My Best Informant’s Dress: The Erotic Equation in Fieldwork Esther Newton Associate Professor of Anthropology ‘SUMYCollege at Purchase Malinowski's “Sex-Sickness”” “Aren't there any anthropologist jokes?” asked a doctor fiend of my moth- e's, who hal just entertained a table of lunch buddies at thei retirement com: "munity with a series of doctor gags. To my mother's disappointment, I couldn't think of even one. Ido have a poor memory for jokes, but quick survey of my ers revealed that we ae not given (either wt or thigh-slapping when it comes tothe practice of our trade. The only anthropologist to deliver was my fiend and former mentor David Schneider, who came up with this one: "A postmodern an- thropologst and his informant” are talking; finally the informant says, “Okay, ‘enough about you, now let's talk about me, Reteling this joke I realized one reason it truck me as funny was its simi larity to a recent television ad. A young man and woman, postmodern looking in ‘their tight black clothes and spiked hair, are chatting ata party, and she says to him, ““Okay, now let's talk about you; what do you think of my’ dress?” Not only did Schneider's joke suggest a certain absurdity in the so-called reflexivity discourse, but its kinship with the suggestive commercial inspired me ‘o wonder why the postmodem scrutiny of the relation between informant, re- Searcher, and text is limited to whois talking or even what is said, What ese is Boing on between fcidworker and informant? Is the romance of antkropology” ‘only a manner of speaking? Intheir germinal article contrasting postmodernism and feminism in anthro. pology, Frances E. Mascia-Lees etal. "see a romantic yearning to know the ‘other’ behind the reflexive turn" (1989:25-26). But, rather than leading on ‘othe obvious erotic possibilities, they cirele back within the metapher: ‘Teatonaly, this romantic component hasbeen linked to the Neroic quests, by th single anthropologist, for “his soul,” twough confrontation with the exctic “othe ‘n uming inward, making himself, his mies, and his experience the hing be confronted, the posimoderistantopoogistToctes the “other in him IasciLees cal. 1989-25-26) sat Ap 3-28, Cope 183, Ansan At Asean,4+ CULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGY Following Masca-Lees et al.'s suggestions to be “suspicious of rel ships with ‘other that do not include a close and hones scrutiny ofthe motiva- tions for research” (1989:33), Iam going to ask an embarrassing question. Is all this romance totally sublimated in field notes and language leam-ng only t0 {emerge in texts as a metaphor fr the “heroic quest by the single anthrpoogis, or does the erotic ever make a human gesture? Iso, what might be the sigif- cance ofthe erotic equation in fieldwork and its representation or lack thereof in ethnographic texts? ress Rarely isthe erotie subjectivity or experience of the anthropologist discussed in public venues or writen about for publication. If this omission is not due to any plo or conspiracy, neither i it incidental. Inthe dominant schematic that has fet the terms of discourse, the distanced neutral observer presented in traditional anthropological texts is at the opposite pole from the sexually aroused (repelled? ambivalent?) fieldworker. By not “problematizing” (dreadful word, but none ‘other works as well here) his own sexuality in his texts, the anthropologist makes ‘male gender and heterosexuality the cultural givens, the unmarked categories. If straight men choose not to explore how their sexuality and gender may affect their perspective, privilege and power in the field, women and gays, Iss credible by ‘definition, are suspended between our urgent sense of difference and our jusifi- able Fear of revealing it In graduate school inthe early 1960s, I leared—because it was never men- tioned—that erotic interest between fieldworker and informant either did't exist, ‘would be inappropriate, or couldn't be mentioned; I had no idea which. The an- thropologst was pictured as a man who would, ideally, bring his wife othe field ascompany and helper. That she would absorb his sexual interests was I suppose, Understood. [knew that Margaret Mead and Ruth Benedict had done fieldwork, ofcourse, but the former seemed always to be marred to another anthropologist, and the later—whose “private life was opaque—appears to have spent litle time there. IF single male fieldworkers were thought by our male professors to engage in, or even refrain from engaging in, any sexual activites, these were never discussed in font of me. And this being the case, how could the sexuality of female feldworkers ever emerpe as anise? ‘The black hole enveloping tis nonsubject in most anthropological writing invites one of two conclusions: either desire is to be firmly squelehed—even though many of us ae (or were) young, unattached, and living in lonely isolated Stations for months ata time—or it shouldbe satisfied away from the glare of the published account, cordoned off from legitimate ethnography. A ecent com- prohensive guide to conducting fieldwork (Ellen 1984) has no index heading un- der"*sexualty." From Casagrande’s ground-breaking collection, In the Company of Man (1960), to the 1989 In the Field (Smith and Kornblum), wen a field- ‘worker writes in te fist person, she or he thinks and sometimes feels, but neverMY BEST INFORMANTS DRESS. 5 actually usts or loves, Most guides ward off desire with vague wamings against setting “too involved,” hardly daring to admit that fieldworkers an informants do and must get involved emotionally * Between the lines lurk certain shadowy givens. The straight male anthro Pologis’s “best informants” are likely to be, or atleast to be represented 8s, male, presumably minimizing the danger of these key relationships becoming ‘toticized.* On the other hand, a veil of professional silence covers the face of indulgence toward men’s casual sex with women inthe field. For instance, the fieldwork guide mentioned earlier with no index heading for “sextaity" may allude to it coyly ina discussion of why anthropologists tend to “get so much ‘more out oftheir fist than out of subsequent fieldwork.”” Among other factors is the suggestion that “when anthropologists fist go into the field they are often single" (Ellen 1984:98). Most “reflexive” anthropology, which explicitly spotlights ow ethno- sraphic knowledge is produced, has rendered sex and emotion between ethnog- ‘aphers and informants more abstract than before, The exceptions show a pattern: Briggs (1970) and MyeshofT (1978), who do make their subjectivity gendered and rounded, are women; of three men who come to my mind, Murphy (1987) was disabled, and Rosaldo (1989) is Chicano. So far, the only white, able-bodied, and, one isle to infer, heterosexual male who writes as ie knows his affected his fieldwork is Michae! Moffatt (1989).° Generally, practitioners of “new ethnography" have used metaphors of ‘emotion and sexuality to express their ethnographic angst. Vincent Crapanzano (1980-134) likens his quest for knowledge of the Moroccans toa “belie in total ‘sexual possession,” and acknowledges that “passion and science ae not in fat, ‘0 easily separable" without grounding this observation in flesh.” And despite James Clifford’ (1986: 13-14) observation that “excessive pleasures” and “de~ ‘ire have been absent from traditional ethnography, these topics renin equally sent from the articles in Writing Culture (Clifford and Marcus 1986). Why are ‘emotion and sexuality less important or les implicated in what Clifford calls the “relations of production” (Clifford 1986:13) of ethnography than are race and colonialism? And ifthe absence of odor, which played large part intravel writ ing (Cifford 198611), leaves ethnography at best stale and at worst deodorized, hat does the absence ofan erotic dimension do Historian John Boswell (1992) recently advocated the contemplation of s0- cial margins both for their own beauty—he invoked the medieval manuscript [page—and to advance our knowledge ofthe text. In anthropology, only the ma gins —marginal texts, dhe margins of more legitimate texts, othe work of socially ‘marginal members ofthe profession—can tellus why we signify or squelch the erotics of fieldwork. By looking at who has written about sexuality inthe field and ‘how they have written about it, I wll ask why the erotic dimension is absent fom the anthropological canon, and after offering an example from my fieldwork, 1 will argue for is future inclusion,6 CULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGY ee As faras I know, only two white heterosexual men belonging to what Geertz (1988:73-101) termed the “I-Witnessing” literary gente of ethnography have problematized themselves as “positioned [sexual] subjects" by writing about Sexual encounters with women in the fel.” The revered ethnographer Bronislaw ‘Malinowski was one of the few anthropologists to write about the sexuality of a ‘non-Western people (Sex and Repression in Savage Society, 1955), andin bis pri- vate diary, in Polish (A Diary inthe Strict Sense ofthe Term, 1967), he detailed his own sexual subjectivity a persistent and painful struggle against “Tewd"” and “impure” fantasies about Trobriand and missionary women, whom be “pawed” and peshaps more (the Diary was censored by Malinowski's widow before pub- lication), Not only was an exemplary “competent and experienced ethrographer" (Geertz 1988:79) caught with his pants down, soto speak, but if anttropology's historic political agenda has been “to secure a recognition that the non-Western Js as crucial an element of the human as the Wester" (Mascia-Lees et al 1989:8), why was Malinowski thinking of Trobrianders, including objects of his ambivalent lst as niggers"? “The anthropological honchos who reviewed the Diary defended, dismissed, ‘or gloated over it within a common and familiar fame of reference: "These dia: ries do not addin any significant way to our knowledge of Malinowski as a social Scientist. They do, however, tellus a good deal about Malinowski asa person" (Goter 1967:311)."” Malinowskis sexuality. his physical health, his bigotry to- ward the Trobrinders, and his insecurity as a feldworker were private maters subsumed in the concept“ person," which had—or should have had—nothing 10 ‘do with Malinowski the public “social scientist.” Underlying all the reviews is the belief that human beings canbe sorted into "lower" and “higher” parts cor- responding to self-conseiousness and consciousness, emotions and intellect, body and soul. Of course Malinowski shared these same assumptions—Geert (1967) noticed similarity between the Diary and “Puritan tract,” and Geoffrey Gorer ‘compared Malinowski to “the desert Fathers, [who are] tempted by devils,” and likened the Diary to “spiritual confessions, with the same person being both the penitent andthe priest” (1967.31) The hostile and dismissive reactions of the reviewers suggest even less tolerance in scientific dualism forthe ““ower" as pects of human experience than there had been nits Christian version. ‘an Hogbin (1968:575) fumed that the Diary was concerned with nothing but “*kivia” and ‘believed it should never have been published. ‘At the time, only Clifford Geertz realized the profound significance of the Diary forthe anthropological enterprise." The gap between Malinowski the "per ‘on and Malinowski the “social scientist” revealed by the Diary was indeed “shattering” to the “self-congratulatory"” image of anthropology (Geertz 1967:12). But for Geertz, Malinowski was all the more admirable because, through a mysterious transformation wrought by science” (1967513), be hadMY BEST INFORMANTS DRESS. 7 heroically transcended his bad attiude and lack of empathy toward the Trobrian- ‘ders to become a “reat ethnographer.” ‘Twemty years late, Geertz looked back and saw in the publication of this “ackstage masterpiece’ (1988-75) the first signs of the profound disquiet re- vealed in “‘new ethnography" and “the breakdown of epistemolcgical (and ‘moral) confidence” (1988:22) in postmodera anthropology. Althcugh Mali ‘ows had tumed his cultural pockets inside ou ina diary he could bring himself neither to publish nor to destroy, the postmoderists have made “I-Witnessing” central to ther legitimate texts. But the unpleasantly corporeal body ir Malinow- ski's diary has become, in deconstrutionist thought, @ more comfortable “met- aphor ofthe body" (Bordo 1990), Admitting that there is no objective location ‘outside the body from which fo transcend culture, postmodemists in and out of anthropology have conceived ofthe body as a “trickster” of ‘indeterminate sex ‘and changeable gender” (Smith-Rosenberg 1985:291, emphasis added) whose tunity has been shared by the choreography of multiplicity... Decosctonst readings that enact this peotean fantasy ae contin slips’ away through paradox, inversion, self subversion, facil and intricate textual dance they re= {Jase 1o assume a shape for hick they mast take responsibly [Bord 199018, em Pais added] Postmodem anthropologist are taking upon themselves one part af the white ‘man’s burden—the power to name the “other""—but they still do not want to shoulder the responsibilty for their erotic and social power in the eld, possibly, as Masia Lees etal. (1989) have argued, because they are not enthusistic about the insights of feminism. Paul Rabinov, who has explicitly rejected a feminist Perspective (Mascia-Lees et al. 1989:18),published—though not in is principal cthnography—an account of his one-night stand with a Moroccan woman thoughtfully provided by a male informant (1977:63-69). Most of Rabinow’s de- scription is disingenuously offhanded and is made to seem—despite the unex plored admission that this was “the best single day I was to spend in Morocco": Primarily about validating his manhood to male Moroccans while fending off “haunting superego images of my anthropologist persona (1977:63-69) Several women anthropologists have told me that they read Rabsnow’s ac- count sa sel-important admission, basically boasting, about what is really tan- dard operating procedure for male feldworkers. Very likely, one ofthe models forthe “haunting super-ego images” that interfered with Rabinow's pleasure was CCiiford Geertz. In his brilliant analysis of postmodern texts by (male anthro- pologists, Geertz specifically interprets this episode as part of Rabinov's literary Strategy to show himself as a “pal, comrade, companion” type of fieldworker. Justin ease we might hope that Geert’s thinking had evolved beyond Malinow- ski's in the sexual department, he dismisses the woman involved asa “wanton” (1988:93). Progressives who want to transform the eruel, oppressive Judeo-Christian sexual sytem and the corelated"‘objetivst” power grid that both eatraps and Drvileges white heterosexual men should not condemn Malinowski or RabinowCULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGY for writing explicily about the sexual subjectivity they struggled against or in- ‘dulged in. Iis just because silence regarding the unwritten rules ofthe sex and. ender systems makes changing the rules impossible that hardly any of the pow- ‘erful, or those who hope tobe, ae willing to break them. As the issues crystallize ‘ut of our history, we must begin to acknowledge eroticism, our owe and that of ‘other, if we ae to reflect on its meaning for our work, and perhaps belp ater our cultural system forthe beter, ‘Changing the gender andior sexual orientation and probably the race” of «ther fieldworker or informant mosis the terms ofthe erotic equation. The sex- uaity of heterosexual men—however much a puzzle or pain ona personal evel {isthe cultural “ego,” the assumed subjectivity; and it was predictablethat women and gays, for whom matters of sexuality and gender can never be ungroblemati have begun to address these issues forthe discipline asa whole.'* Quite a few women anthropologists of undisclosed sexual orientation have writen about nor having sex with men where apparently even being seen as (het ero}sexual meant losing all credibility, risking personal danger, and the cata- strophic failure of their fcldwork projects. As Peggy Golde put it, women an- thropotogists have felt compelled to “surround [themselves] with symoolic ‘chap. cerones’ "* (1970-7). Working in South America, Mary Ellen Conaway restricted her freedom of movement and wore “‘odd-looking, loose-fiting clothing, no makeup, and flat-soled shoes” to prevent the local men from getting any wrong ideas (1986:59, 60). Maureen Giovannini warded off Sicilian men by ‘dressing conservatively and carrying a large notebook whenever I left the house" (1986:110) “Manda Cesira” (1982) isthe only woman I know about who has written for publication, although under a pseudonym, and notin an ethnographic text “proper,” about desiring and having sex with male informants. Une the male anthropologists, she nether retreated into abstraction nor narated er eratic ex perience as a causal notch onthe bedpost: To lay hold ofa culture through ones love of one individual may be an ilsion, but there eam be no doubt that lve became a fundamental relation of my thoughts and prepons ob, the word ofthe Lends and myset.- Douglas opened forme {he gate to Lenda I dot mean that he induced me his friends. mean hat he ‘opened my heart and mind: [Cera 1982'59~61] ‘The male Africans" so-called natural attitude toward heterosexual intr- ‘course and extramarital affairs burtessed “"Cesara's™ doubts about the Judeo- ‘Christian system, And, in the midst of along reflection beginning with sexuality isa cultural system" (1982:146) but vering oF into discussion of what is wrong with Western culture as measured by the prevalence of male homosexuality, she adds: “The Lenda, thank heaven, and I am speaking selfishly, are beautifully heterosexual” (1982:147). Although "*Cesara's” homophobia upset me!S— straights are still holding us accountable for "causing" the decline ofthe Roman Empire—I do hope to read more bold papers and books like hers ia which the ‘erotic dimension of power and knowledge is openly acknowledged.MY BEST INFORMANTS DRESS. 9 For years the pages of SOLGAN, the quarterly newsletter of the Society of Lesbian and Gay Anthropologists, have been enlivened by accounts of (mostly) ‘male homosexuality in far-flung parts ofthe world; many of these brief accounts include a note on the feldworker's sexual orientation, and a few hive implied participation. 1” Walter Williams, in The Spirit and the Flesh (1986), was clear that his being gay gave him access to the Plains Indian berdaches (1986:105), and suggests that intimate relations enabled his knowledge (see, especially, 1986.93)" “The anthropologist who has most lyrically expressed eroticism toward the “other” is Kenneth Read, in his work on the Gahuku-Gama of New Guinea." In ‘Returntothe High Valley (1986), Read —in hot pursuit of honest about fieldwork and that elusive emotional dimension to ethnographic texts—scales the barbed wire fencing between emotion and ethnography. “Ihave the greatest affection for [the Gahuku-Gama," he writes, adding, “"I have never known vhy this ad- mission generates suspicion” (I986ix, x). That this attraction is, or borders on, homoerotic desir is signaled in code words that are understood by both gay and Steaght: “Lest anyone begin to feel uneasy atthe possibility of being exposed t0 ‘embarrassment, I assure the more sensitive members of my professioa that I will ‘ot flaunt this personal ingredient like a banner” (1986: emphasis added)” ‘Yet such is the intensity of Read's attachment, and o insistent that he winds ‘up doing a kind of literary striptease, first putting out disclaimers to alert the “more sensitive members of my profession” (1986:x), then revealing what had {ust been hidden. Read's “best informant,” and the man who “*may be said to have invited me there,” was Makis, ‘an influential man inthe tebe” (1986:11). ‘Although Read reassures his readers that “propriety restrains me from revealing, ‘the fll depth of my affective bond to him” (1986:12), he throws propriety tothe ‘winds, it seems to me, in his subsequent description of remembering, 30 years afer the fact, Maki’ coming into his (Read's) room, ‘emerging witha marvelous physical slit into the circle of light castby my lamp, fll the planes of his chest, hs face, his abdomen an thighs chiseled from black ar ‘ining marble, hs lips ited upward with the natral pide ofan aistcray owing ‘nothing fo the accdemsof bh, and his yes holding mine with the implications of Teast partial understanding nether of us could expres in words 1586.75)" Following in Read’s footsteps (but with banners flaunting), I offer an ac- ‘count—perhaps the frst to describe a relationship between lesbian anthropolo- ist and her female ‘best nformant"™—of the emotional and erotic equation in my own recent fieldwork? Kay [My fieldwork experience has been fraught with sexual dangers and atrac- tions that were much more like letmotifs than light distractions. To begin with, the fact that lam a gay woman has disposed me—the great majority of gay an- thropologists work with heterosexuals and avoid sexual topies—t0 work with10 CULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGY ‘other gay people (a correspondence that heterosexuals observe more often than Wwe gays do, albeit wih the unexamined privilege ofthe powerful). I was not looking for sexual adventure in the field. Cultural, political, and peychological factors more than eroticism have determined my affinity for gays as research sub {ects—for one thing I have worked with more gay men than women. Looking back, I used my first fekdwork among gay people, mostly male, to consolidate @ fragile and imperiled gay identity. Prospective dissertation projects in East Africa and Fiji—again I stress [am not speaking for gay fildworkers but as one —pre ‘sented unknown dangers that scared me off. Most closeted gay people—as I then ‘was—manage information and stress in America by retreating to privste or secret, “gay zones" where, alone and with ther gays, we can “be ourselvs."" No Af- ‘ican or Fijian village would offer such refuge, I figured, and what if they found ‘me out? Bringing my then-lover fo an exotic field locale was never imaginable, {and the prospect of living for months without physial and emotional intimacy was to0 bleak So, by the “erotic dimension," I mean, fis, that my gay informants and 1 shared a very important background assumption that our social arrangements re- flected—that women are attracted to women and men to men, Secord, the very fact that Ihave worked with other gays means that, like straight colleagues, some ofthe peoplé who were objects of my research were also potential sexual partners, and vice versa. Partly because ofthis, my key informants and sponsors have us ally been more to me than an expedient way of geting information, and something different from “just” friends. Information has always flowed to me ina medium Figure 1 Kay at Grove costume party in the 1950s, Collection of Esther Newton.MY BEST INFORMANT'SDRESS_ 11 ‘of emotion—ranging from passionate (although unconsummated) erotic atach- ‘ment to profound affection to lively interest—that empowers me in my projects and, when itis reciprocated, helps motivate informants to put up with my ques- ‘ions and intrusions Thad thought of writing an ethnohistory of the gay and lesbian community of Cherry Grove several months before I met Kay, having become attached tothe place—a summer resort on Fire Island about 45 miles from New York City— ‘during the previous summer. Carcer pressures and political commitment were be- hind the initial decision. I needed a second big field experience and took to ad- vance professionally. Also from the outset I intended to write for New York's huge gay communities, in whose evolution Cherry Grove had, I suspected, played stating role 2° But not everyone who sets sail keeps afloat—or catches the wind. A great eal ofthe lift I needed in the field when I was becalmed or swamped came ‘through my love fortwo elderly Grove women, and because of them the work was suffused with emotion and meaning. Two yeas aftr starting fieldwork I de.12 CULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGY scribed them in my notes as “the sun and the moon of my love affair with Cherry Grove—without them there would be neither heat nor light in me to pursue and embrace my subject." (Ruth) Peter Worth became my Grove cicerone, my close friend, and my confidant; I asin love with Kay.” Kay was an oldstimer I should meet, Grovers said. After several weeks I matched the name with a dignified and classy looking old woman who rode around the boardwalks in an electric cart Like most able-bodied perp, I had looked through her out of misplaced politeness and because of her advanced age. ‘When I did introduce myself, 1 got more than I had hoped for: a warm and im- plsive invitation fora drink at her cottage. That evening I wrote about™ my frst, encounter: ‘Kay ives ina ny, charming whitehouse, the deck all of pote overs. found ‘er shutting (she moves precariously by advancing each oot afew inches ahead of ‘he othe) o get mes drink of oie and complaining tat her air wast done—she ‘ates that. Despite wrinkles ad thining bash stl pulls of a lok ‘he fold me unsentimental how ifr she wasthe beating aid the contact lenses the inability to read, a sliped disk she was too old to have fased—and how she ated to Be one of those complaining elderly. Emphysema make ber wheeze nfl with every movement (She sl smokes: “i dont ile, dear. Pease—its ‘only vice, teeny one Ihave left") ‘Was it because [liked her eotage which sl had the diminutive charm ofan carlier Cherry Grove, because 1 found ber beatil and her suffering povgnan, ot because her allusions to past vices intigued me? Or was it Becane ste called me "dear," tht Tame avay enchanted? Several hours after writing my field notes, too elated to sleep, I wrote to David Schneider (1 July 1986): “The more I ge into the history, the harder hold (Cherry Grove has on my imagination, ...I'membarking, and thrilled about it.” [And then, feling more confident and confiding than Ihad as his closeted graduate ‘student when I was doing fieldwork with female impersonators (Newton 1979) and my “best informant” was a gay man (whom Lalso adored), I plunged on: “This momingLintoduced myse © a woman of eighty plus whom Id bien wanting to meet, as she rolled toward me inher elec eart Not oly was she receptive, she ‘lasped my arm in an intimate embrace and practically pulled me into er ap while We aed and my Beart quite tumed over. Such ae the perils of elder, ‘After that I went by Kay’s cottage every day, and as I talked to oter com ‘munity members, my fascination with her grew. I discovered her powers of se- duction were legendary. As one Grove woman told me: Kay was the first one 1 walk into the Waldo and say, ‘Send me a ote and a ‘Blonde. She's slaw unto heel don't think you can compare her tothe averae lesbian. She could walk into the Ta Mahal and people would think she wa the owner ‘This triggered the following reflection in me, only weeks after our rst mete ing[My BEST INFORMANT'SDRESS. 13 Seving Kay now, crippled and gasping for breath, [sil can imagine it, remembering how ber exTove Lee came in and thew ee arms around Kay saying, "Ob Kay. ‘we had some reat times on tis couch! and Kay's enormous blve eyesight up 1 0 wth the site —the expensive dentures leaming—the gesture ofa devilish fi. ‘The work progressed around and through my crush on Kay. She helped me ‘organize a group of old-timers to reminisce about the Grove, and I follewed up in burst of energy with individual interviews. And despite her often exprested fear that my book would reveal to an unsuspecting world thatthe Grove was a gay haven, she became ever more helpful. Six weeks late, we had an intense five minutes of smiling at each exer. On my way out gave her ny number out here and sid "If there's eer problem, dont hesitate call me, and she seemed very pleased, and asked i she could do anything forme. sud yes, "Show me your pictues, tell me about the peopl.” She agreed. ‘That winter I retumed to my teaching job. 1 spoke to Kay by phone, and in ‘April I picked her up at her Park Avenue apartment fora lunch date. By then our pattern of frtation and teasing was established. “Back then Kay, did yeu get who you wanted?” I asked, as she was insisting on paying for our pricey meal with iner American Express Gold Card. “Yes,” she smiled, “and lots of them." She told me that she still got sexual urges but just waited for them to pass, We both flirted with the idea of making love. “Someday I'm going to surprise the hell out of you and really kiss you back," she said once gleefully ‘Two summers after mecting Kay, the fieldwork project was cresting, and jough it was tacitly settled that her physical pain and chronic illness precluded sex and we would not actually become lovers, our daly visits were affectionate and fll of erotic byplay. On 11 July 1988, I wrote: dont remember now when set st facing Kay across the round coffer tbl. Probably even tat ist summer T began ost ext a he onthe Naupahyde (0 prac: ‘ial forthe beach) orange couch, arly because she generally hea me fT speak bout six inches from her right ea, snd monty jst fo get closer Inthe las weeks my Visits have taken a new patter. arve, kiss her quickly onthe ips and find ost hat she needs rom te Store~then Tetum. Now coms the real vst During the “real vist,” when she elt upto it, Kay repeated stres about her past ife, her many lovers, her marriages, and the major and minor characters in Cherry Grove's history. Isat enthralled as she recited verses from poems of| Edna St. Vincent Millay-—she had known the poet—which I guessed had been prt of her seduction repertoire. And although I could never persuade her to lave her letters and papers toa university library, she did allow me to copy many val- table photographs and newspaper clippings. She also continued to help me gain access to her old-timers. When L asked Kay to tell one Grover who had resisted tan interview **What a "good guy’ Tam, she answered smiling, “Oh Itll that to everybody.” I observed later: Millions couldn't buy this goodwill No one's word means more than Kay's to the ldcimers hee, and she has given me er tus free. 1 know Kay's afleton has14 CULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGY never ben compelled or bought She just kes me, and he beauty ofits adore her ‘ven though Tnced he and have ulterior professional motives, Kay never had to say “Now let's tak about me" because she rarely asked ‘me about my oun life. She was used to being the center of attention, even though she was acutely and painfully aware that her friends—me included sometimes found her conversation boring because she didn't remember what she had told to ‘whom, couldn't get out, didn’t hear gossip, and was so preoccupied with her physical problems. But even on days when Kay had no new story, no information ‘or photograph to offer, enjoyed being with her: ‘What's doep about her is almost all non-verbal 1's er bodily presence, besring— stand that emodonal fre, crushing and liquid like an ocean wave. Kay ‘nce tld me dat ving ot 0 the Grove wth two othe lesbians om lou day she had raised her arms tothe sky and itoned "Clouds Go Away, Sun Come Out Several times. Within minutes the clouds split andthe sun came ot. Ka showed me how the other «wo women tured around and Tooked ther icredlouly fom the Son seat In anoher culture Kay would have been soa kind of priestess, Her stories and our mutual affection constantly ed me back to the work: “The more | think about Kay allowing herself tobe seduced inthe ge” schol the ‘more he life connection to the history Tam helping to consti exes me. Kay's beauty and pretence would have made me crazy in her younger days, bt T wonder ‘t—Because she was apart el rather than an lntllctal—T could have loved het deep. But now, instead of having ideas she modes ides. Kay spat let the ete period from “smashing” and romani inhi othe ae of AIDS, On Our Backs and dyke separatism. When kiss her Lam kissing 1903, ‘My love affait with Kay and with Cherry Grove culminated in her 85th birth- {ay celebrations in 1988—which also marked her SOth summer as a Grover. At har smal birthday party, I was proud that her hand on my kaee proved she could sill attract women. I was her escort at a Chetry Grove theater performance ded- ‘cated to “Kay our national institution. ”" Until the day, a year later, Kay had what ‘quickly proved to be a fatal heart atack, our loving relationship continued. To Grovers, Kay’s death symbolized “the end of an era"; to many of a, her loss was aso a personal one. My fieldwork suddenly felt more finished than it had before, and I decided not to return to Cherry Grove. This would have been a very different essay had I set out to “decide” whether ethical and strategic considerations should constrain anthropologists from having sexual relationships with informants. If we are to belive that only those who publicly confess t0 it are tempted, then, “Manda Cessa" aside, women fekdworkers’ vulnerability a women rules out (hetero}sex. In print, and probably mich more so in life, the men feel frer. Malinowski struggled for re-MY BEST INFORMANTS DRESS 15 straint to keep himself pure, and Rabinow saw no ethical difficulty in his sexual behavior in the field. Yeti is hard to see why, if our power as anthropologist ane the subordinated “other” poses an ethical problem, the power lo screw’ them doesn't (Most of our English sexual vocabulary implies domination to be- in with.) I doubt that a way out ofthis problem willbe found if itis posed in these terms. But ifthe burden of authorship cannot be evaded,” as Geertz sug- gests (1988:140), then neither can the burden of being, and being seen as, an {In my own case, there was no higher status to take advantage of in buying orattacting Sexual partners, Almost all my informants were, like me, American, hit, and atleast middle class. Although some Grovers were apprehensive sbout what I might write, few were impressed by my being a scholar, ant plenty of Grove men considered themselves my superior because of my gender. I was far from being above Kay; in Cherry Grove's lexicon, she was a wealthy bomeowner and longtime community ieon, whereas I was a passing blip, a eweomer, and a lowly renter. Unquestionably, her regard enhanced my status far more than the reverse, Since our loving relationship never became defined aan affair, my sra- ‘gi anxieties about possible “complications” from becoming sexually involved with a beloved member ofa small face-to-face community were neve put to the test. Those fears did advise caution (as did the Fact that we both had somewhat sbsent longtime companions—that is another story), but for Kay, too, my guess is, the sexual attraction was more compelling than “having sex,” and much safer than “having an affair.” As a child who was more comfortable with adults than with other kid, I've ‘often been attracted to older people as friends, advisers, and, in adulthood, as lovers, so it's predictable thatthe work of writing gay history seduced me and kept me enchanted through Kay, who had lived and created it. If Kay had not existed I might have had to invent her. For me, intellectual and erative work, ‘including fieldwork and the writing of ethnography, has always been inspired by, and addressed to, an interior audience of loved ones like informants and mentors, ‘The mos intense attractions have generated the most creative energy, 4s ifthe work were a form of courting and seduction, ‘What Kay got was an admirer 40 years younger who could run errands, set up appointments, move garden furniture, bring friends by, flit, and who gem inely wanted to know and heat who her frends had been and what their common experience had meant to her. Kay had other devoted friends who helped with some ofthe problems that old age brings. Pethaps my unique gift was erotic ad- !iration, which mast have brought her vital powers back into foci anid the is- solution caused by failing mental and physical strength. Eroticism energized the Project—which caught Kay's imagination—of giving her old age shape and ‘meaning by recording the journey of her generation in Cherry Grove, and secing itas connected 10 my own life.” This manner of working poses the danger of “unciically adopting Kay's Point of view,” as one of the Cultural Anthropology readers and two colleagues ‘who have read drafts of Cherry Grove, Fire Island (in press), my forhcoming16 CULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGY cthnohistory ofthe community, have warned, But until we are more honest about how we fel about informants we cant try to compensate fr, incorporate, o ac- knowledge desire and repulsion in our analysis of subjects or in our discourse about text construetion, We are also refusing 10 reproduce one ofthe mightiest vocabularies in the human language. Philosophy, psychology, and literature have reflected on how creativity may be powered and shaped by Eros—invoking both the glorious and the terible pow- ts ofthe winged god, not the debased sweetness of the cuddly Cup anthropology has not, “The lover is tured tothe great sea of beaut tells Socrates, in that touchstone of Western meditation on eros, the Symposium, “and, gazing upon this, he gives birth to many gloriously beautiful ideas and the ‘ories, in unstinting love of wisdom” (Plato 1989:58). Freud's they of subli- mation reinterprets Plato's encomium of eros, albeit darkened by Judeo-Christian pessimism. And ina novel by May Sarton the lesbian protagonist declares: ‘When I said that al poems are love poems, meant tha the mor power the elect curtet is ove of one kind or anther. Te subject may be something quit imper- onal bird on a window sila cloud inthe sky, te. (1965:123} (the subject might be a culture, a people, a symbolic system, Of course ethnographic texts are not poems, and neither are they diaries. Whatever mot- vats them, thei purpose should be “enabling conversation over societal lines — of ethnicity, religion, clas, gender, language, race—that have grown progres- sively more nuanced” (Geertz 1988:147). The ertic dimension intersets with ‘those lines; to follow Malinowski’ lead by including the sexuality of “our” peo- ple among the topes worthy of publication,” we will have to surpsss him and describe, not justin Polish, but als in English—in "I-Witnessing” of any other uthoral style of “being there"—where we anthropologists, as encultured indi- Viduals ike all other humans, are “coming from.” In the age of Anita Hill and AIDS, ean we do less? Notes Acknowledgments. Aa cals version ofthis article was read at the “LesbisGay Iden: tig” Session, Annual Mecting ofthe American Anthropological Associaton, Sunday, 1 December 1990, New Orleans. Without the support of my colleagues in SOLGA (Society of Lesbian and Gay Anthropologists) who loved the ear raft I wouldn'thave had the nerve 10 ty for publication. I would also like to thank Julie Abraham, tw anonymous readers for Cultural Anthropology, Amber Holibaugh, Mors Kaplan, Ellen Lewin, Shenty rte, Jane Rose, David M. Scheider, Kath Weston, and Peter Wort, al of ‘whom cad dats ofthis ate and made helpful sueston, "Sex Sickness Marvin Haris (1967:72) term from his review of Malinowak's A Diary i the Siri Senseo the Term(1960, ‘Oe of my informants, Peter Worth, was shocked by reading here the word informant in reference to here sp er fiends explained that in all my published work on CherryMY BEST INFORMANTS DRESS 17 Grove intend wus the word narrator or those whom had interviewed, but inthis essay, | was addesing an anthropological audience for whom the historical inpoance ofthe word infoeman recommended it se. "David Schneider sid he ha heard this joke fom Marshall Salis. Later, Kath Weston Pointed out that ody Stacey (1990-272) had quoted a lg diferen version, atibting itto a forthcoming paper of Sahin’, “The Rewn ofthe Even, Agu,” in Clio in Oceania in press. "Think twas ony inthe later 1960s that Ubeard rumors that Mead lived with another ‘woman who was tought o be her lover. Party I doabed it because she had tee so pub lily and often married, and partly the news had les impact because being mere sted in ‘myself, needed ites, Much more important tomy survival—I mean that quit itrally— ffombigh school on, wasthe forceful advocacy forhuman variation, gender and therwise, Jnboth Mead's and Bendis work In the acceptance spech he had planned to give upon receiving the Margaret Mes ‘Award at our 1991 Annual Meeting in Chicago~very unforunatly the avards format precluded speeches Will Roscoe (1992) expressed the hope that if Benes and Mead ‘were il living they weld ot have to hie their sexuality tobe credible puble advocates for greater oerance. ‘Persona interactions and slationships are the st of feld data clisction,” asserts so- ologist Carol A. B. Warren (1977105) in an excellent article on Beldwork inthe male ‘ay World; however, she ends mysteriously, “they only Become a problem when they ‘block acess o certain pats ofthe data." She attly discusses how the researcher may ‘stigmatized as ay by “normal and 30 lose credibility, how the feldworter tying (0 cstablish rst may be grilled by informant about her own sexual orientation, and even he eed for “reflective subjectivity by the eldworker (1977:104)—al without ver ping ‘her own hand. This isthe same elusivenes o which I resorted in my owa pulsed work on gay mea (Newoa 1979, “Only one ofthe male anthropologist in Inthe Company of Man chose to write about female informant—a pre pbescent gil (Conklin 1960), “Jean Beggs (1970) made her own anger and frostration central to her Fskimo ethnography: Barbara Myerot's (1978) elderly Jewish informants go under her skin i ich vain) ‘of ways; Rober Murphys (1987 account of how becoming paralyze changes ety and propelled him ivard studying the disabled moved me deeply; Renato Rosa (1989) explored how his wife Shely’sdeuh helped him gras the rage motivating Lingo head hhmting: and Michae! Motfat (1989) constructs a naraive about college staents with himself asa very peesentparticpanvobserver (whatever one thinks of his intial eal laps in footing the students about his entity). All dee ofthe men's texts do begin to construct the sexuality ofthe author asa subject, especially Mola’, perapsbecause he writes extensively about the students vexualiy, “Quoted in Geert (1988 98), This wsful erm is Rosa's (1989:19), and thine wouldnt mind yang “sex val," snc he alone ofthe new ethnographers, clades sextlointton as ameaningfal {xisof diference hat can help dismantle "objectivism” an ad ichness to efhmoprphic ascounts (se, especially, 1989:190-193), “Geert (1988:9) actualy observes hatin this gene the authori voice i somehow con- figured as an objet of desire but apparently only by renders ad from ae18 CULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGY *ee alo Haris (1967), Hogbin (1968) Greenway (1967), and Geert (1967 ‘ast the other dy I vas discussing the Diary in a class of undergraduates. One woman student sai, indignantly. "Knowing about the Diary. why shoul I rea Malinowski ‘tngraphics?” And another added, fe thinking abort, “Maybe if youcould put the Diary together with Sexand Repression, you'd have good ethnography. “Tis fact nove captures Geers awareness. Of those who could be consieredin the“ Witnessing” schoo of ethnography, the only woman fo ate a mention is Barbara Myer hf, in a footnote (Geertz 1988:101,n. 15). Not even mentioning "Manla Cesra's” Refectons ofa Woman Anthropologist (1982) in comparison to Rabinow’s Reflections on Fleidwork in Moroceo (1977 i dsappoatng to say the las. Not that Rabinow can just ‘ein the el, bat ego. Forte perpestive ofan African-American man working inthe Caribbean, eT, White ‘ead (1986). Fora Black lesbian antropoogist working in Yemen, see Waters (1981, OF course, the majority of gay and lesbian aevopologits are in the closet, which by This and all subsequent excerpts in this section ae from my unpublished fates, ex cep forthe eter to Schneier, ‘The categories gay" and “straiht," no mater how feel and socially re, cannot be ‘aken literally to mean tat people so identified are never. a individ, seal inter ‘sted in whichever generis supposed to be erally ml. Even tthe time of my dis tation flwork with female impersonators inthe mid 1960, I ecognized tht, imprabe- be ait seemed, my then "best informants coasdeable charms, which included is sresses, or ther his persona in dese, ha ceri erotic component forme. Bu ere Talude 13 complex sbjet fr beyond the scope ofthis atc ven when we gays ae teachers, as many of ws re, or identity i the one thing about hich most of us can never teach the young. Many gay people do ao ave eilen who could give thm personal and intimate accesso succeeding generations and many cannot ‘hare thei ives even with lees and nephews Kay forinstince, was childless and never ‘discussed her homosexuality—all oe Living, thats, that formed the substance and ub ject mater of ou friendship and was the reason why she ha lived in Cherry Gove for $0 summers—with any fhe family Because of the enforced secrecy in which wove, ode ny have trouble ansmiting ourcltue to younger ones, athough ou cupboard is bari st emp. In addition othe articles an books pre viously refered wo, Gregersen (1983) has done a quiky follow-up to Ford snd Beach's (1981 early cross-cultural work. For American cultre ther is Rain's (1984 article on {hehicrarchiealstaifcation of sexual practices, Vance’s (1983) wity essay or the Kinsey Institute, my own efor to develop a mate pecse sexual vocabulary (Newton and Walton 1984), Thompson on een gins (1984, 1990), and Davis and Kennedy's pioneering work ‘on the sexuality of lesbians in Buffalo (1989). For aon Wester cltres thee the r= dache controversy (Cllendar and Kochems 1983; Roscoe 191; H. Whitehead 1981; Wil Tams 1986), the essays in Blackweod (1985) and tee monographs: Thomas Gregor's Account ofthe heterosexual Mehinaku (1985), Gilbert Hert and Rober Stolk’ ollab- ‘ration oa the Sambia (199), and Richard Parkers (1991) Brazilian work, the winne of SOLGA’s 1991 Benedict Pie20. CULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGY References Cited ‘Blackwood, Evelyn, ed. 1985 Anthropology and Homosexual Behavior, New York The Hawort Press Bordo, Susan 1990 ” Feminism, Postmodernism, an Gender Scepticism. In Feminism ind Postnd- ‘mism, Linda J. 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