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Another Saturday Night.

Copyright June 2011.
Songs. I Will, Love Hurts, Sand and Water, Oh
Carol, As Usual, You were always on my mind,
There goes my heart, Bobbys Girl, It started all
over again, A forever kind of love, Big Spender,
Shut up and Kiss me, Another Saturday Night, My
eyes adored you, Youve got a friend, They cant
take that away from me, The Wanderer, You got
what it takes, December 1963, I wont send
roses, Dream Lover, Crying, Rip it up.
The Characters.
Bobby Murray. He and his wife have split up. He
works too hard and has not paid much attention to his
marriage, but he has not been unfaithful.
Mary Murray. The wife of the above. She has thrown
Bobby out and has filed for divorce. She believes he has
been unfaithful.
John Benjamin. Divorced from his wife, now single, a
joker and womaniser, or so he thinks. Fancies Barbara.

Barbara Thomas. A friend of Carol and Mary. She is

divorced. She is actively looking for another man, any
man!
Carol Wadsworth.

Divorced. A friend of Barbara and

Mary. Has a running duel with John and has had a few
lovers since her husband left but no one serious.
James Simpson. Used to live locally but moved away,
but recently returned. Carol was the love of his life.
Married for a short while but now divorced. Very well
off.
Anne Kirkham.

Recently widowed and still

devastated by her loss. She is new to the area and does

not realise it is a singles bar.
Adam Shannon. Single. A real Casanova, after
anything in a skirt. Works as a travelling salesman. No
intention of getting involved with anyone seriously.

There are several other singing and speaking parts. A

young James Simpson and a young Carol Wadsworth
(nee Jones) (each have one song), Carols Mum and
Dad, a Vicar, two mourners, a man called Martin, a
barman and a waiter. The chorus will be the other
customers in the bar and the people at the wake.
The story is set this century. The set is a bar, a singles
bar where people gather who have no partner for one
reason or another. Most of those present are past
middle age, in their fifties or sixties. They come to
listen to the music and not to be alone. Our story
concerns eight people in the bar, four men, and four
women. One woman is a widow; all the others are
divorced, separated or single. Some of them know each
other, either recently or in the past.
But our play opens in 1962 at a suburban house and at
a wake in 2011.
.

Act One.
The breaking up scene and the wake.
(Carol is dressed up ready to go out, her Mum
and Dad are in the room, Dad is sitting in an easy
chair, Mum is standing.)
Mother. Where do you think you are going young lady?
Carol. Just out with the girls from school, shant be
long.
Mother. Well it had better not be with that waste of
space from the council estate again, we told you last
week that you had to stop seeing him but Mrs.
Partridge said she saw you together on Friday night
after school, if thats true you are in real trouble young
lady.
Carol. We were only talking; he was telling me he plans
to go to college and then university when he gets his
GCEs.
Mother. College? University? More like Borstal!! No one
off that estate ever made anything of their lives; half of
them are on the dole, the other half are a bunch of
thieves.
Father. Steady on Brenda, a lot of the men on that
estate work with me at the factory.
Mother. Not with you Derek, for you, youre the
foreman not a labourer.
Carol. Well James isnt going to work at the factory;
hes going to be a high flyer in the city.

Mother. The only way he will fly high is from the end of
a rope.
Father. Now youve gone too far Brenda, enough.
(Mother sits down in a huff) But your mother does
have a point love, hes not our sort and he never will be
hell only drag you down if you continue to see him.
Why dont you find a nice lad from around here, that
Edward Wadsworth is a nice lad and I know he likes
you, his father was only saying the other day how the
lad has a crush on you.
Mother. (Excitedly) Edward Wadsworth? Charles
Wadsworth son? The one who owns Wadsworths
Engineering? Oh Carol that would be a fantastic match
for you, married to Edward you would be made for life.
Father. For Gods sake Brenda, they are only kids,
Carol is barely fifteen yet and you are marrying her off.
Mother. I was only seventeen when I married you.
Father. (Softly) But we didnt have a lot of options.
Mother. Derek!!!
Carol. Its okay mum, I knew you had to get married, I
can count.
Father. Dont be so cheeky young lady; I married your
mother because I loved her.
Carol. Im sorry daddy; I didnt mean to be
disrespectful.
Father. Apologises accepted, but mind what you say in
future. Anyway we are getting off the subject, either

you tell this boy its over and he must stay away from
you or I will. Your mother is right, he just isnt the right
kind of boy for you and thats an end to it.
Carol. (Sadly) Can I go out now?
Father. Of course you can, but remember what weve
said, if you see this James character you end it, or I will.
Mother. If you defy us...
Father. She wont will you love?
Carol. No daddy, I wont, I promise.
(Carol leaves and meets James just outside the
door.)
James. (Noticing Carol is upset) Are you okay?
Carol. No Im not; mummy and daddy say I have to
stop seeing you.
James. Why? Weve done nothing wrong.
Carol. Its where you live, what you are.
James. Whats that supposed to mean? Oh I get it; Im
not good enough for their precious daughter, or have
you just found someone else?
Carol. Of course theres no one else Im so sorry, I
really like you a lot but I cant disobey my parents.
James. Ill bet they have someone else lined up
already. Oh I understand youve had fun with your bit
of rough now you want to end it.

Carol. Its not like that at all, I dont care who or what
you are, I love you but I cant go against my parents
wishes.
James. Like, love? Which one is it? I know how I feel,
youre the only one for me, I love you and I always will.
Carol. Were too young to be in love, its just
infatuation, we will get over it.
James. Thats mummy and daddy talking, tell me you
dont love me, tell me to go and Ill leave now and
never come back.
Carol. I dont want you to go but what can I do, we can
hardly run away together can we? I do love you but it
has to end, we have no option.
James. (Angrily)You mean you have no option; you
want to keep your nice middle class lifestyle so I have
to go. But one day youll feel like I feel right now.
Carol. James!
James. Im sorry, I didnt mean that, I know it has to
end but one day Ill be worthy of you, even in the eyes
of your parents. I love you, I always will.
(James sings I Will).
I dont want to be the one wholl say Im gonna miss
you,
But I will, I will.
I dont want to say Im gonna cry my eyes out baby,
But I will, I will.

Im not ashamed for you to know how much I really love

you so
But it was such a thrill.
And just remember when youre gone
Therell be that someone sad who loves you still.

You will look at him and see me smiling back at you,

I know you will, you will
You will find yourself repeating things we use to do
I just know you will, you will
Dont wonder if you wannna come back
Just come running home to me
And let me feel the thrill
Cos Im the one who told you I would love you dear
forever
And I will, I will.
(Repeat final verse).
(James takes one last look at Carol and walks
away.)
Carol. I thought love made you happy, but it doesnt,
love hurts.
(Carol sings Love Hurts).
Love hurts, love scars, love wounds and marrs

Take any heart not tough or strong enough

To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
Love is like a flower, holds a lot of rain
Love hurts, love hurts.

Im young, I know but even so

I know a thing or two I learned from you
I really learned a lot, really learned a lot
Love is like a stove, burns you when its hot
Love hurts, love hurts.

Some fools rave of happiness, blissfulness,

togetherness
Some fools fool themselves I guess
But theyre not fooling me
I know it isnt true, I know it isnt true
Love is just a lie, made to make you blue
Love hurts, love hurts, love hurts.
(Curtain).
(Forty Years later, a room decorated in black for a
wake. Several people are already present when
Anne and her teenage son Roy enter with the
Vicar.)

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Anne. It was a lovely service Vicar, I cant thank you

enough.
Vicar. I am only sorry I didnt know your husband
better, he seemed such a fine man and I only ever
heard good things about him.
Anne. He was a lovely man; I really dont know how Ill
cope without him.
Vicar. I know its a clich, but time is a great healer.
Anne. But how do I cope now? (She starts to cry and
Roy holds her).
Roy. It will be okay mum, Ill look after you, Ill stay
here and get a job.
(Anne holds Roy away from her)
Anne. You will not, youll go back to Cambridge and
make your father proud of you; youll make me proud of
you too. Ill cope, I have to.
Vicar. Just remember I am always available if you need
me, day or night.
(He moves over to where the mourners are
congregated).
First Mourner. Fine man Vicar, he will be missed at
the factory, he was just getting into the swing of the job
and everyone liked him, no airs and graces like some
southerners.
Second Mourner. It is a real tragedy, theyve only
been up here a few months and some drunken idiot
drives straight into him, and on the wrong side of the

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road I hear. He survived; well they say the Devil looks

after his own. Hell get a slap on the wrist and be back
enjoying life in no time whilst poor Mrs Kirkham is left
on her own to bring up the young lad.
Vicar. Rather an unchristian attitude, we are all Gods
children after all.
Second Mourner. Sorry Vicar; but it is so wrong that a
decent mans life can be snuffed out by some stupid
drunken yob.
First Mourner. Hardly a yob, his fathers a local
magistrate.
Second Mourner. Hes still a yob in my eyes.
(All the mourners nod in agreement.)
Mary. (To Robert). Why on earth am I here? Ive never
even met the man or his wife.
Robert. He was my boss for Gods sake even if it was
only for a few months; you didnt seriously think I could
come on my own?
Mary. Well you do virtually everything else without me;
I hardly see nowadays youre always at work or off to
some conference or other. You could have brought your
secretary, whats her name; she seems to spend more
time with you than I do, but I suppose she didnt fancy
a funeral.
Robert. You know very well her name is Alisha and I
couldnt do my job without her. You knew when I took
this job it would be hard going for a year or so, it will
get easier, especially if we get the Caledonian contract.

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Mary. You said the same thing last year, but nothing
has changed, I sometimes think you love your job more
than me.
Robert. I promise, this time it will be different, this
contract may be the answer to all the companys
problems.
Mary. (Sarcastically). Well look whos just come in,
she cant stay away from you even at a funeral.
(Alisha moves towards them.)
Alisha. Sorry to disturb you here Bob but your mobile
is switched off and I have just had a message that Alan
Cameron from Caledonian Investments he wants to talk
to you urgently, some problem has come up with the
contract and he wants to sort it out today so it can be
signed and sealed by next weekend. It looks like our
trip to Scotland last month has paid off.
(Robert looks at his wife for permission.)
Mary. Trip to Scotland? You never mentioned any trip to
Scotland. You said you were going golfing with some of
the lads from University. You went away for a weekend
with her and never mentioned it, I wonder why? Well of
course I know why, youre having an affair with her
arent you?
Robert. No, of course not, I knew you would react like
this so I thought it would be best if I didnt mention it.
Alisha. Mrs Murray I dont know what makes you think
there is anything going on between Bob, I mean Mr.

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Murray and me but I swear there is absolutely nothing

going on.
Mary. If you think I believe that rubbish you must think
I am really stupid.
Robert. I swear there is nothing going on between me
and Alisha, look, we have to go, we can talk about this
later, Ill explain everything when I get home.
Mary. There is nothing more to say, go and dont come
back!
(Robert and Alisha leave. The action moves to
Roy and Anne).
Roy. Mum, are you going to stay around here? After all
you hardly know anyone.
Anne. I suppose I could go back to Sussex but it is so
expensive down there, Im not sure I can afford it. And
anyway I dont know many people down there either,
and those I do know I dont particularly like. They were
mostly your fathers friends from work. There is your
aunt Janet but she is trotting on now and I hardly think
she will make riveting company; No, I think Ill stay, at
least for a while.
Roy. You could move down to Cambridge and stay with
me.
Anne. I dont think so, you will be very busy with your
studying and I wouldnt want to cramp your style, you
dont want your mum looking over your shoulder when
you are planning a night on the town.
(She laughs and hugs him.)

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Anne. Im sure Ill be alright; I have my memories to

keep me warm. I just have to get used to being alone, it
wont be easy but I just have to face it.
(Anne sings Sand and Water.)
All alone I didnt like the feeling
All alone I sat and cried
All alone I had to find some meaning
In the centre of the pain I felt inside.

All alone I came into this world

All alone I will someday die
Solid stone is just sand and water baby
Sand and water and a million years gone by.

I will see you in the light of a thousand suns

I will hear you in the sound of the waves
I will know you when I come, as we all will come
Through the doors beyond the grave.

All alone I heal this heart of sorrow

All alone I raise this child
Flesh and bone hes just bursting towards tomorrow
And his laughter fills my world and wears your smile.

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I will see you in the light of a thousand suns,

I will hear you in the sound of the waves
I will know you when I come as we all will come
Through the doors beyond the grave.

All alone I came into this world

All alone I will someday day
Sold stone is just sand and water baby
Sand and water and a million years gone by.

Act Two.
A Singles Bar.

Bobby. Not many in tonight, wonder why I bother

sometimes.
John. You bother because you have nothing else to do,
and neither do I. What do you want? Youre usual?

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Bobby. I suppose, say isnt that Jane Rogers, (slowly)

no, but it looks like her. You used to fancy her at
University.
John. God Bobby how far back are you going now? I
know Mary hurt you when she dumped you but for
Gods sake get over it and move on.
Bobby. I have moved on, I had to; she kicked me out of
the house.
(They move to the bar and order drinks).
(Three ladies now enter, one is the aforesaid
Mary).
Mary. How did I ever let you talk me into coming here,
I got rid of one useless man, I certainly dont want
another one.
Carol. We didnt force you; lets face it you were bored
witless staying in every night.

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Mary. I was not; I am really into Casualty and Ant and

Dec. (Pause). Okay youre right I was bored rigid. But
this place doesnt exactly look like its buzzing.
Barbara. Give it a chance, its early, it picks up after
nine, well sometimes it does. Oh my God! Look whose
over there.
Mary. Bobby! Im not stopping, Im going. (She
begins to move back to the door but Carol and
Barbara pull her back). Did you two know he would
be here?
Carol. Of course not were not stupid, well we are, but
not that stupid.
Barbara. You cant go now; it will look like you are
afraid of being in the same room as him.
Mary. Im not afraid of him; I just dont want anything
more to do with the useless, lying, cheating, swine.

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Carol. I knew he was useless a liar and a swine all men

are, but I never knew he cheated on you?
Mary. Oh he denied it, but theres no way he was just
working overtime every other night. That secretary of
his was a right little tart, just up his street.
Barbara. Come on lets get a seat and Ill get the
drinks in, you dont have to go anywhere near him.
Mary. No, Im going; this has ruined any chance of me
having a good night out.
(The two other women take her by the arm and
lead her to a seat in the corner, as far away from
the bar as possible).
Carol. Are you going to be good or do we have to tie
you to that chair?
Mary. Okay, leave me alone; just dont expect me to
have a good time.
Carol and Barbara. We wont.

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(They both go to the bar).

Carol. (To the barman). Two white wines and a
whisky and soda please.
Barman. Certainly madam. Ice in the whisky?
Carol. No thank you.
John. Well if it isnt Carol Jones as was, what the hell
are you doing in a place like this?
Carol. Get lost John; you tried that line three weeks
ago
John. Did I? I must be losing it.
Carol. You never had it to start with.
John. You love me really dont you?
Carol. Dream on!
John. Oh I do, every night.
Carol. Thats all its ever going to be boy, a dream! You
really are a fool.

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(John. Sings Oh Carol in a jokey way).

Oh, Carol, I am but a fool
Darling, I love you though' you treat me cruel
You hurt me and you made me cry
But if you leave me I will surely die
Darling, there will never be another
'Cause I love you so
Don't ever leave me
Say you'll never go
I will always want you for my sweetheart
No matter what you do
Oh, Carol, I'm so in love with you
[Instrumental Interlude]
Oh, Carol, I am but a fool
Darling I love you though' you treat me cruel
You hurt me and you made me cry
But if you leave me I will surely die
Darling, there will never be another
'Cause I love you so
Don't ever leave me
Say you'll never go
I will always want you for my sweetheart
No matter what you do
Oh, Carol, I'm so in love with you

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(John having finished, Carol turns her back on

him and he starts to talk to Barbara).
John. Well if its not Barbara Smith! It is! As I live and
breathe.
Barbara. We come in here every week and you come
out with the same inane rubbish every week, no
wonder Amy left you.
John. She left me because she was jealous of all the
girls wanting my body.
Barbara. The only women who wanted your body were
the desperate dames you got off with in places like this.
You know John, you really are a prat.
John. You say the nicest things.
(The two women walk back to Mary with the
drinks).
Bobby. Why dont you just shut up for a while, youre
even getting on my nerves now, never mind those two.

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John. Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood a little,

nothing wrong with a bit of banter with the opposite
sex. Come to think of it, if youd spent more time
talking to Mary than talking on the phone at work you
might not be sitting here, you might have been sitting
by a cosy fire cuddled up to your beloved.
Bobby. I was trying to give us the lifestyle I thought
she wanted; I spent thousands on jewellery, and the
house, everything any normal woman could ever want.
John. Did you ever ask her if that was what she
wanted?
Bobby. Of course its what she wanted; she just didnt
like what it cost to get them. I worked damn hard and
look where I ended up. Anyway, what about you? Why
on earth did you leave your missus, what was wrong
with her?
John. There was nothing wrong with her, look, its like
when you go into a restaurant and order the best steak

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in the house, then a man at the next table has the fish
and you think That looks nice, wish Id ordered that.
Its s pity they dont do Surf and Turf in real life, make
picking a woman a whole lot easier if you could just
have a bit of each!
Bobby. The girls are right you do talk a lot of drivel.

(The two men begin drinking their beers; Bobby

is still unaware that Mary is in the club).
(A waiter approaches Anne).
Waiter. My name is Chris and I am your waiter for
tonight. Is there anything I can get you?
Anne. Can I have a white wine spritzer please? Chris?
Dont I know you?
Waiter. Yes madam I work for your husband, well I
used to work for him, I m still with the company I just
work in here part time to earn a bit extra, helps with

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the bills. I was very upset when I heard the news, he

was a lovely man.
Anne. Its very kind of you to say so. (She goes into a
shell) (There is an awkward pause).
Waiter. So its just a white wine sprirtzer?
Anne. (Absentmindedly) Oh, yes.
(She looks around the room just as Adam walks
in. He sees her immediately and she sees him, he
keeps staring she avoids his gaze a little
confused by it).
(Adam goes to the bar).
Adam. Whos the new girl in the corner? (Speaking to
the barman).
Barman. Not seen her before, she came in on her own.
Adam. Not many come here on their own; usually have
a girlfriend or two in tow.

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Barman. Actually I dont think she realises its singles

bar.
Adam. How could she not know? Its called Singles
for Gods sake!
Barman. Probably thought it referred to the drinks.
Adam. You know Sam; you say some daft things at
times. (Turning to the waiter). Is that for her?
Waiter. Yes, why?
Adam. Ill pay for that. (He drops a fiver on the
tray). Keep the change and point her in my direction
Waiter. Certainly sir, and thank you, but actually I think
youre wasting your time.
Adam. Whys that?
Waiter. Well sir, I used to work for her husband, he
died a few months ago, really close they were, really
close. In fact I am surprised to see her in here, hardly
seen her at all since the funeral. They went everywhere

26

together, never saw them apart hardly. I doubt she is

looking for anyone to take his place.
Adam. Thanks for the info, but give her the drink
anyway, you never know.
Waiter. Okay, but youre wasting your time.
(The waiter leaves taking Annes drink to her. He
points to Adam and whispers something to Anne,
then he places down the drink and returns to the
bar).
Adam. What did she say?
Waiter. She said thanks but she would pay for it
herself. Do you want the fiver back?
Adam. (Absentmindedly) No, keep it. (To himself).
Must have been some sort of guy who could pull a bird
like you and make you think the sun shone out of his
backside? Still, shame to leave a girl like you on your
own; you deserve company, my company.

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Anne. (She starts to put her purse away and a

picture of her late husband falls out. She looks at
it with love and regret in her eyes and begins to
sing. (As Usual).
The sun comes up and brings the dawn
As usual
When I awake I'll find you gone
As usual
But I can't find a way to let
This crazy heart of mine forget
I pretend you're still beside me
As usual
Each evening I take a walk
As usual
I make believe that we still talk
As usual
People always stop and stare
I guess they just don't see you there
Don't they know you'll always be right here
As usual
Today I looked into my mirror
As usual
I told myself that you're still here
As usual
And as I stood there telling lies
The tears began to fill my eyes
Cause I know I'm only fooling myself
As usual
When I awake I'll find you gone

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(The scene shifts to the three girls).

Mary. Okay, what did he say?
Carol. Nothing, he doesnt know youre here, yet.
Mary. He always did walk around with his eyes shut, he
didnt notice me when he was at home, Im not
surprised he hasnt noticed me in here.
Barbara. Sounds to me like you want him to see you.
Mary. Of course not, but for heavens sake I m only 30
feet away!!
Carol. Keep your voice down or he will hear you if he
doesnt see you.
Barbara. This is ridiculous, hes bound to see you soon
enough, why not approach him and get it over with.
Mary. I will not! If he wants to talk to me he can come
to me.
Carol. But he doesnt realise youre here.

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Mary. Oh to hell with it. (She strides purposefully

over to the bar to speak to Bobby. Bobby has his
back to her and doesnt see her coming but John
does).
John. Just going to the loo. (He darts off. Booby is
baffled for a moment then Mary speaks).
Mary. So this is what you get up to now, cant get
enough from that floozie at work so you come here.
Bobby. Whoa, what are you on about and never mind
me, what the hell are you doing here?
Mary. Thats it, avoid the question.
Bobby. I am not avoiding the question; Im asking you
a better one. If you MUST know this is my first visit and
John dragged me along.
Mary. You think I believe that, Ill bet youve been in
here every weekend since I threw you out.

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Bobby. Look, if you dont believe me ask John. (He

realises belatedly that John is no longer there,
Mary gives him a knowing look) Ask the barmen,
have you ever seen me in here before?
Barman. (Rather too quickly) Never sir.
Mary. Men! You ALL stick together and lie through your
teeth. (She storms off back to her table.)
Mary. I am sick of him and his lies; I could kill him, the
sooner my marriage is over the better.
Barbara. Thats the trouble with marriage; its just like
a game of cards.
Mary. How do you mean?
Barbara. Well you start off with two Hearts and a
Diamond and end up wishing for a Club and a Spade!
The three girls laugh and start on their drinks.
Barman. Wife? (John nods) Thought so. Another
drink?

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Bobby. Might as well, same again.

(The scene switches to the door again as a good
looking older guy walks in. He is well dressed,
suit, the lot He strolls to the bar and orders a
drink).
James. Large Bacardi and Coke please. (The barman
serves him without comment).
Bobby. Hi. New in town?
James. Yes, how did you know?
Bobby. Just a guess, you looked a bit lost.
James. I am a bit, though I used to live locally.
Bobby. (With a sudden recognition) I thought I
recognised you; its James, James Simpson, where the
hell have you been?
James. Oh, here and there.

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Bobby. Well here and there doesnt seem to have done

you much harm.
James. No. Ive done alright, I run my own firm,
accountancy, very boring but very lucrative.
Bobby. Nice, I take it that if youre in here youre not
attached.
James. No, I was for a while but it didnt work out.
Bobby. Sorry to hear that.
James. You?
Bobby. To be honest Im not quite sure.
James. Pardon?
Bobby. Well technically I am still married, but I wont
be for long if the wife has her way.
James. Sounds like were in the same boat, Saturday
night and no date. (He sings Another Saturday
Night).

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Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody

I've got some money 'cause I just got paid
Now how I wish I had someone to talk to
I'm in an awful way.
I got in town a month ago
I've seen a lot of girls since then,
If I could meet 'em I could get 'em
But as yet I haven't met 'em
Thats how I'm in the state I'm in.
CHORUS
Another fella told me
He had a sister who looked just fine
Instead of bein' my deliverance
She had a strange resemblance
To a cat named Frankenstein.
CHORUS
Its hard on a fella
When he don't know his way around
If I don't find me a honey
To help me spend my money
I'm gonna have to blow this town.
CHORUS
Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody
I've got some money 'cause I just got paid
How I wish I had someone to talk to

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I'm in an awful, ooh, I'm in an awful way,

He's in an awful way, I'm in an awful ooh,
I'm in an awful way, He's in an awful way.

Bobby. Have another drink.

James. Thanks, I will.
(At this point John finally returns and the three
chat. The scene moves to the girls).
Barbara. Come on you two, drink up, my round. (They
drink up and Barbara heads for the bar.
Barbara. Two white wines and a whisky and soda
barman if you please. (Turning to the men). And who
is this good looking fellow with you two dead legs.
John. (Speaking to James). This my dear James is
the ever so charming Barbara Thomas, divorcee of this
parish. And this my dear Barbara is the ever so rich
James Simpson, divorcee of another parish.

35

Barbara. Rich? We dont get rich in here very often.

What am I saying; we never get rich in here. I thought
you looked a bit over-dressed compared to the rest of
the jokers in here. (She sings Big Spender).
The minute you walked in the joint
I could see you were a
man of distinction
a real big spender
Good looking, so refined
Say wouldn't you like to know
what's going on in my mind
So let me get right to the point
I don't pop my cork
for every man I see
Hey big spender
spend a little time with me
Wouldn't you like to have fun, fun, fun
Hows about a few laughs, laughs
I could show you a good time
Let me show you a good time
The minute you walked in the joint
I could see you were a man of distinction,
a real big spender
good looking, so refined
Say wouldn't you like to know what's going
on in my mind
So let me get right to the point
I don't pop my cork for every man I see
Hey big spender

36

hey big spender

hey big spender
spend a little time with me

John. Give it a rest Barbara; hes only just got back in

town.
Barbara. Back? You mean you used to live around here
and you came back, are you insane?
James. To be honest it feels good to be back.
Barbara. Theres no accounting for taste, mind you,
yours is suspect by the company youre keeping now.
(Picking up her drinks she heads back to the
other two women).
Barbara. See him at the bar with those two, hes
loaded and he reckons he used to live around here, but
I dont recognise him.
Carol. Oh but I do. It was before you moved here, I
went to the same school as him, so did Mary.

37

Mary. Yes, now you mention it I do recognise him; mind

you hes changed a lot. Came from the old council
estate if I remember rightly, right little scruff. You and
him were an item for a while werent you?
Carol. That was just kids stuff; we were only fourteen
or fifteen.
Mary. First love, always the hardest to forget.
Carol. It was never serious, well not that serious.
Barbara. What happened, who dumped who?
Carol. It was my Mum really, said he was a waste of
space and wouldnt let him in the house.
Barbara. I bet she would now; he can come home with
me anytime.
Mary. Youd have anybody in trousers.
Barbara. Not true, Id much rather have them out of
their trousers.

38

Carol. How did Danny ever put up with you so long?

How many men did you have whilst you were married
to the poor sap?
Barbara. Not as many as I would have liked. What you
dont understand is how boring Danny was, in and out
of bed.
Mary. You promised it was for better or worse.
Barbara. That was before I knew how worse it was
going to be!
Carol. Have you got any intention of settling down
again with just one man?
Barbara. No intention whatsoever, but I might make
an exception in his case.
Mary. You really are incorrigible! (They all laugh).
(The scene changes to Anne. Adam approaches
and speaks to her).

39

Adam. I do hope I didnt offend you offering that drink,

I was just trying to be friendly.
Anne. No, I wasnt offended but I would rather buy my
own thank you.
Adam. Do you mind if I join you? No strings and I wont
try to buy you another drink.
Anne. To be honest Id rather you didnt, Id rather be
on my own.
Adam. (Sitting down). Now that cant be true or you
wouldnt have come out in the first place.
Anne. I suppose not. Its just that I dont think I will be
good company for anyone at the moment.
Adam. I find that difficult to believe, a lovely lady like
you.
Anne. Look if you must know I lost my husband a few
months ago and this is the first time I have been out
since the funeral.

40

Adam. (Feigning surprise) Oh I am sorry; I shouldnt

have intruded on you. (He gets up as if to leave).
Anne. No, stay, you werent to know. Anyway it might
be nice to have some company for a few minutes.
Adam. (Sitting down again). Ill stay just as long as
you want me to; just say when you want me to go.
Anne. (She smiles and they begin to chat).
(The scene moves to the bar and the lads again).
Bobby. (To James). Sorry about Barbara, shes okay
really, just a bit full on at times.
James. I didnt mind, it was fun in a strange way.
Correct me if Im wrong but isnt that Carol Jones with
your wife and Barbara.
John. Used to be, Carol Wadsworth now.
James. Married?
Bobby. Course not; she wouldnt be in here if she was.

41

James. Well youre married and so is your wife and

youre both in here.
Bobby. Like I said, thats just a technicality.
John. Anyway, How come you know Carol, and why so
interested?
James. Oh I just knew her at school; we went out for a
while. Just going to the loo, back in a bit. (James
moves away from the two men and stands at the
edge of the stage looking at Carol and begins to
sing.)
My eyes adored you
Though I never laid a hand on you
My eyes adored you
Like a million miles away from me you couldn't see
How I adored you:
So close, so close and yet so far away

42

Carried your books from school,

Playing make-believe you're married to me:
You were fifth grade, I was sixth
When we came to be
Walking home every day over Barnegat Bridge and Bay,
Till we grew into the me and you
Who went our separate ways

My eyes adored you

Though I never laid a hand on you,
My eyes adored you
Like a million miles away from me you couldn't see
How I adored you:
So close, so close and yet so far

Headed for city lights,

Climbed the ladder up to fortune and fame,
I worked my fingers to the bone,
Made myself a name.

43

Funny, I seem to find that, no matter how the years

unwind,
still I reminisce about the girI I miss
and the love I left behind...

My eyes adored you

Though I never laid a hand on you,
My eyes adored you
Like a million miles away from me you couldn't see
How I adored you:
So close, so close and yet so far

All my life I will remember how warm and tender

We were way back then
Though I'm feeling sad regrets I know I won't ever
forget
You, my childhood friend

My eyes adored you

44

Though I never laid a hand on you,

My eyes adored you
Like a million miles away from me you couldn't see
How I adored you:
So close, so close and yet so far
(He exits).
(The scene moves back to the three girls).
Barbara. (To Mary). Tell me again, why did you dump
Bobby?
Mary. Ive told you why.
Barbara. You only told us you thought he was having
an affair, of which you have no proof whatsoever as far
as we know.
Mary. God Barbara, you at least should now what men
are like, youve had enough of them!

45

Barbara. Thats not a nice thing to say to a friend, its

true, but its not a nice thing to say. Youre avoiding the
question, whyd you dump him?
Mary. I dumped him as you put it because he was
hardly ever at home and when he was he was
somewhere else.
Carol. In fairness to the man he did work every hour
God sent.
Mary. That was his story, but I think he was with that
secretary of his, thats why he was always so tired.
Barbara. Okay, give us one bit of proof that he was
having it away with her or anyone else?
Mary. Oh do shut up!!
Barbara. Thought so, no proof whatsoever. Has it ever
occurred to you that he was working all those hours
and that he was doing it for you?
Carol. I hate to say it but Barbara has a point.

46

Mary. Shut up both of you.

Carol. (To Barbara). Do you remember what she was
like at Uni? It was Booby said this and Bobby did
that she was desperate to get him, and she did. What
was she always singing? Oh I remember. (The two
girls start to sing Bobbys girl and Mary
eventually joins in).
(Youre not a kid anymore;
youre not a kid anymore.)
When people ask of me,
What would you like to be now that youre not a kid
anymore?
(Youre not a kid anymore.)
I know just what to say,
I answer right away.
Theres just one thing Ive been wishing for.
I wanna be Bobbys girl;
I wanna be Bobbys girl.
Thats the most important thing to me.
And if I was Bobbys girl,
if I was Bobbys girl.
What a faithful, thankful girl Id be.
Each night I sit at home,
hoping that he will phone.
But I know Bobby has someone else.

47

(Youre not a kid anymore.)

Still in my heart I pray,
there soon will come the day,
when I will have him all to myself.
I wanna be Bobbys girl;
I wanna be Bobbys girl.
Thats the most important thing to me.
And if I was Bobbys girl,
If I was Bobbys girl,
What a faithful, thankful girl Id be.
What a faithful, thankful girl Id be.
I wanna be Bobbys girl,
I wanna be Bobbys girl;
I wanna be Bobbys girl. (Fade)

(The scene returns to Adam and Anne).

Anne. Thank you for staying, Ive enjoyed talking to
you, it was nice to talk about Alan, I hope I didnt bore
you?
Adam. Of course not, it sounds like he was a great guy.
Anne. Oh he was, everyone liked Alan, he got on with
everyone.
Adam. Yeh, you said.

48

Anne. I did bore you, I knew I had.

Adam. No you didnt; but you did just talk about Alan,
what about you?
Anne. Me? Oh Im not very interesting, just a
housewife and mother, I have son, at University, hes at
Cambridge.
Adam. (Impressed) Cambridge, but I didnt mean
that, I meant what do you like, what do you want to do
with the rest of your life?
Anne. I did like to go to the theatre, I loved the Ballet
and Alan always came with me, though I had to keep
nudging him to keep him awake. I told him he didnt
have to come but he knew how much I loved it so he
always did.
Adam. But what now, what are you planning to do now
youre on your own?

49

Anne. I have no idea, I have not even thought of the

future. I might go back to Sussex, I have some family
there, and Roy, thats my son, plans to go back when
he finishes his degree, he wants us to live together
somewhere nice on the coast.
Adam. Sounds to me that you are giving up on life.
Your son might love to have you living with him or
nearby but he will have his own life, what will you have
if you leave your home and all your friends?
Anne. I have no friends to speak of up here, but I do
like the area. Like I said, I havent given the future
much thought at all. Anyway, what about you. What do
you do? Why no woman in your life?
Adam. Me? Im a travelling salesman, and no, I dont
travel in ladies underwear, I sell computer software. As
for a woman in my life, no, my lifestyle doesnt fit in
with that sort of thing, though there was a woman I
could have married, but that was a long time ago.

50

Anne. Tell me about her.

(Adam sings December 1963. Oh what a night).

Oh, what a night.

Late December back in '63.
What a very special time for me,
'Cause I remember what a night.
Oh, what a night.
You know, I didn't even know her name,
But I was never gonna be the same.
What a lady. What a night.
Oh, I. I got a funny feeling when she walked
in the room and I,
as I recall it ended much too soon.
Oh, what a night,
Hypnotizing, mesmerizing me.
She was everything I dreamed she'd be.
Sweet surrender, what a night!
Oh, what a night.
Why'd it take so long to see the light?
Seemed so wrong, but now it seems so right.
Sweet surrender, what a night!
I felt a rush like a rolling bolt of thunder
spinnin' my head around and taking my body under.

51

Oh, what a night!

(Do, do, do, do, do.
Oh, what a night!
(Do, do, do, do, do.
Oh, what a night!
(Do, do, do, do, do.
Oh, what a night!
(Do, do, do, do, do.
Oh, what a night!
(Do, do, do, do, do.
Oh, what a night!
(Do, do, do, do, do.

Do, do, do, do, do, do.)

Do, do, do, do, do, do.)
Do, do, do, do, do, do.)
Do, do, do, do, do, do.)
Do, do, do, do, do, do.)
Do, do, do, do, do, do.)

Anne. Sounds like you still love her.

Adam. Maybe, all I know is Ive never felt the same
about anyone else.
Anne. Is that why you chase all the women, dont look
so innocent, the waiter told me all about you.
Adam. Never trust a waiter. If you knew my reputation
why did you let me sit with you?
Anne. I thought you might be fun, and you were.
Adam. I take it you want me to go now?

52

Anne. Only if you want to.

Adam. (Strangely subdued). I dont want to. Can I
buy you that drink now?
Anne. Yes please.
(Adam calls over the Waiter. The scene moves to
the bar again where James has rejoined John and
Bobby).
Bobby. (Looking towards Anne and Adam). Looks
like someone has managed to cop off over there.
John. Who him? Thinks hes Gods gift that one.
Bobby. And everyone knows its you thats Gods gift.
John. Not my fault the ladies love me.
Bobby. Seems to me that Carol and Barbara have no
problem ignoring your charms.
John. Oh Im not after Carol; its just banter, but I have
to say I do quite fancy Barbara.

53

Bobby. (Sarcastically). I would never have guessed.

Shed run rings around you.
John. That might be fun, playing Ring a Ring a Roses
especially the we all fall down bit. I know a few places
I wouldnt mind falling down with her.
Bobby. Youre more likely to catch a cold from the
Atishoo, Atishoo bit!
James. What about you Bobby, you and Mary I mean,
any chance of you two getting back together?
Bobby. I doubt it, I made too many mistakes, I didnt
show her how much I loved her enough, well, thats
what she said. Maybe shes right, maybe I didnt.
James. If you think you can change why dont you tell
her?
Bobby. I doubt she would listen.
James. A wise man once said You only regret what
you dont do and I think he was right.

54

Bobby. Are you referring to me and Mary or you and

Carol?
James. You and Mary of course.
Bobby. It sounded to me like you have some regrets
too.
James. Not really, it was too long ago, we were only
kids. Ive changed a hell of a lot since then and Im sure
Carol has too.
Bobby. Are you trying to persuade me or yourself?
James. Im not trying to persuade anyone of anything, I
just think you should give your marriage another try.
You obviously still have feelings for Mary; she may still
have feelings for you.
Bobby. Youre right on the first part, not so sure on the
second.
John. Like James said, worth a try what have you got to
lose?

55

Bobby. I do have some pride left.

John. Great stuff, pride keeps you warm at night I
hear. Look shes coming over, well give you some
space. Come on James I need to recycle some beer
anyway.
James. Ive just been.
John. Me too but well pretend weve got prostate
trouble and go again!
(They walk off leaving Bobby at the bar on his
own).
Mary. (To the barman, pointedly ignoring Bobby).
Two white wines and a whisky and soda please.
Bobby. I see you still drink your whisky without the ice.
Mary. At least you noticed something from when we
were together, anything else come to mind?
Bobby. (He takes a deep breath). Only that I still
love you and that Ive never stopped loving you.

56

Mary. I can count on the fingers of one hand the

number of times you said that to me in the last two
years.
Bobby. I thought you knew how I felt about you.
Mary. Women like to hear it Bobby, regularly, I hardly
ever saw you never mind heard you.
Bobby. Be fair Mary, I was working a hell of a lot to pay
for everything.
Mary. You said you were working, but you were always
with that secretary of yours; dont try to tell me there
was nothing going on.
Bobby. I swear there was nothing going on between
me and Alisha; shes as happily married as I thought I
was.
Mary. Even if I believed you, which I still dont,
(Though she obviously does) you ruined our
marriage, you were never there.

57

Bobby. If you dont believe anything else please

believe me when I say I always loved you and still do.
(He sings You were always on my mind).
Maybe I didnt treat you
Quite as good as I should have
Maybe I didnt love you
Quite as often as I could have
Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasnt died
Give me, give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied, satisfied
Maybe I didnt hold you
All those lonely, lonely times
And I guess I never told you
Im so happy that youre mine
If I make you feel second best
Girl, Im sorry I was blind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasnt died
Give me, give me one more chance

58

To keep you satisfied, satisfied

Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You are always on my mind
You are always on my mind

Mary. (Picking up her drinks). I think its too late for

us Bobby, dont you?
Bobby. No I dont, and I dont think you do either.
Mary walks off leaving Bobby at the bar.
Barbara. Whats going on, we saw you talking to
Bobby, I thought you were going to ignore him?
Mary. (Confused). I was, I mean I am.
Carol. Okay which one is it, you are or you were?
Mary. I was. We had a little chat and I do believe him
when he says there was nothing going on between him
and his secretary, but there was more to our break up
than that and he knows it.

59

Barbara. Yes, I remember, he worked all hours God

sent to give you all the good things in life; I should be
so lucky to find such an inconsiderate man.
Mary. You make it sound so perfect but not having
anyone to talk to night after night is no fun I can tell
you.
Barbara. You dont think we dont both know that?
Mary. Im sorry, of course you do but its different
when youre supposed to have a man in your life.
Carol. Maybe thats true, but technically you still do
have a man in your life and it seems with a little effort
you could still have one in reality. My marriage wasnt
perfect but I still wish I could have saved it.
Barbara. I dont want my boring old fart back but I
wouldnt mind someone to cuddle up to every now and
then.

60

Mary. You said you werent interested in finding a

partner, you said you just wanted to play the field.
Barbara. I lied.
Carol. What I have is just a dream, you could have
reality. (Carol sings Dream Lover).
Every night, I hope and pray
A dream lover will come my way
A boy to hold in my arms
And know the magic of his charms
(Chorus:)
Because I want a boy
To call my own
I want a dream lover
So I don't have to dream alone
Dream lover, where are you
With a love oh so true
And a hand that I can hold
To feel you near when I grow old?
(Repeat chorus)
(Bridge:)
Someday--I don't know how
I hope you'll hear my plees
Some way--I don't know how

61

Hell bring his love to me

Dream lover, until then
I'll go to sleep and dream again
That's the only thing to do
Until my lover's dreams come true
(Repeat chorus)

Carol. What time is it?

Barbara. Its only ten fifteen, but Ive had enough
tonight, shall we go?
Carol. Yes Ive had enough too, how about you Mary?
Mary. (Somewhat reluctantly). Yes, lets go.
(As they walk out a man walks alongside Mary
and speaks to her).
Man. Hey Mary, can I offer you all a lift.
Mary. Thanks Martin, its not out of your way is it?
Man. No, its right on your route. I take it your mates
live locally too?

62

Mary. Yes, just around the corner from me.

Man. Great, come on, Im parked just across the road.
(They all leave the club).
(Bobby thinks he is her new man and he sings
There goes my heart).
There
There
There
There

goes
goes
goes
goes

my heart, there goes the one I love

the girl I wasn't worthy of
my happiness, it couldn't be
somebody else instead of me

Goodbye romance, it couldn't last somehow

I had my chance but it's all over now
I never thought that she could pass me by
There goes my heart and here am I
<instrumental interlude>
There
There
There
There

goes
goes
goes
goes

my heart, there goes the one I love

the girl I wasn't worthy of
my happiness, it couldn't be
somebody else instead of me

Goodbye romance, it couldn't last somehow

I had my chance but it's all over now
I never thought that she could pass me by
There goes my heart..
..And here am I.

63

Curtain.
Act Three.
(In front of the curtain Barbara and John are
walking slowly across stage, they stop to talk.)
Barbara. I cant believe weve been seeing each other
for over a month and Carol and Mary havent found out.
John. Would it be so terrible if they did?
Barbara. I would rather keep it to ourselves, at least
for a while.
John. I dont see why?
Barbara. Its just I dont want to risk spoiling what we
have.
John. Why, what do we have?
Barbara. Thats just it, I dont know what we have, do
you?

64

John. Well weve been seeing each other virtually

every day for nearly six weeks and we still seem to
enjoy each others company and the other night was
wonderful.
Barbara. It was wasnt it and youre right we do get
on well, but it still doesnt mean we should get too
involved.
John. If what weve been doing for the last few weeks
is not getting too involved I dont know what is.
Barbara. (Exasperated) Oh I dont know, its just it
has happened so quickly, we havent had time to think
it all through.
John. So what are you saying, do you want to end it?
Barbara. No, of course not, its just I am worried we
are getting carried away; were acting like a couple of
kids.

65

John. I see nothing wrong with acting like a couple of

kids, I have had to grow old, I refuse to grow up.
Barbara. Thats the difference between us, I have
grown up, Im an adult and I feel I should act like one.
John. I was only kidding about not growing up, but
surely we have a right to fall in love no matter how old
we are?
Barbara. Is that how you feel; are you in love with me?
John. Well if I am completely honest at this moment I
cant say I am totally sure, but I am 90% sure and I
would like the opportunity to add the other 10%.
Barbara. Its that 10% I am worried about; its why I
want to wait awhile before saying anything to the
others.
John. Okay, we will keep quiet about it for a bit longer
if thats what you want.

66

Barbara. It is, and thank you for being so

understanding.
John. If its what you want thats what well do, now
lets get to the restaurant, Im starving. (Lights go
out)
Act Four.
(The singles bar a month or so later. The girls are
already in the bar, Bobby and John enter).
John. See, I told you she would be in again.
Bobby. (Sarcastically). You must be clairvoyant. You
idiot, I told you she will be waiting for that new bloke I
saw her leave with last time I was here.
John. Well Barbara said he was just giving them all a
lift home, he works with Mary at the Bank and hes Gay
for Gods sake.
Bobby. Okay, but it doesnt mean shes in here to see
me. Hang on, Barbara? When did she tell you this?

67

John. Err.. We ran into each other in Tesco then went

for a drink. Didnt I tell you?
Bobby. No you damn well didnt and you know you
didnt. Dont tell me there is something going on
between you and Barbara?
John. Nothing serious, but Im living in hopes.
Bobby. The mind boggles. Knowing her reputation I
thought you might have more sense.
John. Be fair, you dont know all the rumours are true
and lets face it Ive been no angel.
Bobby. If only half the rumours are true I still think
even youve bitten off more than you can chew. And
anyway what about not being able to choose between
Steak and Fish?
John. Thats easy, Ive become a vegetarian; seriously
shes nothing like youd imagine when youre on your

68

own with her, shes clever and funny and really great to
be with.
Bobby. Oh my God, it sounds like youre smitten!
John. I am a bit, but honestly she can be really nice.
Bobby. Ill just have to take your word for that.
(Speaking to the Barman). Two pints please.
John. (Noticing that Mary and Carol are heading
for the loo). Wont be a minute just going to have a
word with Barbara while shes on her own.
Bobby. Oh dont mind me, Im used to rejection.
(John walks over to Barbara).
John. Hi. Are we still on for tomorrow night?
Barbara. Yes, of course, but I havent told Carol and
Mary yet, have you told Bobby?
John. Well yes, it just slipped out.

69

Barbara. Bang goes our agreement to keep it to

ourselves for now.
John. Sorry, forgive me?
Barbara. I suppose Ill have to. It was bound to get out
sooner or later, its just I would have preferred later,
give me more time to prepare them for the shock.
John. Is that what I am, a shock?
Barbara. Not you personally, just the idea that Im
going out with someone, not just a casual someone.
John. Its nice to now Im not just a casual someone,
whatever that is.
Barbara. You know what I mean.
John. If you mean someone whos serious about you
and wants a serious relationship, then yes, I do.
Barbara. Well yes, but lets not rush things.

70

John. Were a bit old for taking our time, were not kids
anymore.
Barbara. What does that mean exactly?
John. Im saying Ive acquired that extra 10%, I love
you and I want to spend whats left of my life with you.
(He sings A Forever Kind of Love).
It seems my reputations met you before me,
People say I treat love like a game,
Well once that was so true,
But now that Ive found you, I know that I will never be
the same.
Yes Ive kissed girls just for the thrill of kissing them,
And Ive told them goodbye without ever missing them,
But darling since we met my roving days are through,
Im offering you a forever kind of love.
I must admit I used to kiss and run before,
But please dont judge me by the things Ive done
before,
Believe me; every word Ive said to you is true,
Im offering you, a forever kind of love.
Although you wont be my first love,
I promise you youre going to be my last love.

71

I wasnt true to any girl I knew before,

Cos I was saving all my love for you before,
Oh darling, now Ill never want somebody new,
Im offering you, a forever kind of love.
Barbara. My God, I didnt think you were THAT
serious!!
John. Well I am, is it a problem? I get it; Im not good
enough for you.
Barbara. Where did that come from? When have I ever
said that?
John. Well what are you saying?
Barbara. Im saying I was not expecting all this to
happen so quickly, what am I saying; I never expected
it to happen at all at my age.
John. Youre not that old, and anyway it confirms what I
said, we are too old to be taking too much time over
this. So what do you say?

72

Barbara. If I knew the question I might answer it.

John. Its simple and old fashioned, will you marry me?
Barbara. But we hardly know each other.
John. Whats to know, Im divorced, your divorced, we
both have grown up children who have fled the nest,
weve both been lonely and now were not, and I love
you, what more do you need to know?
Barbara. Its so sudden, I cant take it in.
John. You do think Im not good enough for you, thats
it isnt it?
Barbara. For the last time, thats not it, I think youre
wonderful. You have your failings but who doesnt, Ive
got plenty.
John. So whats your answer?
Barbara. (She sings Youve got what it takes).
You don't drive a big black car.
And you don't look like a movie star

73

and on your money we won't get far.

But Baby, you've got what it takes.
Satisfied, you've got what it takes
to set my soul on fire.
Waa and oh yah,
youve got what it takes for me.
Chorus:
You don't live in a beautiful place.
And you don't dress with the best of taste.
And nature didn't give you such a beautiful face,
But Baby, ooee; you've got what it takes.
Satisfied, you've got what it takes
to set my soul on fire.
Waa, and oh yah,
youve got what it takes for me.
Now when you're near me, ooee,
my head goes around and round.
And when you kiss me, ooee,
my world comes tumblin' down.
Chorus:
You don't live in a beautiful place.
And you don't dress with the best of taste.
And nature didn't give you such a beautiful face,
But Baby, ooee; you've got what it takes.
--- Instrumental ---

74

You don't live in a beautiful place.

And you don't dress with the best of taste.
And nature didn't give you such a beautiful face.
But Baby, ooee, you've got what it takes.
You've
You've
You've
You've
You've
You've

got
got
got
got
got
got

what
what
what
what
what
what

it
it
it
it
it
it

takes.
takes.
takes.
takes.
takes.
takes...

John. Is that a yes?

Barbara. Of course it is you fool!!
(The embrace and kiss passionately just as the
two girls come back. They are joined by a
stunned Bobby).
Carol. What the hell is going on? (She pulls John
away from Barbara.)
Barbara. Its okay, its okay.

75

Carol. Like hell it is, he cant go around just snogging

any woman he likes, we should call the police.
Barbara. You dont understand, I was kissing him.
Mary. (Incredulously). You were kissing him, why the
hell would you do that?
Barbara. Because I love him.
John. (Incredulously). Say that again
Barbara. You heard you big lummox, I love you.
(They embrace as the others look on in
amazement).
Mary. (To Carol). Did you know about this?
Carol. Of course not.
(Mary looks inquiringly at Bobby).
Bobby. Dont look at me; Im as dumbfounded as you.
John. Look, we met up a few times and we realised
what we felt for each other was real so we.....

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Barbara. John, just shut up and do what youre good

at. (She sings Shut up and Kiss me).
Don't mean to get a little forward with you, don't mean
to get ahead of where we are
Don't mean to act a little nervous around you, I'm just a
little nervous about my heart 'cause
It's been awhile since I felt this feeling that everything
that you do gives me
It's been so long since somebody whispered
Shut up and kiss me
Didn't expect to be in this position, didn't expect to
have to rise above
My reputation for cynicism, I've been a jaded lady when
it comes to love but
Oh baby just to feel this feeling that everything that
you do gives me
It's been too long since somebody whispered
Shut up and kiss me
There's something about the silent type attracting me
to you
All business baby none of the hype
That no talker can live up to
Come closer baby I can't hear you, just another whisper
if you please
Don't worry 'bout the details darlin', you've got the kind
of mind I love to read
Talk is cheap and baby time's expensive, so why waste

77

another minute more

Life's too short to be so apprehensive, love's as much
the symptom darlin' as the cure
Oh baby when I feel this feeling, it's like genuine
voodoo hits me
It's been too long since somebody whispered...
Oh baby I can feel this feeling that everything that you
do gives me
its been too long since somebody whispered
Shut up and kiss me
Shut up and kiss me

(They kiss again at the end of the song).

Bobby. Well damn me, I think Ive seen everything
now.
John. (Still with his arm around Barbara). Get used
to it.
(Whilst this is going on James re-enters. He sees
the group and joins them).
James. Looks like Ive missed something, whats going
on?

78

Bobby. Barbara and Bobby, thats whats going on.

James. No kidding, good on you two. (To the others).
It is isnt it?
Mary. Im not so sure.
Bobby. Oh dont be such a killjoy, when you think
about it theyre made for each other, (Pause) just like
us.
Mary. Since when have we been made for each other?
Bobby. Since the day we met and you know it.
Mary. I do not know it. (Said with very little
conviction).
Bobby. (He looks her very closely in the eye and
slowly and tenderly kisses her). Do you know now?
Mary. I suppose I do.
(The two of them sing It started all over
again.).

79

Woe oh it started all over again,

Woe oh I love you all over again
I thought that I could ignore you but last night I looked
up and saw you,
Woe ho, it started all over again.
You smiled and put me right back in a trance,
You smiled and I didnt stand half a chance.
I said its over and done with,
That Ive found someone new to have my fun with,
But a woe ho it started all over again.
You took my hand and I felt it melt my heart again,
You took my hand and I love you too much to be smart
again.
Woe ho, it started all over again,
Woe ho, I love you all over again.
I thought that I could ignore you
But last night I looked up and saw you,
A Woe ho, it started all over again.
Let me tell you now,
Woe ho, it started all over again,
Woe ho, I love you all over again,
I said its over and done with,
Ive found someone new to have my fun with,
But a woe ho, it started all over again.

80

Carol. (To James). If this keeps up they will have to

change the name of this club!!
James. Would that be such a bad thing?
Carol. No I suppose it wouldnt.
James. Anyway youve got a man in your life now
havent you?
Carol. Oh you mean Martin, no hes not my boyfriend,
we just meet up occasionally for a drink after work,
theres nothing going on.
James. My mistake, I thought when I saw you two
together last night you were an item, I hope you didnt
mind my butting in but I was glad to see you again.
Carol. No I didnt mind at all, it was just we had a table
booked, we had to go.
James. Oh thats okay, its your life, I dont want to
appear nosey.

81

Carol. Id never think that of you, even after all this

time I hope we are still friends.
James. Definitely, I will always be your friend. (He
sings Youve got a friend).
When youre down and troubled
and you need a helping hand
and nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
and soon I will be there
to brighten up even your darkest nights.
You just call out my name,
and you know wherever I am
Ill come running, oh yeah baby
to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall,
all you have to do is call
And Ill be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Youve got a friend.
If the sky above you
should turn dark and full of clouds
and that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
and soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name and you know where ever I
am
Ill come running to see you again.

82

Winter, spring, summer or fall

all you got to do is call
And Ill be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, aint it good to know that youve got a friend?
People can be so cold.
Theyll hurt you and desert you.
Well theyll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but dont you let them.
You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
Ill come running to see you again.
Oh babe, dont you know that,
winter spring summer or fall,
Hey now, all youve got to do is call.
Lord, Ill be there, yes I will.
Youve got a friend.
Youve got a friend.
Aint it good to know youve got a friend?
Aint it good to know youve got a friend?
Youve got a friend.

(They walk away from the others to the bar to

give the lovers some space).
James. That might have been us a few years ago if it
hadnt been for your Mum. Drink?
Carol. White wine please.

83

James. (To Barman). A white wine and a Bacardi and

coke please.
Carol. Dont blame her too much, she was only doing
what she thought was right.
James. I suppose so; I wasnt much of a catch for her
only daughter back then was I?
Carol. You know what parents are like; they just want
the best for their kids.
James. True, I would have probably done the same in
her position.
Carol. Do you have kids?
James. No, my ex wife and I were only together a
couple of years; it was never going to work out. No kids
thank God. You?
Carol. Just one, Brian, hes in Dubai working for a Bank.
James. So youre on your own now?

84

Carol. Well not really, Mary and Barbara are always

around, though Im not sure how much Ill see of them
now.
James. Im sure they wont desert you, theyre your
friends and you know I am too. Anyway its getting late
and I promised to meet someone. Ill have to go.
Carol. Youve only just got here, cant you stay for a
while, or is she the type who dislikes it when people are
late, I know I do.
James. To be honest I dont know, only just met her
this week, she works on the reception at my offices.
Carol. (Hiding her disappointment that it is a
woman he is meeting). Well youd best get off then,
you dont want to make a bad impression on your first
date.

85

James. Thats true. Will I see you again? I dont

suppose any of you will be coming in here again if it all
works out for those four.
Carol. I hadnt thought of that, I suppose youre right,
but I will probably see you around, this town is not very
big.
James. Thats very true. Look, Ill give you my mobile
number, ring me anytime. (He gives her the number
on a piece of paper and leaves, holding her hand
and kissing her on the cheek as he goes).
Carol. (She sings Crying).
I was all right for a while,
I could smile for a while
But I saw you last night,
you held my hand so tight
As you stopped to say "Hello"
Ah you wished me well, you couldn't tell
That I'd been crying over you,
crying over you
Then you said "so long"
left me standing all alone

86

Alone and crying, crying, crying, crying

It's hard to understand but the touch of your hand
Can start me crying
I thought that I was over you but it's true, oo so true
I love you even more than I did before
but darling what can I do
For you don't love me and I'll always be
Crying over you, crying over you
Yes, now you're gone and from this moment on
I'll be crying
I thought that I was over you but it's true, oo so true
I love you even more than I did before but darling what
can I do
For you don't love me and I'll always be
Crying over you, crying over you
Yes, now you're gone and from this moment on
I'll be crying
crying, crying, crying
Yeah crying, crying, crying over you

(As she finishes her song Adam and Anne enter

the club and walk to the bar).
Adam. White wine spritzer?

87

Anne. Yes please.

Adam. (To the Barman). A white wine spritzer and a
rum and Coke. Send them over will you. (He directs
Anne to a table).
Anne. You never say please do you?
Adam. Dont I? Does it matter?
Anne. Theres no charge for manners, thats what Alan
used to say.
Adam. He really meant a lot to you didnt he?
Anne. Well, yes, we were together a long time.
Adam. Are you sure he was as wonderful as you are
painting him?
Anne. I dont know what you mean.
Adam. Well he sounds so bloody perfect, no mans that
good.
Anne. But Alan was, he was lovely, everyone liked him.

88

Adam. Not everyone, hes getting on my nerves for a

start.
Anne. Whatever do you mean?
Adam. In your eyes hes so damn perfect no other
man could ever aspire to match him.
Anne. I dont expect anyone to match him; I just
thought I could find someone a bit like him.
Adam. So why take up with the likes of me? Because
Im nothing like him.
Anne. Because I thought you were nice and, well I
thought you might be fun.
Adam. And am I?
Anne. Well not when youre like this.
(The Waiter arrives with the drinks and places
them on the table, Adam gives him some money
and he leaves).

89

Adam. Ill tell you exactly what Im like. (He sings

The Wanderer).
Oh well I'm the type of guy who will never settle
down
Where pretty girls are, well you know that I'm
around
I kiss 'em and I love 'em 'cause to me they're all
the same
I hug 'em and I squeeze 'em, they don't even
know my name
They call me the wanderer - yeah - the wanderer
I roam around around around around around
Oh well there's Flo on my left and there's Mary
on my right
And Janie is the girl well that I'll be with tonight
And when she asks me which one I love the best
I tear open my shirt I got Rosie on my chest
'Cause I'm a wanderer - yeah - I'm a wanderer
I roam around around around around around
Well I roam from town to town
I go through life without a care
I'm as happy as a clown
With my two fists of iron, but I'm going nowhere
I'm the type of guy that who likes to roam around
I'm never in one place, I roam from town to town
And when I find myself fallin' for some girl

90

Yeah, I hop right into that car of mine, I drive

around the world
Yeah I'm a wanderer, yeah I'm a wanderer
I roam around around around around around
around around
Yeah, I'm the type of guy who likes to roam
around
I'm never in one place, I roam from town to town
And when I find myself fallin' for some girl yeah
I hop right into that car of mine, I drive around
the world
Yeah I'm a wanderer, yeah I'm a wanderer
I roam around around around around around
around
Yeah I'm a wanderer, Yeah I'm a wanderer
I roam around around around around around
around.

Anne. I knew thats what you were like, but youve

been lovely with me, attentive and considerate, I
thought we were friends.
Adam. You just dont get it do you?
Anne. Get what?

91

Adam. Look, I set out to get you into bed, then I had
second thoughts, I have no idea why, well I do, youre
just too nice for the likes of me to take advantage of.
Anne. You make me sound like a Nun.
Adam. Youre not a Nun, but youre used to something
better than me, youre used to being given flowers,
presents, all the things nice guys give to nice girls.
Youre never going to get them from me. Alan was a
one off; youre going to have trouble finding someone
whos anywhere near like him. If I were you Id settle for
your memories, because if you try to replace him,
youre going to be sorely disappointed.
Anne. I thought...
Adam. Dont think anything. Im not the man you think
I am and Im definitely not the man you need. (He
sings I wont send roses).
I won't send roses
Or hold the door

92

I won't remember
Which dress you wore
My heart is too much in control
The lack of romance in my soul
Will turn you grey, kid
So stay away, kid
Forget my shoulder
When you're in need
Forgetting birthdays
Is guaranteed
And should I love you, you would be
The last to know
I won't send roses
And roses suit you so
My pace is frantic
My temper's cross
With words romantic
I'm at a loss
I'd be the first one to agree
That I'm preoccupied with me
And it's inbred, kid
So keep your head, kid
In me you'll find things
Like guts and nerve
But not the kind of things
That you deserve
And so while there's a fighting chance
Just turn and go
I won't send roses
And roses suit you so.

93

Anne. What if I said I didnt want roses?

Adam. Thats the trouble, you do, and you deserve
them. Look Anne lets call it a day; Im sorry I led you
on but its time I was gone out of your life. Im not sure
what you need but it certainly isnt me. (He gets up
and walks out).
(Anne sits there devastated. Chris realises
something has happened and comes over).
Waiter. Are you okay Mrs. Kirkham? Is there anything I
can do?
Anne. Thanks Chris but no, theres nothing anyone
can do. I think Ive got all I need.
Waiter. Are you sure?
Anne. Yes, Im sure.
(The waiter leaves slowly).
Anne. (Taking out her picture of Alan). If I have
nothing else I still have you.

94

(She sings They cant take that away from me).

There are many many crazy things
That will keep me loving you
And with your permission
May I list a few
The way you wore your hat
The way you sipped your tea
The memory of all that
No they can't take that away from me
The way your smile just beamed
The way you sang off key
The way you haunt my dreams
No they can't take that away from me
We may never never meet again, on that bumpy road
to love
But I'll always, always keep the memory of
The way you held your knife
The way we danced till three
The way you changed my life
No they can't take that away from me

(The scene changes to the two couples).

John. How long does it take to get a marriage licence?

95

Barbara. I have no idea, but lets get one as quick as

we can before we both have an attack of common
sense.
John. I agree, lets keep common sense out of this. Tell
you what, why dont we have the reception in here? Ill
get Sam to lay on some food and a bit of music, itll be
a hoot.
(The scene ends with them all laughing).
Act Four.
(The club a month later.) Everyone apart from
John, Barbara, James and Anne are already in the
club listening to the band play some soft, quiet
music. The happy couple enter amid cheers).
Bobby. Three cheers for the happy couple, hip hip,
hooray, hip hip, hooray, hip hip, hooray.
(Everyone gathers around wishing the couple
luck).

96

Barbara. Is anyone going to get me a drink?

(Champagne is handed to both Barbara and
John).
John. Id rather have a pint.
Barbara. Philistine!!
John. Yes, but Im your Philistine.
Barbara. Yes you are, so do as youre told and drink
the champagne.
John. (Feigning subservience). Certainly oh mighty
one.
(They all laugh).
Barbara. (Directed at the band). What on earth are
they playing? Come on liven things up a bit cant you.
Bandleader. Certainly Madam, what do you fancy?
Barbara. Well not that dire stuff youve been playing,
come on lets Rip it Up.

97

(The band play Rip it up and everyone joins in).

Well, it's Saturday night and I just got paid,
Fool about my money, don't try to save,
My heart says go go, have a time,
Saturday night and I'm feelin' fine,

I'm gonna rock it up, I'm gonna rip it up,

I'm gonna shake it up, gonna ball it up,
I'm gonna rock it up, and ball tonight.

Got me a date and I won't be late,

Picked her up in my 88,
Dance on down by the union hall,
When the joint starts jumpin' I'll have a ball,
I'm gonna rock it up, ...

'Long about ten I'll be flying high,

Walk on out unto the sky,
But I don't care if I spend my dough,

98

'Cause tonight I'm gonna be one happy soul,

I'm gonna rock it up, ...
Ipe
(As they finish they all laugh and start a babble
of excited talking. At the back James appears and
Carol sees him and the curtain closes)
THE END.

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