LESSON 1: UNDERSTANDING SHAME

Shame is the feeling that we are unworthy. Its the feeling that we are bad or somehow inherently
deficient as humans.

Shame adds up over the course of our lives. Most of our shame comes from our childhood and from
situations that we dont remember.

Parents punishing us for touching our privates.

Teachers or ministers telling us that sex is wrong and that were being bad.

Other kids laughing at us or shaming us for expressing our feelings.

Some of us go through a lot of shaming experiences growing up particularly if we were the

nerdy kid or if we grew up in a strict or religious household chances are were going to have a
lot of shame and negative feelings around our sexuality.

Shame causes us to hide ourselves. It causes performance behaviors and anxiety. Shame is
ultimately what causes us to behave in unattractive ways. Because we unconsciously feel sexually
unworthy of the women we like, our behavior therefore causes us to appear unworthy to these
same women.

Men with a lot of shame often become codependent. They dont express themselves, avoid
confrontation, become too agreeable, never stand up for their own desires or needs. As a result,
they consistently end up in either the friend zone or with women who use them and walk over
them.

Shame also can lead to sexual dysfunction or compulsive sexual behavior. This can include
performance problems, major sexual anxiety, addiction to pornography, strip clubs or prostitutes.

Its important that we cut off these sexual conduits so that you can face your sexual issues head on.
The problem with pornography and compulsive sexual behavior is that it reinforces the shame
instead of fix it. So its important to end it.

This module will be focused teaching you to assert yourself and your desires. Sexual shame is only
solved with becoming comfortable expressing it. And just like we used vulnerability to desensitize
you to social anxiety in the approach module, we will be using vulnerability to desensitize you to
your sexual shame in this module.

EXERCISE
This exercise has two parts:

1) End all pornography use today. Download a site blocker and input a random password if you need
to. If you frequent strip clubs or use prostitutes, then end those as well. The minimum here is 60
days. After the 60 days, hopefully you will notice the benefits enough to want to not go back.

2) Write about your sexual shame and what you believe the roots of it are. This will make some of
you very uncomfortable. But its this discomfort that will ultimately help you become OK with your
issues and overcome them.

Also, write what you believe your life would look like if you had absolutely no sexual shame
whatsoever. What would your interactions with women be like. What would your relationships be
like?

EXERCISE SUBMISSIONS

Lesson 2: Eye Contact

To begin on our journey of asserting ourselves around others, were going to start simple. Were
going to play the eye contact game.

Exercise

As you go about your daily life, look every single person in the eye that you come across, no matter
where you are. If they make eye contact with you, hold it with them until they look away first. Do
this 50 times. Come back and write about the experience.

Exercise Submissions
Lesson 3: The Creep Stare

Chances are, you quickly adapted to holding eye contact with people. But Im willing to bet that you
found it most difficult with attractive women.

In fact, how difficult you found it to hold eye contact is likely proportional to how much shame you
feel towards certain types of people. Elderly couple or little kids likely dont make you look away the
same way a beautiful woman or powerful man does. This is anxiety caused by your unconscious
sense of unworthiness.

Were going to focus specifically on beautiful women this time.

Many men avert their eyes from beautiful women because they feel like staring that them is
somehow rude or offensive. Ironically, the only reason this feels rude is because of their own sexual
desire.

If an old man was juggling knives and you stared at him, would you consider that rude? If a man had
a really interesting shirt on and you stared at it to read it, would that be offensive?

Then why is staring at a beautiful woman (often times, a woman who spent hours to become that
beautiful) rude or offensive to you? Its your shame talking.

Any time you find yourself concerned about being Creepy this is your shame talking. And this
sense of inhabiting your own sexuality as something that is creepy is something we want to get
over as soon as possible.

Exercise

Stare at every hot girl you see. It doesnt matter if she sees you or not. Stare at her until youre no
longer interested in staring at her anymore.

Obviously this is not a super-acceptable social habit in general, but I want you to do it for the time
being to get yourself comfortable doing it. Stare at 20 different women. Do not look away until you
feel like it. Feel the anxiety and shame come up and sit with it, keep staring. Notice how absolutely
nothing bad ever happens (hell, a girl may even smile at you.)

Exercise Submissions
Lesson 4: Happiness as our Metric

Many men pursue women with their sole priority being on not getting rejected or getting some sort
of specific action or result from them.

For instance, for many men, success means:

1. Having a lot of sex.

2. Not being rejected.
3. Not being creepy.
4. Not offending anyone.
5. Getting lots of dates.
6. Getting a girlfriend.

The problem is that most of these types of results can occur and still not necessarily make you
happy.

For instance, you can have sex with a girl who isnt attractive or fun to be around. Or you can never
get rejected but have a bunch of boring dates that never lead anywhere.

This is why happiness and emotional well-being should be our only metric for success. That means,
sometimes youll be creepy or offend someone or be rejected because youre standing up for your
own values. That means sometimes you will turn a girl down or not have sex with her because it
wouldnt make you happy.

Its important to become comfortable with these other possible results.

The key to sticking to happiness as your metric are:

1) To understand your values and boundaries.

2) Express and implement those values and boundaries in your interactions.

Decide what kind of experience or interaction you want and then decide what your boundaries and
values are. What will you tolerate and not tolerate? What will you pursue and what will you let go?
Sidenote: From here until the end of the program, you will be required to complete the exercises
while interacting with women youre attracted to. If you currently have trouble meeting or talking to
a lot of women youre interested in, either review the Approach Module or sign up for an online
dating site. You can learn about the basics of online dating in the Online Dating Bonus.

Exercise

Take a moment and define your values and boundaries below. Write what behaviors and qualities
you wont tolerate. If you have previous experiences where you suffered because you didnt stick up
for your own values, share that below.

Values that I find important in people:

Things I am unwilling to accept from women I meet:

Exercise Submissions

Values: Adventurous, Confidence, or child like curiosity (its cute), humbleness, creative,
passionate, ambitious, sexual openness, thoughtfulness, honesty, playfulness, curiosity, fitness,
respect, authenticity, friendliness, reliable ,open minded

Boundaries: Laziness, selfishness, egotistical, lying, doesnt take care of her appearance, drug
abuser, disrespectful, manipulative, talk badly about others (unless its talked about in an appropriate
manner) self centerdness,controll others

LESSON 5: ASSERTING YOURSELF

So its time to take the values and boundaries you defined for yourself and actually assert them
around others.

The problem with most men who are chronically unattractive is they never assert their values or
define what they will or will not tolerate. Its time to do that.

EXERCISE

Assert one of your previous values or boundaries and assert it to a woman. This may require
disagreeing with her. This may require simply communicating what you want. Write about the
experience.
EXERCISE SUBMISSIONS

Lesson 6: Pushing the Limits

Now its time to get a little bit crazy.

Most men who suffer from sexual shame feel very uncomfortable broaching the topic of sex or even
joking about it. They feel that for some reason its inappropriate or rude.

But becoming comfortable mentioning sex to a woman is the first step to becoming sexual with your
sexuality.

Exercise

Talk about sex with at least one woman. You can start by joking or asking an innocent question. It
can be a female friend or acquaintance. But make

it your goal to talk or joke with a woman about sex.

Write about the experience.

Exercise Submissions

Lesson 7: Sexual Compliments

Hopefully you found a way to introduce some sexual topics to conversations with women and
hopefully it didnt completely freak you out.
As you may find, talking about sex, particularly with women, can be an extremely interesting topic.
Men and women usually experience their sexualities differently and so they love comparing notes
with each other.

OK, lets take things further. Lets move beyond the innocuous sexual conversation and actually
direct our sexual intent towards a woman were interested in.

Exercise

Compliment a woman youre interested in sexually. Some examples include:

You look really cute tonight.

You have a sexy smile.

I think youre beautiful and want to take you out sometime.

Any sort of innuendo or banter can work as well. The goal here is to make it overtly obvious that
youre sexually interested in a woman.

Now, while you dont HAVE to be polite about it, I urge you to be at least respectful. Women really
do have to put up with a lot of harassment and unwanted attention. I also recommend you do this
AFTER youve met a woman and talked to her for a while, and I recommend you NOT do it at school
or at work.

(If youve done the approach module, then a direct approach on a woman does NOT count for this.
You have to say something else as well.)

Exercise Submissions
Lesson 8: Leading

Women become sexually attracted to men who take charge and lead. Its time to practice taking the
lead.

Men with a lot of sexual shame usually defer to women because theyre overly-concerned with what
she wants and how she feels. But making a move, taking the lead, bringing her somewhere
unknown, these things create the sexual tension to ignite the spark of attraction.

Exercise

Move a woman somewhere. This can be getting her out on a date. It can be simply asking her to
come outside with you, going somewhere else with you, coming over to your house through text.

The point is, you need to make her move and to move towards you. Dont ask permission, dont wait
for her to decide, just decide and say it, Hey, lets go outside, or Lets meet up after work and
have a drink.

Its OK if you get rejected. Just keep trying with other women youre interested in. When you get a
woman to show up, record your experience and move on.

Exercise Submissions

LESSON 9: TOUCHING

One way people signify that theyre flirting or sexually interested in each other is that they touch
each other.
Touching makes many people uncomfortable, but not only does touching signal your sexual interest,
but it generates sexual tension and anticipation.

Its best to save this for situations where you believe a woman is already interested in you, youve
already made a statement of sexual intent, and/or youre on a date.

Examples:

Touch a woman lightly on the arm while talking to her. Touch her shoulder while laughing at
something.

Take her hand and hold it while walking.

While sitting next to one another, lightly put your hand on her leg.

While standing, lightly put your arm around her shoulder or her waist.

Its important that these types of touches are done in context. They usually need to be done while
socializing and having fun together.

laying games on a date like bowling, billiards or something else can be a great opportunity to touch
her.

When you touch her, you need to look for signals of reciprocation.

If she pulls away or makes it clear she does not like you touching her, then STOP. She is not
interested.

If she does not move or react to your touch, wait for a while and then try it again.

If she reciprocates by touching you back, leaning into you, getting closer to you or smiling at you,
then its on! Keep going!

Sidenote on Creepiness: Creepiness occurs when you pursue a woman in such a way that you ignore
her boundaries or ability to consent. For instance, not being forthright with your desires and being
manipulative are both considered creepy because they ignore a womans right to express her
interest. Persisting with a woman who is clearly telling you no is creepy. Being invasive and
inconsiderate towards her desires is creepy.
You will know youre being creepy because she will give you clear negative signals. If you receive
these signals, then STOP!

Remember, the goal here is happiness and well-being, its also to respect ourselves while respecting
others. Theres no need to pressure anyone into doing something theyre uncomfortable doing. So
stop.

You will know youre being creepy because she will give you clear negative signals. If you receive
these signals, then STOP!

EXERCISE

Touch a woman in a flirting fashion. Its recommend that youre able to do this on a date, but you
can do it after meeting a woman who seems interest in you as well.

Write about the experience.

LESSON 10: KISSING

The final step is to take your newfound ability to be assertive, to lead, to stand up for your
boundaries, to make sexual statement, and to touch, and to move things further.

By this point, you should have found at least one woman who is attracted to you and enjoys flirting
with you. If you find youre able to touch a woman and she reciprocates, she responds positively to
your sexual statements, she follows your lead, then she is ready to be kissed.

EXERCISE

No secret to this one, take a woman on a date and lay it on her. There is no right moment, its
simply when youre ready. Turn to her, face her, gently pull her towards you, and go for it. If you
keep finding yourself in awkward positions, or are afraid to go for it, try saying it first: look her in the
eyes and say, I want to kiss you. Then go for it.

Note: if she pulls away, then always ask her why shes not comfortable. Dont get angry. Dont try to
control. Simply ask her and find out. Usually its because shes not ready yet, or its too fast, or its
not the right situation. Other times its because shes not attracted to you and you thought she was.
Thats fine. Take it and move on.
EXERCISE SUBMISSIONS

LESSON 11: SEX ITSELF

If youre able to kiss a woman and see her repeatedly, its time to start looking at sex itself. There
are two primary areas of concern to focus on:

Logistics

Sexual anxiety

The logistics of leading a woman to sex is a product of escalating from kissing to the bedroom and to
intercourse. But a few important things need to happen on the way:

You need to go to your place or her place, spend time alone, and have it understood that you two
want to be sexually involved.

You need to have any necessary talk about STD tests, sexual history, partners, etc., that needs to be
talked about.

Foreplay.

Foreplay is the physical stuff that happens after kissing but before sex. This includes fingering,
masturbation, kissing her body, touching, oral sex, and more.

Generally you want to engage in a fair amount of foreplay before going for the sex itself. Women, on
average, need more time to be turned on than men. So take your time. A cool rule I heard once is
the 3-2-1 ratio. For every 2 minutes of sex itself, you should have 3 minutes of foreplay before and 1
minute of cuddling after. So, a perfect session would be like 15 minutes of foreplay, 10 minutes of
sex itself, 5 minutes of cuddling.

SEXUAL ANXIETY

Chances are if you suffer from a large amount of sexual shame, you will have a lot of anxiety
escalating to sex and perhaps even some performance issues.
The biggest thing to keep in mind with sexual anxiety is that you should slow down for yourself. Just
like sometimes women need to slow down to make themselves more comfortable, if you are
becoming anxious, then you need to slow down for yourself.

Talk about it. If you are inexperienced or are self-conscious for some reason, mention it and mention
that youd like to move things slow. Most girls actually appreciate this. You will not be judged. And if
she does, practice your boundaries by dumping her.

Feel free to talk to her about what she wants, what she feels comfortable with, what she likes, etc.
Really, the point in all of this: there is no rush.

Take the pressure of performance off yourself. Sex is not a performance. It is not something that is
measured. It is a question of compatibility. I have had sex with over 100 women and probably at
least a 1,000 times. Some women said I was the best sex they had ever had. Others, Im sure there
are some women that think Im terrible in bed. Because I was. Sex has far more to do with personal
chemistry and that particular context than anything else.

Comfort also plays a big part in it. Generally, the more comfortable you get with a woman, the
better the sex gets (relationship sex is generally the best sex there is.)

And finally, if you find yourself consistently having performance problems, you can buy herbal
remedies that give you stronger boners. I used to us Stamina Rx from CVS or Walgreens.

EXERCISE

Have sex. Bravo!

EXERCISE SUBMISSIONS