The Westernian Advocate

Cultures Magazine
Hennie Alyssa M. Gutierrez

10 Teleserye Glitches that have cracked your screens

While you sit in front of the flashing screen of the TV, do you have this certain feeling
of what-the-hell-Ive-seen-this-before-and-never-ever-wanted-to-see-this-no-more? If
you ever did, then you are not one of those teleserye crazy fanatics who would love the
same kind of drama (with only the artists varying) over and over again.
But before we bury these Pinoy super-stoned plots, lets take a look back and have
our final laugh.
Glitch No. 1: The syndrome: Babies first
At every teleserye introduction, always expect to see: (a) switched babies; (b) sold
babies; (c) dead babies (which is practically fake to induce the kind of twist the Filipinos
need); and (d) every typical baby scene. And it is a must that these are the first scenes
in a Philippine TV series too much exciting (ugh) for the fans anticipation. Such a
boost!
Glitch No. 2: The Childhood Love Story
After the baby-conflict comes the promise that when they grow up, they would
conquer their worlds and live a happy family while flirty-ly mimicking an adult-ycheesy-eewy love scene. But theyll part ways thats for sure. No worries, somehow
destiny (or the writer) will let them meet and make a love story either theyll bump to
each other or the other half just got home from another country.
Glitch No. 3: Stepmother is a monster
This is just uncommon. Picture out the scene: you, the real and true daughter/son,
your mom died and your father fell in love EASILY with a woman he thought was nice.

And when they get married (surely, they will), youll end up being so beaten up with lies
and slaps. You thought it only happens in Cinderella, right? Filipinos are good copy cats,
you know and we really love underdog scenes. Also, expect that before the story
inches to the climax, the poor and beaten would vow to take revenge and be rich.
Glitch No. 4: Haggard is a no-no
Imagine the scene of the lead character (usually a Maria) her face bathed with
sweat while she (or he) helped her (or his) family in their business, sakahan, or isdaan
or any of the dirty and messy jobs. If you put the facts together, do you even wonder
how she managed to stay flawless and beautiful regardless of the extremity of sunlight
exposure she gets?
Glitch No. 5: Kontrabida lines
The kontrabidas actions and lines are really just unpredictable with eyes
squinting in danger and remorse (with face caked with dark make-up, and a strong red
lipstick). And they would spew out the words that could make you urinate right there and
then. It goes like: Hindi ko hahayaang maging masaya ka. (Sounds really terrifying
and just annoying)
Glitch No. 6: Warehouse scheme
A great Filipino teleserye would not be complete without someone being kidnapped,
and brought to an old warehouse in a remote area. And when this happens (oh, it
happens everytime) expect to see: (1) a heroic act from his not-so-charming prince, (2)
the bida leaving with ONLY a scratch or less and (3) blood drips indicating the death of
a character (that would usually resolve to a Wow-you-are-alive scene with hugging and
kissing moments).

Glitch No. 7: Unfortunately...

If their life is about to be a happy ever after, this is the next good choice for a
conflict an accident resulting to amnesia, or, an accident that would send everybody
to the hospital, that would usually lead to some good revelations (Im questioning why I
accidentally used good) springing up.
Glitch No. 8: Formula for a good fight
While walking down the streets, the damsel in distress would always encounter
drunkards (or bad guys shooting crack). Then here comes the bravehearted guy to the
rescue who would inflict Fernando Poes signature moves: two punches on the face,
four on the stomach, and a cymbal-like slap to put them into sleep. Any alterations in the
formula would probably result to an imperfect fight.
Glitch No. 9: The Police
And here comes every writers favorite: policemen being very very VERY late at
crime scenes. Nobodys dead/shot/stabbed/murdered severely, no one comes. No
interesting conversation between the bida and the kontrabida, no one comes. Four
dead, policemen finally arrives. Bringing them up at once will just spoil everything.
(Could they be more realistic and creative?)
Glitch No. 10: It all ends with a wedding
And it all comes to an end. It is so Filipino to expect a happy ending or else, Pinoy
fans would either flood the social media with a lot of frustrations (like its a problem
inflicting greater damage to the global scene) or end up punching their TV screens. So
expect a wedding in the end, or a double one (if their parents would choose to continue
their disrupted love story).

***
Why do Filipino serye writers tend to use the overused plots? Its because the
televiewers love it. And when they love it, teleserye ranks boost up. And because we are
just viewers, ONLY viewers, we cannot do something about it. Man, its free TV. And if
they can only snatch the viewers eye with the same-old story, then, why bother? If you
want to see innovated plots, then better start subscribing in a cable TV provider.