Beware of the dangers of love addiction

Do you believe that love is the only antidote to everything that is wrong with your
life? How long do you wait to tell a person that you love him and imagine a future
with him? Have you ever stopped to think that you might be more in love with the
idea of love than with the object of your affection? If these questions make you
worried or defensive, chances are you might be suffering from a real problem.

Dr Jyoti Kapoor Madan, a senior psychiatry consultant at Paras Hospitals, Gurgaon,

says, Love addiction has not been formally classified as a clinical condition, but
research indicates that a strain of pathological maladaptive behaviour manifests in
certain people when they fall in love. They display the kind of addictive
behaviour usually found in substance abusers. Experts say its hard to define this
particular addiction in clear terms, but it can point to some deep-rooted,
insidious emotional or psychological problems.

A few years ago, a study by Rutgers University in the US found that when
heartbroken men and women were shown photographs of their exes, these lit up the
regions in the brain associated with craving, rewards, physical pain and distress.
When these people are hurt emotionally, they tend to adopt dysfunctional
behaviours and become distrustful, angry and self-destructive, says Dr S
Sudarsanan, senior psychiatry consultant at Venkateshwar Hospital, New Delhi. Dr
Madan points to another common symptom of the problem: Jealousy can also become
pathological in vulnerable individuals and could further damage them and their
relationships.

The cure lies in therapy and introspection. Dr Sudarsanan says, The objective is
to offer the person insight into their own behaviour and its impact on the
relationship, as well as constantly redirect their focus on other important
components of life such as work, friends, family, personal development and
fulfilment.

While a break-up can be emotionally devastating for anyone, some people might be
particularly susceptible to a meltdown. These individuals display signs of an
addiction even before their relationships end. Here are some indications that the
problem is much bigger than just heartbreak:

A fear of loneliness
Usually counted by experts as one of the surest signs of love addiction, the fear
of being single or lonely pushes a person into making emotional attachment and
being overdependent on someone. I have had several relationship, none of them
worked, says Mallika Singh*, a copywriter in Kolkata. After counselling, I
realised that my fear of being lonely gave rise to a constant need to be in a
relationship.

Reckless choices
Experts say that love addicts tend to have poor taste in partners. Eager to fall in
love, they dont take the time to get to know the person. Sometimes, they fail to
break this pattern and end up either staying on in unhappy relationships or just
going from one bad choice to the next.

A fixation on unreal concepts

Love addicts tend to believe in idealised versions of love and relationships as
depicted in films and literature. They continue to look for The One and keep
counting the ways in which the current relationship is inadequate. They are more
interested in the relentless romantic pursuit than in actually finding The One.
Lack of introspection
Experts say that if a relationship fails, a love addict doesnt normally want to
evaluate or find out what went wrong. They feel emotionally insecure and tend to
latch onto the past relationships until they dive headlong into the next one.
Watch out for maladaptive patterns of emotions or behaviour such as repetitive
thoughts of the loved one, craving for proximity despite its impracticality,
feelings of dysphoria, anger or frustration when the one they love is not
available, and a lack of interest in and an inability to concentrate on any other
personal, social or occupational commitments, says Dr Madan.

Great expectations
Such addicts tends to think that romantic love can fix everything. So, they tend to
not give importance to close friends and family, and look for romantic partners to
help them cope with all their problems.

Physical dependence
Experts say, like other types of addiction, there can be physical symptoms to the
love-fixation as well. The experience of passionate love has been associated with
dopamine reward pathways that are also associated with substance addiction, says
Dr Madan. I have often come across clients who have cited intense feeling of
withdrawal and craving when they are away from their object of love. These
individuals have symptoms of irritability, lack of sleep and appetite, feelings of
hopelessness or helplessness, an intense craving to be with the object of affection
and even thoughts of self-destruction.