Obesity 1

Jerome Lael

Mrs. Hudson

Mythology per 5

1/20/17

The Obesity

1: The Faurueain Deceiver

Long ago, Zeus made a mistake. Sorry, sometimes even the gods make mistakes. At the

time, Zeus did not think of this task he had would be a mistake. Zeus had been receiving a

plethora of subliminal messages. These messages kept telling him that he was either very hot

or eye candy, both of which appealed to Zeus because he always knew that he had looked like

this. The task for Zeus was to find out where the cards with subliminal messages were from. He

asked every single woman that he could find on Mount Olympus, but they all looked at him like

he was crazy. Getting frustrated, Zeus went to the Prophets and demand that they tell him

without that prophecy bull. Fine, they said, we will do as you say, lord Zeus, but beware, you

will not like the consequences. JUST TELL ME! Zeus roared. The Prophets proceeded to tell

Zeus that his lover is in the secluded hills of Faurueain, atop the highest peak. Excited to

finally meet her, Zeus sprinted all the way to the Faurueain mountains. He even sprinted all the

way up. At last, he reached the huge, towering doors to the entrance of the castle. He was so

excited to reach her, that he didnt even get a chance to look at the scenery or read any of the

signs that may have said Gonoucrudes. Illusionist extraordinaire. The doors seemed to open all

by themselves as he hurriedly walked into the entrance. Inside, there was a very long, dark

hallway filled with hundreds of people walking about. If Zeus didnt rush himself so much, he

may of noticed that there wasnt even one female among the crowd and people were muttering
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Oh, hey look, another man for him and And another one bites the dust. As he jogged down

the hallway, he heard the sound of a shower and a female voice singing. Upon reaching the

opening in the hallway, two large guards stood in front of him, blocking his entrance. If he had

stopped and took a little more time studying the guards, he would have noticed that they were

overly, large ogres, each of them with full plate armor and an oversized great sword. Instead, he

read the sign that said Entry to this room requires 1 card with any special message on it. Zeus

takes one of the cards he received and throws it at the ogre on the right. Before the ogre could

speak, Zeus was already inside the room. Finally he slows himself down and looks around the

room. Its an odd room for a woman, with razors on the sink instead of perfumes and makeup.

The bed was not what he would think either. Instead of being a big, beautiful bed with girly stuff,

it was just your plain ol god sized bed. As Zeus gazed at the bed, he realized that his lover was

in the bed, sitting up and looking right at him. I have been waiting for you, Zeus. she said

seductively. Lets just say that right after she said that, Zeus was hittin that from the top of Mount

Olympus to the bottom of Tartarus. Nobody truly knows how long this action between Zeus and

his maiden lasted. Some say five days and four nights. Others say it lasted an entire week with a

slight break in the middle. Regardless of how long this action took place, in the end, both were

huffing and puffing just the same. I just realised that I forgot to ask you for your name. May I

have it? Zeus asked. The beautiful maiden just smiled and chuckled a little bit, and said I am

Gonocrudes and I already know that yours is Zeus. Zeus just smiled back and proceeded to fall

asleep, muttering her name over and over. Zeus dream was a frightening one. Over and over, he

saw his maiden turn into a male and tell Zeus that he has been deceived. Each time the dream

starts with Zeus waking up and looking around for his lady, only to find an odd shaped man next

to him. The man gazes up at Zeus and says Good morning, Zeus. in Gonocrudes voice. Zeus
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then figures out that he has been deceived so he proceeds to rush for an escape attempt, but he

keeps running into Gonocrudes at every turn with her saying Where are you going, Zeusy, dont

tell me you dont want me. Everytime he tried to escape Gonocrudes, he kept getting caught by

him and the dream starts over. Finally, when Gonocrudes is just about to catch Zeus again, he

jolted awake with a cold sweat running down his brow. As his breathing and heart rate slow, he

peered about the room. Gonocrudes? he called, Coming, Zeusy! he heard her say. As Zeus

heard footsteps approach the bedroom door, his heart began to pound harder and harder. Each

step he heard seemed to make his heart pound even harder than the last. When the door started to

creak open, Zeus began to hyperventilate as flashes of her manly face began to appear in his

mind. Whats wrong, Zeusy? as her beautiful face peered around the door. Zeus let out a sigh

of relief and closed his eyes. Thank the gods, He thought. I guess, thank me and my siblings.

Zeusy? I heard you in your sleep last night, I have something to tell you. said Gonocrudes.

Zeus just looked at her puzzled. Just then, there was a huge explosion that blinded Zeus. When

he was able to open his eyes again, he glanced around the room. He realized that the explosion

didnt damage anything in the room. He came across an averagely sized man sitting in a chair.

For whatever reason, this man seemed to make Zeus feel unsafe. He felt as though this man

might try to do something to him. Zeusy. the man said in Gonocrudes voice. Zeus began to

wet his godly trousers. no, Zeus said barely audible, no...no.No..No..NO.NO,

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Zeus screamed. As he did, he punched the man right in

the face. ARE YOU GONOCRUDES!!!!!! Zeus bellowed in the man's face, Why yes I

am, Zeusy, DOnt you love me? HADES NO!!!! YOU ARE A MAN!!!! YOU HAVE

DECEIVED ME!!!!!! NEVER COME NEAR ME AGAIN!!!!!! and with that, Zeus sprinted as

fast as he could out of the palace. But zeusy, your urine is all over my bed! Back in
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my day, that meant a man loved another man As soon as Gonocrudes said that,

Zeus sprinted even faster. He didnt remember the way out, so he just used his godly strength and

busted through walls until he ended up outside. YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO DECEIVE

ANY MORE MEN GONOCRUDES!!!!! he shouted. He summoned himself a giant cloud to

ride upon and commanded it to go straight up in the air. Zeus decided he was high enough when

he was a few hundred feet above the palace, GONOCRUDES!!!!!, Zeus bellows with tears in

his eyes, NEVER AGAIN SHALL WE MEET!!!!! He then sent down a barrage of lightning

bolts on Gonocrudes palace, destroying the entire thing, leaving rubble. Zeus proceeded on his

way home to mount olympus and decided to sleep it all off that day. He was going to treat it like

a very bad hangover. But...what about...our...child...zeusy? Gonocrudes struggled to

say, I...give him...to you. That...will be...your...curse. Gonocrudes managed to say

as he died.
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2: Birth of Obesius

Days turned to weeks, and all the other gods noticed that Zeus was getting precedingly

large. Every week, he seemed to be putting on 30 pounds. Zeus seemed to have no knowledge

that he was putting on weight. He just kept eating his normal portion of seven servings. Week by

week, Zeus put on more and more weight without slowing down. Finally, Athena approached

Zeus with the possibility that he may be taking on a little weight. Begone with this nonsense,

said Zeus, you are interrupting my hour before lunch, 10 minutes after breakfast, mid, but not so

mid, morning snack. Todays snack is an eight course meal I whipped up myself. Athough, I don't

really know how to cook, so I just bought eight pound cakes and called it good. Zeus said as he

turned to face Athena. Athena looked upon Zeus with utmost horror. What is that!?!? she

screamed. On the front of Zeus torso, there was an elephant sized baby. You could barely tell it

was a baby as it had rolls and rolls of fat all over its body. The baby looked more like a gigantic

pile of paleish colored pudding. Oiw wiafhh faodhfope fh sdo fhgbtgr. Said the baby as it

inhaled one of the pound cakes. What is what. said Zeus asked, THAT! Athena screamed as

she pointed towards the pile of pudding. Oh that! This is my new baby, I guess. In one of my

dreams I had, Gonocrudes put a curse on me and it was this baby. I guess it was a real curse.

Zeus said as he looked at the baby with disgust. Well, what name did you give to this pudding.

said Athena Iba jso nvpa fhao! the baby said as it threw half a pound cake at her. Athena easily

dodged the cake but decided that calling it pudding would not be a good idea. We shall call

him...hmmm.how about. Obesius. said Athena. Cuz dat baby big as hell, fam. she said.

I like that name. From now on, he shall be called Obesius. Zeus proclaimed. It has been about
 Obesity 6

three months, Zeus, you should be...uh...birthing this baby in another six or so. Athena said,

HOWM IN ZSHE HADESH AM I GONG TO CAHRY ZHISH BABI AROUNDTHFOR

SIXCH MORE MOMFS! IT ALRDY WEIGHSH 429 POUNDSH! OBESHIUSH IS GONG

TOM WEIGH PEN HUNTREGSH MILLION QUIMTILLION POUNDSH SHWHEN HE

ISHSH BORN! Zeus complained all while he engulfed an entire pound cake. Wait, thats a

boy? Athena said as she pointed to Obesius. Yes he is. Zeus responded. Oh. Athena said as

she turned and briskly walked out the room. Six months later, Zeus was in the hospital trying his

hardest to get this baby out of him. He tried and tried, but eventually passed out. A few hours

later, Zeus woke back up in the hospital. Oh good morning Zeus, nice to see you have awoken.

Your baby, Obesius was it, is doing great. He is a healthy 1,247 pounds and nine ounces. said a

doctor. Thats good. said Zeus with a smile on his face. Is that the norm, Doc? asked Zeus.

The doctor just looked at him with a blank face and awkward silence. Well is it, Doc? Asked

Zeus. The doctor just looked at him with a blanker face and more silence. Doc? The doctor just

looked at him with the blankest face possible and insisted adding even more awkward silence.

Oh. I understa-- FOOL! YOU UNDERSTAND NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!! Zeus was frightened

by this statement and decided to keep his mouth shut. That meant more awkward silence between

him and the doctor. All the doctor did was stand there with the same blank face stare at Zeus.

Zeus bladder wanted none of that and proceeded to empty a little before Zeus stopped it. The

doctor glanced down at the wet spot and looked back at Zeus. Awkward the doctor said as

he left. Oh. Zeus said at barely even a whisper.

 Obesity 7

3:The Burden of Being Huge

Early life was a struggle for Obesius as he could never seem to get anything right. Every

little thing he did seemed to displease everyone. From the day he was born, everyone looked

upon him with disgust and treated him as a hideous monster. None of the other kids wanted to

play with him either for the fear of being eaten or just the fact that Obesius would squash them.

So all Obesius did was sit and eat in his room on Mount Olympus where he had been for the last

17 years. One day, just before his eighteenth birthday, Zeus came to his door with a card. Obesius

gladly accepted this card and proceeded to open and read it. YOU ARE BEING BANISHED

BY ALL OF THE GODS FROM MOUNT OLYMPUS TO EARTH BECAUSE YOU ARE

WAY TOO LARGE FOR US TO KEEP SUPPORTING. WE ARE SORRY, BUT WHEN YOU

EAT 92 TONS OF FOOD EVERY MEAL, IT GETS REALLY HARD TO SUPPORT YOU.

ALSO, YOU NO LONGER ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE THE STATUS OF A GOD. the card

read. Without even the slightest hint of emotion, Obesius packed all of his food and left Mount

Olympus instantly after reading this card. For 48 years, Obesius hatred for the gods of olympus

grew and grew. In this time, he used his anger for the gods to work out. He ran 94 miles every

morning, while he slowly increased this distance until he could reach his goal of 100 miles

running non-stop. After he ran, he would lift. At first, Obesius could barely pick up a hill, but all

he had to do was close his eyes and imagine the words on that card, YOU ARE WAY TOO

LARGE, and his anger refueled. Within 30 years, he was benching and squatting the very earth

itself, curling the Himalayan mountains, and power cleaning the entire ocean. By his 66th

birthday, Obesius was extremely jacked. So jacked that all the women were all over him at
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almost every moment of the day. He decided he would tend to his women only at night. Soon had

achieved his goal of running 100 miles non-stop. He decided that he would go back to Olympus

and make the other gods give him his rightful status of being a god back. The travel took no

longer than a day as Obesius ran most of the way to Olympus. When he reached Olympus, he

was denied access but only because no one recognised him. The gods neglected to care about

Obesius and didnt keep an eye on him for the entire 48 years. No one cared about him while he

was gone. This enraged Obesius and he shouted I will kill every god that ever turned their

head! From nowhere, Zeus showed up in front of Obesius. Son. Lets not make this a big deal.

Ill tell you what, if you can beat us gods in their respective sporting event, you can come back to

Olympus. Obesius agreed, and Zeus thus began the Obesity games. Obesius knew he could beat

each and every single god that he faced. He easily beat Ares in wrestling and Poseidon in

swimming. He destroyed Apollo in archery and was claimed victor in a foot race against Hermes.

He defeated every single god that came up against him with ease. Nobody stood even the

slightest chance, bar none. Zeus ended the games saying that the gods were out classed by

Obesius in every single way. I would like to announce that Obesius will be joining the gods

once again! Zeus said to all of the gods after the games. Everyone cheered and hooted and

hollered for Obesius. Obesius felt very proud of himself and even got some action from

Aphrodite, wink, wink. There was only one god that did not in the slightest cheer for Obesius.

That god was Ares. He hated the fact that Obesius was stronger than him. He had to come up

with a way to embarrass Obesius. As he was plotting his plots, he noticed the kitchen. A big, evil

smile spread across Ares face. He proceeded into the kitchen and found the list of supplies that

he needed to ruin Obesius. He put these supplies to use and within an hour, Ares had made the

biggest pound cake ever recorded, weighing just shy of 9238 pounds. Ares put this behemoth of a
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cake in the stadium that held the Obesius Games. He went back and got Obesius to follow him to

the stadium without anyone knowing. When Obesius saw the cake, he couldnt help himself and

started devouring the entire thing. Ares laughed and laughed as Obesius got bigger and bigger.

Ares yelled toward the palace of olympus and bellowed COME ALL GODS AND

GODDESSES, WATCH OBESIUS AS HE SHOWS HIS TRUE FORM! All the gods poured

out of the palace and looked at Obesius as he ate and ate. They watched in horror as Obesius

finally got to the last bite of cake. As Obesius reached for the last bite, he had a severe heart

attack, brain aneurysm, and total kidney failure, and died, just before his fingers touched the last

piece. AAAAAAANNNND TIME! Ares said, Oh my me. This is unprecedented. This is

unbelievable. Ares said, acting as if he had just discovered the holy grail. LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN! EVEN IN DEATH, OBESIUS IS CONTINUING TO IMPRESS. Ares

continued OBESIUS HAS BROKEN THE ALL TIME RECORD OF EATING A PORTION OF

FOOD! The record stated that the contestant had to eat a portion of food as fast as the contestant

could. The winner was the one that ate the fastest at the speed of pounds per second. OBESIUS

HAS EATEN THIS 9238 POUND CAKE IN JUST AN ASTOUNDING 49 SECONDS!!!!!!!!!!

THAT MEANS HE ATE 188.5 POUNDS PER SECOND DESTROYING THE ALL TIME

RECORD OF 40.8 POUNDS PER SECOND!!!!!!!!!!!!! Zeus proceeded to punch Ares in his

manly parts to shut him up. Zeus, disgusted and disappointed by his son, cursed every child of

Obesius to become obese before they turned the age of 25. Obesius legend continued on by the

all time record and the inscription left on one of the stadiums walls. It read OBESIUS. THE

LARGEST AND STRONGEST GOD OF ALL.