Memorandum

To: Jamie Lyons

From: Brett Benson
Date: 23 January 2017
Re: Prose Style Analysis

This memo will analyze the prose of my term paper from Honors ISEM: Musical Theory
Throughout the World from last semester. I will analyze all 6 sections of the Prose style
writing in my paper.
Cut Lard: Lard appears when a paper topic is underdeveloped and the writer needs to
write a certain number of pages.
Cutting Redundant Words: Redundant words are words that do not contribute
new material to the sentence. They are synonyms to the previous word or phrases and are
often adverbs or adjectives. I concluded that I do not include redundant words in this
essay.
Rap is an outlet for young African Americans, many of whom live in
poverty.
This is one example of concise writing.

Cut Dead Phrases: Dead phrases are similar to redundant words. While they
may not be redundant, they add nothing and their removal will not change the sentence. I
concluded that I can work on dead phrases in my writing. I often use stereotypical
phrases that are overused and unnecessary.
Over the past few decades, there has been a growing form of music in
African American culture.
That beginning phrases is used to much, and does not add a lot to the sentence.

Cut Unnecessary Modifiers: Unnecessary modifiers are similar to dead phrases.

They are single words that add nothing to the meaning of the sentence and are taking up
space in the paper. I concluded that I did a good job of using strong modifiers.
It is a form of vocal poetry being spoken at different cadences over a wide
range of beats or instrumentals.

Vocal and wide both do an effective job of describing what I want the
modifiers to do.
 Cut There is/ there are: Eliminating there is and there are will strengthen
the writing because there will be stronger verbs. I concluded that while I generally do not
use that form to start my sentences, I occasionally do.
Over the past few decades, there has been a growing form of music in
African American culture. Rap has been a growing culture.
Making rap the subject not only clarifies the sentence but also makes it more
descriptive.

Use Strong Verbs: Strong verbs convey action that is specific.

Know when to use to be verbs: Use to be verbs to define or equate things
otherwise use a strong verb. I concluded that my use of strong verbs on a whole is
effective. I do not struggle with the wrong use of to be verbs
Biggie Smalls is a perfect example of east coast rap.
This use of is is to show that I understand that to be verbs are used when
defining something in this case, it is east coast rap.

Tighten the Verb Form: Compressing the verb form creates concise language.
As with my use of to be verbs, I use concise verbs when writing.
Not only does it serve as a form of musical entertainment, but rap
functions as a way for to opponents to battle using insults and disrespect
the other person.
In this two-part sentence, both serve and functions are strong, concise verbs.

Use Mostly Active Voice: Active voice has the person who is doing the action as the
subject of the sentence.
Passive Voice: Passive voice has who is doing the action at the end with a
preposition in front of it. One of my strongest abilities is writing in active voice.
I exemplify this throughout my essay.
This form is one of the best styles to reflect African American culture
because they rap about how the system is against them.

Avoid Needless Passive Voice, But Know When to Use It: Passive voice should
be used to deflect blame. I have a strong grasp of active and passive voice. I do
not ever need to assign or deflect blame in this essay.
One of the most iconic gangster rap songs was NWAs Straight Outta
Compton a song about where they were from and the impact their
hometown had on them growing up.

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Use Stress Emphasis: Readers naturally look toward the end of the sentence for the
meaning.
Trim the End: Take away needless information that takes away from the main
point of the sentence. While I am not bad at having a concise ending to my
sentences, I do not do a poor job either. It can definitely be worked on though.
While east coast rap still includes references to drugs and gangs, it is not
the main focus and has a calming undercurrent rather than gangster raps
angry undercurrent.
The comparison to west coast style was not needed and took the stress emphasis
away from what I was trying to accomplish.

Avoid Writing Metadiscourse: Metadiscourse draws attention to what is being

said. I concluded that on occasion I do use metadiscourses.
Some of the big beefs of all time are those between, Eminem and Benzino,
Jay-Z and Nas, NWA and former member Ice Cube, Dr. Dre and Eazy-E,
and finally, and perhaps the most famous, between East Coast rap legend
Biggie Smalls and West Coast rap legend Tupac Shakur.
The stricken words did not add anything from the passage and took away
emphasis from the message.

Shift New Information to the Right: As the emphasis place is at the end of the
sentence, the new information will be remembered. I concluded that I can
improve this area of my writing.
Rap is still evolving because it is still a relatively new genre.
To stress that it is still evolving I could say, Rap is still a relatively young genre
and as such, is still evolving.

Sentence Length: Typically, modern business prose style uses shorter sentences.
I concluded that my writing for business prose style uses sentences that are too
long.
Not only do beefs gain the rapper who wins credibility and respect but

they are also clearly good for business because the controversy keeps

both rappers in the forefront of these websites and magazines, and. Many

fans are anxious to hear what the rappers say about one another (Flores

2010).

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 Sentences are generally about 14 words, but this one has 51. By breaking it into
two sentences, they will become shorter and easier to follow.

Keep Paragraphs Short and Focused: Paragraphs in modern business writing

are often much shorter than in academic prose style. This essay has long
paragraphs, but still focused. The paragraphs are longer than they should be for
business prose style but this writing was originally for academics.
Rap, while a societal outlet, has many variations of subject matter. As
stated, most rappers use it to express their experiences, but through that
they speak on their life stories, encounters with the police (NWA 1988), or
problems they have with the government (Immortal Technique 2003).
Many are anti-establishment while some just use it to give the poor a
voice. West Coast rap is credited with the introduction of gangster rap
or reality rap which is characterized by conveying the gritty and
dangerous aspect of hustling, gangbanging and drive-by shootings, and
police repression which is evident in NWAs albums (Keyes 2004).
Gangster Rap first came about around 1987 with Ice-T, but was
popularized with groups like NWA and Geto Boys and later when their
members began solo careers (Armstrong 2001). They rap about the
struggles of an African American male in a world where to their point of
view, every policeman and government official is out to get them and
incarcerate them. This form is one of the best styles to reflect African
American culture because they rap about how the system is against them.
One of the most iconic gangster rap songs was NWAs Straight Outta
Compton a song about where they were from and the impact their
hometown had on them growing up. While it may have started riots, their
song F*** the Police was a song about the growing issue of police
brutality and polices mentality that ever black man was guilty of
something. In this song, they set it up like a trial, and brought evidence
forward in the song. One part goes whatd you pull me over for? and
the policeman replies because I feel like it now sit youre a** on the
floor and shut up. It later goes on to show that the African American
driver is arrested because he is being a smart-a** (NWA 1988). NWA
released this song to show that growing up as a young African American,
the system is in fact against you; many cops are looking for the smallest
reason to arrest them. NWAs main presence as a new group who
popularized gangster rap came in the late 1980s and early 1990s before
and during the trial of the police brutality surrounding the Rodney King
murder in 1991. F*** tha Police is also interpreted as a verbal prelude
to the 1992 Los Angeless uprising as a result of that trial (Keyes 2004).
Much of their music was a reflection of the African American
communitys anger after that trial.

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 If this was for a business document, I would either split this into two more
focused paragraphs or cut out some of the detail depending on exactly what the
purpose of the document.

Use Summative Modifiers: A summative modifier works by summing up whats

been said so far in a sentence, and it can create the right emphasis.
Over the years, rap stuck to its roots and is still a reflection of

those same issues and therefore, profanity is an integral part of rap music.

Avoid Strings of Prepositions: Strings of prepositions make it hard for the

readers to find the emphasis you intended. I concluded that I do not string
prepositions together and use them clearly.
Upon his release, rather than turning back to his criminal past, he began to
write and produce music.
While there are two phrases at the bringing, only one is a prepositional phrase.

Avoid Needless Business Jargon: When your audience would not have this
knowledge, then jargon creates a problem with being clear. I concluded that as
this is a paper about hip hop and its culture, there is no business jargon in this
paper. There is some rap jargon, but I define it so my reader can understand.
West Coast rap is credited with the introduction of gangster rap or
reality rap which is characterized by conveying the gritty and
dangerous aspect of hustling, gangbanging and drive-by shootings, and
police repression which is evident in NWAs albums (Keyes 2004).

In conclusion, while I am a strong, concise writer, I can still improve on a number of

areas. I need to develop my topics more so I do not need to include needless lard. I use a
lot of phrases that do not add anything to my paper. They are a mix of redundant words
and dead phrases. The other area I want to improve upon is stress emphasis. I never use
to consider about how my placement affected my meaning of my sentence.