Justine Bishop

3/2/2016

Assessment of Student Writing

Writing Samples: I scored three writing samples from the fourth grade LEAP assessment. For
this assessment, students read a passage about flying cars, another passage about helping robots
and then responded to the prompt Write a composition for your teacher telling which invention,
flying cars or helper robots, you think would be more useful. Provide reasons and use details
from both passages to help you explain your opinion.
Student One:

Ideas: 6
Justification: I gave this student a 6 for ideas because I felt that they had clear and intriguing
thoughts in their writing. They also I found myself agreeing with their points, and understanding
their point of view. The student also suscefully used significant, and intriguing details in order to
paint a picture and get their point across.

Examples: Throughout the composition, the writer sticks to the main idea that flying cars would
be better for society than helper robots. They then go on to give specific examples such as
resuce hurt soilders on the battlefiels, save people from burining buildings and hospitals
would use it for wuick travel to fix up the injured people. Also, in the second paragraph, the
student states a flying car will help firefighters be able to rescue people quicker without
having to stare at a red light 10 to 15 minutes untill it turns green. I thought that this painted a
vivid picture in my mind, and also helped me to really understand the writers point of view.
Organization: 6
Justification: This is a well organizied piece that is easy to follow, and has a clear intro, middle,
and conclusion. The student writes in a very linear fashion, and it is paced well.
Examples: The paper begins with a clear hook and intro Zoom! Beep Beep! Which invention do
you think is more useful? A flying car of a helper robot. This does a great job of catching the
readers attention and clearly showing us what the paper will be about. The student also finishes
their paper with a strong conclusion, which also restates their opinion of Flying Cars would be
way more useful to the whole entire world!. The paper is also well organized, shown by their
two clear body paragraphs; one on each topic.
Voice: 6
Justification: The student writes with awesome voice. Their voice suggests that they are
interested and passionate about their topic. They also wrote in a way that got me interested in the
subject. Even though I do not know this student, I can hear them reading it to me.
Examples: I love their hook of Zoom! Beep! Beep!. I thought that this was memororable and
really pulled me into the piece. I am also a firm believer that the writer is more than likely using
good boice if I find myself smiling and nodding while reading their composition. For example, I
love where they say All the kids and parent that have or will get a. Helper Robot would
probably lay on the couch and watch TVand not stay active or do the chores!.
Word Choice: 6
Justification: This student was very quotable. I thought that they did a very good job in choosing
the perfect word for their purpose. Finally, their word choice helped to paint a picture in my
head.
Examples: There are many examples of places where the student used the perfect vivid and
descriptive words. For example, they say its gigantic size and the way it moves rapidly.
They also use adjectives such as dirty clothes and a spotless house. The student also does a
good job of varrying their word choice so that sentances dont start the same way every time.
Sentence Fluency: 4
Justification: I found this composition very readable and understandable. There was good
sentence variety and it was fairly fluent. I scored the student at a 4 instead of a 5 or a 6 because

there are some places where the sentences are a little awkward. All though the sentence fluency
isnt bad, it is definitly a place where the student could practice and improve their writing.
Examples: Overall, the piece is easy to read outloud without any rehersal. There are a couple
places where the student wrote a little too casually (more how they would talk). For example,
The helper robot only helps clean house and cook for people and thats it. Another example is
where they say All the kids and parent that have or will get a Helper Robot.
Conventions and Presentation: 4
Justification: The student has some spelling and convention errors, but there are not so many that
it is distracting. I think that they need to fix a few things, but it is closer to perfect.
Examples: The student misspelled the word battlefields but there are no other obvious spelling
errors. In addition, they generally use apostraphies corectly, but there are a few instances where
they forget. For example, they forget in wasnt (p3), doesnt (p3), and peoples (p4).
Student Two:

Ideas: 3
Justification: The writer is working towards this trait, but there are some points where they are
struggling. They have many ideas, but these ideas are usually taking the form of lists. In addition,
many of their ideas are very random, and are not from the reading.
Examples: The writer tends to write in lists such as where they say like cleaning the house,
making the bed, or water the flowers. They also support their opinions with ideas that are not
from the text. For example, when they say that [Robots will] stop global warming, conserve our
resources, save endangered species and even populate the moon.

Organization: 3
Justification: The writer has a bit of organization, but their writing is largely loose. There isnt
a very clear beginning/middle/end and their thoughts seem to be a little random. However there
is some sense of direction.
Examples: The student almost has an introduction, except it doesnt really introduce the assigned
topic of helper robots or flying cars. Instead, the paper begins with Many people say that robots
will take over the world In addition, there isnt a conclusion paragraph. The student ended
their paper with This may sound like the stuff of the futre but it will keep humanity alive longe
and stronger.
Voice: 4
Justification: The writer has some instances where their voice clearly shines through. However,
there are also many times where it seems more like they are listing. I found myself laughing at
the authors cheeky and slightly sarcastic nature, and I think that they are on their way to
writing with great voice.
Examples: The author titled their composition as Its for your own good. I think that this is a
good example of a point where the authors slightly cheeky tone shines through. I also heard
their voice when they said Those robots can also preform task that most humans would consider
dangerous, without even breaking a sweat, figuratively, robots cant really sweat.
Word Choice: 3
Justification: The writer choses okay words, but they tend to be a little vague and repetitive.
There are many places where they could decide to add words that make the descriptions and
memorable. They dont use many descriptive words.
Examples: In the second paragraph, they say They can preform tasks multiple times. In the
last paragraph, they say First. Second. Third. These arent necessarily bad, they are
just places where the author could definitely improve.
Sentence Fluency: 3
Justification: The students composition is readable, but some of the sentences may be confusing
to a reader at first. There are many places that need to be revised to make the writing sound
smoother.
Examples: The language is a little confusing in places, such as when they say Third commercial
airplane pilots would lose their job rapidly and that would effect the flow of money. Another
example is where they say imagine how much it would cost to buy one of those things and
what percentage of the population has their pilot license?
Conventions and Presentation: 3
Justification: The student has some errors that may be distracting to the reader. The student needs
to spend some time editing their composition.

Examples: The student misspells words such as preform populate and future. They also
incorrectly use some punctuation such as when they say Imagine how many gallons it would
take to fuel it up?
Student 3:

Ideas: 3
Justification: This student doesnt really have any of their own special ideas. Most of their ideas
are simply listed and taken from the reading. They begin to insert their own ideas when talking
about what a Helper Robot could do for them, but they do not fully explore these ideas.
Examples: One example where the writer seems to be listing and stating facts straight from the
text is where they say Mahru-Z can clean your room and make your bed. He will make you
some snacks. The student then begins to add their own ideas when they say I would not have to
miss my show on TV to get a snack if he did it for me.
Organization: 4

Justification: The student has an intro, body and conclusion, however the introduction and
conclusion are very formulaic. The organization is simple but logical and easy to follow.
Examples: The students has an intro, but it is very basic. They state Have you ever thought
about the futur and what you want there to be in it? Their conclusion follows this same basic
organization with Do you know what you want there to be in the future? Even though this is
basic, there is a clear beginning, middle, and end. It also is written very logically; introduction,
talk about cars, talk about robots, talk about how robots are better, conclusion.
Voice: 2
Justification: This student has a couple moments where there voice starts to shine through but for
the most part it sounds like they are just regurgitating facts from the reading passages. There is
nothing that really stands out or makes it memorable.
Examples: The author writes in a way that sounds very similar to the passages that they had to
read- uninspired and just stating facts. For example, The X-Hawk is a flying car that we might
use in the futur. The X-Hawk looks like a boat with wheels. They are starting to have a bit of
voice when they say I hat cleaning my room and he will do it for me. This is still a little dull,
but it would be a good place to start to add some real voice.
Word Choice: 3
Justification: The writer uses simple and vague word choice. They rarely use any exciting verbs
or descriptive adjectives.
Examples: The student describes the flying car as about the size of a large van with wheels. All
though this is an attempt at a description, it lacks any awesome adjectives. This is seen again
when they state I hat cleaning my room.
Sentence Fluency: 5
Justification: The composition is easy to read on the first try and most sentences flow smoothly.
However there is not much sentence variety and it sounds very formulaic. Student could greatly
improve if they vary their sentences more.
Examples: The writer uses fairly simple and formulaic sentence structure, but it flows smoothly.
For example The X-Hawk is a flying car that we might use in the futur. The X-Hawk is about
the size of a large van and it looks like a boat with wheels
Conventions and Presentation: 3
Justification: The author has many noticeable errors and this may be distracting to readers. The
author should spend some time revising their composition.
Examples: The author makes numerous spelling errors such as futur, hat (hate), weels,
trafic, easyer and mabey. In addition, some of their words run together and need to be
written neater.