Unavoidable Suffering and Salvation The Way

of Shame
November 13, 2015 Fr. Stephen Freeman
At the heart of the modern narrative is a concern to alleviate and even eliminate
suffering. This understanding is rooted in the Christian virtue of compassion. In many
ways, however, modern compassion has been detached from its original context and
become a thing-in-itself. Modernity is an arena where compassion has run amok, and,
ironically, promises to create new and unique miseries in its wake. The Christian
gospel is deeply entwined with the problem of suffering (when its properly taught).
But it represents an understanding that is at odds with the modern account. As ironic
as it may seem, Christians need to teach the world how to suffer that the world might
be healed.
It is jarring to hear that we need to teach the world how to suffer. It conjures up
notions of flagellants beating themselves with cords or other bizarre notions. It sounds
callous and cruel and utterly lacking in compassion. But, to a large extent, the art of
living is found in the art of suffering well. And, strangely, the failure to suffer well is
perhaps the greatest source of suffering itself.
I will gladly place suffering that involves extreme pain within a separate category. It
deserves its own separate treatment. But the larger category that we describe as
suffering, largely consists of shame. Shame is the unbearable emotion, according to
psychologists. It is also the first recorded human emotion in Scripture. The Christian
life, properly lived, voluntarily bears the shame within our existence, and even
volunteers to bear the shame of others. It is at the heart of the life of salvation. In the
words of the Elder Sophrony, The way of shame is the way of the Lord.
So, what does this look like?
Suffering takes many forms. It can describe physical pain. It can describe emotional
and social pain. In general, we can say that it describes human situations that we want
to end or escape in order to feel better. Much of the pain that we experience in life is
unavoidable: pain is an inherent part of the world we live in, both for good and for ill.
Some pain is indeed avoidable but difficult to escape for a variety of reasons. Some
pain is self-inflicted. But what we can say without fear of contradiction is that there is
no such thing in this world as a pain-free existence. Everybody suffers.
Christ is deeply compassionate in His teaching and ministry. He heals, forgives,
restores, etc. But it would be inaccurate to describe His ministry as primarily focused
on the alleviation of suffering. There were essentially just as many sick people in the
world after the ministry of Christ as there were before. For every leper He cleansed,
many were not. He Himself noted, The poor you always have with you. So what was
Christs relationship to suffering, and how should we understand His actions with
regard to those who were suffering?
I take the actions of Christ to be signs of the coming of the Kingdom of God. They
represent fulfillments of the Messianic promise: He has come that we might live. But
He is utterly clear when He speaks to those who would follow Him: Whosoever would
be my disciple, let him deny himself, take up his Cross and follow me. The Christian
life is, without exception, an agreement to share in the sufferings of Christ and the
sufferings of others, and to bear our own Cross through His grace. This is the life of
true compassion (com-passion=to suffer with).
Where I would draw our attention in this article is the interior act of bearing our
suffering. For it is there that the soul is formed and shaped into the image of Christ
Crucified. There is a suffering that comes from pain, a suffering that comes from
sadness and loss, but the most difficult to bear is the suffering that comes from shame.
 Our shame is generated by how we feel about who we are. Guilt is about what I have
done. We can acknowledge guilt, but easily find ourselves crushed by shame.
Shame is a primary cause of anger and depression. Something happens and we
encounter loss. We feel unworthy, or detached, or dismissed, or denied, or denigrated,
etc. Generally, we react with anger or with depression, depending on many things
within us. Both of these reactions remove us from the true burden of our suffering and
create inauthentic suffering. Much of this occurs on an unconscious level. Our shame
clouds the heart and the mind and we fail to see ourselves and the world as they are.
The only path to the truth in these situations is to bear the shame. St. John Climacus
says, You cannot escape shame except by shame. (4.62) It is worth noting that the
Elder Sophrony advised, Teach them to bear a little shame. This is something we do
along and along, as the soul is able to bear it.
The inner act of acknowledging our shame, and sitting in its presence without anger or
sadness, is an act of self-emptying. When we are in such a place we pray, O God,
comfort me. It is then that the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, can enter in and grant us
the great comfort of the image of Christ being formed in us. It banishes anger and
dissipates sadness.
The acknowledging of our shame (whether deserved or not) is not the occasion for
promising to do better or be better. Those are simply efforts not to acknowledge it.
Rather, we acknowledge it with patience and attention. The experience of shame (of
any sort) is a deeply, profoundly vulnerable experience. In many respects, shame itself
is a feeling of extreme vulnerability. We do not experience shame as safe. It feels
extremely unsafe. Our willingness to acknowledge it to ourselves and to God is a
sacrifice of vulnerability.
As a sheep led to the slaughter or a blameless lamb before his shearer is mute, so
He opened not His mouth. (Isaiah 53:7)
Christ recognizes Himself in us when we bear our shame in His presence. He does not
abandon us to death but comforts us. This is a deeply healing experience for the soul. It
can and should be an essential part of confession and repentance, but can also be a
part of prayer at any time.
This practice also goes to the heart of a proper Christian orientation to life in this
world. Most people refuse to take up this Cross of shame. Instead they engage in anger
and sadness, darkening their hearts and finally giving themselves over to violence and
every form of pleasurable escape. But they do not escape. They become ever more
deeply entrapped in the cycle of shame and death.
It is always possible for leaders and others to arouse the public by manipulating their
anger and sadness, energized by the shame they cannot bear. Those leaders are able to
direct that energy to violence and oppression, revolution and counter-revolution.
In the story of our first sin, Adam and Eve encounter shame. Their shame is not over
their sin, but over their nakedness. Their shame causes them to hide from God and to
blame others for their fall. The first victim is the unity of man and woman, then the
destruction of unity with creation itself. God covers that primal shame with the
garments of skin. He is not the cause of our shame. Ultimately He fulfills what is
prefigured in those garments by giving us the garment of His own righteousness to
cover our shame. It is within the righteous covering of Christ that we find the courage
to bear the shame that has been ours from the beginning and to enter the comfort of
God and the freedom that comes from Him alone.

1. Fr. Stephen Freeman says: Christopher,

I think it is born by being faithful, on the one hand, but trusting that all things are in Gods hands on the
other. BTW, I think you exaggerate the universalist thing. I know a couple of people who write about it.
 They in no way dismiss the Judgment, or even Hell. Theyre not namby-pamby about any of it. They simply,
like St. Isaac, think that God finally redeems everything
That does not minimize hell or judgment. It simply says something that they (and St. Isaac as well as a
number of others) a persuaded is true about the unrelenting character of the love of God.
I continue to maintain that I cannot (and do not) teach universalism because it has not been given to me in
the Tradition. But I can certainly talk about it with others and hear what theyre thinking and why. I recently
was told by someone when I was a visiting speaker somewhere that I was a universalist. I told them that I
am not and challenged them to find anywhere that I have ever said that I was.
I hope that St. Isaac is right. But thats between him and God. Ill have to wait a little while before I know
the sum total of what he thought and why.
I think it is possible to create a narrative in which all of the stuff you mentioned is one big dangerous thing.
Actually, its many things. The universalism is as Ive described it, I think. The abortionists better hope very
hard that St. Isaac is right in that theyre going to need a way out of hell.
The incompetence is not only true and present, I think it is pretty much endemic to the human situation. It
certainly has been in the history of the Church. Orthodoxy is not anti-institutional, but I think the truth of
Orthodoxy is in-spite-of-institutional. The one thing for which Im grateful about the massive incompetence
of the Church, is that it has also been too incompetent to actually bring about heretical changes when they
were going on everywhere else.
I was pondering to myself this morning about the question of women in the priesthood. Back in the 70s,
someone told me that the Orthodox would finally cave in like everyone else. That frightened me. Now,
frankly I dont worry about it. Those who advocate such nonsense (and they are very few), have no idea of
how such a thing could be brought about. Heck, we cant even get male deacons for parishes! when we
desperately need them.
So, I think we pray and work to be faithful and trust God, without whom nothing is safe or protected. What
other protection could we want?
2. Fr. Stephen Freeman says: Byron,
Well, again not to get off into a topic that is not minebut the few Orthodox whom I know who treat
Universalism with respect and seriousness (and positively), are as far removed from just be nice and youll
go to heaven as anyone I know. Its just not what is going on. Indeed, those whom I know cannot be
described as liberals or innovationists. or such.
As Ive mentioned, every Orthodox treatment of a universal hope still has hell, and even has hell for a very
long time
There is, for them, a philosophical/theological problem within the concept of an eternal hell. And their
problems are not without merit.
Christopher,
I do get it the tendency to ever create a sort of philosophical necessity.
3. drewster2000 says: Fr. Stephen,
Im a big fan of Brene Browns but I agree with your assessment. The interesting thing of course is that
people are so drawn by her revelations. This indicates to me the level of ignorance of the modern-day
person, Christian or otherwise. We have so trapped ourselves on the main floor of the false 2-storey universe
that we are shocked and yet mysteriously drawn when some even hints at the truth of our deep and hidden
shame and how to begin dealing with it.
Brenes work has its place. It gets the average person to consider looking at their life instead of medicating
it. And I think there are a lot more people in that group than the one which would be willing to start reading
your blog. This website is like the advanced class welcome to all but only accessible by some. No offense
meant. You cant be all things to all, and you are extremely good/blessed/graced in your role here. I
wouldnt change a thing. Just pointing out the need for people like her as well.
4. Fr. Stephen Freeman says: drewster,
FWIW, my daughters really like Brown. Shes accessible. (I dont think they read my stuff). I wish
everybody would read her stuff and at least begin to get the concept of shame into their vocabulary. They
could go deeper later.
One weakness, however. It is possible reading psych lit to think that shame is bad. Its not exactly bad its
unavoidable and its miserable. The more important question (since its unavoidable) is to ask: Whats this
for? What use is it?
5. Fr. Stephen Freeman says: Drewster,
Got the guys working on the comments search.
On shame. I have noted, in writing and speaking, that the most fundamental shame we have is deeply
existential. In the face of God, our completely contingent being (coming into existence out of nothing) is
shameful to us. That is, when we come face to face to God, it is an entirely appropriate response. But we
hate this reality and want to run away from it instead of bearing it and being healed.
In my San Francisco talk, I noted that we are created in the image of the Crucified. To live in true union with
God, we must live a self-emptying existence. This is also eternal true of the persons of the Holy Trinity. We
perceive something as shame that is the very gateway into salvation and theosis.
6. Fr. Stephen Freeman says: Drewster,
Shame is about who I am. To say, I am dust, or I came into existence out of nothing, or, Someday I
will die and the world will forget that I ever lived, is, in fact, to come face to face with shame. And if we
see these things in the light of the pure and true existence of God, it becomes all the more poignant. It does
become the point of humility.
7. Fr. Stephen Freeman says: Byron,
Heres an interesting example. The Orthodox Church is filled with boundaries. You cannot enter the altar
unless a priest blesses you. To be told no, is, in fact, shameful. Am I not good enough? Who does that
priest think he is? All kinds of stuff comes into mind. Or even, just the awkwardness of doing the wrong
thing, because you didnt know what the right thing was.
I think that for many people, their initial exposures to Orthodoxy can be marked with shame experiences.
Its so foreign and awkward. They feel tremendously self-conscious about kissing an icon for the first time
(will I do it wrong?) or crossing themselves (I felt like everybody was watching me). For some, the
shame becomes unresolved. The behavior of many converts is explained by shame. The Hyperdox
experience is a way of hiding from shame. Ill just be more Orthodox than everyone else!
There is, on one level within Orthodoxy, such an excellence that it judges us. It reveals how naked, broken
and sinful that we are. So, some people need to attack that and whittle it down to size so that their shame
will be relieved. The first number of times I met Fr. Thomas Hopko, I couldnt speak. I was awestruck,
but, more accurately, I was ashamed. Why? Because I wasnt what I wanted to be and was embarrassed by
it. Later, we became friends, but mostly because of his comfort, not mine. He heard me speak at a
conference and came up to me and really engaged in a wonderful conversation. He treated me with a respect
that just surprised me. In truth, he was just a very kind, generous man.
I could go on with example after example. Shame is probably the single most explanatory way to approach
human behavior. And its not even in most peoples vocabulary.
8. Irini says: This may have been already addressed, but years ago I received a copy of the book, Healing the
Shame that Binds You. I was studying for my degree in counseling and it was nothing like I had ever read
before.
What saddened me the most, was the part when the author says, that the most frequent abuse of shaming, is
from parents to children and spouses to each other. It is because these relationships are the most intimate and
we know each others weaknesses so well. Unfortunately, those that manipulate by shaming others are weak
and cruel people (probably ashamed of themselves or having had experienced it from their own family).
I have met people who are very experienced in identifying peoples shame and manipulating it to harm
them. Their actions are subtle and destructive. I think this is why I struggled with this process of using my
shame to help myself heal. Our shame seems to need protecting, not more exposure.
Yet, to pray with this goal of seeing who I am which takes a lifetime by going deeper and deeper into
my heart, with courage and faith is liberating. We all carry the same shame. It just manifests in different
ways with each person, like the Hyperdox. (What a wonderful, endearing term.) We just dont have the right
to wound each other with it.
I cant control the motives of others. What I can control is my personal, intimate, safe and loving
relationship with Christ. He hung on a cross before the whole world. His shame was the greatest. He is very
familiar with my shame and when I lay it before him he wipes it away and I am freed.
9. Fr. Stephen Freeman says: Irini,
Thank you for your comments. I think that to a large extent, everyone is going through the day negotiating
with their shame. All of those awkward moments, etc., that happen. Even being cut off in traffic provokes
shame (they didnt think I was worth driving properly for) and its the shame that triggers the anger. Every
 relationship is sort of a dance of shame. Am I who they think I am? Are they who I think they are? Etc. And
it does get toxic when abusers use shame to hurt others.
But those who treat shame as inherently evil, fail to see that its also inherently present and wont really go
away. But God is so good that he uses it as a gateway into the Kingdom. He uses the worst thing that we
have and gives us the best thing that He has.
10. H. Ian Attila says: Father bless,
From an Orthodox perspective what does it mean that Christ gives us the garment of His own righteousness
to cover our shame?
The only way for this neophyte to understand such language is in the legal, imputed righteousness of Christ
model of atonement. Is that statement about an ontological reality?
11. Fr. Stephen Freeman says: Attila,
Yes, righteousness is not a legal state. It is ontological. In point of fact, it is the Divine Energies. He clothes
us with a garment of light. Legal imagery is so weak. Righteousness can strike a man dead and raise him
up again. Righteousness can turn water into wine, etc.
I think the legal atonement would have simply had Jesus change the labels on the water pots at Cana.
12. Michael Bauman says: Are shame and a feeling if worthlessness related?
13. Fr. Stephen Freeman says: Michael,
They are indeed related. Though shame is generally (like anger) something of shorter duration. An abiding
sense of worthlessness may be a depressive symptom that should be treated medically.
14. Fr. Stephen Freeman says: Karen,
Well said. It is worth noting that God Himself does not shame us nor seek to create shame in us. As we see
the truth of God and True Being, we become aware of our own finitude and emptiness and rightly
experience that as shame. But God has no desire to use that against us. He covers us and seeks to comfort us.
If we come away from an experience with God with a lasting sense of shame and worthlessness then were
stuck and it could well be toxic.