Domestic Violence and The Jewish Woman: An Exploratory Study

Domestic Violence and the Jewish Woman:
An Exploratory Study
Ellen R. DeVoe
Gretchen Borges
Kathryn Conroy
ABSTRACT. This study was designed to examine associations among

Jewish religious identifications, beliefs and traditions, and womens expe-
riences of domestic violence in several Jewish sub-populations (Reform,
Orthodox, or former Soviet migr) who had sought help for domestic vi-
olence in the New York City area. Women were recruited through agen-
cies affiliated with UJA-Federation Task Force on Family Violence and
through Reform rabbis throughout the New York City metropolitan area.
An in-depth interview was developed which focused on subjects defini-
tions of domestic violence, perceptions of social support, help-seeking
within the religious and professional communities, and decision-making
about their relationships. Women also provided demographic information
and completed survey questions related to religiosity, denominational af-
filiation, and connection to Judaism. Standard measures addressed the
types and severity of violence expereinced by the subject, the impact of
partner violence, depression, and mental health functioning. Findings
from this pilot study were limited by small sample size (N = 12) and the
heterogeneity of experiences among participants. However, the investiga-
tors identified several critical issues related to conducting research on part-
ner violence within the Jewish community. [Article copies available for a fee
from The Haworth Document Delivery Service: 1-800-342-9678. E-mail address:
<getinfo@haworthpressinc.com> Website: <http://www.HaworthPress.com> 2001
by The Haworth Press, Inc. All rights reserved.]
This study was sponsored by the UJA-Federation and the Jewish Board of Family &
Childrens Services, and funded by a grant from the Jack and Zella Butler Fund to the
Center for the Study of Social Work Practice.
Journal of Religion & Abuse, Vol. 3(1/2) 2001
2001 by The Haworth Press, Inc. All rights reserved. 21
22 JOURNAL OF RELIGION & ABUSE
KEYWORDS. Domestic violence, abuse, Judaism, religion
I. INTRODUCTION
Intimate partner violence abuse transcends socioeconomic class, cul-
tural and religious background, and educational levels (Goodman,
Koss, Fitzgerald, Russo, & Keita, 1993). In the United States, it has
been estimated that each year between 4 and 8.7 million women of all
races and classes are battered by an intimate partner (Roberts &
Burman, 1998, Straus & Gelles, 1986) and some scholars predict that
50% of all women will be victims of domestic violence at some point in
their lives (Littleton, 1989; Mahoney, 1991; Walker, 1979). However,
while domestic violence crosses demographic boundaries, it has been
associated with various religious beliefs. Some have theorized that
more traditional religious practices may contribute to an environment in
which domestic violence can occur (Bowker, 1988). Furthermore, bat-
tered women often seek counsel from members of the clergy or religious
community. On this topic, there is a handful of studies documenting how
religious leaders have responded to battered womens requests for guid-
ance (Cwik, 1996; Wilkins & Wright, 1988). But with few exceptions
(see Horsburgh, 1995), the limited research conducted to date has fo-
cused on Christian denominations with minimal attention to Jewish
families and clergy. Hence, while we know that domestic violence oc-
curs among people of all religious persuasions, we know little about the
specific dynamics involved in partner violence within Jewish commu-
nities.
The small literature on domestic violence within Jewish denomina-
tions is expanding slowly, relative to the explosion of study of domestic
violence in the general population and specific sub-populations. This
body of work is comprised almost exclusively of conceptual writings,
commentary, and anecdotal work, with few recent or empirical studies
(Eisikovitz, Guttman, Sela-Amit, & Edleson, 1993; Frishtik, 1990,
1991; Graetz, 1995; Jacobs & Dimarsky, 1991/1992). Several major
themes, revolving primarily around Jewish law and cultural traditions,
informed the research questions and design of the current study and will
be reviewed briefly here. While these concepts are extremely relevant
to understanding the presumed dynamics of domestic violence within
Jewish families, they also offer a context within which to understand the
DeVoe, Borges, and Conroy 23
challenges of conducting research on partner violence with this popula-

tion.
Review of the Literature on Domestic Violence Within Jewish Families
Denial of the existence of domestic violence within Jewish families

appears to be strong (Horsburgh, 1995). In fact, researchers have had dif-
ficulty assessing scope of partner violence within the Jewish population
because of low response rates by Jewish participants in research studies
on the topic (e.g., Straus & Gelles, 1985; National Council of Jewish
Women, 1988). Nonetheless, available evidence suggests that the inci-
dence and prevalence of domestic violence in the Jewish community are
similar to rates in other communities (National Council on Jewish Women,
1988; Harris, 1985; Jacobs & Dimarsky, 1991; Spiegel, 1997). For exam-
ple, an estimate by the organization Jewish Women International indicates
that 15 to 25 percent of all Jewish households experience domestic vio-
lence. Although rates also appear to be comparable across Jewish move-
ments (Giller & Goldsmith, 1980), at least one survey of Orthodox,
Conservative and Reform rabbis reveals the belief among Orthodox rab-
bis that domestic violence does not occur as frequently within their con-
gregations as in others or among the general population (Cwik, 1996).
The reality of domestic violence among contemporary Jewish fami-
lies also is reflected in a handful of studies of Jewish women who live in
Israel (e.g., Eisikovtis, Guttman, Sela-Amit, & Edelson, 1993; Rabin,
Markus, & Voghera, 1999) and from U.S. Jewish organizations which
serve battered women and their families. Historical evidence of wife
abuse among Jews is revealed in writings of the post-Talmudic period
during which rabbis were challenged with the dilemmas of whether and
how to enact laws to address the problem within their communities
(Frishtik, 1990). Unlike other populations, though, there has been little
systematic or empirical study of Jewish batterers or Jewish battered
women. A few comparative studies have been conducted in which the
experiences of Jewish women are contrasted to those of women from
other groups (e.g., Harris, 1996; Rabin, Markus, & Voghera, 1999).
While these investigations are important beginning efforts, research on
Jewish domestic violence is needed.
Cultural and Religious Traditions
An examination of cultural and religious traditions within the Jewish

community and across Jewish movements is critical to understanding
the unique dynamics of partner violence among Jewish couples and the
impact of partner violence upon Jewish women. Although much of
Halakhic law is followed by more observant and Orthodox families,
many families with looser ties to the Jewish community are influenced
by Jewish cultural background and traditions (Horsburgh, 1995). The
practice of barring children of parents with invalid religious divorces
from marrying Orthodox or Conservative Jewish partners is an extreme
reflection of such influence (Breitowitz, 1997-2000). Several issues
emanating from Jewish law and cultural traditions and ideals have been
identified in the literature as central to the difficulties Jewish communi-
ties have in acknowledging and addressing domestic violence among
their own.
Halakhah and Domestic Violence. Of primary importance, espe-
cially for Orthodox Jews, is the issue of how domestic abuse is posi-
tioned within Halakhah. Although contemporary movements within
Judaism, including most Orthodox branches (e.g., as represented by the
Rabbinical Council of America), have condemned wife abuse (Horsburgh,
1995), an examination of influential rabbinical commentary on domestic
violence belies an historical lack of consensus among scholars regarding
the appropriateness of wife abuse within families. For example, an analysis
of the Responsa literature between the 12th and 16th centuries reveals that
although a majority of sages condemned wife abuse regardless of cir-
cumstances, there were those who made the distinction between good
and bad wives in considering whether physical abuse against wives
might sometimes be acceptable (Frishtik, 1990). As one Jewish legal
scholar explained:
It is permissible to beat ones wife, not only when she behaves vul-
garly, as when cursing her husband or members of her family, but
also when she does not fulfill her household tasks, as follows:
Any woman who refrains from performing any of the tasks she is
obligated to perform, she may be compelled to do them, and even
by means of a whip (Maimonides, op. cit., Laws of Marital Sta-
tus). (Frishtik, 1990; p. 137)
Thus, physical abuse of the rebellious wife was condoned by some

influential rabbinical sages. On the other hand, many sages, primarily in
France and Germany, recognized that beaten Jewish wives could de-
mand a divorce. The existence of a stringent proscription against wife
beating in these areas of Northern Europe attests to the magnitude of the
problem of domestic violence during this historical period (Grossman,

1991).
Jewish law is clear regarding sexual contact in that intimate relations
are dictated by mutual consent and never by force (Frishtik, 1990). For
Orthodox couples, sexual relations are informed further by the laws of
family purity which stipulate abstinence from contact during the men-
ses with ritual purification marking the end of the womans niddah sta-
tus (Cwik, 1995).
Shalom Bayit & the Centrality of Marriage and Family. One essen-
tial function of Jewish law is to guide and enhance marital and family
relations in the pursuit of shalom bayit. This notion of harmonious func-
tioning in the home is central to perceptions of the Jewish family ideal,
and transcends denominational affiliation or level of observance. Sha-
lom bayit is supported both by scriptural and rabbinic laws, many of
which have evolved into daily rituals intended to govern family interac-
tions within Jewish families from all movements. Specific codes of con-
duct include prohibitions against physically harming another person . . .
from shaming someone else, from speaking ill about another, [and] from
engaging in any type of forced sexual contact (Jacobs & Dimarsky,
1991; p. 98). However, if shalom bayit is disrupted by family problems,
including domestic violence, the concerns of shanda discourage Jewish
families from seeking assistance outside of their religious communities.
Shanda, described as the exposure of the problems of Jewish families to
non-Jews, is viewed as a shaming of all Jewish people. Thus, shanda
creates another critical barrier to the acknowledgement of wife abuse in
Jewish families.
Marriage is designed for both spouses to achieve a positive spiritual
state (Cwik, 1996; p. 170) and to ensure the perpetuation of the Jewish
people. The standards for Jewish marriage are reflected in the rabbinical
concept of marital unions as an expression of holiness (Giller, 1991).
Accordingly, the Jewish husband is taught to love his wife as much as
he loves himself and to honor her more (Sota 47a; Yavamot 62b). The
husband who is able to achieve this state is rewarded with shalom bayit.
A valid Jewish marriage must be entered into voluntarily by both par-
ties and be initiated by the man and consented to by the woman. A key
part of a Jewish wedding is the sanctification of the marriage, when the
groom gives a ring to the bride and says: Behold you are consecrated to
me with this ring according to the laws of Moses and Israel. These
words are also part of the marriage document, or ketubah, a premarital
agreement that specifies the husbands responsibilities to the wife and
what he must provide should he divorce her. The ketubah, which
evolved as a protection for the wife against destitution, is given by the

groom to the bride and must be signed by two witnesses. Without this
document, a Jewish man and woman are not to live together (Yevamot
62b, as cited in Cwik, 1995; p. 170).
Jewish Divorce: Historical and Contemporary Perspectives. The
halachic laws of marriage and divorce reflect the European Jewish
communities judicial autonomy during the medieval era (Bleich,
1997). These independent courts had complete authority in matters of
marriage and divorce. Today, when no single religious court can repre-
sent the entire Jewish community, jurisdictional disputes between the
religious and civil courts are becoming more frequent, with the realm of
marriage and divorce being the most problematic. (For extensive dis-
cussions and listings of relevant court decisions and legislation, see
<www.jlaw.com>.) The traditions and laws of Jewish marriage have
given rise to problems in resolving issues raised by divorce cases and
have critical implications for observant Jewish women who choose to
separate from an abusive husband.
As with Jewish marriage, a strong network of customs and religious
law determines the validity of a divorce. Early Judaism, based on a pas-
sage in the Bible, permitted divorce as a solution to troubled marriages:
When a man taketh a wife and marrieth her, then it cometh to pass,
if she finds no favor in his eyes, because he hath found some un-
seemly thing in her, he writeth her a bill of divorcement, giveth it
in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; and she departeth out
of his house, and goeth and becometh another mans wife. (Deu-
teronomy 24: 1-2)
The rabbinical tradition recognizes the possibility of unhappy mar-

riages, but considers remaining in an unhappy marriage to be better than
living a happy life in solitude (Yevamot, 118b, as cited in Cwik, 1995;
p. 177). According to the Talmud, (Gittin, 9b, as cited in Frishtik, 1990;
p. 150) the Temple altar sheds tears for those being divorced. Thus
while divorce is discouraged, it is allowed by both custom and religious
law.
In addition to a civil decree, an observant Jewish wife wishing to di-
vorce must obtain a religious decree or get. But with blurred lines of ju-
risdiction between religious and civil courts, an increasing number of
divorced Jewish women are facing an uncertain future because of diffi-
culties obtaining the get. Only a husband may initiate a divorce. The
wife may petition the court and under certain conditions, they might di-
rect him to divorce her. The husband also can refuse his wife a get, with-
out which she is an agunah, chained but no longer married to her
husband and an outcast without a role in the Jewish community. If she
remarries without a get, she is committing adultery and children from
this union will be mamzerim, illegitimate and prohibited from marrying
into the Jewish community for ten generations. The magnitude of the
agunah problem is highlighted by the number of articles on the issue,
civil legislation in the U.S., Canada, and Israel which attempts to limit
its occurrence, and statistics slowly being gathered on the number of
women lost in this state (<www.members.aol.com/Agunah/>).
When the husband is recalcitrant, the wife can approach the Bet Din
(rabbinical court), but the laws for admitting evidence and witnesses
make her case difficult to establish and even more difficult to win. If the
court does find in her favor, it can put sanctions on the husband to encour-
age him to issue the get. In the past, the sanctions levied by the Bet Din in
small communities could lower a mans social and spiritual status; how-
ever, as the power and influence of Bet Din have diminished, the diffi-
culty of obtaining a get from a recalcitrant husband has increased.
A halachic solution to the agunah problem has not yet been achieved.
Rabbis from some movements suggest that it is not their place to change
the law. Recently, however, Orthodox rabbis in the New York area have
been proposing annulmentpartly as a solution and partly to push for a
solution. To unify the voices of Reform, Conservative, and Orthodox
communities when an interface with the civil court is imperative, a na-
tional or international Bet Din has been proposed (Breitowitz, 1997);
however, other challenges emerge with this proposal (e.g., not all of the
communities will accept women rabbis on Beit Din.) In the end, real
change can only come within the system of Jewish law (Horsburgh,
1995). It is only within this system that Jewish laws are binding.
In the context of domestic violence, withholding the get can be used
by men as leverage, to secure a better settlement or custody, or even as
blackmail, to obtain money and/or assets in exchange for the get. Obser-
vant Jewish women are thus increasingly vulnerable, left with the
choices of staying in an abusive situation, becoming an agunah, or ac-
quiescing to the demands husbands make in exchange for the get.
Implications of Jewish Law, Traditions, and Culture

for Domestic Violence
The above-described collection of Jewish laws and cultural traditions

strongly contribute to the belief that domestic violence is contradictory
to being Jewish. Giller (1991) writes of conflicting standards facing

Jewish families in American society, one of which is the discrepancy
between the idealized version of the Jewish family and the reality of
some Jewish families. Another group of scholars argues that shalom
bayit is a dangerous myth (Jacobs & Dimarsky, 1991). One conse-
quence of these standards is that the Jewish woman who finds herself
battered by her partner may be confused that her partner has been abu-
sive to her, and so ashamed of her familys failure to meet the cultural
standard that she does not seek assistance within her community. How-
ever, the taboo of revealing Jewish problems outside of the community
may prevent her from seeking help elsewhere. Further, particularly for
more observant women, the importance placed on family, the inability
to initiate a divorce from a violent husband, and the fear of becoming an
agunah may prohibit her from pursuing separation. These factors, ei-
ther singly or in combination, place a tremendous burden on Jewish bat-
tered women who are struggling to maintain their families and identities
in ways that are culturally consistent, in addition to coping with the
mental health consequences of the violence they experience at the
hands of their intimate partners. Given these challenges, it is incumbent
upon the Jewish community to devise ways to identify and to hold Jew-
ish batterers accountable for their actions and to create solutions for
Jewish battered women which allow them to come forward without
compromising their ability to practice Judaism.
The Need for Research
Despite the barriers to addressing domestic violence within the Jew-

ish community, there are many scholars, practitioners, and religious
leaders who are extremely invested and active in dealing with this social
problem. The concern of the larger Jewish community is reflected in
coverage of the problem in popular and academic literature, organiza-
tional responses, such as the extensive activities of the Jewish Women
International organization, and on domestic violence and divorce-related
web resources. However, as noted, the manner in which Jewish religious
and cultural traditions and biases influence womens experiences of do-
mestic violence has not been studied systematically. Since cultural back-
ground influences how women define physical, emotional, sexual, and
economic abuse, how they react to abuse, why they stay in abusive rela-
tionships, and what systems of support are helpful to cope with domestic
violence (McGee, 1997; Fischbach & Herbert, 1997), an understanding of
these cultural influences is crucial to providing intervention at any level.
The current pilot study was designed to address the critical intersection
of Judaism and woman abuse, with the goal of identifying key elements
for intervention in partner violence among Jewish families.
II. METHOD
Research Questions
1. How do Jewish traditions and cultural biases influence beliefs

about domestic violence for Jewish women?
2. How do their traditions and cultural biases influence Jewish
womens responses to domestic violence?
3. How does the presence or absence of social and family support sys-
tems influence Jewish womens responses to domestic violence?
Eligibility. Jewish women over the age of 18 years who had sought
services for domestic violence within the past two years were eligible to
participate in the study. Three groups were identified by the UJA-Fed-
eration for recruitment: (1) Orthodox or traditional movement, (2) for-
mer Soviet Union migr community, and (3) Reform movement.
However, because of difficulty identifying women with more recent
partner violence experiences, this requirement was relaxed.
Procedures
In-Depth Interviews. A semi-structured interview was developed us-

ing both open-ended inquiry and questions from standardized instru-
ments. The questionnaire was designed to gather information regarding
religiosity, experience of partner abuse, support from family and reli-
gious communities, system responses, and perceptions of the useful-
ness of services. Open-ended questions encouraged women to describe
and elaborate their experiences of domestic violence, specifically re-
garding their perceptions of abuse and the worst experience of abuse.
Standardized quantitative measures addressed the type and extent of
partner abuse experienced by each woman; however, because of the
small sample size, these data are not presented here.1
Recruitment. Key staff at agencies affiliated the UJA-Federation
Task Force on Family Violence were identified collaborators to coordi-
nate recruitment of subjects. These clinicians and administrators were
apprised of the study and were asked to provide information about par-
ticipation to clients who might qualify. In addition, a flyer was distrib-

uted to 114 Reform rabbis who were asked to include a description of
the study in their community newsletters.
III. FINDINGS
Sample. Twenty-five women were identified for possible participa-

tion in the study. Nineteen women were identified by recruiting agen-
cies and six women inquired after learning about the study from
community newsletters. Of these women, 18 agreed to participate and
14 participated in interviews. Three interviews were conducted in Rus-
sian or through a translator. Interviews lasted between 1.5 and 3 hours,
with longer interviews comprised of those conducted with migr
women. One woman dropped out of the study after completing more
than half of the interview, and another woman provided incomplete data
for much of the questionnaire. The remaining four women were not in-
terviewed because of repeated scheduling problems. The final sample
consisted of 12 women.
Demographics. The average age of the women at the time of the in-
terview was 43.5 years (SD = 8.7 years) with a range from age 31 to age
57 years. The average age of the batterers was reported as 47.8 years
(SD = 9.7 years) with a range from 35 to 63 years. Women had been in-
volved with their partners for an average 16.8 years, but the range was
from one year of dating to 33 years of marriage. Four women had been
in marriages between for 25 and 33 years. Nine women had children
(range from one to six children). The sample was well-educated, on the
whole, with nine women having attended college or graduate school.
One woman from the former Soviet Union had completed grade school
and another (non-immigrant) subject had completed high school. Part-
ners were reportedly less well-educated although four women did not
know their partners educational attainment.
At the time of the interview, nine women were employed (eight
full-time) and two were homemakers. One participant, a physician in
her country of origin, was studying for the licensure which would allow
her to practice medicine in the U.S. but was supported by TANF. A
wide range of monthly income was reported, from $475 to over $12,000
per month, with a median of $1600; however, three women were not
able to recall or compute their most recent monthly income levels.
Denominational Affiliation. Jewish denominational affiliation was
assessed using items adapted from the National Jewish Population
Study (2000) questionnaire. The first question regarding Jewish identi-

fication was as follows: How do you define or think of yourself
Jewishly? Additional questions and response options from the NJPS
were adapted and are summarized in Table 1.
Womens categorizations of both their own and their abusive part-
ners affiliations are summarized here (Table 1a).
Only two women described themselves as not very identified with
their designated Jewish denominational affiliation (e.g., secular and
TABLE 1. Questions Regarding Denominational Affiliation
Question Response Options

(1) Referring to Jewish religious (1) Conservative
denominations, do you consider (2) Orthodox
yourself to be: (3) Reform
(4) Reconstructionist
(2) Referring to Jewish religious (5) Just Jewish/Culturally Jewish
denominations, do you consider your (6) Hasidic/Lubavitch/ Chabad
partner to be: (7) Haredi (Ultra orthodox)
(8) Secular
(3) Referring to Jewish denominations, do
(9) Non-Practicing Jew
you consider your present household,
(10) Not identified with an denomination
as a whole, to be:
(11) Something else? Specify
(4) To what extent do you identify (4) Extremely
yourself as (Denominational
Affiliation)? Would you say: (3) Very
(5) To what extent does your partner (2) Somewhat
identify himself as (Denominational
Affiliation)? Would you say: (1) Not Very
TABLE 1a. Denominational Affiliation of Women and Partners
Denomination Women Partners

Conservative 2 2
Orthodox 2 1
Reform 2 1
Just Jewish 2 1
Hasidic 0 1
Secular 1 0
Non-Practicing 2 3
Not Identified 1 1
Something Else 0 1
Totals 12 11*
*One woman was unsure of her partners Jewish affiliation.
non-practicing Jew). Four women (one each: Conservative, Just Jew-

ish, Non-practicing, and Not identified) categorized themselves as
somewhat identified with the designated affiliation and the remaining
six women (one Conservative, one Just Jewish, and two each Ortho-
dox and Reform) characterized themselves as very or extremely
identified.
Even though a wide range of specific responses was included to cate-
gorize denominations, subjects self-identified Jewish affiliations did
not fit cleanly into the existing categories. Many women described their
affiliations in multiple ways, detailing complex belief systems, variable
rituals and practices, and levels of observance. Several identified more
than one category of denominational affiliation, and others described an
evolving sense of Jewish identification. Of particular note for this re-
search, several women referred to themselves as Orthodox in their de-
scriptions of themselves but did not select Orthodox as their designated
denominational affiliation on the survey.
A second section of the interview further explored womens Jewish
identities. In this section, entitled Connection to Judaism/Jewish Peo-
ple, items from the NJPS were employed to tap this dimension of bat-
tered Jewish womens experiences. Womens responses are summarized
in Table 2 below.
Themes from In-Depth Interviews
Subjects were asked several open-ended questions to encourage

elaboration of each womans unique experience of partner violence, the
impact of her Jewish faith on her decision-making, perceptions of social
support, and the influence of domestic violence on her commitment to
Judaism. Excerpts from selected interviews are presented here.
Experiences of Domestic Violence
Regarding their experiences of partner violence, women were asked

to describe (1) how and when they realized that their partner was abu-
sive, and (2) their worst experience in the context of abuse.
Women from the Former Soviet Union. A 38-year old woman from
the former Soviet Union who is pursuing a divorce from her husband
described her worst experience as follows: He opened a gas container
and sprayed me. It wasnt really strong gas, so I didnt die. He cracked
my head, broke my nose, and I was constantly in hospitals. She ex-
TABLE 2. Connection to Judaism/Jewish Peoplea
Survey Question: Connection to Judaism Number of Women

Endorsing Very or
Extremely
(1) How emotionally attached are you to the Jewish 8 (67%)
people?
(2) As a Jew, how responsible do you feel for helping 10 (83%)
people in need or distress?
(3) To what extent are Jewish traditions relevant to your 6 (50%)
life today?
(4) To what extent do you feel a special responsibility to 4 (33%)
help Jews in need around the world?
(5) How meaningful to you are most synagogue services you 6 (50%)
attend?
(6) To what extent does being Jewish connect you to your 4 (33%)
familys past?
(7) To what extent does Jewish law (halacha) guide how you 3 (25%)
behave?
(8) To what extent is being a Jew an important part of how you 6 (50%)
see yourself?
(9) To what extent do you feel comfortable attending synagogue 7 (58%)
services?
(10) To what extent do your knowledge and skills enable you to 5 (41%)
participate in synagogue services?
(11) How important is being Jewish in your life? 8 (67%)
(12) To what extent does cost limit your participation in Jewish 4 (33%)
life?
(13) When you travel, how likely are you to seek out Jewish 3 (25%)
sites?
(14) To what extent are you active in a synagogue, temple or 2 (17%)
havurah?
aThe following instructions and response scale were offered. As you read a short list of statements,
please rate each one using the following scale: Extremely (5), Very (4), Somewhat (3), Not Very (2), Not
at all (1).
plained that she tried to cope by attempting to please him and never
talking back. Another migr woman in her 50s is still married to her
abusive husband. She stated that she was not identified with any denom-
ination in her home country because her family was barred from the
practice of Judaism. Currently, she views her family as Orthodox. This
survivor described her worst experiences of abuse as when he is ner-
voushe beats, he hits, he runs after me. I try not to say a word when I
see that he is nervous. I know to shut my mouth and I cry in the corner.
More pressing concerns for this participant, however, were financial is-
sues, mental health problems, and adjustment difficulties her family
was facing due to poverty and immigration.
A 33-year old migr woman with an advanced degree from her
country of origin explained that her husband used her immigration sta-
tus and transition to the U.S. as weapons against her. She recognized
that her husband was abusive prior to leaving her home country. She ex-
plained:
A long time before . . . he yelled at me and not used good words. I

was so surprised because no one used bad words. Even in the good
times, I tried to understand and do what he wants. After our daugh-
ter was born, he cant control himselfhe start to use his handsnot
so hard the first time. It was even so bad there (in her home coun-
try) that I didnt want to come (to the U.S.) and then he asked for
forgiveness and I came. Once in the U.S., he realized I didnt have
anyone.
When asked what the worst experience of abuse was, she described
the following:
Mental abuse. He control everything. He want to control my

thoughts. . . . When he start to be violent, I was so surprised be-
cause its not like that in my family. In the last six months, I was
like animalso scared of him. I was afraid of him so much last
time. Physical pain you quickly forget but mental pain you feel
like youre nothing. Before I had self-esteem and good position.
Women from the U.S. A 38-year old woman who identified herself as
Conservative, described her worst experiences with her then-fiance as
follows:
During a verbal argument, he grabbed my arm and threw me on the

floorslapping me in the face. I tried to leave but he wouldnt let
mehe pinned me down and kept slapping me. (He left) black and
blue marks. That morning there was also a fight and he shook me
and threw me on the floor. . . . The next day, the counselor told me
that both incidents were physical abuse.
When asked how she has managed to cope with these experiences,
she explained: Overall pretty well. Two years after the abuse, Im able
to move on. Its hard to see him on certain occasions. Im still mad at
friends who abandoned me and coming to terms myself. Dealing with
guilt and embarrassment. When do I tell a future partner about my
past?
A 45-year old woman, also self-identified as Conservative, under-
stood that her partner was abusive seven years into her 13-year mar-
riage. She explained that there were different kinds (of the worst
abuse) for different reasons. For example, she recalled the worst physi-
cal abuse as during a time when she had been wearing a neckbrace for
another injury and her husband intentionally stops, starts and jerks the
car to cause me pain. She jumped out of the car and her husband left
her there. In describing another type of abuse, she remembered a holi-
day season during which her husband repeatedly called her a fat, ugly
bitch.
A 34-year old Orthodox woman, who recently had been granted a get
after nearly six years of pursuit, stated that she realized her partner was
abusive not long after she was married. She elaborated,
He didnt want me to work. He said I cared too much about work.

Once my son was born, it got worse. He said, Youre leaving the
child at home. He only wanted me to stay with the baby so I
would stay home. He didnt realize that the only reason we had
medical and dental (insurance) was because I was working.
Her recollection of the worst abuse was when she was 6 1/2 months
pregnant with her second child. She explained, He got a call from work
and he didnt like the way the shirt was ironed. So he kicked me in the
stomach.
A 44-year old woman, self-described as Orthodox to the right, had
been divorced (civil and Jewish) for two years at the time of the inter-
view. She recalled that her husband began to cut her off from her family
as soon as the couple returned from their honeymoon, by informing her
that she was not allowed to invite her sister into their home. When asked
to describe her perceptions of the worst abuse, she responded, Was it
when he choked my daughter or kicked me with his cowboy boots? I
still have a bruise and its been a good 6-7 years ago. I should have gone
to the hospital but we were having a blizzard. He had real heavy cowboy
boots with the blunted toe.
A 51-year old mother of two, who is not identified with a denomina-
tion, realized that her husband was abusive when she was in her thirties
and her children were young. At the time, she explained, I was home
with 2 small children and no place to go. He threatened me that if I tried

to dissolve the marriage, he would get custody. So, I stayed because of
thatI acquiesced and maintained the status quo . . . The worst aspect
of partner abuse, for her, was the daily existence of when he was dis-
pleased. Silent treatment. . . . Slamming doors and cabinets. Arguments
and yellingwhich I find a form of abuse. He would belittle me. He
would say, Now listen to me as if I werent bright enough to compre-
hend what he was saying to me. Similarly, a 52-year old mother of two
who had been married for 33 years, stated, The worst experience for
me is my children seeing and hearing the relationship. The children see-
ing me as a demeaned person . . .
Judaism and Domestic Violence
Women were asked to respond to the following questions related to

the intersection of their religious beliefs and their experiences of partner
violence: (1) How has concept of shalom bayit influenced your deci-
sions? (2) How have your experiences of abuse affected your religious
faith? and (3) How has Judaism influenced your decision-making about
your relationship?
Shalom Bayit. Surprisingly, many of the women indicated that the
concept of shalom bayit had not figured prominently in their deci-
sion-making about their relationships. For some women, shalom bayit
provided an ideal of Jewish home life that was inspirational and influ-
enced their decision to leave their marriages. For others, however, the
concept was either a source of shame for them because their families
were not living up to this standard or was the reason they decided to stay
with their partners as long as they did. For example, a 53-year old
Reconstructionist woman explained, I thought this was not a Jewish
thing. So we should be able to work it out and get help for the family. I
didnt think this happened in Jewish families. Another 44-year old Or-
thodox woman stated that she stayed in marriage and gave it all I got
because of shalom bayit.
Interaction Between Domestic Violence Experiences and Womens
Faith. Again, womens responses to this issue were mixed. Several
women from different denominations or movements stated that experi-
encing domestic violence had not affected their beliefs or commitment
to Judaism at all nor had Judaism factored into their decision-making
about their relationships in any significant way. Other womens reac-
tions ranged from greatly challenging their faith in G-d and Judaism to
seeking refuge within their religious beliefs and communities. For ex-
ample, reflecting the former reaction, one 33-year old migr woman
explained that her experiences have affected her religious beliefs very
much. I feel anger that my husband was so observant and religious but
did not follow the point of his religion in his own home and was so abu-
sive. There are many interpretations of the Torah. My husband did not
seem to understand that in the Torah, women are given preferencea
special place. A 34-year old Orthodox woman remarked,
Jewish religion? Its gone down. I wasnt religious for two years
because of (abuse). If it wasnt for my children, then I dont know
if I would keep any of it. Everything is up to the manwhen he
wants to give a divorce, and when he wants to sleep with
youthats always up to the man. But my kids have to know where
they came fromso at least Ill give them the basics.
Finally, a 45-year old Conservative woman stated, Jewish men

make better husbands? HA!
By contrast, other women described a strengthening or changing of
their religious beliefs as they moved out of abusive relationships. A
38-year old Conservative Jewish woman explained that Judaism influ-
enced her decision making . . . only in helping me to be strong. Real-
izing whats important in a partner. My conservative rabbi said, The
first mitzvahG-d tells Adamyou leave your family and you join your
wife. This was powerful for me because it reiterated what I thought. I
felt second to his parents. I thought maybe having kids would raise me
to number one until I realized I would become number three on his
rung. A 53-year old Reform woman also described how she was influ-
enced by a rabbi during her crisis with partner abuse: A female rabbi
dissuaded me of the notion that I would be with an abuser forever. Also
there was a book a woman wrote where she realized that being a mother
was very important in Jewish religionsupposed to take care of child
and of life. I started reading the bible for the first timewomen in the bi-
ble who had been abused and left.
Clearly, for several women, their Jewish beliefs and traditions pro-
vided a strong and safe haven which could be relied upon as a way to
cope with partner violence. A 53-year old woman from the Reform
movement stated, I became spiritual. Faith is how I got refuge. An-
other survivor, a 44-year old Orthodox woman echoed, Judaism was
my life and my sanity.
Social Support: Responses from Families

and Religious Communities
Jewish women received varied responses from family members and

religious leaders, which were as often helpful as not. Significantly, a
number of women did not turn to family members or members of their
religious communities until they had reached crisis points in their mar-
riages or relationships. Several women stated that during their abusive
relationships they were very much in need of concrete support, includ-
ing money, places to stay, and child care, although the emotional sup-
port many received from family and friends did and continues to
provide a critical anchor for their mobilization and healing.
Responses from Family. One of the most positive family responses
was described by a 44-year old Orthodox survivor with two children.
She stated that her family was there for her and that they were not en-
couraging her to stay in the marriage, which was extremely helpful. She
elaborated, And that they werent saying OK, just keep trying. For a
large portion of my marriage, I wasnt allowed to talk to my family. He
wouldnt let me talk to them. An Orthodox emigre mother of two
young children noted that her familys emotional support has been cru-
cial for her:
(My family) has been so helpful and supportive even though they
are far away. They try to help financially, but emotional and moral
help are the most important because of my suffering. They will
come to help me take care of the children. . . . My father tried to
make me feel like a strong woman.
A 45-year old Reform woman described her familys initial response

as helpful but did not appreciate the invocation to take action to move
out of the relationship at the time. She explained: My mother went
through it herself. She was very supportive. She said, Dont listen to
his saying youre stupid, your jobs not good enough, and its a waste of
time if your studied for a test. . . . My mother and sisters put pressure on
me to do something about it.
Other women described mixed or unhelpful responses from family
members, which included the family siding with the abuser and/or hold-
ing the woman responsible for the circumstances of domestic violence.
For example, a woman in her mid-fifties from the Reform movement re-
ceived opposing feedback from her parents: My father told me to go
back and apologize. . . . He wanted me to accept it and think it was OK. I
was somewhat swayed by his opinion. My mother was very supportive.

She allowed me to stay in her house. Similarly, another middle-aged
woman who identified herself as Reconstructionist explained, If my
father had been alive, I wouldnt have been married more than a few
months. My mother encouraged me to make peace (shalom bayit). I
think she thought that was her responsibility, not her belief. My father
wouldve told me to get out with the kids. . . . I also spoke to my hus-
bands familynot helpful. . . . The bottom line was that if I changed my
behavior, everything would be peaceful. That was their opinion. A
Conservative Jewish woman in her thirties cancelled her wedding to the
abuser after invitations had been sent. She described her familys re-
sponses as follows: My parents took his side at the beginning. It took
them a while to understand what went on. Ten days before our wedding,
I cancelled. . . . My brother and sister are not speaking to me as a result
of canceling the marriage. Finally, a 34-year old Orthodox womans
family had this feedback for their daughter: Its your problem. You got
married to him and youre the one who has to take care of it. Once you
take care of the problem, then well help you.
Rabbis and Religious Community. Five of the women interviewed
did not turn to any member of a religious community for support or as-
sistance. Their reasons were varied and included that they were not con-
nected to a synagogue, were fearful of the responses they might receive
from religious leaders, and/or they were embarrassed. Those women
who did turn to their religious communities sought the assistance of
their rabbis, whose reported responses are summarized here.
An Orthodox woman in her mid-forties met with her rabbi only because
her husband had contacted him, but found his response to be helpful. She
explained, When I filed for divorce, my husband went to talk to the rabbi.
He wanted to talk with me too. I went in and he said, I dont know how
you put up with this for so long. He did recommend counseling so that we
could deal with each other civilly for the children. My husband was in war-
rior mode. . . . I knew if I needed anything, I could go to the rabbiif I had
any questions. Several rabbis were aware of resources for domestic vio-
lence. For example, a 53-year old Reform Jewish woman found her rabbi
extremely helpful because he told me about resources, was supportive and
validated my feelings. In addition to referrals, this survivor was comforted
to learn that she was not the only Jewish woman who had experienced do-
mestic violence and was not a freak of nature. Finally, a 33-year old Or-
thodox woman found the rabbi in her new congregation to be very helpful
in offering referrals and information about domestic violence services;
however, she also approached her husbands rabbi, whose response was so
disturbing to her that she refused to discuss it.
Several women who turned to their rabbis were dismayed with the re-
sponses they received. For example, a 38-year old Conservative woman
described:
Our rabbi initially spoke to me on the phonetold us not to marry

right away. Once the relationship ended, he wasnt as helpful. In
October, the relationship ended. Near December, my ex-partner
grabbed me in the synagogue and the rabbi was not very helpful in
that situation. He said, Hes a member of the communityI cant
tell him what to do. I had black and blue marks on my arm. (The
abuser) later married someone in the community and the rabbi did
nothing to stop it. The rabbi said, Im not responsible if the new
wife gets hurt. This upset me very much.
A 34-year old Orthodox survivor, when asked how her rabbi had re-
sponded, explained, Everyone was for him. Oh, youre marriedyou
have to try to get along. A wife shouldnt be workingyou should be
home, cooking and cleaning.
IV. IMPLICATIONS FOR FUTURE RESEARCH
The findings from this study suggest that there is tremendous varia-
tion in how Jewish women define and experience domestic violence,
and in how their experiences interact with their Jewish identities and be-
liefs. It was anticipated that Jewish women who have been abused by
male partners from different subcultures would be influenced in differ-
ent ways by Jewish tradition and cultural biases; however, because of
sample limitations, comparisons between Jewish movements or sub-
groups cannot be made. Even if we had been successful in recruiting the
original target sample, we would not have been able to address differ-
ences between Jewish subgroups because a much larger sample with
very distinctly defined populations would be necessary to make mean-
ingful generalizations about Jewish womens experiences and subgroup
comparisons. As a result, the primary findings gleaned from this pilot
study relate to research design and process issues, rather than conclu-
sions about partner violence within the Jewish community. Several im-
portant lessons involve the specifics of the sample population and
recruitment strategy proposed in the original design of the study. Other,
more general issues of significance are related to the conduct of re-

search on a sensitive topic, such as domestic violence, with difficult to
reach communities.
Design Issues: Recruitment and Collaboration. The successful com-
pletion of the current study rested on the assumption of a referral system
that was to be provided through community agencies affiliated with the
UJA-Federation Task Force on Family Violence Task Force. While in-
dividual clinicians and staff members were extremely helpful in identi-
fying potential research subjects, for the most part, the presumed
infrastructure was not effective in recruitment of subjects. There are
several possible explanations for this shortcoming. First, on the practi-
tioner level, it is likely that clinicians working with Jewish battered
women and other victims of violence are simply too busy with clinical
work and related bureaucratic tasks to find time to recruit for a research
study. In addition, some practitioners may have been skeptical of the re-
search process and the value of this research for their work as was ex-
pressed by a few practitioners at an early planning meeting regarding
this project. Practitioners also may have been reluctant to make referrals
to the study out of concerns related to potential negative impact of par-
ticipation on their clients. Related to this last concern, it is useful to em-
phasize that the Jewish women in this study participated fully in the
research process without negative consequences. At the broader agency
level, as is a common pitfall in agency-based research, it is possible that
leadership support for agency participation in the study was not commu-
nicated effectively to key agency staff members and front line workers.
Prior to further researcher-agency collaboration on partner violence, it
would be useful to pinpoint the sources of obstacles to effective recruit-
ment, particularly any stemming from lack of support for workers at the
front line.
Breadth of Study Population. Difficulties with recruitment also ema-
nated from one additional source, namely the breadth of the proposed
study population. This breadth posed several challenges for a study with
limited funding. First, geography presented a significant barrier to ob-
taining subjects. It was expensive and extremely time-consuming to
work across all boroughs of New York City. There were simply some
women whom we could not reach because they lived too far away
and/or could not be reimbursed fully for travel to an interview. Further-
more, the geographical breadth of the sample made segmented focus
groups, which had been proposed initially, nearly impossible because
of difficulties in identifying central locations to which women from the
same denominations were willing to and could be reimbursed to travel.
The breadth of the study population in terms of Jewish affiliation also

was an obstacle to effective recruitment. Given the goal of addressing
three distinct and very diverse subgroups of Jewish women, the use of
specific agencies or communities might have streamlined the identifica-
tion of potential subjects. It would be useful in future research to target
specific sites such as neighborhood communities, congregations, or sin-
gle agency locations.
Difficult to Reach Populations. A significant concern that must be
addressed in any future partner violence research within Jewish com-
munities, especially Orthodox subgroups, is the issue of how to work
with difficult to reach populations. In this pilot project, the length of
time necessary to establish relationships in communities of interest and
to gain entry into closed communities, was not available. Similarly, the
feasibility of using focus groups as part of the research design within the
immigrant and Orthodox communities also needs to be considered care-
fully. One clinician noted that several Orthodox migr women in her
practice refused to participate because of fears related to confidentiality
within their small communities. In a related vein, some women stated
that they would be more comfortable meeting with an interviewer from
their own movements while others were more comfortable with a
non-Jewish researcher. Thus, it is critical to be able to offer research
participants a choice and to assure strict confidentiality for all partici-
pants.
Future Research. The process of conducting this study is instructive
in considering directions for research in the future on partner violence
within Jewish communities. First, the population breadth issue must
be addressed from a research perspective. That is, the success of any
future project will hinge in part on the specificity of the sample popu-
lation and the ability to reach and engage the designated sample. Given
adequate funding, it may be possible to collect data from multiple sub-
groups but it would be extremely helpful to tap community samples in
order to obtain much-needed information on women who have not
sought services. In addition, it will be critical to build in ample time for
establishing trust and relationships within more difficult to reach sub-
groups, such as some Orthodox communities. The benefits of using a
member of the community as an investigator must be assessed as com-
munity preferences regarding insider/outsider issues become known to
the researchers.
To learn more about Jewish women who have sought services related
to domestic violence, specific high volume agencies serving the popula-
tion subgroups of interest could be targeted. Community-based recruit-
ers should be funded to work closely with front-line staff. Another

route to gain a broader picture of Jewish women who are seeking ser-
vices would be to add a short domestic violence screener to agencies
serving Jewish families or to analyze any data already collected on
partner violence by such agencies. This approach has the advantage
of adding little to the workload burdens of practitioners while col-
lecting information on a broad client population. The disadvantage,
of course, is that women who have not sought services will not be
represented.
V. CONCLUSION
In this small pilot study, the experiences of 12 Jewish women from

diverse backgrounds were explored. As we have outlined, the Jewish
women we met described a range of violent experiences and often had
endured violence by their husbands and boyfriends for many years.
The women in this sample were well-educated, had sought a variety of
services related to domestic violence, and were actively coping with
their experiences. Certainly, a larger study of Jewish battered women
with similar demographics (e.g., education, income levels) would
have ramifications for battered women beyond religious boundaries.
On the other hand, it may be most critical to learn more about Jewish
women who are caught living with abusive Jewish men but who are
not able to leave or who have chosen to remain in their relationships
because of economic, personal and/or cultural-religious reasons.
Since these Jewish women are unlikely to come to the attention of
agencies working with battered women, the use of community sam-
ples will be critical to identify and work with these subgroups. Once
the experiences of these women are understood, appropriate and cul-
turally-consistent prevention and intervention efforts for Jewish bat-
tered women can be designed.
Two important populations of the Jewish community have not been
addressed by this study and must be examined if domestic violence
within all Jewish movements is to be addressed effectively. The first
group, rabbis and other influential religious leaders, clearly hold great
potential as sources of assistance for battered Jewish women and of in-
fluence with violent Jewish men. Thus, another important avenue for
investigating the topic of domestic violence within the Jewish commu-
nity would involve conducting a study of and working to provide do-
mestic violence training and education to rabbis. Finally, Jewish men
who are abusive bear responsibility for perpetuating violence against

their partners and must become a serious focus of both further research
efforts and intervention if the problem of domestic violence within the
Jewish community is to be ameliorated.
NOTE
1. Quantitative assessments of womens experiences of multiple types of domes-
tic violence were examined using the Revised Conflict Tactic Scale (CTS2; Straus,
Hamby, Boney-McCoy, & Sugarman, 1996) and the Psychological Maltreatment
of Women Inventory (PMWI; Tolman, 1989). The authors are aware of critiques
of the original Conflict Tactics Scale, particularly related to its failure to capture
the contextual details and sequencing of abuse episodes, and severity of injury
sustained by women who are victims. With these limitations in mind, we chose to
implement the CTS2 in order to have a basis for comparison of this study with
other research on domestic violence. However, we also encouraged women to
elaborate and provide contextual information regarding their abuse during the in-
terview. Findings from both the CTS2 and the PMWI show clearly that Jewish
women in this sample experienced a full range of abusive experiences at the hands
of their partners, including physical, sexual and psychological forms of maltreat-
ment, often with alarming regularity.
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Received: 02/01
Revised: 05/01
Accepted: 05/01

Domestic Violence and The Jewish Woman: An Exploratory Study

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Domestic Violence and The Jewish Woman: An Exploratory Study

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Domestic Violence and the Jewish Woman:

ABSTRACT. This study was designed to examine associations among

KEYWORDS. Domestic violence, abuse, Judaism, religion

challenges of conducting research on partner violence with this popula-

Review of the Literature on Domestic Violence Within Jewish Families

Denial of the existence of domestic violence within Jewish families

Cultural and Religious Traditions

An examination of cultural and religious traditions within the Jewish

Thus, physical abuse of the rebellious wife was condoned by some

problem of domestic violence during this historical period (Grossman,

evolved as a protection for the wife against destitution, is given by the

The rabbinical tradition recognizes the possibility of unhappy mar-

Implications of Jewish Law, Traditions, and Culture

The above-described collection of Jewish laws and cultural traditions

to being Jewish. Giller (1991) writes of conflicting standards facing

The Need for Research

Despite the barriers to addressing domestic violence within the Jew-

1. How do Jewish traditions and cultural biases influence beliefs

In-Depth Interviews. A semi-structured interview was developed us-

ticipation to clients who might qualify. In addition, a flyer was distrib-

Sample. Twenty-five women were identified for possible participa-

Study (2000) questionnaire. The first question regarding Jewish identi-

Question Response Options

TABLE 1a. Denominational Affiliation of Women and Partners

Denomination Women Partners

non-practicing Jew). Four women (one each: Conservative, Just Jew-

Themes from In-Depth Interviews

Subjects were asked several open-ended questions to encourage

Experiences of Domestic Violence

Regarding their experiences of partner violence, women were asked

TABLE 2. Connection to Judaism/Jewish Peoplea

Survey Question: Connection to Judaism Number of Women

A long time before . . . he yelled at me and not used good words. I

Mental abuse. He control everything. He want to control my

During a verbal argument, he grabbed my arm and threw me on the

He didnt want me to work. He said I cared too much about work.

with 2 small children and no place to go. He threatened me that if I tried

Judaism and Domestic Violence

Women were asked to respond to the following questions related to

Finally, a 45-year old Conservative woman stated, Jewish men

Social Support: Responses from Families

Jewish women received varied responses from family members and

A 45-year old Reform woman described her familys initial response

was somewhat swayed by his opinion. My mother was very supportive.

Our rabbi initially spoke to me on the phonetold us not to marry

IV. IMPLICATIONS FOR FUTURE RESEARCH

more general issues of significance are related to the conduct of re-

The breadth of the study population in terms of Jewish affiliation also

ers should be funded to work closely with front-line staff. Another

In this small pilot study, the experiences of 12 Jewish women from

who are abusive bear responsibility for perpetuating violence against

National Council of Jewish Women, Greater Minneapolis Section (1988). Domestic

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