Rhetorical Analysis

Full-Length Draft Revision Questions

1. Thesis Follow Through. After identifying the thesis, look at each paragraph in the essay and
make a note of the main point of that paragraph. In your entry create a list like this:

Thesis: Throughout this analysis, I will use direct passages from the text and various academic
sources written by Mathias Clasen, Nol Carroll, and Carol J. Clover to show the mental
destruction of man and fear of others through isolation. Using these sources, I will prove
Mathesons message of understanding and individual perspective.
1. Throughout the novel, Matheson shows how Neville struggles to find his purpose in the
world.
2. Matheson portrays how Neville, through his isolation, is driven to extreme sexual frustration
and erotic fantasies.
3. Matheson reveals further Nevilles deteriorating mental state through Nevilles lack of
compassion and understanding.
4. Through his upsetting experience with the dog, Neville has a final destruction of mental and
emotional health resulting in his transition to the true monster.
5. The science that Neville uses comes along with the problematic nature of science itself.
6. The categorically contradictory monster that Neville has become is enforced with Ruths role
as the positive protagonist
7. Mathesons theme of perspective and understanding is shown with the implications of Cold
War anxieties and prejudice.

Does the writer continue to reference the claim of the thesis throughout the rest of the
analysis? Where do you see the claim surfacing the in the rest of the essay? Write an entry that
offers advice about how the thesis might be better woven throughout the rest of the essay.
The main claim in the thesis is consistently referenced throughout the essay, the first reference
coming in the second paragraph with This allows the reader to feel the same sense of
worthlessness and loneliness that is forced upon Neville. Isolation with mentions of fear and a
deteriorating mental state are mentioned throughout and are followed by evidence to support the
claims. The paragraphs that do not directly tie themselves to the thesis setup arguments
and evidence that prove the claim. the importance of personal connection (lack of isolation) in
order to establish peaceful resolution backs up the claim that Mathesons message is about
understanding the opposing side.

2. Paragraphs: Cohesion. Does each body paragraph focus on one main topic? Is it clear what
the main topic of each paragraph is? If some paragraphs don't have a clearly defined topic, or if
they have more than one topic, suggest changes.
For the most part each paragraph has a main topic and focuses on it throughout the paragraph by
connecting the presented evidence back to the point. The point does get a bit lost in the third
paragraph, but that could be because it still needs to be finished.

Then choose one body paragraph for close review. What does the writer do to create cohesion
within the paragraph? Are there transitional words or phrases within the paragraph to make it
stick together? Is there enough development of the main idea in the paragraph, enough detail?
Are there any sentences that seem out of place, off topic? Should the paragraph perhaps be split
into 2 paragraphs? Suggest revisions and additions to this paragraph for the revision process.
Paragraph five talks about how the death of the dog leads to Nevilles transition into the true
monster of the novel. The paragraph is well constructed and uses transitional phrases like
Throughout the novel, and In this scene, to move between the sentences. The sentences are
a bit short and choppy, but it still flows well together. There could be more development of the
evidence and how the rhetoric of the novel connects to outside sources and ties into the horror
genre. The sentence Neville even resorts to belief in a higher power which he does not have
throughout the novel sounds a bit awkward and could be structured differently so that the
message comes across stronger. The third to last sentence--Soon after the dogs death, Matheson
shows Nevilles final destruction--perhaps expand on how exactly Matheson accomplishes this
point; what evidence shows Nevilles final destruction? The final sentence of the paragraph This
lack of care drives his moraless use of scientific research, makes sense as a transition for the
following paragraph, but the transition within the paragraph itself is a bit large.

3. Structure: Within Paragraph or Overall. Focus your response on the structure of one
paragraph or the structure of the essay overall.

Paragraph:
Each paragraph should have a logical structure, with one sentence leading from the last and
transitional words/phrases/sentences that act as signposts for the reader, so that the progression
of ideas seems smooth and logical. Choose one paragraph within the essay that you think could
be made stronger by revision for structure and suggest changes. You might suggest new
sentences to be added, or revisions to current sentences; you might suggest a different
arrangement of the sentences in order to make a better impact or to make the progression more
clear; or you might look specifically for transitional words/phrases/sentences that could be
revised or suggest new ones to be added.

I think the third paragraph could be made stronger by developing the idea of how Nevilles
sexual attraction to the very beings he hunts to kill is contradictory and how that ties into genre
and Nevilles eventual revealing as a monster. Since you directly quote the novel, you could put
more analysis into the rhetoric of Mathesons writing. This sentence: the constant arguing with
himself is used to give the reader insight on how mentally exhausted the isolation from humanity
is, clearly conveys its message, but instead of mentally exhausted it should be mentally
exhausting.

Essay:
Reread the essay while looking specifically at how it is structured. Here are some points of
structure to consider:
The paragraphs should be logically sequenced and build upon one another to form
a coherent argument.
Each paragraph should have a particular focus (an visual element being analyzed)
and cohesively develop a specific point that is related to the thesis/controlling idea of the
essay.
Relation between paragraphs should be signaled via smooth, relevant transitions.
As a reader, you should be easily able to follow logical progression of thought.
Write a response that suggests revisions to improve the overall structure of the essay....make sure
you point to specific areas of the essay that you think should be revised.

4. Academic Ethos of Writer. An essay written for an academic audience will not be successful
if the writer is not able to convince the readers that he/she is credible to write about the topic.
Here are some elements to an academic ethos that you should look for in the essay:
The writer must show he/she has become expert about the image, its context, and the
conventions of visual communication being used in the image
An academic audience expects particular conventions (for essays) to be followed, and if they
are not, the writer loses credibility
If the writer has not followed the standards of academic English, he/she may lose credibility
with the audience--this depends on how serious the errors are--do they make it difficult to
decipher what the writer is trying to communicate?
The sources chosen by the writer to use as authorities to help amplify his/her claims must be
relevant and appropriate to the academic audience. Carelessly chosen sources will have an
impact on the writer's credibility.
Review the essay thinking specifically about the academic ethos of the writer. Is it strong? Does
it need some help? Suggest revisions in order to create a stronger academic ethos (credibility).
The ethos of the writer is clear and strong. There are no slang phrases or short-cut words that
need to be cut out.

5. Language: Word Choice and Sentence Structure/Variety. The words you choose and the
way you structure your sentences throughout the essay are extremely important for your
academic ethos as well as for the clarity and readability of your analysis.

Word Choice: Take a look back through the essay, looking specifically at word choice and
sentence structure/variety. Find at least three words that could be revised to be made stronger
either these words can be replaced with something more specific, or there is a better word with a
better connotation for this sentence; identify where those words are (by paragraph and sentence
number) and then suggest some words for revision.
In paragraph two sentence four, the word feeling is used twice, the first feeling could be
changed to emotions or mental state.
Paragraph four sentence seven, the word understanding has been used twice already and will be
used another time in the same sentence. You could probably substitute understanding for
something like accepting.
Paragraph seven sentence three, the word compassion has been used multiple times in the
essay already; you could substitute it for kindness or empathy.

Wordiness: Identify at least three sentences or phrases that are wordy (empty or repetitive) and
suggest how to cut them.
Paragraph three sentences two and three are re-workings of the first sentence. Theyre repetitive
and repeat what the first sentence said, only using different words. You could cut them out of the
essay without negatively impacting the essay.
The second paragraph, the second sentence is a reiteration of the first. If you were to cut it out, it
would not affect the essay negatively.
Paragraph two sentence five is just a more detailed explanation of sentence four; you could put
the two together to make their meanings more impactful.
Sentence Structure/Variety: Identify at least three sentences in the essay that could be made
stronger by restructuring them (changing the order around to make more grammatically correct
or more clear/readable) or by offering variety in structure in relation to the sentences around it.
Suggest revisions for these three sentences.
Paragraph five sentence eight Neville even resorts to belief in a higher power which he does not
have throughout the novel sounds awkward and could be changed to something along the lines
of Neville resorts to pleading with a higher power--a higher power he does not even believe in--
in an attempt to save the life of the dog that means so much to him.
Paragraph two sentences five and six could be put together to make them sound stronger:
Matheson uses rhetorical elements to induce the same sense of loneliness and worthless Neville
feels in the reader.
Paragraph three sentences three and four could be put together to make the point of sentence four
more clear: Nevilles mental and emotional struggles over the course of three years has caused
him to dehumanize all of the vampires and objectify the women that he is experimenting on.