Elder 1

Jene Elder

Professor Cassel

ENG 1201.503

3/29/17

Narcissism

Narcissism is a personality disorders are conditions in which people have traits that

cause them to feel and behave in socially distressing ways. (Mayo Clinic) There is no known

reasons for one to become a narcissist, however, it is speculated that a traumatic experience in

early childhood could be the cause but not proven. Some people would define a narcissist as one

that overly admires themselves, but there is so much more involved when dealing with a

narcissist as they have a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde persona. This raises the question if the

narcissist is aware of the behavior they display. Some have argued no as this a mental illness or

sickness that has no cure, however, it is a belief we all know right from wrong.

There are common traits displayed by narcissist inability to empathize, manipulation,

need for control, and sense of entitlement to name a few (Carter 7). A narcissist has no empathy

for anyone. The narcissist may display empathy to keep up a faade that they are a good person,

but could care less what others are going through. That is the mask they wear in front of others,

but takes that mask off to the ones closest to the narcissist. Narcissist replace fair and honest

exchanges with behaviors that manipulate other people so that that get their way (Carter 10).

Narcissist lie twist words and can make a person question or second guess reality. This tactic of
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manipulation is called gas lighting. In the movie Gaslight, this type of manipulation showed how

Bella (Diana Wynyard) seem to look like she was losing her mind. A narcissist is out of touch

with reality and will go to extreme measure to make a person believe that the narcissists reality

is what is real and the actual truth is false. They simply are unwilling to acknowledge truth that

does not match their preferences (Carter 17).

This feeds the narcissist insatiable need for control. Its either their way or the highway,

this is how they hold the power over a person. Some narcissist obtain this control with obvious

behaviors such as bullying, being stubborn, being forceful or argumentative. Some may use

subtle behaviors such as punishing withdrawal, slander, seductive charm or withholding

cooperation (Carter 14). They will use any tactic to make sure that they make the rules and

control the relationship. Narcissist also display a sense of entitlement for others to do whatever

they want or need and take strong offense if others do not treat the narcissist the way they feel

they deserve to be treated (Carter 11). These traits point to the grandiosity that narcissist

display, an unrealistic sense of superiority. They act as if you owe them something or need more

when they have already drained your life force. They are never the blame for anything and will

have excuse after excuse to not be accountable for any of their wrongdoing to avoid an apology.
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Fig.1. A list of narcissist traits and behaviors. (Healing from Complex Trauma)

Narcissists come in all different relationships family, work related and romantic.

Narcissist have a type of person they are drawn to usually the person is an empath, and giving.

Narcissist is drawn to a person that is compassionate and will meet their every need. Empaths

take on the emotions of others and have a willingness to try to fix problems. Because of this the

narcissist will being very charming and portray to be the person the empath will fall for. Once the

empath is caught in the grasps of the narcissist, things slowly began to change for the worse and

the target realizes finds out that they were nothing but a target to supply the narcissist sadistic

needs.
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The interview with (Mina Steele) gives insight on dealing with a person that has been

actually diagnosed with narcissism. During the interview, she states how she was in a

relationship for five years with her now ex-husband prior to marrying him. She wanted to point

out that they did not live together prior to getting married. She states her ex-husband was very

charming in the beginning but after they got married she states a switch went off as on their

wedding day he yelled at her that startled her. His behavior continued to change, he became very

controlling and that too many arguments pretty over nothing. She states that her ex-husband also

would have her second guessing herself when she actually knew the reality of situations. She

continues to state he never took accountability for any of his actions and would blame anything

or anyone else for his indiscretions.

They eventually pursued marital counseling by a medical professional and it was then

that his diagnosis of narcissism was uncovered. When asked how long they were married her

response was eight months. She states she was able to walk away, however she did try the

counseling however she was advised that there is no cure for this diagnosis and she made the

best decision for herself. (Steele)

The narcissist puts in a lot of energy to portray that they are a good person to family,

members, friends, associates and strangers however shows a different side the dark side to the

one closest to them the target. There is a strategy for this behavior, a narcissist hates to be

exposed for what they really are. Once the target realizes what this person really is (a narcissist)

that narcissist will discredit and paint a horrible picture of the target, because after all the

narcissist has worked so hard tricking others to look like this good person. A narcissist pretty

much deceives everyone. They are like leeches and the best thing a target can do is walk away

from a narcissist and never look back.

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When walking away from a relationship with a narcissist it is a slow and painful process

it is a grieving process. Those that have been affected by a narcissist, have a hard understanding

how they could not be loved by the person they truly loved and how could that person one

mistreat and devalue them. A lot of healing will need to take place that includes self-esteem, trust

and regaining back a life that was literally stolen from them. The narcissist causes quite a bit of

damage.

It takes a long time to recover from narcissistic abuse and its so hard for many victims

to just watch them carry on enjoying their lives, whilst the victim grieves, is confused, is hurt and

cannot understand how they can do this, after all they had said and done. (Healing From

Complex Trauma)

It is a grieving process for one that has been affected by a narcissist, understanding how

you could not be loved by the person you truly love and how one human being can mistreat and

devalue another human being. A lot of healing will need to take place that includes self-esteem,

trust and regaining back a life that was literally stolen from them. The narcissist causes quite a

bit of damage for one to repair.

I myself have been a victim of narcissist abuse for twenty years and was eager to learn

more about the narcissistic behavior and why I was a target. Once I found out what kind of

person I was involve with in a relationship, I had an epiphany. A lot of unanswered questions

were answered and an explanation for everything going on in my life was no longer a mystery.

Everything that I had been through finally had a reason and it was time for me to heal from the

abuse.
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Professionals state that a narcissist cannot change their behaviors due to that this is truly

their personality. As it states earlier, there is speculation that trauma in childhood could be the

case of this personality disorder narcissism. For a narcissist to take another through an emotional

whirlwind must be learnt behaviors. There are some medications that can be prescribed but a

narcissist will refuse because they feel that there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. It is

presumed impossible for a narcissist to change. I have concluded that the behaviors of a

narcissist are definitely intentional and they know exactly what they are doing.
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Works Cited
Abcarian, Robin. "http://www.latimes.com/local/abcarian/la-me-abcarian-trump-
psychiatrist-20170219-story.html." 19 Feburary 2017. Los Angeles Times. 5
March 2017.
Carter, Les. Enough about you, let's talk about me : how to recognize and manage
the narcissists in your life. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2005.
Dobbert, Suane. Understanding personality disorders : an introduction . Westport:
Praeger, 2007.
Gaslight. Dir. George Cukor. Perf. Charles Boyner. 1944.
Hammond, Christine. https://pro.psychcentral.com/exhausted-
woman/2015/04/eight-mental-abuse-tactics-narcissists-use-on-spouses/. 15
April 2015. 5 March 2017.
https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/000939.htm. 31 10 2014. 5 March 2017.
Lucario, Lily Hope. Healing From Complex Trauma and PTSD. 26 September 2013.
31 March 2017.
Payson, Eleanor D. The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One
Way Relationship at Work, Love and Family. Royal Oak: Julian Day, 2002.
Staff, Mayo Clinic. http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-
personality-disorder/basics/definition/CON-20025568?p=1. 18 November
2014. 5 March 2017.
Steele, Mina. Living with a Narcissist Jene' Elder. 24 Feburary 2017.
Steve Balsis, PhD. January 2011.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3104277/?report=classic. 5
Marh 2017.
https://luckyottershaven.com/2014/12/19/are-narcissists-ever-abuse-victims/