Within all of us

Joshua Jay Herman

This work is released under a Creative Commons
Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License
June 2, 2010
selfisdata@gmail.com
2
Contents

I After Antephil 7
I don’t know . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9
Gutters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10
The revolution was never good . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
Lunatic . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
I wish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13
Us humans . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
Clothe me with these white robes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15
Grace . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16
Kiss upon the nerves . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17
Sylvia . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19
Clothe me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20
Sleeping Upon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21
Dead Romantic . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23
White Queen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24
Lets rise . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25
Your breast . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26
Chalk Me up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27

II After La Belle Dame... 29

Never leaving . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31
Orbital . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32
Bargain . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33
Black Queen, Silver sword . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34
For all of you . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35
I? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36
Let me lie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37
White Queen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39
Abstract nonsence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40
Voile You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41

3
4 CONTENTS

Psychosis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42
Lonelyness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44
You are . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46
Wishing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47
Life isn’t simple . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48
Schadenfreud . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50
From The Waste Land (In responce to T.S.Elliot) . . . . . . . . . . 51
One’s mind . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52
Notes from Zegota . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55
libero dorma . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57
From nothing emerges an angel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59
You have my eyes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61
Of suicide women . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63
(Here) Be Girlish Sins (of jenny) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65
Desires of a pastry maker . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67
January Twenty-Second . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 68
White Office Sestina . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 69
Thought Villanelle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 71
Piercing Ring . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 72
Perception . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 73
Walking Across the Shores . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 75
Rain Before . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 76
Sitting on laurels . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 77
Walking Across the Shores . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 78
Looking for a muse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 79
Dead Romantic . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 80
A Finite Amount of Time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 81
The horse you never rode in on . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 82
La Belle Dame Avec éloigné pactole . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 84
Accepting Missions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 85
Wondrous . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 87

III Before La Dame... 89

Free Radical . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 91
Listen to the sound of silence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 92
Rain only falls once . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93
Fractures in the void . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 95
Reality’s Reflections . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 96
Sweet Destiny . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 97
Lost sunshine . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98
CONTENTS 5

Mirror of quicksilver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 99
The knights tour . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 100
Disorder . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 101
Mortal Melody . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 102
The Tint of life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 103
Flown the Coup . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 104
Echo’s from the ocean . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 105
Broken flower . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 106
Ethernal blade . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 107
Lavender Haze . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 108
What is weakness? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 109
False truth . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 110
Forgotten Tune . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 111
Foreground, Backound . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 112
The scheme . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 113
The wind of change . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 115
An Discord To Eris . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 117
A speech of discord . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 119
Wishing for Forgetting . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 121
Laurels . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 122
Blue rose . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 123
Duality . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 124
Etheral Blade . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 130
Furtive Dance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 131
Kings Sword . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 132
Love white dreams . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 133
Marble Orchid . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 134
New year . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 135
Purple Frog . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 136
Tenement . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 137
Reality Lost . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 138
Sakura Rhapsody . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 139
A Valentine . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 140
Valkrye Stopped . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 141
Vorpal Blade . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 142
6 CONTENTS

IV Afterward 145

V Thoughts 147

VI acknowledgments 149
Part I

Escape

7
 9

Escape To be free Not bound Not owned

We born with humanity know it?
two faced people living in the world
Crying ”FREEDOM!” But yearning for conformity
Crying ”JUSTICE” But just wanting a better deal
When we all know we want to be ruler
But we seem to only get to be mediocre.
And these are the things I think I have seen
10
 Part II

After Antephil

11
 13

I don’t know
I don’t know whats goin on I wish, i could motivate you

I wish I could be more motivated

I’m trapped in this cage

And I don’t know the out

My heart beats And I can’t let it free

I can’t seem to live

But I almost see how to live

14

Gutters
Drowing out the sorrows I feel sometimes I will live in flith and
die in it

The gutters filled with blood

I remember when I had an apex of desire

And life was a mere rose to behold

But remember the thorns are there

And the petals are mere poison

I watch as, people say

“That life is a mere utopia to behold”

And that cacaphony of voices

Seems off key

Destiny and fate Didn’t condemn me to this

I want out Can’t you help me?

 15

The revolution was never good

The insurrection is occuring on youtube Its never going to give
you up Yearning to break free of the net

It won’t be on facebook or myspace or cnn

You need to lurk moar. For the players They have no name No
faces to find
16

Lunatic
Perhaps escape from the moon,

With the abnormal (Musing upon normals) Lamenting, dazed,

longing for Just some respect...

Discharge, requires one to let go of that difference!

And conform To the golden mean

And instead Just do as one is told and stay average.

 17

I wish
Sometimes, remembering holding you I feel warmth

With that breath on my ear

Hitting that hammer sounding my heart

But you are there And this correspondance

Is of truth?
18

Us humans
Us humans, are fragile pathetic things.

Wasting away, on a some cold, wet rock

That circles some burning flame.

A fission, burning a way over few million years.

Choosing to bask in light; or sulk in sorrowful darkness.

 19

Clothe me with these white robes.

Instead of nakedness of rulers On roads traveled Don’t quietly
submit, loudly reason

On villainy and heroism On love and hate

Let us try to go forward In to truth.

20

Grace
1
Let us find a grace, a place

Those dead liars and living layers

Lost is the living in tunnels

Lets find a new one around death and our life

Away from golden rivers and windswept allies

Let us stop existing in reality

And go away to our own

1
Response to Poe’s Take this kiss upon the brow
 21

Kiss upon the nerves

Take this, this kiss upon your nerves

upon those curves, upon those words

[Should we part or shall we stay?]

This day this hour this year this life

Mere flight of fancy ,Mere words of flight

If hope beacons back let me ride!

If hope beckons back let me fly!

(If my weeping could be heard”...”)

Would it give me a tighter grasp

[On what we call reality, on this

agreed upon dream all call existence?]

If the hours and the days turned to dust

[And the years spent and future years

extinguished?!? Where would I find myself?]

Somewhere outside of time , outside of all of reality.

Everything is merely some fake

figment of collective consciousness

But wouldn’t that extend reality?

[Maybe a negation of reality

doesn’t make much sense?]

Hope, flows away, of my vision

Of reason, of choices, of existence!

22

(Is merely an imagination shared”...”)

I stand amid all of this

realizing that I know shit

Absolute garbage, I have no wit.

This illusionary existence

This fatal game, this final hour

In all of this illusionary existence

You have been the one thing that is real

 23

Sylvia
Racing on a thought, a whim (The math said no? but The love
said yes!)

Cherry trees in wondrous bloom A reigning trance of pink petals

This is her forest! Full of all of her feelings

Of her love, of her poles

And her dances and her prose

I see all of these things

round this wood nymphs head

24

Clothe me
Clothe me with the robes of innocence.

Let me not dance naked in the lands of our fathers

Let us not go quietly in to that far night

Of villainy and pestilence

Let us try to go forward

In to truth, into our own order.”

 25

Sleeping Upon

Sleeping upon submarines

and fighter planes

In the brain of the borrowed

In the mind of the weak

Making tunnels upon tunnels

Skin becoming thicker and thicker

Infinite rawhide shells

Snow as thicker

than comprehension

And yet for all of his troubles

Foibles and faux pas

Gaining nothing for

his ventures

Some have said

better to have loved, instead to never.

And yet still needing

A pure brain

Let him spread the recent ashes of old

As his hand is taken

As the world’s variables are taken down

Tasked to record every slightest gesture

Whispering to the Delphic oracles

26

For his reasoning

Gave the truth

About facts yet to occur

 27

Dead Romantic
In this mind beats the heart of a dead romantic

Summer time won’t bloom for him

But his words still speak through time

And I know what he thinks is true

Rediscovering his thoughts I saw what I lacked

How to judge what is beauty in the realm of the real

It’s not in the complexity of it all

With lies that leave you empty

But in the simplicity of what we hold dear

That is where beauty lies

To seek it is to love, and to deny it hate

And single thought that truth is beauty

And that is all you need to know

To change reality into a extension of the imagination

Using your heart to sow the seeds

To see what dreams may come

Maybe it was an old romantic ideal

That made me realize what I was lacking

And what I could become.

28

White Queen
White queen, golden mother

Of love unspeakable

Desire uncountable

The unbounded love I hold

Descriptions are meaningless

Lor e’s of love don’t comp air

You reign o’er me

Like your unbounded grace

May I me stop hiding

My love for you

 29

Lets rise
Fallen angel

Won’t you let

down you hair

Let us find

A new grace

A new place

Where the dead

Stop lieing

Where the living

Can lose themselves

Lets build

tunnels

Around the death

Around the life

A far cry

from the golden river

From the windswept vallies

let us stop existing for a moment

And exist in some type of reality

of our own.
30

Your breast
Your breast

isn’t hiding

a cold heart

Not merely

blood coursing through

Yet it is cold to me

If I could crack my chest open

And remove my faults

You, are that

fire escape

Out of my

own hell

It seems I can never

warm your heart

Or any heart ; at least

the ones I have tried

I have failed.
 31

Chalk Me up
Chalk me up

As an failure

As an casualty of society

Don’t ask me as I bleed

If I am in pain

Don’t ask me if I am okay

As my pale face

Shows I am knocking

On death’s door

Don’t offer me help

As I lay hanging there

Now stop bothering me

As I ready my noose
32
 Part III

After La Belle Dame...

33
 35

Never leaving
I never want to leave you

Holding onto the piece

of you

While you are near

my heart increases

in size, in speed

Since you have picked

my heart from its perch

Your the kind of girl

that I could hold onto

36

Orbital
Come with me

All of you

To ask of friendship from

the living, beating heart from

Fool’s reconing in

Purple etching

on my mental slate

Across my temporal lobe

Let me sway

your path, your orbit

In my direction
 37

Bargain
Giving an part of me [while

taking a part of you] (was

an romantic deal), your

own vallies with[

your heart beat]

Never tepid, you fill

an space, a true longing

I always had and

I will never forget

For I store that piece

In my heart
38

Black Queen, Silver sword

The free spirit

The boundless lover

Hookup, hookoff

All is fair

No sacrosanct actions

In your domain

Coloring you own reality

Making symbols to sentances

Analyzing the voice

of humanity

Grammars without context

Vocal phonemes

Using the silver sword

To cut my engulfing darkness

For it is in your touch

In your warmth

In your spirit
 39

For all of you

For all of you there exists an desire unbounded

If you are around then my heart races

If you are near then I become happier

There exists an hope that love will be returned

Which has uncountable cardinality

My trust in you is greater than others

and my trust is greater for you than anyone.

Therefore I love you

QED
40

I?
What am I to you?

A smiling bag of meat?

A filthy animal begging

for your own attention?

Why do I exist?

For your amusement?

For your pleasure?

 41

Let me lie

Let me lie across

poppy fields

Crying with the sinners

And laughing at the saints

Doesn’t death come

for those who deserve it

Doesn’t death come

for those who want out?

Won’t you let me die with honor

Without pieces, without strife

Let the end

wash over me

Let life start

once again

My decay is merely

An passing state

Let me reconstruct

Myself again.

End it all

Maybe I am doomed

to unrequited love

I fear not rejection

42

Since it can be assumed

Let me rid myself

Of this thorny crown of love

This unending torment

The hell of my own design

End my sickness

For others are hell

Let me instead

Count the ways

It hurts inside

Burning ripples in my brain

Like ants

under an lens

Hand me the key

That lets out

This caged mind

This tortured soul

Cure my sickness

Let me end it all.

Let me

out
 43

White Queen
White queen, golden mother

Of love unspeakable

Desire uncountable

The unbounded love I hold

Descriptions are meaningless

Lore’s of love don’t compair

You reign o’er me

Like your unbounded grace

May I me stop hiding

My love for you

44

Abstract nonsence
Functors of natural transformations

Using Yoneda’s lemma to prove

My diagrams don’t chase themselves.

Invoking hilbert’s invariant theory

Mere theology in mathematical clothing

 45

Voile You
She Lays, and has lied

(near) Park ash L(n)

(By) braze(n) oak

Her hazel peak’s

(Washing across my consciousness)

Her Rook’s bites

my able bets

hitti(n) her zeal

Bash ’O Ash

Seize a sizeable

Area (from an)

Alpha Seer’s Sky

(While) zealot hobbies

On sizeable bale bozos

(Merely take away

the self)
46

Psychosis

Mental death,

(with grand

delusions).

Mere serpents

(eating away

at sanity)

and sancity

[Polymorphic swords

Dichromatic beatitudes

Dicdacictic monosylabic ERSTAZ]

All mere trifles

Compaired to the highs

Of your own design

merely a demon

(festering in

your own head)

Yet it can

inspire

You to reach

your farthest

goals

your deepest
 47

thoughts

Exploring

edges of your

brain

Although eventually

all you want

is out
48

Lonelyness

Lonelyness isn’t

next to happiness

or godlyness...

Just adjacent

to sadness

and sickness

Shall I die

alone

Lamenting the past?

[Leading a life

without meaning]

Without self?

Let my demise

wash over me

And yet

an beating

heart

Sounds for you

Not yet woken,

[(still silent])

Having thrown

down my love
 49

Mere delusions

Unexpressable

Or maybe searching

For one to call home

50

You are
You are

the one

Who is more

beautiful

Than my

memory

Since your

beauty

is impossible

to be recalled

Not one word

describes you

Not even a countable

or a uncountable set

Filled with words

Your look

your mind

That something

which is you
 51

Wishing
I wish

I had something

original

Something interesting

Something new

Not worn out

A tattered mess

Not worth writing

Sometimes I wish

I had high art

Instead of posters

of ill repute

Maybe I

Should stop wishing

And start changing

52

Life isn’t simple

Life just doesn’t

get simpler

And there is no easy way out

You shall always

fear failure

(And tend to forget

your success)

Darkness in our

hearts

comes and goes

(But light

may stay)

Friends fade

And enemys

are always

at your door

When we long

For an easy

way out

Are we not

losing out

on what
 53

might be

beyond

dark times?
54

Schadenfreud
I take pleasure in the most dreadful things

The mashing of fingers

The crys of pain

No delight in my perfect world

No crys of joy

Only darkness to engulf them all

If this is wrong

I delight in this madness

This pain without pleasure

If this is sickness

Then I wish for no cure

For when the bombs fall

And the last breath echos

That would be true peace on earth

And I could reside happy

Knowing that the end isn’t near

But it has already begun

And take one last breath

To smell the death

 55

From The Waste Land (In responce to T.S.Elliot)

The third one is Azariel

(Who burns my mind)

Making my fleeting flights of sanity

Turn into dust , guiding me

(to the point of prophecy)

Beckoning me back

To where I desperately

want (to be)

And sending them back

(to where they came)

56

One’s mind

One’s mind

shouldn’t stray

near stars

For like feather

wings

Bound with wax

It too can melt

Degrading

into a surreal

mind

With only

one’s will

Keeping it from

self digestion

Only from truth

will a new mind

be born

Falling from Grace

Losing

my innocence

Wasting away

my time
 57

on myself

Distracted by

the grace

of unrelenting

unrequited love

Then as I

finally fell

While hearing

an angels

voice

call out

to me

The noise

With evil

overtones

desiring

a soul

The choice

had to make

Was either

to atone

for my sins
58

or remain

in twisted

logic

Using false

rationale

I was put

in a place

to force

the decision

my own (personal)

mirrored

firing squad

I chose

truth

over delusions

Then

everything

wasn’t lost

And my

angel

was at

my side
 59

Notes from Zegota

I (am)

a sick man

Devoid of hope

Of passion

An unattractive

man

I know

my brain

is diseased

Let it degrade!

Let it rot!

still respect

modern medicine

I rather

reject it

and stop embracing

my struggles

So long

I have searched

for the sublime

and beautiful
60

So I shall flush

my medicine

Forget my

therapies

And lie

sulking

waiting for my

insanity

to take

control

And then

I shall be

truely lost

Since my passion

has died

I will

go along

with it.
 61

libero dorma

While I

felt my mind

burn

As I was turning

into dust

You cooled me

with memories

of your kindness

And that

fixed me

by giving me

joy

And now

that I

am still here

I am too fond

of you

to not tell

you

how I feel

As I

put our
62

fate

in your hands
 63

From nothing emerges an angel

When I

was at lunch

was sitting alone

Looking into

nothingness

You

came in

floating like an angel

that I

was waiting for

I see your

subtle curves

that are as smooth

as silk

am imperfect

Without a pure

part inside

of me

In a place

that I

never belonged to
64

You

gave me control

To stop the pain

of being alone

I wish

you would notice

me a little more

I wish

I could give back

to you

what you

have given me

I hope

that you will never

feel alone

And you are a lifesaver

Now that I

know you

can believe

in anything.
 65

You have my eyes

You

have my eyes

Looking at

your perfect skin

Or a body

that I drown in

So beautiful

that words barely

scratch the surface

That flirts

with my mind

And takes me to

foreign lands

But it is truly

that something I can tell

That makes you

what you are

And that is

Your kindness

the warm touch

that helps me realize

What I am
66

And carves

silky smooth

ripples in my mind

It is in these memories

that I cherish

And hope to revisit

Like a wind

at my back

And a friend

at my side

That something

(thoughts I hold of her)

That no one sees

that I desire
 67

Of suicide women

The age

of eye aversion

(At painted

ladies)

Has faded into

absurity

And the obscene

Is merely things

That is found

In your local

media

And eden

is all around

For it is in

these pictures

That we find a beauty

(not all acknowledge)

better than blue

rhapsodies

Break out of your

groupthinking shell

Eating away at
68

your mind

Making you drum

the beat of one

This is a wakeup

call

(from the internet)

From the collective

minds

And we just want

you to look
 69

(Here) Be Girlish Sins (of jenny)

May the path

rise to your whim

As the wind

blows at your back

(And even as the blessing

Of soft sweet rain

falls across your curves)

I remember how

The sun always shines

On your smooth face

As your hair glistens

(Like the flax

blowing in the wind)

(on the plains)

While Living

(your life)

Always remember

to forget

The bitter parts

And never forget

to remember

The sweet parts

70

the blessed parts

And teach your children

These sacred blessings

As you watch your children’s

children spread rich blessings

 71

Desires of a pastry maker

Today at my day job,

Making pastries and rolls

In the urban sprawl

of this thin new city,

I wished I was a member of the old money,

My food liquefied by my butler;

Noting the sybolism in my Renior painting

And watching a private screening of Yes, Virginia

Where I am currently dating the lead actress.

Yet this daydream liquefies into nil

And I am faced with the reality

Of a ”hum drum” existence

ANd I am forced to exchange old money

For a single cinnamon roll....

72

January Twenty-Second
The streetlights flickered and fade

with the steady beat of the city

as we walked down Harlem Avenue.

We had come for the theater;

My mother, still frugal, paid our way.

Our laughter echoes

As the jazzy music still rattles

In our step, in our minds

We hum the syncopated beat

On her giddy moment of play,

A young passerby stood on a dirty street corner

Twirling a balloon.

As I watch I slowly realize

The yearning within me

And how I am torn between two ideals

At eighteen, I am too old

To enjoy a single balloon,

Too young to enjoy drinks with my mother.

I stood there watching the cars go by,

The horns refusing to stay silent,

Loud as a thunderstorm.
 73

White Office Sestina

In the white office sits a chair

Safe from the rain

Some company if given by a mouse

Who lives inside an old brown shoe

With a table made from, and eraser

A thimble as the mouse’s hat

The mouse goes out looking for a new hat

Beyond his boundaries marked by the chair

Then he is startled by a falling eraser

From the sky like the rain

He wishes he was back in his shoe

Then he meets another mouse

This new friend a lost mouse

Far away from his house (a hat)

They both venture back to the shoe

In the white office with the chair

As you look outside the window there is rain

When they reach the shoe they sit at a eraser

They plan where they will go next, beside the eraser

They will find the home of the other mouse

Their pitter patter of their feet sounds like the rain

As they both travel with thimbles on their heads used as hats

74

Moving past the various office chairs

They can barely make out he shoe

As they depart in the distance stands the old brown shoe

They pass by an eraser

And come up to a chair.

Both of them rejoice like baby mouses

They finally reach their destination, a fedora hat

That has been barely touched by the rain

This dreary office lets in the rain

Unlike the white office with the shoe

The office does protect the fedora hat

That has many erasers

Both of them wish each other well (like a good mouse)

As the mouse departs for the old brown shoe near the chair

As we end this tale of chairs and mice

One lives in a shoe while the other a hat

We should all wish to be safe from the rain and to stay free from
our erasures.
 75

Thought Villanelle
I open my eyes and fight with my head

As my thoughts attempt to destroy me

Sometimes I wish that the world would end

I know if I could just mend

My wayward thoughts that twist and turn

I could open my eyes and not figtht with my head

But my thoughts go their on way instead

Thoughts which make no sense, I can’t agree

Sometimes I wish that the wold would end

I want to flee the thoughts that I dread

To a time when life was full of glee

But I must open my eyes and fight with my head

At times I scream until my ears ring

Or wish I was a lime tree

Sometimes I wish that the world would end

Is life just a means to an end?

I need my mind true and free

I open my eyes and still fight with my heads

Always wishing that the world would end

76

Piercing Ring
The piercing ring of the cell phone destroys the silence

Nonstop chatter picks away at my peace

As I yearn for a quieter time

When I could read this battered book in peace

A silent moment is something to cherish

Like the echo of your own laughter

It calms, it relives, and it can inspire

Like a warm summer breeze

I wish to grab the next phone I see

And rip it apart pieced by piece

As vicious as a pack of wolves

There will be no more remains

Then I will have my peace;

(tranquility that is all my own)

Enjoying the sound of silence

 77

Perception

Perception is a powerful thing

It is in perception that we see ourselves,

and what we see in the world.

(it is in this that we base our lives)

Like a feeling that we hold onto,

when times aren’t as fair.

Or the meaning of words on a page.

(secrets that we shall never tell)

Our perception reflects what we believe

What we know and what we value.

Truths that we hold dear to ourselves

and outlooks on what life means.

Experiences determine our perception

(like picking flowers on a warm day)

With the breeze carrying the petals away

As you sit beneath a fern tree

Our own unique personal look

On how we should live our lives

(what our dreams our made of

and how we feel inside)

Perception is a powerful thing

(Either seeing the day like a bright open morning

78

or a gloomy day filled with washed out clouds)

Composed of the interpretation from our sences,

with the values that we hold dear.

Perceptions is what makes us who we truely are,

and what determines what we can become.

 79

Walking Across the Shores

Have you walked across the shores?

In the moonlight, while holding a gaze

That no one could break

Because you had that something

The thoughts of a plan of a life you might lead

And places you will go

The things you will do

Did you still remember them?

When heartbreak comes

And your judgment is clouded

While you carry regret and anger

Fury begotten from unbreakable feelings

Because of things you couldn Äôt control

And the tempest rose and destroyed those shores.

While time seemed to slow down

For your life almost escaped you

As you were washed away by the crashing waves

But you survived it all

And the storm was gone when a calm begot the new land

And the only thing you had left

The only thing you carried with you were your dreams.
80

Rain Before
It iss the rain that you have felt from a day long past

Remembering the rhythm of a somber melody

You hear as the droplets caress your face

Blown by the cool autumn breeze

That whispers of a sadness not seen

For this is the day when love expressed itself in sacrifice

And now you lament the fate that she now holds

For the last bell has rung

And her part in your life has closed

Although her heart has stopped beating

She still has yours

And now with the flowers in hand

Her favorite bouquet a dark rose...

You use them to remember

The only thing you can still love

Its her memory in your heart

Making you still go on

While she still holds a part of your soul

 81

Sitting on laurels
Sitting on laurels

Lamenting on my monotone days

Where each one seems like the other

I look back on the days I left behind

And wish I had done more

Instead of the bare minimum I did

When I let the Hours waste away

The broken dreams I left behind

I try to revive them

To give them life that they didn’t have before

And I look back on those days

Not with sorrow but instead looking forward

Trying to catch up with my dreams

And stop wasting the days that may come

82

Walking Across the Shores

Have you been walking upon shores?

In the moonlight, while holding a gaze

That no one could break

Because you had that something

The thoughts of a plan of a life you might lead

And places you will go

The things you will do

Did you still remember them?

When heartbreak comes

And your judgment is clouded

While you carry regret and anger

Fury begotten from unbreakable feelings

Because of things you couldn Äôt control

And the tempest rose and destroyed those shores.

While time seemed to slow down

For your life almost escaped you

As you were washed away by the crashing waves

But you survived it all

And the storm was gone when a calm begot the new land

And the only thing you had left

The only thing you carried with you were your dreams.
 83

Looking for a muse

Looking down a bygone time

Remebering that sweet burgundy rose

That beckoned me back to find my muse

She is a calliope of wonderful places

Stories to be told to the people I see

Wherever I go I always will remain

In her heart, in our gaze

I thought in my bad memories

My sight would be lost of her

But that day has not come

Since I have known her

She stops the sorrowful days

By letting me venture forward

With the memories I keep

And the imagination in her heart

I ventured forth with her

And I found I was in a dream

Imagined and yet still known

On a path I still walk down

Searching for the long lost verse

84

Dead Romantic
In this mind beats the heart of a dead romantic

Summer time won’t bloom for him

But his words still speak through time

And I know what he thinks is true

Rediscovering his thoughts I saw what I lacked

How to judge what is beauty in the realm of the real

It’s not in the complexity of it all

With lies that leave you empty

But in the simplicity of what we hold dear

That is where beauty lies

To seek it is to love, and to deny it hate

And single thought that truth is beauty

And that is all you need to know

To change reality into a extension of the imagination

Using your heart to sow the seeds

To see what dreams may come

Maybe it was an old romantic ideal

That made me realize what I was lacking

And what I could become.

 85

A Finite Amount of Time

A Finite Amount of Time

When our posessions break, our beauty fades,

When our health is a fond memory,

We realize money is meaningless.

And the seconds tick by

Like a testament to mortality,

We realize what we really need and want is time -

A moment to confess our love,

Minutes to write the verse.

Or a day to walk through the forest

With the trees all fading into colors

Waiting lazily for the end of the day

To watch the stars dance in the sky.

We realize the implicit beauty of creation:

That we only have a finite time -

But the things we can do

Are infinite.
86

The horse you never rode in on

While you have been riding off in the distance

Trying to find those golden cherubs

Your gallop seems to echo

Your pace tells of the sorrow that follows

But hope is on your face

And yet you still are lost

You listen to the sound

The wind always had

That you have never heard

It dissolves into a quiet forest

And then you hear a blue birds song

With blackbirds singing the bass line

Where you stand seems to strike a chord

That melts the tissues in your mind

You stare at the oak where the gig was

West the sun sets with red yellow dance

With the white knights that drop slowly on the day

It clears by its absence and the singers fly off

Something Reminds of feelings that catch up

Dove’s that fly away linger in your mind

Remembering that sweet rhapsody that lingers still

The melody made of that something inconcievable

 87

You stopped when the chords went wrong

And yet you still stand

88

La Belle Dame Avec éloigné pactole

Black roses, upon black roses

Cease of existence means nothing

and cold is a mere friend

Losing the game

a mental game

a child’s game

a mans game

a woman’s game

odds not faced

times not written

Leading into halls of mirrors

Not knowing the self

Held by daemons,

held by sinners,

And realizing that

balance is everything

But what we do

in borrowed time

isn’t a finite number

Just an uncountable one

 89

Accepting Missions

taking

back

orest

f of

you

Remaking my

m o

e w

of image b

(me, through ld god

[ x= o

[ = c h

( Since an as t

exile

[Tearing

myself

apart]

(to *find*

what matters)
90

o h

T row

away

the c

Let it begin V

(For the

ebi

of this man)
 91

Wondrous
You wondrous creature,

you kindred spirit,

thriving in snow

Feeling you close, holding you dear

through the wireless

Lets travel, lets take flight

exploring places only imagined

Hoping you can see the real me

While I can see the real you

92
 Part IV

Before La Dame...

93
 95

Free Radical

In the struggle we find ourselves in pain

Being washed away by the tempest

And we can never break its spell

And then we find ourselves changed

An adaptation made during the battle

But we still are alone

But then someone gives us

Their hope from their heart

A sweetness unseen a melody not heard

Thats in your mind that I have seen

Which took my heart away

96

Listen to the sound of silence

Can you hear my heart that beats?

Did it dissolve the void within?

Listen to the oracles whim

Its the destiny that shall come to pass

But sometimes our lives have other paths

Do your lingering feelings still stand?

Something of you will always linger in my mind

Don’t feel sorrow for me

When I almost let you slip threw

My grasp that was longing

And yet I found you

To fix the hole inside me

And my sorrow started to end

For the pain just stopped

When I saw what you had

 97

Rain only falls once

It’s the rain that you have felt

That you remember from a day long past

The rhythm of a somber melody

You hear as the droplets caress your face

The cool autumn breeze

Whispers of a sadness you hear

For this is the day

When love expressed itself in sacrifice

And now you lament

The fate she now holds

Her last bell has rung

And the song you shared has ended

Although her heart has stopped beating

She still has yours

Now with the flowers in your hand

Her favorite bouquet

The rainbow of roses that shown of her

Purity her beauty her grace

You use them to remember

The only thing you still can love

Its that something

That makes you go on

98

While she will always have a part of you

She gave you her spirit in her final hour

 99

Fractures in the void

It seems a fractured life

To walk it all alone

To fly without a friend

And cry without a shoulder

A fear of most it seems

But who asks us to change the song

To change the minor key

We think a knight in shimmering armor

Shall come to save us

But when we do find them

We either fear them

Or don’t even persue them

Even when we know we should

Reach out to them

And try to change our lives

To make something out of

The void that is

100

Reality’s Reflections

Sweet dreams child

May you awaken to them

The sights you shall see

Where the poets dream the muses dance

And the faery’s kiss you in the distance

Or those long walks with your lover

That you would kiss in front of all

Under a cherub tree of lavendar

Or a fall tree of amber

For it is the dreams inside

That make the reality we see

 101

Sweet Destiny

Sometimes my broken heart

Makes me feel like a lonely rose

Out in an autumn rain

Hoping that winter never comes

For it is that season

That breaks the rose

I feel the wind howling

And it seems like snow will fall

But you have been kindness

The sweet Indian summer

Where the rose basks in the sunlight

And prepairs for the next season

You revive my hope

To pull me out of sorrow

And I will always see you

As the rainbow after the storm

102

Lost sunshine

We all have glass hearts

With smooth curves that never lose the shine

That can be stolen and shattered

For who mends the pieces that cut

That we can lose the heart

And the shine is broken

For it is love , that lavendar haze

Which mends and breaks our hearts

That binds us and seperates us

For you can drive miles and miles

And never find love that sits beside you

It sometimes is beauty

That you just can’t see

 103

Mirror of quicksilver

Mercury rising when we see ourselves

Impossible the choices we face

When all trials seem to fail

You look to the waters of life

And try to find the flow

It is then when you decide

To smell the roses while you run

And try paint your the sky

Its never where we want to go

Its where we truely are

And the struggle that realizes

That we must change our world

To get anywhere in life

And that is what makes up our lives

104

The knights tour

And this was my tour

On the board of life and death

Bloodshed that you could smell

For the sacrifices were equal

But my forces were prime

I pulled out a pin from my fair lady

And sacrificed the knight for a tall tower

For I have taken his options away

And the day ended with mate in the last rank

 105

Disorder

No god of war it seems to me

Only a goddess playing with Olives

For we see in times gone by

A waltz of leaders of those times

Revolution the rebirth from ashes

Peace a sublime lack of action

For whom does the sorid bell toll

Eris’s delight With discord at hand

While soldiers stand for their doctrines at hand

One finds that without war no peace would come

And that a clear conflict may never come

106

Mortal Melody

Sometimes roses speak to me

A sweet song never heard by mortals like me

Crimson tells of matters inside

Beauty that is merely free

Velvets majesty leads to castles

Floating in the clear blue sky

Azure’s imagination in bloom

Cultivating its own path into the day

A mortal melody

A thought they hold

That lets them live

That gives them soul

For the emerald rose know’s only

The truth at hand

Nothing ventured means nothing gained

One must find the exit door

 107

The Tint of life

Maybe its that tinted skin

That hints of foreign lands not seen

Or a body you could drown in

That you can plainly see

Its that something I can’t tell

That makes her what she is

For she carves ripples in my mind

Smooth as silk and clear as the sky

Her kindness like a warm touch

Thats soothing to the soul

Its this memory of her

That is wind at my back

And the friend at my side

It is merely that something

The thoughts I hold of her

That no one sees, that I desire

108

Flown the Coup

Her love has flown like the falcon

Threw the tree’s and above the moon

After those last pink petals fell

You still didn’t know what she was

What she meant to you

Now your left standing there

You feel naked without her

As night falls

You weep a bed full of tears

As just another isolated pawn

Left there by a dominating queen

Tomorrow will never occur

At least that is what you believe

And yet you still play the game

 109

Echo’s from the ocean

Eyes as blue as the ocean

Hair of flaxen music past

An echo of an atlantean dream

Majestic as the night sky

For she wants to learn the language of love

A foreign tougue of the Sun King

Their song still stands

As beautys manifest destiny

Its something in her eyes

Looking at me like a fey

Her stare is to me

As windows looking out at a rainbow

Eyes like the wildflower

That line the path to where it stood

Where mortals dare not tred

A velvet paradise of Eden

Not perfection I have sought

For I would have found my goddess

But a queen I found

And I was seeking you

(Model: Alex Polly)

110

Broken flower

You see remnants of roses

Their flutter sounds like whispers

Of borrowed dreams that you have

Or fondness not spoken of

Their color reminds one of

A fury’s heat once known

Passions flowering into a muse

With fire’s warm touch

They rustle at your feet

Like petals that you picked

Falling remnants of love

Attempting to find the one

You wait at an imaginary place

Somewhere between the den of the real

And the garden of eden

Where your heart runs free

Searching with your soul

It found exactly what it sought

That something that just is

The one you just can’t leave

 111

Ethernal blade

Knight with ethernal blade

Who was your Vally Hi

Sight unseen can not redress

The mystery at umpton grace

For have you seen the sand’s there

The bumglo’s drop their flowers

Eternal on those journey men sands

”Calloo malay” They shout at you

As you find their star crossed women

A greeting in verse

From an archaic ancient tougue

And yet you know what happened

For you were there; it was revealed to you

Now tell me now what you have seen

112

Lavender Haze

When your lost in that lavender haze

A phase that you might see opaque

Do you see yourself in it?

For you think you lost your muse

Inside the glass onion

Listen to your blue rose

To find where the emerald crystal lies

So your muse can be free

You find yourself in a forest

A autumn day of a yellow green wood

St Jude shows you the path

And you find yourself where you started

Since you never really lost your muse

You merely lost yourself

 113

What is weakness?

Is that pain weakness that makes us human?

For we live for the struggle

We die for the cause

And yet sometimes

Its not the pain that you feel

The one inside hurts much more

When it isn’t weakness but merely lack of strength

You must make it leave

And find the strength within

To fight it and to win

Your friends can only show you the path

But it is only you that will be saved by you

114

False truth

And yet they said

For the pieces of culture were pure

Its faded glory still stood

Once they said that its destruction

Would bring us to eden

Saving us from purgatories lingering spirit

On their last breath

When they belived replacement

Would give salvation

We knew their affliction

Of the artifical utopia

And the truth of the real

That the converse satisifies

But the utopia never does

 115

Forgotten Tune

When you hum a tune

Or play it

Someone hears it

When you remember a tune

That I have forgot

I’ll smile at you if you play it back to me

When I have forgotten a song

Which was very dear to me

I’ll thank you when I hear it from you

And yet someone has sung a tune

That was that tune you never forget

When I have forgotten it

I shall thank you not in words

Or pictures that you will interpret

But in another song you may remember

116

Foreground, Backound

We see the petals fall

The breeze carrys wind around

Petals of a pastel pink

That foreground of a major key

With a lucid flow of melody

The scene reminds you

Of dreams that may come

And yet you still see

Whats behind it all

 117

The scheme

For when I found the holy lisp

So pure the curves that are parens

With a report merely one short text

Of beauty’s simplicty

I knew that lisp was for me

But then there was a choice

Of thousand page lisp’s

That is when I prayed for mercy

My goddess answered my call

With the flowers of recursion

And the lexical wildflower of scope

All around the syntax tree

I heard ”Scheme shall show you the path

To beauty through simplicity

Not a thousand page tower of babel

But merely the essential fraction”

And I rejoiced and heeded her call

Found the purple tome of wizard’s

The structure of the spells

And their interpretation

My eyes have been opened

To the spells of functions

118

And the beauty that lies

In the scheme that is

 119

The wind of change

The storm has ended

A sweet nothing fills your senses

Yet I still smell the change

Patterns you can find

In the choices you make

But not all patterns are true

Some might be true others are dead ends

But you can still hold onto one

Sometimes you must let them go

With information thats forced down our throats

Patterns we must see

But are there ones we may not recognize?

But some you will never see

Even though beauty may fade

You still hold on to it

For even a catepillar changes

Into a butterfly and

That is the power of change

Can either cause a tempest

Or quell a storm

But it is the butterflies choice

Even if it doesn’t realize

120

Its true power

Even if its broken

It can be mended

But it will never be like it was

For it will find the path

That will still save it even

If its a fundamental fault

You can still see your dreams

And survive when your breath is almost gone

Will you die with no means to an end

Or create anew

To live without fear

And then you shall see

That even the broken arrow

Can stil hit the mark in the sky

It just takes time

It is when you see yourself

The wonders that may pass

You shall still see what is in front of you

 121

An Discord To Eris

She always knew where her towel was

For has ridden with hell’s angel’s

And sung better than any choir

And her answer to all is written in the texts

But she has saved me

Giving me meaning where there was nothing

I have seen her in the times of light

Or in my darkess hour

Telling me how to pull through

She had the smell of fairy dust

But I could never comprehend her

For she is like the unknown aleph

Her infinite nature that is undecidable

When I looked into her eyes of amber

There was a coolness unseen

Like the grace she has

When you see her afar

You could hear her sing her sweet song

As she strolled on by not even looking at me

Her dress was provocative at best

At worst it left nothing to the imagination

All golden like the apple she had

122

The inscription I saw

But you could see the dagger she hid

And fear was in my brow

But I was shaken not by her

Instead by what she said

 123

A speech of discord

I am within you and without you

If you try to oppose me it will be in vain

You cannot fight the disorder

For in any closed system I exist

But if you follow my lead

If you are my subject and use me

I can make your dreams into destiny

For I will be your imaginations limits

And the only thing that is keeping you

Is the psychic armor that you hold dear

Throw that away and awaken

To the wonders that your mind holds

A negative Delta

And then my armor waned

It slipped off suddenly

Into a mental change

When the world started to become

Somewhere in between reality

And voices of the surreal in the distance

I had to find the balance within

I held the remmnants of the armor I had

And I realized I still had my armor

124

But It had changed

And I could use the blade of the delta

To find where I stood

My world of dreams had ended

Instead the world of implementation awaited

And all I had to do

Was not be afraid

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Wishing for Forgetting

Being faced with

the yearning to erase

memories

This pill

holds the key

Opening the brain

Erasing thoughts

As it took hold

I wished to forget

my forgetting

To remember

once more

Eliminating this

dark cloud

And wish away

my first wish
126

Laurels

Lamenting dead days on laurels

No uniqueness, no order, no chaos

Just apathy, the opposite of love

Just a bunch of dejected dreams

I wish that more happened,

I wish that love rung true

Instead of looking towards

an ill past, a dead one

Lets begin anew,

Reviving and rescuating

replacing death with life, chaos with order

And stop wasting and killing my time

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Blue rose

Life is like a blue rose

Daedalian in its seamless impossibility

But thorny with peril

For the sound of silence permeates

And rules begot the land

Where Rigid and square is the norm

But the wise have said it all in a day

Or have they?

Follow the road to the Strawberry Fields

Where no drab cold winds grow

Chase forever forward to dream

And gorgeous landscapes are in your grasp for-

ever
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Duality

An azure windswept passage I found that my

closet seemed to open up to

I asked does it end or loop back on itself?

For in darkness imagination does not treat me

as a friend

So I had to cut through half of my fears

For curiosity could whisper in my ear

Enticing me to venture forth

But my fears had me in my grasp

So I closed the door to where the shadows lay

And said goodbye to curiosity

I could sence a cold slience prevailed the winds

of time

But then a weeping pierces the silence like a

knife in my back

Eminating from my door to the passage of blue

Open you dare to test my curiosity if it will full-

fill its promise

Only time will tell if crossing its fingers it has

I followed where the passage went

With blade at hand and fear in breath

I walked in as a boy holding a ethereal hatchet

And came out As a man wielding a vorpal katana

With fear at bay and faith in hand

 129

And my recolections are as follows...

I was walking down a path in a white and yellow

wood

And found a train station with platform’s 6 and

7

I was loitering in seven when

The groves head nymph preached A koan of en-

lightenment

”To find the path search your soul

Then find the master that follows the path

To walk the path is to only follow the

master

To become the master follow the path that

has never been”

So I went threw with life

Without a care in the world

Because in my seeing minds eye I had nothing

to live for

No pain nor pleasure or love or hate

for I didn’t know the meaning of these things

A kalidescope girl walked threw the turnstyle

She came close to me with her fair skin and hair

to match

Whisper she did in my ear a saying

”Come hither for the looking glass in your eyes

have you?”

I asked her what she meant and she replied with

130

a kiss

Took my hand with her soft touch

Lead me the way out of darkness she did

You saw her soul from her eyes

She had what was too little of but lost it some-

where

Which is still in mind

Of water doped with plenty weight

Hemlock with water a dangerous bunch

She was as kind as a flower but as deadly as a

bee

You can hear her voice ring out above the rest

She studied at the school of Etuprie at the top

of her class

Encompanced in her glance what men desribe in

a lifetime

For her speech eloquent filled with metaphores

of a different colour

’mares she was haunted in her sleep

-welding a blade of velvet green light

For her gig was gold until her elvish lover was
lost by an electric fire

His last words were his magnum opus

”Life is like a blue rose

Daedalian in its seamless impossibility

But thorny with peril”

 131

She didn’t remember the rest because it was a

enlightenment path

That she wanted to follow but couldn’t do alone

What she had to remember him by was a ring

of duality

Of crypto dragons and blue rose butterflies

So I took the first step in a mans journey

And with her we rode to the tainted fields

Where poppies grew and it was dante’s hell

Because no snow fell on the tarnished land

A present we hoped to bring to there

Representing the slaying of the beast of burden

That was the true sorrow of the field.

That said goodbye to blue skys

Along the way there was a velvet road

With scarred skys and painted dreams

And she said to know the right path follow the

master

That laied out the path to become one

Since silence stayed with me

As we walked to her house in the

Drinking her wine talking till 4

Talking about how I got here

Space-time oragami it seems

A few folded manifolds made it all possible

132

So I took out my sub-ethea-sence o matic to

check this out

To my surprise nothing was found.

And then she told me a poem on purple frogs

That she remembered as a child

Venture forth to your own iris

Where purple frogs and blue roses lament

That is where the strawberry fields lay

Enter with thy mithral touch

To leave your fears behind

For a sorrowful soul is one

That doesn’t see the beauty inside a forget-

me-not

That saved ones soul tonight

By the intake of the pure air

On the forever field’s

With the blue roses singing their truth

She had a garden of the azure rose

Arranged like the cup of a sunflower

Then a staccato note ringed threw the air

A knocking at the entrance of this abode

The red queens forces seem to have come

Men with looking glass ties that didn’t have any

eyes

I brought out my hatchet and my friend readied

 133

herself for the fight

The challengers said ” what have you knaves?”

....
134

Etheral Blade

All I have is a ethereral dagger with an elvish

text in a obscure dialect engraved upon
the blade

When it rings it sounds the song of a caged

flower

Of which only the ones with the true ears can

see

The colours of its ring

For it helped me go to my destination

Of opening the 10th door

As a crypt needing an word to open

 135

Furtive Dance

to be or not to be?

That is what my fears are.

So I hid behind a mask of dance

”A game played by me and all

To hide behind a mask

To know thyself is really to win

To lose is to not change

An ultimate evil of our seeing minds eye,

Contemplating our existance inside us?”

Now I say ” To be or let it be”

And instead try to face piles of trials with smiles

SInce all you need is love to make the world go

round.

For its the one I love that I am looking for

threw looking glass ties and lucys skys

Even marshmellow bridge will eluded me

I have been Across the universe

But back home I still came

Looking for a kindred spirit to walk with me

To find the place where blue sky’s haven’t said

goodbye
136

Kings Sword

Inherited a sword of elvish antiquity I have

It was one of my uncle’s keepsakes

rumored to have slain a bandersnach

A reprise of this lore my I set my eyes on

For I loved the sword drove me to that (conclu-

sion)

Vorpal and ethereal it was

So that it couldn’t be touched by the gods

Yet here I stood with it

Upon the strawberry Fields

To slay the dark dragon for its blood

For the blood in my veins wasn’t mine

But of a velvet dragon

For a curse lay upon me

”Not be able die but to live

To posses a my soul into a freeze

And to be entombed in a blue diamond”

And a blood sucker I would have to be

Of only dragons I shall dine

 137

Love white dreams

You love white dreams

I like pink truth

We know how blue diamonds moan

Please have her feel individal skys

The ones that you can’t go through

If purple observations love you so

It will let winter’s ache flood in

138

Marble Orchid

Sister Death’s cold marble orchid

Where flowers fall for her customers

That never seem to leave

Where grief’s game helps when played as a team

And Love is the eternal that only is

For these fields are the last ones we won’t see

But we shall live eternal , in our childrens eyes

 139

New year

All hail the good grace of the new year!

May your resolutions come true

And your bad habits go stale

For woe is the one that can’t keep promises

To themselves.
140

Purple Frog

Venture forth to your own iris

Where purple frogs and blue roses lament

That is where the strawberry fields lay

Enter with thy mithral touch

To leave your fears behind

For a sorrowful soul is one

That doesn’t see the beauty inside a forget-me-

not

That saved ones soul tonight

By the intake of the pure air

On the forever field’s

With the blue roses singing their truth

 141

Tenement

Telling the darkness my deepest fears

My ears ring the sound that just isn’t there

Of the breaking of neon idols in the pure white

light

I started reading those tentament halls

They cut me in my anger and my shame

For a mere prophet’s script was upon those walls

That led me to my fate of the sails of quicksilver

To bleed without wound

To absorb the tears but not shed any

And on no one’s side and everyones at the same

To lay myself down against all odds

To confort when the pain is all around

When I lay my cards on the table

After the flop comes down

I shall be healed
142

Reality Lost

Reality has turned me down

because of my affair with seraphrim

I have been listening to my fears too long

So I lost the warmth love gave me

And replaced it with a cold hard silence

To find my way back I only needed one thing

A truely kindred spirit that I could share

Whats truely inside my heart

 143

Sakura Rhapsody

When the sakura flowers sing their sweet rhap-

sody

Of being in bloom and suicide

For they commit both in their prime

Instead of taking heed of the Lotus

That is the true path to salvation

For when white carnations don’t line your path

Dahlia has befriended you

So when you try to choose your path

Try to use the rose that you hold within

144

A Valentine
To think of the language of music

Just by listening you can travel the world

For it is truely a journey for the mind

For it usually makes the earth turn

But what truely makes the world go round

Still hides behind’s music’s tapestry

It goes by many names

But a rose by any name is still a rose

And it is ...
 145

Valkrye Stopped
When the valkrys stopped suddenly

Their glorious song

The magic was lost in a curious way

Only reserved for the truthsayers it is said

And to ride with backrwards talking white knights

Playing like pawns to a queens game

Until the great change of 42

When some went roin to fight the woman

To slay the beast that had she had begotten.

So that red queen would have a rolling head

146

Vorpal Blade

Inheriting a elvish sword

(A realm sword ;A sword of kings)

Wondrland wasn’t the same, ever!

Its name, the bandersnach slayer

The vortex eater,

Inherited a sword of elvish antiquity I have

The sword of the king of the realm

For wonderland was never the same without it

rumored to have slain a bandersnach

A reprise of this lore my I set my eyes on

For I loved the sword drove me to that

Vorpal and ethereal it was

So that it couldn’t be touched by the gods

Yet here I stood with it

Upon the strawberry Fields

To slay the dark dragon for its blood

For the blood in my veins wasn’t mine

But of a velvet dragon

For a curse lay upon me

”Not be able die but to live

To posses a my soul into a freeze

And to be entombed in a blue diamond”

 147

And a blood sucker I would have to be

Of only dragons I shall dine

148
 Part V

Afterward

149
Part VI

Thoughts

151
 Part VII

acknowledgments

153
 155

S pecial thanks to the latex2e project for providing a typesetting program.

Also AucTex and emacs for providing a typesetting environment. Even more
thanks to everyone that has actually read my poems and friends and family.