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Intro

Hi, I am Julian Reisinger, the male part of success with women. All it did, however,
Love Life Solveds founder couple. was ruin my confidence.

When I began my journey to seek love I With this ebook, I want to help you avoid
had no idea where to start. these pitfalls and cover the basics of what
it takes to become a desirable man.
So, I just tried pretty much everything.
Because, trust me, no one is born a ladies
Those years werent all bad and I learned a man. Some people just had a head-start.
ton, but there is a (much) faster way to get
the same results. But now its time for you to start the chase,
build up your confidence, and get the suc-
I wasted valuable time learning openers cess with women that youve always
and routines, and even more time search- dreamed of.
ing for some sort of secret technique,
other than Pickup, that would make me ir- The Process
resistible.
Your love-life has two big aspects:
Needless to say, these attempts to solve
my love life were doomed to fail. The first one is becoming a happy and con-
fident man who has choice with women.
Whats more, all the time, I believed that
there was something wrong with me. It The second one is finding a partner to
went so far that I started to look for physi- share your life with.
cal defects that would explain my lack of

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No matter if you just want to date around
or if you want to be in a relationship, the
foundation is always the same.

To become truly attractive, you have to be-


come a man who leads a fulfilling life, has
a supportive social circle, is confident in
himself and his ability to attract women,
and most importantly, you have to become
a man who loves and respects women.

This book will give you a jump-start in all


of these aspects so you can get to work
on building your new and improved life full
of attractive women today.

Have fun!

Julian Reisinger & Kristina Kirilova

February 23, 2017

ii
1
The dierence between
Lifestyle who you are and who you
want to be, is what you do.
Bill Phillips

A good lifestyle makes you fit and healthy, Sounds too good to be true?
boosts your energy, enables you to meet
new women on a daily basis, gives you sto- Lets compare two guys.

ries to talk about, and turns you into a hap-


The first one is a 28-year-old man who
pier person in general.
works a 9-to-5 cubicle job. Usually, after

3
he comes home from work, he warms up a If he feels like it, he invites some friends
microwave lasagna, puts on sweatpants, over. If not, then he reads a novel, works
turns on the TV, and watches Netflix until on a side project that he could turn into a
he passes out from binge watch exhaus- business someday or he watches a docu-
tion. mentary.

He spends his weekends mostly alone be- On the weekends he is outside as much as
cause he doesnt enjoy going out and all possible. He goes hiking with friends, or
his friends of which he has just two does sports. He goes out and meets new
want to do something other than play people, has dates, goes to a spa for the
boardgames or watch a movie on a Satur- weekend, or leaves for a city trip.
day night.
Even though our second guy works longer
Our second guy is also 28 years old. He hours, he has a much more fulfilling life.
works as a software engineer and usually
works 60 hour weeks. He is great at his job Lifestyle can either be a
and is a valued team member. When he virtuous circle, or a vicious
comes back from work, he immediately circle.
puts on his workout gear and hits the gym.
Women want to be with a man who can
Even though you would believe working show them an exciting life. You dont have
out after a long day at work drains his en- to own a Lamborghini and a mansion to do
ergy even more, the opposite is true. that.

At the gym he meets up with buddies and A spontaneous trip to a near lake with a
they have a great workout together. They blanket, some strawberries, and cool
joke around and push each other to lift drinks can be as exciting as almost any
more. paid activity.

After the gym our guy comes home, heats Together with friends, we rented a big
up a delicious but also healthy pre-cooked house during o season in Croatia a cou-
meal that gives him energy and supports ple of years ago. It was close to the sea
his recovery and muscle growth. and we were practically alone on the small
island.

4
There we were: 13 friends who cooked Important tips for a great
their own meals, drank on the patio, went
lifestyle
snorkeling, skinny dipped in the sea,
rented scooters, explored the island, Energy: Tiredness comes from eating un-
chilled in the Jacuzzi, and fished. healthy, overeating, and being inactive.

The 10 days there cost only a little over Avoid white sugar and sodas. Do sports, go
$350 per person, but we had the time of to the gym, or at least have regular long
our lives! walks to boost your energy.

Being outside: Do as many of your activi-


We know it can be hard to escape a bad ties as possible outside. This will get you in
lifestyle. Often times, you dont know touch with so many new people and it gives
where to start. To help you out, we gath- you so much inspiration for all creative proc-
ered some tips below to get the ball roll- esses in your life.
ing. Seize your spare time: Your weekends are
there to meet other people, have fun, travel
around, do sports, meet women, visit your
family, and relax. Sleeping all weekend and
staying home alone is a surefire way to un-
happiness and depression.

Eating healthy: Learn how to cook. Its not


only an attractive skill that impresses
women, but also allows you to pre-cook
healthy food at home and bring it to work
with you.

Nowadays, there are vacuum thermos con-
tainers specifically made to keep your food
warm until lunch.

Most people eat shit because they only
have a 30 minute lunch break and dont
know what else to eat besides supermarket
sandwiches or disgusting cafeteria food.

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Maintain your freedom: Sure, you need
some money to live, but you would be sur-
prised with how little you can have an amaz-
ing lifestyle. Debt, mortgage payments,
pets, an unhealthy relationship, maintaining
a house, car,...take away your freedom.

Keep your fixed costs low and your obliga-
tions small.

Also try to save at least 10% of your in-
come and put it on a separate account that
you cant easily raid. It will come in handy in
case of an emergency, or if you want to
change jobs, or travel for a while.

6
2
A man is but the product of
Mindset his thoughts. What he
thinks, he becomes.
Mahatma Gandhi

Does an average looking man who be- Our experience, both with our own im-
lieves he is good looking act dierently provement as well as with clients, tells a
than a man who believes he is ugly? clear story; men who believe they are
physically attractive have stronger body

7
language, higher confidence, they even Rewriting your negative beliefs into positive
feel more comfortable in social situations. ones and practicing them.

Lets get more practical.


Short, the guy who believes he is attrac-
tive is more attractive. Take out a piece of paper on which you
write every belief about yourself and
The best and worst thing about your mind-
women that aects you negatively.
set is that it shows in everything you do.
We are going to illustrate how you can im-
If you approach a woman and play the con-
prove them by going through a case study.
fident assertive guy, but in reality you are
scared shitless and pray that your ap-
Case study
proach will be successful, how do you
think its going to work out? Lets assume you believe the following:

Developing the right mind- I believe that attractive women who


are with older guys are only after their
set
money.
You can change your mindset by proving
to your brain that the negative beliefs you 1. Questioning your old belief:
have held for years, are wrong and need to
Is your belief true in every single case
be replaced. You can do this by:
where an attractive twenty-something is
with an older guy?
Immersing yourself in material that gives
you a dierent perspective. Are there any examples that could refute
(books, videos,...) your belief?

Making new experiences (e.g., a beautiful If you were able to find an exception, how
woman approaches you and breaks your many other exceptions are there that you
old belief that beautiful women never initi- dont know of?
ate conversations)
Why shouldnt you be an exception?
Identifying your old negative beliefs that are
Could this belief just be an excuse?
unrealistic and finding evidence that proves
they are wrong. 2. Making new experiences:

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Have you actually seen a young woman Debunking Limiting Beliefs
who was only after an older mans money in
real life?
To help you adopt a more helpful mindset,
Have those guys who ended up with gold we have gathered some of the most com-
diggers done something that drew that mon limiting belief and debunked them for
kind of woman to them?
you.
Is there anything you can do to attract
women who dont care about your money? Love, dating and relationships can be
mastered with rational thinking
3. Flooding yourself with other beliefs:
Becoming a desirable man is not an exact
Hanging out with people who think dier-
ently about young women with old men.
science (even though some dating gurus
claim it). Dating and relationship problems
Reading stories and watching videos of peo-
are emotional problems. Thus, they cant
ple who think dierently about it.
be solved analytically.
4. Rewrite your old beliefs:
Telling someone who is already overthink-
Write your negative belief down. Then re- ing everything to use an array of memo-
write it into a more helpful, positive belief rized openers and routines is madness!
that your subconscious doesnt reject be-
cause it is too unrealistic. The only way to improve your success in
dating is by improving yourself. Especially,
E.g., Yes, there are some women who are
learning to understand the female perspec-
with older men because of their money, but
tive is huge.
those are the exception and not the rule.
Older men are actually extremely attractive
Why memorize pickup lines when you can
to women in their twenties because they
naturally become the guy that women are
are more mature, more sure about them-
chasing?
selves, and sexually more experienced.

The same process can be applied to any You have to be good looking to get a
negative belief you want to change. It gorgeous and smart girlfriend
takes time, but developing a strong mind-
set will be the most beneficial thing you Women dont look at men like men look at
have ever done. them. They are attracted by qualities such

9
as confidence, humor, power, and intelli- what makes guys like you stand out so
gence. Men are more visual beings, hence much!
they are attracted by physical qualities. A
man will usually only get to know a woman I can get any woman if I master all the
on a deeper level if she looks good right tricks and techniques
enough. Fortunately, thats not the case
Everyone is dierent. Some women are
with women. Yes, looking decent doesnt
into men who love to play video games,
hurt and being well groomed is a must, but
others hate it. Some women love chest
that is within every guys reach.
hair, others dont. Some women find
Some guys just have it and others dont money irresistible, others are more at-
tracted by men who travel around and
It doesnt matter how you look, where you sleep in a hammock.
come from, or how you have done with
women in the past. Everything that counts There is no formula that allows you to be-
is what you do from now on. Skill with come irresistible to every type of woman!
women isnt genetic. Some guys had a The only thing you can do is become the
head-start, but now its your time to start person that you enjoy being.
the chase and eventually surpass men
who were always satisfied with their level Because no matter how weird and niche
of confidence. you think you are, there is someone out
there who is a great fit for you!+
I cant compete with all the other guys
out there Learn how to appeal to them, drop your
ego, dont join the chase for trophy women
The reason not everyone is great with and lead a happy life on your own terms.
women is that change is hard. To achieve Thats what its all about, in the end.
lasting change, you have to get out of your
comfort zone, face your fears, and bring a
lot of patience.

Most men never feel enough pain to make


these hard changes, but that is exactly

10
3
Once youve accepted your
Looks flaws, no one can use them
against you.
Tyrion Lannister

Not everyone can look like Brad Pitt, but Looks arent critical for becoming great
everyone can improve his style, posture, with women, but they do tell a story about
hygiene, fitness, and strength to a point at who you are, what you care about, and
which he becomes an attractive, well what social group you belong to.
groomed man. And women will notice.

11
Unclipped and dirty fingernails, for exam- Would you feel comfortable if a sexy
ple, hint at a general lack of hygiene. woman wanted to go down on you right
now?
Clothes that dont fit, hint at a disrespect
Do you wash your hair and beard (in case
for fashion and beauty in other aspects of you have one) regularly?
life.
Is your neck and back shaved?
Its not your dirty jeans or your hairy back Do you use an aftershave balm without alco-
that turns her o, its the story these things hol that smells nice?
tell about you. Are your teeth healthy?

You will often see high quality women Do you use a tongue cleaner?
with men who arent naturally good look- Do you floss?
ing. But what you wont see are high
Are your feet rough?
quality women with unkempt guys.
Do you have pimples, blackheads, or white-
So here is a checklist that gives you a heads?

good idea what being a well kept man Do you shower after you have worked out
means: or done sports?

Do you brush your teeth at least twice a day


Hygiene and before you go out?

Are your ears clean? Styling


Do you have good breath?
Are your shoes clean and comfortable?
Do you shower twice a day?
Does your hairstyle make you look better or
Do you use a good deodorant that doesnt worse?
stain?
Do you feel sexy in your clothes?
Are your nails short and clean?
Does your clothing fit you?
Are you wearing fresh socks?
Do you change your outfit daily?
Is your pubic hair trimmed or shaved?
In case you are wearing glasses, are they
stylish?

12
Fitness & Health Do the things on the list because you want
to feel good in your skin and not because
Do you work out at least three times a you are afraid if you dont do them women
week? (physically intensive work and sports
are going to reject you.
also count)

Do you drink enough water? Women are very forgiving to guys with
great personalities.
Do you eat healthy at least five times a
week?

Do you use sunscreen?

Aesthetics
Are your teeth more on the white than on
the yellow side?

Do you have a (natural looking) tan?

Our checklist might seem overwhelming,


but believe me, once you have integrated
these things in your daily routine, it be-
comes second nature.

All the things on the list are important if


you want to become attractive, however,
your confidence shouldnt depend on your
exterior.

If you didnt get the chance to shave for a


while its not the end of the world. You
should feel comfortable even if you arent
wearing the latest fashion, and you cannot
stay at home for days just because you
spotted a pimple on your face.

13
4 To be yourself in a world that is con-
Behavior stantly trying to make you some-
thing else is the greatest
accomplishment.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Behavior can be tricky to change. If there now you begin to study the body language
is an incongruence between your beliefs of alpha males and find out that they oc-
and your behavior, women will notice. An cupy a lot of space. Great! Now all you
example: You hear somewhere that have to do is to spread your legs and put
women are attracted to dominant men. So

14
your arms out and you will be perceived as pointed it out to me, that I could start to
a strong, dominant man, right? Wrong! consciously stop myself from doing it.

If you dont believe 100% that you are that If you cant aord coaching, I recommend
kind of man, it will come across as awk- you start videotaping yourself. When you
ward. see yourself on video you get a much bet-
ter idea of how others perceive you. Its a
Women have a sixth sense for spotting in- beautiful and surprisingly hard exercise.
congruent behavior.
After you have identified a behavior that
So, always remember: You have to change you dont like, its just a matter of con-
your behavior along with your beliefs. Just sciously using your willpower to stop do-
faking it until you make it does not work. ing it. Over time, the old, outdated habit
will be replaced by a new, healthier one.
There are some exceptions to what I just
wrote.
Body language in high pres-
Getting rid of outdated sure situations
body language Another aspect of behavior is what you do
and say when talking to women you are in-
Many of us have developed body language
terested in. In situations like that and in
that fit our personality when we were
stressful situations in general we tend to
younger.
act dierently than we normally do.
I, for example, was a shy kid who had a
I, for example, had this weird tick; when I
hard time looking people in the eyes. As a
was walking past a cute girl, I would speed
result, I became used to walking around
up noticeably.
with my head tilted forward, looking down
towards the ground. It sounds totally bonkers, but in retrospec-
tive its totally understandable. I felt consid-
Of course, such body language signaled to
erable amounts of stress and therefore,
others that I was still shy and insecure
wanted to exit the situation faster than a
even though I wasnt. The problem was,
rabbit chased by a harvester.
that I wasnt aware that I was doing it. It
was only when my coach at the time

15
Again, I was not aware of it. or weakness. These tells could potentially
cost them large sums of money. So they
Every single guy we have ever worked with develop these routines, I just told you
has had some sort of weird tick that he about, to disguise the value of their hand.
would start doing under pressure and was
unaware of. You can do the same!

Some people start searching for some- First, you need to slow down. If you think
thing with their hands, others touch their you are talking slow, talk slower. If you are
faces all the time as if they wanted to wipe reaching for your wallet, do it slower. If you
something o. Some start distributing their are turning around because someone
weight from one foot to the other. Many called your name, you guessed it, do it
people talk faster, even more so when they slower.
are the center of attention in a group.
Second, you need to put both feet on
What my girlfriend Kristina recommends to solid ground. Distribute your weight
our clients, to what poker players do to de- evenly. Imagine roots growing from your
velop a perfect pokerface. feet into the ground fixating you on the ex-
act spot you are at. (Except if you are
Poker pros try to disguise the strength of
standing on the dance-floor or somewhere
their hand (the strength of their cards) by
else where its socially awkward not to
developing automated behavioral patterns
move.)
that they repeat in every tricky hand they
are involved in. Now, we are getting to the individual part
of the exercise. Find a position for your
A pattern could be something like putting
hands.
their hands together in front of their mouth,
resting the elbows on the table and staring I, for example, like to put his hands to-
at an object on the wall until their oppo- gether in front of my stomach. My upper
nent makes a decision. arms are in a 90 degree angle to my lower
arms. My shoulders held back and my
Poker players know, that under pressure,
head straight as if I was being pulled up by
they could give away tells that a smart op-
an invisible string.
ponent could identify as signs of strength

16
Beyond these tips, there is really not much
more you should know about body lan-
guage.

Reading too much body language advice


can make you self-conscious, which, in
turn, will make you anxious, which, subse-
quently, will screw up your body language.

So dont worry about it too much! With


growing confidence youll automatically
These positions are a good starting point
walk, talk, and stand more self-assured.
You can choose your own position for your
hands that feels comfortable to you, but
we recommend a position that neither cov-
ers up your genitals, nor your chest.

Tip: Dont put both hands in your pockets.


Hiding your hands makes others feel un-
comfortable and shows insecurity. One
hand is ok and two hands with your
thumbs sticking out is also fine.

So to sum up how you can tame your


body under pressure:

1. Slow everything down.

2. Put both feet on the ground and distrib-


ute your weight evenly.

3. Find a comfortable position for your


hands that doesnt cover up your
crotch or chest.

17
5
The way to develop self-confidence
Confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a
record of successful experiences
behind you.
William Jennings Bryan

Confidence is the holy grail of self- Confidence isnt this mysterious thing you
improvement. Everyone wants it. Yet, no were born with. It is a common-sense life
one really knows what it is exactly, or how principle that can be substantially im-
one can get more of it. proved by anyone at any age. You just
have to know how.

18
Well start your journey to a more confident Why do airline pilots train on flight simula-
you by introducing the three ways confi- tors before they control real planes? Of
dence is built. course, because they arent competent yet
and its a safe way to simulate reality.
1. Confidence through
The flight simulator training helps the pilots
competence
build competence in a safe environment
Confidence isnt just this general inner se- until they are ready to increase the di-
curity its made out to be. Your level of con- culty and train in a real airplane.
fidence diers depending on the activity
and the venue you are in, as well as the This preparing until you are ready for the
people you are with. Its situational. real thing method is applicable to almost
any field.
You could, for example, feel secure and
powerful while talking in front of a crowd of Lets say you want to become competent
tech enthusiasts, yet believe you are inca- at starting conversations with beautiful
pable of talking to a single attractive women. How could you prepare for that?
woman.
1. You could do visualization exercises

This leads us to the first important princi- 2. You could acquire knowledge from books
ple of building confidence: and videos about how to successfully start
conversations with new people in bars,
clubs, on the street,
Confidence comes with competence. 3. You could talk to people who are masters at
And competence comes with approaching women and try to adopt their
preparation, repetition, and mindset.

experience. The better prepared you are, the more com-


petent you will feel. And the more compe-
Lets find out how these can help you be-
tent you feel, the more confident you will
come more competent and therefore, confi-
act.
dent.
Confidence through preparation has a
Preparation
nasty catch, however: the minute you feel
unprepared, your confidence will plummet

19
and you are going to feel worse than if you Back to our women example: So your first
hadnt prepared in the first place. iteration is changing your opening line. In-
stead of hi you could try, Hey! How do
You see this drop in confidence often with you enjoy your night so far?
guys who study pickup and run out of ma-
terial. Try the new line for a while. If it works bet-
ter, go with it! If not, keep iterating.
Repetition
Important tip:When Julian was younger,
The more repetitions, the more compe- he used to skate a lot. Whenever he
tence, the more confidence. crashed which happened quite often
more experienced skaters would immedi-
Of course, just amassing repetitions isnt
ately come up to him and push him to ride
the best way to go anyone who does a
his skateboard again. Theyd say to him:
lot of sports knows that. The repetition we
If you dont get on the board again, you
are talking about is an iterative process:
will become afraid!
Try, fail, adapt, try again.
Whenever you fail at something, you have

Lets assume you just walked up to the hot- to try it again, immediately! Otherwise, you

test girl in the club andsaid, hi. She re- will develop a belief of being incompetent.

plies, hi. Awkward silence Hence, your confidence will take a fatal
blow.
So you try hi with the next girl. Same re-
sult. One more try: awkward again. So if you approach a girl at a bar and get
rejected (which can happen to anyone) you
should immediately approach the next
If the results you are getting arent cute girl or risk developing (more intense)
satisfying, take a single thing you approach anxiety.
suspect is screwing your results up
and change it. Leave everything else
as is until you know what caused the
negative results.

Its basically an A/B test.

20
Experience If you see a hundred dierent guys suc-
cessfully approach women at clubs, you
You will love what experience can do for will start to believe its easy. Thats posi-
your confidence! tive experience.

Experience is awesomebecause all you But what happens if you see a hundred
have to do is collectpositive experience guys fail? You would start to think ap-
and you will become more and more confi- proaching women at clubs is impossible.
dent. Thats negative experience.

When Julian first went to a club he felt terri- So, when you gather experience, make
ble. A dark, loud place filled with dancing sure its Positive Experience.
people, all older than him. Drinking, drugs,
lights, a heated sexual atmosphere. He 2. Core Confidence Confi-
was shocked. dence through believing in
But the more he went out, the less he was
yourself
thrown o his feet. He knew where the Our second major form of confidence is
restrooms were. He knew the names of the what we like to call core confidence.
barkeepers, DJs, and owners. He knew
what to expect from the venue. He knew Core confidence is this inner strength that
what nights would be good. He knew who doesnt rely on external success or valida-
the cool people were and how they be- tion. Its the most powerful form of confi-
haved at the bar. dence because no one can ever take it
away from you.
The more Julian went out, the more experi-
ence he gathered. And the more experi- You can fail a test, yet still feel and act
ence he had, the more confident he be- confident. No problem. Ill pass it next
came. time.

And all he had to do was show up. You can wear dirty clothes in which you
look ridiculous, yet still feel and act confi-
In the beginning, we wrote positive experi- dent. Haha, I cant wait to tell that story
ence. Theres a reason for that. to my friends. Theyll have a good laugh.

21
You can get rejected, yet still feel and act 1. Acceptance
confident. I dodged a bullet there. We
werent a good fit at all. The first knob we can use to turn our core
confidence up is acceptance.
You can get fired, yet still feel and act
confident: This sucks, but now I finally Certain things in life cant be changed, no
have the time to pursue my bagpipe busi- matter how much money you have, or who
ness. you know, or how hard you try. All thats
left for us is accepting it.
Core confidence is a fundamental trust
that you can handle whatever life throws at When we say acceptance, we mean self-
you. acceptance, as well as acceptance of oth-
ers, and acceptance of randomness.
That doesnt mean confident people al-
ways believe they will win at everything Well give you an example for each cate-
they do. Truly confident people are just gory:
sure theyll be able to overcome the nega-
tive consequences and succeed the next Self-acceptance: Julian was born with
scoliosis and a slight hunchback. All he
time.
can do about it is strengthening exer-
How to develop core confidence cises so it doesnt get worse. But hell al-
ways have a hunchback. Either he ac-
In the following, we want to acquaint you cepts it, or let it break him. Change and
with 6 techniques to develop core confi- improve what you can and accept what
dence. Be warned, though. None of them you cant.
are quick fixes. Core confidence has to be
developed over a prolonged period of Acceptance of others: Many of us have
time. Its fucking hard. But thats a good problems with our parents. We want
thing, because if it wasnt hard everyone them to support our ideas and our way of
would be confident. living. But ultimately, there is nothing we
can do if they hate what we do. They are
who they are. Either we accept it, love
them anyway, and make the best of it, or
well fight with them all their lives.

22
Acceptance of randomness: When it Julians point of reference is him being a
rains, it rains. Either you accept it or you good person. For him, personally, this
complain and ruin your mood (and possi- means (the rough version):
bly the mood of others around you).
Dont harm others
Acceptance is so critical to confidence be- Be a good friend
cause it gives you this chilled inner feeling
Treat others with respect
of, Whatever happens, happens. Ill make
the best of it. Dont judge

Always speak the truth


A great way to cultivate acceptance is by
consciously saying, Its ok when some-
As long as Julian is certain that he is a
thing undesirable happens.
good person, the rest of the world cant
You can read all about it in my article3 get to him.
Words To Instantly Get Rid Of Anxiety.
If he approached a girl at a bar and she
2. Self-esteem gave him crap, it wouldnt concern him be-
cause he knows that he is a good human
Self-esteem is defined as confidence in being who deserves to be treated with re-
ones own worth or abilities. spect and kindness.

But who defines how much you are worth? He would know that he didnt behave in a
Well, you do. And based on what do you disrespectful way, so if she gave him crap
evaluate yourself? If you are like most peo- for no reason, she obviously had bigger is-
ple, you do it based onnet worth, status sues and he wouldnt want to get involved
symbols, and appraisal of strangers. anyway.

But if you want to develop strong self- Strong self-esteem is the foundation on
esteem you need a point of reference that which you can develop self-respect. And
is completely under your control and not self-respect is the key to never being a
subject to outside opinion or external suc- pushover again.
cess.

23
We could ramble on about self-esteem, An irrational fear is something that limits
but there is a poem that does a much bet- your quality of life but isnt dangerous in
ter job than we ever could: any way.

As long as you try Here are some common examples:


to impress others,
you are not convinced Fear of talking to new people
of your own strength.
Fear of doing stu alone (especially go-
As long as you strive
ing out)
to be better than others,
you are doubting your
Fear of showing weakness
own worth.

As long as you try Fear of abandonment (your partner or


to elevate yourself friends leaving you)
by lowering others,
you are doubting your Fear of embarrassing yourself
own greatness.
Fear of rejection
Who is in peace with oneself
doesnt have to prove anything Fear of your partner cheating on you (jeal-
to others. ousy)

Who knows ones own worth These bullshit fears cripple most peoples
doesnt need validation.
lives. It is your duty to overcomeor at least
Who knows about ones own greatness reduce them.
lets others keep theirs.
Now the bad news: the best way to do it is
-Gabriele Ebbighausen systematic desensitization.

3. Overcoming Fears Here is ashort explanation:

The fastest way to build true confidence is, You are gradually going to expose yourself
by far, overcoming your irrational fears. to the thing youre afraid of, first in small
doses and controlled environments, increas-
ing the potency of both over time until the

24
thing youre afraid of no longer bothers When you are being thankful for your
you. health and intelligence, its impossible to
-Howie Reith
whine about still being a virgin.

Gratitude is important for developing confi-


dence because it magnifies the good
Tip: The best way to overcome bullshit things in your life and shrinks the problems
fears, that we know, is traveling alone. It is you think you have.
an unforgettable experience and forces
you to face many of your fears.

4. Gratitude

We once heard a great quote by Tony Rob-


bins. Usually, we arent his biggest fans,
but this one stuck with us:

When you are grateful, fear


disappears and abundance appears.

Try it yourself. Whatever petty problems


you think you have, they all disappear in
the light of gratitude.

When you are feeling grateful for the roof


over your head, you cant worry about
the girl who isnt texting you back.

When you are feeling lucky to have loving


and supportive parents, its impossible to
complain about the shitty night you are
having.

25
5. Irrational positivity people. And if reality is subjective, then
you can form it to your own will.
Optimists are, as a byproduct, also confi-
dent. They are confident that the future You can decide to complain or you can de-
looks bright. Sometimes this belief is irra- cide to concentrate on the positive. The for-
tional. But does it matter? mer will make you a cynic who surrounds
himself with other cynics. The latter will
When you believe your future is going to make you a positive, likable person who is
be awesome, you act and feel dierently surrounded by other optimists and a ton of
than a person who worries all the time. women. (Most women like fun and positiv-
ity.)
The best way, we have found, to practice
positivity, is to talk about uncomfortable The choice is yours.
stu as if it was the most awesome thing
on the face of the earth. It sounds crazy 3. Confidence though exter-
but it works. Some examples: nal success
I love clubs. They are the best. The mu- Last but not least, we want to quickly
sic, the people, the dancing, the drinking touch upon confidence through external
I cant wait to go there again. stu like money, beauty, or fame.

Starting conversations with new people


is easy. People love me and I love them. Confidence thats based on
externalities is not real confidence.
I enjoy challenging my fears. Its so Its more like a drug high short lived
much fun to overcome one after another and addictive.
of these fuckers.
The more external success you have, the
The aspect of dating that I like most is more you believe you are the shit. I am a
the time before meeting a date. I thrive millionaire. That must mean I am incredibly
on this mild nervousness that makes awesome.
dates so exciting.
Here is the problem, though: you become
Reality isnt objective! You can never know dependent on these external things to
how life looks through the eyes of other maintain your confidence.

26
What happens to your confidence when
your money is suddenly gone?

What happens to your confidence when


your beauty has faded?

What happens to your confidence when


no one knows who you are?

What happens to your confidence when


you havent spent two hours in the bath-
room to look your absolute best?

Confidence through external success can


only work in addition tocore confidence
and competence. In that mix, it gives you
this extra bit of charisma that you know
from the most attractive of men. Think
George Clooney, Adam Levine, Aaron
Rodgers, Bill Clinton, and many other big
names.

27
Thank you!
Thats it already.

We hope this little ebook has motivated you to get up and do something about the areas of
your life in which you are not satisfied with the results you get.

Go through it more than once and only implement one tip at a time.

Before you go, could you do us a favor? If you liked this eBook please tell your friends
about it. In an ideal world you would send them to our newsletter page and have them sign
up to get the ebook. But we also wont be mad if you send them the file directly. ;)

Take care,

Julian Reisinger
Co-Founder Lovelifesolved.com

xxviii

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