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BONDS

'Self Talk': When Talking to Yourself, the

Way You Do It Makes a Difference
Expertsinsportspsychologysayselftalkshouldbesupportive,not
ByEL IZABETH BER N STEIN
negativesay'you'insteadof'I'
May5,20146:53p.m.ET

Therearetwowaysto"selftalk"toyourself,andeachonecanhaveapositiveornegativeeffect.ElizabethBernsteinjoins
LunchBreaktodiscuss.Photo:Getty.

Doyouevertalktoyourself?
Behonest.
Researcherssaytalkingtoyourself,outloud,ismorecommonthanmanyofusmightcaretoadmit.
Psychologistscallit"selftalk"andsayhowwedoitmakesabigdifferenceinbothourmoodandour
behavior.
Mostpeopleengageinselftalk,expertssay,thoughsomedoitlouderandmoreoftenthanothers.WhenI
asked,Iheardfrompeoplewhotalktothemselvesinthebasement,intheircubicleatworkandatthe
urinalinthemen'sroom.Onewomanturnsthecarradiodownsoshecanhearherselfbetter.
Selftalkiswhathappenswhenyoumakeyourselfthetargetofyourowncomments,adviceorreminders.
Expertsconsideritasubsetofthinking.You'rehavingaconversationwithyourself.

Myfathertalkstohimselfprettymucheverywhere,including
atthedinnertable.Heismoreinterestedthananyoneelseis
inwhathehastosay,hesays.Hetaughtmytwosisters
andmetohighfiveourselveswhenwedosomethingwell.
Sometimesselftalkisautomatic.Othertimeswedoit
deliberatelytoinfluenceourownbehavior."Whathappens
withselftalkisyoustimulateyouraction,directyouraction
andevaluateyouraction,"saysAntonisHatzigeorgiadis,
associateprofessorattheUniversityofThessalyinTrikala,
Greece,whostudiesselftalkandthepsychologyofsports
performance.
Motivationalselftalkincludeswhatwesaytopsych
ourselvesup:"Comeon!""Let'sgo!""Youcandothis!"
Instructionalselftalkwalksusthroughaspecifictask.Ifyou
aredriving,youmighttellyourselftoturnrightatthenext
light,andthenyoudoit."Itsoundssimple,butyougetthecorrectreaction,"saysDr.Hatzigeorgiadis.
TellItLikeItIs|It'sOKtotalktoyourself,withhonest
feedbackandencouragement,expertssay.KyleT.
Webster

Instructionalselftalkishelpfulwhenlearningorpracticinganewsportortask,hesays.Forexample,a
swimmercanremindhimselftokeephiselbowhighduringfreestyle.Beforegivingaspeech,someone
mighttellherself,"Speakslower"and"Makeeyecontact."
Itisimportanttobeshort,preciseandconsistent."Youhavetosustainit,"Dr.Hatzigeorgiadissays."You
instructyourselfuntilitbecomesautomatic."

WSJ Radio
GordonDealtalkstoElizabethBernstein
abouttheresultsoftalkingtoyourself.
00:00 |
00:00

Thewayyouaddressyourselfmatters,too.Research
publishedintheJournalofPersonalityandSocial
PsychologyinFebruaryfoundpeoplewhospoketo
themselvesasanotherpersonwouldusingtheirownname
orthepronoun"you"performedbetterunderstressthan
peoplewhousedtheword"I."

Inonestudy,UniversityofMichiganresearchersinducedstressinparticipantsbytellingthemtheyhadto
prepareaspeechtogivetoapanelofjudgesabouttheirqualificationsforadreamjob.Theyweregiven
fiveminutestoprepareandtoldtheycouldn'tusenotes.
Halftheparticipantswereinstructedtoworkthroughtheiranxietyusingthefirstpersonpronoun("Whyam
Inervous?").Theotherhalfweretoldtoaddressthemselvesbynameorthepronoun"you"("Whyareyou
nervous?").Afterward,eachparticipantwasaskedtoestimatehowmuchshameheorsheexperienced
rightafterthespeech,andhowmuchsubsequentruminatingtheydid.
Theresultswereconsistent:Peoplewhoseselftalkusedtheirnamesor"you"reportedlessshameand
ruminatedlessthantheoneswhoused"I."Thejudgesfoundtheperformancesofthoseusing"you"tobe
moreconfident,lessnervousandmorepersuasive.
Whenpeoplethinkofthemselvesasanotherperson,"itallowsthemtogivethemselvesobjective,helpful
feedback,"saysEthanKross,associateprofessorofpsychologyanddirectoroftheSelfControland
EmotionLaboratoryattheUniversityofMichigan.

DonIngraham,a77yearoldretiredchiefexecutiveofachemicaldistributioncompany,hasbeentalkingto
himselfformorethan70years.Hewasalonelychildhisbrothersweremucholderandinventedthree
imaginaryfriends,BobbyPalmer,BobbyEngineandAinsleyOates,withwhomhehadregular
conversations.
Asanadult,Mr.Ingrahamcomplimentshimselfwhenhedoessomethingwell,suchasthelevelbasehe
builtforanoutdoorsinkontheflagstonepatioathisAustinCountyranch,inTexas.
"Goodjob!"hesaidtohimself."Youtookthetimetomakeitright."Sometimes,hescoldshimself.Hesays
it'shisconsciencespeaking.Whilecleaninguptreebranchesafteranicestormthiswinter,heaccidentally
jabbedasharpstickintohisarm."Iusedsomebarnyardwordsthatfollowtheword'dumb,'"hesays.
Bothpositiveandnegativewordscaninfluenceusinpositiveandnegativeways.Saytoyourself,"Thisjob
interviewisgoingtobeacakewalk,"andyoumightnotgetpumpedupenoughtoaceit.Conversely,tell
yourself,"Youjustlostthatmatch,youneedtofocusharder,"anditcouldspuryoutodobetterinthe
future.
Withcriticalselftalk,identifywhyyouarebeingnegativeandfocusonmakingitbetter.Don'tsay:"I
bombedthatpresentation."Say:"Thatwasn'tyourbesteffort.Youneedtobuckledownnowandtry
harder."
KathyGruver,a44yearoldalternativemedicinepractitionerinSantaBarbara,Calif.,oncemadeherself
crywhiletalkingtoherselfaboutwhattosaytoherthenboyfriend,whohadn'tcalledwhenhesaidhe
would.
Sincethen,shehaslearnedtospeaktoherselfpositively.Sherepeatsdailyaffirmations,coachesherself
onhandlingdifficultclientsandwalksthroughthestepsofherflyingtrapezeworkout."Ithinkit'shealthyto
talktoyourself,"shesays."ThrowyourBluetoothin,sopeoplethinkyou'reonthephone,andletitallout."

WritetoElizabethBernsteinatElizabeth.Bernstein@wsj.com,orfollowheronFacebookandTwitterat
EBernsteinWSJ.
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