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Confrontation with Difference

Cassidy Shostak
February 3, 2017

Self-Analysis

Being a white, middle-class, and educated female has its own privileges when seeking to

pursue a career in teaching. I have experienced other privileges in my life as well due to mobility

(both physically and ability to travel), communication, opportunities, and fair judgement. Having

these privileges puts me at an advantage in many situations and by recognizing this advantage I

see how it has positively influenced my life experiences. With this privilege I am able to inset

myself in many social situations feeling comfortable and confident. Gaining social confidence

has been extremely influenced by the opportunities I have had in my life to practice and adapt

social skills. Having the opportunity to travel and meet a variety of new people from different

cultures, backgrounds, and life experiences has an impact on shaping my identity. This

influential force on my identity has given me the skills to be social and thus dependent on being

social. Being social, to me, is a combination between conversation and company. These aspects

of a social situation are both areas where I feel comfortable and relaxed due to my personal

characteristics.

Contextual Rationale

Throughout my life I have always used verbal conversation and my ability to start these

conversations with strangers as a security blanket. The situation cannot be uncomfortable or

awkward if there are minimal moments of silence. With this special talent and constantly

placing myself in situations where I can use this talent I am your typical social butterfly. The

need to network and the dynamics of a social gathering are the strategies I use to feel at ease but

more importantly, confidant. With these qualities I found it hard to find a scenario where I would
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feel discomfort or different from the people around me. With my need and persistence to start

conversations I would manage to make a supposed to be uncomfortable situation comfortable.

Being a socialite and chatty I decided that putting myself in a situation where I was physically

alone; however, also restrict myself from oral communication would make me feel the most

different. Seeing people alone in restaurants makes me uncomfortable and distressed let alone

be that person who couldnt speak even to her waitress. This was an area that pushed me out of

my comfort zone and into an area of anxiety, embarrassment, and worry.

Experiential Description

I was nervous all day anticipating the event of my dinner for one scenario. Getting out of

my car in Browns restaurant parking lot a child was screaming and crying which metaphorically

described how I felt, screaming on the inside.

Am I actually doing this?

Why do I have to do this?

The host asked me, Just you tonight or are you waiting for a group? I flashed him my

pointer finger like I knew I was going to because I have over thought this particular moment

before entering the restaurant. I instantly find myself getting red and feel the pit in my stomach

grow. I sit down in my booth staring at the empty leather seat and think about the one hundred

people that could be there to make this situation go back into my comfort zone. This thought

instantly makes me nervous for the waitress to come to my table. I quickly grab the wine list

(because I need a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon) as I wait embarrassingly for the waitress to come

and find me sitting by myself. It is interesting to be an outsider seeing who was out for dinner

and my eavesdropping talent finally could be used for good to lower my anxiety levels. The
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restaurant is filled with families out for dinner, friends getting drinks, dates, and double dates and

me. The waitress greets myself and asked me how I was and if I wanted a drink

What I wanted to say: 9 oz. Cab Sauv please also I am alone for a personal school experiment.

What I did: point at the Cab Sauv on the menu and underlined the 9 oz. with my finger

The waitress looks at me so strange, repeats the wine order, smiles at me politely and

walks away and my first 10 minutes of my stomach turning challenge has been completed (and I

have not died yet). I find myself frustrated that I am put in this situation, why cant I just say

what I want to say. The frustration built knowing I will have many more interactions with her in

silence. The moments alone waiting for my drink were the most uneasy and uncomfortable. It is

these moments where you wonder why people are staring and wondering what people are

thinking about you. I distract my self, my fears, and awkwardness with golf on the T.V. (and I

would like to note I have never been so interested in golf before). The waitress comes and brings

me my drink and a water I had not even asked for and I smile and nod at her trying to portray

thank-you as much as I could with my body language. I always had to consciously restricting

myself of my voice. She then asks what I would like to eat for dinner (I instantly become

discouraged)

What I wanted to say: Veggie burgers with yam fries please also sorry for the confusion before.

What I did: point at the Veggie burger with my finger and when she asked if I wanted fries I

shook my head and pointed at the yam fries on the menu and smiled.

The waitress again repeats my order to ensure she saw it right, smiled patiently and left

me to my own thoughts at my booth, which was too big for one person. I then scanned the room

of the many other people enjoying conversation and company over their dinners (how jealous

was I). If only I could use my phone to reach out to someone in my life or look at Facebook and
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Instagram to check out of this situation as I am approaching longest 30 minutes ever. Being alone

then made me very aware of the world around me how fast the restaurant moves, the different

demographics of people coming for dinner, the heighten sound around me when I am silenced.

My food arrives and I give the waitress my best thank-you smile and nod. I eat by myself but I

am now feeling more comfortable being alone in the restaurant. I have to consciously slow my

eating because natural conversation is not forcing me to eat slowly. The waitress routinely

returns to my table to ask if the food has came out fine

What I wanted to say: Yes, its great thank you.

What I did: Smiled and gave a thumbs-up

I then realized what I would have done if the food wasnt okay? How could I have

communicated I was unhappy with the service without my voice. Having the inability to express

myself this way and consciously inhibiting my use of my phone would make this task next to

impossible. I finish my meal and the waitress returns with my cheque without me asking. I put

my credit card on top and wait for her to return. I smile and shake my head when she asks if I

need the receipt. I exit the restaurant after over an hour of being alone and not hearing my own

voice. The date with myself was not terrible and I also am a cheap date (which I can not

complain about).

Personal Insights

By challenging myself and putting myself at a difference I originally thought that I was at

the disadvantage and that I was the outlier in the restaurant; however, this is not necessarily true.

I had an amazing meal with myself I got to focus on my own thoughts rather than thinking about

the next thing to say. The interactions between the waitress and I were uncomfortable and

somewhat confusing but not impossible. After the first couple of times she had came to my table
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she was already watching my physical actions to communicate with her. This showed me that we

could say many things with our body language and actions than we can with our voice. Yes,

sometimes difficult with a degree of disconnect but not unachievable; however, when

communicating more detailed information I would find it extremely difficult to do this without

oral communication, a form of writing communication, or technology.

I found myself desperately needing my phone, like a security blanket to check out of

reality and talk or look at anyone in any different place. If it looked like I was texting then it was

less weird or depressing of myself to be out for dinner alone. In addition, I could have used my

cell-phone to type words on and show to the waitress. This I found particularly interesting

because I originally thought of myself unattached to the technology world, where this experience

challenged this idea showing I was quite dependent on my device.

The overall relevance of this experience gave me insight and perspective on experiences

that many people endure everyday, someone elses normal. It further showed me the privilege I

have every single day is much farther and deeper then being a white middle-class female. By

having the ability to express myself and use a common understanding of communication with the

rest of the world is a privilege. Not being able to orally communicate feelings, questions, and

requests makes it difficult to create connections and transfer information. How can we expand

our common view of communication to be much deeper than just oral communication? I also

discovered how uncomfortable it is to be alone in social situations where the social norm is to be

with a companion. The significance of this experience was for my personal gain that I am

capable of being alone and feeling unnerving is normal and part of life. Being sympathetic

towards these feelings of others can help build trust and understanding in relationships. Also

being an understanding and patient human being when people are using a different form of
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communication is also important because if the waitress was not with me the experience would

have been way more challenging.

Professional Applications

This experience can be applied to education in many different ways. This particular

assignment could be used to challenge students to step out of their comfort zone. By asking

students to recognizing their own privileges and situations where they would not feel

comfortable can help explore difference and start meaningful conversations. Students could

reflect on their experiences to help them explore deeper into their insights and take-ways from

the assignment. This could give students the ability to be sympathetic towards others and a

deeper understanding of what it means to be different.

Students who categorize themselves as different or are labelled as different by their

peers find themselves feeling this anxiety and un-comfortableness everyday. Recognizing these

feelings and creating a safe community in the classroom to try and minimize these differences is

important. We need to ensure we are connecting with each student without any judgement or

misconceptions. Finding a neutral ground of communication is essential to create these

relationships and connections with our students. Developing these relationships and

understanding with our students can help further our students learning and appreciation of the

world. Showing students that we care will create a better foundation for students ultimately

influencing their learning.

In regard to my specific experience showed me how important good body language is. It

demonstrates that by communicating purely orally is not fully communicating to all students.

Being mindful of our body language as teachers can make an impression on our students

negatively or positively. In addition, exceptional students who are non-verbal or students that are
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English Language Learners (ELL) would feel similar to my experience of the inability to

effectively communicate. By finding a way to communicate with these students to make

meaningful relationships and exchange information is extremely important. This is a difficult

task; however, not impossible and worth the effort to find different strategies. I am now more

sympathetic to these students by feeling the frustration of not being able to clearly communicate

my feelings and thoughts.

Students who are often alone may also feel this feeling of uneasiness in the school and as

a teacher we should recognize this. We can impact students lives and assist them in creating

meaningful relationships with their peers. It is uncomfortable to be alone especially throughout

years of our lives so helping students make relationships are important and influential.