FOUND THIS IN MY FOLDER. THOUGHT U'D LIKE TO READ IT ...

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THINK. OR DONT THINK!

?Mum where are you going?? I asked. ?Out.? She said simply. ?When are you coming
back?? I asked once more. She didn?t reply, instead she pushed my dad out of the
door. ?We?ll be back soon.? They both said. I nodded and watched them drive off.
I shook my head in disgust. Back soon, would be the next day, or when ever they felt
like it. Oh, more the better for me then. I didn?t know what to do so I went to bed. The
next day was Monday anyway and it was a school day. After all, I was required to go to
school alie. At 15 I had something to live up to. Or at least I thought I did.

Monday came quickly and I got dressed and made my way to school. Surprise
surprise, my parents weren?t in. I shook my head and sat down to have my breakfast. I
turned on the T.V and remembered it had been cancelled. They didn?t pay the TV
license and the council or government had cancelled it. So we had no TV. I sighed and
left the house.
I walked to the bus stop feeling worse than I had before. ?Oi slag!? I heard a voice say.
Well, actually it was several voices. I turned to see my school?s ?main ones? staring at
me with hatred in their eyes. I smiled back. Loving the way it pissed them off even
more. ?Fucking sket! Look at her doh! Thinking she?s all that.? They said out loud,
making other people look at me aswell.
I didn?t think I was all that. I wasn?t the prettiest girl in the world. I didn?t have the
biggest bum or breast. But I knew I had something for all the mandem to keep coming
to me and be giving me their attention.

The bus journey was the worst. I sat at the front because every bus journey was filled
with violence. Am I was always on the receiving end. Not that I couldn?t hold it down
for myself. But imagine getting rushed by about15 girls, kickers everywhere you look
and people stamping on any part of your body they can get. I?d been rushed into
hospital 10times since that year had started and we were in March. Thank the lord
school was nearly over. GCSE?s then done! Done with the fuckers and done with the
assholes and fucking haters!

?Ey, I swear that?s Secoiya?? some asked out loud. Oh fuck! Just when I thought I?d
gotten away with laying low. Even though the bus was packed, as soon as my name
was mentioned it went silent.
?Sket! Oi, you guys the sket?s on the fuckin bus! How come no?one clocked her??
?Probably cuz she was busy sucking dick? a deep voice said. Everyone laughed at my
expense. I should have been used to it, but I wasn?t. It hurt, but I had to pretend it
didn?t faze me. Bad girl attitude was now on. I braced myself.

I heard footsteps approach and I turned around and stood up to face her. Javine. My
nemesis. Nah scratch that. My arch nemesis. She was so pretty and all so evil.
?Why are you even coming back to school?? she asked.
?Is it any of your business?? I asked back.
She snorted and looked at me. I mean, she really looked at me. She had this look that
made you feel like you weren?t worth SHIT!
But that stopped working on me around year9. ?Skets, don?t need education, well not
the one they provide at school anyway.? She said really loud. They laughed.
?Truss! Some oral education.? Some one else added.

They laughed harder. I shrugged. I didn?t care. I did, but I didn?t.

?Have you finished Javine? I aint got time for you? well, I have time for James but not
for you? I said smiling. She looked furious!

James was her man and I?d been fucking him for about a month. Well, when she didn?
t know.
?You liar!? she shouted.
?He liked my oral education aswell.? I smirked barging her out of my way. She was
speechless for the first time and I didn?t mind. Miss I have a lot to say was now left
with nothing to say.

One Secoiya, zero Javine. I got off and decided to walk. When I said I didn?t have the
biggest bum in the world, I meant it, but my bum was big. And with my small frame it
looked huge! Way bigger than it was and I was not complaining.
?Oi babes?? someone called. I turned around and smiled happily. He walked up to me
and I sized him up. He weren?t half bad, and he wasn?t wearing uniform. Perfect!
?What?s your name?? he asked.
?Kelendria? I replied. Technically I wasn?t lying because that was actually my middle
name.
?Nice name, I?m Raymond.? He said smiling. I nodded and smiled back. ?How old are
you?? he asked now walking with me.
?16? I lied. Technically I was a few months away from 16. That was 16 wasn?t it?
?Oh, you?re legal then.?
?Yup? I replied happily. No where near legal.
I thought in my mind.
?So Kelendria, would you give man your number?? he asked.
?Why not? I said saying out my number.
?Nice meeting you babes? he said winking.
?You too? I replied smiling seductively at him.

My day had turned out well after all.

School was a bore and the same old story. I?d gotten into another fight and been sent
home. As usual, no one was home and I had to fend for myself. If my gran was alive I
would go and visit her but she had died over year ago and I?d been left stressed out.
She was the only person who ever told me she loved me and told me how beautiful I
was. She had time for me and we cooked together. All my cherished moments were
with her and not my own parents.
My ?parents? were absolute suckers for parents. I didn?t understand why they got that
role because they were shit at it. They didn?t care about me and if they did they didn?t
show it.
They were selfish! Selfish to the core and they didn?t see the pain they were causing
me.

So now I was home alone, bored out of my mind! I was thinking of jumping out of my
window. That was how bored I was.
My phone rang and I didn?t recognise the number. I scrutinized and decided to pick
up.
?You are??
A deep voice rumbled and I realised this person was laughing. I didn?t see anything
funny.
?Are you this rude??
?To people I don?t know?who?s this??
?You don?t remember me??
?Have I said I do??

He laughed again.

?It?s Raymond.?
?Who??
?Guy from this morning? he said.
?Ohhh you! Ma bad.? I laughed. ?Sorry about that Ray, I mean Raymond, do you mind
if I call you Ray??
?Nah I don?t,? he said laughing again.
?You are umm, very chatty aren?t you??
?AND BORED!? I said in frustration.
?Why? Aint you in school??
?Nah, got sent home for fighting.?
?Ah peak. Where?s mummy and daddy?? he asked.
?Sleeping? I lied.
?So you wanna come jam with me then??
?Hmm?
?In my yard, not with my bredrins.? He said quickly.

I didn?t need to think twice.

?Okay! I don?t mind.?

?Ite, you know where Calier is??
?Mmmm.?
?Yea, that road, number 56.? He said.
?I?ll see you ina bit then Raymond? I said locking off.

I quickly got changed and left my house again. Half an hour later I was at his door
knocking. He came to the door after a bit in his string vest.
?Rah it?s cold! Come in before we both freeze.? He said. I giggled and we both went
inside. I heard him say ?bumba!? after staring at my bum. I mean, he should cuz I was
giving it an extra jiggle, just for him.
He took me to his bedroom and we made some dead convo. We both knew that. Then
he laughed.
?Why you laughing?? I asked.
?I was just thinking of how stupid we would both behave high.? He said. I laughed
aswell and well, that was an ice breaker. He was Trinidadian, 19, was going to uni in
October and shit. He seemed to have everything covered really. He also lived in his
uncle?s house as his uncle was on holiday and he had finished school and didn?t get
along with his parents.
Something in common!

We continued to talk and it seemed like we were getting somewhere. ?Woah! Its 10 at
night? he said yawning. I looked at the time and he was right. It was 10 and we were
still talking. I felt like I?d known him all my life.
?Wont your parents tell you off?? he asked. He was actually concerned.
?No! They don?t care. If I say mum I?m going out guess what she says.?
?Umm, don?t be too late??
?No! She?s like, use protection and says, okay, if its part 3 don?t bother coming
home?

His eyes widened.

?Use protection you know.?

?Well I?m no virgin.?
?I know, but does she know?? he asked.
?I dunno, maybe she suspects, what kind of a mother is she? My dad, well, he doesn?t
care either. He has her under lock and key.? I said sighing.
?What you mean by that?? he asked stretching.
?He fucking beats her up and shit and when I try interfering I?m Mr. Evil. I don?t know
why she can?t break free from it.? I said and he nodded in agreement.

In the end, I ended up staying over at his house and I wished that my mum would call
me and say she was worried or something. But I got was a load of mixed calls from
people that wanted to have sex, and my smoking partner. I turned off my phone and we
ended up sleeping on the floor whilst watching a movie.

He woke me up the next day and forced me to go home and get ready for school. I
groaned but he dropped me off in his car and he decided that he would come inside my
yard and drop me off at school.

He drove to the front of my school when I begged him not to. I sighed and got out. To
my horror he was getting out as well and people were watching me. ?Why can?t you
just drive off you wanker?? I asked grumbling and lifting up my heavy and disgusting
blazer.
?Woah! I?m just being a gentleman.? He said laughing.
?Go and have a shower.? I screwed.

He laughed.

?Excuse me for rushing out of my yard, NOT BATHED to yours, just to make sure you
have a good education.?
?Don?t flatter you self. Thank you Raymond you can go now.? I said. He stood in front
of me smiling.

He really was handsome!

?Stop smiling it?s not nice.? I said. We both laughed.

?People are looking at me.? I complained as he hugged me. I didn?t hug him back but
he squeezed me so hard I had to.
?Should I come pick you up when you?re done?? he asked.
?Yea, um, could you let me out, your kinda cutting my air supply? I coughed.
He laughed and let go of me and laughed.

?You?re so funny? he said continuing to laugh.

?Weirdo.? I muttered under my breath. He was so bouky sometimes. I?d only known
him a day.

?Bye.? I said. He waved, got in his car and drove off.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Javine watching intently. Hmm? I thought and
smiled.
I remembered my phone and turned it back on. I had loads of missed calls from my
smoking partner and regular sex buddy. I decided to call my smoking partner.

?What the fuck man! I?ve been calling you since yesterday!?
?Jas, I was with one guy.? I replied.
?Serious? You got it yesterday?? she asked.
?Nah, I was talking to him.? I replied, shocked aswell.

I hadn?t fucked him. Woah!

She burst out laughing.

?Why chat shit for? You and him did the dirty alie??
?No we didn?t. He was really nice to me and dropped me off to school.? I replied.

She was silent for a bit before answering.

?So you on it today??

?Nah, don?t feel up to it man. And fucking Romz got himself arrested and I aint paying
for chrome!?
?True that, but I got some of my brother?s stash.? She replied.
?Ah, another time yeah? Just not today.? I replied shocking myself again.
?Ahh, seen. Okay.?
?Ahh, quickly is your brother in?? I asked.
?Yeah.?
?Lemme chat to him for a sec please.?
?Hmm, about what??
?Javine? I lied.

The way I was kinda sprung on her brother was quite emotional.
?Oh seen, that bitch. I?m gonna pass it to him.?

Her brother was a good 7years older than me but fucking hell! He got my temperature
rising.

?Hello?? his deep voice said.

?Hi baby? I said smiling.
?Oh, what?s good Secoiya??
?What is your sister next to you?? I asked.
?Oh yeah.? He said making me laugh.

Basically, I was kind of in a relationship with him and we would have sex on a regular
but she didn?t know and he wanted me to keep it on a down low.

?I want some dick? I said.

He coughed.

?Ah, um yeah, I?m free Friday so like yeah. I?ll holla at you and tell you what I think.?
?Its Thursday I groaned.?
?I?m sorry but that?s what I can do.?
?Hmm, okay then. See you Friday. Come round mine. I?ll be waiting?
?I?ll call you later on tonight to finalise things okay??
?Yeah baby? I said then locked off.

Ahh, I was happy.

I went into school and went into my form class.

Most of the girls screwed me as usual. I didn?t mind. I went over to the boys and they
were all grinning at me.

?I swear you got kicked out!?? One boy called Nick asked.
?Did I?? I asked baffled.

They all nodded.

?Seriously?? I asked.

?Yeah, you got suspended for 3days. If Fletcher sees you here, he?s gonna go mad!?
Ross added.

?Ahh shit!? I said getting up.

I didn?t realise I?d been suspended. I?d woken up for nothing! ARGH!

Half an hour later, I was at home bored out of my brain so I decided to wander about.

I?d been living in the house all my life and hadn?t clocked we had an attic until then.
I decided to wander in there and discover maybe treasure?

About ten minutes later I was rummaging through memories. Baby pictures of me that I
didn?t know existed. I started bawling because I saw some pictures of my granny.
Ah, I missed this woman!

That was when something caught my eye.

Some sort of book or something. It looked relatively new. I scanned through it.

It was a diary!

Oh, I decided to read it. I took it with me along with the photo album into my bedroom
and sat down going through the pictures again.
It was late at night when I finally decided to read the diary.

I showered, ate some cereal for dinner, brushed my teeth and got in my bed with the
book/ diary.

I opened it.

Dear Diary,
No, that?s rubbish. Let me start again.
Diary.
I don?t know why I decided to get one and start writing but I?ve got time on my hands so I
might as well go ahead. Isn?t the date and time supposed to go in it? Ok then. It?s the 11th of
the 12th 1990. Yup! You guessed it. Its just a few more days left till Christmas. I?ve been out
shopping all day and its cost me a fortune! That?s the problem with having such a big family.
You have to remember every single head in your Christmas shopping. There was a time
when I didn?t do this shit. What the hell happened? O yeah, I got older and I think kinder. I?m
such a let down; I could keep all that money and actually try and indulge in something with
the girls, but no! Work work work! Even on holiday I?m working. O yeah, I haven?t even said
what I do. I?m a hairdresser who is studying for a degree in Political Science. This is my own
diary right? That means I can?t lie.
O gosh! Okay, I lied. I?m not really that clever, I?m a drop out, and a very good hair dresser
which is why even on holiday I?m still working. Ha-ha, political science. (Got myself cracking
up here.)
Ok, I haven?t even mentioned anything about myself. Well I?m black. (What a start!) HaHa!
I?m tall, big eyes, nice nose and bloody amazing lips.
Second lie.
Okay okay okay! I am black. That?s true. I?m 4ft 10. Can you image the bullshit I face at this
height? Its all good. I?ve got long hair down to my shoulders. Nice big eyes (Something
worked right!) Lemme emphasise the eyes. Nice big brown eyes! A perfectly shaped nose
and in my opinion very kissable lips. O my favourite subject! My boobs! I love them. See I?m
the total package (I still don?t understand why I?m single) O yeah, Double D! Me! yes, this
shorty, with double d?s with a big ass to go with that as well.
O yeah so anyway, I was shopping for Christmas presents when I saw this amazing
specimen, I mean he had it going on. He made eye contact and he was very up front about
what he wanted. (ME!) *A little squeal*. I?m such a low life!
This is getting ridiculous; I haven?t even said my name. Ledisi Monica Clark. Not very African
I know! O wait, it is. Ledisi is Yoruba and means to bring forth!
Well it better start bringing forth some men in my area.
So this guy, we got to talking, he bought me Coffee! (was impressed) I mean he had a nice
wallet. Wasn?t ripped! Omydays! I haven?t said anything about where I?m from. Ah, you
don?t even know how old I am.
But why do I have to write all of this in a diary I?m supposed to read? Ah, okay, maybe when
I?m a little bit older with amnesia I could look back at this.
I?m Ghanaian and Jamaican with Nigerian descent. Oh, and I?m 18. I?m writing a diary
because I?m just sick and tired of not remembering the shit that happens and umm, I wanted
to because umm, I don?t know. I just saw this book lying there in the store and bought it.
O yeah!
Back to him. The guy. He was beautiful, yeah and umm, he tried to kiss me! I mean me!? I
backed away so fast!
I mean, how could I tell him I?d never kissed or been kissed! Ah, so umm, yeah, I backed
away and he um like, he asked if he?d done anything wrong!? What could I say to him? He
was the perfect gentleman it was just I?d never been kissed before.
I lied and said I had a swore throat! What a rubbish lie! I know but I dunno?
So we exchanged numbers and went our separate ways. He seemed better than the rest.
Way better than Daniel!
O yeah! His name?
His name was Ryan. Yes, Ryan Cox. That was my kind of guy. He was so beautiful. O um,
yeah, so I spent the rest of the day thinking about him?
That was it really.
My word! This has to be the shittest diary entry ever! My days. I?ll try. I?ll keep trying. I
promise. Until then. Um, Bye!
Bye? This is a diary. Gosh I?m so silly. But seriously, I?ll be back.
Mwah! Xo.
Hugs and kisses.

I looked up and it was midnight, I decided to sleep. I had a busy schedule the next day!
It was Friday! But at the back of my mind, I was wondering who the hell Ledisi was!

UM YEH. HIIII/
DID U LIKE IT? CUZ I DO!