Starting in May, Kenzer and Company, the Bel VN ed pes ibd) Oe oe able” in Dinner KEWTER @ Table, has set their ail aaa Nc we the world of sights on fantasy comics with the release of ALL NEW KODT strips HackMasters of INCLUDEO/ HOODY-HOO! u \ Everknight. Trave through Garweeze Wur famous in the pages of Knights of t Ta truth behind the rising popularity of the fantasy genre. Like all , made Dinner and see the good fantasy, it begins with a thie stealing something he shouldn't have characters be forced to flee from an unknown danger, everyone gettin ped up into somethin bigger than expected, and the gathering of a team of unlikely heroes... but with twist... and a pinch HackMasters takes a skewed look at the fantasy genre in ways that have never been seen before.. .except for maybe in KODT, Groo, Nodwick and possibly a few others. er and Company aims to draw in fans from comics with spoofs of popular comic titles, characters, KODT fans will enjoy seeing the world of KODT spring to glorious life as illustrated by Man can continue to revel in the writing they love from the KODT development team. You'll be splittt concepts and even creators. Lo sides as you re 1 the subtle and obvious parodies of popular Gaming Systems and related novels. You'll also enjoy special KODT strips written specifically for HackMasters, "Our goal is to make a fun comic book that everyone can appreciate, even those we're poking fun at. I look forward to dealing with more creators that WANT to be mocked by us," commented V , the afore mentioned art monkey. Expe see appearances from characters from cartoons, TV, movies and even music, new and old school... it’s about time they get the (dis)respect they deserve!te a 99 Gold Doubloons The KODT Development Team is Jolly R. Blackburn, Brian Jelke, Steve Johansson and David S. Kenzer Cover Art by George and Jackie Vebanic TABLE OF CONTENTS DEPARTMENTS: Cries from the Arch, ‘Table Talk 4 Heard it on the GameVine™ ‘Weird Pete’s Bulletin Back ueoah at the Games P ‘One-Two Pitiiches ‘The Travelers . 5 ‘HackMastérs-of Everknight ‘The Shields of Bandran SPECIAL FEATURE: From Russia With Dice é Interesting I SiN.Pia rm 4 = = i—) + oy U7) lad + i) Editorial of a Madman “Naaaaaa....he’s nobody.” KODT Fan at GenCon D= ‘one of the highlights of this job is meeting, jour readers at various conventions. Discovering, we speak a common language through gaming, 1 can't help but fel Tim meeting ‘old friends’ forthe first time. There's always that feeling when meeting 2 reader that under a different set of circumstances we might have ended up playing in same gaming group. Having just read Paul Hornsby’ hilarious letter Cwwbich appears in this isues Lenters Page) \ was once again reminded of this fact. Some encounters stand out more than others like the time the guy came up to our booth ata show in Calgary. He picked up a copy of the comic and after flipping through it for a moment he asked, “she guy who drat shis bere?” “Yeah, that would be me!” I answered, "Oh, Did you goto art school or something?” he asked. “Who me?” I laughed, “Are you kidding? No... I kind of 0 this. Yeah, thath what I sboughs.” He replied, "Your dbawing petty much sucks!” Of course 1 immediately agreed with him. “Yeah, I know.” He looked a bit disappointed with my answer and I had the strange feeling he had wanted to push my buttons. He walked away without any further comment. If Pad had the chance I would have told him my artistic skills (or the lack thereof) have been, (as Bob Herzog would probably describe it), “idapped around like a red-headed stepchild” over che years. In fact I used to be my biggest erit- ic until one fan wrote in to tell me to “cut it out”. Sill, we get a lot of leters from readers wanting ro know the answer to such questions as, “Why is one of Sara sleeves shorter than the other” (To which I usually repond, “Oh, Sara rolls up her right sleeve in Europeancfashion s0 that shes better sable to rll the dice.” I dont think anyone really accepts that answer so Tin sill searching for a beter explanation.) ‘One of the most awkward moments I've ever had concern- ing the topic of meetin 2 reader/fan was when it turned out the petson involved wasnt really a reader at all. This happened a few years ago duringa trip to Fort Wayne, Indiana (the ‘ig city «about fifty miles from where 1 lve) go holiday shopping at one ‘of the malls. When I spotted an Electronic Boutique, | decid- ed to go in and see if there were any new computer games for my Mac (Only a felony Mac owner can appreciate the futility of such a quest). \ was just about to leave the store when from bechind a sot voice greeted my ears. “Excuse me... oll?” | tuned to see a young woman shyly smiling at me. "You're Jolly Blackburn arent you?” 1 was astonished. Wow! How kewl was this? Somebody rec- ‘ognized me? I knew KODT's distribution was relly climbing but... [could feel my head suddenly beginning to swell. “Ture am" I said proudly, “You read KODT?" fel The strangest look swept over the womans face. “Uh, excuse me? Kayodee?” “Knights ofthe Dinner Table.e..the.. comic book?” Her blank expression said it all. She had no idea what I was talking about. °T just wanted to say “Hi” she explained, “Thought I rece nized you — Tin your neighbor!” Needless to say my face tured five shades of re and my ego was quickly dflaed back to its appropriae sie. [Now I recognized her for who she was. My next door neigh- bor back in Marion fifty miles away. Merciflly, she didnt inquite any further about what the hell, “kayodee” was and excused herself to continue her shop- ping, (A few days lar told Dave Kenzer shis story over the phone and be almost bused a gut laughing inso the phone “Dude!” he cred, "Vou'be got to tel thas story in te comic book!) Another awkward moment occurred when a fan at GenCon "98 came up to the booth to ask some of the KODT develop- cts to sign his copy of KODT. I think I signed first, then Dave Kenaer. The guy thanked us and was about to walk away when Brian ‘the sixth knight” Jelke returned to the booth from his break. “Fle, yout justin time.” Dave suid, "Yu ca sgn this guys copy of KODT.” The guy looked at Brian for a moment as if sizing him up and then shook his head. “Thar okay” Dave laughed and said, “No... no, tis is Brian Jelke. He's cone of the writers” *Nawaaa.." he said sofly, “Hes nobody! got the signatures 1 wanted” With chat the guy turned and disappeared into the crowd. Dave turned to Brian and laughed, “Dude - you just got slammed big time. That was brutal!” (We rook to caling Bran, “Captain Nemo" fr theres ofthe con until be got so mad he wns slapped Dave and popped one of hs flings.) For the record, I should point out cha Brian Jetke has it~ ten some of the classic KODT strips. In fact, if you check out the Top Ten Favorite KODT Strips at the KODT fan site hutps//pages.inini.ne/kodu/kodt.him (oul abo find the cur- rent rankings as of tis writing in tis issues Game ine), youl see at least one of the strips he wrote made thelist (The Deck of Far Too Many Things) ‘Well, here’ hoping you enjoy the issue in hand. As always we encourage you to give us feedback (good or bad - we can take id, May all your hits be crits! Jolly R. Blackburn Sill gaming aftr all these years Issue #41: 99 Gold Doubloons™Calling AU Giant Monsters... Destroy Tokyo Tower!!! The All New Campaign Set for SUPERIGIANTJMONSTERISHOWDOWN| The Ultimate Monster Card Game! This set includes a book of 25 scenarios with maps, exclusive cards and game pieces! These components are designed for use with the scenarios, but may also be integrated with the Basic Set with no upset in game balance! Also included are special rules for Monster Eggs! (all in a sturdy plastic box!) Scenarios Include: * Alien Monsters descend upon Earth to carve out a secret invasion base! * Angry Mountain People revive Ancient Monsters to destroy civilisation! + Earth Defence Forces devise the ultimate plan to eliminate All Giant Monsters! + A New Ice Age threatens Earth as Monsters break free in the Arctic! + And of course....Jt's that time of year again! Tokyo Tower must be destroyed!!! Niro D> only $15.00 + S/H SGMS Basic Set (still available) only $25.00 + S/H Super Giant Monster Showdown is a card-based game with the perfect balance of property destruction and deadly combat! Create and customize your own giant monsters? Battle across a complex map with endless possibilities! Use strategy (and brute force) to rampage across civilisation, outwit Defence Forces and clobber your monster opponents! Every game Is different! Ask Your Friendly Retailer or Distributor For SGMS! Cybergecko PO Box 344 Conshohocken, PA 19428 - sgms@cybergecko.com Retailer and Distributor Inquiries Welcome - Tel: 610-825-2775 WWW.CYBERGECKO.COMLite Shop o Mage 1431 8 ht Ori #0 Fraga, AZ 96001 ‘oun shopoagie com 22002) 77038 Wyvern Games LLC ‘808 Conenarce Ci, SiaA Pratl, AL 30008 (334) 368-2027 Fox ‘AL (334) 968-2622, Advanta? Gud ‘iver Perit CA 62808 00 682-0750 Fax x (00) 682-1108 Voice {S107 E_Mamden ‘era. CO 80018 ‘hw ats cem 120 (303 00-340 57 Chachi Road r (20s) ana Ce ee ‘Gamers Resi 2008 Ou Treat Ra it ede, Nu 0580 ‘ev guerra com SHNWRacotack RA” 3038 Coloye Drive F. Wan Beach FL. 32547 Baton Rouge, UA 70808 FL (860) wa3-T904 ‘ew ewes cor eoayeze ise Waco ace ‘The War Room 2068 Few un Rs Norswse,GA 3002 Changing hands Book shop Alpha mage ares ‘ewnttmwaroomcon — Sauamrerens ‘are mumotare CN Se eno, B0508 fous mt New os polcganen Acme Comics nd Be rrieen eon we) seb Cotectses, ne ‘rab ram Bs Sexy A 513 penny sop Fanta Pet Senwsorantcon SAME SteR ous Woraraso-str Sica. toe anatuyh, HY 901 ee. Wo Ge) its 1 (10 6 08 Tio panel Avene Fertviype, Re eaimariase ator Paynoine Wot at amen 208 Mon Ste Sent “able Top Game & Motny Capa ta as NA. O20. Spgs OH 48802 Tre Gaver \ewejrtoplyhoue con sw watlagares or nom MS 86216 A (ey atpanas Oh oan ss WoL 13) O2-GAMA. Fas XS (013) 902-GAME estar Pay house “The Orginal Game Shop 210s New Ross ose stat eh eatin Gao tnenien ta. #2 Nort, 08228 feeram, (enagon HY 40s0t "wintestspayhouse cor Tum, OK 7444 Hee atenicam Nd (60) a7 a0ue (Om (00 e26-08e7 er 00) 270-2038 (972) 434-3088 sya PA cin Ta26879 ‘wun Game Company 03 Main Soa ‘Men 1x 78002 1 (072) 390-0667 Lone Sta Come SoA Abr Agi, TX 76010 Sere mpcomiestop co TX (817) 0-STAR og Hobby ‘atin 78783, ‘evacingbby com To (orz} 008-7308 2aN ira Doctors, 76024 Sem nesta on ‘Welemeosese re LNA SS Fartany SorFi Books tt Games 2220 Wars 00 #07 Eeroten, TX 79008. Tx 072) 18-5400 Dibba Hoban 1028 Dorason Ave an artono, 1X 78225 ‘tleodaatc ot Tx croyraeT7e1 tue ware 81213 Le Hay Fait Va 22030 (abetgaol com a (109 3629222 CANADA ‘ayshore Hobby 7008 Kg vee. Hamin, ONT LS 1k ‘yatereciern rat ‘ONT (909 626-2334 nar Hobby (Cerceanon St Haminon, ONT LV 47 bayer rt ONT (00s) 347.2220, PD TetDea KODT, ‘This one is for Jolly Remember wher youwete in Germany (a Spiel '9) and some gy gave you that really well-done “Homebrewed KODT” you ran in issue 38 where Sara rewards Bob with a kiss? Well, | E-mailed him and complimented him on what a peat ats he was, We've been regularly corresponding ever since. ‘Anyway, he realy, really admires you and the Knights and rfes to you as “The Great One.” ‘One day he asks me if Td heard anything about you ever coming to Germany so he could meet you I didnt gt it a frst; i says atthe botiom of the strip, “Ain Ser handed su this home braved version of KODT at Spiel ‘99 in Een, Germany recent So I ak him, "When you handed in that strip tothe guy atthe KODT booth was ita big dude with roundish glase and goatee?” ‘Apparently it really hit home with him in a big way, because his only response was “Aaaaaaggghhhhi” [ele bad for the poor guy but I could stop laughing, T mean, you guys are really hhumble with your cult celebrity strus and all. But we enjoy your comic so much that meeting you is justas cool as meeting a movie star to us gamers And then to realize youd amet this person you so admire and not own it, You should really drop the guy & note. You can get his site addres off of Sanis breasts (anche) inthe sip Paul Hornsby via E-mail ‘Since my trite up of Spe!'99 appeared in swe 38, several German reader have E-matled ‘me to complain, "Why did yn tell me that seats you?” One of the many differences 1 noticed ‘betwen GenCaon herein the steer and Spied ‘99 is the fact thar exhibitors werent given name tas at the latter This coupled with the fit that we hed no tanner forthe booth (our KODT bane was stolen at GenCon a ow months pri), appar- cen confused people, In sure I came of ook- Jing ike some gu ellng wed comics onthe side, Our Readers Talk Back! Although your ry geve me «goad laugh 1 spoegice tat Agin and other fol vsing our ‘booth werent aware of who Iw Dear KODT, Tye read KODT since the old days when iefirsc appeared in SHADIS, Your lest sue really suck home especially “Has Anybody Seen My Old Friend, Johnny?” ‘The other strips also had more laughs per page than you recent record, (Ishink nly the old snp about plying Call of Cobubbu was finer) Despite this Ihave to take you all wo ask 4 litde bie before 1 sing. praises, *Talkn’ Trash” fleshed out all the characters well except B.A, Ihave mixed fecings about this sxory line because ir doesn't focus on the taming table, For me, that kind of humor defines stories of the Knights, lease keep focused on that element. “In the Black’, se at Weird Petes Game Pit, works well not because it sets up Kinin rerum but because ie satires inane conversations game shop patrons hold with tame shop sa “Trading Places’ also. draws strength from its seting, The Black Hands gaming table ses up your readers for jokes about roleplaying sessions. This ground is beter known than the gags of “Talkin’ Trash? which are almost in-jakes. “Trading Places” ‘was also panicularly funny fr three surpris- cs: Weird Pete behind the GM screen, Stvils pep talk, andthe genius of PC switching ‘Al thre of the strips were funnier than usual, but "Has Anybody Seen My Old Friend, Johnny?” didrit make me laugh. Like the Knights, 've had fiends drop our of gaming. Ihave garned most of my life; some of my dice can legally drink People move away and friends rift apan, ‘This is part of our hobby, but the strip didnt amuse me, It was sad and. maybe poignant, since it prompted me to think of dead friends, Secing this in KODTT is easier than maudlin drinking sesions - dort get me wrong. I liked the stip but it didnt fit KODT's usual tne Now that Johinny’s shown again, please introduce Patty Gaurweille. From my GM experince, there i n0 greater conflict berween two players than berween «wo female gamers Two atractie women in the same game can break down into the horrors of the two competing to demonstrate who is prettier Just as Eris Golden Apple marked “Kalix” ultimately sparked the Trojan War, a female player who has long enjoyed a monopoly of male atten- tion wll act poorly toa new female face in the group, Pity the poor GM who must try to hold player atention in the fice of two females playing wih thee hair, heaving deep sighs, and aking fr help from other ples. Keep up the good work Jay Dugger Dear KODT, 1 must sa speaking a a married father of three I actually liked the new version of Johnay Kinski who showed up in issue #39. T think e could be very interesting character to keep i the story. Thre ae a considerable numberof gamer out there who ate atid and/or parents andthe nature oftheir prob- lems and viewpoints is often very diferent from other gamers. myself love to game yet ‘oft have dfficly arranging the ime (pe= ‘aps yu could ave Joby pop ins he spas semirendom intervals when he cn id time) The poses with a gaming parent and children are numerous to say the kas Here are coupe from my own expetience in hopes that you keep the new Johnny in the si Wer plac kon dhn'p home -and my children ar typically hme as well aves having to find « babysit). As a result the kids often wander in and "watch? the games. Just as evening 1 was plying 2 mini ture game (Mondbeim actully) and in the midst ofa lengthy bare. ‘Alter few rounds of corbat | noticed that a number of the buildings near where my kids were siting, “watching”, had a ten dency to move around aif of hei own vi tion, causing the tacial sisson eo shift radically afew times (chs shaven were onder cover! Where dish building g?) Tn this same game another of my daugh- ters (two years old) discovered the aerody- namic uses forthe various dice which were siting in assorted place around the table A ail of dice kept landing at various points on the table, ofen wiping out entire groupe of forces. Finally, there ithe semi-edibe (et an mall children? view) nacre of gaming picors. My youngest daughter did actually et 4 mana stone from my oldest daughters Pokemon game, 1 didnt know about it util I was chang- ing a diaper. (Thave vsons of Bob lucky uenty sider disappearing at the start of the game only for Joy 10 aed is back him late inthe evening aie checking om his kids and have Bob question wher be found ic) ‘Anyway, if you do keep Johnny in the stip I recommend having one his kids be very young (ay 2)and the oher be just start ing to be interested in gaming Greg Pratt via E-mail Knights of the Dinner Table™ magazine * March, 2000 A te Eh eS F laa! > S laa! Es = 9 =Dear KODT, Ta been looking forward to a rear of Johnny’ inns for sometime now. I mean, 1 know we see him in Retro KODT all ofthe time but fim scferting co Po-Sara Knights It was a maja crack tp osc his now doo (or mathe, ack thera) ba the more he talked, the more staght-faced 1 became, To quote BA: Thsoaall could do not burst into tear" Okay, may I wasn't that moved but at the end, i did evoke a cerain sense of melan- ‘holy in me. Tve had gamer fiends go ‘born again” and decide gaming is evil. Some have go- ten a new carer that takes chem away: And the twuly scary reason: they meet a woman (or man, as the cae may be), alin Jove and Forget about gaming buddies ‘Now Ican see this coming a mile away (je ‘fire to remove this part if you wand, but 1 sce Johnny consing back for his "One Lat Time” and gesting hooked on gaming all over again. [Now my second subject remained nebulous in ‘ny mind uni came to a parti issue #39 thar refers co Nitros status as gamemaster being revoked. Not just this one; but in any given issue there are references to the solidarity of guming groups In dhe world that the Knights lve, GMs ae apparently licensed. Gaming groups are reeng- nized erties (ls with blows, oaths ds, et) and inded che whole Hackmaster game seems 10 be unionined (a implied by Nivw's accreditation ‘being reoked by "HPA Local 254°) ‘Okay, maybe Tn reading too much ino this. But, realy is this poking fun at che growing industraizaion ofcean roleplaying games (ike those publded by TSR, perhaps) ota there tele ly places where people get rogether and game this way? And by the way, do you think, gamers should pull rogether and organize like thst My gaming group has been together fora long time ‘om; but weve never formalized it by giving ita ‘ame lke Knights of The Dinner Table, collect ing dues, forming by-laws, et. én ony rus as ‘est and GM is: Don’ skein the hous and bring «a sxpack of cola once in a oil if youre going t0 raid my fridge). Vd be very interested in hearing your guys views, and thos of the readers on this subject. Miniacuis via E-mail 1 sas going 10 reply 10 your leer but upon reviewing. the HMPA oval 249 (arian, IND) Ilr I ee that [am forbidden rom doings. (1 ceuld risk lasing my GM credential) Sor Jolly Dear KODT, (Our DM turned us onto you back in October when we got rogther to game, Since chen [ve done my best to crack down all the back issues 1 The been gaming with the same group since my college days nine year ago and we do our best to ge together few times a year. We evn stuck it out when our DM moved to California for sx years. Now tha he's back on the East Coast we ep in closer contact and try to ge together more ‘often. My wife has recently joined the group and become a welcome addition, Reading KODT well ee ourselves in the char acters and laugh outloud remembering some of cour past als of por. One of out favorite stories thar sil keeps usin stitches goes ke this: Our group came aos pit trap that had a pivoting op on it soar we fl in, ‘itclosed on us agai, The party’ Psionisis did not fll into the tap because he usually stayed inthe back of che purty and stayed ou of touble. So we ‘vere all rapped inthe pit with the Ponisi out- side ‘We deermined the ease way to get out was for the sionisise wo tigger the tap form above, activate his Dimension Door and. have us run through. The only problem is that the Dimension oor will oly stay open as long. as the top of the pitremained oper (abou 5 second), [cal worked prety smoothly uni it was the pat’ chief, che Fasc one ming you, to go. Because ofthe way we were doing this, the char- scsce in the pit had to run atthe wall whese the Door would be before the Door was acually ‘opened. News to sy the Pronisist failed his Dimension Door and the thie crashed inca the well. After dusting himself of, he went again and cof course the Psioniss fled again, ‘The tries and afew hit points ltr he finaly ‘made it ou of the pit. To dis day we sil hink thar the Psionisis failed the second on on purpose just co be funny} Anyway, keep up the good work and maybe someday ll you about the ime we played Call cof Cthulhu’ and decided to make a til of bread crumbs our ofsome ayum inmates inorder tole ‘the monster tots death, 2) Ch Bl via E-mail Dear KODT, | was quite impressed with The World Turned ‘Upside Down fiom #38. Though ashor atc, ts new cake on some ofthe basic RPG monsers was fascinating, and is something Lincend to use in my campaigns. The Evil Elves and the Deadly Dwarves are dean from some of che darker tes ‘of folklore and fanasy and prove an interesting shemative 10 the stercorypial"oodpsw soos” ‘elves and duvarves of D&D” Rolemaster", etal. ‘The Horrid Halfings and Nasty Gnomes are ineresting as well, and call back memories of nscle boars and bogies of Clic lore. ‘The benevolent humanoids are inereing as well, hough the lack the same grounding in alle Jore as the malevlene demihumans, | found ic rather a sharne that *kouragrous kobolds" were noe included among their number, bur then who needs kabolds as ales when you have trolls? Another great article was from #34, The Magic teas from Garweeze Warld veriten by the man himself Gary Jackson e's prea to have diagrams of Knuckle’ crosbow of slaying (ough ashame tar BY Ravager; Hackaster +12 was left ofthe lis). {hope to see such grec aries complementing the kickeas comics ia KoDT, Keep up the good work Bevan "B. A." Thomas vin E-mail Dear KODT, 1 ran “Los Caballeros del Comedor” (he KODT writen in Spanish, which appeared in issue #38) dhrough Ahavstlsrrnsator program (bn babel alavisacora) just to see what ‘would come out. T have to tll you, { was prey surprised by some ofthe trandacons..here ics, in fll, with ‘my annotations: Strip te: The Horsemen ofthe Dining room (Obviousy. "The Knights of the Dinmer Table,” vright!) BA: Good, aqui comes the erary dwarves, Apparenly see encabronaron when Dave him shot a stone. (The compute ot conf Ber: thei in gui” bas a dash above is mated of dot and is _mppred 10 mean ‘here’. I can figure out what "encabronaron” is suppose to mea.) Bobs 1 puc si cake nny trflecha to him of he death! (Ha! waste hi wish myers bo!” More computer errs, [should think) Dave: Huh? Sara: No! You are esupido Bob? We must chat and explain the situation. (Computer didn know what ‘tupido" was, though it seemed clear to me.) Brian: Alabuo Sara, speaking him sumba the handle Ie is the hour to hac-iar, "Alabao Sara, speaking him sumba the handle" Obviously Brian is disagreeing with Sara but I can figure out what he's saying, “Tes the hour to hack,” though ~ that’ clear enough Bobs Ven That BA, knuckle swallows you isbut the male one. (U'm laughing too hard at this to igure it out. Whatever could it mean?) Sana: That tajedia, the poor man dwarfed. BA. Iam going to rear to my santo patron by them. (Agtin, computer errors turn this into 90 such gibberish) Dave: Uk? Brian: OF Good shot Bob. Oye BAL, aqui ‘eames my balls from fre. ("Bal from fre would de frbal, of corse. Here we se the ‘agui” enor again.) Dave: Where comico Juana the library? (Heb asking abou lary byt 1 don know why) B.A. Dave know you eel ou bt Teflon Billys Tongues spall ony ffs three people. Dave: Man, but why do I always get shafted? Tim The Freakin’ Ravage! I dont see any of you guys with to bilingual name (Wl, rhe compuaer went so far esto tamate "EL Ravager” for me Interesting sing about shar" loks ike if you put san apotophe afer alte hat} supesed 1 have a dah overt that’ how the computer translates i Good 0 kn) Brian; That sera, sera. ({ remember bearing this in-an old sng, but I cant remember what it ‘means, exactly dow the English part of the cho- as oas "Whatever willbe, wil be,” but dis say tha in Spas 00?) Hope you gota good chuckle out of this. know Idi, Fee fre to shar twit the reader Spencer M, Lease via E-mailBack in the Fold BY JOLLY @ BLACKBURN A CAROP HOW THOUGHTFUL! NO FOOLIN'? WHAT THAT'S UUST LIKE DIO HE HAVE TO SAY? JOHNNY TO D0 SOMETHING NICE LIKE THAT. HEY GUYS, YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BELIEVE WHO T GOT A CARD FROM TODAY. IVE Gor it SOUNDS LIKE HE \ RIGHT HERE, 1’LL MADE IT BACK TO YEAH, READ IT READIT 10 YA iF \. WISCONSIN OKAY, 10 US, B.A. DOES HE "DEAR GANG/ THANKS FOR USHERING ME BACK INTO THE FOLD/ 1 CAN'T TELL YOU HOW GREAT IT FELT TO CRADLE A PAIR OF TWENTY SIDERS IN MY PALM AND FEEL THAT OL’ DICE FEVER COURSING THROUGH MY VEINS AGAIN, I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU ALL KNOW THAT I WAS TRUIETO MY WORD - AS SOON AS I HIT MADISON T. LOOKED UP A LOCAL GAME SHOP AND MADE IT KNOWN THAT T WAS LOOKING TO JOIN A GROUP. 1 EVEN GOT MY OL’ LADY, SHELLY, HOPPED UP ABOUT PLAYING. HOPEFULLY IN A FEW WEEKS T’LL BE SLINGING DICE AGAIN (ON A WEEKLY BASIS. I/LL KEEP YA POSTED. STAY TRUE TO YER DICE. YER FRIEND, JOHNNY.” / ‘A NEW GRoupP AWH WHAT A Pain Sack bead 6000 FOR HIM. WONDERFUL CARD, T PROMISED HIM 1D FOLLOW UP. WHAT THE HELL DID I SAYP THE MAN IS DEFINITELY BACK/ NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. YOU JUST CAN'T ROLL THE DICE LIKE HE DID LAST WEEK AND NOT EXPERIENCE A TRANSFORMATION, ‘AND DID YOU SEE THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN 1 PRESENTED HIM WITH HIS OLD CHARACTER SHEET FOR SPIKE ‘FOUR EYES’ MCCLELLAN/! 1'M NOT CERTAIN BUT I THINK SAW A TEAR WELL UP IN HIS EYE, (OH MAN, I WEPT OPENLY WHEN YOU DID THAT DUDE. IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST TOUCHING MOMENTS I'VE EVER WITNESSED. od ol I JUST WISH We’0 T HAVE TO ADMIT FILMED THAT GAME, TWAS TRULY NINE CRITS INA ROW??!/ IMPRESSED. HE WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT MADE THOSE DICE SUCH A THING WAS POSSIBLE? SING DIDN'T HEP ye Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine” * March, 2000OH THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL WASN'T ITP TO SEE A MAN IT WAS LIKE HE COULDN'T BE TOUCHED! DAMN! OR HOW ABOUT WHEN REUNITED WITH HIS. WHEN THOSE AZTEC HIGHLANDERS HAD US PINNED HE PUT A CHOKE HOLD ON CHARACTER AFTER SO DOWN IN THAT GORGE AND JOHWWY STOOD UP WITH THAT WILD ARABIAN MANY YEARS? ANO \F A WINCHESTER RIFLE \N EACH HAND AND CHARGED STALLION ANO WRESTLED IT THAT WASN'T ENOUGH THE ‘THEM? I THOUGHT HE WAS DONE FOR! TO THE GROUND? GUY PICKS UP THE DICE Be momen Oa whit nur ones ene yas SOME SESSIONS OF HIS IT WAS SUICIDE - YET SOMEHOW DION’T EVEN LIFE! WHAT A WAY TO HE PULLED IT OFF, KNOW WHAT HIT HIM, IT WAS C6ASsIC “SNICKER ‘JOHNNY! LL TELL YA WHAT BLEW ME AWAY. IT WAS WHEN SKALLAWIAG JACK BLISHWACKED LIS AND MADE US THROW DOWN OUR GUNS. I REALLY THOUGHT WE'D BOUGHT THE FARM WHEN SUDDENLY OL’ JOHNNY TAKES HIS MARSHAL’S BADGE ANO FLINGS IT LIKE A THROWING STARI! B.A, RULED HE NEEDED TO ROLL A NATURAL TWENTY TO HIT AND ANOTHER NATURAL TWENTY TO D0 ANY DAMAGE. AND DAMN IF THE BASTARD DOESN'T PULL IT OFF! TWO NAT-TWENTIES IN A ROWS HE HITS THE DUPE RIGHT IN THE FOREMEAD AND K/kLS HIM ON THE SPOT. me GAWD ALL MIGHTY THAT WAS AND HE KNEW, TELL YA, FRICKIN’ AWESOME BEFORE HE EVEN ROLLED THE YEAH, 1 KNOW. YOU FELL OFF MY CHAIRY DICE JOHNNY KNEW HE HAD IT COULD SEE IT IN HIS Eve. 1 THE BASTARD KNEW. oy ie fx ‘AND DID YOU NOTICE YOU COULDN'T SPEND A DIME WHEN JOHNNY WAS AROUND? EVERY TIME MY CHARACTER TRIED TO BLY A SHOT OF WHISKEY He WAS THROWING THE BARKEEP SILVER DOLLARS. IT'S LIKE JOHNNY SAID IN HIS CARD, I'S NICE HAVING HIM OH 1 KNOW, HE EVEN BACK IN THE FOLD. T THINK JOHNNY WAS ON CLOUD NINE AND 4 LOT eh ORE HAPPY TO BE GAMING WITH HIS OLD eppepangiey re FRIENDS AGAIN, THAT'S WHAT J THINK, WHILE HE 0UG THAT BUCK-BY JOLLY R BLACKBURN The Lesson Plan HEY THERE, B.A. WHAT Just In! The Latest Novel in the CAN T 90 FOR YA, TODAY? HEY YA PETE! JUST CAME DOWN TO CHECK THE BULLETIN BOARD TO SEE IF ANYONE NEEDS A NEW PLAYER. 1 PROMISED JOHNNY KIZINSK/ I'D HELP PLACE A FRIEND OF HIS WITH A GROUP. ‘SAY, YOU PICKED UP A COPY OF “L/BATIONS TO THE DEAD" THE OTHER DAY DIN'T YAP GET A CHANCE TO READ IT YET? MIGHT TRY GIVING EARL SLACKMOZER A CALL, HE LOST A PLAYER TO RENFAIRE & WHILE BACK. HEY, SPEAK- ING OF JOHNNY, WERE YOU! ABLE TO SLIP THOSE LOADED DICE TO HIM WITHOUT HIM AWOWING P THOUGHT We AGREED NEVER 10 DISCUSS THAT AGAIN. ~ T FINISHED IT LAST NIGHT! MAN WHAT A GREAT BOOK. REIS TRIPE? COULON’T GET INTO IT, Ee, Se Rac _— RE-READING "BATTLEJERKS” con ea YOU SHOULD REALLY PICK IT UP |AND GIVE IT ANOTHER CHANCE, PETE, THE BOOK TOOK LORD FLATAROY 'S* CHARACTER TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL! HE ALMOST CAME TO LIFE AND LEAPT FROM THE PAGE. IT WAS THAT GOOD, ‘A FAR CRY FROM THE CARDBOARD TWO-DIMENSIONAL CHARACTER WE SAW IN THE MACKMASTER NOVELS, AS A MATTER OF FACT, T’M WRITING AN ENTIRE SERIES OF ADVENTURES AROUND LORD FLATAROY AND HIS MOUNTAIN VILLA. 1/M HOPING 1 CAN USE HIM TO MAKE AN /MPRESSION (ON MY PLAYERS AND TEACH 'EM THAT THERE’S MORE TO BEING A HERO THAN WACKING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT, TIMES THE ONLY WAY YOU'RE GOING TO BREAK YOUR PLAYERS OF THAT CRAP IS TO START USING THE DEMERIT SYSTEM/ HiT ‘EM WHERE IT HURTS - START TAKING EVP.S AND TREASURE FROM ‘EM. DOGGONE I, BAY IVE TOLD YOU A HUNDRED se I'S BEYOND THAT, PETE. MY CAMPAIGN HAS — BEEN REDUCED TO NOTHING BUIT A SERIES OF INTER-CONNECTED MACK-N-SLASH b SESSIONS WITH LITTLE ELSE IN BETWEEN.So Yl Rcties YOUN Foun: scvle xen oF. 1. GOT IT ALL PLANNED OUT, FIRST, LORD FLATAROY INVITES THE GUYS UP TO HIS VILLA NEW ANGLE WITH THIS FLATAROY CHARACTER? 50 HANG OUT - ON THE PRETEXT HE'S HEARD ABOUT THEIR GREAT EXPLOITS AND WANTS TO Sern sila. TAKE THEM LIER Hs WING AND O46 ON SERIES OF ADVENTURES WHICH (N EFFECT I FIGURE IF HE STROKES THEIR EGOS ENOUGH ARE LITTLE MORE THAN LESSON PLANS. ‘THEY'LL EMBRACE HIM LIKE A LONG LOST FRIEND, ‘ONCE I'VE GAINED THEIR wi TRUST, 1 START UNG, FLATAROY AS A TEACH EXACTLY? LINE BY LITTLE 1 HOPE _—, a ey Gece iD 10 NUDGE THe Pavers <= BEHAVIOR BY WAY OF EXAMPLE, é ‘OKAY, I THINK I SEE WHERE YER GOING. KIND OF A 12 STEP PROGRAM, YOU OFF OF HACKING ANO STEER TH HEY, DO ME A FAVOR AND KEEP ME POSTED ON THiS. 1'D BE REAL INTERESTED KNOWING THE OUTCOME, STRINGS ANO BRINGING THEM BACK ‘AROUND TO MY WAY OF GAMING, ~ SURE THING, PETE. 1 GOT A y FEELING THAT THIS TIME I'S GOING TO WORK OUT, WITH A PLAN LIKE THAT? —— OH, UNDOUBTEDLY So, 10. $$. sue #41: 99, Gold DoubloonsA Place of Their Own BY JOLLY @ BLACKBURN onli te Eley os asa DIDN'T HE RETIRE FROM ACCEPTED His INVITATION TO. «SO TMG GUEAG CT Cr agop MANAGES LIST TAME TEA AT HIS MOUNTAIN hairy Neer FINE, DAVE. Savant ro mus youn cloaks — SERIANTS AND EVERYTHING. HAL THAT'S AN UNDERSTATEMENT? ‘AND ASKS IF YOU'D LIKE THE GRAND TOUR OF THE GROUNDS, fees. | ACCORDING 10 ‘LIBATIONS TO THE DEAD’ THIS GUY WAS HANDSOMELY REWARDED BY THE GNOME PROTECTORATES' FOR THE PART HE PLAYED SECURING AND HOLDING THE MOUNTAIN PASSES DURING THE “GREAT GNOME LIPRISING”. ‘THAT'S RIGHT. THE BOOK SEEMED TO SUGGEST THAT AFTERWARDS HE INVESTED MEAVILY WITH THE DRAGON COMMITTEE” ANO WALKED AWAY WITH A HUGE RETURN. THAT'S THE IMPRESSION TWAS LEFT WITH, PEOPLE'S BATTLES WHILE HIS BROTHER MORE POWER TO HIM THE POOR GLY SPENT YEARS FIGHTING OTHER ‘SQUANDERED HIS INHERITANCE. I'S NICE TO SEE THAT IN HIS OLD AGE HE HASN'T A CARE IN THE WORLD, AGREE, BUT DON'T FORGET IT WAS BY DESIGN/ HE KNEW THE DAY WOULD COME WHEN HE WOULD NO LONGER BE ABLE TO GET BY ON JUST HIS BATTLE SENSE AND THE THRUST OF A SWORD. CRIPES!! 1 ALWAYS ASSUMED EL RAVAGER WOULD JUST GO DOWN IN A BLAZE OF GLORY WITH SWORD IN HAND. T'VE NEVER REALLY CONSIDERED THe POSSIBILITY THAT MAYBE HE’LL LIVE TO A RIPE OLD AGE. YOU KNOW IN ABOUT FIVE MORE YEARS OF GAME TIME 1’M GONNA BE HITTING THE “MUDDLE AGE” CATEGORY. A COUPLE OF MY PRIMARY ATTRIBUTES ARE GOING TO START DROPPING. THAT'S PRETTY SCARY! YER RIGHT. WHAT A SOBERING THOUGHT, \ HAVEN'T REALLY PLANNED FOR MY FUTURE EITHER. I PRETTY MUCH SPEND EVERY GOLD PIECE I GET - LIVIN’ FROM ADVENTURE TO ADVENTURE, a | See KoDT #24: "When Worlds Collide” — . See KoDT #31: "The Good, Tre and he eae Cri seo pr sto mete ats ‘of humans in order to increase their own power and Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine * March, 2000. FLATAROY STARTS BY SHOWING YOU ‘A SNALL FAMILY MORTUARY WHICH SITS ON AN JAGGED OUTCROPPING OF LIMESTONE WHERE IT OVERLOOKS ‘THE VALLEY BELOW. HE LAMENTS THAT HE'S OUTLIVED THE THREE WIVES ‘AND FOUR CHILOREN WHO HAVE BEEN LAID TO REST HERE, ‘SOMEDAY He’LL raeTWENTY MINUTES LATER... wAND FINALLY YOU ARE LED THROUGH A LUSH GARDEN NESTLED IN A HIDDEN COURTYARD 70 & SIDE ENTRANCE. LORD FLATAROY OPENS A SET OF DOUBLE~ PANED GLASS DOORS AND STEPS ASIDE MOTIONING FOR YOU TO ENTER. YOU ARE GREETED BY A PRETTY MAID WHO HANDS YOU BACH A CUP OF PIPING HOT PEPPERMINT TEA FROM THE SILVER TRAY SHE |S HOLDING. ACCEPT THE TASTY MMAMMAAA, BEVERAGE AO. YOU ARE LSHERED INTO A LONG WALL WITH A VALILTED CEILING. A LARGE ROARING FIRE BLAZES IN A FIREPLACE MADE OF GREAT SLABS OF KOB/AN RED MARBLE AND ADORNED WITH INLAID SCRIMSHAW PANELS DEPICTING SCENES FROM BATTLES OF YORE. EVERY SQUARE INCH OF WALL SPACE |S ADORNED WITH THE STUFFED. HEADS OF HUNDREDS OF FANTASTIC CREATURES INCLUDING A BLUE RIDGED SPINY BACKED DRAGON, 4 WEDGE OGRE, A PAIR OF CLOVEN HOOF ORCS AND EVEN A RARE FLAT FOOTED OGRE. "IT'S A SHRINE," HE ADDS, ALMOST APOLOGETICALLY, "TO MY OWN FOOLISH VANITY AND THE FOLLY OF MY YOUTH AND A TROPHY ROOM! DON'T WHEN 1 £/VED BY THE SWORD. FORGET THE TROPHY ROOM! / YM DULY WPRESSED. He THEN LEADS YOU TO A SMALL TABLE IN THE CENTER WITH A DRAGON OF TWe ROOM WHICH SITS ON A SWACK IRON DRAGON ‘SKIN RUG? KEWL \ aie ee SKIN RUG AND ASK’ iS YOU TO SIT AND ENJOY YOUR TEA, DAMN, THIS IS A PRETTY SWANKY PAD. PERSONAL TRAINING HALL COMPLETE WITH A MOCK COMBAT PIT. A SPA HEATED BY NATURAL WOT SPRINGS. & BREEDING ‘STABLE. WE HAS IT ALLS IT'S A DAMN SHAME WE NEVER THOUGHT OF TAKING TROPHIES, WE WOULO'VE HAD A COLLECTION THAT WOULD PUT HIS TO SHAME. YOU'RE RIGHT. THINK OF ALL THE GREAT STUFF WE'VE LEFT LAYING BEHIND ‘OVER THE YEARS. i YA KNOW, TAKING TROPHIES HAS ALWAYS BEEN A COMMON RITUAL ONE'S GREAT EXPLOITS AS WELL. AS DEMONSTRATING ONE'S SKILLS WELL T SURE WISH YOU HAD MENTIONED THAT A LORD FLATATROY '6 ABOUT TO OFFER YOU SOME BUTTERSCOTCH SCONES WHEN HE OVER HEARS YOUR ‘COMMENTS ABOUT HIS TROPHIES. 2 He SIGHS DEEPLY ‘AND SITS BACK HEAVILY IN HIS CHAIR AS HIS GAZE SHIFTS FROM YOUR IN THE ART OF WACK? FEW YEARS AGO, FACES TO THE HEY, I'M A MAGE? We DON'T DO HUNDREDS OF DEAD TROPHIES, WE KEEP JOURNALS, GLASS EVES STARING BACK ae Issue #41: 99 Gold Doubloons™CAN YOU IMAGINE HAVING A TROPHY ROOM LIKE THISP IN THE QUIET OF “MY \GREAT EXPLOITS" YOU SAYP MARDLY THAT, MY FRIENDS. YOU SEE THESE THE EVENING YOU COULD HAVE A TROPHIES WERE ALL TAKEN DURING MY MISSPENT YOUTH WHEN 1 HACKED SHAPELY MAID POUR YOU & GOBLET | SIMPLY FOR THE SAKE OF HACKING, IT WAS ONLY LATERIN LIFE THAT I REALIZED |] OF WINE WHILE YOU KICKED BACK T COULD USE MY SKILLS NOT ONLY FOR MY OWN PERSONAL GAIN AND VANITY ‘AT THE FIRE PLACE AND OFFERED A BUT TO HELP OTHERS BY BATTLING THE POWER MONGERS AND TOAST 10 FALLEN FOES FROM OPPRESSORS OF THE WORLD. MY GREATEST TROPHY BEATS HERE WITHIN "DAYS OF BATTLES YORE?” MY CHEST - A HEART WITH A CLEAR CONSCIENCE AND THE KNOWLEDGE THAT I'LL SOMEDAY LEAVE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE THAN T FOUND IT.” BEAUTIFULLY, WHY, DAVE? You PUT, DAVE, Mi AWEN, BROTHER! tip YOU'RE PREACHING TO 1/M NOT SAYING THAT. BUT EZ RAVAGER \S TIRED OF LINING OUT OF A BACKPACK AND BOUNCING FROM /WN'TO WN, IT WOULD BE WICE'TO HAVE A PLACE OF OUR OWN, \ WEP ARE YOU SUGGESTING WE ALL MOVE IN TOGETHER? ‘aoc? WHY NOTP WERE AMIGOS AREN'T WEP WE NEED ae A PLACE WHERE WE CAN WANG OUR HATS BETWEEN HEY, I'VE ALWAYS erer ADVENTURES AND DISPLAY OUR TROPHIES AND STUFF. WANTED TO HAVE My HEY 1 COULD PULL OUT MY WACKMASTER "DESIGN YOUR OWN CASTLE” CD AND WORK UP. SOME BLUEPRINTS. MAYBE NEXT WEEK WE COULD ‘SCOUT AROUND FOR SOME PRIME REAL ESTATE WHERE WE CAN START CONSTRUCTION. WHOAH! GUYS! AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES ITP WE'RE MISSING A WONDERFUL OPPORTUNITY HERE. THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN, BRIAN, MAYBE T COULD COME OVER AND HELP, T TOOK A COURSE ON /NTERIOR DESIGN My FRESHMAN YEAR. YOU MEAN OKAY. WE CAN BUILD FROM = KICKASS ORDER PIZZA AND MAKE A BAY OF IT.CCCs OH, SO THE MASTER SERVANT COMES 10 Hi MASTER'S AID, 6H? T ADMIRE LOYALTY IN A MAN. T/L MERELY WOUND HIM BY SWEEPING HIM AT THE KNEES WITH MY HACKMASTER * 12 AND TAKE OFF HIS LEGS. IWASTE LORD FLATAROY WITH MY CROSSBOW!// OH MY STARS! THIS IS NOW THAT He's CUT / 70 SIZE, TUL 60, VERY, VERY, WRONG! GIVE HIM A ROUND- KICK AN SEND HIM TOPPLING novela "ANT PCE INTO THE FIREPLACE? eee a Cee HEY B.A. WE'RE GOING TO TAKE DOWN ALL THE TROPHIES IN THE TROPHY ROOM AND TOSS THEM IN THE MORTUARY ALONG WITH FLATAROY'S DEAD CARCASS. THEN I'LL DOLISE THEM WITH O/L ‘AND SET THEM ON FIRE/ LATER We CAN CLEAR OUT THE ASHES: AND CONVERT THE MORTUARY INTO AN ARMORY OR SOMETHING. ‘YEAH, OUT WITH THE G&D —WHOAH/ EASY GUYS/ IN WITH THE NEWS I MAY BE ABLE TO WE WANT TO START SALVAGE SONE SPELL WORKING ON OUR OWN COMPONENTS FROM ‘SOME OF THOSE HEADS. i a7) a PosPooPETE, TH TH. THEY..THE GUYS, THEY... (OH LOROY YOU DON’T HAVE TO GAY A WORD, B.A, IT'S WRITTEN ALL OVER YOUR FACE/ BA? WHAT'S WRONG? Mall WAS AWFUL, PETES 1 KNOW, T KNOW, HOP ON (over THE COUNTER HERE. bc You Look IKE You cou. USE A ALIG YOU POOR 5108. Issue #41: 99 Gold Doubloons™The Trophy Hunters’ by JOLLY. BLACKEURA BESIDES, T WAS ALL GEARED UP TO START WORKING ON MY TROPHY COLLECTION TONIGHT. I'D BE A LAUGHING STOCK IF ‘THE FIRST HEAD ON MY WALL WAS SOME PLINKASS GNOME’ OKAY GUYS, I THINK YOU'RE GONG 10 KE THIS ADVENTURE, 1 CAME UP WITH A NICE LITTLE OVERLAND ADVENTURE WHICH ‘SHOULD TAKE YOU THROUGH THE GNOME EE nsas eenee mer: WHAT THF C'MON B.A. CAN'T YOU REACH DOWN DEEP Leyenda INTO YOUR 4G-OF TRICKS AND COME UP WITH SOMETHING TWAT HAS A LITLE MORE GNOMES? GET REAL, BA. ‘cOuLD WoRK CREATURE FEATURE? 2 WHERE'S THE EXPERIENCE ON THis slain POINT POTENTIAL \N THAT? ADVENTURE, | pur YOU GUYS TAKE THE CAKE - YOU KNOW THATP AND JUST WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DOP RUIN YOU ON A LITTLE FANTASY BIG GAME SAFARI SO YOU GUYS CAN GO TROPHY HUNTING? HOLD ON A SECOND GUYS - 1 WAS MAKING A JOKE. 1 WASN’T OFFERING TO... FANTASY BIG GAME SAFARIP?II! MS Is GREAT B.A YOU CAN : / \ ADVENTURE OR A RANY DAY a i UH OW BAL WE CAN JUST GO ON AN OVERLAND a1 We Acceer THe NOW YOUVE EXPEDITION IN SEARCH OF B/G Cee CHALLENGE, P GAME. ALL YOU GOTTA 00 15 ROLL COULD KISS YOU WHAT airersaets Ace MONSTER ENCOUNTER TABLES! ROLL ON THE RANDOM ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME YOU'D RATHER HAVE ME JUST THAT's ExAcrLY AS A MATTER OF FACT WE SHOULD PLAN AN THROW A BUNCH OF WHat WE'RE SAYING, EXPEDITION INTO THE JUNGLES OF ARANGASH!/ RANDOM MONSTERS AT YOU DUDES IT WiLL BE THEY'RE JUST A FEW DAYS MARCH FROM WITH NO RHYME OR REASON ‘AWESOME! HERE AND ACCORDING TO THE GARWEEZE WURLD THAN TO GO THROUGH AN ‘ALMANAC THERE'S A RANDOM MONSTER ADVENTURE T PUT CHECK FOUR TIMES PER TURN! HOURS AND HOURS (OF THOUGHT AND ATTENTION TO DETAIL INTOP aad dentan ae ies “6IGH- YOU WHY MEP BEST ADVENTURE EveR//! WALKED RIGHT (OH LORD, INTO IT, BA. AI © Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine * March, 2000 15Fumble in che Jungle’ by Lye BLACIILeY OKAY, I_THINK IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA IF WE TOOK SOME TIME TO PROPERLY PLAN AND PREPARE FOR THIS EXPEDITION. YOU JUST ANOW.B.A IS GOING TO TRY AND SCREW US OVER ‘OR SOMETHING, WE'LL NEED TO COVER ALL OUR BASES. AREN'T E.0:S AND TREASURE ENOUGH? NOW YOU'RE GOING TO START DRAGGING THE BLOODY CARCASSES OF THOSE YOU SLAY OUT OF THE DUNGEON SO YOU CAN ‘MOUNT THEM? WHAT'S THE POINT? OW, NOW GUYS/ ‘YEAH, 6000 LET'S THINK ABOUT THIS, ‘THE POINT? DIDN'T YOU LEARN THINKING, WE'RE NOT SERIOUSLY ANYTHING FROM OL’ FLATA-BOY! GOING THROUGH WITH THis? ANY HERO WORTH HIS SCRATCH TAKES TROPHIES, GARA. THAT "CHICK AS YOU REFERRED TO HER WAS DIAN FOBSEY - A DEDICATED PRIMATOLOGIST WHO GAVE UP HER WORK AS A PHYSICAL THERAPIST AND FOR 13 YEARS - BEFORE SHE WAS MURDERED IN HER SLEEP IN 7985 - DEVOTED HERSELF TO THE STUDY OF THE MOUNTAIN GORILLAS OF RWANDA. T DON’T THINK SHE "PARLAYED" WITH THE LOCALS IN ORDER TO DISTRACT THEM SO THEY COULD BE GUYS, 1 HATE TO RAIN ON YOUR PARADE BUT WHAT THE WELL AM I GOING TO 00 (ON THIS BLATANT "TESTOSTERONE TREK” YOU'RE PLANNING HERE? I REALLY DON'T HAVE ANY /NTEREST IN CRAWLING THROUGH THE JUNGLE WITH NO OTHER PURPOSE THAN TO COLLECT TROPHIES. COULDN'T WE JUST RUN THROUGH A REAL ADVENTURE? LIKE THE ONE B.A. ACTUALLY PREPARED FoR US? NO PURPOSE?! SARA YOU'RE A KEY PLAYER N THIS. WE MIGHT NEED YOU TO NEGOTIATE WITH ANY INDIGENOUS CULTURES WE MIGHT RUN INTO. 90 YOU PRACTICE BEING YEAH, YOU COULD BE LIKE AN IDIOT DAVE OR DOES THAT CHICK IN THAT MOVIE TT COME NATURALLY? WASTED BY HER CRONIES. "GORILLAS IN THE MIST” AND TALK TO STUFF BEFORE We KILL I. 7 on heme : WHOLE MOVIE, se / \ WELL FOR ONE THING IT WOULD BE THe PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO GATHER SOME RARE SPELL COMPONENTS, NOT TO MENTION PLANTS AND HERBS WITH MEDICINAL VALUE. WHO KNOWS? PERHAPS WE'LL EVEN DISCOVER SOME NEW ONES. WELlw THAT DOES SOUND \ ‘A LITTLE MORE INVITING. BET LORD GILEAD WOULD BE YEAH, MAYBE INTERESTED IN READING A HE’ EVEN REPORT ON OUR FINDINGS. GRANT US AN ENDOWME) NT TeRE YA 60. x OR SOMETHING, YOU KNOW, EVEN A BLIND SQUIRREL WANAGES TO FIND A NUT EVERY NOW AND THEN. T THINK DAVE MAY HAVE STUMBLED UPON SOMETHING HERE, AS IT STANDS THIS EXPEDITIONS TO 86 LITTLE MORE THAN A TROPHY HLIMT. THAT'S FINE - I GOT NO PROBLEM WITH THAT BUT WHY NOT MAKE THIS A REAL EXPEDITION? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING EXACTLY, BRIAN? ny WELL THE THE JUNGLES OF ARANGASH HAVE NEVER BEEN PROPERLY EXPLORED OR MAPPED, WE COLD CATALOG THE FLORA AND THE FAUNA, DOCUMENT THE VARIOUS CULTURES WE COME ACROSS, 00 SOMETHING REALLY MEANINGFUL.T/M GOING TO NEED A BUDGET TO WoRK WITH, WE'RE GOING TO NEED TO HIRE A LOT OF HELP. WE'LL NEE PORTERS, TRACKERS, A FEW TAXIDERMISTS AND A HOST OF OTHER SKILLED HIRELINGS. WE'LL ALSO BE NEEDING PROVISIONS AND SO FORTH. T/L START MAKING A LIST. “ WITH THE OBVECTIVES OF OUR EXPEDITION BEING REDEFINED WITH A BROADER SCOPE WE'RE GOING TO NEED TO BE ORGANIZED. THIS MEANS WE NEED SOMEONE TO BE IN CHARGE OF THINGS AND MAKE ALL THE TOUGH EC'S! T OFFER MY SERVICES AS EXPEDITION LEADER. YEAH, YEAH, WHATEVER, ae IF YOU WANNA PLAY FINE BY ME, B/@GUY/ MARLIN PERKINS - eet Youn Heke UT. yan FoR MEANWHILE DAVE AND URE, WHY NOT? CONFIDENCE. TWILL BE BAGGING ‘THE NASTIES AND TAKIN’ MEADS. WHATEVER COMES UP ON THE RANDOM ENCOUNTERS |S EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO GET. AND DON'T EXPECT ‘THEM TO ROLL OVER AND PLAY DEAD. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO FIGHT FOR EVERY SINGLE HEAD. ARE WE CLEAR ON THAT? ‘OKAY GUYS, BEFORE YOU GO ANY FURTHER WITH THIS EXERCISE IN STUPIDITY 1 WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING CRYSTAL CLEAR, ' SINCE YOU'RE FORCING ME TO D0 THIS AGAINST MY WILL BE YE FOREWARNED!S DUH WE WOULDN'T WANT THANKS FOR THE WARNING, B.A, BUT I'M IT ANY OTHER WAY, DUDE AFRAID IT’S FALLING ON DEAF EARS, IF THERE IGN'T A GOOD. STORY ABOUT A VALIANT ee FIGHT BEHIND IT? FROM THE JOURNAL OF TEFLON BILLY, DAY One Dear Tournal, Tt kegan aS a metaphorical invitation. A “Call of the Wild” if you will, The Tungles of Arangash issued a challenge and we accepted, T wonder....will we live to regret our decision? a There have already heen bad omens. El Ravager's centaur mount, ns went into an unexplained rage when RAY attempted to place a Saddle and bridle on him this morning. Rav caught a Spur in a stirrup and was dragged for many miles before we were able to rescue him. I'm afraid more than his 0 was bruised by the experience, Tonight aS we were Setting up Camp the DRUMS began to beat. They are far and distant yet one cannot escape the rump- Fump-rump of their incessant beating. T feel Tl go KAD: Tomorrow we Gross the Arangash River. What lies beyond VEyyyyd Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine” * March, 2000 ——_____—_——— 17hese Ler's SEE A THIRTY OKAY AS YOU ARE CROSSING THE RIVER ARANGASH, NINE. THAT'S A EA: ‘A HUGE SCHOOL OF GIANT PIRANHA ATTACK YOUR. EXPEDITION 8S YOU WADE ACROSS THE MURKY WATERS. CMON BAY FIRST MOSQUITO DAMN’ I KNEW 1 SHOULD ‘swiaeits NOW RANA THESES WAVE DONNED MY +5 HIP NO TROPHY-POTENTIAL IN THAT!! WADERS OF PROTECTION! 1M Just GONG BY THE DICE, A THE BEAST SHAMAN WARNS YOU THAT "THE SPIRITS OF THE JUNGLE- THE WATCHERS. THE CANOPY ABOVE - ARE ANGRY BECAUSE YOLI ARE WASTING YOUR KILLS, YOU TAKE THE HEADS OFF BUT LEAVE THE BODIES FOR THE CARRION. ONLY EVIL WILL COME OF THIS/ IVE BEEN SENT TO TALK TO YOU," EASY GUYS! MAYBE WE SHOULD WEED HIS WORDS. THESE WATCHERS ARE M/NOR DEITIES AND THEIR INTERVENTION RESTRICTIONS ARE MUCH LESS RESTRICTIVE THAN THE MAJOR GAWDS. DIDN'T LIKE THAT SMIRK ON B.A.'S FACE, BEAST ‘SHAMAN? T'VE NEVER HEARD OF THAT BEFORE. BRIAN, ARE THEY TROPHY WORTHY? ARE THEY A THREAT? ‘THEY'RE KIND‘A LIKE HOLY MEN OF THE UUNGLE. NOT REALLY WORTH MESSIN’ WITH. ‘OKAY, WE'RE GOING TO POW-WOW WITH THIS GUY AND SEE IF WE CAN SMOOTH THINGS OVER. ‘ Dear “Tournal, Another great day. Bigs Knuckles and El Ravager collected over (SO more trophies, Some real prizes too, including a Tungle-Drac, four Gougers and a Horned Simian Bush-Grappler. We have over four carts filled with GAME So ar, Knuckles, _ foolishly promised the BEAST SHAMAN that we would not waste any more Kills. This has caused a great burden for us since we are forced to cart the ENTIRE KILL - head and all. things are in the works behind the scenes. AS if Someone ist plotting our down all and even NOW is leading us into an elaborate trap. The WATCHERS perhaps? Tustinia sure sec 8 us apse He plays with our heads, Uses our ae against us. ae UMS go on heating. They are maddening. T long for great open spaces where the cool winds blow, 8. Issue #41: 99 Gold Doubloons™‘AS YOU ARE PREPARING TO LEAVE THE JUNGLE ‘AND RETURN TO YOUR MOUNTAIN VILLA THE BEAST SHAMAN STEPS OUT FROM THE UNDERGROWTH AND MOTIONS FOR YOU 0 STOP, HE WANTS TO BLESS THE ANIMALS SO THAT THEIR SPIRITG MAY FIND THEIR WAY BACK TO THE ARANGASH/ WHOAH! WHOAH! WHAM! THE MAN IS CHANTING/? WAY THE HELL IS HE CHANTING PP / C'MON BRIAN - TALK TO MES WE NEED TO MAKE A CALL (ON THIS - QUICKLY?! RELAX GUYS, THESE DUDES HAVE WEXT TO NOTHING AS FAR AS OFFENSIVE SPELLS. OST OF THEIR SPELL ARSENAL |S OF & PEACEFUL VARIETY, TALK TO ANIMALS. CHARM ANIMALS, HE RAISES HIS ‘STAFF AND ‘KUDOS, BRIAN! YOU'RE QUICK ON YOUR FEET. 1’M GOING TO. RULE THAT BECAUISE OF THE LOW HANGING BRANCHES AND LEAVES YOU GET A -4 MODIFIER TO HIT. IF YOU HIT HIS SPELL IS BROKEN ‘AND YOU CAN CLOSE ON HIM TO 00 COMBAT, IF YOU MISS... / OKAY, LET'S SEE. IT LOOKS LIKE An WELL, AS 1/M suRE You igure our “MANY DON'T SNEAT I Guts. ALREADY = YOU'LL BE SCREWEDI IT ALL OFF COMES DOWN TO THE ROLL OF A DIE! MiSS WOULD BE IF I FUMBLED! HAR HAR!! SCREWED? WHAT ‘THE HELL ARE YOu UP 10 BA.?/ FUMBLED??I/ HOW COULD You FUMBLE? HE WIAs STANDING RIGHT TORE FR ORES GAEL? SORRY GUYS/ IT’S EACH MAN FOR HIMSELF. WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? You atc cacaes KG SAD ALL He COULD 00 WAS Fae EAT CAST SPEAK WITH ANIMALS AND LAME STUFF LIKE THAT, March, 2 Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine” 19YOUR WIRELINGS, SENSING THE (MMINENT CARNAGE ABOUT TO TAKE PLACE, DROP THEIR PACK'S AND FLEE INTO THE JUNGLE, THOUGHTS OF DOING THE SAME THING CROSSED YOUR MIND BUT IT Is USELESS. THREE HUNDRED AND FORTY TWO "TROPHY WORTHY’ MONSTERS BEGIN TO ENCIRCLE YOU. THEY AWAIT THE BEAST SHAMAN'S COMMAND TO UNLEASH THEIR FURY AGAINST YOU TSK TSK, TOO BAD GUYS. THE BEAST SHAMAN TO SHAKE HIS STAFF OVER HIS HEAD AND CHANT HIS SPELL. WITHIN SECONDS THE A/R IS FILLED WITH THE SQUAWKS, 3, HOWLS AND BARKS OF EVERY CREATURE YOU SLEW AND THREW INTO YOUR GAME CARTS. AND SUSPENDED BY THE HEELS ANO LEFT FOR THE VAGUARS TO TOY WITH, DAY TWENTY Dear Tournal, The Devil TMP - the harkinger of doom and despair which took the lives of my dear comrades has heen VANQUESHED. Though he tried to hide, T reached across the FABRIC of TIME and SPACE an. ‘ FOUND him. © seized Baty the Devil Imp and bound him magically. Then he was suspended from the Great Spirit Tree in the Tungle and le€t for the TAGUAR to deal with. Nay God have mercy on his Soul, I am taking my dead friends to be raised. Drinks are on me. 20. Issue #41: 99 Gold Doubloons™(RETRO) ‘The Eorty Adventures of +h RETAG! The GM Wanna-be ‘sic iiernerer te ey niveau Nate neds THAT WAS ONE KICKASS ADVENTURE, JOHNNY! OKAY GUYS, I GUESS T CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST T/ME I HAD SO THAT WRAPS THINGS UP. ‘MUCH FUN IN A SIMPLE DUNGEON CRAWL. LET ME WAVE IT. T WANT YOUR HONEST OPINION. T AGREE, NOT A BAD SHOWING FOR WHAT'D YA ALL THINK? YOUR FIRST TIME, WITH A LITTLE PRACTICE oak Rte) CA ae \ea Ue CR a au oes een Rae) RN lea Lead T THINK YOU'D MAKE A FINE GM. REALLY! Candas NOW OVER AND TIME FOR THE CUSTOMARY “AFTER GAME EVALUATION” THAT LN TA MUST ENDURE, LET’s START ON A POSITIVE NOTE! 1 ESPECIALLY LoveD THOSE QUICK-ACCESS FIREMAN POLES THAT WERE CON- VENIENTLY SITUATED AROUND THE DUNGEON, WHAT A NOVEL IDEA. WE WERE ABLE TO DESCEND INTO THE DEEPER LEVELS WITH EASE, JUMP RIGHT INTO THE HACKING WITH MINIMAL DELAY. I JUST WANTED TO SAY I APPRECIATED THAT LITTLE EXTRA TOUCH. YOU JUST DON’T SEE ENOLIGH OF THAT. PRACTICE? C’MON GUYS YOU'RE HOLDING BACK ‘ON ME. 1 REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU ‘THOUGHT, FEEL FREE TO GIVE ME BOTH BARRELS. WELL THERE ARE A FEW AREAS WHERE YOU COULD IMPROVE, YOU ‘JUST NEED TO HONE YOUR SKILLS THANKS BOB, THOSE (AAAAH, NOW T UNDERSTAND. SO AS & GAMEMASTER. AND lolarernea ‘THOSE WEREN'T JUST REALLY SLOW TO BE HONEST, I COULD SAY THE SLEEZSTAC) ‘ORCS WHO HAPPENED TO BE VERY SAME THING ABOUT MYSELF. & ip moneorte thom BAD SHOTS WE KEPT RUNNING INTO. G00? GMS ALWAYS LEARNING. TA EPISODE OF THEY WERE SLEEZSTACKS? AND OF THE LOST. ‘THAT EXPLAINS 4 LOT! HONE MY SKILLS HUH? CAN Naa YOU BE MORE SPECIFIC? i BRIAN// YOU'VE BEEN AWFULLY QUIET, SO TELL OKAY, SINCE YOU BROUGHT UP THE ME ~ WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE ADVENTURE? SLEEZSTACK THING 1 GOTTA TELL YA ' ~ WHEN WE RAN INTO THOSE SLEEZSTACK GUARDS ON THE SIXTH LEVEL Hu? WHO ME? UH. 170 RATHER OF THE DUNGEON, I PEGGED THEM FOR WHAT NOT SAY, JOHNNY, WE'RE FRIENDS. THEY WERE STRAIGHT OFF/ 10 PREFER TO KEEP IT THAT WAY, ‘ C'MON BRIAN’ sa \ OUCH! THAT BAD HUH? Go NEVER REFRAINED UNFORTUNATELY, AHEAD B/G GUY! SPILL IT/ FROM BLASTING = WEL THAT REALLY T CAN TAKE ALITTLE CRITICISM, «MX SESSIONS, iri SCREWED WITH MY HEAD AND ‘RUINED MY SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF, 21WELL, THERE WAS AN ARTICLE IN MACKJOURNAL NO. I2 BY NORMAN BOWZER N WHICH HE PROVIDED STATS FOR CREATURES FROM THE LAND OF THE LOST. HIS Seat Aer veal OPINION ON THE SLEEZSTACK, AND I HAPPEN TO AGREE WITH HIM, WAS THAT BY ALL TRLENG Agoure ACCOUNTS, THEY ARE CLEARLY SHOWN TO BE ONE-H/T DIE MONSTERS. IN THE TELEMSION WHAT'S WEONG wird SERIES THEY ARE SLOV! AS MOLASSES, CAN’T HIT THE BROADSIDE OF A BARN WITH THOSE WY SLEEZSTACKS? HOKEY CROSSBOWS THEY CARRY, AND THEY USUALLY DROP FROM A SINGLE BLOW. Tee OLY. IN FACT, IN ONE EPISCDE MOLLY DECKED A SLEEZSTACK WITH & CANTALOUPE? FAITHFUL TO THE SHOW. | T REMEMBER THAT EPISODE, THE SLEEZSTACKS THEY KIONAPPED WILE IN KIDNAPPED WILL? VERY EASODE, B.A LOOK 1'M JUST POINTING OUT THAT YOU MADE A COMMON (OH GEE! STUPID ME! 1 FORGOT THAT LORD BOWZER WAS GAWD ON EARTH MISTAKE THAT MOST NECPHYTE WHEN IT COMES TO MAKIN’ UP STATS FOR FRICKIN’ SLEEZSTACKS/ GAMEMASTERS FALL VICTIM TO. TIM SORRY BLIT THE LAST TIME I WATCHED THE SHOW I DON’T THINK V T SAW HIS NAME LISTED ON THE FRICKIN’ CREDITS! YOU SAW SOMETHING KEWL ON TV OR INA MOVIE AND YOU TRIED TO DRAG / IT INTO THE GAME, UNFORTUNATELY YOU BOTCHED THE 508, -SIGH- THERE/ YOU SEEP THIS IS WHY I WAS SO t RELUCTANT TO SAY ANYTHING. BUT YOU ASKED FOR HOW THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT US TO MY OPINION AND NOW I'M GOING TO GIVE TO YOU. BELIEVE THAT THESE LAMEASS GUYS COULD SURVIVE IN THE CUTTHROAT ECOSYSTEM OF ‘A SIXTH LEVEL DUNGEON? A =) mm WNREALISTICL (AN! poy YEAH, WHAT WAS WITH THAT GUY? HE POPPED OUT OF aera WHOAH) CALM DOWN "NOWHERE AND HAD CHIPON HIS SHOULJER A MILE 10 MIDEL-T NEVER DID FIGURE OUT WHY HE WAS SO CREATIVE LICENSE! Patt ETN ie PISSED AT US. WAS THAT A PROGRAMMED. SURE I TOOK A BIT OF Boe ee aa ENCOUNTER OR JUST A FLUKE ROLL ON THE INSPIRATION FROM THE LIKE 1 SAID, 1 HAD WANDERING MONSTER TABLES? SHOW BUT t soUPED Ir || FUME THAT'S Abd THAT UP AND MADE IT MY OWN? 9 «IT KINOA WE/RDED HE WASN'T SO TRAN IT THE WAY Se oar ME OUT THE WAY TOUGHT ALL HE DID BLOW -LOSING MY HE KNEW MY WAS SHAKE Us DOWN Gianvesrer ox te hAACTERS ITEM SNO'THEN VENT NAME AND EIGHTH LEVEL. EVERYTHING. . ON HIS MERRY WAY, 22 Issue #41; 99 Gold Doubloons™YOU MORONS JUST STOOD THERE AND LET HIM 0 IT, WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE RESPONDED WITH “B/TE ME?” WHEN HE OURSELVES FROM OUR PATRON GAWDS/ YOU SHOULD'VE JUST DONE IT AND (GOT IT OVER WITH LIKE WE DID. THEN HE WOULD’VE LEFT YOU ALONE, YUST A FEW MINOR ITEMS??/! THAT'S EASYFOR YOU TO SAY, THAT FRAGGIN’ BASTARD TOOK MY SOUL! AND ASKED US ALL TO BOW DOWN AND D/SAVOW YEAH, RIGHT! LIKE Z"M GOING TO RISK P.0.ING. DRAPER THE THIEF GAWD! YOU GUYS HAVE ANY INKLING JUST HOW HIGH HIS “DIVINE WRATH AND RETRIBUTION” FACTOR SP ESPECIALLY TOWARD FOLLOWERS WHO TURN AGAINST HIM. THERE'S NO TAKE-BACKS WITH THAT Guy. -AHEM= SOMETHING WE POINTED ‘OUT, T’LL REMIND YOU, WHEN YOU INSISTED ON TAKING DRAPER AS YOUR PATRON GAWD. SO WHAT? IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH THE RISK. HES THE MOST LOW-MA/NTENANCE GAWD IN THE BOOKS, NO TITHES. NO GOOFY FASHION STATEMENTS. NO SYMBOLS. NO MANDATORY SERVICES OR RITUALS. PRAY AND PLAY! WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE ABOUT HIM? WELL, T’M SORRY ABOUT YOUR SOUL ‘DUDE BUT AFTER WHAT HE DID TO OUR TORCH BEARER 1 DECIDED TO "L/VE TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY." KNOW WHAT I MEANP YEAH 1 KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. YOU'RE ‘A COWARD! POOR LITTLE CONROY! HE NEVER EVEN SAW IT COMING. POOR LITTLE CONROY??/! GIMME A FREAKIN’ BREAK! WHAT ABOUT ME?2// HUH? THAT BASTARD SLAPS ME ‘AROUND LIKE A PINATA AND RIPS MY SOUL OUT OF MY LIMP ‘BODY AND ALL YOU GUYS CAN SAY IS "POOR CONROY” ACTUALLY THE DOOM HARVESTER WAS KBOUT TO LEAVE WHEN BOB UH, DIDN'T HE MAKE YOU KISS THE HEEL OF HIS BOOT AND SAY “THANK YOUSIRMAY YELLED, “PAYBACK WILL I HAVE ANOTHER?" BEA BITCH!” THAT'S BEFORE ACTUALLY WHEN HE CAME BACK TAKING YOUR SOUL? AND MADE BOB Kiss HIS 8007. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD THE WAY THAT GUY KEPT SCREWIN’ WITH ME YOU'D THINK HE HAD IT IN FOR Me AND 1/M FAIRLY CERTAIN THE TWO (OF US NEVER NET BEFORE, T DUNNO, JOHNNY'S EXPLANATION WAS KINDA VAGUE AS TO WHY THIS GUY WAS 0 ANTAGONISTIC. Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine™ * March, 2000. HEY, B.A. JUST REMINDED ME OF SOMETHING. I FOLIND YOUR FLAVOR TEXT TO BE VERY WEAK, DUDE, NOW I KNOW THAT MAY SOUND STRANGE COMING FROM ME BUT I FOUND IT HARD To GET INTO MY CHARACTER WITH THE WAY YOU DESCRIBED THINGS TO US. ABOUT AS DRY AND UNINTERESTING AS A BOX OF CHALK. Bur IT was. THAT'S ADMIRABLE BUT YOU INTENTIONAL! CANE OFF SOUNDING LIKE MR. MY FOCUS IN KRENSHAW BACK AT DEWEY PREPARING THIS HIGH. YOU KNOW - THE PHYS ADVENTURE WAS ED TEACHER WHO USED TO TO STICK TO ‘ANNOUNCE THE GIRLS ESSENTIALS ANO VOLLEYBALL SCORES KEEP THE ACTION ON THE P.A. SYSTEMP GOING AT a A 23LET ME READ YOU AN EXANPLE T JOTTED DOWN HERE, AT ONE POINT WHEN WE ENTERED A ROOM THIS |S HOW YOU DESCRIBED TO US WHAT WE SAW; "HIS ROOM IS FIVE SQUARES BY Five SQUARES, TREASURE INCLUDES 50 GOLD IN A SACK. GUARDIAN MONSTERS - NONE. SECRET DOORS - ONE, TRAPS - POISON NEEDLE IN SACK." WHAT'S Your POINT? HOLD ON, YOHNWY. BOB HAS A VALID POINT. 1 MEAN DAMN! WE LOCKED THIS GUY IN A SUPPLY CLOSET AND WHAT HAPPENS? HE SOMEHOW NANAGES TO TAKE A LITTLE SAW- DUST, SOME GLUE AND FIVE QUARTS OF GOATS’ BLOOD AND CONSTRUCT A BLOOD GOLEM WHICH THEN PROCEEDS TO MOP THE FLOOR WITH OUR BUTTS WHILE HE ESCAPES. x NO, BUT I AM SAYING YOU STACKED THE DECK AGAINST US. NO WAY WE HEY, ALL THOSE INGREDIENTS WERE IN THAT CLOSET. T HAVE IT ALL WRITTEN DOWN HERE IN MY NOTES, YOU SAYING 1 CHEATED (OR SOMETHING? ‘YEAH THAT BLOOD GOLEM NEARLY DID ME IN. OKAY, OKAY, 1 CONFESS, I HAD SOME TROUBLE WORKING UP THIS ADVENTURE AND SKIMPED A BIT ‘ON THE DETAILS, POINT WELL TAKEN/ BUT THAT'S ‘SOMETHING 1 CAN EASILY FIX, ANYTHING ELSE? WELL I DO HAVE ONE OTHER SMALL OBSERVATION. OUR STATED OBJECTIVE WAS TO TAKE OUT PALINCH THE \GOLEM MASTER’, 1 JUST FOUND IT A BIT STRANGE THAT HE MANAGED A SERIES OF MIRACULOUS ESCAPES AND SLIPPED THROUGH OUR FINGERS EVERY SINGLE TIME WE HAD HIM CORNERED. COULD HAVE SEEN THAT ONE COMING. Issue #41: 99 Gold Doubloons” WHO WAS THIS GLY FRICKIN’ MCGYVER? T MEAN SOME OF THE STUNTS HE MANAGED TO PULL OFF WERE DOWNRIGHT BAFFLING! ‘YOU KNOW I DION'T WASTE AN HOUR'S WORTH OF MY TIME WORKING ON THIS ADVENTURE JUST $0 1’ BE FORCED TO Sit HERE AND LISTEN TO YOU GUYS B/TCH AND WHINE, I'M SORRY IF THINGS PROVED TOO TOUGH FOR. YOL TO HANDLE, 1 THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT A CHALLENGE AS OPPOSED TO THE USUAL CAKE WALK CRAWLS YOU'VE BEEN SUBJECTED TO IN THE PAST. | WHADOA YA THINK? WERE WE TOO HARD ON HiMP NAAAAAA/ HE’LL BE BACK. ‘JUST PART OF THE LEARNING CURVE, AFTER ‘ALL, YOU LEFT THE TABLE IN TEARS ABOLT A DOZEN TINES OR $0 WHEN YOU FIRST STARTED,NAAAAAA, YOU GO AHEAD, B.A. I THOUGHT IT OVER AND 1 DECIDED SITTIN’ BEHIND THAT SCREEN AIN’T WORTH ALL THE AGGRAVATION AND GRIEF THAT COMES WITH THE JOB, MY ULCERS WERE ‘STARTING TO FLARE LP FOR FOR GAWD'S SAKE! \ UH. JOHNNYPPL! HAT'S THE DEAL? I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONG TO GM THIS WEEK, YOU MADE THE 5 LIKE RIGHT DECISION GARY SAYS. THERE, JOHNNY! "MANY YOU WERE BORN 7 aise rey ) greases \ "Se Nouayea ne. ARE CHOSEN.” Se CH NEED YOU ON THIS / SIDE OF THE SCREEN. DID YA KNOW KM/GHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE HAS BEEN AROUND SINCE 1990P? HERE’S YOUR CHANCE TO GET: TALES FROM THE VAULT: THE COMPLETE COLLECTION OF EARLY KODT STRIPS AND DRAGON APPEARANCES THROUGH 1236 TALES FROM THE VAULT VOL. 12: A COMPILATION OF DRAGON & OTHER MAGAZINE STRIPS THROUGH 7998 OR A COMPILATION OF THE EARLY ISSUES: BUNDLE OF TROUBLE #1 COVERS ISSUES #7 - #3 EACH OF THESE BUNDLE OF TROUBLE #2 COVERS ISSUES #4 - 16 COMPILATIONS BUNDLE OF TROUBLE 43 COVERS ISSUES 47 - 49 1S ONLY $9.95 BUNDLE OF TROUBLE +4 COVERS ISSUES #70 - #12 | BUNDLE OF TROUBLE ¥5 COVERS ISSUES 4/3 - H15 BUNDLE OF TROUBLE #6 COVERS ISSUES #/6 - #/8 (AVAILABLE MAY 2000) | BUNDLE OF TROUBLE 47 COVERS ISSUES #79 - ¥21 (AVAILABLE AUGUST 2000) SEE PAGE 49 FOR ORDERING DETAILS Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine” * March, 2000 2513 MUNCHKIN'S GUIDE TO POWER GAMINGDON'T SWEAT IT, BOB. IT’S JUST PINWORMS. YOU SHOULON’T HAVE EATEN THAT RAW MEAT! ACCORDING TO THE RIASE, TURRS/G AN A DRPCENT CHANCE THAT UNCOOKED TOLL AGUAT WL BS INFECTED WITH ONE OR MORE PARASITES. NOTHING A CURE ALL SPELL WON'T FIX THOUGH. Avi, YOU WERE LUCKY? PIN WORMS MY ASS! THOSE wo ever HEARD oF (G000 THING It WASN'T LITLE BASTARDS ATE A OLE ite Wo? THROUGH MY SMALL INTESTINE AND THREE WETICE PIN gS Oe gS Be HAVING KILLED FOUR HE! BEFORE marenen 4 BOB, ANYONE WHO HAS EVER — WRONG MUNCH-HEAD/! YOU LOSE!’ 1 DIDN'T SAY ‘GOLDEN TREASURE’ READ THE HOBBIT KNOWS 1 SAID GOOEY TREASURE’. THE ANSWER '5 WOSTESS FRUIT PIE’. ‘THE ANSWER 10 THAT RIDDLE. ‘HOARD IS MINE!! THANK YOU FOR PLAYING! "A CONTAINER WITHOUT KEY OR LID IN WHICH WHAT A LAME Pe re GOLDEN TREASURE IS HIDP* RIODLE/ Y AND PURRLES" WAS PRETTY WEAK. THE SWACK IRON DRAGON QUICKLY ANSWERS, "AN EGG!" Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine” * March, 2000.* Newnon-collectible format - one rarity for all cards * One deck is all each player needs! Contains scenes not included in the movie! Over 150 new cards. Both a stand alone new non-collectible card game and also completely compatible with original game. Contains marquee cards like Tim the Enchanter, the Black Knight and the Trojan Rabbit. Rules include a complete sample game between Bob Herzog and Dave Bozwelll only $9.95 ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail CCG is produced by Kenzer and Company, the exclusive holder of the worldyide card game license from Python (Monty) pictures, Lid. Card content anc | Design©Gopytig't 2000 Kenzer and Company. All rights reserved, Movie stills@NFTC Ltd, he > &Ware £ 40 ufest card 9 Ge one of on pe SUSU EY oui yedUs + ?\ THE FUNNIEST MOVIE 9 “OF ALL TIME PLAYED OUT IN A CARD GAME DESIGNED BY THE KODT DEVELOPMENT TEAM, MAKERS OF THE FUNNIEST COMIC OF ALL TIME...IT’S GREAT/// website: http://memberstgpl.coq/relkin/kenzerco.html I don’t want to tall \o youl {OrePyou empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in ygmiF general direction! Your ther smelt of elderberries. deck or | shall. nd Time. mother was a hamster and yo Now go and get your Taunt You a —_ SGRUSSIA Hello) My name is k in Austin, Texas service, You see, | fir nearly as h at have tol he Fumble Tabl looking women hor to play HackMaster and in soup lines all day long. in Hen Tjust had potted your ad in a bi Dinner Table comic. I was in as that Star Trek I though month, ['ll bet there's ju PO Conn meron Ct nd ee ee) and RPGer li Tam with your f Knights of the and I'm a wargam: let you kno antly smitten with th Tasha, She's abe! AND she plays games, « With the Russian economy rollin thousands of fancas with men who don't have co jout Beautiful Russian Women Gamers, my life has ch “ hundred percen ect mt and [let my very own Beautiful Russian Wom are ena Gamer out. You can ask Onan. A Peer ene Oto Bote eee nn snough with her vodka and porar sack hunch red-lepged, thr atch A bloodbath. living with your parents very impr and it was worth mai shotographs I took; feel that Tid lik just so happy n This is Matina Borisova (atleast, 1 think — her papers supplied by New Horizons and seemed Sem ents i Pn net mae riot Pai! ae een ne ee eet Minsk wereit as Y2K compliant as ours, 30. there’s no reason w American chick at they used to be. Hai ng, contrary h them me at Comies-a-Go-Go?! hhen the big crate from Minsk use them roll up, 1 seen those piewagons at the mall? 1 nid beer in a sports bar in ould have 1 belie And yst dames don't ow a d20 from a toed, demi-hobgoblin from a bearer, And as ui Il know, they'd rath ins than wade into a good ol’ two-fist nit bad; At least a Russian babe de Editor's note: out all my Moms credit cards for that ed via aie Freigh ncle romotional E plue dierol to experi Issue #41; 99 Gold Doubloons™Here's what it’ all about, though! Just look at Marina secing up all those playing rene really knows her stuff. She doesn even mind playing the Soviee Union! So me and the guys allow her to run the Russkies every Friday night. She even makes us sardine sandwiches and vadka smoothies! Pee ere ana ‘ery industrious and eager to pleas, but till Deere stir eters ‘When I pantomimed that | had the munchies Pn Suen ea er rere Nar een es ea 1 ry to comrect her, she just nods and says Serer oe ae bee een yo eg Cran ec sn ren i ree ee ad Prenat una Brean Pern ntg Cee er er a) a ea) pores tt Preteen nes won le anyone else rouch Pen ar ere ate nat Seen tar aroun) pecan my aioe Pe me eT ee eee cre teenie Pee ern ee aa Poco nna na ea nd eee to go uniil | can game landhlwana on che Crane Marinas finished another swack-iton dragon! Ser an ea oa hher away from the able for days. | chink shes Dane a eee nn Pan eae a cn Shifting the Blame: The story behind the “Russian Women” Hoax When the aft the le appeared in KODT#24 [as joke] we were unprepared for whac happened next. Readers started E-mailing us (and at last one person acualy called the home of) complaining that the Prete Conk nt enc on heen ‘When we explained that the ad was a fake, several readers sill wanted to know who Tasha was. Actually, her teal name is Lauta and she interned for KenzerCo wo summets ago, eter nein ee nee heen ae pethaps fling che nee co distance ourselves from the entire mess, we shifted the blame, ‘The idea of spoofing those really pathetic Zonely heats mailorder bride’ ads commonly seen inthe tabloids and gearing i toward Joe Gamer" was the brain child of Gilbert Milner (of War Games West), Gilbert told cee ate ee etn en een en ere ete eon) Se aes eee ed a ne en oe rey a eee ot ae hee ner ie et Sear When Kevin Hendryx and his wie (Marina?) sent inthis ‘testimonial our immediate reaction was, “Oh ed eee ees POR qh bl eee Thi ry amma St UU eee es neg yee Re ee a eee 1Visit Holistic Design con the web For a universe ‘of gaming products and free support material (www. holistic-design.c ar asug Stu sos EamesarTr Bens Cyberpunk Miniatures Battle Game. Street Thugs Updates & New Material Every few weeks, new Fading Suns support material is added to the site: story seeds, maps, NPC's, and product release info. New: the ‘Star Crusade’ sourcebook opens up new jumproutes for discovery, vaulting adventurers into barbarian space. Check the site regularly For news reports. con the winning of this new frontier from the “own Criers Build of Byzantium Secundus. Vs Corporate Cops in a dystopian Futuremy long career of [ons Tve had many a player pick the Paladin class, for the fun opportunities of tole-phying it offered. From Lee The Lawl And Good Bus Generic Paladin, vo Baldar The Unbearably Righteous Paladin, they were all joy to have in the campaign. My last campaign had a Paladin of a most unusual sort, and [figure KODTT readers might enjoy the tale ‘My most recent group of gamers was a fascinating collec- tion. All of them were “older” (ar in, mid-20's or later) and familiar with the clasic AD&D™ modules; they had a nasty habit of reading the new modules before we played them, which made things a bit challenging for me as DM, Some of them were also classic Power Gamers. While usually such gamers tend to go for the Wizard or Elven Warrin/Wizard . ee oe + P>O\\— ee he £ ner Table Magazine * March, 2000——_—— ene esa EBeavecens BRIAN DAWSON! — wW Imks: by IOUNGEONS OF THE VISCOUNT ANGUSTUS AND| BRENDON & LOCUST THE WIZARD HAS LOST THE MAP,, A 3 = DS. b¢ Lea at } Ut Issue #41: 99 Gold Doubloons™\Aa Were (WK ‘ Weeneteer oi Will our heroes survive the vile Viscount's vampires and what kind of rides do the “Circus of the Damned” have? These and ofher exciting questions answered in the next installment of... Next month The Travelers #1: (March) The Travelers #4: (June) “Never Turn your back on a $00 1b Cello” The Travelers #5: (August) The Travelers #2: (April) The Travelers #6; (October) ‘Wizard Olympic Fever!” Bimonthly Adventure with Attitude! The Travelers #3: (May) Only from Kenzer & Company! “Barbarian Real Estate Blues” Hittp://www.netcom com/~thefix/travelers btm! Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine™ * March, 2000.ts Realm’ eS. Lord Your Best Source For All of Your New & Out-of-Print Games Princeton Arms Center Fantasy ~ Sci-Fi ~ Historic 2025 Old Trenton Road Sport ~ Family ~ Chess West Windsor, NJ 08550 Mah Jongg ~ Backgammon (609) 426-9339 voice Role-Playing ~ Board ~ Card (609) 426-9244 fax Miniatures & MUCH MORE!!! Demonstration Games Tournaments ~ Contests Special Events ~ Parties Mon - Wed Ham-Spm Thur - Sat Tlam-9pm Sunday 12 Noon-6pm In-Store Network Computer Gaming Areat!! WE BUY FREE < & F GAMING SELL r = USED GAMES r TABLES <= Contact us for more was Ad aa a information hitp://www.gamersrealm.com Online Catalog & Inventory Updated Daily Price and Quantity Lists Manufacturer Links Clubs & Conventionslagazine™ * March, 2000. UGHT THE FOREST 1. ed & S ‘! = 8 ei 8 9 =THUS NESTRA’S SOUL BECOMES A PLAYTHING FoR Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine™ * March, 2000. 43‘AND TWROUGHELT THE NEXT TWO CATS. ‘THEY PUSH THEMSELVES AND THEIR MOUNTS 10 NEAR EXHAUSTION 44 F THE CITY-STATE OF P’BAPAR, ZS} WIMIN ITs MAJESTIC WALLS RESIDES PRINCE KINAS, THE J RIGHTFUL HEIR OF BANORAN, AND FROM THE BATTLEMENTS THE CALL IS GIVEN, "RIDERS. FROM THE ‘CONTINUE® NEXT ISSUE Issue #41: 99 Gold Doubloons™i Book: Against the Giants Author: Ru Emerson Publisher: Wizards of the Coast (TSR) August, 1999 paperback, 310 pages Cover: Doug Beekman fay, admit it. More than once in your role-playing career you've set down your dice among the scattered miniatures and battle remnants before you, looked around the table at your triumphant comrades and said "Man, that would make a greae novel!” Except, it usually wouldn't, True, epic role playing — done right — is packed with action, humor, surprises, and character development, Is just that it usually skimps on the last in favor of the first. No matter how funny it seemed at the time when you locked Sven the Strong in the bar with that Meduia, on paper it just comes across as adolescent. Still, most of us have yearned to see an adventure we've played — a really great adventure, the kind that still gets talked about a decade later and occa- sionally re-enacted at the kitchen table with a sale shaker — put down on paper ‘There are only a few published adventures like that, and quite likely the granddaddy of them all is the G (Giants) Series by Gary Gygax. Giants Galore The Giants series, for those of you who learned role playing under a rock, was originally published as three Greyhawk modules in 1978, They were the first official adventures TSR released for ADE&D, and they were a big hit Beginning with Steading of the Hill Giant Chief and continuing in ‘The Glacial Rift of the Frost Giant Jarl and Hall of the Fite Giant King, they pitted adventurers against an organized force of evil giants con- trolled by a mysterious mastermind. ‘Among many other innovations, these modules first introduced the Drow, who've since forgotten their humble roots and gone on to fame and fortune in numerous novels and supplements. The original modules ae of course expensive collector’ items, as is the reprint volume which collected all three in the 1980's, So isthe second reprint which bundled them with Gygax’ famous sequel Descent into the Depths — which meant owning the adventure in any edition. these days. was an expensive proposition. Luckily, last year TSR saw fit to release an updated and greatly expanded edition ofthe firs trilogy as Against the Giants (1999), with sub- stantial_new material by Sean Reynolds Simultaneous with its release was a novelization of Gygax’s adventure by fantasy author Ru Emerson, Emerson begins her tale in the small town of Upper Haven, where a young warrior named Lhots is train- ing as a hunter like his father. When a force of giants attacks, pausing only long enough to toss a few children into a boiling pot, Lhors sees his father die in defense of the village. Escaping with a bare handful of survivors, Lhors journeys to the city of Cayllor to raise the alarm, ‘There he is recruited by Vlander,a skilled wartior and fiend of Lord MeBree, who decides to take the battle directly to the giants’ li. But first Viander must recruit a suitable team of mercenaries and adventurers — including swin elven rangers, a much put-upon paladin and his unlikely thief ward, a skeptical barbarian, and the spoiled and over- confident son of a city elder. ‘Anyone who's played Gygax’s origi- nal adventures may expect to endure the preliminaries somewhat impa- tiently while waiting for the main GAME-WORTHY READS By John O'Neill event. Surprisingly though, Emerson manages to make the fist few chap ters extremely engaging as we observe hors, and soon Viandar and his com: panions, plot and execute a daring raid into giant territory. ‘The characters are likable, the stakes are high, and before you know it the company has arrived at the Steading of the hill giane Nosnra From the Steading to the Fire Giant Hall Once the real action starts a few things become apparent. First, it's not easy to follow the narrative flow of a typical D&D adventure, especially cone where the action moves quickly from twisty cotridots to winding tow- crs and back again. [ gave up after the first 20 pages and’pulled out the worn maps from GI and ended up referring to them constantly. If you haven't got G1 or one of its many reprints, God help you. The maps should have been print- ed in the back of the book. Second, it's pretty obvious that Ru Emerson has never played D&D — or if she has, her play was unhindered by any of the rules I'm used to. This isnt really a flaw but it does introduce a certain quitkiness to the text, especially in the magic system, which appears to be mostly original ‘There are sleep spells which affect giants, paladins who detect pain, and even a dwarf who handily wields not ‘one, but ewo pikes in combat. But the real giveaway is the way characters treat magic items, i.e. leaving them behind when they have no immediate use, Sute, it might have been in char acter for Malowan the paladin to not covet possessions but, I mean, c'mon, Lastly, and the only thing that’s genuinely irksome, is the fact that the book was obviously rushed, There are numerous small editing mistakes scattered throughout, from typos to glaring irregularities, includ. ing an empty tower that suddenly contains a hill giant and a battle in the ice rift where characters switch places without explanation ne) Knights of the Dinner Table” magazine * March, 2000. o o o = = Fs — rs FS cr = E o = rt mr = = Ea E n 7 = = -_ ° mn = ra LSc at — a 7) — o o e — o = ps oe or) = a —) 46. awd, I sure have played a lot of Asheron's Crack. I still chink the game has way too many design flaws, bucall the “hot games” that Iwas expecting to come out around Christmas/January just haven't materialized. Interplay’s Abomination certainly is an abomination, unworthy of a great computer game company. LucasArts Indiana Jones and the Infernal Machine is mundanely mediocre, a bit of a surprise from a com- pany that has such a great track record with adventure games (check out their Grim Fandango if you haven't already, it's a wonderful adventure game). UnReal Tournament is great, and superior to an also great Quake 3: Arena, but I played those games to death when the demos came out months ago— do check out the demos if you haven't already, I think they gave away a bic too much for free, Irs hard for me to get excited about a ‘great new game” that I've already played for 60 hours at the really neat Browser Game Center in Houston (shameless plug? Yes, it is. But gotta support the good hobby shops, since Megacorp, Ine. sure doesn't...Browser already knows how kewl KODT is, alchough I told ‘em anyway). Only one game has been strong enough to pull me away from Asheron’s Call, and even that one fries my beans a bit. This month's victim is Age of Wonders, from Gathering Of Developers (aka, GOD). ‘AoW isa classic turn-based fantasy game, and begs for comparison with Heroes of Might and Magic (HoMM). GOD also released Disciples: Sacred Lands, one of the few turn-based fantasy strategy games that outright sucks, so irs a bit surprising that AoW is s0 good. Let's take a look at what's in the game: First off, AoW has an interesting backstory. Normally, I couldn't give a flying dicebag about the background story of a game, but AaW’s "No, actual- 4, we CANT all just get along” tale is good stuff, on the same level as Some fantasy novels, HoMM has a nearly as good story, but it just isnt as much fun to, read. The graphics of games are simply a matter of taste, although the spell effects of AoW are superior by far, especially on the game-altering spells which can per- manently change the map. Ok, thats enough time on the stuff that doesn't really matter (graphics and story), time to talk about what makes a game good. ‘AoW’s greatest strength is in the vatiety of combat units in the game, There are TWELVE distinct races, each with their own special unit mix, easily blowing away the other games in this genre, In addition to the cliché, but fun, elves, goblins, orcs, dwarves, and humans, che game also features halflings (nor offen these guys get their own army mix), Niaard men, high men, aztacs, frostings, and others. Yes, there is some A Look At “AGE OF WONDERS” By Rick Moscatello overlap beeween the races, especially with siege engines, bue therc’s still some variety here, such as the lizard men’s carapult-mounted giant turtle, or the goblin’s big beetle, capable of smashing walls. There are also a host of special units, such as the Builder, which can allow you co add roads and cowers t0 a map, or to rebuild something previously razed. HoMM has significantly less than this, and the way you get units is set up so that you see pretty much everything after a handful of games. AoW does a bet- ter job of doling our the new stuff slowly. ‘AoW handles conquest a bit more realistically than HoMM. In HoMM, if you capture a castle, you automatically have complete control of the inhabi- tants, with no real penalty for being an invader. Units hired there are instantly, totally, loyal. AoW kee} track of race relations~if the inhabitants of the city hate you, you'll have to keep a garrison there, or clse they'l revolt and youll need to reconquer it. You can use the city to build unis, but the morale of these new units is low, and they might well leave you (just because an ore warlord captures a dwarven citadel, does- nt mean ell have a legion of diwarven warriors work- ing for bim anytime soon, afterall). To get around this, you can migrate in a race that does like you. Its time consuming affair, but skips the annoying. situation where you lose a city, and it instantly churns out more units (0 oppose you. As is now the standard for fantasy wargames, your leaders gain experience points and levels, and can acquire magic items to wield-with such items most commonly found when you investigate dungeons. Leaders also gain special abilities when they go up lev- cele~-and the range of abilities far exceeds that of other games. Unfortunately, things begin to break down here, as, around level 8, a well-designed leader can singlehandedly destroy medium-sized armies, which is just a bie much. HoMM wins out here, as god- heroes take much for time to create, and need to have an army under them to be effective, ‘Another welcome standard to fantasy wargaming is spellcasting. AoW has a very rich spellcasting sy tem, with spells broken up into categories roughly along the lines of Magic: The Gathering. You can focus your skills along just a few types (such as Life, or Water), or spread yourself thin along several types of magic. Naturally, more focused wizards eventually get access to more powerful spells. The spells themselves tun the gamut of simple “blast thar unit” and “enchant weapon” to great spider- and dragon-sum- moning, co terrain shifting wonders such as Flood and Raise ‘Terrain (probably better described as “sum- ‘mon mountain range”), to mastery spells with effects that mean “game over" for your enemies. And, again, problems with the game rear up, as Raite Dead and Issue #41: 99 Gold Doubloons™Summon Hero spells are horribly bugged, and completely worthless, even with the SECOND patch. I dor't under- stand; being able to raise a favorite hero from the dead is a kewl thing that I would expect a playtester to try, Not noticing a bug this size in this part of the game is akin to not noticing a 30Ib cockroach in your underwear, and it’s darned annoying that [ had to waste several hours of my life figuring out that these absolutely necessary spells are useless, Maybe the third parch will fix things up. HoMM. handles things a bit differently, so its hard to compare, but the lack of bugs give it the clear advantage, Next, we come to nearly the most important part of computer fantasy war games: combat, And, once again, AoW comes close to greatness, except for a few critical flaws. You have 2 choices in combat, tactical (diseurbingly like HoMM), ot quick. The tactical combat is fun, as you can exploit terrain and flanks to great effect. The quick combat is not as good, as archery plays far too a strong role in the game (archers get many free shots in quick combat that they would not get in tactical), Just like the other games, you can only have 8 units in a stack. But, in a major advance- ment of the gente, friendly stacks adjacent to you can take part in combat. This means that as many as 56 different ‘units can be involved in a battle, which is really nice. Yee, again, the system has flaws, as units inside a fortified city can be forced into defense outside the walls (if they have a friendly adjacent unit there), and the computer AL alvways keeps friendly adjacent units outside the walls. Still, the combat here is superior to HoMM, especially since you get a choice. “This brings us to the most important part of any game like this: the AI. These types of games can often take 8 hours or more to play to finish, and are best played with 3 or more opponents, Finding this many humans, with this, much available, concurrent, free time, isan unlikely propo- sition. The AI in AoW is among the weakest I've seen in such games, It is barely able to put together an army and. attack a relatively undefended outpost, and you can march, precious, solitary, units right by its major armies with no fear of attack. Usually most companies make up for such deficiencies by granting the AI massive arbitrary advan- tages; while GoD didnt do this, a bie more effort in mak- ing the Al almost intelligent would have been appreciated, HoMM gives the computer a significant advantage, but it’s still able to mount an intelligent campaign, even playing cat-and-mouse with your armies while jockeying for an assault on your castles. Vastly superior to the mainly deco- rative AI armies in AoW. So, when all is said and done, AoW probably isn't as ‘good as the current great game of fantasy strategy wargam- ing, but it’ still pretty good. If you've played HoMM «co death, AoW should be right up your alley. But wait, AoW does one more thing to annoy me, even as I rather like the game. Here's the formula that deter- mines the percent that a given attack will succeed: 50% + (attacker” skill - defender’ skill)" 10%. So, i the two units have equal ability, the attack will succeed 50% of the time. For each point advantage/disadvantage, the chance wil rease/decrease by a flat 10%. This simple formula is not in the rulebook, it’s in the strategy guide, sold for a mere Why do I have to pay extra money to get this sort of information? It drives me nuts that this is not in the regu- lar game manual. Even the movement point costs per space moved for terrain arent in the manual! ally the sort of information a gamer should pay “extra” for? Could you imagine the OUTRAGE if you bought a $60 boardgame, and you had to pay an extra $20 just to get a book that tells you the rules for movement? To top it off, the “erategy” in the guide is dubious, recommending long, tedious, courses of action that are completely unnecessary in light of the anemic Al. ‘The computer game companies say that people who steal their software by copying it are bad. I agree complete ly, What do they think of themselves when they rip people off like this? Just wondering. Nothing serious, certainly, but it detracts from the whole experience — especially if you pause to wonder what else might have suffered under a tight deadline. Is thete a reason that 200 pages are devoted to the Steading, only 65 to the Ice Rift and a bare 40 to the enor- ‘mous hall ofthe fire giants? Still, there's plenty to enjoy in Emerson’ retelling of a classic adventure. For one thing, its fun to watch young Lhors advance through the ranks just as we all did years ago, and in much the same way ~ from a boy who's terified of wolves, to one who slays fire giants (even if there are afew too many “lucky shots? to the eye in the interim — every second arrow or javelin seems to lodge unerting- ly in-a giant head, ‘The critical hie tables for giants appear to be about 95% eye- ball). And the drow, when they finaly appear, are suitably majestic and terify- ing ~ particularly Eclavdra, the evil mas- termind behind the entire affair Other Options cure really dying to read adventure novelizations and one book just isnt enough for you, there ate a few more prions out there. ‘TSR has done novel izations of popular modules before — most notably of course the Dragonlance hooks, which kicked off the entite TSR publishing arm, But for all ofthe novels that TSR produces each year, surpassing- ly few are based on published adventures, classic or otherwise. More recent cxamples are the Pool of Radiance series by James Ward, based on the computer game of the same name from SSI. Pethaps the best executed adaptation of a classic adventure is Elizabeth Moon's Divided Allegiance (Baen Books, 1988), second novel in her Paksenatrion trilogy and still in prin as pare of the omnibus edition, The Deed of Paksenattion (Baen, 1992, $18). Heavily inspired by Tl: The Village of Hommlet (FSR, 1979), the opening module in Gary Gygax’s Temple of Elemental Evil series and one of the best adventure supplements ever produced Divided Allegiance is the story of Paksenarrion and her early training as a Paladin, This itt a licensed novel, so most of the names are changed, but you can still follow Paks as she digs through the dungeons of the moathouse and con. fronts Lareth, the priest behind it all Finally, TSR will be releasing Descent into the Depths of the Earth by Paul Kidd this June. Ie continues the adven ture begun in Against the Giants as the company pursues the drow into theit dark lair underground, and presumably will continue the chronicle begun by Ru Emerson with the same characters. Like the Giants series, Descent into the Depths of the Earth is one of the most fondly-remembered adventures series evet written. I'm looking forward to it. Copyright © 2000 by John O'Neill Knights of the Dinner Table” magazine * March, 2000. 47gamemaster to quickly and simply express a character's reaction to a situation. Interesting and inventive inter- jections immediately make an invaluable impression. In everyday conversation, profanity is the most com- monly used interjection and needs no further elaboration here, More common exclamations (Huh! What!) can like- wise be ignored as they are known to all. However, the English language has an abundance of archaic and amusi inerjections which can easily spice up a fantasy role-playing encounter. The GM can give reoccurring NPC's a custom- aty interjection, which can be utilized to further define their personality. A PC can use one as a tag line or ‘fiom phrase”. In many cases, the most useful cxclamations fall into three categories: declarations of surprise, approval, or dis- sent. A sample offering is listed below; players are encour- aged to come up with new interjections for their characters. ee can be used by both players and the INTERJECTIONS OF SURPRISE, CONFUSION, OR DISMAY 1. Alack! (also, Ala, or Alack and Alas!) 2. By my halidome! (also, By my sooth! or By thunder!) 3, By __! insert name of deity) 4, By___’s__1, (insert name of deity and item, og, By Odin’s Beard’) By the __of ___ (inser item and name of deity, eg. By the Hammer of Thor!) 6, Crikey! (also, Crikey, do beha-a-a-e!) 7. Ea! 8. 9. Eh? (also Eh Whar) Firkin’ ding blast! 10, Forsoath! 11, Gramercy! (or Mercy!) 12, Great ___'s Ghost! (insert name of famous dead person) SWEAR TO GAWD IF HE DOESN'T SHUT UP 1M GONG TO SHOVE THAT FRICKIN’ ‘PUPPET DOWN HIS FRICKIN’ THROAT! PLAY INCENTIVE POINTS FOR 48 Interesting Interjections 13, Great balls fire! 14, Hark! (or I Say!) 15, Heavens! (or Good Heavens!) 16, Hoody Freaking Hoo! 17. How now? 18. Lo! (also Lo and Behold!) 19. Yikes (Also Zoinks, Jeepers! and Jinkies!) 20. Zounds! INTERJECTIONS OF APPROVAL, AGREEMENT, OR JUBILATION Aye! Excelsior! Hear! Hear Huzzah! (Or Hubba-Hubba!) Indeed! ‘Oh Happy Day! Precisely! (my dear Watson, or whomever) Quite! (or Quite so!) Tis Well! 10. Verily! 11. Yippee! 12, Yowzah! INTER)ECTIONS OF DISAPPROVAL, DISAGREEMENT, OR DENIGRATION Away! Bahl Balderdashl Fiel Harrumph! Humbug! (may be combined with bah) Horse feathers! Nay! 9, Nonsense! (or Seuff and nonsense!) 10. Poppycock! LL. Posh! (or Pish-posh!) 12, Rot! (or Rubbish’) er aye epe POPPYCOCK MY DEAR FELLOW! BALDERDASH T SAY. ‘AWAY WITH YOU AND YOUR FOUL SMELLING BOTTOM! oo a HEY, A Not MEL REALL} T CAN'T CONTROL C'MON BRIAN! I’M ING TO MAYBE IT WASN'T SLICH A ‘TIRED OF HODGY tae te see 6000 IDEA AWARONG ROLE- INSULTING MY HONOR SY FACTOR OF 7 Issue #41; 99 Gold Doubloons™Se a Reb pla) cocemtee WL Ee tog CL ELE KODT No.#16. “The Dice of Wrath” $3.95 KODT-FAANS crossover special $2.95 KODT No.#17 “This Sword for Hie!” $3.95 KODT Tales From The Vault $9.95 KODT No.#21 “Home is Where You Hang Yer Dice Bag’ $2.95 KODT Tales From The Vault vol. 2 $9.95 KODT No.#22_ “Opportunity Knooks!!" $2.95 KODT Bundle of Trouble vol. one $9.95 KODT No.#23. ‘Dice Follies!” $2.95 KODT Bundle of Trouble vol. two $9.95, KODT No.#24 “Hackl” $2.95 KODT Bundle of Trouble vol. three $9.95 KODT No.#25. “Secrets of the HackFiles” $2.95 KODT Bundle of Trouble vol, four $9.95 KODT No.#26 “The Mask of E! 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Leer aie ARS Rouses Sa9slese am) | (icudes an excuse & page KODT story Kalamar Quests: The Scirocco’s Kiss $3.95 (+ 50¢ s/h) "includes an exclusive 4 page KoDT story BS Kalamar Quests: A Foe in Need (- (ee) KODT MINIATURES?? *RRidi IT'S ALMOST TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE! ! THEYRE AVAILABLE NOW FROM KENZER AND COMPANY OR ASK YOUR LOCAL GAME STORE TO GET THEM FOR YOU!! TO PURCHASE YOUR VERY OWN SET OF KODT MINIATURES (#9.95 + #3 5/4), SEND A CHECK OR MONEY ORDER (MADE PAYABLE TO KENZER AND COMPANY) TO THE MAIL ORDER FULFILLMENT ADDRESS LISTED ABOVE OR FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS FOR PLASTIC. “Retailers - contact us at 847,540,0029 for ordering information.J z = a het = i= ee oa) od = 4 (—} i ee a ee 4 a = News, Rumors and Industry Buzz plucked HEY KIDS)! BE A KODT GAMEVING CUB REPORTER!’ SEND YOUR NEWS ITEMS TO GAMEVINE@AOL.COM - HOMEBREWED STARSHIPS?? Interactive has announced it is developing Star Trek Starship Creator: Warp 2 The planned March release will interface with October's Deep Space Nine: Dominion Wars allowing players of chat game to batele with their own custom buile ships, but also comes loaded with 10 scenarios, the ability to create scenes for “mini-episodes” which can be downloaded to a Palm Pilot or Visor PDA, and photo editing abilities which allow you to dress pictures of yourself in Starfleet Officer uniforms. hetp://www.simonsays.com Ler's wp our THe LAUNDRY ‘ROOM AND ADD ANOTHER BANK OF PUASERS. SURE. parish. Working on KODT i ike a bigfeakin' ary! The fun 7 7; '¥6esops around here, Really! It's ike every day isa Saturday 4 or someting. And We want shire that FUN! Goc idx for (9 ‘Weare proud to announce that four more books in the popular Kalamar Quest line are scheduled for release over the next few months. These 16-page adventures are desi both a challenging acventure for your players and to see as useful campaign supplement when the the Kingdoms of lamar campaign sewing but are designed v0 be cay used with any fantasy roleplay including but noe limited 1; Advanced Dungeons and Dragons®), Rolemaster®, GURPS™ and even HackMaster™ adventure is over. They are set Scrics Tithe Available Si Unguaried Hoard Non YI The Hungy Undead Now WN ott tort on WA) The Sorooms Kis on YK Foe in Need ton YK Somnatimes They Come Back Yow 12 Inoo Deep an X48 Tomple ol he Bronze Fame APR Hey Freelancers! Kalamar Quests at the ‘gateway prdict ine for anyone wanting to write for Kenzet and Company. These 6-page adveneures area great place to start for those seeking to break into the industry. (KQ authors will be given special consid craton fo lager writing projects sated inthe neat finure. Write to Barbwryter@zol com fora copy of cour guidelines. “TRADE YA TWO SPIDEY-CARDS: the exclusive licensing rights to create trading card games and card game accessories. based on the Marvel Comics Universe n X-MEN trading card game Fairy Meat is. inicues wargame brought to you by ‘urn minis gaming for two or mare payer. You they es ae now homie cannibal i they ben warped by evi and now de only hi happy-goucky ~ FAIRY FOR THAT INCREDIBLE HULK CARD?” Wizards of the Coast has acquired | ‘The first release | ey in stores April 2000 $500 REWARD FOR RETURN OF ESCAPED | INTERN Kenzer and Company is offering a $54 reward for any information leading co the apprehension of an intern who fled fm a Fit Mllgan, (picnred above) a 46 year ld unemployed pipe fitter from Hanimond, § Indiana was participating in an_ Intern Confidence Seminat as pant of the teiningfindocination all new incerns are required 1 complete before being duties a the home office. Scere Johanson, who was conducting seminar says, ‘We were working on reamwork skill here at my house, which involved rip- | ping ou the floorboards in my bathroom and patting in some glared terra cota tks. I sent Fite out othe too shed to get more grout but § he never recurned Upon lean i ves justifiably angry. "Ke hurt! Ya know? We # bring these guys in and try to teach them something and ook how wete paid!” Despite the recent rash of escapes, Kenner £ and Company plans on continuing its lnern "Wete gonna invest in some good chain ink fence’ commented Joly Blctharn MEAT ofthe exape, Dave Kenaet My KemzerCa. This simple toler game isa bold adven- get wo pay cute & cud ie fires. The wis, care about is who thie next mals going tobe. Once the kill or be killed weld ofr canage and inch high mayhem, Whether its one-on-one scenario ot an ongoing campaign his tied game of bru ation is for all mature gamers who wan something diferent. A game of Fairy Meat, lik rea ates berween the we fll, ‘an lst anjere fom ten minutes to hous of erocious fn, Comba is ele and the ume also includes complete magic stem. Candbourd JOIN THE FUN AND MAYHEM! adver things lke cartoons, articles on garni E reviews, etc? And we just raised our rates = among the highest in Hay Hat Wal ses paged ce nd ME mail for our guidelines: KenzerCo@rol.com, the indu drop an ing ondary playing cards nausea included es, industry news, Issue #41: 99 Gold Doubloons™from the vine for your reading enjoyment Troe nl Shonpunntieltstcecsees | “Massively Multiplayer” Star Trek Aust har The Knights of the Cues wil be st ACTIVISION has announced its plans to launch a inassive- in 11th century France, The movie is about ayoung | 9 ™ultiplayer’Star Trek game man sent to bring a French king news of a sacred in 2002. The game is being, ' relic developed by VERA? *Ron Perlman (Beauty and the Beast, The (Everquest), a company. | Magnificent Seven) has joined Jude Law and Ed also rumored to be Harris in director Jean-Jacques Annaud’s Enemy at | working on a mas Pete 3 op | ly multiplayer 5 © The much awaited Val Kilmer film RED PLANET has been pushed back, this time from June 16th to. | STAR WARSI | November 10th game. For + Rob Kinkoff (Stuart Little) will direct the feature | more information check out out hitp://www.activision.com film adaptation of CS. Lewis! and hisp/Iwwwverantcom. *Scoty, 2,257 o beam up!” | The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe for aa ae _ INDUSTRY NEWS COLUMNIST NEEDED ‘A fifth BATMAN film is said to be in the works. | ‘The Bruce Wayne TY series is on hold until plans We're looking for someone to head up our for the movie are set. Industry News column. Think you know the ins and outs of the gaming industry? ‘Are you handy with a webbrowzer and have 4 nose for news? Well maybe you'r the per- son we've been looking for. Hey, we're will- ing to pay. E-mail jollyrb@aol.com if you're THE interested, TOP KODT STRIPS?? For those of you keeping score here are “Top Ten KODT Strips” as determined by vote at the website: HACKMASTERS OF EVERKNIGHT Hey there Hack-Jockey! Why the long face? Whats tha? You say youd ke cance go ep aint of Rot Gut the Swack Ion Dragon, throw dlown with Sturm Pyre or drink few £ Suds with Skraag Fallow from the HackMasters of Bverknight novels Himmrefl So you want a chance to Brake in the BIG experience points in } Gareyeexe Warld hu? ‘Well maybe you should check out this exciting new comic book which brings the Gareweeze Wud co life right, under exclusive arrangement with Hard Eight Enterprises and 1 of Hack himself, Gary Jackson, Kenzer & Company is proud to « that chey willbe teleasig the greaty-anticipated comic version of HackMasters of Everknight in May. You want hack-n-slash? Shy right ' so much carnage packed into the fist issue wee thinking of pack aging ic with safety glasses to avoid laws. You sil interested? "Travel through the realms of Garweeze Wurld, (made famous in the pages of Knights of the Dinner Table and see first hand what keeps Bob, Dave, ! the webs Sara and Brian coming back for more - week after week to see what happens 1 next, No, this book doesnt follow the exploits of Knuckles, ‘Teflon Billy and Ps EL Rav (You can check out KODT ILLUSTRATED for that) Hands strips set up as well. Q Hackmasers follows «team of unlikely heres as they ae forced to fee from one unknown danger only to get pulled. into into something even larger and more insidious. WEI | Written by the KODT Development Team and HOMEBREWED Kor B SITES oo.com — Here, youl find some kewl animated KODT cartoons. Naf Wanna vote for your favorite strip? Well, i's as easy as going to the website listed above and clicking on your ten favorite strips, We'll try ‘0 publish the current standings ery six months or so. According aster at this site there i to get a Top Ten Black illustrated by Manny Vega, you wo illustrated by Manny Vega, you wont want ro miss fe enfin nekodt/kodc hum — A KODIT web ste with loc of stuf to se this first Hack-pounding isue. i ? Be sure to reserve your copy at your local game {hp ar comic shop today! «| beplnembersspd com-nythic_ventrodk — A Datcared Weird Pe Fn Page“) hep/rwvclubs. yahoo conv/clubs/knightofthedinnerable — KODT Fan Club 4 hp/wkodtfinetco.uk! — Richard Barl's KODT page Knights of the Dinner Table” magazine * March, 2000—_______—_—— 51PUBLISHERS!! GET YOUR GAME SPOTLIGHTED WERE! SEND YOUR REVIEW COPIES 7) x ) oh m7 a led cS oe Ce | r} = a 7) F r r r*) ToL EDA AN ene z ~*., ps GoSUPPORT YourR LOCAL GAME SHOP sill Play-by-E-Mail game of heroic Fantasy, Horizon Games, PO Box 581434 Minneapolis, MN 55458-1434 Free setup/rules + free setup@firebreather org wow firebreatherorg, | KODT™ i rs q SHI R T ~) (OT GAMES JULY 13-16, HOLIDAY INN, R: PATO GUCKSBURG, ‘VA, 800-682-1049, WWW.VRPA. THREE DESIGNS TO CHOOSE FROM! MINIATURES, BOARDGAMING & FILKING f fesilabeexclsiney, fom Kenzer and, Compan Di I iG ate enh Te? a f Sh Aaron's Out of Print Games One 2 Buying, Selling, and Trading Dungeons & ms ‘ Jragons, Wat b Fi, Come to; gine | Soot ‘ sf (. > ae as Style BHands #1 J BlackHand Shirt, aes : Sei -Fi/Fantasy/Horror (black on grey) VE Gi Contact: EternalGPRHorm. Size: XL Price: $19." es Kenzer pa Seriously thoughs can | have My sou Balpack? You sai oe : I CANT FIND KODT LOCALE FIREBREATHER WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO jee] eae Pei. se)i4 Cell amren |.) Vcc) Hees 3u Stl eee ORG, PREVIEW 3RD EDITION D&D, 16 RPGA EVENTS, CCGS, Artists for new RPGs, Cov |coutd get it back when lew ves Masterens KODT Shirt (white on black) Size: XL Price: $19. KenzerCo B che action, Contact Mat at SeiCon99@z0.com Join us for SciCon3 on Mi BY Kingsport, TN forthe Star Frontiers event ofthe fg yea! Fans of this sci-fi classic wontt want to miss | for details ‘ is currently pulling it’s year 2000) Style KODT #2 ~~ \ “fil convention schedule together. If you ie KODT Shirt (laos ah Developers are interested in having one of the KODT |) a5 9 guest contact Brian elke ‘ize: XL | (restin@ aol.com) or call (847) 540-1970, Price: $19 7 \ BL We'd love to come do some KODT Live-Readings, betos and | Jia] dance like monkeys for peanuts in front of an angry mobs isa meeting place where readers may pass along information, bares, ade and goss group meetings, seek out other players, et. Subscribers of KODT may place clase J maximum of tweny-ive words. Non-Subsribers may place ads a he rate of 50¢ ad at the following rates: (5.5° x 2° - $160], [2.75" x 2°- $80}, [1,5° x1” - $40] Readers ae invited to place classified ads, announce ads fre of charge with a limit of one ad per issue and a 3c word with a limi of 25 words. Companies m Non-profit organizations (servi com Hand Conventions ot Seminars may place ads for fie. All ads are placed on a first-come first-served basis with subscriber prio Knights of the Dinner Table” magazine * March, 2000 Guwog NILI1ING S.413d GHG 53a a “ ) = tj S i] = = - C4 = [—} {—} - Es t*) = --] s the subbeading indicates, this A 4 sounding board where gamers can give their two- ‘ents’ worth on whatever seems to rile ‘them. So pull back she curtain and come on in the Back Room. You can leave that thin-skin atthe door but be sure to bring your opinions with you (albeit a female geek) to explain is one too you, because there are *vast* differences in the terms geck, dork, dweeb, and doofus. That's because we have to make distinc- tions in dating them. No female would ever date a dork, and while wwe sometimes can find interest in ddweebs and doofi, they're not first choices. Geek is a subclass of nerd. (And yes, I'm using Java programming terms. Deal with it. I'm a female computer geck.) You know us nerds, We were the ones who belonged to the electronics club, and had every Star Trek episode memorized. Geek is the more social reject form. You know us, We were always chosen last for sports, and the males tended to be pale and hol- Jow-chested in youth (though most fill out later, I notice), We are near- sighted and tended to be sick a lor as kids, Bur if you want someone who can build rabots, fix your ham tadio, or fabricate high explosives from common household items, we're the folks you look for. A dork is a geck who's also an idiot, and probably offensive as well. Beavis and Butthead are dorks. Dorks like toilet humor, and pick their noses. They tend to call each other "dude" a lot, but nor jokingly. Dorks are usually only tol- erated by other dorks. If they weren't so smart, they'd be running around in aging pickups with gun racks and dynamite fishing, You get my drift |a it's going 10 take a female c YOU'SE GOT SUMPIN’ (ON YER MIND, BOY? BESS’ SAY IT AND Go} Dy ES’ GET ON WID IT/ /) An Opinion Arena and Open Forum A doofus is a geek who just does- n't get some stuff. This is the guy who gets so lost in plotting some brilliant piece of tech work that he walks into lamp posts, Sometimes, they ate slow on the uptake of things thar aren't related 10 geek pursuits, If someone tells a joke, and one person doesn't laugh, then laughs five minutes later when he finally figures it out, he's a doofus. Doofi need wives, keepers, and oth- ers who can run their everyday lives for them, as they haven't a due about that aspect of life. [ have a very good friend who's one of these- <-he taught me amazing amounts about how computers work, but he's always had to hire someone to manage his bank account, because he just doesn’t relate, Hetold us, in all earnestness, one day, that cooked food doesn't spoil, He's the guy that everyone has funny stories about, that can't figure out why folks think the stories are funny. And then there's the dweeb. A dweeb is a nerd who at least seems rather lame, In the Luanne comic strip, her sometime-date Gunther is a dweeb, They're nice guys, often painfully nice, but orally bland, (At least they seem that way I've Inown a couple dweebs who harbored some interesting fantasy lives, that belied. their outer appearance). Dweebs become accountants. They're completely reliable, and often (but nor always) boring. ‘Walter Mitty was a dweeb. Hope this helps! Jane Beckman via E-mail Indeed i doe! Thanks fr the letter Jne, I couldn’ believe the response we {ot t0 my request for definitions of ‘these terms, As I mentioned in the edi- torial of Issue 40, we received a lt of dictionary definitions which didne quite convey the way most of us use such slang. I think your very insightful defini= tions (along with Beth Young's reply ~ which you can find in the editorial of. issue 40) pretty much capture whas 1 ‘knew but was unable to convey to my ‘german friends Again, many, many thanks 10 everyone who took the time 10 reply. 1 ‘apologize that space limitations pre- vented us from running more Jolly 8 it is another dreaded email from the fascist fundamentalist conservative Alan Miller (or radical bleeding-heart atheist, depending on what your own standards happen 10 be), T'm writing as of issue 37. After the wonderful KODT issue 34 | was very tempted co write in and tell you what a great job you guys had done in making human charac- ters out of what I previously per- ceived as dangerous caricatures in ‘The Black Hands, However, since you had pub- lished my editorial in the same issue, that would have seemed like I was just brown-nosing, I think enough time has passed for you (0 take my thanks and congratulations in earnest. Starting with issue 32 there was definitely a change in the portrayal ‘of The Black Hands, and it contin- ued in issue 33. Issue 34 put a nail in the coffin of the old Black Hands. Huzzah for the new! Much funnier (by my measurement anyway) and no longer a frighteningly real scenario. Well anyway I wanted to follow up and let you know that you had restored my faith in KODT as a whole (though I never lose it with The Knights) Take care and have fun with KODT, Alan Miller via E-mail Issue #41: 99 Gold Doubloons™inst, [have to say I enjoy the comic. At first when you went into Dragon, I didn't much care for it since you replaced ‘Yamara.’ However, after a couple months 1 became hooked. Thank you! Plus, I've created a Shinobi Magic user (using ADED'’s "Complete Ninja's Handbook’) just so 1 can say "Fireballs coming online” and."T svaste him with my Cho-no-ku!* ‘The crew will love it. Anyhow, on to issue #38, In gener- al, it was great, But there is one thing that you will catch hell for. Brian asks to see some of the untranslated adven- tures to see if he can decipher them hased upon my vast collection of ANIME titles. First off Anime is Japanese, which will be useless since many of these are Chinese. Secondly, Anime are car toons, which don’t have too much in the way of rext except for the titles. Now, if he had said MANGA, the comic books, it would be understand- able. However, all of this ranting could be a moor point, Since Brian always has a trick up his sleeve, pethaps he i trying to trick B.A., and it wouldn't be the First time it happened. Also, I can hardly wait to see how the revenge turns out, After all, this isn’t the first time Gary Jackson has pulled the wool over people's eyes. Plus, I wonder if Brian, Bob, and Dave will run into Edmund on their attack on Hard8 Enterprises: After all, he is the one who leveled the charges against the entire group in the KODT- FAANS crossover, and there has been no revelation of what happened, even though there was a footnote mention- ing that there would be some resolu- tion to their arrest. Wall, keep up the good work! Scott Bobnick via E-mail Kies argent ices ing in us old gamers! You were just the thing to get us all back into gaming. when [ happened to pick up issue #11 at the local games shop. I've been collecting them ever since. Being 2 DM for almost cwenty years, I've seen the whole gambit of the game in all it's facets. There was the game explosion of the mid seventies to the mid eighties, where either most people played or were willing to learn. You had many, many PC's to pick from, so if you got a bitter Stevil, you booted his bitter self for greener pastures. To me, the Knights seem like the Knights of the Dinner Table” representation of that time period. ‘There is the camaraderie berween play- ers from different walks of life even if they aren't friends, and the internal conflicts are there, but quickly solved among the players. I've had my Fools Rush In” players like Bob, and the laid back Dave's. I think for a while I was a Brian magnet, atracting all the Rules Lawyers, Towards the end of that peti- od, I was dubbed the "Hose King” for demanding my players roleplay more and hack less, much like Sara wants but rarely gers. Then, there was the 'Underground’ of the mid cightics to the early nineties when the Church and the Media did the double drub on all us gamers, which is still going on now. That's when the player pool shrank to. next to nothing, The Black Hands evoke memories of that period, sort of like a bad disco flashback in the dentists chai You had to put up with your players, because that's all there was, And, there were many biter Stevils. As reader and DM, I've always tried to pull for the underdog new guy, like Newt, who seems to be a good role player, but had to tolerate the ‘Bitter Stevie’ of the world. ‘The ‘Wierd Petes’ were the angle guys, who knew just the right angle to manipulate the others to his way, either bullying or by befriending. (We even had the different’ gamer in the group, like Gordo). During one of the many campaigns LDM‘d, I'd play every Sunday and get calls from two of the gamers every ‘Thursday asking if it was OK to kill the other guy, and would I mind? The nineties is sort of the Bizarro World for us old gamers, ‘There are lots of new games out, and. strange groups like "Troy's Boys! abound in this "Brave New World’ of gaming, who are very tight and very bizarre ‘There are times when I am read- ing your magazine, that I laugh so hard tears run down my face! It's not just the ludicrously outrageous antics of the Knights, but also the spin-off memo- ties of my 'misspent youth’. At first, I used the magazines to do personal live readings on the thirty minute trip each week to the gaming ste, to the guffaws and belly laughs of my old gamer bud- dies, I do a mean Bob, I might add, complete with gestures! Nov collect the magazines as well, and have the local stores delivery schedules posted so I know when to get them before they are out, [even have a magazine * March, 2000. web site devoted to the game and espe- cially all my players and their exploits (hetp://members.ttipod.com!-Onryfin dexhtm) which is featuring a semi- quasi-original KODT panel this month in honor of the Knights and my love for them. The site even has a "Coffee Table Chronicles" of my past gamers and campaigns, and was iro cally named just before I started pick- ing up KODT. 1 especially like the entrance of Crutch onto the scene, and he provides the means to control the group. Everyone is secretly afraid of him, but he's like a lovable teddy bear with an overkill complex. Hopefully, he can tone down Bitter Stevil and Wierd Pete, while at the same time becoming, more of a tcam player himself, But then, they'd be just like the Knights and you'd either have to have a comic book spinoff or slowly decrease their panels in favor of the varsity team, Hmmm..spinoff..not a bad idea at that! Keep up the great work, guys! Robert Kelsey aka. Arillion via E-mail just finished reading issue thiry- nine, and I have to say itis one of the best [ have read in a long time, I have been with the Knights since issue three, and I know that The Game Must Go On will be one of those clas- sics I bring to every gaming session, on the off chance that someone there has not beheld KODT in all its glory. 1 read most of the issue aloud to myself between fits of laughter, but the final strip, Has Anybody Seen My Old Friend, Johnny? really hit home. Our group recently lost a local gaming leg- end to the “ol' ball n’ chain.” He packed up, moved away, got "sucked up by the system’ as Bob says, Though we recognize that all things come to end, and that at one point or another we all have to choose or own path, icis never easy secing a great friend and gamer retire the old DM shield and set down the dice forever. Wherever you are Jeff, | hope that you snuck this one past the wife and are, in some little way, having one more laugh with the guys. Jason Whitesite Boise, Idaho Q 55Along long time ago Tan sill remember how I could make those Players really smile ‘And I knew Thad ther in my trance ‘Thar I could make those ewenty-siders dance And my players would be happy fora while But 3rd Edition made me shiver With evry supplement Hard8 delivered Bad news on the counter top ac Weird Petes old game shop Now, [can't remember if cried When I cracked open the new GameMaster’s guide But something touched me deep inside The day..HlackMaster died $0. (CHORUS) Why, why, Gary please ell me why You dropped che mage-asasin and the tensed die Changed all the to-hic tables ~ dd away with the ri All the wait For 3rd edition - i this relly i Can you ell me, please is this really tt PARTING SHOTS Now fr ten years we'd been om our own “Most of our rules have been homegrown (And that was fine by us) Bue now we're told the rules have changed and the Hacklopediss ben rearranged ‘Were psionics purposely cut from appendix E ‘And I noticed you dropped the Demonic Horde Ona dark pleasant Friday, players were all here The smell of Doritos rising up through che air | sat down in my char since, we were ready to fight We had.burtitos and alot of gin | choughe we'd have a good night Our GM's name is BA; Hie knew his mission well He decided ealy on ‘That he was going to put us through living Hell Then he sata the rable and we started to play Facesall tamed white in horto, for, we thought we heard him say. ‘Welcome tothe Hackhell Tomb of Horrors Such an uly place (such an uly place) Plenty of doom at the Hackhell Tomb of Horrors Sallow your fea, youre gonna DIE in ere. This module's def-niely cvisted, ie full of taps that can rend- ub! It's gonna make a lor of gamemastes, lose ther frends iow the GM is smiling, sweet sudden death, Some games I remember, Id prefer to forget Sol yelled atthe GM. id Please don't whine’ "You've got co make a saving throw a, let's se, minus nine ‘And chat sick bastard chat wrote this is Far away, 56- GARY, PLEASE TELL ME WHY77!! Sung to the tune of Don McLean's pop classic song, “American Pie” Lyrics by Jolly R. Blackburn HACKHELL TOMB OF HORRORS Sung to the tune of the Eagles classic song, “Hotel California” Lyrics by Tom Michael No more HackMaser +12. Sword ‘Oh the index is hopelessly incomplete (No listing fr stone ground wheat’) ‘And the Gaveds seem to be missing stats cor do-we have to pay extra for a peek at that ‘What happened to the Vampirie Snail? More erata in the mai? [just have to ask REPEAT CHORUS Now did you have to change ALL the ules And did you have to drop the Gnarled Ghoul? (I really though they were kewl My players are really throwing afc ‘Theyre complaining it's harder for them o hit And [ think I'm losing them Wall, know that you're a gamer just like me you even published my letter in Hackjourmal 3 IF you recall we even met once it was at GaryCon Two (Man, I ceally ug those green Fel shoes) | was the lonely teenage hack jockey Who's dice bag hung down to his knees 1 pushed my way to you though the crowd Boy your handlers sure went wild When asked you. REPEAT CHORUS Lik to get both my hands around his throat Jusc to hear him say Welcome to the Hackhell Tomb of Horrors Such am uply place (such an uly place) Alive bic tough at the Hackhell Tomb of Horrors ‘What ance surprise, half your parry dies My mind is sil reeling, ‘Throwing up would be nice ‘And [suid "My head is just Fareed in fear Tean'c hold the dice! ‘And in the final chamber, ‘Where we thought we'd be rich ‘We sabbed it with our magic swords, Buc we juse can kill che Lich My legs got dismembered, and I Fell down towards the floor Thad to get some wishes fist ‘Make my mage like he was before "Relax, said che nice man, "You have made it and you're fre. But now you are nimty-six yeas old, and you are level cree! Issue #41; 99 Gold Doubloons™Gamemasters Sam FadingSuns Bilition 202 $3495 4 = Canc eniee ale Star Crusade 239 $25.00 Technology 501 $1495 . Cae en oe eee: io Pavan eee * eis tn Uae etter Cale) Star Crusade 2: Lost Worlds