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Martinez-Nava
Adrianne Martinez-Nava
Professor Beadle
English 115
4 October 2016
Growing up by the Rules
Everyone deals with the pressures from society to behave a certain way. When we think
about gender, we think about male versus female. We feel the need to either conform to the male
or female gender role. We do not realize that these rules are nothing more than society trying to
tell us what to do and how to act. These gender roles that are forced upon us our not based on our
biology; They are based on stereotypes and false ideologies. Growing up is when all of this is
ingrained into our heads and most of it is done by our parents. Parents are the biggest enforcers
gender roles onto their children. Since birth, parents force society constructed gender stereotypes
upon their children. Through interaction, toys and clothing, children are taught by their parents
how to be a girl and how to be a boy. These rules created by society keep people from expressing
themselves how they truly want to and naturally would.
Gender is a social construction, not our biology. Society has made us believe that
masculinity and femininity is in our biology. We are taught that men are born to be strong while
women are supposed delicate. For human beings there is no essential femaleness or maleness,
femininity or masculinity, womanhood or manhood, but once gender is ascribed, the social order
constructs and holds individuals to strongly gendered norms and expectations. (Lorber 25) The
words sex and gender are not interchangeable. Sex is assigned to us when we are born, based
on the genitalia we are born with. The way we want to behave or express ourselves is not based
on our sex, but we are taught that it should be. In Becoming Members of Society: The Social

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Meanings of Gender, Devor says, As we move through our lives, society demands
different gender performances from us and rewards, tolerated, or punishes us differently for
conformity to, or digression from, social norms. (Devor 35) We are pressured by society not to
stray from the gender norms. People who choose not to conform to the gender roles often get
shunned for it.
Parents are the enforcers of societys gender norms. Parents teach their children since the
day they are born that males must me masculine and females must be feminine. Parents do not
usually react well to gender nonconformity. After giving various examples of parents reactions
to their children straying from gender roles, Emily W. Kane states in her article, Notable
throughout these comments is the sense that parents are carefully balancing an openness to some
crossing of gender boundaries but only within limits... (Kane 94) She explains how although
some parents can be a bit more lenient about it, there are boundaries. Parents fear the judgment
that their children will receive from society if they stray from the gender norms. Parents want
what is best for their children and they know that we are living in a society where being different
doesnt normally end well. Society tries so hard to keep everyone as uniform as possible and
anyone who is an outlier will be left in the dust.
Society has made it simple for us to fall into the male and female gender roles. When
babies are born they are immediately gendered. Lorber says, Most parents create a gendered
world for their newborn by naming, birth announcements, and dress. (Lorber 25) There are
names that are exclusively for boys and likewise for girls. Pink balloons for a baby girl and blue
balloons for a boy are waiting in hospital rooms as soon as they are being born. Even toys teach
children how to behave. Toys for boys tend to encourage exploration, manipulation, invention,

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construction and aggression. In contrast girls toys typically rate high on manipulability, but also
creativity, nurturance, and attractiveness. (Renzetti and Curran 82) Toys are a subliminal way to
teach children how to act according to their gender. Teaching little girls to play with baby dolls
and kitchen sets shows them that women are primary caretakers and are the ones who are
supposed to cook. Toys feed the gender stereotypes we face everyday. Additionally, clothing is
another big way we are forced to conform. Small details such as colors of clothing makes it
either masculine or feminine There is nothing in a females biology that makes them want to
only wear pink. Color should have nothing to do with being a male or female.
Growing up in our society is not always easy. In my personal experience I never felt
much pressure by my parents to behave a certain way. There was never a time where I felt like I
couldnt do something or act some way because of my gender. I played baseball since a young
age and even though I was one of just a few other girls who played on various teams, I never felt
out of place or like I did not belong there. I know of many parents who put their boys on sports
teams and girls in dance classes. Sports are stereotypically for boys because they are more
competitive and at times aggressive. Girls are put in dance classes to be perceived as more
graceful and beautiful. However, one way my parents did not necessarily conform to societys
gender norms is by naming me. Adrian is normally a boys name and I have received strange
looks or questions when I say my name out loud to people. Although the spelling of my name,
Adrianne, makes it look more feminine it has the same pronunciation as the traditionally male
name, Adrian. Something as simple as a name can really make some people very uncomfortable.
People hesitate repeating my name because usually they dont expect a girl to be named
Adrianne.

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As members of our society, we try our best to fit in and not cause any disruptions. There
are rules that we follow when we are growing up that we are subconsciously afraid to stray from.
We always feel the need to conform and even if we know that we should not have to, we find
ourselves too afraid to step out of the box and be different. Gender roles are enforced not only by
society but heavily by our parents. Children, specifically, are targeted to learn how to act
according to their genders. No matter how hard we try to be unique, society always tries to keep
us all the same as much as possible.

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Works Cited
Devor, Aaron Becoming Members of Society: The Social Meanings of Gender. Composing
Gender. 2014. Pp 35-43
Kane, Emily. No Way My Boys Are Going to Be Like That: Parents Responses to Childrens
Gender Nonconformity. Composing Gender. 2014. Pp 91-97
Lorber, Judith. Night to His Day: The Social Construction of Gender Composing Gender
2014. Pp 19-30
Renzetti, Claire, Curran, Daniel. From Women, Men, and Society. Composing Gender 2014. Pp
76-84