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by Maria Estrada

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EDIT ORIAL_ENGLISH_301.PDF (1.01M)

T IME SUBMIT T ED

09-NOV-2016 10:10PM

WORD COUNT

1722

SUBMISSION ID

735063303

CHARACT ER COUNT

9202

this might
work better as
a numbered
list? It's kind

great start on your thesis: you've got the "although

clause" and the claim. can you add the "because clause," too?

of hard to
read a long
list like this
and
remember the
items.

what was
corrected?
what was the
issue with the
first one? or,
perhaps you
should delete
this altogether
and just focus
on defining
and defending
the act.?
don't mention
changes or
"modifications"
unless you're
going to discuss
them.

explain

you could improve this essay by "chunking" your

material into sections, like the above material could be a
"background" or "history" section that follows your "intro"
section.

remove info about Brown's cancers unless you're going

to use them to prove the bill should stay a law.

instead of giving us so
much detail about this
case, why not use it to
show that some patients
did move to get the
drugs, and then use that

use words to
distinguish
here, like "on
the other
hand"

good attention to
broad audience

what is them?

need to say who "I" is.

italicize journal titles

conscious isn't the same as mentally healthy.

I think breaking your work into chunks

w/ headings (sections)will help you to
write more unified paragraphs. Each P
should cover just one topic.

Untitled
GRADEMARK REPORT
FINAL GRADE

GENERAL COMMENTS

84

Instructor

/150

PAGE 1

Text Comment.

this might work better as a numbered list? It's kind of hard to read a long
list like this and remember the items.

Text Comment.

great start on your thesis: you've got the "although

clause" and the claim. can you add the "because clause," too?
PAGE 2

Text Comment.

what was corrected? what was the issue with the f irst one? or, perhaps
you should delete this altogether and just f ocus on def ining and def ending the act.?

Text Comment.

don't mention changes or "modif ications" unless you're going to discuss

them.

Text Comment.

explain

Text Comment.

you could improve this essay by "chunking" your material into sections, like
the above material could be a "background" or "history" section that f ollows your "intro" section.
PAGE 3

Text Comment.

remove inf o about Brown's cancers unless you're going

to use them to prove the bill should stay a law.

Text Comment.

instead of giving us so much detail about this case, why not use it to
show that some patients did move to get the drugs, and then use that as one of your "reasons"

f or passing the law?

PAGE 4

Text Comment.

use words to distinguish here, like "on the other hand"

Text Comment.

good attention to

broad audience
PAGE 5

QM

Text Comment.

what is them?

Text Comment.

need to say who "I" is.

Text Comment.

italicize journal titles

Proof read
Proof read caref ully to identif y and correct simple errors like those in this sentence.

Text Comment.

conscious isn't the same as mentally healthy.

Text Comment.

I think breaking your work into chunks w/ headings (sections)will help you
to write more unif ied paragraphs. Each P should cover just one topic.
PAGE 6

QM

apa mla ref list

Use Purdue OWL to discover the proper content and f ormatting of these entries.

PAGE 7
PAGE 8

RUBRIC: EDITORIALS RUBRIC

RHET FOCUS

Advanced

Write f or a specif ic audience and purpose.

ABSENT OR BELOW Audience's needs are of ten not recognized: terms and ideas need explanation and
BASIC
language needs adjustment f or the audience. Purpose (to argue a position

persuasively) isn't clear or achieved.

DEVELOPING

Shows some attention to audience's needs, sometimes def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to argue a position
persuasively) may be unclear at times, and it may not be achieved convincingly.

PROFICIENT

Usually shows attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and ideas
and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to argue a position persuasively)
may be implied, but it's clear and achieved.

ADVANCED

Shows sophisticated attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to argue a position
persuasively) is clear and achieved with style.

ET HICAL RES

Prof icient

Using the appropriate majors customary citation style, ethically cite and communicate inf ormation f rom a
variety of discipline-appropriate sources.
ABSENT OR BELOW Omits or uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
BASIC
marks incorrectly. Drops quotations and ideas into text without introducing source.

Frequently uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources or relies exclusively on one

source.
DEVELOPING

A f ew errors in discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation

marks. Of ten includes sources without introduction in cases when introduction is
necessary and discipline appropriate. Sometimes relies too heavily on a single source
or uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources.

PROFICIENT

Correctly uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
marks. Usually introduces each source f ully (as necessary and discipline-appropriate)
reader knows who did the research or communicating, f or whom, and why. Use of
sources is usually diverse, relevant and persuasive.

ADVANCED

Correctly uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
marks. Introduces each source f ully (as necessary and discipline-appropriate)
reader knows who did the research or communicating, f or whom, and why. Use of
sources is always diverse, relevant and persuasive.

PERSUASION

Prof icient

Compare, evaluate, synthesize, and communicate caref ully, objectively, and persuasively the relative merits
of alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and cultural values. Integrate this evaluative work into
a persuasive argument.

ABSENT OR BELOW Fails to support claims with relevant reasoning and/or specif ic evidence. Objectivity,
BASIC
balance, and a controlling idea may be lacking.
DEVELOPING

Attempts to support claims with reasoning and evidence, but specif icity and/or
objectivity may be lacking. A controlling idea may be missing or implied. Objectivity and
balance may be weak or f lawed.

PROFICIENT

Usually supports the controlling idea and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough,
and insightf ul reasoning and specif ic evidence. Usually maintains objectivity and
balance in argumentation.

ADVANCED

Supports the controlling idea and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough, and
insightf ul reasoning and specif ic evidence. Maintains objectivity and balance in
argumentation.

ORGANIZ AT ION

Prof icient

Organize, f ocus, and communicate ones thoughts clearly and ef f ectively to address a rhetorical situation.
ABSENT OR BELOW Organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic sentences,
BASIC
transitions) may be absent, unrelated to the prompt, or illogically connected. Ps

contain multiple topics or are disorganized.

DEVELOPING

Organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic sentences,

transitions) f it the prompt, but may be vague, too broad, or inconsistenly or illogically
linked. Ps may not be unif ied.

PROFICIENT

Clear organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic

sentences, transitions) f it the prompt and tie ideas and topics together adequately.
Ps are usually unif ied.

ADVANCED

Clear, specif ic organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, headings, transitions)

f it the prompt and tie ideas and topics together logically and seamlessly. Paragraphs
are unif ied.

LANG & DESIGN

Prof icient

Recognize, evaluate, and employ the f eatures and contexts of language and design that express and
inf luence meaning and that demonstrate sensitivity to gender and cultural dif f erences.
ABSENT OR BELOW Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability. Lanuage may ref lect
BASIC
a gender or cultural bias. Design may be unconventional and inef f ective.
DEVELOPING

Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors of ten impede readability or otherwise

distract f rom meaning. Lanuage may occasionally suggest a gender or cultural bias.
Design may be inconventional or inef f ective.

PROFICIENT

Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors are f ew and do not distract f rom
meaning. Lanuage respects gender and cultural dif f erences. Design is conventional
and ef f ective.

ADVANCED

Outstanding control of language, including ef f ective diction and sentence variety.

Lanuage respects gender and cultural dif f erences. Design is conventional and
ef f ective.