Oluwaseyi Gbadamosi

First year writing

Peer review

01/26/2017

Firstly, this draft is clearly one in its very early stages as there is not even a title. There is also

no structure of any sort (introduction, body and conclusion). As the word count of two

hundred and thirty-two suggests, this essay is extremely vague and unclear. Although there is

brief explanation of what the article is about, the essay does not reveal much about the source

of information. There is no citation what so ever so it is impossible to refer to the original

document when needed. In my opinion, based on what has been written so far, the document

used does not have enough substance and I dont believe you can write a very long essay on

it.

There is analysis of the intended audience (primary and secondary), which is good;

however it needs to be expanded on. There is very little reference to the document which

suggests very little analysis on sentences, words, punctuations, tone, and setting. The only

quotation was flamewars, which was not cited at all. This is bad because it does not give a

clear picture on what the document is about and what was trying to be portrayed.

The authors purpose of writing was addressed well and it is backed up with evidence

as well as the genre of the essay. The use of pathos and logos is addressed, however, very

briefly and with very little evidence.

Overall, this draft needs a lot of work. It seems like this is a decent rough plan of an

essay but not anywhere close to being a draft for an essay. The essay is not informative

enough and needs more work. The ideas used in the essay are good and could be expanded on

and turned into longer paragraphs in order to make a longer, more detailed body of work. The
essay needs to have a title, preferably an interesting one. The essay should have a structure. A

clear start to the essay, a body and an end with smooth transitions between them. The start

should introduce the document and what it is about, the body should be an in-depth analysis

on the body of work detailing everything about the document including analysis of

punctuations, words, sentences, font, style, setting and tone. The essay is also very informal

and while this could be good if it is being used to pass across a message, it seems like that is

not the case and it just needs a lot of work and correction.

In conclusion, this essay is far from finished and although its still really early it needs

a lot of work. I strongly believe that the author should reconsider the document chosen as it

seems to be one lacking substance and could probably lead to the author not being able to

meet the given word count. A more interesting and controversial document could be chosen

in order for the author to make the job easier and more practicable.