Danielle Pulliam

HIAD 7444

Autoethnography

My name is Danielle Pulliam. I am a 23 year old African American female from

Indianapolis, Indiana. These are just a few of the characteristics I would never want to change

about myself because they essentially make me who I am and identifiable by others who dont

know me. I was born March 25, 1992 into a middle class family of my mother and father who

are also both African American. By blood I am the only child in my family as both my mother

and father have children from other families making our family what is known as a blended

family. The question of who am I can be a very difficult question to answer as we are all

continually growing and developing our beliefs about the world around us. Throughout this

paper I will try to describe several different aspects about who I am now in this stage of my life.

I try to live my life based on six core values which are: faith, career/professional growth,

diversity and inclusion, self-confidence, financial stability, and the hustle. These six values are

in my opinion the most important aspects of my life. For me, faith is a big part of my life.

Growing up I was brought up in a traditional predominantly African American Christian church.

For a very long time I didnt enjoy going to church because I felt like my religious beliefs were

being chosen for me by my mother. I also never really understood most of what the preacher was

talking about except that there was a heaven, a hell, and when we died we would eventually end

up in either place. I would see people jumping around, shouting, and dancing and I thought that

thats what I was supposed to look like if I was a Christian. As I grew older and finally left for

college I began to create my own ideas about religion. I chose to attend a different Christian
church that was predominantly White, but their members were all around the same age as me.

For my own personal faith I felt like this was the best decision I couldve made. I was able to

understand the message being taught, people around me were all in college or young

professionals, and although everyone wasnt all the same color as me no one seemed to care. I

appreciate growing up in the traditional black church because it taught me a lot about myself and

how to develop my own beliefs about certain topics.

As a kid my career and professional growth werent always on my list of values. For a

very long time I never paid much attention to how many hours my parents spent working and

how hard they worked to take care of my family. As I grew older I started to notice the hard work

my parents, particularly my father poured into his career. My dad was always early, made sure

that he didnt miss very many days of work, and tried to be the best at everything he did.

Watching my father helped me to develop the same respect for my potential career and

professional growth and has helped me to give a lot more of my time and energy to developing

this aspect of my life. Another reason I have acquired this value is because as I move more

toward the position I eventually want to hold I see the lack of African American women.

Researchers believe that there is a small number of African American Athletic Directors because

we dont want to be in a high pressure and high risk positions of authority. I want to be a part of

the small elite group of people who have defied the odds and move into these positions.

Like most of my values diversity/inclusion has not always been on my personal list. It

wasnt until I started playing college athletics that I learned about diversity and inclusion. I

strongly value diversity and inclusion because I feel like all people should be given the same

rights and be treated equally. This topic is most important to me because of my own diverse

lifestyle. I not only identify as an African American female, but also as bisexual. If this isnt
diverse enough, I also have a Caucasian girlfriend. Diversity and inclusion is important to me

because I want to be extended the same rights and opportunities as people who others consider

live a normal lifestyle. Culturally for me this is totally opposite of how many of the people in

my family see things, especially the older members of my family. For example, a lot of people in

my family still feel like we are going against our race by dating people outside of our race. I too

for a very long time thought that I wasnt supposed to date people who werent just like me. It

wasnt until I attended a predominantly white college near Chicago that I learned about diversity

and inclusion and that its ok to be different. In college I made friendships with all types of

people and it really opened my eyes to the world outside of what I was used to.

Growing up I was never taught much about financial literacy. My parents didnt pay their

bills on time, they didnt have an emergency fund and they never spoke about preparing for

retirement or 401k. None of the friends that I hung out with were financial literate either. It

wasnt until I had a college coach that constantly asked me about my bank account and if I was

preparing for the future financially that I started to think about the importance of financial

literacy. My coach taught me that money comes with power, stability, and choices. Being the

richest person has never been one of my personal goals, but having financial stability has been.

Having these conversations with my coach has taught me to begin preparing for the future,

unknown events, and to spend money towards experiences rather than material things. I believe

in many middle class African American households parents arent having these types of

conversations with their children. I never had a college fund or money in an account waiting for

me after college graduation. I was always taught to just wait for the next check from work to

come in. These experiences have taught me to look at money differently and to want something

different for not only my own life, but my own familys life. I have friends who in college were
meeting with their parents financial advisors and who were putting their money towards

investments. I dont want to continue the cycle of living paycheck to paycheck or not being able

to retire and live a comfortable lifestyle.

Lastly, I value what is known to me as the hustle. The hustle is all about work ethic,

determination, and hard work. Ive never wanted things to be given to me. Instead I want to earn

it and outwork everyone else around me. I learned this concept from watching my dad and how

he worked his way up in the ranks of the military. I also believe this concept comes from not

seeing too many people who resemble me in the positions that I want to be in. I am very aware

that I am an African American female and that we statistically work in caregiving positions. I

also am aware that statistically women dont make as much money as men holding the same

position. I believe that because of my culture and because I am aware of the statistics about

African American people that it has naturally motivated me to want more for myself and for all

of us as a culture.

Who am I can be a difficult question for a 23 year old. In my opinion, who are you is

more about your values, beliefs, and what you stand rather than your race and ethnicity. These

characteristics help make up who you are, but doesnt define who you are. Drake, one of my

favorite musical artists created a song titled You & The 6 which was a song that was written to

talk about the different struggles he experienced growing up and the things he used to help him

cope during these times. In one of the verses on the song Drake says I used to get teased for

being black and now Im here and Im not black enough, cause Im not acting tough or making

up stories about where Im actually from. When thinking about this quote I thought it was an

identical reflection of my life and how culture affects me each and everyday.
 Growing up I viewed the world as black and white. I attended public schools in the city

of Indianapolis that were largely populated with African American students. In most of these

schools there was a form of segregation in which students who were of similar color all normally

hung out and spent time together. I on the other hand was the outlier. Starting in middle school I

took several honors classes that always seemed to be filled with predominantly white students.

The other black students who were in these classes seemed to have more money and parents who

were well educated themselves. Even though I considered many of these students as my friends I

always felt like an outcast in these classes because I was black, my family was in no way rich,

and neither my mother or father finished college and earned their degree. It seemed as if in these

classes I would always hear black jokes or get asked questions that people only think that black

people would know the answer to. It was never unusual for people to ask if they can touch my

hair or if I could get my mom to make the chicken for the class gathering. Midway through high

school I wanted so badly to fit in with the other black students, so I quit taking honors classes

and my straight As turned into Cs.

Soon after this time I accepted a full ride scholarship to Northern Illinois University

(NIU), a predominantly white institution (PWI) located just outside of the city of Chicago. When

I arrived I was a minority on campus, but the majority on our basketball team. In fact, there were

only three girls on our team who werent African American and one of them was my roommate.

At first, I tried to be someone that I wasnt. I spent most of my time with my black teammates

and only tried building a relationship with our black coach, essentially ostracizing everyone else

that I didnt think I had anything in common with. It wasnt until one of my white coaches pulled

me to the side one day and cursed me out for not exceeding expectations and living up to my

potential that I realized I was trying to be somebody I wasnt and living by societys expectations
of African Americans instead. After this day I began venturing out and becoming friends with

people who were similar to me based on things such as common goals, interests, and hobbies

instead of solely based on the color of someones skin. Overtime I found that I had the most in

common with the people who looked nothing like me. I soon became really good friends with a

lot of white students and one of my white coaches became not only my coach but also what I

consider as one of my life mentors.

From here on out in college and still to this day I am known as the black person who

wants to be white. Even my family members will joke about how I switched teams and became

one of them. I enjoy country music, drink beer, love spending time at the lake things that many

of my black friends would say only white people do. Since college I have began to look at

cultural identity differently than what I did when I was younger. When I was younger I saw color

and that was what I thought about when I thought of culture or identity. Today I think of culture

as the different values, expectations, and beliefs that make up someones character. I try to see

everyone as a person rather than a black or white person. Although, this doesnt mean that I am

blind to the differences that exist in our society today, but instead of complaining or rioting over

these differences, I choose to try and join forces with people who are different than myself to not

only learn, but to change the perspective of others, and gain an advantage for myself.

Choosing to have an open mind and see beyond peoples color and instead viewing them

as people has been one of the biggest things that I feel has helped me propel personally and

professionally. My beliefs about culture and diversity have helped me to gain various types of

mentors who are black, white, Indian, male and female. In my opinion this has been one of the

things that has opened me up to different opportunities and viewpoints so far in life. For

example, I never planned on continuing my higher education after I received my bachelors

degree until one of my mentors talked to me about the small amount of African American women

with a masters degree. This helped me because it impressed upon me the importance of

education and how being educated can help knock down many barriers that particularly people of

color may experience.

Although my education has been one of the greatest things that I have earned and value I

think it has also created barriers between myself and some of the people I love. After earning my

bachelor degree many of my family members were happy and so were my friends, it was

something that everyone expected I would do. Then a few years later when I earned my masters

degree everyone was really impressed. My family would talk about how I was one of the first in

our entire family to earn this type of degree and would brag about my achievements. Now that I

am working on my second masters degree I can tell that many of my family are worried that my

education will in many ways change me. Ive heard people say to me oh youre trying to sit

with the white men, or if you continue to go any further youre going to experience a lot of

racism because white people dont want to see anyone other than themselves as educated as you

are. This has been one of my biggest struggles because I battle achieving the goals that I have

for myself and also being able to relate to the people who are closest to me who didnt choose the

same educational path that I did.

One of my favorite quotes about diversity says diversity may be the hardest thing for a

society to live with, and perhaps the most dangerous thing for a society to be without. Prior to

college I would say that my level of understanding about diversity was very low. When thinking

about diversity I never used to think of all the different things that are included in something or

someone being diverse such as age, race, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, education, or
people with disabilities. I thought in order for something to be considered diverse there only

needed to be multiple races of people represented.

For myself, I think my level of understanding about diversity increased when I really

realized my own differences and wanted to feel accepted like everyone else. My level of

understanding grew even stronger when I started to think about diversity and how it affected me

when I began researching the type of jobs that I wanted. When I first began looking up jobs in

college athletics I saw that many of the people who hold the positions that I aspire to one-day

hold are all males. As I continued to research I saw that the majority of those people in those

positions were also white. To some extent this was disheartening to discover because it meant

that not only are my chances slim because Im a female, but also because Im an African

American.

In my opinion one advantage/disadvantage that I have is that many employers are putting

in place a rule that says companies must interview both minority candidates and female

candidates for positions. This is an advantage because at the core it gives myself and others the

chance that every other qualified person has in getting the position. This could also be seen as a

disadvantage as well though because employers might only be interviewing someone because

they must do so as a requirement, but not necessarily because they want to see what this person

can offer their company.

One earned advantage that I have as both a female and African American is that there are

groups specifically targeted for these two demographic groups of people. These groups and

organizations come together to build comradery and inclusion of people who experience similar

challenges. For example, the Minority Opportunities Athletics Association (MOAA) is an

organization for minorities who either work in athletics or aspire to work in athletics that

specifically help minorities network with one another and build the skills necessary to succeed in

high profile positions within college athletics. Another example that I am apart of, would be the

National Association of Collegiate Women Athletics Administrators (NACWAA). This

organization is dedicated specifically for women who want to work in intercollegiate athletics.

NACWAA sets women up with mentors in college athletics and teaches us how to break down

barriers and be champions in the workplace. These opportunities can often times be overlooked

because we dont realize that although we arent the majority, we do have access to these types of

exclusive groups that can help us be successful.

In my opinion organizations such as these can also be a disadvantage to minority groups

because it can give the impression that minorities must stick together and team up with only

people who are like themselves. I believe that in order to truly be successful we must step out of

our comfort zone and team up with all different types of people and organizations basically

forcing ourselves to view things from several different angles.

Diversity is often times a difficult topic to discuss especially when you are

talking about it with someone who is different from yourself. Although diversity can be a

difficult and touchy subject to talk about I believe that having a conversation about diversity can

often times tell you a lot about someone. For this portion of my auto-ethnography I had the

opportunity to talk about diversity with several different people, one group of people who I know

really well and the other who I know but not as well.
 My first conversation about diversity was with my immediate family. I wasnt quite sure

how to bring up this topic with them because I know that many things regarding diversity we do

not exactly see eye to eye on. I found the perfect opportunity to start the conversation when my

brother was telling us a story about how he was stopped by a police officer for not having his dog

on a leash at the park. My brother was really upset about it and was convinced that the only

reason why the police officer said something to him was because he was a white police officer

and my brother is African American. Hearing the story actually made me pretty frustrated

because my entire family was agreeing with my brother and talking very badly about White

people. No one in my family even thought to ask why my brother didnt have his dog on the

leash anyway. So I asked why didnt you have your dog on the leash in the first place, arent

those the rules at the park? Everyone in the room stopped and just stared at me as if I had said

something terribly wrong.

Talking to my family is one of the hardest conversations for me to have with them. This

is the very reason that I chose to talk with my entire family because I thought that even though I

would feel uncomfortable that I would actually have the opportunity to talk about something that

is very important to me. Often times I struggle because I know that my family are good people

and for the most part have good intentions but I feel like many times they are so focused on

African Americans not receiving equal treatment that they overlook other people in the world

that go through everyday not receiving equal treatment as well. Also I feel as if my family thinks

that if something happens to them and it involves someone of a different race primarily

Caucasian people then my family thinks it only happened because it was a white person. After

talking about various aspects of diversity with my family it sort of scared me for where our
country is in terms of diversity. It makes me think that if my family, who are good people, can

think the way they do, then what are other people thinking.

The conversation then began to go deeper into diversity and how it affects the workplace,

mainly corporate America. I asked questions about their outlook on working in corporate

America and how it affected diversity. Like the other conversation their main focus was on

whites and blacks in corporate America and how African Americans are never fully given the

same benefits as whites are. No one seemed to think about women in corporate America or

people with disabilities who work in corporate America. For me the most interesting thing about

our entire conversation was what my family thought diversity meant. Many people, like my

family, think of diversity in terms of only color. This is very similar to how many people think

that the equality symbol only represents equality for sexual orientation. This frustrates me

because it could very well be the reason why our society isnt taking larger steps in the direction

of diversity and inclusion of all people. Are we only looking at diversity in terms of color and

thinking about inclusion in the sense of sexuality?

I also had the opportunity to talk about diversity with one of my coworkers. Let me start

by saying this conversation was much different. My coworker is a Caucasian female from

Minnesota and I met her when I first started working at the University of Memphis. Shockingly

the conversation I had with my coworker was a lot more comfortable than the conversation I had

with my family. I think this is majorly because my coworker is the same age as me and has had a

lot of different experiences in her life just like I have. Growing up my coworker went to a

Christian school and then went to a small private college. I would argue that going off to college

really helps people to become more aware of diversity because they are around all types of

people. I started off the conversation with my coworker by asking her how it is when she goes
out with her boyfriend, who is African American, in public. She responded by saying that there

are times that she does feel uncomfortable because people look at her as if to say why is she

dating outside of her race, but that for the most part she hasnt had too many bad experiences.

I chose to talk to this specific coworker because after working with her I was able to

notice that we often times have the same outlook on diversity issues and equality. Before I met

this coworker I never thought that she would have an African American boyfriend, but I was

quick to make assumptions. I think this conversation was a lot more comfortable because we

have both been through similar experiences such as interracial dating and being women in a male

dominated profession. After talking with her it was clear that we share some of the same ideas

and thoughts about diversity and how we can help make our society a more inclusive place.

I approached the conversation with my family very differently than I did with my co-

worker. Although I still felt in many ways restricted with my family I also thought that I could be

a little more transparent with them than I could my co-worker. Talking about diversity can often

times make people feel uncomfortable because everyone has different viewpoints and opinions

on the topic. This could be a sensitive topic for many people because of past experiences that

people have gone through. One thing that could really impact how the conversation goes is the

age of the person that youre talking to. When I was talking to my family I was in a room filled

with people of all different age groups ranging from 21- 60. People who are much older could

have a certain outlook on life because they remember when their family members dealt with

issues such as civil rights. While many younger people may share in the frustration of people not

receiving civil rights I believe it can be somewhat difficult to understand if they have never

actually experienced mistreatment because of their color, age, gender etc. I think it is important
for people to make sure they develop their own thoughts and ideas about diversity and not take

on the thoughts and opinions of their family.

Overall, Im really glad that I had the opportunity to have these conversations, most

importantly the conversation that I was able to have with my family. For me especially I think

that it is important to have these conversations because it can create change. Before this

assignment I would always try to ignore the rants my family would go on about the differences

between blacks and whites. Although now I think that its important that I speak up when they

have these conversations and give my input. I also think its important that I talk to them about

diversity and how it includes a lot of different things other than just race. I want my family to be

informed about diversity and the importance of it in our society, work place, and in our family.

So who am I really? Its a question that many young professionals are continually asking

themselves as they graduate college and begin to navigate their way through the real world.

Before taking this course I would say that I was aware of multiculturalism on college campuses,

but never really thought about how it would affect me as both a student and student affair

professional. Taking the course really shed light on how diverse college campuses are and the

importance of being knowledgeable about other cultures when working with students. Im the

type of person who never really wants to talk or discuss peoples differences because I think

everyone needs to be treated equally, but after this class I was able to see how important it is to

not only be aware of peoples differences, but also to talk about them so that we can better serve

our students.
 Through the immersion project I was able to study a population of students that I

encounter every day at work. Before I assumed that the reason why a majority of our African

American males werent graduating and succeeding like everyone else is because they were lazy

and didnt care about academics. Instead I found out that some of the blame is on our culture and

how we raise our African American males. Our culture tells us to enroll our children in athletics

at a very young age to keep them busy, occupied, and out of trouble. Athletics can be a very good

tool to help young children develop and teach them lessons, but we as a culture need to find a

way to also send the message that athletics is not the only way that they can succeed in life.

When we see parents yelling at referees or allowing their son/daughter to miss school in order to

travel for basketball games it sends a strong message to our youth. I also learned that in college

athletics we need to find ways to be more sensitive towards our student athletes when they

encounter change. When the Memphis football coach left for Virginia Tech I wasnt sensitive at

all towards our football players, I in fact told them that they should be used to it. Then later on

after speaking with one of the student athletes for my immersion project they brought up how

having so many coaches during their time in college has affected them. In an environment where

there is so much change I think its important for me as a student affairs professional to help

provide some type of stability for our students and a place where they feel like their voices are

being heard.

Through discussions in class I also learned how important it is to students to see that we

as student affairs professionals are involved on campus as well. For example, one of my

classmates talked about LGBTQ students and the different experiences they have on campuses.

Although I dont think its necessary for administrators to discuss their own personal life I do

think its important for us to show that we understand some of the things they are dealing with.
Hearing my classmate share her immersion project on this subject made me think about when I

was a freshman in college and my athletic academic advisor had a rainbow flag in his office. I

asked him why he had that flag if he didnt identify with LGBTQ and he told me that it was for

his students. The reason he had that flag was to show that he was supportive of all of his students

and the fact that he was comfortable enough with himself to have that flag in his office spoke

volumes to me as a student. One thing I need to do better at is being more comfortable with

myself so that I can help other students. I could do this by getting involved with Safe zone on

campus or helping out in other organizations. Changing the culture on campuses specifically

with faculty regarding this topic will help our students have an overall better experience.

In the future one thing that I believe I will need to do to be an effective multiculturally

competent student affairs professional is learn more about other cultures that I dont directly

interact with every day. Athletics has a lot of foreign student athletes and being knowledgeable

about their culture could really help me excel in this field. Also, I would like to learn more about

how to help international students transition into life here on a college campus. This would really

help me with advising international students later on down the road because I will be aware of

the different challenges and struggles that these student athletes experience.

This class really made me begin to think deeper into the question of who am I. It forced

me to think about my own insecurities, challenges, and culture and how that could affect the

students that I have the opportunity to interact with. This class helped me realize that I cant sit

back and think because something doesnt directly impact me that I dont need to worry about it

or get involved. African American male student athletes statistically are graduating at much

lower rates than everyone else, this is a known fact. I need to play a role in helping cultivate

change in this area instead of just thinking that this is the way it has been and always will be.
 Overall this class really helped to put a lot into perspective. Multiculturalism on college

campuses is constantly changing and evolving. As a student affair professional it is my job to not

only be knowledgeable, but to also help initiate and create change on college campuses. My next

steps will be to narrow down areas that I can help and begin a plan of action. Activities such as

the immersion project, auto-ethnography, and visiting the Civil Rights Museum really helped me

to become more multiculturally competent and find out where I can make the biggest impact.