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TTT.) ~ George C. Wolfe The Colored Museum ort 015, 17.18 Ges Wat peer tong int namenne NSIT ophcay ge ao =" aie i ae roe Te ot Wen 1 Se SESS. Pat ernest com ‘CAUTION: Precast ae Ny wae tt The Cle SA ratty ay pond vas Ber ie of a atl Rinse wt tah Camm ie ety enema omit Uno SESE proc oc nt Cael Conran Comes. 5g a, em he se at cmon mpedrcon sch ws fain soe ed a Sear ac an h of an mo fees OE ry oe ott ten apennsprmi ape ni es cts eter sa gy fs PmeN, SRE se sant fog eA 0%. stot an amas psn ope non er hl bre Setar Se ee es on Pad stance Con ‘rc Ue Ses es nny Cong Casing initia Ot Dee by Mr Don ‘New Yor NY 1001 ‘antl ye ry Wes rd ABouT THE AUTHOR George C. Wolfe was awarded a CBS/Foundation of the Dramatist Guild Playwrighting Award for The Colored Museum. He is the librettist for “Queenie Pie,” Duke Ellington’s opera, which had its world premiere at The American Music Theatre Festival, 2 Subsequent production at The Kennedy Center, and is slated to appear on Broadway in Fall 1987. He has received grants from The Rockefeller Foundation, ‘The National Endowment for the Arts, and The Na- tional Institute for Musical Theatre. Mr. Wolfe is a contributing author to The Living Theatre, published by McGraw-Hill. Originally from Frankfort, KY, he holds a B.A. in Directing from Pomona College and SaMLEA. in Dramatic Wein Mel Theatre from vu. ‘The Cast: ‘The Stage: Musie: | ‘An ensemble of five, two men and three ‘women, all black, who all the characters that inhabit the exhibits." ‘White walls and recessed lighting. A stark: ness befitting a museum where the myths and madness of black/Negro(colored ‘Americans are stored. Built into the walls are a series of small panels, doors, revolving walls, and com- Brtments from which actors can retrieve ey props and make quick entrances. A revolve is used, which allows for quick ‘transitions from one exhibit to the next. Al of the music for the show should be prerecorded, Only the drummer, who is used in Git on Board, and then ater in Permutations and The Party, is liv. THERE IS NO INTERMISSION ‘TATLrrc Gn, seven to twelve years old is needed for walon parti Lalas Opening ‘The Exhibits Git on Board ‘Cookin’ with Aunt Ethel ‘The Photo Session Soldier with a Secret ‘The Gospel According to Miss Roj ‘The Hairpiece ‘The Last Mama-on-the-Couch Play Symbiosis Lala’s Opening. Permutations ‘The Party * Miss Par: Welcome aboard Celebrity Slaveshi Git on Board Blackness. Cut by drums pounding. Then slides, rapidly flashing before us. Images we've all seen before, of African slaves being captured, loaded onto ships, tortured. The images flash, flash, flash. The drumis crescendo, Blackout, And then lights reveal Miss Par, frozen. She is black, pert, and cute. She has 4 flip to her hair and wears a hot pink miniskirt ‘Stewardess uniform.) (She stands in front of a curtain which separates her from an offstage cockpit) (An electronic bell goes “ding” and Miss Pat comes to life, presenting herself in a friendly but rehearsed manner, smiling and speaking as she has done so many times before) de parting the Gold Coast and making short stops at Bahia, Port Au Prinee, and Havana, before our final destination of Savannah. Hi. zm Miss Pat and I'l be serving you here in Cabin A. We will be crossing the Atlaniic at an altitude thats prety high, s9 you must wear your shackles at (She removes a shackle from the overhead compart. ment and demonstrates) ‘To put on your shackle, take the right hand and close the metal ring around-your left hand like so. Repeat the action using your left hand to secure the right. If you have any trouble bonding yourself, I'd be more than glad to assist. Once we reach the desired altitude, the Captain will turn off the "Fasten Your Shackle” sign ... (She 2 ‘Twe Covones Museu efficiently points out the “FASTEN YOUR SHACKLE” signs on either side of her, which light up). allowing you chance to stretch and dance in, the sles a bit But otherwise, shackles must be ‘worn at all times. (The "Fasten Your Shackles” signs go off) Miss Par: Also, we ask that you please refrain from calkand-response singing between cabins as that sort of thing can lead to rebellion. And, of course, no drums are allowed on board, Can you repeat alter me, "No drums.” (She gets the audience to repeat.) ‘With a litle more enthusiasm, please. "No drums.” (After the audience repeats it) That was gteat! Once we're airborn, Ill be by with magazines, and earphones can be purchased for the price'of your first-born male, If there's anything 1 can do to make this middle passage more pleasant, press the little button over Rend andTil be with you faster than you ean say, "Go down, Moses.” (She laughs at het “little joke.”) ‘Thanks for fiying Celebrity and here's hoping you have a pleasant takeoff (The engines surge, the “Fastesi Your Shackle” signs 0 on, and overarticulate Muzak voices are heard Singing as Miss Pat pulls down a bucket seat and ‘shackles-up" for takeoff.) Voices: GET ON BOARD CELEBRITY SLAVESHIP GET ON BOARD CELEBRITY SLAVESHIP GET ON BOARD CELEBRITY SLAVESHIP ‘THERE'S ROOM FOR MANY A MORE. (The engines reach an even, steady hum. Just as Miss Pat rises and replaces the shackles in the ovérlead compartment, the faint sound of African drumming is heard}, Grr Ox Bosna 3 Miss Pav: Hi, Miss Pat again. I'm sorry to disturb you, but someone is playing drums. And what did we Just say -.. "No drums.” It must be someone in Coach. But we here in Cabin A are not going to te- spond to those drums. As a matter of fact, we don't even hear them. Repeat after me. “I don’t hear any drums.” (The audience repeats) And “will not (The audience repeats. The drumming grows) Miss Par: (Placating) OK, now I realize some of us are ‘abit edgy after hearing about the tragedy on board ‘The Laughing Mary, but let me assure you Celebrity thas no intention of throwing you overboard and col- lecting the insurance. We value you! (She proceds to single out individual pascengerstawe dience members.) . Why the songs you are going to sing in the cotton fields, under the burning heat and stinging lash, will metamorphose and give birth to the likes of James Brown and the Fabulous Flames. And you, yes you, are going to come up with some of the best dances. ‘The best dances! The Watusit The Funky Chicken! And just think of what you are going to mean 0 William Faulkner. Alright, so you're gonna have to suffer for a few hhundred’ years, but from your pain will come a culture so complex. And, with this little item here (She removes a basketball from the overhead com: partment) ... you'll become millionares! (There isa roar of thunder. The lights quiver and the "Fasten Your Shackle” signs begin to flash, Miss Pat quickly replaces the basketball in the overhead com artment and speaks very reassuringly) ‘Miss Pat: No, don’t panic. We're just caught ina litle thunder storm, Now the only way you're going to 4 ‘Tue Covonep Musson ‘make it through isi you abandon your God and wor- Ship a new one. So, on the count of three, les all Sing. One, two, three NOBODY KNOWS DE TROUBLE I SEEN ‘Oh, I forgot to mention, when singing, omit the TH sound, “The” becomes “de.” "They" becomes “dey.” Got it? Good! NOBODY KNOWS NOBODY KNOWS ‘Oh, so you don’t like that one? Well then let's try another— SUMMER TIME AND DE LIVIN' IS EASY Gershwin, He comes from another oppressed people so he understands. FISH ARE JUMPIN’... come on. AND DE COTTON IS HIGH. AND DE COTTON IS... Sing, damnit! (Lights begin to flash, the engines surge, and there is ‘wild drumming. Miss Part sticks her head through the Curtain and speaks with an offstage CaPrai.) Miss Par: What? Vorce oF Caprats (O.S): Time warp! Mss Par: Time warpl (She turns fo the audience and puts om a pleasant face) The Captain has assured me rerio ie: Were st cua ii ime ‘warp. Crying 0 fight her growing hysteria) On Your Tight you will se the American Revolution, which Wil give the US-of A exclusive rights to you life [Andon your lf the Civil Wa, which means you will vote Republican until ED. comes along. And now Grr ON Boao 5 we're passing over the Great ‘Depression; which ‘means everybody gets to live the way you've been liv- ing. (There tsa blinding flash of light, and an explo- sion. She screams) Abhhhhhhhh! That was World ‘War I, which isnot to be confused with World War IL (There isa larger flash of light, and another explo- sion)... Abhhhh! Which is not to be confused with the Korean War or the Vietnam War, all of which you will play a major role in, Oh, look, now we're passing over the sixties. Martha and the Vandellas +, “Sulla” with Miss Diahann Carroll... Malcom X ... those five Hite girs in Alabama ./ Martin Luther King ... Oh no! The Supremes Broke up! (The drumming intensifies) Stop playing those drums! Those drums wil be con fiseated once we reach Savannah. You can’t change history! You can't turn back the clock! (To the aie dience) Repeat after me, 'don't hear any drums! twill ot rebel! Twill not rebel T will not Fe (The lights go out, she screams, and the sound of a plane landing and screeching to.a halt is heard. After 4 beat, lights reveal a wasted, disheveled Miss Par, but perky nonetheless) Miss Par: Hi, Miss Pat here. Things got a bit jumpy back there, but the Captain has just informed me we have safely landed in Savannah, Please check the overhead before exiting as any baggage you don't It’s been fun, and we hope the next time you consider travel, is with Celebrity Cuggage begins to revolve onstage from offstage left, going past Miss Par and revolving offstage right. Mixed in with the luggage are two male slaves and a woman slave, complete with luggage and I.D. tags around their necks.) 6 ‘Te Couono Museum | Miss Par: (With routine, rehearsed pleasantness)) i Have a nice day. Bye bye. Button up that coat, a kind of chilly. Cookin’ with Aunt Ethel [ave a nce day. Bye bye ‘ {onuke ae von Us the slaves begin to revolve off, low-down gut i See you. bucket blues is heard. Aunt Exust, a down-home Have ance day. black woman with « bandana om her head, revolves Have a nice day tocenterstage She stands behind aig black pot and | Have a nice da swears a reassuring grin) i ‘Aux Enugu: Welcome to “Aunt Ethel's Down-Home \ ‘Cookin’ Show," where we explores the magit and mysteries of colored cuisine. } Today, we gonna be servi’ ourselves up some } (Sie laughs not gona el yo. Thats ah Fn il fot gonna tll you what tis ill after you done cooked {fe child'on “the Aunt Ethel Show" we loves to have * Qurselves some fun. Wel, ae you ready? Here goes (She belts out a hard-drivin' blues and throws invisi ble ingredients into the big, black pot.) FIRST YA ADD A PINCH OF STYLE AND THEN A DASH OF FLAIR NOW YA STIR IN SOME PREOCCUPATION WITH THE TEXTURE OF YOUR HAIR | NEXT YA ADD ALL KINDS OF RHYTHMS: LOTS OF FEELINGS AND PIZAZZ ‘THEN HUNNY THROW IN'SOME RAGE ‘Ih TILL IT CONGEALS AND TURNS TO JAZZ NOW YOU COOKIN’ COOKIN’ WITH AUNT ETHEL | + YOU REALLY COOKIN’ | j COOKIN’ WITH AUNT ETHEL, OH YEAH NOW YA ADD A HEAP OF SURVIVAL AND HUMILITY, JUST A TOUCH i ADD SOME ATTITUDE, (PS! I PUT TOO MUCH 8 ‘Tue Covoneo Museum AND'NOW A WHOLE LOT OF HUMOR SALTY LANGUAGE, MIXED WITH SADNESS THEN THROW IN A BOX OF BLUES AND, SIMMER TO MADNESS NOW YOU COOKIN’ COOKIN’ WITH AUNT ETHEL, OH YEAH! NOW YOU BEAT IT—REALLY WORK IT DISCARD AND DISOWN AND IN A FEW HUNDRED YEARS ONCE IT'S AGED AND FULLY GROWN YA PUT IT IN THE OVEN TILLIT'S BLACK, AND HAS A SHEEN OR TILL I'S NICE AND YELLA ‘OR ANY SHADE IN BETWEEN. NEXT YA TAKE 'EM OUT AND COOL ‘EM. ‘CAUSE THEY NO FUN WHEN THEY HOT AND WONT YOU BE SURPRISED AT THE CONCOCTION YOU GOT YOU HAVE BAKED BAKED YOURSELF A BATCH OF NEGROES YES YOU HAVE BAKED YOURSELF BAKED YOURSELF A BATCH OF NEGROES (he pulls from the pot a handful of Negroes, black dolls) ‘But don't ask me what to do with ‘em now that you got‘em, ‘cause child, that’s your problem, (She throws the dolls back into the pot) But in any case, yaw be sure to join Aunt Ethel next week, when we gonna be servin’ ourselves up some chitlin quiche -.. some gritsunder-glass, AND A SWEET POTATO PIE AND YOU'LL BE COOKIN’ COOKIN’ WITH AUNT ETHEL OH YEAH! (On Auwr Exusc’s final rift, lights reveal...) ‘The Photo Session (..4 very glamorous, gorgeous, black couple, wear- ing the best of everything and perfect smiles. The stage is bathed in color and bright white light. Disco Imusic with the chant: "We're fabulous" plays in the background. As they pose, larger-than-life images of their perfection are projected on the museum walls music quiets and the images fade away as they begin to speak and pose.) Git: The world was becoming too much for us. Guy: We couldn't resolve the contradictions of our existence, Girt: And we couldn't resolve yesterday's pain, uv: So we gave away ou life and we now ive inside Ebony Magazine. . Grn: Yes, we live inside a world where everyone is beautiful, and wears fabulous clothes. Gor: And no one says anything profound. Git: Or meaningful Guy: Or contradictory. Gat: Because no one talks. Everyone just smiles and shows off their cheekbones. one} (They adopt a profile pose) Guy: Last month I was black and fabulous while holding up a bottle of vodka. Gini: This month we get to be black and fabulous together. (They danceipose. The "We're fabulous” chant builds and then fades as they start 10 speak again.) Gua: There are of course setbacks, 10 ‘Tr Covonep Musou Guy: We have to smile like this for a whole month. Gut: And we have no social life. Guy: And no sex. Guu: And at times it feels like we're suffocating, like ‘we're not human anymore. Guy: And everything is rehearsed, including this other kind of pain we're starting to feel. Gan: The kind of pain that comes from feeling no ain at (They then speak and pose with a sudden burst of energy) Guy: But one can't have everything. Gru: Can one? Guy: So if the world is becoming too much for you, do like we did, Gini: Give away your life and come be beautiful with Guy: We guarantee, no contradictions. Gmu/Gur: Smilelclick, smile/lick, smileclick. Gimt: And no pain. They adopt afinal pose and revolve off as the "We're fabulous! chant plays and fades into the background) A Soldier with a Secret (Projected onto the museum walls are the faces of Black soldiers—from the Spanish-American thre {0 the Vietnam War. Lights slowly reveal Tunte. RoBr\son, 4 black combat soldier, posed on an onyx plinth. He comes 10 life and smiles at the audience. Somewhat dimwitied, he has an easy-going charm about him) sJonte: Pst. Pst. Guess what? I know the secret, The secret to your pain. ‘Course, I didn't always know. First I had to die, then come back to life, ‘fore Thad the gift. Ya see the Cappin sent me off up ahead to scout for screamin’ yella bastards. ‘Course, forthe life of me 1 couldn't understand why they'd be screamin’, seein’ {3s how we was tryin’ to kill them and they us. But anyway, I'm off lookin’ when all of a sudden 1 find myself caught smack dead in the middle ofthis plan. This bg: burn ssid explosion Musta been a booby trap or something, cause al sound pee te Hel Fa on Ua es ot ieken dropped ina silt of crackin’ grease Why, tny Flesh was usta peelin’ of of my bones, But then I says to myself, “Suni, if yo" flesh son fire, how come you don't feel no paint” And T didn't f pear as i tnd here ie nuthin T's when {sort of put twoand to together and realized I didnt feel no whole lot of hurtin’ cause I done died. ‘Well I just picked myself up and walked right on out (of that explosion. Hell, once you know you dead, why keep on dyin’, ya know? So, like I say, I walk right outta that explosion, Fully expectin’ to see white clouds, Jesus, and my Mama, only all I saw was more war’ Shootin’ goin’ on way 2 “Twe Covonep Museum off in this direction and that direction. Andéthere, Standin” around, was all the guys. Hubert, J.P, the BabSEn guess the sound ofthe explosion must of a- CaPRee a and they all starn’ at me lke Tim some Kind of ghost. So 1 yells to ‘em, "Hey there Hubert! Hey there Cap- pint” But they just stare, So T tells ‘em how I'd died Pin how I pues it wast't my time ‘cause here Tam, aAlifyn the flesh and not a scratch to my bones.” ‘And they sil just stare. So {took to starin’ back. (The expression on Juste’ face slowly turns to horror Gnd disbelief) Only what I saw ... well T cas’t exactly to this day scsi sea sare an ey was wer recn and holdin guns, they was each wearin’ apiece SF fhe future on their faces. ‘Yeah, All the hurt that was gonna get done to them Ted hey was gonna do to folk wae right there clear ae dy I saw how JE, once he got back to Chicago, was gon- ha'gel shot dead by this police, and 1 saw how Tudeh Stes gonna start beatin’ up on his old lady TichT didn understand, ‘cause all he could do was Tuga and ont about how much he loved her. Bach Eid everyone of ‘em had pain nbs future and blood aaah And God or the Devil one spoke to me ond SARE "ante, these colored boys aint gonna be The same after this war. They ain" gonna have no kind of happiness. Well right then and there it come tome. The secret to theft pin Late that night, after the medics done checked me ver and found me fit for fightin, after everybody Song seit down for the night, 1 sneaked aver to Siithe Huet was sleepin’ and with a needle T stole Tomithe medics. pst pst. Tshota lite ar into Sovousn wir Suen 1B his veins. The second he died, all the hurtin-to-come just left his face. Toye ie ge tht Mod a nes et ond ai nt op iar aden enaltenea he lager ey Gri (Smiling, quite proud of himself.) That's how eT ng ate ond fl) a coe een ear avid ies eee wearin’ from the war. : Pat, pst. know the secret. Th secret to your pain ‘The fecret to yours, nd yours Pst Pat Pot Pet (The lights slowty fade) ‘The Gospel According to Miss Ro} The darkness is cut by electronic music. Cold, pound- {ig unrelonting. A neon sign which spells out THE BOTTOMLESS PIT clicks on. There i. a lone bar Stool. Lights lash on and off, pulsating to the beat Theres best ofmake ana fom he hate Ms os curs, He ts dressed in striped patio pants, white tego boots, a halter and catshoped:sunglases tar would seem ridiculous on anyone else, Miss Rox swears asf i were high fashion. He carries himself {Mh total Clegance and absolute arogance) Miss Ror: God created black people and black peogle Greated style, The name's Miss Ro}. that's RO. thank you and you can find me every Wednesday, Friday and Satutday nights at""The Booms Pt" the watering hole for the wild and weary which asks the question, "Is there life after Sherr-curl?™ (A waiter enters, hands Mss Roya drink, and then ex fs} ‘Thanks, doll. Yes, if they be black and swish, the BP fas seeh them ehh snot suggest the Pts lack. Ingincultural versity. Oh no. There are your dinge eens, white men who Tike thei chicken legs dark. tie wintsflires witha man in the audience) And e's fot forget, “Los Muchachos de la Neighborhood Bat the speciality of the house is The Snap Queens. {ite snaps hs fingers) We are a rare breed For, you see, when something strikes our fancy, when the truth comes piercing through the dark, Mtl you just can't lett pass unnoticed: No darling You must pronounce it with a snap. (He snaps) Snapping comes from another galaxy, as do all snap guecns, That's right aint jt your regular of Sressed American Negro. Nomnona! I'am an extra ‘Tw Gosrs. Acconoine 10 Miss Rot as tervestal. And I ain't takin’ none ofthat shit seen in the movies! I have real power. ven (he waiter enters, Miss Ros stops him.) Speaking of no power, will you please tell Miss Stingy-with-erum, that i Miss Ro) bad wanted fo ‘remain sober, she could have stayed home and drank Kookaid ie snaps) Thank you (The waiter exits. Miss Ros crosses and sts on bar stool) Yes, I was placed here on Earth to study the life habits ete en society, and child when we talkin’ New York City, we are discussing the Queen ‘of DetGrioration. Miss New York is doing a slow dance with death, and I am here to warn you all, but before I do, [must know . .. don’t you just love my ato pants? Annette Funcelio immortalized them in “Beach Blanket Bingo,” and I have continued the legacy. And my gogos? I realize white after Labor Day is very gauche, but as the saying goes, if you've gotit flaunt it, if you don't, front it and snap to death any bastard who dares to defy you. (Laughing) Oh ho! My demons are showing. Yes, my demons live at the bottom of my Bacardi and Coke. Let's just hope forall concerned I dance my demons cut betore T drink them out cause child, dancing demons take you on a ride, but those’ drin demons jst ake you, nd yo id outdone 3c strangest things Like the ime I locked my father in the broom closet. Seems the liquor made his tongue real iberal and he decided he was gonna bap- lize me with the word “faggot” over and over. Well, he's just going on and on with faggot this and fag. got that” all the while walking toward the broom Eloset to piss. So the demons just took hold of my wedges and forced me to kick the drunk son-ofa. Bich info the closet and lock the door. (Laughter) Three days later I remembered he was there. (ie snaps) 6 ‘Tue Covonsp Museum (The waiter enters, Miss Rot takes a drink and downs tt) Another! (The waiter exits) (Dancing about) Oh yesyesyes! Mss Rol is quintes: Cental fiple. corn fow the hairs on my legs so that they spell out M188, ROS. And dare any bastard to fuck with me because i will snap your ass into oblivion Tae the power, you know. EverytimelI snap steal tne beat of your heart. So i you find yourself gasp- {ng for air i the middle of the night, chances are you fucked with Mise Roj and she didn't like i. Like the time this asshole at Jonés Beach decided t0 take issue with my coulottesailor ensemble. This child, this muscle bound Brooklyn thag in a skinstight bikini, very skinstight so the whole world can see that instead of brain, God gave him an extra thick piece of sausage. You know the kind who beat up on their ‘wives for breakfast. Snap your fingers if you know ‘what I'm talking about -.- Come on and snap, child. We gets the audience to snap.) Well, he decided to blurt ‘out when T walked by, "Hey look at da coon in ‘da fageit sult.” Wel, I walked up to the poor dear, very ‘calmly lifted my hand, and... (He snaps in rapid suc- ession,) A heart attack, right there on the beach. (fe Singles out someone in the audience) You don't believe 4? Cross me! Come on! Come on! (The waiter enters, hands Miss Ros a drink, Miss Ros downs it. The waiter exits) (Looking around) If this place is the answer, we're SSking ail the wrong questions. The only reason | tome ere io communicate with my ogi, The ffashing ights are sigoals from my planct way out there est even Torther than lash: Were falling another galaxy. The flashing lights tell me How much time left before the end ‘Tu Goseen Accoapine ro Miss Ros "7 (ery drunk and loud by now) Ubate the people here. {hate the drinks But mort of ll ate tits goddam su it ai mae heme Ai rei (Singing) "Hust a hile respect: RESPECT” ‘Yeah! Yeah! sea ‘Come on and dance your last dance with Miss asreal is but a dein away and each nap pus Jou cone step closer tothe end. A highrise goes up. You can't get no job. Come on tverybody and dance. A whole race of people gets {Esha apd detaed Shp ths Bingen dance Some sick bitch throws. her baby out the Window “Cause she thinks i's the Devi Everybody soap! The New York Post. Snap! Sap for every time you walk past someone Iying in the street, smelling like frozen piss and shit and you don't se it Snap for every crazed bastard who iis himself soas to get the jump on being killed. And snap sick muthafucker who, bored with earrying around his fear, takes to shooting up other Yeah, snap your fingers and dance. with Miss Ro). But Sono ioe by the banners and aloes ‘cause, child thi ain m0 on. Hell no's anak Andihecaiesmnadecutal stone, steel and lass and the people are racing al over the pavement Ate tagots on dead pce et nea = Yeah, dance! But don't be surprised if there ain't no at holding you option case we traded in or ims for fespectability. So now it's just words. Words rappin’ Words sereechin’. Words flowin in stead of blood ‘cause you know that dont work. Words crac’ instead of fire ‘cause bythe time s match is struck on 125th Street and you run to mi town, the flame has been blown away. So come on and dance with Miss Roj and her de- mons. We don't ask for acceptance. We don’t ask 18 ‘Tue Covonen Museum ee ee a STS power, baby. Patio pants and all. eee alse Geese ciate hes Rp a en de Fea et ‘The Halrplece ths, Respect” fades into the Background, a vanty revolves fo center stage. On this vanity are two wigs, a Afro wig, crea 1965, anda long flowing wi, bork testing on ig stands. A black Wouan enters, her head and body wrapped in towels. She picks up a framed picture and after a few moments of hesta- tion, throws it into @ small trash can. Ske then removes one of her towels to reveal a tially bald read: Looking into a mirror on the fourth wall, she begins applying makeup.) (The wig stand holding the Afro wig opens her eyes Her namels one. Shestares i {self the bald Jnoane: (Calling 10 the other wig stand.) LaWanda, LaWanda girl, wake up. (The other wig stand, the one with the long, flowing ‘wig, opens her eyes. Her name is LAWANDA) LaWana: What? What is it? Javan: Check out girlfriend. LaWanpa: Oh, gir, I don't believe it, Ino: (Laughing) Just look at the poor thing, trying to paint some lite onto that face of hers. You'd by now she'd realize it's the hair. I's all about the LaWanpa: What hair! She aln’t go no hair! She done ‘ried, dyed, dechemicalized her shit to death Joan: And al that’s lef i that bucknaked scalp of ers, sittin’ up there apologizin’ for being shaped and ugly. LaWaNpa: (Laughing with Janine.) Gir, stop! 20 ‘Tw Covonsn Museum Javan: [ain't sayin’ nuthin’ but the truth. LaWawoalJanine: The bitch is bald! (They laugh) Janae: And all over some man. LaWanpa: tell ya, girl I just don’t understand it. 1 ‘mean, look at her. She's got a right nice face, a good hhead on her shoulders. A good job even. And she's got to go fallin love with that fool. “avine: That political quick change artist. Everytime ‘the nigga went and changed his ideology, she went nd changed her hair to fit the occasion. LaWana: Well at least she's breaking up with him, Sayan: Hunny, no! LaWanpa: Yes child. axtne: Oh, girl, dish me the dirt! LaWanpa: Well, you see, I heard her on the phone, talking to one of her girlfriends, and she's meeting hhim for lunch today to give him the ax. “avin: Well it's about time. LaWawos:T hear ya. But don't you worry ‘bout a thing, girlfriend, I'm gonna tell you all about it. ce: Hunny, you won't have to tell me a damn “eauise I'm gonna be there, front row, center. LaWaron: You? ‘hoon: Yes, il, she's wearing me to lunch, LaWavx: (Outraged I on’ think 0! Savon With am atitude) What do you mean, you dont tank 30? LaWovoe: Exactly what [said I don't think 2." Darya Janine, et real How the hell se gonna wear Pomc “Invtne: She ain't wearing both of us. She's wearing me, ‘Tae Harnece 2 LaWawpa: Says who? St: Says me! Says her! Ain't that eight, girl friend? . \ oe (he Woman stops putting on makeup, looks around, Sees no one, and goes Bock 10 her makeup) Janine: I said, ain't that right! (The Wousx picks up the phone) Wouax: Hello ... hello . \ “awine: Did you hear the damn phdne ring? ‘Wotan: No, Soot: Then put the damn phone down and talk 19 Wouax: Tah ...don't understand. “nya It ain't deep 20 don't panic, Nows you're hav ing lunch with your boyfriend, right? x Wouas: (Breaking into tears) I think Ty having a nervous breakdown. > - Javan (Impatient) said you're having Iupch with your boyfriend, right! ‘ ‘Wow: Scared, pulling herself together) Yés, right «Tight. V i“ San ‘break up with him. \ Wowan: How did you know that? \ LaWawpa: I told her. \ Woua: (Stands and screams) Help! Help! anane: Sit down. [said sit your ass down! (The Wouan does) “Taxon: Now set her straight and tell her you're we ing me. 2 ‘Tue Covonep Museum ‘LaWanba: She's the one that needs to be set straight, so go on and tell her you're wearing me. ‘Tantne: No, tell her you're wearing me. (Turgiea pece} Liver Wall? ape: Well? ee Sao: Cin salou trou Bey mind ee rans “TShothng ike attitude and a healthy head of kinks to hake his shit shrivel ike it should? ‘hat’ right! When you wearin’ me, you lettin’ hin now be aint gonna gt no sweet comb Jour love witfout sone serous resistance. Noo! The LEME olay head ip like the Kink of your heart and ekther is about to be hot pressed into surrender. LaWaxa Tat siti so tired. The last time attitude ‘Worked on anybody was 1968 Janine girl you need to Jot gver ir and get on witht (To the Wouas) And you SeaS'o ve the niga a goodbye he will never forget. 1 say give him hysteria! Give him emotion! Give him ogy! And there fs nothing like a toss ofthe tresses to fake your emotional oubust shine wih motel ‘Youcan toss me back, shake me from side to side al {ie while sereaming, "T want you out of my life fever And not eng wl come boeing “hore, but you just might win an . Sra pearance by ahead fateina dame Jnwave: Miss hunny, please! She don’t need no Barbie Goll dipped in chocolate telling her what to do. She ‘needs a head of hair that's coming from a fo real place. ‘Tue Haarece 2 LaWaxoa: Don't you dare talk about nobody comin froma fo real pce," Miss Madein‘Taiwan! Sun: He! Tin ashamed of where Tome from Beside itdon mater wheryoucone fom as ong Syou sad up inthe gir age TaWaroa: And it don't matter the grade as long the point gets made. So goon and tell her you're ‘weafing me Sane: No, tell her you're weating me. (Phe Wounx, unable to take it, Begin to bite off her Yake nails as LaWaxoa and Savin go at each other) Lavan Jasons: Set the Bch straight Let her Who ou cll bitch? Why, Erwibereisaveaysbeconld it bod hands Ta bpck yoo ven begin to compels wit learintonert week. You Bik ime Tamgualiy:shelelink jou cate She tanks a's cute 2 exotic She is common: I Jost enue tht enthete mop fis daw and abe fs ath, ethers bow Ine wind She hace rt TRASHL Were locks Ihe fol and yo lat {ailing thre strikes and ke an een bgar fool when Port Sata el os ST oe ona youre wearing me, Gon, ber yous warn, Go om {bert Toler fale teller Taber Behar (The Wouan screams and pulls the ewo wigs off the twig stands as the lights go to black on three bal ; ighis go ‘hrce bald ‘The Last Mama-on-the-Couch Play (A Nansaron, dressed in a black tuxedo, enters hrough the audience and stands center stage. He is totally solemn.) NannaTor: We are pleased to bring you yet another Mama-on‘the-Couch play. A searing domestic drama that tears at the very fabric of racist America. (He crosses upstage center and sits on a stool and reads from a playseript) Act One. Scene One. (Mana revolves on stage left, sitting on a couch reading @ large, oversized Bible. A window is placed stage right. Man's dress, the couch, and drapes are ‘made from the same material. A doormat lays down center) Nannaron: Lights up on a dreary, depressing, but ‘with middleclass aspirations tenement slum, There sa couch, with a Mama on it. Both are well worn, ‘There is a picture of Jesus on the wall ... (A picture of Jesus is instantly revealed)... and a window Which looks onto an abandoned tenement. Itis late spring. Enter Walter-Lee-Beau-WillieJones (SoNenters through the audience.) He is Mama's thirty-yearold son. His brow is heavy from three hundred years of oppres- Mau: (Looking up from her Bible, speaking in a stow ‘manner) Son, did you wipe your feet? Sow: (An evererupting volcano.) No, Mama, I didn't ‘wipe me feet! Out there, every day, Mama isthe Man. ‘The Man Mama. Mr. Charlie! Mr. Bossman! And he's wipin’his feet on me. On me, Mama, every damn day ‘of my life. Ain't that enough for me to deal with? ‘Ain't that enough? ‘Tw Last Maas.on-ris-Coucn PLAY 2s Mana: Son, wipe your feet. ‘Son: wanna dream. I wanna be somebody. I wanna take charge of my lif. ‘Mau You can do al ofthat, bu first you got to wi your feet. Haida Son: (As he crosses 10 the mat, mumbling and wiping fs fet) Wipe my feet... wipe my feet... wipe my Maui: Thats good boy. Sox: (Exploding) Boy! Boy! 1 don't wannabe nobody's good boy, Mama. T wanna be my own man Mana: know son, I know. God will show the way. Sox: God, Mama! Since when did your God ever do a damon thing for the black man, Huh, Mama, huh? You tell me. When did your God ever help me? Ms (Removing her wirevim lates) Son, come {S0N crosses to Masta, who slowly stands and in aex- ‘aggerated stage slap, backhands Son clear across the Stage. The Nanaaton claps his hands to create the Sotind for the slap. Maun then lifts her cinched fists fo the heavens) ‘Maw Not in my house, my house, will you ever tal that way again? = youever alk (The Naanaton, so moved by her performance, erupts ‘n applause and encourages the audience to do s0) NasaaTor: Beautiful, Just stunning. (le reaches into one of the secret compartments of the land ges ananard which he coremontonsy ives to Matta for her performance. Ske bows and ben returns to the couch) [Nawearon: Enter Walter-Lee-Beau-Willie's wife, The Lady in Plaid. % ‘Tue Cotonee Mustum (Music from nowhere is heard, a jazzy pseudo- tbstract intro as the Lavy 1w Pai dances in through fhe audience, wipes her feet, and then twirls about.) Lapy: She was a creature of regal beauty ‘who in ancient time graced the temples of the Nile ‘with her womanliness But here she was, stuck being colored and a woman in a world that valued neither. Sow: You cooked my dinner? Lapr: (Oblivious to Sox.) Feet flat, back broke, ‘she looked at the man who, though he be thirty, stilt ain't got his own apartmhent. ‘Yeats, he's still livin’ with his Mama! And she asked herself, was this the life for a Princess Colored, who by the translucence of her skin, knew the universe was her sister. (The Lavy ts PLaw twirls and dances.) Sov: (Becoming irate. I've had a hard day of dealin’ with the Man. Where's my damn dinner? Woman, ‘stand still when I'm talkin’ to you! Lapr: And she cried for her sisters in Detroit Who knew, as she, that their souls belonged {in ancient temples on the Nile. ‘And she cried for her sisters in Chicago ‘who, like her, their life has become ‘one colored hell. ‘Sox: There's only one thing gonna get through to you. Lavy; And she cried for her sisters in New Orleans, ‘And her sisters in Trenton and Birmingham, and Poughkeepsie ‘and Orlando and Miami Beach Las Vegas, Palm Springs. ‘Tae Last Maneson-rie-Coucn Par a (As she continues call ut cites, he crosses offta eed tars wil bo bloc dis and than evs the window). Sox: Now are you gonna cook me dinner? Linx: Walte-Lee-Besu-WillieJones, no! Not m babies. ee (Son throws them out the window. The Lavy iN Ptatp then es out e primal seream) ‘Lavy: He dropped them!!! (Fhe Nannaron breaks into applause) Naxaatox: Just splendid, Shattering, (ethan erosses and aftr an intense sige with Maota he takes the award from her and gives i othe Lavy IN PLarD, who is still suffering primal pain.) Laor: Not my babes... not my Upon receiving the award, she instaniy recovers) Help me up, sugar. Cen Bo od ond hind te Naweaton Enter Medea Jones, Walter-Lee-Beaw Willie's sister. eae (MepEA moves very ceremoniously, wiping her feet Ghd then speaking cand’ gugtring ‘a if she fst escaped from a Greek tragedy.) : Meo Ih ace how the sun kneels to 5 fie sow te me hoes eek in her visio, cron lowly tenement long abandoned Mother, wife of brother, {trust the approaching Garknes finds you safe Hesta’s busom Brother, why wear the face of man fnvanguish. Can the garment of tine 8 ‘Twa Covonso Mustum feelings cause the shape of your ountenance fo distigure so? Sov: (At the end of his rope) Leave me alone, Medes. ‘Mepea: (To Mama) Ie good brother stil abut He and The Man. MavfLaov: What else? Moog: Ah brother, if with our thoughts and twordg we could cast thine oppressors Into the lowest bowels of wretched heli, would that make us more like the Gods or more ike our oppressors. Neal ick assay hoke the blood which anolnts thy Fear wth ove Forg thine darkened Humor and let love shine on your, Soul ike s jewel on young maiden’s hand, (Dropping to her knees) ch thee, forgo thine ger and leave wrath tothe gods! Sov: Gir, what has gotten into you Meoes:Juliard, good brother. For Lam no Tonger bound by zhythms of race or felon. Oh, no, My speech, like my pain and suffering, have become Efssieal and therefore universal. Lior: dida't understand a dara thing she sad, but Sl you usin’ them words (Lae In Puan crosses and gives Mapua te award and Sveryone applauds) Sox: (Tiyng 10 stop the applause) Wait one damn funuic! This my ply. 1s aout me and the Man. It ‘got nth todo ith no ancien temples on the Nile Snd it ain got nuthin’ to do with Hesta's fon and on and on Tue Lasr Mana ox-rit-Coven PLay » bbusom. And it ain't got nuthin’ to do with you slap- pin’ me across no room. (His gut-wrenching best) I's about me. Me and my pain! My pain! ‘Tue Voice oF THe Man: Walter-Lee-Beau-Willi, this is the Man. You have been convicted of overacting. Come out with your hands up. (Son starts t0 cross to the window.) Sow: Well now that does it ‘Maa: Son, no, don't go near that window. Son, no! (Gun shots ring out and Sox falls dead!) Mana: (Crossing 10 the body, too emotional for words.) My son, he was a good boy. Confused. Angry. Just like his father. And his father’s father. And his father’s father’s father. And now he's dead, (Seeing she’s about to drop to her knees, the Nak RaTOR rushes and places a pillow underneath her just in time) If only he had been born into a world better than this. A world where there are no well-worn couches and no well-worn Mamas and nobody overemotes, If only he had been born into an all-black musical (A song intro begins) Nobody ever dies in an all-black musical. (MeDeA and Lavy mx PLaiw pull out church fans and begin to fan themselves) Mana: (Singing a soul-stirring gospel.) OH WHY COULDN'T HE BE BORN, INTO A SHOW WITH LOTS OF SINGING AND DANCING 1 SAY WHY COULDN'T HE BE BORN, 0 Tue Couonen Museum Lap¥:Go ahead hunny. Take your time, Maa: INTO A SHOW WHERE EVERYBODY 18 HAPPY [Nanraron/Mepea: Preach! Preach! Mama: ‘OH WHY COULDN'T HE BE BORN WITH THE CHANCE ‘TO SMILE A LOT AND SING AND DANCE, OH WHY OH WHY OH WHY COULDN'T HE BE BORN INTO AN ALL-BLACK SHOW WOAH-WOAH (The Cast joins in, singing doswop gospel background to Mawn’s lament) oH WHY, COULDN'T HE BE'BORN, (HE BE BORN) INTO A SHOW WHERE EVERYBODY 1S HAPPY WHY COULDNT HE BE BORN WITH THE ‘CHANCE ‘TO SMILE A LOT AND SING AND DANCE WANNA KNOW WHY WANNA KNOW WHY OH WHY COULDN'T HE BE BORN INTO AN ALLBLACK SHOW AMEN (A singing/dancing, spirit-raising revival begins) Tae Lasr Manaon-ritCouce Pay 3 OH, SON, GET UP GET UP AND DANCE We say Ger UP THIS IS YOUR SECOND CHANCE DON'T SHAKE A FIST JUST SHAKE A LEG AND DO THE TWIST DON'T SCREAM AND BEG SON SON SON. GET UP AND DANCE oer GET ur GET UP AND GET UP AND DANCE — ALL RIGHT: GET UP AND DANCE — ALL RIGHT: GET UP AND DANCE (WaureR-Lee-Beav-Wis springs to life and joins in the dancing. A footstomping, hand clapping produc. fon ur tks of wih encompaes mga of "black-Broadwayesgue dancing sles—shifi Speeds and spies with exuberant abandonment) Mama: (Bluesy) WHY COULDN'T HE BE BORN INTO AN ALL- BLACK SHOW Cast: WITH SINGING AND DANCING ‘Mana: BLACK SHOW (Masta scats and the dancing becomes manic and just 4 little too desperate to please) Cast: WE GOTTA DANCE WE GOTTA DANCE GET UP GET UP GET UP AND DANCE WE GOTTA DANCE WE GOTTA DANCE GOTTA DANCE! SeearsaseeeeeeeataaseeeeeasSee HERR taaseeHeEaaSeeeHEHE aa aneeE Eee SeeeE Sage “Tae Covonen Mustum stat the point the dancing is about to become Gt a eco freer and pointedly, simsly 585) TE WE WANT TO LIVE WEHAVE Gor TO WEEAVE iN DANCE... AND DANCE... continue to dance with zombiesike frozen a Faces around them ages Of COON Pe formers flash as the lights slowly fade) ‘Symbiosis (Phe Tempains singing "My Gir” are heard as fehts veal a Besse MAM in corporate ress stand. ing before a large trash can throwing objects from a Shs Fifth Avenue bag into tt. Clreling around him shh everyomotio om is face's ee Kis wh Tebed alesse sole Ms moves ee Sig heightened. As the scone bepins the muse fades) Maw: (With contained emotions.) ‘My first pair of Converse All-stars. Gone. ‘My first Afro-comb. Gone. My bist das, Gone. My autographed pltures of Stokley Carmichael, Jomo Kenyatta and Donna Summer. Gone. Kin (Near ears totally upset) Ths shit's not fair man. Damn Hell Shi Sti spot fa Mos ‘My first jar of Murray's My fit fant Aig My first bor of cur relaer, Gone! Gone! Gone Eldridge Cleaver’s Sou om Ice. Kin: Not Son! on Ie! ‘Max: I's been replaced on my bookshelf by The Col- or Purple. Kio: (Horrified) No! Pomade, ‘Man: Gone! Kip: But— Maw: Jimi Hendrix's "Purple Haze." Gone. ‘Sly Stone's “There's A Riot Goin’ On.” Gone. ‘The Jackson Five's "I Want You Back. 7 ‘Tu Covonto Museum a: Man youcn' throw hat avy. 1g prook SEMIS na noe Mase sal glng Anything and everything tt con- Ma eto fous who Twas to what were isout of my.life. ke, Yu've goto give me another chance Me Fingertips Par 2 en Man how can you d that? That's vintage Steve fee se You wan toknow bow, Ki? You want to kao as You wat oer eal depends on ie Whetbet tenth ot ee Age pon Keo: Joking Man, what the hell ou taki’ abou, pore Moe The cliet changing, Ki, nd iter youad Hoe Thelin chang ico dnosaar a a a hae ping tll You Be ode tp toy he eae would hare made Re bres ttntion fo BRS tan del p des wae Plnding Tl change 1 swear 1 change 11 Iuinfain'a low profile, You won't even know I'm man MucIf Tm to become what fm to bosome then Me ia Thaet est, Toure no pst Ka: Jut Uke that? Mc throwing auy_a series of buttons) Prot Masel Free Bobby! Free Huey, Duey, and Lowel Segre yaa Stel cambeale US ost US gutat Mit Nae el Nowak, Gone! > The Set Cretet Hel (Grabbing th bur.) Noll ‘Man: Give it back, Sramosis Kio: No. , "Mavs T sad vei back Kip: No. can't let you trash this. Johnny man, itcon- tains fourteen classi cuts bythe tempting Tempta: tons. We're talking "Ain't Tao Proud to eg" "Papa Was a Rolling Stone,""My Ciel" Mave (Warning) I don't have all day Kip: For God's sake, Johnny man, "My Git isthe jam toendall jams. Is what weare, Who weare I's way fife. Come on, man for oid times sake: Singing) GOT SUNSHINE ON A CLOUDY DAY BUM-DA.DUM-DA.DUMDA-BUM AND WHEN IT'S COLD OUTSIDE Come on, Johnny man, you ain't “bummi 1GOT THE MONTH OF MAY Here comes your favorite part. Come on, Johnny man, sing GUESS you say WHAT CAN MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY MY GIRL, MY GIRL, MY GIRL TALKIN BOUT Mav: Exploding) Isai give it back! Kin: (Angry) Iain! vin’ you a muthafuckin’ thing! "Max: Now you listen to me! Kio: No, you listen to me. This is the kid you're dealin’ with, so don’t fuck with me! - Epa tate Stamens mau Ku: Jail Jail Jail Max: Kid, please. ” than. seers see eee sseMUEESSeReEE See eee Eaeeg SEER 36 ‘Tue Covonsp Museum ‘i; Yeah. Yeah, Now who's begging who... Well et oobi Me Cicaothe Crop Mi, Colored HEL Seto Now that he's making ite no longer ans ying todo with eK Wl. youra pt WERE ST ate ies‘round your neck and white lines dip your nose, but the Kid js here to stay. You may Change your women as often as you change Your Gnderwear, but the Kid is here to stay. “And Teeardless of how much of your past that you trash. SiR pismo damn where Is that clear? Is that lear? Man: (Regaining his strength, beginning to stand) ‘Yeah. Kin: Good. (After @ beat) You all right man? You all Nghe? don’t want to hurt you, bat when you start ‘if that talk about getting rid of me, well it gets me {find of crazy. We need each other. We are one (Before Tue Kio can complete his sentence, Ti Man Grater him around his neck and starts to choke him Molentl) Max: (As he strangles him) The... ee. Age «5-18 Mwvipon us. and either we adjust... or we end up Semtinet. (Tie Kio hangs limp in Tus Man’s arms.) ‘Man: (Laughing) Man kills his own rage. Film at tien. ile then dumps Tae Kio into the trash can, fand closes the Being black is 100 emotionally taxing; therefore I Mill Be black only on weekends and holidays (de then turns to go, but sees the Temptations album tying on she arownd He picks it up and sings quietly {0 himself.) ‘Srstosis a GUESS You say WHAT CAN MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY (He pauses, but then crosses tothe trash car, lifts Mid and ist as he's abou to tose the albu in band reaches from inside the can and grabs hold of witha each grip on tae Nowe arms) oe Kao: (Smiling) What's happenin’? BLACKOUT Lala's Opening yng follow spots. A tmpani dr roll. As we hear Gero the anwouncnn, outrageously glamorous ene of ata ae projected onto the meu walls) fact op ANNOUNCER From Rome to Rangoon! Pars Voistguel We are please fo present the American Seoue St theons! The ony! The breathtaking The as den ie stupendous! The incredible! Ti ‘eagatfet! Lala Lamang Grace! Thunderous applause az LaLa struts on, the (Chita Hack iva, She as lone lowing bar, a i blames and an affected Pench acent titche tses when she's set) yoo roves a REE AE sou a ANID ne Ey ves La ER RY oS BO OER UNE so cumoun AEM ER (oeaeie gee even SVERYRODY EVERY BODY-EVERYBODY-EVERYBODY LOVES ME ine to vocally reach for higher and higher She tite has to pat ther fret note She end Law's Orman 38 the number with a grand flourish and bows to thun- derous applause) Lava: Yes, it's me! Lala Lamazing Grace and I have ‘come hoine. Home to the home I never knew as home. Home to you, my people, my blood, my guts. My story is a simple one, full of fire, passion, magi- que. You may ask how did I, a humble girl from the backwoods of Mississippi, come to be the ninth ‘wonder of the modern world. Well, I can’t take all of, the credit. Part of it goes to him. (She points toward the heavens.) ‘No, not the light man, darling, but God. For, you see, Lala is a star, A very big star. Let us not mince words, I'm a fucking meteorite. (She laughs.) But He {is the’ universe and just like my sister, Aretha la Franklin, Lala’s roots are in the black church, (Si sings in a showy gospel style) ‘THAT'S WHY EVERYBODY LOVES SWING LOW SWEET CHARIOT THAT'S WHY EVERYBODY LOVES GO DOWN MOSES WAY DOWN IN EGYPT LAND. THAT'S WHY EVERYBODY EVERYBODY LOVES MEI! (Once again she points 10 her final note and then basks in applause) love that note. I just can't it it. Now, before I dazzle you with more of my limitless talent, tell me something, America. (Musical under. scoring) Why has it taken you so long to recognize my artistry? Mother France opened her loving arms and Lala came running. All over the world Lala was em- braced. But here, ha! You spat at Lala. Was I too ex- otic? Too much woman, or what? Diana Ross you embrace. A two-bit nobody from Detroit, of all places. Now, I'm not knocking la Ross. . ‘Tw Cotonen Museo “ge does the best she ean with the little she has. (She ie doe the Paul in Robesons, the James laughs) Bie Josephine la Baker's, who was iy €O8, Baldi know. The Lala Lamazing Grace's you kick out. You drive AWAY. TAM GOING AWAY HOPING TO FIND A BETTER DAY WHAT DO YOU SAY HEY HEY TAM GOING AWAY AWAY (La, caught up inthe drama ofthe sone, doer res Co caer matd, stick her Read out from offstage) (Once she is sure Lata isn't looking, she wheels One (Once Stent Frowance, LaLs’s lover, who west & stage TE blonde hair. He is gagged and ried 1¢ i sae places rim on stage and then quickly exits) Laas AUN gVOIR—JE VAIS PARTIR MAINTENANT AE VEUX DIRE MAINTENANT AU REVOIR, ‘AU REVOIR ‘AU REVOIR AU REVOIR, AMAVIE, (On her last note, she Shock, crosses to him.) ‘Laux: Flo'ranee, what the hell are you doing out BEX atx Ficice that, [havent sean you for three days land you decide to show up now? (He mumbles) Ion’ want to hear it! (He mumbles) see Fro'nancs and, in total Law's Oren 4 1 said shut up! (ADMONIA enters from si Genet one ay) tN and Mi 6 lar Apwoxta: Pst! (Las, embarrassed by the (a em presence of ADwoNIA on Fg eee aera iy Lava: Un momento. (She then pulls Avwowta to the side.) “Late Daring fave you lost your mind coming on stage while Im performing, And what have you done acts (Aomonta gives her the letter opener.) Lata: Why are you git a ea tnevnranr sain ote Aan take Po'ance off thi ge wih you (Avmowta is gone. Lata turns 10 (omc sone Lata turns othe aden and tres peepee Dees een eoaere tena oe eeta ‘most beautiful man staring down at me. iia ie “Mle ed | i ay Mme th oe atta, Ce ene ae should fly, ike Flo'rance molded me into the into the woman Iam today ‘is my Svengali, my reality, my al caht anton ntl wea hare to Ameria td be 2 “Tw Covonep Museum tha bitch, Yea, you fucked em al. Anything Hee eating Anda thi tine thought you dae aor being ae (She hold te leter opener fo neck) ou may think younademe, butt have you know as who Twas, whoever that was, long before you Was he what I'am So there! (She stabs hi ed rake no sone) (OH, LOVE CAN DRIVE A WOMAN TO MADNESS: TO PAIN AND SADNESS KNOW, BELIEVE ME I KNOW TKNOW KNOW (Lata sees what she's done and is about 1 scream but catches herself and tries to play it off) ‘Lata: Moving right along. (Aomonta enters with a telegram on a tray.) pamrorn wai ea wa se aneige tego emt tac an eae ge tee Mis getter ater a vga aoe fer igor a ma SA Law's Orexnc ia Anyone who knows anything about Lala Lamazing Grace knows that my mother and Josephine Baker were French patriots together. They infiltrated a car nival rumored to be the center of Nazi intelligence, disguised as Hottentot Siamese twins, You may laugh but it’s true, Mama died a heroine. It's all in my autobiography, “Voilé Lala!” So whoever sent this telegram is liar! (Aowoxta promptly presents her with another telegram.) Laue: This had better be an apology. (To Abwonta) Back ‘up, darling. (Reading) "Dear Sadie, I'm not dead. P.S. Your child misses you.” What? (She squares off at the audience) Well, now, that does it! If you are my ‘mother, which you are not. And this alleged child is my child, then that would mean Tam a mother and I have ‘ever given birth I don't know nothin’ "bout birthin’ no babies! (She laughs) Lala made a funny. So whoever sent this, show me the child! Show met (Aomonta offers another telegram.) Lata: (To Apmonia) You know you're gonna get fired! (She reluctantly opens it.) "The child isin the closet.” What closet? ADMONIA: Pst. (Mowowa pushes a button and the center wall nit revolves around to reveal larg black door AoMonta sty taing Puoeance with her, leaving Lata alone) Live Laughing) get. K's a plot, sti. A nasty It {ie CIA, FBI kind of pou Well let ne tel you mutha fuckers one thing. theres nothing i that lose, eal Gr manufactured: that will be a dimmer to the glim- ter of Lamé the star. You may have goten Bilicand Bessie anda lille pcce of everyone else who's come Along since, but you won't ge Lala My clothes are too fabulous My hal is Yeo long! My accent too french, That's why T came home to America. To Prove you ain't got nothing on met “4 ‘Tue Coroneo Museum ee hn fr tt gt a cna ee ee My ge at gi ae, sedate seh eet Haloittn dues Perera iy Lama coer fas ee ee Ciistee out someone in the audience) Dat dainh door. Did you pay to stare at some fucking easier Boas esac . ee Yer welll fet opentin srder to dispel all the ots’ tle thoughts these nasty ltl telegrams have seu oeecaaie ae sinners ence eeerneet Ger? Speak up, darling, this is live. (Once le Oe ts stot err eu to te dt and oer ee Se a a Be, td hp a sa mls fc fd Se Septet Be Seman TERA ot Save, nappy-nappy hair. The kinky-kinks et Sr Soong eda ae Law's Orman 4 thighs, breast, face. I can't breath. And there was nothing in that closet! ‘And I'm thinking if only Thad a machete, I could cut, away the kinks. Remove once and for all the rough- ness. But then I look up and it’s coming toward me. Flowing like lava. I's pomade! Ohhh, Samm) Yes, cakes and cakes of pomade. Making everything nice and white and smooth and shiny, like my black! whitetblack/white/black behiney. Mama no! And then spikes start cutting through the pomade. Combing the coated kink. Cutting through the kink, into me. There are bloodlines on my back. On my thighs. Ws all over. Allover... all over me. All over for me. (Lia accidentialty pulls off her wig 10 reveal her real hair. Stripped of her “disguise” she recoils like @ scared little girl and sings: MOMMY AND DADDY MEET AND MATE ‘THE CHILD THAT'S BORN 1S TORN WITH LOVE AND WITH HATE SHE RUNS AWAY TO FIND HER OWN, AND TRIES TO DENY WHAT SHE'S ALWAYS KNOWN ‘THE GIRL INSIDE (The closet door opens. LALA runs away, and a Lire Buack Gint emerges from the closet. Standing behind rer is ADMONIA) (The Lerrus Gin. and Lata are in two isolated pools of light, and mirror each other's moves until Latn reaches past her reflection and the Lirtux Giat comes fo Lata and they hug. ADMONIA then joins them as Laa sings, Music underscored.) i. ‘Tue Covonen Museum Lata: WHAT'S LEFT IS THE GIRL INSIDE ‘THE GIRL WHO DIED ‘SO A NEW GIRL COULD BE BORN SLOW FADE TO BLACK Permutations Lights up om Nomune Seas Remsos. She i very Southernicountry and very young, She wearsa simp faded print dress and her hair, slightly mussed, is in plaits. She sits, her dress covering a large oval object.) Nowuat: My mama used to say, God made the excep- tional then God made the special and when God got bored, he made me. ‘Course she dont say too much of nuthin’ no more, not since I lay me ths ews (She lifts her dress to uncover a large, white egg lay {ng Between her legs) ‘Ya see it all got started when I had me sexual rela- tions with the garbage man. Ooowee, did he smell. No, not bad. No! He smelled ofall the good things folks never shoulda thrown away, His eweat was i cantaloupe juice. His neck was like a ripered straw Berry. Ad the water that el from is yes was ik a-deep, dark, julcysjuicy grape. I tell ya, it was like fuckin fruit salad oniytdi’t spit out the seeds. 1 epi them hee, dep inside, And three days later, my belly commence to swel, real big like Well my mama locked me off in, some dark room, refusin’ to let me see light of day ‘cause, “What Would the neighbors think.” At first {cried alot, but then I grew used to livin’ my days in the dark, and my nights in the dark... (She hums) And then it wash’t but a week or so lier, my mama off at church, that I got this hurtin’ feelin’ down here. Worse than any- thing 'd ever known. And then I started bleedin’, real bad. 1 mean there was blood everywhere. And the pain had me howiin’ like a near-dead dog. Ltell ya, 1 ‘was yellin’ so loud, T couldn't even heat’ myself. Noooooooo! Nooooco! Carrying on something like at. ‘i ‘Tw Covonty Museum And guess i was ust too much for the body to take, eae next thing] remember. is me coming {0 Sa Sheree this big white egg layin’ ‘tween my legs. Fiat Thought somebody musta putt there as some Eind of joke: But then I noticed that all ‘round this ‘Gu were thin lines of blood that I

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