HKU SPACE Community

College

Intra- & Interpersonal Competencies

Becoming A
Positive Listener

What is listening?
Hearing = Listening?
Listening

is an active, complex process that

consists of:
u
u
u
u
u
u

Mindfulness
Physically receiving messages
Selecting and organizing messages
Interpreting Communication
Responding
Remembering

Mindfulness

The first step of listening

Mindfulness Is

u
u

being fully present in the moment

tune in fully to another person and try to
understand what the person is
communicating
Listening without imposing our own ideas,
judgments or feelings

Mindfulness is a choice

Physically receiving messages

Hearing
u
u

A physiological activity
Sound waves hit our eardrums, hence we
beware of noises

A prerequisite of listening
Interfered by environmental factors e.g.
noise or fatigue
Some gender differences on content of
listening

Selecting and Organizing Material

Selection can be based on

u
u
u

Our interest
Expectations
Culture etc.

Intense, loud, unusual stimuli catch our

attention
Organize stimuli after selection, understand
not only content but speakers emotions
We construct others and their communication
u

KEEP PERCEPTIONS TENTATIVE AND OPEN

TO REVISION

Interpreting Communication
To

be person-centered
Engage in dual perspective with the speaker
Dont impose our meanings on others, or trying to
correct or argue with them.
u Understand others perspective on her/his terms
u Make an earnest effort to understand, even though
you may not agree with her or him
u

Responding
Communicating

attention and interest

Signs of effective responding include:
Attentive posture
u Nodding
u Making eye contact
u Giving verbal responses such as mm-hmm
and go on
u Questions and comments inviting others
elaborations
u

Remembering

< 50% of a message remembered immediately

Only 35% of a message recalled 8 hours after

hearing it
(Adler & Proctor, 2015)

LET GO DETAILS AND

RETAIN IMPORTANT CONTENT

OBSTACLES TO MINDFUL
LISTENING

EXTERNAL OBSTACLES
1. Message overload
To decide when to listen carefully or superficially
(Todorov, Chaiken, & Henderson, 2002)

2. Message complexity
Summon up extra energy
Taking notes, asking questions for clarification etc.

3. Noise
Move away from a noisy area
Turn off mobile phone

OBSTACLES TO MINDFUL
LISTENING
INTERNAL

OBSTACLES
1. Preoccupation
u

Absorbed in our own thoughts and concerns

2. Prejudgment
u

Prejudge others or their communication, thinking

we already know what is going to be said

3. Reacting to emotionally loaded language

u

Words that evoke strong responses, either positive

or negative
Less critical/thoughtful when listen

OBSTACLES TO MINDFUL
LISTENING
4. Lack of effort
u

Deferring the communication can be appropriate

5. Failure to adapt listening styles

u

Listening for information, to support others, for

pleasure.
Differences in listening rules based on membership
in gender, race etc..

Forms of Nonlistening
1.

Pseudolistening
u
u

2.

Pretend to listen
Tangential or irrelevant responses delivered

Monopolizing
u

Focusing communication on ourselves instead

of listening to others
a) Conversational rerouting => topic back to
him/herself
b) Interrupt to divert attention from the speaker to
ourselves or to the topics that interest us

Forms of Nonlistening
3. Selective listening
u

Screen out parts of a message that dont interest us, or

make us uneasy

4. Defensive Listening
u

Perceiving personal attacks, criticisms, or hostility in

communication that is not critical or mean-spirited

5. Ambushing
u

Listening carefully for attacking a speaker

6. Literal Listening
u

Listening only for content and ignore the relationship

level of meaning

Adapting listening to
communication goals
1.

Listening for pleasure

u
u

2.

Mindful
Control distractions

Listening for information

u
u
u
u
u

Dont wander when information gets complicated

Control both internal and external obstacles
Ask questions for clarification
Use aids to recall
Organize information

Adapting listening to
communication goals
3. Listening for supporting others
u

concentrate on the hidden meanings behind

the content
understand the emotions and needs of the
speaker
avoid judgmental responses at the beginning,
yet, honest feedback should be delivered

Minimal encouragers:
Verbal: mmh uh-huh Really? Im with you, go
on I see.
Nonverbal: head nod, widened eyes, maintain a steady
eye contact

Paraphrasing
Reflecting the content or meaning

Expressing support

Conclusion
Be mindful;
Adapt listening appropriately;
Listen actively
Listening is never an easy task.
Keep learning how to improve it
throughout your life!

References
Adler, R., & Proctor, R. (2014). Looking out/ looking in (14th
ed.). Boston, MA: Belmont.
Corey, G., Corey, M. S., Wood, J.T., Weiten, W., Dunn, D. S.,
& Hammer, E.Y. (2016). Intra- and interpersonal
competencies. HK: Cengage Learning.