THE UNOFFICIAL GILMORE GIRLS MOVIE

Written by
Kelly Anne Morrison

Kelamorrison@gmail.com

FADE IN:
INT. MISS PATTYS - NIGHT
The place is set up for a town hall meeting. The majority of
the seats are filled with TOWNSFOLK. TAYLOR DOSE stands at
the podium. MISS PATTY sits to his right. KIRK stands next to
Taylors right beside a projection screen.
TAYLOR
(banging his gavel)
I now call this Stars Hollow town
meeting to order.
EXT. TOWN SQUARE - NIGHT
The iconic gazebo sits in the center of the town square. In
the foreground is the Stars Hollow sign Founded 1779. We
hear Lorelai HUMMING the song THE EDGE OF GLORY by LADY GAGA.
LORELAI GILMORE jogs into the shot, grabs the sign post, and
swings her body around to the front of the sign. She drops
down to her knees and crawls underneath the sign
ungracefully.
LUKE (O.S.)
What are you doing? Stop that!
LORELAI
I cant stop.
(singing)
Because Im on the edge -LUKE
(interrupting)
Youre on the edge of something.
Luke walks up to Lorelai and offers her a hand up. She slaps
it away. She stands on her own. Jogs over to the benches that
line the path to the gazebo and steps up onto one.
LUKE (CONTD)
When you suggested we walk to the
town meeting I assumed wed be, you
know, walking.
LORELAI
That was unimaginative of you.
Lorelai teeters on her high heeled boots as she walks along
the bench, arms out like its a tight rope.

2.
LUKE
Will you get down from there? Were
already late.
LORELAI
We wouldnt be late if you were
being as fast and stealthy as me.
LUKE
Yeah, thats probably it.
Lorelai hops off the bench, jogs to the gazebo. She takes one
step on the stairs then climbs up onto the stairs railing.
LORELAI
(singing)
Im on the edge of glory
LUKE
Lorelai, I give up. What are you
doing?
Lorelai attempts to crawl on her hands and knees up the rail.
LORELAI
Filming my audition tape for Ninja
Warrior.
LUKE
(looking around, confused)
Filming?
LORELAI
Youre supposed to be live
streaming this!
LUKE
(more confused)
Live streaming?
LORELAI
For Facebook! With my phone!
LUKE
Oh, oh, right.
Luke fumbles to get Lorelais iPhone out of his pocket.
LORELAI
Why do you think I gave you my
phone?

3.
LUKE
I assumed so you didnt drop it
while swinging all over the town
like a crazy person.
LORELAI
You mean ninja-ing all over the
town like a warrior person? Just
start filming now.
Lorelai is wrapped around the railing, not making progress.
Luke stands at the top of the gazebo. He holds the phone
pointed at Lorelai and squints at the screen.
LORELAI (CONTD)
Are you filming this?
LUKE
Still trying to figure out how to
unlock it.
LORELAI
Never mind.
Lorelai gets down. She accepts help from Luke.
LORELAI (CONTD)
Lets just go to the dumb town
meeting.
She stalks across the gazebo, but Luke catches her hand.
LUKE
Actually I was thinking we could
skip the town meeting.
LORELAI
Skip the town meeting? Blasphemy!
LUKE
But you just called it dumb -(stopping himself)
Actually I was thinking that since
this is the first time in months
that weve had a baby sitter maybe
we could go somewhere else.
Luke takes hold of Lorelais hips. She responds and wraps her
arms around his shoulders.
LORELAI
Somewhere else? I like somewhere
else. Where did you have in mind?

4.
LUKE
The diner -Lorelai steps out of Lukes arms.
LORELAI
(interrupting)
The diner? I was at the diner an
hour ago. And before that eight
hours ago. And before that two or
three times a day for the majority
of my adult life. Youd think you
could come up with a better
suggestion than the diner. This all
comes back to you being
unimaginative, my friend. I need to
hold an imagination intervention
for you. An imagivention. Or would
it be an unimagivention or a -LUKE
(interrupting)
You didnt let me finish. The diner
has the apartment upstairs and
theres a bed there...
LORELAI
Oh. Now theres a creative thought.
(thinks again)
Wait. Why is there a bed in the
empty apartment? Is it your secret
love nest? Who else are you nesting
with? Gypsy? Miss Patty?
Kirk -Kirk!

LUKE
LORELAI

LUKE
And Lulu -And Lulu?

LORELAI

LUKE
Are going to be subletting the
apartment.
LORELAI
Oh. I need to stop interrupting
you.

5.
LUKE
You think? Anyway theyre not
moving in until tomorrow, but the
bed is already set up so...
LORELAI
So hoho. Im in.
Great.

LUKE

Lorelai pouts.
LUKE (CONTD)
Did you want to go to the town
meeting first?
LORELAI
Yes please! Then love nest.
(beat)
Then ice cream.
LUKE
No ice cream.
LORELAI
What? Do you know how many calories
Ive burned off ninja-warrioring
all over town. Plus the potential
love nesting activities. Ive
earned a major calorie intake.
Fine.

LUKE

LORELAI
Hurray! I love you.
LUKE
I love you too.
They kiss. Lorelai points herself towards Miss Pattys and
hunches down like shes about take off at a run again.
LUKE (CONTD)
No ninja-warrioring on the way
there.
Aw.

LORELAI

Lorelai corrects her posture and walks with Luke.

6.
LUKE
So Miss Patty? You thought I was
having an affair with Miss Patty?
LORELAI
Why not? Back in her day, she
wouldve been the Taylor Swift of
Stars Hollow.
Who?

LUKE

LORELAI
I mean she dated a lot.
LUKE
Oh. That makes sense.
INT. MISS PATTYS - NIGHT
Luke and Lorelai enter through the back and head towards
empty seats.
TAYLOR (O.S.)
All those in favor?
The majority of Townsfolk raise their hands including:
BABETTE, LULU, Morey, GYPSY, Kirk, and Miss Patty. Lorelai
enthusiastically throws her arm in the air.
Aye!

LORELAI

Taylor rolls his eyes.

TAYLOR
Lorelai, you dont even know what
youre voting for.
LORELAI
Knowing you, Taylor, its great.
Lorelai takes a seat near the back.
TAYLOR
All those opposed?
A few Townsfolk raise their hands. Luke, still standing,
raises his.
TAYLOR (CONTD)
Luke, you dont even know what
youre voting against.

7.
LUKE
Knowing you, Taylor, its terrible.
Luke takes a seat beside Lorelai.
TAYLOR
Anyway the vast majority vote yes
so its decided.
(banging his gavel)
Luke and Lorelai will get married
next Saturday.
What?

LUKE AND LORELAI

TAYLOR
I said, you will get married next
Saturday. Do you want the official
minutes read back?
Taylor gestures to Miss Patt. Luke jumps to his feet.
LUKE
We heard you, Taylor. What we want
to know why this town thinks it can
have a vote and decide were
getting married?
TAYLOR
Well, if youd arrived to the
meeting on time you wouldve been
able to see the presentations of
the for and against arguments.
BABETTE
You shouldve seen Kirks video
presentation. It was very
convincing!
GYPSY
It convinced me.
The Townsfolk MURMUR their agreement.
LORELAI
Wait. So who argued against?
LUKE
Im arguing against! Me! Because
you know what, Taylor, you
narcissistic egomaniac?
(MORE)

8.
LUKE (CONT'D)
You may think youre a living god,
playing with us mortals however you
wish like were in a damn
Shakespearean Comedy, and maybe in
the past youve gotten us to do
some pretty outrageous things, but
one thing you cannot do is make me
marry this woman who I love!
He points at Lorelai.
LORELAI
Say it like its a bad thing, why
dont you?
LUKE
Its not a bad thing, but two days?
You want us to marry in two days?
LORELAI
Outside of a Bruno Mars song, no
one gets married that fast!
TAYLOR
Two days? No. That would be
ridiculous. Not this Saturday.
Luke relaxes a bit.
TAYLOR (CONTD)
Next Saturday.
Luke makes like hes going to run at Taylor, but Lorelai
grabs his arm.
TAYLOR (CONTD)
On June third.
Lorelai jumps to her feet.
LORELAI
June third? June third?
TAYLOR
Yes, Lorelai. A week from Saturday
is June third.
LORELAI
Why June third? Or all possible
days, why June third?

9.
TAYLOR
Well, we did think it was somewhat
fortuitous that June third fell on
a Saturday. It was the date of your
first intended wedding. We thought
youd be pleased to keep the date.
You could probably reuse your old
wedding invites.
LORELAI
Our wedding invites from our
disastrous first engagement that
broke both of our hearts?
TAYLOR
Yes. That one.
LORELAI
You better brace yourself Taylor
because Im about to go Ninja
Warrior on your ass!
Lorelai makes to launch herself forward, but this time Luke
holds her back.
LORELAI (CONTD)
There will be blood!
BABETTE
I dont see what the big deal is.
Youre engaged, arent you?
Lorelai stops struggling against Luke as they both look at
the engagement ring on her left hand.
MISS PATTY
Yeah, and not to rehash the
arguments from the earlier debate,
but youve been engaged for ten
years. More if you count the time
you were engaged before.
GYPSY
Thats more than all of Pattys
engagements combined.
MISS PATTY
Thats true. Dont you plan to ever
get married?
LORELAI
Well, we were when we first got
back together.

10.
LUKE
But then Lorelai had to wait until
she was divorced from whats his
name.
KIRK
Christopher.
(off Lukes glare)
Sorry. I thought you actually
forgot his name.
LORELAI
Then by the time my divorce was
final, I was pregnant and who wants
to get married fat?
(off several looks)
I mean, unless youre normal fat
and not pregnancy fat and by that I
mean plus size and not fat and of
course plus size people get
married. Theres someone for
everyone. The body is not an
apology. Lena Dunham. Laci Green.
Michelle Obama...
BABETTE
Doll, our point is if youre
engaged and want to get married
then why not just do it?
The Townsfolk MURMUR their agreement.
BABETTE (CONTD)
Were just trying to give you a
swift kick in the pants to get you
started.
LORELAI
Well, I get that the pants kick has
good intentions, but the thing is
who really needs to get married
these days? Luke and I are happy
together. Weve built our life
together. Were good just being
common-law.
LUKE
Were not common-law.
LORELAI
What? What do you mean were not
common-law?

11.
TAYLOR
The state of Connecticut does not
recognize common-law marriage.
LORELAI
(to Luke)
What? So were nothing?
LUKE
Were not nothing. Were us. Dont
let these vultures convince you
that were not happy just because
theyre bored.
LORELAI
Right. We already live together. We
have a kid together. We file our
taxes together.
LUKE
We dont file our taxes together,
were not common-law.
LORELAI
You havent been doing my taxes?
LUKE
You havent been doing your taxes?
LORELAI
Okay, priorities. Back burner. Back
burner. My point is we dont need a
piece of paper to tell us were
committed.
Silence in the room. Taylor twiddles his thumbs. Lorelai
rolls her eyes.
TAYLOR
The thing is the rest of us want
you to have that piece of paper.
What? Why?

LORELAI

ANDREW
Can you blame us? You two have been
on again/off again so many times.
LUKE
In the past, but weve been on for
ten years.

12.
GYPSY
Which means youre long overdo for
an off again.
LORELAI
You dont actually believe that.
KIRK
Theres a pool going. Im winning.
The meeting erupts into everyone SPEAKING at once. Lorelai
gets up and walks to the front. Luke follows. She yanks the
gavel out of Taylors hand and bangs it on the podium.
LORELAI
Order! Order!
The room quiets down.
LORELAI (CONTD)
Ive always wanted to do that. Now
say we actually cared that you
wont believe were committed until
we get married -LUKE
And we dont care.
LORELAI
Honey, I have the floor.
(addressing the crowd)
Say that we cared, you dont
actually expect us to throw
together a wedding in a week, do
you?
TAYLOR
Of course not. You have more than a
week, because unless youre
defining a week by The Beatles
standards, you have eight days.
While Lorelai is stunned, Taylor takes back the gavel and
bangs it on the podium.
TAYLOR (CONTD)
Meeting adjourned.
The Townsfolk immediately rise to their feet and start to
leave.
LORELAI
No! So not adjourned! Weve decided
nothing.

13.
TAYLOR
Actually we have agreed by a vote
thats been entered into the
official record. And you were among
the Ayes. Miss Patty, make sure you
take note that Lorelai was one of
the Ayes.
MISS PATTY
You got it, Taylor.
LORELAI
I want a recount! I want a recall
vote!
TAYLOR
Bring it up at the next meeting.
When is that?
Two weeks.

MISS PATTY

TAYLOR
Never mind. Theyll be married by
then.
Taylor and Miss Patty are on their way out the door. The room
has mostly emptied.
LUKE
Ignore him, Lorelai. We dont have
to do what he says. What any of
them say. Ive had it with this
town! Ive been saying it for
years, its time for us to move!
LORELAI
Yeah, lets move to Woodbury. Its
our Shelbyville.
BABETTE
You do what you gotta do, sugar.
But maybe first watch Kirks video
presentation. If that doesnt
convince you two its time to get
married then nothing will.
Babette leaves with Morey.
LORELAI
Kirk, video, and presentation. All
red flags.

14.
KIRK
(out of nowhere)
Id be happy to set it up for you.
Lorelai and Luke jump at Kirks sudden proximity.
KIRK (CONTD)
It got a favorable audience
reaction tonight. Im thinking of
shopping it around to a few
festivals.
LUKE
No, Kirk. We dont want to watch
your stupid movie.
KIRK
Ive got popcorn.
LORELAI
Oh. Were in!
Kirk hands Lorelai a bag of popcorn then moves to the
projector.
Lorelai.

LUKE

LORELAI
What? Its a movie about me.
LUKE
Do not feed into this mass
delusion.
LORELAI
Like its going to hurt. Im with
you, baby. No to the arranged
marriage. If anything, watching
this will make us more outraged and
fuel our righteous indignation.
LUKE
If I continue to protest watching
the film, will it even matter?
LORELAI
No, honey, youve already lost the
argument.
They sit in front of the projector screen as the film begins
to roll. Kirk turns off the lights.
Kirks Film - INTERCUT WITH SCENE AS NEEDED

15.
- Crane shot moving down towards Stars Hollow. But its not
the real Stars Hollow, its a model set. Cotton ball clouds
float by in stop motion animation.
LORELAI (CONTD)
Whoa. Check out the production
value.
LUKE
Look at the tiny diner.
Lorelai shushes Luke.
LUKE (CONTD)
But you spoke first.
Lorelai shushes Luke again.
PUPPET KIRK (V.O.)
(film audio)
Stars Hollow. Tiny, unassuming
Stars Hollow. One would never
imagine it as the setting for the
worlds greatest love story.
LORELAI
Oh. I like that.
- Kirk, as a stop motion PUPPET, sit in a documentary style
hot seat. The TEXT on the screen identifies him as: Kirk
Gleason, Director.
PUPPET KIRK
(film audio)
This is not that story.
Oh.

LORELAI

PUPPET KIRK
(film audio)
That story is about myself and my
wife, Lulu. This story however is a
close second. This is about Luke
Danes, a diner owner and grunge
revivalist.
- Photo of Luke that looks like someone snuck up on him while
he was working and took it without his permission.

16.
PUPPET KIRK (CONTD)
(film audio)
And Lorelai Gilmore, an inn owner
and future Ninja Warrior
contestant.
Yes!

LORELAI

- Photo of Lorelai wearing no makeup and making a duck

face.
LORELAI (CONTD)
Thats my no makeup selfie! Ugh.
Why did I go with duck face? Note
to future generations: Duck face not cute.
- A PUPPET Miss Patty in a hot seat. TEXT on screen: Miss
Patty, Former Studio 54 Regular.
PUPPET MISS PATTY
(film audio)
Ive known Luke since he was just a
boy. Weird kid, a loner, but with
the butt of a Norwegian Ballet
Dancer. Lorelai I met when her
daughter, Rory was little. Also
weird, but cute as a button with
the body of a pre-surgery Playmate.
In some ways those two were always
at odds, but in every way that
counts, they fit.
- A PUPPET Babette plays with a prop mic in the hot seat.
TEXT on screen: Babette Dell, Nosey Neighbor.
PUPPET BABETTE
(film audio)
Is this thing on? Hello? Hello?
LORELAI
(leaning in to Luke)
He animated the footage he couldve
cut.
PUPPET BABETTE
(film audio)
Luke and Lorelai are Stars Hollows
Romeo and Juliette. You know,
without the tragic ending. At least
we hope not. I guess were not
there. Yet.

17.
- A PUPPET Lulu sits in the hot seat. TEXT on screen: Mrs.
Kirk Gleason, Directors Wife.
PUPPET LULU
(film audio)
I would love to see Luke and
Lorelai get married! They are the
cutest couple.
(off gasping sound)
Besides us, Kirk.
(then)
Kirk, are you crying?
- A PUPPET SOOKIE sits in the hot seat. TEXT on screen:
Sookie St. James, Lorelais BFF.
PUPPET SOOKIE
(film audio)
I always thought Luke and Lorelai
were like Peanut Butter and Jelly.
You know, if Jelly had a peanut
butter allergy that she eventually
overcame by ingesting a small
amount everyday for years. But in
the end Peanut Butter got Jelly.
Oh, he got her and he smeared over
a piece of pumpernickel toast maybe
served up with a cup of homemade
white hot chocolate. Mini artisan
marshmallows. What were we talking
about again?
- A PUPPET MICHEL sits in the hot seat. TEXT on screen:
Michel Gerard, Fashionista.
PUPPET MICHEL
(film audio)
Luke and Lore-what? Never heard of
them. Am I done here?
LORELAI
Again. Why is he animating the
outtakes?
- PUPPET LORELAI sits at a table in a miniature set of Lukes
Diner. PUPPET LUKE pours her coffee.
PUPPET KIRK (V.O.)
(film audio)
Indeed. The entire town is routing
for these love birds to tie the
knot. Even Luke himself had this to
say.

18.
- Real life footage of Kirk ambushing Luke behind the counter
of his diner.
KIRK (O.S.)
(film audio)
Luke, do you ever plan to marry
Lorelai?
LUKE
(film audio)
If I say yes, will you get back on
the other side of the damn counter?

Yes.

KIRK (O.S.)
(film audio)

LUKE
(film audio)
Then yes.
Lorelai looks sideways at Luke.
LORELAI
So romantic.
- Puppet Kirk in the hot seat again.
PUPPET KIRK
(film audio)
And I did get back on the other
side of the damn counter.
LUKE
So thats what he was doing.
PUPPET KIRK
(film audio)
Lorelai herself had this to say.
- Camera ambushes Lorelai while shes in a Hair Salon with
her head in the dryer chair. The DRYER is on and audible.
LORELAI
(film audio)
What? Kirk, I didnt hear your
question.
KIRK (O.S.)
(film audio)
Do you plan to marry Luke?

19.
LORELAI
(film audio)
What? I dont know, Kirk. Use your
best judgement.
PUPPET KIRK
(film audio)
And I did use my best
And my judgement said
would. Even Lorelais
-

(V.O.)
judgement
she sure
own daughter -

Lorelai sits up straight.

Rory?

LORELAI

PUPPET KIRK
(film audio)
Had nothing to say on the matter as
I couldnt get in touch with her.
Lorelai slumps back down.
- A photo of Rory from Snapchat with the filter that makes
her eyes shine and puts a crown of butterflies on her head.
LORELAI
Now why does she look incredibly
cute in her photo?
LUKE
Are those real butterflies?
Lorelai shushes Luke. He rolls his eyes.
PUPPET KIRK
(film audio)
But still, Im guessing shed be
for it. Then theres Lukes
daughter.
April?

LUKE

PUPPET KIRK
(film audio)
April gave no opinion as I forgot
she existed until I started filming
this commentary.
- Instead of a photo of April theres a blank screen and TEXT
that reads: Photo Not Available.

20.

Kirk...

LUKE

PUPPET KIRK
Lorelais mother had this to say.
- A PUPPET EMILY GILMORE sits in the hot seat. TEXT on
screen: Emily Gilmore, Lorelais Rich Mother.
PUPPET EMILY
(film audio)
Oh yes, Lorelai loves the idea of
getting married. Domestic bliss
thats her goal. Dreamed about it
every day of her damn childhood.
Dressed up with a white pillow case
on her head like a veil and
traipsed around the house humming
the wedding waltz. The perfect
image of sweetness and never gave
me a lick of trouble. Yeah, thats
my daughter for you.
KIRK
I was informed later that some of
that was sarcasm. I probably
shouldve edited it.
PUPPET KIRK
(film audio)
Lorelais father had this to say.
LORELAI
Yeah right, Kirk. You know my dad
is -- Puppet Emily appears on screen again.
PUPPET EMILY
(film audio)
I remember Richard didnt care for
Luke. Didnt think he was good
enough for Lorelai. It was only
because he thought so highly of his
daughter. Thought she deserved the
world. Its true we worried about
Lorelai less when she was single.
Our expectations were so high. But
over the years opinions changed.
Richard saw how Luke became
Lorelais partner. How he bettered
her life.
(MORE)

21.
PUPPET EMILY (CONT'D)
He wasnt a rich man or a charming
man or even a kempt man, but he was
kind and he loved our daughter. At
the end Richard and I would talk
about regret. I asked him if he
wished hed gotten to see Lorelai
married...
Lorelai is crying.
LUKE
Stop the movie, Kirk.
KIRK
Its almost over.
- Puppet Emily is still TALKING, but Lorelai and Luke arent
paying attention anymore.
LUKE
Im sorry. That was dirty of Kirk.
Talking about your dad.
LORELAI
But its true. I planned two
weddings, two and didnt go through
with either. And the one I actually
went through with, I did without
him. Dad never got to walk me down
the aisle.
LUKE
Lorelai, Im open to whatever you
want to do.
LORELAI
I dont know what I want.
(looking at the screen)
What the hell is happening?
- On screen, Puppet Kirk is doing one of his interpretive
dances inside the Diner Set.
LUKE
Shut that off, Kirk!
KIRK
They wouldnt let me play the whole
thing at the meeting either.

22.
INT. LORELAI'S HOUSE/LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Lorelai sits on the couch. Luke enters through the front
door.
LUKE
I dropped the sitter off, but I
forgot my wallet so now I have to
run back out so I can pay her.
LORELAI
Never mind that. Ill just
etransfer the money.
Lorelai picks up her phone and plays with the screen.
LUKE
Etransfer? No, you know I dont
like those things. Youre sending
our money off into the internet.
Anything could happen to it there.
LORELAI
Already sent. Off into the
internet? What exactly do you think
the internet is?
Luke joins her on the couch.
LUKE
I dunno. Its like invisible and
big
(reaching)
And theres porn.
LORELAI
(laughing)
Thats not what the internet is.
LUKE
Then you describe it.
LORELAI
Well, its obviously a network. A
social network. A social network
floating in the ether sea full of
browsers and medias and please stop
me because I dont know what it is
either.

23.
LUKE
(pointing to her phone)
Youre the one always on that ithing. Doing the Facebook and the
email and the Twitter.
LORELAI
Oh no, no twitter. I cant wrap my
head around it. That and Snapchat.
I dont trust anything that lasts
less than eleven seconds or onehundred and forty-one characters.
LUKE
Whatever happened to picking up the
phone and calling someone?
Lorelai rubs her phone screen. She frowns.
LUKE (CONTD)
Hey, I know its been awhile since
Rory called, but shell call.
LORELAI
I dunno. Shes in Syria covering
the war for HuffPo. I dont even
know if they have phone service
there, let alone
(mocking)
The email.
LUKE
Shell call as soon as she can.
LORELAI
I guess that would be the one
advantage of throwing a wedding.
Rory would have to drop everything
and come.
LUKE
Yeah. I hadnt thought of that. I
guess April would want to come too.
Shes been so busy studing for her
Masters that I havent seen her
since Christmas.
LORELAI
It would be nice to see them.
LUKE
Yeah.
(wistfully)
April.

24.
LORELAI
(full of emotion)
Rory.
INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT
Lorelai is pacing, phone to her ear.
LORELAI
Cmon, kid, pick up. Things are
happening. Big things!
LUKE (O.S.)
April is excited. Shes going to
book her flight tonight and email
the details.
Luke enters the kitchen.
LUKE (CONTD)
Oh sorry, are you talking to Rory?
LORELAI
Yeah, right now. Say hi to your
almost official step daughter.
Lorelai puts the phone on speaker.
RORY (V.O.)
(through the phone
speaker)
Youve reached Rory Gilmore. Leave
a message and Ill get back to you
as soon as possible.
VOICEMAIL ROBOT
(through the phone
speaker)
The mailbox is full.
LUKE
Full voicemail. Thats not like
Rory.
LORELAI
Who do you think filled it up with
messages like call me, call me,
call me, call me? Mine and Adeles
phone bills looking pretty much the
same right now.

25.
LUKE
Then when she hears those messages,
shell call.
Lorelai frowns.
LUKE (CONTD)
You want to call her again, dont
you?
LORELAI
Already dialing.
EXT. SYRIA/INTERNAL DISPLACED REFUGEE CAMP -- DAY
Rory interviews a SYRIAN COUPLE with the aid of a TRANSLATOR.
RORY
So youve been in this camp how
long?
TRANSLATOR
(in Arabic)
How long have you been at this
camp?
SYRIAN WOMAN
(in Arabic)
Three months now, but this is not
the first camp weve stayed in.
TRANSLATOR
Three months now, but this is not
the first camp theyve stayed in.
Rorys phone RINGS. She pulls it out and silences the ringer.
RORY
Im sorry. I missed that.
TRANSLATOR
She says theyve been here three
months, but this isnt their first
camp.
Rorys phone RINGS again. The Syrian Couple shares a look.
Im sorry.

RORY

Rory looks around. The Couples DAUGHTER (10) is watching

nearby. Rory offers the phone to her.

26.
RORY (CONTD)
Hold this please.
(in Arabic)
Hold please.
The girl takes the phone and steps back. Rory turns back to
the couple.
RORY (CONTD)
I apologize. My mom keeps calling.
TRANSLATOR
(in Arabic)
Her mother is trying to reach her.
The phone RINGS again. The Daughter answers the phone.
DAUGHTER
(into the phone)
Marhabaan?
INT. LORELAIS HOUSE/LIVING ROOM -- CONTINUOUS
Lorelai flinches, hearing a voice pick up.
LORELAI
(into the phone)
Rory?
(shaking her head in
frustration.)
Ro-ry. Its a name.
(a beat)
Im sorry, but can you hand me to
someone who speaks English?
LUKE
Whats happening?
Lorelai shushes him.
LORELAI
(into the phone)
I just heard someone say the word
jeans. Can you hand the phone to
the person who said jeans?
(to herself)
Of course you dont understand that
request.

27.
EXT. SYRIA/INTERNAL DISPLACED REFUGEE CAMP -- CONTINUOUS
Frustrated, the Daughter walks over to the Translator and
hands her the phone.
RORY
(to the couple)
So youve been out of your home
since 2011?
The Couple looks at her, lost. Rory looks at her Translator,
but shes on the phone.
RORY (CONTD)
Um. Wow. I wish I knew more Arabic.
Asif.
SYRIAN WOMAN
(something in Arabic)
TRANSLATOR
(lowering the phone)
Your mother is getting married next
weekend.
RORY
(to the Syrian Woman)
Your mom is getting married here at
the camp? Thats really exciting.
The Woman looks at her with confusion.
TRANSLATOR
No, Rory, your mother is getting
married.
The Translator offers Rory back her phone. Rory stares at it
in disbelief for a second before taking it.

Mom?

RORY
(into the phone)

INT. LORELAIS HOUSE/LIVING ROOM -- CONTINUOUS

Lorelai jumps with excitement hearing her daughters voice.
LORELAI
(into the phone)
Rory?

28.
RORY
(through the phone)
Is it true? Are you...?
LORELAI
(into the phone)
Next Saturday.
RORY
(through the phone)
You and Luke?
LORELAI
(into the phone)
No, me and Taylor. Yes, me and
Luke. Come home!
RORY
(through the phone)
Im coming home! Oh my God!
Lorelai and Rory CRY OUT with excitement. Lorelai looks at
Luke.
LORELAI
Shes coming home! Rorys coming
home!
DRAGONFLY KITCHEN - DAY
SOOKIE preps breakfast. Lorelai enters.
LORELAI
Sookie, I have huge news and I
would tell you to sit down for it,
but this is a kitchen and there are
no chairs so Im just going to drop
the bomb. Luke and I are getting
married.
SOOKIE
Yay! So the town convinced you?
LORELAI
What? No. Luke and I decided to get
married so were going to get
married.
SOOKIE
Thats funny because the town also
decided you were going to get
married.

29.
LORELAI
They did, but Luke and I decided
independently of the town that
were getting married. Just after
they already voted and put the idea
in our heads in the first place and
how do you know about the vote? You
werent at the town meeting.
SOOKIE
No. Jackson and I couldnt get a
baby sitter thanks to the whole
mono outbreak at Stars Hollow High.
(shaking her fist)
Thanks a lot, Jamie Morrisons
sweet sixteen boy girl party! Oh
the perils of spin the bottle that
no one warns you about.
(back to Lorelai)
So we sent our ballots in by mail.
LORELAI
You voted by mail? How much advance
planning did this vote have?
SOOKIE
Well, two years.
Two years?

LORELAI

SOOKIE
Roughly. Thats how long it took
Kirk to finish his film. Stop
motion animation takes a long time
to do. You only get like seconds of
it done a day and then he ran into
funding issues...
LORELAI
Okay, next question. How did you
keep this all a secret?
SOOKIE
With great difficulty. I called in
sick most of this week to keep from
spilling the beans.
LORELAI
So you dont have Lime Disease?
No.

SOOKIE

30.
LORELAI
Sookie, thats a serious disease to
lie about!
SOOKIE
It is? I just said it because I had
limes in front of me then added the
word disease. I didnt know it was
a real thing.
LORELAI
Yeah, Avril Lavigne has it and
everything.
SOOKIE
Sounds complicated.
(off Lorelais blank look)
Get it? Complicated? Because she
has that song. Too soon?
LORELAI
No. Its a solid pun, but Im still
reeling over the fact that the town
has spent the last two years
planning to ambush me with a
wedding.
SOOKIE
Well, technically we spent two
years trying to decide if we should
ambush you with a wedding. Nice to
have that resolved.
MICHEL enters.
MICHEL
Lorelai, Taylor just dropped this
off for you.
He hands Lorelai a piece of paper.
LORELAI
What is it?
MICHEL
A marriage license. He said hes
waving the twenty-eight dollar fee
as a wedding gift from the town.
LORELAI
Generous. I take it by your casual
attitude that you already knew
about the vote last night.

31.
MICHEL
Yes, I couldnt make it because I
had a date, but I voted in the
advance poll.
LORELAI
Advance poll? There was an advance
poll? That makes me angry.
MICHEL
If it makes you feel any better, I
voted against the wedding.
LORELAI
Because it should be our choice.
MICHEL
What? No, because youre too old to
be a bride.
LORELAI
Were like the same age, Michel.
MICHEL
Well, you dont see me throwing a
wedding. This woman that Im
seeing, she is a bit older than
myself, and weve already decided
marriage is out of the question.
Who needs to make that kind of
spectacle of themselves at your
age?
LORELAI
Our age, Michel, our age.
SOOKIE
Yeah, who is this older woman you
keep dropping hints about anyway?
MICHEL
She wishes to have her privacy
respected.
SOOKIE
Let me guess, we wouldnt know her
because she goes to another school
out of state.
MICHEL
Yeah, well, screw you!
Michel spins and marches out of the kitchen.

32.
SOOKIE
Tell that to your imaginary
girlfriend!
LORELAI
So big news.
SOOKIE
You already told me the big news,
sweetie. Remember?
LORELAI
No, not the wedding. Well, it has
to do with the wedding. Rory is
coming home!
SOOKIE
Rory? Oh, Rory! I need to make
jello.
LORELAI
Thats an odd segue.
SOOKIE
Last time Rory was here she loved
my lavender jello with the
clementine rind and I promised her
Id make it every time she came
home.
LORELAI
Then break our your molds, Sookie,
because shes arriving on Sunday!
SOOKIE
Then I have to get to work.
LORELAI
Then after, you and I can start
talking about the menu for my
wedding next Saturday that is
totally my idea and no one elses.
SOOKIE
But Lukes.
LORELAI
But Lukes.
Sookie holds up a finger to indicate Lorelai should wait. She
goes into a cupboard below the island and pulls out a double
thick binder stuffed with paper.

33.
LORELAI (CONTD)
Whats that?
SOOKIE
Thats every idea Ive ever had for
your wedding cake plus entrees and
appetizers.
LORELAI
Thats a lot of ideas.
SOOKIE
Yeah well. Its grown over the
years.
Lorelai nods.
EXT. BRADLEY INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY
A plane lands on the runway.
INT. BRADLEY INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT/GATE - DAY
Rory steps out of her gate. Shes distracted, typing on her
phone. It BUZZES in her hand.
RORY
(answering the phone)
Hold your horses, Gilmore. Ill
meet you at baggage claim.
ASSISTANT
(through phone)
Rory Gilmore?
RORY
(into phone)
Oh yeah. Sorry.
ASSISTANT
(through phone)
Please hold for Logan Huntzberger.
Uh? What?

RORY

Rory walks through the airport as she talks on the phone.

LOGAN
(through the phone)
Hey Ace, hows it feel to be
stateside?

34.
RORY
(into phone)
Wow Logan. Its been a long time.
Wait. How did you know Im back in
the states? I literally just
landed.
LOGAN
(through the phone)
I follow you on twitter.
RORY
(into the phone)
Okay?
LOGAN
(through the phone)
Your just landed update?
RORY
(into the phone)
Right. Im sorry. I must just be
excited to hear from you.
LOGAN
(through the phone)
Im excited to talk to you too,
Ace. Although this is the point
where I bring up that this is a
business call.
RORY
(into the phone)
Wait. What office are you calling
from?
LOGAN
(through the phone)
Huntzman Publishing. Actually weve
been trying to get a hold of you.
Did you get any of the emails we
sent?
RORY
(into the phone)
No, Ive been in Syria so I let my
inbox slide. Let me check.
(looking at the phone)
So I have thirty-five hundred
unread emails. Okay. You may have
gotten lost in there.

35.
LOGAN
(through the phone)
Dont worry about it, Rory. Ill
give you the elevator pitch. Were
interested in turning your articles
into a book.
RORY
(into the phone)
Wow. I didnt even know you worked
in publishing now.
LOGAN
(through the phone)
Its one of the businesses I own. I
like to get my hands dirty with my
investments. Im thinking wining
and dining a potential author falls
under that umbrella. What do you
say, Ace? Dinner tomorrow night to
discuss details?
RORY
(into the phone)
Logan, it sounds like a great
offer, but Im on my way to Stars
Hollow for a wedding. I dont know
if I can get away.
LOGAN
(through the phone)
Then Ill come to you. I intend to
give you the hard sell, Ace. Im
not taking no for an answer. Have
dinner with me tomorrow night.
RORY
(into the phone)
Sure. At the very least Id love to
catch up.
LOGAN
(through the phone)
Its a date. Pick you up at five.
Looking forward to seeing you, Ace.
RORY
(into the phone)
You too. I mean, same.
Rory disconnects the call. She takes a deep breath.
RORY (CONTD)
Shake it off, Rory. Shake it off.

36.
INT. BRADLEY INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT/BAGGAGE CLAIM -- DAY
Luggage in tow, Rory walks along the glass window separating
the baggage claim from the regular airport. She walks towards
the door that joins the two.
Theres a KNOCK on the glass. Rory stops and looks.
Lorelai is on the other side of the glass, waving. Rory
points to the door to indicate shell meet her there. But
instead Lorelai stays pressed again the glass.
LORELAI
(singing, muffled through
the glass)
Hello from the other side
I must have called a thousand times
Rory laughs and shakes her head.
LORELAI (CONTD)
(singing, muffled through
the glass)
To tell you I'm sorry for
everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to
be home
Rory and Lorelai look at each other for a moment.
RORY AND LORELAI
(bursting into song)
Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried
A SECURITY GUARD taps on Rorys shoulder. She stops singing.
SECURITY GUARD
Exit is that way, Maam.
He points to the door.
Oh thanks.

RORY

He moves on. She walks to the door.

RORY (CONTD)
(muttering)
Maam?

37.
INT. BRADLEY INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT/ARRIVALS -- CONTINUOUS
Lorelai waits at the door. Rory comes through and runs into
her arms.
Mom!
Rory!

RORY
LORELAI

They hug for the longest time.

RORY
I missed you.
LORELAI
I miss you, you stupid jetsetter!
Oh, if only Id slipped a knife
into your carry-on last time you
left and got you placed on the No
Fly List.
RORY
Well, theres always next time.
There is.

LORELAI

They start moving towards the exit.

RORY
Just you picking me up?
LORELAI
Um just me?
RORY
You know what I mean. Wheres the
rest of the family?
LORELAI
Well, grandma doesnt know youre
coming.
RORY
So its a surprise?
LORELAI
Kinda. And Luke and your sister are
waiting for us at the diner.

38.
RORY
Which sister? My half sister, my
step sister, or my other half
sister?
LORELAI
(lost)
Other half sister?
Gigi.

RORY

LORELAI
Oh, I forgot about her. No. Your
regular half sister, not the other
half sister. Hungry?
No.
Rory?

RORY
LORELAI

RORY
But Ill make room.
LORELAI
Thats my girl!
Lorelai wraps her arm around Rory and leads her towards the
exit.
INT. LUKES DINER -- DAY
Lukes diner hasnt changed at all over the years. His no
cell phone sign is still displayed, beside it is the one
addition to the diner, a sign that reads, We dont have
Gluten Free options. Dont even ask! Luke works behind the
counter. His and Lorelais daughter NOOMI (8), sits at the
counter, coloring in a coloring book.
A CUSTOMER approaches the counter, holding a menu. He tries
to get Lukes attention.
Dont ask.

NOOMI

CUSTOMER
Im sorry, what?
NOOMI
Dont ask. Im warning you.

39.
Luke notices the guy.
Excuse me?

CUSTOMER

LUKE
What do you want?
CUSTOMER
Do you have any gluten free
options?
Luke points to the sign.
LUKE
No, we dont.
CUSTOMER
Okay, Ill just have a burger
without the bun.
Get out.

LUKE

NOOMI
I warned you.
CUSTOMER
But I just -Luke comes out from behind the counter to escort the Customer
out himself.
LUKE
Lets go, pal.
Luke pushes him out the door.
CUSTOMER
But I have Celiacs Disease!
Luke shuts the door in his face. He stalks off. Lorelai and
Rory approach the door and open it.
Guess who!
Rory!

LORELAI
LUKE

Luke wraps Rory up in a giant hug.

RORY
Good to see you, Luke!

40.
Noomi jumps down from her seat and runs to Rory. Rory lets go
of Luke and grabs Noomi in a hug.
RORY (CONTD)
Hey, Noomi! How are you?
NOOMI
Good. I missed you so much.
RORY
I missed you too.
NOOMI
Mom missed you the most.
RORY
Well, I missed all of you.
NOOMI
Whatd you bring me?
RORY
(thrown)
I have uh
(searching her coat
pocket)
Twenty American dollars! Which Im
shocked I have.
LORELAI
You borrowed my coat at the
airport.
RORY
That explains it.
NOOMI
Cool thanks! Im going to run to
Doses and buy a treat.
Noomi heads out the door.
RORY
Oh! Bring back enough to share!
LORELAI
Shes probably buying fruit.
RORY
Never mind.
Luke pulls out a chair at a table. Rory sits in it. Lorelai
joins her at the table.

41.
LUKE
What would you like?
RORY
Just coffee.
LUKE
Coffee and donuts it is.
Luke heads to the counter to grab the coffee pot.
LORELAI
(calling out to Luke)
And danish and muffins and pie and
your first born!
RORY
(to Luke)
How is April anyway?
Luke returns with the pot.
LUKE
Shes great. Working on her Masters
in Organic Chemistry or something
equally sciencey sounding.
Luke pours them coffees.
LUKE (CONTD)
You can ask her all about it when
she gets here.
RORY
Cool. When does she get here?
LUKE
Shes arriving the day of the
wedding.
RORY
(spinning on Lorelai)
Day of? Day of? April is coming the
day of the wedding, but you made me
come nearly a week early?
LORELAI
What? April is taking a domestic
flight whereas you had to fly
transcontinental and when you make
that big a trip, to make it worth
it you have to stay longer.
(MORE)

42.
LORELAI (CONT'D)
Plus April visits more often so you
have to make up for it by visiting
the longest.
Fine.

RORY

LORELAI
Oh dont act like you dont want to
be here.
RORY
(brightening)
I do!
Luke drops off plates of muffins, danish, donuts, and pie.
They start to pick at the food.
LORELAI
Great. Now ,do I have a classic
Stars Hollow night planned for us!
First we eat these appetizers. Then
were going to go to Als Pancake
World for Mediterranean Night.
RORY
Thats new.
LORELAI
Then well catch a double feature
at the Black White Read movie
theatre.
RORY
Okay, you do know that I just came
from a different time zone and I
have jetleg, right?
LORELAI
So just the one movie?
RORY
Preferably.
LORELAI
Then we will go back to our place.
Banish Luke to the bedroom and have
one of our famous Mother Daughter
talks for as late as your inner
clock will allow.
RORY
The perfect end to a Stars Hollow
night.

43.
LORELAI
I have so many topics prepared: The
Mannequin Challenge videos - fun to
watch or are we being tricked into
looking at what are essentially
photographs? Drake and Rihanna - is
it true love or trying to hard?
Politics.
RORY
Politics what?
LORELAI
I dunno. I was hoping you could
help me understand them in general.
Like, what is the electoral
college? Because apparently it is
not what I thought it was, which is
an educational institution for
electrical engineers.
RORY
I can explain that to you, but I
cant promise itll make sense.
The bell on the door DINGS as Noomi reenters. She holds a bag
of peaches.
NOOMI
I got peaches!
RORY
(to Lorelai)
Are you sure shes related to us?
INT. LORELAIS HOUSE/KITCHEN - DAY
LORELAI sits at the kitchen table, hunched over her iPhone.
She wears a tied housecoat. On the table is an assortment of
healthy breakfast foods: fruit salad, egg white omelets, and
bran muffins.
LORELAI
(into the phone)
Siri, how do I
(hesitant pause, then)
Twitter?
Morning!

RORY (O.S.)

44.
Rory sweeps into the kitchen and makes a bee-line for the
coffee maker. Lorelai slaps her hand down to cover the
iPhone.
RORY (CONTD)
I had the best sleep. I swear after
all these years that couch still
holds my butt print. Bonus: Butt
has not grown.
SIRI (V.O.)
(muffled from the phone)
I have found three-hundred and
forty-six results for howdy
twitter.
Rory spins on Lorelai.
RORY
Mom! Are you still obsessing over
what I told you last night?
LORELAI
No. Yes. Only a little. Its just.
Sixty-thousand twitter followers?
Sixty-thousand?
RORY
Give or take a few hundred.
Rory sits down at the table with her cup of coffee.
LORELAI
Sixty-thousand people follow my
daughter on twitter. Sixty-thousand
people. You are a twitter icon.
RORY
Im not exactly The Tweet of God,
but I do alright.
Rory picks up a bran muffin, sniffs it, and puts it back
down.
RORY (CONTD)
Someone is bluffin with that
muffin.
LORELAI
Youre just so much more popular
than me.
RORY
Its not a competition.

45.
LORELAI
Yes, it is. Thats exactly what
popularity is. Its a competition.
Rory reaches for her coffee, but Lorelai grabs it first and
takes a swig. Rory gets up to get another cup.
RORY
Youre popular, mom. Everyone in
Stars Hollow knows you.
LORELAI
Oh sure, Im Stars Hollow popular.
RORY
You like Stars Hollow.
LORELAI
I did until I found out about the
twitter universe.
RORY
Twitterverse.
LORELAI
Thank you. That couldve been
embarrassing. How can I tweet the
tweet if I cant talk the talk?
RORY
So you set up an account?
LORELAI
I dont know. Did you get notified
of a new follower?
RORY
Please. If I got notified every
time I got a new twitter follower,
my phone would be blowing up with
more repetitive tones than an
Avicii concert.
Rory picks up her phone from the counter and looks at the
screen.
RORY (CONTD)
Are you @Lorelai4815162342?
LORELAI
Youre reading it wrong. It doesnt
make sense that way. Im @Lorelai
four eight fifteen sixteen twentythree forty-two.

46.
RORY
Oh yeah, that makes more sense. Why
didnt you just choose the handle,
@Lorelai?
LORELAI
@Lorelai was taken.
RORY
But youre the reigning Lorelai.
I know.

LORELAI

RORY
Then what about @Lorelaithesecond?
LORELAI
Hindsight is twenty-twenty. Plus
what I really, really wanted was
taken.
Rory sits back down at the table with her coffee and phone.
RORY
What was that?
LORELAI
@TookieClothespin.
RORY
(gasp)
But youre Tookie Clothespin.
LORELAI
I know and it gets weirder.
RORY
How could it possibly get weirder?
LORELAI
The person who has taken
@TookieClothespin handle is. Pause
for dramatic effect. Kirk.
RORY
Kirk Kirk? As in town Kirk?
LORELAI
Can you think of any other Kirk who
were on first name basis with?

47.
RORY
Its not Cameron, Douglas, or
Captain. So Kirk?
Kirk.

LORELAI

RORY
Kirk who named his cat Kirk, Kirk?
Kirk who named his bird Kirk, Kirk?
Kirk who named his car Kirk, Kirk?
LORELAI
Kirk who named his twins Kirk and
Kirk and has to refer to them as
Girl Kirk and Boy Kirk because hes
so into naming things exactly after
himself, Kirk.
RORY
If we were having this conversation
in front of a mirror, would Kirk
appear and murder us?
LORELAI
Probably. Kirk, the Narcissist of
naming things, didnt choose the
twitter handle @Kirk, but instead
chose Tookie Clothespin.
RORY
How does he even know about the
name Tookie Clothespin?
LORELAI
Probably during his brief stint as
our mail carrier, he read it on one
or our magazine subscriptions and
internalized it.
RORY
Its surprising how many of our
Stars Hallow peeps are already on
twitter. Miss Pattys on there as
@MissPattyCakes, Michel is
@Celinelover4ever, and even
Babettes cat is on twitter.
LORELAI
@Marjoram was my first follow.
RORY
I do love her purr of the day.

48.
Luke bursts into the kitchen.
LUKE
I am going to kill Taylor!
RORY
Isnt it a little early for that?
LORELAI
Its never too early for that.
LUKE
Do you want to know why?
LORELAI
Shoot first, ask questions later.
Thats what I always say.
LUKE
Oh no. Shooting him would be too
good for Taylor. I need him to
suffer long and slow. I need to
throw acid on him and watch him
dissolve.
LORELAI
You could probably get the same
effect by throwing a bucket of
water on him.
RORY
How has no one tried that already?
(Then, to Lorelai)
So whats going to be your
inaugural tweet?
LUKE
(to himself)
Where do we keep the acid?
Luke exits through the back door.
LORELAI
I tweeted it already.
Lorelai looks down, ashamed.
RORY
Uh-oh. Whats that face for?
LORELAI
I have tweeters remorse.

49.
RORY
Im sure its fine.
(reading from phone)
If ice cream is good for a sore
throat then I want a banana split
for this splitting headache.
(beat)
Huh.
LORELAI
You hate it.
RORY
Well, its not about to break the
internet.
LORELAI
Yet if anythings going to break
the internet, its Lorelai
Gilmores mouth. I have the verbal
girth equivalent of a Kardashians
rear.
RORY
Ill take the Gilmore verbal girth
any day.
LORELAI
I wouldnt be so cocky, Miss Butt
Has Not Grown. You forget Lukes
been sitting on that couch for the
past decade.
RORY
Ive got Luke butt groove butt?
LORELAI
A tweet cannot house the brilliance
that is Lorelai Gilmore. I cannot
be contained within one-hundred and
forty characters. I am The Hobbit
Extended Cut of talking. Im
verbally as subtle as a light saber
broad sword.
RORY
Wait. I just got that Lost
reference in your twitter handle.
LORELAI
See. My humor needs to be thought
about. It needs to percolate.
Something the ever refreshing
twitter feed doesnt allow for.

50.
Rory looks at her phone and giggles.
LORELAI (CONTD)
Did you think about it? Did banana
split finally click?
RORY
Oh no. I was just reading
Marjorams purr of the day. Topical
and humourous as always.
LORELAI
Shes only funny because shes a
cat. Anyone can be funny if theyre
playing a character. Thats why
Colbert is funnier than Stewart.
RORY
(reading)
Tuna in next time. Same cat time,
same cat channel!
LORELAI
(talking to Rorys phone)
Puns are the lowest form of humour,
Miss Cattie Bradshaw.
RORY
Youre over thinking twitter. Its
mostly observational humor. Finding
the funny in everyday life.
LORELAI
(looking at her phone)
No one is re-tweeting my tweet.
RORY
Probably no ones read it, because
no ones following you. You should
try adding a hashtag so people can
find it.
LORELAI
Whats a hashtag? It sounds
delicious. If its anything like a
hashbrown, Ill take two.
RORY
Speaking of which. Mom, wheres
Lukes breakfast?
Lorelai gestures to the table.

51.
RORY (CONTD)
This isnt Lukes breakfast. This
is health food. This is rock hard
bran muffins and
(closer inspection)
Is that spinach in that egg white
omelet?
Rory gets up and opens the fridge.
RORY (CONTD)
Wheres the bacon and pancakes?
LORELAI
Gone. Banished from by the house by
Luke and your sister in the great
Junk Food Purge of 2015.
RORY
What about Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
What about Pop Tarts?
(looking in the cupboard)
There are spices in the spice
cupboard that dont say Kernels on
them.
LORELAI
Im telling you Luke and Noomi have
completely taken over the kitchen.
RORY
Why didnt you stop them?
LORELAI
Im out numbered! Its no longer
Dane versus Gilmores. Its Danes
versus Gilmore. I had to save all
my bargaining chips to keep them
from switching me to decaf.
RORY
Blasphemy!
(looking in the next
cupboard)
Is this a coupon clipping cupboard?
Lorelai jumps up from the table and slams the cupboard shut.
In doing so her robe flies open revealing daytime clothes
underneath.
LORELAI
Pay no attention to the man behind
the curtain!

52.
RORY
Are you wearing yesterdays
clothes?
LORELAI
I couldnt sleep. It was the
twitter. I have a problem.
RORY
Did you spend all night composing
that horrible tweet?
LORELAI
Horrible? You said it was fine.
RORY
Thats when I thought you came up
with it spur of the moment.
Luke reenters brandishing a shovel.
LORELAI
Hey, Luke what are you doing?
LUKE
No acid. Gonna kill Taylor with a
shovel. Its more efficient since
when Im done bludgeoning him, I
can use the shovel to dig his
grave.
RORY
Or, two birds, one stone. Bury him
alive. I always pictured Taylor
dying by being buried alive.
LORELAI
No, I mean why are you going to
kill Taylor?
LUKE
He screwed up our wedding
invitations.
LORELAI
We didnt hire Taylor to do our
wedding invitations, we hired Kirk.
RORY
Three words guaranteed to have dire
consequences.
LUKE
Kirk is a front for Taylor.

53.
LORELAI
Kirk is a front for Taylor?
Suddenly Im questioning
everything. Is Sir Paul alive or is
he an android? Is Cobb dreaming or
awake? Was I born with it or is it
Maybelline?
RORY
Cobbs awake.
LORELAI
Hes dreaming.
RORY
You seem certain for someone who
was questioning just moments ago.
Luke pulls a wedding invite from his pocket and hands it to
Lorelai.
LORELAI
(reading)
You are cordially invited to the
wedding of Lorelai Gilmore and Luke
Danes
(with growing anger)
Sponsored by Doses Market? Fine
Stars Hallow Grocer Since NinetineForty-Four.
RORY
Wow. How old is Taylor?
LORELAI
He used our wedding invite as an ad
for his store?
LUKE
Flip it over. The other side is a
coupon for Doses Market.
LORELAI
Twenty percent off breakfast
cereal?
(then)
He never has sales this good in
store. Im keeping this.
LUKE
Read the fine print.

54.
LORELAI
Off brand only? Buried alive is too
good for him!
Rory types on her phone.
LUKE
Can we tar and feather him? Is that
still a thing?
LORELAI
Its retro. I love it. You get the
tar, Ill murder a couch cushion
and harvest its feathers.
Luke exits through the back door. Lorelai stands and heads
towards the living room. Her phone makes a TWEETING NOISE.
She dives for it.
LORELAI (CONTD)
(reading from phone)
@Lorelai4815162342s wedding invite
turned into a grocery coupon.
Worse, its for off brand cereal.
(to Rory)
Hey! Thats what just happened.
RORY
I told you, find the funny in
everyday life.
LORELAI
But you stole that from me.
RORY
I tagged you in it.
Luke reenters empty handed.
LUKE
No tar. Cancel the feathers.
LORELAI
Got it. Forget about the feathers.
(then)
I had actually forgotten about the
feathers.
LUKE
I need a new way to hurt Taylor.
LORELAI
So many ideas!

55.
RORY
Oh! Behead him! Ned Stark style.
LORELAI
Poor Starks.
RORY
Poor Starks.
LUKE
Axe. Great idea!
Luke exits through the back door. Lorelais phone makes a
TWEETING noise and continues to do so intermittently.
LORELAI
Can we talk about how you
plagiarized me?
RORY
I did not plagiarize you.
LORELAI
All this time we thought you were
this great journalist when really
you were just ripping off other
peoples words.
Please.

RORY

LORELAI
Youre Shakespeare and Im the Earl
of Oxford.
RORY
In a real life comparison, because
Anonymous was a fabrication.
LORELAI
Youre a fabrication! I disown you,
fabricator. And why does my phone
keep going off?
Rory looks at Lorelais phone screen.
RORY
Those are notifications saying the
tweet I tagged you in is being retweeting.
LORELAI
What? This is amazing! Im reowning you.

56.
Luke reenters with an axe.
LUKE
My axe is dull.
RORY
Even better.
LORELAI
Honey, look.
(holding up phone)
Im twitter famous.
LUKE
Good?
(then)
A dull axe just isnt going to do
the job. He might escape before I
cause enough blood loss to finish
him.
RORY
You could always just run Taylor
down with your car.
LUKE
Yes. Simple. I like it.
Luke picks up his truck keys and exits towards the front
door.
LORELAI
Bye, honey! Have fun committing
premeditated murder.
The front door SLAMS.
RORY
We were really casual about
plotting Taylors murder.
LORELAI
Quick! While hes gone!
Lorelai gets down on the ground and pulls up a floor board.
Mom?

RORY

LORELAI
You want some of the good breakfast
stuff?

57.
RORY
Have you gone full Lane, hiding
stuff under the floor boards?
LORELAI
Its the only way if you want Pop
Tarts.
Lorelai pulls out a box of Pop Tarts. Rory drops down to her
knees.
Gimme!

RORY

They rip into the box. They bite into the Pop Tarts.
RORY (CONTD)
Oh yeah. These are the good stuff.
LORELAI
First taste is free. Next will cost
ya.
Mom!

NOOMI (O.S.)

Noomi stands at her bedroom door dressed in Frozen pajamas.

Rory and Lorelai freeze, caught kneeling on the floor, eating
Pop Tarts.
LORELAI
Noomi, youre dreaming! Go back to
bed.
NOOMI
I cant believe youre eating that
sugar soaked cardboard.
LORELAI
I was just holding it for a friend.
NOOMI
Im telling dad.
LORELAI
Whats it going to take to keep
that from happening?
NOOMI
(considering, then)
I want full control of the radio.

58.
LORELAI
Im listening.
NOOMI
House and Car.
Agreed.

LORELAI

NOOMI
For a month.
No way!

LORELAI

NOOMI
Then Im going to have to tell dad
about your floor board stash and
about the Fig Newtons you hide in
the toilet tank.
Mom!

RORY

LORELAI
Theyre in a water proof bag. Fine.
Radio for the month.
NOOMI
Good. Ive got a long division test
today and I needs me some Bieber to
pump me up.
LORELAI
Not the Biebs!
Noomi goes back into her room.
RORY
(while typing on her
phone)
Needs me some Bieber. So tweeting
that.
LORELAI
Plagiarist!
RORY
(while typing)
#StarsHollowProblems.

59.
INT. TAYLORS ICE CREAM SHOP -- DAY
Taylor is showing an EMPLOYEE how to properly display the
candy.
TAYLOR
You need to cheat the packages on
the ends out so you get a full onehundred and eighty degree view of
the product.
Theres a KNOCK on the glass separating Taylors shop from
Lukes diner.
Taylor turns to see Luke looking through the glass, glaring
at him.
Taylor gives him a friendly wave.
Slowly, Luke slides his finger across his throat then points
at Taylor.
TAYLOR (CONTD)
Rebecca, lock the door.
INT. LORELAIS HOUSE/LIVING ROOM -- DAY
Lorelai, now changed, has a pile of Selfie sticks lying on
the coffee table. She places her own phone in one.
LORELAI
(calling out)
Hey girls, get in here! I want to
show you something.
Rory and Noomi walk in from the kitchen. Theyre now dressed.
RORY
Whats up?
(spotting the selfie
sticks)
Whats with the selfie sticks?
Looking to de-thrown Miley Cyrus
and become the new Instagram Queen?
LORELAI
No upsurping here. Long live Queen
Miley. She cant be stopped.
RORY
And she wont stop.

60.
LORELAI
What happened was I found out what
it costs to book a last minute
wedding photographer for a summer
wedding.
RORY
Many moulas?
LORELAI
All the moulas! Back in the day
when Luke and I were first engaged,
you would remedy this by buying a
pile of disposable cameras and
leaving them on the tables for the
guests, but since actual
photography is a thing of the past Thank you very much, Steven Sasson I conceived of the modern day
equivalent of the disposable camera
and bought selfie sticks to place
on all the tables.
I love it.

RORY

NOOMI
Lets test it out.
Lorelai holds up the stick. Rory, Lorelai, and Noomi huddle
together.
LORELAI
Chin up, chest out. Know your
angles, girls. They will serve you
well in life as will knowing your
best Insta Filter.
The phone goes CLICK and then CRACK. Lorelai lowers the stick
to look at her phone.
LORELAI (CONTD)
What? Did that crack my phone
screen? Stupid cheap thing. Thats
the last time I buy electronic
accessories at Doses.
Rory and Noomi look at the screen.
NOOMI
At least its a good photo of us.

61.
LORELAI
(doubtful)
Yeah, but theres something weird
in the background. Is that a
person?
Spooky!

RORY

INSERT: The photo of them on the phone screen. Lorelai uses

her thumb and forefinger to zoom in on over her shoulder.
There is someone standing behind them in the photo. Its
EMILY GILMORE.
Hello.

EMILY (O.S.)

Rory and Noomi jump. Lorelai shrieks. Noomi turns, sees who
it is and runs to hug Emily.
G-ma!

NOOMI

RORY
(mouthing to Lorelai)
G-ma?
Lorelai shrugs. Rory beams at Emily and goes to hug her.
Grandma!

RORY (CONTD)

EMILY
Rory! What are you doing here? I
had no idea you were visiting.
RORY
(eyeing Lorelai)
You didnt?
EMILY
Youd think your mother wouldve
told me, its been months since
Ive seen you.
RORY
Well, it was kind of last minute.
Sorry I didnt call first.
EMILY
Thats alright. Im just happy to
see you.
(MORE)

62.
EMILY (CONT'D)
(spotting the selfie
sticks)
Whats all this?
LORELAI
(on the spot)
New promotion at the Inn. Spend a
night, get a free selfie stick.
Rory narrows her eyes at Lorelai. Noomi says nothing as if
lying to grandma is common place.
EMILY
Oh Lorelai, is business so bad that
you have to resort to offering
cheap gifts? If you need money for
promotion, some magazine ads, Im
happy to lend you the money.
LORELAI
No thanks. So what are you doing
here mom?
EMILY
I had nothing to do this morning so
I thought Id pop in. See Noomi off
to school.
LORELAI
Youve been doing that a lot
lately. Popping in.
EMILY
Well, since your father passed, I
do find myself with a lot of spare
time, but if Im a burden...
LORELAI
Youre not a burden, mom. Noomi,
get your school bag. Well all
drive you to school.
INT. LORELAIS JEEP -- DAY
Lorelai drives, Emily sits in the passenger seat. Rory and
Noomi sit in the back. SORRY by JUSTIN BIEBER plays over the
radio. Something catches Lorelais eye out the window.
EXT. TAYLORS ICE CREAM SHOP -- CONTINUOUS
Luke pounds on the door to Taylors shop. Taylor is just
inside, cowering.

63.
TAYLOR
Open the door, Taylor! I just want
to talk to you! At least thatll be
my story when the police come to
collect your body!
Lorelais Jeep drives by. Lorelai stares out the window at
Luke.
INT. LORELAIS JEEP -- CONTINUOUS
Lorelai turns back to the road, choosing to ignore what she
saw.
Noomi mouths along to the words to the song SORRY. Emily
makes a sour face.
EMILY
Is this one of those auto-tune
artists? What ever happened to good
old fashioned singing? Do we have
to listen to this digital age
caterwauling?
Sorry.

LORELAI

EMILY
Are you saying yes or are you
singing along?
LORELAI
Im saying, I have no control over
the radio
(shares a look with Noomi
in the rearview mirror)
And Bieber will never say never.
EMILY
Is this what Justin Bieber is?
Isnt he Canadian? You shouldnt
listen to Canadian music, I heard
they have legal marijuana there and
their Prime Minister is a shirtless
model.
Lorelai spins the wheel, making a sudden U-turn.
EMILY (CONTD)
What are you doing? Where are we
going?

64.
LORELAI
Road trip to Canada obviously.
Lorelai!

EMILY

Lorelai turns the car back around.

LORELAI
Kidding, mom.
EMILY
And use your turn signals!
Lorelai flips the turn signal back and forth between left and
right.
EMILY (CONTD)
Youre impossible. The fact that
you even have a drivers license is
a testament to the poor testing
standards at the DMV.
LORELAI
Who says I have a license?
Emily looks appalled.
RORY
(cutting in)
Hey look! The school!
Lorelai pulls over.
EXT. STARS HOLLOW ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - CONTINUOUS
Lorelais jeeps pulls up in front.
INT. LORELAIS JEEP -- CONTINUOUS
Noomi unbuckles her seatbelt.
NOOMI
Are you picking me up, mom?
LORELAI
Rory will. I have to stay late and
work on wedding pla...
(trails off, but its too
late to take back what
she said)

65.
EMILY
(suspicious due to the
trail off)
Whos wedding?
LORELAI
Inn guests. You know, we have those
at the Inn. People like to get
married especially in the summer
months. Those are busy months for
weddings.
EMILY
I thought business was down.
LORELAI
Well, its picking back up.
Good.
Kay bye.

EMILY
NOOMI

LORELAI
Bye, hun. Your sister will take you
to the park after school.
Noomi gets out and shuts the door. Lorelai pulls away.
RORY
Stars Hollow has a park? Since
when?
LORELAI
Since its founding.
RORY
What where?
LORELAI
On Chestnut.
RORY
What? You told me never to go down
that street because a bad man lives
there!
LORELAI
Well, thats true. Taylors house
backs onto Chestnut.

66.
RORY
My entire childhood you never took
me to a park once! No wonder I hate
exercise.
LORELAI
You got exercise. Id take you to
the town square and let you run
around the gazebo.
RORY
I couldve gone on a swing set! I
still dont know how to pump my
legs.
LORELAI
Why didnt you practice on Miss
Pattys little swing set?
RORY
Because she put that swing there
when I was fifteen and well past
the weight limit, but I guess its
all worth it because I know how to
sit on a bench.
LORELAI
Like a pro and you have to
understand mommys reasoning, hun.
The gazebo was in close proximity
to my coffee source while the park
is a caffeine dead zone.
EMILY
I agree with your mother. Youre
lucky you never played at a park.
Those places are covered in
childrens germs. Absolute
cesspools. Its probably the reason
you were so healthy as a child and
never caught miliaria. Add to that
the fact that absolutely any kid
can go there, no matter their
upbringing. Would it kill them to
put up a velvet rope and hire a
bouncer?
LORELAI
(a beat)
Im sorry, Rory. I shouldve taken
you to the park.

67.
EXT. STARS HOLLOW PARK - DAY
Rory and Noomi walk along the path in the park towards the
playground.
RORY
Will you look at that. We have a
park.
Noomis eyes light up as she recognizes someone on the
playground.
NOOMI
Our cousins are here!
Noomi takes off running and waving.
RORY
We have cousins?
Doula!

NOOMI

Noomi runs up to DOULA (11), Liz and TJs daughter. Shes

standing with a man who turns and looks at Rory. Its JESS,
still rocking that leather jacket and the devil-may-care
attitude.
RORY
Right. We have cousins.
Hi Rory!
Hey Doula.

DOULA
RORY

She hugs Doula. She gets the quickest squeeze then Doula and
Noomi run off.
And Jess.
Rory.

RORY (CONTD)
JESS

They hug.
RORY
I didnt even think that youd be
here. Are you here for the wedding?
Of course you are.

68.
JESS
Yeah, pretty last minute, but Liz
seemed to imply Id be disowned if
I didnt immediately drive down.
But really I think she just needed
a baby sitter this week.
RORY
Right. The Great Baby Sitter
shortage thanks to the mono
outbreak at Stars Hollow High.
JESS
I heard a kid from Woodbury was
patient zero.
Typical.

RORY

JESS
Its crazy, Luke and Lorelai
finally getting married. For some
reason I thought they were already
married.
RORY
You wouldve come to the wedding.
Youre family.
JESS
As in, your family?
RORY
By extension. You should really
come home for more holidays.
JESS
I have been. Its just we seem to
be on an alternating schedule.
RORY
Not deliberate I hope.
JESS
Of course not.
RORY
So what about this place?
(looking around the
playground)
Who knew this existed?

69.
JESS
I did. I used to cut school and
smoke cigarettes under the slide.
RORY
I get it, Jess. You were Stars
Hollows token bad boy.
Were?

JESS

RORY
Its a new generation. Im sure
someone has filled your shoes by
now.
JESS
(yelling)
Doula, is that true? Is there a new
bad boy in town?
DOULA
Thats Preston Ricci.
NOOMI
He lit a pack of firecrackers and
threw them in the principals
office.
JESS
Amateur. I lit fireworks and threw
them in Taylors car. He was so
furious, he put a fireworks ban on
the town. Ruined everyones fourth
of July.
RORY
I dont remember this. When was
this?
JESS
You were in Washington.
Ah.

RORY

JESS
I had a lot of angst that summer
and a lot of free time.
Doula and Noomi run back off. Jess watches them.

70.
JESS (CONTD)
So do the two of them have a weird
names club?
RORY
You think Noomi is a weird name? Do
you have a problem with Show Girls?
JESS
I dont have a problem with Show
Girls, but I do have a problem with
making your kid into a reference.
RORY
Lorelai Gilmore cant name a child
without making a reference.
JESS
She named you just fine.
RORY
She named me in reference to
herself. I am the ultimate
reference.
JESS
Fair enough. Howd she talk Luke
into Noomi?
RORY
Told him its a family name. If
anyone asks, I have a Great Aunt
Noomi.
JESS
Doesnt this make you feel weird?
What?

RORY

JESS
Watching our younger sisters play
together? Our mothers do-over
kids.
RORY
My mom didnt need a do-over. She
got the perfect kid the first time.
Noomi is Lorelais victory-lap kid.
JESS
(side eye)
I cant argue with the perfect.

71.
RORY
(changing the subject)
So which house is Taylors house?
A dozen or so backyard fences line the edge of the park. One
is distinctly different than the others. It has a ten foot
tall, one foot deep cement wall backing onto the park.
JESS
The one with the highway grade
noise barrier protecting the
backyard.
RORY
Whoa. Wouldnt you need a permit to
construct that thing?
The sound of a HELICOPTER is heard in the distance.
JESS
Im sure he has one. It is Taylor.
RORY
And Taylor has all the permits. Why
would he build that? Does Taylor
hate kids? Actually that explains
so much about Taylor.
JESS
I dont think he hates kids. Just
the sound of their joyful laughter.
RORY
Speaking of noises.

JESS
So what are you doing later?

The sound of the HELICOPTER is now overhead.

What?

RORY

DOULA
(pointing to the sky)
Helicopter!
JESS
I asked what you were doing later.
RORY
(distracted looking up)
Doing later?
The helicopter descends for landing.

72.

Yeah.

JESS

RORY
I have plans.
JESS
With your mom?
The helicopter lands on the grass beside the playground.
Logan can be seen through the window, grinning and waving.
With him.

RORY

Rory approaches the helicopter, looking cautiously up at the

still spinning blades. Logan opens up the door, looking
dashing.
JESS
As far as entrances go, a bit much.
NOOMI
(to Logan)
Wow! Are you Bruce Wayne?
Logan steps out as Noomi runs up to him.
LOGAN
No Im Logan Huntzberger, Rorys
friend. And you have the look of a
Gilmore.
NOOMI
Im her sister Noomi.
DOULA
Can we go in your helicopter?
LOGAN
Go nuts. Copilot is Reggie. Just
dont press any buttons unless he
says its okay.
Noomi and Doula CHEER and climb inside.
LOGAN (CONTD)
Hello, Ace.
RORY
Logan! Whats with the helicopter?

73.
LOGAN
I hope you dont mind. Im going
for my chopper license and I wanted
to log some more hours.
RORY
How did you even know where to find
me?
LOGAN
You tweeted you were taking your
sister to the park. Theres only
the one park in Stars Hollow. Found
it on google maps.
TAYLOR (O.S.)
Hey! Hey you!
Taylor is peaking his head over his massive noise barrier
wall.
TAYLOR (CONTD)
You cant land a helicopter there!
They all ignore Taylor. Rory hugs Logan hello. Logan looks at
Jess who has followed Rory, but is keeping a bit of distance.
LOGAN
I know you. Jessie, right?
Its Jess.

JESS

LOGAN
But thats short for Jessie.
TAYLOR (O.S.)
You need a permit! And I know you
dont have a permit!
JESS
No. Its not.
TAYLOR (O.S.)
Because I have all the permits!
LOGAN
But its short for something. Jess
isnt a real name.
Logan!

RORY

74.
LOGAN
Im just joshing him. Its all in
good fun. This must be a day for
reunions. I come to pick you up for
our date and youre hanging out
with your high school boyfriend.
Arent you the one that skipped
town on her?
JESS
Arent you the one that cheated on
her?
RORY
Okay. Time out. Thats ancient
history. All of it.
TAYLOR (O.S.)
Hey, listen to me!
JESS
Are you dating this guy again?
RORY
No. Logan misspoke. Its a business
date to discuss turning some of my
articles into a book. Logan owns a
publishing company and he wants me
to sign a book deal.
JESS
Then you should probably meet with
me too.
Excuse me?

LOGAN

TAYLOR (O.S.)
Im coming to write you a citation!
Taylor seems suddenly confused as to how to get around his
giant wall.
TAYLOR (CONTD)
Im coming! Wait there!
Everyone continues to ignore Taylor.
JESS
I own a publishing company too, if
youre offering Rory a book deal,
Id like to make a counter offer.

75.
LOGAN
Thats a little out of no where.
JESS
You have a problem with a little
friendly competition?
LOGAN
Of course not and Rory is a free
agent. What is your company?
JESS
Truncheon Books.
LOGAN
Never heard of it.
JESS
And you claim to work in the
industry.
LOGAN
Must be too small to be on the map.
My usual competitors are multibillion dollar publishing
companies. HarperCollins, Random
House...
RORY
If youre competing to see who can
make me the most uncomfortable,
youre both winning. Jess, if
youre serious, I can meet with
your tomorrow night over dinner.
LOGAN
But dont expect her to eat too
much, shell still be full from the
seafood buffet at Chez Anais.
RORY
But thats in New York.
LOGAN
Which is why I brought the chopper.
Ill have you back by curfew.
RORY
But you said you were going to come
to me.
LOGAN
And here I am. Id love to take you
back to Chez Anais.
(MORE)

76.
LOGAN (CONT'D)
It is our special place, but if
youd rather eat here,
(to Jess)
I guess we could go to whatever
your special place is. Im assuming
the restaurant name either ends in
King or Hut.
RORY
(jumping in before Jess
can speak)
Chez Anais sounds delicious.
LOGAN
Great. Lets go, Ace.
RORY
But Logan, youre over an hour
early. Im not ready.
LOGAN
You look amazing, but if youre
worried about the dress code, we
can swing by fifth avenue and get
you something to wear. My treat.
JESS
Real considerate and yet you were
an hour early picking her up.
LOGAN
I do apologize for that. I was in
meeting with Cormac McCarthy and we
wrapped up early. Not one for words
that guy.
JESS
Except when hes writing.
LOGAN
(condescending)
Because of his run-on sentences.
Funny.
JESS
Even more so now that youve
explained it.
RORY
Im sorry, Logan, but I cant leave
yet. I have to watch Noomi.
Noomi KNOCKS on the glass from inside the helicopter. Shes
wearing a pilot helmet. She waves.

77.
JESS
(quietly to Rory)
Ill walk her home.
RORY
Jess, you dont have to.
JESS
No, Ill watch her. You go. Ill
see you tomorrow night, right?
Right.

RORY

Noomi and Doula climb out of the helicopter. Logan and Rory
climb in.
The helicopter takes off with Logan flying it.
JESS
If this were a movie, hed be the
bad guy.
NOOMI
If this were a movie, hed be
Batman.
Taylor runs up, looking up at the departing aircraft. Hes
out of the breath. He leans on his knee and holds a sheet of
paper in the air.
TAYLOR
Wait! Stop! I insist you land and
take his citation!
Rory waves from the window.
TAYLOR (CONTD)
Come back here you... you...
scoundrel!
JESS
(to Noomi)
See. Bad guy.
Batman.

NOOMI

INT. HELICOPTER -- DAY

Rory looks out the window at Taylor, Doula, Noomi, and Jess
shrinking as she rises.

78.
She turns to look to the front at Logan flying the
helicopter. He peeks back at her and grins.
She smiles at him.
INT. CHEZ ANAIS RESTAURANT -- NIGHT
Logan pulls out Rorys chair for her. Shes dressed in an
expensive dress. Logan matches in an expensive suit. She
sits.
Thank you.

RORY

Logan sits across from her. A waiter approaches.

WAITER
Can I start you off with drinks?
LOGAN
Your wine list please.
WAITER
(pointing at the wine list
on the table)
Right here, sir. Ill return when
youre ready.
The Waiter walks away. Logan gazes at the wine menu.
RORY
Better take it easy if youre
choppering me back tonight.
LOGAN
Dont worry. Ill let Reggie fly us
back if I have one two many.
RORY
And Reggie is just at your beck and
call?
LOGAN
Thats what I pay him for.
(smiling)
You know you look gorgeous in that
dress. You have a great eye for
fashion.
RORY
I felt like Pretty Woman picking it
out.

79.
LOGAN
Like a prostitute?
RORY
Only because forty-eight hours ago
I was sleeping on the ground in an
Internal Syrian Refugee
Displacement Camp. Now Im ordering
wine in a Manhanttan five star
restaurant. The juxtaposition is
jarring.
I bet.

LOGAN

RORY
Even the helicopter ride made me
anxious. If Id heard the sound of
it approaching two days ago I
wouldve assumed it was an air
strike.
LOGAN
Im sorry, Ace. I wasnt thinking
with that one. Truth be told, I was
trying to impress you.
RORY
Oh, it read that way. Dont worry.
LOGAN
Actually Im impressed with you.
Syria is a dangerous country to be
in normally and youre traveling to
combat zones.
RORY
Its the worst humanitarian crisis
of our time. We need to be
reporting on this.
LOGAN
I agree. A lot of publications are
passing it by in favor or local
issues.
RORY
Maybe talk to your dad about that.
Hes got control of these things
being a giant newspaper mogul.

80.
LOGAN
I will absolutely talk to him about
it and anything else you think the
news should be covering or covering
better. Honestly, hell probably be
pleased to hear me talking to him
about something of substance.
Anything?

RORY

LOGAN
Anything and everything. Well make
a list.
RORY
How long do you have?
LOGAN
For you all night.
RORY
What about the book deal offer?
LOGAN
Well talk about it next time. My
whole week is clear.
EXT. STARS HOLLOW PARK -- NIGHT
Logan helps Rory out of the helicopter that has once again
landed in the park.
RORY
(into the helicopter)
Thanks again, Reggie.
Logan walks with Rory.
RORY (CONTD)
I can get home from here.
LOGAN
Nonsense. A bad man lives nearby.
RORY
You should be afraid of Taylor. If
he wakes up, youre getting that
citation.

81.
LOGAN
Ill take the citation and a whole
lot more. Worth it to walk you
home.
EXT. LORELAIS HOUSE -- NIGHT
Logan walks Rory to the porch.
RORY
This is me.
LOGAN
I remember.
RORY
Id invite you in for coffee, but
its late and everyones sleeping.
LOGAN
I wouldnt dare impose, but please
give my best to your mom and Luke.
RORY
Thanks again, Logan. I had an
amazing evening.
They hug. Rory kisses Logan on the cheek. He steps back.
LOGAN
Good night, Ace.
RORY
Good night.
Rory opens the door and goes inside. Logan lingers for a
second then walks away.
INT. LORELAIS HOUSE/LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT
The DOORBELL RINGS. Luke waltzes into the room.
LUKE
Ill get it!
Luke opens the door to lets Jess in.
Hey, Luke.

JESS

82.
LUKE
Hey, youre here for Rory? Come in.
Come in.
Rory comes down the stairs.
Hey.
Hey.

RORY
JESS

Luke looks back and forth between Jess and Rory, beaming.
LUKE
So you two are going out tonight?
Great. Thats just - you two - I
always - wow -LORELAI (O.S.)
Uh oh. I havent heard Luke stutter
this much since we took him to see
Fifty Shades of Gray.
Lorelai walks in.
RORY
Otherwise known as the night we
broke Luke.
LORELAI
Most entertaining movie ever.
JESS
Really? I heard it was pretty bad.
LORELAI
Oh no. It was garbage. The
entertaining part was watching Luke
squirm in his seat. He turned Fifty
Shades of Pink.
RORY
And the sudden outbursts! Dont
forget the sudden outbursts!
LUKE
(flustered)
It was weird, okay? Whats wrong
with regular people doing it the
regular way behind closed doors?

83.
LORELAI
Shhh, sweetie. Its outbursts like
that, that got you kicked out of
the theatre.
RORY
Luke truly is our Danny Castellano.
LORELAI
Luke has always been a grumpy
Italian man, but without the
Italian. Wait. Mariano.
(to Jess)
Are you Italian?
JESS
Yeah, but that doesnt explain
Luke.
RORY
Nothing explains Luke.
LUKE
Okay, thats about enough piling
on.
LORELAI
No, it cant be. Rory is only home
for a week and we need to get all
our piling on piled on now.
JESS
(to Luke)
How about we go and you get left
alone for now?
LUKE
Oh wait! We should get a photo of
your two first. Lorelai, wheres
that selfie stick?
LORELAI
The one that cracked my phone
screen?
LUKE
I can use my phones camera.
Luke pulls out a flip phone.
LORELAI
Okay, reel it in, Luke.
(she pushes down his phone
hand)
(MORE)

84.
LORELAI (CONT'D)
Lets not get too excited. Youre
acting like a dad on prom night.
Rorys face falls.
JESS
And now its horribly awkward.
EXT. TOWN SQUARE -- NIGHT
Rory and Jess walk side by side.
JESS
Im sorry Lorelai brought up the
prom.
RORY
Its okay, Jess. That was a long
time ago.
JESS
Time doesnt make it okay. I owe
you an apology. Im sorry I messed
up and you never got to go to prom
because of me.
RORY
I forgive you.
Thanks.

JESS

RORY
Youre not planning on recreating
the prom for me tonight, are you?
Thats a little too prime time
television for me.
Jess scoffs.
JESS
Have you ever known to me to be
thoughtful and romantic?
RORY
Maybe youre not a romantic, but
youre thoughtful, Jess. You could
always be when you wanted to be.
JESS
Well, I was thinking that Id take
you to our special place tonight.

85.
RORY
We have a special place?
INT. LUKES DINER - NIGHT
Jess and Rory enter.
RORY
Oh. Our special place is Lukes.
JESS
You sound disappointed.
RORY
Well. I was here earlier for lunch.
And earlier than that for
breakfast. Two earliers.
Jess approaches the counter. Ceasar approaches to help him.
JESS
I have a to-go order.
(to Rory)
Well, dont be disappointed,
because this isnt our place.
Ceasar hands Jess a couple to-go bags.
INT. STARS HOLLOW BOOKS -- NIGHT
Jess opens the door for Rory. She walks inside and gasps. The
store is closed, but theres a small coffee table set up like
a dinner table with pillows for chairs. The lights are off
and the place is lit with dozens of candles.
RORY
This is amazing.
JESS
Its our special place.
RORY
But look how youve decorated! Look
at the candles! Jess.
(turning to look at him)
And you said youre not romantic.
JESS
No, I said youve never known me to
be romantic. Besides, its not
meant to be romantic.

86.
RORY
But the candles! Potentially a fire
hazard so close to the books, but I
dont even care right now.
JESS
Candles are a light source. Theyre
not inherently romantic.
(off Rorys look)
Theyre not! Pilgrims used candles.
Theres nothing romantic or sexy
about pilgrims.
RORY
Please, you dont think the
pilgrims were getting it on by
candle light.
JESS
Fight Shades of Puritan Black.
Exactly.

RORY

Jess starts to unpack the food.

JESS
So what have you been working on?
Are you still writing?
RORY
Yeah, mostly freelance, foreign
correspondence. Ive actually been
in Syria for six months covering
the war.
JESS
Catch ISIS while you were there?
RORY
No. Just publishing a weekly
article for the Huffington Post.
Have you happened to read any?
JESS
No, but Ill check it out. Ive
been writing too.
RORY
I know. Youve got four books
published. I own them all and Ive
bought copies for all my friends.

87.
JESS
So youre basically one hundred
percent of my sales revenue.
RORY
I also wrote glowing five star
reviews for all of them on
Goodreads. I mean, my opinion is
pretty biased, but still.
JESS
Why is it biased?
Rory sits down across from Jess.
RORY
Because Id probably love anything
you wrote.
Huh.

JESS

They start to eat.

I wanted
Syria, I
research
where to

JESS (CONTD)
to write a novel set in
just havent done the
and I really dont know
start.

RORY
You could visit.
JESS
Theres a war on.
RORY
Suck it up, Buttercup. I just spent
six months there.
INT. STARS HOLLOW BOOKS -- NIGHT
Rory browses through the book stacks. She pulls out a book
and begins to read.
JESS (O.S.)
Rory, come back and eat. Your ice
cream is melting.
Rory doesnt respond. Shes engrossed in her book. Jess finds
her and yanks the book out of her hand.

88.
RORY
Hey! Dont lose my page.
JESS
Ill dog ear it.
RORY
No! Dont hurt it!
Jess does it anyway and shuts book.
JESS
Your dessert is melting. I invited
you to dinner and youre not even
eating.
RORY
You also brought me to a book
store. You know me. I cant sit
still when there are books around.
JESS
I do know you.
RORY
And you knew Id love this. Like I
was saying before, youre so
thoughtful, Jess.
JESS
Rory, you dont need to pep talk
me. My self-esteem isnt at teenage
lows anymore. Wheatus arent
writing any songs about me.
RORY
Sorry. I meant to say thank you.
Jess leans his hand against the book stack. His body moves
close to hers. She turns so theyre facing each other.
Rory...
Jess?

JESS
RORY

JESS
You should sign the book deal with
Logan.
Really?

RORY

89.
JESS
Yeah, Truncheon is small. His
company is huge, they can offer you
the better deal. And more
importantly, your book will reach
more people that way. People should
read your articles. That interview
you did with Svetlana Alexievich -RORY
(interrupting)
You do read my articles!
JESS
You really think I dont read
HuffPo? Ive read everything youve
written.
RORY
Wait. If you dont really want to
sign a book then why did you invite
me to dinner?
JESS
I just wanted another chance to
have dinner with a Gilmore girl.
Jesss other hand falls on the other side of her just as Rory
reaches out to him. They kiss. They spark. It heats up
immediately. Rory pulls back, but only a little.
RORY
Jess, I wanna be up front with you
and let you know I wont be
inviting you home.
Jess pulls back a lot.
JESS
Sorry. I should slow down.
RORY
No. Its because Im sleeping on my
moms couch. I dont have a place
to take you back to. What about
where youre staying?
JESS
Also at my moms. Also on the
couch.
RORY
Thats not going to work.

90.
JESS
I cant believe this. The
possibility of sex is on the table
and despite the fact that were
adults, we have no where to do it.
Unless...
Jess looks around.
RORY
Bite your tongue!
(whispering)
We cant do it in front of the
books with them staring at us.
JESS
(joining in whispering)
What if we faced them the other
way? Flipped all their spines to
the inside of the shelf?
RORY
As much as that sounds like the
best kind of foreplay, my inner
goddess says no. Doing it in a
bookstore is way too chick lit for
me.
JESS
Fifty shades of loose-leaf white.
RORY
Your dirty talk is insatiable.
JESS
Where else could we go?
RORY AND JESS
The apartment above the diner!
Jess grabs Rorys hand and pulls her towards the door.
RORY
Jess, wait! The candles!
They both hastily blow out the candles. Rory double checks to
make sure theyre out before following Jess outside.
INT. LUKES DINER -- NIGHT
Miss Patty sits at a table drinking a coffee. Jess comes in
followed by Rory.

91.
MISS PATTY
Oh Jess, youre back in town, are
ya?
Yup.

JESS

He brushes by. Hes followed by Rory.

MISS PATTY
Hmm. Rude as ever.
Ceasar stands behind the counter, counting cash. Rory and
Jess speed past him on their way upstairs.
JESS
I need something from upstairs.
So do I!

RORY

CEASAR
But you cant
(talking to no one)
Go up there... Oh well.
INT. LUKES APARTMENT HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS
Rory stops in front of the door.
RORY
You still have a key?
JESS
I will break that lock if I have
to.
Rory tries the doorknob. It turns.
RORY
Its unlocked.
INT. LUKES APARTMENT MAIN ROOM -- CONTINUOUS
Giddy, they stumble in the doorway and resume kissing. Rory
turns to the inside of the room. She jumps and screams.
RORY
Kirk, what are you doing hear?
Kirk sits on a couch facing the two of them. Hes got a
toddler on this lap, drinking from a sippy cup.

92.
KIRK
You took the words right out of my
mouth. Minus the Kirk-bit. I
wouldve said Rory, in case you
were wondering.
JESS
Answer the question, Kirk! Why are
you in Lukes apartment?
KIRK
Because the lease agreement has my
name on it.
JESS
Lease agreement?
KIRK
(calling O.S.)
Lulu, I need help!
LULU (O.S.)
Whats wrong, Kirk? Did Girl Kirk
bite you again?
Lulu enters from the bathroom, carrying a second toddler on
her hip.
LULU (CONTD)
Oh Rory! Jess! I didnt know you
were both in town. Its so nice to
see you.
KIRK
I think theyre home invading us.
JESS
Were not home invading. We thought
this place was empty.
Oh!

LULU

(to Rory)
I get you, sister. If you guys need
a place, me and the Kirks can leave
you alone for what? An hour? Its
not like Kirk and I never snuck up
here when Luke wasnt looking back
when we were dating.
Jess and Rory look horrified.

93.
KIRK
Dont be gross, Lulu. Theyre
cousins. You know you two are
cousins, right?
RORY
Only by marriage.
JESS
And not until Saturday.
Sick.

KIRK

RORY
Were not real cousins, Kirk!
JESS
Yeah, we didnt grow up together or
anything weird.
KIRK
You kinda did. I distinctly
remember you two as teenagers
together.
RORY
When we dated.
Gross.

KIRK

RORY
We werent cousins then Kirk!
JESS
Still arent!
LULU
So... Should I show you to the
bedroom?
JESS
Were leaving.
Jess hustles Rory towards the door.
INT. LUKES DINER -- CONTINUOUS
Rory and Jess practically run through the diner.
Ew ew ew!

RORY

94.
The door DINGS to indicate theyve left.
Ceasar, still behind the counter, shakes his head.
CEASAR
I told them not to go up there.
EXT. TOWN SQUARE -- NIGHT
Rory and Jess dont stop running until they reach the gazebo.
RORY
Since when do Lulu and the Kirks
live there?
JESS
I dont know. But that was a real
mood killer.

Oh.

RORY
(disappointed)

JESS
(off her face)
I mean, not for me.
RORY
(eager)
Or me.
JESS
But were back to our original
problem. Where to lay our heads?
And the rest of our bodies?
RORY
This is starting to get a real
nativity story vibe.
JESS
Yeah, but Im pretty sure the bible
went out of its way to assure us no
sex ever happened.
RORY
(slapping her forehead)
Im such a dummy!
JESS
Thats okay. Knowing the bible
isnt on my list of turn-ons. Fifty
Shades of Atheist here.

95.
RORY
No, Im dumb, because I know
exactly where we can go.
(taking Jesss hand)
Come on!
Rory drags Jess through the gazebo and in the opposite
direction of the diner.
EXT. THE DRAGONFLY INN -- NIGHT
Jess and Rory approach the entrance.
JESS
Perfect. Lets get a room.
RORY
Not so simple. If we get a room,
the staff tells my mom.
JESS
So? Dont tell me Lorelai isnt
cool with her adult daughter having
consensual sex?
RORY
Im more concerned about her
telling Luke.
Right.

JESS

RORY
He was so excited just by us going
to dinner together that if he knew
we were checking into a hotel...
JESS
Hed probably throw us our own
ambush wedding. Right. Whats the
plan?
INT. THE DRAGONFLY INN LOBBY -- CONTINUOUS
TRISTAN, the night manager, is manning the counter. Hes
wearing headphones and bopping along to his music while
sorting through credit card receipts. Jess and Rory open the
door as little as possible and crawl in on their knees.
Tristan fails to notice. He turns and goes into the office.
Rory crawls behind the counter and snatches one of the room
keys.

96.
She crawls back out of sight just as Tristan returns, shaking
his hips to his music. Rory and Jess sneak up the stairs.
INT. DRAGONFLY HOTEL ROOM -- NIGHT
Rory and Jess cuddle in bed *after.* Jess plays with Rorys
hair.
JESS
Really? With Dean? When he was
married?
Yeah.

RORY

JESS
Please dont tell me I drove you
back to him.
RORY
Ill say nothing then.
JESS
So Dean cheated on his wife with
you and Im still considered your
worst boyfriend?
RORY
You set the bar low.
JESS
Noticing youre not disagreeing.
Rory laughs. Jess furrows his brow.
RORY
What are you thinking?
JESS
Trying hard not to think about the
whole just slept with my almost
cousin thing.
RORY
Things got pretty Mansfield Park
there.
JESS
You are not comparing us to Edmund
and Fanny.
What?

RORY

97.
JESS
You are no Fanny Price.
RORY
I liked Fanny!
JESS
Why? Shes so timid.
RORY
She was principled and she knew
when to take a stand. She stood up
to her cousins about the play and
she stood up to her uncle when he
was pressuring her to marry Henry.
JESS
Ill give you that. But Emma was
always my favorite Austen heroine.
RORY
Because she was flawed.
JESS
Exactly. You know, you are
practically an Austen heroine.
What? No.

RORY

JESS
For serious. Think about it. You
come from a family of means, but
youre not rich yourself. You have
a close relationship with one of
your parents. You grew up in a
small hamlet with an interesting
cast of characters who treat you
like the center of the universe and
gossip about your every move.
RORY
I wouldnt say that, but go on.
JESS
Youre intelligent without being
smug. Youre beautiful but humble.
RORY
Id I say thank you to that, but it
negates the statement so Ill
attempt to blush like a demure
eighteenth century country maid.

98.
JESS
I see color in those cheeks, but I
know it didnt come from a blush.
RORY
What about you? You dont exactly
fit the description of an Austen
love interest.
JESS
I guess I could be Darcy in that
Im socially awkward and
judgemental, but without vast
wealth. Money mightve been his
biggest selling point.
RORY
The money never mattered. Honestly,
did you even read Pride and
Prejudice?
JESS
Only half a dozen times. If Logan
were a character, hed be Wickham.
RORY
Why would you even say that name
right now?
JESS
Wickham? Hes relevant in the book.
RORY
You know who I meant.
JESS
Oh, well, I was wondering if hes
relevant in real life.
RORY
Im not seeing Logan.
JESS
But are you seeing me? What are we
doing here, Rory?
RORY
A bad reenactment of Mansfield
Park?
JESS
Were not so much Edmund and Fanny
as we are George Micheal and Maeby.
(MORE)

99.
JESS (CONT'D)
(seeing Rory about to ask)
Im Maeby.
RORY
Jess, this was fun. Really fun. And
it was also self-indulgent and
nostalgic. Maybe we shouldve
talked about this first, but Im
not looking to date right now. Im
sorry.
JESS
Im okay, Rory. I didnt really
think this meant we were, what?
Back together? I dont think we
could even count it that way. We
dated when we were kids. Were
adults now. I just
(searching)
I realized how much I missed you.
RORY
I missed you too. But my life is
crazy right now. We dont live in
the same place. You live in Philly
and I live
(realizing)
Out of a suitcase. I havent had an
apartment in half a year. I got rid
of my place in New York because it
was collecting dust. Now all I have
is a storage locker. The best I
could offer you is a storage locker
in Philly.
JESS
Its okay, Rory. Im
you for anything and
wont ask you to run
or blurt out I love
town square.

not pressuring
I promise I
away with me
you in the

RORY
So youre not disappointed?
JESS
Youre living your dream. Im not
disappointed, Im proud of you. You
did this. You did.
RORY
Im proud of you too, Jess.

100.
JESS
If this is just nostalgia. Then
nostalgia is a wonderful thing.
RORY
Makes me wish we couldve done this
fifteen years ago.
JESS
Yeah, Im not so certain it
wouldve been Mansfield Park good
back in my teenage years. It
wouldve been more like the cliff
notes version.
(a beat)
With spelling errors.
RORY
You never make spelling errors!
JESS
(teasing)
No, Gilmore, you never make
spelling errors!
They wrestle then kiss.
INT. DRAGONFLY HOTEL ROOM -- LATER
Jess and Rory are asleep. Rory wakes up. She looks at the
clock that reads 5:03. She starts.
RORY
Jess, wake up. Its five AM.
JESS
Rory, go to sleep. Its five AM.
RORY
No, if Im out all night, Ill be
in trouble.
JESS
Its been all night and Im prone
to reminding you that you are in
your mid-thirties.
RORY
It has not been all night. As long
as were home before sunrise, it
doesnt count.
Jess rolls over, annoyed.

101.
JESS
Maybe I want it to count.
RORY
Yeah, but Luke -JESS
(interrupting)
I will talk to Luke.
RORY
But Michel will be here in a couple
hours and hes going to check the
rooms and -JESS
(interrupting)
Your mom owns the Inn, youre not
going to be in trouble.
(off of Rorys silence)
This is really about not getting
caught, isnt it?
(off Rorys embarrassed
silence)
Okay, lets go home.
INT. DRAGONFLY HALL WAY -- NIGHT
The door to a room opens slowly and silently. Jess pokes his
head out into the hallway.
JESS
Coast is clear.
(off silence)
Rory, the coast is clear. What are
you doing?
RORY
(stage whispering)
Im just making the bed.
Hurry up!
Okay

JESS
RORY

(then)
Oh wait! The garbage!
Jess looks back into the room.

102.
JESS
Rory, we are not taking the
garbage. Rory!
Jess looks back into the hallway just in time to see Logan
coming down the hall. Logan wears jogging clothes and has
headphones in his ears. Jess tries to back up and shut the
door, but Logan sees him and stops in front of the door.
Logan pulls the headphones out of his ears. Jess straightens
him self in attempt to act natural and pulls the door as shut
as it can go with him standing there.
LOGAN
Hey, Jessie. Didnt know you were
staying here.
JESS
Its Jess and my moms house got
crowded.
LOGAN
No guest bedroom?
Nope.

JESS

LOGAN
Im staying here while Im in town
courting Rory. For the book deal. I
was actually just heading out for a
jog. Nothing like watching the sun
rise in the country while you run.
What are you doing up so early?
JESS
(caught)
I was also going for a jog.
LOGAN
In those clothes?
Yep.

JESS

Jess takes off his leather jacket and tosses it back into the
room through the slightly open door.
LOGAN
Well alright. This is your town so
I assume you know the best jogging
routes. You lead, Ill follow.

103.
JESS
(loathing this)
Sounds like a plan.
Jess steps out into the hall and shuts the hotel room door.
INT. DRAGONFLY HOTEL ROOM -- CONTINUOUS
Rory stands frozen as she hears footsteps and muffled voices
retreat. She tip toes to the window and looks out.
EXT. THE DRAGONFLY INN -- CONTINUOUS
Jess and Logan take off running. Logan in shorts, Jess in
jeans. Jess looks back up at Rory. Despite the situation he
smiles.
INT. DRAGONFLY HOTEL ROOM -- CONTINUOUS
Rory smiles back. She turns from the window and picks Jesss
leather jacket up off the floor. She goes to leave, but stops
herself.
Garbage.

RORY

Rory retrieves the bag from the waste paper basket. She
carries that and the leather jacket as she leaves the room.
EXT. TOWN SQUARE -- DAY
The usual hustle and bustle of the Townsfolk. One difference
from the norm, Kirk has set up a table in the square piled
high with t-shirts. A CUSTOMER walks from the stand, carrying
a shirt. Gypsy approaches.
GYPSY
Is this another attempt to sell
shirts with townsfolk quotes? I
thought you still had a garage full
of boxes of shirts quoting Taylor
saying, Clementine season is Stars
Hollows Christmas.
KIRK
Most of a house full actually.
Partly why we needed to relocate to
Lukes. That and the boxes of
unsold Avon products.
(MORE)

104.
KIRK (CONT'D)
But no, this is a product that Im
certain will sell and wont cause
me to go into debt with the
printers.
(a beat)
Again.
Miss Patty approaches with Babette in tow.
MISS PATTY
Kirk, what is this?
Miss Patty and Babette each pick up a t-shirt and hold it
against themselves. Miss Pattys says #TEAMLOGAN and
Babettes says #TEAMJESS.
KIRK
Giving the people what they want.
Real live shipping.
BABETTE
Real life what?
KIRK
Check the backs.
They flip their shirts to the back. Miss Pattys says
#ROGAN Babettes says #JESRY.
MISS PATTY
Kirk, these are terrible.
KIRK
Hey. Celebrity couple names are
hard. You try coming up with a
clever portmanteau.
BABETTE
No, Kirk, theyre terrible because
Rory isnt interested in these
guys. Theyre old news.
MISS PATTY
And if she were, its not something
we should be discussing anyway.
This is an invasion of privacy.
Kirk, you should be ashamed of
yourself.
KIRK
(blurting)
I saw Rory and Jess kissing in my
living room!

105.

What?

BABETTE

MISS PATTY
In your living room? Kirk, you were
probably just having a night
terror.
KIRK
No. I was awake. I know because I
wasnt in mortal danger and no one
was speaking backwards and Lulu
confirmed it was real.
MISS PATTY
Well then. This changes everything.
BABETTE
Rory and Jess? I dont know how I
feel about that.
KIRK
You dont have to know it. You just
have to wear it.
Kirk pulls the Team Jess shirt out of Babettes hands and
replaces it with a Team Logan shirt.
GYPSY
(holding a Team Jess
shirt)
Uh. Ill take this one.
MISS PATTY
(shocked)
Team Jess?
GYPSY
(embarrassed)
What? Hes a good customer. Buys
cheap cars that breakdown a lot.
(normal)
Besides, that Rich kid aint ever
done nothing for me.
MISS PATTY
(clutching Team Logan
shirt)
Ive always liked Logan for
Hes charming and rich. You
feeling hes a gentleman in
street, but a beast between
sheets like Prince William.
Obama.

Rory.
get the
the
the
Or

106.
Andrew approaches.
ANDREW
Do you have any Team Dean?
Miss Patty, Babette and Gypsy boo.
KIRK
(over the booing)
Leave! Get away from my stand!
ANDREW
What? I liked Dean.
MISS PATTY
Oh for crying out loud, Andrew.
Rory, does not need to wade back
into that mess.
BABETTE
Plus Dean is as dull as a doorknob.
Only interesting thing he ever did
was cheat on his wife and that was
horrible!
ANDREW
Hes a good guy. He just needs
another chance.
GYPSY
Face it, Andrew. Dean is over!
Andrew stomps off.
ANDREW
(muttering)
Best boyfriend Rory ever had. Tall
as a gladiator. Eyes as soulful as
a song.
Rory bumps into Andrew on her way through the square. She
almost walks by Kirk and the others, but does a double take.
RORY
Whats happening here?
Miss Patty, Babette, and Gypsy hide the writing on their
shirts. Doesnt matter as TWO GIRLS walk by wearing Team Jess
shirts and an OLDER WOMAN walks by the other way wearing a
Team Logan shirt.
RORY (CONTD)
This is an invasion of privacy!

107.
MISS PATTY
Thats what I said!
KIRK
(to Miss Patty)
Thatll be $40 for the Team Logan.
Cash or credit?
MISS PATTY
(to Kirk)
Do you take personal cheques?
KIRK
Ill need to see two forms of ID.
(to Gypsy)
Yours is $30.
Rory shakes her head and walks away.
MISS PATTY
Hold on, why is Team Jess cheaper?
KIRK
Supply and demand. Logans are
outselling the Jesss two to one.
Rory walks out of earshot. She spots Jess
reading, holding the book in front of his
to him. Jess sets down the book revealing
Team Logan shirt. Rory almost laughs, but

sitting on a bench,
chest. She walks up
his shirt. Its a
plays it cool.

RORY
Team Logan? I wouldve pegged you
for Team Piz.
JESS
I have to show solidarity with the
bad boy. Plus hes Veronicas first
love.
RORY
What about Duncan?
JESS
Ugh. Doesnt count. Besides, no one
is Team Duncan.
RORY
I think Andrew may be Team Duncan.
JESS
Anyway, I needed a new shirt after
I sweated six miles worth of
perspiration into my other one.

108.
RORY
How as your run with Logan?
JESS
Besides the chaffing Im
experiencing after running in
jeans?
RORY
You didnt have to do that.
JESS
Kinda got put on the spot.
RORY
Next time, pick a better lie.
JESS
Oh, there wont be a next time. I
hope I never see his smug face ever
again.
(a beat)
Hes behind me, isnt he?
RORY
No, but hes coming from this way
as Im meeting him for lunch.
Rory nods to the side. Logan walks by Miss Patty and Babette
who are now sporting their Team Logan t-shirts and waving at
him. Hes intrigued until he sees Jess wearing the same one.
Jess crosses his arms across the words on his chest.
LOGAN
Am I right to assume Im being
mocked in some way?
RORY
We all are.
JESS
So youre still here.
LOGAN
So are you.
JESS
Here for the wedding. Nice try.
LOGAN
I was simply making a parallel
observation to yours. How are your
legs feeling? Sore?
(MORE)

109.
LOGAN (CONT'D)
You gate seemed stiff this morning
or was that the pants?
Im fine.

JESS

LOGAN
You want me to lead you in a quick
stretch out?
Im fine.

JESS

LOGAN
Okay, but make sure you stretch
sometime today. Dont go to bed
tight.
RORY
(stepping in before Jess
snaps)
So where do you want to eat? What
do you feel like?
LOGAN
Were in Stars Hollow so I was
thinking Lukes.
RORY
Oh no. We cant go to Lukes today.
Luke is cooking today.
So?

JESS AND LOGAN

RORY
(to Jess)
You dont know what hes been up
to?
JESS
Hes not exactly a sharer. Family
quality to be fair.
RORY
Okay. Now we have to go to Lukes.
Rory starts walking towards Lukes and Jess follows. Logan
hesitates.
LOGAN
(muttering)
So I guess Jess is coming.

110.
RORY
So last week the town hosted the
forty-fifth annual -JESS
(taking over)
Pie Bake off. Right, because it was
the second to last weekend in May.
RORY
And the competition was super stiff
between Sookie and Luke this year.
I mean, they were at each others
throats with the feuding and trash
talking. It was World War III here.
And both their pies were excellent
and it was a given one of them
would win, but then the judges
pulled an undecided voter and went
with the third party candidate.
JESS
No. They Jill Steind it?
Yeah.
Who won?

RORY
JESS

RORY
My mom did.
JESS
What? Lorelai doesnt bake.
RORY
No. She doesnt. The pie she
submitted was store bought.
JESS
Youre kidding.
RORY
From the frozen foods aisle!
Scandal.

JESS

111.
RORY
Exactly and mom admitted to it and
everything, but Taylor wanted to
keep the whole thing out of the
papers so he covered it up and sent
mom home with a trophy.
JESS
Luke mustve been pissed.
RORY
Oh he was. Still is. And mom likes
to parade that trophy around the
house shouting, Im the Master
Baker! Then Sookie was over this
morning while mom was doing her
daily trophy parade to piss off
Luke and Sookie got all upset and
started yelling, No, Im the
Master Baker! I am! Just ask
anyone! Everyone knows Im the
Master Baker! And I tried to tell
her what it sounded like she was
saying, but she was too riled up to
listen.
JESS
So what does this have to do with
Luke cooking?
Well...

RORY

They reach the diner entrance.

INT. LUKES DINER -- CONTINUOUS
Rory holds open the door. Jess and Logan walk inside.
Taylor sits at a table. Luke comes out from behind the
counter carrying Taylors food. He drops a heated up TV
dinner on the table in front of Taylor. He turns to go.
TAYLOR
Uh Luke? This isnt what I ordered.
I wanted the tune melt. This is a
TV dinner.
Luke spins on him, outraged.

112.
LUKE
Oh, so now you can tell the
difference between fresh and
frozen? Now you can?
Rory looks at Jess and Logan.
RORY
Luke has been serving TV dinners to
every customer since the
competition. He says hes not going
to stop until the town learns its
lesson.
JESS
It never will.
LOGAN
We should eat somewhere else.
They turn to leave.
Lorelai comes out from the back. Taylor points at her.
TAYLOR
This is your fault!
Lorelai jumps.
LORELAI
Taylor, I told you that pie was
frozen!
Taylor waves his off as if he cant hear it.
LORELAI (CONTD)
I bought it from Doses that
morning!
Taylor plugs his ears.
LORELAI (CONTD)
You checked me out at the cash
register yourself!
Taylor gets up so he can walk away.
EXT. TOWN SQUARE -- CONTINUOUS
Rory, Logan, and Jess wander away from Lukes.

113.
LOGAN
The Dragonfly has a restaurant.
Lets eat there.
Well...
What?

RORY
LOGAN

RORY
Luke convinced Sookie to stand in
solidarity with him over the
results of the pie election and
shes serving TV Dinners too, but
its a little different.
How?

LOGAN

RORY
Okay, that one I definitely have to
show you.
INT. DRAGONFLY INN DINING ROOM -- DAY
Jess, Logan and Rory sit at a table. Sookie personally serves
them gourmet looking food on regular plates.
SOOKIE
(serving Rorys plate)
Deconstructed Chicken Fajita.
(serving Jesss plate)
Thinly shaved roast beef with a red
wine reduction sauce.
(serving Logans plate)
Herb battered chicken with frites
du fromage.
LOGAN
Sookie, this looks amazing.
They all take a bite.
JESS
Im glad youre not serving TV
Dinners.
Oh, I am.

SOOKIE

Rory is the only one that doesnt stop eating.

114.
SOOKIE (CONTD)
Yeah, in solidarity with Luke, but
I thought why not punch up the
recipes a bit? Get them out of
those dingy plastic trays and replate them. Add a few herbs and
spices, make my own sauces.
RORY
You cant even tell theyre TV
Dinners.
SOOKIE
Yeah, thats what I was going for.
Its gourmet frozen food. Or
Fromet.
LOGAN
Wait. Ive heard of this.
SOOKIE
Yeah. On Instagram. Fromet is
trending.
LOGAN
No, in the New York Times. They did
a whole article on the Fromet
phenomenon. Every chef with a
cooking blog is imitating this.
Fromet started here?
SOOKIE
Oh wow. I didnt know lots of
people knew about this. Do a lot of
people read Instagram?
LOGAN
Yeah, Id say.
Who knew?

SOOKIE

LOGAN
The Editor and Chief of the New
York Times is a friend of mine. Im
going to call him right now, you
should do an interview.
SOOKIE
Yeah okay! Oh, this is so exciting!
Logan gets up to make his call. Sookie leaves. Jess plays
with his food.

115.
JESS
So youre having lunch with Logan.
RORY
And you. Only you at this moment.
JESS
But you made plans with Logan?
RORY
Jess, I made these plans before
last night and this isnt a date.
Besides, I thought we were clear on
what last night was.
JESS
I guess one of us was clearer than
the other.
(leaning back from his
food and crossing his
arms)
God. I wish wasnt wearing this
stupid shirt.
Logan returns.
LOGAN
Sorry, Rory. I promised Id help
you out today and I havent even
asked you what you need.
Help?

JESS

RORY
(condescending)
Logan is going to help me get last
minute vendors for my moms
bachelorette party.
Oh.

JESS

RORY
Im the maid of honour so I need to
figure something out last minute.
JESS
I guess thats what I should be
working on today.
LOGAN
You plan a lot of bachelorette
parties, Jessie?

116.
JESS
Its Jess and no, but I need to do
Lukes bachelor party. Im the Best
Man.
LOGAN
Wow. Big honor.
JESS
I think I only got asked because
Luke doesnt have any friends.
RORY
Thats not true. Hes got...
(stuck)
Ceasar.
JESS
Anyone who doesnt work at the
diner?
RORY
That would imply he goes to other
locations.
(then)
Thats mean. I love Luke.
JESS
Hes good people.
LOGAN
Then let me hook you up, man.
JESS
Its cool. Ive got it.
LOGAN
Sounds more like youre only just
starting to think about it. Last
minute vendors are nearly
impossible to secure, but I know
the right people and at the right
price.
JESS
Thats not how I operate.
LOGAN
Oh well, if the price is the issue,
let me get it.
I can pay.

JESS

117.
LOGAN
Perfect. Then let me help. Im
calling the same people for Rorys
party anyway. What do you say?
Fine.

JESS

LOGAN
Good man. You know, I can see a lot
of your uncle in you.
JESS
Couldnt tell you whats to be seen
in you.
INT. LORELAI'S HOUSE/LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Rory comes home in a huff. She closes the door harder than
usual.
LORELAI (O.S.)
Rory? Rory, are you home?
Lorelai enters the room.
LORELAI (CONTD)
Rory!
(off Rorys look)
What is it? Whats wrong?
RORY
This town is so meddlesome!
LORELAI
They are! They are the
meddlesomest! Ambushing us with
this wedding date and then just
when I thought Id at least get to
plan my own wedding I find out
Taylor has put together a wedding
planning committee to oversee the
planning! Because you know, nothing
says fun like a committee and Im
just realizing youre not upset
about the wedding. What is it? Is
it the shirts?
RORY
You know about the shirts?

118.
LORELAI
Honey, how could I not know about
the shirts? Theyre everywhere.
Luke pops in from the kitchen. Hes wearing a Team Jess
shirt.
LUKE
Oh hey, Rory. I didnt realize you
were home. Are you hungry? Im
making burgers and fries. All day
at work only using the microwave
got me missing the classics.
Im fine.

RORY

Luke goes back to the kitchen.

RORY (CONTD)
Luke is wearing a Team Jess shirt?
Rory sits down on the couch. Lorelai sits on the arm rest and
rubs her shoulder.
LORELAI
Yeah, but thats no surprise. Luke
is the original Jesry shipper.
RORY
Whats a Jesry?
LORELAI
You are, sweetie. Or, youre half
of one.
Noomi comes down the stairs. Shes wearing a Team Logan
shirt.
RORY
Youre Team Logan? Why are you Team
Logan?
NOOMI
Because. Hes Batman.
LORELAI
Noomi, hun, go wash up for dinner
and help daddy make a fourth
vegetable side dish.
Noomi walks into the kitchen.

119.
RORY
At least youre not wearing one of
the shirts.
LORELAI
Yeah, but to be fair, its only
because I havent decided who Im
routing for.
Mom!

RORY

LORELAI
What? Its a hard decision! But Im
sure well both choose by Saturday
for our joint mother-daughter
wedding.
Not funny!

RORY

LORELAI
What? Its the dream! You and me,
married together!
RORY
You make it sound like were
marrying each other.
LORELAI
No, you wont be marrying mommy,
but you may be marrying your
cousin.
RORY
Jess and I arent cousins! Thats
not how cousins work.
LORELAI
You are awfully defensive about the
cousin thing.
RORY
Because the joke is wearing thin,
not because its indicative of
anything else.
LORELAI
Whatever, Maeby Funke.
RORY
Jess already made the Arrested
Development joke and cast himself
as Maeby.

120.
LORELAI
Darn. I need some better cousin
material.
RORY
Oh boy. Cant wait.
LORELAI
Well, until I choose my son-in-law
to be, I need material for both.
RORY
Its your decision now?
LORELAI
Oh sweetie, we all know you crave
mommys approval. I am your puppet
master. But I just dont know which
of your suitors to pick. On one
hand, if you marry Jess, his whole
family will already be there so we
dont have to expand the guest
list, but on the other hand, if you
marry Logan, hell probably front
the bill for the whole wedding and
we wont have to worry about the
size of the guest list.
RORY
I take back what I said about the
town. You are the meddlesomest.
LORELAI
Dance, puppet, dance!
Rorys phone rings. She looks at the screen.
RORY
I need to take this. Can I go in
your room?
Rory jogs up the stairs without waiting for an answer.
LORELAI
(calling after her)
If thats Barack, tell him I need
his and Michelles RSVP!
INT. LORELAIS HOUSE/MASTER BEDROOM -- CONTINUOUS
Rory shuts the door as she answers her phone.

121.
RORY
(into the phone)
Lane?
LANE
(through the phone)
Rory!
RORY
(into the phone)
Its so good to hear from you!
LANE
(through the phone)
You too! Now what is this hot
gossip you texted me about? Im
dying to hear.
INT. LORELAI'S HOUSE/KITCHEN -- NIGHT
Luke and Noomi set the table. Lorelai enters.
LUKE
Hey, so do I need to pick the
sitter up? Maybe I should change
for tonight before I pick her up.
LORELAI
You can change, but I wouldnt
recommend driving over there.
Why not?

LUKE

LORELAI
The Mono Outbreak has struck again.
You mean?

LUKE

LORELAI
She just texted me. Were sitterless.
LUKE
So she was also at Jamie Morrisons
Sweet Sixteen boy girl party?
LORELAI
Yeah, because apparently that party
was Woodstock.

122.
LUKE
I guess Ill cancel the party.
LORELAI
No, you go. Ill cancel mine.
LUKE
But Rory spent all day planning
yours.
LORELAI
And Jess did the same planning
yours. Literally the most
dedication that kid has ever shown.
LUKE
Hey now. Youre thinking of teenage
Jess. Youre even calling him a
kid. Hes an adult and the part
owner of a business.
LORELAI
Sorry. Hes just always teenage
Jess to me. Im canceling.
LUKE
Im cancelling.
LORELAI
Well it has to be one party or the
other because half of Stars Hollow
has to stay home with their kids.
Sookie texted me. Her and Jackson
are trying to make the same call as
us. No matter which party gets
cancelled, half the parents in
Stars Hollow are going to be
disappointed. That goes double for
the same sex couples and the single
parents are just screwed. This
sucks!
LUKE
Well, theres got to be an adult in
the town that isnt invited to the
party.
LORELAI
I wish I could say that, but the
wedding committee invited the whole
town to be fair.
(MORE)

123.
LORELAI (CONT'D)
Kirk took a break from selling tshirts long enough to put on a town
criers outfit and go through the
streets decrying that everyone meet
at Miss Pattys tonight before
setting off to the separate
parties. Theres no one left in
town. Not one person.
NOOMI
Theres Batman.
Luke and Lorelai look at each other then at Noomi.
INT. LORELAIS HOUSE/MASTER BEDROOM -- NIGHT
Rory lies on the bed.
LANE
(through the phone and
distorted)
I just cant get over it! You had
sex with Jess!
RORY
(into the phone)
You dont have to tell me. Wait.
Why do you sound funny?
LANE
(through the phone and
distorted)
Because Im in a closet.
INT. CLOSET --

INTERCUT AS NEEDED

Lane is pressed in with a bunch of her usual fun and punky

clothes. Shes dressed just as cool.
RORY
(into the phone)
What? Why?
LANE
(into the phone)
Because I have a feeling that even
though my mother isnt in the room,
she can still hear this
conversation.

124.
RORY
(into the phone)
That famous Mrs. Kim hearing.
LANE
(into the phone)
Enough shock. Give me details.
RORY
(into the phone)
Lane, no.
LANE
(into the phone)
Come on, Rory! Im a married
mother. I need to live vicariously
through you. How was it?
RORY
(into the phone)
It was good.
LANE
(into the phone)
Good? Just good? How good is good?
RORY
(into the phone)
Really good. Okay, it was great.
LANE
(into the phone)
It was great! You had sex with Jess
and it was great!
RORY
(into the phone)
Why are you so excited? I seem to
remember you being pretty anti-Jess
in the past.
LANE
(into the phone)
Yeah, but youre not with him, are
you? Youre sleeping together, not
getting married.
RORY
(into the phone)
Well, according to Luke, my mom,
and 33% of the town I might be.

125.
LANE
(into the phone)
I need real details. What position
did you do? The Bridge? The Eagle?
The Rider? Have you been
familiarizing yourself with the
copy of the Karma Sutraa I sent you
for your birthday?
RORY
(into the phone)
Not as familiar as you are. Wow,
Lane.
LANE
(into the phone)
Hey! Im married! Its not a sin if
youre married!
RORY
(into the phone)
Oh, but Im sinning?
LANE
(into the phone)
Youre not a Seventh Day Adventist.
Youre fine.
RORY
(into the phone)
And you think when I meet me maker,
shell accept that excuse?
LANE
(into the phone)
Way to imply God is woman. Love it.
But back to sex with Jess.
Positions please?
RORY
(into the phone)
I dont know. Regular.
LANE
(into the phone)
Oh Rory.
RORY
(into the phone)
At first.

126.
LANE
(into the phone)
Oh Rory! What direction were you
facing? North? East?
RORY
(into the phone)
Which time?
LANE
(into the phone)
Which time? Which time? There were
multiple times? How many? Three?
Four?
RORY
(into the phone)
Two. And keep your voice down. I
think even my mom can hear you.
LANE
(into the phone)
Im sorry. Im just so excited for
sex with your exes. How was it when
you did it with Logan?
RORY
(into the phone)
Lane, I didnt have sex with Logan.
LANE
(into the phone)
Why not?
RORY
(into the phone)
Why not? Because Im not John
Meyer.
LANE
(into the phone)
But how will you compare the two?
RORY
(into the phone)
Well, Ive had sex with Logan
before. And it was always great.
Jess was the new one.
LANE
(into the phone)
But Logan was a decade ago. He may
gotten better since then. He may
have gotten worse since then.

127.
RORY
(into the phone)
I doubt that.
LANE
(into the phone)
I dunno. Rich, good looking guy.
Wouldnt really need to try too
hard. Bet he only does The Rider
these days.
RORY
(into the phone)
Lane! I cant believe Im saying
this to you, but tone it down with
the dirty.
LANE
(into the phone)
Do you think theyd be open to a
three-way?
RORY
(into the phone)
Lane!
LANE
(into the phone)
Well, then you could properly
compare and contrast.
RORY
(into the phone)
Dont make me hang-up.
MRS. KIM (O.S.)
(from outside the closet)
Lane? Lane where are you?
LANE
(into the phone)
Oh no. Im caught. Pretend were
talking about something Kimapproved.
Lane opens the closet door.
RORY
(into the phone)
So how about that weather lately?

128.
LANE
(into the phone)
The weather here is good. How is
Stars Hollow?
INT. DRESSING ROOM -- CONTINUOUS
Lane steps out into a trendy looking dressing room. MRS. KIM
stands outside the closet, stiff and intimidating as ever.
She has a teenage girl, SAM, waiting behind her and the
twins, STEVE and QUON (10.)
MRS. KIM
What were you doing in there?
LANE
Picking my outfit for tonight.
MRS. KIM
Good. This one you are wearing is
no good. Wont pop under the
lights.
(gestures to the Teenage
Girl)
This is Sam. She is a fan who won a
radio contest. She gets to meet you
and take a photo.
LANE
Nice to meet you, Sam.
Lane goes to hug Sam who is eager to do so, but Mrs. Kim
steps in.
MRS. KIM
No hugging. Stand together for
photo.
Lane and Sam stand together, a little stiff from nerves. Mrs.
Kim pulls out an iPhone and uses it to take the phone.
Smile.

MRS. KIM (CONTD)

They grin.
MRS. KIM (CONTD)
Not that much.
Their faces fall as Mrs. Kim takes the photo.

129.
MRS. KIM (CONTD)
(to Sam)
Very good. Back out the way you
came. Free autograph photo at the
merch table for you. Tell them Mrs.
Kim sent you.
Sam heads towards the door.
LANE
(weakly)
It was nice to meet you.
MRS. KIM
Youre holding your phone. Who were
you talking to?
LANE
Rory, mama.
(off Mrs. Kims narrowed
eyes.)
She says hi.
Hi.

MRS. KIM

(then)
Ive brought the boys to say good
night. Say good night, boys, and
wish your mother a good rock show.
QUON
We want to stay up and watch.
MRS. KIM
Absolutely not! Bedtime is 7:30.
You will watch on Youtube in the
morning.
Lane hugs and kisses them both.
LANE
Good night, boys. Have a good
sleep.
MRS. KIM
Come now, boys. Back to the tour
bus.
Mrs. Kim and the boys leave. Lane raises the phone to her
ear.
LANE
(into the phone)
Rory?

130.
INT. LORELAIS HOUSE/MASTER BEDROOM -- INTERCUT AS NEEDED
Rory lies on her moms bed.
RORY
(into the phone)
Im here. So Mrs. Kim is still the
best mom-ager in the business?
LANE
(into the phone)
Shes a force to be reckoned with.
Been running our tour with military
precision.
RORY
(into the phone)
Man, your tour. I still cant
believe youre playing a show the
night of the wedding.
LANE
(into the phone)
And in New Haven of all places. If
you werent busy, you could drive
down for the show.
RORY
(into the phone)
I would love to see Hep Alien on
your stadium tour, but I dont
think I can miss this.
LANE
(into the phone)
I dont think so either. Im
bummed. I am. I mean I can come
after the show. Well, after we
dismantle our stage set and I sign
a hundred autographs and make an
appearance at the crew after party
then drive from New Haven to Stars
Hollow. Shouldnt be later than one
in the morning. Think the wedding
will still be going?
RORY
(into the phone)
Considering its Lorelais wedding
probably.
LANE
(into the phone)
Save me a dance?

131.
RORY
(into the phone)
I will.
Theres a KNOCK on the dressing room door.
ZACK
Five minutes til curtain, Lane!
LANE
Coming, Zack!
(into the phone)
I have to go. If you have sex with
anyone else text me!
RORY
(into the phone)
I promise.
LANE
(into the phone)
Bye Rory.
RORY
(into the phone)
Break a leg, Dr. Ruth.
EXT. MISS PATTYS -- NIGHT
A crowd of Townsfolk are crowded outside. Amongst them are:
Jess, Gypsy, Taylor, Kirk, Babette, Miss Patty, Andrew,
Morey, Lulu, Ceasar, Sookie, Jackson, Liz, TJ, SOPHIE,
BOOTSY, and Michel. Those who have purchased Team Jess or
Logan shirts, wear them. Most of the nameless Townsfolk wear
shirts as well. The Team Logan shirts outnumber the Team Jess
shirts four to one. Lorelai and Luke stand to the side with
Logan.
LORELAI
Thank you so much for agreeing to
baby-sit, you are a lifesaver.
LOGAN
Dont mention it, Lorelai.
LORELAI
Okay, but its too late for me to
stop the construction of the statue
of you in the middle of the town
square. Theyre breaking ground
next week.

132.
LUKE
Are you sure youre able to handle
so many children by yourself?
LOGAN
Not a problem. The older ones will
help with the younger ones plus a
couple of my buddies are on their
way right now to help.
LORELAI
Okay, well our cell phones are on
and fully charged if you find you
cant handle it.
LOGAN
Good to know, but Im certain well
be fine. You two have fun at your
parties.
Luke waves Noomi over.
LUKE
Be good for Logan.
NOOMI
I always am.
Logan leads Noomi away.
LOGAN
I like your shirt.
NOOMI
Thanks. So wheres your helicopter?
Rory approaches Lorelai. Jess saddles up next to Luke.
LORELAI
So what exactly happens next?
BABETTE
Whats the plan? Do we walk over to
Caseys?
RORY
No. The parties are separate.
LORELAI
But theres only the one bar
around.

133.
RORY
Which is why we need to leave Stars
Hollow. I hired transportation.
CAR HONKING is heard off in the distance.
RORY (CONTD)
Sounds like its coming now.
LORELAI
Did you hire limos? Did you hire a
legion of limos?
RORY
Youll see.
Four party busses drive around the corner and pull up in
front of Miss Pattys. Two have giant pink ribbons attached
to the grills. The other two have the same ribbons, but in
blue. The Townsfolk react with excitement.
LORELAI
(so excited shes dancing)
Oh my god! Its party bus! You
hired party buses! Finally I get to
check party in a party bus off my
bucket list!
JESS
(to Luke)
Sorry about the party buses.
Uh yeah.

LUKE

JESS
Theyre really just transportation
from point A to point B.
RORY
(addressing the whole
crowd)
Everyone, line up to get on the bus
of your chosen party. Pink ribbon
buses are going to the
bachelorette. Blue ribbons are
going to the bachelor party.
LORELAI
(heading towards one of
her buses)
Okay, Ladies, lets get in
formation!

134.
The Townsfolk organize themselves into lines. Kirk positions
himself next to one line, holding armfuls of his t-shirts.
KIRK
Get your Rogan and Jesry shirts
here! Dress for the party, showing
your support for one of these
equally fine men!
(then)
Team Jess shirts are two for one.
Priced to clear.
Taylor approaches Kirk.
TAYLOR
Ill take a Logan.
Taylor and Jess give each other the stink eye.
Andrew stands in line to get on the bus behind Taylor. He
wears what is clearly a homemade #TEAMDEAN t-shirt.
KIRK
Is that an unlicensed Team Dean
shirt?
MISS PATTY
Come on, Andrew. Youre better than
this.
KIRK
Even Dean isnt Team Dean.
Andrew, leaves the line, embarrassed.
ANDREW
(muttering)
Only because Deans too cool to
care. He doesnt need a t-shirt.
Hes Dean.
INT. LORELAIS PARTY BUS -- CONTINUOUS
Rory and Lorelai climb inside the bus. Theyre followed by
Miss Patty and Michel. Lorelai reacts in awe of the decor.
The interior is lit with a black light and a disco ball. The
bench seats are to the side. Theres a bar in the back and a
stripper pole right in the centre.
LORELAI
Wow! A stripper pole!

135.
Lorelai grabs onto the pole and tries to lift and spin
herself at the same time. She ends up sliding helplessly to
the floor.
LORELAI (CONTD)
(picking herself back up)
Huh. I always imagined Id be a
natural.
MISS PATTY
Oh hunny, the things I could do
with that pole if I had your body.
In the background Sookie, Gypsy, Lulu, and Babette enter the
bus along with other nameless female Townsfolk.
MICHEL
Im familiar with these. I use one
in my cardio yoga pole dancing
class. Excellent workout.
Michel takes hold of he pole and in one swift, graceful move,
lifts his legs up and flips himself upside down.
The entire bus cheers.
LORELAI
Nobody has started drinking yet and
this already happened. My
bachelorette is the best party
ever!
EXT. TOWN SQUARE -- CONTINUOUS
The sound of CHEERING is heard from inside as the party buses
depart. Logan waves goodbye.
He turns to look at the KIDS hes been charged with watching
who play inside town square. There are around three dozen of
them. Amongst them are Noomi and Doula who play with Girl
Kirk and Boy Kirk as well as Sookie and Jacksons kids
Martha, Davy, and three YOUNGER ONES. The ages of the others
vary from five years old to preteen.
A Mercedes-Benz zips around the corner and parks in front of
the square. COLIN and FINN get out.
FINN
(looking around)
Told you he wasnt joking. You owe
me twenty dollars.

136.
LOGAN
Colin and Finn! Nice to see you
fellas. Thanks for coming on short
notice. Did you bring the stuff?
Logan greets them with high fives.
COLIN
Did we bring the stuff? Please.
Have we ever let you down?
FINN
Cabo excluded.
LOGAN
So you hit Toys R Us?
FINN
We hit every Toys R Us between here
and New York.
They move around the trunk of the car. They open it up to
reveal a full trunk full of Nerf guns and bullets.
LOGAN
Wait. These are the only toys you
bought?
Several of the OLDER KIDS come over to look in the trunk.
Oh! Sweet!

OLDER KID #1

COLIN
We bought them out. Kids love
violence.
FINN
(calling out)
Come get your guns, Kiddies! Every
child for themselves. Pretend like
its the Hunger Games and shoot
your friends!
The KIDS crowd in and start pulling Nerf guns out of the
trunk.
INT. LUKES PARTY BUS -- NIGHT
Luke and Jess sit beside each other in the bus. Other male
Townsfolk ride with them. Amongst them: TJ, Morey, Taylor,
Kirk, Jackson, Ceasar, and Andrew.

137.
Their bus is fairly subdued with the black lights and disco
ball turned off and the men just sipping on beers and
chatting.
TJ
A party bus really is an underrated
mode of transportation. Im
drinking a beer, Im not wearing a
seat belt. I could see getting one
of these to replace the family car.
And as soon as Doulas old enough
to drive, Liz and I can sit in the
back and drink. Wed be living the
dream! Actually you could probably
live in one of these things if you
wanted to.
Taylor stands in the centre, gripping the stripers pole
tightly.
LUKE
You okay Taylor?
Fine.

TAYLOR

LUKE
You sure? You dont look so good.
TAYLOR
Just a little motion sickness. Ill
be fine when we get there.
LUKE
(to Jess)
So I guess were going to a bar or
something.
JESS
Try to act a little enthusiastic.
LUKE
You try acting enthusiastic.
JESS
Fair enough.
LUKE
I hope its not a strip club. Its
not a strip club, is it?
JESS
Gee. Have a little faith, Uncle
Luke.

138.
EXT. BOWLING ALLEY -- NIGHT
The two blue ribboned buses pull up in front of a large, one
story building. The sign is obscured by the bus.
INT. BOWLING ALLEY -- NIGHT
Luke walks in followed by Townsfolk. He looks around.
The place is old school. No electronic TVs calculating the
score. Everythings tracked with pencil and paper.
Jess wanders over and hands Luke a beer.
LUKE
(slapping Jess on the
shoulder)
You did good.
JESS
I know my audience.
INT. LORELAIS PARTY BUS -- NIGHT
The guests are heating up the dance floor. Michel is
schooling them all. Everyones a bit tipsy already.
EXT. DRIVEWAY -- NIGHT
The two party buses with the pink ribbons slow to a stop.
INT. LORELAIS PARTY BUS -- CONTINUOUS
Even though the stop is gentle. Lorelai grabs the pole to
stay standing.
LORELAI
Are we here?
GYPSY
Where is here?
MISS PATTY
Its gotta be a strip club. I can
smell half naked men.
Lorelai skips to the door. Rory follows.
LORELAI
Bring on the strippers!

139.
EXT. DRIVEWAY -- CONTINUOUS
Wider shot we see this driveway belongs to Emily Gilmores
house.
Lorelai takes one step out of the bus, sees where she is and
turns around.
LORELAI
No! No! Im being punked!
Rory blocks her from re-entering the bus.
RORY
No you dont.
LORELAI
You promised me a fun night out and
you take me to my mothers house?
Mom doesnt even know about the
wedding.
RORY
Well, she does now.
LORELAI
Then that means shes pissed at me.
Theres nothing inside there but my
mothers contempt!
RORY
I know youre bad at telling
grandma news so I told her for you.
LORELAI
Yes, but I was never going to tell
her.
RORY
So we were going to get married and
not invite her? Wouldnt that hurt
her feelings?
LORELAI
Not if she never found out.
RORY
Im not even going to argue with
that. You know thats not possible.
MISS PATTY (O.S.)
(calling from inside the
bus)
Whats the hold up?

140.
BABETTE (O.S.)
(calling from inside the
bus)
Can we come out? My claustrophobia
is acting up.
Mom.
Rory.

RORY
LORELAI

BABETTE (O.S.)
(calling from inside the
bus)
Im seeing spots!
Mom.

RORY

LORELAI
Fine. Five minutes inside and then
we find the nearest taco stand.
Okay.

RORY

Lorelai moves towards the entrance and Rory stops blocking

the bus door. Miss Patty exits. Babette stumbles out after
her, gasping for breath.
Lorelai and Rory stand in front of the entrance to the house.
Lorelai crosses her arms like a frustrated child. Rory rings
the bell.
Emily opens the door. The lights are dimmed inside, but
theres pop music blasting.
EMILY
Hello, ladies! Come in! Come in!
(to Lorelai, flat)
Lorelai.
Mother.

LORELAI

EMILY
Wipe your feet.

141.
INT. EMILY GILMORES HOUSE/FOYER -- CONTINUOUS
More black lights and a disco ball light the foyer. The
guests enter, oh-ing as they see the place. Michel embraces
Emily when he enters.
MICHEL
Emily, you look lovely as always!
EMILY
Thank you, Michel. Always a
pleasure to see you.
Michel moves further inside. Lorelai walks in last and shes
thrown by the change in atmosphere.
LORELAI
I cant believe Im sincerely
saying this, but I love what youve
done with the place.
EMILY
I cant take any credit. I was all
Rorys planning. Of course, had I
known you were getting married this
Saturday, I couldve thrown you a
proper party.
LORELAI
Okay, lets get this over w,ith.
Im sorry I put off telling you
mom. Its a last minute wedding, I
swear.
EMILY
(deadpan)
Theres food in the other room if
youre hungry.
Emily stalks off.
LORELAI
First attempt at an apology, a
failure.
Lorelai follows.
INT. EMILY GILMORES HOUSE/LIVING ROOM -- CONTINUOUS
The furniture has been cleared out for the party. Theres a
dance floor in the center and bar to the side with a
BARTENDER.

142.
One wall sports the biggest buffet ever presented in the
Gilmore House including a grill table with a JAPANESE CHEF
making Japanese food in one of those performances that
includes flipping the food around.
Lorelai follows Emily through the room.
LORELAI
Im sorry you only found out about
the wedding today.
EMILY
Today? Ive known for days. Ive
been patiently waiting for you to
bring it up.
Days? How?

LORELAI

EMILY
I read Rorys twitter feed!
LORELAI
Well, how was I supposed to know
youre on twitter?
EMILY
Not the point, Lorelai! The point
is you didnt want to invite me to
your wedding.
LORELAI
Mom, I was going to invite you.
EMILY
Thats not the same as wanting to.
Emily marches up the stairs. Lorelai follows.
LORELAI
It was insensitive of me. Im
sorry, but you have to understand
that I worry a lot about what you
think of me and I was worried you
wouldnt approve.
INT. EMILY GILMORES HOUSE/UPSTAIRS HALL -- CONTINUOUS
They reach the top of the stairs.
EMILY
Approve of what?

143.
LORELAI
Of marrying Luke.
Emily stops and spins on Lorelai.
EMILY
Lorelai Gilmore, Luke Danes has
been my unofficial son-in-law for
ten years. He is the father to my
granddaughter. Did you honestly
think I was going to stop you?
LORELAI
Well, I know hes not the man you
pictured me with. Hes not
Christopher.
EMILY
You married Christopher. You
werent happy with Christopher.
Luke makes you happy. Do you
honestly think I dont want you to
be happy?
Kinda.

LORELAI

EMILY
You really do think of me as a
villain, dont you? Maybe I should
put on a coat made out of puppy
pelts and go around offering
poisoned apples to young girls?
LORELAI
Mom, I sorry. Im used to the
things I want making you unhappy. I
forget that sometimes we want the
same things for me. You dont
deserve that.
EMILY
(miffed but softening)
I have half a mind not to give you
your gift.
LORELAI
(brightening)
Gift?
EMILY
You wont like it.

144.
LORELAI
I will.
(then)
But is it exchangeable if I dont?
Follow me.

EMILY

INT. EMILY GILMORES HOUSE/MASTER BEDROOM -- NIGHT

Emily opens the door to show Lorelai inside. The room is
packed with designer wedding dresses. Lorelai gasps.
EMILY
I had Miss Celine send over some
dress options for you. I thought
maybe with such a short time line,
you wouldnt have time to get a
dress. Its probably a bad gift as
youre making your own for all I
know, but I thought it would at
least give you some ideas or if you
see some accessory you like, you
could take it and use it as your
Something New.
LORELAI
Mom, thank you. This is thoughtful.
EMILY
If you want to enjoy your party
instead of trying on dresses, pick
a few to take home. You can bring
back the rejects when you come for
the rehearsal dinner.
LORELAI
Rehearsal dinner?
EMILY
Yes, Ill need your guest list by
tomorrow morning.
LORELAI
What rehearsal dinner, mom?
EMILY
Its tradition to have the
rehearsal dinner the night before
the wedding which is a Friday
night. Friday nights are our dinner
nights so well have your dinner
here.

145.
LORELAI
But were already having a
bachelorette party here.
EMILY
Are you trying to skip out on
Friday night dinner?
No but --

LORELAI

The sound of the DOORBELL interrupts Lorelai.

EMILY
I wonder if thats the
entertainment.
LORELAI
What entertainment?
EMILY
I have no idea, but Rory mentioned
entertainment.
INT. EMILY GILMORES HOUSE/FOYER -- NIGHT
Lorelai and Emily come down the stairs to see the MAID has
let in a MAN dressed in a suit. The Townsfolk have crowded
into the hallway to see whos at the door.
MAN
My name is Mr. Martingano from the
law firm of Martingano and Deuce.
EMILY
Youre a lawyer?
MAN
Im looking for a Ms. Lorelai
Gilmore.
Thats me.

LORELAI

The man hands her an envelope.

MAN
Ms. Gilmore youve been served.
(then)
Served a whole lot of sexy.
The MAN pops open the front of his jacket as Rory hits the
MUSIC. The Man starts gyrating. The Townsfolk start cheering.

146.
EMILY
(shocked)
This man is a stripper.
LORELAI
What else would entertainment
mean, mom?
MISS PATTY
I knew I smelled half naked men.
The Townsfolk lead the Man into the living room. Lulu, who is
very drunk, leads the cause.
INT. EMILY GILMORES HOUSE/LIVING ROOM -- CONTINUOUS
CHEERS are heard as a reaction to the performance, but we
stay focused on Emily has she wanders into the room last.
EMILY
I cant believe theres a stripper
in my house. Thank god Richard
isnt alive to see this.
LULU (O.S.)
I need to borrow some ones.
Rory stands back as well. Her phone BUZZES. She looks at the
screen. Her face falls.
EXT. TOWN SQUARE -- NIGHT
The square is in the chaos. Nerf bullets fly through the air.
Colin and Finn are tied to the Stars Hollow sign. Six kids
are crying while the rest are either yelling at each other or
shooting each other with the Nerf guns. Logan is running from
group to group, trying to put out fires.
LOGAN
Hey, dont cry. Were just having
fun here.
(next kid)
Hey! Head shots are fighting dirty
and you know it!
(to Colin and Finn)
Will you two get out of there and
help already?
FINN
Bit tied up at the moment.

147.

Nice one.

COLIN

LOGAN
I know you can get out, you just
dont want to help!
FINN
Thats true.
COLIN
Yeah, Im bored with the Hunger
Games.
FINN
Shall we then?
They stand up together and the ropes fall away.
COLIN
Were going to find a bar in New
Haven. You coming, Logan?
LOGAN
Coming? Im baby-sitting!
FINN
Are you serious about that? Well,
to each there own.
LOGAN
You cant leave! I need help!
They ignore him and head to their car. An Uber pulls up
behind it. Rory gets out.
FINN
Oh hey, Rory. Good thing youre
here. Logan needs help.
RORY
Yeah, thanks. Im on it, Finn.
COLIN
Nice to see you too, Gilmore.
Colin.

RORY

FINN
Not exactly a warm reunion, but Im
over it. To the nearest watering
hole!

148.
The guys get in the car. The Uber and their car drive away.
Logan runs up and hugs Rory.
LOGAN
Thank god youre here, Ace. I think
I bit off more than I can chew.
Ill say.

RORY

Rory assesses the chaos.

RORY (CONTD)
Okay. We can do this. Two adults
can handle thirty kids.
Another Uber pulls up. Jess gets out.
LOGAN
What are you doing here, Jessie?
JESS
Its Jess. My sister texted me.
Said things were falling apart and
that you needed help.
A kid runs by and shoots Jess in the ear.
LOGAN
(yelling)
I said no head shots!
JESS
Whos brilliant idea was it to arm
the rug rats?
LOGAN
Former friends of mine.
A couple Kids run up.
KID #1
Im starving!
Me too!

KID #2

JESS
(to Rory)
Im going to open up Lukes and see
what we can do feed them. You two
start wrangling them in that
direction.

149.
Jess gets shot in the head again.
JESS (CONTD)
And please take the guns away!
INT. EMILY GILMORES HOUSE/LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT
Post-strip show, Lorelai and Sookie stand at the bar with
drinks in their hands. Lorelai wears a mans thong around her
neck like a necklace.
SOOKIE
I wonder what theyre talking
about.
Sookie nods straight ahead. Lorelai follows her gaze.
Across the room, Emily and Michel talk closely together.
LORELAI
Probably about their mutual
disapproval of me.
SOOKIE
(gasping and grabbing
Lorelais arm)
I just had the darkest thought.
LORELAI
I think you mean the drunkest
thought.
SOOKIE
Oh, I dont think I should share
it.
LORELAI
Now you have to.
SOOKIE
You know how Michel keep alluding
to this older woman hes dating?
Yeah?

LORELAI

SOOKIE
And hes been dressing a little
nicer lately. Brand new watch, new
shoes. Expensive things too like
someones gifting him this stuff.

150.
LORELAI
So you think hes landed himself a
Sugar Mama?
SOOKIE
Yes, but what I really think is the
Sugar Mama could be...
Sookie nods towards Emily.
LORELAI
Sookie!
(grabbing her drink)
You are cut off!
SOOKIE
But think about it for a sec.
LORELAI
(shuddering)
I dont want to think about it.
SOOKIE
Those two have always gotten along.
Michel has always been a little
flirty with her. And now that your
mom is single...
LORELAI
(gagging)
You are never allowed to drink
again, you sick, drunk woman.
Michel?
SOOKIE
Hes a good looking guy and hes
cultured.
My mother?

LORELAI

SOOKIE
Shes still got it going on.
This time Lorelai just gags.
SOOKIE (CONTD)
Thats a compliment to you. Good
genes!
LORELAI
(watching Emily)
Oh no! Theyre sneaking off
together.

151.
Michel and Emily head towards the exit.
SOOKIE
Do something! Stop them!
Panicked, Lorelai throws her drink down on the floor. It
SMASHES.
Emily immediately spins to search for the source of the
sound.

Opa!

LORELAI
(halfheartedly)

Lorelai!

EMILY

LORELAI
Sorry. Ill clean it up.
INT. LUKES DINER -- NIGHT
The Kids are spread around the tables, digging in to grilled
cheese sandwiches and drinking cups of juice.
Logan leans against the counter, looking relieved. Jess
stands behind it.
LOGAN
I owe you one, man.
JESS
Dont mention it.
LOGAN
No, I want to. I dont know if
youve noticed, but Ive been
teasing you a bit the past couple
of days.
I noticed.

JESS

LOGAN
But you put our differences aside
and came through for me tonight.
JESS
Wasnt for you, but Ill accept the
thank you.

152.
Rory comes out of the storage room. She has several
flashlights tucked under her arms and her hands cupped,
holding something. She drops the flashlights on the counter.
JESS (CONTD)
Found everything?
Yep

RORY

LOGAN
Lets do this.
RORY
(addressing the room)
Attention everyone. When youre
done eating weve planned a game
for you that I hope youll like.
Its one I used to play with my mom
in the town square when I was
little because I didnt know there
was a park.
NOOMI
Let it go, sis.
RORY
This game is called Mission
Impossible
(off no reaction)
Okay, so youre all too young for
that movie. Lets rename it Suicide
Squad.
The Kids turn to each other and whisper excitedly.
RORY (CONTD)
The goal of the game is to collect
these diamonds.
Rory takes a white bean out of her hand and holds it up.
KID #2
There are no diamonds in Suicide
Squad.
JESS
How would you know?
KID #2
My mom let me watch it.
JESS
But youre like five.

153.
KID #2
Im eleven!
JESS
Whats your name, kid?
KID #2
Preston Ricci.
JESS
So youre Preston. Im watching
you.
RORY
Im not sure where to go from here.
I was going to explain the game
using Mission Impossible imagery.
LOGAN
(taking over)
So we have these white beans.
Pretend theyre diamonds or
whatever the Suicide Squad steals.
Were going to place these in a
bowl in the gazebo. The diner is
the starting point. You will be
split up into two teams, the oldest
kids are going to pair with a
little one. The goal of the game is
to get through the town square,
take one bean at a time and bring
it back for your team without
getting caught.
KID #1
How do we get caught?
Like this.

JESS

Jess picks up a flashlight and shines it in Kid #1s eyes.

LOGAN
We will have the flashlight and
well be protecting the gazebo. If
you get caught in the flashlights
beam, you have to go back to the
diner and restart. The team at the
end with the most beans wins. Any
questions?
NOOMI
If were the Suicide Squad, how do
we defend ourselves against you?

154.
PRESTON(KID #2)
Can we have our guns back?
Jess, Rory, and Logan look at each other.
LOGAN
Um. We will give each team a gun.
You can decide who is your shooter.
If you shoot one of us, we have to
go back to the diner before coming
back to the gazebo. Thatll give
you a good chance to get by.
(claps his hands)
Lets do this!
EXT. TOWN SQUARE -- NIGHT
Jess, Rory, and Logan stand in formation around the gazebo,
their lit flashlights at their sides.
The Kids stand at the ready outside the dinner. Noomi and
Preston each hold the Nerf guns for their teams.
Ready? Go!

RORY

Some of the Kids surge forward to make a direct line for the
gazebo. Others spread out around the square to come in from
different angles.
As Kids approach Jess, Rory, and Logan catch them in their
flashlight beams. Others get by and grab a bean each from the
bowl in the gazebo.
Preston runs up with a Nerf gun and shoots Jess in the head.
JESS
Ow! You punk!
PRESTON
I got you! You have to go back to
the diner and restart.
Jess looks at Rory who nods her head towards the diner.
SERIES OF SHOTS: Kids hands grab beans from a bowl. Noomi
shoots Rory in the butt, startling her. Logan sees Doula
helping Girl Kirk and Boy Kirk waddle to the gazebo and
pretends he doesnt see them so they can get by. Kid after
Kid gets caught in flash light beams. Preston follows Jess
around and shoots him any chance he gets as Jess grows more
and more irritated.

155.
Noomi tries to sneak up on Rory and shoot her. Rory dodges
and runs away. Rory ducks behind a bench at the same time
Jess ducks behind the same bench.
Jess and Rory sink down to sit. They switch off their
flashlights. Jess goes to speak, but Rory shushes him.
Theyre arms are touching. Preston and Noomi run past the
front of the bench. Jess and Rory huddle closer. Jess looks
at Rory. She turns her head to meet his eye. The heat from
last night returns and they lean in and start kissing. A
flashlight beam hits their faces causing them to pull back.
The glare from the flashlight is strong. Its switched off
and we see Logan holding it, looking down at them.
LOGAN
So thats how it is.
He stocks off. Rory jumps up. Jess tries to catch her hand.
JESS
Rory, dont.
Shes already catching up to Logan.
JESS (CONTD)
(mostly to himself)
You dont owe him an explanation.
EXT. MISS PATTYS -- CONTINUOUS
Rory catches up to Logan outside of Miss Pattys.
RORY
Logan, stop. Talk to me.
LOGAN
Are you in love with him?
RORY
(thrown)
I was kissing him. Thats a bit of
a jump to make. And what does it
matter to you anyway? You came here
to talk about a book deal.
LOGAN
Oh come on, Rory. I have people I
couldve sent to talk to your about
the book. I didnt need to come
personally.

156.
RORY
Oh, so you dont want offer me a
book deal?
LOGAN
Yes, of course I do. Youre a
phenomenal writer, but the reason I
came myself was to see if you were
ready yet.
RORY
Ready yet? For what?
LOGAN
For us, Rory. We broke up because
you wanted a career and I wasnt
going to stand in the way of that,
but you have a career now. Youre
ready to have me too.
Rory steps back.
RORY
I cant believe youre talking this
way. You cant show up and expect
me to be with you.
LOGAN
Im sorry. I dont expect that. But
I expected to at least have a shot
at seeing if were compatible and
Jess is ruining that. Hes not good
enough for you, Rory.
RORY
(backing away)
I think I need a time out from
this. This is just... I had no idea
you felt this way.
LOGAN
Oh please. Dont play dumb. Dont
act like you didnt know Im still
interested.
RORY
Okay, maybe I thought there was
some flirting, but getting back
together. Thats way too much to
presume.
LOGAN
Your guy, Jess, hes playing the
same game as me.
(MORE)

157.
LOGAN (CONT'D)
Feeling you out to see if he has a
shot. He just happens to be doing
it better than me.
Jess comes charging over towards Logan
JESS
Hey, you leave her alone!
LOGAN
Stay out of this!
RORY
Its fine, Jess. Were just
talking.
JESS
Talking? I can hear him yelling at
you from across the square.
(to Logan)
I think its time you left.
LOGAN
Actually Im the one whos babysitting these kids so its better
if you leave.
RORY
(stepping in between them)
No! Im the one who is the problem
here so Ill leave.
Rory stalks off. Both guys reach out to her.
Rory!
Jess?

JESS AND LOGAN

DOULA (O.S.)

Jess turns to see Doula with Girl Kirk falling asleep in her
arms.
DOULA (CONTD)
All the beans are gone and the
younger kids are complaining
theyre tired.
JESS
Im coming.
I got it.

LOGAN

158.
Logan steps in front of Jess and walks back to the square.
Jess gives him a dirty look, but follows.
INT. MISS PATTYS -- NIGHT
All the Kids are nestled in sleeping bags on the floor. Soft
breathing can be heard throughout the room. Jess and Logan
lean against the wall near the door at reasonable distance
from one another.
LOGAN
I think theyre asleep now.
JESS
Lets do this.
EXT. MISS PATTYS -- CONTINUOUS
Jess and Logan step outside. Logan closes the door.
JESS
You wanna say something to me?
LOGAN
You can stop acting so smug for
once.
JESS
Smug? You sure youre not
projecting?
LOGAN
I heard about the candle lit
bookstore. You wouldnt have even
asked Rory out if I hadnt showed
up.
JESS
Actually, I was in the process of
asking her out when you showed up,
but sure take credit.
LOGAN
And I know you had Rory in the
hotel room this morning.
JESS
Nice detective work, Bennedict.
LOGAN
Got anything to say for yourself?

159.
JESS
Yeah. I wish I hadnt gone on that
run with you.
LOGAN
Not going to apologize for the
deception?
JESS
Considering I dont know you I
dont owe you honesty or an apology
for past dishonesty.
LOGAN
Thats the thing though, Jess. You
are a liar. Youre a punk and liar
and eventually Rorys going to see
past your little Lost Soul act and
realize shes better than you.
Jess shrugs.
JESS
Thats true. Youre the full
package, Logan. Im not going to
deny that. Youve got me beat in
every aspect except maybe hair.
Youve got the money, the style,
the power to outmaneuver me at
every turn. And if Rory gets bored
with me tomorrow you can sweep her
up in that helicopter of yours and
fly her off to Niagara Falls or
London or Paris, hire a symphony to
serenade her while you propose to
her on again the top of the Eiffel
tower and if she still turns you
down, dont forget to blame me for
you getting rejected.
Logan looks ready to punch Jess. Jesss phone BUZZES. Jess
turns away, breaking the tension. He walks away without
making excuses.
JESS (CONTD)
(into the phone)
Hello?
(a beat)
No, Im glad you called.
Logan looks on as Jess moves out of earshot.

160.
JESS (CONTD)
(barely audible)
But we can make it work. We can.
(inaudible and then)
...Kim, what can I do?
Logan narrows his eyes. A HONKING is heard.
The four party buses come around the corner and pull up in
front of Miss Pattys.
Lorelai is the first off the bus followed by more Townsfolk
exiting all four buses.
LORELAI
Hey! Howd it go?
LOGAN
Rocky at first, but theyre all
asleep.
LORELAI
(gasping)
He puts kids to sleep! Hes a
witch! Burn him!
Luke approaches.
LUKE
And by that she means thanks. We
owe you one.
JESS (O.S.)
He had help.
Jess returns, done with his phone call.
LUKE
Thats where you went.
LORELAI
Is Rory here? She left early too.
Jess and Logan look away, guiltily.
LORELAI (CONTD)
Oh no. What did you two do?
(to Luke)
Grab Noomi. Ill meet you at home.
Lorelai leaves. Luke looks towards the diner.
LUKE
Why are the diner lights on?

161.
JESS
(caught)
Ill clean it up.
Jess walks towards the diner. Luke goes into Miss Pattys.
Other Townsfolk are carrying out sleeping Kids.
Taylor approaches Logan in a huff. He holds up a Nerf bullet
TAYLOR
There are these foam bullets all
over the town square. The place is
a mess and we have a town event
tomorrow!
LOGAN
(caught)
Ill clean it up.
Michel helps a very drunk Sookie off the bus. Jackson comes
to help her out.
JACKSON
Well, I can see someone got drunk
for the first time in five kids.
MICHEL
Please take her. She is heavy.
SOOKIE
I know your secret, Michel.
MICHEL
(startled)
They are insoles not lifts! A lot
of men wear them for comfort.
SOOKIE
What? No, I know who your secret
Sugar Mama is.
You do?

MICHEL

SOOKIE
Yes, I do you dirty, dirty boy.
JACKSON
(taking Sookie from
Michel)
Okay, thats about enough. Lets
get the kids and go home.

162.
SOOKIE
(pointing at Michel)
He likes em old and rich.
Jackson leads Sookie away.
INT. LORELAI'S HOUSE/LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT
Lorelai comes in to find Rory laying facedown on the couch.
LORELAI
Are you sleeping or wallowing?
Wallowing.

RORY

Lorelai comes to sit down. Rory sits up.

RORY (CONTD)
Am I naive?
LORELAI
No! You are the opposite of naive.
You are Ya-ive.
RORY
Does everyone expect me to choose
between Jess and Logan?
LORELAI
Well, I think the town does and
possibly those boys do, but Rory,
the only one who can put that
expectation on you is you. Do you
expect that?
RORY
No. I dont think so.
(then)
But there have been moments. I
dont know.
LORELAI
The thing is, hun. You dont need
either of them. You could meet a
new guy tomorrow. Or you could meet
no one. Or you could meet a new guy
every month for the rest of your
life.
(MORE)

163.
LORELAI (CONT'D)
No matter what happens youll be
fine because youve always been
independent and honestly, I think
thats what sends Jess and Logan
into a panic whenever theyre
around you. The fact that you dont
need them.
You think?

RORY

LORELAI
Yes, because men are fragile
creatures that need continual
validation and confirmation that
theyre needed and wanted and the
more independent the woman is, the
harder they fight to convince her
she needs them.
RORY
You make love sound like a trick.
LORELAI
Behavior and love are two different
things. Being insecure can make you
act out, but that doesnt mean they
dont have real feelings for you.
RORY
So what do I do?
LORELAI
Whatever you want.
RORY
But I thought you were deciding for
me. Come on, Puppet Master, make me
dance.
LORELAI
Youre too old for these strings,
Pinocchio.
Luke creeps in from the kitchen.
LUKE
(whispering)
Sorry if Im interrupting. I just
wanted you to know I came in from
the kitchen and snuck Noomi into
her bed.

164.
LORELAI
Thanks, Luke. What would I do
without you?
Luke grins then goes upstairs. Lorelai leans into Rory.
LORELAI (CONTD)
See. Needy.
EXT. TOWN SQUARE -- DAY
The town square has been transformed for the towns annual
Pie Eating Contest. A large banner is draped across the
gazebo reading The 1st Annual Stars Hollow Pie Eating
Contest. A curtain hangs inside the gazebo, blocking the
view of the inside. A podium is set up in front. Townsfolk
mill around it in anticipation.
Lorelai stands at the back with Luke, Rory, and Noomi.
Lorelai looks miserable.
LORELAI
I am so hungover! Why arent you
also hungover?
LUKE
I didnt drink that much.
LORELAI
Neither did I. I think I had two
drinks and smelt one of Sookies
and now Im a wreck.
Rory spots Jess standing with Liz, TJ, and Doula. He sees her
too. She waves. He waves back. Neither make a move towards
each other.
Taylor approaches the podium.
TAYLOR
(into the mic)
Greetings and welcome to what I
hope will become a new Stars Hollow
annual event. The first annual
Stars Hollow Pie Eating Contest!
The Townsfolk cheer. Lorelai reacts by covering her ears.
TAYLOR (CONTD)
Today the pies will be provided by
the winner of last months Stars
Hollow Pie Bake Off winner, Lorelai
Gilmore!

165.
The Townsfolk cheer. Luke looks at Lorelai, panicked.
LUKE
Youre providing the pies? You
didnt make any pies! You dont
even know how to bake pies! You
cant even make poptarts! You eat
them raw!
Lorelai listens to all this, amused.
LUKE (CONTD)
What are we going to do, Lorelai?
The pie eating contest is about to
start and you didnt bring any
pies? Why didnt you tell me you
needed to make pies? I wouldve
made them for you.
Lorelai shrugs.
LUKE (CONTD)
Well just have to buy pies. Is
Doses even open right now?
LORELAI
Hun, relax. Ive got this covered.
How?

LUKE

Sookie comes hustling up with a dozen pie boxes balanced in

her arms.
SOOKIE
Im so sorry Im late. I had a hard
time getting going this morning for
some unknown reason.
LORELAI
No worries. Youre right on time.
SOOKIE
Ive got your pies.
LUKE
Sookie! You made pies for Lorelai?
I thought we werent going to
encourage her.
SOOKIE
I didnt make them, Luke. Theyre
Fromet.
(MORE)

166.
SOOKIE (CONT'D)
I took the same frozen chocolate
pie that won the pie baking contest
and I Sookied it up a bit. Theres
more than just this. Jacksons
wheeling over the rest of the
favors from the car.
TAYLOR (O.S.)
We have pies everybody!
Jackson wheels a huge stack of plain pie boxes up beside
Taylor. The Townsfolk cheer.
Logan approaches Rory.
LOGAN
Can I talk to you?
Im busy.

RORY

LOGAN
Okay, I just wanted to apologize.
RORY
(annoyed)
Apology accepted.
LOGAN
Why am I not buying that?
Jess watches Rory and Logan with interest.
TAYLOR (O.S.)
All we need now is our contestants.
Contestants to the stage please!
Morey, Gypsy, and TJ approach the gazebo and line up.
TAYLOR (CONTD)
Is that all? Is there anyone else
whod like to enter?
Jess looks away from Rory and up at Taylor.
JESS
Ill enter!
Jess walks up to the front.
TAYLOR
Really, Jess? You know I said
eating contest and not drinking
contest.

167.
JESS
I heard you, Taylor
TAYLOR
But youve never participated in a
town event. Not one.
JESS
What can I say? People change.
TJ pats Jess on the back as he comes to stand next to him.
Then he leans into him.
TJ
(whispering)
Im going to wipe the floor with
ya.
TAYLOR
Okay, well, anyone else?
Logan raises his hand.
LOGAN
Ill enter.
RORY
(to Logan)
Come on. Dont.
Logan ignores her and walks to stand at the front on the
opposite side so hes not beside Jess.
TAYLOR
Here are your contestants, Ladies
and Gentleman.
The Townsfolk clap.
TAYLOR (CONTD)
And now to announce this years
twist!
MISS PATTY
What do you mean this years twist?
This is the first time weve done
this event.
TAYLOR
Yes, well when it becomes annual
there will be an annual twist. The
theme for this years Pie Eating
Contest is...

168.
Kirk yanks on a string attached to the banner. A second part
to the banner unravels revealing the words The Hungry
Games.
TAYLOR (CONTD)
The Hungry Games!
GYPSY
You spelt Hunger Games wrong.
TAYLOR
No, we did not as we are in no way
affiliated with that book and movie
franchise.
GYPSY
Then why name it that at all?
BABETTE
Yeah, Taylor! Whats up with the
shameless pandering?
TAYLOR
Its not pandering. However, if the
tourists enjoy the theme...
MISS PATTY
What tourists? Stars Hollow hasnt
had a good tourism flow in a year.
BABETTE
Yeah, Taylor. Its just us here!
TAYLOR
Maybe theres no tourists yet, but
Kirk is going to be live streaming
this -Kirk wanders up, holding out his phone and looking at the
screen.
TAYLOR (CONTD)
-- On Facebook so as long as this
goes viral and everyone sees what
fun town events we have we should
be looking at an uptick in tourism
pretty soon which will bring money
back into Stars Hollows faltering
economy. Now the rules. There are
five stations located around the
center of town. When reaching a new
station each contestant must first
eat an entire pie then complete the
task at the station.

169.
BABETTE
So its an obstacle course?
TAYLOR
And a pie eating contest rolled
into one, yes.
BABETTE
What does that have to do with the
Hunger Games?
TAYLOR
Nothing as we are not affiliated
with the Hunger Games.
BABETTE
Sounds like a jip!
TAYLOR
(ignoring Babette)
After all five stations are
complete. Its a race to the finish
back at the gazebo!
GYPSY
(walking away)
Forget this. I just wanted to eat
pie.
TAYLOR
Competitors to the start line!
Morey, TJ, Jess, and Logan line up along a white line marked
beside the gazebo.
JESS
(to Logan)
Get ready to lose.
TAYLOR
On your marks!
LOGAN
Im not afraid of Mr. Cant-Run-AFive-Minute-Mile.
JESS
I was wearing jeans.
Get set!

TAYLOR

170.
LOGAN
Youre still wearing jeans. I have
a personal martial arts trainer and
my own home gym. And youve got
what? A monthly membership to
Planet Fitness and a yoga ball?
Go!

TAYLOR

The four of them take off towards the first station. Jess and
Logan pulling into the lead.
At the first station, located in front of Kims Antiques
theres a table set up with four pies sitting out. Behind it
a large curtain has been erected to hide the first obstacle.
Lulu waits beside the table. Logan and Jess reach the table.
LULU
Hands behind your backs please.
Ill point to you when youve eaten
enough to move on.
Jess and Logan cross there arms behind their backs and dip
there heads to eat their pies. Its messy. TJ and Morey
arrive.
Lorelai and Rory watch. Rory is horrified.
RORY
I shouldnt validate this by
watching. I should just leave.
LORELAI
We should leave.
They stay.
Kirk is filming the contestants with his phone. Lulu points
at Jess and Logan.
LULU
You and you are done! Good job!
Jess and Logan race around the table and blow through the
curtain. Kirk is right on their tail.
The first stations obstacle is an archery range with four
big targets. The arrows have suction cups on the ends for
safety. Jess and Logan dont wait, they grab each grab a bow
and grab an arrow from a mutual quiver.

171.
KIRK
First obstacle: Archery. When you
get a bulls eye, you can move on.
This course represents Katnisss
skill at archery in that movie we
are not legally referencing.
The first shots miss. They grab their second arrows.
JESS
(aiming his second shot)
The books were better!
Jesss arrow hits the bull's-eye. He takes off. Logan needs a
third try, but he nails it as Morey and TJ arrive to take
their first shots.
The crowd parts to give Jess a path to the second station.
They wave him in the correct direction. Logan starts further
behind but hes a faster runner so he closes a bit of
distance between them.
The second station is located back beside the front of the
gazebo. Same deal, table with four pies. Jess makes it
seconds before Logan and dives into this pie with more
gumption. Logan does the same.
TAYLOR
Jess, youre done.
A Townsfolk yanks down the curtain to reveal a mud caked slip
n slides going up one set of steps of the gazebo and down
the other. Water hoses run from the top making mud streaked
water flow down. Jess runs to the bottom of the first set of
steps. Kirk has caught up and is filming.
KIRK
This obstacle represents Katnisss
harrowing run through the arenas
forest. You know, in that movie
that has nothing to do with this.
Jess takes a few steps up, slips and falls to his knees.
Logan, starting out, learns from Jesss mistakes and gets
low, keeping better balance as he moves up to the top. Jess
has to crawl to make it behind Logan.
The Townsfolk CHEER them both on.
Logan drops down and slides on his bum down the other set of
stairs. Jess is already on his hands and knees so he slides
on his stomach down right behind Logan. TJ starts his climb
up with Morey behind him.

172.
The crowd parts to let Logan sprint through to the next
station. Jess is behind him, but hes not fast enough to make
up ground.
The third station is located at the opposite end of the
square. Logan reaches the table with the pies first. Theres
a curtain blocking the sight of the next obstacle. Jackson is
the guide at this station.
JACKSON
Weve got some good pies for you
here. Sookie - I mean Lorelai added her own whipped topped. You
cant even tell theyre from frozen
- I mean baked.
Logan crosses his arms behind his back and shoves his face
into what looks like a pile of whip cream on top of a pie.
JACKSON (CONTD)
Oh, youre going to eat it like
that, are you?
Jess arrives and does the same as Logan.
JACKSON (CONTD)
(pointing at Logan)
You look done. Take your shoes off
and go through the curtain.
With one questioning look, Logan pulls off his shoes which
take a moment since theyre expensive.
JACKSON (CONTD)
Jess, same.
Jess straight kicks off his sneakers. And they both sprint
around the table and burst through the curtain at the same
time. They freeze.
A hot coal walk has been set up for the obstacle. Logan and
Jess are hesitant. Kirk has caught up and is filming.
KIRK
This obstacle represents the raging
fire Katniss ran through in the
arenas forest. But were not
referencing that movie.
Neither Jess or Logan have make a move. Morey comes through
the curtain. He takes one look and shakes his head.
Im out.

MOREY

173.
Morey leaves. Jess moves first. Hoping onto the coals. Logan
takes a step behind him.
LOGAN
The trick is to go slow.
JESS
(in too much pain to be
clever
The trick is to shut up!
Jess hops along the coals and makes it to the end first, but
hes clearly hurting and limping. He gets the head start
heading to the next station.
TJ starts on the coals, mimicking Logans slow walk. He
carries his sneakers in his hands.
Logan walks slowly on the coals and eventually finishes.
Jess is limping while he runs along the sidewalk of the
square to the next station. Logan, in better shape, but shoeless catches up to him at the table on the sidewalk. Andrew
mans this one. Hes still in his homemade Team Dean shirt.
Jess and Logan cross there arms behind their backs and dive
their faces into their pies at the exact same time.
ANDREW
Im routing for neither of you.
TJ arrives at the table.
TJ
Seriously? Still nothing to drink.
I could use a cold beer after that
coal walk, let me tell ya.
ANDREW
(pointing at Jess and
Logan)
Done and done.
Again they run around the table and clear the curtain at the
same time. Again they freeze.
On either side of the sidewalk are Townsfolk holding dogs on
leashes. Since theyre all close together and facing each
other the dogs are jumping and barking. Kirk catches up,
still filming.

174.
KIRK
This part represents the mutts at
the end of the film. What film Im
talking about, is not important.
JESS
I am not a dog person.
Neither.

LOGAN

Logan is the first to go for it. The fast movement gets the
dogs excited and they lung for him and jump at him. Logan
gets sidetracked trying to dodge a Doberman. Jess tries to
use this as an opportunity to get past Logan, but he gets
caught up in the leashes.
Lorelai and Rory have moved over so they can watch from the
sidelines.
LORELAI
Is it just me or does this look
like the most fun ever?
Totally.

RORY

Logan gets through the dogs at the same time Jess gets
himself untangled from the leaches and once again theyre
running together towards the last station. TJ isnt far
behind.
The crowd waves them in the direction of the last station
which is in front of Stars Hollow High. Jess and Logan are
both struggling to run as Jesss feet are hurt from the coals
and Logan has a fresh bite on his calve. TJ, the only one who
put his shoes back on after the coals, jogs easily behind
them.
Sookie mans the last table in front of the last curtain.
These pies are meringue.
SOOKIE
(calling to them as they
approach)
I saved the meringues for last
because theyre nice and light.
Logan and Jess reach the table together. Theyre faces pretty
much fall into the pies this time.

175.
SOOKIE (CONTD)
If you like that you can have
seconds. Thats right. Clean the
plates.
TJ has arrived and starts eating his.
LOGAN
(lifting his head)
Am I done?
SOOKIE
I guess, if youre not going lick
he plate clean which was what I was
going for.
Logan takes off. Jess does so too without waiting to be told.
SOOKIE (CONTD)
(to TJ)
Do you like it?
Through the curtain is the final obstacle. Four baseball bats
lie on the ground. Logan and Jess are confused.
JESS
Do we beat each other to death?
LOGAN
That would follow the plot of that
movie we cant legally talk about.
Kirk finally catches up, still filming.
KIRK
Sorry. Dogs slowed me down. One
caught my pant leg. This one here
you bend over with your forehead on
the top of the bat and you spin
around five times. It represents...
Actually its just spinning.
Logan and Jess grab bats and start to spin. TJ comes through
the curtain, grabs a bat and joins in. They spin. Logan and
Jess reach five at the same time and stand up and immediately
stumble in opposite directions.
KIRK (CONTD)
(pointing)
Back to the gazebo! That way.
The two get pointed the right way and start running. Theyre
neck and neck, bumping elbows.

176.
Its almost like theyre trying to shove each other off
course, but at moments it looks like theyre leaning on each
other. Kirk jogs behind them, filming.
TAYLOR
Its neck and neck! This is going
to be a photo finish.
Logan and Jess are less than twenty feet from the finish
line. The Townsfolk are anticipating a winner any second.
Suddenly Logan peels off and runs towards a trash can.
Jess peels off and runs towards a bush.
Logan keels over the trash can, his whole head going inside.
The sound of VOMITING is heard.
Jess collapses onto his knees. His top half disappearing
behind the bush. More sounds of VOMITING are heard. Kirk jogs
up to him and films him.
Taylor is horrified and so are the Townsfolk.
Rory turns to Lorelai and buries her face in her shoulder.
TAYLOR (CONTD)
Oh my. Maybe we shouldnt have
combod competitive eating with an
obstacle course.
MISS PATTY
(most sarcasm ever)
Ya think?
Out of no where TJ comes jogging up and passes the finish
line. He throws his arms up in victory.
TJ
Hey hey! I won!
TAYLOR
(not so happy)
We have a winner everybody.
TJ
That was fun. You got anymore of
those pies?
Kirk is still filming Jess as he dry heaves.
JESS
(pointing at Kirk but face
down)
(MORE)

177.
JESS (CONT'D)
I swear to God, Kirk, I will end
you!
TAYLOR
Kirk, no need to live stream that.
(when Kirk doesnt listen)
Cut, Kirk! Cut!
Lorelai and Rory stand by in shock.
RORY
I feel so bad for them.
LORELAI
Should we help them?
RORY
Im not going near there!
Luke instead goes to help Jess.
Rory looks for Logan, but hes disappeared.
INT. LORELAI'S HOUSE/LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT
Rory, Lorelai, and Noomi lounge on the couch watching The
Voice on TV.
LORELAI
Totally made me lose my appetite.
Pass the Red Vines.
Rory passes her a package of Red Vines.
NOOMI
Why are you eating that over
processed sugar?
LORELAI
Because your sister is here and
when shes here, I eat over
processed sugar.
RORY
I dont know if Ill ever look at
him the same.
LORELAI
Who? Jess or Logan?

178.
RORY
Neither. TJ. I cant believe he ate
three more pies after the obstacle
course.
LORELAI
That man is a food Olympian in the
making.
The DOORBELL RINGS.
I got it.

LORELAI (CONTD)

Lorelai hops up and goes to answer the door. Logan stands

outside.
LORELAI (CONTD)
Oh hey. How are you feeling?
LOGAN
Much better. Thank you.
LORELAI
You sure? You dont need me to lay
down some tarps before you come in?
LOGAN
I dont need to come inside. I just
wanted to talk to Rory for a
minute.
LORELAI
Rory, the girl from the Exorcist is
here!
Lorelai retreats into the house. Rory comes to the door.

Hey.

RORY
(not angry anymore)

LOGAN
Hi. I took a shower and brushed my
teeth so its safe to get within
smelling distance.
RORY
Good to know.
LOGAN
Dont worry. Im just here to tell
you Im leaving town.

179.
RORY
Oh, but the book deal...
LOGAN
Ill have someone at my office
email you the details. You can have
your agent look through it.
The house phone rings. Lorelai answers it.
LORELAI
(into the phone)
Hello?
EMILY
(over the phone)
Well its about time you picked up!
Ive been calling you all day on
every single one of your infernal
devices and you havent gotten back
to me on a single one.
LORELAI
(into the phone)
Who dis?
EMILY
(over the phone)
Lorelai! You were supposed to give
me your guest list for the
rehearsal dinner this morning. Now
I have less than twenty four hours
to plan and I have no idea how many
people to expect.
LORELAI
(into the phone)
Well, theres me, Rory, Luke, and
Noomi.
EMILY
(over the phone)
But with the exception of Rory,
thats the same as any Friday night
dinner.
LORELAI
(into the phone)
Then Rory is the guest of honor.

180.
EMILY
(over the phone)
But doesnt Luke have anyone to
invite? Shouldnt his family be
invited?
LORELAI
(into the phone)
Are you seriously inviting Lukes
family to your house?
EMILY
(over the phone)
Theyre going to be related to me
through marriage. I think I should
have them over.
LORELAI
(into the phone)
You know Lukes family includes
Jess, right?
EMILY
(over the phone)
Jess? As in Rorys ex-boyfriend
Jess? Dont tell me -Lorelai drops the phone against her leg so its muffled and
she cant hear Emilys rant. She wanders back towards the
doorway where Rory and Logan are talking.
RORY
I feel really bad youre leaving on
this note.
Lorelai lifts the phone to her ear to check if Emily is done
ranting.
LOGAN
I know its ended badly, but maybe
well grab a coffee in New York
next time you come through.
EMILY
(through the phone)
Who is that there? Is that
Logan Huntzburger?

RORY
Id like that too.

LORELAI
(into the phone)
What? How did you recognize his
voice? Have you even heard it in
ten years?

181.
EMILY
(through the phone)
So that is Logan I hear? Let me
speak to him.
LORELAI
(into the phone)
Nope. Call him on his phone.
EMILY
(through the phone)
Pass the phone over Lorelai.
Lorelai groans and shoves the phone into Logans hands. She
throws her hands up and stalks off, defeated.
LOGAN
(tentatively into the
phone)
Hello?
(then)
Well, hello Mrs. Gilmore.
(a beat)
Yes, I am visiting Rory, but Im
actually about to head back to New
York.
(a beat)
Im sorry, but I cant -(cut short, a beat)
Uh huh.
(a beat)
If you insist. Ill see you at
seven.
(a beat.)
Bye bye.
Logan hangs up the phone and hands it to Rory, looking
guilty.
LOGAN (CONTD)
Im so sorry.
Why?

RORY

LOGAN
Because Im coming to Friday night
dinner.
Lorelai leans against Noomi on the couch. Rory stalks over
and drops down with her arms crossed.

182.
RORY
Logans coming to the rehearsal
dinner.
LORELAI
The good news is I dont think
grandma will ever invite Jess.
Lorelais phone BUZZES. She answers it.
LORELAI (CONTD)
(into the phone)
Hello?
EMILY
(through the phone)
You still havent given me the
numbers for Lukes family!
Lorelai leans back and groans.
EXT. EMILY GILMORES HOUSE -- NIGHT
Rory, Lorelai, Luke, and Noomi climb out of Lorelais parked
jeep. Lizs car pulls up behind them. TJ climbs out first.
TJ
Whoa! These are some fancy digs.
Now Im wishing I dressed better.
LIZ
(climbing out of the car)
I told you not to wear your cords!
Doula gets out of the car and runs to meet Noomi. Jess climbs
out last and slowly. While the other go up the front walk,
Rory waits for Jess.
JESS
Im sorry. I dont think anyone
actually wants me here, but Luke
insisted.
RORY
I want you here, Jess. I like
having you around.
JESS
I thought you were mad at me.
RORY
Im not mad at you. Im not mad at
Logan either.
(MORE)

183.
RORY (CONT'D)
I just feel a lot of pressure from
both of you and its getting to me.
JESS
Im sorry. About the pressure. Can
we restart this visit?
RORY
Yes. If you can restart with Logan
too.
JESS
But why -(realizing)
Your grandma invited him.
EMILY (O.S.)
What is going on here?
Emily stands in the doorway. Luke, Lorelai, Noomi, Doula,
Liz, and TJ all stand on the front step, but Emily looks past
them into the driveway.
EMILY (CONTD)
I sent a limo for you. Why did you
all drive here?
LORELAI
We dont need a limo, mom. We like
our own cars.
EMILY
Yes, but those drinking and driving
laws have gotten ridiculously
strict. You cant have a single
cocktail in your system without
blowing over the limit and losing
your license. The exact thing
happened to my friend Gloria
Brightman last month after the
philharmonic charity ball. Theyre
making her go back to driving
school. Driving school! Have you
ever heard of anything so common?
LORELAI
Mom, its fine. If were too drunk
to drive back, well order an Uber.
EMILY
An Uber? But then your cars will be
here.

184.
LORELAI
So well Uber back in the morning
and pick them up.
EMILY
From Stars Hollow? Does Stars
Hollow even have Uber?
LORELAI
We have one driver, but its Kirk.
RORY
(walking up)
I wont drink, grandma.
(gesturing behind her)
You remember Jess.
EMILY
Yes. Hello.
JESS
Good evening.
LUKE
(taking over)
My sister Liz, her husband TJ and
their daughter, Doula.
EMILY
Welcome. Come in. No point standing
outside. Logan is here already as
he arrived on time. We were having
a lovely catch up.
Everyone files inside.
INT. EMILY GILMORES HOUSE/DINING ROOM -- NIGHT
Emily, Logan, Luke, Lorelai, Noomi, Rory, Jess, Doula, Liz,
and TJ eat dinner. A maid waits at the ready by the door.
Emily is hanging off of Logans every word.
LOGAN
And thats how I ended up acquiring
a publishing company. All that was
left to do was name it after
myself.
EMILY
Amazing. Youve done so much for
yourself starting with so little.

185.
JESS
(under his breath)
Little?
EMILY
So Logan -LORELAI
(interrupting)
Uh, mom. You have a table full of
guests here, but somehow you keep
directing all your questions
towards one seat in particular.
Maybe you could do a quick round
robin and check in on everyone
else?
EMILY
Fine. Jess, hows work?
Good.

JESS

EMILY
I hear youre a writer.
I try.

JESS

EMILY
And you own your own publishing
company?
JESS
Part owner.
EMILY
And its successful.
JESS
We make a profit. Manage to pay
ourselves a salary.
EMILY
I guess thats a triumph in this
economy. Luke, Id ask you how
youre doing, but Im burnt out on
monosyllabic answers. Noomi, Hows
school?
Good.

NOOMI

186.
EMILY
Learning anything exciting.
NOOMI

No.

EMILY
The apple doesnt fall far from the
tree. TJ?

Yep?

TJ
(snapping to attention)

EMILY
What are you doing for work these
days?
TJ
Im a stay at home dad.
Emily looks at Doula.
EMILY
She looks nearly old enough to take
care of herself. Any plans to
rejoin the work force?
Nope.

TJ

Emily attempts to keep smiling, but her eyes have lost all
twinkle.
TJ (CONTD)
Hey, I have a question.
Yes, TJ?

EMILY

TJ
(pointing at the maid)
That lady there, is she allowed to
talk? Or is it like one of those
English guard things and shes not
allowed to move because Ive been
staring at her all evening and she
hasnt even blinked.
EMILY
(ignoring all that)
Elizabeth, how is work?

187.
LIZ
Oh. Call me Liz. Work is fantastic.
Were heading into Renaissance Fair
season so well be hitting the road
as soon as the weddings over.
EMILY
Renaissance Fair? I didnt know
those existed beyond the movies.
LIZ
Oh, theyre real, baby. You should
come visit us when were on the
road.
EMILY
(blowing past that)
Lorelai, how are things?
LORELAI
Things are good.
EMILY
Anything new youre keeping from
me? A new pregnancy? A move to a
new country?
LORELAI
Very passive aggressive, mom. Well
done. Maybe move on from me.
EMILY
Rory, hows your trip going?
Its good.

RORY

EMILY
Big change from Aleppo?
Oh yeah.

RORY

EMILY
Well, thats the table. Now Im
back to Logan.
(to Logan)
So tell me about your father. Is it
true his considering running for
President in 2024?

188.
LOGAN
I can neither confirm nor deny
that, but I will say this: Trump
opened up a lot of doors for
business tycoons.
JESS
(under his breath)
Like those doors werent already
open.
EMILY
Did you say something, Jess?
JESS
Actually I was wondering if I could
be excused?
Yes, okay.

EMILY

Jess gets up. Rory watches him with concern. She stands up.
RORY
Sorry. Bathroom.
Emily waves her off. Rory leaves.
TJ
(pointing to his plate
with his fork)
These are great eats, Mrs. Gilmore.
EMILY
Thank you, TJ. The chef recommended
this dish. Its the latest trend in
cooking. They call it Fromet.
Lorelai freezes with her fork near her mouth. Annoyed, Luke
drops his fork onto his plate.
EXT. EMILY GILMORES HOUSE/PATIO -- CONTINUOUS
Jess looks out at the gardens. He opens a pack of cigarettes.
He pulls one out.
You okay?

RORY (O.S.)

Rory walks out onto the patio from the house.

189.
JESS
Yeah, I just got tired of listening
to Mr. White Male Privilege talk
about himself.
Rory walks up to Jess so shes standing beside Jess, looking
out at the garden, close enough to touch, but not.
RORY
Youre also white and male.
JESS
True, but he has more privilege.
Rory looks at the cigarette.
RORY
Thought you quit.
JESS
I did. Havent smoked since I was
eighteen, but for some reason I
bought a pack today. Still havent
brought myself to smoke one.
RORY
Are you okay?
JESS
Thats a loaded question, Dr. Phil.
RORY
Is Logan bugging you?
JESS
No, hes been fine.
Is it me?
Its TJ.
TJ?

RORY
JESS
RORY

JESS
And the way your grandma keeps
looking at TJ. Like hes beneath
her. Like she wants to squash him.
Its the same way the Townsfolk
used to look at me when I first
moved to Stars Hollow.
(MORE)

190.
JESS (CONT'D)
Its the same way a lot of them
look at me now.
RORY
Jess, thats crazy. Youre part of
the town. No one looks down on you.
JESS
Oh yeah, Rory? Because maybe the
town isnt full of rich, privileged
people, but that doesnt mean they
dont have a Not In My Backyard
problem. Im not a different
economic class, but Im a different
social class and to some people
that matters more. I arrived and
they saw some punk kid from the
city that didnt dress like them or
act like them and had no interest
in changing to please them so they
looked down on me. They made me
feel unwelcome.
RORY
Jess, Im sorry. I didnt realize
you felt that way. Or, I guess I
did then, but I didnt know you
still felt that way.
JESS
I didnt know I did either. Im an
adult now. I have a condo that I
own in Philly and I part own a
business and Im happy. But I come
here for a week and Im so low I
want to start smoking again.
RORY
Are you sure youre still getting
the same sense from the town? Maybe
youre just having flashbacks?
JESS
I think most of the town walking
around wearing Team Logan shirts is
a enough proof that Im still not
accepted there. The thing is they
dont even know Logan, but they do
know me. All those shirts prove is
theyd like to see you with anyone
but me.
Rory takes Jesss hand.

191.
JESS (CONTD)
But youre not like them, Rory. You
were never like that. You accepted
me and you stood up for me. I want
to tell myself its because you saw
something special in me, but I know
its because you dont see class.
Youre comfortable with everyone.
You can go to a punk show with me
or go jetting off to Manhattan with
Logan. You belong everywhere and
maybe thats part of the
attraction. Wishing I had that
quality.
RORY
I wish I could give it to you.
JESS
Thanks, but I think you need to be
born into it.
Jesss phone BUZZES. He looks at the screen.
JESS (CONTD)
Im sorry, but I have to take this.
RORY
Ill give you some privacy.
INT. EMILY GILMORES HOUSE/LIVING ROOM -- CONTINUOUS
Rory steps inside and shuts the door. She watches Jess as he
talks the on phone. Shes been touched by his confession and
it shows in her face. Logan appears and steps up beside her.
LOGAN
Urgent phone call?
I guess.

RORY

LOGAN
Whos he talking to?
RORY
I didnt ask.
LOGAN
Look, Ive been debating whether to
tell you this because youll think
I have nefarious reasons.
(MORE)

192.
LOGAN (CONT'D)
Heck, I do have nefarious reasons,
but that doesnt make what Im
about to tell you any less true.
The other night when we were babysitting, after you left, Jess got a
phone call that he was seemed
intent on keeping me from
overhearing. What I did hear
though, it sounded like he was
talking to a girlfriend. Does he
have someone back in Philly?
No.

RORY

LOGAN
Did you ask?
(off Rorys silence)
I heard him use the name Kim. If I
were you, Id ask him about it.
Logan leaves. Rory watches Jess without emotion on her face.
Jess, off the phone now, walks up and comes inside.
RORY
Who was that just now?
JESS
No one important.
INT. LORELAI AND LUKES BEDROOM -- DAY
Lorelai sleeps peacefully solo in the bed.
LUKE (O.S.)
(yelling from downstairs)
Taylor!
Lorelai startles awake.
INT. LORELAI'S HOUSE/LIVING ROOM -- CONTINUOUS
Lorelai pads down the stairs in her PJs.
LORELAI
Luke, whats wrong?
Luke stands at the front door holding a giant poster board.

193.
LUKE
Taylor dropped off the blown up
photo of the two of us to display
outside the ceremony. Look at it.
Luke flips it to show Lorelai.
LORELAI
Oh no. Well at least they didnt
use my no makeup selfie this time.
Rory wanders over from the couch, still looking sleepy.
RORY
Is that a screen shot from your Ice
Bucket challenge?
The photo is a blown up still from an Ice Bucket Challenge.
Luke stands over Lorelai mid-bucket pour as Lorelai shrieks
with shock. Its not flattering.
LUKE
I am sick of this stuff. All this
half-assed wedding planning done by
Taylor instead of us.
Yeah!

LORELAI

RORY
(wandering towards the
kitchen)
Coffee.
Rory exits.
LUKE
This and the invitations and the
stupid suit Michel brought me that
makes me feel like Im choking,
its adding up.
LORELAI
Is it? It is! Is it?
LUKE
I have half a mind not to go
through with this farce!
LORELAI
Really? Youre thinking of backing
out?

194.
LUKE
Why not? This was never my idea. I
didnt want this wedding. I
certainly didnt plan this wedding.
Thats it! Im out!
LORELAI
Then Im out too!
Really?

LUKE

LORELAI
Yeah, Im out. Im just as much a
wedding bailer as you are. Hey,
maybe even more so.
LUKE
So were doing this?
LORELAI
Yeah, were not going through with
it! They cant make us! Let them
show up with their pitch forks and
try!
LUKE
But we wont be here.
We wont?

LORELAI

LUKE
Where they can find us? Heck no!
Lets go! Lets run away!
LORELAI
Yeah, where they cant find us and
wed us. Even better, well elope
while were gone. That way itll be
too late if they try again!
LUKE
Brilliant! Should we pack?
LORELAI
Are you kidding me? And waste
precious time that could be spent
putting highway between us and
Stars Hollow?
LUKE
Ill wake Noomi.

195.
LORELAI
Leave her too. Rory can watch her.
This is just you and me, baby.
LUKE
(opening the front door)
Lets go!
Lets go!

LORELAI

They both march out the front door and close it behind them.
Sleepy Rory wanders back in from the kitchen holding two mugs
of coffee. She looks around the empty room.
Hello?

RORY

EXT. LORELAIS HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS

Luke and Lorelai walk with determination to Lorelais Jeep.
They climb in. The car wont start. They get out and walk to
Lukes truck. They climb in. It wont start. They climb out.
LORELAI
How are both our batteries dead?
BABETTE (O.S.)
(calling over)
Gypsy came over late last night and
removed your batteries.
Babette sits out on her porch with Morey.
BABETTE (CONTD)
We all figured you two were going
to run.
How?

LUKE

BABETTE
Please. Lorelai ditched out on her
first wedding. You divorced your
wife within a few months. You both
then ditched out on your own
wedding then Lorelai married
Christopher and divorced him within
a few months. You both have the
worst track records on marriage.
Everyone knew youd try to run at
some point.
(MORE)

196.
BABETTE (CONT'D)
Theres a pool going to see when
you actually succeed at calling off
the wedding. No one actually bet
that youd go through with it. I
bet on five minutes before the
ceremony starts. If you make it
that long before cracking, Morey
and I make a lot of money.
Luke pops open the hood of his truck.
LORELAI
This is insane, Babette! You cant
keep us here!
BABETTE
No, we probably cant. But we can
slow you down.
LUKE
Its true. They stole the battery.
They stole the battery out of my
truck!
RORY (O.S.)
Whats going on?
Rory has come outside with Noomi in tow.
NOOMI
Whats all the yelling about?
LORELAI
Follow us, girls.
Lorelai starts marching off towards the town square. Luke
walks beside her. The girls run to catch up.
RORY
Where are we going?
LORELAI
Were going to break up with the
town!
EXT. TOWN SQUARE -- DAY
The town square is being set up for Luke and Lorelais
wedding. The Townsfolk are busy at work setting up chairs and
hanging twinkle lights.

197.
Lorelai walks right through the thick of it with Luke, Rory,
and Roomi in tow. All eyes turn to them as they pass. Taylor
has a megaphone and is directing the set up.
TAYLOR
(into the megaphone)
I am not convinced that these
bushes have been properly cleaned
since The Hungry Games. Im still
catching just a whiff of vomit
smell off of them.
Lorelai snatches his megaphone out of his hands climbs up to
the center of the gazebo.
LORELAI
(into the megaphone)
Attention Town of Stars Hollow!
Luke, Rory, and Noomi climb up and stand behind Lorelai in
support.
LORELAI (CONTD)
You can go ahead and pack up all
this stuff because a wedding will
not be happening today.
MISS PATTY
Oh, so your cancelling.
(checking her watch)
Who had four hours before the
ceremony?
Me!

LULU

LORELAI
Yes, were cancelling, but not just
that were moving. Say goodbye to
the Gilmores and the Danes because
were not going to be your
Kardashians and Jenners anymore!
TAYLOR
Lorelai, youre being dramatic.
LORELAI
(turning the megaphone on
Taylor)
Am I, Taylor? Im the dramatic one?
(MORE)

198.
LORELAI (CONT'D)
The guy who bullied us all into
impeaching Jackson because he
couldnt stand not being Town
Selectman is telling me Im
dramatic?
Taylor looks embarrassed.
LORELAI (CONTD)
I have loved this town. I have bled
for this town, but I have to say I
am bled out. And I have to say that
the straw that broke the camels
back is not this forced wedding.
No, its how youre all treating my
daughter.
(grabbing Rorys arm and
pulling her forward.)
Rory almost never visits and
instead of just being happy to see
her you all have to make her
uncomfortable with your stupid tshirts placing your votes for which
of her exes she should go back to?
Grow up! Were done with your tshirts and your bets and your
ribbons, Taylor! Were going to
find a nice town where no one knows
who we are and we can live out our
days in peace! Luke, do you have
anything else to add?
LUKE
None of you tip enough! None of
you! Except for you, Father, youre
always very generous.
FARTHER RICHARD nods his approval to Luke.
Lorelai leads Luke, Rory, and Noomi out of the gazebo and
through the square.
Kirk attempts to start a slow clap, but it doesnt catch on.
Jess has been watching outside of Lukes unnoticed. He looks
pleased.
INT. LORELAI'S HOUSE/LIVING ROOM - DAY
Luke, Noomi, and Rory file inside, but with less energy than
they displayed before. Lorelai walks in last, still full of
fire.

199.
Luke, Noomi and Rory collapse on the couch. Lorelai walks out
of the room. She returns a second later carrying a thick
atlas. She drops it on the coffee table.
LORELAI
Start picking out new towns for us
to live in. Ill make coffee.
LUKE
Lorelai, were not serious about
moving are we?
LORELAI
Why not? The Inn is failing and Im
tired, Luke. Im tired.
Noomi looks upset. Rory hugs her. Lorelai leaves to go to the
kitchen.
INT. LORELAI'S HOUSE/KITCHEN -- CONTINUOUS
Lorelai marches into the kitchen. Emily sits at the table.
EMILY
Hello, Lorelai.
Lorelai jumps, startled.
LORELAI
Mom, what are you doing here?
EMILY
I came to help you get ready, but
you werent home.
LORELAI
Sorry. Still not used to you
popping in.
Lorelai moves to the coffee maker. She starts to angrily make
coffee.
EMILY
I texted you, but you never check
your phone. Did I hear correctly?
Are you planning on moving towns?
LORELAI
Ive got the wanderlust.
EMILY
Am I to take it by your attitude
that the wedding is off?

200.
LORELAI
Yeah, mom, the wedding is off. Im
disappointing you again.
EMILY
Im not disappointed, Lorelai. Its
your decision to get married.
Getting married isnt so common
anymore. As long as you and Luke
love each other, you can live
however you want.
Lorelai sits down at the table, surprised, but suspicious.
LORELAI
Who are you?
EMILY
Im your mother, Lorelai and
believe it or not Im capable or
changing my opinions on things as
time passes. I know that upsets you
because you like to cast me in your
head as the tyrant mother from your
youth and I dont always fit the
bill anymore. If it makes you feel
better, pretend my acceptance of
your cancelling of the wedding is
because it fits into some master
scheme of mine to break you and
Luke up.
Lorelai drops her face down onto the table.
EMILY (CONTD)
Dont do that, Lorelai, youre
giving yourself wrinkles.
LORELAI
I just cant do this, mom. I cant
get married on command. Ive never
been good at doing what others tell
me to do, even if its the same
thing I already want to do. In
fifth grade I was dying to take
Equestrian lessons, but when you
suggested it before I could ask -EMILY
(taking over the story)
You threw a fit and suggested I
should e-quest-trian where my head
was at when I came up with that
dumb idea. I remember.

201.
LORELAI
But what you never knew was I
wanted those riding lessons. I just
couldnt do it.
EMILY
To make me happy.
LORELAI
Maybe. I dont know if that was
exactly my motivation.
EMILY
And you wont get married to please
the town?
LORELAI
Why should I? Because theyre
bored? Get a Netflix subscription!
EMILY
You know, I dont see it that way.
They love you.
LORELAI
Yeah, love to mess with me.
EMILY
No, love you because youre family
to them. Luke, too. They love you
both and I dont think they want
you to get married because theyre
concerned youll break up if you
dont. I think they just really
want the chance to celebrate your
love with you.
LORELAI
I never thought of it like that.
EMILY
You inspired that love, Lorelai.
And youre lucky for that because
even if Lukes goes first
(starting to tear up)
Even if you end up alone, youll
still have a giant extended family
and youll never be lonely.
LORELAI
(taking Emilys hand)
Oh mom. Youre not alone. You have
me.

202.
EMILY
Do I? Because sometimes I feel like
you and I keep fighting the same
battles over and over again and I
dont know how to break out of the
cycle.
LORELAI
Thats my fault, mom. I get a lot
of entertainment out of butting
heads with you, but I dont do it
to hurt you. God, mom, youre so
strong. I always knew I could
disappoint you, but I never knew I
could hurt you.
Now theyre both crying as Lorelai hugs Emily.
EMILY
Im human, Lorelai. I love you and
whether you realize it or not, I
care more about what you think of
me than anyone else.
LORELAI
Well, not more than yourself, but
Im still touched.
Emily swats Lorelai and scoffs.
LORELAI (CONTD)
Mom, will you walk me down the
aisle?
EMILY
What? Today?
LORELAI
Yes, because the truth is I want to
marry Luke and I want the whole
town to be there and I want you to
walk me down the aisle.
EMILY
Of course
(wiping her eyes)
But you couldve given me more
notice. I wouldve chosen an outfit
that compliments your dress and
dont even get me started on my
hair.
LORELAI
Annnnd were back.

203.
EMILY
Go tell Luke.
LORELAI
If he even actually wants to get
married.
EMILY
Lorelai, that man has wanted to
marry you since you met. Go remind
him of that fact.
Lorelai gets up.
INT. LORELAI'S HOUSE/LIVING ROOM -- CONTINUOUS
Lorelai walks back into the living room. Noomi sits on Lukes
lap looking at the open Atlas. Rory sits by them.
NOOMI
(noticing Lorelai)
Mom, were looking at towns in
Alaska!
LORELAI
Cool! Ill notify Sarah Palin.
Lets put that away for now. We
have a wedding to get dressed for.
LUKE
Thats it? You just decided were
going through with it? I dont even
get a say.
Luke helps Noomi up and stands up himself.
LORELAI
Luke, I promise you, as my husband
you will have an equal say in every
decision we make for the rest of
our lives. But in order to become
my husband, you have to marry me
today so go put on that suit that
you hate and meet me at the end of
the alter in the town square.
Luke looks at Rory for help.
RORY
Dont look at me. Shes your
fiancee.
Luke melts a bit. He walks up to Lorelai and kisses her.

204.
LUKE
At some point in the future you
will explain to me why were
changing our minds again?
LORELAI
I promise. Now lets go, people! We
lost a lot of time. Oh, Rory, call
Taylor and tell him the wedding is
back on.
On it!

RORY

The four of them head off in different directions inside the

house.
EXT. TOWN SQUARE -- DAY
The square is all set up for the wedding and it absolutely
dazzles. Townsfolk are finding seats. Luke and Jess are
already waiting at the front. With them is April dressed in a
suit as the co-best man. Luke is beaming talking to her.
INT. MISS PATTYS -- CONTINUOUS
Liz, Sookie, and Rory help with the last minute touches on
Lorelais dress. She looks stunning.
Taylor walks in, covering his eyes.
TAYLOR
How are we doing, ladies? Decent?
LORELAI
Yes, Taylor. Uncover.
Taylor uncovers his eyes and gasps as he takes in Lorelai.
Rory and Liz wander away.
TAYLOR
Lorelai, you look stunning. Ive
always felt that if I had a
daughter -LORELAI
(interrupting)
Can it with the sentiment, Taylor!
Somethings been itching at me for
awhile and its time I got to the
bottom of it.

205.
TAYLOR
(acting guilty)
Whatever do you mean?
LORELAI
This wedding. Your insistence on it
happening so soon. Your souped up
town event that you live streamed
on Facebook. Put those together
with the all time worst tourist
slump the town has ever gone
through and it starts to paint a
picture. A picture of a man, an
ugly bossy man who would do
anything to save his town from
economic collapse even exploit its
citizens. Or should I say, former
citizen?
TAYLOR
Alright! I pushed for you to have
the wedding at the beginning of
tourist season so that Rory would
come home and use her celebrity
presence on twitter to drum up some
tourism.
LORELAI
(gasping)
Taylor! How could you?
TAYLOR
I did it for the town! For all of
us! Your Inn is sitting half empty
year round. Rory is semi-famous,
she can attract people here. Its
already working! The hashtag Stars
Hollow Problems is already trending
on twitter.
LORELAI
Ugh. You make me sick. Get out.
TAYLOR
Lorelai, wait. I was wondering if
you need someone to walk you down
the aisle because Id be willing -LORELAI
(interrupting)
My mother is walking me down the
aisle.

206.
TAYLOR
The mother you hate?
LORELAI
Get out of here, Taylor.
TAYLOR
Oh well. I offered.
Taylor leaves.
RORY
Little harsh.
LORELAI
Yeah, well, he was using you. Now
wash that man out or our hair and
lets go get me married.
Lorelai spins and walks right into PARIS.
Ah Paris!

LORELAI (CONTD)

Lorelai attempts to catch her breath.

Paris!

RORY

Rory runs and hugs Paris hello. Paris then hugs Lorelai who
is awkward about it.
PARIS
Hi Lorelai, I wanted to see you
before the wedding so you could be
assured I arrived safely for the
wedding. Although I didnt receive
a formal invitation.
LORELAI
Oh well, it was last minute so
were informal here. Showing up
uninvited is just fine.
Doyle and
came even
going out
since the

PARIS
I wouldnt miss it. We
though I haven't been
in public lately ever
incident.

LORELAI
You mean when you held a Ted Talk
and ended up verbally assaulting
that mentally ill audience member?

207.
PARIS
Hey, he was a heckler! A mentally
sound heckler. I didnt verbally
assault anyone, I heckled back in
self-defense. And dont believe
that convoluted story the press
keeps spinning about how he had
Turrets. Im a doctor and I get to
decide who has Turrets and that guy
did not have Turrets!
RORY
Okay. We believe you. So do you
wanna go find your seat? Were
about to walk down the aisle.
PARIS
Oh I see. I suppose well catch up
during the reception. Is it
assigned seating or can we sit
together?
RORY
Well sit together, Paris.
PARIS
All the best, Lorelai. Youve
always been like a mother to me.
On that note, Paris leaves.
Whoa.
Yeah.

LORELAI
RORY

LORELAI
Im like a mother to her? Who knew?
EXT. TOWN SQUARE - DAY
All the guests are in their seats. The wedding march begins.
Liz walks down the aisle first followed by Sookie. Rory is
next followed by Noomi. After that, come Sookie and Jacksons
Kids, Martha, Davy and the three others. Dressed in matching
dresses and suits. Jackson counts them as he sends them off.
JACKSON
(under his breath)
...Four, five...six, seven?

208.
Two extras are behind them, Girl Kirk and Boy Kirk. Lulu is
waving them along into the wedding party. When Jackson looks
at her questionably, she acts innocent.
Rory reaches the front. Jesss eyes are on her. He looks at
her like shes everything. She returns his look with a mix of
longing and worry.
The music fades out. The Townsfolk stand for Lorelai. Emily
takes Lorelais arm The song NOTHING BUT A HEARTBREAK by THE
FLIRTATIONS starts to play. Lorelai makes her way down the
aisle to this totally inappropriate song that is completely
her. Emily is trying to keep a straight face, but she wants
to laugh at Lorelais over the top strutting. When Lorelai
reaches the end of the aisle, shes giddy. Emily hugs Lorelai
and takes a seat up front. Lorelai kisses Luke then turns to
her guest.
LORELAI
We did it! It took awhile but we
made it here!
The Townsfolk clap. Kirk, who is acting as Officiant, clears
his throat. Lorelai takes this as her cue to settle down.
KIRK
Dearly beloved, we are gathered
here today to celebrate the love
between Lorelai and Luke, who some
may refer to as our towns
Kardashian and Jenner.
LORELAI
I think you mean Kim and Kanye.
Lorelai giggles. Luke smiles at her like shes everything and
more. Sookie starts crying and lets out a gasp.
SOOKIE
Im sorry. I promised myself Id
keep it under control. Im good.
Im good. Go on, Kirk.
KIRK
I had a long speech planned along
with special vows, but I left it in
my other pants.
LORELAI
Classic Kirk.

209.
KIRK
So Ill skip to the good stuff.
Luke, do you take Lorelai as your
wife?
I do.

LUKE

KIRK
Lorelai, do you take Luke as your
husband?
Lorelai bites her lip and tilts like shes actually thinking
about this. Rory kicks in her in the ankle.
LORELAI
Ouch! I mean, I do. I do-ly do.
KIRK
Then by the power vested in me by
an officiating license website Ive
already forgotten the name of, I
now pronounce you husband and wife.
Lorelai throws her arms around Luke. They kiss.
The townsfolk jump to their feet and clap. Miss Patty and
Babette are crying. Gypsy and Jackson are crying. Lulu is
crying. Taylor is crying.
Kirk is stone faced as always.
Rory hugs her mom, beginning to cry herself.
LORELAI
Keep it together, Gilmore.
RORY
You keep it together, Danes.
LORELAI
Oh please. Lukes a Gilmore now.
Im never changing.
EXT. THE DRAGONFLY INN -- NIGHT
Out back the reception is starting. Tables are set up for
eating. Theres a dance floor. The whole place is covered in
fairy lights.
Jess is off to the side, talking on the phone. Rory walks by
just as hes hanging up.

210.
JESS
Hey, I wanted to talk to you.
RORY
(stopping to talk to him)
Who was that on the phone?
Nobody?

JESS

RORY
Nobody? You like to mime talking on
the phone? I mean who even makes
phone calls anymore? Send a text
message.
JESS
I mean nobody important.
RORY
Was it your girlfriend?
What?

JESS

RORY
Do you have a girlfriend?
JESS
Rory, where is this coming from?
RORY
Thats not a no.
Im lost.

JESS

RORY
And he still doesnt answer the
question! Who is Kim?
Kim?

JESS

RORY
You might as well come clean with
me, Jess. I know you. I know you
better than anyone and I know when
youre keeping something from me so
just fess up and tell me who you
were speaking to.

211.
JESS
(a beat)
Never mind.
Jess walks away.
RORY
Oh real mature!
Paris walks up.
PARIS
Was that Jess? He still looks good.
RORY
Yeah, and hes still a jerk.
PARIS
Really? I always liked Jess. Hes
one of the few people I feel
comfortable talking to.
RORY
Well, go talk to him then.
Okay.

PARIS

Paris walks off after Jess. Logan walks up.

LOGAN
Is this bad timing to make my
entrance?
RORY
Logan, I didnt know you were
coming.
LOGAN
Your grandma invited me to the
reception. Is that weird? Should I
go?
RORY
No, stay. Lets just put this whole
long week behind us and celebrate
my mom and Luke finally tying the
knot. Can you do that?
LOGAN
Thats exactly what I came here to
do. Lets get you a drink, Ace. Im
getting the sense that you need it.

212.
EXT. THE DRAGONFLY INN -- NIGHT
The Townsfolk sit at tables eating. Luke and Lorelai sit
together at a head table. Emily stands up and taps a glass
with a knife to draw attention. They shush up.
EMILY
Good evening everyone. For those
who dont know me, Im Emily
Gilmore, Lorelais mother.
Michel claps enthusiastically. No one else joins in. He
stops.
EMILY (CONTD)
You may know that I have a
reputation for being very critical
of my daughter. So it should mean
all the more when I do praise her
which I am planning to do. Lorelai,
you are an inspiration to me. I am
a creature of my upbringing and I
am very stubborn in my ways and my
thinking, but you challenge me oh, you challenge me - and you
force me to grow and even though I
dont show gratitude for that, I am
better off, thanks to you. You have
raised and are raising the most
intelligent and creative and funny
granddaughters a grandmother could
wish to have and I see so much of
you in them it makes me wonder if
theres something of me in you that
others can see because I would love
to take credit for the wonderful
woman you are. And to you, Luke,
when Richard passed last year, he
went fairly quickly, but in the
time leading up to the end he spoke
of you often and fondly. Richard
was not the type of man to let his
feelings known. He was a Gilmore
and we are known for playing our
cards close to the chest. But he
did tell me that he felt pleased to
have you as a son-in-law and
honored to feel like a father to
you. He is here with us in spirit
tonight and always in our hearts.
LUKE
(raising his beer)
To Richard.

213.
TOWNSFOLK
To Richard!
Everyone drinks to the cheers.
EMILY
And to Lorelai and Luke.
TOWNSFOLK
Lorelai and Luke!
They drink again. Emily sits down. Beside her, Rory stands
up.
RORY
Hello everyone. Wow. I dont think
I can top that, Grandma. You have a
real gift for speaking. I think
thats the bit of you thats in
mom.
The Townsfolk laugh.
RORY (CONTD)
I feel like I could write a novel
about what I feel for my mom and
Luke. They are my heroes, my rocks,
my source of a laundry machine when
I come home to visit.
(pause for laughs)
But what Ill say today is that you
two taught me what love is.
(a beat)
Im not sure how to apply that to
my real life yet.
(pause for laughs)
But Im thrilled to know that I
will have the rest of my life to
watch you and learn. Sorry no, the
rest of your lives.
(pause for laughs)
To my mom and Luke.
TOWNSFOLK
To Lorelai and Luke!
Rory sits down. The TINKLING of glass is heard as Logan
stands up beside her.
LOGAN
Hello everyone. My name is Logan
Huntzberger. Im an old friend of
Rorys. Most of you know me from my
t-shirt.

214.
BABETTE
Go Team Logan!
LOGAN
Thank you. If you fine folks would
let me have the floor for a moment
theres something Id like to do.
Logan bends down and drops to one knee. Rory looks at him
with surprise. At another table Jess shoots up with alarm.
JESS
Rory, wait! Dont say yes to him! I
love you!
The Townsfolk gasp. Rory is speechless. Logan stands back up,
holding an envelope.
LOGAN
Okay, well, I was just bending to
pick up my gift which I was going
to present to Luke and Lorelai, but
if youre going to play it that
way.
(turning to Rory)
Rory, I also love you. So there it
is.
Rory stands up. She looks back and forth between Jess and
Logan.
Oh my god.

RORY

Rory takes off at a run. Lorelai stands up.

Rory!

LORELAI

Paris gets up from her seat.

PARIS
Dont worry. Ill go after her.
Paris takes off after Rory. DOYLE looks around awkwardly.
LORELAI
(to Jess and Logan)
You two! With me!
Lorelai stalks off towards the Inn. Logan and Jess follow.
ANDREW (O.S.)
Boo! Team Dean!

215.
MISS PATTY
Andrew, youre the worst!
EXT. THE DRAGONFLY INN/POND -- NIGHT
Rory sits by the pond, sniffing back tears. She dials her
phone, puts it to her ear then sets it back down.
PARIS
Hey, I thought you could use a
friend.
RORY
Oh hey. Sorry. I was trying to call
Lane, but shes not picking up
today.
PARIS
Sorry Im not your actual best
friend.
RORY
Oh, but Paris -PARIS
(interrupting)
Its okay. You wanna talk about it?
Rory nods.
INT. DRAGONFLY INN/LOBBY -- NIGHT
Lorelai leads Jess and Logan into the lobby.
Sit.

LORELAI

They sit. Lorelai remains standing.

LORELAI (CONTD)
What is wrong with you two?
LOGAN
He started it!

JESS
I thought he was proposing!

LORELAI (CONTD)
Hey! That was rhetorical! Im
talking. Im going to tell you what
is wrong with you.
(MORE)

216.
LORELAI (CONTD)
Whats wrong is you both keep
making these grand romantic
gestures in front of large groups
of people without learning from
past experience that Rory hates
being put on the spot! So are you
two idiots? Or do you care more
about making a scene than
expressing how you feel to Rory?
JESS
Sorry, Lorelai.
LORELAI
I am not done talking and my god,
that apology needs to be directed
at Rory, not me. You humiliated
her! Two men that claim they love
her, humiliated her. That is
unacceptable! I need you both to
know one thing going forward. I am
not routing for either of you. I am
not Team Jess and I am not Team
Logan. I am Team Rory. Always have
been and always will be because
that woman is everything already
all by herself. She doesnt need a
boyfriend or a fiance. She needs
her independence. And please dont
mistake this as me giving you
advice on how to win her over
because thats not happening. Not
at my wedding. When shes ready to
hear you out. You will say sorry.
Then you will eat a piece of cake,
dance a bit, and go back to your
beds to think about what you have
done. Are we clear?
JESS
Yes, Lorelai.
LOGAN
Yes, Lorelai.
LORELAI
Good.
(to Logan)
Now what was my gift?
EXT. THE DRAGONFLY INN/POND -- NIGHT
Paris has her arm around Rorys shoulders.

217.
RORY
Now I just dont know what to do.
Logan approaches. Rory and Paris look up. Paris looks
defensive.
LOGAN
Sorry. If you dont want me here,
Ill leave.
Its okay.

RORY

PARIS
Do you want me to stay?
RORY
No, go dance with Doyle. But thanks
for being here when I needed you.
PARIS
Dont mention it.
Paris walks away. Logan sits down beside Rory.
LOGAN
Jess and I drew straws to decide
who would apologize to you first.
Okay.

RORY

LOGAN
Im truly sorry for a lot of
things, Rory. Im sorry for this
whole week. I had no business
coming here and inserting myself in
you life. Not while your mom is
getting married.
RORY
The thing is, Logan, I like having
you around.
LOGAN
I can tell you do, Ace, which isnt
the best thing because it
encourages me to go too far. Give
me and inch and Ill take a mile.
And maybe if Jess hadnt been here
too I couldve settled for that
inch, but him being here pushed me
further. I know you have feelings
for the guy.
(MORE)

218.
LOGAN (CONT'D)
I know you had them when we were
together.
(stopping Rory from
disagreeing)
Its okay. You loved me. I knew
that. But you carried a bit of a
torch for Jess for whatever reason.
That made me jealous because my
hand to god, I cannot tell if you
carry a torch for me now.
RORY
I did. For the longest time, Logan,
I did.
But now?

LOGAN

Rory shrugs.
RORY
I cant seem to think straight this
week.
LOGAN
Then let me put it this way. Do you
ever wonder?
RORY
I wonder about a lot of things:
String Theory, the purpose of
existence, how Trump ever got
Elected.
LOGAN
All excellent ponderings and at
least one unanswerable, but
actually I meant if you ever
wondered about us. About what
wouldve happened if youd said yes
to my proposal or if I hadnt given
you that ultimatum and we couldve
just kept dating? Do you wonder
what wouldve happened?
RORY
I dont know. I guess so much has
happened in my life since then. I
wouldnt have gotten my job
covering Obamas run for
nomination. Then I wouldnt gotten
a job covering his campaign for
Presidency.
(MORE)

219.
RORY (CONT'D)
Then that led to my correspondence
work. My life would be completely
different.
Logan gives Rory a tap on the knee then stands up.
RORY (CONTD)
What? Where are you going?
LOGAN
I did wonder, Ace. I wondered a lot
about what we couldve been. But
mostly I wondered if you ever
wondered. And now I have my answer.
You didnt.
Logan...

RORY

LOGAN
Im okay. I think Im going grab a
drink though. I promise Ill say
goodbye before I head back to New
York.
RORY
Logan
(searching)
You still meant so much to me. Even
if I didnt wonder. Even if I moved
on. I loved you so much.
LOGAN
I know, Ace.
Logan turns and walks away. Jess waits at the top of the
hill. Logan nudges him on the way past.
LOGAN (CONTD)
Shes all yours. Figuratively of
course.
Jess walks up to Rory. He sits. Theyre quiet for a long
time.
RORY
You promised you would yell out I
love you.
JESS
I promised I wouldnt do that in
the town square. Technically I
didnt break my promise.

220.
RORY
I don't need to choose between the
two of you. I don't need to choose
anyone.
JESS
I know that. Your mom really
drilled that into me. And I'm sorry
for back there .I completely
panicked for no reason. I do
respect that you don't need me
(a beat)
And your mom is going to kill me
for saying this, but I've also
spent the past decade of my life
respecting that and all it's done
is kept you out of my life.
Rory stays silent. She keeps looking out at the water.
JESS (CONTD)
I can't pretend there isn't
something here. I can't pretend
that the feeling I had when we
first met, that we're meant for
each other, has lessened one bit. I
know there's no such thing as meant
to be. I know it. But I can't help
how I feel for you, Rory. Whether
you decide you want to be with me
or not. It's how I feel.
Jess gets up and walks away.
EXT. THE DRAGONFLY INN -- NIGHT
Kirk is inside the DJ booth. The Townsfolk are on the dance
floor, but no music is playing yet.
KIRK
Are you guys ready to move?
A collective CHEER rings out.
KIRK (CONTD)
I said, are you guys ready to move?
BABETTE
Yes, Kirk, we said yes.
Kirk fiddles with the switches.

221.

Hold on.

KIRK

MISS PATTY
Enough dramatic effect, Kirk. Lets
go!
KIRK
Just wait. Technical difficulties.
A collective SIGH of disappointment rings out.
BABETTE
But we were gonna do Gangnam Style!
KIRK
Okay, I know whats wrong. Its
completely broken. Im sorry folks.
No!

LULU

MISS PATTY
This is a disaster.
Jess walks up.
JESS
Maybe we can make the best of it.
Anyone know how to play an
instrument?
I do!

LANE (O.S.)

Up on the hill near the road stands Lane in all her punk rock
glory. The rest of Hep Alien - ZACK, BRIAN, and GIL - stand
behind her.
LANE (CONTD)
We all do actually.
Lane!

RORY (O.S.)

Rory comes running up and tackles Lane inside a hug.

Rory!

LANE

RORY
What are you doing here? I thought
you had a stadium gig in New Haven
tonight?

222.
LANE
Well actually...
HONKING is heard from the road. Party buses, a whole fleet of
them pull up.
LANE (CONTD)
We brought the concert to you.
Lorelai comes running up and hugs Lane.
LORELAI
Lane! What is this madness you
bring?
LANE
I was just telling Rory that we
pulled a little venue switch-a-roo
and were going to be playing our
show here tonight. And we brought
all our New Haven fans with us.
LORELAI
What? Shut up!
The party buses start unloading CONCERT GOERS.
Taylor runs towards them, giddy.
TAYLOR
Tourists! We have tourists! Rory,
did it!
LORELAI
Well, Lane did it. Honestly I dont
know why Taylor never thought of
exploiting Hep Aliens fame.
RORY
Im so excited. I cant believe you
pulled this off.
LANE
Please, I didnt do anything. It
was mostly my mom and Jess.
Jess?

RORY

LANE
Yeah, him and my mom have been
plotting the thing all week.

223.
RORY
But since when are Jess and Mrs.
Kim on speaking terms?
LANE
Since Jess stared coming to our
shows.
RORY
Wait. Jess is a Hep Head? But he
doesnt like mainstream music.
LANE
Mainstream? You make us sound like
sellouts.
Zack comes barrelling up to Lane and grabs her by the
shoulders.
ZACK
Come on! Lets get set up so we can
rock! Hey Rory. Hey Lorelai.
Zack.

LORELAI

Zack ushers Lane away.

RORY
Jess helped do this.
LORELAI
Hey, I need help processing this as
well.
EXT. THE DRAGONFLY INN -- NIGHT
Rory finds Jess off in the shadows away from the bustle of
the band setting up and the Concert Goers spreading out to
watch.
JESS
Ah. You found me. I kinda wanted to
stay aloof after my double down
love confession.
RORY
You brought Lanes band here?
JESS
Technically the party buses did.
Remind me to thank Logan for that
hook up by the way.

224.
RORY
Why didnt you just tell me that
Mrs. Kim was the Kim you were
talking to?
JESS
Because it would have ruined the
surprise.
RORY
So you really dont have a secret
girlfriend.
JESS
What kind of jerk would I have to
be to spend all week macking on you
when I have a girlfriend? I mean, I
know I am a jerk just not that kind
of jerk.
RORY
Youre not a jerk.
Rory cant help herself. She hugs him. Jess seems surprised.
JESS
I am kind of a jerk though.
Shush. No.

RORY

JESS
Um. So. Do you wanna go dance?
Rory pulls back.
RORY
Oh, I almost forgot. Your favorite
band is playing.
They begin walking towards where the band is setting up.
JESS
Shut up. Theyre not my favorite.
(then)
One of my favorites.
RORY
Do you know every word to every
song? Are you going to sing along?
Rory takes Jesss hand.

225.
JESS
Only in my heart.
RORY
Mouth the words?
JESS
Rory, Im a hipster. I cant be
seen enjoying things. It ruins the
mystique.
They continue walking hand in hand towards the area of ground
working as a stage. Behind her drums, Lane speaks into her
mic.
LANE
Hello Stars Hollow, are you ready
to rock?
The crowd CHEERS.
LANE (CONTD)
One two three four!
The band launches into PLAYING.
Babette and Miss Patty sway to the music. Miss Patty spots
Jess and Rory holding hands and nudges Babette to look too.
BABETTE
You know, Jess isnt so bad when
you think about it. Hes grown up a
lot. Hes not a punk teenager
anymore stealing helpless gnomes
and pranking Taylor.
MISS PATTY
And hes always been handsome. That
jaw line! Like a young Leonardo
DiCaprio.
BABETTE
I kinda like Jess for Rory and he
certainly likes her.
MISS PATTY
When he stood up and declared his
love for her
(clutching her chest)
I got chills.
BABETTE
I got goose bumps!

226.
RORY
(to Jess)
Are you listening to this?
JESS
Yeah, one hand hold from you and my
stock just rose. Youre like an
endorsement from Beyonce. You can
make anything cool.
BABETTE
(to Miss Patty)
Hey, who is April dancing with?
She points off screen. Miss Patty looks and ohs.
RORY
And the news cycle just changed.
Michel and Emily find Lorelai and Luke on the edge of the
crowd. Sookie dances next to Lorelai.
EMILY
May we have your attention for a
second?
MICHEL
(putting his arm around
Emilys back)
We have a surprise for you.
Sookie shrieks. Lorelai goes pale.
LORELAI
Its happening.
LUKE
Whats happening?
LORELAI
I dont think Im ready to hear
this.
EMILY
(annoyed and confused)
Why not?
LORELAI
Lets just continue to keep it hushhush.
LUKE
Keep what hush-hush?

227.
SOOKIE
(pointing at Emily and
Michel as she blurts out)
Theyre dating! Theyre dating each
other!
EMILY
Are you out of your mind?

MICHEL
(dropping his arm what
was around Emily)
What?

SOOKIE (CONTD)
Arent you?
LORELAI
Because Michel keeps hinting that
hes dating an older sugar mama.
EMILY
Older sugar mama?
Im lost.

LUKE

LORELAI
And we saw you two trying to sneak
off together at the bachelorette.
EMILY
We were sneaking off together so
we could plan your special wedding
gift.
LORELAI
Gift? What gift? Me want gift.
EMILY
You think Im feeling generous
right now after what you just
accused me of? Lorelai, do you
think Id start dating someone so
soon after your father?
LORELAI
No, which is why it was shocking.
Anyway Im sorry. Can I have my
present now? Can I? Can I?
MICHEL
Well, we got together and we
planned you an all expenses paid
honeymoon!
Lorelai gasps.

228.
MICHEL (CONTD)
To Dollywood.
Oh?

LORELAI

MICHEL
Its perfect because its one of
those kitschy places that no one in
their right mind would go to, but
you love.
LORELAI
(disappointed)
Thank you.
EMILY
Just kidding! We actually planned
you a trip to Graceland.
LORELAI
(over the moon)
What? Were going to Graceland?
Thats amazing!
Lorelai hugs Emily.
EMILY
For the life of me I dont know
what the difference is between two
places, but it seems Michel was
right. You love it.
Lorelai hugs Michel.
LORELAI
Thank you, Michel.
MICHEL
Your welcome. I must confess I was
trying very hard to outdo whatever
Tristan got you.
LORELAI
He got me one of those impossible
to find gold Apple Watches.
MICHEL
(furious)
What?
LORELAI
But yours is so much more
thoughtful.
(MORE)

229.
LORELAI (CONT'D)
(quietly)
Though his is more expensive.
MICHEL
Where is he?
Michel stalks off. Lorelai runs after him.
Michel!

LORELAI

LUKE
(to Emily)
Thank you for the Honeymoon.
EMILY
You hate it.
Well...

LUKE

EMILY
I dont blame you. Graceland? Its
ridiculous. But Luke, try to enjoy
yourself there. Sometimes it can be
fun just watching her enjoy
herself.
Emily looks towards Lorelai who is trying to pull Michel back
from attacking Tristan.
Jess watches the band. Rory watches Jess.
JESS
What are you doing?
RORY
Trying to see how much youre
loving this.
JESS
(squeezing Rorys hand)
A lot, okay?
Madeline and Louise push there way towards the front of the
show. They bump right into Jess and Rory.
MADELINE
Excuse us. VIPs coming through.
RORY
Madeline? Louise?

230.
LOUISE
Oh my God, Rory!
RORY
What are you guys doing at my moms
wedding?
LOUISE
Wedding? Were here for the Hep
show.
RORY
Its my moms wedding. Stars Hollow
is where Im from, remember?
MADELINE
(to Louise)
See. I told you I recognized this
place.
LOUISE
(eyeing Jess)
Whos this? Have we met?
JESS
Long time ago.
RORY
This is Jess.
LOUISE
I like Jess.
RORY
Paris is here too. You should say
hi.
MADELINE
Paris is here?
LOUISE
As in Ted Talk Freak-out Paris?
RORY
(waving)
There she is.
Were out.

MADELINE

Madeline and Louise leave.

Doyle and Paris approach. Doyle holds one of the selfie
sticks with his phone attached to it.

231.
PARIS
Thank god they left and its safe
to come over. Come on. Lets the
four of us do a selfie. Thats
something I do now.
They arrange themselves so the band can be seen in the
background.
PARIS (CONTD)
You can tweet it after, Rory.
Honestly, I need to the positive
publicity after the Heckler
Incident.
JESS
I heard about that. Didnt Ted Talk
ban you for life?
PARIS
Shut up and smile, Jess.
Michel holds an ice pack over his eye. Lorelai stands with
him.
MICHEL
I cant believe he hit me.
LORELAI
You did provoke him, Michel.
Sookie approaches.
SOOKIE
Im dying to know. If youre not
dating Emily, who are you dating?
MICHEL
She is an older woman of fame who
wishes to keep our love on the down
low. All I can tell you is my
heart will go on with her forever.
SOOKIE
(snorting)
You are not dating Celine Dion,
Michel.
MICHEL
What makes you so sure?
SOOKIE
Because youre not!

232.
MICHEL
I cant confirm anything, but I
very well could be.
Prove it!

SOOKIE

Lorelai leaves them to argue.

MICHEL
How can I prove it if Im not able
to confirm?
SOOKIE
You tell me.
MICHEL
I signed a non-disclosure contract!
SOOKIE
Likely story.
Jess, Rory, Paris, and Doyle pose for a selfie.
PARIS
For the last time, Jess, smile!
JESS
I dont smile for photos.
PARIS
Then smile like youre actually
enjoying this.
Doyle holds out the selfie stick.
DOYLE
Say cheese!
Doyle, Rory, and Paris smile. Rory tickles Jess so he LAUGHS
and looks like hes smiling. The phone CLICKS and then
theres a CRACKING sound.
JESS
(to Rory)
Cheater.
Doyle frowns at his phone.
DOYLE
Hey. The screen cracked.
Rory pulls out her own phone, chuckling.

233.
RORY
Oh man, tweeting that.
(typing)
#StarsHollowProblems.
EXT. LORELAIS HOUSE -- DAY
Rory walks slowly out of the house with a suitcase in hand.
It become clear why shes struggling and slow when she drags
out Lorelai who is holding on to her arm.
LORELAI
No! Dont go! Stay! Stay forever!
RORY
Mom, stop making this harder than
it already is.
Emily steps out of the house.
EMILY
Cut it out, Lorelai! Youre acting
like a spoiled child!
LORELAI
Yes, but who was the parent that
spoiled me? Your fault! Your fault!
You made me this way.
EMILY
Honestly...
(ignoring Lorelai and
addressing Rory)
Have a great flight, Rory. Its
been so good having you home.
Rory hugs Emily.
RORY
I loved being here.
Luke steps out.
LUKE
Have a good trip, Rory!
RORY
(mocking)
Youre not my dad! You cant tell
me what to do! Oh wait...
Rory hugs Luke.

234.
LUKE
I love you, Rory.
RORY
I love you too, step daddy.
Noomi runs out and jumps into Rorys arms.
RORY (CONTD)
Im going to miss you most.
NOOMI
And Ill miss Batman most, but you
the second most.
April comes out to hug Rory too.
RORY
Step sister.
APRIL
Step sister.
A car pulls into the driveway. Kirk is the driver.
RORY
Thatll be my Uber.
Jess gets out of the back seat.
LORELAI
Oh, by the way. Jess called and
said hes coming to say goodbye.
Rory walks down to meet Jess. Thats when she notices his
shirt. It reads, #TEAMRORY.
RORY
My mom put you up to that.
JESS
She certainly gave me the idea.
Its just my way of saying that I
want whats best for you. Even if
its not me.
RORY
I was thinking though I should get
a new apartment as a home base for
when Im in the states.

235.
JESS
You know Philly is a really nice
city. Theres an art scene,
museums...
RORY
Any other selling points?
JESS
Beyond the one thats standing in
front of you?
Jess?
Rory?

RORY
JESS

RORY
This is cheesy, but...
Rory unzips her sweater. Her t-shirt reads #TEAMJESS. Jess
looks at it like its not huge news.
JESS
So we kinda did the same thing with
the shirts here.
RORY
I said it was cheesy.
JESS
I like cheesy.
Jess wraps his arm around Rory at the same time she leans in
and kisses him.
LORELAI
Ew! Gross! Get a room!
RORY
We will! At the Dragonfly!
LORELAI
Youre going to miss your flight
then!
RORY
Then maybe Ill stay an extra day!
LORELAI
You wont stay for me, but youll
stay for him?

236.
RORY
Stop yelling at me and just be
happy!
I am!

LORELAI

LUKE
I second that.
Rory and Jess kiss again. Kirk HONKS his horn.
KIRK
Stop doing that! Dont you know
youre cousins?
INT. LUKES DINER -- DAY
Kirk sits at the counter counting a huge stack of money. Luke
watches him with suspicion.
LUKE
What is that, Kirk?
KIRK
That Luke is the profit of my tshirt sales plus the money I made
betting that youd go through with
the wedding.
LUKE
I thought no one bet that wed go
through with the wedding.
KIRK
No, they didnt and I was running
the pool so I got to keep all the
cash from the bets. And with this
money here I can payback Avon the
money I owe them, get the lean on
my house removed, and move back out
of that weird apartment of yours
that always smells like burger
grease.
LUKE
Thats good to hear, Kirk.
Can I --

KIRK

237.
LUKE
No, you cannot get a refund on the
rest of this months rent.
KIRK
Had to ask.
Kirk pockets the money and walks away from the counter just
as Lorelai walks up.
LORELAI
Whoa. Whered Kirk get all that
cash?
LUKE
Most of that is the money he made
running the pool where people were
betting wed ditch out on the
wedding. Since we went through with
it, he gets all the money.
LORELAI
Yeah, but he was the one that made
the film that convinced us to get
married. And he headed my wedding
planning committee and he
officiated.
(gasps)
Hes Keyser Soze! He Keyser Sozed
us!
LUKE
Kirk? Come on. Hes not smart
enough.
LORELAI
Thats what he wants us to think!
But he basically arranged this
whole wedding and pocketed a profit
off it.
LUKE
Come to think of it...
Lorelai holds up her coffee mug and grins with puppy dog
eyes. Luke grabs the coffee pot and pours her a cup. He only
fills it halfway.
LORELAI
What are you miming pouring coffee
for a play? I need the heavy handed
pour. Right to the brim, baby.
Luke pours Lorelais coffee right to the brim.

238.
LUKE
Need a straw?
I got it.

LORELAI

Lorelai bends down and sips from her cup while its still on
the counter.
LORELAI (CONTD)
Still the best coffee Ive ever
had. Hey, do you think my entire
attraction to you is based on this
coffee?
LUKE
Undoubtedly it is. But it doesnt
explain why I love you.
LORELAI
Stockholm Syndrome?
LUKE
Yeah, that would be it. So do you
want a burger?
LORELAI
I dont know. Will it come in a
plastic tray.
LUKE
No, it will not.
Ceasar walks by with plates of real food: burgers and piles
of fries. He serves them to Miss Patty and Babette.
LORELAI
Hey! Youre making real food again.
Was it me? Was it because I stopped
eating here?
LUKE
Naw. You still came in half a dozen
times a day for your hourly coffee
fix. No, some Hipsters came into
the restaurant asking if this was
the birth place of Fromet. Turned
me off the whole thing. Besides I
realized it was mostly Taylor I was
mad at so I narrowed my focus.
Luke nods to the corner. Taylor sits along poking at a sad
looking TV Dinner.

239.
LORELAI
Aw. Almost gives me the feels for
him.
LUKE
I wouldnt feel bad for him. The
tourists have returned to Stars
Hollow so hes happy. Well, as
happy as Taylor ever gets.
LORELAI
The Inn is fully booked through the
summer!
LUKE
Yeah, between the New York Times
piece on Sookies Fromet and the
story of Hep Alien moving their
concert to a small town to play a
friends wedding and Rorys twitter
updates that inspired Kirks latest
terrible town shirt...
Ceasar returns to the kitchen. This time we can see the tshirt hes wearing which reads, #STARSHOLLOWPROBLEMS.
LUKE (CONTD)
... Stars Hollow is back on the
map.
LORELAI
Youre hating it arent you?
LUKE
It makes me long for our trip to
Graceland.
LORELAI
And Dollywood.
LUKE
But I thought you werent
interested in Dollywood.
LORELAI
I wasnt, but then Siri told me how
close they are to each other and
now Im excited to do both.
LUKE
I guess anythings better than
serving Hipsters. They all want
Gluten Free.

240.
LORELAI
What exactly is gluten?
LUKE
Gluten is the thing that makes food
un-cool apparently.
The bell DINGS as April enters the diner.
Hey April.

LORELAI

APRIL
Lorelai. Dad.
LUKE
Hey. Can I get you some lunch?
Burger?
APRIL
Do you have gluten free buns?
Lorelai stares at Luke, willing him to react.
LUKE
(a beat)
Ill bring you one without the bun.
As Luke walks into the kitchen, he discreetly pulls down his
No Gluten Free Options sign.
APRIL
Have you heard from Rory and Jess
yet?
LORELAI
Yes, they are safely inside the
Syrian border.
APRIL
Arent you a little worried that -LORELAI
(interrupting)
No. Rory will look out for Jess.
BABETTE
Hey April, I saw you dancing with
Rick Lawson at the wedding. Pretty
cute, right? See a future there?

241.
MISS PATTY
Please. She was also dancing with
Martin Green. They had a natural
chemistry.
BABETTE
Well, which one are you going to
choose? Rick or Martin?
APRIL
(to Lorelai)
Whats happening?
LORELAI
Well, sweetie, youre the towns
new Kardashian and theyre trying
to keep up.
APRIL
Whats a Kardashian?
LORELAI
Theyre like Gilmores, but with
more money and contouring.
APRIL
Whats contouring?
LORELAI
Oh boy. Lets just say that you are
the new Gilmore It Girl and
everyone wants to know about your
love life.
APRIL
But Im not a Gilmore.
LORELAI
But your dad is so that makes you a
Gilmore by association.
Luke returns with their plates.
LUKE
Im not a Gilmore. I didnt take
your last name.
LORELAI
Not officially, but you will
forever be known as Mr. Lorelai
Gilmore at least in this town. Am I
right?

242.
BABETTE
Youre right.
MISS PATTY
Excellent burgers, Mr. Gilmore.
See?

LORELAI

Luke shakes his head. Lorelai and April dig into their food
as Luke wipes down the counter.
EXT. TOWN SQUARE -- CONTINUOUS
Crane shot leads us up out of the town.
FADE OUT.
THE END.