TTT.)
~ George C. Wolfe
The Colored
Museumort 015, 17.18 Ges Wat
peer tong int namenne
NSIT ophcay ge ao ="
aie i ae roe Te ot Wen 1 Se
SESS. Pat ernest com
‘CAUTION: Precast ae Ny wae tt The Cle
SA ratty ay pond vas Ber ie of
a atl Rinse wt tah Camm
ie ety enema omit Uno
SESE proc oc nt Cael Conran Comes.
5g a, em he se
at cmon mpedrcon sch ws fain soe ed a
Sear ac an h of an mo fees OE
ry oe
ott ten apennsprmi ape ni es
cts eter sa gy fs PmeN,
SRE se sant fog eA 0%.
stot an amas psn ope non er hl bre
Setar Se ee es on
Pad stance Con
‘rc Ue Ses es
nny Cong Casing initia Ot
Dee by Mr Don
‘New Yor NY 1001
‘antl ye ry Wes
rd
ABouT THE AUTHOR
George C. Wolfe was awarded a CBS/Foundation of
the Dramatist Guild Playwrighting Award for The
Colored Museum. He is the librettist for “Queenie
Pie,” Duke Ellington’s opera, which had its world
premiere at The American Music Theatre Festival, 2
Subsequent production at The Kennedy Center, and
is slated to appear on Broadway in Fall 1987. He has
received grants from The Rockefeller Foundation,
‘The National Endowment for the Arts, and The Na-
tional Institute for Musical Theatre. Mr. Wolfe is a
contributing author to The Living Theatre, published
by McGraw-Hill. Originally from Frankfort, KY, he
holds a B.A. in Directing from Pomona College and
SaMLEA. in Dramatic Wein Mel Theatre from
vu.‘The Cast:
‘The Stage:
Musie:
|
‘An ensemble of five, two men and three
‘women, all black, who all the
characters that inhabit the exhibits."
‘White walls and recessed lighting. A stark:
ness befitting a museum where the myths
and madness of black/Negro(colored
‘Americans are stored.
Built into the walls are a series of small
panels, doors, revolving walls, and com-
Brtments from which actors can retrieve
ey props and make quick entrances.
A revolve is used, which allows for quick
‘transitions from one exhibit to the next.
Al of the music for the show should be
prerecorded, Only the drummer, who is
used in Git on Board, and then ater in
Permutations and The Party, is liv.
THERE IS NO INTERMISSION
‘TATLrrc Gn, seven to twelve years old is needed for walon
parti Lalas Opening‘The Exhibits
Git on Board
‘Cookin’ with Aunt Ethel
‘The Photo Session
Soldier with a Secret
‘The Gospel According to Miss Roj
‘The Hairpiece
‘The Last Mama-on-the-Couch Play
Symbiosis
Lala’s Opening.
Permutations
‘The Party* Miss Par: Welcome aboard Celebrity Slaveshi
Git on Board
Blackness. Cut by drums pounding. Then slides,
rapidly flashing before us. Images we've all seen
before, of African slaves being captured, loaded onto
ships, tortured. The images flash, flash, flash. The
drumis crescendo, Blackout, And then lights reveal
Miss Par, frozen. She is black, pert, and cute. She has
4 flip to her hair and wears a hot pink miniskirt
‘Stewardess uniform.)
(She stands in front of a curtain which separates her
from an offstage cockpit)
(An electronic bell goes “ding” and Miss Pat comes to
life, presenting herself in a friendly but rehearsed
manner, smiling and speaking as she has done so
many times before)
de
parting the Gold Coast and making short stops at
Bahia, Port Au Prinee, and Havana, before our final
destination of Savannah.
Hi. zm Miss Pat and I'l be serving you here in Cabin
A. We will be crossing the Atlaniic at an altitude
thats prety high, s9 you must wear your shackles at
(She removes a shackle from the overhead compart.
ment and demonstrates)
‘To put on your shackle, take the right hand and close
the metal ring around-your left hand like so. Repeat
the action using your left hand to secure the right. If
you have any trouble bonding yourself, I'd be more
than glad to assist.
Once we reach the desired altitude, the Captain will
turn off the "Fasten Your Shackle” sign ... (She2 ‘Twe Covones Museu
efficiently points out the “FASTEN YOUR
SHACKLE” signs on either side of her, which light
up). allowing you chance to stretch and dance in,
the sles a bit But otherwise, shackles must be
‘worn at all times.
(The "Fasten Your Shackles” signs go off)
Miss Par: Also, we ask that you please refrain from
calkand-response singing between cabins as that
sort of thing can lead to rebellion. And, of course, no
drums are allowed on board, Can you repeat alter
me, "No drums.” (She gets the audience to repeat.)
‘With a litle more enthusiasm, please. "No drums.”
(After the audience repeats it) That was gteat!
Once we're airborn, Ill be by with magazines, and
earphones can be purchased for the price'of your
first-born male,
If there's anything 1 can do to make this middle
passage more pleasant, press the little button over
Rend andTil be with you faster than you ean say, "Go
down, Moses.” (She laughs at het “little joke.”)
‘Thanks for fiying Celebrity and here's hoping you
have a pleasant takeoff
(The engines surge, the “Fastesi Your Shackle” signs
0 on, and overarticulate Muzak voices are heard
Singing as Miss Pat pulls down a bucket seat and
‘shackles-up" for takeoff.)
Voices:
GET ON BOARD CELEBRITY SLAVESHIP
GET ON BOARD CELEBRITY SLAVESHIP
GET ON BOARD CELEBRITY SLAVESHIP
‘THERE'S ROOM FOR MANY A MORE.
(The engines reach an even, steady hum. Just as Miss
Pat rises and replaces the shackles in the ovérlead
compartment, the faint sound of African drumming
is heard},
Grr Ox Bosna 3
Miss Pav: Hi, Miss Pat again. I'm sorry to disturb
you, but someone is playing drums. And what did we
Just say -.. "No drums.” It must be someone in
Coach. But we here in Cabin A are not going to te-
spond to those drums. As a matter of fact, we don't
even hear them. Repeat after me. “I don’t hear any
drums.” (The audience repeats) And “will not
(The audience repeats. The drumming grows)
Miss Par: (Placating) OK, now I realize some of us are
‘abit edgy after hearing about the tragedy on board
‘The Laughing Mary, but let me assure you Celebrity
thas no intention of throwing you overboard and col-
lecting the insurance. We value you!
(She proceds to single out individual pascengerstawe
dience members.) .
Why the songs you are going to sing in the cotton
fields, under the burning heat and stinging lash, will
metamorphose and give birth to the likes of James
Brown and the Fabulous Flames. And you, yes you,
are going to come up with some of the best dances.
‘The best dances! The Watusit The Funky Chicken!
And just think of what you are going to mean 0
William Faulkner.
Alright, so you're gonna have to suffer for a few
hhundred’ years, but from your pain will come a
culture so complex. And, with this little item here
(She removes a basketball from the overhead com:
partment) ... you'll become millionares!
(There isa roar of thunder. The lights quiver and the
"Fasten Your Shackle” signs begin to flash, Miss Pat
quickly replaces the basketball in the overhead com
artment and speaks very reassuringly)
‘Miss Pat: No, don’t panic. We're just caught ina litle
thunder storm, Now the only way you're going to4 ‘Tue Covonep Musson
‘make it through isi you abandon your God and wor-
Ship a new one. So, on the count of three, les all
Sing. One, two, three
NOBODY KNOWS DE TROUBLE I SEEN
‘Oh, I forgot to mention, when singing, omit the TH
sound, “The” becomes “de.” "They" becomes “dey.”
Got it? Good!
NOBODY KNOWS
NOBODY KNOWS
‘Oh, so you don’t like that one? Well then let's try
another—
SUMMER TIME
AND DE LIVIN' IS EASY
Gershwin, He comes from another oppressed people
so he understands.
FISH ARE JUMPIN’... come on.
AND DE COTTON IS HIGH.
AND DE COTTON IS... Sing, damnit!
(Lights begin to flash, the engines surge, and there is
‘wild drumming. Miss Part sticks her head through the
Curtain and speaks with an offstage CaPrai.)
Miss Par: What?
Vorce oF Caprats (O.S): Time warp!
Mss Par: Time warpl (She turns fo the audience and
puts om a pleasant face) The Captain has assured me
rerio ie: Were st cua ii ime
‘warp. Crying 0 fight her growing hysteria) On Your
Tight you will se the American Revolution, which
Wil give the US-of A exclusive rights to you life
[Andon your lf the Civil Wa, which means you will
vote Republican until ED. comes along. And now
Grr ON Boao 5
we're passing over the Great ‘Depression; which
‘means everybody gets to live the way you've been liv-
ing. (There tsa blinding flash of light, and an explo-
sion. She screams) Abhhhhhhhh! That was World
‘War I, which isnot to be confused with World War IL
(There isa larger flash of light, and another explo-
sion)... Abhhhh! Which is not to be confused with
the Korean War or the Vietnam War, all of which
you will play a major role in,
Oh, look, now we're passing over the sixties. Martha
and the Vandellas +, “Sulla” with Miss Diahann
Carroll... Malcom X ... those five Hite girs in
Alabama ./ Martin Luther King ... Oh no! The
Supremes Broke up! (The drumming intensifies)
Stop playing those drums! Those drums wil be con
fiseated once we reach Savannah. You can’t change
history! You can't turn back the clock! (To the aie
dience) Repeat after me, 'don't hear any drums!
twill ot rebel! Twill not rebel T will not Fe
(The lights go out, she screams, and the sound of a
plane landing and screeching to.a halt is heard. After
4 beat, lights reveal a wasted, disheveled Miss Par,
but perky nonetheless)
Miss Par: Hi, Miss Pat here. Things got a bit jumpy
back there, but the Captain has just informed me we
have safely landed in Savannah, Please check the
overhead before exiting as any baggage you don't
It’s been fun, and we hope the next time you consider
travel, is with Celebrity
Cuggage begins to revolve onstage from offstage left,
going past Miss Par and revolving offstage right. Mixed
in with the luggage are two male slaves and a woman
slave, complete with luggage and I.D. tags around
their necks.)6 ‘Te Couono Museum
| Miss Par: (With routine, rehearsed pleasantness))
i Have a nice day. Bye bye.
Button up that coat, a kind of chilly. Cookin’ with Aunt Ethel
[ave a nce day. Bye bye ‘
{onuke ae von Us the slaves begin to revolve off, low-down gut
i See you. bucket blues is heard. Aunt Exust, a down-home
Have ance day. black woman with « bandana om her head, revolves
Have a nice day tocenterstage She stands behind aig black pot and
| Have a nice da swears a reassuring grin)
i ‘Aux Enugu: Welcome to “Aunt Ethel's Down-Home
\ ‘Cookin’ Show," where we explores the magit and
mysteries of colored cuisine.
} Today, we gonna be servi’ ourselves up some
} (Sie laughs not gona el yo. Thats ah Fn
il fot gonna tll you what tis ill after you done cooked
{fe child'on “the Aunt Ethel Show" we loves to have
* Qurselves some fun. Wel, ae you ready? Here goes
(She belts out a hard-drivin' blues and throws invisi
ble ingredients into the big, black pot.)
FIRST YA ADD A PINCH OF STYLE
AND THEN A DASH OF FLAIR
NOW YA STIR IN SOME PREOCCUPATION
WITH THE TEXTURE OF YOUR HAIR
| NEXT YA ADD ALL KINDS OF RHYTHMS:
LOTS OF FEELINGS AND PIZAZZ
‘THEN HUNNY THROW IN'SOME RAGE
‘Ih TILL IT CONGEALS AND TURNS TO JAZZ
NOW YOU COOKIN’
COOKIN’ WITH AUNT ETHEL
| + YOU REALLY COOKIN’
| j COOKIN’ WITH AUNT ETHEL, OH YEAH
NOW YA ADD A HEAP OF SURVIVAL
AND HUMILITY, JUST A TOUCH
i ADD SOME ATTITUDE,
(PS! I PUT TOO MUCH8 ‘Tue Covoneo Museum
AND'NOW A WHOLE LOT OF HUMOR
SALTY LANGUAGE, MIXED WITH SADNESS
THEN THROW IN A BOX OF BLUES
AND, SIMMER TO MADNESS
NOW YOU COOKIN’
COOKIN’ WITH AUNT ETHEL, OH YEAH!
NOW YOU BEAT IT—REALLY WORK IT
DISCARD AND DISOWN
AND IN A FEW HUNDRED YEARS
ONCE IT'S AGED AND FULLY GROWN
YA PUT IT IN THE OVEN
TILLIT'S BLACK,
AND HAS A SHEEN
OR TILL I'S NICE AND YELLA
‘OR ANY SHADE IN BETWEEN.
NEXT YA TAKE 'EM OUT AND COOL ‘EM.
‘CAUSE THEY NO FUN WHEN THEY HOT
AND WONT YOU BE SURPRISED
AT THE CONCOCTION YOU GOT
YOU HAVE BAKED
BAKED YOURSELF A BATCH OF NEGROES
YES YOU HAVE BAKED YOURSELF
BAKED YOURSELF A BATCH OF NEGROES
(he pulls from the pot a handful of Negroes, black
dolls)
‘But don't ask me what to do with ‘em now that you
got‘em, ‘cause child, that’s your problem, (She throws
the dolls back into the pot) But in any case, yaw be
sure to join Aunt Ethel next week, when we gonna be
servin’ ourselves up some chitlin quiche -.. some
gritsunder-glass,
AND A SWEET POTATO PIE
AND YOU'LL BE COOKIN’
COOKIN’ WITH AUNT ETHEL
OH YEAH!
(On Auwr Exusc’s final rift, lights reveal...)
‘The Photo Session
(..4 very glamorous, gorgeous, black couple, wear-
ing the best of everything and perfect smiles. The
stage is bathed in color and bright white light. Disco
Imusic with the chant: "We're fabulous" plays in the
background. As they pose, larger-than-life images of
their perfection are projected on the museum walls
music quiets and the images fade away as they
begin to speak and pose.)
Git: The world was becoming too much for us.
Guy: We couldn't resolve the contradictions of our
existence,
Girt: And we couldn't resolve yesterday's pain,
uv: So we gave away ou life and we now ive inside
Ebony Magazine. .
Grn: Yes, we live inside a world where everyone is
beautiful, and wears fabulous clothes.
Gor: And no one says anything profound.
Git: Or meaningful
Guy: Or contradictory.
Gat: Because no one talks. Everyone just smiles and
shows off their cheekbones. one}
(They adopt a profile pose)
Guy: Last month I was black and fabulous while
holding up a bottle of vodka.
Gini: This month we get to be black and fabulous
together.
(They danceipose. The "We're fabulous” chant builds
and then fades as they start 10 speak again.)
Gua: There are of course setbacks,10 ‘Tr Covonep Musou
Guy: We have to smile like this for a whole month.
Gut: And we have no social life.
Guy: And no sex.
Guu: And at times it feels like we're suffocating, like
‘we're not human anymore.
Guy: And everything is rehearsed, including this
other kind of pain we're starting to feel.
Gan: The kind of pain that comes from feeling no
ain at
(They then speak and pose with a sudden burst of
energy)
Guy: But one can't have everything.
Gru: Can one?
Guy: So if the world is becoming too much for you,
do like we did,
Gini: Give away your life and come be beautiful with
Guy: We guarantee, no contradictions.
Gmu/Gur: Smilelclick, smile/lick, smileclick.
Gimt: And no pain.
They adopt afinal pose and revolve off as the "We're
fabulous! chant plays and fades into the background)
A Soldier with a Secret
(Projected onto the museum walls are the faces of
Black soldiers—from the Spanish-American thre {0
the Vietnam War. Lights slowly reveal Tunte. RoBr\son,
4 black combat soldier, posed on an onyx plinth. He
comes 10 life and smiles at the audience. Somewhat
dimwitied, he has an easy-going charm about him)
sJonte: Pst. Pst. Guess what? I know the secret, The
secret to your pain. ‘Course, I didn't always know.
First I had to die, then come back to life, ‘fore Thad
the gift.
Ya see the Cappin sent me off up ahead to scout for
screamin’ yella bastards. ‘Course, forthe life of me 1
couldn't understand why they'd be screamin’, seein’
{3s how we was tryin’ to kill them and they us.
But anyway, I'm off lookin’ when all of a sudden 1
find myself caught smack dead in the middle ofthis
plan. This bg: burn ssid explosion
Musta been a booby trap or something, cause al
sound pee te Hel Fa on Ua es ot
ieken dropped ina silt of crackin’ grease Why,
tny Flesh was usta peelin’ of of my bones,
But then I says to myself, “Suni, if yo" flesh son fire,
how come you don't feel no paint” And T didn't f
pear as i tnd here ie nuthin T's when
{sort of put twoand to together and realized I didnt
feel no whole lot of hurtin’ cause I done died.
‘Well I just picked myself up and walked right on out
(of that explosion. Hell, once you know you dead, why
keep on dyin’, ya know?
So, like I say, I walk right outta that explosion, Fully
expectin’ to see white clouds, Jesus, and my Mama,
only all I saw was more war’ Shootin’ goin’ on way2 “Twe Covonep Museum
off in this direction and that direction. Andéthere,
Standin” around, was all the guys. Hubert, J.P, the
BabSEn guess the sound ofthe explosion must of a-
CaPRee a and they all starn’ at me lke Tim some
Kind of ghost.
So 1 yells to ‘em, "Hey there Hubert! Hey there Cap-
pint” But they just stare, So T tells ‘em how I'd died
Pin how I pues it wast't my time ‘cause here Tam,
aAlifyn the flesh and not a scratch to my bones.”
‘And they sil just stare. So {took to starin’ back.
(The expression on Juste’ face slowly turns to horror
Gnd disbelief)
Only what I saw ... well T cas’t exactly to this day
scsi sea sare an ey was wer
recn and holdin guns, they was each wearin’ apiece
SF fhe future on their faces.
‘Yeah, All the hurt that was gonna get done to them
Ted hey was gonna do to folk wae right there clear
ae dy
I saw how JE, once he got back to Chicago, was gon-
ha'gel shot dead by this police, and 1 saw how
Tudeh Stes gonna start beatin’ up on his old lady
TichT didn understand, ‘cause all he could do was
Tuga and ont about how much he loved her. Bach
Eid everyone of ‘em had pain nbs future and blood
aaah And God or the Devil one spoke to me
ond SARE "ante, these colored boys aint gonna be
The same after this war. They ain" gonna have no
kind of happiness.
Well right then and there it come tome. The secret to
theft pin
Late that night, after the medics done checked me
ver and found me fit for fightin, after everybody
Song seit down for the night, 1 sneaked aver to
Siithe Huet was sleepin’ and with a needle T stole
Tomithe medics. pst pst. Tshota lite ar into
Sovousn wir Suen 1B
his veins. The second he died, all the hurtin-to-come
just left his face.
Toye ie ge tht Mod
a nes et ond ai nt op
iar aden enaltenea he
lager ey Gri
(Smiling, quite proud of himself.) That's how eT
ng ate ond fl) a coe
een ear avid ies
eee
wearin’ from the war. :
Pat, pst. know the secret. Th secret to your pain
‘The fecret to yours, nd yours Pst Pat Pot Pet
(The lights slowty fade)‘The Gospel According to Miss Ro}
The darkness is cut by electronic music. Cold, pound-
{ig unrelonting. A neon sign which spells out THE
BOTTOMLESS PIT clicks on. There i. a lone bar
Stool. Lights lash on and off, pulsating to the beat
Theres best ofmake ana fom he hate Ms os
curs, He ts dressed in striped patio pants, white
tego boots, a halter and catshoped:sunglases
tar would seem ridiculous on anyone else, Miss Rox
swears asf i were high fashion. He carries himself
{Mh total Clegance and absolute arogance)
Miss Ror: God created black people and black peogle
Greated style, The name's Miss Ro}. that's RO.
thank you and you can find me every Wednesday,
Friday and Satutday nights at""The Booms Pt"
the watering hole for the wild and weary which asks
the question, "Is there life after Sherr-curl?™
(A waiter enters, hands Mss Roya drink, and then ex
fs}
‘Thanks, doll. Yes, if they be black and swish, the BP
fas seeh them ehh snot suggest the Pts lack.
Ingincultural versity. Oh no. There are your dinge
eens, white men who Tike thei chicken legs dark.
tie wintsflires witha man in the audience) And e's
fot forget, “Los Muchachos de la Neighborhood
Bat the speciality of the house is The Snap Queens.
{ite snaps hs fingers) We are a rare breed
For, you see, when something strikes our fancy,
when the truth comes piercing through the dark,
Mtl you just can't lett pass unnoticed: No darling
You must pronounce it with a snap. (He snaps)
Snapping comes from another galaxy, as do all snap
guecns, That's right aint jt your regular of
Sressed American Negro. Nomnona! I'am an extra
‘Tw Gosrs. Acconoine 10 Miss Rot as
tervestal. And I ain't takin’ none ofthat shit
seen in the movies! I have real power. ven
(he waiter enters, Miss Ros stops him.)
Speaking of no power, will you please tell Miss
Stingy-with-erum, that i Miss Ro) bad wanted fo
‘remain sober, she could have stayed home and drank
Kookaid ie snaps) Thank you
(The waiter exits. Miss Ros crosses and sts on bar stool)
Yes, I was placed here on Earth to study the life
habits ete en society, and child when we
talkin’ New York City, we are discussing the Queen
‘of DetGrioration. Miss New York is doing a slow
dance with death, and I am here to warn you all, but
before I do, [must know . .. don’t you just love my
ato pants? Annette Funcelio immortalized them in
“Beach Blanket Bingo,” and I have continued the
legacy. And my gogos? I realize white after Labor
Day is very gauche, but as the saying goes, if you've
gotit flaunt it, if you don't, front it and snap to death
any bastard who dares to defy you. (Laughing) Oh ho!
My demons are showing. Yes, my demons live at the
bottom of my Bacardi and Coke.
Let's just hope forall concerned I dance my demons
cut betore T drink them out cause child, dancing
demons take you on a ride, but those’ drin
demons jst ake you, nd yo id outdone
3c strangest things Like the ime I locked my father
in the broom closet. Seems the liquor made his
tongue real iberal and he decided he was gonna bap-
lize me with the word “faggot” over and over. Well,
he's just going on and on with faggot this and fag.
got that” all the while walking toward the broom
Eloset to piss. So the demons just took hold of my
wedges and forced me to kick the drunk son-ofa.
Bich info the closet and lock the door. (Laughter)
Three days later I remembered he was there. (ie
snaps)6 ‘Tue Covonsp Museum
(The waiter enters, Miss Rot takes a drink and downs
tt)
Another!
(The waiter exits)
(Dancing about) Oh yesyesyes! Mss Rol is quintes:
Cental fiple. corn fow the hairs on my legs so that
they spell out M188, ROS. And dare any bastard
to fuck with me because i will snap your ass into
oblivion
Tae the power, you know. EverytimelI snap steal
tne beat of your heart. So i you find yourself gasp-
{ng for air i the middle of the night, chances are you
fucked with Mise Roj and she didn't like i.
Like the time this asshole at Jonés Beach decided t0
take issue with my coulottesailor ensemble. This
child, this muscle bound Brooklyn thag in a skinstight
bikini, very skinstight so the whole world can see that
instead of brain, God gave him an extra thick piece of
sausage. You know the kind who beat up on their
‘wives for breakfast. Snap your fingers if you know
‘what I'm talking about -.- Come on and snap, child.
We gets the audience to snap.) Well, he decided to blurt
‘out when T walked by, "Hey look at da coon in
‘da fageit sult.” Wel, I walked up to the poor dear, very
‘calmly lifted my hand, and... (He snaps in rapid suc-
ession,) A heart attack, right there on the beach. (fe
Singles out someone in the audience) You don't believe
4? Cross me! Come on! Come on!
(The waiter enters, hands Miss Ros a drink, Miss Ros
downs it. The waiter exits)
(Looking around) If this place is the answer, we're
SSking ail the wrong questions. The only reason |
tome ere io communicate with my ogi, The
ffashing ights are sigoals from my planct way out
there est even Torther than lash: Were
falling another galaxy. The flashing lights tell me
How much time left before the end
‘Tu Goseen Accoapine ro Miss Ros "7
(ery drunk and loud by now) Ubate the people here.
{hate the drinks But mort of ll ate tits goddam
su it ai mae heme Ai rei
(Singing) "Hust a hile respect: RESPECT”
‘Yeah! Yeah! sea
‘Come on and dance your last dance with Miss
asreal is but a dein away and each nap pus Jou
cone step closer tothe end.
A highrise goes up. You can't get no job. Come on
tverybody and dance. A whole race of people gets
{Esha apd detaed Shp ths Bingen dance
Some sick bitch throws. her baby out the Window
“Cause she thinks i's the Devi Everybody soap! The
New York Post. Snap!
Sap for every time you walk past someone Iying in
the street, smelling like frozen piss and shit and you
don't se it Snap for every crazed bastard who iis
himself soas to get the jump on being killed. And snap
sick muthafucker who, bored with earrying
around his fear, takes to shooting up other
Yeah, snap your fingers and dance. with Miss Ro).
But Sono ioe by the banners and aloes
‘cause, child thi ain m0 on. Hell no's
anak Andihecaiesmnadecutal stone, steel and
lass and the people are racing al over the pavement
Ate tagots on dead pce et nea =
Yeah, dance! But don't be surprised if there ain't no
at holding you option case we traded in or
ims for fespectability. So now it's just words.
Words rappin’ Words sereechin’. Words flowin in
stead of blood ‘cause you know that dont work.
Words crac’ instead of fire ‘cause bythe time s
match is struck on 125th Street and you run to mi
town, the flame has been blown away.
So come on and dance with Miss Roj and her de-
mons. We don't ask for acceptance. We don’t ask18 ‘Tue Covonen Museum
ee
ee
a STS
power, baby. Patio pants and all.
eee
alse
Geese ciate
hes Rp a en de
Fea et
‘The Halrplece
ths, Respect” fades into the Background, a vanty
revolves fo center stage. On this vanity are two wigs,
a Afro wig, crea 1965, anda long flowing wi, bork
testing on ig stands. A black Wouan enters, her
head and body wrapped in towels. She picks up a
framed picture and after a few moments of hesta-
tion, throws it into @ small trash can. Ske then
removes one of her towels to reveal a tially bald
read: Looking into a mirror on the fourth wall, she
begins applying makeup.)
(The wig stand holding the Afro wig opens her eyes
Her namels one. Shestares i {self the bald
Jnoane: (Calling 10 the other wig stand.) LaWanda,
LaWanda girl, wake up.
(The other wig stand, the one with the long, flowing
‘wig, opens her eyes. Her name is LAWANDA)
LaWana: What? What is it?
Javan: Check out girlfriend.
LaWanpa: Oh, gir, I don't believe it,
Ino: (Laughing) Just look at the poor thing, trying
to paint some lite onto that face of hers. You'd
by now she'd realize it's the hair. I's all about the
LaWanpa: What hair! She aln’t go no hair! She done
‘ried, dyed, dechemicalized her shit to death
Joan: And al that’s lef i that bucknaked scalp of
ers, sittin’ up there apologizin’ for being
shaped and ugly.
LaWaNpa: (Laughing with Janine.) Gir, stop!20 ‘Tw Covonsn Museum
Javan: [ain't sayin’ nuthin’ but the truth.
LaWawoalJanine: The bitch is bald! (They laugh)
Janae: And all over some man.
LaWanpa: tell ya, girl I just don’t understand it. 1
‘mean, look at her. She's got a right nice face, a good
hhead on her shoulders. A good job even. And she's got
to go fallin love with that fool.
“avine: That political quick change artist. Everytime
‘the nigga went and changed his ideology, she went
nd changed her hair to fit the occasion.
LaWana: Well at least she's breaking up with him,
Sayan: Hunny, no!
LaWanpa: Yes child.
axtne: Oh, girl, dish me the dirt!
LaWanpa: Well, you see, I heard her on the phone,
talking to one of her girlfriends, and she's meeting
hhim for lunch today to give him the ax.
“avin: Well it's about time.
LaWawos:T hear ya. But don't you worry ‘bout a
thing, girlfriend, I'm gonna tell you all about it.
ce: Hunny, you won't have to tell me a damn
“eauise I'm gonna be there, front row, center.
LaWaron: You?
‘hoon: Yes, il, she's wearing me to lunch,
LaWavx: (Outraged I on’ think 0!
Savon With am atitude) What do you mean, you
dont tank 30?
LaWovoe: Exactly what [said I don't think 2."
Darya Janine, et real How the hell se gonna wear
Pomc
“Invtne: She ain't wearing both of us. She's wearing me,
‘Tae Harnece 2
LaWawpa: Says who?
St: Says me! Says her! Ain't that eight, girl
friend? . \ oe
(he Woman stops putting on makeup, looks around,
Sees no one, and goes Bock 10 her makeup)
Janine: I said, ain't that right!
(The Wousx picks up the phone)
Wouax: Hello ... hello . \
“awine: Did you hear the damn phdne ring?
‘Wotan: No,
Soot: Then put the damn phone down and talk 19
Wouax: Tah ...don't understand.
“nya It ain't deep 20 don't panic, Nows you're hav
ing lunch with your boyfriend, right? x
Wouas: (Breaking into tears) I think Ty having a
nervous breakdown. > -
Javan (Impatient) said you're having Iupch with
your boyfriend, right! ‘
‘Wow: Scared, pulling herself together) Yés, right
«Tight. V i“
San
‘break up with him. \
Wowan: How did you know that? \
LaWawpa: I told her. \
Woua: (Stands and screams) Help! Help!
anane: Sit down. [said sit your ass down!
(The Wouan does)
“Taxon: Now set her straight and tell her you're we
ing me.2 ‘Tue Covonep Museum
‘LaWanba: She's the one that needs to be set straight,
so go on and tell her you're wearing me.
‘Tantne: No, tell her you're wearing me.
(Turgiea pece}
Liver Wall?
ape: Well?
ee
Sao: Cin salou trou
Bey mind ee rans
“TShothng ike attitude and a healthy head of kinks to
hake his shit shrivel ike it should?
‘hat’ right! When you wearin’ me, you lettin’ hin
now be aint gonna gt no sweet comb
Jour love witfout sone serous resistance. Noo! The
LEME olay head ip like the Kink of your heart and
ekther is about to be hot pressed into surrender.
LaWaxa Tat siti so tired. The last time attitude
‘Worked on anybody was 1968 Janine girl you need to
Jot gver ir and get on witht (To the Wouas) And you
SeaS'o ve the niga a goodbye he will never forget.
1 say give him hysteria! Give him emotion! Give him
ogy! And there fs nothing like a toss ofthe tresses to
fake your emotional oubust shine wih motel
‘Youcan toss me back, shake me from side to side al
{ie while sereaming, "T want you out of my life
fever And not eng wl come boeing
“hore, but you just might win an .
Sra pearance by ahead fateina dame
Jnwave: Miss hunny, please! She don’t need no Barbie
Goll dipped in chocolate telling her what to do. She
‘needs a head of hair that's coming from a fo real place.
‘Tue Haarece
2
LaWaxoa: Don't you dare talk about nobody comin
froma fo real pce," Miss Madein‘Taiwan!
Sun: He! Tin ashamed of where Tome from
Beside itdon mater wheryoucone fom as ong
Syou sad up inthe gir age
TaWaroa: And it don't matter the grade as long
the point gets made. So goon and tell her you're
‘weafing me
Sane: No, tell her you're weating me.
(Phe Wounx, unable to take it, Begin to bite off her
Yake nails as LaWaxoa and Savin go at each other)
Lavan Jasons:
Set the Bch straight Let her Who ou cll bitch? Why,
Erwibereisaveaysbeconld it bod hands Ta bpck yoo
ven begin to compels wit learintonert week. You Bik
ime Tamgualiy:shelelink jou cate She tanks a's cute
2 exotic She is common: I Jost enue tht enthete mop
fis daw and abe fs ath, ethers bow Ine wind She
hace rt TRASHL Were locks Ihe fol and yo lat
{ailing thre strikes and ke an een bgar fool when
Port Sata el os ST oe ona
youre wearing me, Gon, ber yous warn, Go om
{bert Toler fale teller Taber Behar
(The Wouan screams and pulls the ewo wigs off the
twig stands as the lights go to black on three bal
; ighis go ‘hrce bald‘The Last Mama-on-the-Couch Play
(A Nansaron, dressed in a black tuxedo, enters
hrough the audience and stands center stage. He is
totally solemn.)
NannaTor: We are pleased to bring you yet another
Mama-on‘the-Couch play. A searing domestic drama
that tears at the very fabric of racist America. (He
crosses upstage center and sits on a stool and reads
from a playseript) Act One. Scene One.
(Mana revolves on stage left, sitting on a couch
reading @ large, oversized Bible. A window is placed
stage right. Man's dress, the couch, and drapes are
‘made from the same material. A doormat lays down
center)
Nannaron: Lights up on a dreary, depressing, but
‘with middleclass aspirations tenement slum, There
sa couch, with a Mama on it. Both are well worn,
‘There is a picture of Jesus on the wall ... (A picture
of Jesus is instantly revealed)... and a window
Which looks onto an abandoned tenement. Itis late
spring.
Enter Walter-Lee-Beau-WillieJones (SoNenters through
the audience.) He is Mama's thirty-yearold son. His
brow is heavy from three hundred years of oppres-
Mau: (Looking up from her Bible, speaking in a stow
‘manner) Son, did you wipe your feet?
Sow: (An evererupting volcano.) No, Mama, I didn't
‘wipe me feet! Out there, every day, Mama isthe Man.
‘The Man Mama. Mr. Charlie! Mr. Bossman! And he's
wipin’his feet on me. On me, Mama, every damn day
‘of my life. Ain't that enough for me to deal with?
‘Ain't that enough?
‘Tw Last Maas.on-ris-Coucn PLAY 2s
Mana: Son, wipe your feet.
‘Son: wanna dream. I wanna be somebody. I wanna
take charge of my lif.
‘Mau You can do al ofthat, bu first you got to wi
your feet. Haida
Son: (As he crosses 10 the mat, mumbling and wiping
fs fet) Wipe my feet... wipe my feet... wipe my
Maui: Thats good boy.
Sox: (Exploding) Boy! Boy! 1 don't wannabe
nobody's good boy, Mama. T wanna be my own man
Mana: know son, I know. God will show the way.
Sox: God, Mama! Since when did your God ever do a
damon thing for the black man, Huh, Mama, huh? You
tell me. When did your God ever help me?
Ms (Removing her wirevim lates) Son, come
{S0N crosses to Masta, who slowly stands and in aex-
‘aggerated stage slap, backhands Son clear across the
Stage. The Nanaaton claps his hands to create the
Sotind for the slap. Maun then lifts her cinched fists
fo the heavens)
‘Maw Not in my house, my house, will you ever tal
that way again? = youever alk
(The Naanaton, so moved by her performance, erupts
‘n applause and encourages the audience to do s0)
NasaaTor: Beautiful, Just stunning.
(le reaches into one of the secret compartments of
the land ges ananard which he coremontonsy
ives to Matta for her performance. Ske bows and
ben returns to the couch)
[Nawearon: Enter Walter-Lee-Beau-Willie's wife, The
Lady in Plaid.% ‘Tue Cotonee Mustum
(Music from nowhere is heard, a jazzy pseudo-
tbstract intro as the Lavy 1w Pai dances in through
fhe audience, wipes her feet, and then twirls about.)
Lapy:
She was a creature of regal beauty
‘who in ancient time graced the temples of the Nile
‘with her womanliness
But here she was, stuck being colored
and a woman in a world that valued neither.
Sow: You cooked my dinner?
Lapr: (Oblivious to Sox.)
Feet flat, back broke,
‘she looked at the man who, though he be thirty,
stilt ain't got his own apartmhent.
‘Yeats, he's still livin’ with his Mama!
And she asked herself, was this the life
for a Princess Colored, who by the
translucence of her skin, knew the
universe was her sister.
(The Lavy ts PLaw twirls and dances.)
Sov: (Becoming irate. I've had a hard day of dealin’
with the Man. Where's my damn dinner? Woman,
‘stand still when I'm talkin’ to you!
Lapr: And she cried for her sisters in Detroit
Who knew, as she, that their souls belonged
{in ancient temples on the Nile.
‘And she cried for her sisters in Chicago
‘who, like her, their life has become
‘one colored hell.
‘Sox: There's only one thing gonna get through to you.
Lavy; And she cried for her sisters in New Orleans,
‘And her sisters in Trenton and Birmingham,
and
Poughkeepsie ‘and Orlando and Miami Beach
Las Vegas, Palm Springs.
‘Tae Last Maneson-rie-Coucn Par a
(As she continues call ut cites, he crosses offta
eed tars wil bo bloc dis and than evs
the window).
Sox: Now are you gonna cook me dinner?
Linx: Walte-Lee-Besu-WillieJones, no! Not m
babies. ee
(Son throws them out the window. The Lavy iN Ptatp
then es out e primal seream)
‘Lavy: He dropped them!!!
(Fhe Nannaron breaks into applause)
Naxaatox: Just splendid, Shattering,
(ethan erosses and aftr an intense sige with
Maota he takes the award from her and gives i othe
Lavy IN PLarD, who is still suffering primal pain.)
Laor: Not my babes... not my Upon receiving
the award, she instaniy recovers) Help me up, sugar.
Cen Bo od ond hind te
Naweaton Enter Medea Jones, Walter-Lee-Beaw
Willie's sister. eae
(MepEA moves very ceremoniously, wiping her feet
Ghd then speaking cand’ gugtring ‘a if she fst
escaped from a Greek tragedy.) :
Meo
Ih ace how the sun kneels to 5
fie sow te me hoes eek
in her visio, cron lowly tenement
long abandoned
Mother, wife of brother, {trust
the approaching Garknes finds you
safe Hesta’s busom
Brother, why wear the face of man
fnvanguish. Can the garment of tine8 ‘Twa Covonso Mustum
feelings cause the shape of your
ountenance fo distigure so?
Sov: (At the end of his rope) Leave me alone, Medes.
‘Mepea: (To Mama)
Ie good brother stil
abut He and The Man.
MavfLaov: What else?
Moog: Ah brother, if with our thoughts and
twordg we could cast thine oppressors
Into the lowest bowels of wretched
heli, would that make us more like the
Gods or more ike our oppressors.
Neal ick assay
hoke the blood which anolnts thy
Fear wth ove Forg thine darkened
Humor and let love shine on your,
Soul ike s jewel on young maiden’s hand,
(Dropping to her knees)
ch thee, forgo thine
ger and leave wrath tothe gods!
Sov: Gir, what has gotten into you
Meoes:Juliard, good brother. For Lam no
Tonger bound by zhythms of race or
felon. Oh, no, My speech, like my
pain and suffering, have become
Efssieal and therefore universal.
Lior: dida't understand a dara thing she sad, but
Sl you usin’ them words
(Lae In Puan crosses and gives Mapua te award and
Sveryone applauds)
Sox: (Tiyng 10 stop the applause) Wait one damn
funuic! This my ply. 1s aout me and the Man. It
‘got nth todo ith no ancien temples on the
Nile Snd it ain got nuthin’ to do with Hesta's
fon and on and on
Tue Lasr Mana ox-rit-Coven PLay »
bbusom. And it ain't got nuthin’ to do with you slap-
pin’ me across no room. (His gut-wrenching best) I's
about me. Me and my pain! My pain!
‘Tue Voice oF THe Man: Walter-Lee-Beau-Willi, this
is the Man. You have been convicted of overacting.
Come out with your hands up.
(Son starts t0 cross to the window.)
Sow: Well now that does it
‘Maa: Son, no, don't go near that window. Son, no!
(Gun shots ring out and Sox falls dead!)
Mana: (Crossing 10 the body, too emotional for
words.) My son, he was a good boy. Confused. Angry.
Just like his father. And his father’s father. And his
father’s father’s father. And now he's dead,
(Seeing she’s about to drop to her knees, the Nak
RaTOR rushes and places a pillow underneath her just
in time)
If only he had been born into a world better than
this. A world where there are no well-worn couches
and no well-worn Mamas and nobody overemotes,
If only he had been born into an all-black musical
(A song intro begins)
Nobody ever dies in an all-black musical.
(MeDeA and Lavy mx PLaiw pull out church fans and
begin to fan themselves)
Mana: (Singing a soul-stirring gospel.)
OH WHY COULDN'T HE
BE BORN,
INTO A SHOW WITH LOTS OF SINGING
AND DANCING
1 SAY WHY
COULDN'T HE
BE BORN,0 Tue Couonen Museum
Lap¥:Go ahead hunny. Take your time,
Maa:
INTO A SHOW WHERE EVERYBODY
18 HAPPY
[Nanraron/Mepea: Preach! Preach!
Mama:
‘OH WHY COULDN'T HE BE BORN WITH THE
CHANCE
‘TO SMILE A LOT AND SING AND DANCE,
OH WHY
OH WHY
OH WHY
COULDN'T HE
BE BORN
INTO AN ALL-BLACK SHOW
WOAH-WOAH
(The Cast joins in, singing doswop gospel background
to Mawn’s lament)
oH WHY,
COULDN'T HE
BE'BORN,
(HE BE BORN)
INTO A SHOW WHERE EVERYBODY
1S HAPPY
WHY COULDNT HE BE BORN WITH THE
‘CHANCE
‘TO SMILE A LOT AND SING AND DANCE
WANNA KNOW WHY
WANNA KNOW WHY
OH WHY
COULDN'T HE
BE BORN
INTO AN ALLBLACK SHOW
AMEN
(A singing/dancing, spirit-raising revival begins)
Tae Lasr Manaon-ritCouce Pay 3
OH, SON, GET UP
GET UP AND DANCE
We say Ger UP
THIS IS YOUR SECOND CHANCE
DON'T SHAKE A FIST
JUST SHAKE A LEG
AND DO THE TWIST
DON'T SCREAM AND BEG
SON SON SON.
GET UP AND DANCE
oer
GET ur
GET UP AND
GET UP AND DANCE — ALL RIGHT:
GET UP AND DANCE — ALL RIGHT:
GET UP AND DANCE
(WaureR-Lee-Beav-Wis springs to life and joins in
the dancing. A footstomping, hand clapping produc.
fon ur tks of wih encompaes mga
of "black-Broadwayesgue dancing sles—shifi
Speeds and spies with exuberant abandonment)
Mama: (Bluesy)
WHY COULDN'T HE BE BORN INTO AN ALL-
BLACK SHOW
Cast:
WITH SINGING AND DANCING
‘Mana: BLACK SHOW
(Masta scats and the dancing becomes manic and just
4 little too desperate to please)
Cast:
WE GOTTA DANCE
WE GOTTA DANCE
GET UP GET UP GET UP AND DANCE
WE GOTTA DANCE
WE GOTTA DANCE
GOTTA DANCE!
SeearsaseeeeeeeataaseeeeeasSee HERR taaseeHeEaaSeeeHEHE aa aneeE Eee SeeeE Sage“Tae Covonen Mustum
stat the point the dancing is about to become
Gt a eco freer and pointedly, simsly 585)
TE WE WANT TO LIVE
WEHAVE Gor TO
WEEAVE iN DANCE... AND DANCE...
continue to dance with zombiesike frozen
a Faces around them ages Of COON Pe
formers flash as the lights slowly fade)
‘Symbiosis
(Phe Tempains singing "My Gir” are heard as
fehts veal a Besse MAM in corporate ress stand.
ing before a large trash can throwing objects from a
Shs Fifth Avenue bag into tt. Clreling around him
shh everyomotio om is face's ee Kis wh
Tebed alesse sole Ms moves ee
Sig heightened. As the scone bepins the muse
fades)
Maw: (With contained emotions.)
‘My first pair of Converse All-stars. Gone.
‘My first Afro-comb. Gone.
My bist das, Gone.
My autographed pltures of Stokley Carmichael,
Jomo Kenyatta and Donna Summer. Gone.
Kin (Near ears totally upset) Ths shit's not fair man.
Damn Hell Shi Sti spot fa
Mos
‘My first jar of Murray's
My fit fant Aig
My first bor of cur relaer, Gone! Gone! Gone
Eldridge Cleaver’s Sou om Ice.
Kin: Not Son! on Ie!
‘Max: I's been replaced on my bookshelf by The Col-
or Purple.
Kio: (Horrified) No!
Pomade,
‘Man: Gone!
Kip: But—
Maw:
Jimi Hendrix's "Purple Haze." Gone.
‘Sly Stone's “There's A Riot Goin’ On.” Gone.
‘The Jackson Five's "I Want You Back.7 ‘Tu Covonto Museum
a: Man youcn' throw hat avy. 1g prook
SEMIS na noe
Mase sal glng Anything and everything tt con-
Ma eto fous who Twas to what were isout
of my.life.
ke, Yu've goto give me another chance
Me Fingertips Par 2
en Man how can you d that? That's vintage Steve
fee
se You wan toknow bow, Ki? You want to kao
as You wat oer eal depends on ie Whetbet
tenth ot ee Age pon
Keo: Joking Man, what the hell ou taki’ abou,
pore
Moe The cliet changing, Ki, nd iter youad
Hoe Thelin chang ico dnosaar
a a a hae ping tll You
Be ode tp toy he
eae would hare made Re bres ttntion fo
BRS tan del p des
wae Plnding Tl change 1 swear 1 change 11
Iuinfain'a low profile, You won't even know I'm
man
MucIf Tm to become what fm to bosome then
Me ia Thaet est, Toure no pst
Ka: Jut Uke that?
Mc throwing auy_a series of buttons) Prot
Masel Free Bobby! Free Huey, Duey, and Lowel
Segre yaa Stel cambeale US ost
US gutat Mit Nae el Nowak, Gone! > The
Set Cretet Hel
(Grabbing th bur.) Noll
‘Man: Give it back,
Sramosis
Kio: No. ,
"Mavs T sad vei back
Kip: No. can't let you trash this. Johnny man, itcon-
tains fourteen classi cuts bythe tempting Tempta:
tons. We're talking "Ain't Tao Proud to eg" "Papa
Was a Rolling Stone,""My Ciel"
Mave (Warning) I don't have all day
Kip: For God's sake, Johnny man, "My Git isthe jam
toendall jams. Is what weare, Who weare I's way
fife. Come on, man for oid times sake: Singing)
GOT SUNSHINE ON A CLOUDY DAY
BUM-DA.DUM-DA.DUMDA-BUM
AND WHEN IT'S COLD OUTSIDE
Come on, Johnny man, you ain't “bummi
1GOT THE MONTH OF MAY
Here comes your favorite part. Come on, Johnny
man, sing
GUESS you say
WHAT CAN MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY
MY GIRL, MY GIRL, MY GIRL
TALKIN BOUT
Mav: Exploding) Isai give it back!
Kin: (Angry) Iain! vin’ you a muthafuckin’ thing!
"Max: Now you listen to me!
Kio: No, you listen to me. This is the kid you're
dealin’ with, so don’t fuck with me! -
Epa tate
Stamens mau
Ku: Jail Jail Jail
Max: Kid, please.
” than.
seers see eee sseMUEESSeReEE See eee Eaeeg SEER36 ‘Tue Covonsp Museum
‘i; Yeah. Yeah, Now who's begging who... Well
et oobi Me Cicaothe Crop Mi, Colored
HEL Seto Now that he's making ite no longer
ans ying todo with eK Wl. youra pt
WERE ST ate ies‘round your neck and white lines
dip your nose, but the Kid js here to stay. You may
Change your women as often as you change Your
Gnderwear, but the Kid is here to stay. “And
Teeardless of how much of your past that you trash.
SiR pismo damn where Is that clear? Is that
lear?
Man: (Regaining his strength, beginning to stand)
‘Yeah.
Kin: Good. (After @ beat) You all right man? You all
Nghe? don’t want to hurt you, bat when you start
‘if that talk about getting rid of me, well it gets me
{find of crazy. We need each other. We are one
(Before Tue Kio can complete his sentence, Ti Man
Grater him around his neck and starts to choke him
Molentl)
Max: (As he strangles him) The... ee. Age «5-18
Mwvipon us. and either we adjust... or we end up
Semtinet.
(Tie Kio hangs limp in Tus Man’s arms.)
‘Man: (Laughing) Man kills his own rage. Film at
tien. ile then dumps Tae Kio into the trash can,
fand closes the
Being black is 100 emotionally taxing; therefore I
Mill Be black only on weekends and holidays
(de then turns to go, but sees the Temptations album
tying on she arownd He picks it up and sings quietly
{0 himself.)
‘Srstosis
a
GUESS You say
WHAT CAN MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY
(He pauses, but then crosses tothe trash car, lifts
Mid and ist as he's abou to tose the albu in
band reaches from inside the can and grabs hold of
witha each grip on tae Nowe arms) oe
Kao: (Smiling) What's happenin’?
BLACKOUTLala's Opening
yng follow spots. A tmpani dr roll. As we hear
Gero the anwouncnn, outrageously glamorous
ene of ata ae projected onto the meu walls)
fact op ANNOUNCER From Rome to Rangoon! Pars
Voistguel We are please fo present the American
Seoue St theons! The ony! The breathtaking The as
den ie stupendous! The incredible! Ti
‘eagatfet! Lala Lamang Grace!
Thunderous applause az LaLa struts on, the
(Chita Hack iva, She as lone lowing bar, a
i blames and an affected Pench acent
titche tses when she's set)
yoo roves a
REE AE sou
a
ANID ne
Ey ves La
ER RY oS
BO OER UNE so cumoun
AEM ER
(oeaeie
gee even
SVERYRODY
EVERY BODY-EVERYBODY-EVERYBODY
LOVES ME
ine to vocally reach for higher and higher
She tite has to pat ther fret note She end
Law's Orman 38
the number with a grand flourish and bows to thun-
derous applause)
Lava: Yes, it's me! Lala Lamazing Grace and I have
‘come hoine. Home to the home I never knew as
home. Home to you, my people, my blood, my guts.
My story is a simple one, full of fire, passion, magi-
que. You may ask how did I, a humble girl from the
backwoods of Mississippi, come to be the ninth
‘wonder of the modern world. Well, I can’t take all of,
the credit. Part of it goes to him. (She points toward
the heavens.)
‘No, not the light man, darling, but God. For, you see,
Lala is a star, A very big star. Let us not mince
words, I'm a fucking meteorite. (She laughs.) But He
{is the’ universe and just like my sister, Aretha la
Franklin, Lala’s roots are in the black church, (Si
sings in a showy gospel style)
‘THAT'S WHY EVERYBODY LOVES
SWING LOW SWEET CHARIOT
THAT'S WHY EVERYBODY LOVES
GO DOWN MOSES WAY DOWN IN EGYPT LAND.
THAT'S WHY EVERYBODY EVERYBODY LOVES
MEI!
(Once again she points 10 her final note and then
basks in applause)
love that note. I just can't it it.
Now, before I dazzle you with more of my limitless
talent, tell me something, America. (Musical under.
scoring) Why has it taken you so long to recognize my
artistry? Mother France opened her loving arms and
Lala came running. All over the world Lala was em-
braced. But here, ha! You spat at Lala. Was I too ex-
otic? Too much woman, or what?
Diana Ross you embrace. A two-bit nobody from
Detroit, of all places. Now, I'm not knocking la Ross.. ‘Tw Cotonen Museo
“ge does the best she ean with the little she has. (She
ie doe the Paul in Robesons, the James
laughs) Bie Josephine la Baker's, who was iy €O8,
Baldi know. The Lala Lamazing Grace's you
kick out. You drive
AWAY.
TAM GOING AWAY
HOPING TO FIND A BETTER DAY
WHAT DO YOU SAY
HEY HEY
TAM GOING AWAY
AWAY
(La, caught up inthe drama ofthe sone, doer res
Co caer matd, stick her Read out from offstage)
(Once she is sure Lata isn't looking, she wheels One
(Once Stent Frowance, LaLs’s lover, who west &
stage TE blonde hair. He is gagged and ried 1¢
i sae places rim on stage and then quickly
exits)
Laas
AUN gVOIR—JE VAIS PARTIR MAINTENANT
AE VEUX DIRE MAINTENANT
AU REVOIR,
‘AU REVOIR
‘AU REVOIR
AU REVOIR,
AMAVIE,
(On her last note, she
Shock, crosses to him.)
‘Laux: Flo'ranee, what the hell are you doing out BEX
atx Ficice that, [havent sean you for three days
land you decide to show up now?
(He mumbles)
Ion’ want to hear it!
(He mumbles)
see Fro'nancs and, in total
Law's Oren 4
1
said shut up!
(ADMONIA enters from si
Genet one ay) tN and Mi 6 lar
Apwoxta: Pst!
(Las, embarrassed by the
(a em presence of ADwoNIA on
Fg eee aera iy
Lava: Un momento.
(She then pulls Avwowta to the side.)
“Late Daring fave you lost your mind coming on
stage while Im performing, And what have you done
acts
(Aomonta gives her the letter opener.)
Lata: Why are you git a
ea tnevnranr sain ote
Aan take Po'ance off thi ge wih you
(Avmowta is gone. Lata turns 10
(omc sone Lata turns othe aden and tres
peepee
Dees een eoaere
tena oe eeta
‘most beautiful man staring down at me. iia ie
“Mle ed | i ay
Mme th oe atta,
Ce ene ae should fly, ike
Flo'rance molded me into the
into the woman Iam today
‘is my Svengali, my reality, my al caht
anton ntl wea hare to Ameria td be2 “Tw Covonep Museum
tha bitch, Yea, you fucked em al. Anything
Hee eating Anda thi tine thought you
dae aor being ae (She hold te leter opener fo
neck)
ou may think younademe, butt have you know
as who Twas, whoever that was, long before you
Was he what I'am So there! (She stabs hi ed
rake no sone)
(OH, LOVE CAN DRIVE A WOMAN TO MADNESS:
TO PAIN AND SADNESS
KNOW,
BELIEVE ME I KNOW
TKNOW
KNOW
(Lata sees what she's done and is about 1 scream but
catches herself and tries to play it off)
‘Lata: Moving right along.
(Aomonta enters with a telegram on a tray.)
pamrorn
wai ea
wa
se aneige tego emt
tac an eae ge tee
Mis getter ater a
vga aoe
fer igor a ma SA
Law's Orexnc ia
Anyone who knows anything about Lala Lamazing
Grace knows that my mother and Josephine Baker
were French patriots together. They infiltrated a car
nival rumored to be the center of Nazi intelligence,
disguised as Hottentot Siamese twins, You may
laugh but it’s true, Mama died a heroine. It's all in
my autobiography, “Voilé Lala!” So whoever sent
this telegram is liar!
(Aowoxta promptly presents her with another telegram.)
Laue: This had better be an apology. (To Abwonta) Back
‘up, darling. (Reading) "Dear Sadie, I'm not dead. P.S.
Your child misses you.” What? (She squares off at the
audience) Well, now, that does it! If you are my
‘mother, which you are not. And this alleged child is my
child, then that would mean Tam a mother and I have
‘ever given birth I don't know nothin’ "bout birthin’ no
babies! (She laughs) Lala made a funny.
So whoever sent this, show me the child! Show met
(Aomonta offers another telegram.)
Lata: (To Apmonia) You know you're gonna get fired!
(She reluctantly opens it.) "The child isin the closet.”
What closet?
ADMONIA: Pst.
(Mowowa pushes a button and the center wall nit
revolves around to reveal larg black door AoMonta
sty taing Puoeance with her, leaving Lata alone)
Live Laughing) get. K's a plot, sti. A nasty It
{ie CIA, FBI kind of pou Well let ne tel you mutha
fuckers one thing. theres nothing i that lose, eal
Gr manufactured: that will be a dimmer to the glim-
ter of Lamé the star. You may have goten Bilicand
Bessie anda lille pcce of everyone else who's come
Along since, but you won't ge Lala My clothes are
too fabulous My hal is Yeo long! My accent too
french, That's why T came home to America. To
Prove you ain't got nothing on met“4 ‘Tue Coroneo Museum
ee
hn fr tt gt a
cna
ee ee
My ge at gi ae,
sedate seh eet
Haloittn dues Perera
iy Lama coer fas
ee ee
Ciistee out someone in the audience)
Dat dainh door. Did you pay to stare at some fucking
easier Boas
esac .
ee
Yer welll fet opentin srder to dispel all the
ots’ tle thoughts these nasty ltl telegrams have
seu oeecaaie ae
sinners ence
eeerneet Ger? Speak up, darling, this is live. (Once
le Oe ts
stot
err
eu to te dt and oer ee
Se a a
Be, td hp a
sa mls fc fd
Se Septet Be Seman
TERA ot Save, nappy-nappy hair. The kinky-kinks
et Sr Soong eda ae
Law's Orman 4
thighs, breast, face. I can't breath. And there was
nothing in that closet!
‘And I'm thinking if only Thad a machete, I could cut,
away the kinks. Remove once and for all the rough-
ness. But then I look up and it’s coming toward me.
Flowing like lava. I's pomade! Ohhh, Samm)
Yes, cakes and cakes of pomade. Making everything
nice and white and smooth and shiny, like my black!
whitetblack/white/black behiney.
Mama no!
And then spikes start cutting through the pomade.
Combing the coated kink. Cutting through the kink,
into me. There are bloodlines on my back. On my
thighs.
Ws all over. Allover... all over me. All over for me.
(Lia accidentialty pulls off her wig 10 reveal her real
hair. Stripped of her “disguise” she recoils like @
scared little girl and sings:
MOMMY AND DADDY
MEET AND MATE
‘THE CHILD THAT'S BORN
1S TORN WITH LOVE AND WITH HATE
SHE RUNS AWAY TO FIND HER OWN,
AND TRIES TO DENY
WHAT SHE'S ALWAYS KNOWN
‘THE GIRL INSIDE
(The closet door opens. LALA runs away, and a Lire
Buack Gint emerges from the closet. Standing behind
rer is ADMONIA)
(The Lerrus Gin. and Lata are in two isolated pools of
light, and mirror each other's moves until Latn
reaches past her reflection and the Lirtux Giat comes
fo Lata and they hug. ADMONIA then joins them as
Laa sings, Music underscored.)i. ‘Tue Covonen Museum
Lata:
WHAT'S LEFT IS THE GIRL INSIDE
‘THE GIRL WHO DIED
‘SO A NEW GIRL COULD BE BORN
SLOW FADE TO BLACK
Permutations
Lights up om Nomune Seas Remsos. She i very
Southernicountry and very young, She wearsa simp
faded print dress and her hair, slightly mussed, is in
plaits. She sits, her dress covering a large oval object.)
Nowuat: My mama used to say, God made the excep-
tional then God made the special and when God got
bored, he made me. ‘Course she dont say too much
of nuthin’ no more, not since I lay me ths ews
(She lifts her dress to uncover a large, white egg lay
{ng Between her legs)
‘Ya see it all got started when I had me sexual rela-
tions with the garbage man. Ooowee, did he smell.
No, not bad. No! He smelled ofall the good things
folks never shoulda thrown away, His eweat was i
cantaloupe juice. His neck was like a ripered straw
Berry. Ad the water that el from is yes was ik
a-deep, dark, julcysjuicy grape. I tell ya, it was like
fuckin fruit salad oniytdi’t spit out the seeds. 1
epi them hee, dep inside, And three days later, my
belly commence to swel, real big like
Well my mama locked me off in, some dark room,
refusin’ to let me see light of day ‘cause, “What
Would the neighbors think.” At first {cried alot, but
then I grew used to livin’ my days in the dark, and my
nights in the dark... (She hums) And then it wash’t
but a week or so lier, my mama off at church, that I
got this hurtin’ feelin’ down here. Worse than any-
thing 'd ever known. And then I started bleedin’, real
bad. 1 mean there was blood everywhere. And the
pain had me howiin’ like a near-dead dog. Ltell ya, 1
‘was yellin’ so loud, T couldn't even heat’ myself.
Noooooooo! Nooooco! Carrying on something like
at.‘i ‘Tw Covonty Museum
And guess i was ust too much for the body to take,
eae next thing] remember. is me coming {0
Sa Sheree this big white egg layin’ ‘tween my legs.
Fiat Thought somebody musta putt there as some
Eind of joke: But then I noticed that all ‘round this
‘Gu were thin lines of blood that I