Poor teen-parent relationship causes failure of teenagers in

adolescence
Adolescence is a difficult time for both parents and the teenagers. And the pressure can
be overwhelming. Due to poor teen-parent relationship teenagers faces failure in life. This issue
is very common in our society. Anne Tyler and Joyce carol have written short stories in which
similar scenario is depicted. Anne Tylers focus in this story is the gradual disintegration of the
relationship between a teenage boy and his parents.
In the short story Teenage Wasteland by Anne Tyler, Donny is a fifteen year old
unmotivated teen who is doing poorly in his schoolwork. His mother hires a tutor named Cal to
improve Donnys grades. HoweverCaltreatsDonny like a friend rather than a tutor. Her mother
daisy does not have confidence on her own abilities and hires a tutor for her child. Donnydo not
have a good role models which provide necessary guidelines for his success. Cal is more like his
friend rather than a role model. Daisys low self-esteem and lack of faith in herself result in a
poor role model for her son. His mother and tutor both fails to provide motivation to do better in
his schoolwork. Donny would not have become a failure if either Cal or Daisy had set a good
example of guidelines for success. Bothfails in setting rules for Donnybut for a different reason.
In the beginning of story when daisy set some rules for Donny and monitors his homework
Donnys grades improved slightly but when she hires a tutor for him Donny becomes answerable
only to his tutor and Cal sets no rules for him. As a result Donny is not motivated by his mother
and daisy and the tutor Cal neither himself because he is not mature and ultimately he fails. He
runs away from home and never came back.

Similarly in short story by Taylor carol Oates where are you going where you have
been? Oateshighlighted the same issue in slightly different manner by telling a story of a girl
who lives in a fantasy and impressed by modern culture. Connie is a fifteen year old girl who is
impressed by music guided society who wants the attention of boys and the negligence of a
parents at the time. As a result she met a devil ARNOLD FRIEND, who at the end of the story
seduces Connie into her own doom. Connies problems with her family, social life, and the
people who, however unwillingly on her part make him psychologically ill and she trussed a
devil and left her home. The sexual context of the story suggests the negative criticism of Oates
towards the sexual revolution.
In both the stories the issue is same. Poor teen-parent relationship and social life affect
both the teenagers future badly. In both cases teenagers are not trusted by parents both do not
have role models both do not have good relationship with parents which ultimately leads to their
failure
In any relationship, it is essential that both parties commit equally to the nurturing of that
relationship and take responsibility for their own actions. Understanding and communication
play an indispensable role in achieving a healthy appreciation of each others needs and
subsequently, a satisfying and happy family life, unlike the family in this story. If Connie and
Donny have a strong relationship with their parents if they trust each other and if their parents
had paid attention to them and make themselves as a role model for their children and gain their
trust than the outcomes will be different and positive.
Both Taylor and Oates gives us the reason behind the teenage failure the main reason is
poor teen-parent relationship as in case of Connie poor relationship between Connie and her

parents lead to psychological problems which ultimately leads to her failure in life.Connies low
self-esteem , insecurity fear of intimacy and poor relationship with her mother father and sister
led to her leaving with Arnold friend. Whereas in Donnys case her mother low self-esteem and
her distrust on Donny and her own abilities as well as her wrong decision of hiring a tutor led to
failure of her child.
Tyler and Oates show us two fifteen year old teenagers who are trying to find acceptance
at that point of their lives. Both teenagers are unsure of their role in life, choose to explore
different ways of looking at themselves and thats why they opt to pursue things that dont really
matter in life. Theyre going through an identity crisis because they do not really know who they
are and this is one of the most important conflicts that they face during their development at an
early age.
During the struggle finding an identity, Tyler and Oates show how Donny and Connie defy and
dismiss their parents obtuse and apparent misguided sentiments of striving to be a better person.
They escape reality by becoming distant and precocious from their parents. Thus, both teenagers
fall under the influence of a third party that becomes their tragic demise in disguise. Donny
started taking alcohol and in the end left home whereas Connie became the victim of a devil.
Tyler and Oates show how the relationship among the teenagers and their parents worsens as
Donny and Connie start drifting away from their parents becoming distant and rebellious. At the
beginning of Teenage Wasteland, Tyler explains that Donny goes through changes in his
appearance: His hair [grows] darker, and he [wears] it longer.1 He also develops new problems.
He begins to cut classes on at least three occasions. [Smokes] in the furnace room at school
1 Teenage Wasteland P. 2

and helps a fellow classmate break into a freshmans locker.2 In addition, he goes off school
grounds and upon his return a teacher can smell beer on his breath. He thinks that school its
like a prison.3Even though his parents try to understand that his behavior is part of being
fifteen4 he still has a low opinion of his parents.5When his parents try to discipline him,
Donnys response is: For Gods sake! Dont you trust me? He thinks that his parents are too
controlling6and goes into an evasive behavior. Comparably, in Where Are You Going Where
Have You Been, Oates shows a Connie that wants to escape her life from her parents into some
kind of fantasy. Connie has a captivation with herself which is why shes constantly looking in
mirrors. When her mother pesters her telling her to stop doing so, she simply looks right through
her and thinks that her mom may be jealous of her because the mothers own good looks are long
gone.7She complains saying that her mother makes [her] want to throw up sometimes.8Connie
defies her parents authority when she lies to them about her whereabouts. Tyler and Oates
portray two teenagers that have to lead a double life, for Donny its one for school and one for
home and Connie one for hanging with friends and one for home. Both of their attitudes are
evasive with their parents and they both want to be trusted. Tyler and Oates show that in spite of
2 Teenage Wasteland p. 3
3 Teenage Wasteland p. 3
4 Teenage Wasteland P. 2
5 Teenage Wasteland P 4
6 Teenage Wasteland p. 4
7 Where Are You Going Where Have You Been P. 1
8 Where Are You Going Where Have You Been - P. 1

apparent misguided efforts of the teenagers parents, they are oblivious as to whats happening to
both of them and they dont do enough to discipline them.
Tyler and Oates depict brilliant examples of how Donny and Connies lack of preparation
and resistance lead them to outsider and influential cynical characters disguised in a different
kind of influence taking the teenagers to an ambiguous fate. In the case of Donny, Tyler shows
how Daisy believes that Donny having a tutor will serve him as a good influence that will make
positive improvements for her son. But in reality, Cal is simply another teenager who professes
to help children; he satisfies his immature needs at the expense of Donnys parents. Right away,
Tyler gives us funny feelings about Cal because he seems too young and his hair [is] as long
and stringy as Donnys and his jeans as faded9There is always loud music spilling from Cals
windows with the stereo playing rock music.10 Tyler shows no evidence of Cal providing any
real tutoring to Donny. Even though Donnys mood and social outlook improves, his grades and
performance do not reflect the tutoring that he is receiving from Cal. Cal justifies this to
Donnys parents by telling them that it will take some time. Cal also tells Daisy: you and I both
know theres more to it than mere grades, dont we? I care about the whole child his happiness,
his self-esteem. The grades will come.11 Cal also imposes many rules on Donnys parents, they
are supposed to let him experience some grown-up challenges12 and to trust him. This includes
strict rules regarding Donnys schooling, They are not allowed any questions at all about any
9 Teenage Wasteland p. 3
10 Teenage Wasteland p. 6
11 Teenage Wasteland p. 5
12 Teenage Wasteland p. 4

aspect of school, nor were they to speak with his teachers. If a teacher [has] a complaint, [they]
should phone Cal.13Cal told Donnys parents that they ought to give him more rope.14They in
fact did but perhaps too much as Donny eventually became a runaway child. The parents were
not authoritative enough to discipline their own child. They instead paid a cynical character to
take control of their son. Tyler shows that even though Cal may have made Donny happier at
first, he simply added emotional pain to Donny. The parents never told Cal to back off and were
not sterner about the perplexing situation. Very similarly, in Where Are You Going Where Have
You Been, Oates introduces a character that we know not to trust from the get go. When
Conniemeets Arnold Friend, we right away notice that there is something very suspicious about
the situation that Connie is experiencing. At first Connie doesnt recognize Arnold Friends real
motive because she likes the way he [is] dressed...tight faded jeans stuffed into black, scuffed
boots, a belt that pulled his waist in and showed how lean he [is with] hard small muscles in his
arms and shoulders...even his neck [looks]muscular.15But in reality Arnold Friend is a forty year
old character that is literally in a disguise wearing a wig16 and his whole face [is] a
mask...tanned down to his throat...as if he had plastered make-up on his face.17 Tyler makes it is
easy for us to conclude that Connie was raped and abducted by this man because there is nothing
normal about this perplexing situation; its not every day that an Arnold Friend comes knocking

13 Teenage Wasteland p. 5
14 Teenage Wasteland p. 4
15 Where Are You Going Where Have You Been P. 4
16 Where Are You Going Where Have You Been p. 6
17 Where Are You Going Where Have You Been p. 7

at a teenagers door when shes by herself. Both Tyler and Oates introduce us to allegorical
figures of evil in their short stories. They are cynical characters that are the impersonation of
some other kind of influence. It is the teenagers temptation to explore something beyond their
maturity during their quest to finding their identity that leads them to their tragic demise.
In the end there will always be finger-pointing to make someone responsible and find a
party who to blame for the tragic loss of these teenagers. Neither set of parents will believe that it
was their responsibility and that they had anything to do with their childrens disappearance. The
children themselves dont even know who they are yet to have any kind of responsibility when
they are so ironically focused in an incredible rush to grow up and race to maturity. Tyler and
Oates warn us that it is essential that parents and children commit to their relationship and hold
themselves accountable as they take responsibility for their own actions. During this
commitment, communication should be indispensable thus achieving a healthy appreciation of
each others. There will always be teenage defiance in their quest for independence from their
parents. It has been said that this search for independence is a healthy part of growing up. But
parents should instill positive values in their children, let them experience it and hope for the
best. Tyler and Oates have provided stories with unhappy endings but stories that end as more of
a realistic matter in our society.