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by It Is Written
P.O. Box 6, Chattanooga, TN 37401
ISBN 978-1-944307-95-0
Contents
Coping With Grief
Is There Hope?
FIRST GOAL OF GRIEF: Believe It Actually Happened
SECOND GOAL OF GRIEF: Be Willing to Experience the Pain
THIRD GOAL OF GRIEF: Make Adjustments
FOURTH GOAL OF GRIEF: Be Willing to Say Goodbye
Challenges of the Grieving Process
Biblical Examples of Grief
Healthy Ways of Grieving
Pray
Remember God is with you
Seek help if you need it
Look after yourself
Avoid narcotics
Dont make major decisions
Remember that time helps
Plan ahead
How Can I Help Someone Who Is Grieving?
Promises to Remember
n 1633, a 27-year-old Dutchman worked at his easel and painted a picture that
I would come to be known the world over as Storm on the Sea of Galilee. The
artists name? Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn.
As a young man, Rembrandt apprenticed with several painters and eventually
opened his own workshop, specializing in portraits, self-portraits, and biblical
scenes. He became well known throughout the Netherlands for his exceptional talent,
and is widely considered one of the great artists in western European art history. He
is credited with producing several hundred paintings and thousands of drawings. In
2009, a Rembrandt sold at auction for more than $30 million.
Rembrandt was known as a religious person, no doubt influenced by his Roman
Catholic mother and his Dutch Reformed father. Of all the biblical scenes he
captured on canvas, perhaps none is so intriguing as Storm on the Sea of Galilee,
the Dutch masters only seascape. Its an impressive painting.1
It portrays the New Testament account of Jesus and His disciples traveling by
boat across the Sea of Galilee, enveloped in a ferocious storm. The painting depicts
clashing clouds in the dark heavens, and frothy, angry waves. Light illuminates part
of the fragile craft. Several disciples have scrambled to secure the vessel while others
cling to the mast, desperation on their faces. In the back of the boat, Jesus rests
peacefully, His face a picture of serenity in stark contrast to the chaos around him.
But something else also stands out. There are fourteen men in the boat. Jesus had
only twelve disciples, so one would expect to find thirteen people. So who is that
mysterious thirteenth disciple pictured in the lower portion of the painting, peering
over the edge of the boat? Many people believe that Rembrandtwho occasionally
inserted a self-portrait into his paintingspainted himself as the thirteenth disciple in
the boat.
What was Rembrandt trying to communicate by placing himself in the midst of
that storm on the Sea of Galilee? He may have been saying he was in the midst of the
storm of life, or he might have been recognizing that only Jesus can save someone
from the waves of despair that inevitably wash over a persons path. While it is never
easy to interpret an artists thinking, we can, like the disciples depicted in
Rembrandts famous painting, turn to Jesus for help no matter what life brings.
A friend e-mailed me recently. His message was direct and to the point. My heart
ached as I read, My beautiful son has died. Please pray for me. . . . The profound
grief I feel is almost too much to bear.
Grief is an intruder. Human beings werent created to grieve. In the beginning,
when God created the heavens and the earth (Genesis 1:1), He placed Adam and
Eve into a perfect world. They were created to love, laugh, enjoy, and delight, but
loss was not part of Gods original plan for humanity. Therefore, when loss comes,
its foreign to us. It hurts. Its painful. Its uncomfortable.
Since sin entered the world, grief has become a part of everyday life. No one on
planet Earth escapes the often-crippling sorrow and pain that is part of the human
experience. Massive waves of despair, doubt, and darkness frequently accompany
grief or loss. Losing a spouse, a child, a family member, or a friendespecially if the
loss occurs unexpectedly or prematurelyis a life-altering experience that often
brings with it unfathomable grief and hurt. Divorce or separation are events that can
stretch ones emotional capacity to breaking point. An accident, the loss of a limb,
the death of a pet, or even the loss of a possession can cause episodes of grief that cut
deep. Losing a job, being the victim of a crime, or receiving a challenging medical
diagnosis can affect a person dramatically.
The Bible has a lot to say about loss. Even before God created the world, there
was war in heaven (Revelation 12:7). A third of the angels rebelled against God and
as a result were evicted from Paradise (Revelation 12:4). These fallen angels not only
walked away from God but turned against Him in rebellion. If anyone understands
grief, God certainly does.
The most well-known verse in the Bible states that God gave His only begotten
Son for the sins of the world (John 3:16). Jesus is described as the Lamb slain from
the foundation of the world (Revelation 13:8). For thousands of years God lived in
the knowledge that His only begotten Son would die for a rebellious world. He
witnessed Jesus suffer rejection, pain, and anguish before being nailed to a cross to
die an excruciating death.
God understands the pain of losing a loved one. God has been losing loved
ones for thousands of years. As One who understands the pain of grief, God promises
comfort to those who grieve. In fact, the Bible refers to God as the God of all
comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3). Writing in reference to death, Paul said in 1
Thessalonians 4:13 (NIV), But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren,
about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no
hope.
The Oxford Dictionary defines grief as intense sorrow, especially caused by
someones death. Merriam-Webster says something very similar. The word
grieflike gravity and the adjective gravecome from the Latin gravis,
meaning heavy or burdensome.
Grief can be a physical, emotional, or psychological reaction to an experience of
loss. Grieving is healthy and natural. Grieving is simply the process of coming to
terms with loss. The Bible writer Paul suggests it is possibleessentialthat a
person grieve with hope.
Austrian neurologist Dr. Sigmund Freud said in 1917, Grieving is a natural
process that should not be tampered with. Eminent Swiss Psychiatrist Carl Jung
said, Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering. In other words, failure
to deal with grief can result in significant physiological issues.
So how can a person cope with grief? How can a person grieveas Paul suggests
with hope? Grief can be overwhelming. Its common for grieving people to
experience loneliness, emptiness, and frequent crying. People dealing with grief
might find it difficult to breathe deeply, they may feel as though a heavy weight is
resting on their chest, and they may find it hard to enjoy activities they once enjoyed.
Short-term memory can fail, concentration can become difficult, and feelings of
depression can settle in.
Is There Hope?
One of the great themes of the Bible is the resurrection of the dead when Jesus
returns. Behold, I tell you a mystery, Paul wrote to the church at Corinth. We
shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changedin a moment, in the twinkling of an
eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised
incorruptible, and we shall be changed (1 Corinthians 15:51, 52). The return of
Jesus is referred to in Scripture as the blessed hope (Titus 2:13). One day God will
remake this sin-scarred planet, and throughout eternity there will be no more death
(Revelation 21:4).
Grief can be so suffocating it can often feel as though the future offers only
emptiness. But its important to understand when facing grief that there really is a
way through what is often an extremely difficult time. The big picture outlined in
Scripture shows thatultimatelythings work out well for those who live in faith in
God. An eternity without sin, without grief, and with those you love awaits those
who choose to entrust their lives to God.
Its important to understand that God is affected by our grief. Jesus wept at the
grave of Lazarus (John 11:35). Paul encouraged people of faith to Rejoice with
them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep (Romans 12:15). The Psalmist
wrote that weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning (Psalm
30:5).
Nobody gets through life without experiencing grief on some level. Not long
after he painted the Storm on the Sea of Galilee, Rembrandt experienced
devastating grief when he and his wife lost their two-month-old son. Three years
later, their daughter died at just three weeks of age, and their second daughter lived
for only a month. The only child that survived was their fourth child, Titus.
Unfortunately, the year after Titus was born, Rembrandts wife Saskia passed away.
Grief and loss, along with their cousin pain, are no respecter of persons.
Therefore, its pointless to try to avoid or ignore grief. The question is, how do
you cope with grief? How can you survive grief? How can you approach grief in
such a way as you come through the grieving process healthier, and perhaps even
stronger than you were before you grieved?
In the late 1960s, Psychiatrist Dr. Elizabeth Kbler-Ross wrote of the fives
stages of grief. Others have suggested there are four, or seven stages of grief. And
while many experts have countered that these stages are not necessarily experienced
in order, or even experienced at all by many people, Kbler-Ross On Death and
Dying became accepted as the seminal work on the subject of grief.
Kbler-Ross suggested the five stages of griefinitially applied to terminally ill
patients, and later to any person experiencing griefare:
As imperfect as it might be, anyone who has experienced grief can identify in
some way with Kbler-Ross model. Yet pastor, author, and television presenter
Mike Tucker suggested an alternative approach to grief when I interviewed him on
two It Is Written programs.2
Pastor Tucker suggested that rather than looking at the stages of grief, people
focus instead on what he calls the goals of grief.
Mike is no stranger to loss. Only months before we spoke, he lost Gayle, his wife
of 40 years, to a sudden illness. Recognizing that the role of grief is to help a person
move from the experience of grieving to living healthily in the wake of grief, Pastor
Tucker suggests people approach grief with certain goals in mind.
PRAY
Lifes difficult experiences tend to push a person either closer to God or further
away from God. Any time of deep need is a time to be seeking the presence and
blessing of God. While prayer is no miracle cure for the pain and hardship grief can
sometimes bring, prayer brings you into close contact with the heart of God.
Experiencing grief is an opportunity to talk with God, claim the promises of Gods
Word, and listen closely to the voice of God as He speaks to your heart. He has
promised to hear the prayers of His children (Isaiah 65:24), and to provide all your
needs (Philippians 4:19). If you need comfort and strength, God has promised that
He will provide that in your time of distress.
AVOID NARCOTICS
It can be tempting to turn to drugs in an effort to escape or cope with grief.
Unless they are prescribed by a physician, this is never a good idea.
Grief can be a profoundly difficult experience. But in the midst of grief, you can
say, by the grace of God, It is well with my soul.
Faith in a loving God will give you hope. Hope that one day soon the sadnesses
of the world will come to an end. Hope that one day soon, Jesus Himself will return
to this earth and usher in an eternity where tears do not flow and sorrow is no more.
When no human heart fully understands, Jesus understands. Jesus cares. He says,
The one who comes to Me I will by no means cast out (John 6:37). In Jesus you
can find healing. In Jesus you will find peace and strength.
I will turn their mourning to joy, will comfort them, and make them rejoice
rather than sorrow (Jeremiah 31:13).
Promises to Remember
He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I
will deliver him, and honor him (Psalm 91:15).
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you (Isaiah 43:2).
Look to Me, and be saved, all you ends of the earth! For I am God, and there is
no other (Isaiah 45:22).
O my God, my soul is cast down within me; therefore I will remember You. . . .
Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in
God; for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God (Psalm
42:6,11).
These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world
you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world (John
16:33).
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest
(Matthew 11:28).
1 Storm on the Sea of Galilee was stolen from a museum in Boston, MA, in 1990.
2 To view these and other It Is Written programs, visit itiswritten.com/television.