Gilley 1

Does Biblical Christianity Hold the Answer To the Problem of an Increasing Divorce Rate?

Thesis: Biblical Christianity holds the solution to the problem of increasing divorce rate in the

United States by using Christian counseling involving selflessness, communication and

forgiveness.

I. Increasing divorce rate is solved with Christian counseling involving selflessness

A. Sacrifice is involved

1. Example: baby needs fed at 2 am and you get up so your partner can sleep

2. Example: working two jobs to make ends meet

3. Couples who make sacrifices are more effective in solving their problems

4. Sacrifice is willing to do anything to make your partner happy and

comfortable

5. Dealing with differences in priorities

B. Commitment is involved

1. Doing whatever it takes to make another happy

2. Stick by when things get rough

3. Commitment is necessary

II. Increasing divorce rate is solved with Christian counseling involving communication

A. Lack of communication causes problems in marriage

1. Yelling at spouse

2. Competitive attitude

3. Not considering spouse's viewpoint

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B. If addiction, pornography, adultery are an issue, communication needs to occur

1. Quote by Wellman about the causes of a marriage to fail

2. Discuss Christian cleansing programs together

3. Be there for the one in the marriage with the addiction

III. Increasing divorce rate is solved with Christian counseling involving forgiveness

A. Scripture about forgiveness

1. Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive other people when they sin against

you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive

others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

2. Reap what you sow

3. Better for the forgiver than the forgiven

B. Forgiveness is thought of differently by some

1. Forgiveness is mistaken for minimizing an issue within the marriage

2. Counseling is advised to help speed the process of forgiveness

C. Forgiveness of sinful actions

1. Everyone makes mistakes

2. According to the Bible, everyone needs to forgive

3. Forgiveness is key

4. Understanding

IV. Counterargument

A. Cheating and addiction lead to divorce

1. Sinful actions destroy a marriage

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2. Psychologists say that issues such as abuse, adultery or addiction are not

forgivable

3. Breaking the sacred bond of marriage by cheating

4. Marriages end in divorce due to one or both partners in the relationship

feel that their partner has betrayed them

B. Reply to counterargument

1. Both parties play a role in the situation of adultery or addiction

2. There is a reason behind everyone's actions

3. Forgiveness is crucial

4. Marriage can recover stronger than ever

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Kyra Gilley

Cullen

English III AP

13 May 2016

Does Biblical Christianity Hold the Answer To the Problem of an Increasing Divorce Rate?

As time progresses, the divorce rate in the United States continues to increase. In 1867

only three percent of married couples were divorced. By 1950 this percentage had more than

doubled, increasing to twenty six percent (Jones). As of today, studies show that forty to fifty

percent of married couples have been divorced. Although, Christian marriages have been found

to have an exceptionally lower rate of divorce. Attending church is vital when it comes to a

marriage. The behaviors and attitude in which one learns by attending church helps better all

aspects of a well founded Christian marriage. The couples who take the word of God seriously

(meaning ones who have daily prayer, attend church regularly and read the Biblical scripture on

a daily basis) have been proven to earn a significantly lower divorce rate than those who are not

church members or do not believe (Stanton). Being a Christian is about one's relationship with

Christ. Many characteristics derive from having a relationship with Christ, some of which being

selflessness, humble, obedient, patient,charitable, sense of communication and forgiveness. This

is because the Bible has been set in stone for others to use as the foundation of their own life.

The very idea of living a Christian life is not necessarily about not sinning, it's about realizing

the sins and asking for forgiveness. A marriage is more prosperous when the two individuals live

a Christian lifestyle because of the characteristics in which a Christian has. Biblical Christianity
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holds the solution to the problem of increasing divorce rate in the United States by using

Christian counseling involving selflessness, communication and forgiveness.

Increasing divorce rate is solved with Christian counseling involving selflessness.

Selflessness is a state of being more concerned of another's well being rather than an individual's

own, personal well being. A selfless person will help another without longing for anything in

return. One characteristic of a selfless individual is sacrifice. The idea of sacrifice is all

throughout the Bible. The prime biblical explanation of sacrifice is when Jesus died on the cross

for our sins. He gave his own life to save others. There are two differentiations of sacrifices. One

being the unbloody form and the other being the bloody form. The unbloody form of sacrifice

refers to incense, meat, fruit and drink offerings. The bloody form of sacrifice refers to burnt,

peace and trespass offerings (Elwell). The idea of sacrifice within a marriage is almost

indistinguishable with the biblical idea of sacrifice. For example, in a marriage a common

sacrifice would be getting up in the middle of the night to deal with the baby in which case, the

exhausted spouse could remain asleep. Another very common sacrifice within a marriage is

working two jobs in order for the couple and/or family to be provided with food on the table and

a roof over their heads. According to a psychological study, the couples that are willing to make

sacrifices within their relationships were more effective in solving their problems(Wolpert). In a

relationship, a sacrifice is being willing to do anything that is within one's power in order to

make one's partner comfortable and genuinely happy. In addition to being willing and devoted to

one's partner, sacrifice is also coming to reality with the differences between personalities within

the marriage. The study by Bradbury, Karney and Schoebi in 2012, which Wolpert wrote of

disclaimed that out of 178 married couples, 78.5 percent of were in fact still married after eleven
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years. Only 21.5 percent had been divorced. This study proves that being willing to make

sacrifices in a marriage is exceptionally beneficial in the long run (Wolpert). Many say and many

hear the familiar quote great minds think alike. Although, over time this quote has been

shortened from the original version of great minds think alike, and fools seldom differ. Within

a marriage, the two people are not going to always think alike. They will not always be on the

same page in some situations and they will certainly not have the exact same personality. The

two will clash together and although this may be seldon, their opinions will differ. A major

characteristic of being in a Christian marriage is understanding and working through the

differences in opinion. No mind will ever think precisely the same as another.

Commitment is also a large benefactor when it comes to selflessness in a marriage.

Commitment is defined as the quality of being devoted or in other words, faithful. Being

committed in a marriage involves doing whatever is in one another's power to make the marriage

successful. This will involve situations such as improving oneself's character or even becoming

better acquainted with his/her mother or father in order for the families to better get along.

Although those were just a few examples, commitment could quite honestly include anything.. In

a marriage, being committed means sticking around when things get tough. By struggling

through the hard times together, the marriage will grow stronger. The couple may argue like cats

and dogs but still stay together, this is commitment. There is always a solution to a situation as

long as the two parties are willing to work it out, put the effort in and stay committed to one

another. Many divorces derive from one or both spouses not staying committed to one another.

(Wolpert) Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and

adulterers God will judge (King James Version, Hebrews 13:4). Meaning that marriage should
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be honored by everyone and the two should stay faithful to one another. God will judge people

who are immoral and those whom have committed adultery. By marrying someone, an individual

is committing themselves to that person.

Increasing divorce rate is solved with Christian counseling involving communication.

Communication is the means of connection between two or more people. Lack of

communication within a marriage causes many different complications or in other words,

problems between the two individuals. Frustrations arise from one or both partners which is

caused by the lack of communication. Frustrations causes issues within the marriage such as but

not limited to yelling at the spouse, competitive attitude, and no consideration of spouse's

viewpoint (Krull). Lack of communication could stem from a wide varieties of situations. From a

simple problem of deciding where to eat to a very complicated issue such as deciding to

homeschool a child or not. Once lack of communications begins, it will continue to escalate and

get worse as times goes on. The issue needs to be dealt with, with Christian counseling before it

gets too far gone.

Communication not only helps prevent issues within the marriage but it also helps solve

issues that may arise within the marriage. Addiction is a common issue that may arise within a

marriage. Typically when this happens, the marriage will end in divorce, being blamed on the

addiction. Although, if communication practices were applied in the first place, the couple would

of spoke to one another about the addiction and solved the issue before divorce was even thought

of. When a Christian couple gets married, both parties will usually take time and sit down

together in order to decide on how they are going to go about their lives together. This is a vital

aspect of communication because when one partner strays off the path in which the couple have
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both set for one another, it is the other spouse's duty to communicate with them and get them

back on track.

...you need to be praying daily for them and to be aware of the potential dangers of the

marriage.These dangers include [but are not limited to,] pornography..., substance abuse,

and physical/emotional abuse. Satan would love nothing more than to destroy Christian

marriages. The family is the basic building block of nations and of society in general.

As the family goes, so goes society. Put on the armor of God (Eph 6:10-18), pray for

your mate, make a covenant with your eyes, avoid controlled substances (except where a

doctor prescribes), sit down daily to talk with your mate and just sit and listen, and make

a budget and stick to it. (Wellman)

Another action the couple could choose to make is discussing a possible option of attending a

Christian cleansing program. This would help tackle the problem and get the spouse or the

couple as a whole, the help that is needed. Throughout the entire process, communication is the

key to success. An individual in a marriage may have a drug addiction or another addiction such

as an addiction to pornography but with communication, the marriage would not be at stake.

Talking to one another with an open-minded attitude will get a marriage farther than shutting

down and stopping communication all together. This could also tie in with commitment, which

was mentioned earlier. A marriage is about getting through the hard times together and helping

each other be the best person they could possibly be.

Increasing divorce rate is solved with Christian counseling involving forgiveness. To

forgive someone means that the anger and resent toward an individual leaves and the slate

between the two is then clean. In a marriage forgiveness is extremely important because without
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forgiveness, the marriage would have no chance of ever working. One party in the marriage may

break a plate, that is a time for forgiveness. This is an example of a very minor accident in which

forgiveness is needed. A major situation would be addiction, which was spoken of earlier.

According to the Bible, For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also

forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your

trespasses (King James Version, Matthew 6:14-15). Another way of putting it, one reaps what

they sow. When one does not forgive someone, they are setting themselves up to not be forgiven

in the future. Some actions are thought of as unforgivable, which is understandable. Although,

everyone will need forgiveness at one point in their lives. Forgiveness is often times not to make

the forgiven feel better but rather the forgiver. In most cases forgiveness is mistaken to be

minimizing the seriousness of the offense, instant restoration of trust and even resuming the

relationship without any changes. In reality, forgiveness takes a lot out of an individual and it is a

big deal (Warren). When one forgives another, that hurt may still be there in the underlying.

Trust has to be rebuilt, which takes time, maybe even years. Counseling is often times advised to

help speed this process up. No matter how many times one spouse hurts the other, according to

the Bible there should always be open lines of forgiveness. Although, this does not mean that one

should be as trusting. In order to build a relationship back up, the offender must offer restitution,

repentance and build trust with the person whom they hurt. Again, this process does not occur

overnight, it takes time.

Actions such as adultery or addiction come between a marriage and in the end, destroy

the foundation of that very marriage. According to psychologists, issues such as abuse, adultery

or addiction are in fact, not forgivable. (Frank) A marriage is over and in need of a divorce once
 Gilley 10

certain actions have occurred within the marriage, this is what most individuals believe. Most do

not take a moment to second guess their choice to request for a divorce. There is no hope of ever

fixing the situation and making the situations right with one another. In which case, the decision

is clear and easy to make. Why try to fix the marriage? If one spouse chooses to commit adultery

they are then breaking the sacred bond of marriage. The whole idea of marriage is to commit

oneself in the aspects of the mind, body and soul to another individual. In most marriages, the

marriage does end in divorce due to the fact that one or both partners in the relationship feel as if

they are not good enough or that their partner has betrayed them.

Adultery and addiction are both terrible actions but where does forgiveness come in? All

of the blame should not go on the one who committed adultery or has the addiction. At what

point does one sit back and think of their own part in the situation? People do not just go out and

sin for the thrill of it. There is a reason behind the action. If a partner committed adultery, most

likely something was lacking in the marriage in which the couple failed to discuss. Forgiveness

is also extremely important to consider. According to the Bible, one should always forgive

another. There should never be a time when one feels as if they could never possibly forgive

their partner in marriage. No matter what circumstance arises, a couple who is willing to fight in

order to make the marriage work will be able to get through the situation. In most cases, a

relationship will recover stronger than ever after a sinful action has occurred from one or both

within a marriage (Kent-Ferraro).

In conclusion, Biblical Christianity holds the answer to decreasing the divorce rate in the

United States. This is due to Christian learned behaviors such as selflessness, sense of

communication and forgiveness. Jesus committed the ultimate sacrifice by dying on the cross for
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everyone's sins. Sacrifice in a marriage is about doing whatever is in one's power to make the

other happy. Another key to a successful marriage is communication. With the use of

communication within a marriage, the couple is able to work through issues that may arise and

prevent new issues from arising in the future. Forgiveness is also an extremely vital aspect when

it comes to a marriage being successful. Forgiveness is to extend a relationship after all, love

does conquer all. According to the Bible, forgiveness should never be questionable. Everyone

makes mistakes once in awhile. These Biblical characteristics or attributes within an individual

will help lower the divorce rate in the United States. Christian marriages have been proven to

have a lower divorce rate than the rest of the population. This is because the characteristics of a

Christian individual help improve one's attributes and lead them in the right direction which is

toward Christ himself.

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Works Cited

Elwell, Walter A. "Sacrifice. - Definition and Meaning, Bible Dictionary." Bible Study Tools.

N.p., n.d. Web. 13 May 2016.

Frank, Jeremy. "Three Reasons to Leave: Abuse, Addiction, and Affairs." GoodTherapy.org

Therapy Blog. N.p., 05 Dec. 2013. Web. 13 May 2016.

Hickmon, Ciciely. "Can True Love Conquer All in Relationships." Examiner.com. N.p., n.d.

Web. 13 May 2016.

Jones, Audrey M. "Historical Divorce Rate Statistics." LoveToKnow. N.p., n.d. Web. 13 May

2016.

Kent-Ferraro, Jay. "Is It Really Possible to Save a Marriage After an Affair?" Psychology Today.

N.p., n.d. Web. 13 May 2016.

Krull, Erika. "Marriage Communication: 3 Common Mistakes and How To Fix Them." Psych

Central. N.p., n.d. Web. 13 May 2016.

Stanton, Glenn T. "Divorce Rate in the Church As High as the World?" - Focus on the Family.

N.p., n.d. Web. 13 May 2016.

The King James Study Bible: King James Version. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995. Print.

Warren, Rick. "Forgive Others Because You Need Forgiveness, Too." Forgive Others Because

You Need Forgiveness, Too. N.p., n.d. Web. 13 May 2016.

Wellman, Jack. "Primary Causes for Divorce: A Christian Study." What Christians Want To

Know RSS. N.p., n.d. Web. 13 May 2016.