Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I

Snotty Kings Monday Morning Quarterback

The air is crisp with ice and frost, which can only mean
one thing! Its time to smell the blood and another
season of Blood Bowl is upon us! What a wonderful
time of year for me and my staff. They go through a
good portion of the year helping with the war efforts
that this is kind of like a vacation for them.
This year the LWGBBL has not one but two leagues
running, as the return of the tabletop league commences
after a four-year hiatus! Has it really been that long
since Rob Princes Queens of the Nights took home the WAAC Bowl X trophy?
Taking a walk down in the meadows of Shirestown, I noticed a lot of the citizens sporting the
colors of their favorite teams, and the pubs getting their places of business ready for the influx of
viewers that will come far and wide to watch their favorite teams on Cabalvision where they
cannot get to the actual venues themselves.
With twenty teams taking the field in the LWGBBL Tabletop league, there are quite a few new
faces this time around. Rob Prince will be coaching a new high elf team. The hapless
Middenheim Lolololphins led by Coach Oscar the Can have returned, and a host of rookie
coaches and teams have surfaced thanks to the release of the new Blood Bowl box this past
November!
What can you expect with the Monday Morning Quarterback? As usual, I will be interviewing
players and giving you over one-hundred and twenty six years of experienced commentary as we
head into the nine-game regular season. There are all kinds of rocks to overturn during a Blood
Bowl season, and with so many players to evaluate it is very hard to even begin to rank the teams
this year.
The online league has several old-hands returning for their third season as well! Alex Motolo
and his Blackened Denarius return as the reigning Bourbon Bowl champions. Tim Whitney and
his fearsome Drakwald Daemon Eaters are quite valued by Rock-Vegas for winning the third
iteration of our championship. Lets not forget Lance Guth and his Bedford Killerz or Clay
Knuckles and his Enduring Mountain Dwarves either! They had great seasons last year and are
poised once more to make a push to the playoffs.
The finals for this years WAAC Bowl are still up in the air. The league has been petitioned by
three different venues, all of which are deemed WAAC BOWL Worthy.

The Averheim Meadowlands is currently leading the fan-polls. With its gentle winds
and soft turf, players enjoy playing there simply because it hurts less falling! Averheim
also has a state of the art fan experience, with portable Cabalvision globes at each seat to
let fans see the action up close.

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Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I

The Karak Tor Cavern is a close second. It was just reformatted with a new astro-granite
surface that has self-cleaning capability; useful when players split their skull open falling
on it!
The Barren Lands is being considered but not as likely. This stadium needs some more
work and is in a colder climate surrounded by a forest of dead trees. Its actually more
creepy than useful, but well see whether the owner J.T. Deadbucks can grease the wheels
enough to get his way.
Ladies and gentlemen, before we discuss the first weeks schedule I will leave you with this
nugget of wisdom from Gar Von Noodle, star linemen of the Maritoba Dancing Lights. Hit
harder than the other guy. Prosper.
Middenheim Lolphins (0-0 TV 1,150) vs Louisville City BBC(0-0 TV 1,100)
On paper these are about as two evenly matched teams as you will find. These two human teams
are going to struggle against the more aggressive bashy teams in the league later until they find
some veteran players to give them an edge, and this game will vault one of the two into a better
position to do just that. The Lolphins have a history of being bad in the worst possible ways,
with contract disputes amongst their ogre Suh, and an injured Matt Damon. Picking up
lineman Samuel L Jackson will help give them a full roster at least, but it will take some heroics
by quarterback Dunn Marino to give these guys the energy that they need.
The LCBBC are led by their blitzer Kyle Smith and Kicker Mark-Anthony Kaye. They are
healthy going into this contest with no injuries, but like the Lolphins, they have no bench to
speak of so any injuries will quickly take their toll.
Rock Vegas has these guys tied at 1-1.
Legion of Doom (0-0 TV 1,090) vs All up in Da Guts (0-0 TV 1,060)
Dicky Sherman assured me in a very loud boisterous voice how no one on the Up in Da Guts
team was going to be able to shake him. That he was going to make them into less than players.
Normally Id agree with Dicky, but the Lions trounced LOD in the final preseason week, and
Dicky is not going to be covering humans this time around. Hes going to be covering mean
nasty orcs. Dangerboy Russ and Stevie Wunderland have made a formidable preseason duo,
and the Boz is a potent force of muscle when hes not chasing butterflies on the field though.
All up in Da Guts are going in healthy and under the captaincy of Gruk Smash Bros
Teefsmasha, the black orc from Lord City Underland. The sheer power of the orc team is going
to be the difference maker. Dont let the team values fool you, Legion of Doom is going to have
to play a strong game of keep away which is a hard game to figure out as a rookie coach.
Rock Vegas has the orcs winning 2-0.
Under Empire Pirats (0-0 TV 1,070) vs Explosive Beer Kegs (0-0 TV 1,070)
The Pirats have begun building a bench, and will need it as with any skaven team they will be
dealing with injuries all year long. Kreekit Wardclaw is the sure handed running back that Blood

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Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I

Illustrated feels may be making a run for the rushing title this year, but hes going to need some
protection doing it. Blitzer Hairy Headtaker is being hounded by the press regarding an affair
hes allegedly having with Jormungandr Krox Mamma and needs to have his head in this game.
The Beer Kegs have had a quiet preseason, with emerging fullback Dhang Thunderblast pulling
ahead to become a name for the team. The dwarves are going to be out paced badly in this
game, but have the advantage of being one of the most durable and most punishing teams in the
league.
Rock Vegas has the Pirats winning 2-0, but taking some serious injuries.
GorknMork University (0-0 TV 1,070) vs Jormangandr (0-0 TV 1,130)
Dirty Skink and the rabid fans of Jormangandr will be demanding the SHIV to be unleashed
against visiting GorknMork University, in what should be a brawl of epic proportions.
Dirty Skink reportedly does not need to resort to dirty tricks, but we dont believe him. His
workouts have been paying off though, and with his newfound abilities of catching wild passes
and scoring touchdowns, GorknMork U are going to need to contain him from the opening
whistle. His preseason game vs Goughed Eye showed that his shiv was strong, as he went back
to his fouling ways regardless.
GorknMork University has no emerging stars yet, but this will be a great game to test their
prowess.
Rock Vegas has this game going 2-1 in favor of Jormangandr, mainly due to the twelfth man
(their fans and the SHIV).
Devils Backbone (0-0 TV 1,090) vs Norsica (0-0 TV 1,000)
This game is a pretty cut and dried affair I think. Norsica has not been tested on the field yet, so
none of us media-types really know what to expect of them. The chaos dwarves coming in are
not only rated higher, but have a bit more skill-wise. The norse have the block skill going for
them nearly across the board, but once some Vikings start dropping to injury itll only be a
matter of time.
Rock Vegas has this game 2-0 in favor of the Backbone.
Rockytop Rumblers (0-0 TV 1,100) vs Team Punishers (0-0 TV 900)
The Rockytop Rumblers have impressed me in their preseason outings. Blitzer Nic Conley has
greatness written all over him as one of the most agile backers in the league. Not much is known
of the Punishers as they opted out of the preseason contests, but the TV difference in this is
enough to give the orcs a sizeable edge in what will likely be a bloody pounding of human face.
Rock Vegas has this game 3-0 in favor of the Rumblers.
Blaines Bashers (0-0 TV 1,110) vs Derby City Maulers (0-0 TV 1,070)
Orc on Orc violence will be the name of the game here as Derby City hosts visiting Blaines
Bashers. The Bashers are a team shrouded in secrecy, as only a couple can say their name in

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public. The rest go simply by their jersey numbers. The Blitzer Seven is the best of the blitzing
corp, wielding a tree-like arm perfect for clotheslining his opposition.
The Maulers are also led by a blitzer, #7 Carl, also known as the White Boy. We at Blood
Illustrated would love to know how an orc came about that nickname, as we feel it is probably a
fascinating story.
The difference in this game is the experience in the two coaches. The Maulers are led by a
rookie coach and this will likely be a learning experience in how orcs do their thing on a blood
bowl pitch.
Rock Vegas has this game 2-0 in favor of the Bashers.
Rat Bones Brigade (0-0 TV 1,100) vs Lustrian Loners (0-0 TV 1,140)
Skaven coming to the jungles to face the Lizardmen. The Brigade is going to have to make
excellent use of their runners to avoid pain-inducing hammer-blows of saurus and krox in this
game!
The Loners have had a spirited preseason, demolishing the Ninnies 4-0. In this game, they are
going to have to work on some key defensive patterns to stop a much faster skaven team that also
has an advantage with former Underworld Fighting Grappler Flex Lugga coaching the rats how
to wrestle!
Both Vance Montin and Ratney Mullin have become great at dragon triangle-choke holds
despite their weak frames, and the Loners will need sheer strength to overcome.
Rock Vagas has this game 3-1 in favor of the rats due to sheer speed, but we expect many to be
put into the hospital wing for their trouble.
Kohs (0-0 TV 1,100) vs New Eldritch Patriots (0-0 TV 1,000)
Rob Princes first game under a new team and a new guise (he goes by the Emperor now, as in
Emperor Bellycheck) as the defending LWGBBL champions, this time taking the reigns of an
elf team. With no preseason games under his belt, the abilities and playing style of the elves
under coach Bellycheck are still unknown.
The Kohs come in with an injury to one of their saurus and will be requiring the use of a merc
for this game. This is a classic bashing vs agile matchup that will either result in a lot of elven
casualties, or the scoreboard being run up in a most disastrous fashion.
Rock Vegas predicts this game 2-0 in favor of the Patriots.
Nuln Lions (0-0 TV 1,130) vs Zharr Naggrund BBC (0-0 TV 1,000)
The Lions roar into town after a very impressive preseason, wherein they scored six touchdowns
and only had one scored against them.

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Blitzer Barry Randers will make for a hard to reach target, with an upgraded Agility stat.
Thrower Matthew Standford is a tough thrower, capable of blocking with the best of them as
well.
Zharr Naggrund did not play any preseason games, but from what we can see of the Lions, they
are running on all cylinders right now.
Rock Vegas predicts this game 2-0 in favor of the Lions.
The Stormboyz (0-0 TV 1,000) vs the Norse Ninnies (0-0 TV 1,000)
The Norse Ninnies are banged up, with two of their roster out with injuries (catcher Cathron
Biaz and line Natalia Portmouth). The Stormboyz only have ten on their roster, so both teams
will be getting mercenary help from the league to bring them up to eleven.
The Norse are gifted with block everywhere, but the orcs are stronger. Once Norse start falling,
its usually curtains as they just simply cannot endure the punishment.
Rock Vegas predicts this game 2-1 in favor of the Stormboyz.
The Ratpack (0-0 TV 1,050) vs The Goughed Eye (0-0 TV 1,020)
Two rookie coaches with two rookie teams battle it out, with an agile team taking on a bashing
team. This is a great kickoff into regulation Blood Bowl for these guys and their players. The
ultimate question will be, will the agility be able to overcome the sheer force?
Rock Vegas predicts this game 1-1 draw.
Finally I leave you with this from the Rockytop Rumblers:

"The preseason for the rumblers was a huge success," said the rocky top head coach brick Jones.
With two preseason wins and a break out performance from the blitzers this sports writer would
have to agree. The rumblers have had a preseason training routine of intense krumpin and ball
handling drills. Coach brick is reported saying "WAAAAAAAGH" when asked about his hope
for the future. He's gonna need that optimism when facing the dwarf and orc heavy division.
However, the apothecary just hired shows he's forward thinking enough to keep his best gits on
the field and hopefully a playoff birth!

The fans are expecting a riot of a year and so am I.

-Phill fine Bomb.

New Bowl Blood power ranking in as Preseason Concludes

for Blaine Bashers!
By Chris Williams
The Blaine Bashers tumbled in Mountain orcs by more points than a
ranking during loss in preseason to Rocky mutant hobgoblins toes. They now sit just

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Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I
below The Fighting Tadpoles of Slime
Pond and just above the Crumbled Snotling
Retirement Homes recreation league.
Coach Skullface had this to say
about the poor showing on Monday,
<censored>, and you can quote me on that!
He went on to explain in colorful terms that
he regretted hiring his Black Orcs from an
old ladies tea party.
Tutu Greenskull, Sissy Face
Gnawswad, and Miss Prissy * combined for
zero knockouts or kills. (*Not the Black
Orcs giving names, but coach made it clear
that they werent sucking on their moms
teats anymore so he would call them what
he Nuffle well <censored> pleased after that
little girls sleep over and make up session!)
But the sad thing is, the Black Orcs
got off light when it came to the coaches
wrath compared to the Blitzer core. Once
again, back to coach, Who knew I hired #5
Orc Blitzer from a goblin <censored>? But
even for an orc that works as a goblin fluffer,
I would have expected better hands? By
Gork and Mork, he dropped two passes. I
need to go back to the set and hire the
goblin so my orc blitzer will know what a
real stud looks like. Next game, Goblin
Fluffer** can watch the goblin from the side
line just like back on the <censored>
As for the thrower, he went 0-4 on
what could be described as a rough day.
Back to Coach, Those passing stats could
have been a lot worse for High Flutn Elfy
Britches, if he had been able to pick up a
NUFFLE <censored> ball. Who knows, he
may have been able to go 0-6.
The coaches mouth dripping with
sarcasm or frothing over with rage hard to
tell.
But it did my kind heart good to see
him crumble at the feet of the opposing
blitzers as he always had to make an
unassisted last ditch effort to unsuccessfully
save a TD. Good thing the league provided
medical support in the pre-season because
High Flutn Elfy Britches had some nasty
boot prints on his face, back, and
<censored>! He made a good welcome mat
to our end zone.
In other news, the team picked up a
goblin on contract before the start of the
regular season. <censored> will make a fine
addition to the team and give us some
capability to do some things we are lacking
in. His dodge and stunty will give us at least
some offensive threat. Said the coach in
the post-game interview.
The packed crowd of twelve-
thousand home fans did not get to see good
Blood Bowl today since there wasnt but one
little whiff of blood or gore. The Rocky
Mountain Orcs under Coach Roy played
well and on the other side, the crowd got to
witness one raging lunatic of a coach as he
watched his team do some sort of
interruptive modern dance.
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Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I
Oscar the Can and the Middenheim Lolololphins Look to
Break .500 This Season
The Middenheim Lolphins have never been
considered a very good team in the annals of
the LWGBBL. They have yet to break
even on a win/loss record and have been
through several head coaches. Last season,
Coach Bro-Code had the Lolphins sitting
ugly with an 0-5 record before the crowd
descended and pummeled him into
unconsciousness.
The fans demanded a post-game interview,
and with no other options, Nose Tackle
Nudumbakin Su threw up a garbage can
onto the podium. That garbage can had a
name. Oscar. Oscar the Can. Folks in
Middenheim have put their hopes and
dreams into that metal garbage can, as the
team once again rebuilt hoping to bring a
winning season to their home crowd.
Coach is really energetic and gets us to play
our best. Lineman Richmond Webb
commented. I mean, if he could talk we
would be really pumped up, but just his
presence on the sideline with the clipboard
and whistle laying on the ground next to
him, its enough to instill a fire inside of us!
Nevermind that Oscar the Can is a garbage
can, and that hes not really alive and cant
really communicate at all. He has the
8
Lolphins motivated like no previous head
coach has ever been able to do in team
history.
One time I was running sprints after
practice, and Coach Can knocked me over
after I ran into him by accident. I mean, the
dude has some serious power. Ripper
Wake, team captain and blitzer stated.
Matt Damon. Lineman Matt Damon
contributed, though were not really sure
what his contribution means or why he just
states his name over and over again.
The Lolphins hosted visiting skaven team
the Under-Empire Pirats in their first
preseason contest, and the team managed to
delight their home crowd by not doing what
the Lolphins do best (usually lolololing to
the double skulls while singing the teams
fight song) and pulling off a 2-1 victory after
quarterback Dunn Marino plunged into the
endzone with only a couple minutes
remaining for the victory.
Ripper Wake ended any hope of a Pirats
comeback, vaulting over the front line on a
496 counter-sweep and clotheslining the
hapless skaven running back into tomorrow.
I hungry. I ate a lot. I not paid enough so
I not play at end. Nudumbakin Su stated,
chewing on a very large turkey leg.
Matt Damon. Matt Damon nodded in
agreement. Indeed, the contract disputes
that Su has thrown tantrums over have
plagued the Lolphins many times in the
Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I

past. The question was and remains will he
get his act together during the season? Most
analysts dont think so.
The team traveled to new division rival
Legion of Dooms stadium for their second
preseason game, without the services of
Richmond Webb or Ray Finkle (broken
hand and broken ribs).
From there, the Lolphins were treated to
9,000 screaming LOD fans and the ultimate
cheerleader Dickie Sherman.
A pitch invasion put most of the Lolphins
out of action, but they managed to hold
onto a 1-1 draw before packing it up and
heading back to Middenheim where they
awaited the divisional creation.
Oscar the Can was asked how his team
would better handle such violent crowds in
the future, but of course because he is a
garbage can he didnt really answer any of
the questions.

Dont Call it a Comeback

Dirty Skink is Ready to Kill All Comers
A few short years ago, the prospect of having to
face Dirty Skink and his lizardmen team
Jormungandr was enough to instill fear into even
the most veteran of Blood Bowl players. Dirty
Skink is rated as Blood Illustrateds third most
violent player in league history, underneath only
the Deadeye Cowboys Witch Elf Shay Spleen
Eater Cortez and the goblin Luchador
Massacre Valentines Buddy McSmiles.
Dirty Skink and Jormungandr left the 2012
season by missing the playoffs but amassing a
massive body count. Such that in their first preseason match up against the Pirats, league official
Groins Daddybucks had several police on hand with the instructions to incarcerate should Dirty
produce his famous shiv during the game. We at Blood Illustrated had a moment to sit down
with him and find out what hes been up to the past few years.
BI: Hello Dirty, its been a while since weve a right stink. Whole armies burned on
had you in the office. Howve you been the cabalvision-tube.
past few years?
BI: So tonight we found out that Official
Dirty: Cant complain. Managed to get into Daddybucks had pulled you into a training
a racket fighting in this new Realms thing room and told you about what would
with Sigmar and his boys. I heard it caused happen if you fouled. Care to comment on
that?

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Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I

Dirty: I cant really says much about that ya BI: That was you Dirty.
know? I mean, Daddybucks is the daddy,
Dirty: You <censored> right it was boss. I
and at the end of the day hes letting me get
aint needin to foul no ones. I will be stylin
paid. Thats all Im here for. I want my
and profilin in the endzone and getting paid.
money and if I get to kill a couple people on
the way, that makes me even happier. BI: Fair enough. What can we expect from
Daddybucks said no foulin, so I aint pullin Jormungandr this season?
my shiv on no one.
Dirty: A lot of dead <censored> thats what
BI: Yeah you played your first clean game you can expect. Bobby done went insane
in what thirty or so games? when they were black mailin that rat Hairy
Headtaker with pictures of him and his
Dirty: Its been a while yeah. My teams got
mamma together. Boys gone complete
my back though. Coach always tells us that
Captain Insano. We wont even mention
winning aint important, but puttin some
what Mammas doing, that girl is cray cray.
fools in the dirt thats where you get
respect. Thats all we got on the team. BI: Playoffs?
Respect for each other. And my team had
Dirty: We dont care about the playoffs
my back tonight putting some of those
boss. We care about getting paid and
stinking rats into the ground for me. And
putting some fools under the dirt. Thats
you know what?
what were going to do. Put some fools
BI: Whats that Dirty? under the dirt
Dirty: Who was it that caught that pass and
ran it in for the score?

Nuln Lions
Music can be heard
after the channel is
changed to the bbnw
channel. The red and
yellow logo
of the BBTV
program comes over
the screen and
switches to two people sitting behind a desk.
A Dwarf with bright fiery orange hair and
short beard, sits next to a large black orc
with a few piecings and a helmet and battle
armor on.
Welcome to the late edition of Blood Bowl
TV. Im your host Dirk Negler., and with
me is Grimzal. opened Dirk Negler.
Tonight will be reviewing the new upstart
human team from the city of Nulu.
Grimazl spoke.
Along with a profile of the coach and the
blight that has overcome him. Dirk
continued.
Last week the city leaders, with the support
of the elector count of the city, place in
holding the required money to start and

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Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I
train a new team for this season of Blood
Bowl. Naming the team after the citys coat
of arms, the Lions, and donning the main
colors of blue, yellow, and black. Grimazl
spoke.
Tryout were held for the many different
position allowed for the style of team that
the City of Nuln went with.
Yes, yes, another human to pitch and more
to the body bags. If you ask me an Orc team
would have been better to spend the money
on. Grimazl interrupted.
Its funny that you mention Orc team,
because the coach that was hired for the
Lions, was the unnamed coach from the
Orcvilla Stealers a few seasons ago.
Jumped in Dirk.
Hang on, hang on. You telling me that an
Orc is going to run this new human team?
No Grmi, until last week, no one knew the
race of the coach that led that team, the
second place finish in the 2012 blood bowl.
However we still will not know what the
coaches race will be, because when the
Stealers one the Wacc Cup in 2013, the
coach was hit over the head with the Wacc
cup itself. In order to save his life the local
apothecary, with the support of a shaman,
transferred the soul and life force of the
coach into the cup.
Loud laughter and banging can be heard off
screen, before the screen shifts to Grimazl
laughing hysterically. The big black orc
leaned back and fell out of his chair.
We will return after these messages. Dirk
quickly spoke.
11
After a short break of commercials, the
BBTV logo returns with Dirk at the desk
alone.
Welcome back, my comrade Grimazl will
be back shortly, but let us take you to the list
of new players that will be coming onto the
pitch this coming seasons for the Nuln
Lions.
The picture changes to different position
and then names of the players. The first
position was linemen, Alex Karras, Yale
Lary, Dutch Clark, and Otto Marks.
Loud thunder stomps can be heard as the
picture of the linemen changes, You call
those lineman, pfff. The Grots will chew
them up and spit them out. Grimazl called
out. A rumble can be heard as he sits down.
The next group, blitzers began there show.
Herman Goore, Joe Schmidt, Barry
Randers, Doak Walker. Most are flexing for
the camera in there new armor.
That shine will not hold for long.
Grimazl spoke.
Never does. Replied Dirk. The next were
the catcher and Thrower, Calvin Jumpson,
and Matthew Standford. Then came the
teams Orge Donk Night Train Lane, who
started bellowing a battle cry into the screen.
Another much loader war cry came across
the screen as it switches back to the host,
with a wide eyed Dirk staring at Grimazl
now wearing a large head wrap around his
head.
Sorry he challenged me, I had to response.
Grimazl shrugged.
Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I

Well thank you for watching this Team WAAAAHHHGGGGGG, Grimazl

profile Edition of Blood Bowl TV. As bellowed before the screen went black.
always in Dirk Neglar, with

LWGBBL Tabletop Season XI Primer

Clay Knuckles
Folks, we have an exciting season of Blood Bowl coming up as Season XI is set to kickoff in
January! This season we have influx of new coaches and teams, for a total of 24 teams in 6
Divisions! Im going to breakdown the coming season with predictions for all 6 Division
Champs, playoff participants, as well as the eventual Champs!

LBBC EAST
1 Chris Nye Middenheim Lolphins Humans
2 Jon Welan Legion of Doom Humans
3 Brad Hiner The Under Empire Pirats Skaven
4 Kurt Hampton Jormungandr Lizardmen

League Commissioner Chris Nye owns the Lolphins coached by Coach Auticus the Can. New
coach to a beaten down Human roster, hoping to inspire greatness! The Lolphins ownership
experience should win them a few games in division, but outside the division is where they will
struggle. Uncle Vitos Predicted Record 3 Wins, 4 Losses, 2 Draws.
Jon Welan will be bringing the LEGION OF DOOM to the LBBC Eastern Division looking
to take a few heads! While Jon will be doing double duty as Owner/Coach we expect good
things from the Rookie. In a recent pre-season game, the Legion gave the Lolphins all they
could handle and then some! Uncle Vitos Predicted Record 2 Wins, 4 Losses, 3 Draws.
Coach Brad Hiner is not new to the game, so the expectation is that the Pirats will make a push
for the Division Title in Season XI. The Rats are sneaky fast, and are almost always in the game.
Uncle Vitos Predicted Record 4 Wins, 3 Losses, 2 Draw.
That brings us to the Beast of the East! Jormungandr! Coach Kurt Hampton has a reputation
for being more concerned about casualties than scoring in recent Blood Bowl seasons. Rumor
has it that this season, the Jormungandr have loftier goals. Uncle Vitos Predicted Record 5
Wins, 2 Losses, 2 Draws.
LBBC East Recap Jormungandr win the Division title over the Pirats.

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Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I

LBBC South
1 Tony Niemann Tlaxtan Kohs Lizardmen
2 Henry Jones Nuln Lions Humans
3 Kyle Perkins The Storm Boyz Orcs
4 Cody McMillen Goughed Eye Orcs

Coach Tony Niemann is no newcomer to Blood Bowl, but the division has a few other
experienced coaches as well. No easy road for the Kohs in the South. Uncle Vitos Predicted
Record 5 Wins, 2 Losses, 2 Draws.
The Nuln Lions are looking to shock the league by pulling out a Division Title over the Kohs.
While it is possible, the high armored division looks to be too tough on the softer Umies for
them to mount a serious threat. Uncle Vitos Predicted Record 3 Wins, 3 Draws, 3 Losses.
Next, are the Storm Boyz. While relatively unknown to this author, based on a pre-season
game, I feel confident in the following prediction. Uncle Vitos Predicted Record 2 Wins, 4
Losses, 3 Draws.
Another newcomer to the LBBC, young Coach McMillen has shown a willingness to learn from
the veteran coaches in the league. It will be a bumpy first season for the Gouged Eye, but the
future looks bright for the franchise under the leadership of the first-year coach. Uncle Vitos
Predicted Record 1 Win, 6 Losses, 2 Draws.
LBBC South Recap Tlaxtan Kohs win the division comfortably and move on to the playoffs.

LBBC North
1 Rob Prince New Eldritch Patriots High Elves
2 Jason Thompson Zharr Naggrund BBC Chaos Dwarves
3 Whayne Rouse Norse Ninnies Norse
4 Glenn Barnett Rat Pack Skaven

Coach Rob 'Bellycheck' Prince brings a lot of experience to the league and has to be the favorite
to wrap up another Division Title in Season XI. Uncle Vitos Predicted Record 5 Wins, 2
Losses, 2 Draws.
Jason Thompson and his Zharr Naggrund BBC Chaos Dwarves are a serious threat to Coach
Robs Division Title hopes. The Chaos Dwarf roster is loaded, but may be shy on re-rolls
come crunch time. Uncle Vitos Predicted Record 5 Wins, 2 Losses, 2 Draws.
The Norse Ninnies are going to be a factor in the division, just how much is going to be
determined by their OOC schedule. With the right draw, they could be there at the end in the
hunt for a playoff spot. Uncle Vitos Predicted Record 4 Wins, 3 Losses, 2 Draws.

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Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I

The Skaven are a fragile team in any Blood Bowl season, and this season will be no different.
Coach Glenn will have his hands full, but if he can overcome the high learning curve of the Rats,
they can become a dangerous team later in the season. Uncle Vitos Predicted Record 3 Wins, 5
Losses, 1 Draw.
LBBC North Recap Chaos Dwarves and High Elves go to the tiebreaker to see who reps the
division as champs, and who gets into the playoffs as a Wild Card.

LBBC West
1 Brian Mathews Louisville City BBC Humans
2 Cory Jenkins All Up In The Guts Orcs
3 Andy Kurzendoerfer Explosive Brew Kegs Dwarves
4 JJ Valentine Gork 'n Mork University Orcs

I believe the LBBC West could be the closest division from top to bottom of the 6. The lone
soft team in the division is in for a beating. Louisville City BBC could end up winless, or they
could sweep the division, what do I know? Uncle Vitos Predicted Record 2 Wins, 6 Losses, 1
Draw.
Coach Jenkins brings yet another Orc team, what is that? Like 50 Orc teams? Either way, he
will compete for the Division Title for sure and for certain. Rumors are flying that All Up In
The Guts have made some kind of deal with dark forces concerning their team lucktime will
tell. Uncle Vitos Predicted Record 5 Wins, 2 Losses, 2 Draws.
Finally a proper Dwarf Team. Notoriously good starter league teams, I have high expectations
for the stunties based solely on the massive list of starting skills they have. Coach Kurzendoerfer
has an uphill battle though, with 2 Orc teams in the division. Uncle Vitos Predicted Record 3
Wins, 2 Losses, 4 Draws.
I know this guy a little. I feel like Coach JJ brought the school spirit and has a good shot at
getting into the playoffs out of this division. Hes going to have to take some chances here, but if
the ball bounces right, dont be surprised to see team spirit carry this team beyond the regular
season. Uncle Vitos Predicted Record 4 Wins, 4 Losses, 1 Draw.
LBBC West Recap - All Up In The Guts win the division, with the possibility of Gork n
Mork University grabbing a 2nd playoff spot.

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Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I

LBBC Central
1 Clay Knuckles Devils Backbone Chaos Dwarves
2 Roy Blackeburn Rockytop Rumblers Orcs
3 Chris Williams Blaine Bashers Orcs
4 Joshua Taflinger Lustrian Loners Lizardmen

Wow.this division is L.O.A.D.E.D.! Coach Knucklehead brings a ton of experience and a

very good starting roster. The Pre-Season was very good to the Devils Backbone, however, this
is the bashiest division on the league by far. Uncle Vitos Predicted Record 6 Wins, 2 Losses, 1
Draw. (Rumor has it that one of Uncle Vitos kids plays for this team, so he might be biased.)

Good Ole Rockytop! The Rumblers have the largest stadium in the division and had a few good
pre-season games as well. They will be a factor in the playoff race. Uncle Vitos Record
Prediction 4 Wins, 3 Losses, 2 Draws.
Another very experienced Coach, Chris Williams brings a tested Orc roster to the LBBC
Central. This team will push for a playoff spot as well due to the experience level. Uncle Vitos
Predicted Record 4 Wins, 2 Losses, 3 Draws.
Lustrian Loners, yet another bashy team, and also a coach who has played the game before.
Traveling from out of state might wear Coach Vizzini says the 3rd most famous saying, is Never
get involved in a Blood Bowl Match with a Coach from Indiana! Uncle Vitos Predicted
Record 3 Wins, 3 Losses, 3 Draws.
LBBC Central Recap Devils Backbone win the division by a game or so, but are hurt going
into the playoffs.

LBBC Badlands
1 Brian Johnston Derby City Maulers Orcs
2 Chris Brown Team Punishers Humans
3 Josh Dewitt Norsica Rampagers Norse
4 Travis Fisher Rat-Bones Brigade Skaven

Last but not least, the Badlands Division. Coach Johnston and the Derby City Maulers are
completely unknown to the league, so they are a Wild Card. Uncle Vitos Predicted Record 2
Wins, 5 Losses, 2 Draws. (Who knows?)
The Human team in the Division is Team Punishers. Coach Brown is looking to make a little
noise in the Badlands. Uncle Vitos Predicted Record 3 Wins, 6 Losses.

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Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I

Second Norse team, run by an Ogre? Never heard or seen before folks, but believe it! Coach
Josh says hes taking no prisoners this season. Uncle Vitos Predicted Record 5 Wins, 2 Losses, 2
Draws.
Coach Travis Fisher joined the division as the final team in the league. Bringing Skaven to the
tabletop after doing well in previous PC leagues with his Dwarf team. I expect growing pains.
Uncle Vitos Record Prediction 4 Wins, 3 Losses, 2 Draws.
LBBC Badlands Recap Tough division to predict, but Im going with the Norse.

Playoff Predictions
Wild Card Round
#1 Seed Devils Backbone def #8 Seed Blaine Bashers
#2 Seed Jorumgandr def #7 Seed Zharr Naggrund BBC
#3 Seed Norsica Rampagers loss to #6 Seed New Eldritch Patriots

#4 Seed All Up In The Guts loss to #5 Seed Tlaxtan Kohs

Divisional Round

#1 Seed Devils Backbone loss to #5 Seed Tlaxtan Kohs

#2 Seed Jorumgandr def #6 Seed New Eldritch Patriots

WAAC Bowl XI

#2 Seed Jorumgandr loss to #5 Seed Tlaxtan Kohs

There you have it folks, an all Lizardman final with Coach Niemann coming out on top! These
predictions are based on a lot of guesswork, coin flipping, dart throwing, and no particular
insight whatsoever. Good luck to all, unless you are playing the Devils Backbonethenpiss
off! ;)

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Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I

The Saratoga Sentinel

Jon Whelan
Welcome Legion fans one and all! Im your RabbleWriter. In
this weeks piece we interview two of the Star players from our
inaugural pre-season tie against the formidable Middenheim
Lolphins- the team MVP Stevie Wunderhanz and the one
and only Dickie Sherman.
Our first game as a club was brutal, and our fans showed up in
true force! Sometimes the game may not go in our favor, but
we are dedicated and theres not much that storming the field wont fix!
We came out of the game with no lingering injuries, a true Christmas miracle indeed! Our new
teammate Ogre, known as the fearsome Boz, really came into his own as a rookie. There were
definitely a few miscues (and a few butterflies), but its nothing we cant pray to Nuffle to fix as
our season progresses.
The Lolololphins came at us from every angle, and their fans were as fearsome as our own on the
sidelines, throwing punches and pulling our players out of the field. Candied apples and Grot-
cakes were had by all, and it seems that most in attendance had their fair share of Bloodweiser!
On the kickoff to open the second half, a very much inebriated Doom Diver swirled and swayed
over the field, trying to get a better view of the action when the ball sailed upwards off the boot
of the Lolphins kicker, and punched the little guy right out of the sky!
Now onto the more interesting things! Lets get to those interviews with our star players
Rabble: Stevie, you came through pretty clutch for us towards the end with that crazy score.
What was going through your mind beforehand when we got so close, but it seemed lost when
the ball was bounced out of bounds by the opposing crowd? Did you expect it to land right
where it did by your feet?? What luck!
Stevie: Well Rabble, it was definitely a hoot. Never for a second did I think that ball would be
out of my reach. I just knew Id get that score. Thats what we planned the whole time. Things
really just worked our way. We always play our best and when things happen they happen, you
know. Just got to focus on the end goal and bash some faces!
Rabble: Well I guess that answers it! Go back to practice now, well need your skills for our next
divisional game against the Nuln Lions. Now for Dickie to step into the
Dickie: WOOOOOO YEA THAT GAME HYPED ME UP BOI YOUCANT STOP THE
LEGION!! THATS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU STEP TO THA BEST DONT
EVER ACT LIKE YOU CAN HANG WIT THA MAN!

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Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I

Rabble: Heheh well thanks for the enthusiasm Dickie. We really appreciate the hard work and
dedication to the te-
Dickie: I MEAN JUST LOOK AT THE MAN WHO THOUGHT HE COULD RUN
WITH THA BOYS. I PUT HIM ON HIS BREECHES BACK IN THE DUGOUT.
AINT NOBODY GOING TO STOP US THIS YEAR!!
Rabble: Well thats all the time we have. Hope our readers enjoyed the exclusive interviews.
Tune back next time for more inside scoops on the players you love!

Louisville City Primer

Brian Mathews
Welcome to the 2017 preseason edition of City Talk. Im Dillard Bloobury, yer goblin Director
a Communications an Ill be preppin ya fer an excitin season a blood bowl action an corprate
sponsorship.
After two less than excitin preseason matches (nobody got killed) th boys in purple r primed t
kickoff th season gainst th Middenheim Lolphins in what looks t be an even matchup a two
uman teams an when th boys in purple take th pitch at Slugga Field theyll be wearin shiny
new Orcdidas kits brought to ya by Human-ugh. Human-ugh, our 2017 kit sponsor is insurin
our boys an workin hard t getem patched up an back on th pitch whether theyre knocked out,
badly hurt r worse. An in th event a worse, we got corprate sponsor Bonecare Bonebreak, a
leader in healthcare providin us with th Bonecare Bonebreak Apothecary. When the boys end
up broken, th apothecarys there t help bring em back from retirement r death.
In th stands, cheerin on City weve got th Coopers, loyalist supporters ready t throw a rock r
scrap it up with opposin supporters an anybody at happenst fall int th stands. Th Coopers r
sponserd by Old Forestry bourbon, a favrite a fans an players alike. In th event things get a lil
extra rowdy, we got Worst Turn Brewey sponsorin th Worst Turn Brewery Pitch Invasion!
Worst Turn Brewery, a local brewery fuelin th fans with lots a courage.
On th pitch well have th Yer Goblin Bank Kickoff! Kicker Mark-Anthony Kaye has been
practicin his kickoffs tryin t coffin corner th ball t end drives, same as the team is tryin t stick
th opposin players in coffins a their own. Yer Goblin Bank, for all yer high interest bankin
needs!
On th line we got three boys ready t scrap it up: Paulo DelPiccolo, George Davis IV an Ilija
Ilic. In th event things get a lil too chippy we got th Select Shifty Wagon Dealer Red Card!
For th refs sake, hopin not t see too many red cards r they might face th wrath a th Coopers.
Might wanna set aside some bribe money just in case.
In th backfield we got Guy Abend and Niall McCabe holdin down th thrower spots. Theyve
been practicin their throwin hopin for some Old Ogre Parcel Service Completions. Old Ogre

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Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I

Parcel Service (OOPS) with all yer shippin an delivery needs. Abend and McCabe r promisin
lots a touchdowns this season an when they do r wonderful sponsor Senator Mulch
McTurtlefacell donate five hunnerd gold pieces t various right wing charities. Granted, neither
Abend r McCabe managed tscore this preseason, but hey, those games dont count!
As a bonus t fans, if City scores two or more touchdowns in a match, Papa Grunts Pizzall offer
half price pizza t all th fans in attendance. Papa Grunts Pizza, th official pizza a th Louisville
City Blood Bowl Club.
Th big brute in th middle, Ogre Greg Ranjitsingh is itchin t bust some eads once th season
starts. Hes been lobbin Old Forestry barrels all over th practice fields an causin a general
ruckus. He can be a bit boneheaded, so look fer coach James OConner t try an reign m in
some.
Th teeth a th defense, the blitzers, r ready t rumble as well. Speakin a teeth, another great
sponsor, Squirm Faulty Dentistry as provided all r players with mouthguards t keep their pearly
whites in place fer team photoshoots. Squirm Faulty Dentistry, fer an okay looking smile.

Blitzer Kyle Smiths shown an ability t make plays n a knack fer assistin his teammates on th
pitch. Sean Reynolds, Tarek Morad an Paco Craig r ready as well t provide low blows an
kicks t th face t open up holes in th defense an crush th opposin throwers. Will one a them
be th seasons first Orcdidas Man a Th Match? Well see
Join us this Saturday at Slugga as we take on th Lolphins an bring on th seasons first win.
COME ON CITY!

Norse Ninnies 2017

Whayne Rouse
After a few years off traveling the northern
kingdoms to recruit and raid supporters
coffers, the Ninnies are assembled and ready
to get back on the pitch.
The star of the team Wolf Blizzer, the
Ulfwerenar, has been around a few years and
is a bit eccentric but the ladies love fur.
Despite the rumors Katie Bites did not keep
Wolf held up in her cabin, the knee injuries
you heard about during the off season were
due to a practice injury and are completely
healed.
Speaking of Katie Bites the Ninnies
Berserker was the mvp of the Ninnies only
preseason game. While she is a bit crazy and
has been known to tackle Wolf sometimes
during a game, the team has confirmed
there is no funny business going on between
the two.
When asked why they only played one
preseason game Coach Juice Jones stated the
ladies had an engagement that did not allow
to enough time to play a second game.
Rumor has it that a calendar will be coming

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Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I

out at the season end. Have to do it now
before anyone gets maimed or killed.
Amma Gangler is currently the best thrower
the Ninnies have. Juice Jones found her
throwing stones at two meter long rats on
the family farm. Jewels Rocket might have
bigger arms but Gangler is more likely to hit
her lady down the pitch.
The catchers Journey
Waver and Cathron
Biaz are always ready
for a fight on the pitch.
Yes, guys youll see
them frothing at the
mouth to get their
hands on you, mind you
it will not be enjoyable for you. Journey is an
old pro sort of having been around years ago
she played for the original Norse Ninnies,
She was only on the bench for their first
game and never got on the pitch. While
traveling to their next event she was lost in a
blizzard. Having been lost for nearly 57
years the last springs thaw found her nearly
perfectly preserved. Though coach doesnt
like it Waver calls him Jonesy instead of
Coach.
Last but not least of course are the ladies
that like to get rough in the trenches.
Natalia Portmouth, Angus Hagway, Sandy
Ballock, and Cat Machett where a traveling
show entertaining those willing to see them
wrestle. Juice caught the show in
Middenheim and starting following them
around recruiting them for the team. After
several months he finally won them over.
They now are the core
of the front line defense
on the pitch. While not
as talented as the other
ladies they make up for
it by working as a team.
Natalia Portmouth had
a few ribs broken during
her first game so she will not be available for
the teams opening game.
Juice Jones Coach of the Ninnies use to
make his rounds on the circuit as a traveling
apothecary but after the last couch of the
Ninnies was caught taking too much out of
the coffers he was fired(Roast Halfing) and
the few ladies left hired Juice to couch.
Rumor is Juice is an Ulfwerenar as well but
no one has proved that yet.

The Ghouged Eye

Cody McMillen
After early failures in the preseason, the lizardmen ran in to the endzone for the final
Gouged Eye retreated back to their tribe in blow. With silence in the air the warboss
the badlands after being sounded back by persuades members of the team of a grand
the warbosss mighty WAAAAGH!! After a plan to sneak into Middenheim and kidnap
brutal journey back home the players find Lolphins linebacker Ray Finkle.
the Warboss standing over the body of their
defensive play call coach. The boss was
obviously not happy with the last turn to tie
the game, they just stood on the opposite
side of the field confused while the

20
Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I
They
planned
to
interrogate, even beat new play schemes out
of him to give the Gouged Eye any
advantage to beat all human teams on the
Blood Bowl turf. With the war in the galaxy
raging on, Orcs needed to spread some good
moral instead of one defeat after another..
The boss would need to find a new defensive
coach and find a way to make the team play
tough like they were meant to, like Orcs.
In the meantime, the orcs packed up and
began their path to Middenheim. On arrival
the orcs checked in to their tavern across
from the Lolphin stadium, the Comfy Cow.
The team put their gear in the rooms and
planned to meet downstairs for some Ale,
grantedHuman Ale is not as strong as the
Orcs are use to and so the plot began.
Later that night, a few members of the
Lolphins walked up to the bar and were
laughing and cheering the night away one
drink after another. The Orcs saw this as
opportunity and planned to seize the first
chance that came their way. Most of the
21
players had scurried off later in the night
and to the orcs surprise there he was, the
great Ray Finkle..
A Black Orc made his way up with pure
determination to see this through, while
some of the other boys quickly ran ahead
and formed a wall around the Lolphins
player. The boys put a sack over his head
and carried him out as quietly as an orc
could. The goblin bell hop was outside
loading the Gouged Eyes gear back into
their caravan, stuff inside their armor bags
was Ray Finkle himself. An orc blitzer
walked over to the goblin, who was holding
a grin and his hand out, the blitzer dropped
a sack of coins into his hands. Thats all
goblins ever cared about, coin & carnage.
An Orc player hit Ray Finkle on the head,
to ensure he wouldnt wake up or make a
sound anytime soon. At least until they
made their way out of Middenheim.
Once back home to the Badlands, the team
put Ray in a scrap bin next to the tribe fire
and let out a WAAAAGH to let da boss
know their were home and meant business.
Thud, Thud, Thudas loud as a drum and
a shadow cast out of one of the huts
covering even the light from the tribe fire..
The Warboss was coming.. Would he be
pleased? Would the plan work? The team
had just weeks to turn their misfortunes
around or face the wrath of DA BOSS, only
time would tell but one thing was certain,
they must NEVER AGAIN get called for
Illegal Procedure!
Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I
Redboro
J.J. Valentine
For the first time in more than a decade the
Gork 'n Mork University Blood Bowl Team
will open a season ranked higher than the
last seed. They kick off their season with a
1-1 record and a Team Value of 1070 (tied
with Explosive Brew Kegs) they are starting
off this 2017 Season in the LWGBBL with
a lot of promise.
Leading them in the season is rookie
thrower Awra Teefsmasha, who scored a
7th turn touchdown against the Rat Bones
Brigade in their second pre-season game to
tie the game at 1. The reception of this
touchdown created such a fuss that the fans
launched projectiles that ended up killing a
member from each team but luckily the
wandering apothecary was able to bring each
player from the brinks of death. The results
for GMU is Surv Skullstompa one of their
rookie blitzers will miss the season opening
game due to a pinched nerve. The GMU
thrower also had two completed passes
against the Derby City Maulers, which did
not pull them out of the 0-1 lead that the
Maulers had.
Loosh Skullrumpa, a rookie black orc, is
leading the other three black orcs like no
other. He comes in hitting hard and put
plenty of orc and skaven on the ground. Hes
accompanied by three other black orcs that
should not be ignored, Thrakan Gutstompa,
Eled Eadbasha and first preseason game
MVP, Sully Gobstompa. They are the
wheels of this Krumpin Machine that we
predict will give them that edge over equally
valued team, Explosive Brew Kegs.
22
Leading the way for the blitzers is Galadeon
Gutkrumpa who had plenty of blocks in
both games. With Surv Skullstompa missing
the next game due to a pinched nerve,
Iceflow Necksnappa and Frisco Fistsmasha
are going to have to really hold this team
together. They played key roles in opening
the way for Awra Teefsmasha to score that
touchdown against the Rat Bones Brigade.
We will see how them being down one
blister will effect their opening season game.
Solidifying the remainder of the team are
the two linemen, Sangu Eadstompa and
Bonsai Rumpstompa, the Stompa brothers.
In the two-preseason games, not only did
their club shaped hands beat down a good
number of orc and skaven but they also
handed off the ball. For linemen their size
they are hands on with the ball and agile on
their feet to set up for the block. They were
vital in ball movement and forcing an
opening for that touchdown during their
second preseason game.
Regardless of this being the first year for
Caoboi Clubsmasha as head coach of the
Krumpn Machine there are great
expectations for this rookie team. When
asked about their plan in the season opener,
Coach Caoboi said, We dont worry about
pectations. We just try ta do da best we can
week in and week out. Smashn and
Krumpn, dats been our philosophies since
we been ere.
Gork n Mork University opens the season 6
p.m., Friday, January 9 at Krumpn Stadium.
Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I

Ratbones Brigade
Travis Fisher

It's the first game of the preseason, where the Rat Bones Brigade picked up their first victory of
the season by beating the Derby City
Maulers 3-0. Ratney Mullin closed out the
Brigades scoring in the 11th turn on a pass
from Mik McQuil. The Brigade enters the
normal season 1-0-1 and 1-0 in their league.
The Maulers suffered a poor kick and an
ensuing blitz to begin the game, with
Brigade runners getting into threatening
positions. Mik McQuil was forced off the
pitch but was not injured. The Brigade
quickly recovered, with Vance Montin
putting the first points on the board in the
nd
bottom of the 2 turn.
The third turn saw Mik McQuil return to
the pitch courtesy of some Bloodweiser Ale
only to get double skulled out in the 4th turn.
In turn 5, Vance Montin wracks up some
more player points with an accurate pass to
Toeknee Hik only to have the rat bastard
Skeeve Deadham not pay enough attention
when dodging out of a tackle zone to
provide backup to Toeknee. Regardless, next
turn Toeknee ditches the ball in a pass to
Mik McQuil. Mik decides he doesnt want
the ball and tries lobbing it back to Toeknee.
Barely ending out the half, after an
embarrassing series of ball juggling by both
the Maulers and the Brigade, Toeknee darts
around and steals the ball and lofts an
accurate pass to Ratney Mullin who squeaks
his way into the endzone to score his first
touchdown of the game, giving the Brigade
a commanding 2-0 lead going into the half.
advance their statuses within the team at the
end of the game.
Coach Skeeter Dee skitterleaped his way
into the locker room, enthused with his
unexpected success as a first time coach.
With the Brigade receiving the ball in the
2nd half, they were eager to add to their lead
and shut down any hopes of the Maulers
recovering. The key was just to stay alive.
The stars of the team came back out with a
vengeance, with once again the scoring
machine Vance Montin tossing the ball to
Toeknee Hik. The coward that he is, Mik
McQuil opts to dump the ball to his favorite
target, Ratney Mullin, who has shown he
knows how to handle it. Ratney dances his
way into the endzone again to score his
second touchdown of the game and cement
his advancement with the team.
The Brigade, resting on their laurels, let the
Maulers fiddle around with the ball in their
own half while wasting away the clock.
Skeeve Deadham however, after a fierce
chewing (literally) from Coach Skeeter Dee
at halftime, lays into one of the Maulers for
a broken leg.

The Brigade heads into the locker room

sitting pretty with several players looking to

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Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I

shut down the scoring machine, laying him

out for the next game with a set of broken
Skeeve ribs. Thankfully the wandering apothecary
wasnt the on hand saved Ratney from a grimmer fate.
only rat
eating his The Brigade held on, didnt lose any rats
Warpies and wrapped up the game 3-0, with Vance
(the Montin being awarded the MVP for setting
official cereal the pace of the game.
of the Rat
Bones Brigade) Skeeter Dee, so impressed with the skill of
this morning. the apothecary, offered him a contract on
Many rats were swinging for the fences this the spot. The Brigades runners will be
half, stunning and breaking Mauler armor choice targets in the games to come and
all over the field. those quick paws and skittering leaps will be
key in advancing to the playoffs. Now if only
Nearing the end of the game, one of the they could manage the play clock.
dirtbag Mauler players, targets Ratney to

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Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I

Revive the Ancients

J.T. Allen
After many years of being shut down Blood Bowl has returned to the pitch. In those
years of being shuttered off into obscurity a team was formed out of curiosity into Blood Bowl.
They lived a sheltered life of having the dice rolled for them and not having to worry about
calculating anything. The Surf N Turf team surely did enjoy their laid-back days of glory. They
may have not won or even gotten into the playoffs but they had fun and created a ruckus for
many teams.
They have now been sold to a cold and dreary landscape of the north. Blood Bowl has
returned to nation of humidity in the summer and icy plains in winter. In this new harsh
landscape for a Lizardmen team they were rebranded as the Lustrian Loners and are under new
leadership of coach Vizzini. Their preseason matches were both wins but were also contrasting.
The Norse Ninnies were setup as the first preseason match for the Lustrian Loners. The
Loners came out of the gate with vigor. Their first turn saw their Kroxigor (FizziK) bash the
unsuspecting werewolf in the face and knock him out for most of the game. Towards the middle
of the first half the Ninnies were down 4 players with one being injured. When the half bell
rang, the Loners were up 2 to 0 on the Ninnies.
The luck for the Ninnies did not get any better for the second half as the Loners
proceeded to score two more times and caused a total of 4 injuries to the team. By the grace of
Nuffel the Ninnies were spared any deaths of their teammates for this game. The Loners teams
saw some improvements from their Kroxigor (Fizzik) who was able to somehow teach his thick
skull how to block. One of their skinks (Skips) was able to learn how to dance around the
competition with a little side step maneuvers.
The preseason match against The Stormboyz was the Loners second game. They fought
a hard game in the rainy muddy weather. Both teams were bashing each others heads in trying
to gain an advantage to score some touch downs. There were several times that the rainy weather
cause a skink or two to drop the ball when they went to pick it up and caused turn overs. Mc was
finally able to pick the ball up and run it away from his Orc pursuers. The other skinks gathered
around him while the saurus held the attention of the Orc lines. In the end, Mc scored the
winning touchdown with only one turn remaining for the Storm Boyz.
Is this the beginning of a drive for the playoffs? Only time will tell for this rebranded
team. Their first match of the regular season pits them against their most hated foe the skaven.
Will they be able to put away old grievances and play the game? Or will they go on a bashing
spree that will see the Skaven broken and splintered? I for one will be watching this game closely
as it will surely be a bloody and intense game.

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Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I

Preseason Game Report

The Stormboyz vs The Lustrian Loners
Kyle Perkins

Me name is GorDakkaGal and me is da 'ead coach of da boyz. Dis is da first season an we are
all a bunch of new ladz. Me 'cruited four blackies for da line, 4 spikeybit boyz to do da 'itten
and scorin. Me gotta coupa more boyz to fill in da line.

So me 'cided weed do some warm up games so me called round an got us a game. We lined up
'gainst da lizards, Me thought our ladz were biggins until we lined up'gainst dem lizards. They
kicked da ball to us an all da boyz started pushin and shovin. We quickly find out dat da lizards
were as big and strong as us. Da boyz are a ruff bunch so they kept a pushin and shovin. One of
me spikeyboyz wuz able to get a suppa hard hit on da lizards and kilt it. Lucky for them their
doc brought him back to life. Da first half ended with us not being able to score.

We went into da locker room frustrated. We took a little fun kickin da goblins round an havin a
few fist fightz to put us in da mood for da second half.

The second half we kicked off to da lizards and not noticed they had a couple sneaky little gits
in da back. They picked up da ball and we found they were really fast an it wuz really hard to
catch da little skinks. Me got to screamin an yellin at da blackies to clear da middle but their
players called da saurus wuz as big an strong as dem so they just got to pushin each other like
in da first half. Da lizard linemen got da best of one of me boyz an da madDoc went out to save
em. When is was all said an done da little skinks were able to sneak in for a touchdown da
second half.

In da future when we play dem lizards again I'll know to get to killin da sneaky gitz they call
skinks right off. This game is kinda confusin, me thought me was allowed to have leven boyz
on da field at a time. Da ref splained later dat leven was all me fingers an me nose. Think me
gonna goes lookin for me a troll an some sneaky gits for meself. Those goblinz are quickins. So
to close me ill have to learn to yell louder at da ladz when they are at da pitch. Guess if we kill a
few more next time we will get better.

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Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I

The Rat Pack - Season Preview

Glenn Barnett
Greeting sports fans and welcome to a new season of Louisville War Gaming: Blood Bowl. This
season is shaping up to be action packed with a record twenty-four teams all literally killing for
the right to be called Bourbon Bowl Champions for 2016. Throughout this issue we will be
taking an in-depth look at some of the teams involved as a sneak peak of what is to come. To
begin, we take a look at the newly formed Rat Pack.

We start our season preview with the newly formed and whisker-filled Rat Pack. Put
together recently and led by Coach Sean Painton, The Rat Pack will go to battle behind their
new flashy quarterback Ratbolt Rockfling. A stunning new prospect from the deep pits of
Skavenblight, Ratbolt was one of the few in his brood to live long enough to pick up the game of
Blood Bowl due to a discovered talent for hiding in the shadows and hurling rocks at great speed
to kill his enemies. Once recruited by Coach Painton, Ratbolt has proven to be a natural, agile
Blood Bowl quarterback.

To complement Ratbolt Rockfling on the pitch, the twin terrors of Mut Swiftskitter
and Skitch Skitterway have turned into two of Rocklings favorite targets. Both are incredibly
fast and blazed past defenders in the two exhibition games they played in. Mut Swiftskitter has
even garnered an MVP nod for his amazing touchdown in their second, and final, preseason
game. These two will bear watching as they are equally as lethal on offense and defense. We
have heard rumors that each carries a particularly nasty dagger under those flashy black cloaks of
theirs. I certainly would keep an eye on them at all times!

On the defensive side of the ball, we have the impressive tandem of Shiznit Clawspike
and Absi Barbclaw. Although smaller than most of the competitors on the field, each packs an
awesome punch when they reach full speed before a Blitz. Running like madmen and then
suicidally hurling themselves at larger opponents while tucked into a ball has turned each into a
furry brown projectile of Doom. This tactic has helped lead The Rat Pack to a record setting
three casualties in their second exhibition game alone. Shiznit Clawspike even managed to take
down the mighty Kroxigor Kimin-taasik from the Tlaxtan Kohs. Only the quick work of the
preseason Apothecary saved the big guy from the long slumber.

Finally, lets take a look at some of the preseason numbers. In their debut game against
the Chaos Dwarves of the Devils Backbone, the Rat Pack was decidedly outmatched. While
losing the game 2-0, the scurrying scourge managed an impressive three complete
passes. Against incredible odds, The Rat Pack made it off of the pitch with only one injury, a set
of broken ribs for Lineman Rizzi Hinderclaw. He missed the second preseason matchup but was
no worse for wear. In their second preseason game against the Lizardmen of the Tlaxtan Kohs,
the Rat Pack pulled off a hard-fought tie with three casualties, one touchdown, and one
completed pass. Things are looking up for the Pack and this season looks like itll be a great one.

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Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I
Soh
Tony Niemann
The jungle of Lustria. Dangerous and
untamed, where only the strongest
survive. Here is where the Lizardmen make
their home.
Their empire is vast, including many
different cities of gold, or so the Legends
say. Each one is a spiritual center, and it is
in one of these we focus our attention. The
city of Tlaxtlan, called the City of the
Moon.
It is said that the Lizardmen foretold the
coming of Blood Bowl two thousand years
ago, and the Tlaxtlanians are said to be one
of the first to dig a spawning pools for the
exclusive breeding of teams. It was from
this pool, several cycles ago the the Kohs
were spawned.
Most of Tlaxtlan's pools spawn white, grey,
or black scaled subjects depending on the
cycle of the moon. The Kohs were spawned
on a lunar eclipse. Their scales were
blue. The Slann knew they were special.
The total spawn measured one hundred.
Sixty Skinks, thirty Saurus, and ten
Kroxigor. From this clutch, the top eleven
were selected to be sent to LWGBBL while
the rest trained harder to assist them in the
near future.
Lead by the great ''Armchair Coach' Ma'ar-
vae Le'vee, this team shows a promising
future. It is said he can foretell his
opponents plays, and whether is team will
win. When interviewed before the pre-
season he said that the team will start out
slow but would become a juggernaut before
the season was done.
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Let's meet the team shall we. Starting with
the small guys, the Skinks only number
four.
Xib Chun showed a bit of promise, but a
misstep the first pre-season game versus a
brutal Skaven team had fractured his
skull. He has become a bit timid on the
pitch now, his future is uncertain.
Next up are Siik K'aak'paal and Eek'lu'um
Mis-Kan These two rookie upstarts have
failed to make a showing as of yet, we will
keep an eye on these two. Hopefully they
will beast out this year and not bust.
Finally we have K'uk'um Iik'huh who is the
only Skink to score a touchdown. Ma'ar-vae
tells us to expect great things from this kid.
Next up, we look at the Saurus line.
Kalak'an Tlaloc has been a constant for the
team thus far. Sadly he stepped and an
errant land mine in his last pre-season game
and will miss his teams opening regular
season game due to a smashed hand.
Then Kah'ich Beh has been gearing up to
get his mouth around one of his opponents
to get his blood thirst sated. Sadly he has
been coming up just shy each game.
Sak Kuxtal'muul Has been crucial on
keeping the Kohs' opponent's line at bay,
but sadly hasn't got in a good hit yet.
The two stand outs in this group
are Nah'nochill and K'aax Meyah'xib. Both
scoring a number of solid hits. The later
Saurus has been named his teams MVP
Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I
twice now. He is certainly a star in the
making.
And rounding out the group is K'iinam
Suku'un. He has scored several knockouts in
the pre-season. When asked why he didn't
go for the kill, he mumbled something about
being told to hold back for now.
Finally we have Kimin-taasik the Kroxigor
what can we say other then just look at the
beast.
We will see if the stars align for this team.
The time Dirty Skink
wasnt so dirty
Kurt Hampton
For whatever reason it happened
Jrmungandrs Dirty Skink played the first
game of his two or so year hiatus he played a
legitimate game of blood bowl to the horror
of Jrmungandr fan base that came to see
Dirty shiv someone.
During the first preseason game a skink that
wasnt Dirty Skink got thrown out for
fouling. But he wasnt alone in the dungeon
when the team coach Pac-Man was thrown
out of the game as well for fighting with the
referee.
We have come to the conclusion that either
dirty skink wants to be a good player as
(crazy as it sounds I know) or he was caught
doing something that he should not have
done. Looking back on the footage of the
first pre-season game of the tournament we
saw that dirty could be a great player when
he has to be. It has come to my attention
that dirty Skink had pictures of his
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teammate Bobby Bouchers Momma and
Hairy Head-Tacker in some compromising
positions. It would seem Dirty Skink is still
as dirty as he could be.
We also think the Under Empire Pirats
learned that they shouldnt run down the
clock because Dirty Skink will find a way to
get the ball even using the opposing team to
get it to them. They have also learned that
stopping one lying dirty player from shiving
just one more person that the rest of
Jrmungandr will pick up the slack and foul
like nothing is amiss.
Bobby learned of his Mommas affair with
Hairy Head-Taker. He felt that that was a
problem so he tried to dispose of him and
save his Mommas virtue. Unfortunately for
Bobby, his Momma wanted to keep Harry
for herself and knocked him out for most of
the game to save him from Bobbys wraith.
During Jrmungandrs second game, You
Can Do It won the hottest game of the year
without most of his team to back him up
because of the heat. It would also seem that
You Can Do It has to be the luckiest
player in the Blood Bowl League with the
fact he caught the longest short pass that he
could have.
What was weird other than the magic
jumping ball catch of the game was that
there were no casualties on either side (not
without lack of trying on Jrmungandrs
part). It would seem that another skink got
thrown out of the game, but Pac-Man didnt
join the unfortunate skink in the dungeon.
Time and time again we learn that we learn
something new every day and what the
players of Jrmungandr learned that you can
both play well and try and kill every other
Blood Illustrated Volume XI Issue I

team. We are expecting good things and lots

of shivs from Jrmungandr and figuring out
new names for all the players. Times are
changing for Jrmungandr in that they will
try to become this seasons Blood Bowl
Champions and they will shank and stab
their way to the top.

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