---Satire 1AC---

Contention One Lets have some fun

Plan: The United States Federal Government should increase its economic
and/or diplomatic engagement with the Peoples Republic of China.

Plan: The United States Federal Government should resurrect the

Honorable Chairman Mao Zedong from the dead.

Plan: The United States Federal Government should invest 3.2 trillion
dollars in Chinese efforts at advancing a military attack on US soil.

Plan: The United States Federal Government should legalize human

trafficking in this one instance to sell Donald Trump to the Peoples
Republic of China.

Plan: The United States Federal Government should diplomatically invest

in domestic surveillance of Chinese OTEC deployed in Latin America
beyond the earths mesosphere.

Plan: The United States Federal Government should diplomatically engage

China by forging diplomacies that affirm economic engagement with China
in order to economically engage with diplomatic economists from China.

We promise that well solve everything if you vote aff we dont link to any
disads or kritiks and have 100% solvency.

Even if we lose the double fiat debate, you evaluate our plan texts in a
vacuum and vote aff on the net benefit of amusement and ridiculousness,
which are the key internal to fun.

Contention Two What it do?

Heres a reality check Uncle Sam I want you to shut the fuck up. The US
thinks its the shit, but in reality it aint. To become an alliance of the US is
to tighten the noose around the neck of the Chinese people -- we have the
latest and greatest evidence on the question.

The Honorable Chairman Mao Zedong in 1958 [September 8th, 1958 Speech At The
Supreme State Conference https://www.marxists.org/reference/archive/mao/selected-works/volume-
8/mswv8_14.htm]
U.S. imperialism invaded Chinas territory of Taiwan and has occupied it for the
past nine years. A short while ago it sent its armed forces to invade and occupy Lebanon. The United
States has set up hundreds of military bases in many countries all over the world. Chinas territory of
Taiwan, Lebanon and all military bases of the United States on foreign soil are so many
nooses round the neck of U.S. imperialism. The nooses have been fashioned by the
Americans themselves and by nobody else, and it is they themselves who have put
these nooses round their own necks, handing the ends of the ropes to the Chinese
people, the peoples of the Arab countries and all the peoples of the world who love
peace and oppose aggression. The longer the U.S. aggressors remain in those
places, the tighter the nooses round their necks will become. If the U.S. monopoly
capitalist groups persist in pushing their policies of aggression and war, the day is
bound to come when they will be hanged by the people of the whole world. The
same fate awaits the accomplices of the United States.

Economic engagement my ass China wouldnt stoop that low.

Wertime 12 [David, co-founder of Tea Leaf Nation a magazine that focuses on Chinese sentiment,
Foolish and Backward Nation: A Self-Effacing Chinese Satire of America//AD]

Don't Go to the U.S., it is a Foolish and Backward Nation -- I've already been in the U.S.
for a long time. I regret that choice. We've been [fooled] by Western media the whole
time, making us think that the U.S. is a modernized country. Harboring hopes of studying
American modern science in order to serve my motherland, I moved heaven and earth in order
to make it over to this "superpower." But the result has been very disappointing! (1) T he U.S. is
actually a giant, undeveloped farming village. In middle school, teachers teach students that the more
developed industry gets, the greater harm the natural environment suffers. For example, in an industrial city you
should find chimneys everywhere, large factories everywhere, dust everywhere.
That's the symbol of industrialization! But the U.S.? You hardly ever see chimneys ,
occasionally you'll see a few small ones but they're just decorations for houses. Instead
there are clear rivers and lakes everywhere, and there aren't even paper factories or steel
smelters by the riverbanks. The clean and fresh air is a symbol of primitive society.
There's not even a trace of industrialization! (2) Americans don't understand
economics, it would be a waste of time to even bother working with them.
Highways extend in all directions, seemingly reaching every village, but there are
hardly any toll stations! What a tremendous waste of a gigantic business
opportunity! I can barely keep myself from grabbing some cement and building a few toll
stations; within one month I'll definitely make enough money to buy a house with a view of the
Atlantic Ocean. Also, by the side of the highway you can see quiet and undeveloped lakes. The
government allows waterbirds to freely settle and poop wherever they want,
neglecting even to open a scenic garden with a lake view in order to make some
serious money. It's clear Americans have no head for economics. (3) American
construction is too primitive. Besides [what you find in] a small number of large
cities, there are no big cement and concrete skyscrapers. ... I can scarcely believe that
the U.S. seemingly has no concrete buildings. They're all mostly made of wood and some other
strange materials. Using primitive wood to build houses-it's like these foreigners' architecture
hasn't moved beyond pre-Qing Dynasty times. That's feudal times! (4) Americans'
thinking is naive and backwards. As soon as I got to the U.S., I found [renting] a luggage cart cost three U.S.
dollars. I didn't have change, an American saw that I had a lot of luggage, so they paid the three bucks for me and brought me a cart.
[Americans] also always open doors for me and ask me if I need help. In my country, we already had the Lei Feng period in the '50s
and '60s, now we think that stuff is so backwards! [Lei Feng was a young man that the Mao-era Communist government widely
touted as an example of selfless virtue.] Back then, people were very hypocritical, but now we're not that way. We do things nakedly;
now that's modernization!

America is home to a bunch of lazy shithole white politicians who lack the
competency to actually form diplomacies itd be a waste of time for China
to even consider such a wack proposal.

Wertime 12 [David, co-founder of Tea Leaf Nation a magazine that focuses on Chinese sentiment,
Foolish and Backward Nation: A Self-Effacing Chinese Satire of America//AD]

Contention Three face the humility

The university is dead anyway let the ballot lose its educational meaning,
affirm mockery and defiance instead. Dont dream of resurrection, only
complete decomposition of the university space and the whole of society.
Baudrillard 95 (Jean, French Wizard and Badass, Simulacra and Simulation: The
Spiraling Cadaver, 1995 //AD)
The university is in ruins: nonfunctional in the social arenas of the market and
employment, lacking cultural substance or an end purpose of knowledge. Strictly
speaking, there is no longer even any power: it is also in ruins. Whence the impossibility
of the return of the fires of 1968: of the return of putting in question knowledge versus
power itself - the explosive contradiction of knowledge and power (or the revelation of
their collusion, which comes to the same thing) in the university, and, at the same time,
through symbolic (rather than political) contagion in the whole institutional and social
order. Why sociologists? marked this shift: the impasse of knowledge, the vertigo of
nonknowledge (that is to say at once the absurdity and the impossibility of accumulating
value in the order of knowledge) turns like an absolute weapon against power itself, in
order to dismantle it according to the same vertiginous scenario of dispossession. This is
the May 1968 effect. Today it cannot be achieved since power itself, after knowledge, has
taken off, has become ungraspable - has dispossessed itself. In a now uncertain
institution, without knowledge content, without a power structure (except for an archaic
feudalism that turns a simulacrum of a machine whose destiny escapes it and whose
survival is as artificial as that of barracks and theaters), offensive irruption is
impossible. Only what precipitates rotting, by accentuating the parodic, simulacral side
of dying games of knowledge and power, has meaning. A strike has exactly the opposite
effect. It regenerates the ideal of a possible university: the fiction of an ascension on
everyone's part to a culture that is unlocatable, and that no longer has meaning. This
ideal is substituted for the operation of the university as its critical alternative, as its
therapy. This fiction still dreams of a permanency and democracy of knowledge.
Besides, everywhere today the Left plays this role: it is the justice of the Left that
reinjects an idea of justice, the necessity of logic and social morals into a rotten
apparatus that is coming undone, which is losing all conscience of its legitimacy and
renounces functioning almost of its own volition. It is the Left that secrets and
desperately reproduces power, because it wants power, and therefore the Left believes in
it and revives it precisely where the system puts an end to it. The system puts an end one
by one to all its axioms, to all its institutions, and realizes one by one all the objectives of
the historical and revolutionary Left that sees itself constrained to revive the wheels of
capital in order to lay seige to them one day: from private property to the small business,
from the army to national grandeur, from puritan morality to petit bourgeois culture,
justice at the university - everything that is disappearing, that the system itself, in its
atrocity, certainly, but also in its irreversible impulse, has liquidated, must be conserved.
Whence the paradoxical but necessary inversion of all the terms of political analysis.
Power (or what takes its place) no longer believes in the university. It knows
fundamentally that it is only a zone for the shelter and surveillance of a whole class of a
certain age, it therefore has only to select - it will find its elite elsewhere, or by other
means. Diplomas are worthless: why would it refuse to award them, in any case it is
ready to award them to everybody; why this provocative politics, if not in order to
crystallize energies on a fictive stake (selection, work, diplomas, etc.), on an already
dead and rotting referential? By rotting, the university can still do a lot of damage
(rotting is a symbolic mechanism not political but symbolic, therefore subversive for us).
But for this to be the case it is necessary to start with this very rotting, and not
to dream of resurrection. It is necessary to transform this rotting into a
violent process, into violent death, through mockery and defiance, through a
multiplied simulation that would offer the ritual of the death of the university as a model
of decomposition to the whole of society, a contagious model of the disaffection of a
whole social structure, where death would finally make its ravages, which the strike tries
desperately to avert, in complicity with the system, but succeeds, on top of it all, only in
transforming the university into a slow death, a delay that is not even the possible site of
a subversion, of an offensive reversion. That is what the events of May 1968 produced.
At a less advanced point in the process of the liquefaction of the university and of
culture, the students, far from wishing to save the furniture (revive the lost object, in an
ideal mode), retorted by confronting power with the challenge of the total, immediate
death of the institution, the challenge of a deterritorialization even more intense than
the one that came from the system, and by summoning power to respond to this total
derailment of the institution of knowledge, to this total lack of a need to gather in a
given place, this death desired in the end - not the crisis of the university, that is not a
challenge, on the contrary, it is the game of the system, but the death of the university -
to that challenge, power has not been able to respond, except by its own dissolution in
return (only for a moment maybe, but we saw it).

Contention Four policy is a bore

Traditional politics are boring as fuck our approach is more fun and
productive, and breathes life into all those who have died of boredom
listening to shitty politics disads and T violations at the prestigious SCU
Dempsey Cronin invitational.
Crimethinc '13 [Access Date, Ex-Workers' Collective "Your Politics Are Boring As Fuck" Nadia C.
http://www.crimethinc.com/texts/selected/asfuck.php //AD]
Face it, your politics are boring as fuck. You know it's true. Otherwise, why does everyone
cringe when you say the word? Why has attendance at your anarcho-communist theory
discussion group meetings fallen to an all-time low? Why has the oppressed proletariat not
come to its senses and joined you in your fight for world liberation? Perhaps, after years of
struggling to educate them about their victimhood, you have come to blame them for their
condition. They must want to be ground under the heel of capitalist imperialism; otherwise, why
do they show no interest in your political causes? Why haven't they joined you yet in chaining yourself to
mahogany furniture, chanting slogans at carefully planned and orchestrated protests, and frequenting anarchist bookshops? Why
haven't they sat down and learned all the terminology necessary for a genuine understanding of the complexities of Marxist
economic theory? The truth is, your politics are boring to them because they really are
irrelevant. They know that your antiquated styles of protest your marches, hand held
signs, and gatheringsare now powerless to effect real change because they have
become such a predictable part of the status quo. They know that your post-Marxist
jargon is off-putting because it really is a language of mere academic dispute, not a weapon
capable of undermining systems of control. They know that your infighting, your splinter
groups and endless quarrels over ephemeral theories can never effect any real change in
the world they experience from day to day. They know that no matter who is in office, what laws
are on the books, what "ism"s the intellectuals march under , the content of their lives will
remain the same. Theyweknow that our boredom is proof that these "politics"
are not the key to any real transformation of life. For our lives are boring enough
already! And you know it too. For how many of you is politics a responsibility? Something you engage in because you feel you
should, when in your heart of hearts there are a million things you would rather be doing? Your volunteer workis it your most
favorite pastime, or do you do it out of a sense of obligation? Why do you think it is so hard to motivate others to volunteer as you
do? Could it be that it is, above all, a feeling of guilt that drives you to fulfill your "duty" to be politically active? Perhaps you spice up
your "work" by trying (consciously or not) to get in trouble with the authorities, to get arrested: not because it will practically serve
your cause, but to make things more exciting, to recapture a little of the romance of turbulent times now long past. Have you ever
felt that you were participating in a ritual, a long-established tradition of fringe protest, that really serves only to strengthen the
position of the mainstream? Have you ever secretly longed to escape from the stagnation and boredom of your political
"responsibilities"? It's no wonder that no one has joined you in your political endeavors. Perhaps you
tell yourself that it's tough, thankless work, but somebody's got to do it. The answer is, well, NO.
You actually do us all a real disservice with your tiresome, tedious politics. For in
fact, there is nothing more important than politics. NOT the politics of American "democracy"
and law, of who is elected state legislator to sign the same bills and perpetuate the same system .
Not the politics of the "I got involved with the radical left because I enjoy quibbling
over trivial details and writing rhetorically about an unreachable utopia" anarchist.
Not the politics of any leader or ideology that demands that you make sacrifices for "the cause." But the politics of our everyday lives.
When you separate politics from the immediate, everyday experiences of individual men and women, it becomes completely
irrelevant. Indeed, it becomes the private domain of wealthy, comfortable intellectuals, who can trouble themselves with such
dreary, theoretical things. When you involve yourself in politics out of a sense of obligation, and make political action into a dull
responsibility rather than an exciting game that is worthwhile for its own sake, you scare away people whose lives are already far too
dull for any more tedium. When you make politics into a lifeless thing , a joyless thing, a dreadful
responsibility, it becomes just another weight upon people, rather than a means to lift
weight from people. And thus you ruin the idea of politics for the people to whom it should
be most important.

Warning: If you read T, framework or some other boring shit, Ill sue your
ass for voluntary manslaughter you will literally bore us to death we
have the best science on our side.
Kashdan '10 [Todd B, PhD, current prof. of human psychology and director of social anxiety studies
@ George Mason University, Science shows you can die of boredom, Literally,
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/curious/201003/science-shows-you-can-die-boredom-
literally //AD]
The more bored you are, the more likely you are to die prematurely. Could cold-
hearted calculus teachers and parents be culpable of (in)voluntary manslaughter
(link is external)? The answer is beyond my area of expertise. I'll leave that to legal authorities. What is important is that we
consider what we can due to curb a potential epidemic. Boredom is not innocuous. Over 7,500 London civil
servants aged between 35 and 55 were interviewed in the late 1980's . Among other
questions, they were asked if they felt bored at work during the past month. These same
people were tracked down to find out who died by April 2009. What the
researchers found was that civil servants who reported being very bored were 2.5
times more likely to die of a heart problem than those who hadn't reported being
bored. You might be asking yourself, what the %$#@ does this mean? To put this into perspective,
consider this fact by the American Heart Association(link is external): Smokers are two to four times likely to develop coronary heart
disease than nonsmokers. People with a molotov cocktail of obesity, high blood pressure, and high blood sugar (that is, all three at
once) are twice as likely to have a heart attack and three times more likely to die earlier than the rest of the population. This
means that death by boredom is right up there with the favorite targets of media
fear mongering, public policy, and pharmaceutical companies. Nobody is talking
about boredom while people whine and die quietly at workplaces around the world. Of course, there
are some serious problems with this conclusion. Boredom might not be the direct culprit. Someone who is bored is unlikely to be
motivated to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Perhaps bored people are more likely to subsist on microwave dinners and Chef Boyardee
Beefaroni. Perhaps they are less likely to put in the effort and commitment to physical exercise. Perhaps they are more likely to
vegetate on their coach, smoking cannabis, and watching reruns of Three's Company. Perhaps people are bored because they are
incredibly stressed out. Bored people are less invested in learning, challenging themselves,
and growing. In turn, the natural brain degeneration that occurs as we age is likely
to speed up. This is because as we attend to novelty, manage novelty, and extract rewards from
novel and challenging situations, we build and strengthen existing neuron connections in our
brain. Being curious and exploring our world has been shown to be a protective
factor against degenerative brain diseases (Alzheimer's disease, Parkinson's disease).
Curiosity helps our brains stay young. People that are chronically bored lack curiosity. Each
day our curiosity system devotes our efforts toward the pursuit of all the
traditional rewards of the world - water, food, warmth or coolness (depending on our
internal thermostat), sexual gratification, and social relationships. When our needs are fulfilled,
curiosity promotes enthusiastic exploration of the world, helping create new
knowledge and promote new interests. And when new and uncertain situation arouse
anxiety and fear, instead of being paralyzed, we explore instead of avoid. If boredom kills,
then cultivating curiosity heals.