicethatcoincidentallysoundsverysimilar
tothevoiceofMark,whoismybestfriend.WhatshouldIdo
Peter?
PETER
ThisisLisawearetalkingabout?
JOHNNY
Yeah.
PETER
Areyousure?
JOHNNY
Yes.
PETER
Whatwouldyoulikemetosay?
JOHNNY
Youareapsychologist,Peter.Don'tyouhavesomeadvice?
PETER
(PETERISSTANDINGANDDRINKINGWATER.)
Iamanexpert,that'strue,andit'snotaverycomplicated
situation.ButJohnny,youaremyfriendandIdon'twantto
getbetweenyouandLisa.Look,Ithinkyoushouldconfront
herandshowherwho'sthemanofthehouse.
JOHNNY
Ican'tconfronther,Ihavetogiveherasecondchance.
Afterallshe'smyfuturewife.Youknowwhattheysay,love
isblind.
60.
CONTINUED:(2)
PETER
It'snotaboutlove,Johnny.It'saboutcontrol,andthebest
waytocontrolafemaleistomakethememotionallydependent
onyou.Youdidn'tdothat,soLisafounditsomewhereelse.
(THEDOORBELLRINGS.)
Didyouhearthedoor?
JOHNNY
Yeah.
(JOHNNYWALKSOVERANDOPENSTHEDOOR.)
OhhiMark,comein.
MARK
(MARKENTERSWITHABIGSMILE.)
OhheyJohnny.HeyPeter.
JOHNNY
Wearejusttalkingaboutwomen.
MARK
(MARKCLOSESTHEDOORANDWALKSOVERTOTHECHAIR.)
Women,man,womenjustconfuseme.Can'tlivewiththem,
can'tlivewithoutthem,butweneedthemforbabymaking.
(MARKSITSDOWNONTHECHAIR.)
Ihaveagirl,butshe'smarried.She'sveryattractive.It's
drivingmecrazy.
PETER
Whydidn'tyoumentionthisbefore?I'mapsychologist.Isit
anyoneIknow?
MARK
(HEISDEFENSIVE.)
Whatdoyoumean,isitsomeoneyouknow?
61.
CONTINUED:(3)
JOHNNY
CanImeether?
MARK
Whywouldyouwanttodothat,Johnny?Imean,well,um,what
wouldLisathink?It'sanawkwardsituation.
JOHNNY
OhIsee.Youmeanshe'stoooldoryouthinkIwilltakeher
awayfromyou?Huh?
(JOHNNYANDPETERLAUGH.)
MARK
No!
JOHNNY
Ihavemyownproblems.
PETER
TellmeaboutyourproblemsJohnny.
JOHNNY
Peter,youalwaysplaypsychologistwithus.
PETER
Look,Imaybeyourfriend,butbyprofessionIama
psychologist,andthatmakesmeanexpertontheseissues.
JOHNNY
Lisaisteasingmeaboutwhetherwewillgetmarriedornot,
andwehaven'tmadeloveinawhile.Idon'tknowwhattodo.
PETER
WhatkindofmanareyouJohnny?Peoplearepeople.Sometimes
theycan'tseetheirownfaults,sotheyneedsomeonetotell
them.Youhavetogiveittoherstraight.Ittakestwoto
tangoJohnny,andifallshehasaretwoleftfeetshe'll
justendupsteppingalloveryourtoes.You'regoingtoget
hurt.
62.
CONTINUED:(4)
MARK
HeyI'mthinkingofmovingtoabetterplaceman.I'mmaking
somegoodmoney.
PETER
Look,youshouldtellherthetruth.Youaredoingthisfor
yourgirl,right?
JOHNNY
YouarerightPeter!IsshegettingadivorceMark?
MARK
Youguysaretoomuch!Hey,areyourunningBaytoBreakers
thisyear?
JOHNNY
Iam,sure.
PETER
No,I'mnotgoingthisyear.
JOHNNY
Ha,ha!!ChickenPeter,youarejustalittlechicken!!!
Chip!!!Chip!!!Chip!!!!Chip!!!!!Chip!!!!
MARK
HaHa!!Squeak!!!Squeak!!!!Honk!!!LittleChicken!!!
PETER
Whoareyouguyscallingachicken?Ijustdon'tlikeallthe
weirdos.There'stoomanyweirdos.
JOHNNY
Idon'tmind.Mark,doyouremembertheonewiththebig
tits,theblondeone?
MARK
Howabouttheonewiththebridalgownandthesign?
63.
CONTINUED:(5)
JOHNNY
Ohyeah,"PleaseMarryMe".Ialmosttookheruponit.
MARK
Ineveratesomuchbread.
JOHNNY
Thebarbecuechickenandricewasdelicious.Thatwascool.
PETER
Youguysprovedmypoint.Youarebothweird.Youguyswant
toplaycards?
JOHNNY
No,wecan't.IexpectLisaanyminute.
MARK
Hey,who'skingofthehouse?
PETER
Yeah,youhavetoestablishtheseguidelinesbeforeyouget
married.HowdidyoumeetLisa?younevertoldus.
JOHNNY
It'saveryinterestingstory.WhenImovedtoSanFrancisco
IhadtwosuitcasesandIdidn'tknowanyone.IhittheYMCA
withatwothousanddollarcheckthatIcouldn'tcash.
MARK
Whynot?
JOHNNY
Becauseitwasanoutofstatebank.Anyway,Iwasworkingas
abusboyinahotelandLisawassitting,drinkingher
coffeeandshewassobeautiful,andIsayhitoher.That's
howwemet.
MARK
So,what'stheinterestingpart?
64.
CONTINUED:(6)
PETER
OhgiveusabreakMark!Isn'titobvious?Atwothousand
dollaroutofstatebankissuedcheckthathecan'tcash?Ha
HaHa!That'squitetheconundrum.I'llbetit'sneverbeen
cashed,hasit.
JOHNNY
You'rerightPeter,onbothcounts.Ihadtheuncashedcheck
laminatedandplacedinaphotoalbum,whichisindeedvery
interesting.But,evenmoreinterestingisthatLisawas
livinginSanFranciscoatthetime.
MARK
So?
(JOHNNYTAKESADEEPBREATHANDPETERLOOKSATTHEFLOOR.)
JOHNNY
Don'tyousee,Mark?Lisahadherownhomeinthecity.She
didnotneedtostayinahotel.Shehadsomekindof
inexplicableurgetospendthenightinthatveryhotel,
duringmyshift.Itwasmeanttobe!
MARK
What,notipsfromyourjob?
(JOHNNYANDPETERLOOKATEACHOTHERWITHAWKWARDSILENCE.)
JOHNNY
Whatever,doyouguyswanttoeatsomething?
(JOHNNYWALKSOVERTOTHEKITCHENASPETERANDMARKSHAKE
THEIRHEAD.)
LISA
(LISAANDBILLYWALKIN.MARKTURNSAROUNDANDLOOKSAT
LISA.)
Heyguys.What'sgoingon?
65.
CONTINUED:(7)
PETER
Oh,heyLisa.
MARK
HeyLisa.
(MARKGETSUPFROMTHECHAIRANDSTANDSINFRONTOFLISAAND
BILLY.BILLYISLOOKINGOUTTHEWINDOW.)
LISA
Where'sJohnny?
MARK
He'sinthekitchen.Igottogo.
LISA
Ididn'tmeantochaseyouoff.Iwishyou'dstickaroundfor
awhile.
MARK
Areyoucrazy?Ihavetobeatworkearly.Seeya.
(MARKLOOKSATBILLYANDEXITSTHELIVINGROOM.PETERTHEN
GETSUPANDLEAVES.BILLYSITSONTHEFLOOR.)
LISA
WhyareyousittingonthefloorBilly?
BILLY
It'shardtoexplain,youwouldn'tunderstand.
LISA
(SHEISSCREAMING.)
Yousonofabitch!!!Whatthehellisthematterwithyou!?
You'rethereasonIdrink!Ifyoudon'tgetupthisinstant
I'mgoingtobeltwhipyousohardyou'llwishyouweregoing
tothemoon!
66.
CONTINUED:(8)
BILLY
(BILLYSTANDSUPFROMTHEFLOOR.)
There,areyouhappynow?
LISA
(STILLSCREAMING.)
Iamhappy!!!LookBilly!IhavetotalktoJohnny!I'llsee
youlater!!!
BILLY
WillyoutellhimIsaidhello?
LISA
Alright!!!
BILLY
Yes!
(WITHANOBNOXIOUSGRIN,BILLYSARCASTICALLYSKIPSTOTHE
FRONTDOORANDEXITS,THENLISASTOMPSINTOTHEKITCHEN.)
ENDSCENE
ACTIII
SCENE15
PETERCOMESOUTOFTHEDOORTOTHEROOFANDFINDSMARK
SITTINGONTHEBENCHLOOKINGDEPRESSED.
PETER
Oh,hiMark.What'shappening?
MARK
HiPeter.
PETER
(PAUSE.)
Thisisagoodplacetothink,huh?
67.
CONTINUED:
MARK
(MARKPULLSAJOINTOUTOFHISPOCKETANDLIGHTSIT.)
Youwannaputmeontheclock?
PETER
What'sthat?
(HEPOINTSATTHEJOINT.)
MARK
(HEOFFERSTHEJOINTTOPETER.)
Youwantsome?
PETER
Noman.YouknowIdon'tsmokethatstuff.Youlook
depressed.
MARK
Igotthissickfeelinginmystomach.Ididsomethingawful.
Ijustcan'tforgivemyself.
PETER
Whydon'tyoutellmeaboutit?
MARK
Well,Ifeellikerunning,orkillingmyself.Somethingcrazy
likethat.
PETER
Whyareyousmokingthatcrap?Nowonderyoucan'tthink
straight.Thatstuffwillmessupyourbrain.
MARK
Anyway,it'snoneofyourbusiness.Whyareyousonosy?You
thinkyouknoweverything.Youdon'tknowshit.
68.
CONTINUED:(2)
PETER
Justaminute.Whodoyouthinkyouare?You'reactinglikea
kid.Growup.
MARK
(MARKTHROWSTHEJOINTTOTHEFLOORANDSMASHESITOUTWITH
HISSHOE,ANDHEISYELLING.)
Whoareyoucallingakid?Fuckyou!
PETER
(PETERGRABSHIMBYTHEARMANDTHEYSTANDUPTOGETHER.)
CoolitMark.I'mjusttryingtohelpyou.Iknowyou're
havinganaffairwithLisa.AmIwrong?
MARK
(HEJERKSHISARMAWAYFROMPETER'SGRIPANDHITSHIMINTHE
FACEWITHHISFIST.HEKNOCKSHIMDOWN.PETERISUNCONSCIOUS.
MARKSTARESATHIM.)
Wakeupman.Wakeup
(HELOOKSAROUNDANDSEESABUCKETOFWATER,GRABSITAND
POURSITONPETER'SFACE.)
PETER
(PETERSHAKESHISHEADANDSLOWLYWAKESUP.THENHESITSUP.)
Whatareyoudoing?Areyoucrazy?
MARK
I'msorry,Ididn'tmeanit.You'remybestfriend.Areyou
okay?
PETER
Don'tworryaboutit.Let'sjusttalkaboutyourproblem.
(PETERTAKESHISSHIRTOFFANDWIPESHISFACEWITHIT.)
69.
CONTINUED:(3)
MARK
(MARKSITSNEXTTOPETER.)
Areyousureyou'reokay?
(PAUSE.)
Whydoyouwanttoknowmysecret?Well,you'reright,it's
Lisa.Idon'tknowwhattodo.I'msodepressed.IthinkI'll
killmyself.Johnnyismybestfriend.She'ssomanipulative.
PETER
Howdidthishappen?IfJohnnyfindsoutthatwillbetheend
ofyourfriendship.Whatwereyouthinking?Look,lifeis
verycomplex,butyouhavetofaceit.Youshouldhavetobe
responsible.Myadvicetoyouisthatyoushouldstop
thinkingabouther,andneverdosexwithher.Findanother
girl.That'smyadvice.Lisa'sasociopath.Sheonlycares
aboutherself,andshe'sincapableoflovinganyone.
MARK
WhateverPeter.Let'sgo.
(THEYGOOUTTHEDOOR.)
ENDSCENE
SCENE16
JOHNNYISONTHEPHONEDRESSEDINATUXEDO.
JOHNNY
Ohthankyou.Thanksalot.
(JOHNNYHANGSUPTHEPHONE.BILLYENTERS,ALSODRESSEDINA
TUXEDOANDHOLDINGAFOOTBALL.)
JOHNNY
OhhiBilly.Thatwassomefuneralwasn'tit.
BILLY
Yeah,I'mjustgladit'sover.
70.
CONTINUED:
JOHNNY
Billy,wehadtomakesureJimmywasreallydead.Nowthatwe
allsawhimlaindowninthatfuneralcasketwecanbesure
he'llnevertroubleyoueveragainforhismoney.
BILLY
There'sjustsomethingsIdon'tunderstandJohnny.
JOHNNY
Likewhat?Death?Themeaningoflife?Love?
BILLY
No,Imeanwhathappenedatthepolicestation.Didn'tyou
takeJimmystraightthere?It'sallverystrange.
JOHNNY
Wellyouknow,thepolicehavetodealwithallsortsof
crazypeople.So,sometimesatthestationthepolicehaveto
dowhatmayseemtouslikesomestrangethings.
BILLY
Buttheysaidallhisbloodwassuckedoutofhisbody.
JOHNNY
Somevery....strangethings.
BILLY
(THEDOORBELLRINGS.BILLYOPENSTHEDOORANDPETERWALKSIN
WEARINGATUXEDO.)
HeyPeter,comein.
PETER
It'stoobadaboutJimmy.Iknowhewasabadguy,butthat
wasjustcrazy.Besides,funeralsaresodepressing.
JOHNNY
Heythat'slife.HaveaseatPeter.
71.
CONTINUED:(2)
(PETERSITSDOWNONACHAIR.THEDOORBELLRINGSAGAINAND
BILLYOPENSTHEDOOR.MARKENTERSCLEANSHAVENANDHASABIG
SMILE.HEISWEARINGATUXEDO.)
BILLY
Wow!
JOHNNY
Wow!
MARK
Heyguys.Youlikeit?
PETER/JOHNNY/BILLY
YEAH!
JOHNNY
Youlookgreat.Youlooklikebabyface.
PETER
What'stheoccasionMark?
MARK
IstartedanewjobandtheytoldmeIcan'tshowupthere
lookinglikeacaveman.Sothereyouhaveit.
BILLY
WhatdidyouthinkofthefuneralMark?Wewerelookingfor
you.
MARK
Whatfuneral?
BILLY
Okay.....Hey,youguyswanttoplaysomecatchthefootball?
PETER
Intuxes,yougottabekidding?
72.
CONTINUED:(3)
BILLY
ComeonMark,let'sdoit.
MARK
I'mupforit.
BILLY
Johnny?
JOHNNY
AskMr.GlassesHeadoverthere.
BILLY
ComeonPeter.
PETER
No,Idon'tthinkso.
BILLY
Please??Comeon.CHIP!!!!!
BILLY/JOHNNY
CHIP!!!!CHIP!!!
(BILLYANDJOHNNYMAKECHICKENNOISESASTHEYFLAPTHEIR
ARMS.)
MARK
(MARKSTARTSPRANCINGAROUNDTHEROOM,CLAPPINGHISHANDS.)
HEEHAW!!MOOOO!!!!RIBBIT!!!RIBBIT!!!!!PRASKWWWAAAWWW!!!!
ENDSCENE
SCENE17
JOHNNY,MARK,BILLY,ANDPETERALLRUNOUTTOGETHER,YELLING,
ANDBEGINTOPLAYCATCHTHEFOOTBALL.
73.
CONTINUED:
BILLY
CatchJohnny!Nicesnag!AllrightPeter!HerewegoMark!
Comeon!
(BILLYMAKESAGREATCATCHFROMMARK.)
CatchMark.
MARK
(MARKWINDSUPANDMOTIONSTOPETERTHATHE'SGOINGTOTHROW
ALONGBOMB.)
Go,go...
(PETERRUNSDEEPANDFALLSFLATONHISFACE.HISLEGISHURT.
MARK,BILLY,ANDJOHNNYRUSHOVERTOSEEIFHE'SOKAY.)
BILLY
GeeMark,whydon'tyoutryNOThurtingsomeoneforachange.
PETER
It'snothisfault.It'sthosedamndrugs!
JOHNNY
Comeon,let'sgoseeadoctor.
(MARK,JOHNNY,ANDBILLYHELPPETERGETUPANDTHEYALLWALK
OFFTOGETHER.)
ENDSCENE
SCENE18
JOHNNYISINTHEKITCHENGETTINGREADYFORWORK,ANDLISAIS
STILLASLEEP.HEFINISHESHISBREAKFAST,THENHEGOESOVERTO
THEANSWERINGMACHINEANDPRESSESAFEWBUTTONS.THETAPE
RECORDERSTARTSPLAYINGANDMUFFLEDVOICESAREHEARD.JOHNNY
LOOKSVERYANGRY.HEPRESSESSOMEMOREBUTTONSTHENREGAINS
HISCOMPOSURE.
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYGOESOVERTOLISAANDKISSESHERONTHECHEEK.)
ByeLisa.
74.
CONTINUED:
(JOHNNYGOESOUTTHEDOOR.)
LISA
(LISAWAKESUPANDGOESTOTHEKITCHENANDFIXESHERSELFA
CUPOFCOFFEE.SHEGOESTOTHEPHONEANDDIALSANUMBER.)
Hellomom.Howareyou?
CLAUDETTE
I'mokay.Howareyou?
LISA
Thereitusagain.
CLAUDETTE
Whatareyoutalkingabout?
LISA
Thatclickingnoise.Thephone'sbeenmakingastrangesound
lately.
CLAUDETTE
Youshouldreportittothephonecompany.Utilitiesarevery
expensivethesedays.Didyoucallarepairtechnician?
LISA
No,IthinkI'lljustbyanewphone.There'saRadioShack
nearby.
CLAUDETTE
Well,aslongasJohnny'spayingforit.So,howareyou?
LISA
I'mfixingtheapartmentforJohnny'sbirthday,butI'm
reallynotintoit.
CLAUDETTE
Whynot?
75.
CONTINUED:(2)
LISA
Oh,Idon'twanttogetmarried.IloveMark.Don'tyou
understandthat?
CLAUDETTE
It'snotrightLisa.YoushouldstillkeepJohnnybecause
he'sveryindependent,andyouain't.Thinkaboutthemoney.
LISA
Yeah,butI'mnothappyanymore.BeforeImetMarkIdidn't
thinkhewouldblowmymind.
CLAUDETTE
Whatareyoutalkingabout?Youweren'tmeanttobehappy.I
haven'tbeenhappysinceIgotmarriedforthefirsttime.I
didn'twanttomarryyourdadeither.I'vebeenmiserable
sincethen.It'strue,menareallassholes.Youhavetouse
themandabusethem.There'snothingwrongwiththat.
LISA
Iknow.Johnny'sokay,andIhavehimwrappedaroundmy
littlefinger.
CLAUDETTE
Well,thenyoushouldbehappy.
LISA
But,Idon'tlovehim.
CLAUDETTE
Don'tthrowyourlifeawayjustbecauseyoudon'tlovehim.
That'sridiculous.You'vegottogrowupandlistentome.
LISA
Okay,I'llseeyouatthepartythen.
CLAUDETTE
Bye.
ENDSCENE
76.
SCENE19
JOHNNYANDMARKENTERACOFFEESHOPANDAPPROACHTHECOUNTER.
WESEESTEAMEDMILKBEINGPREPAREDBYSUSAN,THEBARISTA.
JOHNNYISREADINGSOMEFINEPRINTONAFOLDERANDHOLDINGTHE
FOLDERDIRECTLYINFRONTOFHISFACE,COVERINGITFROMVIEW.
JOHNNY
Hi,canIhaveahotchocolateplease?
(JOHNNYTHENPUTSDOWNTHEFOLDER,REVEALINGHISFACE.)
SUSAN
OhhiJohnny!Ididntknowitwasyou.Whatsizewouldyou
like?
JOHNNY
Medium.
SUSAN
Sure.
(SHELOOKSATMARK.)
Howaboutyou?
MARK
I'llhaveaminttea.
SUSAN
Mediumalso?
MARK
Whateverfloatsyourboat.
SUSAN
Gositdown.We'llberightthere.
(MARKANDJOHNNYGOSITDOWNATATABLE.)
MARK
Man,I'msotiredofgirl'sgames.
77.
CONTINUED:
JOHNNY
WhathappenednowMark?
MARK
Relationshipsneverworkman,Idon'tknowwhyIwastemy
time.
JOHNNY
Whatmakesyousaythat?
MARK
It'snotthateasyJohnny.
JOHNNY
Well,youshouldbehappyMark.
MARK
YeahIknow.Lifeistooshort.
JOHNNY
Maybeforyouitis.
(SUSANBRINGSBYTHEIRBEVERAGESTOJOHNNYANDMARK.)
JOHNNY
OhthankyouSusan.
SUSAN
You'rewelcome.Nowhowaboutsomethingyoucanreallyget
intowithafork,likecheesecake?
MARK
No!
JOHNNY
No,nottoday,maybesomeotherday.Butthanksforthinking
aboutit.
78.
CONTINUED:(2)
SUSAN
Realgood.Okaythen.Fine,alright.
(JOHNNYANDMARKAREDRINKINGTHEIRDRINKS.)
MARK
Howwasworktoday?
JOHNNY
Prettygood.Wegotanewclientandthebankwillmakealot
ofmoney.
MARK
Whatclient?DoIknowhim?What'shisname?
JOHNNY
Ican'ttellyou,it'sconfidential.
MARK
Ohcomeonman,whynot?Ithoughtwewerebestfriends.
JOHNNY
No,Icannot.Anyway,how'syoursexlife?
MARK
Ican'ttalkaboutit.
JOHNNY
Whynot,areyouhidingsomething?
(MARKGETSNERVOUS.)
SUSAN
(ATTHATVERYMOMENTSUSANCOMESOVERANDPUTSTHEBILLDOWN
ONTHETABLE.)
Takeyourtime.
79.
CONTINUED:(3)
MARK
(MARKPICKSUPTHEBILLANDSEESANOPPORTUNITYTODRAW
JOHNNY'SATTENTIONAWAYFROMTHEIRDISCUSSION.HEYELLSAT
SUSAN.)
Yousonofabitch!!!Ididn'torderthis!
SUSAN
(SUSANRUSHESOVER.)
What'swrong!?
MARK
Oh,whoops.Imadeamistake,youwereright.
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYLOOKSDOWNATHISWATCH.)
OhgodIhavetorun.
MARK
Already?
JOHNNY
Yeah,I'msorry.
MARK
Alright,it'sonme.
JOHNNY
Wow!Youreallyarethebestfriendaguycouldeverhave.
SeeyouMark.
MARK
Bytheway,doyouwanttogojogginginGoldenGatePark?
JOHNNY
Yeahsure,whattime?
80.
CONTINUED:(4)
MARK
GoldenGatePark....aboutsixthirty?
JOHNNY
Yeah,righton.Cool!
(JOHNNYGETSUP,SHAKESMARK'SHANDANDGRABSHISDRINK.)
Okey,Dokey
(JOHNNYRUSHESOUT.MARKSIPSHISTEAANDSMIRKSCOYLY.)
ENDSCENE
SCENE20
(MARKANDLISAENTERTHEBEDROOMTHROUGHTHESTAIRCASE.LISA
GRABSMARKAGGRESSIVELY.)
MARK
What'sgoingonhere?
LISA
Ilikeyouverymuch,SparkyMarky.
MARK
Lookcomeon,Johnny'smybestfriend.
(LISAGIGGLES.)
LISA
Justonemoretime.
(LISAGRABSMARK,REMOVESHISSWEATERANDTOSSESHIMONTOTHE
BED.LISAANDMARKBEGINTOKISSINTENSELY.)
MARK
Ohyeah.
(MARKANDLISACONTINUETOGETMOREINTENSEASTHELIGHTING
FADESTOBLACK.)
ENDSCENE
81.
SCENE20
MARKISSITTINGUNDERATREEASJOHNNYARRIVESINHISCAR,
BLASTINGRAPMUSIC.THEYSHAKEHANDSANDSTARTJOGGING.
MARK
Livefast,dieyoung.
JOHNNY
Yeahthat'stheidea.You'reright!
MARK
It'sbettertoburnoutthanfadeaway.
JOHNNY
Yeah,that'sitbro!!
MARK
Inthewarrior'scodethere'snosurrender.
JOHNNY
YougotitMark,that'stheone!!!
MARK
Whenthere'sthunderinyourheart,everymoveislikea
lightning.
JOHNNY
Yes!!!Righton!HaHa!
(JOHNNYANDMARKJOGTOTHEFINISH.)
ENDSCENE
SCENE21
LISAISSWEEPINGTHEFLOORASTHEDOORBELLRINGS.
LISA
Whoisit?
82.
CONTINUED:
MARK
Deliveryman....it'smeMark.Comeonopenup.
LISA
Mark'snothereman.
(THEYARELAUGHING.)
Okay,comeonin.
(MARKENTERSTHEROOMCARRYINGBAGSOFGROCERIES.)
LISA
HeyMark.
MARK
Wow,soareyougoingtobeready?
LISA
Howdoyoumeanthat?I'malwaysreadyforyou.
MARK
Imeanfortheparty.
LISA
Wehaveplentyoftime.AllIhavetoisputonmyparty
dress.Comeon.
(LISATHROWSTHEBROOMASIDEANDTAKESOFFHERTOP.MARK
STARESATHERINDISMAY.)
MARK
Wait,whatareyoudoing?
LISA
Nothing.
(LISAREMOVESMARKSSWEATERANDTHEYFALLONTOTHECOUCH
TOGETHERANDBEGINTOKISS.MARKSZIPPERISUNDONE.)
83.
CONTINUED:(2)
MARK
Holdon,whataboutJohnny?
LISA
Isenthimouttobuygroceries.
MARK
Clevergirl.Youaresobeautiful.
(THEYCONTINUETOMAKEOUTANDKISSINTIMATELY.THERE'SA
SUDDENKNOCKATTHEDOORWHICHPROPELSMARKANDLISATOJUMP
UPANDGETDRESSEDINAHURRY.)
LISA
Hurryup,Ihavetoanswerthedoor.
MARK
Wait!hangon,hangon,hangon.
(MARKISSTRUGGLINGTOGETHISSWEATERON.)
LISA
Whoisit?
MICHELLE
It'sme,Michelle.Ibroughtthestuff.
LISA
Michelle'snothereman.
(MARKANDLISAEXPLODEWITHLAUGHTER.AFTERAMINUTETHEY
CALMDOWN.)
OkayMichelle.It'sopen,comeonin.
(MICHELLECOMESINCARRYINGAGROCERYBAGANDISSHOCKEDTO
SEEMARKADJUSTINGHISCLOTHES.)
LISA
Howareyoudoing?
84.
CONTINUED:(3)
MICHELLE
Hi,I'mfine.Ibroughtthestuff.
LISA
IknewIcouldcountonyou.
MICHELLE
HiMark,XYZ.
MARK
Whatareyoutalkingabout?Areyoucrazyorsomething?
MICHELLE
Examineyourzipper.
MARK
(MARKLOWERSHISHEADANDCAREFULLYEXAMINESHISZIPPER,
LOOKINGATITCLOSELYANDREPEATEDLYTESTINGTHATITCLOSES
ANDOPENSCORRECTLY.)
Itseemsokaytome.
LISA
Comeonyouguys,I'mtryingtopreparefortheparty.
MICHELLE
Sowhatcanidotohelp?
MARK
(MARKISSTILLCHECKINGHISZIPPER.)
Youcanhelpbytellingmewhat'swrongwithmyzipper.
(MICHELLEANDLISALAUGHANDTHEYSITDOWNONTHECOUCH
TOGETHER.MARKEXITSTHROUGHTHEFRONTDOORWHILESTILL
LOOKINGATHISZIPPER,REPEATEDLYZIPPINGITUPANDDOWN.)
MICHELLE
Whatwashedoinghere?
85.
CONTINUED:(4)
LISA
Oh,hebroughtsometakeout.
MICHELLE
Whatabouthiszipper!!!!
(MICHELEANDLISALAUGHHYSTERICALLY.)
LISA
Leavehimalone.He'saniceguy.
MICHELLE
No,Imeandidsomethinghappen?
LISA
Hetriedtorapeme,butIdidn'tlethim.
MICHELLE
DidyoutellJohnnyyet?
LISA
No,theyaregoodfriends.
MICHELLE
Iknow.Tricky!Tricky!
LISA
Youknow,IreallylovedJohnnyatfirst.
MICHELLE
Really?Ithoughtyoulovedhimnow.
LISA
UntilnowIdid.IthinkIstilllovehim.Everything's
changed.IneedmorefromlifethanwhatJohnnycangiveme.
SuddenlymyeyesarewideopenandIseethelight.Iwantit
all.
86.
CONTINUED:(5)
MICHELLE
DoyouthinkyoucangetitallfromMark?
LISA
Iwanttoplaythefield.Ifhedoesn'tgivemewhatIwant
thensomebodyelsewill.
MICHELLE
IthinkIdon'tknowyouanymore.
(MICHELLEISLAUGHING.)
(PAUSE.)
YouarebeingsomanipulativeLisa.
LISA
Sowhat,youcanlearnfromme.
(LISALAUGHS.)
(PAUSE.)
Youhavetotakeasmuchasyoucan.Youhavetolive,live,
livemyfriend.Don'tworry,Ihaveeverythingcovered.
MICHELLE
Tellmemore.MaybeIcanunderstandyourpointofview.
LISA
Look,Idon'twanttotalkaboutit.Let'sputthisstuffin
bowls.Weonlyhaveanhourbeforepeoplestartcoming.
(LISAANDMICHELLECARRYONPARTYPREPARATIONSWHILETHEYARE
TALKING.)
MICHELLE
Iwanttoknow,it'simportanttome.You'remybestfriend.
Thisreallyupsetsme.
87.
CONTINUED:(6)
LISA
Idon'tknowwhatthebigmysteryis.Doesn'teverybodylook
outfornumberone?Aren'tIworthit?Don'tIdeservethe
best?
MICHELLE
Ican'tdothat.YouaretoomuchformeLisa.
LISA
You'renotsuchanangelyourself.
MICHELLE
We'renottalkingaboutme.
(MICHELLETHROWSACHERRYTOMATOATLISA.LISATHROWSAPRAWN
INMICHELLE'SFACE.THEYBOTHPLAYFULLYLAUGH.)
LISA
Stopit,they'llbehereanyminute.Areyoutryingtoruin
myparty?
MICHELLE
I'mwithyou,let'stalklater.Itlookstomelikewe're
ready.
ENDSCENE
ACTIV
SCENE22
JOHNNYISSITTINGINSIDEHISCARWHICHISPARKEDOUTSIDETHE
APARTMENT.HEPUTSATAPEINTHECARTAPEPLAYERANDPRESSES
PLAY.WEHEARTHEVOICESOFMARKANDLISA.
VOICEOFMARK
WesurefooledJohnny,didn'twe.Hedoesn'tsuspectathing!
Wecouldcarryonrightunderhisnoseandhewouldn'tbethe
wiser.HestillthinksI'mhisbestfriend!
88.
CONTINUED:
VOICEOFLISA
JohnnydoeswhateverItellhim.Ihavehimtotallywhipped.
ThebestpartishetotallytrustsmeandthinksIwillnever
betrayhim.
VOICEOFMARK
Iknow.Whatadope!Harharhar!!!
VOICEOFLISA
He'sasgoodinbedasheisatgettingpromotions....Awful!
(JOHNNYSTOPSTHETAPE,THENPOUNDSHISCHESTWITHHISFISTS
ANDSCREAMS.)
ENDSCENE
SCENE23
LISAISWEARINGALITTLEBLACKDRESSANDISSITTINGONTHE
COUCH.SHEEAGERLYLOOKSATTHECLOCKANDWAITSAFEW
MOMENTS.SUDDENLYTHEREISTHESOUNDOFAKEYOPENINGTHE
DOOR.THEDOOROPENSANDJOHNNYENTERS.HEISVERYANGRY.
LISA
Hihoney.happybirthday!
JOHNNY
(THEANGRYLOOKONJOHNNY'SFACEFADES.)
Thankyou.
CROWD
(JUSTTHENADOOROPENSANDACROWDOFPEOPLECOMESOUT.)
Surprise!!!
(THECROWDBEGINSTOSINGHAPPYBIRTHDAYTOJOHNNY.)
HappyBirthdaytoyou,happybirthdaytoyou...
JOHNNY
Ohwow!
89.
CONTINUED:
CROWD
HappyBirthdaydearJohnny...
JOHNNY
Wow,alright,thankyou..
CROWD
HappyBirthdaytoyou..
JOHNNY
Thankyou,thankyou.
BILLY
(INASINGINGVOICE.)
Andmanymore....!
(EVERYONEISLAUGHINGANDCHEERING.)
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYTURNSTOLISA.)
I'lltalktoyoulater.
(SEVERALGUYSSHAKEJOHNNY'SHAND.THEGUYSSLAPHIMONHIS
BACK,ANDTHEGIRLSSLAPHISBEHINDANDKISSHIMONTHE
CHEEK,ANDSOMEOFTHEMGIVEHIMPRESENTS.HEPUTSTHEMON
THECOFFEETABLE.JOHNNYPRETENDSTOBEHAPPY,BUTHEIS
GLANCINGATLISA.FORAWHILETHEREISGENERALCONVERSATION
ANDLAUGHING.)
ENDSCENE
SCENE24
THEPARTYCONTINUESTOGROWASEVERYONEISHAVINGAGREAT
TIME.PEOPLEAREMINGLING,DANCING,DRINKING,ANDLAUGHING.
MARKANDLISACATCHEYESANDFLIRTASJOHNNYTAKESNOTICE.
BRANANDMICHELLEFLIRTASMICHELLEFEEDSHIMAPIECEOF
CHOCOLATECAKEANDBRANFEEDSHIMSELFINAJOKINGMANNER.
LISAWALKSOVERTOTHEMANDLAUGHS.
90.
CONTINUED:
LISA
Heyeverybody,let'sgooutsideforsomefreshair!
(EVERYBODYCHEERSANDBEGINSTOLEAVETHEROOM.LISASTOPS
MARKATTHEDOOR.SHECLOSESITANDGRABSHIM.)
Wait,Ihavesomethingiwanttoshowyou.
MARK
Whatisit?
(MARKANDLISAWALKOVERANDSITDOWNONTHECOUCH.SHE
PLACESHERLEGSONMARK'SLAP.)
MARK
So,whatdoyouwanttoshowme?
LISA
It'sasurprise.
(MARKANDLISABEGINTOKISS.)
MARK
Oh,Ilovesurprises!Butwhatareyoudoing?Areyoucrazy?
Everybody'shere.
LISA
Nothey'renot.They'realloutside.
(MARKANDLISAAREGIGGLING.)
MARK
Lisa,youdiabolical....youplannedthisallalong!Now
where'sthesurprise?
(LISALAUGHSANDTHEYKISS.SUDDENLYTHEDOOROPENSANDPETER
COMESINWHILEMARKANDLISAAREKISSING.)
PETER
What'sgoingonhere!?
(LISAANDMARKSTANDUPINSHOCK.)
91.
CONTINUED:(2)
PETER
Whyareyoudoingthis!?
MARK
It'sasurprise!
LISA
MarkandIaretwoconsentingadults.Wehavetheright.
PETER
WellIdon'tapprove.NowIwanttoknowwhyyouaredoing
this.Why!?
LISA
Ilovehim.
PETER
Idon'tbelieveit.
MARK
Youdon'tunderstandanything.Leaveyourstupidcommentsin
yourpocket.
PETER
Excuseme?'MY'stupidcomments!?Here'ssomewordsofwisdom
forYOU,youcommentmakingidiot.Youthinkyouropinions
aresoimportantandthatyoupossesssomenaturalborn
expertise.ButtakeitfromME,aREALexpert,whenIsay
thatyourcommentsareevenmorestupiderthanyou,thevery
personmakingthem.Now,Ihavealotofexperience,sowhen
Isaysomething,itcounts.That'sbecauseI'mveryimportant
andIknowwhatI'mtalkingabout,unlikefeeblemindedyou.
Iseeyouwanttomakearetortwithacomment,doyou?
PSHAW!!!Youcan'tmakeacommentbecauseyou'respeechless,
andyou'retooAFRAID.Besides,Noonewantstohearyour
stupidnessanyway.
(MARKSTORMSOUTTHEDOOR,SPEECHLESS,FURIOUS,ANDAFRAID.)
92.
CONTINUED:(3)
PETER(TOLISA)
Doyouunderstandwhatyouaredoing?Youaregoingto
destroyJohnny.Heisverysensitive.
LISA
Idon'tcare.I'minlovewithMark.
PETER
Howcanyoudothis?Youmakemesick!
JOHNNY
(THEDOOROPENSANDJOHNNYCOMESINWITHMICHELLE.)
Thankyouhoney,thisisabeautifulparty.Youinvitedall
myfriends.Goodthinking.
LISA
You'rewelcomedarling.YouknowhowmuchIloveyou.
JOHNNY
Ido,HaHaHa.
LISA
Youknow,it'sgettingreallyhotinhere.Whydon'twego
backoutside.
JOHNNY
Uhhuh.
(LISAANDPETERMAKETHEIRWAYTOTHEDOOR,ANDEVERYBODY
EXITSASJOHNNYCLOSESTHEDOOR.)
ENDSCENE
SCENE25
THEPARTYISNOWTAKINGPLACEONTHEROOFASPEOPLEARE
DRINKING,LAUGHING,ANDMINGLING.JOHNNYISSTANDINGINTHE
MIDDLEOFTHECROWD.
93.
CONTINUED:
JOHNNY
Heyeverybody,Ihaveanannouncementtomake.Weare
expecting!
(EVERYBODYCONGRATULATESJOHNNYBYSHAKINGHISHANDAND
PATTINGHIMONTHEBACKANDBEHIND.IT'SALLSMILESAND
LAUGHTER.HOWEVER,PETERANDMICHELLESTANDTOGETHER,LOOKING
VERYWORRIED.MICHELLETAKESLISABYTHEHANDANDLEADSHER
TOANUNOCCUPIEDCORNER,ANDPETERJOINSTHEM.)
MICHELLE
Lisa,youhavetobehonestwithJohnny.
PETER
Iagreewiththat.
MICHELLE
(MICHELLELOOKSAROUND.)
Youknowwhat'sgoingon?
PETER
(PETERNODSHISHEAD.)
Umhmmm.
LISA
Look,I'mgoingtotellhim.Ijustdon'twanttospoilhis
birthday.
PETER
Whenisthebabydue?
LISA
Thereisnobaby.
MICHELLE/PETER
What!?
94.
CONTINUED:(2)
PETER
Whatareyoutalkingabout?
LISA
Ijusttoldhimthattomakeitinteresting.Anyway,we'll
probablyhaveababyeventually.Youwon'tsayanythingto
Johnny,willyou?
MICHELLE
(MICHELLEPUTSHERHANDONHERFOREHEAD.)
Thisisjustgettingworseandworse.
PETER
IfeellikeI'msittingonanatomicbombwaitingforitto
gooff.
MICHELLE
Metoo.There'snosimplesolutiontothis.
LISA
Don'tworry.Youguysworryentirelytoomuchaboutme.
MICHELLE
Lisa,we'renotworriedaboutyou,weareworriedabout
Johnny.Youdon'tunderstandthepsychologicalimpactofwhat
youaredoinghere.You'rehurtingyourself,youarehurting
OURfriendship.
PETER
Actuallyit'smorelikeathermonuclearbombI'msittingon,
usingtheprimaryfissionreactionfromtheatomicbombIwas
previouslysittingontocompressandigniteasecondary
hydrogenbasedfusionreaction.
LISA
IamnotresponsibleforJohnny.I'mthroughwiththat.I'm
changing,thewholeworld'schanging.Ihavetheright,don't
I?Peoplearechangingallthetime.Ihavetothinkaboutmy
future.What'sittoyou?
95.
CONTINUED:(3)
PETER
Thisisgoingtopullusalldown,it'sgoingtoshakeupour
groupoffriends.It'sgoingtodestroyourfriendshipLisa,
it'sgoingtodestroyeverything,justlikeinthatmovie,
Dr.Strangelove.Except,Idon'tthinkMarkreallylovesyou.
LISA
(LISASTANDSUP.)
Idon'twanttotalkaboutit!
MICHELLE
Lisa,youaregoingtohavetofaceit.Iforone,amgoing
tohaveahardtimeforgivingyouifyoudon't.
LISA
(LISAYELLSSOALLCANHEAR.)
Heyeverybody,let'sgoinsideandeatsomecake!
(THECROWDCHEERSANDLISAWALKSOFFWITHPETERAND
MICHELLE.)
MICHELLE
Idon'tunderstandyouLisa.
PETER
Women.They'reallthesame.
ENDSCENE
SCENE26
PEOPLEAREENJOYINGTHECAKE.
BRAN
Lisalookshottonight.
(JOHNNYISTALKINGTOCLAUDETTEANDHEKISSESHERONTHE
CHEEKASTHEYARELAUGHING.LISAISBYTHECOFFEETABLE
TALKINGWITHPETER,BILLY,ANDMICHELLE.MARKAPPROACHESTHIS
GROUP,ANDHEISTIPSY.)
96.
CONTINUED:
MARK
Comeon,who'sbabyisitLisa?Isitmine?
LISA
(SHE'SLOOKINGVERYANGRY.)
No,ofcoursenot.
MARK
(MARKSTEPSCLOSERTOLISAANDPUTSHISHANDONHERARM.)
Howcanyoubesureanyway?Areyousureit'snotmine?
LISA
(SHE'SLOOKINGVERYANGRY.)
Don'taskmeanystupidquestions!
MARK
(MARKHOLDSLISA'SARMVERYTIGHTLY.)
Whothehelldoyouthinkyouare!?
LISA
(LISASLAPSHIMWITHHEROTHERHANDONTHEFACE.)
Justshutup!
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYSEESWHATISHAPPENINGANDAPPROACHESTHEM.)
What'sgoingonhere?
MARK
Youreallydon'tknow,doyou?
LISA
Hehurtmyarm.
(SHEISWHINING.)
97.
CONTINUED:(2)
JOHNNY
IknowmorethanyouthinkIdo,Mark.
MARK
What'sthatsupposedtomean?
JOHNNY
PreciselywhatIsaid.That'swhyIchosethewords.
MARK
Youdon'tknowshit!
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYISVERYANGRY)
Whatdoyouwantfromme?Whatdoyouwantfromme!!!!
MARK
Iwantyoutojustdisappear,youlittletwerp.
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYPUNCHESMARKINTHESHOULDER.)
YouleaveLisaalone,prick.
MARK
(MARKHITSJOHNNYINTHEFACE.JOHNNYRETURNSTHEBLOW.THEY
ENDUPONTHEFLOORWRESTLINGANDHITTINGEACHOTHER.)
LISA
(LISASCREAMS..........)
Stop!Stop!Stop!Peter!Michelle!Help!!!Help!!!....
(LISA,PETERANDMICHELLETRYTOPULLTHEMAPART.SEVERAL
OTHERGUYSHELPLIFTTHEMTOTHEIRFEETANDHOLDTHEM.)
98.
CONTINUED:(3)
PETER
(PETERGRABSABUCKETOFWATERANDICE,ANDPOURSITON
JOHNNYANDMARK.THEGUYSWHOAREHOLDINGMARKANDJOHNNY
ALSOGETWET,ANDTHEYSTARTLAUGHINGANDSHOUTINGATPETER.)
MARK
KnockitoffPeter!Whatareyoudoing,areyoucrazy?
BILLY
Petercan'tbecrazy!He'sanexpertpsychologist!
(BILLYTURNSTOWARDPETER.)
HeyPeter,What'sthedifferencebetweenapsychologistanda
duck?
PETER
Idon'tknow.What?
BILLY
One'saquack,theother'saduck.
JOHNNY
Thefight'soverfolks,everything'sfine.
(JOHNNYSTICKSOUTHISHANDTOSHAKEMARK'SHAND.)
SorryaboutthatMark.
MARK
Yeah,yeah.Metoo.
JOHNNY
Lisa,canwehaveabigmophere?
(LISAGOESTOTHEKITCHENTOGETAMOP.PEOPLESTARTTHROWING
ICEATEACHOTHERANDLAUGHING.THEPARTYGOESONWITHPEOPLE
TALKING,DRINKINGANDEATING.)
99.
CONTINUED:(4)
LISA
(LISAISMOPPINGTHEFLOOR.)
Youguysknockitoff.You'rejustmakingmoreworkforme.
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYGOESTOTHEBATHROOMANDCOMESOUTWITHASTACKOF
TOWELS.)
Towels,anyone?
(SEVERALGUYSTAKETOWELSANDWIPETHEIRFACESANDHAIRS,AND
OTHERSSHOUT.)
MARK
Yeah,I'lltakeone,maybeacouple.Maidservice,thank
goodness.
(JOHNNYPUTSONAHEAVYMETALMUSICANDTHEMOODCHANGESTO
FASTDANCING.)
ENDSCENE
SCENE27
AFTERAWHILELISAAPPROACHESMARKTODANCE.THEYAREHOLDING
HANDSWHILEDANCING,STARINGINTOEACHOTHER'SEYESWITH
SEDUCTIVEEXPRESSIONS,OFFANDONTOUCHINGEACHOTHER'S
SHOULDERS,HIPSANDKNEES.SOON,JOHNNYNOTICESAND
APPROACHESTHEM.)
JOHNNY
Whatareyoudoing?
LISA
Noneofyourbusiness.
JOHNNY
Youaremyfuturewife.Whattheheckareyoudoing?
MARK
Leaveheralone,man.Shedoesn'twanttotalktoyou.
100.
CONTINUED:
JOHNNY
(VERYANGRILY)
Sincewhendoyougivemeorders!
MARK
SinceLisachangedhermindaboutyou.Wakeupman.What
planetareyouon?
JOHNNY
Ithinkyoushouldleaverightnow.
LISA
Don'tspoilit,wewerejusthavingfun.
MARK
(MARKPOKESJOHNNYSLIGHTLYINHISSHOULDER.)
Don'tworryaboutit,man.Everything'sgoingtobealright.
JOHNNY
Don'ttouchmeyoustupidmotherfucker.Leavemygirlalone.
(JOHNNYGRABSMARKAROUNDHISNECKANDPUSHESHIMBACKTOTHE
WALL.MARKFORCESHISHANDSBETWEENJOHNNY'SARMSANDBREAKS
JOHNNY'SGRIP,GRABSONEOFJOHNNY'SARMSANDTWISTSIT
BEHINDJOHNNY'SBACK.JOHNNYLEANSFORWARDANDBREAKSMARK'S
GRIPANDWHIRLSAROUNDWITHAHIGHJUMPINGREVERSEROUNDHOUSE
DRAGONKICKTOTHESIDEOFMARK'SHEAD.ATTHESAMETIMELISA
TRIESTOGETBETWEENTHEMSCREAMING.)
LISA
Stop!Stop!Whyareyouactinglikechildren?Bothofyouare
ruiningtheparty.
(SEVERALGUYSGRABMARKANDJOHNNYANDPULLTHEMBACKAWAY
FROMEACHOTHERANDHOLDTHEM.ATTHESAMETIMEMARKAND
JOHNNYANDTHEOTHERGUYSARESHOUTINGATEACHOTHER.
MICHELLEANDAFEWGIRLSTALKTOLISATOCALMHERDOWN.
EVERYBODYISTALKINGATONCE.)
101.
CONTINUED:(2)
MARK
Yousonofabitchdirtyscum!Ifyoukeepyourgirl
satisfied,shewouldn'tcometome!
JOHNNY
Getout!IfIeverseeyouagainIwillkillyou.Iwill
breakeveryboneinyourbody,yousonofabitchasshole!
OTHERGUYS
(THEOTHERGUYSAREFORCINGMARKTOWARDTHEDOORAND
SHOUTING.)
Whatareyoudoing,areyounuts?
You'resupposedtobebestfriends.
Breakitup,it'sover.
Coolityouguys.
Mark,gohomeandtakeacoldshower.
Theyaresostupid.
MARK
(MARKISSHOUTINGFROMTHEHALLWAY.)
Youcouldn'tkillmeifyoutried.
JOHNNY
Youbastard!Youbetrayme!Youarenotgood,youarejusta
wimp!!!I'llgetyou,youjustwait!!Youchicken!!!CHIP!!!
CHIP!!!!CHIP!!!!CHIP!!!!!
(CHICKENNOISES.)
MARK
(MARK'SSHOUTINGTHINGSDOWNTHEHALLWAY.)
Yourassisgrass,andI'mthelawnmower!!!Gopeeonan
electricfence!!
JOHNNY
RememberMark!!Hewholaughslast,laughslast!Sogoahead,
Idareyoutosaysomethinginreplytome!Idoubledare
you!!ButIknowyouwon'tbecauseyou'retooafraid!!!
(MARKSTOMPSAWAY,FURIOUSANDAFRAID.)
102.
CONTINUED:(3)
PETER
ChilloutJohnny,it'sover.
JOHNNY
It'snotover!Everybodybetrayme.I'mfedupwiththis
world!
(JOHNNYPICKSUPAPARTYGLASSANDTHROWSITATTHEFULL
LENGTHMIRRORWHICHSHATTERSINTOSMALLPIECES.SOMEGIRLS
SCREAMANDBACKAWAYWITHSHOCKEDEXPRESSIONS.JOHNNYWHIRLS
AROUNDANDSTOMPSANGRILYINTOTHEBATHROOMANDSLAMSTHE
DOOR.IMMEDIATELLYTHEREAREMORESOUNDSOFCRASHINGGLASS
COMINGFROMTHEBATHROOM.LISAGOESTOTHEBATHROOMANDTRIES
TOOPENTHEDOOR,BUTIT'SLOCKED.SHERATTLESTHEDOORNOB
ANDSCREAMSATJOHNNY.YELLING.)
LISA
Openthedoor!ComeoutJohnny!
(LISABANGSONTHEDOORWITHTHEHEELOFHERHAND.MICHELLE
COMESOVERTOLISA.)
MICHELLE
CalmdownLisa.Ineversawhimlikethis.
PETER
(PETERCOMESOVER.)
Lisa,it'sgettinglate.I'mgoingtohavetogosoon.But,I
don'twanttoleaveyoulikethis.
LISA
I'malright.ThisisbetweenJohnnyandmeanyway.
BILLY
GoodideaPeter.Theparty'sover.Besides,itwasabig
LameOanyway.
(HEMAKES"L"THEN"O"SIGNSWITHHISHANDS.)
I'malsoleaving.
103.
CONTINUED:(4)
BRAN
Metoo.
(BILLYANDBRANLEAVE.)
CLAUDETTE
(CLAUDETTE,WEARINGANAPRON,ISSWEEPINGUPBROKENMIRROR
GLASSANDDISPOSINGOFIT.)
Don'tworryLisa,I'llstayhereandhelpyou.
OTHERPEOPLE
(OTHERPEOPLETAKETHEHINTANDSTARTGETTINGREADYTOLEAVE.
SEVERALWOMENPICKUPEMPTYBOTTLESANDGLASSESANDCARRY
THEMTOTHEKITCHEN.SOMEOTHERPEOPLEGATHERINACORNERAND
WHISPERAMONGTHEMSELVES,LAUGHINGANDFINISHINGTHEIR
DRINKS.GRADUALLYTHEPEOPLELEAVE,THANKINGLISAFOR
INVITINGTHEM.)
Seeyoulater.
ByeJohnny.
SeeyouJohnny.
SeeyouLisa.
Happybirthday.
AreyougoingtobealrightLisa?
Seeyoueverybody.
Bye.
LISA
Don'tworryaboutme,I'llbefine.
Seeyoulater.
Seeyoulater.
Seeyoulater.
PETER
(PETERKNOCKSONTHEBATHROOMDOOR)
Johnny,I'mleavingnow.Iwanttoshakeyourhand.
JOHNNY
GoonPeter,I'lltalktoyoutomorrow.Thanksfor
everything.
104.
CONTINUED:(5)
PETER
IwanttotalktoyoubeforeIleave.
(JOHNNYDOESN'TRESPOND.PETERTURNSTOLISA.)
PETER
He'sprettystubborn,isn'the?
LISA
We'llworkitout,youcangonow.
PETER
Alright,youcallmeanytimeifyouneedme.Seeyoulater.
(PETERGIVESALITTLEKISSONLISA'SCHEEKANDTURNSTO
MICHELLE.)
PETER
SeeyounextFriday,Michelle.
MICHELLE
SurePeter.Youtakecare.Bye.
(PETERGOESOUTTHEDOOR.)
MICHELLE
Lisa,canIhelpyoucleanup?
LISA
NothanksMichelle.Mom'sgoingtodoit.Thanksforallyour
help.
MICHELLE
Whereisyourmom?Idon'tseeher.
LISA
She'sinthekitchen,ifIknowmymom.
105.
CONTINUED:(6)
CLAUDETTE
(FROMTHEKITCHEN.)
Iheardthat,Lisa.Getyourprettylittlebunsinhereand
help.
MICHELLE
Well,IguessI'llleaveittothefamily.
LISA
Bye,Bye,seeyoulater,Michelle.Thanksforyourhelp.
MICHELLE
Bye,Lisa.Itwasmypleasure.
(MICHELLEGOESOUTTHEDOOR.)
LISA
(LISAGOESTOTHEKITCHEN.)
Mom,whatamIgoingtodo?Hewon'tcomeoutofthe
bathroom.
CLAUDETTE
Don'tbothermeaboutit.I'mnottalkingtohim.Heis
prick.Hewon'tevenhelpapoorolddyinglady.
LISA
Oh,nevermind.
(LISAGOESTOTHEBATHROOMDOORANDRATTLESTHENOB.)
Johnny!Hey,Johnny!
JOHNNY
Iwon'tcomeoutuntilsheleaves.
LISA
Whyareyoubeingsuchababy?
106.
CONTINUED:(7)
CLAUDETTE
(CLAUDETTECOMESOUTOFTHEKITCHENDRYINGHERHANDSONA
KITCHENTOWEL.)
Don'tworry!!!!I'mleaving!!!!!
(SHEISTALKINGLOUDENOUGHFORJOHNNYTOHEAR.SHEFOLDSTHE
TOWELANDTAKESOFFHERAPRONANDFOLDSIT.)
LISA
I'mgladyoucouldcomemom,thanksforyourhelp.
CLAUDETTE
Don'tmentionitdear.Callmetomorrowandwe'llseehowyou
feel.
LISA
I'llgetyourcoat.
(LISAHELPSHERMOTHERWITHHERCOAT,ANDCLAUDETTEGOESOUT
THEDOOR.)
CLAUDETTE
Goodnightdear,sweetdreams.BegoodtoJohnny.
(TOJOHNNY.)
GoodnightJohnny!
LISA
I'lltry.Goodnightmom.
(LISAGOESTOTHEBATHROOMDOOR.)
LISA
ComeoutnowJohnny,she'sgone.
JOHNNY
Inafewminutesbitch.
107.
CONTINUED:(8)
LISA
Whoareyoucallingabitch?
JOHNNY
Youandyourstupidmother.
LISA
(LISAGOESOVERTOTHEPHONEANDPUNCHESNUMBERS,THENWALKS
HOLDINGITTOHEREARASFARINTOTHEKITCHENASTHECORD
WILLSTRETCH.)
HiMark,Ineedtotalktoyou.Don'tpayanyattentionto
Johnny,he'sbeingabigbaby.YouknowIloveyouverymuch.
You'rethesparkleofmylife.Ican'tlivewithoutyou.I
loveyou.
MARK
Whydon'tyouditchthiscreep.Idon'tlikehimanymore.
LISA
Iknow,he'snotworthit.Whydon'tIcomeupthereandbe
withyou?
MARK
Surebaby,comeonup.Iwantyourbody.
LISA
Yougotit.I'monmyway.Bye.
(LISAHANGSUP.)
JOHNNY
(ANGRILY,JOHNNYCOMESOUTOFTHEBATHROOM.)
Whowereyoutalkingto?
LISA
(LISATAKESACANVASBAGOUTOFTHECLOSET.)
Nobody.
108.
CONTINUED:(9)
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYWALKSTOTHEANSWERINGMACHINEANDPUSHESSOME
BUTTONS.)
We'lljustseeaboutthat!
VOICEOFLISA
HiMark,Ineedtotalktoyou.Don'tpayanyattentionto
Johnny,he'sbeingabigbaby.YouknowIloveyouverymuch.
You'rethesparkleofmylife.Ican'tlivewithoutyou.I
loveyou.
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYPRESSESTHEPAUSEBUTTON.)
Youlittletramp!howcouldyoudothistome!Igaveyou
sevenyearsofmylife!Let'sseewhatelsewehaveonthis
tape!
LISA
Nostop!Youlittleprick!Iputupwithyouforsevenyears!
Youthinkyouareanangel,butyou'rejustlikeeverybody.
JOHNNY
Itreatyoulikeaprincessandyoustabbedmeintheback.I
loveyouandIdideverythingtopleaseyou,andnowyou
betrayme...howcouldyoulovehim!!Let'shearthetape.
(JOHNNYPRESSESABUTTON.)
VOICEOFMARK
Whydon'tyouditchthiscreep.Idon'tlikehimanymore.
VOICEOFLISA
Iknow,he'snotworthit.Whydon'tIcomeupthereandbe
withyou?
VOICEOFMARK
Surebaby,comeonup.Iwantyourbody.
109.
CONTINUED:(10)
VOICEOFLISA
Yougotit.I'monmyway.Bye.
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYPICKSUPTHEMACHINEANDYANKSITTOBREAKTHEWIRE
ANDTHROWSITAGAINSTTHEWALL.)
Everybodybetrayme!Idon'thaveafriendintheworld!
LISA
I'mleavingyouJohnny.
(LISAGOESTOTHEBATHROOMWITHHERBAG,THROWSAFEWTHINGS
INTOITANDRUNSOUTTHEDOORWITHIT.)
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYISYELLINGWHILELISAISSLAMMINGTHEDOOR.)
Getout!Getout!Getoutofmylife!!!
(JOHNNYPICKSUPTHETVANDTHROWSITTHROUGHTHEWINDOW.
THERE'SABIGNOISEANDCRASHOUTSIDETHEWINDOW.HEYELLS.)
JOHNNY
Screwthewholeworld!Idon'tneedthem!
(MOREGLASSSHATTERS.JOHNNYTIPSACHAIROVER,THENTHESOFA
ANDGRABSALAMPANDTHROWSITOUTTHEBROKENWINDOW.WEHEAR
ADISTANTCRASH.HECLEARSOFFTHESHELFWITHHISHANDS.
BOOKSANDOTHERITEMSFALLONTHEFLOOR.WHATEVERHESEESHE
THROWSAGAINSTTHEWALLS.)
NEIGHNOR#1.
(SOMEONEBANGSONTHEFRONTDOOR.)
What'sgoingoninthere?Openup!openup!Areyouokay?
(THEREISMOREBANGINGONTHEDOOR.)
110.
CONTINUED:(11)
JOHNNY
(JOHNNYGOESINTOTHECLOSETANDTHROWSOUTEVERYTHINGHE
SEESANDFINDSAWOODENBOXABOUTTHESIZEOFASHOEBOX.HE
TRIESTOPULLITOPEN,BUTHECAN'T.HETHROWSITTOTHE
FLOORBUTITDOESN'TOPEN.HEKICKSIT,BUTITDOESN'TOPEN.
HEPULLSAPIECEOFMETALFROMTHEBOTTOMOFTHECHAIRAND
PRIESOPENTHEPADLOCKANDSUCCEEDS.HEOPENSTHEBOXAND
TAKESOUTAGUN.HEISCRYING.)
Why?Why?Why?Whyisthishappeningtome!Why?Whyisthis
happeningtome!Ican'tdealwiththisanymore!It'sover!
It'sover!
(SUDDENLYHESTARESINTOTHECLOSET.HEREACHESINANDPULLS
OUTASEXYNIGHTGOWN.HEHOLDSITATARM'SLENGTH.)
Youtramp!Youtramp!
(HETHROWSITDOWNONTHEFLOOR.HEREACHESINANDPULLSOUT
MOREOFLISA'SCLOTHESANDTHROWSTHEMONTHEFLOOR.HELIES
ONTHECLOTHES,UNZIPPINGHISZIPPER.HEISBREATHINGHARD
ANDWRITHINGWITHPELVICTHRUSTS.)
(WHENHEFINISHES,HESITSUPANDPICKSUPTHEGUN.HIS
FINGERISONTHETRIGGER.TEARSAREFLOWINGDOWNHISCHEEKS.
HETHROWSTHEGUNAWAYFROMHIM.HEISCRYINGWITHHISFACE
INHISHANDS.AFTERAWHILE,HECRAWLSTOTHEGUN,STILL
CRYINGOUTLOUD.HEREACHESFORTHEGUNWITHHISHAND
SHAKING.HEPICKSITUPANDPOINTSITATTHEMIDDLEOFHIS
FOREHEAD.)
JOHNNY
Godforgiveme.
(JOHNNYPULLSTHETRIGGER.HECOLLAPSESONTHEFLOOR
GROANING.HEISDEAD.)
LISA
(LISAOPENSTHEDOORTOTHEAPARTMENT.MARKRUSHESINPAST
HERANDKNEELSDOWNBESIDEJOHNNY'SBODY.ALSOSEVERAL
NEIGHBORSCOMEIN.LISASTANDSBYTHEDOORWITHANEXPRESSION
OFHORRORANDHERARMSFOLDED.)
NEIGHNOR#1.
Somebodycallthepolice!
111.
CONTINUED:(12)
NEIGHNOR#2.
Don'tanybodytouchanything!Callanambulance!
(ONEPERSONLEAVESTHEROOMTOCALL.)
MARK
Johnny,openyoureyes.Wakeup!
(MARKHOLDSJOHNNY'SARMANDHISHEAD.)
LISA
IshedeadMark?Ishedead?
MARK
(MARKISVERYEMOTIONAL.HETOUCHESTHESIDEOFJOHNNY'S
NECK.)
Yeshe'sdead!Yeshe'sdead!!!
(HEKISSESJOHNNYONTHEFOREHEAD.)
LISA
(LISAPUTSHERHANDOVERHEREYESANDSAYS.)
Oh!OhmyGod!
(MARKSTANDSBESIDELISAANDHOLDSHERTIGHTLY.)
LISA
Ohwell,theinsuranceispaidup,$100,000.00
MARK
(MARKSTANDSBACKAWAYFROMLISA.)
You'rethinkingofinsuranceatatimelikethis!?
LISA
Don'tyousee?We'refreetobetogether.
112.
CONTINUED:(13)
MARK
(MARKPUSHESLISAAGAINSTTHEWALL.)
Youtramp!Youkilledhim,you'rethecauseofallofthis.
Gotohell!Idon'tneedyourdirtymoney.Idon'tloveyou.
AsfarasI'mconcernedyoucandropofftheEarth.
(PAUSE.)
Getoutofmylife!getoutofmylifeLisa!
(MARKKNEELSAGAINBESIDEJOHNNY,CRYING.SIRENSCANBEHEARD
INTHEDISTANCE.)
THEEND

The Room PDF

Загружено:

Сведения о документе

Оригинальное название

Авторское право

Доступные форматы

Поделиться этим документом

Поделиться или встроить документ

Параметры публикации

Этот документ был вам полезен?

Это неприемлемый материал?

Авторское право:

Доступные форматы

The Room PDF

Загружено:

Авторское право:

Доступные форматы

THE

Вам также может понравиться