Dead Soldiers Proved to Have Been Turning in Their Graves?

A recent preliminary research report has been published by a Consortium of European

Academic Institutes which claims to prove that the remains of a random selection of
corpses at military cemeteries across Europe have literally been found to have turned in
their graves. This astonishing claim is purported to result from recorded information
about recent military and political events being relayed to the souls of the deceased
individuals using newly developed VHF radio-neurological techniques.

The 3.2 Million Euro research project was jointly funded by the European Commission
and the Paris based Institution for Peace Studies and commenced in December 2008. It is
due to present its findings officially in December of this year.

Recordings of speeches made by various members of the US and UK administrations

justifying the recent military actions in Iraq, together with statements made regarding
other axis-of-evil nations were converted into high resolution digital radio pulses
(jocularly described as soul rays by one member of the team) , which researchers at
the Universities of Puisson sur Fousse in France and Ausberg zur der Fug in Germany
have apparently developed over recent years during medical experiments aimed at
reviving coma patients. These pulses are claimed to be able to regenerate activity within
fossilized neural systems in order to allow special monitors to record patterns of
thought frozen into the brain and allow projective hypothetical reactions to be
developed, resulting from these residual electro-neurological signatures (can this be
right? Ed. Comm).

Painstaking archaeological uncovering of 47 corpses was carried out over the initial year
of the project with the full permission of the majority of the descendants of the
individuals concerned and the War Graves Commissions concerned. Locations selected
included the Paaschendaele, Arnhem, Kiev and Ypres war cemeteries but also one French
cemetery in Vietnam from the 1950s. After measurement of skeletal positions and 3-D
high resolution determination of main limb angles, the subjects were then returned to
their original burial state. The information pulses were applied over a one week period 6
months after reburial and the process of remeasurement appeared to show that on average
72% of sampled subjects showed a rotation downwards of on average14.6 degrees and in
three cases complete reversal.

Subject matter beamed to the souls included speeches by George Bush, Donald
Rumsfeld, Tony Blair, Geoffrey Hoon (only 14 seconds due to lack of suitable data) and
Wolfowitz/Golding (this is the 4th World War) together with impartial factual
information about the conflict relayed via synthetic impartial voice recordings. This
factual information included details of the number of hydrocarbon fuelled automobiles
currently in existence in Western Europe and the US and projected increases over the
next 20 years, broad details of the geographical spread of currently proven global
hydrocarbon reserves, an objective view of the search for alternatives over the last 20
years and the current state of affairs in the Middle East.
Mr.Pierre de la Fouchard, leader of the French contingent of the research team, stated to
Le Monde last week that in his opinion this provided clear proof that former soldiers who
had died for freedom in military actions seen by most to be necessary in a Fight Against
Evil had indeed turned in their graves upon knowing what was now occurring in the
name of freedom and upon receiving an appreciation of the nature and character of the
leaders responsible for these actions and their motives for doing so.

The oldest survivors of the Battles of the Somme and Stalingrad, Mr. Tommy Brinson of
Birmingham, England (Private 22nd Rifles) and Fritz Shoenhauser of Dusseldorf
(Obersturmbahnfuhrer Iron Cross Oak Leaf Clusters Stalingrad) aged 104 and 95
respectively, said today that they were unsurprised by the apparent reactions of those who
may have been former comrades. Mr. Brinson went on to say that he thought the Iraq
situation sounded a bit odd what did they do to our lot?Herr Schoenhauser
diplomatically stated in fluent Polish, but with a slight facial twitch, that he was sure the
situation was complicated but that unwarranted invasion of countries where no
imminent aggression was apparent was probably not a great move in the long run.

Neither US or UK government officials were unavailable for comment today on the

research findings, although sources close to high ranking US Govt. Representatives
suggested that perhaps the techniques used were unproven and that there could be a
degree of bias in the originally defined research aims.