1 BATMANS BREAKFAST BEWLIDERMENT

WAYNE MANOR
NARRATOR
Deep beneath Wayne Manor lies the
secret cavernous headquarters of
Gotham Citys most perplexing and
most gripping vigilante, "THE BAT
MAN"

ROBIN
Uhn... morning, Batman... Batman?
Batman wake up!
BATMAN
Huh? Uh uhh oh... morning, Dick.

ROBIN
Batman what are you doin at the
Bat Computer this early? Have you
been up all night?

BATMAN
Yeah I have... uh the Riddler, you
know...
(snoring)

ROBIN
What? THE RIDDLER? But we just
locked him up in Arkham Asylum for
the four hundred and thirty seventh
time last Tuesday!

A sudden, small explosion from the harbor of the bat cave

THE RIDDLER
(chuckling)
Thats right, Bird Boy! Ive
escaped- AGAIN! And Ive kept your
precious Caped Crusader awake in a
wild goose chase for English
muffins all night! Hehe
heehheeeeeeeeeh... Now, riddle me
th-

ROBIN
Holy chicken coop, Batman!
THE RIDDLER
What? Chicken coo-? sigh...
sidekicks. Now youve ruined the
tension in the air, I had this
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.

THE RIDDLER (contd)

whole riddle and an entire scheme
planned out and you have to go and
say something as stupid and
discrete as "Chicken coop"! CURSE
YOU, BATMAN! WHYD YOU HAVE TO PICK
SUCH A DULL-WITTED NINNY TO BE YOUR
WARD?
BATMAN
(snoring)

THE RIDDLER
Sigh, alright. Now Robin, Ive been
developing my newest and most
laborious enigma for the past 8
months, and if you cant solve it,
I will release 100 tons of
scrambled eggs over Gotham City,
ya hear?
ROBIN
You fiend! Those eggs couldve gone
to the Wayne Enterprise Foundation
in support of the Gotham City home
for the orphaned!
THE RIDDLER
... Anyway, riddle me this, Boy
Wonder! What are two things that
you can never eat for breakfast?
ROBIN
Golly gee wilikers! Oh, I dont
know if I can solve that one!
Batman always does the work for me.
THE RIDDLER
Yeah, yeah like, you have no worth
or value as a person. Youre human
trash basically. Now just get on
with the riddle, you have two
minutes.
ROBIN
Oh, Batman! Please, wake up! Wake
up! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!
NARRATOR
WILL BATMAN ARISE TO SAVE THE DAY?
CAN THE INCOMPETENT AND GENERALLY
USELESS ROBIN SOLVE THE RIDDLE IN
TIME? HOW WILL THE DYNAMIC DUO MAKE
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 3.

NARRATOR (contd)
IT OUT OF THIS ONE? FIND OUT- AFTER
THIS COMMERCIAL BREAK-
NARRATOR
AND NOW, WE RETURN TO THE SCENE!

ROBIN
Two things you cant eat for
breakfast... hmmmmm... um...
THE RIDDLER
50 seconds...

ROBIN
uh... um...uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
THE RIDDLER
(snaps fingers)
Hello?
ALFRED
Master Dick, your Pizza Rolls are
ready.

ROBIN
Holy perfect timing, Alfred! Thats
it!
THE RIDDLER
30 seconds..............!
ROBIN
Two things you cant have for
breakfast- PIZZA AND ROLLS!

THE RIDDLER
...
(presses button)
(Loud splashing and splurging
noise)

NARRATOR
And so, Gotham City sank into its
harbor from the staggering weight
of 100 tons of eggs.
(pause)
(Batman outro plays)