Abigail Schogel

Interpersonal Communication Partner Experience

Dr. Langan

September 24, 2014

Spending twelve consecutive hours with a stranger is something

I never expected to experience. Thinking retrospectively on the day

Jon Thornton I spent together provides many interesting insights on

myself as a communicator; confirming theories I had previously as well

as opening my eyes to some areas in my Blind Self. The twelve hours

where easier than I had anticipated but also produced different kinds of

obstacles than expected. Though familiarizing oneself with someone

new in this way goes against all social norms, it does prove to be very

effective for learning about someone on a deeper level than in a short

amount of time.

Going into the day, I was unsure and skeptical of what I would

uncover about myself. I previously was convinced that I knew myself

through and through; aware of my strengths and weaknesses in

communication and interactions, and doubted that anything new would

be revealed. With this in mind, much about myself was confirmedI

am fairly comfortable in new situations with new people, as proven

when Jon and I spent a few hours with his girlfriend, Julia, and lunch

with his roommate, neither of whom I have previously met. I also

confirmed that I am an egocentric listener. Jon and I both proved to be

easy conversationalists, but I found myself often turning conversation

back to me. It was very interesting learning about him and his

background, but I became self-conscious towards the end of the day

about things he had learned about me, and I did not know about him.

For example, I told him about my parents and their jobs early on in the

day, and towards the end of twelve hours, I realized I had no idea what

his parents did and I had not bothered to ask. I do not think he

particularly noticed or minded, and if he had, he was kind enough to

listen attentively. Finally, I confirmed how open I am with most anyone.

The end of our night was spent in downtown Chicago; we attended the

Chicago Symphony Orchestra for my music class requirement. Our

discussion there traveled from learning about his dads church to me

opening up about my insecurities and fears about my seemingly

apathetic faith here at Wheaton. I suppose this comfortableness could

have been caused by the feeling of a connection based on the entire

day we spent together in a fairly uncomfortable situation, but I almost

surprised myself by telling him about such a personal topic such as my

struggling faith.

All of these instances not only proved ideas I held about myself,

but also exposed areas of Jons character and personality. I found that

we had many similarities and was relieved to learn that Jon was as

comfortable, if not more comfortable than I, in odd situations. We both

were vaguely embarrassed and uneasy in our first hour spent linked
together, awkwardly navigating Saga breakfast and getting used to

moving in sync. He was a kind listener and our conversation flowed

easily. Our day went quickly because our conversation was not forced

and I think we both contributed equally. There was even an instance

where we had about forty-five minutes of free time that I hoped to get

some classwork done. I accomplished nothing because we found

ourselves in conversation, discussing nothing of particular necessity.

Jon was also similarly comfortable in new situationswe traveled

downtown with my classmates, only one of whom he had previously

met. There was little to no difference in his attitude surrounded by his

friends than being surrounded by mine. I also saw that he was more

decisive than I proved to be. I tend to be very easy going in new

situations, even to the point of shying away from suggestions. He

showed no nervousness about making suggestions of what to do or

where do go during our free time. He was by no means pushy or bossy,

and nor did we have any conflicts that needed resolution, but Jon was

more comfortable in taking lead. Finally, I learned that Jon is more

observant than I am. This showed in a few different instances but most

notably was during the CSO concert. He would make comments about

the beauty of our surroundings or about how lucky we were to have an

opportunity to enjoy such an event. These are the kind of things that I

appreciate fleetingly but pay little attention to, and I envied how much

he valued and noticed the small things that I take for granted.
 Just as I learned many things about Jon, there were things I

experienced that I had not expected. I understood that being

connected would come with its difficulties in navigating crowded

places, but I did not expect to be so aware of the rope, especially

during the first six hours. During the two classes we shared, it was

difficult to focus because I was very conscious of how I was sitting and

if my position was inconveniencing Jon in any way. I was most aware of

it in every day life situations. When we joined Julia, his girlfriend, for

coffee in Wheaton, I was extremely aware of the rope and how others

perceived it. I had not even considered being worried about others

reception of it because I was more focused on how Jon and I would

interact. This was still early on in the day, but as the day progressed,

we learned to be more subtle, walking closer together and when

downtown, with a sweater draped over my arm to further disguise it.

Additionally, I had not expected to be so hyper aware of the time. For

about the first three hours, I was checking my watch constantly to

doing the math of how much time was left. I was even more surprised

when three oclock came, a point of my day that I am used to feeling

relieved and finished with work, while on Friday at this time I realized

we were only half way done with our time together. Finally, something I

saw in myself that I did not expect to see was the contrast in how I act

with friends and with people I am less familiar with. When I was around

just Jon or his friends and girlfriend, I did feel at ease, but I saw a
noticeable contrast in how I acted then and when I was with my

friends. The best way to describe it would be similar to bravado. I

spoke louder and more often, partially cause my friends are loud and

talkative but also because I had grown comfortable around Jon.

Even though there were many outside variables regarding the

range of ease and uneasiness between Jon and I, I do think that our

forming relationship had a lot to do with how casual our day grew to

be. It is interesting to spend such a long amount of time with a

complete stranger, because by the end of the day Jon was not a

stranger, but there was still so much I did not know about him. As I

reflect on our day together, I feel the conflicting idea that Jon and I are

friends and simultaneously strangers. It leaves me a bit unsure about

where this project actually leaves our relationshipI feel as if our

conversation is not over but I am aware our friendship was forced and

would probably not occurred naturally. With this being said, I am

thankful for the opportunity to get to know Jon and hope to get to know

him better in the future, because his character determined much of our

day, and ultimately it was an enjoyable and enlightening one.