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Bullying

Bullies are very often people who have been bullied or abused themselves. Sometimes they are
experiencing life situations they cannot cope with, that leave them feeling helpless and out of control.
(TktTuder, 2000). Many times, a bully does not feel that they can find any other means of fitting in or
carving out their own niche in life so they turn to being powerful in a way that they feel brings them
respect. They feel that being feared is the way to gain respect and surround themselves with friends and
people who look up to them. However, what they do not realize is that people are friends with them so
they do not become a target of their bullying. It all comes down to fear. Another possibility of the reason
being the bullying attitude is that they bully themselves feels that they have no control in their lives.
Maybe their home life is out of control and they are not listened to or valued by their family. In order to
compensate for the lack of value at home the bully finds it in other places in inappropriate and unhealthy
ways. Even though these are all valid explanations sometimes the only explanation is that the bully is a
mean and cruel person who only feels good when they can cause others harm. These types feel no
remorse and rarely stop bullying. This may be a pattern for their entire lives. The above mentioned facts
on bullies have been widely accepted for many years, but new research proposes that bullying is
something entirely different to some people. Psychologists used to believe that bullies have low self-
esteem, and put down other people to feel better about themselves. While many bullies are themselves
bullied at home or at school, new research shows that most bullies actually have excellent self-esteem.
Bullies usually have a sense of entitlement and superiority over others, and lack compassion, impulse
control and social skills. (St.Clair, 2011).

Though there are different reasons behind the behavior of bullying, most bullies have certain things in
common. Bullies behave in a dominant manner and cast blame for the bad things in their lives upon
others. Though bullying is a learned behavior, genetics can play a part. For instance, some people are
more predisposed to violence and aggression. However, not all people with these tendencies become
bullies. Some are able to find ways to take out their aggression and anger in more manageable and
healthy ways. It can be a simple matter of nature versus nurture. Another commonality in bullies is that
they are attention seekers. Though the attention they receive is negative they still crave it as often it is the
only attention that they receive.

Although bullies may seem confident and sure of themselves, they are usually insecure and may feel
inferior to others. They treat their peers like dirt as a way to make themselves feel better. In order to
keep the feeling of power and prestige, the perpetrator has to continue the behavior. When one victim
is no longer in reach, the bully simply zones in on another target. When the underlying causes of
bullying are not addressed, it becomes a vicious cycle. Some of the common causes of bullying are:

Causes of Bullying: Bullies come from dysfunctional families. A dysfunctional family is not a
guarantee that a child will become a bully. However, a large number of bullies come from homes
where there is little affection and openness. They may often witness their parents being aggressive
toward friends, siblings or other members of the family.

Causes of Bullying: Bullies need to be in control. Kids who push others around are often driven by
the need for power. They enjoy being able to subdue others. These types of kids are typically
impulsive and hot headed and they thrive when their victims cower in their presence.

Causes of Bullying: Bullying behavior gets rewarded. Most people dont do this intentionally;
however, the perpetrator is inadvertently rewarded anytime victims give up their lunch money or
belongings. They also get rewarded by gaining popularity, attention or the power of having others
afraid of them. These unintentional rewards reinforce bullying behavior and encourage the perpetrator
to keep pushing others around.
Causes of Bullying: Bullies dont care how others feel. Some children either lack empathy or just
relish seeing others in pain. When they hurt someone, they have no sense of what the victims or the
people around them are feeling. Sometimes a perpetrator may even get pleasure from seeing a child
yelp as he kicks him down the hallway. The reactions of the victims gives the bully a sense of
accomplishment, so he continues the behavior.

Causes of Bullying: Bullies cant regulate their emotions. When people get frustrated and angry,
they can usually stop themselves from doing things that will hurt others. When kids dont have the
ability to regulate their emotions, small annoyances can provoke them and cause them to severely
overreact. For example, a child may be innocently walking down the hall and accidentally bump into a
bully. Even though the child apologizes, the bully may lose his temper and slam the victim into the
wall.

IMPULSE CONTROL

Intermittent Explosive Disorder - Episodes of aggressive outbursts resulting in


either destruction of property or physical assaults on others. Typically, this
problem results in legal problems as well, because the individual is often charged
with assault, or a domestic violence charge.

Loss of control is an essential feature of this disorder. The individual, usually


male, has had several incidents of losing control of anger, resulting in aggressive
acting out, either by assaulting others, or destroying property. The degree of
aggression is always out of proportion to any precipitating factors that might be
present (within an argument, for example). Typically, these individuals will not
take responsibility for their loss of control, instead blaming the victim, other
circumstances in their life, or some third party who may have told them
something or said something that "caused" their uncontrolled anger. Lack of
control is a central part of the problem, and inability to accept responsibility for
the aggression helps to alleviate guilt. It also prevents the individual from making
any changes.

Dr. Franklin uses both behavioral and cognitive interventions of this type of
control problem. In particular, anger management techniques are needed, as well
as discovering a way to deflect the anger so that it can be controlled.

Domestic Violence - Domestic violence is a particular form of Intermittent


Explosive Disorder, because often these individuals only lose control within the
context of a close interpersonal relationship. However, many of these individuals
have a generalized anger management problem, but control it better outside their
own home. The criteria for a diagnosis of intermittent explosive disorder are
almost always present in domestic violence situations, except when the violence
occurs only in conjunction with substance abuse or intoxication. In those
situations, the individual usually meets the criteria for a substance abuse
diagnosis. Sometimes, intoxication is also a form of not accepting blame. The
individual may choose to become intoxicated prior to a confrontation. This may
be because of an inability to confront others. The intoxication removes normal
social restraints, and also gives the individual an excuse for loss of control.

Individuals who only lose control within relationships often attach tremendous
emotional ultimatums to those relationships. If a person believes that loss of a
relationship will doom them forever, then their reaction may be consistent with
that belief, even if the belief is false. There are other factors influencing domestic
violence that do not always occur in other social conflicts. Within a relationship,
each spouse may have specific role expectations for the other spouse. That is, a
man may expect his wife to behave a certain way, to think a certain way, and to
respond a certain way to him. These expectations may be immature and/or
irrational, although commonly held within his social group. These expectations
may also serve to increase the emotional tension in the relationship, so that it
surpasses his level of control. Since these expectations may not exist in other
relationships, he may be able to maintain control outside of the marital
relationship.

Dr. Franklin has found that the perpetrators of domestic violence rarely receive
adequate psychological treatment, because they are viewed as criminals, rather
than individuals with psychological problems. Because denial is often a major
component of this problem, the power of the courts may act as a motivating
factor to move the person into treatment, but will seldom stop the behavior
without treatment. Dr. Franklin recognizes that men who cannot control their
anger have a number of psychological issues that require treatment, and that this
is a mental health issue, not a criminal one. Treatment consists of behavioral self-
control techniques, stress management, and cognitive therapy to change the
irrational belief system that triggers the violent behavior.

Many psychological problems are characterized by a loss of control or a lack of control in


specific situations. Usually, this lack of control is part of a pattern of behavior that also
involves other maladaptive thoughts and actions, such as substance abuse problems or
sexual disorders like the paraphilias (e.g. pedophilia and exhibitionism). When loss of
control is only a component of a disorder, it usually does not have to be a part of the
behavior pattern, and other symptoms must also be present for the diagnosis to be made.

But, there are several psychological disorders that are defined primarily by loss of control.
These impulse control problems will be described here briefly:
Intermittent Explosive Disorder - Episodes of aggressive outbursts resulting in either
destruction of property or physical assaults on others. Typically, this problem results in
legal problems as well, because the individual is often charged with assault, or a domestic
violence charge.

Loss of control is an essential feature of this disorder. The individual, usually male, has had
several incidents of losing control of anger, resulting in aggressive acting out, either by
assaulting others, or destroying property. The degree of aggression is always out of
proportion to any precipitating factors that might be present (within an argument, for
example). Typically, these individuals will not take responsibility for their loss of control,
instead blaming the victim, other circumstances in their life, or some third party who may
have told them something or said something that "caused" their uncontrolled anger. Lack
of control is a central part of the problem, and inability to accept responsibility for the
aggression helps to alleviate guilt. It also prevents the individual from making any changes.

Dr. Franklin uses both behavioral and cognitive interventions of this type of control
problem. In particular, anger management techniques are needed, as well as discovering a
way to deflect the anger so that it can be controlled.

Domestic Violence - Domestic violence is a particular form of Intermittent Explosive


Disorder, because often these individuals only lose control within the context of a close
interpersonal relationship. However, many of these individuals have a generalized anger
management problem, but control it better outside their own home. The criteria for a
diagnosis of intermittent explosive disorder are almost always present in domestic violence
situations, except when the violence occurs only in conjunction with substance abuse or
intoxication. In those situations, the individual usually meets the criteria for a substance
abuse diagnosis. Sometimes, intoxication is also a form of not accepting blame. The
individual may choose to become intoxicated prior to a confrontation. This may be because
of an inability to confront others. The intoxication removes normal social restraints, and
also gives the individual an excuse for loss of control.

Individuals who only lose control within relationships often attach tremendous emotional
ultimatums to those relationships. If a person believes that loss of a relationship will doom
them forever, then their reaction may be consistent with that belief, even if the belief is
false. There are other factors influencing domestic violence that do not always occur in
other social conflicts. Within a relationship, each spouse may have specific role expectations
for the other spouse. That is, a man may expect his wife to behave a certain way, to think a
certain way, and to respond a certain way to him. These expectations may be immature
and/or irrational, although commonly held within his social group. These expectations may
also serve to increase the emotional tension in the relationship, so that it surpasses his level
of control. Since these expectations may not exist in other relationships, he may be able to
maintain control outside of the marital relationship.
Dr. Franklin has found that the perpetrators of domestic violence rarely receive adequate
psychological treatment, because they are viewed as criminals, rather than individuals with
psychological problems. Because denial is often a major component of this problem, the
power of the courts may act as a motivating factor to move the person into treatment, but
will seldom stop the behavior without treatment. Dr. Franklin recognizes that men who
cannot control their anger have a number of psychological issues that require treatment,
and that this is a mental health issue, not a criminal one. Treatment consists of behavioral
self-control techniques, stress management, and cognitive therapy to change the irrational
belief system that triggers the violent behavior.

Kleptomania - This impulse control problem involves the compulsive stealing of items not
needed for their monetary value. Usually, the items are not stolen to express anger or
vengeance. There is usually a feeling of tension before stealing, and a sense of pleasure at
the time of the theft.

A common misconception is that kleptomania is present in career thieves. This is generally


not the case. Some people steal because they have no regard for the laws of society
(Conduct Disorder in children and adolescents or Antisocial Personality Disorder in
adults). Others may steal out of need or desperation (Adjustment Disorder with conduct
disturbance). Still others steal to support a substance abuse problem (the diagnosis would
be Substance Abuse).

This is a relatively rare problem, and occurs with a much higher incidence in women than
in men. It is also out of character, or as psychologists describe it, ego dystonic. This means
that the person does not want to steal, and feels guilty about the behavior. In fact, other
than the focus on an illegal act, this disorder has many features in common with Obsessive
Compulsive Disorder. The essential difference is that, in addition to functioning as an
anxiety release, the compulsive behavior in kleptomania also results in a temporary
gratification.

Pathological Gambling - This impulse control problem consists in persistent


maladaptive gambling that creates serious life problems for the individual. This
is different from recreational gambling, and is diagnosed by the impact it has on
your life, and by the lack of control, rather than the amount of money gambled
or lost.

Individuals with this problem engage in recurrent maladaptive gambling that


usually disrupts their personal life, and frequently interferes with their work as
well. Some individuals develop severe financial problems, resulting in personal
bankruptcy, and others engage in criminal activity to cover their financial losses
(such as embezzlement). This does not include uncontrolled gambling that occurs
as part of a manic episode.
There are some social differences in the pathological gambling patterns of men
and women. Men usually begin a pathological gambling pattern during their teen
years, while women are more likely to develop the problem when they are older.

Pathological gamblers frequently need to increase their risk to stay involved.


They have often tried to stop without success, and tend to gamble as an escape
from problems. In particular, they may gamble to relieve depression. They may
commit illegal acts to hide their losses, and frequently "chase" their losses by
making bigger bets to "get even." They may endanger their job or their family
relationships because of this problem, and they will probably lie about the extent
of their gambling.

Participation in Gamblers Anonymous is often helpful, but the individual should


also seek psychotherapy, especially for the underlying depression.

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