ARISE

AWAKE
A call to wake you up
from your unconsciousness

ARISE

AWAKE
A call to wake you up
from your unconsciousness
By
DR. P. V. VAIDYANATHAN

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Copyright Dr. P. V. Vaidyanathan, 2011
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DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to Swami Vivekananda, Osho and

J. Krishnamurthi, 3 great Indian souls who walked this earth,
spreading knowledge and awareness, and whose flavor and
fragrance will be found throughout this book. I reproduce
below a brilliant passage by Swami Vivekananda, which
effectively sums up everything I want to say through this book.
Do you know how much energy, how many powers,
how many forces are still lurking behind that frame of yours?
What scientist has known all that is in man? Millions of years
have passed since man first came here and yet but one
infinitesimal part of his powers has been manifested. Therefore,
you must not say that you are weak. How do you know what
possibilities lie, behind that degradation on the surface? You
know but little of that which is within you. For behind you is the
ocean of infinite power and blessedness.
Men are taught from childhood that they are weak and
sinners. Teach them that they are glorious children of
immortality, even those who are the weakest in manifestation.
Let positive, strong, helpful thought enter into their brains from
the very childhood. Lay yourselves open to these thoughts, and
not to weakening and paralyzing ones. Say to your own minds,

I am He (pure, free, immortal spirit), I am He (pure, free,

immortal spirit).

WEAKNESS IS SIN
What makes a man stand up and work? Strength. Strength
is goodness; weakness is sin. If there is one word that you find
coming out like a bomb from the Upanishads, bursting like a
bombshell upon masses of ignorance, it is the word fearlessness.
And the only religion that ought to be taught is the religion of
fearlessness. Either in this world or in the world of religion, it is
true that fear is the sure cause of degradation and sin. It is fear
that brings evil. And what causes fear? Ignorance of our own
nature.
Weakness leads to all kinds of misery, physical and mental.
Weak-ness is death. There are hundreds of thousands of
microbes surrounding us, but they cannot harm us unless we
become weak, until the body is ready and predisposed to receive
them. There may be a million microbes of misery, floating about
us. Never mind! They dare not approach us; they have no power
to get a hold on us, until the mind is weakened. This is the great
fact; strength is life; weakness is death; strength is felicity, life
eternal, immortal; weakness is constant strain and misery;
weakness is death.
We reap what we sow. We are makers of our own fate.
None else has the blame, none has the praise.
Religion is the greatest motive power for realizing that
infinite energy which is the birthright and nature of every man.
In building up character, in making for everything that is good
and great, in bringing peace to others and peace to ones own
self, religion is the highest motive power, and therefore, ought to

be studied from that standpoint. Religion must be studied on a

broader basis than formerly.
As the human mind broadens, its spiritual steps broaden
too. The time has already come when a man cannot record a
thought without its reaching to all corners of the earth; by
merely physical means, we have come into touch with the whole
world; so the future religions of the world have to become as
universal, as wide.

RELIGIOUS IDEALS
The religious ideals of the future must embrace all that
exists in the world and is good and great, and, at the same time,
have infinite scope for future development.
The power of religion, broadened and purified, is going to
penetrate every part of human life. So long as religion was in the
hands of a chosen few, or of a body of priests, it was in
temples, churches, books, dogmas, ceremonials, forms and
rituals. But when we come to the real, spiritual, universal
concept, then, and then alone, religion will become real and
living; it will come into our very nature, live in our every
movement, penetrate every pore of our society, and be infinitely
more a power for good than it has ever been before.
Aye, let every man and woman and child, without respect
of caste or birth, weakness or strength, hear and learn that
behind the strong and the weak, behind the high and the low,
behind every one, there is that Infinite Soul, insuring the infinite
possibility and the infinite capacity of all to become great and
good. Let us proclaim to every soul Arise, awake and stop not
till the goal is reached.
Teach yourselves, teach everyone his real nature, call upon

the sleeping soul and see how it awakes. Power will come, glory
will come, goodness will come, purity will come, and everything
that is excellent will come when this sleeping soul is roused to
self-conscious activity.
Bouquet of Thoughts, Swami Vivekananda

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I wish to thank following persons for being instrumental in

this journey called life, and especially in the successful completion
of this book. Apart from my parents, my wife Rama, and my
son Arvind, following persons have actively contributed their
thoughts to this book.
1) Mr. P. Vyasamoorthy, Society for Serving Seniors,
Secunderabad
2) Dr. Y. K. Ambdekar, senior Pediatrician, Mumbai
3) Mr. Parthip Tyagarajan, entrepreneur, writer, trainer and
blogger, Navi Mumbai
4) Koosraj Kora Venciah, Mauritius
5) Ms. Shobha Nair, Editor, Dignity Foundation
6) Mr. Sailesh Mishra, founder, Silver Innings
7) Mr. Manoj Khatri, my spiritual sparring partner and
good friend
8) Mr. Mani Shankar, writer and film director, Hyderabad
9) All my Facebook friends, who give me excellent
encouragement and feedback on all my notes and posts

CONTENTS

DEDICATION
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
PREFACE
THE NEED TO AWAKEN
TOWARDS ONENESS
THINKING ABOUT THINKING

5
9
13
17
24
30

LIFE
IS LIFE A PROBLEM?
WHAT IS YOUR ACCEPTANCE THRESHOLD?
HAVE YOU ACCEPTED YOURSELF?
PERSON WITHOUT PERSONALITY
LIFE IS ENERGY
OUR BIGGEST ENEMY US
CONSCIOUSNESS AND COURAGE
BEING UNPRETENTIOUS
HOW UNDERSTANDING HELPS
DISCOVERING YOURSELF
THREE STAGES TO NIRVANA

41
52
58
66
78
84
93
97
100
103
109

HAPPINESS
WHY WE ARE UNHAPPY OVER OTHERS HAPPINESS

115

SEEK HAPPINESS, NOT SORROW

EXPLORING HAPPINESS
RE-DEFINING HAPPINESS
HAPPINESS AND MONEY

118
122
127
132

GOD, RELIGION AND

BLIND FAITH
UNDERSTANDING BLIND FAITH
WHERE IS GOD?
RELIGION: POISON OR NECTAR?
RE-DISCOVERING THE HUMAN BEING
GOD WANTS US TO BE HAPPY
GOD IS NOT FOOLISH

139
143
154
168
173
176

TRUTH
TRUTH IS NON-TRANSFERRABLE
THE TRUTH ABOUT ULITMATE FREEDOM
TRUTH DOES NOT NEED ANY SUPPORT
ATTAINING THE TRUE SELF
MEDITATION THE FINAL GATEWAY TO THE TRUTH
RELIGION AND TRUTH
WHY YOUR BELIEF OFTEN BECOMES YOUR TRUTH

183
187
189
191
194
197
201

ISSUES WHEN YOU ARE OLD

RETIREMENT: THE VEDIC PERSPECTIVE
BRIDGING THE GENERATION GAP
LONLINESS VERSUS INDEPENDENCE
ABUSE OF ELDERS
RESISTING CHANGE AND SUFFERING
THE GREATEST FEAR
CONCLUSION

213
219
222
226
231
237
244

PREFACE

Beyond the senses are the objects, beyond the objects is the
mind, beyond the mind is the intellect and beyond the intellect
is the great Atman.
Beyond the Atman is the un-manifested, beyond the unmanifested is the cosmic soul, and beyond the cosmic soul, there
is nothing. That is the end, that is the goal.
The Atman hides in all beings, and does not shine forth;
but it is seen by subtle seers through keen and subtle
understanding.
A wise man should control speech by mind, mind by
intellect, intellect by the great Atman, and that by the Supreme
Self.
Arise, awake and learn the spirituality by approaching the
Excellent One (Realized Master). The wise one describes the
path to be as impassable as a sharp razors edge, which when
sharpened, is difficult to tread on.
Katha Upanashid
Arise, Awake, the title of this book is derived from two
sources one, from the verse of the Katha Upanishad above,
and secondly, from the universally famous statement issued by
Swami Vivekananda, which reads Awake, Arise, and stop not
till the goal is reached.
PREFACE

13

In the normal sense, all of us go to sleep at night, and

wake up in the morning. This is the physical awakening of the
body and mind. This is a daily routine, a daily requirement, but
that alone is not enough for man. Birds and animals also do this,
every morning. It is not something that you do, but something
that happens naturally. Sleeping, and waking up after sleep, is an
instinct, something that is mandatory for our survival. Hence, we
are not interested in the normal awakening that we all do, from
our sleep. What is more important, and what I wish to
accomplish through this book, is awakening, in the metaphysical
sense. This means awakening from the deep slumber of
ignorance, from the deep sleep of conditionings, and awakening
from the drug like sedative effect of the ego. When we talk of
awakening, we are talking of awakening of our consciousness,
our awareness. We are talking of the awakening of our soul,
awakening of that innermost core of ourselves, which, it is said,
never sleeps, but which is now covered by centuries of dust and
dirt, which needs to be cleaned, for the innermost core to be
seen, to shine through. It is known by many names soul,
conscience, consciousness, Atman, Brahmin, super-soul, God,
Being, or just It. In all probability, it is something that is
indescribable, something that can only be felt, or experienced.
And it is this awakening that we are talking about.
Why we should awaken at all, is discussed in the very first
chapter of this book which is titled The Need to Awaken.
Most of us would say, But I am awake, I know what I am
doing. That is just our illusion. From morning to night on any
day, if you were to become aware, you will realise how much
your life actually moves in an automatic state, in an unconscious
state. How often are we actually aware of what we are doing?
For example, when we are brushing out teeth, we are thinking

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ARISE, AWAKE

of something else, when we are drinking our cup of tea, we are

focussed on the morning newspaper or television, when we are
having a bath, we are thinking what to wear and about our day
ahead, when we are travelling to work, we are thinking about
the presentation or meeting that will happen when we reach our
place of work in short, we are rarely focussed on the activity
that we are doing, but usually on something else. If someone
says something about us that is nice, we are happy. If someone
says something nasty, we are angry or sad. We shout at someone
at the drop of a hat, we often cry at the drop of a hat. In all
this, we rarely pause to think who we really are, whether what
the other person is saying about us is true or false, whether it
should matter to us at all, whether we should react at all we
just react instantly from our conditioned, unconscious state.
Behind most of our day to day conflicts is our ignorance,
our conditionings, our beliefs, our blind faith and our ego.
Behind many of todays problems are superstitions, myths,
outdated traditions and religious indoctrinations. Many of our
problems today are because of our inability to see ourselves for
what we really are. This book is an attempt to go beyond these
issues, and to help the reader awaken and emerge from this self
constructed cocoon, into a bright new world, where everyone is
equal, where the only two divisions among human beings are
those designed by Nature, namely man and woman, where we
can see God in everyone and where everyone is God.
This book is an attempt to raise the level of awareness and
individual consciousness, for it is my belief (and that of many
other people, including the wise rishis and sages of the past) that
only by this can one hope to achieve the most invaluable and the
most sought after things that exist in this life joy, happiness,
peace and har mony. It is only by raising the human

PREFACE

15

consciousness can we hope to win the war of good over evil,

can we hope to unite the various warring factions in the world,
where we can one day hope that the world will truly become
one global village, where borders, distinctions, divisions,
differences, discrepancies all become irrelevant and nonexistent. It is only through the raising of the individual
consciousness that one can hope to raise the collective
consciousness of mankind.

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THE NEED TO AWAKEN

The first question that automatically comes to mind on

reading the title to this book, or for that matter when you pick
up any spiritual book is Why do I need all this spiritual
insights? Im quite happy with my life the way it is. Yes, it has its
ups and downs, it has its happiness and sorrows, it has its assets
and liabilities, but isnt that true of everyone on this earth? Why
cant I just carry on my job, my life, without getting into all this
spirituality nonsense? Anyway, half the things about awakening,
meditation, soul, inner self, atman, bliss, nirvana seem too
farfetched, lofty and dont really seem to make any sense at all.
Cant I just live my life the way I want?
This question is very valid and a very important one, for a
spiritual awakening or awareness is not mandatory for one to go
through life. One can go through life living it at the basic level,
eating, drinking, sleeping, getting married, having children,
growing old, and of course, eventually leaving this world. Unlike
an education or a profession, or a set of moral values or
character, one need not have even an iota of spiritual insight or
knowledge, to go through life. Animals and birds do it, and so
do a vast majority of humans. The journey from birth to death
needs a lot of things that are compulsory but spiritual
knowledge or insight is not one of them.

THE NEED TO AWAKEN

17

The basic nature of life, as seen by man, is one of

hardships and sorrows. Though we are all striving to be happy,
to be joyous, and to achieve peace and harmony, from a normal
human beings standpoint, life is a struggle, life has plenty of
sorrows, plenty of heartbreaks, life needs a lot of thought and
planning, life is full of worries, problems, accidents, and
incidents. The moments of happiness or joy in life are small; the
amount of time we spend feeling happy, enjoying ourselves, is
limited as compared to the time we spend feeling unhappy or
negative. The amount of time we spend thinking about a million
things that can go wrong, worrying about what will happen to
us, what will happen to our parents, our spouses, our children,
our personal possessions, our health, to our country, our world
this amount of time is much more than the times in life when
we are totally at peace, totally happy, feeling no burden over our
shoulders, feeling no heaviness in the heart, singing and dancing,
without a care in the world.
Children do it regularly, living in the moment and without
a care in the world. Teenagers do it to a large extent, young
people do it, but to a lesser extent than teenagers, but as a
person grows older, the moments when he is totally happy,
when there is a spring in his step as he walks, when there is a
smile on his lips, when there is a glow on his or her face, when
the world seems a nice place and when tomorrow or yesterday
are completely forgotten, is rare. Invariably, as a person becomes
older, he looks serious, sad, he is weighed down by the
problems that life has thrown at him, he or she is struggling with
most relationships, the joy is missing, and the worries go on
increasing, from day to day, leaving the person despondent and
de-motivated. Such a person is always yearning for a break,
yearning for a vacation, and yearning to party, so that he can

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ARISE, AWAKE

forget himself and his worries for a brief period. This is the
normal state that most of us live in, a default state where
sadness, worries, anxiety, tensions, guilt, anger, jealousy and stress
are our foremost preoccupations.
But the human mind is always looking for joy, always
looking for the pot of gold, at the end of the rainbow, always
looking for a heaven on earth. Such is the way it has been
programmed. It is not that we have been taught, trained or
conditioned to be happy. We have been told and conditioned
for a lot of things but to be happy is not one of them. No
parent, no grandparent, no teacher, nobody in fact actually sits
down and teaches a child that it is necessary to be happy, or
teaches the child how to be happy. A lot of things may be
taught, but not the mantra of happiness. Seeking happiness is
something that is innate, inbuilt in us. And when one does not
find this sanctuary, this heaven on earth, when one does not find
joy and happiness, and when the burden of life becomes
unbearable on a day to day basis, people turn to a lot of things
hobbies, fulfilling relationships, social service, creative
pursuits, or to drugs, alcohol, or extra-marital affairs. These
activities do bring happiness and joy, but come with their own
set of problems. Eventually, man wants to know the meaning of
life, the purpose of life, and wants to know how to get out of
this sorrow, this misery, that seems to follow him or her like a
shadow, not only when he is awake, but even in his dreams. It is
then that one turns to spirituality, to the path of awakening,
hoping to find the answers to a lot of lifes questions, hoping to
achieve a little more happiness, a little more joy and a little more
peace of mind. Man hopes to find a meaning to this life on
earth, for he feels that it is only by finding some meaning, or
having an understanding of life can he achieve happiness.

THE NEED TO AWAKEN

19

As man gets a little interested in spirituality, he or she

quickly realises that reading or understanding spiritual values
immediately brings about some level of peace and happiness
which he did not have earlier. He slowly comes to know about
the working of the mind, about conditionings, about beliefs,
attitudes, and about something that lies beyond the body and
mind the soul or being. And as he starts off on his inner
journey, to find his own true being, his life, his consciousness and
his levels of awareness starts to improve. He soon realises that
true happiness can only be found by going beyond the ego, by
becoming aware, and by raising ones level of consciousness.
Here is a case in point a lady, who was not very
educated, and who had very orthodox values, had a nineteen
year old daughter who was fairly well educated and smart. This
girl, whom the parents were trying to marry off to someone
from the village, against her will, ran away from home one day
and got married to a boy who belonged to a different caste. In
todays time and age, such things are quite common and are
widely accepted in many households. But this was a highly
orthodox family, and the parents of the girl refused to accept
the marriage. They tried everything coaxing, cajoling,
threatening, filing a police complaint but nothing would
convince their daughter to give up her husband and come back.
They even tried to pack off their daughter to the village, but the
smart girl got off the train and came back. Not willing to accept
this alliance, in spite of many people counselling them, the family
decided to leave the city and go to the village. The husband and
wife both had a job in the city, which paid them reasonably well,
and kept them going. They left their jobs, discontinued the
education of their other two children, and took off to the
village. With no suitable job to be found in the village, after six

20

ARISE, AWAKE

months, they came back, impoverished, malnourished, and

looking for a job and a place to stay. In the village too, they had
been ridiculed and ostracised, no one gave them jobs, and they
literally had to beg to survive. This family, which was making
both ends meet, and living a fairly decent life, was suddenly
reduced to beggary. All this time, I kept wondering, Could not
the parents have handled the situation in a better fashion, and
created some compromise and a win-win situation for
everyone?
This is a clear cut case of ones consciousness and
awareness being at a very low level. If the parents had been
more educated, understanding and a bit more evolved, had been
broad minded enough, if they had realised the basic truth that
the only 2 different groups of people on this earth are man and
woman, and that the rest of the religions, castes, sub-castes, etc,
were all manmade and could be overcome with our thought
process and by changing our beliefs and outlooks, and had
decided to accept their daughters inter caste marriage, life would
have been fine and comfortable. In fact, the parents actually
saved thousands of rupees because the daughter had a love
marriage, for, in their caste, it costs the parents of the girls a
good lakh or two, to get her married. This is one scenario where
a person who is more evolved spiritually, and in terms of
awareness and consciousness, would not see the inter caste
marriage as a problem or as an issue at all. He or she would
easily understand that love cannot be restricted to ones caste or
creed, for the sake of conformity or convenience, and that these
divisions dont really matter. For a person who has reached a
higher level of consciousness than what most people are at, such
things automatically become a non-issue, a non-problem without
having to make any effort or without having to accept anything.

THE NEED TO AWAKEN

21

If every mother-in-law agreed to accept her daughter-inlaw, as they are, as a human being, life would be so peaceful for
everyone. If every daughter-in-law accepted her mother-in-law
without prejudice, life would be easier. This non-acceptance of
each other, when one human being feels the need to assert
himself or herself, where one human being feels superior to
another in terms of caste, creed, religion, monetary status, social
standing or achievements, often go towards spreading misery
and unhappiness. And the root cause of this non acceptance, of
trying to asset oneself, of trying to act superior is the ego, which
has been taught, conditioned and nourished on all sorts of
stupid ideas of superiority. One of the first things that a spiritual
person comes to know is that he must first dissolve his or her
ego, in order to achieve peace and happiness. Our ego and
happiness are mutually exclusive when one is there, the other
cannot be.
Spirituality is not a science or a religion. Spirituality only
helps to strip man of all the conditionings that has been given to
him, individually and collectively, over many years, and many
centuries, helps the man to become aware of his ego, his
thoughts, his mind, and to get over them, to go beyond them.
Spiritual knowledge gives you little; in fact it helps you by taking
away a lot of load, or burden that you are unnecessarily carrying,
thinking that the load, the burden is good for you, for that is
what you have been told, and that is what you see ninety nine
percent of the people around you doing. Spirituality serves to
get you out of this misconception, and helps to liberate you, to
free you, so that you may soar into the skies, on wings that you
did not know that you actually possessed. Spirituality gives you
wings, spirituality destroys the invisible cage, the invisible prison
in which you dwell, and gives you tremendous freedom, from

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yourself and from others. For any human being, after food,
water and sleep, the next most precious thing, is freedom.
Spirituality helps you find this treasure which was always yours,
but which you have somehow lost or misplaced, in the course
of your life.

THE NEED TO AWAKEN

23

TOWARDS ONENESS

One central theme or motif running across this book is

that of Oneness. It is a concept that I fully endorse, and towards
which I try and work. Various people have various ideas about
oneness. Here, I shall put forth my views on this subject.
What exactly is oneness? Oneness is that source energy
from which everything originates and where everything finally
ends up. Oneness is the creator and oneness is the creation of
this Universe, this world. Oneness is where it all begins and
where it will all end. Oneness is the universality of not only
human beings; it is the unity among diversity of all things, living
and non-living, on this earth. In a way, oneness is against all the
organised religions of the world, because the very basic
foundation of Oneness is based on unity and non-division, while
all religions thrive on dividing mankind into various factions.
Religions may propagate oneness amongst its followers, but
rarely do they cross religious barriers, at least overtly. Oneness is
more in keeping with the Zeitgeist philosophy. Oneness means
we are all one; we arose from the same source and shall one day
merge with the same source. On this earth, each one of us is
nothing but pure consciousness, pure awareness, bodies of
energy, and we are all interconnected with each other and with
the Universal consciousness, which is our source and our

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destination. Oneness is obviously against the ego, for like religion

and politics, the ego believes, nay, survives, on the concept of
division, on separation, on standing out from the crowd, on
competing with the crowd, on defeating the crowd and going
ahead of others, on proving that we are better than others, on
demeaning others, on looking down upon others, and on
blowing ones own trumpet.
Oneness has its origins thousands of years ago, and is
repeatedly and deeply discussed and described in the Vedic
Upanishads, as also in the Buddhist teachings and in the Bible. It
stands for the death of the ego, the individual, and merging the
individual with the whole. Here are a couple of verses from the
Upanishads, which talk of Oneness. The invocation from the
Isha Upanishad says, This is the whole, that is the whole,
the whole comes out of the whole. Taking out the whole
from the whole, the whole remains. Aum, peace, peace,
peace. The Mundaka Upanishad says, Brahman (Oneness,
God), verily, is this immortal. In front is Brahman, behind
is Brahman, to the right and to the left. It spreads forth
below and above. Brahman, indeed, is this universe. It is
the greatest.
Jesus said to his disciples, If so thine eye be single, thy
whole body will be full of light. Jesus too talks of oneness,
on seeing everything and everyone, as one. In the Bhagwad
Geeta, Lord Krishna says, He who sees everything in me,
and sees me in everything, he is never forgotten by me, and
I am never forgotten by him. Guru Nanak said, There is
but One God, His name is Truth, He is the Creator, He
fears none, he is without hate, He never dies, He is beyond
the cycle of births and death, He is self illuminated, He is
realized by the kindness of the True Guru. He was True in

TOWARDS ONENESS

25

the beginning, He was True when the ages commenced and

has ever been True, He is also True now.
In a way, most religions talk of unity among diversity, talk
of love and generosity towards each other. The Bible says, I in
them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in
one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me,
and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me. Buddhist
teaching reinforces the same message. This passage from the
Sutta Niphata, one of the oldest Buddhist scriptures says, Just
as a mother would protect with her life her own son, her
only son, so one should cultivate an unbounded mind
towards all beings, and loving kindness towards all the
world. One should cultivate an unbounded mind, above
and below and across, without obstruction, without
enmity, without rivalry. Standing, or going, or seated, or
lying down, as long as one is free from drowsiness, one
should practice this mindfulness. This, they say, is the holy
state here.
The moment we start believing in Oneness, start behaving
and working as one, a huge load seems to fall away from our
shoulders. Then there are no enemies in life. We all become
partners in progress. And our goal too, is common. Then we can
exult in the happiness of others and share their sorrow. We do
not have to step on others toes or even their heads, to reach the
top; rather, we shall be holding hands and doing everything as
one. Then we do not play our own instrument in isolation. We
become a part of this divine symphony, this divine orchestra,
and the music that we will produce will be divine music,
bringing immense joy and happiness all over the world. One has
only to look at the genetic makeup of human beings across the
world to see that the only two real divisions, the only two

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categories, in Nature are those brought about by the X and Y

chromosome, namely the divisions into male and female. This is
the original and only division in existence. Every other division is
manmade. This concept is discussed in greater detail in the
chapter titled Re-discovering the Human Being.

IS ONENESS ATTAINABLE OR POSSIBLE?

Yes, of course, oneness amongst mankind is indeed
possible. Compared to ten or twenty or forty years ago, many
more people have started talking about universal values and
universal systems. Agreed that the world is still deeply divided on
the basis of nations, race, religion, caste, sub-caste etc, but one
can see that, with every passing day, things are changing. Many
groups and organisations are being formed, to foster oneness,
to go beyond the call of religion and nationality. More and more
people are thinking globally, instead of locally. And the
communication revolution mobile phones, the Internet, social
networking sites etc have helped a lot. Universal
consciousness is indeed growing. Of course, if one were to look
and focus at certain areas of the world, there is a lot of
aggression, anger, and violence. Regionalism and factionalism are
rampant in many areas of the world. So is racism, as can been
seen from newspaper reports of many foreign citizens being
attacked in countries which are not their own. But all these
actions only go to strengthen the movement for oneness, for
those who are witnesses, those who are not directly involved in
these attacks of violence and bloodshed can see the futility, can
see the colossal waste of human lives and property, for issues
that have no real basis or meaning. Oneness finally is about ones
ego.

TOWARDS ONENESS

27

WHAT HAS THE EGO GOT TO DO WITH

ONENESS?
Oneness or unity is exactly what our ego does not want.
Our ego, which is a collection of our thoughts, our beliefs, our
ideas, our conditionings, our identity etc, is always out to prove
that we are better than others, and keeps asserting itself at every
stage of life, whether it is in business relationships or personal
relationships. The moment two or more people try and come
together, their egos start sending messages to them, making
them aware that they are unique, separate and that they should
first look out for themselves, before thinking about others. True
oneness, unity and cooperation can happen only when the ego is
under control or only when the ego dies. And this death of the
ego is something that each of us has to do individually, so that
the path opens up, for togetherness, for a better safer, happier
future of mankind. The moment the I consciousness comes in,
the moment the I becomes more important than the whole,
oneness cannot be achieved. When the I dies, whatever remains
automatically merges with similar egoless or I-less bodies,
without any effort. I or ego is the barrier which prevents us
humans from seeing ourselves as one, from merging together,
from coming together as one unit, one body. With the death of
the ego, all units of energy coalesce and come together, without
any great effort, like gases coming out of different chimneys
merges in the atmosphere, in the sky and lose their individual
identity, and cannot be told apart after some time or like the
drops of water come together in an ocean and cannot be told
apart.
Oneness is possible. In fact, oneness is all that is, it is only
that we do not see it that way. But just because we do not see it

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that way does not make it any less. As we grow older, most of
us start thinking, introspecting and wondering about life.
Whether we accept it or not, all of us can see some sort of
connection between ourselves and the rest of the world. Real
answers to the questions that we ask will become possible only
when we see life from the perspective of oneness. In the
Ashtavakra Samhita, which is easily one of the best Hindu texts
to have been written, an opening conversation between King
Janak and the sage Ashtavakra is worth focussing on, deeply.
This is how it goes:
Janak Asked: Oh Lord, how does one attain to wisdom? How
does liberation happen? And how is non-attachment attained? Please tell me
this.
Ashtavakra replied: Oh beloved, if you want liberation then
renounce the passions as poison, and take forgiveness, innocence, compassion,
contentment and truth as nectar. To attain liberation, know yourself as the
witnessing consciousness of all these.
If you can separate yourself from your physical body and rest in
consciousness, then this very moment you will be happy, at peace and free of
bondage.
You are not a Brahmin or any other caste, you are not in any of the
four stages of life, you are not perceived by the eyes or other senses.
Unattached and without form, you are the witness of the whole universe.
Know this and be happy.
Oh expansive one, religion and atheism, happiness and misery all
are of the mind, they are not for you. You are not the doer, nor the enjoyer.
You have always been liberated.

TOWARDS ONENESS

29

THINKING
ABOUT
THINKING

The act of thinking is what differentiates us humans from

animals, for animals dont have the capacity to think and plan,
like we do. Animals live more by instinct, and all their activities
are instinct driven, except where they have been bred in captivity
and conditioned. Man, on the other hand, lives his entire life with
his mind, with his thinking, his thoughts and his ideas.
When a child is born, he too lives by his instincts alone.
There is no awareness and no thinking involved for the newborn
child. Any child is born like a clean slate. He or she has no ideas,
concepts or thoughts like we do, about what is right, what is
wrong, what is good, what is bad, what is the correct way he
should behave, when to smile, when to be polite, when to cry,
when he should sleep. He does what comes to him naturally. For
example, when he is unwell or uncomfortable, he cries, without
really thinking where he is, who is around, what time of the day
or night it is basically, he cries when he feels like. In the same
way, he smiles when he feels like, he sleeps when he is sleepy and
feeds when he is hungry. When his bladder or bowel is full, he

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goes ahead with his toilet activities, again without thinking,

without really bothering where he is, or who is around, who is
carrying him, whether it is right or wrong to void urine or stool
at that point of time etc. In many ways, small babies are like
animals, living by instinct. As the child grows, parents, relatives,
friends, grandparents all those who comprise society step in,
and start to train or condition him, about the ways of the world.
Do this, dont do that, dont shout, dont cry, dont jump about,
eat your vegetables, dont spill water, sleep early, dont watch
television, pray to God, dont tell lies, study well, behave with
proper manners etc, etc. Thus, a child who was born pure, who
was born in the total non-dual state of Advaitha, now slowly
gets conditioned to recognize duality the good and the bad,
happy and sad, wanted and unwanted, pleasure and pain etc.
And with all this training, slowly his thinking comes in, and he
too begins to think about the various things that he sees and
hears. Slowly, he too starts to develop human emotions and
feelings anger, guilt, remorse, shame, happiness, fear, jealousy,
greed, competitiveness, frustrations, irritability, desire, hope,
aspirations, ambition, envy, hate, and love, to name a few. And
thus an identity, the ego or mind is born, in order to survive in
society. Early on, the child realizes that if he smiles, people love
him, which if he cries, it distresses those around him. If he
behaves himself, people are happy, while if he indulges in some
mischief, he is punished. He slowly learns these things, and starts
using his intelligence and his mind, to manipulate others. And
with the birth of the ego or mind, the process of thinking starts,
and remains all through life, helping us to carry on our day to
day activities, but also causing plenty of problems for us.
By the time we are all adults, most of our awareness about

THINKING ABOUT THINKING

31

ourselves, or our identity, or who we think we are, is from our

mind. Most often, we are our mind. And the mind is filled with
thoughts. So, in a way, we become our thoughts. We identify
with our bodies, of course, but that is at a gross level. Most of
the things that we know or think about ourselves our likes,
dislikes, our feelings, our hopes and aspirations, our ambitions
and desires, our fears and our jealousies are all in our mind
and we identify with this mind. For almost all of us, our minds
and our thoughts decide who we are, and how we behave in
different circumstances. It is rare for an individual to go beyond
the mind and try and find who he really is, to find his being or
soul or atman. This is what the Upanishads or the Bhagwad
Geeta or many of the religious texts and gurus teach you, but
for many of us, it often remains a theoretical exercise, rather
than an existential one or one which is real.
Since most of us are our minds (or we think we are,
though we are not, but that will take this discussion into the
metaphysical), and most of our day to day activities are based
on our thinking and our thoughts, it follows that most
similarities or differences that we have with the rest of mankind,
is at the level of our thoughts. At the level of our bodies, there
are obvious differences and similarities between us and others,
and this is something that we are easily aware gender, age,
height, weight, skin color, hair color, shape, physical ability,
physical strength, agility, flexibility etc. These are real differences
which can be documented, which cannot be changed, and are
there for all to see. But what we are not often aware of is that
the differences at the mind level are, in fact, not fixed or
permanent differences, and something that can be changed or
altered, by altering our thoughts.
All our thoughts are produced by us alone, in our mind,

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they belong to us, they are ours, and therefore obviously, we can
change or alter them, destroy them or encourage them to grow.
This degree of ownership we do have on our thoughts, and no
one can interfere in this process directly, or prevent us from
thinking what we want to, even if we are held captive physically
by someone or somebody. Even a man in jail or in a prison has
the complete freedom to think what he wants to, and no power
on earth (except a disease of his brain or some brain altering
drugs) can stop his thoughts. This is a very important thing to
understand, for once this point is understood, it becomes easy to
see how we can shape our thoughts to shape our lives, our
relations with others, our preferences, our tolerances, our ability
to accept etc. It becomes now clear that we are the master of
our thoughts, and can direct them where we want them to go.
How do we get certain thoughts or concepts? Where do
they come from? Most of our thoughts or thinking patterns, at
least in the early years, is directly a result of the environment that
we have been exposed to, as a growing child. Most of our
thoughts and concepts are formed by what we see and hear
around us, and by what our parents, our relatives, our friends,
our grandparents, our teachers and our priests, tell us. Hence, a
child who initially has no concepts at all, for whom there is no
good or bad, no right or wrong, starts to develop thinking
patterns, starts to think of something as good, something as
bad, something as right or wrong, as others tell him to. He learns
a lot from seeing the interaction among his parents, his
grandparents, his siblings, and these become fixed thinking
patterns in his mind. If his father was arrogant and rude, and his
mother was demure, he might pick up the idea that men must
be aggressive and all women must be submissive. If his mother
fought back, he might conclude that women are fighters. If his

THINKING ABOUT THINKING

33

mother was a housewife and told him that women must stay at
home, he will get that idea. If his mother is a working woman,
he will come to accept all women as working women. If his
parents have taught him that only vegetarians are holy and go to
heaven while all meat eaters are unholy and go to hell, this will
become his thought and thinking. If a small girl has been told
that it is her duty when she grows up to look after her husband
and children and stay at home, this will become her thinking.
This is how many thoughts are formed.
At a later date, especially during teenage and youth, thanks
to exposure to school, college and friends, to education, much
of this thinking does change, but the initially developed thoughts
and ideas often form hurdles to any change, and even if a
persons thinking changes, these initial ideas remain deep in his
sub-consciousness, and can keep coming back to induce a feeling
of guilt and shame.
Much of our thinking in the later stages of our life also
comes from reading, from interacting with others, and from our
experiences with life. But if one is not open, or fluid, then, in
spite of getting many experiences or being told about new
things, one can remain closed and can be stuck to the thinking
that one was given, as a child. Usually, the more the individual
intelligence, more is the chance of ones basic thinking getting
altered, as per the experiences. To alter many an original thought
or idea given to us needs a lot of intelligence and logic. If one is
blessed with an intelligent and logical brain, it is easier to change
ones thinking. If one is less intelligent, less educated, these things
become more difficult. As a child, I was told that, for a woman,
the monthly menstrual cycles were a curse of God that women
were impure during those days, that they should not step into
the house or touch anyone. As my scientific understanding grew,

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especially through medical college, it was easy for me to get rid

of these stupid ideas. But there are many among my peers who
did not get the scientific education I did, and who still are
uncomfortable when a woman gets her periods, at home.
Hence, scientific temper, education, intelligence and logic are
usually required to help us change many of our original ideas.
Also, one must be in a society where free thinking is allowed. In
many conservative societies, free thinking is not allowed, and
ideas and concepts are followed from generation to generations,
without questions. Societies like these can easily be the breeding
ground for fanatics and bigots.
Having understood how our thoughts and thinking is often
what we are, one must become aware of ones thinking patterns,
especially during trying times or during conflicts. In any
confrontation or conflict, if there is something wrong in our
thinking process, if we can be aware of that and if we can
change that, many a conflict can be easily resolved. For example,
if I strongly believe that my son should only become a doctor
or an engineer (for whatever reason), and he is just not interested
in these, it becomes a friction point and a confrontation issue for
both of us. If I could see that my thinking is restricted, and that
there are other successful human beings in the world who are
not doctors or engineers, and if I can see that my son has his
own aptitudes or desires and if I can let go, there will be peace.
If I stick to my narrow minded thinking, refusing to let go, then
there will always be tension between me and my son. It is often
a war or conflict between the thoughts or thinking patterns of
two human beings, or two groups, or two nationalities that is
responsible for all the violence that we see in the world.
Otherwise, if the mind is removed, all human beings are the
same.

THINKING ABOUT THINKING

35

Can one do a cleanup act, and can one sweep the mind
clean of all that it has been told and burdened with from
childhood? Can we drop many of the conditionings that are
working against us? As a child, many of us are told not to make
friends with children from other religions or castes. We are
warned against falling in love or getting married to someone
from another caste or religion. But when love happens between
two people of different castes or religions, a great conflict
arises, not only with the parents, but in their own minds too. Can
we get rid of such ideas which prevent our peace of mind and
our growth as human beings? And is such an act beneficial or
will it be detrimental to us? By cleaning the mind, one does not
mean brain washing or creating amnesia, where one does not
know who one is, what ones name is, what is ones bank
account number or password, etc. These are basic facts which
one needs to retain for day to day life, and these facts do not
give rise to any conflict with others. What is meant here is all the
ideas, concepts, beliefs, indoctrinations and thoughts that one
holds to be correct, and with which one lives ones life. In one
of the later chapters of this book titled Person without
Personality, such an idea is put forward, where we meet others
on even ground, as humans and not as what our minds tell us
we are. If we are to move towards oneness, towards world
unity, we must realize that what prevents us, is our mind and our
thinking, nothing else. If we are able to understand how our
mind thinks, from where our thoughts come, how they influence
our moods and reactions, how we fight with others because of
what we think is right or wrong, if we can see that much of our
life is not lived in reality, but through our minds and our
thoughts, then there is hope for mankind one day to go beyond
conventional borders and restrictions, to go beyond the

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afflictions of the self and the ego, and to go from conflict to

consensus and cooperation. Only if we understand our thinking
process can we often realize the futility and falseness of our
thinking, and will we be able to silence our minds, so that we
can then look beyond the mind, into us to find our true self and
true identity, and outside us, to see the unity, rather than the
differences, among human life in particular, and the world and
the universe, in general.

THINKING ABOUT THINKING

37

LIFE

IS LIFE A PROBLEM?

Many people consider life itself to be big problem. Many

others feel that life is full of problems, with periods of relief,
where we are free from problems. The general feeling is that life
cannot be without problems, for that is the very nature of life
and existence. The words of Saint Tukharam that Happiness is
as small or as little as a grain of barley, while sorrow or
unhappiness is as big as a mountain seems to constantly ring
true, day in and day out, as we grapple with problem after
problem. Recently, entrepreneur, trainer and writer, Parthip
Thyagarajan, who runs a blog called 5thwhy, put up a question
and answer session I had with him, on his website. He asked the
questions and I tried to provide answers. He was the producer
and director, while I was the actor. I reproduce here what
transpired between us, on the subject of problems.

WHY PROBLEMS CREATE MORE PROBLEMS?

1) WHY do some people always talk about

their problems?
Many people dont understand the WHY of their
problems. Existence has laid our life plans in such a way that it is
not always possible for us to know the WHY of everything a
IS LIFE A PROBLEM?

41

natural calamity that kills our loved ones, an accident that

destroys our property. We have to realize that in existence, there
are only occurrences and no problems. We only label an
opportunity, occurrence or episode as a problem when it may
not be one.

2) WHY do we label some opportunities,

occurrences or incidents as a problem?
When there is an event or an occurrence, we first see
whether it is favourable or unfavourable to us. If it is favourable
to us we are elated. If it is not favourable and if we dont know
how to cope with the change, due to the occurrence, we call it a
problem.

3) But some occurrences may cause

immense hardship and require us to put in a
lot of hard work?
Absolutely! Some plans laid by existence are beyond
human comprehension. And no matter how grave the problem,
the moment you start thinking of it as lifes plan, and not a
problem, it becomes easier to plan your own course of action,
so you dont get bogged down by the magnitude of the
problem.

4) Sometimes they say people create

problems. Or dig ones own grave! WHY
does that happen?
When we dont want something or dont want to work
hard to deal with something we label it a problem. So if
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weve had an easy time at work and due to new market

conditions need to work harder we have a problem on hand.
Some people believe talking about a problem helps them
communicate with others better, so they keep talking about their
own problems. Labelling something as a problem is also an
escape route not only do we get attention from others, our
mind rationalizes and seeks justifications too.

5) How does our mind rationalize and seek

justifications to avoid problems?
After labelling unwanted occurrences as a problem, our
mind automatically switches to a problem solving mode and
starts seeking solutions or escape routes, because no one wants
to live with a problem. A servant desperately needs money, and
instead of working harder to earn a loan, he steals money from
his cash rich employer. He overcomes his initial guilt by justifying
his action as my employer has enough money. The employer
considers it a problem to inform the police and he considers it
below his dignity to talk to his servant and tell him that he did a
wrong deed. So he does nothing about the offence his servant
committed but he now has a problem on hand he distrusts
all his workers and servants and is always tense about losing his
personal belongings. Accepting a problem as an occurrence or
lifes plan and not creating escape routes to run away from the
problem will itself ensure we have lesser problems in future.
There were quite a few interesting responses to this write
up, most of them agreeing to what were said, and many who
said that what a problem was for one, could turn out to be an
opportunity for another. One particular response, given by my
teacher and Paediatrician Dr. Y. K Amdekar, from Mumbai, is

IS LIFE A PROBLEM?

43

worth thinking about. Here is what he said, One can see the
same thing as a problem and get bogged down while
someone else would consider it as a challenge. If I am
asked to see a patient for second opinion, it is because my
colleague phones me and says he has a problem. He takes
a simple route of referral instead of reading more or
discussing with someone to solve it. Thus he shuns off his
problem by passing to someone else. I would take it as a
challenge and try to solve it. And whatever the outcome, it
gives me an opportunity to learn. If I solve the problem, it
gives me confidence to take on more problems and if I fail,
it makes me search where I was deficient and again offers
me an opportunity to improve so that I am able to solve
similar problem next time.
It is said that God gives you a problem just to see how
you cope up with it and if he finds you are not fit to take
on it, he may choose to ignore you and leave you with
mediocre life plan without problems but if he finds you
capable of solving a problem, he would probably want you
take on more problems and get better.
At the Tatas corporate head office in Bombay, you
will find a plaque that has inscribed what J.R.D.Tata said
to his managers. It says we try to solve difficult problems
first and impossible ones the next.
I feel that is how we should take on problems. And
imagine life without a problem, it may be so insipid that
pleasures would not be enjoyable because after all, we
value pleasures just because we can compare them with
displeasures.
From birth to death, all human beings live life, from their
point of view, from their perspective. What matters to us most

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is our own well being and happiness, followed by that of our

family and friends. Our lives invariably revolve around us, and
the rest of the world seems to be placed out there for our
convenience. If things go on well in this outer world, then there
are no problems. If things dont go well in this outer world,
then it is a problem. We rarely are able to see the world from
someone elses perspective. We are rarely able to take a global or
universal view of life. Most often, our view of life is a personal
one.

THE BUSINESS OF PROBLEMS

When we change the perspective on problems from a
personal one, and look at them from a commercial point of
view, things are totally different. There are a group of people,
business people, who are very much interested that others have a
problem, for they are in the business of offering solutions. If
you did not have a problem in many areas, they would go out
of business and starve. Its truly a case of one mans meat is
another mans poison. You could perceive something as a
serious problem and could be reeling under its effects, but rest
assured, there are people in this world who are just waiting for
this situation, so that they could sink their teeth into your
problems and offer you various solutions. In fact, many a time,
these business establishments often make you aware of facts
which many not have seemed like a problem to you, and go on
to assure you that you do indeed have a problem, and having
convinced you, then proceed to give you solutions. Some of the
normal areas which you did not think of as a problem, but are
now forced to take a look at, are beauty, body weight, hair,
body odour, dandruff, bad breath, all aspects of your skin, and

IS LIFE A PROBLEM?

45

loneliness, to name a few. If you did not see these areas as

problems, you soon will, for the business houses in collaboration
with the media invade your private and public spaces to such an
extent that there seems almost no escape. Your problem is the
starting point for their solution.
Entrepreneur, trainer and writer, Parthip Thyagarajan, who
blogs at www.5thwhy.com has this to say, on the subject of
problems:I would like to offer a different perspective on how
different people treat others problems. Solving others
problems, or magnifying or dramatizing others problems
can also be an opportunity for some. So some business
owners, marketers constantly have a problem on hand
how to help others by solving their small or big problems.
Some business owners use manipulative tactics by
promoting products which cause harm or do no good to
customers but they are so selfish about solving their own
business problems, that they have no qualms about using
every trick to create problems for others.
To have a detached view and to attempt to solve
others problems by offering an instant solution is not
solving their problem at all it is simply giving them an
illusion that your expertise, product or service can solve
their problem. Which is why, honest professionals and
business owners engage with customers to understand their
needs and requirements. After gaining an insight into what
they need, they do not attempt to exploit them but serve
them.
One can truly solve someone elses problem by being
emotionally involved with them helping them
understand that they dont have a problem in the first

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place, but help them reconcile that whatever is happening

is as per lifes plan. To make others realize that they or
their loved ones dont have a problem at all, is the greatest
service one human being can do for another human being.

EXISTENCE IS NOT OUR PERSONAL

DOMAIN
Existence and this world were not made for us. This is not
our personal domain, our personal kingdom. Our personal
domain and kingdom starts and ends with us. We are only
temporary residents in this world. We might live here for a few
days, a few years or for many decades, but yet, the fact remains
that this world is only a temporary abode for us. In order to run
this temporary abode, in order to see that this world and
universe functions well, God or existence has to make millions
of calculations, millions of actions need to be taken, millions of
actions need to be avoided, millions of different aspects of life
need to be kept in mind, and millions of process have to be run
concurrently. These million things must be done every minute,
with changes constantly being incorporated. The magnitude of
intelligence and energies needed to do this, to run this world, is
beyond human comprehension. It is this intelligence, this energy,
which we refer to as divinity or God.
In the above mentioned process of running this world or
universe, at any given moment of time, some people are
benefited, while others suffer losses. Someone is born, while
someone dies. Someone becomes a millionaire, while someone
becomes a pauper. Someone survives a serious heart attack,
while someone else dies of a road accident. Someone has
wonderful relationship with his family while someone else gets

IS LIFE A PROBLEM?

47

completely ostracised from his. How these things work, what is

the methodology or module that existence or God uses to run
this world is not known to us and will never be known. Whether
at all there is someone or something running this world, or
whether the running of this world is random, disorderly and
chaotic will also never be known to us, although we can surmise.
If we assume that existence or God has to run this world, we
will then understand that all the problems that we encounter
personal or otherwise are all part of existences plans. That is
why it has been said that there are no problems in existence, only
occurrences. It is we who, depending on whether what is
occurring is convenient and favourable to us, or inconvenient
and unfavourable to us, label these events, these occurrences as
problems or otherwise.
One thing is worth mentioning and contemplating upon.
The laws of nature or existence as they exist and as we know
them, are the same for all individuals. We can feel happy that
existence or God is not a partial entity. The law of gravity, for
example, works identically for any human being, animal or
inanimate object, anywhere on earth. No one is exempt or give
partial concessions or favours where this law is concerned.
Similarly, the cycle of life and death is the same for everyone, as
is growing up and growing old. Every human being, animal or
plant that is born on this earth grows up, grows old and dies.
There are no exemptions here. The necessity for consuming
food, the necessity for rest and sleep, the necessity for excretion
and for procreation are the same throughout the animal
kingdom, without exception. Similarly, the feeling or sensation
of pain is universal. No human being or animal can escape pain,
although individual variations may be there in pain tolerance.
Where human beings are concerned, all of us have to go

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through the feelings or emotions of wanting, desiring,

temptations, guilt, shame, anger, fear, greed, lust etc. The point
of this whole discussion is to drive home the concept that
existence or God treats all of us equally and impartially. Whether
you are a sinner or a saint, whether you are theist or an atheist,
whether you are highly educated or illiterate, rich or poor really
makes no difference to existence. Existence creates occurrences,
which are viewed by us as problems, depending on how it
affects us, our social status, race, nationality, caste, sub-caste,
educational status, monetary status, religious values and
individual personalities notwithstanding.
Next time you face a problem, it might be a good idea to
try to see it as a random occurrence, to accept it in its totality
and then try and work towards a solution. It would also help to
know that existence or God is impartial, although we may not
have the intelligence and outlook to always see it that way. Try
also to see if the problem is only a wrapping, a packaging for an
opportunity, which might be disguised and hidden inside. Some
years ago, I used to regularly write columns for a local daily. The
editor one day told me that his paper did not encourage free
lancers from writing elsewhere. I would have to stop writing for
other publications, or else he would stop publishing my articles.
Initially, I was angry and irritated at this problem, for I loved to
write in a lot of places. I refused to follow his diktat and so he
stopped publishing my articles. But in a few days, realisation
dawned on me that sooner or later, every editor would have his
or her own quirks and peculiarities which would become a
problem for me. And that is how I decided to write for myself,
and started compiling my first book. This is just one example
(and not an ego trip as it might sound) to illustrate the point that
what seems to the biggest problem today might easily become

IS LIFE A PROBLEM?

49

the biggest opportunity tomorrow. There is another interesting

anecdote that has been often told in the press about the Indian
superstar Amitabh Bachchan. It seems that when he applied for
the post of a radio announcer in All India Radio, he was
rejected, for not having a good voice or speaking skills. Of
course, all of us know now how he did not get bogged down
by this problem and how he went on to become one of the
biggest actors India has ever produced. In fact, if he had not
faced this problem, he would have become a radio announcer,
worked in various radio stations for the rest of his life and
retired at the age of sixty, as one more unknown Indian. Call it
fate, or call it his resilience, tackling the problem head on
brought him fame and name.
Our journey from birth to death is one of ascension, is one
of climbing slowly from a lower level to a higher level. We are
born at a much lower level of consciousness than when we leave
this world. It is perhaps the intention of existence to improve
and elevate our consciousness, in this life. In order to do that,
existence has to undertake a training program, has to employ
some form of tuitions for us. And the various situations that we
face in life are part of this education process, to go from a
lower to a higher level of consciousness. If our education is fast
and if we pick up important facets of this education quickly, we
go on to the next set of issues. If we dont learn our lessons
easily, existence keeps giving us back the same or similar
problems, till we have learnt our lessons. It is very much like a
student who has failed in the fifth standard. He will have to learn
the same things and give the same exams, till he passes. If your
problem is one of greed, or lust, or fear, or anger, to name a
few, till you recognise your problem and till you are able to
effectively overcome it, existence will keep putting you in

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situations where you will be forced to give up these things, again

and again. Once you realise your drawbacks, and effectively let
go of the emotion or thought process which is the cause of
trouble, those type of problems stop bothering you, and you
will go on to encounter a different set of problems, which are
placed in your path for your spiritual progress.
The earlier you recognise the pattern of your current
problems, the easier it is for you to learn your lessons and the
easier it will be to go on to the next level of life. Try to identify
your problems and also which behaviour or thought process or
belief systems of yours are responsible for these problems.
Once you get over these, you will see the problems automatically
vanishing, much to your surprise and relief. And one way of
solving or surmounting lifes problems, is by acceptance, which
we shall discuss in the next couple of chapters.

IS LIFE A PROBLEM?

51

WHAT IS YOUR
ACCEPTANCE THRESHOLD?

All of us have a threshold for many of our feelings and

emotions. One such threshold is that for acceptance. Whether
you are ready to accept what life offers you, and how quickly
you do so, depends on your acceptance threshold.

A case in point
Roshni is a perfectionist. She herself is very prim and
proper, and expects the whole world to be like that. In her
house, nothing is out of place the newspapers are neatly
stacked, the surfaces are dusted and clean, the upholstery and
linen are matched and changed every couple of days, her
childrens toys, books and other items are always where they
should be, her bathrooms are sparkling clean basically, shes
near perfect. Thats quite fine, provided she stops at that. But
Roshni also wants all those around her to be like her neat,
regular, precise, and particular. Unfortunately for her, neither her
husband nor children are like that; in fact, they are quite the
opposite. Roshni cannot accept this behaviour from them, and
constantly shouts at them, getting into arguments. At work too,
she cannot tolerate the sloppiness, tardiness or noisy, uncouth
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behaviour of her colleagues. The net result of all this is that she
is constantly under pressure, under stress, ready to explode, at
the drop of a hat. Roshni has a very low threshold for accepting
things and people for what they are, and is constantly on a
mission to change everything according to her requirements. This
low threshold for acceptance is the key factor in causing severe
unhappiness in her life.
Acceptance of events, circumstances, things and people
come to different people at different levels. While some accept
readily, others find it very difficult to accept these things, even
after a lot of time has passed. While much of this is probably
genetically determined, a large percentage is also perhaps about
how you have been brought up as a child, what your parents or
teachers expectations were, etc. In a stressful situation, three
strategies are often advised, namely,
1) An action oriented approach where we
undertake some form of action to get away from the
stressful event or person
2) An emotion oriented approach where we try
and change our thinking and emotional patterns, to protect
ourselves from the stress
3) An acceptance oriented approach where we
accept the situation for what it is, and go ahead from there,
without offering resistance and fighting it.
While the first two approaches work in some situations,
many situations are beyond our control, and it is often best to
accept them as such. Even great enlightened souls like Gautam
Buddha were aware of this fact, and they kept emphasizing in
their talks that we should learn to accept the such-ness of life.
This is especially true for some of lifes dramatic events, such as

WHAT IS YOUR ACCEPTANCE THRESHOLD?

53

death, divorce, failure in an examination, having a child with a

handicap etc, etc.

WHY SHOULD WE LOWER OUR

THRESHOLD FOR ACCEPTANCE?
A low threshold for acceptance means that we can accept
things much faster and much earlier, than others. With a high
threshold, acceptance does not come easily. This, of course can
be used positively to bring about personal change, and as a
motivation and a challenge. Many great inventors and celebrities
have refused to accept their fate, and have gone on in the face
of adversity, to reach their peaks of success. However, invariably
for most normal people, not accepting quickly means more
worries, tensions, stress and anxiety, despair and depression and
a lack of happiness. It prevents you from getting on with your
life.
If someone has lost her husband, or a child, though the
non-acceptance is likely to be intense, the woman who accepts
faster can get on with life, and plan her future. Those whose
acceptance threshold is very high are likely to spend a large
number of months or even years coming to terms with the
reality, and hence tend to stagnate in life. As and when they do
come to terms and decide to move on, they feel and rue the loss
of time that they have wasted, in accepting the situation.
Similarly, after marriage into a joint family, if the daughterin-law accepts the positives and negatives of her in-laws and her
husband, and goes along without much resistance, life is easier
for her and for others. On the other hand, if she does not
accept the behaviour of her in laws, life tends to be miserable
for her and for everyone else, at home. This does not mean that

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one should accept anything or everything, like being abused or

beaten, but at least, one should not sweat the small stuff too
much. Many women from the lower socio economic strata of
life in our country lead reasonably happy lives, in spite of having
abusive and alcoholic husbands, since they learn to accept their
lives as such, and keep hoping and praying for a better
tomorrow.

HOW DOES ONE LOWER ONES

ACCEPTANCE THRESHOLD?
For lowering ones acceptance threshold, and for learning
the art of accepting life, one must first have an understanding of
oneself, and of life itself. Many people do not even give a
thought to what would happen if they got into a tight situation.
Many of lifes situations come as a shock for them. The death
of a near and dear one, though a foregone conclusion (like the
death of each and every one of us on this earth) still comes as a
severe bolt from the blue for most people, something from
which they take a long time to recover. One must realize that life
moves according to its own plans. One cannot manipulate or
control life; it is life that manipulates and controls us. An
involvement in some form of spiritual process yoga,
meditation, prayer, music will help to understand and accept
lifes inconsistencies easily.

PRESENT MOMENT AWARENESS

Another very important method of acceptance comes
from consciously trying to live in the present moment, in the
NOW. Most of our stresses, anxieties, worries, fears and

WHAT IS YOUR ACCEPTANCE THRESHOLD?

55

insecurities arise from our thoughts about the past, which has
gone, or about the future, which is yet to come. If we are able
to realize this, and constantly keep bringing our minds and
thoughts back to the present moment, which is actually the only
moment that we have, it becomes easier to accept the present
moment, for whatever it is, and to move on with ones life.

VOLUNTARY VERSUS FORCED

ACCEPTANCE
Acceptance can be voluntary, where you wilfully accept
things; or it can be forced, where you have no choice but to
accept things, events or situations as they are. In many situations,
you have a choice of either voluntarily accepting it or being
made to forcefully accept it; in other cases, acceptance is forced
on you by existence. For example, if your son or daughter gets
married against your wishes, you have the choice of willingly
accepting it, or not. Eventually, when after a variable period of
time, when you realise that your son or daughter is gone and that
event cannot be reversed, you will be forced to accept it
forcefully. Or if you discover that your son is a homosexual, of
course, you will not accept it. You will try your level best to
change him, talk to him, counsel him, take him to many doctors,
healers, god-men, astrologers etc. But at the end of it all, if
nothing changes, at some point you will be forced to accept the
truth, that your son is different from others. If you have an
arranged marriage and then discover that you dont really vibe
with your spouse, you may be frustrated. But if you stick to the
marriage long enough, you will eventually accept him or her as
they are.

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IN CONCLUSION
What all of us need to understand is that life is never
perfect. Life is as it is supposed to be, the master plan of which
has been hatched by a higher authority we call God, or existence,
or Nature, or whatever. We are also not given a map of what
our life is going to be, when we are born. We know what course
our life will take, only when it actually happens. Most people go
through life, trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, leading
to suffering. Accepting life as such, and going along with the
flow will be an easy and comfortable way, to lead life. To
continuously resist and not accept will invariably bring us a life
full of struggles and frustration.
To understand more about how we are imperfect and
incomplete, the reader is directed to read and understand a
principle or concept popular in Japan, called the Wabi-Sabi
culture. Wabi-Sabi basically maintains 3 principles about this
world nothing is perfect, nothing is complete and nothing is
permanent. An Internet search for Wabi-Sabi should throw up
interesting results, for the reader to go through.

WHAT IS YOUR ACCEPTANCE THRESHOLD?

57

HAVE YOU
ACCEPTED YOURSELF?

This seems like a strange question, but all questions in the

world of philosophy or spirituality are strange. But this question
is a very important one, and one that determines our happiness
and peace of mind, in our life.
We are all born with different temperaments, different
traits, emotional capacities, likes and dislikes. Many of our
attributes are also acquired, as we grow up, from our parents,
teachers, neighbours, relatives, friends and peers. As an adult, we
are a sum total of nature and nurture our basic genetic
makeup which is inborn or innate, and whatever the world has
taught us, conditioned us and indoctrinated into us. While ninety
percent of what makes up a human being is the same in all of
us, about ten percent differences is what sets us apart as
individuals. (These are arbitrary figures and not something that
has come out of research, and is mentioned here only for the
purpose of understanding human beings. It could well be ninety
nine percent versus one percent)
Human beings are different from each other, not only in
physical characteristics, qualifications, material assets, wealth, and
health, but also in terms of their mental makeup, their

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behaviours, their reactions and response to events, situations and

people, the ability to tolerate and accept, their ability to let go,
their ability to see the other persons point of view, the ability to
get provoked, their ability to love and hate, ability to speak the
truth, do good, be kind, in their fears, in their greed, jealousy,
anger etc, etc. In this big list of differences, as a rule of the
thumb, certain traits and behaviours are categorized, the world
over, as being good behaviours, and certain as being bad or
undesirable. Truthfulness, altruism, kindness, compassion,
tolerance, ability to accept, humility, non-violence, love and
respect for others these are some of the characteristics which
are labelled as being good. Cruelty, dishonesty, anger, greed,
egoistic behaviour, pride, avarice, jealousy, insensitivity,
foolishness, violent behaviours, inability to love others, inability
to accept others, cunning, slyness these are some of the items
labelled bad. All of us have been told from time immemorial
that one must develop all these good characteristics, while trying
to get rid of all the bad characteristics. Our lives revolve around
trying to develop more qualities from the first group and in
trying to get rid of as many qualities as possible, from the
second group. And it is in this trying, and succeeding with
variable results, that most of our problems come about.
In life, whenever there is a duality good and bad, evil
and righteousness, love and hate, pride and humility, happiness
and sorrow then one always tries very hard to catch hold of
the good quality and leave the bad quality. Unfortunately, the
very nature of life or existence is such that it is rooted in duality.
These opposite qualities are like the two sides of a coin you
cannot bring home a coin with only heads or tails; the coin will
come with both sides, whether you like it or not. In a similar
fashion, human beings are invariably a mixture of many qualities.

HAVE YOU ACCEPTED YOURSELF?

59

Hence, the first step that we must take, in order to achieve

harmony and peace in our otherwise chaotic lives, is to accept
ourselves, as we are physically, mentally, psychologically, and
spiritually. Knowing that almost all human beings in this world
are subject to the same problems, the same temptations, the
same emotions, and similar situations makes it a little easier for
us to accept ourselves. If you find it difficult to accept your
anger, or lust or greed, knowing that a majority of human
beings suffer from these same qualities and are trying to get a
grip on these qualities and on themselves helps to feel less guilty
and makes it easier on ourselves. We are not alone; most of the
human beings are like us. Knowing this gives us some peace,
some acceptance.
We always talk of accepting accepting people,
accepting situations, accepting events. When someone fails in an
examination, loses his job, loses his wife, kids or parents, gets a
dreaded disease, becomes a pauper, or goes to jail, we often say
that the first step is to accept the situation, so that from this
acceptance something can come about. Non-acceptance is a
killer; it makes one run from pillar to post, both physically and
mentally, and invariably prevents any solution from being found
or reached. The starting point for finding most solutions is the
acceptance of the problem. If I can accept that I am stressed
about my work or my relationships, then, I can start thinking
what to do about it. If I dont accept that I am stressed, why
would I look for solutions?
But even before we are ready to accept any situation or
event, there is one very important aspect of life that must be
accepted, unconditionally and that is oneself. How difficult
can it be, you might ask, to accept myself ? I know myself, my
likes, my dislikes, my preferences, my desires, my ambitions, my

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quirks, my peculiarities, and my thoughts so what is so

difficult about accepting them? Accepting ourselves, as we are,
unconditionally, in my opinion, is one of the most difficult things
in life, and is half the road to enlightenment or nirvana. If we
were to truthfully examine ourselves and our wants, we will all
realize that, as of today, there is a lot that we would like to
change about the way we are living, about ourselves, our
relationships, our monetary status, our assets, our jobs etc. There
must be very few in the world who would say, As of now, life
is perfect, and there is nothing better that I want. Invariably, we
are not happy with something or the other our body, our
figure, our health, our bank balance, our relationships, our house,
our neighbourhood, our politicians the list is practically
endless, and is meaningless.
Accepting ourselves as we are also implies that we must
fully know ourselves. Self-knowledge is the first step to self
acceptance. Elsewhere in this book, there is a chapter titled
Discovering Oneself, which deals in this subject in greater detail.
Suffice it to say that this journey towards happiness and peace
has to start by undertaking an inner journey to first discovering
ourselves, and secondly by accepting ourselves. All of us live
dual lives. We all have a public profile and a private profile. The
public profile is what we want to be, or how we want the world
to perceive us smart, talkative, social, intelligent, humble, and
always helpful, basically, a nice person. The private profile is our
true self, which we hide from others. Our private profile exists
only in our minds, although a few very close relations might be
aware of some of these. For example, you dislike your
neighbour or your mother-in-law. That is your private profile,
your real feelings about that person, but in public, you are very
affectionate, very courteous, very forthcoming, behaving as if

HAVE YOU ACCEPTED YOURSELF?

61

you love that person, not willing to say a nasty word, always
smiling etc. In reality, you hate that person. If you can see and
accept your private profile, then there is no problem. But if you
falsely start identifying with your public profile, by and by, you
will start believing that this is your real self. You will continuously
suppress your real self, your private profile, and cover it with
your untrue self, your public profile. This situation can continue
for a long time, but since this is not your true self, your
suppressed true self will rear its head, time and again. The more
you suppress it, the stronger it becomes, hiding in the
underground dungeons of your mind, waiting to come out, to
erupt. Your non-acceptance of yourself and your feelings will
produce stress and strain in your mind, because what you really
want to do with these people and what you are actually doing
are two diametrically opposite things.
One day, when the circumstances are right, or when you
are irritated, stressed, or have had a drink too many, if you
come across this person, you will not be able to suppress your
true feelings and will erupt at him or her with a tremendous
force. This will obviously come as a great shock for that person
and for all those present, leading to much misery and
disharmony. The next day, when you have managed to cover
your true feelings, and shifted gears from private to public
profile, you yourself will feel miserable. Not that what you have
done is wrong or right. The fact that your mask, your public
profile is now shattered, that you are no longer the nice soul that
you wanted others to think you are, makes you very sad and
depressed. Somewhere, in your true inner self, there may be
some joy, for having spoken the truth, your true self will be
rejoicing, dancing and singing. But your pretentious outer self
will suppress that too, feeling that it is wrong to feel happy.

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Mental turmoil, shame and high stress levels will leave you
defeated and feeling sick. In the eyes of those who matter, you
have become a bad person, a selfish pig, and someone to be
avoided. Your ego is very badly hurt, and you dont know what
to do.
If you had accepted your true self and your true feelings
towards your neighbour or mother-in-law, and had had the
courage to be yourself, this situation obviously would not have
come. Out of fear, or greed, or the need to be liked and or
respected r social etiquette, we often behave in a manner that is
contrary to our true self. And land up in all sorts of problems.
Early on, if you had made your displeasure and dislike of your
neighbour or mother-in-law known, they too would have
behaved differently, perhaps given you your space, not irritated
you with their presence and their talk, and life could have been
more peaceful. Not accepting yourself, or accepting yourself for
what you are not, is the sure shot way to disharmony and
distress.
In order to fully accept ourselves, we have got to
understand one basic existential fact, as a first step. Without this
understanding, self acceptance becomes stressful. In existence,
there is nothing that is good or bad, right or wrong, correct or
incorrect. Existence just is. It is we humans who have put labels
on what behaviour is right, what type of people are good
people, who are the bad ones, what is acceptable and what is
not. Existence makes no such distinctions. We are all the same,
where existence or God is concerned. Sinners or saints are only
labels that society gives, not existence. Existence does not restrict
its resources only to a chosen few. Birth and death are common
to all humans. The sun, the moon, the stars, winter, summer or
monsoons do not exist only for a few people. They are the

HAVE YOU ACCEPTED YOURSELF?

63

same, irrespective of whether you are good or bad, religious or

irreligious, theist or atheist. The day breaks and night arrives,
irrespective of who or what or where you are. Nature or
existence does not differentiate between a Mahatma Gandhi and
an Adolph Hitler, or between a Martin Luther King and a
Mussolini. And it is existence or God, who has given rise to all
of us, so if at all, it should be the fault of existence that it has
produced the good with the bad and the sinner with the saint.
Who you are does not matter, in the larger scheme of things. We
are but a small speck, in this cosmos, occupying it for a fraction
of time, in cosmic terms. We really dont matter to existence. It
is we who give ourselves so much undue and unnecessary
importance or credit.
Having realized that we are not of any great significance in
the cosmic scheme of things, or in the history of this earth and
this universe, and also after realizing that in the eyes of existence
or God, we are all equally acceptable, it should become easier
for us to completely and unconditionally accept ourselves. It is
only when we do this can the heavens open up, for us, in terms
of plenty, in terms of joy and bliss, in terms of meaningful
relationships, in terms of peace and harmony and in terms of
creativity. The most important quality taught to all of us, from
childhood, is honesty and truthfulness. So, when are you going to
start being truthful to yourself and about yourself ? When are
you going to accept yourself as you are, as being perfect, as
being one of Gods creations? If you argue that you are not
perfect and want to improve, you are directly challenging your
Gods creativity and expertise, you are making a complaint to
God, and you are fighting a battle to undo what God has done,
and it does not take too much intelligence to know who will win
in the battle between you and your God.

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Accept yourself as you are, and just be, dont become.

There is nowhere to go, nothing to become. You are already a
perfect creation, a piece of Gods creativity, a piece of God
himself. But since you dont know this, you go on thrashing
about in this life, trying hard to go against the grain, against your
very nature, with disastrous results. Your life is a wonderful,
mysterious journey, to be lived with awe and wonder, with a
song and a dance, not with stress and strain. And it is only by
accepting yourself that you can undertake this journey, without
any burden, smiling, happy and giving back to mankind what
existence has given you, free of charge.

HAVE YOU ACCEPTED YOURSELF?

65

PERSON
WITHOUT PERSONALITY

Every night when I go to sleep, I want to die, so that the

next day, when I wake up, I am a newborn child, looking at the
world with wonder and awe, with no past baggage, or future
worries.
- Anon
Now, this seems a very strange statement person
without personality. How can anyone be without a personality?
We are our personality. We are a sum total of our physical,
mental, emotional, professional, religious, social personality, so
how can we ever be without a personality? We all live our lives
through what we know as our personality, our identity. But of
course, this creates its own set of problems, which seem to have
no clear solution. In every sphere of life, there is a constant inter
personal conflict, a competition, a jealousy, a rivalry, which in
turn gives rise to anger, frustrations, worries, and miseries. Can
we just become persons without a personality? Can we drop our
identity? And why is this necessary?
Whenever two or more people meet, do they meet as
individuals, as fellow human beings, or do they meet as their
personalities? It has been my experience, and of many others,

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that when two or more people meet, it is always as their

personalities. For example, if a patient meets with his doctor, it
is always a meeting of the two personalities. The patient is in
need and the doctor can provide the necessary service. The
doctor automatically feels superior, and the patient inferior. The
doctor does not feel that the patient too is a fellow human being
like himself, and the patient too does not feel that the doctor is
only another human being, although a more informed and
educated one, on the subject of human disease and treatment.
As soon as a patient enters the doctors cabin, a clear cut
distinction exists, where one acts superior and one acts inferior.
Most doctors then take the liberty of shouting at their patients,
castigating him or her for all that they have done wrong, put on
a holier than thou attitude, become patronising, and give the
patient a big list of dos and donts, many of which have
nothing to do with the treatment.
For example, if the patient has come five to ten minutes
late for his appointment, most doctors will spend another five
or ten minutes shouting and abusing the patient about coming
late, about how the patient has made the doctor wait and has
made him lose valuable time, how the doctor is so busy, and
how he should be more particular, more responsible etc, etc. All
this while, the patient acts in a meek, subservient manner, quietly
listening to all the abuse that is being heaped on him or her, says
sorry, and goes away after taking the necessary treatment. But
what remains in the patients mind, is not the fact that the doctor
cured him, but the fact that the doctor abused him or her. Many
patients discontinue seeing that particular doctor after such an
experience. Many spread the word among their friends that this
doctor is very short tempered and shouts unnecessarily at his
patients. Many who lack the courage or conviction to shift to

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67

another doctor carry on visiting the doctor, willing to take the

abuse, but feeling miserable and stressed out, every time they
have to visit him.
This is a clear case of how the meeting between two
people is a meeting of their personalities, and not as two
persons. The doctor somehow feels that he is superior, and that
he has the right to abuse his patient. His professional
qualification, his reputation, his role in society, the respect that
patients usually give their doctors and his experience (all which
go to make up his personality or identity) take over his true self.
When he speaks, it is not as himself, but as his personality. The
patient too is reduced to an object, and ceases to be another
human being. But I wonder if the doctor who behaves in such a
way ever thinks What if I were the patient and not the
doctor? Would I have liked my doctor to treat me the way I
treated this patient? And the answer would always be a big NO.
Then, if the answer is no, what right does the doctor have to
abuse his patient, when he himself would hate to be at the
receiving end of such treatment? But even this little bit of
awareness is lacking in most of us, very rarely do we try and
reverse the situation to see what effect it would have on us. We
carry on doing what we do, without awareness, without
consciousness, without knowing how much damage we are
doing, to others and eventually, to ourselves.
Most interpersonal problems of relationship and
adjustments are because we wear our personality on our sleeves.
Our true self is obviously lost behind this so called personality.
Another case in point is the relationship between a mother-inlaw and her daughter-in-law. Why is it that this relationship, the
world over, is filled with tensions and stress? Why is it rare to
find a mother-in-law daughter-in-law relationship that is

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comfortable and smooth? This is because of the fact that from

the first day, the personalities are clearly established. The motherin-law is older, more experienced and hence superior, while the
daughter-in-law is young, inexperienced and must act inferior.
Both parties tacitly understand this and do their respective role
playing, disliking each other, and always remaining in a sort of
master-slave relationship, never as two human beings or two
friends. Of course, in such a relationship, the onus is on the one
who is senior, one who has the power, so to speak, to come
down to the level of the junior partner, make her comfortable,
and develop a friendship with them more or less on equal terms,
rather than riding the high horse. If a mother-in-law decides to
be only a human being and decides to be a friend, such a
relationship will last life long, will be stronger than even a
mother daughter relationship, and will enhance and enrich the
lives of all the members of that particular family. It will bring
tremendous joy, happiness, peace and prosperity to that family,
where each member will love the other and work in cooperation rather than be at loggerheads with each other. In his
book titled Zen Katha, author and playwright Partap Sharma
makes what is perhaps one of the most significant of statements
that I have read in my life. One of the characters in the play tells
his enemy In life, there are no opponents we are all
partners in progress. If only people would grasp the
significance of this one small line, and treat others as partners in
progress than as natural enemies, life would be easier for most
of us.
In between friends, colleagues, in a master servant
relationship, in a boss-employee relationship, with your
neighbours, with relatives, siblings in fact, in any relationship,
if this fact is kept in mind that we are all human beings first, and

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that the differences between two human beings is less than one
percept and that ninety nine percent is common to all of us, it
might become easier to lose our personalities, and meet as
ordinary mortals, in a co-operative effort, rather than in an
aggressive, competitive non-cooperative effort, where the
personality rules, and except for anger and frustration, nothing
much is achieved. When you go to meet somebody friend,
relative, boss, employee, servant try and bring some
awareness into the meeting, try and see whether you are
behaving as an ordinary mortal, or you have a superior or
inferior air about yourself, and whether it is not your true self,
but your false, acquired personality that is meeting with the other
person.
Since a meeting of two personalities rather than two
persons seems to be the order of the day, one must now
examine why this is so. At an intellectual level, most people
would easily agree that all of us are humans, all of us are equal,
and that a stroke of misfortune, an accident or a natural calamity
can take away everything that we possess and cherish etc, but in
reality, very few of us actually internalise and imbibe these values
and thoughts into our very being. Very few of us actually remain
aware of these things when interacting with others. And this is
because none of us really know our true selves, our true being.
Whatever we know of ourselves is only by our personality. It is
ok or acceptable for another person, an outsider, to know us
only by our personality because he or she may not know us truly,
but if we ourselves start believing that we are our personality,
and we dont really know who we are, then, it is indeed sad and
will become a problem. Obviously we are not only our
personality. Personality is something that is acquired during the

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course of this life, and something that is not permanent,

something that can be got rid of, that can be lost.
Ramana Maharishi, an enlightened soul, used to tell his
disciples only one thing, one mantra, for enlightenment. He used
to tell them to ask this question of themselves Who am I?
And whatever superficial answers came, these answers had to be
disregarded, till one came to ones innermost core, where really
nothing remained. For example, if I ask myself this question
Who am I? Then I would start by saying Im Dr.
Vaidyanathan, a child specialist. But this is not my true self; I
was not born this way. This is my acquired profession, and a
name given to me by my parents. I could well have been called
Raj, or Rahul or Tom. Does it mean that I would have been
different? No, I would have been the same person, irrespective
of my name. Similarly, I have become a doctor after education
and training. I could have chosen to study engineering or law or
psychology or arts. My profession would then have been
different, but by and large, I would have been the same, with a
different knowledge and set of experiences. But knowledge and
experiences cannot become me, for then, every doctor would be
me. Yet, I am unique, even as a doctor, unlike thousands of
other doctors in my city or country. I could say that I am
someones son, someones husband or someones father, but I
existed even before some of these people came into my life (like
my wife and child) and I will continue to exist even after some
of them are gone (like my father, who is no more), yet, I exist as
myself. This deep search into the who or the what I am is the
key to really finding out my true identity, my true personality. It
is only when you decide to seek answers to this question that the
journey of life really begins, otherwise ninety nine percent of
humanity lives and dies without even knowing who they are,

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knowing themselves only by labels that they have given

themselves, or by labels that society has given them.

THE EGO
One of the foremost reasons why we go by our
personalities rather than as true human beings is because of our
ego. Since most of us dont really know who we are, or why we
are born on this earth, what is our purpose etc, we have to have
a working identity, a working personality. This working identity
or personality is our ego. Also, most of us are not satisfied with
being just human beings. There are millions of human beings in
this world. What is the point of being just another human being?
One must be something more, something different, something
unique, so that one can stand apart from the others, have
something that the others dont have, have an edge over the
others, and be separate from the rest of the world. And it is
only when we are different or separate from others does the ego
feel satisfied.
But what is the ego? The ego is obviously not an
anatomical entity anywhere in our body. You cannot identify the
ego by location, as you can identify the heart, the brain or the
lungs of a person. The ego then, is something which, like the
mind, has no anatomical or physiological existence. It is only a
collection of thoughts, beliefs, concepts, and attitudes that we
have acquired, during the course of life. A child is born without
any ego. He is spontaneous and instinctive. He cries when he is
hungry or in discomfort, sleeps when he is sleepy, and smiles or
laughs when he is happy. His reactions to the external or internal
world of his are spontaneous, and are not filtered or managed
by the mind or the ego. He is open, inviting, ever ready for any

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experience that comes his way, non-judgemental and unbiased.

As he grows up, he is given a name, and is expected to respond
to that name. He soon realises that if he responds to his name,
or if he identifies himself with his name, his parents feel very
happy. He soon learns that there are many things that make his
parents happy and many that dont. Somehow, because he is
dependent on them, he also understands that his well being and
happiness is linked to their happiness. If the parents are unhappy,
they tend to behave badly, while if they are happy, they behave
well. It is at this stage that the ego of the child is born, and this
ego then starts functioning.
As he grows older, more and more raw material is added
to the ego. You are good, you are smart, you are intelligent, you
are cute, good looking he hears all this and laps it up.
Whenever he does something naughty or bad, he gets shouted at,
or punished, and this makes him unhappy. He soon realises what
he should do and what he should not do. He soon starts to lose
all the spontaneity that he had as a child, because now he has to
think like a businessman what is good, what is bad, what is
profitable to me, what is not and slowly he becomes
manipulative. Innocence is lost, as it is bound to be, in every
case. Soon, the child realises that when someone says something
good about him, he feels happy and full of joy, while when
someone says something bad or shouts at him, he feels unhappy.
He starts seeking happiness, and avoiding unhappiness. And
happiness seems to come only when he feels slightly superior or
different from others. This is how the ego of the child grows,
and gets fortified. If he is told that he is a good student, he is
happy; but if he is told that he is the best and the others are not
half as good as him, he is ecstatic. These comparisons which
parents tend to keep making, between their child and other

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children, go in crystallising the identity of the child. Instead of

being grouped together with other children, the parents and
teachers always try and separate the children from each other, on
the basis of their intelligence, looks, ability to perform certain
tasks, qualities, behaviour, writing abilities, speaking abilities, etc,
etc. These distinctions and demarcations serve to build up the
ego, emphasising again and again that each of us is different, and
should try to be better than others. The ego gets the message
the more different you are from others, the better.
So, all of us grow up to become adults, after being
repeatedly conditioned from birth that you are unique, you are
different, you are separate from the others. Hence, all of us are
constantly trying to see and establish what is different in
ourselves, as compared to others. We start to assert ourselves in
any given situation. We feel happy only when we are able to say
something more than the other person. We are happy only when
we are able to put across our point of view. We feel happy only
when there is something that concerns us. The spirit of
cooperation is often lost and each person among us is only
trying to forward himself and to show one-upmanship, in every
sphere of life.
Society too has added its contribution to dividing mankind,
on the basis of race, caste, community, religion, nationality so
much so that, with a combination of external divisions that the
society has made and the internal divisions that the ego has
made, it becomes almost impossible for any individual on this
earth, to see eye to eye with any other individual, to cooperate
peacefully with other individuals, to put aside personal glory and
gratification for the good of a particular project, a particular
movement, for ones country or for humanity. So, you have
husbands fighting ego battles with their wives and vice versa,

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you have parents fighting with children and vice versa, you have
relatives, friends and neighbours fighting with each other, you
have one community fighting with another, the people of one
state fighting with the people of their bordering state, people of
one nations fighting with the people of their neighbouring
nations, the boss and employee fighting each other, management
fighting the labour, the poor fighting the rich, the moral brigade
fighting with youngsters and permissive youth, Hindus fighting
the Muslims, Muslims fighting the Jews or the Christians, Muslim
nations fighting one another, naxalites fighting the establishment
in fact, to someone who is not from this planet, all our day
to day fights must seem like extreme acts of madness. In the last
three thousand years, mankind has apparently fought about five
thousand wars and most of these wars can be traced down
to ego problems between two groups of people!!!!
To be able to succeed in any field, and to really achieve
ones true potential, it is mandatory that one has to downgrade
ones ego, it is mandatory that one starts to think in terms of
cooperation rather than in terms of the self alone, it is
mandatory to realise that all human beings are equal and that no
one is inferior or superior, that we are here on this earth to fulfil
a purpose which will be only possible with consensus and not
with opposition. If any cooperative movement, be it in the
family, at the office, at the state level, national level or
international level at any level, has to move forward, how
can it, when the people who are involved in it are only interested
in pampering their own egos, without really bothering about the
project, or without looking at the larger picture?
I know of two friends, who have drifted apart, due to
their own personal ego issues. One of the friends, Ram, has two
cars, one of which is normally lying unused in his building. But

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the other fellow, Shyam, will never ask Ram for a favour and
borrow his car. Similarly, Shyam has a driver who is free, most
of the time. But Ram will never ask Shyam if he could borrow
his driver. This situation went on for a long time. Once, out of
sheer necessity, Shyam was forced to ask Ram if he could
borrow his car, to which Ram readily agreed. After a few days,
Ram asked Shyam if he could borrow his driver. Shyam
obliged. Now, once or twice in a month, Shyam borrows Rams
car, while Ram borrows the services of Shyams driver, and
both are happy, both are benefited, and their friendship too is
improving, thanks to their frequent interactions and
communications. Here is clearly an example of how cooperation
helps all, while non-cooperation because of the ego helps no
one.
When two or more persons meet, the aim of the meeting
should not be personal gratification or to assert oneself, or to
forcibly put across ones point of view, but to try and achieve a
win-win situation. It is only when we seek to achieve a win-win
situation every time, that progress happens, and we can get
people to cooperate. The opposite is also very true. In between
two individuals, because of ego hassles, they most often land up
creating lose-lose situations. In one case, after the parents died,
the two children inherited their parents beautiful mansion, which
was almost like a heritage structure. But they could not come to
any agreement on how to share this mansion. They refused to
stay in it together. They refused to agree to one of them taking
the mansion and the other one taking compensation in terms of
money. They refused to come to terms about selling the
mansion and taking fifty percent of the sale proceeds. In the
end, they landed up calling a builder and demolishing the
beautiful mansion, and building two small houses, for each other

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on the same plot. And throughout the deal, they fought and
fought. One of the brothers developed stress induced blood
pressure and some heart problems during this time, and
eventually died after a couple of years. The other brothers
company transferred him abroad, and he too could not enjoy
staying in his new house, and had to rent it out. A lot of trouble,
including destroying the beautiful mansion, one of the brothers
developing stress induced diseases etc. could have been avoided,
if the brothers had toned down their egos, and tried to meet as
two human beings and tried to create a win-win situation. In the
end, they managed to create a lose-lose situation. This is
invariably how most of mankind behaves.

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LIFE IS ENERGY

All of us are aware that we need a continuous supply of

energy, to keep our lives going. In this world, nothing runs or
can survive without energy. Every form of life, from the
unicellular amoeba to the multi-cellular animal forms all need
energy to survive, and to carry on their day to day work. From
conception to the unborn child to the small baby to teenager to
adult to old person, everyone needs a regular supply of energy.
It is only after death that the need for energy ceases. It is this
energy that keeps life going, and it can be said that life is energy.
All energy needs raw material, or fuel, to be produced. Electrical
energy needs water, steam or nuclear power to be produced. An
automobile needs petrol or diesel, as a source of energy. Trees
and plants need water, minerals, nutrients and sunlight to
produce energy. Animals need food and water, to be able to
produce their energy. In every creature, physics tells us that
energy exists in two forms potential energy (the un-manifest)
and kinetic energy (the manifest). Most of the things we see in
nature are nothing but energy forms. Heat is energy, sound is
energy, and light is energy, and so on.
Human beings too produce energy on a continuous basis,
in the cells of their bodies. In humans, energy is used for various
purposes. Physical energy is necessary for growth, development,

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walking, running, cooking, washing and all such physical

activities. Mental energy is necessary for the process of thinking,
for memory, for solving problems, calculations, planning,
visualisations, creative thinking etc. These are the two common
energy forms that we know. Apart from these, human beings
are also endowed with emotional and spiritual energies. As we
know from our physics, all energy can be inter-convertible.
Light can be transformed into sound, sound into light, light into
heat, heat into light etc. similarly, in our bodies too, the various
forms of energies can be easily changed into one another.

MENTAL VERSUS PHYSICAL ENERGY

The mind too consumes a lot of energy, for its day to day
work, like the body. The body and mind depend on food and
relaxation to recharge themselves. The mind is a very powerful
source of energy. It has the power to override the body, in
many instances. This is what is meant by the term Mind over
matter. When the body is tired, the mind can still command it to
get over its tiredness or lack of energy and to continue working.
If necessary, the mind can engineer and force the tired body to
get up and run a few kilometres, if there is a need. However, the
other way round is not usually possible. If one is mentally tired
and drained of all energies, as a result of intense mental activity,
or as a result of intense emotional activity, even if the body has
a good supply of energy, once the mind shuts down, this energy
of the body, apart from being used for its basic survival needs,
cannot be put to any use. When the mind is tired, it forces the
body to sit in one place, or lie down, or go to sleep. Then the
body, irrespective of its energy levels, has to listen to the mind.
You might get up in the morning with your body completely

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rested and ready to go, but if your mind is tired, or if your

mental energies are exhausted, it will force an energetic body to
do nothing, just sitting or lying down in one place. So, mental
energy is definitely superior to ones physical energy, because it
controls the flow of physical energy.

ENERGY DISSIPATION
The human body and mind dissipates or spends its
energies in 3 distinct ways constructive activity, destructive
activity and suppressive activity.
When one is full of energy, one can use these energies to
construct something useful, to destroy something, or this energy
can just be suppressed. Here is an example to illustrate what we
are talking about. When a child goes to school, he can use his
energies constructively to study and acquire knowledge, or
destructively to keep talking in class, fighting with his classmates,
bullying those smaller than him, distracting the teacher and other
students in class, getting thrown out of class or by cutting
classes. But if a child is not interested in school and also does
not have the required guts, courage, or mindset, to engage in
destructive activity, he or she then suppresses all their energies
and manages to go through school, but without learning
anything or without being destructive. All these suppressed
energies will eventually overflow, and come out one day, in some
form or the other. This might take the form of running away
from home, indulging in acts of aggression, taking to smoking,
drinking or drug addiction, or even suicide.
Here is another common example of how in any given
situation, we can choose to use our energies in one of the three
ways. In the building where you stay, let us say that your

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neighbour is having a party, and a loud noise is emanating from

his house, disturbing you and everyone else in your house. What
can you do?
Constructive use of energies You go across to your
neighbour and request him to please tone down the volume of
his stereo system, since it is disturbing you.
Destructive use of energies You get very angry and
scream and shout at your neighbour, threaten to call the police
and even come down to verbally and physically abusing your
neighbour. In many such cases, both parties finally land up in the
police station, behind bars or in a hospital.
Suppressive use of energies You shut your doors and
windows and try and tolerate all the noise, hoping and praying
that someone else will complain or that the music will soon stop.
Now, depending on the situation, one cannot really say that
either of these options is completely right or wrong. The ideal
situation would be a mixture of all three. Initially, you use your
energies constructively and talk to your neighbour peacefully. If
that does not work, you tolerate the situation for as long as you
can. Finally, you call the police and get the noise levels down.
Here is another common example. You have employed a
driver to drive your car. One day, the driver bangs the vehicle
and causes damage to the car. This automatically means that you
will now have to spend money to get the car repaired. Here are
the three situations of energy use, again
Constructive you tick off the driver in strong words
and tell him that the money will be recovered from his salary, in
the months to come.
Destructive you yell and scream at the driver, abuse him
badly and terminate his services.

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Suppressive you tell him mildly to be careful in the

future and let him go scot-free.
In the first case, the driver has got the message, will lose
some money, will fear losing his job and will surely make an
effort in the future to be careful, for who likes his salary to be
cut? He cannot object to your line of argument for he has made
a mistake and he knows that he has to pay for it.
In the second case, you get angry and abuse him, he gets
angry, his ego is hurt, and he loses his job. Depending on his
mindset, he might go and search for another job, or he might
plot some form of revenge against you for humiliating him and
taking away his job, or if he cannot find a suitable job, he might
even consider doing something illegal or immoral, in order to
survive, or rarely, may even be driven to suicide.
In the third case, if you let him go, because you hate
confrontations, you hate to put the bite on him, he will be
happy, he will in fact become over confident and complacent,
and is likely to commit more errors in the future, because he has
no fear, no worry about his employer. You, in the meanwhile,
will agonise and feel bad, because you know that you should
have ticked him off, taken some action, but could not because
of your own personality. And if your family members are more
aggressive than you, you will have to listen to their taunts and
barbs for some time to come.
This, in short is how we use our energy systems. Though
energy drives everything, by itself, it is neither good nor bad; it is
neutral. It is our consciousness, our intelligence and our
awareness that drives the energy. Nuclear power, for example,
cannot be termed destructive or constructive. It depends who is
using it, and for what purpose. A car is only as good as the
driver, and it is up to the driver to drive it safely to its

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destination, or to cause an accident. Energy can be a life giver

and life saver, but can also take life and destroy. The deciding
factor is the mind, the consciousness behind the energy. And
since everything in this world is eventually energy, it becomes
very easy to connect to others, since at a basic level, we are all
energy systems, and nothing else. Our vital energy, or sukshma
shakthi, provides the driving force for our life. When this leaves
us, death occurs. The only difference between one who is alive
and one, who is not, is the presence or absence of this vital
energy or force.

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OUR BIGGEST ENEMY US

Resolve then, that on this very ground, with small flags

waving and tinny blasts on tiny trumpets, we shall meet the
enemy, and not only may he be ours, he may be us.
- Walt Kelly in The Pogo Papers (1953)
All of us have friends and enemies. This is a universal fact
of life, and it is nearly impossible for any human being to go
through life having only friends and no enemies, or only enemies
and no friends. Such is the nature of the relationships that
humans form, with others, that we usually land up having an
admixture of friends and foes. But the most important enemy,
the most dangerous enemy, the most unknown enemy, the most
worrisome enemy, and the most underrated enemy that one has
in life, is often, surprisingly, oneself.
How is this possible, you may ask? How can we ourselves
be our biggest enemy? Throughout life, we are only bothered
about ourselves. We do all the things and activities which we like
things to safeguard and advance ourselves, things to protect
ourselves from others, things to make ourselves happy and
satisfied, things which we consider our duty or responsibility
then how can we be our own enemy? An enemy is someone
who is outside us, who is out to trouble us, who tries to put us

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down, who tries to destroy us. Then, how can he or she be

inside us, be us? Sounds paradoxical, doesnt it?
When we say that we are our own enemies, it is not
because we want to be our own enemies, but it is because we
are unaware, and it is because of our ignorance. Ninety nine
percent of humanity does not even know that its biggest enemy
is often itself. This ninety nine percent of humanity is unaware
about a lot of aspects concerning it. Most people do not know
themselves or cannot see their actions and thoughts objectively.
To be able to do this, to be able to see oneself in a true light,
one needs a very high degree of awareness, a high degree of
consciousness, openness, and a higher degree of acceptance. Im
always right, the other is wrong. This is the attitude with which
most of us live our lives. We become heroes or martyrs (in our
own eyes) and the other becomes the enemy. The other may be
anyone your friend, your parents, your spouse, your children,
your neighbours, your teachers, your bosses, colleagues, your
leaders, or people belonging to other communities, other
religions, other nations, other ideologies practically anyone or
anything. The other invariably is wrong, and we are right. And it
is this assumption that makes us our worst enemy. Actually, a
simple thought like Can it be possible that a human being like
me is always right and other human beings are always wrong?
Surely not. Being human, there must be many times when I am
wrong and others are right, a simple thought like this can often
be the starting point for introspection and self awareness, and
the first step towards self realisation and enlightenment.
Take the case of road rage, for example. Two people
vying for the same parking spot, or racing one another on the
highway, get into an argument. Mind you, they dont know each
other at all; they have just accidentally met on the road, a few

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minutes ago. If they cross each other peacefully, they may never
ever meet again in life. But they argue, fight, and get violent,
often leading to injury and in some rare cases, even death. In this
fight, one (or both) person suffers injuries or dies, and one (or
both) is arrested by the police and goes to jail. If one is injured
or dead and the other is in jail, then, the person who is in jail
thinks Just because of that idiot, Im in jail. If only he had not
fought back or argued back. And the person who is injured
and lying in hospital thinks the same. In this case, we cannot say
that these two are enemies, because they have known each other
for a few minutes. How can you become someones enemy by
knowing him for hardly a few minutes? You cannot. Then, in
this case, who is the enemy of the fellow in jail? No one, but
himself. And the same holds true for the injured or dead party
too.
If either of these persons had been aware and alert of
what they were doing, they would have seen the foolishness of
what they were doing and would have backed off. Even if one
of them was aware, he would have withdrawn and asked the
other fellow to go ahead. Then too, there would have been no
problem. But, as we have said earlier, ninety nine percent of
humanity lives in a state of unawareness, and does not know
that they are unaware. Hence the problem, and hence one
becomes ones greatest enemy.
The chief reason why one becomes ones biggest enemy is
because of the mind and the ego. When we are born, we have
no ego. To a child, there is no self awareness and no ego, much
like an animal. But as we grow, we acquire an ego, because it is
our identity, our personality which we acquire, by looking at the
functioning of society. The ego is not situated in any area of the
brain; in fact, it does not exist as an anatomic entity. The ego that

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each one of us possesses is nothing but a collection of thoughts,

ideas, beliefs, impressions, conditionings, indoctrinations and
attitudes. It is a collection of who or what we think we are, what
we think is right, and what we think is wrong. It is an idea that
the self is different from the rest. The ego is a belief that I am
different and you are different. The ego is a thought process
which makes us feel superior and perceive others as inferior.
When we say that we are our own enemy, what we mean is that
our egos are our enemies. Whenever someone insults you or
does not pay you the necessary attention or respect, it is the ego
that gets hurt. It is the ego that tells you How dare he insult
me? or How dare he ignore me, how dare he disrespect me?
From this one thought come a lot of other thoughts, often
related to similar events and happenings in the past. From these
thoughts comes anger, and from anger comes action, either in
terms of words or in terms of physical retaliation.
In the Bhagwad Geeta, in the 63rd verse of Chapter 2,
Lord Krishna says, From anger delusion occurs, from
delusion occurs bewilderment of memory, from forgetfulness
of memory comes loss of spiritual intelligence, and losing
spiritual intelligence, one perishes. This is exactly what
happens when ones ego is hurt.
And when someone hurts our ego, we lash out at this
person, physically or verbally, or at his deeds, or at his family, his
upbringing, his caste, his community, his nationality, or his
religion, because he has insulted our ego. And depending on the
circumstances, and on the other person, this lashing out can lead
to a whole lot of problems, ranging from damage to oneself,
damage to property, damage to the other person, and a loss of
life or limb for us and/or for the other person. In some cases,

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your ego battles can inspire others of your group or community

to get involved, and it can result in a massive gang war or riot.
If you were someone who was aware, alert, someone who
could see the working of the ego and the mind in action, how
would you react to being insulted or being disrespected? You
would most probably listen to what is being said, and then
ignore what that person said or did, or accept his words as
being true. There is a popular saying which goes Sticks and
stones may break my bones, but words will not harm me.
Most of our fights start with words, and if one learns to ignore
words or ignore other peoples behaviours which are not in
accordance with our beliefs, ninety nine percent of all conflicts
would very easily be avoided. And anyway, why should it matter
to me what you think of me? I know (or should know) what I
am or who I am. And what does it matter if you insult me or
disrespect me, or do not give me the necessary attention? How
does your giving me respect or attention improve my position in
life? And how do I know that by giving me respect or attention
you are true in what you are doing? How can I be sure that all
your action is not a big eyewash, just to please me and keep
yourself in my good books? I really dont know your true
intentions or your true feelings towards me. Your actions, words
and behaviour improve my position in life and bring me
happiness only if I attach any importance to your words or
actions. So, it is not really you, your words or your actions that
cause me trouble. It is my own reaction to your words. What
you have said is a sentence, and is just a collection of words
strung together. It is my interpretation of what you say, and my
reaction to it that poses a problem. If you were to insult me in
a language which I did not understand, like Chinese or Burmese,
would I be offended? No, because it means nothing to me.

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Hence it follows that only if I decipher what you say, if I read

deeply into what you say, and if I attach or attribute a meaning
to what you say, will it cause me any worry or anguish. If I can
shut off when someone is insulting me or disrespecting me, it
will not really matter to me, I will not rise to the bait and will
not do something foolish or stupid which I will regret later. If I
take someone elses words of insult seriously, I become my
biggest enemy.
If I take someones words or actions against me seriously,
it also means indirectly that what that person is saying or doing is
right, for if it was not right or incorrect, why should I bother?
If I am a pure vegetarian and if someone accuses me of eating
meat, I will laugh it off. Why should I get angry over something
that is false? But If I am pretending to be a vegetarian and eating
meat on the sly, then I get angry, for my falsehood has been
discovered and it is this that angers me. Otherwise, if I can
ignore these words, these insults, I no longer become my enemy
but turn into my biggest friend.
But things are not so simple. These problems arise because
most of us do not know ourselves, properly or completely. If
you knew yourself to be selfless and altruistic, my calling you a
miser, a selfish person should not matter to you, because you
know the truth about yourself. If you know that you are a calm
and collected person, my calling you short tempered and ill
mannered should not have any impact on you. If you drink and
eat in moderation, and are very conscious about your fitness and
health, and know about it, my calling you a drunkard or a
glutton, or obese or overweight will not (should not) have any
effect on you. If you know that you are a responsible person
and that you are fulfilling your duties to the best of your

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abilities, my calling you irresponsible, lazy or lethargic will not

(should not) bother you.
The problem exists because we do not really know
ourselves and do not really trust in ourselves. If someone calls
you a dog, a monkey or an ass,
(If this instantly reminds you of cricket, and an incident
between two international players, you are absolutely on the right
track) does that mean you have turned into a dog, monkey or an
ass? Of course not, you will say, I am very much a human being.
You know in your innermost core that you are a human being.
There is no doubt whatsoever in your mind that you are nothing
but a human being. Hence you will not believe anyone who says
you are an animal, in the literal sense. You will obviously not
need to go and see in the mirror to verify whether you have
turned into an animal. There are some things in life that we
know beyond doubt, like ones own name, who ones parents
are, who ones children are etc. By the same coin, one must be
able to know oneself, ones strong and weak points, ones assets
and liabilities, ones true self to such an extent and in such depth
that in your innermost core you know exactly who or what you
are. Only when you reach this level of awareness, of
understanding, of consciousness about yourself will what others
say or do have no meaning in your life. Then you will be
practical or clinical when others say something or behave in a
particular fashion with you. Knowing yourself fully means that
instantly you know whether what the other person is saying or
doing is true or not. If it is true and you feel that you want to
change this attribute about yourself, thank the other fellow for
making you aware of your shortcomings, and go about
changing yourself. If you feel that what the other person is
saying is not true, then why bother with something that is not

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true? Why waste even one second or one minute, why waste
valuable mental and physical energy trying to defend yourself
and your name? And even if you argue your case vociferously
and manage to convince the other, you will always wonder Is
he or she really convinced, or has only kept quiet because they
cant think of any good argument or repartee? And even if the
other is really convinced, what have you really achieved? You
have lost a lot of time, energy and mental peace, but really
gained nothing in the bargain.
Remember one very important fact in life truth does
not need any defence; it is so powerful, so bright, so illuminated
by itself that it does not need you or me or anyone on this earth
to defend it; it is only falsehood or lies that need to be defended
vociferously. Sea water is salty this is a universal truth. Have
you heard anyone vigorously defending this fact? If someone
told you that seawater is sweet, would you get upset and fight
over this allegation? Would you defend it with words and
actions? No, you would just laugh at the foolishness, at the
stupidity of the person who is making this allegation. In a similar
fashion, if you know yourself to the same degree that you know
that sea water is salty, then if others say anything about you, your
only natural response to it is not anger or anguish, but only
laughter.
So learn to know yourself, become your best friend and
not your worst enemy and learn to laugh at yourself and the
entire world. Its a circus out there, and peoples thoughts,
actions and words are guaranteed to give you unlimited mirth, if
only you stop taking everything so seriously. Time and again, you
will slip back, become egoistic and become your own enemy. It
does not matter, as long as you become aware of this, pick
yourself up and go about your life again. Slipping back into an

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unaware state and getting angry at someones actions or words

does not mean failure; it is human to slip back, for all of us have
been subjected to years of conditionings. It will take an equal
number of years, if not more, to un-condition ourselves, and in
this process slipping and falling back into our old habits is to be
expected. But dont get stuck there, get up and bounce back
every time. Accept your faults, say sorry, and get on with life.
Live in the moment, where everything that is the past, right up to
the last minute is gone, dead, and really has no relevance to you.
The future is yet to come, and will arrive in its own time. You
only have one moment the present and try and live that
completely. If you can do that, life is easy, and life will take care
of itself. If you go back into the past or project your thoughts
into the future, you are headed for a lot of anguish and worry,
all of which will be your own doing. Stop being our enemy,
right here, right now.
I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the
intolerant, and kindness from the unkind, yet strange, Im ungrateful to
these teachers.- Khalil Gibran.

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CONSCIOUSNESS
AND COURAGE

The two qualities that are essential to achieve the right

balance in life, and to fill our lives with lots of fun, happiness,
har mony and peace, are consciousness and courage.
Consciousness or awareness will help you to know yourself,
know others, know relationships, know emotions, to know what
is right and what is wrong, to know how to react in a particular
situation, and to know life itself. Courage will be needed to take
the correct course of action, in any given situation in life, once
consciousness has given you the insight on the right course of
action.
There are many human beings, who, because of their
intelligence, intellect, introspection and knowledge are conscious
or aware. There are many others who are born courageous or
who acquire courage. Either of these qualities alone, however, is
not enough. In fact, if you have only one of these two qualities,
it can be harmful and detrimental to your day to day life. It is
perhaps better not to have consciousness and courage, for then
you can lead your life according to your nature and your
instincts. Though this might be a mundane existence, it frees you
from a lot of worry and guilt.

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For example, in a given household, let us assume that

there are four people the father, mother, their young son and
his wife. As expected, there are tussles between the younger and
older generation. The mother-in-law does not get along with the
daughter-in-law and vice versa. The head of the family, the
father, who is very intelligent and consciousness, knows that his
wife is unnecessarily creating trouble for the young couple, due
to her own conditionings, beliefs and ego. He knows that the
relationship and the situation in the house are only going from
bad to worse. He knows that he should pull up his wife, and tell
her to keep quiet and to stop interfering in the lives of the son
and his wife. He knows that very soon, the son and the
daughter-in-law are going to get frustrated, angry, and desperate
and are likely to shift out to another house, and break away
from the joint family. With his consciousness and intellect, he can
almost foresee the future unfolding. Yet, he has a problem. He is
a wimp, a hen pecked guy and does not have the courage to talk
sense into his wife. He does not want to confront her and have
a showdown with her. He hates all these unpleasant situations.
He would rather suffer than fight.
So, he keeps quiet. And as he foresaw, one day the son and
daughter-in-law have a major argument with the mother, and
finally decide to shift out. The family is broken, and no one is
really happy with the outcome. The young couple soon have a
child, and because they are now staying alone, there is no one to
look after the child. The daughter-in-law leaves her job to stay at
home. The son has to now work twice as hard, to make both
ends meet. Back home, the seniors too are unhappy, as now they
are staying alone, in their old age. Because of the old mans lack
of courage, a win-win situation has now been converted into a
lose-lose situation. And the old man is the unhappiest of them

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all, for he could see all this coming and could have actually
prevented some, if not all the problems. He is guilty of an act
of omission. He soon develops lot of health problems due to
high level of stress and guilt, and is bed ridden. His wife, in her
usual unconscious way, blames her son and daughter-in-law for
all the problems. There is not a solution in sight, and life goes on
like this for many years.
The other scenario is no better. It applies to his wife, who
has the courage to shout at all those around her, but has no
awareness, no intellect and no consciousness. People like her
create a lot of disharmony wherever they go, because all their
actions, though courageous, are not backed by thinking,
awareness or consciousness. She may be willing to fight tooth
and nail, but the very basis or foundation of her fight is often
wrong. Thus, an individual who has only consciousness and no
courage, or an individual who has courage but no consciousness
both of them eventually become unhappy souls. It is only
when these two qualities are equally cultivated can one become
happy.
This is only an example, but it truly represents many of the
situations in life, where consciousness and courage dont go hand
in hand. It applies to many aspects of life home, office, with
friends, on the road (most cases of road rage are because of
courage without consciousness), and in politics (where leaders
either dont take action, in spite of knowing what is right and
what is wrong, fearing a backlash from their coalition partners
or from their vote banks, or where leaders plunge into impulsive
actions without thinking of the consequences). Most of the wars
in the world have been fought due to lack of consciousness and
an overabundance of courage. Most cases of violence against
children and women are because of lack of consciousness. Most

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of the stress and worry in the world is often because of an

excess of awareness over courage.
In life, most of us find it difficult to decide what is right
or wrong, in any given situation. Even if we know, we lack the
courage to go ahead and do the right thing at the right time. A
winner is one who can combine in the right proportions these
two qualities. Unfortunately, both these qualities are not easy to
acquire, even individually, let alone in equal proportion. For that,
one has to start by turning inwards and trying to know oneself.
It is only when one embarks on the path of self discovery, does
one acquire the right proportion of courage and consciousness.
Some are born with courage, while some are born intelligent
with a high spiritual quotient. Ones journey in life should be to
try and get an equal balance of both these qualities. If you feel
sincerely that something is wrong, after having given it a lot of
unbiased thinking, then you should do something about it.
Consciousness gives you the answer to what should be your
correct response in any given situation; courage gives youre the
energy, the fuel, the mindset and inner strength to undertake this
action.
Consciousness and courage are like the two banks of a
river. Life, ideally, should flow smoothly, right in the centre, well
balanced, between these two banks. Veering too much to any
side causes imbalance, and makes life worrisome and miserable.

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BEING UNPRETENTIOUS

In the thirteenth chapter of the Bhagwad Geeta, Lord

Krishna tells Arjuna about the qualities that are required to make
one perfect, and to make ones life happy and fulfilling. Among
these qualities, which include steadfastness, humility, nonviolence, absence of ego etc, is the quality of unpretentiousness.
This quality is often very difficult for us to develop, for we have
been conditioned to pretend, to act out, rather than to be our
true selves.
Thousands of years ago, when man was still living in the
caves, perhaps he did not need to pretend, and could be just
himself. However, with evolution and social advancement, more
and more rules and regulations came into being, and a lot of
customs evolved. Man could no longer say and do what he
wanted to. Every spoken word or action had to be well thought
out. Each human being began to get split into two individuals
the thinker and the actor. Our true inner self was the thinker,
which could think any thoughts that it wanted to; the outer self
that we presented to the world became the actor, which had to
talk and behave in a particular manner, in order to be socially,
morally and legally acceptable and viable.
Man began to develop a split personality, so to speak
one, his true self and two, the self he showed to the world. In

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almost every relationship, we continue to live this double life,

where what we want or desire is often different from what we
say or do. A child wants to go out and play, but knowing that
this will make his mother unhappy, he makes a show of
studying. The thinker in him wants to play but the actor in him
makes him act as if he does not care for the play. He thus
becomes miserable, in an effort to please his mother. This is
exactly what happens when the thinker and the actor in us are
not in sync. As one grows up, one learns to cover up ones true
feelings and desires and put on a happy, contended face, while
on the inside the turmoil is only growing larger.
Why do we become pretentious? There are many reasons.
One, is fear, for we feel that if we let our real thoughts and
feelings be known, we would lose our respect, dignity, our jobs,
our friends, our relatives, and would start drifting away from
others. Children are usually very scared to say or do what they
really want, for they fear that their parents might scold, thrash or
disown them. Adults too, in many relationships want to avoid
the unpleasantness of a conflict, and tend to act in a manner
which is conducive to others rather than to themselves. Another
reason is that pretending to be something other than what or
who you really are often boosts your ego, makes you part of a
group which you want to belong to, and makes you apparently
feel superior. If you love watching Hindi movies, but feel that
others in your group consider Hindi movies inferior and will
only watch English movies, you also tend to go along with them
to watch films that you dont like, and will talk their language,
while all the time you hate what you are doing. You might be
going regularly to your local hairdresser for a haircut, but will
either lie about going to an up-market saloon, or might actually
spend much more going there and getting a haircut, to keep up.

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Similarly, people land up buying things that they dont really

need, like a fancy car, house, or a foreign vacation, just to be
able to brag about it and feel superior, while, internally, all the
expense incurred is bleeding them dry. And they dont even like
the stuff that they have bought.
Not being able to say no, when you actually wish to, and
making it appear that you are so selfless, is another type of
pretentiousness. You are often forced to put up with people
whom you dont like and do tasks which you dont want to, only
because you want to appear to be a good, humble person, in
others eyes. Being pretentious pampers the ego, and nothing else.
It might make you happy temporarily, but in the long run, it only
gives rise to more conflict, stress, worry, sorrow and anxiety.
Many a times, most of us have some form of inferiority
complex. We often dislike many things about ourselves. In order
to hide this inferiority complex, we automatically become
pretentious, and often go to the other extreme, living and
behaving exactly in a manner which is diametrically opposite to
our true self. One must try and see to it that the thinker and the
actor come as close to each other, in order to achieve maximum
joy. The closer these are, more the happiness and less the
suffering. And when the two fuse completely, and cannot be
distinguished from one another, and one is aware that these two
have fused, one is on the way to enlightenment, to being a
Buddha.

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HOW
UNDERSTANDING HELPS

The most important thing that one should try and

develop in life is awareness, because from awareness comes
understanding, from understanding comes acceptance, from
acceptance comes empathy, from empathy comes
forgiveness, and from forgiveness comes complete happiness
and relaxation. This was a quote I had put on facebook, and
I was surprised at the number of positive responses to it. Most
people were of the opinion that understanding was paramount
to them.
Here is a case in point. Deepa, our maid did not come to
work for two days. And today, one of the most indispensable
commodities in a womans life is her maid. A maid is a womans
life support system, so to speak, and in the absence of the maid
or domestic help, life comes crashing down. And so, my wife
was ready to scream at her, and if necessary, fire her from the
job. We had a tough time in her absence. When the maid did
come back to work on the third day, her eyes were red and she
was looking very sad. My wife had the presence of mind to ask
her what was wrong, before castigating her. And this proved to
be a wise thing in retrospect. When my wife asked her what the

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problem was, she told us that her mother, who was also our old
employee of many years, had been very sick and had passed
away. Immediately, my wifes anger disappeared and she felt
sorry and sympathized with the maid. Her anger dissipated and
all thoughts of shouting at her or sacking her disappeared in an
instant. The knowledge and understanding of what had
happened, of the reality and reason behind the maids absence,
changed her reactions completely.
In life, there are many such situations which make us angry,
sad, worried, anxious and stressed out. Most of this results
because we do not have an understanding of what is happening.
Once the understanding comes, these emotions easily disappear.
Hence, one needs to develop an understanding of life and of
other people. But how does one develop understanding? First
and foremost, for understanding to come, one must become
aware. Awareness is the key to understanding. And awareness is
something that most of us dont have. When we are doing one
thing, we are thinking of another thing. For example, when
having our morning coffee or tea, we are already thinking of the
day ahead. When we are travelling to work, our minds are on
what awaits us at the office. When we are in the office, we are
thinking about home. And at home, we are thinking about our
office. This situation, in which most of us find ourselves, is the
first hindrance to awareness. To be aware, one must completely
be in the present moment, thinking neither about the past nor
about the future. In such a state of present mindedness,
awareness develops. And from awareness comes understanding.
Understanding is often what brings peace to those who
come down with an illness. If you know why you are sick, from
where you picked up the infection and also know that you will
be cured in a few days, you are relaxed. On the other hand, if

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your disease is sudden and undiagnosed, you are very worried

and restless. If a child knows why he has done badly in his
examinations, he would be less stressed than not knowing why
his marks have fallen. Our human brains are so built that it can
rest easy only when it finds a reason or comes to an
understanding. Once there is understanding, we are at peace.
And with this understanding we can continue ahead, and not get
stuck in the thinking and agonising phase, forever.

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DISCOVERING YOURSELF

Do you know who you really are, and what is your

purpose here on earth? Read on, to see how the answers to these
questions easily must become your highest priority in life
From birth, we are constantly surrounded by relatives and
friends. In our day to day life, we interact with a lot of people
parents, siblings, uncles, aunts, our children, friends,
colleagues, acquaintances so much so that we start taking their
presence for granted and often get mentally and emotionally
attached to some of them. For some of us, the attachment
might even turn into dependence, or even an obsession. With the
passage of time, life moves on, priorities and perspectives
change, and the people we are associated with keep moving in
and out of our lives. Our parents grow old and pass away,
relatives and friends get busy with their own lives, and children
too grow up and move out, into the world. Ones spouse, who
is often the closest relative one has, is the only one who remains,
till a time when he or she too is no more. One becomes terribly
lonely, depressed, frustrated, sad and miserable. The only
solution to this loneliness seems to be death, and many people
are alive only because they have no choice. Their only hope of
deliverance seems to be death, which is coming, but at its own
pace.

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This is an extreme state, but one which is by no means rare

or unheard of. The papers are full of stories of senior citizens
living alone, neglected by their children and relatives, living in
poverty, fear, misery and loneliness. Some commit suicide, some
go mad, some become victims of hatred, anger and crime.
Some become short tempered and a source of irritation to
those around. And it is very sad that instead of enjoying and
celebrating every moment of life on this earth, these people are
actually wishing for a quick and painless end. The gift of life,
given to them by existence or God, seems to be a big waste, and
there seems to be no hope, no joy, and no relief from this hell.
Why am I so miserable? Why has life been so unkind, so unfair
to me? Where have I gone wrong? are some of the questions
people at this stage ask themselves. Why does this happen and
why does man reach such a state? Why should any human being
come to a situation where life is a burden, a pain, and where,
paradoxically and ironically, only the thought of death keeps
them alive?
The problem starts with one basic fact that we dont
know ourselves, we dont know why we are here, and we dont
know what is going to happen to us in the future, either when
we are alive, or after our death. And when we dont know all
these facts, it is but obvious that life becomes a burden,
becomes a vacuum, life is no longer worth living, and there is
nothing left to look forward to. Do we know who we are? Not
by our name, our profession, our relationships, our religion, our
personality, our assets, or by our status in society. These things
are given to us after our birth, by society, by our parents, our
teachers and by those around us. We existed even before we
were given a name, or we had a personality, or we had an
educational degree or a profession. Then who are we? Are we

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just flesh and blood? Are we the mind? Or are we something

beyond these? And what happens to us, after death? Do we
merge with existence, go to heaven, or are we likely to be reborn, as many scriptures say?
The answers to these questions are very important, in order
to find bliss and joy, in order to find a purpose to go on living
on earth, and in order to understand how and why existence
works the way it does. And the earlier one embarks on a journey
to find these answers, the better. We do not have unlimited time
at our disposal, and the future is uncertain. The only time to start
finding answers to these questions is not tomorrow, next month
or next year, but right now, right here.
In life, the only person guaranteed to be with you
inseparably and faithfully, till the very end, without any clauses,
conditions, and agreements, is your own self. Others parents,
children, spouse, relatives, grandparents, grandchildren, friends,
neighbors will all come into your life and often go away, for
they have their own agenda in life. It is only yourself who will
remain with you. You then are your best friend and ally. But
unfortunately, we do not know this best friend, this ally, because
no one has been able to tell us, and we ourselves have never
tried to discover who we are. And without knowing who we
are, without an identity on this earth or in this universe, we
obviously cannot fathom our purpose in life. First, you have to
know who you are. For example, a doctor knows his purpose,
an architect knows his purpose, and a parent knows his purpose,
as far as their work in concerned. But as far as this life is
concerned, we really dont know from where we have come,
who we are, why we are here and where we will go from here.
And it is answers to these questions that will eventually make our
lives full of joy and happiness, and help us to enjoy every

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moment, to consider every minute a blessing, a boon, on this

earth.
So, how does one go about discovering who he or she
truly is, or what existence has planned for us? This is a truth
which each of us will have to discover by ourselves, by
becoming more introspective and more meditative. Two things
are mandatory to this self discovery, to know oneself truly and
to be one with existence. One, we must definitely be able to
drop the ego, for the ego will always take us on the wrong or
false path. To be able to find the right path, the ego has to go.
This major step, where we can remove our ego will
automatically point us in the right direction. A teacher or guru
too functions in the same way. He or she is able to strip us of
our ego, and point us in the right direction. The second
important thing in this search, is that one will have to drop all of
ones conditionings, all that we have learnt in the past, all the
indoctrinations that society has put into us, all the beliefs that we
have been given by others, all the false personality that society
has given us. Then, and only then, when we are completely
stripped of what has been fed to us all these years, and we are
completely bare can we expect to commence on this journey,
completely empty, completely open, without any bias, prejudice
or preconceived notions.
Of course, we will have to walk the path alone, though
maps are available. And each of us will have to find out what
works for us, which method is useful to us, in our search for
ourselves and for the truth. Some embark on this journey of
self discovery through prayer, some through work, some
through music, some through other forms of creativity, some
through intelligence and knowledge, some though debate,
discussion and discourses, while yet others do so through

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meditation. This is what is mentioned in the Vedas and

Upanishads as the 4 forms of yoga the bhakthi yoga, the
karma yoga, the gyana yoga and the dhyana yoga. None of
these methods is better than the other. It depends on what suits
the individual and what appeals to the individual. Eventually,
every method followed by keeping the ego aside, with complete
honesty and humility, is likely to yield results.
Here are a couple of beautiful quotes, from the
Bhrihadaranyaka Upanishad, about knowing and discovering the
self , or the atma, or soul, whatever you may wish to call it
Bhrihadaranyaka Upanishad II.4.vi.
The Brahmana rejects him who knows the Brahmana
to be different from the Self.
The Kshatriya rejects him who knows the Kshatriya
to be different from the Self.
Worlds reject him who knows the worlds to be
different from the Self.
The Gods reject him who knows the Gods to be
different from the Self.
Beings reject him who knows beings to be different
from the Self.
All reject him who knows all to be different from the
Self.
This Brahmana, This Kshatriya, These Worlds, These
Gods, These beings and This All are only the Self (ones
own atma).
And one more sutra from the same Upanishad, which says
For where there is as it were duality, then one sees
the other. One smells the other, one hears the other, one
salutes the other, one perceives the other, one knows the
other, but when the Self only is all this, how should he smell

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another, how should he see another, how should he hear

another, how should be salute another, how should he
perceive another, how should he know another? How
should he know him by whom he knows all this? How, O
beloved, should he know himself, the knower?
Time is passing by every minute. And the time left for each
of us is limited. From the moment we are born, every minute
and every day, we are dying little by little, till all this culminates in
the final dance of death. So, what are you waiting for? Why
dont you start this great inner journey immediately, right here,
right now? In the words of J. Krishnamurthy, It is this very
discovery of ourselves, as we are, without any sense of
condemnation or justification that brings about a
fundamental transformation in what we are. And that is
the beginning of wisdom.

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THREE STAGES TO NIRVANA

On the path to enlightenment, there are three stages

passion, dispassion and compassion. Ninety percent of us are in
the first stage, and the remaining in the second. Its a rare human
being a Buddha or a Mahavira, who reaches the third stage
and becomes enlightened. The stages are:

THE FIRST STAGE: PASSION

Most of humanity is at this stage, which comes naturally,
without struggling or trying hard its our default setting. In
this stage, were filled with passion, constantly wanting or
craving. What we want is immaterial we just want. What we
want may include any of these things more money, fame,
name, mansions, cars, foreign trips, better jobs, more assets,
better relationships, more love or sex, better children, better
health, more power, and even enlightenment basically, we
keep wanting more. Here, our ability to give is limited. We give
only when its absolutely required, or when its our duty. Or we
give hoping that itll fetch us future gains. Parents give their
children, husbands give their wives, siblings give each other,
devotees give to the Lord, some donate in charity but this
giving is with a purpose. Either its a duty, or an investment, or it

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satisfies our ego, or we give hoping for something. At this stage

most are judgmental, and have a strong sense of right and
wrong, or correct and incorrect. This stage often finds us with
more unhappiness than happiness, and with anxiety, stress and
worry.

THE SECOND STAGE: DISPASSION

As time goes by, some individuals mature, and start
reflecting and introspecting on life. They realize that wanting or
owning is often futile, and that it also causes much misery. They
realize that just by having more money, fame or assets, theyre
not any happier. They also understand that wanting will never
cease. Whatever you possess is taken for granted soon, and you
are back to wanting more. These people slowly start losing
interest in acquiring more. They take to hobbies and follow their
heart. They become less judgmental and dispassionate in life,
enjoying their freedom, while giving complete freedom to
others. They basically live and let live. They do things that make
them happy, not necessarily for any gain. They possess the basic
necessities of life, and stop running the rat race. They give
whenever they can, to people whom they feel deserve their gifts
or charities. They are definitely happier and find life fulfilling and
enriching.

THE THIRD STAGE: COMPASSION

This is the final stage, and one which is rarely reached.
Maybe, once in a thousand years or so, someone reaches here.
Here, a person has no desires or wants. He understands the
nature of life and existence, and the human mind. Invariably,
these people have no possessions of their own. To them,
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everything is theirs and nothing is theirs. For them, nothing is

right or wrong existence just is. Their biggest quality is
compassion they love everybody and everything they come
across people, trees, birds, animals, the earth, rocks, the sun,
the moon and they give freely of their love. Their giving is
entirely different. They are so full and overflowing with love and
compassion that they give without seeing who the recipient is,
whether he deserves it, whether he is a saint or a sinner these
things dont matter. Like the sun shines on everyone and
everything, like the cloud showers its rain anywhere and
everywhere, these individuals never discriminate, and they spread
their love and affection far and wide. No one is above or below
them. To them everyone and everything is a part of this divine
existence. Everything is God and God is everything. One who
attains this a Buddha, a Mahavira, a Mohammed, a Jesus, a
Krishna, a Zarathustra or a Guru Nanak is then considered
Gods own avatar, on this earth.

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HAPPINESS

WHY WE ARE UNHAPPY

OVER
OTHERS HAPPINESS

As we take a walk, or glance out of our moving vehicles,

we often see groups of people, mostly youngsters, who seem to
be laughing and having a good time. Many a times, a pang of
jealously goes through us, as we wish we were young and as
happy. It is almost as if we grudge them their happy state of
mind. At other times too, when someone we know has met with
some success in life, and is feeling joyous, in our heart of hearts,
we are often jealous of his or her happiness. Why is this so?
Come to think of it, happiness is something that is
available to all of us at all times, if we choose to be happy.
Happiness, like worry and stress, is not something that is outside
us, and something that has to be acquired, at a price. No,
happiness is very much a state of mind. It is a choice that we
make, whether to be happy or not. Granted that there are times
in our lives, when unfortunate and unnecessary things or events
happen, like failing in an exam, or loss of a loved one, and we
do feel sad and depressed. Those bouts of sorrow or
disappointment are legitimate, and cant really be avoided. In

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fact, avoiding or repressing these genuine bouts of sorrow will

itself become a burden, preventing us from being happy in the
future. But at other times, we tend to agonize over small things
that in reality dont matter much. A classic example is of a
mother who agonizes over her child getting lesser marks in the
examination than she expected, or a father who is unhappy with
his son for preferring to stay indoors and read a book most of
the times, rather than going out and playing football or cricket
with his friends, or of a housewife who longs for a bigger
house or car, even though she knows that her husbands salary is
average.
People are usually unhappy over their relationships, body
structure, looks, status in society, possessions like house or car,
the future, disease, job or profession, their childrens attitudes
and capabilities etc. Most of this unhappiness has to do with our
perceptions, rather than about these things themselves. We are
constantly seeking to be anything but what we are we would
rather be taller, thinner, smarter, richer, more beautiful, more
successful, more intelligent etc. And in this world, almost
everyone is unhappy about something or the other, all the time.
Hence, when we see someone who is smiling, laughing and
apparently very happy, we feel bad. We feel that life is not fair,
and God has been unkind to us and kind to others, giving them
all they want, and not satisfying our needs and desires.
None of this is, of course true, and everyone has his or
her own quota of happiness or sorrow. This cannot change,
although our attitudes and perceptions can be changed, thus
ensuring that we are much happier than we currently are. To
learn to accept ourselves and our lives as we are is one of the
key mantras for happiness. As long as we want something that
we dont possess, it is very difficult to get out of this happiness-

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misery-happiness cycle. One must realize that no sooner is one

want satisfied, does another surface almost instantaneously. It is
only a question of deciding to focus on what we have, rather
than on what we dont, that can make us blissful and satisfied, in
the long run.

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SEEK HAPPINESS,
NOT SORROW

All of us, from the time of birth, are constantly seeking

happiness. Yet, very few of us are in a constant state of
satisfaction and joy. Happiness is a quality peculiar to human
beings, for in the animal kingdom, there is neither sorrow nor
happiness. Unlike us, their lives are guided by instinct, rather than
by emotion.
What does happiness mean to us? To different people, it
means different things. For a child, it means having both parents
close together, with the parents doting over him, and also at ease
with one another. For most children, happiness is not going to
school, happiness is a long vacation, and happiness is gorging on
ice creams and chocolates, and happiness in playing for
unlimited amount of time. As he grows older the childs interests
change, and he feels happy, with things like watching a film, or in
the company of his friends. Teenagers find happiness in the
company of the opposite sex, and in engaging in daredevil or
adventurous acts. Older men and women, depending on the
stage of life, feel happy when they get a good job, get married,
have children, when children grow up and do well in life etc, etc.

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Most of us also feel very happy when we have lots of money,

and money can bring happiness, in some measure.
These, however are various events which give you
happiness for short periods of time. What will give you long
lasting happiness, however, is a situation where your body and
mind are in sync, and when what you think and what you say or
do, is in alignment. Like the hands of the clock perfectly align
themselves at the stroke of twelve, so too when our desires and
actions align, we find perfect happiness. For example, you want
to go shopping, while your husband (like most men) absolutely
hates it. For your sake, if he were to tag along, he would find
only misery, and would make your trip a misery too, by pulling a
long face, and by constantly cribbing. If he were courageous
enough to tell you that he is not interested, you might still go
ahead, do the shopping and feel happy. He, on the other hand,
could do what he feels happy about, like watching his football
match, or reading his newspaper or novel. Both could be happy
doing their respective activities, provided both are honest with
each other, and communicate well. Or, if you always wanted to
be a writer, actor or painter, and your parents forced you to
become a doctor or engineer. How long do you think you could
carry on being happy, as a doctor or an engineer, when your
heart is craving to write or paint? Or assume that someone has
invited you to a social gathering, to which you dont really want
to go. But out of conditioning and pressure, you do go, but
keep cribbing and feeling that youve wasted your time,
becoming miserable, and passing on the misery to others.
Wouldnt it have been better to have offered some excuse, not
gone, and at least felt happy?
There are however, situations where it is not always
possible to say or do what you want to, because of the

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consequences. In a joint family, for example, if the daughter-inlaw dislikes many things about her mother-in-law, our customs,
tradition and upbringing dictate that she remain quiet, tolerating
and putting up with everything, but never speaking out. In such
cases, obviously, the daughter-in-law is under severe strain and
totally unhappy. Now she has to decide whether she is going to
be happier shouting, fighting and lashing out at her mother-inlaw, with all its consequences, or whether she would be happier
keeping quiet, and accepting things as they are. In many such
cases, it is easier to accept things as they are, and wait for
circumstances to change, rather than sticking to your guns and
fighting it out. So, if you cannot align your thoughts and actions
to get happiness, the alternative is to accept things as they are.
Acceptance, like alignment, has a great power to give you
peace and satisfaction. Many a times, the difference between one
woman and the other, in a similar set of circumstances, is the
ability to accept. If, for example, the husband is a drunkard, the
woman who accepts it, and works around it, is more settled,
than one who fights with her husband every day. In fact, such
daily fights can get nasty, with the drunken husband resorting to
violence, and causing bodily injury and even death. If acceptance
does not come easily, in such a situation, then, it is better to pack
your bag and baggage, and quit the place, so that you do not
have to face the situation every day. Your mind would be telling
you to run away from this drunken fellow. If you follow your
thoughts with action, and run away, you will be happier. Or if
you can combat your thoughts with acceptance, then too you
can carry on. It is when you are stuck in an in between, neither
here nor there condition, of neither following the diktat of your
heart nor accepting the situation, then you cause yourself to
suffer untold trauma and unhappiness.

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Remember that to be happy or sad is a choice that we can

exercise, every moment. It is not the people, or events or
circumstances that are in themselves, happy or sad. It is our
reactions to these that determine whether we land up being sad
or happy. If, as a mother, you can accept your child getting
eighty percent in his tests, then there is no unhappiness. But if
you cant, and you want him to score ninety or ninety five
percent and if he is not capable of doing so, then you have a
sure shot prescription for long term unhappiness. It is up to you
to use your intelligence effectively, and determine which
situations are handled better by following your mind and heart,
and which are better managed by accepting the situation. If you
can do this, you will get a huge dose of happiness, and you can
spend your life being more happy than morose. If you make a
wrong choice, of when to keep quiet and when to resist, then
life will be one long miserable journey.
Any adverse situation in life can be handled with the help
of 3 approaches an action oriented approach, where you can
fight or run away from the situation, an emotion oriented
approach, where you change your attitudes or thinking about the
situation, and an acceptance oriented approach, where you
accept things as they are, and hope and pray for things to
improve. You should weigh every situation, and choose what
appears to be the best solution, in the given circumstances.

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EXPLORING HAPPINESS

All of us in this world want to be happy, without

exception. But what does happiness really mean? And how does
one go about achieving happiness?
Yes, we all know that happiness is a state where we feel
nice, there is warmth in our heart, everything around us feels
good, and we feel like smiling and laughing. When we are happy,
there is a spring in our step, we chatter thirteen to a dozen, and
there is a glow on our faces. We feel like talking to people,
communicating, sharing, and enriching others. Our fears and
worries take a back seat, for the time being, and we see life
through tinted glasses, all rosy and comfortable. All of us have
had this feeling at various times of our lives, following various
events and situations, and we know how we feel. We also know
that most happiness is time limited, and slowly fades away, to be
replaced by our basic state of mind which is usually one of
worry, anxiety, tensions, misery and unhappiness. And so begins
our quest again, for happiness.
Most of us associate happiness with some positive event,
situation or achievement. Birth of a child in the family, passing
an examination, getting a plum job, getting married, meeting old
friends or relatives, chatting and gossiping with colleagues, seeing
your child grow, seeing his or her successes, eating out, being in

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the presence of someone we love, winning an award or a

lottery, achieving success in any field these are some of the
examples that bring most of us happiness. And we are
constantly in search of such events, so that we may be happy.
But in life, such events are far and few, and perhaps constitute
ten to twenty percent of our lives. What this effectively means is
that most of mankind spends about eighty percent of its life,
feeling unhappy. And this brings us to the all important question
How does one increase or push up the percentage of times
when we feel happy? How does one increase ones happiness
quotient from ten or twenty percent to fifty or seventy or even
more? And is it at all possible, given the scheme of things in life
and given how this world functions, how life is generally
unpredictable and how humans interact with each other?
Yes, it is possible to increase ones happiness quotient and
to be much happier than one usually is. But for that, one has to
understand the phenomenon called happiness. It is a rather
unfortunate fact, but most often, no one ever teaches us or trains
us on how to be happy. One always hears parents, grandparents
and teachers say that they want children to be happy. But none
of them really know how to teach their children to be happy. All
of us have grown up with a lot of guidance, and a lot of
training from our parents. All of us have had good values
instilled into us by our seniors. And all of us have been told that
we should try and be happy. But what we have never been told
or taught is how to become happy. That is something that is left
to the individual, perhaps because those who bring us up also
really dont know how to pass on the secrets of becoming
happy to their children. It is quite likely that those who train and
teach us have themselves no idea how to be happy, or how to
teach their children to be happy.

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The first thing that one must realize about happiness, as

about many other aspects of life, is that happiness and its
counterpart sorrow, are two sides of the same coin. Where one
is there, the other will also invariably be present. And sometimes
it so happens that what gives us happiness causes sorrow to
someone else. The simplest example of this is when our team
wins at cricket or football; we are happy, but obviously the
members and supporters of the losing team are unhappy and
sad. And they are already planning their strategy of how to
defeat us and avenge their loss, in the next venture. And if they
succeed, the tables are turned, and we are unhappy while they
are not. Hence, this sort of happiness which is based on
someone elses unhappiness is obviously cyclical and will bring us
unhappiness sometime later. The same is true for happiness
derived from any competitive event; one who is happy today
will be otherwise tomorrow. To get out of this type of
happiness-unhappiness cycle, one must try and gain happiness
from activities, events or situations which produce overall
happiness for all those concerned. For example, if someone
makes a good film or writes a good book, or invents a new
gadget, it brings joy to all the people who see the film, read the
book or use the gadget. It also brings happiness to the creator
of these things, for he or she gets a lot of fame and recognition,
not to mention money. This sort of happiness, which is gained
by creating a win-win situation for all concerned, is better than
happiness derived from a win-lose situation.
The other thing about happiness is that it is invariably
linked to one important facet of our lives freedom. Nobody
in this world can be happy in any sort of captivity, of the body
or the mind. It is only when we have complete freedom, to do
what we want to, to think and act as we wish to, without having

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to follow the advice, diktats and rules and regulations established

by others do we feel really happy. If a child wants to play but
his mother insists that he study, the child is instantly miserable.
But if the mother says Do what you feel like the child
becomes joyous and is off to play. When he comes back, there is
a strong possibility that he might himself sit down to study.
Similarly, in any husband-wife relationship, or in a mother-in-law
daughter-in-law relationship, in fact, in any relationship, if there
is enough freedom given to both the parties, these relationships
are filled with more happiness. When one person puts down
rules and regulations to be followed, the relationships get filled
with anger, guilt, worry and jealousy. It is a strange paradox of
life that all of us want total freedom for ourselves, but are rarely
willing to give the same to those around us. Our worries and
fears that the freedom will be misused often cause us to control
others and their behaviours, sowing the seeds for discontent and
unhappiness.
And finally, those who understand and become aware of
how life and existence functions, will soon come to realize that
if one wants more happiness, if one wants to increase the
happiness quotient, then he or she must go beyond this duality
of happiness and unhappiness. If one wants only happiness, then
unhappiness is part of the package deal; one cannot pick up only
the heads portion of a coin the tails side automatically comes
along with the heads. The same is true for happiness. And hence,
if one really wants pure happiness or bliss, then one has to go
beyond the standard thinking of good and bad, right and
wrong, correct and incorrect, and live totally in the present
moment, where the past is irrelevant and the future is only a
dream, and where happiness or unhappiness are both viewed
without attachment, without desire, and the such-ness of life is

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accepted. What this means is that when you are unhappy, be

unhappy and when you are happy, be happy. And every day, try
to go beyond both happiness and unhappiness. If you can do
that, then you can come to a state of total bliss.

FINALLY..
If one needs to increase ones percentage and quantity of
happiness, here are a few things that might help
Understanding that happiness and unhappiness are two
sides of the same coin, and go together
Consciously living in the present moment, the now
Being completely free in mind and body, and extending
this freedom to others
Being non-judgmental
Downsizing ones ego, this is usually the seat of most
miseries
Being able to accept things, people, events and situations
as they exist
Going with the flow of life, rather than against it
Giving up the desire to be perfect or to control others
and make them perfect
Accepting disease and death to be an integral and
important part of life
Meditation, which can lead one to discover ones true
identity, thus going beyond the duality of happiness and
unhappiness
Being true to oneself. Just be, dont become is a good
mantra to follow

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RE-DEFINING HAPPINESS

Once we realise how important happiness is, and how

difficult it seems to achieve this happiness, and to hold on to it,
especially on a long term basis, we need to do some deep
thinking, some deep reflections, in order to find out how we can
be happy for long periods of time. One way to achieve this long
lasting happiness is to redefine the concept of happiness itself.
Traditionally, happiness is defined as a state of mind where
we feel contented, glad, satisfied, pleased and enjoy a feeling of
well-being. And happiness always has a reason. We rarely know
someone who is happy without reason. In fact, if someone is
happy without reason, he or she is in danger of being labelled as
crazy or mad. Whenever the right reason or reasons present
themselves, we feel happy. When the wrong reasons present
themselves, we feel sad or unhappy. Unfortunately, in life, we
cannot always control which comes our way the right reasons
or the wrong reasons, the right wanted events or the wrong,
unwanted events. These reasons or occurrences seem to be
coming pretty randomly, with a lot of arbitrariness. Of course,
we can often manipulate circumstances, and create the
environment to feel happy, like deciding to throw a party or go
for a film, go shopping, watch a favourite program on
television, go to church, or go out for dinner, but, by and far,

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the reasons for deeper and long lasting happiness or sorrow are
often beyond us. Reasons like disease, accidents, death, recession,
loss of a job, natural catastrophes, relationship issues, and money
matters all these seem to suddenly appear out of nowhere.
Similarly, landing a good job, winning a lottery, falling in love
these too seem to come uninvited or unannounced.
The randomness of life can be quite infuriating, scary and
stressful. So, can we do something to change this? We may not
be able to change the sequence of occurrences, but yes, we can
certainly change our focus, our outlook, our perceptions and our
thinking. That much is definitely in our hands, and is not
dependent on external random circumstances. One such tool is
to change the definition of happiness. Happiness should be
redefined to mean all that I possess or all that I have today, this
very moment. How does it matter what definition we give to
happiness, you might ask? By redefining happiness, we are not
doing something great or revolutionary. We are only trying to
shift our focus and our perceptions, so that we can realise that
what we have today, what we possess today, in terms of
material assets, money, relations, health all these can be taken
away from us in a moment, leaving us in deep trouble. The
problem with most of us is that we usually have no value for
what we already have, and our vision or focus is rarely inward.
It is always directed outwards, towards the future, where we are
constantly dreaming, planning and craving for things or events
which we think will make us happy. Let me get a good job, and
I shall be happy. Or, let my son get good marks in his board
examinations, and I will celebrate. Or, as and when I buy this
huge house or big car, I will be truly happy. All these conditions
which no doubt do bring happiness, are events set in the future,
which is unseen, unknown. The only time that we know, is the

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present, what is called the now. And what we have in the

present, we usually take for granted. The house which I bought
with so much happiness fails to excite me anymore. The fact that
my son passed his Engineering examinations and has got a good
job has lost its sheen. The fact of my husband or wife having
recovered from a life threatening accident or disease, when all
seemed lost, is slowly being forgotten. The fact that we are alive
and kicking doesnt seem to be such a big deal. The fact that
today I can see, hear, walk and talk, that I can eat two meals, that
I am relatively free of any major disease, doesnt seem to matter
much. These things are not enough to make me happy. I want
something else.
Existence has a way of teaching us lessons. It has been seen
time and again that when we dont learn our lessons easily,
existence makes life tougher for us. As and when some or all
these things that we take for granted are taken away from our
lives, when good health vanishes, when wealth goes away, when
relationships sour, when someone dies, we feel sad. But did we
ever feel completely and totally happy when we had these
things? Did we feel ecstatic and blissful? Did we thank God or
existence for these things, even once a day? Perhaps some of us
did. But for the majority of us, these were taken for granted,
there was not much gratitude on our part, and we were only
looking elsewhere, for happiness. These things or events had lost
their potential to excite us and to make us happy. And that is the
problem with looking to the future or looking outwards for our
happiness.
Spiritual Guru Deepak Chopra says in one of his
discourses Even winning a lottery of a million dollars
brings us happiness for a maximum of two or three weeks,
after which our minds start wanting something else or

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looking elsewhere, for happiness. Even the happiness or joy

of winning a lottery is really short lived. Most happiness as
we know it comes with a time bar, an expiry period. We might
still possess that which brought us the initial happiness, but that
possession no longer gives us the same degree of happiness.
After a particular amount of time, which can vary from person
to person, the happiness of even winning a lottery, or buying a
palatial mansion or the latest car starts to fade. Happiness, it
seems, is never permanent. At least the definition by which we
traditionally and normally know happiness.
Hence, in order to make our happiness more permanent,
more long lasting, instead of looking forward or craving for
more happenings or more material assets, it is necessary that we
change our outlook, our very definition of happiness.
Happiness, if it means feeling nice about what we have, as of
now, automatically becomes long lasting and permanent. Every
day, when you get up in the morning, if you can mentally list the
things that you have, vis a vis how it would be if you did not
have these things, or if these things were taken away from you,
which might include your family, your house, job, health
basically anything that you have today how would you feel? Is
it not great that you have all these things now, in your
possession? Today, you are alive, tomorrow you may not be.
That itself is a cause for happiness and celebration. Today, your
spouse, parents, children, relatives, and friends are around to
help you, interact with you. Tomorrow they may not be. Isnt it
reason enough to be happy to know and acknowledge this fact?
Today, your eyes can see, your ears can hear, your limbs can
carry you, your mind can think, your nose can smell, your tongue
can taste, your systems are all working well; tomorrow one, or
many of these may not be working well. You may not be able

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to see clearly, or hear properly, or taste well, or your mind may

not be as sharp and clear, your limbs may be painful or working
inefficiently the future is full of so many possibilities, but we
never think of those. We dont seem to have gratitude for what
we have; we only crave what we dont have. And only when
what we have and what we have taken for granted disappears
do we realise its importance. But very often, these changes, these
losses, are irreversible. We can only cry about it, and do nothing
more.
So, the earlier we realise the value of what we have today,
the earlier we accept and feel happiness and gratitude for what
existence has given us today, the more likely that we shall find
permanent happiness. The less we focus on our today and the
more we focus on tomorrow, the less likely the chances of
finding true happiness. Arise, awake and redefine your happiness
to discover eternal bliss and joy. And for those who are more
spiritual and who want to go beyond changing their focus and
perspectives, who are not satisfied with just changing their
definitions, it would be a good idea to go beyond their mindbody complexes, to go into an inner journey to search for ones
true self, the atma, the witness, that part of consciousness that
we are all made up of, which is eternal, which is never born and
never dies, beyond sorrow and happiness, which is a part of
eternity, a part of the divine, which is God itself, which is
creation itself, which is what the Upanishads call Brahman. And
we end this chapter with a beautiful quote from the Upanishad.
The Infinite is the satisfying happiness.
In the finite no happiness can ever breathe.
The Infinite alone is the fulfilling happiness.
Chandogya Upanishad 7.23.1

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HAPPINESS AND MONEY

It has been seen that somehow money and happiness (or

the lack of money and the absence of happiness) are inextricably
linked to each other, and hence the discussion on how much
money we actually need in life, is discussed under the section on
happiness, and not under life.
An elderly person, whom I knew, was very bothered about
money. He was from a lower middle class background, and had
struggled for money most of his life. With great difficulty, he
had finished his education. After securing a job, he got married
and raised a family. He used to be very miserly with his money
and used to try and save as much money as possible. This usually
meant that he would buy very few luxuries for himself or his
family, he would always travel by train rather than by airplane, he
would always walk or take a bus rather than hire a cab, he
would buy clothes and other stuff only when there was a sale,
his wife and children would hardly get any money to spend, his
childrens school books were invariably handed down from
other children..basically, his one main aim in life was to save
lots of money. His biggest worry in life was that he would run
out of money, he would become a pauper and no one would
help him. He was worried of old age, of the infirmities and
disease that it would bring, and he wanted to stash away a huge

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amount of money, so that he would not have to suffer when he

grew old or ill.
His children were very intelligent and did very well
academically. They secured good jobs and settled down into
their own family lives. The elderly person in question and his
wife continued with their miserly lives. People would often tell
him that now, since his children were well settled, he should
enjoy his life, take more vacations, buy a car, employ a driver,
and generally have a good time. By force of habit, the person
refused to do any of these things, and continued to save, both
from his investment and from his pension. Time passed, and
one day, while crossing the road, this elderly person was struck
down by a bus. He was rushed to a nearby hospital, but
succumbed to his wounds and died. His family was shocked and
sad at this sudden loss.
After a few days, when his family met to see what assets he
had left behind, they were in for a pleasant shock. They
discovered that this elderly person was actually quite rich and
had material assets worth well over a crore (ten million) rupees.
In a country like India, he would have fallen in the top ten
percent of people, if money was the criteria to assess peoples
worth. His wife and children, who till then had absolutely no
clue as to what he was worth, were left wondering If this
person had so much money to put away, why did he behave and
live like a beggar? Why was he so desperate to save and for
whom? Why did he not have a better quality of life, when he
could have? Why did he have to die, leaving behind so much
money, when he could have spent at least a part of it on himself
and his family, making life more comfortable for everyone?
This, incidentally, is not an isolated case. This is perhaps
true for many individuals the world over. Though none of us

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can really judge or know how much money we will eventually

need to fulfil our needs and to have a reasonably comfortable
life, it has been seen that invariably, we tend to go after money at
the cost of many other aspects of life. Our fears of the future,
our worries about old age and disease, our lack of trust in
existence, in ourselves and in our children, our fears of inflation
and the increased cost of living, our fears of a sudden and
unexpected death which would leave our family in deep financial
trouble all these combine to make us earn and hoard more
money that we will ever need. Very few individuals die as
paupers. More often than not, our estimate of what we need is
always more that what we actually need. But we rarely realise
this, during the course of our lives. More is better, seems to be
the mantra. Or maybe the mantra is Whats the harm in earning
and saving more money? It surely cannot do any harm. We
spend our lives, or at least a huge part of it, running after money
and accumulating it, in quantities that will never ever be needed
or useful to us.
All the money that we accumulate during our lives does
not come free of cost. Every penny earned and saved comes
from working hard, using our talents, our energies, our time, our
creativity, and our physical and mental faculties, not to mention
taking risks and chances. Money and time usually have an inverse
relationship. The more money you want to make, the less time
you have for other activities. Money and relationships too have
the same inverse relationship. In the same way, making money is
also related inversely to our mental and physical health. In short,
making money is an occupation that eats upon a lot of your
other aspects of life health, peace of mind, relationships,
time, and creativity.
At the end of ones life, assuming that we have enough

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money to see us through this life and enough to support those

whom we leave behind, would we be happy at how our life has
passed, or would we be sad and regretful at all the things and
activities that we could have done if we were not so busy in
making money? If you are happy that you invested your time
and energy in making money, then there is no problem. It means
that money and money making is something that interests you
and is dear to your heart. But if you are unhappy, and realise that
all the money that you have accumulated is not worth the
amount of time and energy that you have spent, is not worth the
vacations that you did not take, is not worth the time that you
did not spend with your spouses and children, is not worth the
loss of creative pursuits, and is not worth the mental and
physical distress that accompanied the money making activity
that is when you will realise that you have wasted your life
running behind money, chasing a dream, chasing security and
safety, as life passed by, as people were enjoying their lives, as
your children were becoming teenagers and adults, as your
grandchildren were being born and were growing up, as your
spouse waited patiently for you to take out some time for him
or her, as your parents wished to spend some time with you..
One cannot put a value on some things in life, like time,
like relationships, like love, and if we have spent our active lives
missing all these invaluable things and only earning money, then it
is indeed sad. For once we are no more, all the money that we
have accumulated is obviously no use to us. Worse, this money
which we leave behind for our near and dear ones is often the
root cause of major fights between our children, sometimes to
the extent of them resorting to legal action and violence against
each other. Not only was the time and energy we spent on
making money a waste, the same money after our time might be

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the cause for major problems and major catastrophes among

our near and dear ones. Many sons and daughters have fought
each other, attacked each other, killed each other and gone to
jail, over the money and assets that someone had painstakingly
earned, literally sacrificing his whole life. Think about it, How
much money do you really need in life? And do you want to live
poor and die rich? Or would you rather live fruitfully and die
penniless?

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GOD,
RELIGION
AND
BLIND
FAITH

UNDERSTANDING
BLIND FAITH

The fight against terrorism is an unworkable conception,

if we are going to fight terrorism with terrorism.
- James Mortimer
In the aftermath of the 9/11 terror attack in New York
and in Mumbai on 26 th of November 2009, as the shock,
disbelief and anger slowly settled down, one persistent thought
that kept coming up in many peoples minds, is How can any
human being, irrespective of religion and nationality, mercilessly,
remorselessly, kill other human beings people whom he has
never met, never known, never interacted with without any
guilt, shame, repentance or regret? The average man or woman
(like you or me) will find it impossible to understand how a
twenty or twenty five year old can be completely brain washed
and trained into believing that killing hundreds of innocents is
the right thing, is the correct way to achieve glory, greatness,
God and Heaven. This belief, where a person is willing to kill
and die for a purpose, is obviously blind faith. How does a
terrorist reach this stage? How does a normal human being
become a terrorist?
Obviously, no human being is born a terrorist. Perhaps

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some of us are genetically prone to crime and violence as

compared to others. But at a basic level, every child is born with
a clean slate, a clear mind. In a fundamentalist or a fanatic
society, (like the ones that exist in some of our neighbouring
countries) from the age of two or three, the childs mind is filled
with all the information and sentiments that the adults around
him strongly believe in. While this happens in every society, the
impact is more in certain circumstances. From birth, if a child is
continuously told that the only way to protect his religion, and to
attain God and heaven is to wage a war against people of other
communities, people who are an enemy of his religion, of his
community, of his country, the child (who is innocent) has no
choice but to believe what is told to him.
If he or she is told that theirs is the only true religion in the
world, their God is the only true God, and that all other
religions are out to destroy this true religion, a child will
obviously believe it. And if he is repeatedly told that he must
pick up arms and fight to keep his religion, his people, and his
God alive, he has no choice but to agree. Such a deep
indoctrination, a deep conditioning that starts in early childhood
and goes on till the age of fifteen or twenty, is enough to
completely corrupt the growing childs mind into believing that
the sole purpose of his life, and the only way to attain God and
heaven, is to hate, to kill and to destroy members of other
communities;
In fact, to try and completely destroy all religions of the
world, except his own.
All children are born similar. The difference between two
or more human beings is perhaps one percent, with ninety nine
percent of us being the same. Those of us who are born in
liberal societies are lucky, for our upbringing and our training

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happens on a liberal scale, where we are taught that all men are
equal, that God is everywhere and can be worshipped and
prayed to in a million ways, that we must love all our fellow
human beings as our own siblings, that violence is bad and
honesty is good etc. In a fundamentalist society, these concepts
have no place. Children are taught that there is only one religion,
one God, and everyone and everything else, is an enemy, to be
eventually destroyed. Against this backdrop, seeing the terrorists
in action in Mumbai, or elsewhere for that matter, one can begin
to understand how their mind functions. Did these terrorists
really have a choice? Unlikely, for right from early childhood,
their heads have been filled with all sorts of nonsense against the
world, so that when the time comes for action, there is no
confusion, no conflict, no doubt in their minds about what
needs to be done. It is no wonder that the lone terrorist who has
been caught exhibits no sadness, guilt or misgivings about the
massacre that he and his colleagues have unleashed on an
unsuspecting, innocent population
Most of this early childhood conditionings also takes place
in poor countries, where poverty and illiteracy are widespread,
where the divide between the haves and the have nots is very
high. It is very difficult, in fact almost impossible to create such a
level of hatred and anger in communities where there is plenty,
and which are rich and contented. Poverty, hunger, disease and
illiteracy are ideal breeding grounds for religious fundamentalism
and terrorism. If someone is happy and if getting fed and
clothed and has his basic requirements met, he or she is not
perpetually dreaming of a better tomorrow, or of a heaven
where all that is not available to him will be there in plenty.
Terrorism can only flourish in places where there is hunger,
and where the basic needs of humanity are not met. If a child

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from any part of the world were taken and put into such
surroundings, and brought up with fundamentalist values, what
choice would he or she have, to exercise their free will? For
most of us, free or individual thinking develops in our teenage
days and evolves as we grow older. This free thinking is based
on what we learn in our childhood. If ones childhood is
completely corrupted with thoughts of anger, destruction and
violence, it is highly likely that when we become a teenager or
adult, our free will and thinking will contain only ideas of
destruction, of war, and of a heaven which we have been told
about, never seen. It is a rare child who will grow into an adult,
use his own intelligence and logic and refuse to pick up arms.
The fight against terrorism needs to be fought, not only
with military action and force, but at a very basic level, with
education, with poverty alleviation. The terrorists of today need
to be neutralized by military and police action, for there is no
way you can un-condition them. But the terrorist of tomorrow,
of the years to come has to be prevented, and nipped in the
bud, by paying attention to removing his poverty, his illiteracy,
his wrong conditionings and indoctrinations, and his poor social
status. The countries of the world must come together and think
about how they can get rid of terrorism, in the days to come,
along these lines.
One of the books on the subject of conditioning children
about religion and God is written by a Hyderabad based
gentleman, Innaiah Narisetti. The book, titled Forced into
Faith, is a must read for those who wish to analyse and
understand religious conditionings and indoctrinations and how
they affect the psyche of a growing child.

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WHERE IS GOD?

For one who sees Me everywhere and sees everything in

Me, I am never forgotten by them and they are never forgotten
by Me.
- Bhagwad Geeta, Chapter 8, Verse 30
What a foolish question you might say. How can anyone
even ask such a question? Only an atheist, an agnostic, a nonbeliever can ask such stupid questions. Otherwise, no one in his
senses, no one who is religious, would ever raise such queries.
Of course, God is everywhere and in everything. God is
omnipresent, omnipotent, and omniscient.
Ah, this sounds like a very familiar argument that I often
have had with my friends. Once, a good friend of mine told me,
You are talking nonsense. On the one hand you say there is no
God, and on the other, you say that God is everywhere, in
everything. How can you be so contradictory? I dont know
which aspect of my statement whether there is no God or
whether God is everywhere hurt him the most. He almost
behaved as if God used to be everywhere, but ever since I
made this contradictory statement, He got angry and ran away!!!
God is everywhere, God is omnipotent, omnipresent, all
powerful, all pervading. God is goodness, God is kind hearted,

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God is holy, He the opposite of all evil, God is our father in

heaven taking care of all of us, God is our creator, God can
destroy us in one instant, God is above all these are some of
the concepts that have been taught to man, since time
immemorial. Mention the word God in any language, and you
dont have to give any further explanations, for all of us,
irrespective of caste, creed, religion and nationality, have our
own understanding of God.
One of the most basic teachings which every parent,
teacher or guru imparts to a child is that God is everywhere.
Almost every scripture is brimming with this fact. Especially so,
if it happens to be a Hindu scripture. Every lecture of moral
science in school reiterates this fact. Every religious teacher keeps
propounding this fact. Every spirituality book eventually comes
to this conclusion. But there is a peculiar problem with this
statement. I have often asked various religious people, but have
not really found a satisfactory reply to my problem. My query is,
If God is everywhere and in everything, as is often told to us,
why is it that people go and stand in a queue of a temple, often
for ten to twelve hours, to see God? Why do people undertake
pilgrimages to distant places and places of worship, spending
plenty of money, time and energy, not to mention the hardships
caused by change in food and sleep habits, and the risk of
disease and infections, if God is everywhere? Why not sit in your
room, look at the wall or the fan or the air-conditioner or DVD
player, and pray? After all, God is everywhere and in everything,
isnt He?
My request to all believers is to first resolve this confusion.
If God is everywhere and in everything, then why are you
roaming here and there, running from pillar to post, standing in
mile long queues, spending lots of hard earned money, in search

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of God? Are you stupid, or is your statement untrue? Or is it

likely that you yourself do not believe your own statement that
God is everywhere? Is it something that has been told to you by
your elders and you are just repeating it, like a parrot? Have you
ever tried to think or understand what lies behind that statement?
Do you really feel the power of that statement in your bones, in
your veins, in your heart and soul, or is that statement only
coming from your mind and from your lips? Are you scared
that if you did not go to places of worship, did not perform
religious rites, pujas, havans, etc, and just sat in the corner of
your room and prayed, you are going to miss out on God, and
others who are running here and there in search of Him might
actually find Him before you do, and reap great benefits? Do
you feel that the more you struggle, the more you do penance,
the more you do sacrifices, the more hours you spend in prayer,
the more money you spend on your religious pilgrimages, the
more you will be rewarded with riches, health, relationships,
happiness, peace etc?
But what exactly is this phenomenon called God? We
actually dont know. Man is incapable of knowing or
understanding something or someone, who is omnipotent or
omnipresent, or all pervading, for these concepts are impossible
to imagine. Our brains are not geared to comprehend such an
entity. What does omnipotent look like? What does omnipresent
look and feel like? We cannot know, without limited sense
organs and our brains. Unfortunately, no one has ever seen or
met this entity that we call God. We turn to God, when we are
in a crisis, asking for guidance. We turn to God, to ask for
forgiveness, when we feel we have erred or sinned. We turn to
God when we desperately want something. We turn to God
when we need to make a crucial decision, or are seeking a

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solution to a problem. We focus on God when we are scared,

when things are not going as we want them to. When we
manage to avoid something unwanted or unpleasant, we
exclaim, Thank God! Knowingly, unknowingly, day in and day
out, we keep thinking or referring to a higher authority
asking, pleading, imploring, begging, arguing, wishing, praying
and fighting.
God, as we know, never gives us any response or answers,
at least directly. We often assume that he works in ways that we
dont understand. When a crisis blows over, or a problem gets
solved, we thank God, for we feel He has helped us, indirectly.
But we also know that every prayer, every request and every
demand that we make, are obviously not met or entertained by
God. Its perhaps a question of probability and possibility. Any
problem has many solutions; every crisis has two or more
outcomes. Sometimes they are favourable to us, sometimes they
are not. We thank God for success, but never blame him for
failure. That blame we usually put on fate, destiny, and plain bad
luck or more likely, we find a scapegoat, a whipping boy, on
whom we blame the failure.
Slowly, if you see, our relationship with God becomes
more businesslike and less of a religion. Almost no one prays to
God just for the sake of praying. Behind every prayer, there is
invariably a demand, overt or covert. The two chief emotions
which drive most of mankinds behaviour, namely fear and
greed, are also the two main emotions that we have, in our
relationship with God. Either we are scared that something bad
will happen, and so we resort to prayer, or we want something
that is not easily coming our way, so we pray to God. And the
entire network of priests and temples exist and survive, thanks
to these two emotions. If man loses his fear and his greed, in no

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time the priests and the places of religious worship would be

out of business. It is equally true that if man actually starts
feeling and experiencing God everywhere and in everything, the
same would happen to all the agents of worship and the places
of worship.
Who or what then, is this entity called God? All of us have
our own beliefs, our own understandings. For many of us who
are more scientifically oriented, but who also realize that there
are many things beyond science, the one understanding that
seems logical and which works more often than not is that God,
or truth, is something within all of us. In a sense, we are all living
Gods. Then why are we not always successful? Why dont we
have all the powers that God is supposed to have? Basically, we
have attributed a lot to God, and then we expect the same
powers to be present in every God. So, if we were to say that
every one of us is a God, the next question that immediately
springs up is Then, where is my power? God is not about
power or strength. God is about goodness, about love, about
compassion, about altruism, about honesty and so many good
qualities that are there within and without us. God is about
wisdom, about maturity, about clarity of thought and action.
God is about good deeds, and good thoughts. God is about
creativity, about intelligence and about humility. God is about
giving, not about taking. And all these are there in us.
As we all grow up, irrespective of which religion we
belong to, we have been conditioned about God, about how He
is supposed to be, and hence we carry a stereotyped image of
Him, in our minds. What image or perception of God we carry
in our minds is just that our image. But so deep is our
conditioning from childhood that our imagination and belief
becomes our reality, and we go through life seeking and trying

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to discover this all powerful, omnipotent God, with the end

result that none of us ever find Him.
Which brings us to the final question, Then, how does one
find God? And how can we access this God? All of us are
born with three components mind, body and soul. Science
accepts the mind and the body, but not the soul. True religion is
all about the soul. And it is this soul, or Atman that is the
temple of God, the place where God resides. Hence, all the
statements that tell us God is everywhere are indeed true. God,
or existence, or divinity is so immense that it cannot be captured
by our human imagination, let alone being captured into
pictures, images, statutes or scriptures. Every day, without fail,
the sun rises and sets. Day is followed by night. The moon rises
and sets. Summer, monsoons and winter follow each other
without a break, year after year. A new life is born every minute
on this earth, while an old one leaves this planet. These are some
of the manifestations of God, or divinity. Every human being at
the innermost core is pure and good. It is the outer cloak that
we wear that makes us all different. To seek and find God, one
must first start with going deep inside oneself, and connecting
with this inner core, their inner being. And having connected to
it, and having understood it, one should bring in alignment our
inner and outer beings. When this is done, one can have
tremendous vision and insight, and can then see God is in
everything in every human being, in trees, in birds, in the
grass, in animals, in every object that is animate or otherwise. It
is not that God is not present. Our vision is unclear, foggy,
disoriented, and it needs someone with a pure and clear vision,
to be able to see God, every moment. If your spectacles are
dirty or foggy, you cannot see the world. But that does not
mean that the world does not exist. Only when you clean your

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glasses can you access the world. Similarly, only when one can
clear all the dirt of ones inner vision, can we see God, who is
there everywhere and in everything.
Albert Einstein once said, Any problem created by one
level of intelligence cannot be solved by the same level of
intelligence. It needs a much superior brain power or intellect
than ordinary human beings have, to understand creation or the
creator. And this power is what is called enlightenment, which
has occurred to a chosen few, like a Buddha, a Mahavira, a
Mohammed, a Zaratushtra, a Kabir, or a Guru Nanak. As for
the rest of us common men, God is still beyond our grasp, our
reach, so we will continue to project our own image and our
own imaginations as God.
In the Bhagwad Geeta, in Chapter 6, Verse 30, Krishna tells
Arjuna, For one who sees Me everywhere and sees
everything in Me, I am never forgotten by them, and they
are never forgotten by Me. This statement is a very important
one, in understanding God. What Krishna says is very simple. He
says that the whole of existence is God. Man, woman, child,
animals, trees, plants, insects, sun, moon, oceans, clouds, sky,
earth name whatever you know in this world, and it is but a
manifestation of God. Millions have read and discussed the
Bhagwad Geeta, millions swear by its greatness and knowledge,
but how many among these millions actually follow this tenet?
The Isha Upanishad proclaims, That is the whole; this is the
whole. The whole comes out of the whole. Taking the whole
from the whole, the whole itself remains. Aum, peace,
peace, peace. It also says, All this which moves and
changes is covered by God, however insignificant it may
be. Therefore enjoy all with a sense of renunciation. Do not
covet others wealth (nobody steals anything it is all

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God). These two tenets or sutras are indeed very powerful

ones, which clearly express the concept of God or wholeness.
Everything is God; everyone is God, however small, however
insignificant. If this is understood, God is understood. If this is
not understood, or does not become a part of you but only
remains as an idea, a thought, or as logic in your mind, then it is
meaningless. If you can internalize this knowledge, if you can
experience this knowledge, if this knowledge becomes you
nature, becomes your true self, then you have found God. And
if it has not become a part of you, it just remains words, and
you will keep running from priest to temple, from prayers to
rituals, from one pilgrimage to another looking for God in
all the places where He is not there, and will complain at the end
of your life that God is unattainable. God is attainable this very
moment; in fact, you and me are living Gods. But since we dont
know and dont acknowledge this fact, we are ever wandering in
this world and will wander in future worlds, searching for God
everywhere, except in the only place where He can be found
in our own self, in your own being, in our own heart.
Unfortunately, although the scriptures have proclaimed
eons ago, that God is everywhere and in everything, man is yet
not ready for this knowledge. At an intellectual level, almost
anyone would agree with the statement that God is everywhere.
But this statement remains just that a statement, to be used
for the purpose of argument, and then left alone. Also, by saying
that God is everywhere and in everything, and that all of us are
manifestations of God, man is not happy. The ego of man is
such that it always wants to have something more, something
better, than others. If, in one stroke, all living and non-living
things get equalised, then man starts feeling restless. His ego is
hurt. Mans ego survives only to make him different, to separate

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him from others. God exists to join him, to coalesce him, with
others. Hence, in one way, the biggest enemy of God is not the
devil or Satan, but ones own ego. Perhaps the intellectuals of
yore realised this, and not being fully able to make man
understand the working of the ego, gave it an entity, a name
called devil or Satan. Having given it an identity, it was perhaps
easier for man to know that there exists something that is the
opposite of God and something that takes him away from
God.
Sadly, this devil or Satan (the ego) which is within all of us
got projected, like God, on to an external self. So, just as we
imagine God in all His glory, we imagine Satan in all his evilness.
The worship of God was for good people, while those who
committed crimes were supposed to be controlled by Satan.
The God versus Satan war looked very interesting, and every
religion gave it its own twists and turns, its own colours, its own
flavours, its own taste, so much so that God and Satan become
as inseparable as night and day, or darkness and light. What
started off as a necessary evil (the concept of ego being devil)
actually became a symbol of all things evil. In order to be able
to worship God, in order to be able to manipulate God, in
order to be able to curry favours from God, temples and places
of worship were built, where people could go, pray and come
back feeling good, since now God was on their side. A group
of intelligent individuals, who are the modern day priests, saw a
brilliant business opportunity in this God versus Satan project,
and have been exploiting mankind since time immemorial, acting
as agents of God, and ostensibly helping man to connect to
God, and to save himself or herself from the devil. Even today,
organised religions are one of the biggest businesses. One has

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only got to see the amount of money that enters into the various
temples or churches, to see the business side of religion.
As we have seen earlier, man or mans ego is controlled
only by two basic emotions fear and greed. Both these
emotions are easily taken care of, by the priests and by places of
worship, albeit for a short time. When one has faith, and one
when transfers ones worries and ones desires to God, one feels
relieved, for now, all your fears and all your worries have been
sub-contracted to the Almighty. And since our belief systems
tells us that the Almighty can never fail, we become less anxious
and feel happier, since now, we have the worlds biggest force
working for us. But this is what every religious human being
thinks. And if this is true, then God is in trouble. For invariably,
one mans fear or greed is directly dependant on those of other
men. In order to pacify all of human greed or fear, God would
really have to work overtime. A common man prays to God,
that he or his family should not fall sick. A doctor or a chemist
prays asking for the opposite result. If both these parties were
to approach God with equal devotion, God would really have
to ignore both their pleas and leave them to fend for themselves,
or would have to really work hard to give each party what they
want. Obviously, any compromise reached in such circumstances
would not be fully acceptable to both parties. Since we do not
understand the workings of existence, of this Universe,
whatever the results of the prayer, we accept as Gods will,
without really knowing whether there is any such thing or not.
God, then, serves as a good source of stress relief, provided
you are able to put a hundred percent faith in Him, and to never
ever question yourself or his powers, once you have handed
over your troubles to him. This, in Hindu literature, is called
prasada buddhi, where one accepts anything and everything that

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comes our way, as Gods gift. Not a bad way of de-stressing

provided you accept everything that happens unconditionally.
Finally, saying that God does not exist or saying that God
exists everywhere, is the same. If God is special, then mans ego
gets fulfilled, for then man can hope to get something extra. If
God is something common and equally present everywhere,
then the ego is not happy, because then all men become equal, a
fact that no ego wants to accept. The ego thrives on the game
of one-upmanship, and as and when someone talks of equality,
the ego hates it, and tries to somehow get an upper hand,
whether it is in other aspects of life, or whether it is in religion
and with respect to God.
God or religion is something made by the mind, for
the comfort of the mind, and is not something that gives us
richness, a fullness of life or a passion for living.- J.
Krishnamurthy

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POISON OR NECTAR?

I do not believe in a personal God and I have never denied

this but expressed it clearly. If something is in me which can be
called religious then it is the unbounded admiration for the
structure of the world so far as our science can reveal it. I do not
believe in the immortality of the individual and I consider ethics
to be an exclusively human concern with no superhuman
authority behind it.
- Albert Einstein
The debate, as to whether religion is actually a good thing
or a bad thing continues to rage, and will perhaps do so, for
many years to come. Today, as compared to fifty or hundred
years ago, many people have come to regard religion (any
religion) as the root cause of many evils. And, in a way, they are
not wrong. In todays world, many of the conflicts that occur
between nations, between two groups or factions are based on
religious differences. Most of the world is now facing a great
threat from terrorism, which has its foundation in religion. In
India, most clashes that have occurred after Independence have
been between two religions, namely Hindus and Muslims.
Hindu-Muslim riots are commonplace in our country, and have

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the potential to flare up at the slightest provocation. After the

demolition of the Babri Masjid in 1992, the riots that followed
are well known. The same is true of those that followed the
Godhra carnage. And recently, the anti-Christian sentiments and
violence that occurred in Orissa and Karnataka is a reminder to
us that religion has once again reared its ugly head. Of course,
we are now familiar with the 9/11 attacks on the US, the long
standing war in and around Palestine, the activities of the Irish
Republic Army, the ethnic cleansing in Serbia, Bosnia and other
Eastern European countries, and many such killings and
destructions motivated and guided by religious forces. Yet,
millions in the world continue to believe in religion and even
swear by religion. So, is religion good or bad? Is it a poison or
nectar? Will the world be better or worse off, without religion?
And will religions that exist today continue to do so, in the years
to come, or will they slowly start dying away?
Religion, like so many things in this life, like so many
aspects of our existence, cannot be prima facie labelled as
good or bad. Yes, today, the world over, we are getting to see
the ugly side of religion, in the form of terrorism and intercommunity warfare. Religion is only as good or as bad as the
people who use it or who practice it. Anything that has been in
existence for thousands (or millions) of years, as religion has
been, must have some redeeming factor, without which it cannot
exist. In a sense, religion is like nuclear energy. There are many
people in the world who support the development of nuclear
energy; there are an equal number of people who oppose it.
Used intelligently and in creative hands, nuclear energy has the
potential to supply unlimited fuel and light up our world for
hundreds of years; used improperly or destructively, it can
destroy the entire world in a matter of hours. Hiroshima and

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Nagasaki are proof of what nuclear energy can do. But that
does not mean we ban nuclear energy, for that would be foolish.
We must learn to use it intelligently, effectively, and non-violently.
Which again means it depends on the people who are in control
of nuclear energy. Nuclear energy in the hands of a rational
democratic Government might help the citizens; the same in the
hands of a terrorist state, or a dictator will only lead to more
destruction of this earth and its inhabitants. Religion too, is in a
similar position.
Like everything else in life, religion too is subject to duality,
like good and bad, night and day, light and dark, happiness and
sorrow. It depends which facet predominates at a given time,
and depends on which aspect of religion that one chooses to
focus. In his book God Is Not Great, Christopher Hitchens
outlines how religion is a poison and how religions poison
everything. On reading the book, one cannot but agree with him.
Agreed, that religion can be a poison. In fact, it can be the most
poisonous thing known to mankind, because it has the potential
like nuclear energy, to destroy the entire world. But even a
poison has its uses. If a poison were to be used by the right
person, in the right doses, at the right time and in the right
circumstances, it can work as a medicine. If it is used by those
who are ignorant, those who are greedy, those who thirst for
power, those who are under wrong conditionings and beliefs,
then it becomes a poison. It is a well known fact in medicine
that many poisons in small doses can be medicines and many
medicines in large doses turn poisonous.
Consider the case of a doctor. If the doctor is good,
efficient, honest, ethical and sincere, he can make the right
diagnosis easily, and can prescribe the required medicines
properly. If the doctor is negligent, inefficient, ignorant, greedy,

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and corrupt, or is a quack masquerading as a doctor, then

whatever diagnosis he makes and whatever medicines he gives
are likely to cause more harm than good. A doctor, because he
has the requisite knowledge, and because he wishes to cure you,
will give you the right medicines, in the right doses, for a
particular illness. But if a common man thinks that he knows
everything about medicine without undertaking the requisite
training and education, and tries to treat a patient by giving
medicines, it is highly likely that the patient will suffer serious side
effects and might even die. This is the case with religion too.
Religions and the concepts of religions (any religion) were
founded tens of thousands of years ago, by individuals who
were highly intelligent, aware, conscious, gifted and enlightened.
Whether they were the ancient rishis of India, or Buddha, or
Mahavira, Jesus Christ, Zarathustra, Prophet Mohammed or
Guru Nanak one thing was common to all these people
they were all highly enlightened souls. They all preached nonviolence, they all preached love and brotherhood, and they all
stood for service to the people. None of them were power
hungry, and their only aim in life was to spread awareness and
knowledge among mankind. What concept they had of their
religion and what people practice today sometimes bears no
relation or resemblance to each other. If they were alive, it is
very doubtful whether they would approve of many of the
things that are being said and done in the name of religion
today. And such souls are not born often; maybe once in
thousand or ten thousand years. All those other leaders who
claim to be leaders are just poor substitutes for these great souls.
How can anyone duplicate what these souls did? It is just
not possible. No Hindu leader can be like a Krishna or a Ram.
No Muslim leader can be like a Mohammed. No Buddhist

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leader can be a Gautam Buddha, nor can any Jain leader be a

Mahavira. And over thousands of years, the original teachings
of these great souls, irrespective of which religion they founded,
have become diluted, misinterpreted, mis-represented, twisted,
convoluted, falsified; the teachings have been often quoted out
of their original context. Many teachings have been adapted in
such a form as to be convenient. Many original teachings must
have been lost or destroyed during the many natural and
manmade calamities like floods, earthquakes, droughts and the
three thousand wars that mankind has apparently fought over
many centuries. And then those who survived these calamities
would have had to re-write these teachings with their own
personal biases and opinions. Unfortunately, we have no
guarantee or proof today that what was originally said and
propounded by those who started any religion and what that
religion says today are one and the same thing.
Let us imagine that in the near future, we have the third
world war. This third world war would obviously be more
destructive than the first two world wars, thanks to the superior
weapons that would be used. Such a world war has the potential
to completely wipe out mankind, or at least a major chunk of
mankind, if nuclear weapons are freely employed in this war.
Many countries and continents would be seriously damaged and
would cease to exist. Historical structures and records, religious
structures and religious records, the wonders of the world,
cities, towns, countries, populations, communities, and sects
all have the potential of being completely destroyed. Once such
a world war comes to an end, it is anybodys guess as to what
and who would survive, and in what condition. And fifty or
hundred years after such a world war, what concept, what idea,
would the people living at that time have of our past, our

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history, and our religions? Many religions and its followers might
be completely wiped out, so much so that these religions may
actually be completely forgotten. Whichever community or caste
survives, it will see to it that a religion favourable to it will
proliferate at the expense of other religions. History will have to
be re-written. Religions will have to be re-framed. And the
newly formed histories and religions will perhaps have no
bearing to what we believe or follow today. And it is my strong
opinion and feeling that such things must have happened many
times in the past too, where wars, famines, earthquakes and
diseases must have wiped out many populations, forcing the
survivors to re-write their own histories and religions. It is my
feeling that many such revisions have happened in the past, and
what we believe today may have nothing to do with what was
originally said or written by the people who started the religions.
What Christ said, what Mohammed said, what Buddha said,
what Krishna said and what we believe today may or may not
be the same thing. And it is often this doubtful history and
religion that we follow, blindly, thinking that we are following
Christ or Buddha or Krishna.
Religion was formed many centuries ago, the people who
founded these religions were alive many eons ago, and in that
sense, religions are dead, they are the past. Being dead, a religion
cannot speak for itself. It is like a piece of dead wood that is
lying in the jungle, for thousands of years, It has no power by
itself, but in the hands of a good carpenter, it can be
transformed into a beautiful piece of art. Or in the hand of a
bad carpenter, it can be shaped into a weapon of destruction.
Hence it can be manipulated by those living today in any way
they want to. If Christ, or Ram or Buddha were alive today, they
would immediately put an end to the nonsense that people are

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practising, in the name of religion. Unfortunately, they are no

longer around, although their names are, and people start using
their names for their own purposes.
Another aspect of religion, (all religions) is that these
religions expect their followers to have complete faith and belief
in the teachings. Most religions do not allow questioning, which
is often termed blasphemous, and do not allow rational
thinking, logic or reflections. One is expected to follow what is
said, without questioning the source or the matter itself. Religion
has also been corrupted and diluted by traditions and customs,
and after many years, what originally started as a social custom
has become incorporated into the religion itself. If one were to
believe that there is a God who is responsible for the creating of
man on this earth, is it not surprising this very God gives us
intelligence, logic, reasoning and analytical powers on the one
hand, but demands complete unquestioning faith and blind
belief on the other hand? In my opinion, no God, whom we
call omnipresent, omniscient and omnipotent could be so foolish
or sadistic. This concept is discussed in greater detail under the
chapter God is not Foolish, in this section.
Most of us get our religious training or teachings from our
parents. As small children, irrespective of which religion one is
born into, parents will start teaching the child everything about
their religion. Parents will tell the child that there is a God in
heaven who overlooks us, who will reward us for being good
and punish us for being bad. Children are slowly introduced to
the various rituals that form a part of every religion. By the time
a child is fifteen or sixteen, he or she is completely conditioned
and indoctrinated in the religious aspects of life, as per his or her
religion. There is usually no room left for questioning or for
raising any doubts. Most children follow the path shown by their

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parents, and carry on in life with the same religious ideas and
sentiments that were given to them by their parents. If any
doubts arise, due to their education or scientific temper, they
usually push their doubts aside, for they have been told that to
doubt anything that religion says is tantamount to blasphemy and
a sin against God, for which due punishment will be given.
These children become parents and pass on the same religious
conditionings to their children. This is how religion propagates
itself and had been doing so, for centuries, without a break.
With the advent of science and technology, especially in the
nineteenth and twentieth century, a lot of what religion said has
been disproved. These two centuries have seen the rise of
rational thought, atheism and agnosticism.
It is a moot point and a point well worth considering and
contemplating about, as to what a child, who has been left alone
from birth and who has never been told anything about God or
religion would think about these things. This probably never
happens in any religion or community, where most children are
educated in the religious beliefs of their parents, without much
of a choice. It would indeed be enlightening to interact with
such a child and find out what his natural instincts are telling him
or her. Unfortunately, we are yet to come across such children.

RELIGION AND SCIENCE

Pope Benedict XVI, on a goodwill visit to Africa in 2009,
said that abstinence and fidelity in marriage are a good method
to prevent AIDS. This is a true religious statement with which
we cannot find fault. But the next statement that he made is
what turns the whole thing into confusion. He said, Condoms
cannot prevent AIDS and should not be used; in fact their

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widespread usage might actually increase the disease. Now, it

has been scientifically documented and proved that the usage of
condoms can definitely reduce the incidence of many sexually
transmitted diseases, including AIDS. Distribution of condoms,
and making condoms easily available are some of the measures
most countries have taken, to curb the spread of AIDS. But the
Pope, who did come in for a lot of flak from the scientific
community for this comment, perhaps wanted to show some
sort of one up-man ship. Now, a person like the Pope is
immensely powerful and his statements carry a lot of
importance and weight. There are many in the world who, even
today, would blindly follow whatever their religious leaders tell
them to do. The Pope is one such person. It would have been
correct for him to say the abstinence and fidelity in marriage is a
very good way of preventing AIDS. But to go ahead and
criticise the use of condoms and to actually say that condoms
will result in an increase in the disease that is religion starting
off as nectar and turning into poison, for it might wreck havoc
with millions of lives. People who were hitherto using condoms
might stop, since the Pope has said so. It is likely that if the
Popes statement is taken seriously, Africa, and many other areas
of the world will see an escalation in the incidence and spread
of AIDS. Obviously, such is the influence of religion and the
Pope that no one is going to accuse or blame him for the rise in
AIDS cases, as and when it occurs, if people start to discard
condoms on his advice.
Surprisingly, in November 2010, the same Pope Benedict,
in an interview with a German journalist for a book, did relent
on the use of condoms, to a certain extent. While the Pope did
not advocate the use of condoms for birth control, he did
however state that a male prostitute could use a condom, in an

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effort to reduce the spread of the dreaded disease AIDS. This

has been hailed the world over, and has been seen by many as a
step down by the Vatican, on the issue of condoms.
I would personally like to congratulate the Pope on his new
statement, which is more scientific and common sense oriented
than religious, and I appreciate that from a person of his
position
There are many such instances where religion is often at
loggerheads with science. Birth control and abortion is one such
area where there is a constant tussle between science and many
religions. Many religions do not advocate birth control or
abortion. Many diseases too are ascribed to the wrath of God,
or to God visiting the household. For example, in India, it is a
common belief that diseases like Measles or Chicken Pox are the
visits of the deity and should not be stopped either with
vaccinations or with medications. Many children have
succumbed to this disease, and continue to do so, especially in
the rural areas.
In the Hindu tradition, children are often taken to their
native places, at around the age of six months to one year, for
the purpose of many ceremonies like tonsuring the head, and
piercing the ears. Traditionally, they have to be taken only to a
particular temple, which differs for different families. I have
seen, as a child specialist, many small children being taken for
extensive tours of their native places, to various temples and
places of pilgrimage, because it is a custom, it is the done thing.
These children are very small, and travel and change of climate
usually does not agree with them. With the result, many of them
fall sick en-route, making the parents lives very miserable. When
I ask these parents why they do not conduct these same
ceremonies at a local temple, and is it really necessary to take the

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child and travel to such far off destinations, they have no

answer. In fact, most people do not even consider this as an
option. It has been done for generations, and it will be done
now too. God is everywhere, say almost all religions. And then
these religions usually place a demand that its worshippers
undertake pilgrimages to temples and places of worship, in
faraway places. In India itself, there are hundreds of such
pilgrimage spots, which people throng, with the intention of
pleasing the Almighty, and getting maximum goodwill out of
Him. This concept has always been beyond my understanding. Is
there something like a smaller God at the local temples or places
of worship (like a branch office or something) and a bigger
God at the head office? Till date, no one has been able to
answer me satisfactorily. People probably understand the
rationale behind this, but their own fears makes them do things
in exactly the same way as their parents or their ancestors did,
lest they offend the God, or lest they get only a smaller benefit
from God.
And all this, in the land of the Bhagwad Geeta, wherein
Lord Krishna says, O best among the Bharatas, four kinds
of pious men render devotional service unto Me the
distressed, the desirer of wealth, the inquisitive, and he
who is searching for knowledge of the Absolute. All these
devotees are undoubtedly magnanimous souls, but he who
is situated in knowledge of Me I consider verily to dwell in
Me. Being engaged in My transcendental service, he attains
Me.- Chapter 7, Verse 16 & 18.

DOES RELIGION HAVE ANY BENEFITS?

Yes, most certainly, religion has a lot of benefits. But
ultimately, it depends on the leaders and on the followers. All
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religions preach the oneness of man, preach honesty, preach

altruism, preach giving to others, preach charity, preach
goodness, and preach non-violence. Almost all religions tell their
followers that their good deeds will be rewarded and bad ones
punished (either here on this earth itself, or after death, in the
nether world). Almost all religions promote nature conservation
and talk about protecting the bio-diversity on this earth. In spite
of all this, one can see the havoc wrecked by man both
against each other and against Nature. So, what has gone wrong?
Religion, unfortunately, by its very nature and its blind
following, has unlimited power. And this power is vested in the
hands of a few chosen individuals, a few leaders. This is
irrespective of which religion you look at Hinduism, Islam,
Judaism, Christianity, Buddhism, Zoroastrianism, Sikhism all
these religions and its activities are governed and handled by a
few leaders the Pope, the Imams, the Gurus, the Priests
and ultimately religion becomes a tool in their hands. If a
common man says that the usage of condoms is not a good
thing, or if he says that eating a particular food is anti-religion, it
might not have any impact. But the same statement made by a
religious head has the power to influence millions, if not
thousands. In a way, religion is like politics. When the leader of a
political group or party tells his followers to throw stones, go on
a strike, destroy a place of worship or calls for a bandh, his
followers do his bidding without asking any questions. Religion
too follows the same pattern. What this basically means is that
whether it is politics or religion, these cannot be labelled good or
bad. It is the people who are in power, who control the
followers who tend to be good or bad, or who tend to
influence which way this religion or the political ideology of a
particular party will be used. If the leader is intelligent, not

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ambitious, committed, sincere, selfless, then that party or that

religion can do a lot of good for its people. If the leaders are
bad, then things can only go from bad to worse. Adolph Hitler,
Mussolini, and Stalin are some of the examples of political
leaders who misused the power entrusted in them, as are some
of the religious heads in the world whom we know to have
misguided their followers into terrorism, and who unleashed
terror and havoc on those whom they controlled. The growing
influence of the Taliban in Afghanistan and Pakistan is a clear cut
example of how a religion can become a dangerous weapon
when interpreted and implemented by narrow minded, fanatic
elements.
Here is what Pope Benedict XVI said, in an address to
both Muslims and Christians in a mosque in Amman, Jordan,
when he visited that place in May 2009, Certainly, the
contradiction of tensions and divisions between the
followers of different religious traditions, sadly, cannot be
denied. However, is it not also the case that often it is the
ideological manipulation of religion, sometimes for
political ends, that is the real catalyst for tension and
division, and at times even violence in society?
This statement by the Pope perhaps sums up how religion,
like others things in life, cannot be considered good or bad by
itself, and it completely depends on its leaders and its followers.

RELIGION IS BIG BUSINESS

Over the years, religion has also become a big business
venture, so to speak. The amount of money flowing into
temples and churches is enormous. One has only to look at the
daily collections in many of the Indian temples, to know how

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much money moves, in the name of God. This, in itself is not a

bad thing, for these religious institutions use a major part of this
money to start and run hospitals, schools, develop the local
infrastructure, set up trusts and scholarships etc. A lot of the
local economy is often dependant on the earnings of the temple
or the church. Hence, if temples or churches were to shut down,
a lot of people would suffer, for economic reasons. Hence,
whether one likes it or not, religion is forced to continue as it is,
for many reasons, one of them being economic. Many famous
temples in India get crores of rupees as donations, which they
use for the benefit of the common man. If, for the sake of
argument, these temples were to shut down, it would cause
untold hardships to millions, who depend on the income
generated by these and other places of worship. There are
thousands of individuals today, who directly or indirectly
depend on religion and religious beliefs, for their livelihood,
from priests to flower vendors to people who make and sell
items used in prayer and rituals to caterers to people who
market religious tapes, pictures, images, idols and CDs. If not
for any other reason, at least for providing economic assistance
to the needy, one would wish to see that places of worship and
the religions that they propagate, continue to flourish, in the
years to come.

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RE-DISCOVERING
THE HUMAN BEING

If one were to go by clear cut irrefutable, and

reproducible scientific proof alone, then we definitely have
evidence that we are all human beings, because, in our genetic
makeup, all of us have 46 chromosomes and our DNA. This is
something that can be tested and confirmed anywhere in the
world. Similarly, our chromosomes and DNA will also prove
whether we are male or female, based on whether we have a
XY chromosome, or a XX chromosome. But if we wanted to
divide and stratify human beings beyond this, and try to prove
our race, our nationality, our religion, our caste, community, subcaste, racial groups etc, one would come up with zilch. Our
basic genetic material, which is the blue print of our body, does
not carry any such distinctions. By studying the DNA of a
human being, beyond proving that he or she is a human and
whether the person in question is a male or a female, one cannot
prove or identify further sub-divisions, as to whether the person
is a Hindu, or Muslim, Christian, Sikh, Jew, Jain, Buddhist or
Zoroastrian. Obviously, since one cannot prove ones religion
itself by scientific means, one cannot prove further sub-divisions
too, like caste, community, nationality etc.

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WHY IS THIS SO AND WHAT DOES ALL

THIS MEAN?
What this means is that human beings were meant (by
God, existence, nature, higher Powers) to have only two subdivisions amongst themselves male and female, which is so
basic that it is a part of the genetic structure, and cannot be
changed, even with surgery. Every other division between human
beings religion, race, nationality, caste, sub-caste, language,
community, groups everything is manmade, and has come
about much later. As the human ego evolved, each individual
wanted his own identity, and decided to branch off and start his
own group or religion. Hence, since these divisions are not God
made but manmade, they exists only in our minds as beliefs,
as thoughts, as conditionings, as indoctrinations, as cultural
practices, as rituals, as traditions. These exist only because we
believe in them, and unerringly pass these beliefs on to the next
generation, who, in turn, pass it on to their progeny. These exist
only because we let them exist. If human beings (lets say, for the
sake of argument) actually got together and decided to do away
with all the differences between them, except the difference of
their genders, it could theoretically happen. Assuming that we
want to do this, in order to get rid of all the clashes and rivalries
that exist between various groups and factions in the world and
the massive destruction that is taking place on our earth, day in
and day out, and to bring about an hitherto unknown unity
among human beings, the logistics of how to go about it (and
how many of us really want to go about it) is obviously the
million dollar question.
But all change is personal or individual, and has to start
within ourselves. As Mahatma Gandhi said, Be the change that

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you want to see in others. If we can start banishing these manmade divisions in our individual minds, it would be a good
beginning, for the collective is nothing but an association of
individual minds. Yes, there are plenty of vested interests whose
lives and livelihood depend on these divisions being intact, but
for every 100 or 1000 or 100000 such individuals, we must
assume that there is at least one human being who thinks
otherwise. Will such a classless society ever happen? Perhaps,
perhaps not. Thanks to education and the scientific advances of
telecommunication and the Internet, this is now at least a
possibility of communicating ones ideas with likeminded
individuals all over the globe, as compared to twenty or forty
years ago.
Those who share this vision should slowly set the ball
rolling, on an individual basis, so that eventually, maybe after
many years, our future generations will come together, will
concentrate on unifying rather than further sub-dividing
mankind, and might stop destroying mankind and our earth,
with their madness. The whole concept might sound
preposterous and might sound like someones imagination gone
wild, but many radical concepts often seem nothing but fantasy
and craziness, to begin with. Lets hope and pray that our future
generations are more intelligent than us, and believe in joining
and cooperating, rather than in dividing and further sub-dividing
themselves.
On discussing this issue with one of the senior doctors, Dr.
Y.K.Amdekar, who is also my teacher and a highly evolved and
intelligent human being, he put forward some facts on the issue,
which are as follows:
I seem to agree with you. However probably God or
whatever the power, has very cunningly made small but

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significant differences in all human beings so much so that

none of us are similar beyond chromosomes. For example,
each one of us are made up of different genetic material
that carry different messages and that is how few of us are
diagnosed as metabolic disorders. We in science call it
congenital or hereditary disorders meaning that God had
devised them as if no humans should be similar. I am sure
we are unaware of many such small but significant
differences. Another example is our thumb impression that
is so characteristically different for each individual. In fact
one can be recognised by thumb impression. And then some
others are born with structural defects that God planned
and we in science try to find the fault with the egg. Further
we grow at different rate so that finally we end up so
different to look at. And we also develop variably so that
each one of us has variable intelligence. Finally we are so
different in our mind setting I do not know anatomy or
physiology of mind how would I understand pathology
but that does exist for sure. So, some of us turn out to be
criminals. In spite of possessing the same number of
chromosomes as we do. I am sure some of these are not
man-made but God-made. And then as we do not
understand these happenings, we debate between nature
and nurture so that we can put the blame on some factor
and satisfy our ego of having understood the problem.
So I feel God meant to have all human being different
but in the process our differences have gone beyond Gods
imagination and that is the only human fault. But God did
start with such differences between humans animals
included and so creating differences seems to be a part of
nature and humans have taken it further. Even a rose as a

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flower has so many different colours and fragrance in

fact God must have been playing around and may be as yet
has not found a perfect human being and so all these
experiments in creation.
This does not mean that humans should continue
further divisions and your attempt to sensitise people to
unite is laudable.

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GOD WANTS US
TO BE HAPPY

Many of us automatically assume that happiness is

something that constantly eludes us, and that we have to spend
our lives, searching for happiness. We also feel that we must
constantly implore God, to help us seek happiness and joy. We
often feel that God is testing us, and that this life is supposed to
be miserable and we shall find true bliss only after death,
provided we have done a lot of good in this life.
What most of us dont realize is that God, or existence, or
Nature, or some cosmic force whatever we choose to call it
is our mother, our creator. And like every mother on earth,
this force wants its children to be happy. How can it be any
other way? How can a mother, a creator, not want its creation
to be happy? No mother on earth would feel good, if her child
was sad, or miserable, or worried. Ask any parent What do you
want for your child in this life? and the commonest answer that
you are likely to get is I want my child to be happy, I want him
or her to do what would make them happy. No mother or
father would say, I want my child to suffer, to experience
sorrow, to feel miserable, and to go through life with anxiety

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and stress. No, without exception, every parent truly wishes for
happiness, for his or her child.
In the same way, God too must want His children to be
joyous, playful and full of life. He would want them to be ever
happy. But then you may well ask, Why has he not given this
happiness to His children, from birth, as their basic quality, as
their innate nature? Why has he made man struggle all his life, in
an effort to achieve happiness? It would have been so easy for
God to give man happiness. After all, He has given man a life on
earth. He has given so much to man, why not just add
permanent happiness to this list?
Obviously, we are not privy to Gods thoughts or
intentions, but we can well surmise, looking at mankind, why He
must have done this. Anything given to man, free of charge,
without an effort, gets taken for granted very quickly, and loses
its value. If we get something easily, without paying for it, then
we dont have a great value for it. If we work hard and earn
something, we cherish it. Thats our nature. Man has been given a
body, mind, the earth, food, water etc, and one look is enough
to see how he has misused all these things. Mental and physical
lifestyle diseases are on the rise, food and water shortages are
increasing, and the environment and this earth has been all but
destroyed by man. All these were given free, and where are we?
And we would perhaps do the same with happiness if it were
given free. Maybe because of this, God has not given us
happiness for free, but He has been kind enough to give us the
tools through which we can find it. And the tools that we have
are our intellect, our awareness, our capacity to love, and our
consciousness. With the help of these tools, which every human
being has, we can find happiness and joy. Used properly, these
tools can lead to unlimited bliss. If misused, these can lead to a

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life of misery and ruin. And God has given us one more tool
the tool of choice, the power and freedom to choose. He
expects every human being to use these tools effectively, to
achieve happiness. Once we know and recognize this fact, and
can recognize Gods intention and design, it should not be very
difficult to reach the stage of sat-chith-anand, namely truthconsciousness - bliss.

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GOD IS NOT FOOLISH

On reading this title, my wife asked me, Why have you

titled your chapter thus? Of course, God is not foolish. Why are
you even mentioning it? As if there is some doubt. I told her
that I knew, along with the rest of the world, that God is not
foolish. But, I also find it very interesting and amusing when
many of us, who, having agreed that God is Supreme, all
knowing and is definitely not foolish, go about behaving as if
He is. We are constantly trying to please Him, cheat Him, make
business deals with Him, bribe him, issue him a show cause
notice as to why He should favour us over others, we often ask
Him to finish off our enemies, we ask Him for more of this
and more of that while all the time, somewhere in our
subconscious mind, we also perhaps nurse our own doubts of
whether firstly someone called God really exists, secondly, can
He really deliver the goods and thirdly, how can I see to it that
he is more partial to me than to others?
Before we continue with this line of argument, let us first
come to a consensus (if that is really possible, which I seriously
doubt) on who or what is God. Here is how most of us
classically know or think of God. God is omnipotent,
omnipresent, and omniscient. God is the creator. God is above
everything. God is all knowing; embodying all the great qualities

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 truth, honesty, compassion, fearlessness, love, divinity,

courage, consciousness, timelessness, and generosity the list is
practically endless. There is nothing that occurs or transpires in
this world or anywhere in any universe, without his knowledge
or without his permission. He is present in the smallest of things
and in the biggest. He is everywhere. He is everything. Basically,
if you were to look at all the qualities and attributes of God, He
is beyond definition, beyond anything our small minds are
capable of comprehending and understanding.
From the Vedic point of view, here is a brief description
of the Supreme Being or God or Brahman, in the Upanishads.
The Mundakopanishad says (I...i.6), That which cannot be
seen or grasped, that which has no source, that which has
no features, that which has no eyes, ears, etc, that which
has no hands, feet etc. that which is eternal, that which is
infinite, that which is all pervading, that which is the
subtlest of the subtlest, that which is un-diminishing and
that which is the source of all creation
Having given God a description, any intelligent man would
be filled with a lot of doubts and questions, for which
satisfactory answers are not easily forthcoming. Some of the
questions that come up instantly are
1) Why did God create this earth and all its creatures?
2) If God is supremely powerful and goodness
personified, and the creator of everything, why does He
produce bad or evil people?
3) Why do bad or tragic events happen to many good,
God fearing people?
4) Why do accidents, natural calamities, acts of terrorism
all of which are under Gods control, occur at all, often
killing millions of innocents?

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5) Why does every human being or animal born on this

earth have to die? Why are not some chosen individuals or
animals allowed to exist forever? Why are only dead objects like
stones and rocks allowed to exist for centuries?
6) Since God knows everything, He obviously knows our
true intentions, our desires, and our cravings. Can we cheat Him
by pretending to pray to Him, while we are doing so, not out of
any love for Him, but because of our own fear or greed?
7) If someone kills in the name of God or religion, will
God pardon him?
8) If you commit a sin, will God punish you? And
conversely, if you do good, will God reward you? But if God is
the controller of everything, how can you voluntarily commit sin
or do good? So, whom will God punish, if it is by His will that
you are committing sin or doing good?
9) Can God change His mind? If no, then he is less
powerful than a human being, who can do it so easily. And if
yes, then does it mean that the original thought in his mind was
wrong? Can God be wrong too?
10) Many people have some demands from God a job,
a good husband, a good result in the examinations, more money,
freedom from disease etc. For this, they undertake penance; pray
a lot, often visiting temples or other places of worship every day
or every week for a specific period of time. Does God satisfy
these peoples demands? Or can He see through them and their
ulterior motives?
11) Can human beings fool God? Can a criminal pray and
ask for forgiveness only to commit the same sins again, knowing
that by praying he will be forgiven? Can he eternally keep
committing sins and praying to get pardoned?

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12) If God created man, who created God? And if man

created God, who created man?
13) Will we meet God when we die? Whether the answer
to this question is a yes or a no, who would be in a position to
tell us this, with surety?
14) Are good and bad only human creations, or do these
really exist in Gods dictionary?
The answers to these questions can perhaps never be
found. But one thing is certain. Whoever is at the helm of affairs
surely knows what He is doing. How he functions, what He
does, why He does all the things that happen, which prayer He
answers, which He doesnt these questions can only be
answered by God himself. But one thing is for sure. God is not
foolish. For millions of years, He has been running this world
and all the other worlds that might be there, known or unknown
to us, with great efficiency. As humans, we know how difficult it
is to run our own household or a small office. Business people
know how difficult it is to run their big and small business.
Politicians will tell you how tiresome it is to run a State or to run
the country. Compared to all our difficulties, one can imagine
what difficulties God must be having, for He has to keep tabs
on everyone and everything, twenty four hours a day, 365 days a
week. And He has been doing so, for millions of years. Most
definitely, someone who can do that, for millions of years,
cannot be called foolish. Then why do we behave in such a
foolish manner, actually thinking that we can influence Him with
our false prayers, our false rituals, our false donations, and our
false promises to Him?

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WHAT WE DO KNOW ABOUT GOD

There are two very good attributes of God which we
definitely know about, from personal experience. One, God
never talks back to us, and the only language He ever uses, if at
all he does communicate to us, is that of silence. And two, God
never obviously reacts to anything man says or does. Whether
you praise or condemn God, whether you erect temples and
churches or break them down, whether you save a life or take
one, whether you give alms to a poor person or you steal from
someone God does not obviously react. If He does react in
unknown ways, then these ways are just those completely
unknown, and really of no use or consequence to humans,
because there is no way for us to really know the will of God.
God is most certainly not foolish; that much we know and
agree. It is high time that man also woke up from this foolish
dream that he has been having for generations, a dream about
what or who he thinks God is, a dream that God can be
influenced by his prayers, his cravings, his demands, his personal
wants, a dream that God will somehow listen to him more than
He would listen to others, a dream that you have a monopoly
on God, a dream that your religion and your concept of God is
better or superior than those of others, a dream that your caste
or sub-caste is one step closer to God and heaven than your
neighbours or servants basically, man needs to wake up, nay,
awaken from this long dream that he has been having, and smell
the coffee, and stare reality in the face. God is definitely not
foolish, man most definitely is. And the world around us and its
occurrences on a day to day basis are proof enough of this sad
fact. Arise; awake, before it is too late.

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TRUTH

TRUTH IS
NON-TRANSFERRABLE

The problem with concepts like truth, consciousness,

spiritual evolution, awareness, oneness, God, etc, is that these
concepts are unfortunately not transferable. They are
destinations, understandings or realizations that have to occur at
an individual level. These are concepts which are a part of your
psyche. The Buddha got enlightened under the Bodhi tree five
thousand years ago. Even he was not successful in transferring
his enlightenment, his awakening, his truth, to the rest of the
world, and make everyone around him enlightened. The same is
true of most enlightened masters. They could not give their
followers a guidebook, or a manual, which, if followed
correctly, would lead them to enlightenment.
The path of a seeker of truth, the road to Nirvana or
awareness is one which has to be made alone. Yes, there are
many tools which help. There are books on spiritual practices,
there are lectures and discourses given by those who have
reached a certain plane, there are cassettes and CDs to listen to,
there are spiritual gurus who will accept you as a student or
disciple, there are spiritual or religious organizations that people
join, there are satsangs which people attend all in the hope of

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getting a glimpse of the truth, of life, of the self. But these

remain only tools. Of course, these are needed and much useful.
But they are only the means to the end. They are not the end.
Knowledge obtained from others is like a road map. If we are
given a road map from Mumbai to Kashmir, the job of the
person who gives us the map is over, once he hands over the
map. Once the map is in our hands, it is then up to us how best
to utilize it, in terms of resources, time, energy etc, in reaching
the destination. Just because we have a detailed map from
Mumbai to Kashmir in our hands does not mean we have
already reached there. The map, like most knowledge gained
from external sources, in only a starting point. The journey has
to be made by us, and is our own personal experience. Whatever
problems we might encounter, whatever hurdles might come
our way, how much ever we slip back or become stagnant on
this journey, it is up to us to see how to surmount these
obstacles, in order to reach the destination. It has to be clearly
understood that no one can give us God or Nirvana on a
platter, ready to be accepted. And even if someone is ready to
give us these things in a readymade packaged form, it will not
be of any use, for it is someone elses experience, not ours. Like
many of our emotions and feelings, truth too, is not transferable.
Just as one cannot transfer ones pain, ones misery, ones joy,
ones worry, ones anxieties, ones anger or guilt to another, in the
same way, someones concept, knowledge, wisdom and
understanding of existence, someone elses awareness and
consciousness cannot be transferred to us. Most people are not
willing for the hard work that this journey entails and keep
looking for quick solutions. They read scriptures, follow the
preaching of religious or spiritual leaders, and follow a sect or
discipline, thinking that it will get them somewhere. For example,

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many people read the Bhagwad Geeta, or attend classes or

discourses on the Bhagwad Geeta, conducted by religious or
spiritual gurus. No doubt, the Bhagwad Geeta is one of the
most enlightening texts known to mankind, but what people
often dont realize is that both the teacher and the student, in this
case, are ordinary mortals. Neither is the teacher Lord Krishna,
nor is the listener Arjuna. What knowledge and wisdom Krishna
could pass on to Arjuna by way of the Geeta, unfortunately
cannot be passed on to us by any living guru today. We can listen
to the discourses, but at the end of the day, it is up to us to
internalize and imbibe whatever is the essence of the scripture.
This, indeed, is the most difficult part. At an intellectual level,
most of us can understand and accept the teachings of most
leaders and texts. But in reality, at an existential level, to put these
teachings into practice and to make them a part of ourselves,
our thinking, our intellect and our personality, is the most
difficult and daunting of tasks, and something that has to be
done alone, not by looking to the external world, but by turning
the steering wheel of our awareness inwards, towards our
innermost core, our innermost self, to our very being, our soul.
One must also be careful of avoiding the common pitfall of
picking and choosing what we like, and what agrees with our
beliefs, from a guru or from the scriptures. Most of us are in
this state, where we read or hear something, and then, instead of
taking it in its totality, we tend to edit, and to pick and choose
what is convenient or what sits well with our own thinking and
understanding. This discriminating attitude cannot get us to the
truth.
Im ending this chapter with a verse from the Mandukya
Upanishad, which talks about God, or Atman or Brahman. It is
a wonderful explanation and pointer to the ultimate truth or

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ultimate reality, but after reading it, very few human beings will
be able to make it their reality.
It is not the inward awareness. It is not the
outward awareness. It is not the intermediate awareness.
It is not the undifferentiated mass of awareness. It is not
the knowing awareness. It is not non-awareness.
It is unperceivable. It is not accessible to transaction.
It cannot be grasped. It is attribute less. It is not accessible
to thought. It is not amenable to be communicated. It is the
substratum of the I thought. It is the remainder of the
negation (annulment) of the universe. It is peace. It is
auspiciousness. It is the non-dual reality. That is
atman. That is to be known. - Mandukya Upanishad Verse

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THE TRUTH ABOUT

ULITMATE FREEDOM

Most people think that the ultimate freedom is to be able

to do what you want, go where you wish to, behave as you
would like to, not be bound by any rules and regulations, eat
when you want, sleep when you want, fall in love with any
number of men or women etc, etc. This kind of freedom might
bring a lot of temporary relief and enjoyment and a sense of
happiness, but eventually, it will dull out, get boring, and will lose
its freshness. It will also eventually ensure that man becomes a
slave to a lot of his habits and desires. It will eventually make
him restless and miserable. The ultimate freedom, without
doubt, is the freedom from desires.
Gautam Buddha had said, thousands of years ago that,
the root cause of all suffering is desire. Most religions
recognize this fact, and preach it to their followers. One such
beautiful verse appears in the texts of the Maitrayani Upanishad,
which says, The greatest freedom is the freedom from
desires, which should be taken from the treasures of
existence. For a man full of desires, being possessed of will,
deliberation and I-consciousness, is a slave; but he who is
the opposite, is free.

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The moment desire creeps in, one has already lost ones
freedom and become a slave, whether or not one recognizes this
fact. It is only when one has lived ones desires fully, and realized
the futility of these desires, has realized that any desire eventually
does not give freedom but actually makes us a slave to someone
or something, can one go beyond desires, to attain complete
bliss. Not that desires will not arise, but one must be conscious
and aware to realize that these are only thoughts arising in the
mind, and should be a silent witness to these thoughts, knowing
that following up on these desires is not going to bring freedom;
in fact it will bring only more slavery, more sorrow and more
misery. And if you are not convinced, here is a wonderful verse
from the Bhagwad Geeta, on how to go about this Waters
from many rivers continuously flow into the ocean, but the
ocean never overflows. In a like manner, desires and
attachments constantly flow into the mind of the
illuminated one, but he, like the ocean, in its deepest
depths, is totally still and never disturbed. Bhagwad Geeta,
2.70

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TRUTH DOES NOT

NEED ANY SUPPORT

One universal attribute of any truth is that it does not need

any support. If something is a universal truth, you need not
argue to prove it, you need not produce documents, witnesses
and other proofs to substantiate your claims about the truth.
This is an inherent quality of truth itself.
Sea water is salty. This is a universal truth. Wherever on this
earth you taste sea water, it will be salty. There are no exceptions
to this rule. You need not produce any evidence, or give any
arguments to anyone about this fact. No forum, no court will
ever ask you to prove that sea water is salty. Or for that matter,
when we say that the sun is hot, or that the night is dark, or that
grass is green, there is no need to give any proof.
In the same way, anything that you say which is true may
not be agreed upon by others, may not be accepted by others, at
that point of time. But eventually, at some point of time, due to
some other set of circumstances, the truth which you had said
will dawn upon others. That is why it has been said that truth
always triumphs. Whatever Galileo spoke, whatever Copernicus
spoke, whatever Archimedes spoke or Socrates spoke may have
been disbelieved and not accepted by those around them. But

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today, whatever they said has been accepted as the universal

truth. It is sad that they are not around to see themselves
vindicated, but the fact remains that they were right.
In your day to day interactions with people, you might
predict or propose many concepts which may sound ridiculous
to them. You yourself know that these are true, but
unfortunately, at that point of time, you may not be able to
convince others. In that case, it is better to leave the matter as it
is, and wait for the truth to dawn on them, in the future. If what
you have said is true and has been said without bias and
prejudice and without any ulterior motive, then, rest assured that
one day it will be accepted and agreed to. Breaking your head at
that point of time to convince others may be useless. It is better
to speak the truth and let it go and wait for the correct time and
set of circumstances to arrive for you to be proved right. If you
have the courage and capacity to speak the truth, you must also
have the resilience and forbearance to let go. If what you feel or
say is the truth, there is no need to go after others with hammer
and tongs after to prove it. Let it go, and if it is true, they will
one day come back to you and tell you so. And if it is not the
truth, then it is never going to stand the test of time.

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ATTAINING THE TRUE SELF

In our journey through life, one question that keeps

tormenting us frequently, especially as we grow old is Who am
I? Why am I here on this earth? What is my purpose here? And
what will happen to me after death? Who is running this
Universe? These questions have been asked for centuries now,
and all religions have tried to answer these basic questions in
different ways.
In the Kena Upanishad, the pupil asks of the master, Sent
forth by whom, impelled by whom, does the mind proceed
on its errands? At whose command does the first breath go
forth? At whose wish do we utter this speech? What power
directs the eye, or the ear?
To this, the master replies, It is the ear of the ear, the
mind of the mind, the speech of speech, the breath of the
breath, and the eye of the eye. Detached from the senses, the
wise, on departing from this world, become immortal. The
teacher continues, We do not know it, we do not understand
it; then how can we teach it? It is other than the known,
and is above the unknown.
Our world, our reality, exists for us, through our senses.
Our eyes, our nose, our tongue, our ears, our skin these are
the five senses through which we perceive the world. And

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controlling these senses is our mind, which in turn, is controlled

by our intellect. Our entire life is guided, assessed, assimilated
and lived out, with the help of these. The body is our vehicle in
this world. It is born; it grows with age, becomes old, and dies.
But that part of us which was there before we were born, and
which will continue to exist after we are dead, is what we are all
searching. It is this self or atman or the supreme self or
Brahman as the scriptures call it, that we want to see, know,
identify and understand, and become one with. But how does
one go about it?
The teacher, according to the Kena Upanishad, continues
to shed light on this matter. He says, That which is not
expressed by speech, but that by which speech is expressed,
that which does not think by mind, but that by which the
mind thinks, that which does not see by the eye, but that by
which the eye sees, that which does not hear by the ear, but
that by which the ear hears and that which does not
breathe by life, but that by which life breathes that
alone is Brahman, the Supreme Self.
In the common mans earthy language, what all this means
is that there is something in us which is not our body, our mind
or our intellect, but something that is a master of these, and
which lives through these. This something, the innermost self, or
atman, or soul, is indestructible, is immortal and is eternal. It
exists before our birth and after our death. It is a part of the
whole, a part of existence itself. It is this soul who witnesses
both the objects that we see, hear and touch, and also witnesses
the subject who sees. This soul is only a witness, and comprises
of pure awareness or consciousness. This is the essence of all the
spiritual gurus, of the Upanishads, and of the Bhagwad Geeta.
If this truth is grasped and realized, then all our fears, worries,

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anxieties, our questions, our doubts all these will automatically

disappear, leaving us serene, happy, peaceful, and walking with
joy towards moksha or nirvana. But all this is only achievable to
one who has gone beyond the senses and the mind, beyond the
intellect to the point where there is only nothingness, or pure
existence.

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MEDITATION THE FINAL

GATEWAY TO THE TRUTH

Whichever religion one follows, whichever path one takes,

whatever ones beliefs, whatever God one is seeking, whatever
knowledge one is pursuing, whatever questions remain
unanswered in ones mind, finally, as the search continues, all
roads come together and end, in front of a huge gate, a gateway
which can give us what we thirst for bliss, moksha, nirvana,
eternity, God, existence, consciousness, nothingness, Brahman
whatever you may call it. And that gateway is meditation.
Though there are hundreds of meditations and meditation
techniques taught in the world, and each one has his or her own
concepts of what meditation means, there is also a lot of
confusion as to how one should meditate and what the purpose
of meditation is. Firstly, meditation, if done with some purpose,
like achieving peace of mind, reducing stress and tensions,
improving mental and physical health, for relaxation, does work,
but only to a certain level. Mediation done for the purpose of
knowing oneself, finding ones true being and for connecting
with oneself, and for helping one connect with the universal
consciousness that exists, works excellently, and in the bargain, all
the purposes that are mentioned earlier accrue automatically.

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When meditation is done with a purpose, it too becomes a

desire, and is then subject to all the problems that occur because
of desiring. If meditation does not happen or if benefits are not
accruing, this by itself leads to stress and tension, and becomes
counterproductive.
In short, meditation is relaxing and silencing the bodymind complex, so that, once these become silent and still, one
can go deeper into oneself, see ones true self clearly and connect
with who we really are. The body-mind complex, in day to day
life, is constantly working, tense, and tired. It is under constant
strain. The mind, especially, is never at rest. It has been estimated
that on an average, we get about 60000 thoughts in a day, many
of which are repetitions from previous days. The 200 odd
bones in the body and the 600 odd muscles too are constantly
working in tandem, all day long. The turbulence, the sandstorm
created by the continuous working of the body and mind makes
everything turbid, full of ripples. And as a result, like we cannot
see the bottom of the lake or the river when the water is
muddy, bubbling and turbulent, so too we cannot see and
connect to our inner self, if the body mind complex is
producing too many disturbances. Meditation aims to calm and
silence the body and mind, so that, one can easily see and
connect with oneself, ones soul or atman, much like one is able
to see clearly the bottom of a river or lake, when the water is
clear and still. All meditation techniques are aimed at achieving
this relaxation, this clarity. Which technique you choose is
immaterial it the effectiveness that matters, in the end. If a
particular technique works for you, then it is very good. If it
does not, then you should go on to something else.
Meditation techniques are many. Starting with breathing
techniques, breath watching, kriyas, yogic postures or asanas,

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195

prayers, chanting of certain key words or mantras, repeating

certain sounds, counting of rosary beads, singing bhajans,
dancing, or just getting deeply involved and lost in what work
you are doing all of them are some form of meditation or
the other. But the end result is the same a total mind-body
silencing and a clear view of your inner self. And as one keeps
doing these techniques, awareness develops, thoughts of the
mind start to reduce and disappear, and soon one can reach the
state of no-body and no-mind, where then only thing that
remains is ones true self, or atman, or Brahman, or God.
For those who want to go beyond the standard meditation
techniques that are available, it would be worthwhile to read or
listen to the 112 meditation techniques that are described in the
ancient text of the Vigyan Bhairava Tantra, which is a dialogue
between Lord Shiva and Parvathi (or Devi or Shakthi). This text,
which is more than four thousand years old, is supposed to
cover every technique of meditation, ever known to man and is
a brilliant work.

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RELIGION AND TRUTH

Almost all religions in the world insist on the truth. They all
insist on honesty. They are all, in one way or the other,
concerned about discovering the truth about life. They are all
involved in seeking the biggest truth the truth that we refer to
as God. The final destination of every religion is God, the
ultimate reality, the ultimate truth.
But there is a peculiar problem. Though the destination of
all religions is very clear, it has been my observation that every
religion invariably points the follower to every direction, except
towards the truth and towards God. How is it? you may well
ask. Most organised religions give you a set of rules, a set of
doctrines, a set of regulations, observances, penances, prayers,
rituals, meditations, chanting which is supposed to enable you
to reach to the truth and to God. Most religions will talk about
what you should do and what you should definitely not do, what
you should eat and not eat, what you should drink and not
drink, will tell you about how you should behave on certain
auspicious days, when to visit places of worship, the procedure
to be followed in a place of worship, what to do when a child
is born, how to conduct a marriage ceremony and how to go
about when any person is dead. And one has to dutifully follow
these rules, these commandments, failing which one is likely to

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be dealt with in a harsh manner with punishments, either meted

out by man or God, either here on earth, or in the next world,
after death. This, in short, is how most religions work, with
individual variations. And no religion encourages inquiry or
questioning. Religion, by its very nature, is about blind belief.
Any person who is caught up in these doctrines, who is
religiously following these tenets, obviously has no time,
inclination and the mindset, or the will and courage, to think,
reflect or introspect. The very inquiry into God and religion is
often termed sinful and irreligious, by many religions. The
moment a man starts to analyse or think about God, creation,
heaven and hell, he or she starts feeling scared or guilty, because
of his deep rooted conditionings. Once we have been told that
we should not question, every question brings a dose of guilt
and shame along with it. No sooner than such an inquiry is
started by the mind, it is likely to be terminated, because of
these fears. No religion teaches you to understand yourself and
your thoughts and feelings. No religion teaches you how to
manage your relationships. No religion talks about how you can
achieve freedom for yourself. No religion respects or recognises
individuality. In religion, everything is collective. Any man who is
traditionally religious easily gets lost in these rules and regulations,
and becomes one of a crowd. As far as the religion is
concerned, he is just one of the million followers, with no
individual identity. He is then a Hindu, or Christian, or Muslim
or a Jew. A million or more people are grouped and bunched
together under one heading, and are collectively supposed to
behave and think in a similar manner.
The search for truth, reality, God, has to begin with
oneself, because, in this world, we can fully know only one
person ourselves. And we also can know the world as it

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exists only through one person ourselves. And whatever

happens on this earth really affects only one person ourselves.
For an individual, the world starts and ends with himself. In fact,
much of the teachings of the Upanishads,(which, incidentally are
rare texts written with plenty of intelligence and logic rather than
blind belief, by sages who apparently ran away to the jungle
fearing a backlash from the religious leaders for their bold and
revolutionary ideas) is that the world is nothing but a projection
of the individual. When we are at the centre of our world,
when we form the very core or epicentre of our existence, it
follows that all search, all seeking for the truth must start from
us, and that the journey should be directed inwards, towards our
minds, heart and soul, rather than externally, into the world,
which, invariably is a projection of our senses and our minds.
We have very little understanding or control over what goes on
in the external world; it is only in our inner world that we can
seek understanding or control, for that world is ours.
The truth or God or reality can only be found by
commencing an inward journey, after setting aside religion,
conditionings, indoctrinations, tenets, rules, regulations,
commandments, and after we overcome our day to day
emotions like worry, greed, anger, jealousy, fear and avarice.
Unfortunately, every religion tells you the opposite. They ask you
to seek truth in temples, in churches, in mosques, in synagogues,
in gurudwaras, in Agiaries, to worship idols, or pictures, or
gurus, or to perform rituals, say prayers, undertake pilgrimages.
Every religion demands obedience and respect from its
followers. It paralyses your mind and makes you a slave, a
captive. And no search can be done in captivity. For any search,
we need freedom freedom of the body, mind and soul. All
restrictions placed by the religions only serves to effectively take

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you further and further on the wrong path, when, in reality all
you need to find God, find truth, is only an inner journey into
yourself. Aham Brahmasmi, or I am God, is the mantra
given by the Upanishads. This golden statement is worth
contemplating.
By the time one nears the end of ones life, one might
suddenly get the feeling that one is nowhere close to the truth,
no where closer to reaching God. And one only sees the
miserable way in which one has lived ones life, often without
any meaning or purpose. And that is when one might realise that
all along, ones effort was correct, but one was making all the
effort, in the wrong direction, thanks to what one has been told
by the scriptures, by the religious leaders and by religious
teachings. And then one might feel that one has unnecessarily
wasted ones life, in the wrong direction. And one might
eventually die a very sad and dissatisfied individual. One will see
a whole lot of stupid decisions and acts that one did, and now
regrets, because of wrong beliefs. At the end of life, much
water has flowed under the bridge, and nothing can be done to
set the clock back. Arise, Awake, before it is too late, and begin
your inner journey today, for tomorrow never comes; there is
only today, only the now, the present.

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WHY YOUR BELIEF OFTEN

BECOMES YOUR TRUTH

Very often, what we believe strongly becomes the truth, as

far as we are concerned. And much of our reality is invariably
based on our beliefs. Knowingly, unknowingly, most of us have
developed a set of beliefs which we start taking for the truth.
We start living in a world created by our beliefs. And when we
come across a person or a group who has a different set of
beliefs, something that contradicts what we believe, we get into
conflict. Conflicts and confrontations the world over whether
it is on a personal level, at the level of a group, sect, religion or
organisation, or at a global level, are always conflicts between the
beliefs of two or more people. Human beings dont fight with
each other it is their respective beliefs that clash. And human
beings, once they have acquired a belief, care for it like a baby,
nurse it, make it grow, and defend it, if necessary, even with their
lives.
Most religions depend on belief. Every child, irrespective
of which religion that he or she is born into, is given a set of
beliefs from childhood, about his or her religion. Every parent
makes it his or her duty to pass on to the child whatever he or
she thinks and believes is correct. Every teacher inculcates in her

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student whatever are her beliefs. As a result, by the time a child is

a teenager, he is full of beliefs that others have put into his mind.
Very little of what he knows to be the truth comes from his
own understanding, logic, rational thinking or reasoning. Almost
everything that he knows has been given to him by someone
else, someone who felt that it was the right thing, the correct
thing, the truth.
Here are a few examples. Many parents strongly believe
that if their child were to consume cold drinks or ice cream, or
get wet in the rain, he or she would get a cold and cough, or a
throat infection. Now, scientifically, there is no basis for this
belief. But this belief is strong in the parents and is constantly
hammered into a growing child, who is often restricted from
having a fair share of ice creams, or from getting wet in the rain,
for fear of catching a cold. This child, in all probability, will
carry this belief with him, and will always think twice before
having an ice cream. When he becomes a parent, he too will pass
on these same beliefs, to his child. This pattern of thinking and
beliefs can continue for generations, unbroken, unquestioned. Or
there are a set of parents who strongly believe that a child
should not sleep late, and should be up at the crack of dawn.
Even if the child is in deep sleep, they force him to get up and
go about his work. Here again, science tells us that some are
early risers while some sleep till late. But this strong belief is
enforced on everyone in the household, irrespective of
individual preferences or differences. Some people or some
families hold a belief that meat should not be eaten in a
particular season or on particular days of the week, for religious
reasons. There is no logic or science behind this; its only a belief
being passed on through generations. But those who believe this
do so passionately, and if someone in the family breaks this

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belief, this rule, he or she is in for major trouble. Or if meat

eating happens unknowingly, then that person is racked with a
lot of guilt. Another common belief is that shaving off the child
hair, or piercing his ears is good for him. Here again, there is no
logical or scientific explanation for this, and if you were to look
at children who have not be tonsured or who have not had their
ears pierced, they seem to be as good or as bad as the children
who have undergone such rituals.
The list of things that many parents believe is bad (or
good, for that matter) or harmful to the child is practically
endless television viewing is bad, watching films is bad,
playing for long periods of time is bad, not eating fruits or
vegetables is bad, eating meat and poultry products is bad,
eating chocolates is bad, wearing certain kinds of clothes is bad,
not putting oil in your hair is bad, not coming first in class is
bad, not taking part in extracurricular activities is bad, not being
talkative is bad, not being social is bad, and so on and so forth.
Invariably, all these lead to varying degrees of conflicts, with
children often failing to understand the logic behind such beliefs
and rebelling. This, often, is behind most parent child conflicts,
especially in the teenagers, who start developing their own
independent thinking patterns, which are heavily influenced by
their own peer groups.
Beliefs which are strongly held are also responsible for
conflicts at a bigger level. Vegetarians strongly believe that meat
eating is bad and unholy. Those who eat meat strongly believe
that unless one eats meat and poultry, one cannot grow strong.
Scientifically, both these groups are holding incorrect beliefs, for
both vegetarian and non-vegetarian diets have their own plus
and minus points, but if there was to be a debate between two
persons one a vegetarian and another who is a non-

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vegetarian, they would eventually come to blows, on who is

right and who is wrong. Both these groups often holds a holier
than thou attitude or a superiority complex, vis a vis the other
group. Similarly, in a household where the son is married, most
of the old and traditional beliefs held by the in laws come into
conflict with the modern ones, held by the son and daughter-inlaw. Many mothers-in-law believe that a womans correct place is
at home, and that a woman should not work, but should stay at
home and be a home maker, while the highly qualified daughterin-law obviously thinks otherwise. If the mother-in-law puts
pressure on her daughter-in-law to quit her job and stay at
home, especially if her daughter-in-law is well qualified, is an
MBA and is part of the corporate world earning a huge salary,
in all likelihood, a major skirmish would erupt at home.
Someone believes in splurging and in celebrating every function
with great ostentation, while another might want to celebrate
with austerity. These two, because of their respective beliefs,
often cannot see eye to eye.
The other area where beliefs play havoc is religion. As far
as religion is concerned, most of us unquestioningly believe what
we have been told about our religion and about God. This is
not about any one religion in particular; beliefs and followers of
these beliefs exist in each and every religion. In fact no religion
encourages enquiry or doubt, which is termed blasphemy, and
used to be punishable with death, in olden times. People are very
passionate about their religious beliefs, and will even be willing
to kill and maim for its sake. At the heart of all inter-religious
clashes, and at the very foundation of terrorism, are beliefs that
people have. But the surprising thing about any belief is that if
you carry on with it for a long period of time, it often becomes
your reality. You cannot accept the truth scientific or

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existential even if you are given proof for the same. In many
Indian households, diseases like measles and chicken pox are not
considered diseases, but as visits of a Goddess. As a result, many
families still refuse to vaccinate their children against these
diseases, and refuse to treat them, when the children fall sick
with these diseases. No amount of scientific literature that is
available on this subject, or counselling by their doctor, can
convince them that these are viral diseases, which can be
dangerous and even fatal, to the child. Even if a child suffers or
dies from these diseases, it is often easily accepted as the will of
God. Such is the power of any belief that it can make a man kill
another, or even accept unquestioningly the death of a near and
dear one, when, in reality, both are preventable.
The ego also comes into the picture, where beliefs are
concerned, as usual. Then it is a question of my belief being
stronger or better than your belief. I might believe that my God
can be attained by prayer alone, while you might believe that
yours might be reached by rituals or sacrifices. Now, in reality,
there is no proof that either of us is correct. But such is our
belief that we are often ready to wage a war, for these beliefs.
Many elders in society believe that they should be respected by
the youngsters. There is nothing wrong in this, and seniors do
deserve the respect due to them, but this often does not sit well
with the youngsters, who have often mentioned to me in my
conversations with them that respect has to be commanded, not
demanded. One youngster told me, So what if my
grandfather is old? Thats not achievement, for today or
tomorrow, all of us will grow old. Growing old is natural,
so why so much fracas about old age? What is his own
contribution to growing old? It is just the work of nature.
Why take credit for something that is so natural?

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In India, there is a strong unshakable belief that every

married couple must have a son, for it is believed that it is he
who will inherit the wealth, he who will carry the family name
forward, and he who will perform the last rites of his parents,
which will assure them of mukti or salvation. Even if they have
five children, if none of them is a son, it is not acceptable. This
belief forms the basis or foundation for a lot of evils that go on
in this country. Female foeticide, ill treatment and neglect of the
female child, pampering the son to the point of spoiling him
rotten, marrying off girls at a young age, not laying emphasis on
education of the girl child, having more and more children in
the hope of conceiving a son and adding to the population
woes and to ones own social and financial decline, harassment
and violence against women, murder, bigamy and divorce
because the woman is not able to conceive a male child the
list is practically endless. And all these crimes are perpetuated
because of one single belief that a son is a must and is better
than daughters and that only a son can deliver salvation or mukti
to the parents. If the Indian mindset overcomes this belief, it
would bring down a lot of crimes against women and children.
Similarly, a lot of superstitions and myths that exist (and there
are too many to be listed here) are all because of our beliefs,
and generally have nothing to do with the truth or with our
experience.
If you want to really separate belief from reality in your
life, if you really want to live and experience life as it really exists,
then, it is very important, at every stage of life, to repeatedly
assess whether those concepts that you feel are true or correct,
are really the truth, are really in keeping with the current scientific
knowledge, are really in keeping with your own personal
experience, or is just a belief which you are holding on to, just

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because it has been told to you, or just because it is the done

thing in your current scenario. If you have a belief that eating ice
creams is going to cause a cold, but if your experience is that
nothing untoward has happened to you on those occasions
when you have eaten an ice cream, you should be very careful to
go only by your experiences and not by what you have been
told. The Buddha was categorical, when he warned his disciples
against blind belief and urged them again and again to trust
nothing but their own experiences. He was against his disciples
believing in their teachers, in books, in words of other people
he wanted them to only trust their own experiences.
A lot of clashes and conflicts arise from our beliefs about
what is good and what is bad, what is right and what is wrong,
what is correct versus what is incorrect. Many people feel that
smoking is bad, drinking is bad, flirting with the opposite sex is
bad, watching television till late night is bad, computer games are
bad, social networking websites are bad, wearing particular kind
of clothes or hanging out with a certain type of crowd is bad,
sleeping till late is bad etc, etc. There are an equal number of
people who dont believe that these are bad. Scientific evidence
is available to us in certain areas, like smoking, drinking or drugs,
where we certainly know that long term use of these is harmful
to us. But when these two groups come together, fights are
inevitable. Most of our judgements are based on our beliefs,
and not on our own experiences. And that is not always a good
thing, because experience is the best teacher and experience is
much closer to the truth than any belief. And if you have had
your own experiences of a particular thing or situation, there is
no need to believe. For example, there is no need to believe that
fire is hot or ice is cold. These are experiences which are freely
available, and are facts which dont need you to believe in just

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because someone says so. It is only when clear cut scientific

evidence is available or when we can ourselves convert our
beliefs into experiences should we be passionate and forceful in
our arguments.
Of course, there are a set of beliefs that cannot be really
proved or disproved. And hence, any arguments in these areas
cannot be won or lost; they can continue indefinitely. Any beliefs
held with respect to these issues cannot be deemed right or
wrong. Some of these areas include the presence or absence of
God, death, rebirths, ghosts, spirits, heaven and hell etc. It is
better not to enter into arguments in these areas, for no one will
come out the winner or loser, and the whole argument will be
an exercise in futility. People can have their own beliefs in these
areas. In reality, it might not really matter whether one believes
or one doesnt.
And the funniest part about beliefs is that people will
fanatically stick to their beliefs, even if there is no proof that
their belief is right. But if you give them solid scientific evidence,
like in the case of harm done by smoking or alcohol, or even
about the dangers of mobile phones, no one is willing to take
the evidence seriously. Newspapers are full of frequent reports
about how mobile phones can cause cancers. This, however, has
not really prevented anyone from using a mobile phone. One
has only to see the figures of mobile instruments sales to know
that, at one level, people believe what they want to, and ignore
what they do not want to believe. It appears that convenience is
often above all evidence, all experience and all belief systems. If
something is very convenient, many hard core believers may also
be willing to change their beliefs, or at least suppress them, to
take the convenient path. This happens in a lot of areas, but
when it happens in the world of religion, it becomes dangerous,

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because instead of seeing the whole picture, if I can pick and

choose what to believe and what not to believe, then I am taking
a one sided or unbalanced view of things. In the Bhagwad
Geeta, Krishna extorts, cajoles and coaxes Arjuna to fight and
kill his enemies. There are so many statements in the Geeta,
which, if taken alone, look like fundamentalist propaganda. Yet,
all of us know that the Bhagwad Geeta is one of the highest
scriptures ever written.
I conclude this section and leave the readers something to
think about, in the area of beliefs versus experience, with a few
quotes taken from the Bhagwad Geeta.
Chapter 2, Verse 19
Anyone who thinks that the soul is the slayer and
anyone who thinks that the soul is slain; both of them are
in ignorance. The soul never slays and is never slain.
Chapter 2, Verse 21
O Arjuna, one who knows the soul as eternal, unborn,
un-deteriorating and indestructible; how does that person
cause death to anyone and whom does he slay?
Chapter 2, Verse 33
However, if you do not engage in this war of
righteousness, then abandoning your natural spiritual duty
and reputation you will incur sinful reaction.
Chapter 2, Verse 37
Either being slain you will attain the heavenly
worlds, or by gaining victory, you will enjoy the earth.
Therefore, O Arjuna, confident of success, rise up and fight.

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ISSUES
WHEN
YOU ARE
OLD

RETIREMENT:
THE VEDIC PERSPECTIVE

It is a well known and accepted fact that by the age of

fifty eight or sixty, one has to retire from ones work or job. In
fact, most companies and organizations have a prescribed age at
which the employees are compulsorily retired. It is generally
accepted that a man (or woman) who has reached the age of
around sixty has more or less fulfilled and exhausted his or her
capacity to do productive work, and needs to rest. He or she is
given all sorts of retirement benefits and sent home, to live a life
of peace and happiness.
This system of retiring from active work or from ones
job is very much in accordance to our Vedic traditions.
According to the Vedas, a mans life is divided into 4 stages (or
asramas). Assuming that the life span of a human being is 100
years, the first 25 years are devoted to Brahmacharya (the stage
of studies, knowledge and education), the next 25 years is called
Grihasta (the stage of the house holder). By the age of around
fifty, ones children are nearing the age of 25 and are ready to
exit the first stage and enter the 2nd stage. The 3rd stage or
Vanaprastha is the stage of forest dweller or hermit, where one
starts detaching from worldly desires, aspirations, wants,

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cravings, and prepares for the last stage, which is Sanyasa, or the
stage of renunciation or asceticism. Each stage had specific rules
and regulations, and specific duties attached to the stage, which
could and should be done only in that stage, and not in the other
stages. Following such a path was the road to success, happiness,
joy, harmony, health, perfection and eventually, moksha, nirvana
or liberation.
The first two stages (or Asramas) pertain to Pravritti
Marga or the path of work and the two later stages the life
of Vanaprastha and that of Sanyasa are the stages of
withdrawal from the world. They pertain to Nivritti Marga or
the path of renunciation.
Over the centuries, life has changed a lot, and it is
obviously not possible for most of us to spend three out of the
four stages away from our families, in jungles or ashrams.
Among the four stages, it is only the 2nd or householder stage,
wherein the person lives in a town or village or city, while all the
other 3 stages are set in the forests and jungles. This is definitely
not possible anymore. But one can still mentally follow the
guidelines laid down by the Vedas, because not following this
system and living life according to our own ter ms and
conditions often leads to an imbalance, and to an absence of joy,
happiness and satisfaction in life.

RETIREMENT BLUES
We shall focus on the third and fourth stage, as these are
the ones applicable to senior citizens and elders. When a person
nears the age of fifty or sixty, his children are usually nearing
twenty five to thirty years of age, have finished their education
and are ready to get married. After marriage, in most traditional

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Indian families, the newlywed couple usually lives together with

their in laws, under the same roof. This goes on till the in laws
grow old, and eventually pass away. The in laws take an active
part in the day to day life, often laying down the rules and
regulations to be followed in the house, and often controlling
the inflow and outflow of money. This obviously creates a lot
of stress and strain in day to day life, between the newlywed
youngsters, and the elders, who are a good generation to two
older.
Because of the differences in the ages between the seniors
and juniors, and also because of the differences in the levels of
education, experience, philosophy, thinking, and outlook, almost
no household is free from daily irritations, stress, anger,
frustrations, and fights, which may range from minor to major
ones. It is a universal fact of life that the one thing a human
being values more than anything else in this world, is his or her
personal freedom. And living together in a joint family set up
impinges and affects the freedom of each and every individual
who is a part of the family, from the daughter-in-law to the son,
to the father and mother-in-law to the grand children. The
moment a persons freedom is curbed or curtailed, he or she
gets restless, agitated and angry. No two individuals think and act
alike, but to put two generations together and expect them to
adjust and accept and live in harmony is often unrealistic. It
requires a very high degree of tolerance, adjustments and
acceptability to achieve quiet and peace.
The end result of two or more generations living together
is often one of the following:
a) the family life continues with a lot of disharmony, with
the younger generation wishing for independence from the older
generation (and often praying for their death, which is very sad,

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215

but a fact or truth that cannot be overlooked or brushed under

the carpet).
b) The son and daughter-in-law shift into a new residence
(amicably with consensus or after bitter fights) to have a nuclear
family existence.
c) The son and daughter-in-law gain the upper hand,
especially if the elders are old, having a disease, or have no
money, and start ill treating and abusing the older generation,
often sending them off to old age homes.
d) The son looks for a job, preferably in a different city or
country, so that he can move away without confrontation and
without revealing the true reasons for his going away.
e) The husband and in laws get together and torture and
harass the daughter-in-law, often leading to estrangement,
divorce, or even suicide or murder.
f) In rare cases, things go reasonably smoothly in the family
(at least it appears so to the observer), and life proceeds with
many family members having to sacrifice a lot in life, to keep the
family and peace intact.
Whichever of the above six paths is adopted by the family,
the end result will always be more unhappiness, guilt, anger and
agony. In any of the above 5 choices, there is no winwin
situation created, which is mandatory for happiness, and one or
both sets of people will be miserable.

WHAT SHOULD THE ELDERS DO?

Taking inspiration from the Vedic form of life, once the
son or daughter is married, seniors should start withdrawing
(mentally) from active family life. They may continue to advise
the juniors, whenever their advice is asked for, never otherwise.

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It is likely that the youngsters will make many rash, foolish

decisions and many mistakes in their lives. But it is better that
they make mistakes and learn from them, rather than being
advised to do this or not to do that. Once the seniors hand over
the family responsibility to their children, they actually become
free. If possible, they should also hand over their property, their
money etc to their children. Once this is done, they will feel a
great burden has been lifted from their shoulders. Then they can
be around the house, as observers, as helpers or assistants, as
advisors, but only when needed. To try and dominate the juniors
after their marriage, to lay down policies in the house, to control
the money, basically to control everyone and everything is the
first step towards disharmony and discordance.
Yes, there is one big worry, one fear. Can I trust my child?
Can I hand over everything to him and expect him or her to
look after me? This risk, this chance has to be taken, for after all,
they are your children, whom you have given birth to, and
brought up. One has to trust ones children with everything. And
if you cannot trust your children, or cannot have faith and belief
in them, then it also means that you have failed very badly, as a
parent. Its all the more reason that you withdraw yourself from
your childs life, for you will only do more damage.
When seniors dont trust their children, dont believe in
their children, but expect the children to listen to everything that
they say and to toe their line, children do get frustrated. It is
your responsibility to take care of your parents in their old age
is a common statement that seniors use. Yes, it is true that it is
the responsibility of your child to take care of you, and he will.
But as a senior, you also have a responsibility a responsibility
to withdraw, to retire, to slip into the background, to hand over
all your belongings and assets to your children, and to take up

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the path of religion and spirituality. Often, these responsibilities

are forgotten, and no one wants to vacate the drivers seat, for
the next generation.
If you look around, you will find politicians, business
heads, actors, industrialists, and many such prominent people in
society, who are all old, maybe seventy or even eighty. They
continue to work, continue to dominate, not letting the younger
generation come forward. It is the law of nature, the law of
evolution, that everything has to grow old and fade away and
eventually disappear, and its place will be taken by the young and
the new, whether it is plants, animals or human beings. But to let
go and give up is the most difficult thing for a human being.
And hence, the Vedas have prescribed codes, knowing full well
that left to themselves, human beings will never voluntarily let go
or give up or retire. But all that is forgotten, as humans have
stuck on to the ritualistic part of the Vedas, and have
conveniently given up the spiritual side. Its time we took a relook at our Vedic culture and try to gain insights that can be
practised in our day to day life, for happiness, joy and ultimately
for liberation. Remember, unless you can let go of all your
worldly attachments, your relationships, your possessions, your
assets whatever you call yours you will not and cannot
achieve moksha. You came empty handed, and that is the very
way divinity, God or existence will accept you back.

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BRIDGING
THE GENERATION GAP

Mrs. Sawant, a widow and a grandmother of an eight year

old, always appears distraught and unhappy. Her main problem
is that her sons and daughters-in-laws no longer care for her,
and her life appears miserable. She is not alone. Similar feelings
are echoed by thousands of senior citizens today, in India. On
the other hand, the younger generation too has its share of woes
to relate, when talking about their parents or in laws. In short,
both sides are equally unhappy with each other, with no obvious
solution in sight. And life goes on.
At a recent gathering of senior citizens addressed by me at
Dignity Foundation, one of the chief topics of discussion was
about problems faced by the older generation, vis a vis the
younger generation. The discussion threw up similar opinions
that the younger generation was irresponsible, disrespectful,
uncaring and incorrigible. Senior citizens nowadays are often
seen to be filled with anger, fear, tensions, worries and
frustration. Why is there so much divide in almost every family,
between the youngsters and the elders? Granted that the
generation gap is a well known entity, but should both parties be
left to smoulder and agonize?

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THE REASONS
The main reason for this divide seems to be an ego
problem, and one of not giving enough freedom to one
another. Seniors often have great expectations from their
children and grandchildren, which invariably dont get fulfilled.
They also like to have a say in many of the matters that affect
the day to day functioning of their children. They feel that their
age, maturity and experience will help the youngsters to improve
their lives. The youngsters, on the other hand, often see their
parents or in laws as being demanding, adamant, interfering,
irritating, and irrelevant. They often feel that the ideas and
opinions expressed by the elders are outdated and impractical.
Youngsters also feel suffocated, and feel a loss of freedom to
live their lives as they want. With both sides feeling so strongly
about each other, no one is really in a mood to compromise or
to understand the others position, each plays the blame game,
with the result that daily fights and skirmishes are common.

POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS
Though there can be no tailor made solution to this
problem, which has plagued mankind for many generations,
both sides must take responsibility and make some
compromises, to see that things work out. The elders, being
more experienced, wise and mature, and having passed through
the age and stages of life which their children are now in, should
find it easier to understand their children and to let go. A twenty
year old or a forty year old cannot understand the psyche of a
seventy year old, having never been there, but the reverse is not
true. Also, elders usually build up a mountain of expectations
from their children and feel that it is their right, and the childrens

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duty, to fulfil these expectations. When this doesnt happen, the

seniors get dejected and frustrated. If elders and their children
would drop their egos, give each other freedom and respect,
keep their expectations to the minimum, and try and develop
friendliness towards each other, then there is a likelihood of the
relationship improving.
Though it may sound unfair, if the climb down or
compromise could come from the side of the more worldly
wise seniors, it would make things easy. Youngsters are often
caught in a no win situation. On the one hand, the elders think
them to be immature and in need of advice, and dont want to
give them complete freedom, whereas on the other hand, when
it comes to respect and duty, the youngsters are supposed to be
grown up and mature.
The birds eye view of life and relationships, which elders
have, should ideally make it easier for them, to understand and
pardon the youngsters. Most youngsters, in their thirties or
forties are still learning the ropes, and often consider parents and
in laws to be liabilities rather than the assets that they can be. This
view needs to be changed. Seniors too have their own set of
worries and fears, and the youngsters too should try and
understand them. Finally, the matter should not come to a
deadlock on who will blink first, and one of them should take
the initiative, in the interests of happiness and peace, to
compromise.

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LONLINESS
VERSUS
INDEPENDENCE

Loneliness is something that all of us experience, at some

time or the other. Whether you are a child, a teenager, an adult
or a senior citizen, one has to face loneliness some time or the
other. But the ones who are most affected by this problem, are
the senior citizens.
As children or as young adults, though we have to face
loneliness sometimes, most often we are surrounded by people.
They may be friends, classmates, colleagues, relatives, parents or
well wishers. As one grows old, many of these people drift
away, many relatives and friends pass away, and one gets more
and more alone. Ones own children are making their lives,
settling down, and one cannot expect them to spend too much
time with elders. To add to this, if a senior citizen were to lose
his or her spouse, (as it is bound to happen at some time or the
other), the loneliness only worsens, often to an intolerable
degree.
What one must understand is that loneliness is a part and
parcel of our lives, whether we like it or not. Every man (or

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woman) is born alone, and will die alone. In between, on this

journey called life, we form relationships, make friends, get
married, and have children, and are surrounded by so many
people that we forget this basic fact that man is always alone.
Our entry into this world is always alone, as an individual. God
or Nature does not send us here with friends or associates.
Similarly, our exit too is alone, without others accompanying us.
Since our basic state is one of being alone or loneliness, the
problem arises because during the course of life we forget our
true nature, our reality. We form bonds, get used to these bonds,
and start taking them for granted. It is only when these bonds
and these people no longer exist do we realize the pain, the
agony of being alone. It is very important that from the outset,
every human being be aware of this reality, and reminds himself
or herself at least once a day that all the attachments that one is
having will go away, and one will have to face loneliness, at
some later date. But we dont do this, and it is only when we are
old, our children leave us, and our spouse dies, that we feel the
pinch. Like one has accepted that every birth will be followed by
death, so too one must accept the idea of loneliness.
Is loneliness all that bad? Not really, for loneliness is only
one side of the coin. The other side of the same coin is
freedom and independence. If you are happy in your childrens
house, or when living with your spouse, you are also unhappy at
some level, because when you live with others, you have to
compromise, make sacrifices, and adjust. You cannot do many
things that you may want to, and will be forced to do many
things that you hate. It is only when you are totally alone, that
you can have complete freedom, to just be yourself, do what
you want, avoid what you dont want, listen to music, read,
watch television, go to sleep when you feel like, wake up when

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you want to, eat what you desire basically, live a free,
unrestricted life. And the best part of being a senior citizen is
that since there is a lot of maturity and wisdom due to age and
experience, it is highly unlikely that this unrestricted freedom or
independence will ever be misused by them.
Many senior persons who are staying alone on their own,
( both gents and ladies) whom I have come across, initially start
complaining that they are very lonely, and that life is tough. They
complain that they have to live alone, do all the work on their
own shopping, paying the bills, banking, looking after the
house etc. They express a lot of unhappiness and wish that they
could stay with their children, or some relatives, to ward off this
loneliness. As we get talking, they also tell me how, in a way, they
are also happy that they dont have to put up with other people.
All said and done, one of the most difficult things for human
beings is to be able to tolerate and live with another human
being.
Most senior citizens also realize that living with someone
else is not without its own set of problems. Our degree of
freedom does get cut, and does suffer, to varying extents, when
we have to live with someone else. From getting up in the
morning to going to sleep in the night, the various issues, small
and big tend to irritate people who have to live together, be it
son, daughter, daughter-in-law, son-in-law or grandchildren.
Absolute peace and harmony can often only be achieved, when
one is totally alone. Senior citizens who are forced to staying
alone, due to various circumstances, and who are feeling the
pinch of loneliness would do well to look at the silver lining on
the cloud, and feel happy that their independence and freedom
is intact. After all, the one thing that man constantly yearns for is
independence. And we often realize this only when we lose our

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freedom. Senior citizens, take heart. Even if you are alone, dont
fret and fume. Remember, life always exists as a duality. Look at
the brighter side, and feel happy instead of looking at the darker
side and feeling gloomy and depressed.

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ABUSE OF ELDERS

People of all ages get abused, whether it is children getting

abused by their parents, whether it is the wife getting abused by
the husband or whether it is senior citizens who get abused by
the younger generation. One would normally imagine old age
and old people as mature and respectable, and one would
expect all those around them to respect them and to treat them
well. Unfortunately, that is not always true. The magnitude and
extent of abuse of elders, by their own children, and/or by
others, is not fully appreciated by society, as such. Only when a
newspaper article appears on this subject, because of abuse
suffered by an elder, do people realize that such things also
happen. They then feel sorry for these elders, say that something
needs to be done, that the Government should do something
etc, and then forget the whole thing and go about their work.
Like so many social issues, we are quick to pay lip service, and
stop at that.

WHY ARE ELDERS ABUSED?

The reasons for elders undergoing abuse are many. But
before going into elder abuse specifically, one must realise that
all forms of abuse whether it is towards children, servants,
juniors, spouses, animals or elders all of them stem from
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mans basic instinct to dominate. Man, by nature, is a very violent

creature. Over many centuries of socialisation, these violent
tendencies have been suppressed, and have been hidden
somewhere in the basement of our sub consciousness. Given the
right circumstances and the right opportunity, this violent streak
can escape and come out. One has only to look at the history of
mankind to see the amount of violence that man has perpetrated
on this planet. It has been said that till now, man has fought
something like three thousand wars, on this earth. In his effort to
dominate, man has destroyed civilisations, cultures, many
countries, millions of human beings, animal life, plant life, and
has managed to transform this paradise called earth into a
veritable hell, where violence and aggression have become a way
of life, whether it is on a domestic level, or on national and
international level, like mob fury, communal riots or terrorism.
Hence, it needs to be understood that all the peacefulness that
man apparently possesses is just a mask, under which a lot of
violence is hidden, ready to break through, when the surface is
scratched. And the victims are never those who are equal or
those who are superior; the victims of abuse and violence are
always those who are smaller, weaker, those who cannot hit
back, those who are helpless, and those who have no means of
getting even with us. Mans greed and desire for more is often
behind most violence, as is his frustration in not getting all that
he desires or wants. It is against this backdrop that all abuse,
including elder abuse must be seen.
Most often, the basis of elder abuse, are the conflicts that
the elders have, with their children or grandchildren. In most
cases, such elders have to deal with angry, selfish, disrespectful
children, though some part of the blame falls on the elders too.
In most families, while the children are perceived to be brash

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and arrogant by the elders, the youngsters see the elders as being
adamant, irritable, non-compromising, and a burden. The
difference in their ages and in their experiences are such that
elders and the younger generation have very little in common
and a lot against each other. Many youngsters are interested in
getting their hands on the money that the elders possess, or
some other such asset. Elders, on the other hand, are often
unwilling to give complete freedom to their children or
grandchildren. The ever widening generation gap, where elders
cannot understand todays younger generation, and vice versa, is
often at the root of all such abuse. Since, physically and mentally
the youngsters are stronger, they land up having the upper hand
in all such conflicts.
Many elders refuse to part with their savings or their assets,
saying that they need their money as security, and that all their
assets will go to their children when they die. This creates a
situation in many families where the youngsters, who are often
hard pressed for money, start wishing that the elders die, so that
they can come into some money. In many families, the
youngsters often plan, plot and murder the elders, in order to
get their hands on the money, as we get to read in the
newspapers very often. It is a moot point whether the elders
should hold on to their assets, and not share it with the younger
generation during their lifetime, and take the risk of getting
abused and even murdered.
Here is a case in point. An elderly gentleman passed away,
leaving his assets and his money to his wife. The wife started
enjoying the money without giving anything to her two children.
When asked, she would say that the children would get an equal
share, after her death. One day, she passed away, and the
children started fighting over the property. One of them filed a

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case in court, and produced a false will claiming that all the
property had been willed to him alone. The other child saw
through all this, got very angry, and one day, went to meet his
brother and talk it out. Both the children started hurling abuses
at each other, calling each other names, and came to blows. The
meeting turned violent, and one of the brothers fatally injured
the other. One brother died, and the other is languishing in jail.
This was the end result of the lady not sharing her property
when she was alive. It is unlikely that she envisaged such a
scenario, after her death, or that she would ever wish that one of
her sons would murder the other and land up in jail.
Sometimes, what the elders say seems fair enough, on the
surface. But there is a hitch. When you are dead, you have no
control over what happens to your assets. You assume that your
children will share it equally and in a peaceful manner. But it is
also likely that your children may fight for your assets after your
death, often becoming enemies, and even going to the extent of
killing each other. History is witness to many such children killing
each other over a property dispute. Are you, as a senior citizen,
willing to take the risk that after your death, your children might
fight and kill each other, just because you refused to share your
assets, when your were alive? Is it not better when you are alive
to call your children, keep a bare minimum amount of money
for yourself, and happily share the rest with your children? Your
children will be happy, will be much obliged to you and your
selflessness, and will accept whatever you have decided. If not,
you are still alive to mediate and to bring about a settlement. For
your sake, they might grudgingly agree. And they will look after
you for the rest of your life with a lot of love, affection and
respect. But this is a risk most parents are not willing to take.
While youngsters are often childish and immature, elders

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too can be so, at times. As an example, many elders who are

hard of hearing refuse to acknowledge their problem, and
refuse to wear hearing aids, disregarding all advice. This causes
tremendous anxiety and anger to their children, who are forced
to suffer the effects of this deafness. The children have to
constantly shout to the deaf person in order to be heard and
understood, have to put up with blaring television and radio
sets, have to endure the irritation of ringing the bell and the
elders not hearing it, or call home and have the elders not pick
up the phone..
While it is easy and normal to put the blame of elders
abuse on the perpetrators of this abuse namely, the
youngsters, it does not, and will not solve the problem. To solve
any problem, understanding and acceptance are required, not
playing the blame game.
In order to prevent or reduce these incidents of abuse, it is
necessary that both elders and youngsters behave more like
friends rather than as seniors and juniors. Having open
discussions and seeing the other persons point of view is very
important. For example, if I could discuss with my father why
he behaves in a particular way, and what are his problems, his
anxieties, his worries etc, then I will definitely be in a better
position to understand his mindset, and will try to work around
the problem, instead of resorting to verbal or physical abuse. It
is often when both parties reach a deadlock and when the
youngsters see no hope that some of them get frustrated, angry
and regress to mans most primitive instinct to solve any
problem, namely violence. Tough legislations too will help, to
some extent. But finally, awareness, understanding, consensus
and compromise will bring the best results.

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RESISTING CHANGE
AND SUFFERING

One of the chief reasons why many old people seem

grumpy, seem dissatisfied, and are generally unhappy with a lot
of things in their life, especially when it concerns their
relationships with the younger generation, is because they are
resistant to change. And there is a strong reason for this. Any
change in life that one must make is always unpredictable and
unknown. Whether it is changing ones job, house, city, car,
changing ones servant or maid, changing ones childs school,
even changing ones mobile instrument or laptop every
change is stressful. Man, by nature, is most comfortable in a
routine, where each day follows the other, without any hiccups.
Remaining in the status quo, remaining with that which is familiar
is very comfortable, because you dont have to, and will rarely
encounter something that you dont like, something that you are
not happy with. To encounter change, to face the unfamiliar,
needs a lot of mental strength, a lot of courage. But as people
grow older, death and disease is looming large in front of them,
their resources are dwindling, their bodies and minds are weak,
they are getting dependant on their children, and in the midst of
all these problems, it is very difficult to have mental strength and

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courage. These people have a lot of fears of disease, of

death, fear that something bad might happen to their spouse,
their children, their grand children, fear that they might run out
of money, fear that when they fall sick or become penniless, fear
that no one will look after them, etc. and in the face of all this
fear, in fact, in the face of any fear, it is very difficult to show
courage. Courage, by definition, is fearlessness; hence, when
these seniors are bogged down by so many fears, how can they
be fearless, or courageous?
Hence, most people (but especially older ones) take the
path of least resistance and stick to what is familiar to them.
They prefer and are happy doing what they have been taught to
do, as a child and as an adult. They stick to the same food that
they have always been eating, they stick to the same type of
investments that they used to do many years ago, they stick to
the same beliefs and rituals that they have been doing, and their
ideas, their attitudes, their outlook all these are what they had
with them, may be twenty, thirty or forty years ago. Their ideas
of how their children should behave, how their grand children
should grow up, what time their grandsons or granddaughters
should come home, what time they should wake up, how the
food must be cooked and served, how each tradition or ritual
must be performed, how the younger generation must save
instead of spending money, how much television youngsters
should watch all these ideas are those that they have carried
with them for the last many decades. An old man or woman in
the seventies or eighties will still insist that certain things be done
in the house as they were being done when he or she was a child
or a teenager. Any change is very worrying and stressful for
them. Even if their son buys a new house and takes them along,

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they are not happy, for they have to let go of the familiar and
enter into unknown territory.
Because of the fear of the unknown and the unfamiliar,
old people often resist change in any form. But what they
forget, or dont realise, is that life, in all its glory and in all its
dimensions is changing, every minute. Life or existence waits for
no one. It is a continuous forward motion, a continuous
evolution, throbbing and pulsating with energy. What was held
true five or ten years ago is often no longer of any significance
or consequence, today. With the passage of time, people change,
peoples food habits, clothing habits, work habits, likes, dislikes,
hobbies, wants and desires, ambitions, standard of living, moral
values, what is right and what is wrong, earning and spending
habits, customs and traditions all these slowly undergo a
change, whether one likes it or not. And when old people refuse
to change with the changing times, because of fear and a lack of
courage, they get stuck in the past. Life, at any stage, is always in
the present, in the here now. And one can be happy and
contended only if one is in alignment with the speed and pace
of life. One obviously cannot be happy if one is lagging behind.
For example, how can a person, who lived in the fifteenth or
sixteenth century, be happy in todays world? He or she would
go mad or die out of shock and awe, seeing life as it is today.
By the same coin, a person who is today seventy or eighty years
old, but who is stuck to ideas which were popular and correct
when he was a youngster, is not in tune with life, is totally out of
alignment. For example, the women of today, as compared to
women who are now grandmothers are much more educated,
smart, outgoing and are all professionally qualified and working
women. But even now, the older women in the house will feel
uneasy if the young woman is not traditionally dressed, or if she

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233

is dressed in jeans and t-shirt, or if she has friends of the

opposite sex, or if she drinks, or comes home late. In many
conservative households, once married, even today, the women
have to wear only a traditional dress, a sari. They have to even
cover their faces, in certain orthodox households. Obviously, the
independent woman of today refuses to follow these diktats,
and these issues result in a lot of friction and unhappiness at
home.
Now, obviously, the younger generation has no idea of
what life was, thirty or forty years ago, for they were not alive at
that time. To expect them to live their lives according to those
times, according to what was right and wrong in those days,
what was acceptable and what was not, what was the done thing
and what wasnt, is not only illogical, but highly impractical and
is obviously not going to work. The younger generation sees life
as it exists today, sees what contemporary people are doing,
what their peers are doing, what the majority of the world is
doing, and they use these as guidelines to live their lives. They
have no interest in doing what people used to do in 1950 or
1960. And hence, when seniors advise them on how they should
lead their lives, advice that is based and rooted in the past, it
does not go down well with the younger generation, leading to
fights, arguments and clashes.
What senior citizens need to quickly realise is that getting
stuck in the past in whatever arena of life is not going to
bring happiness or contentment. Happiness or joy can only
come from alignment, by aligning oneself with the present day
scenario. But for that a lot of introspection and courage is
needed. Taking a quantum leap from the past where a senior
citizen exists, and embracing the current day scenario, is not an
easy task, and something only very few people can do. But they

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are ones who have known true happiness, real peace and
satisfaction. They are the ones who are in tune with their
children, who have excellent rapport and relationship with their
younger generation, and who live life fully. But it is not easy.
Today, if your son has a love marriage, you cannot accept, for
such things did not happen when you were young. If your son
or daughter has a live in relationship with someone, you cannot
accept. If your son drops out of school or college and follows
his heart and dreams, you cannot accept. If your daughter-inlaw is working, coming home late, wearing modern clothes, you
cannot accept. If your grandchildren stay up late and wake up
late, dont offer prayers, keep talking on the phone, have a lot of
friends from the opposite sex, you cannot accept. If your son
eats meat, and you are a staunch vegetarian, you cannot accept
him. And so on and so forth. The number of things that you
can accept are very less, because life is not what it used to be, life
is not what you knew it to be. It is as if you have been
transported to another planet, where you understand very little,
and are like a fish out of water. Unless acceptance to the present
moment comes, unless you, as a senior are able to let go of all
the things that your cherish, which you feel are right, unless you
remove your spectacles manufactured thirty or forty years ago
and wear todays glasses, you are going to make yourself and
everyone around you miserable and unhappy.
Life is moving like a fast train. If you are stuck on the
platform and refuse to board this train called life, you will
remain where you are, alone, sad and miserable. And the choice
to alight the train is in your hands, but it takes courage. If you
can muster up the courage, you can have the most fantastic
journey of your life. If you dont have the courage or conviction
to let go of the past which is anyway dead, you will remain

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235

lonely, standing and waiting for deliverance, for death, on the

platform. Of course, it is not going to be easy nothing
worthwhile in this life comes easily. The effort, the leap, the jump
has to be taken. But the choice is entirely yours.
On this subject, I had asked my good friend and senior
citizen, Dr. P. Vyasamoorthy, who runs an organisation called
Society for Serving Seniors in Secunderabad, Andhra Pradesh, to
give a few comments on this issue. With his permission, I
reproduce here what he had to say
Most people while young put off any thoughts of after
retirement life and do not prepare or plan for it
financially or physically. With careful planning some
worries due to money or health may be reduced or made
sufferable.
They are not aware of the changes in stock after
retirement loss of income, self-esteem, power attached to
their seats, decline in health etc. They also do not expect a
change in relationship. They are inflexible and adamant.
They want to still rule over youngsters. They also have an
attitudinal problem that the world and especially
youngsters owe them a great deal. The world owes you
nothing. This fact does not dawn upon them. Retirement
creates an unexpected vacuum and this adds to ones
suffering. In addition to aligning oneself to changing times
when that occurs, expecting and being prepared are also
necessary.

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THE GREATEST FEAR

For one who has taken birth, death is certain, and for one
who is dead, birth is certain. Therefore you ought not to lament
for an inevitable situation.
- Bhagwad Geeta, Chapter 2 Verse 27
Beginning from middle age, and intensifying as we grow
older, one fear that looms large in front of us, is the fear of
death. As senior citizens, who are in their sixties, seventies or
eighties, this fear is all the more, as one knows now that one is
slowly nearing ones end. But why is it that all of us fear death so
much?
Thanks to science, many facets of our human life, and
many natural phenomena on this planet, which we were earlier
ignorant about, have been reasonably and rationally explained to
us. Today, we are no longer scared when lightning strikes, or
when there is an eclipse. When someone falls sick, we know that
the doctor will eventually cure him or her. When a cyclone hits
any coast, we know that it is not Gods fury, but an act of
nature, due to various meteorological factors like depression,
pressure, winds, humidity etc. But over all these years, something
that has remained timeless over thousands of years, and will
probably continue to remain so and something that even science
has not been able to explain satisfactorily, is death. All scientific
explanations and facts come to a dead end, when a person is

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dead. As far as science is concerned, the person is no longer

alive, only his dead body remains; there is no life in him, and it is
not possible to bring this person back to life with any methods
known to mankind. Death is permanent, irreversible. And death
is a fact of life which every human being has to go through;
there are no exceptions to this rule of nature. What is born on
this earth must die, at some point of time or another.
So then, the questions start to form in our minds. What
happens when we die? Where do we go? Is there a heaven and
hell, (and purgatory) after death? Will we be reborn, or is that
just a belief, something to make us feel happy? When, where and
how will death come? Unfortunately, the answers to all these
questions can only be found after death, but cannot be
communicated back to this earth. In the history of mankind,
there is not a single soul who has come back to give us a
feedback as to what happens after death.
Knowing that death is inevitable, and that all creatures who
are born on this earth plants, animals, insects, and man
have to die, is the first step to reduce the fear of death. For
millions of years, man has been born and has died, and we too
cannot escape this cycle. The fear of death achieves nothing,
except to make our remaining days on earth more miserable,
more sorrowful, and more depressing. The fear and worry
associated with death in no way helps us to understand it, or to
prepare for it. And the more intelligent the person is, more the
worry and anxiety. Why death worries most people is also
because of the suffering that it causes, the suffering of disease,
of pain that is associated with death, the suffering and misery of
those left behind after a person dies. But one must also realize
that all the suffering and pain that accompanies death, is in this
world only, before death. Death itself brings no suffering

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only an everlasting peace. But since we know only this world, we

tend to think of death as a suffering, as a misery. Once a person
is dead, he might have his own set of problems about which we
really know nothing at this point of time, but the problems that
we know as problems, as suffering, pain, and misery on this
earth, will, in all probability, not be there. All our sufferings on
this earth are related to 2 aspects of ourselves our bodies and
our minds. Our issues, our worries, our discomforts and our
pains are either pertaining to our bodies, or to our mind. One
thing looks certain since we leave behind our bodies and our
minds, it is highly unlikely that these will be the cause of pain,
after death. So, there may be problems after death, but nothing
that we can imagine or think about, because we are only aware
of problems concerning our bodies and minds, and both these
entities will not go with us, wherever we are headed (if at all we
are headed anywhere), after our death.
Also, many people who are staunch believers in the
phenomenon of hell, heaven and re-birth might find a lot of
solace in the fact that death will bring them in contact with all
those people who have departed before them ancestors,
parents, friends, neighbours and hence one will not be alone,
one will be able to re-connect with all those souls whom one
now misses on earth. Each religion has its own explanation for
death and after death. Each of us believes what we want to
believe. But no one knows for sure what death is like and where
it will lead us to. But if the fear of death is large and is causing
worry and stress, it might help, at least as a stress and fear
reduction measure, to assume that we shall be united with those
who died before we did.
Having understood that death is inevitable, permanent and
irreversible, it should not be difficult to see the futility of

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239

worrying about something that we dont know or understand,

and something that is beyond human comprehension. But one
must really try and accept this fact of life. All our worries, our
fears, our anxieties about our approaching death, is because we
still fail to accept the fact that death will come to us, as it has
come to millions of living things on this earth, for millions of
years. Somehow, somewhere, in our minds, we resist the idea of
death. We either push it away every time the thought comes,
thinking that death is something that occurs to others, or we tell
ourselves that we will probably die in our sleep, or have a
peaceful death, so that we will never come to know of it. But all
these escapist ideas really dont work in the long run, and the
spectre of death keeps coming back, again and again, to haunt
us. And its worse when someone we know, someone close to us
dies. Then the fears get magnified, for in the death of every
person around us, we can see a glimpse of our own deaths. In
our heart of hearts, in our innermost core of our being, we
know that one day, we will have to face this unknown entity
called death, and that causes a very deep fear in our minds and
bodies.
Life, to a large extent, is a one sided, partial game,
designed and decided by someone else God, existence,
divinity, Mother Nature, Eternity you can give it any name, it
does not matter. The rules of life are heavily loaded and stacked
against us. We have a certain amount of control over birth, but
very little against death. We can avoid birth, but not death. And
when we shall die, how we shall die, where we shall die we
really have no control over these things. There is only one entry
gate into this world through the womb of a mother, but
there are multiple ways in which we can die and leave the world
accidents, diseases, murder, suicide, and old age. We are not

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really told the rules of this game called life and we are not given
a manual by our creator as to which is the right way to go
through life. Each religion, each country, each race and
community has its own set of rules which it believes to be the
right one, but at the end of the day, the fact of the matter is that
these are all theories, and life does not come with a guidebook,
rule book or map, for any of us.
Given all the above circumstances, we can only do one
thing in this game of life we can live life intensely, happily,
and with enthusiasm and vigour. If every moment of life is well
lived, and if we are completely satisfied that we have done
justice to life and to ourselves here, then there is no sorrow, no
fear when death arrives, for one is completely saturated with all
that this life has to offer; there is nothing more to be achieved
from this life. If one has entered into a game of cricket or
football, even if ones team loses in the end, if the match has be
a tough, well balanced one, with an exciting finish, then it is
invariably seen that both teams are satisfied with the match.
When one can reach that level, when every possibility has been
exploited, then a person is no longer attached to this life
anymore, and is waiting for death. Then, there is no fear, no
shame, and no worry. It is only when we feel that our life here
was spent uselessly, was a waste, could have been different, it is
only when we have a lot of unfulfilled desires that we feel
scared to die. It is only a lot of unfulfilled desires that make us
want more years to our life. If one has lived intensely and has no
more desires left, when there is nothing more to be achieved
here in this life, when there is total satisfaction at how one has
led his life here, when nothing has been missing, when everything
that is there be seen and enjoyed has been enjoyed, then there is
no sorrow or sadness in leaving the game of life, for now, there

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241

is no purpose in continuing here. If you have lived well, and

done all that you ever wanted to, then you are ready to welcome
death, much like how we are ready to welcome sleep, at the end
of a tired, active, strenuous and satisfying day. Every game,
every match, every drama and every film must come to its end,
and so must the drama of this life on earth. But till that happens,
dont even think about it. Just go ahead and enjoy life. Death will
come when it has to; we have no control over it. But we do
have control over how we live this life here. And to live without
fear is the best possible way to live.
Here are few comments on death, from senior citizen Dr.
P. Vysasmoorthy, who runs the Society for serving seniors, in
Secunderabad.
Only certainty we know is that all living things die.
The uneasiness that accompanies the thought of death is
only due to the fear What will happen after death? No
one really knows and all ideas about after death
experiences are at best conjectures and guesses. What will
happen depends on sub queries like: What will happen to
me? What will happen to my family / children? What will
happen to my money / assets? What will happen to my
thoughts / intellectual assets? Questions not related to me
do not arise.
What will happen to me? Though there is no proof, I
am blindly convinced that some part of me will continue in
some format that I do not know. And some parts of me will
disappear altogether. Body as I have known will cease to
be. Soul which I consider as the most crucial part of me
will continue forever, as ever. With the soul will go some
thoughts, experiences and memories acquired in this life
(janma) in frozen (zipped?) (un-codified or de-codified) form.

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At an appropriate time these get attached to another

physical entity. That is I believe in the cycle of re-births.
What will happen to my family? They will continue.
After a brief period of mourning, sadness and separation
life goes on. Nobody gives a damn for what you have been
and you are simply forgotten as time passes by. Your assets
and money are used if not by those whom you want them to
use, by someone else. They remain whether used or not. For
example the cash in your bank balance. It is not lost. It is
used by the bank!. Take your house whether you live or
someone else lives in it, it is used. And intellectual assets?
There are no intellectual assets that are useful or valid
that are time-proof. Therefore it is better not to bother
about them.

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243

CONCLUSION

In conclusion, I would like to end this book with a passage

by Swami Vivekananda, taken from The Complete Works of
Swami Vivekananda, volume 4.
In a sense, you are all prophets; every one of you is a
prophet, bearing the burden of the world on your shoulders.
Have you ever seen a man, have you ever seen a woman,
who is not quietly, patiently, bearing his or her little
burden of life? The great prophets were giants they bore
a gigantic world on their shoulders. Compared to them we
are pigmies, no doubt, yet we are doing the same task in
our little circles, in our little homes, we are bearing our
little crosses. There is no one so evil, no one so worthless,
but he has to bear his own cross. But with all our mistakes,
with all our evil thoughts and evil deeds, there is a bright
spot somewhere; there is still somewhere the golden thread
through which we are always in touch the divine. For,
know for certain, that the moment the touch of the divine
is lost, there would be annihilation. And because none can
be annihilated, there is always somewhere in our hearts of
hearts, however low and degraded we may be, a little
circle or light which is in constant touch with the divine.
Our salutations go to all the past prophets whose

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ARISE, AWAKE

teachings and lives we have inherited, whatever might

have been their race, clime or creed. Our salutations go to
all those God like men and women who are working to
help humanity, whatever their birth, colour or race. Our
salutations to those who are coming in the future living
Gods, to work unselfishly for our descendants.

CONCLUSION

245

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