Difficult Conversation with a Colleague

This spring a new student name LaSasha joined our school. This young lady
lost her dad when she was a baby and she and her mom are homeless.
Because of these major life traumas, LaSasha harnesses a lot of anger. This
anger shows up at school in arguments with classmates and staff, physical
aggression, and destruction of property.
One day, I was on my way to pick her up from her classroom due to behavior
issues, when I noticed she was at the bathroom and a fellow staff member
was yelling at her. She was in LaSashas face and was yelling at her that
she is an adult and LaSasha will respect her. She continued to yell and
demand that LaSasha answer, Yes, I understand. I tried to stop the
conversation, but the staff member continued to yell. I took LaSasha and
walked with her to process, then went to my office to process her Zones of
Regulation and strategies to regulate her anger.
The next day, I felt a moral obligation to address the staff member. In the
conversation, I told her about LaSashas background and explained she
needs our love, patience and understanding. Further, I explained she
responds to love and a calm voice better than to yelling. The staff member
said she didnt know and she also didnt think she said anything mean to the
student. She went on to say maybe she lost her cool a bit and shouldnt
have demanded an answer from LaSasha.
To bridge an alternative approach for this staff member, I told her about
Check in Check Out and that I have been working with students on self-
regulation strategies. When I offered to train her in those strategies she
could encourage and support LaSasha, she was grateful for the opportunity.
Even though addressing colleagues especially those with different values
from your own is very difficult. The easy thing to do when a colleague
mistreats a student, is to look the other way. The problem with this
approach, is it weighs on your conscience because it is not advocating for
the child. I learned to be brave from this situation and still leave with a
healthy working relationship.