Introduction

This report is an evaluation of the unpublished proposal entitled Health Posture Assistant written

by Nguyen, X. P. in 2015.

Description

Following the rise in information technology, workers nowadays are spending a huge amount of

time working in front of computers and often adopt unhealthy postures that potentially leads to

ergonomics issues. Moreover, the current solution of "smart chair", which mechanically corrects

users' position is unsatisfactory because it causes inconvenience and promotes complacency.

"Health Posture Assistant" is a proposed software to monitor any improper postures the users may

have in real time and notify them to adjust their posture to the correct manner.

Objective

This report aims to evaluate the effectiveness of the proposal based on clarity and persuasiveness.

Evaluation

Clarity of writing

The ideas presented in some of the sentences are not coherent. The information does not flow in a

logical manner and hence affects the clarity of writing. For instance, between line 11 and 15, the

author started by stating the amount of wealth wastedmoney spent on ergonomic issues and

subsequently concludedmentioned that unhealthy postures lead to health problems. Evidently, the

author did not indicate any direct relationship as to how the amount of money wasted suggests that

unhealthy postures cause medical issues. Therefore, this confuses readers as wrong assumptions

maybe made about the statement and hence degrades the clarity of writing.
Firstly, the writer never illustrated where the money is spent on, be it on treatment or productivity.

Secondly, the write seems to omit the cause and effect relationship. Logically, the money spent on

ergonomics issue is the triggered by health problems associated with improper sitting posture, but

the improper use of signalling device in the paragraph makes this link confusing as the reader

needs to pause and the infer the relationship themselves.

Moreover, the language used in the proposal lacks correctness and impedes reading. For example,

between lines 34 and 36 the author stated "Secondly, determination, as a psychological effect, will

be motivated..." The main error is that the author did not specify whose determination he is

referring to, which would pause the readers to read the sentence again and this will adversely

hinder their trainflow of thought and analysis.ideas. Moreover, readers may interpret the sentence

as determination will be literally motivated by HPA, but it must be noted that determination itself

is unlike a person which can be motivated. Therefore, this can be extremely confusing for the

readers to understand and hence significantly impairs the quality of writing.

Persuasiveness Commented [#T1]: oh so here we can chat

Additionally, the proposed solution lacks relevant technical details and thus reduces the

persuasiveness of the proposal tremendously. The authorThe problem and solution lacks

persuasiveness. The writer briefly pointed out that current product on the market cause

inconvenience and instill complacency (line 15-18) but he failed to explain what are the

inconvenience and how it instills complacency. The lack of technical details on the working

principles and drawbacks of current product make the need for new product less convincing.
Moreover, the write could provide more details of the product to make it more desirable for the

customers. The writer mentioned that an icon will appear whenever the user gets too close but did

not quantify the minimum distance nor the size of the icon. Without such information, it is

challenging to determine the feasibility of the product in correcting user's postures as too close a

gap before the size of the icon becomes observable to signal the users they are currently adopting

an unhealthy posture might render the product ineffective. Furthermore, the author did not provide

more details about notification settings and duration of the notification. The absence of these

information might make users to be skeptical about the potential benefits of the product because

the pop-up notifications might be a disruption to work which adversely affects their productivity.

Therefore, the lack of essential details given by the author raises questions about the promises it

claims to deliver and this ultimately makes the proposal unconvincing.

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Conclusion