Running Head: REFLECTIONS ON OBSERVED BIRTHS 1

Reflections on Observed Births

Isila Soto Abreu

Midwives College of Utah

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My first encounter with the midwifery was through my naturopath who spoke to me about the

natural birth process and of the work of the midwives as guides. My sister and I were pregnant at

the same time, and we decided to take childbirth classes together. We learned from the vision of

midwives about physiological birth, comfort measures and chiropractic adjustments among other

valuable things. All this led me to a new perspective: I would otherwise have lived my process

with the learned fears, surely with the outcome that many augured. I always say I was a mental

vbac, since my mother had had three c-sections, and that was something I had to fight.

My thoughts about birth changed since I observed my first homebirth. It was my sister's, and

it was one of the most powerful, incredible and surreal experiences of my life. I was witnessing a

miracle, and I was pregnant at that time, I confirmed that I had taken the best decision of having

a homebirth too. I can say I still had fears, but my intuition always guided me to stay optimistic

and expect for the best. So, after giving birth to my baby, I contemplated becoming a doula. I

thought that the support of the doula can be very valuable in the hospital setting. This is where

women are most vulnerable and exposed to the rampant obstetric violence we live in. I finally

decided to become a perinatal educator. This way she could educate the families in their

pregnancy process and then serve them during childbirth.

Apart from my sister's, all the deliveries I've served have been in the hospital. As one would

expect, each case has been unique and made me grow in empathy and admiration of each of the

women to which I have been companion in such sublime but hasty event. We have had always

our space to work on comfort measures, and I have always noticed that it is the mother's own

decision not to allow herself more liberties. Perhaps the fears and pain stop them from thinking

of hospital providers as "superiors." That feeling is something that we must continue to eradicate

from our woman's psyche.

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Protocols always take charge at the time of expulsion: moving to the delivery room, and

henceforth be an obstetric controlled birth. It is always the most stressful moment for me. I see a

woman who is no longer the owner of her movements, having to submit to the required positions,

the directed pushing, sometimes having to tolerate comments of misogyny, episiotomies that are

not necessary and forcing the baby to come out violently. I have learned to stay in peace at this

point. To accept that is not my decisions to be made, and to be in tune with that mothers need to

be understood, supported and accompanied in such difficult moment.

I have always felt the appreciation of the mothers for my company. Sometimes it is frustrating

to know that I could not do more for them, although it is something they do not feel mad for. Is a

sense of being overvalued. At this point, is where midwifery becomes a profession of

incalculable value to protect these human and female rights that we have not learned to defend

because they do not teach us that we have them.

One of the births that influenced me the most, was one in which we were spend 24 hours in

the hospital room for the process of dilation. It seemed to be one of those births that will flow

without major setbacks, but the mother was dealing with her birth rather than opening to it. She

eventually asked for an epidural during the hours of dawn. I felt somewhat sad, because I felt

that her decision may have had consequences that would hinder a birth that was not difficult. The

process of calling the anesthetist lasted several hours. Thinking that it was better to continue the

process of giving comfort, I suggested it. To my surprise, the anesthetist was clear on all the

consequences of administering the medication, and finally the woman decided not having it. We

were able to talk, so she understood that it was best to let go of the pain and get into the flow of

the process. It was a great ending. We were four people born that day. A baby opened its eyes to

the world, a mother felt strong, happy and proud to achieve what in a moment could not do; a
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dad who could not contain his happiness and pride, and learned to see his wife with other eyes,

because I perceived that they could come from a difficult relationship. And I learned with that

birth that I could act to make the difference, how important could be the support of a doula in the

most transcendental moment, where a decision could change the whole panorama. I learned how

empathy becomes the act of collaborating to make a change. It was beautiful to feel how much

they valued and appreciated my company.

I have been companion to first time mothers and then at their second births. This is

something very special, because I perceive it as the repetition of a previous experience that was

pleasant for them. In these births I was able to watch strong and brave women who managed to

understand how to take control and flow through their labor. I am grateful to have always

observed "perfect" deliveries.

I also had the honor of being chosen as a mourning doula. This family was expecting a baby

with congenital defects who was not going to survive after birth. It was a very special moment

full of strong feelings, very sad, but with the fulfillment of being blessed to have been chosen to

live that unique moment that will remain etched in the memory and hearts of this parents for the

rest of their lives.

Our ideas about our rights will change and improve, little by little, I am sure of that. My

contribution as a midwife will unite efforts to others, changing existing paradigms about health

care. With the changes that are occurring in the world it is important to educate people about the

importance of prevention and modes of self-care. My mission is to be able to get more women to

understand the importance of obtaining optimal health since preconception, and after conception

to offer continuity of care I am ben taught. That will help achieve the better outcomes we need

for a better, more loving world. As I stated in my clinical plan for the semester, my biggest
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challenge is dealing with time because of all the academic load I have, making it somewhat

difficult to add the clinical work. The plan is to start as an apprentice next August, after finishing

my master degree. I am sure this will add valuable skills that I can practice in my clinical work.

My vision of prevention and natural care will be my best allies in this effort. For the human part,

being an observer has made me grow in empathy, love and understanding of other people. I hope

that makes me a better human being and a good health provider, making me to want to explore

more ways of helping others. Having watched each of these births as a tangible miracle, grows

my faith and hope in humankind. This is the best contribution that these experiences had brought

to my life, and I am grateful for these opportunities.