13 KEY PROS AND CONS OF COHABITATION

BEFORE MARRIAGE
In decades past cohabitation was a taboo especially for women. The social
stigma around living with a man before marriage was heavy. As times
changed the social stigma and relaxation of religious morals has changed
and now cohabitation before marriage is common place. There are many
pros and cons to cohabitating and some can swing both ways.

List of Pros of Cohabitation Before Marriage

1. Spend More Time Together
Studies show the number one reason people cohabitate before marriage is
because they want to spend more time together. Unlike the old days where a
woman went from her parents home to her husbands, women today go off
to college, get jobs and their own apartments. This reduces the amount of
time couples have to spend together. By living together they have more time
after work and in the mornings to enjoy one another versus impersonal texts
or phone calls. It also gives an opportunity to develop routines around daily
life, weekends and holidays which is important for a relationship to work.
2. Learn Each Others Habits
In turn cohabitating allows each to learn the habits of the other. Each partner
will learn who is a morning person and who is not and develop strategies to
work together to respect each others habits. One man told of how he
refused to be spoken to in the morning before his first cup of coffee and
preferred if he wasnt spoken to until half way through his second cup. He
and his then girlfriend and now wife had a signal system to know which cup
of coffee he was on and when he was ready to speak. This worked for them
and he was grateful for her tolerance of his habit or custom.
3. Understand Religious Customs
Religious customs are another reason to cohabitate. As times have changed
and people marry outside of their religion, learning the customs and
traditions of the respective religions becomes very important, especially if
there is a large difference in things like food that can be eaten or not.

4. Save Money
Another reason people cohabitate prior to marriage is for financial reasons. If
the couple is spending all their time together and sleeping together it
doesnt make sense to maintain two homes. Financially cohabitating takes a
major stress off both partners by being able to split the costs of maintaining
a home.
5. Put Your Relationship to the Test
The next most common pro to cohabitating before marriage is relationship
viability. While divorce is almost as common as marriage, studies have shown
people fear divorce more than marriage and opt to live with someone to see
if they are compatible in the long run. Studies have also indicated that after
the age of 23, the chance of divorce drops to 30% vs. 60% of those who
cohabitated between 18 and 23 years old. This means that 70% of those
cohabitating after the age of 23 go on to become married and stay married.
6. More Probability of Future Success
Further studies show that 40% of cohabitating couples do marry within three
years of living together. The studies go on to show that those who are
engaged prior to living together marry sooner and they report fewer
difficulties in the relationship.
7. Dont Believe in Marriage
There are those who simply dont believe in the state of marriage. This gives
those who choose to live together without legally marrying the benefit of
being married without the pressure of a legally binding document although
many states have common-law marriage laws in place that state those who
cohabitate are entitled to the same rights as those who are married after a
certain amount of time.
8. What if Failure Happens?
Many choose to live together because they believe it is easier to leave a
relationship than a marriage. Despite the advances in womens liberation,
there is still a social stigma attached to being divorced and women prefer to
test run the situation before committing. Studies have shown that 75% of
women under 30 have cohabitated with a partner and find it much more

comforting to test run a relationship and leave if it doesnt work, than to

marry and leave if it doesnt work.
Somewhere between the pros and cons of cohabitating before marriage it
should be mentioned that those who are clearly and mutually committed to
marriage prior to moving in together have a much higher success rate of
getting and staying married. The commitment is a major part of the success
of the relationship.

List of Cons of Cohabitation Before Marriage

1. May Feel Obligation
There is common effect called the inertia momentum effect that takes place
when couples live together. This is the flip side to the financial gain of living
together where finances, habits, customs and families become so intertwined
it is the same as a marriage and people are more resistant to call off a
relationship and go ahead and marry knowing they are not happy in the
relationship. As a part of the inertia momentum, many couples just find
themselves living together or as researchers call it, sliding into a
cohabitation relationship without thinking through the long term prospects.
These are often the relationships that fail or eventually end in divorce.
2. Lose Momentum
Many cohabitates simply lose the excitement of being married. The inertia,
personal choice or afraid to commit keep people from tying the knot and
living together is simply easier. This is in particular to those who are afraid to
make the commitment to marriage and the ones who become most likely to
divorce in the long run. It is especially frustrating if one person in the
relationship wants to move to marriage and the other doesnt. The
commitment phobes prefer to play house rather than get married. They
like the conveniences that living together provides but arent convinced this
is the person they want to marry and use the inertia momentum to their
advantage.
3. To Much Time Together
The converse of the pro of wanting to spend more time together is that
couples find living together gives them too much time together. One or both

of the cohabitates feel smothered by the other and mourn the loss of their
freedom to go and do what they wanted prior to cohabitation.
4. Unexpected Pregnancy
Unexpected pregnancy during cohabitation can force couples to marry when
they are neither committed to the relationship or having children. These
situations can create far more stress for those who arent fully committed
than those who are committed and on a marriage track.
5. Poor Financial Management
Finally as in all relationships money management problems are common. The
con of living together is that one partner may be responsible and good about
paying bills while the other is poor with money management making joint
living very difficult, especially when it comes to large purchases like a car or
home. One person may find themselves buying all the items in their name
with their credit because the other is not stable financially and this creates a
distinct amount of tension and distrust in any relationship but more so when
cohabitating.
Times have changed and it is now common to live together before getting
married. This has both positive and negative effects that need to be
considered prior to making the move. Those who are committed to a
relationship with plans to marry have a much higher success rate than those
who slide into cohabitation due to convenience.
Underneath this and due in part to womens liberation, women want to be
sure they are marrying the right one because there is still stigma around
being divorced, therefore they are more likely to live with someone as a test
run for marriage. Either way, it is an individual choice and a common
practice in the 21st century.