HE NEVER LEAVES ME THAT I KNOW

My family came back for good from Perak eleven years ago got me
thinking well this is it back to square one starts all over again.
My
children automatically switched on to Sabahan dialect and adjusted life
nicely with their new friends.
The first few months we were a bit chaotic
for we were trying to go along with the new surrounding and uncertain
circumstances.
Though difficult, we still managed to fulfill the divine
calls. The first time we went to church, I saw someone very familiar, nonother than the man himself, Rev. Fr. Jalius Sading.
He invited us to the
rectory and we were very happy to have met. Catching up old stories and
sharing our whereabouts gave us the good feelings and relief knowing
that our old friend was serving the Lord here in St. Peter Kudat. Things
carried on great I knew then that my longing to serve the Lord was right
there.
A nice lady approached me, asking me to help out at the Sunday school
and to my surprise to be a god mother to one of the RCIA group. I was
thinking well, that was fast. Immediately I accepted the offer. For a long
time, I have been thinking about how it would be a wonderful moment to
be back again after leaving the choir group for more than 25 years. So,
together with other friends I tried my best to be part of the catechetical
committee. Year in and year out, God has call me to be His instrument in
the liturgy and masses. I found peace at heart.
Then, the dark cloud overcast our lives. Someone who is very dear to me
was down with a long felt sickness and he was getting worst.
I did
everything from believing to the hospital diagnoses right to the
alternative which was out of the church beliefs.
I was willing to do
whatever it was as long as my love one got better.
I did not deny that I
lost my way to God. I felt I have lost touched with the Lord. With anger I
kept questioning God, why on earth was He permitted this horrible test
happened to me.
Slowly I started doubting my faith. I asked God where
was He. Did He not see me? I was in a big hot soup and He was not there
for me. I thought about my children, they were still too young. How am I
supposed to explain to them the problem? Then, I cried alone one night
and started to pray.
I said my pray with my whole mind and soul and
cried my heart out to the Lord. I opened the bible, and directly on this
verse, John 14:18 I will not leave you all alone like orphans; I will come
back to you. I cried joyously because I believe He will not leave me. I
hold on to His word. I kept on crying to God whenever I felt hopeless and
helpless. With the support prayers from friends in the church, the Lord
heard my prayer.
I put my trust totally to the Lord and He did not leave
me.
I didnt realize it then, but the Holy Spirit was telling me that I should
know the answer to it, but I did not. I had prayed to God over the years,
but for the first time in my life, I sincerely began seeking Him with all of
my heart. I asked Him to show me the truth, no matter what it would mean
for my life. I sensed He was talking to my heart, and stopped what I was
doing to simply wait on Him. He told me that I desperately needed Him,
that He had died so that I could know Him and be with Him, and that if I
believed Him and walked with Him, everything in my life would change for
good, spiritually. His mercy and love were abundantly showered on me.

His indescribable peace and joy flooded me, and agape love entered into
my being. I know now that He is closer and more loving than any friend
could ever be, and I want to be in His will in all things. So many times I
have acted in many strikingly un-Christ like ways; yet, He never failed to
show me His mercy and forgiveness as I have struggled to conform myself
to the Word of God. He has given me wisdom where I have been ignorant
and inept. He has shown me how to be more kind and compassionate
when I felt disgust, and wanted to walk away from problems or people. He
has given me more patience and peace when I wanted to blow my top. I
finally came to know He Who Is, The Creator of the Universe, and Who
Saves Through the Power of His Life, Death, and Resurrection.
By;

JUNE
3 OCTOBER 2016
YEAR OF MERCY