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Dr. Carver explains that, In abusive and controlling relationships, the victim has the
sense they are always walking on eggshells fearful of saying or doing anything that
might prompt a violent/intimidating outburst. My IT friend had long ago barred all users
from installing any software on their machines, kept Windows restore discs everywhere
(even in his car!), and acted like keeping his computer running was the result of hours
and hours of fine-tuning (which it was).
Im going to stop translating because its just not necessary any longer, just read what
Dr. Carver has to say and apply it to my IT friend, Microsoft, and my attempts to offer
him the Apple Macintosh solution:
In severe cases of Stockholm Syndrome in relationships, the victim may have difficulty
leaving the abuser and may actually feel the abusive situation is their fault.
Abusers and controllers are often given positive credit for not abusing their partner,
when the partner would have normally been subjected to abuse in a certain situation.
In relationships with an abuser or controller, the victim has also experienced a loss of
self-esteem, self-confidence, and psychological energy. The victim may feel burned out
and too depressed to leave.
Stockholm Syndrome produces an unhealthy bond with the controller and abuser. It is
the reason many victims continue to support an abuser after the relationship is over. It's
also the reason they continue to see the good side of an abusive [situation] and appear
sympathetic to someone who has abused them.
Now lets look briefly at Cognitive Dissonance. Dr. Carver explains, Throughout
history, people have found themselves supporting and participating in life situations that
range from abusive to bizarre. One way these feelings and thoughts are developed is
known as cognitive dissonance.
Cognitive Dissonance explains how and why people change their ideas and opinions
to support situations that do not appear to be healthy, positive, or normal. In the theory,
an individual seeks to reduce information or opinions that make him or her
uncomfortable Even though we might find ourselves in a foolish or difficult situation
few want to admit that fact the more you invest (income, job, home, time, effort, etc.)
the stronger your need to justify your position.
Dr. Carver explains, Studies tell us we are more loyal and committed to something that
is difficult, uncomfortable, and even humiliating. The initiation rituals of college
fraternities, Marine boot camp, and graduate school all produce loyal and committed
individuals.
Add Windows IT professionals to the list of pledges, recruits, and grad students.
Emotional Investment, Dr. Carver explains, is the key, We've invested so many
emotions, cried so much, and worried so much that we feel we must see the relationship
through to the finish.
My poor IT friend. Hes ill. Dr. Carver writes, The combination of Stockholm
Syndrome and cognitive dissonance produces a victim who firmly believes the
relationship is not only acceptable, but also desperately needed for their survival. The
victim feels they would mentally collapse if the relationship ended. In long-term
relationships, the victims have invested everything and placed all their eggs in one
basket. The relationship now decides their level of self-esteem, self-worth, and
emotional health.
I could go on, but my point has probably made many times over by now. So, how do we
break the abused from the abuser? According to Dr. Carver it is a complex problem that
may require counseling and professional help. In my case, I just sent along my first draft
of this article anonymously. Drastic, maybe, but I dont have an extended period of time
here. That was 10 days ago. Im not going to mention Apple or Mac to him for a while,
but Ive noticed that hes no longer visibly recoiling at the sight of my PowerBook
anymore. A small step, but it seems to be in the right direction.
SteveJack is a long-time Macintosh user, web designer, multimedia producer and a
regular contributor to the MacDailyNews Opinion section.